The 1000 Mile Rule: What It Is and Why You Should Avoid It

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Have you heard of the so-called “1000 Mile Rule”? It’s a trend spreading online that suggests if you’re more than a thousand miles away from your spouse, you can cheat guilt-free. Sounds shocking, right? In this video, Kimberly Beam Holmes, CEO of Marriage Helper, explains why this idea is destructive and why you should avoid it at all costs.

For over 30 years, Marriage Helper has worked with more than 25,000 couples, helping them restore their marriages and rebuild lasting commitment. In this episode, Kimberly breaks down:

✅ What the “1000 Mile Rule” actually is and where it came from
 ✅ Why ideas like this weaken trust and commitment in marriage
 ✅ The truth about monogamy and long-lasting love, backed by experts like Dr. Helen Fisher and Dr. John Gottman
 ✅ How to build stronger connection and intimacy with your spouse instead of looking outside your marriage

At Marriage Helper, we know what makes marriages thrive—and it’s not free passes, open marriages, or outside flings. True love and fulfillment come from creating safety, commitment, and passion with your spouse.

👉 If you’ve been tempted by ideas like the “1000 Mile Rule,” this video will show you why they lead to disaster—and what to do instead.

🔔 Subscribe to Marriage Helper for weekly videos that answer real marriage questions and provide proven solutions to help you save and strengthen your relationship.

If you're struggling in your marriage, don’t wait. Get our FREE resource: The 7 Steps to Rescue Your Marriage 👉 https://marriagehelper.com/free

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
So there's this new thing out called the thousand
mile rule, and it basically saysthat if you're over a thousand
miles away from your spouse,then you can cheat guilt-free.
I'm going to tell you moreabout it in just a minute.
My name is Kimberly Holmes.
I'm the CEO of Marriage Helper,where we've been working with
marriages and helping to savethem for the past 30 years, and
we've worked with over 25,000marriages since 2012 and have an

(00:23):
amazing success rate at keepingmarriages together, which may
lead you wondering, then why areyou telling me about this
thousand mile rule?
Y'all?
I didn't know about this untillast week when someone on our
team said to me have you heardabout this?
If you're more than, there'sthis new concept out there on
TikTok, on YouTube, like all theplaces where people are saying,
hey, if you're over a thousandmiles away from your spouse, you

(00:46):
can have an affair and thereare no consequences.
Let me tell you what I thoughtabout that.
First of all, the marriagecovenant isn't like if you're in
France or in Germany or inAmerica and you're only under
the laws of that country for thetime that you're in that
country.
No, no, no.
The marriage covenant issomething that lasts anywhere

(01:07):
you are your entire life.
The fact that some people outthere are thinking, man, if I'm
a thousand miles or more awayfrom my spouse, that's my free
ticket, kind of like the sayingwhat happens in Vegas stays in
Vegas.
Or when some couples talk abouttheir fantasy celebrity crushes
, their free passes that theywould have if they ever got the

(01:27):
chance to have sex with thatperson one day All of these
things at their core areabsolutely destructive and
detrimental to commitment inmarriage.
Even just thinking about thosethings lead you to not be as
committed or as invested to yourspouse.
So, even though you might thinkit's funny, when you play the

(01:51):
game about your celebritycrushes and who your free passes
are, you are chipping away atthe solid foundation of strong
commitment in your marriage,which is the reason that this
thousand mile rule that peopleare talking about on the
internet is ridiculous, becauseeven just the thought of it,
even just the listening to someof these people talk about it,

(02:15):
leads you, as the person hearingit, to not be as committed to
your marriages.
So here's what I wouldrecommend If you are in a place
where you're thinking man likethat thousand mile rule kind of
intrigued me because I thoughtmaybe this is my way to be
happier in my marriage.
Then there's deeper problemsthat you need to fix first.

(02:38):
Open marriages all of thosekinds of things are not the key
or the answer or the ticket foryou having your cake and eating
it too, or for you to have areally great marriage and be
sexually satisfied elsewhere.
That's not how this works.
Anytime you try and combinethose two things with other

(03:01):
people outside of your marriageyou want to stay in your
marriage, but you also want tobe able to be sexually
explorative outside of it italways fails.
It's disastrous.
In fact, when I was interviewingDr Helen Fisher, who is one of
the leading experts on limerenceand on why people fall in love
and how people fall in love andactually even helped Matchcom

(03:23):
with their matchmaking algorithm, one of the things that she
said to me was monogamy is soimportant for love, it's the
most important thing for along-term, committed
relationship.
And you know who else said thatto me Dr John Gottman, when I
was interviewing him.
We have all of these justpillars of the relationship and

(03:46):
marriage field who have saidmonogamy is key.
It's the key to long-lasting,healthy marriages.
So don't invite other peoplefrom the outside in, whether
it's because both of you haveagreed to don't agree to it's
going to mess up.
Your Don't allow yourself tothink about the opportunity of

(04:13):
that or to fantasize about itand please, for the love of God,
don't let it happen in reallife either.
So then you may be sittingthere thinking but I've done
this, I have already allowedmyself to be in an open marriage
or agreed with my spousebecause it's something they
wanted to do and I thought itwas going to spice up our sex
life.
Or if you're thinking, we'vebeen out on business vacations

(04:36):
or whatever, we've done what wewanted to do, thinking that it
would spruce up our marriage inthe meantime, my best
recommendation to you is to notdo it anymore and to instead get
help for the things in yourmarriage that have led you
feeling empty, that have led youto feel unfulfilled, and work
on that, because what we allcrave as humans is to feel seen

(05:01):
and soothed and fully loved bythe person we have committed our
life to.
So why not create that in yourmarriage instead of trying to
look outside to get that feeling?
It's so much better when youcan get it between the two of
you, and it is absolutelypossible.
We see it all the time atMarriage Helper and if we can

(05:22):
help you with that, we wouldlove to.
At Marriage Helper, we'realways releasing videos like
this and we love answering thereal questions that you have, so
be sure to subscribe to thischannel so that you'll be the
first to know every time newcontent comes out.
And if you want to hear my fullepisode with Dr Helen Fisher,
which was honestly amazing, thenbe sure to click here to watch

(05:43):
it.