Joy of an Average Day

Joy can be sustained in average lives more readily than in exceptional ones. Why not experiment for just a day, and then see how you feel?

Here's the link to Michael Neill's article on which this episode is based:
https://www.michaelneill.org/mnct829.shtml

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
[ music].
Hi, this is Rob Sepich, andwelcome to Relaxing with Rob.
How often do you say,"Have agreat day?" Even when you mean

(00:20):
it, how easy is it to achieve?
I feel like we live in a worldof superlatives, where we say,
"awesome" or"amazing" or"incredible," perhaps a little
more often than the words callfor.
In my first professional job,there was a colleague who

(00:42):
started at the same time I did.
She was always telling me abouther huge group of friends from
another state.
I have a good memory, but evenback then I had a really hard
time keeping track of them.
Because one was her"closest"friend, one was her"oldest"
friend, one was her"dearest"friend, and I'm pretty sure one

(01:05):
was her"most trusted" friend.
It felt like she had more bestfriends than I had total
friends.
I felt pretty inferior aroundher.
And I'm all about beingpositive, and I use superlatives
too, but I sometimes wonder ifthey create unreasonable
expectations.
And then when we fail to meetthem, we feel somehow

(01:29):
inadequate.
Like,"what's wrong with me?"Social media, of course, does
not help.
I spoke a bit about this inepisode 1,"Joy of Missing Out."
For example, you might seeInstagram posts from your
friends having an amazing brunchat an awesome new restaurant.
But for some reason you choosenot to post a selfie while

(01:55):
eating a Pop Tart, or bowl ofcereal over the sink.
Your experience is actually alot more common than having
incredible meals at newrestaurants, but it doesn't look
that way on your phone.
Today, I'd like to share an ideato reduce the stress you might
feel to achieve superlatives inlife.

(02:16):
And although this might helpyour friends and family too, my
purpose is to help you.
I think of this as an element ofself-compassion.
In my stress management course,we would talk about an article
called"Have an Average Day" bythe coach and author Michael
Neill.
And for your convenience, I'mplacing a link to it in the show

(02:38):
notes.
And if you go to that page,you'll also find his excellent
books and coaching programsavailable online and in person.
But I want you to know that thislink, like all of mine, is a
non- affiliate link.
So if you do buy something, Idon't receive anything.
In his article, Michael Neillcredits the concept to his

(03:02):
mentor, Steve Chandler, whohappens to credit it to his
mentor, Lyndon Duke.
In other words, this idea is notmine.
I just have had the good fortuneof benefiting from it personally
and then teaching it to collegestudents.
In short, here's the concept.

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The world certainly benefitsfrom exceptional people.
We are lucky they exist.
But since being exceptional isby definition rare, almost
everybody fails.
So if that's your goal, goodluck with that.

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And you know those few who doachieve it usually feel envied,
misunderstood, isolated,sometimes even cursed.
When Conan O'Brien was at theheight of his career, he
delivered a commencement addressat Harvard, his alma mater.
And I remember how he comparedthat level of success to owning

(04:08):
a brand new tailor-made whitetuxedo.
You feel great at first whenyou're wearing it, but in no
time at all you start to getreally nervous, constantly
trying to avoid everything thatmight get it dirty.

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It's ironic to me to notice thatwhat famous people seem to want
most is privacy, even anonymity.
In Michelle Obama's memoir"Becoming," she writes about the
joy of an incognito trip toTarget, where even her secret
service detail went in plainclothes.

(04:50):
And then the pleasure once theObamas left the White House of
eating, I think it was a grilledcheese sandwich, in her own
backyard, all alone.
So if your goal of beingexceptional is likely to fail, I
wonder if you could just imaginea lifetime of average days doing

(05:13):
an average amount of what youactually love to do.
Maybe even with a partner whoreally gets you and loves you
for who you are.
The cumulative effect of a lifelike that really is exceptional.
So if you're able to go there,it means that some days can just

(05:37):
be average.
Some weeks, average.
Some semesters, some classes,some meetings, average.
I'm not suggesting to just phoneit in.
Pour it on with certain projectsthat mean a lot to you.
But expecting perfection orexceptionality is exhausting,

(06:00):
and it's elusive.
And if you go to Michael Neill'slink that I mentioned, you're
going to see some applicationsof his concept for ideas about
writing and sales and parenting.
Still give careful thought toyour values and how you can
pursue your goals, hopefullyliving with an open heart.

(06:23):
But just tomorrow, could youexperiment with a goal for an
"average day?" I've been luckyenough to stay in touch with
some of my former students, andwhen I see them and we catch up
on our lives, more than one hassaid to me when we part company,

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"Rob, have an average day,"which always feels affirming.
In fact, to tell you the truth,it makes me feel awesome!
Incredible![I'm sorry, I just, Icouldn't resist] Thank you for
listening.
I hope you have an average day,and we'll talk again soon.

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[ music].