April 1, 2025 • 54 mins
Rhiah Kujat shares her transformative journey from environmental scientist to actor to somatic practitioner to author, revealing how intuition and presence guide her to authentic fulfillment.
• Going from environmental science to acting in New York to heal repressed emotions
• Experiencing a profound life shift in Costa Rica that led to becoming a somatic practitioner
• Opening a retreat house in California before COVID prompted another identity transformation
• Taking a two-year sabbatical around the world designed to discover "who am I without working"
• Writing poetry and her book "Life's Poetic Glossary" as a form of self-expression
• Discerning between ego-based fear and soul-guided intuition through bodily awareness
• Recognizing how expansion in the chest and belly indicates alignment with true purpose
• Learning to release identification with roles and access our underlying essence
• Practicing presence as the ultimate purpose: "My purpose is what I'm doing right now"
• Using journaling and meditation to gain clarity and give fears a voice without being controlled by them
You can connect with Rhiah on Instagram at @Rhiahkujat or visit her website http://www.kristakujat.com/where she offers free audio versions of her book as "gentle doorways into self-love."
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
If you've ever struggled with fear, doubt or
worry and wondering what yourtrue purpose was all about, then
this podcast is for you.
In this show, your host, sylviaWorsham, will interview elite
experts and ordinary people thathave created extraordinary
lives.
So here's your host, sylviaWorsham.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Hey, lightbringers, it's Sylvia Worsham.
Welcome to Release Doubt RevealPurpose.
In this episode we're going tobe talking to Raya, and Raya was
sent to me by someone who'sbeen sending me people to
interview on my podcast, and Iwas totally intrigued because I
immediately clicked on her linkand was blown away with what I
(00:48):
read on her biography.
And then she was so kind enoughto send me her latest book
called Life's Poetic Glossarythe Humanity of Everyday Words,
and I started to read it and Igained so much wisdom just from
the way she wrote the book.
(01:10):
She would take words and justkind of get her own description
of it and used imagery that wasso profound that every time I
read it I caught somethingdifferent and that, to me, was
amazing, right.
So, without further ado, raya,thank you so much for joining us
today on Release Doubt RevealPurpose.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Thank you, Sylvia.
I'm so delighted to be here.
Thank you for the introduction.
I can't wait to dive in to thisconversation.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Me neither, and this is why we're going to just dive
in, because as I read yourbiography, I noticed you had
several transformations, andthat's unheard of, because a lot
of people stay stuck in theirfirst act but never do they have
a second, third, fourth, fifthact.
(02:00):
I found that so intriguing.
You've been an actor, you'venow been an author, you have
been in real estate, you've donethis, and I just sat there and
I was like, wow, this woman hasdone it all.
So do tell us your story oftransformation.
What led you to write such abeautiful book?
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Oh, thank you.
So I have had a very diversecareer and all of them have been
different iterations of me, andI really love that.
I've gotten to live many facetsof myself because I'm very
multi-passionate, which I thinka lot of us are, especially
(02:38):
those who are passionate aboutbeing in service in some way,
and so I started as anenvironmental scientist.
I was passionate about savingthe environment and I got my
degree.
I worked in corporate, I workedfor government, and I found it
soul sucking and I had somethingin me that was just like like I
(02:58):
used to imagine people inmeetings breaking out into song
and dance and things like this,like I was in the wrong
environment, wrong habitat, andI felt this tug inside of me
that wanted to be fullyexpressed.
I've always had writing in mylife.
I would say thanks to my mom,who really encouraged journaling
(03:20):
when we went on familyvacations and when we went out
of school.
So writing for me has been likemy sanctuary always, and it's
part of what gave me the courageto take the leap and move from
Calgary Alberta which is whereI'm from in Canada to move to
New York and pursue this callingthat I felt to dive into acting
(03:43):
.
And that chapter ended up beingextremely rich in terms of new
creativity, the friendships thatI made, and mostly it was about
unlocking an emotional lifewithin me that I was afraid to
share in real life, within me,that I was afraid to share in
(04:08):
real life.
So it gave me an avenue, in away, to be free, but in a safe
setting.
And then I went through a bigtransformation a few years in
and it was basically a point inmy life where I was.
This is the kind of the core ofmy transformational story is
that I was married at the timeand we always thought that we
(04:29):
would have children and when wedecided to have a baby and you
know, go for it my body shutdown and I was really confused
because I felt we loved eachother and I also really wanted
it to work and I also knew thatthere were so many things about
it that didn't feel right, andso my body was telling me
information, and the pain ofbeing confused, though, really
(04:53):
led me to do some deep soulsearching, and I went to the
jungle of Costa Rica beforeanyone was talking about
ayahuasca.
I just went, you know, trustingthe person who had recommended
this to me, and he said to meyou're no matter what, you'll
see your demons.
(05:13):
I didn't know what that meant,but I knew that I needed to do
it, and I did see the core ofwhat was preventing me from
trusting in myself and intimacy,and it was very painful to see
it, but it was also very freeing, and it was that gateway that
led me to a lot of differenttransformational modalities that
(05:35):
were body oriented, because myblocks were definitely related
to repressed sensuality and fearof intimacy and a lot of fear
of not feeling safe in intimacy.
So, then, that led me to becomea somatic practitioner and to
start guiding women to connectwith their sensuality and in
(05:58):
ways that could allow them to bethe freest version of
themselves, and I did that forwell almost a decade, and I also
became trained as a familyconstellation practitioner and
those.
It was again a very enrichingchapter of my life because as I
(06:19):
immersed myself in my ownhealing, I could support others
because I knew experientiallywhat the gateways that I had
needed to go through.
So it was very rewarding inthat way.
And then cut to.
I mean long story short, but Ihad a crossroad where I left New
(06:39):
York, I moved to California andit was really for lifestyle.
I couldn't.
I became too sensitive, Icouldn't live in the city
anymore and California had beena dream.
And that's where I started moreof my coaching practice and I
was speaking on the topic ofsensuality and becoming
(07:00):
liberated in the body and mindand heart.
And then, in the background, Ihad always had real estate as my
main bread and butter, I wouldsay I invested from a very young
age, at 23 years old, and Ikept.
I mean, it wasn't often that Ibought and sold property, but it
(07:20):
was my stability that gave mefreedom to do a lot of the
things that I did and I was in aposition where I had to sell
the property that was making memoney because of legal issues
that came up with the propertyand suddenly I was making like I
had zero income.
So it was so scary and I and Iknew that it it was time I
(07:45):
couldn't keep living the waythat I was living, because it
was almost like I was being aslave to my freedom by managing
this property all the time.
And so it gave me a gateway todo one of my dreams, which was
to open a retreat house thatcould accommodate people who
were doing transformative workand creative work and there to
(08:06):
collaborate to live theirpurpose.
And I did that for a few years.
And then COVID hit, and thatwas another crossroad of like.
Okay, I could muscle throughthis and do what I know to do,
which is manage and appease allof the governments that be.
But again it just it felt likeit was an identity death and I
(08:29):
trusted in kind of a vision anda deep intuition that there's
something beyond this that Ican't even imagine what it is,
and managing this, this business, was not part of it.
And so I got the hit to selland I invested again in real
(08:51):
estate where I could have apassive income.
And then I lived around theworld for two years on a
sabbatical just to see who am Iwithout working, who am I
without ambition, who am Iwithout me be of service and
needing to give.
Who am I?
And it was one of the mostliberating gifts to myself.
(09:13):
I did everything guided byintuition.
I had a mentor and a friend whohas incredible gifts, and I
learned a lot from her in theprocess as well.
So, about really living my lifepurely from intuition, without
needing to be in the constructsof being accountable to anyone
(09:34):
but myself, so it was a hugegift to have that.
And then, after the two years Ilanded here, during those two
years I was writing and I wrotea lot of poetry, and that's
another story about the poetry.
But essentially, in my timeabroad, I really felt this
(09:57):
connection with voicing theunvoiced within me in ways that
that that could I, I believe,could only be done with poetry
and through metaphor, becausethere weren't words for what I
had to say without metaphors,and so I found it deeply
satisfying and gratifying and Ididn't really think about these
(10:19):
words being for anyone else, butit was more like self-love for
myself.
And then I had the idea forthis book, which I wrote in end
of 2023 after percolating on itfor a while.
So it got me to distill some ofmy own life lessons and the
(10:42):
things that I personally want tobe reminded of into these deep
dives on everyday words.
And and it was such a joy towrite it it was just I wanted to
publish for a long time and Ihad many books that were in my
pipeline over the years, butthis was the one that was just
(11:06):
effortless and I just knew itwas going to give joy in some
way, and it has.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
So that's my story.
Jeez, where do I start?
Because you've gone through somuch and I took a mental note as
you were discussing and I cantotally see why you and I felt
the connection, even though wehad never met before.
There's so much, there's somany parallels in what you write
(11:41):
about and what you talk aboutand how you have gone through
your journey that I really wantto dive a little bit deep.
I know you discussed movingthrough life, through intuition.
I caught that early on as youwere beginning your story or
transformation.
In the interview you saidsomething along the lines of I
(12:06):
knew, I felt it within me.
I felt this pull and for me,I've understood that being the
soul pulling us in the directionof who we were meant to be and
created to be, versus the sideof us that gets raised and that
(12:30):
gets pulled into the fear,because when we are born, we're
fearless and then we startgetting told along the way you
can't do that, that's not safe,that's not good, and certain
layers start to form around usand those layers are the ones
that inform us initially onwhere to go.
But it sounds like you werepulled in the corporate world
like that and then soon foundyourself saying this isn't for
(12:53):
me and feeling that.
Well, can you describe a littlebit more what that pool feels
like for you to help thelisteners maybe identify it,
more so than what they'rehearing in their head?
Speaker 3 (13:09):
Absolutely Over the years.
It feels like.
For me it's a contrast betweenthe lack of feeling.
A pull often feels likecontraction, like I feel heavy
in my body.
I feel often like squeezedtogether and the pull feels
(13:33):
expansive inside of my body.
The way I physically feel it inmy body is a warmth in my chest
and I feel like it almost feelslike my belly is expanding to
the outer edges.
And I feel it mostly in myheart.
(13:55):
And I say this knowing that,not that this isn't going to be
the same sensorial experiencefor everyone, because everyone
is so unique.
I think in you know how theyfeel their own pull, but for me
I felt it like there was.
It just feels like there'ssomething more beyond what I'm
(14:19):
seeing outside of myself and Ioften have no idea what that
looks like, but it's definitelya sensation of, yeah, there's
more in what I am seeing andexperiencing in the right here,
right now.
So I think that's somethingthat I really pay attention to.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
And I'm glad that you answered it the way you did,
because it is very different foreveryone.
I will say, for me that pullfeels.
First of all, for me it comesacross as a very persistent
thought that won't leave mealone and it's coming almost out
of nowhere, like totallyunrelated to what I'm currently
(15:02):
experiencing, but just verypersistent over and over and
over again.
And then, like you, I feel thewarmth in the center of the
heart and a tingling sensationwhen I do make the move, whether
I see because I don't seewhat's beyond me, like beyond
that pole.
But the minute I step in thereit's like this peace washes over
(15:26):
me that I've made the rightdecision for what the soul is
guiding me to do versus what theego is telling me to do.
Inside my head, that doubt thatclouds me, that makes me feel
unbalanced and I'm almost sickto my stomach because it just
doesn't feel right.
It feels like in totaldisalignment to who.
I'm almost sick to my stomachbecause it just doesn't feel
right.
It feels like in totaldisalignment to who I'm supposed
(15:50):
to be, based on thecircumstance I'm currently
facing.
So when what I describe inFaith, I Thrive my book, it's
like when change hits you right.
In your case, you had severalcrossroads.
You hit First it was aftercorporate America, then when you
finally moved to New York andyou're in this relationship and
you want to, you know, startmoving through your relationship
(16:13):
, and then you suddenly havethis crossroads and you move to
Costa Rica and then you becomethis healer and all these, all
those are crossroads and youdon't know where you're going.
Yeah, you just know that if youstay exactly where you're at,
it's going to feel wrong, yes,and, like you said, heavy.
It just doesn't feel good andyou feel like what most people
(16:41):
call stuck, but they don't knowhow to describe it.
And that's why I wanted to kindof share my experience, so that
whoever listens to this podcastinterview can maybe, maybe some
of the things you describe hitsthem squarely in the heart and
it's meant for them, and maybeother people that are listening
will be like, no, but I feelmore like what Sylvia described,
and then they'll know.
That's when my soul is blamingor versus my ego.
(17:04):
And I know that you wrotediscernment in here in this book
.
Tell me a little bit more aboutyour process of discernment as
it pertains to the ego and tothe soul.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Yes, thank you for that question.
It's such an important word forme.
One of the revelations that Ihad about the word discernment
personally is that it's thesuperpower behind judgment.
Whereas judgment is often basedin fear and the lens of
something being right or wrong,discernment is more so, the
(17:45):
intuitive part for me of knowinginternally what feels on or off
and we could use the wordsright and wrong in that language
too but it's not morally rightor wrong, or what's right and
wrong according to the playbooksthat we see outside of
ourselves, so which is oftenwhat judgment is is kind of
(18:08):
oriented around.
So discernment for me has beena real important pillar for
understanding the differencesbetween moving towards something
that makes me feel expansiveinside and moving away from
(18:29):
something that makes me feelcontracted, but also discerning
which of those experiences thatare making me feel contracted is
the situation that I'm in or isit my orientation to that
situation?
And often I find there's anorientation to that circumstance
(18:51):
that needs a perspective shift,and then I can be realigned
again, even though thecircumstance hasn't changed at
all.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
So that's good, that's a good observation and
that's a good way ofdistinguishing between the
circumstance, which a lot ofpeople just view it through, the
circumstance, the view likejust okay, what happened?
The what happened versus whatis my mind saying that happened?
(19:27):
Yes, because our minds, as Iunderstand it, being a life
coach can also, and this iswhere the ego now the ego is not
the enemy here.
The issue with the ego is it'syour self-image, and if your
self-image is comprised offear-based belief systems that
are kind of driving that thoughtprocess, that's what needs to
(19:48):
shift, not so much yourself perse, it's how you view things
Right, discernment between theego and the soul, and why
intuition plays an enormous rolein moving through our lives in
(20:09):
the direction that will give usthe most joy and fulfillment,
because those are topics thatyou and I talk a lot about and
it's not usually the definitionthat people claim.
Joy and fulfillment looks likeif we in the States I lived
abroad and you did too, so youcan understand where I'm going
(20:30):
with this we tend to view joyand fulfillment when we get
exactly what we want financially, like having that status and
that success and everybody'sview of success a little
different and sometimes vastlydifferent right.
The more we achieve in theUnited States, the more
successful you are, like youhave these things you're
(20:52):
acquiring, but you and I bothknow that that is not what
sustains us through our journey.
What sustains us through ourjourney is those moments of joy
and the fulfillment we feel whenall of these things are aligned
within us, our ego, our souland our spirit are one, and when
(21:13):
we're moving and likesuccinctly and and viewing life
through that lens of joy versusjudgment, right Acceptance
versus you know again what'sagainst judgment right.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Yeah, I really appreciate this point that
you're making in discerning thedifference between fulfillment
like an internal fulfillment, orversus the things that we think
in our minds will give usfulfillment, or that we think we
want because X, y, z is goingto equal happiness.
And that's such an importantmuscle of discernment to
(21:51):
exercise, because often thewants are just there, because we
feel a scarcity in some way inour lives.
And so for me, that line ofdiscernment comes when I know,
and I can measure the metric ofam I fulfilled by the simple
(22:12):
pleasure of doing this one thingevery day, or however many
times, versus am I doing it toget somewhere?
Am I doing it with the agendato get somewhere Because I think
that thing's going to make mehappy?
Speaker 2 (22:25):
It's the checking off the box, right, like some
people do it to check off a box,but it doesn't bring them any
sense of fulfillment or joy,it's just something they're used
to doing.
They'll be like why are youdoing that?
What purpose is that serving inyour life?
And sometimes they can't answerthe question because they just
(22:46):
do it out of habit and theydon't know where that habit came
from.
Right, yeah.
Speaker 3 (22:53):
So habit is a whole other topic.
Discernment has been such animportant part in the meaning of
the lived experience around.
Discernment, for me personally,is that, you know, when we talk
about being brave and beingcourageous and releasing our
doubts and releasing our fears,which a lot, I think a lot of
(23:16):
people like you and I want to doright, because we don't want to
be living out of fear, fear.
And so sometimes what I'venoticed in our culture of
personal growth that there'sthis message do what scares you
most, overcome your fear.
And I just want to give anexample of where that's not
(23:36):
beneficial and where discernmentcomes in very, very useful.
So my example, soul.
So my example I used to have alot of fears around intimacy and
there was a man who I workedfor in one of my moonlighting
jobs um, very late nights doingmassage work, when I was acting
(23:58):
in New York, and he offered me aride home.
And I knew innately that I wasafraid of this man, probably for
good reason, but I had thismessaging inside me that I need
to get over my fears.
So accept the ride home,discernment.
(24:28):
And we're talking about beingbrave and even following an
intuition, because we even if itfollowing anything where it
might be scary, there's thatkind of fear, but then there's
also fear that's telling ussomething important to listen to
, and having the discernmentbetween the two is super
important.
So that's what I wanted to sayabout that we know that fear has
(24:48):
a place.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
It's just the way that certain people use fear.
It doesn't get quite to thesame.
So I've taught this to my10-year-old girl.
She suffers from anxiety and weknow that anxiety is very
fear-driven right the what-ifs,and, as I've told my daughter,
(25:11):
it's like, hey, if you get afeeling about a person that is
telling you to run, you run.
You do not question that.
If you are being chased by, ifyou see an animal and your body
is telling you to run, you dorun.
(25:31):
If you're standing close to acliff and your body is telling
you step back, you step back.
Those are appropriate uses offear.
Fear has its place.
It's just not what is beingshared on social media, what is
being shared like in news.
You know bulletins around theworld, that kind of fear and how
(25:57):
people use fear like to propelthem towards the success in life
.
That's the fear that needs tobe shifted over to this other
lens that you're talking about,where intuition takes center
stage, where the beyond, likeknowing that there's something
beyond us that is guiding usinto this beautiful light that
(26:21):
we have yet to shine, becausewe've been so afraid to shine it
that now is the time to startdoing that.
For me it was.
I was always afraid because I Igrew up in a home that my dad I
love my dad.
He passed away last year, buthe was always someone who came
(26:43):
from a broken home and came froma lot of abuse.
He had a lot of anxiety aroundhim.
I grew up that way, so Icarried the anxiety not just in
my mind but genetically as well.
That fear gives a lot of energy, but it's not a good kind of
energy.
(27:03):
It's not.
It's the addicting kind that cankeep people stuck in this phase
that they don't know what to doonce they don't have it.
You know, it's kind of like amini drug of sorts.
You know, for them they getaddicted to having this energy
and once they start shiftinginto a space of joy, they don't
(27:24):
know how to be in joy.
They know how to do things tocreate joy according to them and
their lives, but they don'tknow how to just be.
And you mentioned something atthe end of your story of
transformation.
I really want you to dive alittle bit deeper for the
members, and that is the lasttwo years that were so
(27:47):
liberating for you, because youtalked a lot about being, and
not having to be successful.
Can you talk more about that?
Speaker 3 (27:54):
Absolutely so.
I want to frame this by sayingthat it came at the end of what
I call an identity death, whereI was so my identity was so
caught up in the value of doinglike managing things that I I
(28:15):
needed to kind of let go of.
That way I was interfacing withthe rest of the world, whether
it was even personalrelationships or my business.
There was a part of me thatalways felt responsible for
someone else or something elseand trying to push through.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
I didn't feel for you because I'm right there right
now.
I'm in this stage.
This is why you were sent to me.
This is so weird.
Okay, go ahead.
Okay, go ahead.
Speaker 3 (28:41):
Synchronicity.
So I was very conscious that Iwas letting go of that and even
though in my circumstance, I hadnobody to be accountable to,
even at that stage I wasn't in arelationship, so I was
literally free in every singleway you could imagine.
(29:02):
And I still needed to catchthose internal moments when I
had an impulse to managesomething like to manage a
decision, instead of justtrusting that more expanded
feeling that I could connectwith inside of myself, whether
it were, you know, to book anAirbnb or to choose the next
(29:23):
country I went to.
There's a part of me that justwants to do hours of research to
find the right place.
So it was really catching thosemoments where my operating
system would still gravitatetowards managing or, like my
mind, wanting to make thelogical decision based on how I
(29:46):
would make a decision before.
So it was.
I think the richest part ofthat phase for me was
consciously having the time andspaciousness to check in,
because when I did that,everything that I was doing
ended up being more efficient.
And I think one trap that a lotof us get in and I did this too
(30:10):
was thinking that, oh, it'sgoing to be more efficient if I
plan this than that, than this,than that, whereas actually, if
we're more attuned to what we'reconnected with on the inside in
terms of a compass, we don'tneed to do any of those things
and it will.
Just, we will be connected,just like you and I are
(30:31):
connected right now.
It sounds like it waseffortless for you, it was
definitely effortless for me,and we get to have this rich
conversation where we're alignedin our shared resonance.
And so for me it was, eventhough in the circumstances over
those two years I I had so muchfreedom it.
(30:54):
It was also a process of beingaware of every moment and I
really leaned into that and itwas wonderful.
The countries that I went tothey each had a specific quality
that seemed to give me exactlywhat I needed right then, and I
(31:16):
couldn't have planned that.
I went to Lake Atiklan inGuatemala, where I rented a
glass house on a mountainoverlooking the lake, which is a
volcanic lake and there'scrystals underneath, so the
quality of the water has areally specific energy because
of the crystals that formed inthe volcanic matter years ago,
(31:40):
and it had such a pure feelingof nature and I felt that before
.
I'd never been to that placebefore, but I could feel it in
my bones like, oh, this is thenext step.
And I was with a friend who hadbeen to Lake Hattie Glance.
She's like, yeah, what you'redescribing matches this.
(32:01):
So I couldn't.
That's not the same as likegoing through a bucket list
right Of where I think I want togo next.
It's a different kind ofattunement and there's value to
both.
Right, like there's value tochecking in with our heart's
desires and seeing, like what isour bucket list.
And then there's also a valueof just opening a little bit
(32:23):
more to experiencing something,like you said, which is beyond
what we know, it's beyond whatwe can even imagine.
And that was magical.
It was really magical to justembrace that period and fully
lean into that trust, full trustin being guided.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
I'm loving what you're sharing because I think
it's in alignment with thequestion I'm going to ask next
in that Do you feel like thischapter that you're in right now
?
Because it feels like you're inthis presently right?
It feels like you're in thispresently right?
This I tend to call them likelevels of life to where later we
(33:11):
graduate into, when wetranscend.
When my father passed away lastyear, I called it.
He graduated into heaven, andpeople were like what are you
talking about?
And I said you know, we gothrough life learning how to be
and how to exist, because wedon't know how you know, and
(33:32):
we're taking the examples of thepeople that surround us and
that teach us, and it's notalways right for the person we
are meant to be right.
So we journey through life andthen we some of us are lucky
enough to have the sight, thevision, like he did.
(33:54):
Early on he knew he was goingto be a doctor, and so he,
because that was his skill set,that's what he was highly gifted
in, but not everybody is likethat, all right.
And so my question to you is doyou feel like the stage that
you're in right now is preparingyou for a much for something in
(34:17):
the future that you need tolike that this is going to serve
you.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
That's a very powerful question.
I just got chills up my leftside.
I would say undoubtedly yes,based on knowing life so far.
So I'm 52 years old and so fareverything I've done in life
prepared me for the next thing.
(34:44):
So from my lived experience Ican say yes.
And on the other side, whatcomes to mind when you ask that
question is I feel for myself atthis halfway point like the
earlier chapters of my life werevery much about getting to know
(35:04):
who I am and dissolving thosebarriers between my true self
and like mechanisms that I havein mind inside of me that would
prevent me from being that.
And it's not that I don't stillhave, you know, patternings and
we're, I'm human, so I I havepatterns inside that I certainly
(35:30):
am always becoming aware of inthe moment.
But I feel this stage of lifeis really about shining and it's
so simple and it, because it'sso simple, it feels so fun and
there's nothing more to do tobecome.
(35:51):
So I would qualify this stageof life the way I feel it
internally is that I amembracing the art of just being
and shining and and that's itLike there's.
There's no more courses to take, there's no more like healing
(36:14):
programs to go through.
There's just like just have fun, just have fun.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Just enjoy, right, just be.
And people don't understandthat concept in this country.
They really don't.
It bothers them a lot.
And the word joy they can'teven describe it in their own
life.
I've actually asked people whatis joy to you and they're like
(36:42):
stumped, oh.
But they can answer what doesfear feel like?
Like that Real fast, because weknow that the mind is
conditioned to look for thenegative, because subconsciously
we're fed all these negativeimages.
So we're very aware of them,right, consciously aware of them
.
Where you and I have done somework internal work you mentioned
(37:06):
journaling as being one of thethings that your mom used to
encourage you to do, and injournaling you are connecting to
the divine a great deal thanmost people realize.
What other things have you doneto kind of clear your mind of
all this noise?
Speaker 3 (37:26):
It's always a little different depending on what
phase I'm in, though I would saydefinitely meditation has been
a pillar for me because thatgives me the chance to have
distance from my thoughts andfeelings and to know what's true
, not true, and to have innerclarity and space inside of me
(37:49):
in order to be discerning.
That's definitely been part ofmy practice for a long time.
The journaling is also, for me,a form of meditation, where it's
in my daily life.
Now, every morning I journaland I get clarity, so I'll
meditate and then I'll bring upcertain images or thoughts that
(38:12):
seem most prominent in mymeditation and I'll give it a
little extra time to give voiceto, you know something that
might feel off and somethingthat feels amazing, and see
where I live between those twocontrasts.
If that makes sense that's howI often get my clarity through
(38:32):
journaling is giving it space tohave a voice, including fears,
because when I see my fears downon paper or and or if I speak
them out loud to someone who Ireally trust, they lose their
power and at least I can seethem outside of myself and I'm
(38:54):
not going to be drivenunconsciously by them.
So having space to just givevoice to those, those fears,
even though we know like it'snot, it doesn't have to be our
reality, but to let them have aplace so that they don't run the
(39:15):
show well to acknowledge them.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
Right, because sometimes all our fat patterns
and fears we want from us isacknowledgement of the role they
played in our life to help usmove us through to the space
where we're in now, becausewithout that person you don't.
You know, we learn a lotthrough our survival stages, and
(39:39):
I survived, you survivedsomething terrible in New York,
you know.
And then Costa Rica.
That is surviving, and then.
But the surviving leads to thethriving part as well.
It's all part of the stages ofdevelopment that we're being put
through, depending on our gifts.
(39:59):
Right, like you became thisperson because of what you went
through, of the pain you wentthrough.
You took pain and you gave itpurpose, like immensely purpose.
You started to help women cometo terms with their sexuality,
with the intimacy, with thoseissues that were part of you
(40:21):
from long ago.
Right, so it's in my case.
I always say God uses all ofour choices, whether it's in
alignment with who he thinks wewere created to be or who we
were created to be according tohim and who we think we were
created to be.
Right, and those two can be indisalignment, but sometimes we
(40:44):
can turn it around and do thework and say thank you for this
part, because without this partI wouldn't be this amazing,
transformative person, Iwouldn't have gone through this
transformation quite the sameway.
And I've gone through themeditations and I've done
(41:05):
meditation through differentstages of my life and one of
them was really powerful where Ikind of gained the three
different identities.
I've gained the three differentidentities, so my childlike
self, my 20 to 30 year old self,and then I'm 50.
(41:27):
So they're like 40 to 50.
And I've actually like combinedthem into three and just said
thank you, thank you foreverything you have taught me
thus far, because without you Iwouldn't be this unstoppable
powerhouse, I wouldn't be herewithout you and I thank you.
And the more you do that withyour fear and acknowledge it and
name it and kind of take thepower away from what it wants to
(41:50):
do in your mind, like releasing, truly releasing that doubt
into I release it to God.
I'm like I don't need this,take this from me.
You release it in meditationand journaling.
People release it in nature.
There's lots of ways to releaseour doubt right, our imposter
syndrome, like who we think wecan be and versus who we are you
(42:15):
.
I find it so, so interesting.
But going to the part, thequestion on purpose what is your
divine purpose?
Do you have one, or do youthink it's a seasonal purpose,
depending on the stage you're inin life?
Speaker 3 (42:31):
I relate to purpose as what I'm doing right now.
So it's, it's literally like mypurpose right right here, right
now, is to be talking with youand sharing from my heart to
yours, receiving your heart andand being able to feel the
(42:53):
richness of connection.
That's my purpose right here,right now.
And if I take that definitionin a more global sense, I do
feel, let's say from a more metalevel and I don't want to get
too existential, but in a metalevel, I do feel like connection
(43:16):
is the purpose for being alive.
It's being connected withourselves and knowing who we are
, and then with others.
So I would say that's been truefor me.
Every single step of the way,no matter what iteration of
myself, I've been living in myoutside identity, whether it's
(43:37):
an actor or whether it's thefounder of a retreat business or
an author, it is essentiallythe same through all things.
And further to that, you knowyou mentioned essence and
(43:58):
identity and I just would loveto highlight those two things
and how you were speaking about.
Those two words are both in mybook and I have definitions for
both and the way that you werespeaking about.
You know fear-driven choicesfrom the ego and we all have
ways that we can let go of that.
(44:18):
And what I found is thatsometimes, you know, especially
in those earlier phases of mylife where I did need to heal
and I did need to, and I'm notI'm always healing right, like
that's always just a part ofliving, but it's a stage, like
you were saying, as, if you know, the earlier stages are the bud
(44:39):
underground, and then it growsand pushes through the surface
and becomes a flower to bloom.
We could use that metaphor totalk about growth in general and
what we do to release our fears, no matter what stage we're in.
But there's something aboutidentity and how we become
identified with who we think weneed to be in order to be
(45:04):
ourselves, and I think that'sone of the things that we can
get really tripped up on, likedoing things that we think we
need to do in order to beourselves.
And essence, for me, is theantithesis of that.
Where essence is, we know whowe are in our hearts and there's
(45:28):
often not words for that.
That's why I love poetry.
Um, that's why I love poetry,because you know, you can say I
am love, I am beauty, I am this,I am that, but we all have a
specific signature and I thinkthe more that we marinate in our
(45:48):
own unique essence, the morethe identity things that we
identify with that aren'thelpful.
Speaker 2 (45:55):
They just naturally fall away yes, they do they
because they start to feel youstart to feel in disalignment.
It's it's a really funnyfeeling on the inside it just
does not, it doesn't leave youalone, like for me.
It doesn't leave me alone.
It's like this just doesn't doit for me and and it's something
that happened last January, toback up the November prior to
(46:21):
the January, I started to reallytry to find my identity in
Christ and when I started toread scripture and really
meditate and pray and get intothat state, I found that a lot
of the old ways that I viewedlife and the lens I was looking
through things just did not feelright anymore.
(46:43):
I just could not justify thatanymore.
And it happens a lot in mymarriage now where I'll hear my
husband talk and say, well, youknow, blaming and criticizing
and all that, and it justdoesn't.
It just doesn't feel rightbecause it's in disalignment to
(47:04):
who you are truly in your heartof hearts.
Right, when you go back and youbecome the person you were once
born, without all the trialsand tribulations, without the
layers of experiences thathappen to us, the essence of us,
right, the gift, the core of us, starts to come out once we
(47:25):
start growing out of thoselayers right, those identities
that just don't fit us anymore.
And something happened andthere was a big problem between
my brother and I and I a lot ofpeople would tell me, oh no,
you're justified to feel thatanger and you're justified in
your and that's the human way ofviewing things, right.
But when you look at it througha different lens I like a much
(47:47):
higher level sense that humanside just doesn't feel good
anymore.
And I remember reaching out to agood buddy of mine who knows
scripture really well and askedme a couple of questions, much
like you did, right, like thequestions that you asked
yourself, and it just it fellapart.
(48:08):
That whole argument fell apart.
It just didn't have anyargument to it, right, and I
knew intuitively what I neededto do, which is to apologize and
take ownership of my role.
Even though everybody was on myside and everybody said no, he
should apologize first.
I was just like no, it doesn'tfeel right anymore and it
shocked everybody, you know.
(48:29):
But it's it's that feeling ofknowing that you're the essence
and and your identity are notthe same thing, it's totally
different things all together.
And I feel like a snakesometimes where we constantly be
shedding the, the snake skin.
We're constantly shedding,shedding all those layers that
(48:51):
just don't belong don't belong.
And then you get to a stagewhere you're just like being
like you are right now.
You're being, enjoy, being infulfillment, and it feels
awesome because there's noweight, there's nothing weighing
you down anymore, there's no inyour head.
We would still feel convolutedall the time, and what people
(49:13):
don't realize is the habits thatwe have on a daily basis play
an enormous role.
So any last minute tips as itpertains to your good habits
that you've adopted through yourlife, raya, that you can share
with our audience yes, yes, andit I think I want to.
Speaker 3 (49:31):
it dovetails off of what you just shared, which was
really powerful the connectionbetween the you know the example
that you shared with yourbrother, and what I heard in
that was that when you got thehigher perspective, there was no
charge in the emotional partand you were then free to take
accountability for yourself andyour side.
(49:51):
And that is certainly one of thepractices in my life, right now
that I devoted to you know,because if ever there is
something where I'm feelingsomething happened to me or I
have that kind of like feelingof being trapped by someone's
behavior, I know there'ssomething I'm probably not
(50:14):
taking accountability for in myparticipation in it, and the
moment that I can see what thatis, then I'm free right.
So my, my offer to those who arelistening would be to really
pay attention when there ischarge to something and examine,
(50:38):
like, just give yourself areality check whatever thoughts
and feelings you're thinkingabout that other person, like
some of the ones you mentionedthat others were saying, like he
should never do that, he shouldapologize first.
When, in my experience, when Iturn those thoughts on myself
first, when, in my experience,when I turn those thoughts on
(50:59):
myself such as, oh, I shouldapologize first, and not that I
should do anything, but I justfeel into that lens and see
where is that true.
And more often than not there'sanother facet that I'm not
seeing, that I can takeaccountability for, and
sometimes it's not going to beright away where I get that
(51:19):
clarity, but by giving itattention and keep questioning
whether something is really trueor not is one of the most
freeing things that we can dofor ourselves.
So that's what I encourage interms of just, you know, coming
back to being and challenge anythoughts and feelings that
(51:42):
you're thinking, or especiallythoughts, because those inform
our feelings.
Speaker 2 (51:47):
So Powerful Raya.
Thank you so much for joiningus today.
On Release Doubt Reveal Purpose.
If people wanted to contact youand be, you know, in touch with
you or buy your book, how canthey reach you?
Speaker 3 (52:02):
I would direct them to two places.
One is my Instagram it's atRaya Kouyat and the other one is
my website, where I'm currentlyoffering free audios of my book
, which are meant to be justdoorways into reconnecting with
self and being connected withthe truths that most of us know
inside, that we forget becausewe're distracted by other things
(52:25):
or thoughts about what we thinkwe should be doing.
So it's just a gentle medicineto come back to ourselves, and
they're free, so I offer that asa little gentle doorway into
self-love.
Speaker 2 (52:43):
I love it, thank you, thank you.
Thank you so much for today.
You are a godsend to me and Iknow the timing is.
It's always on point and it'salways on his timing, so I'm
never amazed.
I'm always just in awe of howpeople seamlessly coming to my
(53:06):
life at the precise moment.
I need to hear certain thingsand I'm sure some of the
listeners will feel the same waywith the immense amount of
wisdom on this call.
Thank you so much.
Raya To the listeners ofRelease, doubt, reveal Purpose.
Remember Matthew 514, be thelight.
Have a wonderful week, staysafe.
Love you all.
(53:26):
Now Bye.
Speaker 1 (53:28):
So that's it for today's episode of Release Doubt
Reveal Purpose.
Head on over to iTunes orwherever you listen and
subscribe to the show.
One lucky listener every singleweek who posts a review on
itunes will win a chance in thegrand prize drawing to win a 25
000 private vip day with sylviaworship herself.
(53:50):
Be sure to head on over toreleased out reveal purpose
podcastcom and pick up a freecopy of Sylvia's gift and join
us on the next episode.
If you've ever struggled with fear, doubt or
worry and wondering what yourtrue purpose was all about, then
this podcast is for you.
In this show, your host, sylviaWorsham, will interview elite
experts and ordinary people thathave created extraordinary
lives.
So here's your host, sylviaWorsham.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Hey, lightbringers, it's Sylvia Worsham.
Welcome to Release Doubt RevealPurpose.
In this episode we're going tobe talking to Raya, and Raya was
sent to me by someone who'sbeen sending me people to
interview on my podcast, and Iwas totally intrigued because I
immediately clicked on her linkand was blown away with what I
(00:48):
read on her biography.
And then she was so kind enoughto send me her latest book
called Life's Poetic Glossarythe Humanity of Everyday Words,
and I started to read it and Igained so much wisdom just from
the way she wrote the book.
(01:10):
She would take words and justkind of get her own description
of it and used imagery that wasso profound that every time I
read it I caught somethingdifferent and that, to me, was
amazing, right.
So, without further ado, raya,thank you so much for joining us
today on Release Doubt RevealPurpose.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Thank you, Sylvia.
I'm so delighted to be here.
Thank you for the introduction.
I can't wait to dive in to thisconversation.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Me neither, and this is why we're going to just dive
in, because as I read yourbiography, I noticed you had
several transformations, andthat's unheard of, because a lot
of people stay stuck in theirfirst act but never do they have
a second, third, fourth, fifthact.
(02:00):
I found that so intriguing.
You've been an actor, you'venow been an author, you have
been in real estate, you've donethis, and I just sat there and
I was like, wow, this woman hasdone it all.
So do tell us your story oftransformation.
What led you to write such abeautiful book?
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Oh, thank you.
So I have had a very diversecareer and all of them have been
different iterations of me, andI really love that.
I've gotten to live many facetsof myself because I'm very
multi-passionate, which I thinka lot of us are, especially
(02:38):
those who are passionate aboutbeing in service in some way,
and so I started as anenvironmental scientist.
I was passionate about savingthe environment and I got my
degree.
I worked in corporate, I workedfor government, and I found it
soul sucking and I had somethingin me that was just like like I
(02:58):
used to imagine people inmeetings breaking out into song
and dance and things like this,like I was in the wrong
environment, wrong habitat, andI felt this tug inside of me
that wanted to be fullyexpressed.
I've always had writing in mylife.
I would say thanks to my mom,who really encouraged journaling
(03:20):
when we went on familyvacations and when we went out
of school.
So writing for me has been likemy sanctuary always, and it's
part of what gave me the courageto take the leap and move from
Calgary Alberta which is whereI'm from in Canada to move to
New York and pursue this callingthat I felt to dive into acting
(03:43):
.
And that chapter ended up beingextremely rich in terms of new
creativity, the friendships thatI made, and mostly it was about
unlocking an emotional lifewithin me that I was afraid to
share in real life, within me,that I was afraid to share in
(04:08):
real life.
So it gave me an avenue, in away, to be free, but in a safe
setting.
And then I went through a bigtransformation a few years in
and it was basically a point inmy life where I was.
This is the kind of the core ofmy transformational story is
that I was married at the timeand we always thought that we
(04:29):
would have children and when wedecided to have a baby and you
know, go for it my body shutdown and I was really confused
because I felt we loved eachother and I also really wanted
it to work and I also knew thatthere were so many things about
it that didn't feel right, andso my body was telling me
information, and the pain ofbeing confused, though, really
(04:53):
led me to do some deep soulsearching, and I went to the
jungle of Costa Rica beforeanyone was talking about
ayahuasca.
I just went, you know, trustingthe person who had recommended
this to me, and he said to meyou're no matter what, you'll
see your demons.
(05:13):
I didn't know what that meant,but I knew that I needed to do
it, and I did see the core ofwhat was preventing me from
trusting in myself and intimacy,and it was very painful to see
it, but it was also very freeing, and it was that gateway that
led me to a lot of differenttransformational modalities that
(05:35):
were body oriented, because myblocks were definitely related
to repressed sensuality and fearof intimacy and a lot of fear
of not feeling safe in intimacy.
So, then, that led me to becomea somatic practitioner and to
start guiding women to connectwith their sensuality and in
(05:58):
ways that could allow them to bethe freest version of
themselves, and I did that forwell almost a decade, and I also
became trained as a familyconstellation practitioner and
those.
It was again a very enrichingchapter of my life because as I
(06:19):
immersed myself in my ownhealing, I could support others
because I knew experientiallywhat the gateways that I had
needed to go through.
So it was very rewarding inthat way.
And then cut to.
I mean long story short, but Ihad a crossroad where I left New
(06:39):
York, I moved to California andit was really for lifestyle.
I couldn't.
I became too sensitive, Icouldn't live in the city
anymore and California had beena dream.
And that's where I started moreof my coaching practice and I
was speaking on the topic ofsensuality and becoming
(07:00):
liberated in the body and mindand heart.
And then, in the background, Ihad always had real estate as my
main bread and butter, I wouldsay I invested from a very young
age, at 23 years old, and Ikept.
I mean, it wasn't often that Ibought and sold property, but it
(07:20):
was my stability that gave mefreedom to do a lot of the
things that I did and I was in aposition where I had to sell
the property that was making memoney because of legal issues
that came up with the propertyand suddenly I was making like I
had zero income.
So it was so scary and I and Iknew that it it was time I
(07:45):
couldn't keep living the waythat I was living, because it
was almost like I was being aslave to my freedom by managing
this property all the time.
And so it gave me a gateway todo one of my dreams, which was
to open a retreat house thatcould accommodate people who
were doing transformative workand creative work and there to
(08:06):
collaborate to live theirpurpose.
And I did that for a few years.
And then COVID hit, and thatwas another crossroad of like.
Okay, I could muscle throughthis and do what I know to do,
which is manage and appease allof the governments that be.
But again it just it felt likeit was an identity death and I
(08:29):
trusted in kind of a vision anda deep intuition that there's
something beyond this that Ican't even imagine what it is,
and managing this, this business, was not part of it.
And so I got the hit to selland I invested again in real
(08:51):
estate where I could have apassive income.
And then I lived around theworld for two years on a
sabbatical just to see who am Iwithout working, who am I
without ambition, who am Iwithout me be of service and
needing to give.
Who am I?
And it was one of the mostliberating gifts to myself.
(09:13):
I did everything guided byintuition.
I had a mentor and a friend whohas incredible gifts, and I
learned a lot from her in theprocess as well.
So, about really living my lifepurely from intuition, without
needing to be in the constructsof being accountable to anyone
(09:34):
but myself, so it was a hugegift to have that.
And then, after the two years Ilanded here, during those two
years I was writing and I wrotea lot of poetry, and that's
another story about the poetry.
But essentially, in my timeabroad, I really felt this
(09:57):
connection with voicing theunvoiced within me in ways that
that that could I, I believe,could only be done with poetry
and through metaphor, becausethere weren't words for what I
had to say without metaphors,and so I found it deeply
satisfying and gratifying and Ididn't really think about these
(10:19):
words being for anyone else, butit was more like self-love for
myself.
And then I had the idea forthis book, which I wrote in end
of 2023 after percolating on itfor a while.
So it got me to distill some ofmy own life lessons and the
(10:42):
things that I personally want tobe reminded of into these deep
dives on everyday words.
And and it was such a joy towrite it it was just I wanted to
publish for a long time and Ihad many books that were in my
pipeline over the years, butthis was the one that was just
(11:06):
effortless and I just knew itwas going to give joy in some
way, and it has.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
So that's my story.
Jeez, where do I start?
Because you've gone through somuch and I took a mental note as
you were discussing and I cantotally see why you and I felt
the connection, even though wehad never met before.
There's so much, there's somany parallels in what you write
(11:41):
about and what you talk aboutand how you have gone through
your journey that I really wantto dive a little bit deep.
I know you discussed movingthrough life, through intuition.
I caught that early on as youwere beginning your story or
transformation.
In the interview you saidsomething along the lines of I
(12:06):
knew, I felt it within me.
I felt this pull and for me,I've understood that being the
soul pulling us in the directionof who we were meant to be and
created to be, versus the sideof us that gets raised and that
(12:30):
gets pulled into the fear,because when we are born, we're
fearless and then we startgetting told along the way you
can't do that, that's not safe,that's not good, and certain
layers start to form around usand those layers are the ones
that inform us initially onwhere to go.
But it sounds like you werepulled in the corporate world
like that and then soon foundyourself saying this isn't for
(12:53):
me and feeling that.
Well, can you describe a littlebit more what that pool feels
like for you to help thelisteners maybe identify it,
more so than what they'rehearing in their head?
Speaker 3 (13:09):
Absolutely Over the years.
It feels like.
For me it's a contrast betweenthe lack of feeling.
A pull often feels likecontraction, like I feel heavy
in my body.
I feel often like squeezedtogether and the pull feels
(13:33):
expansive inside of my body.
The way I physically feel it inmy body is a warmth in my chest
and I feel like it almost feelslike my belly is expanding to
the outer edges.
And I feel it mostly in myheart.
(13:55):
And I say this knowing that,not that this isn't going to be
the same sensorial experiencefor everyone, because everyone
is so unique.
I think in you know how theyfeel their own pull, but for me
I felt it like there was.
It just feels like there'ssomething more beyond what I'm
(14:19):
seeing outside of myself and Ioften have no idea what that
looks like, but it's definitelya sensation of, yeah, there's
more in what I am seeing andexperiencing in the right here,
right now.
So I think that's somethingthat I really pay attention to.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
And I'm glad that you answered it the way you did,
because it is very different foreveryone.
I will say, for me that pullfeels.
First of all, for me it comesacross as a very persistent
thought that won't leave mealone and it's coming almost out
of nowhere, like totallyunrelated to what I'm currently
(15:02):
experiencing, but just verypersistent over and over and
over again.
And then, like you, I feel thewarmth in the center of the
heart and a tingling sensationwhen I do make the move, whether
I see because I don't seewhat's beyond me, like beyond
that pole.
But the minute I step in thereit's like this peace washes over
(15:26):
me that I've made the rightdecision for what the soul is
guiding me to do versus what theego is telling me to do.
Inside my head, that doubt thatclouds me, that makes me feel
unbalanced and I'm almost sickto my stomach because it just
doesn't feel right.
It feels like in totaldisalignment to who.
I'm almost sick to my stomachbecause it just doesn't feel
right.
It feels like in totaldisalignment to who I'm supposed
(15:50):
to be, based on thecircumstance I'm currently
facing.
So when what I describe inFaith, I Thrive my book, it's
like when change hits you right.
In your case, you had severalcrossroads.
You hit First it was aftercorporate America, then when you
finally moved to New York andyou're in this relationship and
you want to, you know, startmoving through your relationship
(16:13):
, and then you suddenly havethis crossroads and you move to
Costa Rica and then you becomethis healer and all these, all
those are crossroads and youdon't know where you're going.
Yeah, you just know that if youstay exactly where you're at,
it's going to feel wrong, yes,and, like you said, heavy.
It just doesn't feel good andyou feel like what most people
(16:41):
call stuck, but they don't knowhow to describe it.
And that's why I wanted to kindof share my experience, so that
whoever listens to this podcastinterview can maybe, maybe some
of the things you describe hitsthem squarely in the heart and
it's meant for them, and maybeother people that are listening
will be like, no, but I feelmore like what Sylvia described,
and then they'll know.
That's when my soul is blamingor versus my ego.
(17:04):
And I know that you wrotediscernment in here in this book
.
Tell me a little bit more aboutyour process of discernment as
it pertains to the ego and tothe soul.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Yes, thank you for that question.
It's such an important word forme.
One of the revelations that Ihad about the word discernment
personally is that it's thesuperpower behind judgment.
Whereas judgment is often basedin fear and the lens of
something being right or wrong,discernment is more so, the
(17:45):
intuitive part for me of knowinginternally what feels on or off
and we could use the wordsright and wrong in that language
too but it's not morally rightor wrong, or what's right and
wrong according to the playbooksthat we see outside of
ourselves, so which is oftenwhat judgment is is kind of
(18:08):
oriented around.
So discernment for me has beena real important pillar for
understanding the differencesbetween moving towards something
that makes me feel expansiveinside and moving away from
(18:29):
something that makes me feelcontracted, but also discerning
which of those experiences thatare making me feel contracted is
the situation that I'm in or isit my orientation to that
situation?
And often I find there's anorientation to that circumstance
(18:51):
that needs a perspective shift,and then I can be realigned
again, even though thecircumstance hasn't changed at
all.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
So that's good, that's a good observation and
that's a good way ofdistinguishing between the
circumstance, which a lot ofpeople just view it through, the
circumstance, the view likejust okay, what happened?
The what happened versus whatis my mind saying that happened?
(19:27):
Yes, because our minds, as Iunderstand it, being a life
coach can also, and this iswhere the ego now the ego is not
the enemy here.
The issue with the ego is it'syour self-image, and if your
self-image is comprised offear-based belief systems that
are kind of driving that thoughtprocess, that's what needs to
(19:48):
shift, not so much yourself perse, it's how you view things
Right, discernment between theego and the soul, and why
intuition plays an enormous rolein moving through our lives in
(20:09):
the direction that will give usthe most joy and fulfillment,
because those are topics thatyou and I talk a lot about and
it's not usually the definitionthat people claim.
Joy and fulfillment looks likeif we in the States I lived
abroad and you did too, so youcan understand where I'm going
(20:30):
with this we tend to view joyand fulfillment when we get
exactly what we want financially, like having that status and
that success and everybody'sview of success a little
different and sometimes vastlydifferent right.
The more we achieve in theUnited States, the more
successful you are, like youhave these things you're
(20:52):
acquiring, but you and I bothknow that that is not what
sustains us through our journey.
What sustains us through ourjourney is those moments of joy
and the fulfillment we feel whenall of these things are aligned
within us, our ego, our souland our spirit are one, and when
(21:13):
we're moving and likesuccinctly and and viewing life
through that lens of joy versusjudgment, right Acceptance
versus you know again what'sagainst judgment right.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Yeah, I really appreciate this point that
you're making in discerning thedifference between fulfillment
like an internal fulfillment, orversus the things that we think
in our minds will give usfulfillment, or that we think we
want because X, y, z is goingto equal happiness.
And that's such an importantmuscle of discernment to
(21:51):
exercise, because often thewants are just there, because we
feel a scarcity in some way inour lives.
And so for me, that line ofdiscernment comes when I know,
and I can measure the metric ofam I fulfilled by the simple
(22:12):
pleasure of doing this one thingevery day, or however many
times, versus am I doing it toget somewhere?
Am I doing it with the agendato get somewhere Because I think
that thing's going to make mehappy?
Speaker 2 (22:25):
It's the checking off the box, right, like some
people do it to check off a box,but it doesn't bring them any
sense of fulfillment or joy,it's just something they're used
to doing.
They'll be like why are youdoing that?
What purpose is that serving inyour life?
And sometimes they can't answerthe question because they just
(22:46):
do it out of habit and theydon't know where that habit came
from.
Right, yeah.
Speaker 3 (22:53):
So habit is a whole other topic.
Discernment has been such animportant part in the meaning of
the lived experience around.
Discernment, for me personally,is that, you know, when we talk
about being brave and beingcourageous and releasing our
doubts and releasing our fears,which a lot, I think a lot of
(23:16):
people like you and I want to doright, because we don't want to
be living out of fear, fear.
And so sometimes what I'venoticed in our culture of
personal growth that there'sthis message do what scares you
most, overcome your fear.
And I just want to give anexample of where that's not
(23:36):
beneficial and where discernmentcomes in very, very useful.
So my example, soul.
So my example I used to have alot of fears around intimacy and
there was a man who I workedfor in one of my moonlighting
jobs um, very late nights doingmassage work, when I was acting
(23:58):
in New York, and he offered me aride home.
And I knew innately that I wasafraid of this man, probably for
good reason, but I had thismessaging inside me that I need
to get over my fears.
So accept the ride home,discernment.
(24:28):
And we're talking about beingbrave and even following an
intuition, because we even if itfollowing anything where it
might be scary, there's thatkind of fear, but then there's
also fear that's telling ussomething important to listen to
, and having the discernmentbetween the two is super
important.
So that's what I wanted to sayabout that we know that fear has
(24:48):
a place.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
It's just the way that certain people use fear.
It doesn't get quite to thesame.
So I've taught this to my10-year-old girl.
She suffers from anxiety and weknow that anxiety is very
fear-driven right the what-ifs,and, as I've told my daughter,
(25:11):
it's like, hey, if you get afeeling about a person that is
telling you to run, you run.
You do not question that.
If you are being chased by, ifyou see an animal and your body
is telling you to run, you dorun.
(25:31):
If you're standing close to acliff and your body is telling
you step back, you step back.
Those are appropriate uses offear.
Fear has its place.
It's just not what is beingshared on social media, what is
being shared like in news.
You know bulletins around theworld, that kind of fear and how
(25:57):
people use fear like to propelthem towards the success in life
.
That's the fear that needs tobe shifted over to this other
lens that you're talking about,where intuition takes center
stage, where the beyond, likeknowing that there's something
beyond us that is guiding usinto this beautiful light that
(26:21):
we have yet to shine, becausewe've been so afraid to shine it
that now is the time to startdoing that.
For me it was.
I was always afraid because I Igrew up in a home that my dad I
love my dad.
He passed away last year, buthe was always someone who came
(26:43):
from a broken home and came froma lot of abuse.
He had a lot of anxiety aroundhim.
I grew up that way, so Icarried the anxiety not just in
my mind but genetically as well.
That fear gives a lot of energy, but it's not a good kind of
energy.
(27:03):
It's not.
It's the addicting kind that cankeep people stuck in this phase
that they don't know what to doonce they don't have it.
You know, it's kind of like amini drug of sorts.
You know, for them they getaddicted to having this energy
and once they start shiftinginto a space of joy, they don't
(27:24):
know how to be in joy.
They know how to do things tocreate joy according to them and
their lives, but they don'tknow how to just be.
And you mentioned something atthe end of your story of
transformation.
I really want you to dive alittle bit deeper for the
members, and that is the lasttwo years that were so
(27:47):
liberating for you, because youtalked a lot about being, and
not having to be successful.
Can you talk more about that?
Speaker 3 (27:54):
Absolutely so.
I want to frame this by sayingthat it came at the end of what
I call an identity death, whereI was so my identity was so
caught up in the value of doinglike managing things that I I
(28:15):
needed to kind of let go of.
That way I was interfacing withthe rest of the world, whether
it was even personalrelationships or my business.
There was a part of me thatalways felt responsible for
someone else or something elseand trying to push through.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
I didn't feel for you because I'm right there right
now.
I'm in this stage.
This is why you were sent to me.
This is so weird.
Okay, go ahead.
Okay, go ahead.
Speaker 3 (28:41):
Synchronicity.
So I was very conscious that Iwas letting go of that and even
though in my circumstance, I hadnobody to be accountable to,
even at that stage I wasn't in arelationship, so I was
literally free in every singleway you could imagine.
(29:02):
And I still needed to catchthose internal moments when I
had an impulse to managesomething like to manage a
decision, instead of justtrusting that more expanded
feeling that I could connectwith inside of myself, whether
it were, you know, to book anAirbnb or to choose the next
(29:23):
country I went to.
There's a part of me that justwants to do hours of research to
find the right place.
So it was really catching thosemoments where my operating
system would still gravitatetowards managing or, like my
mind, wanting to make thelogical decision based on how I
(29:46):
would make a decision before.
So it was.
I think the richest part ofthat phase for me was
consciously having the time andspaciousness to check in,
because when I did that,everything that I was doing
ended up being more efficient.
And I think one trap that a lotof us get in and I did this too
(30:10):
was thinking that, oh, it'sgoing to be more efficient if I
plan this than that, than this,than that, whereas actually, if
we're more attuned to what we'reconnected with on the inside in
terms of a compass, we don'tneed to do any of those things
and it will.
Just, we will be connected,just like you and I are
(30:31):
connected right now.
It sounds like it waseffortless for you, it was
definitely effortless for me,and we get to have this rich
conversation where we're alignedin our shared resonance.
And so for me it was, eventhough in the circumstances over
those two years I I had so muchfreedom it.
(30:54):
It was also a process of beingaware of every moment and I
really leaned into that and itwas wonderful.
The countries that I went tothey each had a specific quality
that seemed to give me exactlywhat I needed right then, and I
(31:16):
couldn't have planned that.
I went to Lake Atiklan inGuatemala, where I rented a
glass house on a mountainoverlooking the lake, which is a
volcanic lake and there'scrystals underneath, so the
quality of the water has areally specific energy because
of the crystals that formed inthe volcanic matter years ago,
(31:40):
and it had such a pure feelingof nature and I felt that before
.
I'd never been to that placebefore, but I could feel it in
my bones like, oh, this is thenext step.
And I was with a friend who hadbeen to Lake Hattie Glance.
She's like, yeah, what you'redescribing matches this.
(32:01):
So I couldn't.
That's not the same as likegoing through a bucket list
right Of where I think I want togo next.
It's a different kind ofattunement and there's value to
both.
Right, like there's value tochecking in with our heart's
desires and seeing, like what isour bucket list.
And then there's also a valueof just opening a little bit
(32:23):
more to experiencing something,like you said, which is beyond
what we know, it's beyond whatwe can even imagine.
And that was magical.
It was really magical to justembrace that period and fully
lean into that trust, full trustin being guided.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
I'm loving what you're sharing because I think
it's in alignment with thequestion I'm going to ask next
in that Do you feel like thischapter that you're in right now
?
Because it feels like you're inthis presently right?
It feels like you're in thispresently right?
This I tend to call them likelevels of life to where later we
(33:11):
graduate into, when wetranscend.
When my father passed away lastyear, I called it.
He graduated into heaven, andpeople were like what are you
talking about?
And I said you know, we gothrough life learning how to be
and how to exist, because wedon't know how you know, and
(33:32):
we're taking the examples of thepeople that surround us and
that teach us, and it's notalways right for the person we
are meant to be right.
So we journey through life andthen we some of us are lucky
enough to have the sight, thevision, like he did.
(33:54):
Early on he knew he was goingto be a doctor, and so he,
because that was his skill set,that's what he was highly gifted
in, but not everybody is likethat, all right.
And so my question to you is doyou feel like the stage that
you're in right now is preparingyou for a much for something in
(34:17):
the future that you need tolike that this is going to serve
you.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
That's a very powerful question.
I just got chills up my leftside.
I would say undoubtedly yes,based on knowing life so far.
So I'm 52 years old and so fareverything I've done in life
prepared me for the next thing.
(34:44):
So from my lived experience Ican say yes.
And on the other side, whatcomes to mind when you ask that
question is I feel for myself atthis halfway point like the
earlier chapters of my life werevery much about getting to know
(35:04):
who I am and dissolving thosebarriers between my true self
and like mechanisms that I havein mind inside of me that would
prevent me from being that.
And it's not that I don't stillhave, you know, patternings and
we're, I'm human, so I I havepatterns inside that I certainly
(35:30):
am always becoming aware of inthe moment.
But I feel this stage of lifeis really about shining and it's
so simple and it, because it'sso simple, it feels so fun and
there's nothing more to do tobecome.
(35:51):
So I would qualify this stageof life the way I feel it
internally is that I amembracing the art of just being
and shining and and that's itLike there's.
There's no more courses to take, there's no more like healing
(36:14):
programs to go through.
There's just like just have fun, just have fun.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Just enjoy, right, just be.
And people don't understandthat concept in this country.
They really don't.
It bothers them a lot.
And the word joy they can'teven describe it in their own
life.
I've actually asked people whatis joy to you and they're like
(36:42):
stumped, oh.
But they can answer what doesfear feel like?
Like that Real fast, because weknow that the mind is
conditioned to look for thenegative, because subconsciously
we're fed all these negativeimages.
So we're very aware of them,right, consciously aware of them
.
Where you and I have done somework internal work you mentioned
(37:06):
journaling as being one of thethings that your mom used to
encourage you to do, and injournaling you are connecting to
the divine a great deal thanmost people realize.
What other things have you doneto kind of clear your mind of
all this noise?
Speaker 3 (37:26):
It's always a little different depending on what
phase I'm in, though I would saydefinitely meditation has been
a pillar for me because thatgives me the chance to have
distance from my thoughts andfeelings and to know what's true
, not true, and to have innerclarity and space inside of me
(37:49):
in order to be discerning.
That's definitely been part ofmy practice for a long time.
The journaling is also, for me,a form of meditation, where it's
in my daily life.
Now, every morning I journaland I get clarity, so I'll
meditate and then I'll bring upcertain images or thoughts that
(38:12):
seem most prominent in mymeditation and I'll give it a
little extra time to give voiceto, you know something that
might feel off and somethingthat feels amazing, and see
where I live between those twocontrasts.
If that makes sense that's howI often get my clarity through
(38:32):
journaling is giving it space tohave a voice, including fears,
because when I see my fears downon paper or and or if I speak
them out loud to someone who Ireally trust, they lose their
power and at least I can seethem outside of myself and I'm
(38:54):
not going to be drivenunconsciously by them.
So having space to just givevoice to those, those fears,
even though we know like it'snot, it doesn't have to be our
reality, but to let them have aplace so that they don't run the
(39:15):
show well to acknowledge them.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
Right, because sometimes all our fat patterns
and fears we want from us isacknowledgement of the role they
played in our life to help usmove us through to the space
where we're in now, becausewithout that person you don't.
You know, we learn a lotthrough our survival stages, and
(39:39):
I survived, you survivedsomething terrible in New York,
you know.
And then Costa Rica.
That is surviving, and then.
But the surviving leads to thethriving part as well.
It's all part of the stages ofdevelopment that we're being put
through, depending on our gifts.
(39:59):
Right, like you became thisperson because of what you went
through, of the pain you wentthrough.
You took pain and you gave itpurpose, like immensely purpose.
You started to help women cometo terms with their sexuality,
with the intimacy, with thoseissues that were part of you
(40:21):
from long ago.
Right, so it's in my case.
I always say God uses all ofour choices, whether it's in
alignment with who he thinks wewere created to be or who we
were created to be according tohim and who we think we were
created to be.
Right, and those two can be indisalignment, but sometimes we
(40:44):
can turn it around and do thework and say thank you for this
part, because without this partI wouldn't be this amazing,
transformative person, Iwouldn't have gone through this
transformation quite the sameway.
And I've gone through themeditations and I've done
(41:05):
meditation through differentstages of my life and one of
them was really powerful where Ikind of gained the three
different identities.
I've gained the three differentidentities, so my childlike
self, my 20 to 30 year old self,and then I'm 50.
(41:27):
So they're like 40 to 50.
And I've actually like combinedthem into three and just said
thank you, thank you foreverything you have taught me
thus far, because without you Iwouldn't be this unstoppable
powerhouse, I wouldn't be herewithout you and I thank you.
And the more you do that withyour fear and acknowledge it and
name it and kind of take thepower away from what it wants to
(41:50):
do in your mind, like releasing, truly releasing that doubt
into I release it to God.
I'm like I don't need this,take this from me.
You release it in meditationand journaling.
People release it in nature.
There's lots of ways to releaseour doubt right, our imposter
syndrome, like who we think wecan be and versus who we are you
(42:15):
.
I find it so, so interesting.
But going to the part, thequestion on purpose what is your
divine purpose?
Do you have one, or do youthink it's a seasonal purpose,
depending on the stage you're inin life?
Speaker 3 (42:31):
I relate to purpose as what I'm doing right now.
So it's, it's literally like mypurpose right right here, right
now, is to be talking with youand sharing from my heart to
yours, receiving your heart andand being able to feel the
(42:53):
richness of connection.
That's my purpose right here,right now.
And if I take that definitionin a more global sense, I do
feel, let's say from a more metalevel and I don't want to get
too existential, but in a metalevel, I do feel like connection
(43:16):
is the purpose for being alive.
It's being connected withourselves and knowing who we are
, and then with others.
So I would say that's been truefor me.
Every single step of the way,no matter what iteration of
myself, I've been living in myoutside identity, whether it's
(43:37):
an actor or whether it's thefounder of a retreat business or
an author, it is essentiallythe same through all things.
And further to that, you knowyou mentioned essence and
(43:58):
identity and I just would loveto highlight those two things
and how you were speaking about.
Those two words are both in mybook and I have definitions for
both and the way that you werespeaking about.
You know fear-driven choicesfrom the ego and we all have
ways that we can let go of that.
(44:18):
And what I found is thatsometimes, you know, especially
in those earlier phases of mylife where I did need to heal
and I did need to, and I'm notI'm always healing right, like
that's always just a part ofliving, but it's a stage, like
you were saying, as, if you know, the earlier stages are the bud
(44:39):
underground, and then it growsand pushes through the surface
and becomes a flower to bloom.
We could use that metaphor totalk about growth in general and
what we do to release our fears, no matter what stage we're in.
But there's something aboutidentity and how we become
identified with who we think weneed to be in order to be
(45:04):
ourselves, and I think that'sone of the things that we can
get really tripped up on, likedoing things that we think we
need to do in order to beourselves.
And essence, for me, is theantithesis of that.
Where essence is, we know whowe are in our hearts and there's
(45:28):
often not words for that.
That's why I love poetry.
Um, that's why I love poetry,because you know, you can say I
am love, I am beauty, I am this,I am that, but we all have a
specific signature and I thinkthe more that we marinate in our
(45:48):
own unique essence, the morethe identity things that we
identify with that aren'thelpful.
Speaker 2 (45:55):
They just naturally fall away yes, they do they
because they start to feel youstart to feel in disalignment.
It's it's a really funnyfeeling on the inside it just
does not, it doesn't leave youalone, like for me.
It doesn't leave me alone.
It's like this just doesn't doit for me and and it's something
that happened last January, toback up the November prior to
(46:21):
the January, I started to reallytry to find my identity in
Christ and when I started toread scripture and really
meditate and pray and get intothat state, I found that a lot
of the old ways that I viewedlife and the lens I was looking
through things just did not feelright anymore.
(46:43):
I just could not justify thatanymore.
And it happens a lot in mymarriage now where I'll hear my
husband talk and say, well, youknow, blaming and criticizing
and all that, and it justdoesn't.
It just doesn't feel rightbecause it's in disalignment to
(47:04):
who you are truly in your heartof hearts.
Right, when you go back and youbecome the person you were once
born, without all the trialsand tribulations, without the
layers of experiences thathappen to us, the essence of us,
right, the gift, the core of us, starts to come out once we
(47:25):
start growing out of thoselayers right, those identities
that just don't fit us anymore.
And something happened andthere was a big problem between
my brother and I and I a lot ofpeople would tell me, oh no,
you're justified to feel thatanger and you're justified in
your and that's the human way ofviewing things, right.
But when you look at it througha different lens I like a much
(47:47):
higher level sense that humanside just doesn't feel good
anymore.
And I remember reaching out to agood buddy of mine who knows
scripture really well and askedme a couple of questions, much
like you did, right, like thequestions that you asked
yourself, and it just it fellapart.
(48:08):
That whole argument fell apart.
It just didn't have anyargument to it, right, and I
knew intuitively what I neededto do, which is to apologize and
take ownership of my role.
Even though everybody was on myside and everybody said no, he
should apologize first.
I was just like no, it doesn'tfeel right anymore and it
shocked everybody, you know.
(48:29):
But it's it's that feeling ofknowing that you're the essence
and and your identity are notthe same thing, it's totally
different things all together.
And I feel like a snakesometimes where we constantly be
shedding the, the snake skin.
We're constantly shedding,shedding all those layers that
(48:51):
just don't belong don't belong.
And then you get to a stagewhere you're just like being
like you are right now.
You're being, enjoy, being infulfillment, and it feels
awesome because there's noweight, there's nothing weighing
you down anymore, there's no inyour head.
We would still feel convolutedall the time, and what people
(49:13):
don't realize is the habits thatwe have on a daily basis play
an enormous role.
So any last minute tips as itpertains to your good habits
that you've adopted through yourlife, raya, that you can share
with our audience yes, yes, andit I think I want to.
Speaker 3 (49:31):
it dovetails off of what you just shared, which was
really powerful the connectionbetween the you know the example
that you shared with yourbrother, and what I heard in
that was that when you got thehigher perspective, there was no
charge in the emotional partand you were then free to take
accountability for yourself andyour side.
(49:51):
And that is certainly one of thepractices in my life, right now
that I devoted to you know,because if ever there is
something where I'm feelingsomething happened to me or I
have that kind of like feelingof being trapped by someone's
behavior, I know there'ssomething I'm probably not
(50:14):
taking accountability for in myparticipation in it, and the
moment that I can see what thatis, then I'm free right.
So my, my offer to those who arelistening would be to really
pay attention when there ischarge to something and examine,
(50:38):
like, just give yourself areality check whatever thoughts
and feelings you're thinkingabout that other person, like
some of the ones you mentionedthat others were saying, like he
should never do that, he shouldapologize first.
When, in my experience, when Iturn those thoughts on myself
first, when, in my experience,when I turn those thoughts on
(50:59):
myself such as, oh, I shouldapologize first, and not that I
should do anything, but I justfeel into that lens and see
where is that true.
And more often than not there'sanother facet that I'm not
seeing, that I can takeaccountability for, and
sometimes it's not going to beright away where I get that
(51:19):
clarity, but by giving itattention and keep questioning
whether something is really trueor not is one of the most
freeing things that we can dofor ourselves.
So that's what I encourage interms of just, you know, coming
back to being and challenge anythoughts and feelings that
(51:42):
you're thinking, or especiallythoughts, because those inform
our feelings.
Speaker 2 (51:47):
So Powerful Raya.
Thank you so much for joiningus today.
On Release Doubt Reveal Purpose.
If people wanted to contact youand be, you know, in touch with
you or buy your book, how canthey reach you?
Speaker 3 (52:02):
I would direct them to two places.
One is my Instagram it's atRaya Kouyat and the other one is
my website, where I'm currentlyoffering free audios of my book
, which are meant to be justdoorways into reconnecting with
self and being connected withthe truths that most of us know
inside, that we forget becausewe're distracted by other things
(52:25):
or thoughts about what we thinkwe should be doing.
So it's just a gentle medicineto come back to ourselves, and
they're free, so I offer that asa little gentle doorway into
self-love.
Speaker 2 (52:43):
I love it, thank you, thank you.
Thank you so much for today.
You are a godsend to me and Iknow the timing is.
It's always on point and it'salways on his timing, so I'm
never amazed.
I'm always just in awe of howpeople seamlessly coming to my
(53:06):
life at the precise moment.
I need to hear certain thingsand I'm sure some of the
listeners will feel the same waywith the immense amount of
wisdom on this call.
Thank you so much.
Raya To the listeners ofRelease, doubt, reveal Purpose.
Remember Matthew 514, be thelight.
Have a wonderful week, staysafe.
Love you all.
(53:26):
Now Bye.
Speaker 1 (53:28):
So that's it for today's episode of Release Doubt
Reveal Purpose.
Head on over to iTunes orwherever you listen and
subscribe to the show.
One lucky listener every singleweek who posts a review on
itunes will win a chance in thegrand prize drawing to win a 25
000 private vip day with sylviaworship herself.
(53:50):
Be sure to head on over toreleased out reveal purpose
podcastcom and pick up a freecopy of Sylvia's gift and join
us on the next episode.
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