Be Yourself

Being yourself is not easy, but it’s worth the risk. The song, “This Is Me,” by Keala Settle & The Greatest Showman Ensemble, might inspire your effort.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
[ music].
Hi, this is Rob Sepich, andwelcome to Relaxing with Rob.
How comfortable are you in yourown skin?
When much of our identity seemsto be shaped by how we want

(00:22):
others to see us, beingcomfortable can be difficult.
And who you are today might feeldifferent than who you were last
year.
And what research shows is weunderestimate, at any age, how
different we're going to feelnext year.
In classic Buddhist teachings,there is no"self," at least not

(00:46):
an abiding, solid self that weusually think of.
I saw a cartoon once of astudent seeking guidance from a
teacher asking something like,"If there is no self, whose back
pain is this?" I'm sure you'veheard the advice to"be
yourself." And although it might sound simple, it's not

(01:07):
easy.
But I do think it's an excellentpath to stress reduction, and
today I'll tell you how.
Back in high school, I spent myfirst three years trying to be
somebody--anybody--who could fitin and make friends.
By senior year, I gave up.
And without consciously tryingto"be myself," I think that's

(01:30):
what I did.
It's like my defenses droppedbecause I just didn't have the
energy to act like anybody else.
And the most incredible thingshappened.
I started making friends, reallygood friends, several of whom I
still have today.
Why?
Because apparently being myselfwas good enough.

(01:54):
A student was interviewing forlocal part-time internships the
semester she took my stressmanagement class.
And she was telling us how aftera series of rejections, always
trying to act the part shethought the agencies were
looking for, she ran out ofopportunities.
And on her way to the lastpossible interview, she was

(02:14):
talking with her Uber driverabout this and he told her,"Just
be yourself; you'll get anoffer." Like it was that easy.
Well, she decided to try it, andshe got the internship, which
led to a great job in anothercity right after she graduated.
Then about a year and a halflater, she was back in town for

(02:36):
a friend's graduation, and bysheer coincidence, she
recognized her Uber driver thatweekend as the same guy who
offered her that advice before.
She had an opportunity toprovide a thank you and follow-
up story, which apparently madehim really happy.
And I'm so glad she stayed intouch with me, so I could hear

(02:56):
the follow- up.
Being yourself can pay off.
Carl Rogers, the world famouspsychologist and researcher
said,"What I am is good enough,if I would only be it openly." I
think that condition is animportant one, because lots of
us get to the point of privatelyaccepting ourselves, but we're

(03:20):
afraid to let others in for fearof rejection--if they really
knew us.
But when we can be ourselvesopenly, friendships become more
solid.
And without that, we startrelationships based on our
social selves and we growfearful if our friends or

(03:40):
partners could see our trueselves.
Maybe this has happened to you,where the difference between how
you act and how you actuallyfeel grows larger, and you feel
less and less genuine.
And maintaining that duality canbe incredibly stressful.
So why do we do it?

(04:02):
Probably because it feels tooscary to be our true selves.
I have a friend--an extremelybright and compassionate student
who was graduating from achallenging major with solid
career options.
But she painfully figured outthat this path would be a poor
match for her personality andher values.

(04:25):
And telling her parents feltrisky because they really wanted
her to be financially secure,but it meant my friend couldn't
be herself.
Difficult as it was, shegathered the strength to break
the news about her new path, onewith less security, but with
plenty of food for the soul.

(04:45):
Fortunately, they got it.
And once she began on her newpath, it's incredible how many
doors opened.
I admire her for this, as ittook courage, but she'll be the
first to say it was worth it.
So here's an experiment to tryif you'd like to be

(05:06):
yourself--only more openly.
Take an area of your life, orsimply a problem you're
facing--in school or your job ora relationship--in which you can
sense a gap between how you feeland how you act.
Now, focus on how you're feelingand think to yourself the

(05:29):
statement,"This is me." Take aslow and deep breath.
And as you're exhaling, thinkagain,"This is me." And now
think about how you're acting,and see if an option for a

(05:52):
slight change in direction comesto mind.
It could be subtle, but if itseems even a bit more consistent
with how you're feeling, takeit.
By doing this, with a littletime, you might find it leads to
significant changes.

(06:12):
Rest assured that you couldalways return to the path you
were on, simply with moreknowledge about alternatives.
So in other words, you're justmaking a mid-course correction.
It might lead to a right anglechange or even a U-turn, but
becoming yourself doesn't haveto occur that suddenly to be

(06:37):
ultimately that powerful.
Thank you for listening, andwe'll talk again soon.
[ music].