Commencement Wisdom

You don’t have to attend a graduation ceremony to benefit from commencement speakers. 

Here’s a link to Anne Lamott’s 2003 address at the University of California, Berkeley that explores mindfulness and compassion with humor and insight. I believe that in 2020, her comments have become even more relevant.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
[ music].
Hi, this is Rob Sepich, andwelcome to Relaxing with Rob.
I like commencement addressesthat dare to say more than
platitudes like,"The past isbehind you; the future lies

(00:24):
ahead." You know, ones you canlearn something from, that stand
the chance of improving yourlife.
When you're sitting in theaudience, whether it's in a
cramped arena or under a hotsun, you're probably focused on
other things than the speech.
But if you can later read it orwatch it online, it stands the

(00:45):
chance of sinking in a bit morefully.
In episode 39,"Joy of an AverageDay," I mentioned Conan
O'Brien's address at Harvard in2000 that I read about and then
I went online to read in itsentirety.
I really liked his idea aboutsuccess that I paraphrased.
Here's his quotation:"Success isa lot like a bright white

(01:10):
tuxedo.
You feel terrific when you getit, but then you're desperately
afraid of getting it dirty, ofspoiling it." Well, my favorite
address so far is from an authorI've always admired, and I got

to attend one of her readings: Anne Lamott. (01:26):
undefined
In 2003, she delivered theaddress at the University of
California, Berkeley.
Since then, I would ask mystudents to read it for our last
class each semester, and we'dtalk about her ideas as they
relate to what we covered in thecourse.
I freely admit my confirmatorybias for why I chose it, because

(01:51):
she so closely expresses mybeliefs.
She just does it with moreeloquence and wit.
So today, I'd like to share someof her ideas with you.
And although I don't think I canimprove upon them, I will offer
some applications.
And if you like what you hear,please read her full speech.

(02:13):
And I've placed a link to it inthe show notes.
She mentions that the culturetells us a lot about what to
value, what to consider"success." You know, how to look
good, how to create the illusionthat you have power over people
or situations.
How these external measures ofsuccess will save you.

(02:36):
But it turns out, in her words,that"the culture lies."
Regarding what most of us seemto spend our lives looking for,
in her opinion,[quote],"Youcan't buy it, lease it, rent it,
date it, or apply for it." Shebelieves that what you're
looking for to feed your spiritis actually already inside you.

(03:01):
She insists that,"you are notwhat you look like, or how much
you weigh, or how you did inschool." The most powerful
affirmation I've ever taughtstudents is only three words
long:"I am enough." Thisdefinitely flies in the face of

(03:23):
our culture.
So one application of this isfor you to say this a few times
a day and see if you can startto believe it.
Maybe not completely, but Ithink that if we can accept this
to any extent, we become atleast somewhat inoculated to the
lies that our culture tells usabout what's important.

(03:47):
We might not become immune tothem, but we can at least
recognize and evaluate them morecritically.
Lamott talks about many ways wecan find what she calls"spirit."
And she says that[quote],"We cansee spirit made visible in
people being kind to each other,especially when it's a really

(04:09):
busy person taking care of aneedy, annoying person.
Or even if it's terriblyimportant you, stopping to take
care of pitiful, pathetic you.
In fact, that's often when wesee spirit most brightly." Well,

(04:30):
to me that's an outstandingdefinition of self-compassion.
Many of us, myself included,have an easier time extending
compassion to others than toourselves.
We talked about that way back inepisode 3,"Tend and Befriend."
When I learned from a student inZumba how to allow others to

(04:52):
support me for something I wasgoing through.
It felt risky, but it was soworth it.
And I remain grateful for thatlesson.
Lamott talks about common themesof different spiritual
traditions, and she notes thattaking care of the poor is one
of them.

(05:13):
And she doesn't just meanfinancial poverty.
She's referring to people whoare poor in spirit.
People who are, in her words,"worried, depressed, dancing as
fast as they can, whose kids aresick or whose retirement savings
are gone.
There is great loneliness amongus, life-threatening

(05:36):
loneliness." And since we don'thave to go far to find them, we
do what we can,[quote]"what goodpeople have always done: You
bring thirsty people, water; youshare your food, you try to help
the homeless find shelter.
You stand up for the underdog."So an application here is

(05:58):
something a young professional Iadmire routinely does.
Instead of feeling guilty orfragile for her white privilege,
she uses it to advocate for theneeds of people who don't have
her power.
And if you can relate, don'tdownplay your privilege.
Put it to good use.

(06:20):
And you might remember just lasttime in episode 44,"Simplify,"
when I suggested what to do withpeople who drain you of energy.
Well, Lamott concurs when shesays,"You may need to upgrade
your friends.
You need to find people wholaugh gently at themselves, who

(06:42):
remind you gently to lightenup." With experience, I've
learned to reduce stress bylaughing at myself.
My mistakes are a constantsource of entertainment for me,
as well as for those who noticethem.
So I hope that you too can"gently lighten up." Thank you

(07:07):
for listening, and we'll talkagain soon.
[ music]