February 26, 2025 • 27 mins
Enjoy the episode? Send us a text!
Is your marriage at risk because of limerence? In this episode of Relationship Radio, Dr. Joe Beam and Kimberly Beam Holmes break down the science behind limerence—what it is, how it differs from romantic love, and why it can be so destructive in marriage.
You’ll learn:
✔️ The key differences between limerence and true love
✔️ How to tell if you or your spouse are experiencing limerence
✔️ A powerful tool to assess if boundaries have been crossed
✔️ What to do if limerence is threatening your marriage
If you're struggling in your marriage, don’t wait. Get our FREE resource: The 7 Steps to Rescue Your Marriage 👉 https://marriagehelper.com/free
📞 BOOK A CALL WITH OUR TEAM: https://marriagehelper.com/call
🔗 Website: https://marriagehelper.com
📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marriagehelper
👀 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@marriagehelper
Follow our other channels!
📺 https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes
📺 https://youtube.com/@drjoebeam
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's not classified as an addiction, but it sure has
similarities.
It's not classified asobsessive-compulsive disorder,
but it has some similarities tothat as well, and so, primarily,
romantic love can be a lifelongthing, where you feel this deep
attachment to another personand want to be with them or her.
Limerence is a short-livedevent Not all people go through,
(00:21):
and if you do, then you are sofocused on the other person that
he or she becomes basicallyeverything in your world.
Back in the 1970s Dr Tenovstarted talking about this thing
called limerence.
We in the 1990s startedteaching people about it and
back then it seemed that nobodyhad ever heard of it.
(00:43):
Now we are not the ones whofound the principle who
discovered it Dr Dorothy Tenhoffis but we've helped people to
understand it across the countryand even to this day, sometimes
get invited to come talk tomarriage counselors and
therapists about what limerenceis, because they've had no
teaching on it at all.
In this episode we're going todo three things.
Number one explain whatlimerence is briefly, because
(01:06):
we've talked about it so much.
Number two how can you tell ifyou or your spouse might be in
limerence with someone else?
And number three I'm actuallygoing to give you a new device
for questions you can ask, thatyou can ask of yourself, or that
you can ask about your spouseand answer by observing your
(01:26):
spouse.
That will give you a good ideaas to whether either you or your
spouse has crossed the linewhen it comes to boundaries in
relationships.
We'll get that at the very end.
I'm Dr Joe Beam with MarriageHelper.
This is Kimberly Beam Holmes,our CEO, and this is
Relationship Radio.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Yes, sounds like a packed episode.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
I'm excited to dive into it.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
All right, so the first thing we're going to cover
is what is limerence?
Speaker 1 (01:53):
I've talked about that so many times.
Why don't you describe it justbriefly, what limerence is.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Limerence is the feeling of being madly in love
with someone else, and it isgenerally characterized by the
beginning part or generallyhappens in the beginning parts
of a.
And it is generallycharacterized by the beginning
part or generally happens in thebeginning parts of a
relationship because it isdriven by a neurotransmitter
called dopamine, and dopamine isthe chemical of anticipation of
pleasure, and so when yourdopamine is high it is
(02:20):
anticipating good things andplanning for the future.
And in limerence your serotoninalso drops, so that you are
just constantly enamored by thisother person.
So that is my more brainy wayof explaining what limerence is.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
So what's the difference in that and romantic
love?
Speaker 2 (02:40):
So, according to Dr Helen Fisher, who is brilliant
and worked under Dorothy Tinofffor a period of time, she would
say that romantic love.
So she uses fMRIs to look atwhen someone is in limerence, or
what she actually calls itromantic love.
(03:00):
She doesn't differentiate thetwo terms.
She doesn't differentiate thetwo terms and so she's looking
at the way that certain areas oftheir brain light up and she
says that doesn't necessarilyhave to end when they see their
object that they're in love with.
However, she agrees and we haveit on audio because she was on
my podcast talking about it thatthe beginning parts of
limerence, where it isskyrocketing, where I mean the
(03:22):
dopamine is just through theroof, where all you can do is
think about the other person,where productivity goes,
decreases because all you wantto do is be with that other
person.
That is not sustainable andtherefore that part of romantic
love fades, but the the thedrive to want to be with the
(03:42):
other person, being, being theother part of romantic love, can
stay and doesn't necessarilyever have to fade, which I think
you and I would agree with.
So then, what's the differencein limerence and romantic love?
Limerence is the sky-highdopamine effect.
It's where you feel like you'readdicted to the other person,
although it wouldn't necessarilybe classified as an addiction.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
It's not classified as an addiction, but it sure has
similarities.
It's not classified asobsessive-compulsive disorder,
but it has some similarities tothat as well, and so, primarily,
romantic love can be a lifelongthing, where you feel this deep
attachment to another personand want to be with them or her.
Limerence is a short-livedevent, not all people go through
(04:25):
, and if you do, then you are sofocused on the other person
that he or she becomes basicallyeverything in your world.
Therefore, as Kimberly said,productivity drops and decisions
tend not to be made very wisely.
So limerence between two singlepeople and neither one is bad
for the other is okay, right,limerence inherently isn't a bad
(04:48):
thing.
What makes it a bad thing?
Speaker 2 (04:50):
When you're married, first of all you become in
limerence with someone elsethat's not your spouse.
Then it can lead you to makedecisions that you wouldn't make
in a right state of mind andultimately it's what leads to
affairs.
It's what can lead to peopledivorcing, trying to be with the
other person, ruining theirfamilies, et cetera.
Or when someone falls inlimerence with someone and
(05:13):
they're single, both of them aresingle, but they are not good
for each other.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Because they're not going to see that Exactly and no
matter how many people tellthem that they're not going to
hear it Not see that Exactly,and no matter how many people
tell them that they're not goingto hear it, not going to hear
it.
And so we look at that and saythen limerence between two
single people who are not badfor each other part of nature.
It doesn't always happen, but ifit does, okay, going to be a
lack of productivity, but it'sokay.
But limerence that destroysexisting relationships is a bad
(05:40):
thing.
Because if you're committed tothis man or committed to this
woman and now, all of a sudden,you know to feel like, all of a
sudden although it's not quitethat way you feel this
overwhelming attraction to thisother person, to the point where
you think I don't know that Ican live without him or live
without her, then it'sdestructive, because it's
destructive to this relationshipand you say, well, maybe that
(06:06):
relationship should have existedto begin with.
Actually, what's going tohappen is that limerence is
going to fade, it's going to goaway eventually.
And that's when peopletypically look back and think
look at all the damage I've doneto other people, even to myself
, to my wife, my husband, mychildren.
So when we talk about limerence, we're talking about it and
destroying one relationship, atleast one, maybe two
relationships to begin a newrelationship.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
So what would you say to people who may be listening
to us at this point and say well, how do we know that limerence
isn't just our evolutionary,biological way of showing us
that we shouldn't be monogamous?
Speaker 1 (06:47):
way of showing us that we shouldn't be monogamous.
Well, we've done recently aprogram on ethical non-monogamy,
which I think is an oxymoronjust to even say that If a
person is justifying having sexwith a bunch of different people
and having this relationshipwith that person, that
relationship with that person.
We have read in history aboutpeople who had almost
(07:09):
uncontrollable sex drives, butnot necessarily because of the
sex, but because of theaffirmation that they get from
this person and this person andthis person and this person.
I don't know that any of thosepeople look back and say that's
the lifestyle I'd recommend formy children.
There may be, of course, but Idon't know of any of those
people look back and say that'sthe lifestyle I'd recommend for
my children.
There may be, of course, but Idon't know of any of those
people.
(07:29):
We'd look at that and say butstability, having somebody who
is there for you we talked aboutthis in a previous program.
I need to know that somebodyloves me as I am and that
accepts me as I am, will bethere for me in the good times
and the bad, and you can't havethat hopping from relationship
to relationship to relationshipto relationship.
(07:49):
I was watching a concert ontelevision the other night a
rock and roll band that one ofthe ones I really like and the
guy said I don't have toremember the names of my first
four wives, I just call them allplaintiff.
I'm thinking, okay, you can'tbe as happy as people.
As a matter of fact, theresearch is out there.
People who are in goodmarriages not perfect marriages,
(08:11):
those don't exist actually livelonger, have more peace, are
healthier.
We're not made to hop from onerelationship to the next.
We're made to mate and to staywith that mate.
That's how we're put together.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Right.
Right, it is the fleshly desiremaybe there's a better way to
put that that leads us to wantto do these other things.
It doesn't mean that it's right.
Just because our biology mightdrive us to be attracted to
other people, even aftermarriage or whatever, it doesn't
mean that it's the go-aheadsignal to do it.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
No, sometimes I think wolves have better morality
than humans.
A male wolf will stay with thatfemale companion until death
either hers or his.
You say, well, you're comparingus to wolves, and I'm just
saying that even in parts ofnature, where that you function
better with a mate, you seelifelong mating yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Yeah, very true.
So what are the signs?
What are the signs?
So there's 13, I believe.
Oh, there's a lot more thanthat, there's at least 13.
One of them we've alreadytalked about there's a
heightened focus of this otherperson, your limerent object, as
many people will know it as sothe object of the limerence.
(09:34):
There's a heightened focusaround it.
There's a halo effect you can'tsee.
You cannot see what they dowrong.
There is a decrease ofproductivity because you're so
focused on wanting to be withthem or daydream about them, or
thinking about your future planstogether.
This is where that dopaminecomes in.
You're anticipating morepleasure with them in the future
(09:56):
.
What are some others?
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Well, all of those are true.
The one thing that's alwaystrue, if it's limerence, is
there's a deep longing, craving,almost unquenchable drive to be
emotionally connected to theother person, and that they feel
toward you what you feel towardthem.
Now people might be saying,well, isn't that the same as
(10:17):
romantic love, in a sense.
But romantic love is not nearlyas intense, not nearly as
overwhelming and not nearly ascontrolling of you.
Because when we talk to peoplein limericks it's like oh no,
this is my soulmate.
I know I'm married to that one,but this is my soulmate.
God wanted me to be with thisone.
Really, how do you know?
Because I have such a deepcraving to be with him or her.
(10:41):
And if you leave therelationship you're in now, who
gets hurt?
Well, everybody's going to windup happy in the long run.
What makes you think that Ifthis person loves you, if you
have children, they love you, etcetera.
What makes you think thatnobody's going to be hurt by
what you do?
And so this craving becomes sostrong that you're willing to
even violate your own beliefsand values that I'll do whatever
(11:02):
it takes to be with this person.
And if that means I no longerbelieve that divorce is wrong,
then I'll change that belief, ifI no longer believe that.
If I didn't used to say peopleshould just do what makes them
happy, if I used to say you needto do what's right and
responsible, well, in limerenceI'm going to change that over to
no, you just have to dowhatever's going to make me
happy, and so you're right.
(11:23):
Up to 85% are the waking hoursspent thinking about the other
person or the relationship withthe other person, and they don't
have any sense that theycontrol the emotion.
I can't tell you the number oftimes somebody in limerence
looked at me and said I can'tstop this.
I can't stop what I'm feeling,and that's because of the brain
(11:44):
chemicals, as you can explain inmuch more detail than I, and so
we look at that and say so.
Limerence is when you are sofocused on another person that
you're willing to sacrificeeverything in your life to be
with that person.
And then we can give all kindsof examples, like the obsessive
thinking, like the hurting otherpeople around you, changing
(12:05):
your habits that you neverchanged before, and even having
hypervigilance and payingattention to the other person,
so that we are constantly ifyou're in limerence and that
person you're in limerence with,as you call the limerent object
, that if I'm in limerence withher, I'm hypervigilant as to any
sign that she's moving towardme emotionally and hypervigilant
(12:27):
to any sign real or imaginedthat she's moving away from me,
which means that it's lived alot in fear and that fear drives
the passion, drives the emotion, and so it's not romantic love.
If it were like that, the restof your life would destroy you.
Nobody can live at that levelof intensity.
(12:49):
Yet at the same time, peoplewho are in limerence think I
want this level of intensity andI'm going to feel like this the
rest of my life.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
But it can't.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Cannot.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
We recently did an episode in a podcast about
jealousy and insecurity.
So if someone is in limerence,even if they didn't have a
history like if you know, ifthey don't have an insecure
attachment or anything like thatdo they become jealous and
insecure just because of thesituation?
Speaker 1 (13:20):
If we were thinking about the four-quadrant model.
It has to do with attachmentstyles and we don't have time to
explain that in detail.
People in limerence are almostalways in the top right quadrant
, which is Preoccupied,preoccupied, preoccupied,
anxious.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
I'm afraid that you're not going to be here for
me, even if they were previouslysecure, they will move, at
least temporarily, intopreoccupied.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
At least with that person.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
So would that be another way to assess if
someone's in limerence?
Speaker 1 (13:48):
That would be definitely a part of it.
Preoccupied could be again, ifthere's.
Let's put it this way If youthink about limerence as being
destructive when it destroys anexisting relationship.
So if I'm in a secure quadrantwith my wife, alice, and then I
get into a limerence with SallySue, so I move into a
preoccupied quadrant with SallySue, I will move into a
(14:10):
dismissing of order quadrantwith Alice oh, interesting.
Which means that as I becomepreoccupied more and more with
this person, that I have thisintense emotional attraction to
the other relationships thatpreexisted that I'm still in
become totally worthless orvalueless to me.
I mean, I may still give lipservice to it, but in terms of
(14:32):
what I'm going to live for, whatI'm going to sacrifice, no
Dismissing avoidant, I don'tneed those people anymore, don't
want those people anymore, Ijust want this person.
And that's when you can see thetrue destructive power of
limerence, when a person's inthis relationship and then winds
up destroying that relationshipfor the other relationship and
saying, oh, they're better offnow.
(14:54):
You've just put them through abunch of pain.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
The kids can fall in that category too, right yeah?
So where the kids, the spousein limerence becomes dismissing
avoidant towards their ownchildren, Absolutely Because
they're trying to justify theirbehavior and they can't feel, it
would be difficult for them tofeel that they're hurting their
children, hurting their wife.
So they have to like, logically, they they're, they have to
(15:20):
move them into dismissingavoidant.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
And this can't matter to me anymore.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Yep, and that's the, I think, the clearest sign of
limers there is.
Yeah, I have such a craving tobe with her or him and I'm
hypervigilant, to the point thatI'm having ecstasy or misery
based on how I interpretwhatever he or she does or
doesn't do, and so sometimes I'mup here, sometimes I'm down
there, up here, down there, uphere, down there.
As a matter of fact, the songby Percy Sledge, when a man
(15:47):
Loves a Woman if you want to golook those lyrics up because of
copyright laws I can't quote allof them here, but if you go
look up those lyrics, you'll seea really interesting
description of what limerence is, including being unable to see
the other person's flaws,turning against anybody else
that you perceive as beingbetween the two of you, and that
(16:07):
you will go from ecstasy tomisery just by what the other
person does or what you perceivethey do.
I think that song summarizesabout a thousand pages of
research.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
And he didn't even know.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Well, I think he knew in the sense that obviously he
had been in limerence, right?
Speaker 2 (16:24):
So what is the tool or the questionnaire that people
can use, whether they're tryingto assess whether they are in
limerence or their spouse is inlimerence?
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Okay, I'm not so sure this would assess limerence,
but it will definitely assesswhether you have crossed the
boundary.
Okay, back oh many years ago Ithink it was maybe even the
1970s they came up with a thingcalled CAGE C-A-G-E, and it was
designed for frontlinephysicians to get an idea as to
whether you might be analcoholic or not.
(16:53):
And the four questions had todo with those letters C-A-G-E.
And so the first one was haveyou ever felt you should cut
back on your drinking?
The second one was have youever felt annoyed that's the A
about what people say about yourdrinking?
And then G was guilt have youever felt guilty about your
drinking?
And then the E is eye-openerhave you ever needed a drink to
(17:15):
get an eye open in the morning?
I mean to get yourself started.
Two yes answers, according tothe research, two yes answers
indicate a 74% likelihood thatyou're an alcoholic.
Just to those four questions.
Well, they've expanded it nowto what's called the cage aid,
so it doesn't just cover alcoholanymore, it covers drugs as
(17:36):
well.
Well, I was looking at that afew years ago and I thought we
could modify that just a littlebit and get a pretty good idea
about whether somebody'scrossing relationship boundaries
.
Now I call it the cage beam,just so we can differentiate it
between the other cage that wedid not come up with.
Just so we can differentiate itbetween the other cage that we
did not come up with.
(17:56):
Now, using the same idea thoughit's like, have you ever felt
you should cut back on the timeyou spend with this person or
the things you talk to thisperson about?
I'm talking about somebodyother than your spouse, other
than the person you're alreadyin a relationship with.
So this is what we're examining.
Have you crossed boundariesfrom this relationship into
another one?
You shouldn't be in, so numberone.
Have you ever felt you shouldcut back on the time you spend
(18:18):
with this other person or thethings you talk to the other
person about?
A annoyed have you ever beenannoyed by what people say about
the time you spend with or therelationship you have with this
other person?
And then the G have you everfelt guilty about how much time
you spend with this other person?
And then the G have you everfelt guilty about how much time
you spend with this person orthe things you talk to this
person about?
(18:38):
And then the E, rather thanbeing an eye opener, like you
would with the drug or alcohol,e would be elevator.
Is this the person that youwant to go to whenever you're
really up or really down, like Iwant to share my joy with this
person or I want to be comfortedby this other person?
Now, we have not donestatistical studies on that.
(18:59):
Therefore, I can't tell youthat for sure.
Two yes answers indicates a 74%likelihood that you have
crossed the boundaries.
We haven't done that kind ofstudy.
Here's what I would say theboundaries.
We haven't done that kind ofstudy.
Here's what I would say.
One yes should definitely giveyou caution on either one of
those, either of those fourquestions.
Like, really You're in thisrelationship with this person,
(19:22):
but now you're talking to thatperson that much about things
that maybe you shouldn't betalking to that other person
about.
And sometimes people see it andwhen they say something about
it rather than listening to them, you become annoyed and you
sometimes feel guilty about itbecause you think maybe I
shouldn't be spending that muchtime with him and this person
becomes your eye not eye opener,but elevator.
(19:45):
That you want to help youregulate your own emotions.
I'm saying just one of thoseKimberly indicates to me that
you are very likely either aboutto cross the boundary or you
have crossed the boundary.
Now the problem would begetting somebody to honestly
rape themselves, right?
So do you know, rob?
(20:07):
well enough, your husband Robthat if he were having a
friendship with Sally Sue, sincewe use that name would you be
able to be able to answer any ofthose questions for him?
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
How many?
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Well, I would be able to answer uh, probably the
elevator one, the annoy one, forsure, and maybe the cutback.
It's the cutback and the guiltyones because those are more of
what's internally happeningwithin him, got it?
Speaker 1 (20:40):
So, with the A and the E, would be pretty much
visible, unless he has atremendous person at hiding.
Yeah, and so I'd say if youworry if your spouse is crossing
a boundary, I'm not telling youthat this guarantees you that
they have.
I'm telling you that it's agood sign.
So Kimberly, at church, calledme several years ago now and
(21:01):
said some of the people areunhappy about the relationship
between our minister and hissecretary and we just want to
make sure that everything's good.
And so I gave them those fourquestions and said now, just
based on your observation and onboth the A and the E, they said
(21:22):
powerful yeses.
I said then I cannot tell youfor sure that you've crossed the
boundary, but I'm telling youthe signs are highly likely that
this should be looked into.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
They said, nah, we don't think so, we think he's
okay.
And he literally told me that.
And so a month later he ranaway with the secretary.
Just it took off.
Now I'm saying, do notdetermine that your spouse has
crossed the boundaries.
If you can answer for him orher both the A and the E.
(21:54):
But I'm saying, if you cananswer those, it's time for you
guys to have a very seriousconversation.
Not an attacking conversation,because people always defend
themselves when they're attacked, but an open and honest
conversation where you sit downand think about it from your
side.
But an open and honestconversation where you sit down
and think about it from yourside.
I'm worried.
I feel that I don't have therelationship with you that I
(22:15):
want to have.
I worry because and then thosekinds of things and if they're
going to be honest, they're morelikely to be honest in that
kind of conversation- and thenwhat if they're not?
Speaker 2 (22:25):
What if they just say it's all in your head,
nothing's happening?
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Which they may.
I mean, it's not unusual for aperson in the limerence to do
that to their spouse, right Tothe point where the spouse
starts thinking maybe I'm crazy.
As a matter of fact, sometimesthey'll tell them that she's
your best friend.
What are you thinking about?
Oh, you're just paranoid.
In other words, you betterstart paying a lot of attention.
Is there missing money?
Is there missing time?
(22:50):
Are there unexplained thingsgoing on?
Like usually he's home by 6,but now he's typically home by 9
, and you don't have a goodexplanation for that.
Now you may have an excuse thatyou're getting, but no good
explanation for that.
You start looking for signsthat things aren't right and
then, based on that, you startlooking for signs that things
aren't right and then, based onthat, you must decide what to do
(23:12):
next.
Which is what?
Well, it's based on whether youwant to save the marriage or
not.
If you think you have enoughevidence that he or she is
cheating on you, then, if youwish, you can call the divorce
attorney and get everythingstarted.
That's not what we wouldrecommend.
What we recommend is that yousit down with them again and say
, look, I've got enough evidencehere.
(23:34):
If they go to our websiteMarriage Helper that's
marriagehelpercom, and in thesearch engine there type in
intervention.
We actually have like a 35,40-page PDF there and two
45-minute audios teaching themhow they can do an intervention
if they have come to the pointwhere they know what's going on.
(23:56):
And that's available for free.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
So what would you say ?
The next step is for thelistener.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Which listener?
Speaker 2 (24:04):
The person wanting to save the marriage.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
The next step?
Well, go, look at theintervention document and you
may want to get help with usright away.
Now you're saying what if myspouse won't?
We discovered a few years agothat X number of spouses refused
to attend our three-dayintensive workshop and so, based
on your leadership, wedeveloped a solo spouse version
(24:27):
same material, actually a littlebit more in depth, where that
solo spouse has come because theother one's not interested at
this point or doesn't want to atthis point.
If you really want to learn alot about yourself and about
relationships, about what to do,about what not to do, that solo
spouse workshop will enrich youI mean tremendously and we have
(24:47):
seen, based on that, peoplethen are able to turn the
relationship with their spousearound just because of the
things they've learned andthey've changed, and have been
able to get the spouse to comeback with them to our couples
workshop even after the spousehas said don't ever contact me
again about anything.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
So I sort of recommend our solo spouse
workshop.
Yeah, so that's what I wouldrecommend our solo spouse
workshop?
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Yeah, and they can find out more by going to
marriagehelpercom.
Slash book now, Book now beingone word, book now being one
word.
Yes, and speaking with anintake specialist.
What about for the person inlimerence?
Speaker 1 (25:26):
I would suggest one of two things.
The solo spouse workshop may bewhat you need as well.
What I'm saying is, if you'renot ready to tell your spouse
what you're doing, you're notready to be admitted, but you
really feel that you should stopit.
Like I know this is not right,and so some days it's like I'm
going to go with this otherperson and some days it's like I
can't go with this other person.
That's not right.
If you're in that state and notready to discuss it with your
(25:48):
spouse, please come to our solospouse workshop.
We'll often have people inthere trying to make that
decision.
You say but there'd been aworkshop with other people who
are trying to save the marriages.
Yeah, won't?
They treat me like dirt?
We've never seen that.
As a matter of fact, it's beenextremely empathetic because
they're trying to understandboth sides, and so many people
(26:09):
have come to the Solo SpouseWorkshop.
I don't know how many, butseveral people have come to the
Solo Spouse Workshop to decidewhether they should let the
limerence lead them or if theyshould try to save the marriage
and, for other reasons, thelimerence as well.
Should I stay in this marriageor not?
And then, if you are ready totalk to your spouse about it.
We would definitely recommendthe couples workshop.
(26:31):
We can help tremendously withboth of you there to understand
those things.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Absolutely.
And again, you can go tomarriagehelpercom slash book now
Speak with an intake specialistabout how we can help.
Great episode, greatinformation, lots that we
covered, but I believe thelisteners are going to love it,
and they always love limerencecontent.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
Okay, Well, we always will come back with more all
kinds of content on RelationshipRadio.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
That's right, and until next time, remember there
is always hope.
It's not classified as an addiction, but it sure has
similarities.
It's not classified asobsessive-compulsive disorder,
but it has some similarities tothat as well, and so, primarily,
romantic love can be a lifelongthing, where you feel this deep
attachment to another personand want to be with them or her.
Limerence is a short-livedevent Not all people go through,
(00:21):
and if you do, then you are sofocused on the other person that
he or she becomes basicallyeverything in your world.
Back in the 1970s Dr Tenovstarted talking about this thing
called limerence.
We in the 1990s startedteaching people about it and
back then it seemed that nobodyhad ever heard of it.
(00:43):
Now we are not the ones whofound the principle who
discovered it Dr Dorothy Tenhoffis but we've helped people to
understand it across the countryand even to this day, sometimes
get invited to come talk tomarriage counselors and
therapists about what limerenceis, because they've had no
teaching on it at all.
In this episode we're going todo three things.
Number one explain whatlimerence is briefly, because
(01:06):
we've talked about it so much.
Number two how can you tell ifyou or your spouse might be in
limerence with someone else?
And number three I'm actuallygoing to give you a new device
for questions you can ask, thatyou can ask of yourself, or that
you can ask about your spouseand answer by observing your
(01:26):
spouse.
That will give you a good ideaas to whether either you or your
spouse has crossed the linewhen it comes to boundaries in
relationships.
We'll get that at the very end.
I'm Dr Joe Beam with MarriageHelper.
This is Kimberly Beam Holmes,our CEO, and this is
Relationship Radio.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Yes, sounds like a packed episode.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
I'm excited to dive into it.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
All right, so the first thing we're going to cover
is what is limerence?
Speaker 1 (01:53):
I've talked about that so many times.
Why don't you describe it justbriefly, what limerence is.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Limerence is the feeling of being madly in love
with someone else, and it isgenerally characterized by the
beginning part or generallyhappens in the beginning parts
of a.
And it is generallycharacterized by the beginning
part or generally happens in thebeginning parts of a
relationship because it isdriven by a neurotransmitter
called dopamine, and dopamine isthe chemical of anticipation of
pleasure, and so when yourdopamine is high it is
(02:20):
anticipating good things andplanning for the future.
And in limerence your serotoninalso drops, so that you are
just constantly enamored by thisother person.
So that is my more brainy wayof explaining what limerence is.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
So what's the difference in that and romantic
love?
Speaker 2 (02:40):
So, according to Dr Helen Fisher, who is brilliant
and worked under Dorothy Tinofffor a period of time, she would
say that romantic love.
So she uses fMRIs to look atwhen someone is in limerence, or
what she actually calls itromantic love.
(03:00):
She doesn't differentiate thetwo terms.
She doesn't differentiate thetwo terms and so she's looking
at the way that certain areas oftheir brain light up and she
says that doesn't necessarilyhave to end when they see their
object that they're in love with.
However, she agrees and we haveit on audio because she was on
my podcast talking about it thatthe beginning parts of
limerence, where it isskyrocketing, where I mean the
(03:22):
dopamine is just through theroof, where all you can do is
think about the other person,where productivity goes,
decreases because all you wantto do is be with that other
person.
That is not sustainable andtherefore that part of romantic
love fades, but the the thedrive to want to be with the
(03:42):
other person, being, being theother part of romantic love, can
stay and doesn't necessarilyever have to fade, which I think
you and I would agree with.
So then, what's the differencein limerence and romantic love?
Limerence is the sky-highdopamine effect.
It's where you feel like you'readdicted to the other person,
although it wouldn't necessarilybe classified as an addiction.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
It's not classified as an addiction, but it sure has
similarities.
It's not classified asobsessive-compulsive disorder,
but it has some similarities tothat as well, and so, primarily,
romantic love can be a lifelongthing, where you feel this deep
attachment to another personand want to be with them or her.
Limerence is a short-livedevent, not all people go through
(04:25):
, and if you do, then you are sofocused on the other person
that he or she becomes basicallyeverything in your world.
Therefore, as Kimberly said,productivity drops and decisions
tend not to be made very wisely.
So limerence between two singlepeople and neither one is bad
for the other is okay, right,limerence inherently isn't a bad
(04:48):
thing.
What makes it a bad thing?
Speaker 2 (04:50):
When you're married, first of all you become in
limerence with someone elsethat's not your spouse.
Then it can lead you to makedecisions that you wouldn't make
in a right state of mind andultimately it's what leads to
affairs.
It's what can lead to peopledivorcing, trying to be with the
other person, ruining theirfamilies, et cetera.
Or when someone falls inlimerence with someone and
(05:13):
they're single, both of them aresingle, but they are not good
for each other.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Because they're not going to see that Exactly and no
matter how many people tellthem that they're not going to
hear it Not see that Exactly,and no matter how many people
tell them that they're not goingto hear it, not going to hear
it.
And so we look at that and saythen limerence between two
single people who are not badfor each other part of nature.
It doesn't always happen, but ifit does, okay, going to be a
lack of productivity, but it'sokay.
But limerence that destroysexisting relationships is a bad
(05:40):
thing.
Because if you're committed tothis man or committed to this
woman and now, all of a sudden,you know to feel like, all of a
sudden although it's not quitethat way you feel this
overwhelming attraction to thisother person, to the point where
you think I don't know that Ican live without him or live
without her, then it'sdestructive, because it's
destructive to this relationshipand you say, well, maybe that
(06:06):
relationship should have existedto begin with.
Actually, what's going tohappen is that limerence is
going to fade, it's going to goaway eventually.
And that's when peopletypically look back and think
look at all the damage I've doneto other people, even to myself
, to my wife, my husband, mychildren.
So when we talk about limerence, we're talking about it and
destroying one relationship, atleast one, maybe two
relationships to begin a newrelationship.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
So what would you say to people who may be listening
to us at this point and say well, how do we know that limerence
isn't just our evolutionary,biological way of showing us
that we shouldn't be monogamous?
Speaker 1 (06:47):
way of showing us that we shouldn't be monogamous.
Well, we've done recently aprogram on ethical non-monogamy,
which I think is an oxymoronjust to even say that If a
person is justifying having sexwith a bunch of different people
and having this relationshipwith that person, that
relationship with that person.
We have read in history aboutpeople who had almost
(07:09):
uncontrollable sex drives, butnot necessarily because of the
sex, but because of theaffirmation that they get from
this person and this person andthis person and this person.
I don't know that any of thosepeople look back and say that's
the lifestyle I'd recommend formy children.
There may be, of course, but Idon't know of any of those
people look back and say that'sthe lifestyle I'd recommend for
my children.
There may be, of course, but Idon't know of any of those
people.
(07:29):
We'd look at that and say butstability, having somebody who
is there for you we talked aboutthis in a previous program.
I need to know that somebodyloves me as I am and that
accepts me as I am, will bethere for me in the good times
and the bad, and you can't havethat hopping from relationship
to relationship to relationshipto relationship.
(07:49):
I was watching a concert ontelevision the other night a
rock and roll band that one ofthe ones I really like and the
guy said I don't have toremember the names of my first
four wives, I just call them allplaintiff.
I'm thinking, okay, you can'tbe as happy as people.
As a matter of fact, theresearch is out there.
People who are in goodmarriages not perfect marriages,
(08:11):
those don't exist actually livelonger, have more peace, are
healthier.
We're not made to hop from onerelationship to the next.
We're made to mate and to staywith that mate.
That's how we're put together.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Right.
Right, it is the fleshly desiremaybe there's a better way to
put that that leads us to wantto do these other things.
It doesn't mean that it's right.
Just because our biology mightdrive us to be attracted to
other people, even aftermarriage or whatever, it doesn't
mean that it's the go-aheadsignal to do it.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
No, sometimes I think wolves have better morality
than humans.
A male wolf will stay with thatfemale companion until death
either hers or his.
You say, well, you're comparingus to wolves, and I'm just
saying that even in parts ofnature, where that you function
better with a mate, you seelifelong mating yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Yeah, very true.
So what are the signs?
What are the signs?
So there's 13, I believe.
Oh, there's a lot more thanthat, there's at least 13.
One of them we've alreadytalked about there's a
heightened focus of this otherperson, your limerent object, as
many people will know it as sothe object of the limerence.
(09:34):
There's a heightened focusaround it.
There's a halo effect you can'tsee.
You cannot see what they dowrong.
There is a decrease ofproductivity because you're so
focused on wanting to be withthem or daydream about them, or
thinking about your future planstogether.
This is where that dopaminecomes in.
You're anticipating morepleasure with them in the future
(09:56):
.
What are some others?
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Well, all of those are true.
The one thing that's alwaystrue, if it's limerence, is
there's a deep longing, craving,almost unquenchable drive to be
emotionally connected to theother person, and that they feel
toward you what you feel towardthem.
Now people might be saying,well, isn't that the same as
(10:17):
romantic love, in a sense.
But romantic love is not nearlyas intense, not nearly as
overwhelming and not nearly ascontrolling of you.
Because when we talk to peoplein limericks it's like oh no,
this is my soulmate.
I know I'm married to that one,but this is my soulmate.
God wanted me to be with thisone.
Really, how do you know?
Because I have such a deepcraving to be with him or her.
(10:41):
And if you leave therelationship you're in now, who
gets hurt?
Well, everybody's going to windup happy in the long run.
What makes you think that Ifthis person loves you, if you
have children, they love you, etcetera.
What makes you think thatnobody's going to be hurt by
what you do?
And so this craving becomes sostrong that you're willing to
even violate your own beliefsand values that I'll do whatever
(11:02):
it takes to be with this person.
And if that means I no longerbelieve that divorce is wrong,
then I'll change that belief, ifI no longer believe that.
If I didn't used to say peopleshould just do what makes them
happy, if I used to say you needto do what's right and
responsible, well, in limerenceI'm going to change that over to
no, you just have to dowhatever's going to make me
happy, and so you're right.
(11:23):
Up to 85% are the waking hoursspent thinking about the other
person or the relationship withthe other person, and they don't
have any sense that theycontrol the emotion.
I can't tell you the number oftimes somebody in limerence
looked at me and said I can'tstop this.
I can't stop what I'm feeling,and that's because of the brain
(11:44):
chemicals, as you can explain inmuch more detail than I, and so
we look at that and say so.
Limerence is when you are sofocused on another person that
you're willing to sacrificeeverything in your life to be
with that person.
And then we can give all kindsof examples, like the obsessive
thinking, like the hurting otherpeople around you, changing
(12:05):
your habits that you neverchanged before, and even having
hypervigilance and payingattention to the other person,
so that we are constantly ifyou're in limerence and that
person you're in limerence with,as you call the limerent object
, that if I'm in limerence withher, I'm hypervigilant as to any
sign that she's moving towardme emotionally and hypervigilant
(12:27):
to any sign real or imaginedthat she's moving away from me,
which means that it's lived alot in fear and that fear drives
the passion, drives the emotion, and so it's not romantic love.
If it were like that, the restof your life would destroy you.
Nobody can live at that levelof intensity.
(12:49):
Yet at the same time, peoplewho are in limerence think I
want this level of intensity andI'm going to feel like this the
rest of my life.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
But it can't.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Cannot.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
We recently did an episode in a podcast about
jealousy and insecurity.
So if someone is in limerence,even if they didn't have a
history like if you know, ifthey don't have an insecure
attachment or anything like thatdo they become jealous and
insecure just because of thesituation?
Speaker 1 (13:20):
If we were thinking about the four-quadrant model.
It has to do with attachmentstyles and we don't have time to
explain that in detail.
People in limerence are almostalways in the top right quadrant
, which is Preoccupied,preoccupied, preoccupied,
anxious.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
I'm afraid that you're not going to be here for
me, even if they were previouslysecure, they will move, at
least temporarily, intopreoccupied.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
At least with that person.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
So would that be another way to assess if
someone's in limerence?
Speaker 1 (13:48):
That would be definitely a part of it.
Preoccupied could be again, ifthere's.
Let's put it this way If youthink about limerence as being
destructive when it destroys anexisting relationship.
So if I'm in a secure quadrantwith my wife, alice, and then I
get into a limerence with SallySue, so I move into a
preoccupied quadrant with SallySue, I will move into a
(14:10):
dismissing of order quadrantwith Alice oh, interesting.
Which means that as I becomepreoccupied more and more with
this person, that I have thisintense emotional attraction to
the other relationships thatpreexisted that I'm still in
become totally worthless orvalueless to me.
I mean, I may still give lipservice to it, but in terms of
(14:32):
what I'm going to live for, whatI'm going to sacrifice, no
Dismissing avoidant, I don'tneed those people anymore, don't
want those people anymore, Ijust want this person.
And that's when you can see thetrue destructive power of
limerence, when a person's inthis relationship and then winds
up destroying that relationshipfor the other relationship and
saying, oh, they're better offnow.
(14:54):
You've just put them through abunch of pain.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
The kids can fall in that category too, right yeah?
So where the kids, the spousein limerence becomes dismissing
avoidant towards their ownchildren, Absolutely Because
they're trying to justify theirbehavior and they can't feel, it
would be difficult for them tofeel that they're hurting their
children, hurting their wife.
So they have to like, logically, they they're, they have to
(15:20):
move them into dismissingavoidant.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
And this can't matter to me anymore.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Yep, and that's the, I think, the clearest sign of
limers there is.
Yeah, I have such a craving tobe with her or him and I'm
hypervigilant, to the point thatI'm having ecstasy or misery
based on how I interpretwhatever he or she does or
doesn't do, and so sometimes I'mup here, sometimes I'm down
there, up here, down there, uphere, down there.
As a matter of fact, the songby Percy Sledge, when a man
(15:47):
Loves a Woman if you want to golook those lyrics up because of
copyright laws I can't quote allof them here, but if you go
look up those lyrics, you'll seea really interesting
description of what limerence is, including being unable to see
the other person's flaws,turning against anybody else
that you perceive as beingbetween the two of you, and that
(16:07):
you will go from ecstasy tomisery just by what the other
person does or what you perceivethey do.
I think that song summarizesabout a thousand pages of
research.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
And he didn't even know.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Well, I think he knew in the sense that obviously he
had been in limerence, right?
Speaker 2 (16:24):
So what is the tool or the questionnaire that people
can use, whether they're tryingto assess whether they are in
limerence or their spouse is inlimerence?
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Okay, I'm not so sure this would assess limerence,
but it will definitely assesswhether you have crossed the
boundary.
Okay, back oh many years ago Ithink it was maybe even the
1970s they came up with a thingcalled CAGE C-A-G-E, and it was
designed for frontlinephysicians to get an idea as to
whether you might be analcoholic or not.
(16:53):
And the four questions had todo with those letters C-A-G-E.
And so the first one was haveyou ever felt you should cut
back on your drinking?
The second one was have youever felt annoyed that's the A
about what people say about yourdrinking?
And then G was guilt have youever felt guilty about your
drinking?
And then the E is eye-openerhave you ever needed a drink to
(17:15):
get an eye open in the morning?
I mean to get yourself started.
Two yes answers, according tothe research, two yes answers
indicate a 74% likelihood thatyou're an alcoholic.
Just to those four questions.
Well, they've expanded it nowto what's called the cage aid,
so it doesn't just cover alcoholanymore, it covers drugs as
(17:36):
well.
Well, I was looking at that afew years ago and I thought we
could modify that just a littlebit and get a pretty good idea
about whether somebody'scrossing relationship boundaries
.
Now I call it the cage beam,just so we can differentiate it
between the other cage that wedid not come up with.
Just so we can differentiate itbetween the other cage that we
did not come up with.
(17:56):
Now, using the same idea thoughit's like, have you ever felt
you should cut back on the timeyou spend with this person or
the things you talk to thisperson about?
I'm talking about somebodyother than your spouse, other
than the person you're alreadyin a relationship with.
So this is what we're examining.
Have you crossed boundariesfrom this relationship into
another one?
You shouldn't be in, so numberone.
Have you ever felt you shouldcut back on the time you spend
(18:18):
with this other person or thethings you talk to the other
person about?
A annoyed have you ever beenannoyed by what people say about
the time you spend with or therelationship you have with this
other person?
And then the G have you everfelt guilty about how much time
you spend with this other person?
And then the G have you everfelt guilty about how much time
you spend with this person orthe things you talk to this
person about?
(18:38):
And then the E, rather thanbeing an eye opener, like you
would with the drug or alcohol,e would be elevator.
Is this the person that youwant to go to whenever you're
really up or really down, like Iwant to share my joy with this
person or I want to be comfortedby this other person?
Now, we have not donestatistical studies on that.
(18:59):
Therefore, I can't tell youthat for sure.
Two yes answers indicates a 74%likelihood that you have
crossed the boundaries.
We haven't done that kind ofstudy.
Here's what I would say theboundaries.
We haven't done that kind ofstudy.
Here's what I would say.
One yes should definitely giveyou caution on either one of
those, either of those fourquestions.
Like, really You're in thisrelationship with this person,
(19:22):
but now you're talking to thatperson that much about things
that maybe you shouldn't betalking to that other person
about.
And sometimes people see it andwhen they say something about
it rather than listening to them, you become annoyed and you
sometimes feel guilty about itbecause you think maybe I
shouldn't be spending that muchtime with him and this person
becomes your eye not eye opener,but elevator.
(19:45):
That you want to help youregulate your own emotions.
I'm saying just one of thoseKimberly indicates to me that
you are very likely either aboutto cross the boundary or you
have crossed the boundary.
Now the problem would begetting somebody to honestly
rape themselves, right?
So do you know, rob?
(20:07):
well enough, your husband Robthat if he were having a
friendship with Sally Sue, sincewe use that name would you be
able to be able to answer any ofthose questions for him?
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
How many?
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Well, I would be able to answer uh, probably the
elevator one, the annoy one, forsure, and maybe the cutback.
It's the cutback and the guiltyones because those are more of
what's internally happeningwithin him, got it?
Speaker 1 (20:40):
So, with the A and the E, would be pretty much
visible, unless he has atremendous person at hiding.
Yeah, and so I'd say if youworry if your spouse is crossing
a boundary, I'm not telling youthat this guarantees you that
they have.
I'm telling you that it's agood sign.
So Kimberly, at church, calledme several years ago now and
(21:01):
said some of the people areunhappy about the relationship
between our minister and hissecretary and we just want to
make sure that everything's good.
And so I gave them those fourquestions and said now, just
based on your observation and onboth the A and the E, they said
(21:22):
powerful yeses.
I said then I cannot tell youfor sure that you've crossed the
boundary, but I'm telling youthe signs are highly likely that
this should be looked into.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
They said, nah, we don't think so, we think he's
okay.
And he literally told me that.
And so a month later he ranaway with the secretary.
Just it took off.
Now I'm saying, do notdetermine that your spouse has
crossed the boundaries.
If you can answer for him orher both the A and the E.
(21:54):
But I'm saying, if you cananswer those, it's time for you
guys to have a very seriousconversation.
Not an attacking conversation,because people always defend
themselves when they're attacked, but an open and honest
conversation where you sit downand think about it from your
side.
But an open and honestconversation where you sit down
and think about it from yourside.
I'm worried.
I feel that I don't have therelationship with you that I
(22:15):
want to have.
I worry because and then thosekinds of things and if they're
going to be honest, they're morelikely to be honest in that
kind of conversation- and thenwhat if they're not?
Speaker 2 (22:25):
What if they just say it's all in your head,
nothing's happening?
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Which they may.
I mean, it's not unusual for aperson in the limerence to do
that to their spouse, right Tothe point where the spouse
starts thinking maybe I'm crazy.
As a matter of fact, sometimesthey'll tell them that she's
your best friend.
What are you thinking about?
Oh, you're just paranoid.
In other words, you betterstart paying a lot of attention.
Is there missing money?
Is there missing time?
(22:50):
Are there unexplained thingsgoing on?
Like usually he's home by 6,but now he's typically home by 9
, and you don't have a goodexplanation for that.
Now you may have an excuse thatyou're getting, but no good
explanation for that.
You start looking for signsthat things aren't right and
then, based on that, you startlooking for signs that things
aren't right and then, based onthat, you must decide what to do
(23:12):
next.
Which is what?
Well, it's based on whether youwant to save the marriage or
not.
If you think you have enoughevidence that he or she is
cheating on you, then, if youwish, you can call the divorce
attorney and get everythingstarted.
That's not what we wouldrecommend.
What we recommend is that yousit down with them again and say
, look, I've got enough evidencehere.
(23:34):
If they go to our websiteMarriage Helper that's
marriagehelpercom, and in thesearch engine there type in
intervention.
We actually have like a 35,40-page PDF there and two
45-minute audios teaching themhow they can do an intervention
if they have come to the pointwhere they know what's going on.
(23:56):
And that's available for free.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
So what would you say ?
The next step is for thelistener.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Which listener?
Speaker 2 (24:04):
The person wanting to save the marriage.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
The next step?
Well, go, look at theintervention document and you
may want to get help with usright away.
Now you're saying what if myspouse won't?
We discovered a few years agothat X number of spouses refused
to attend our three-dayintensive workshop and so, based
on your leadership, wedeveloped a solo spouse version
(24:27):
same material, actually a littlebit more in depth, where that
solo spouse has come because theother one's not interested at
this point or doesn't want to atthis point.
If you really want to learn alot about yourself and about
relationships, about what to do,about what not to do, that solo
spouse workshop will enrich youI mean tremendously and we have
(24:47):
seen, based on that, peoplethen are able to turn the
relationship with their spousearound just because of the
things they've learned andthey've changed, and have been
able to get the spouse to comeback with them to our couples
workshop even after the spousehas said don't ever contact me
again about anything.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
So I sort of recommend our solo spouse
workshop.
Yeah, so that's what I wouldrecommend our solo spouse
workshop?
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Yeah, and they can find out more by going to
marriagehelpercom.
Slash book now, Book now beingone word, book now being one
word.
Yes, and speaking with anintake specialist.
What about for the person inlimerence?
Speaker 1 (25:26):
I would suggest one of two things.
The solo spouse workshop may bewhat you need as well.
What I'm saying is, if you'renot ready to tell your spouse
what you're doing, you're notready to be admitted, but you
really feel that you should stopit.
Like I know this is not right,and so some days it's like I'm
going to go with this otherperson and some days it's like I
can't go with this other person.
That's not right.
If you're in that state and notready to discuss it with your
(25:48):
spouse, please come to our solospouse workshop.
We'll often have people inthere trying to make that
decision.
You say but there'd been aworkshop with other people who
are trying to save the marriages.
Yeah, won't?
They treat me like dirt?
We've never seen that.
As a matter of fact, it's beenextremely empathetic because
they're trying to understandboth sides, and so many people
(26:09):
have come to the Solo SpouseWorkshop.
I don't know how many, butseveral people have come to the
Solo Spouse Workshop to decidewhether they should let the
limerence lead them or if theyshould try to save the marriage
and, for other reasons, thelimerence as well.
Should I stay in this marriageor not?
And then, if you are ready totalk to your spouse about it.
We would definitely recommendthe couples workshop.
(26:31):
We can help tremendously withboth of you there to understand
those things.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Absolutely.
And again, you can go tomarriagehelpercom slash book now
Speak with an intake specialistabout how we can help.
Great episode, greatinformation, lots that we
covered, but I believe thelisteners are going to love it,
and they always love limerencecontent.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
Okay, Well, we always will come back with more all
kinds of content on RelationshipRadio.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
That's right, and until next time, remember there
is always hope.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.