March 27, 2025 • 17 mins
I explore how EMDR therapy is helping me heal deep-rooted beliefs about unworthiness and transform my relationships by viewing people through the lens of compassion rather than judgment.
• Discovering connections between childhood wounds and current relationship patterns
• Identifying how unhealed wounds unconsciously inform our present choices
• Understanding the impact of anxious attachment on friendships and marriage
• Learning to view the "sum of the whole person" instead of judging people by single incidents
• Finding value in reframing past hurts through questions that challenge negative beliefs
• Applying the "Kodak moments" approach from "Transforming the Difficult Child" to improve parenting
• Shifting from judgment to compassionate acceptance in relationships
• Recognizing how finding identity in Christ changes perspective on relationships
Head over to iTunes or your preferred podcast platform and subscribe to the show. One lucky listener who posts a review each week will win a chance in the grand prize drawing for a $25,000 private VIP day with me. Visit ReleasedDoubtRevealPurposePodcast.com for my free gift.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
If you've ever struggled with fear, doubt or
worry and wondering what yourtrue purpose was all about, then
this podcast is for you.
In this show, your host, sylviaWorsham, will interview elite
experts and ordinary people thathave created extraordinary
lives.
So here's your host, sylviaWorsham.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hey, lightbringers, it's Sylvia Worsham.
Welcome to Released OutRevealed Purpose In this episode
.
I'm going to be talking aboutthe sum of the whole, and what I
mean by that is in recent is.
In recent months, as you guysknow, I've been taking
individual therapy and as such,I have been discovering a great
(00:57):
deal about my wounds neededhealing.
One of those wounds was inabout my relationships and the
belief systems around myrelationships, specifically my
friendships, because I amhealing those wounds so I can
parent my 10-year-old and19-year-old from the best space
possible, and that is from ahealed space.
(01:18):
To do that, I decided that Ineeded to go back to individual
therapy and do EMDR, and thesesessions have been fabulous.
Yes, they're painful.
Yes, they sometimes are a drag,because I am focusing my mind
(01:39):
and the powers of my focustowards chapters of my life that
were very painful for me.
And what we have found throughthe therapy my therapist and I
is that it goes down even deeperthan originally thought, and
(02:00):
the more I remember, the morevisions that come up to me and
reveal things to me that atfirst glance I had never even
considered.
So what this is helping me dothis, emdr therapy is one
identify the belief systems tiedto this feeling that I'm having
(02:26):
, that the feeling is ofunworthiness, but it goes even
deeper than unworthiness.
It talks it's more about peoplenot fighting for me, feeling
like I'm not worth it, and sothere's different connections
being made that my mind madelong ago and this vision came to
(02:50):
me this morning as a matter offact, of my baby hands.
So it's like my mind is tryingto tell me hey, this is from
long, long ago and you're doinga good job, keep going, you're
uncovering, you're making allthese connections and, believe
it or not, it's even tied to mycareer as an author and as a
(03:12):
podcast host.
It's really interesting theconnections that are mind,
specifically the subconsciousmind, which is the most powerful
part of the mind, how deep itgoes.
It goes deep and in recentweeks I have been reframing how
(03:37):
I see certain friendships, how Ieven see my marriage, how I see
my spouse.
It matters the lens by whichyou look through things.
So in this stage of my life, Iam finding my identity in Christ
and when you do that, your lensshifts to a lens of compassion
(04:00):
and love and mercy and patienceand kindness, and love and mercy
and patience and kindness,because that's Christ's lens.
It's not an easy thing to do.
(04:20):
I will admit it's tough andthere's days way to take
ownership for my rule in thebullying years, my parenting.
Imagine that like I see myself,I see myself through her
attitude and I remember attitudeand I remember the more you
(04:44):
work to heal a wound, the moreyou uncover.
It's like you're digging deeperand deeper and deeper, and it's
not a bad thing.
Some of us I've heard thisthrough friends and mutual
acquaintances they don't want togo to therapy because one
(05:06):
they're avoiding their pain.
They think if I dig too deep,what am I going to find and what
am I going to do with that?
Here's where I want you tounderstand about not digging.
When you don't dig, thatunhealed space informs your
choices.
(05:26):
Let me say that again.
That unhealed wound isinforming the attitude and
choices you're currently makingtoday and the choices we make as
parents.
We understand this.
There is a consequence to thatchoice.
(05:46):
The consequence could be adetrimental thing to you.
You may be attracting certainpersonalities into your life
because you are operating from alens of fear and scarcity and
when we do that scarcity andwhen we do that, we project.
(06:12):
Therefore, we will attract thatbecause that's what we're
throwing out into our spheres ofinfluence, right?
So let's break this down alittle bit further.
Healing ourselves, getting thehelp that we need, will one
uncover what beliefs are trulydriving these things, and we
will be able to then, with thatknowledge, shift that belief
(06:36):
over, shift those thoughts over,create new thoughts, create new
belief systems, because whatwe're doing right now, when we
deal with unhealed wounds, is,when we get the help, we are
shedding that identity andcreating something new, and it's
(06:57):
the same concept of becoming anew person when we accept christ
as our savior.
It's the same concept.
We die.
Our old life dies when we sayyes to him, and so I wanted to
(07:18):
bring some information to youtoday regarding this concept of
when we heal, we start to seethings a little bit clearer from
a different lens, and it helpsus be more compassionate towards
the people that we've beenjudging or expecting a lot from.
(07:42):
It's usually people that havehurt us.
I know I had a girlfriend thathurt me very deeply in 2021.
And it's that instance thatactually starts my EMDR sessions
, because they usually take oneevent and then we start to see
how the mind starts makingconnections between that one
(08:04):
event and the belief systems andthe library it's like bouncing
off of.
And so what I mean by libraryit's all these experiences that
my mind has stored in there thatI've given it proof, the proof
it needs to give that belief ofunworthiness more traction in my
(08:26):
life.
You see, sylvia, like whensomething actually happens, you
see you shouldn't have done that, you see you're not worthy.
You see that just confirms toyou it's this confirmation bias
that is going up against yourmind.
So what I want you guys tounderstand and know about what
(08:46):
I've been going through thesepast couple of months and in
most recent weeks, emdr therapyis I have actually started to
view those loved ones with lessjudgment, less expectation, and
have actually reframed it in mymind to acceptance, acceptance
(09:10):
and compassion.
Acceptance and compassion,compassionate acceptance of who
they are and how they show upfor me.
One of the things that I'veuncovered in my friendships is
that I have, as I've mentionedin previous episodes, an anxious
attachment to my relationships.
(09:31):
That includes my marriage andit includes my friendships, and
what that means for me is thatwhen some conflict occurs that
occurred with this girlfriend ofmine in 2021, I will do, I will
pursue that relationship withsuch fervor and try to fix
things that sometimes for peoplethat are like her personality,
(09:55):
is an avoidant personality, muchlike my husband's.
I can actually turn them off bypursuing them longer and
wanting to fix things, becausein my mind, in my anxious mind
and heart, I feel like I'm goingto lose that relationship if I
don't fix it in that moment.
So that dynamic is usually notfrom a space, and so I'm very
(10:16):
grateful for these sessionsright, and I am making an
intentional effort to not justaccept their friendship as what
they're giving, but I'm alsoreflecting on the ways they have
showed up for me.
One of the things that I'velearned in the latest training
(10:39):
I'm undergoing currently at thechurch the cognitive behavioral
therapy coaching training I'mreceiving to be able to coach
community members at GatewayNorth has been the idea of
taking these thoughts and askingcertain questions to kind of
(11:00):
dispel that thought power,meaning, for example, this
relationship with thisgirlfriend.
I had always thought, and thatI wasn't such a good friend to
hers, based on the very badincident that we had, that I
wasn't special to her, and sothen some of the questions I've
(11:22):
asked myself in recent weeks hasbeen, or in the past week has
been.
How has she shown up for you?
How is this thought true?
And if I can't come up withevidence of how that's true,
then it's obviously somethingthat is tied to something deeper
(11:44):
within me and it is somethingthat perhaps has nothing to do
with her, but has something todo with my old belief systems
and old ways of being andpatterns of behavior, right,
Patterns of control, patterns ofneeding to be secure and not
(12:06):
asking for things in return,right?
So what I'm learning a lot isI'm not going to take one
incident like this, one incidentthat she showed me, and judge
her on this one incident.
I'm going to take the sum ofthe entire person that she is
and then I'm going to ask myselfa couple of questions Is this
(12:28):
like the kind of friendship Iwant to have?
Moving forward, how can we havean honest conversation about?
And it?
And it changes the dynamics ofthe friendship, right, because I
changed, and I changed the wayI'm looking at it and the way
I'm operating within it, if thatmakes any sense.
So I want you guys to go backif you will, if this is
(12:50):
something that resonates withyou, if you feel like you're in
this spot, maybe with yourspouse, or with your child, or
with a friend of yours, or aparent or a sibling?
You know there's a coworker.
Ask yourself am I viewing themand judging them on this one
experience?
(13:11):
Or how are they actuallyshowing up for me?
How are they being a goodfriend to me?
How is this not true?
Right, like this belief, how isthis not true in our
relationship?
And I started to remember theways she had shown up for me
last year when I was losing mydad, how she had invited my
(13:34):
daughter to be with her daughterand it'd be weekends.
I was with my parents, I feltsafe and I felt loved and I felt
that there was this reciprocity, whereas before, looking at it
through the lens of thatunhealed wound, I was starting
to feel resentment andbitterness towards this friend
of mine and self-love.
(13:57):
When you start to reallyincorporate the concept of
self-love in your life andself-awareness and viewing
yourself the way that Christviews you and through the lens
of Christ, everything starts toshift within you because it just
does not feel in alignmentanymore.
(14:17):
This old person, this identitythat is based on fear, based on
scarcity, based on unhealedwounds.
So the sum of the whole personis what we want to view it from.
(14:38):
We want to look at everythingthey do for us and how this has
shifted my marriage and the wayI see my child or my husband or
even my son has shifted mymarriage and the way I see my
child or my husband or even myson, is that I start to look for
things, to appreciate the smallmoments in life, the Kodak
moments.
That is a term I learned in thelatest book I'm reading, which
(15:00):
is transforming the difficultchild.
It's based on the nurturedheart method.
I can't remember the author'sname, but it's a phenomenal book
for those who have kids thatare quote-unquote, difficult,
defiant, love to break rules,and it's been an eye-opener for
me.
I just loved reading it.
(15:22):
It's an easy read and I'mbecoming a much better parent to
my 10 year old daughter andeven to my 90 year old boy.
By zeroing in on these Kodakmoments, these moments that I
appreciate, the smallest ofmoments in my everyday life with
the people that I love, and byseeing them and speaking them to
(15:50):
that person, I am leveling upin the way I view our friendship
, our marriage.
It really is an incredibleresource for those that are
seeking a much more appreciativeapproach to parenting, a much
(16:11):
more positive approach, a veryunconventional approach to
parenting, because theconventional ways with a
difficult child just don't work.
And I've been in those shoesand I've been so frustrated the
last couple of years and I'mjust so grateful that I am in
(16:35):
this position right now to beable to uncover how to be a
better mother, how to be abetter wife, how to be a better
friend.
I love that.
It helped me see the whole ofthe situation instead of trying
to zero in on the one event thatbroke my heart.
I'm Sylvia Worsham.
Thank you so much for tuning into this week's episode titled
the Sum of the Whole.
(16:57):
Have a wonderful week, staysafe, love y'all.
Bye now.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
So that's it for today's episode of Release Doubt
Reveal Purpose.
Head on over to iTunes orwherever you listen and
subscribe to the show.
One lucky listener every singleweek who posts a review on
iTunes will win a chance in thegrand prize drawing to win a
$25,000 private VIP day withSylvia Worsham herself.
(17:23):
Be sure to head on over toReleased Doubt
RevealPurposePodcastcom and pickupa free copy of Sylvia's gift
and join us on the next episode.
If you've ever struggled with fear, doubt or
worry and wondering what yourtrue purpose was all about, then
this podcast is for you.
In this show, your host, sylviaWorsham, will interview elite
experts and ordinary people thathave created extraordinary
lives.
So here's your host, sylviaWorsham.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hey, lightbringers, it's Sylvia Worsham.
Welcome to Released OutRevealed Purpose In this episode
.
I'm going to be talking aboutthe sum of the whole, and what I
mean by that is in recent is.
In recent months, as you guysknow, I've been taking
individual therapy and as such,I have been discovering a great
(00:57):
deal about my wounds neededhealing.
One of those wounds was inabout my relationships and the
belief systems around myrelationships, specifically my
friendships, because I amhealing those wounds so I can
parent my 10-year-old and19-year-old from the best space
possible, and that is from ahealed space.
(01:18):
To do that, I decided that Ineeded to go back to individual
therapy and do EMDR, and thesesessions have been fabulous.
Yes, they're painful.
Yes, they sometimes are a drag,because I am focusing my mind
(01:39):
and the powers of my focustowards chapters of my life that
were very painful for me.
And what we have found throughthe therapy my therapist and I
is that it goes down even deeperthan originally thought, and
(02:00):
the more I remember, the morevisions that come up to me and
reveal things to me that atfirst glance I had never even
considered.
So what this is helping me dothis, emdr therapy is one
identify the belief systems tiedto this feeling that I'm having
(02:26):
, that the feeling is ofunworthiness, but it goes even
deeper than unworthiness.
It talks it's more about peoplenot fighting for me, feeling
like I'm not worth it, and sothere's different connections
being made that my mind madelong ago and this vision came to
(02:50):
me this morning as a matter offact, of my baby hands.
So it's like my mind is tryingto tell me hey, this is from
long, long ago and you're doinga good job, keep going, you're
uncovering, you're making allthese connections and, believe
it or not, it's even tied to mycareer as an author and as a
(03:12):
podcast host.
It's really interesting theconnections that are mind,
specifically the subconsciousmind, which is the most powerful
part of the mind, how deep itgoes.
It goes deep and in recentweeks I have been reframing how
(03:37):
I see certain friendships, how Ieven see my marriage, how I see
my spouse.
It matters the lens by whichyou look through things.
So in this stage of my life, Iam finding my identity in Christ
and when you do that, your lensshifts to a lens of compassion
(04:00):
and love and mercy and patienceand kindness, and love and mercy
and patience and kindness,because that's Christ's lens.
It's not an easy thing to do.
(04:20):
I will admit it's tough andthere's days way to take
ownership for my rule in thebullying years, my parenting.
Imagine that like I see myself,I see myself through her
attitude and I remember attitudeand I remember the more you
(04:44):
work to heal a wound, the moreyou uncover.
It's like you're digging deeperand deeper and deeper, and it's
not a bad thing.
Some of us I've heard thisthrough friends and mutual
acquaintances they don't want togo to therapy because one
(05:06):
they're avoiding their pain.
They think if I dig too deep,what am I going to find and what
am I going to do with that?
Here's where I want you tounderstand about not digging.
When you don't dig, thatunhealed space informs your
choices.
(05:26):
Let me say that again.
That unhealed wound isinforming the attitude and
choices you're currently makingtoday and the choices we make as
parents.
We understand this.
There is a consequence to thatchoice.
(05:46):
The consequence could be adetrimental thing to you.
You may be attracting certainpersonalities into your life
because you are operating from alens of fear and scarcity and
when we do that scarcity andwhen we do that, we project.
(06:12):
Therefore, we will attract thatbecause that's what we're
throwing out into our spheres ofinfluence, right?
So let's break this down alittle bit further.
Healing ourselves, getting thehelp that we need, will one
uncover what beliefs are trulydriving these things, and we
will be able to then, with thatknowledge, shift that belief
(06:36):
over, shift those thoughts over,create new thoughts, create new
belief systems, because whatwe're doing right now, when we
deal with unhealed wounds, is,when we get the help, we are
shedding that identity andcreating something new, and it's
(06:57):
the same concept of becoming anew person when we accept christ
as our savior.
It's the same concept.
We die.
Our old life dies when we sayyes to him, and so I wanted to
(07:18):
bring some information to youtoday regarding this concept of
when we heal, we start to seethings a little bit clearer from
a different lens, and it helpsus be more compassionate towards
the people that we've beenjudging or expecting a lot from.
(07:42):
It's usually people that havehurt us.
I know I had a girlfriend thathurt me very deeply in 2021.
And it's that instance thatactually starts my EMDR sessions
, because they usually take oneevent and then we start to see
how the mind starts makingconnections between that one
(08:04):
event and the belief systems andthe library it's like bouncing
off of.
And so what I mean by libraryit's all these experiences that
my mind has stored in there thatI've given it proof, the proof
it needs to give that belief ofunworthiness more traction in my
(08:26):
life.
You see, sylvia, like whensomething actually happens, you
see you shouldn't have done that, you see you're not worthy.
You see that just confirms toyou it's this confirmation bias
that is going up against yourmind.
So what I want you guys tounderstand and know about what
(08:46):
I've been going through thesepast couple of months and in
most recent weeks, emdr therapyis I have actually started to
view those loved ones with lessjudgment, less expectation, and
have actually reframed it in mymind to acceptance, acceptance
(09:10):
and compassion.
Acceptance and compassion,compassionate acceptance of who
they are and how they show upfor me.
One of the things that I'veuncovered in my friendships is
that I have, as I've mentionedin previous episodes, an anxious
attachment to my relationships.
(09:31):
That includes my marriage andit includes my friendships, and
what that means for me is thatwhen some conflict occurs that
occurred with this girlfriend ofmine in 2021, I will do, I will
pursue that relationship withsuch fervor and try to fix
things that sometimes for peoplethat are like her personality,
(09:55):
is an avoidant personality, muchlike my husband's.
I can actually turn them off bypursuing them longer and
wanting to fix things, becausein my mind, in my anxious mind
and heart, I feel like I'm goingto lose that relationship if I
don't fix it in that moment.
So that dynamic is usually notfrom a space, and so I'm very
(10:16):
grateful for these sessionsright, and I am making an
intentional effort to not justaccept their friendship as what
they're giving, but I'm alsoreflecting on the ways they have
showed up for me.
One of the things that I'velearned in the latest training
(10:39):
I'm undergoing currently at thechurch the cognitive behavioral
therapy coaching training I'mreceiving to be able to coach
community members at GatewayNorth has been the idea of
taking these thoughts and askingcertain questions to kind of
(11:00):
dispel that thought power,meaning, for example, this
relationship with thisgirlfriend.
I had always thought, and thatI wasn't such a good friend to
hers, based on the very badincident that we had, that I
wasn't special to her, and sothen some of the questions I've
(11:22):
asked myself in recent weeks hasbeen, or in the past week has
been.
How has she shown up for you?
How is this thought true?
And if I can't come up withevidence of how that's true,
then it's obviously somethingthat is tied to something deeper
(11:44):
within me and it is somethingthat perhaps has nothing to do
with her, but has something todo with my old belief systems
and old ways of being andpatterns of behavior, right,
Patterns of control, patterns ofneeding to be secure and not
(12:06):
asking for things in return,right?
So what I'm learning a lot isI'm not going to take one
incident like this, one incidentthat she showed me, and judge
her on this one incident.
I'm going to take the sum ofthe entire person that she is
and then I'm going to ask myselfa couple of questions Is this
(12:28):
like the kind of friendship Iwant to have?
Moving forward, how can we havean honest conversation about?
And it?
And it changes the dynamics ofthe friendship, right, because I
changed, and I changed the wayI'm looking at it and the way
I'm operating within it, if thatmakes any sense.
So I want you guys to go backif you will, if this is
(12:50):
something that resonates withyou, if you feel like you're in
this spot, maybe with yourspouse, or with your child, or
with a friend of yours, or aparent or a sibling?
You know there's a coworker.
Ask yourself am I viewing themand judging them on this one
experience?
(13:11):
Or how are they actuallyshowing up for me?
How are they being a goodfriend to me?
How is this not true?
Right, like this belief, how isthis not true in our
relationship?
And I started to remember theways she had shown up for me
last year when I was losing mydad, how she had invited my
(13:34):
daughter to be with her daughterand it'd be weekends.
I was with my parents, I feltsafe and I felt loved and I felt
that there was this reciprocity, whereas before, looking at it
through the lens of thatunhealed wound, I was starting
to feel resentment andbitterness towards this friend
of mine and self-love.
(13:57):
When you start to reallyincorporate the concept of
self-love in your life andself-awareness and viewing
yourself the way that Christviews you and through the lens
of Christ, everything starts toshift within you because it just
does not feel in alignmentanymore.
(14:17):
This old person, this identitythat is based on fear, based on
scarcity, based on unhealedwounds.
So the sum of the whole personis what we want to view it from.
(14:38):
We want to look at everythingthey do for us and how this has
shifted my marriage and the wayI see my child or my husband or
even my son has shifted mymarriage and the way I see my
child or my husband or even myson, is that I start to look for
things, to appreciate the smallmoments in life, the Kodak
moments.
That is a term I learned in thelatest book I'm reading, which
(15:00):
is transforming the difficultchild.
It's based on the nurturedheart method.
I can't remember the author'sname, but it's a phenomenal book
for those who have kids thatare quote-unquote, difficult,
defiant, love to break rules,and it's been an eye-opener for
me.
I just loved reading it.
(15:22):
It's an easy read and I'mbecoming a much better parent to
my 10 year old daughter andeven to my 90 year old boy.
By zeroing in on these Kodakmoments, these moments that I
appreciate, the smallest ofmoments in my everyday life with
the people that I love, and byseeing them and speaking them to
(15:50):
that person, I am leveling upin the way I view our friendship
, our marriage.
It really is an incredibleresource for those that are
seeking a much more appreciativeapproach to parenting, a much
(16:11):
more positive approach, a veryunconventional approach to
parenting, because theconventional ways with a
difficult child just don't work.
And I've been in those shoesand I've been so frustrated the
last couple of years and I'mjust so grateful that I am in
(16:35):
this position right now to beable to uncover how to be a
better mother, how to be abetter wife, how to be a better
friend.
I love that.
It helped me see the whole ofthe situation instead of trying
to zero in on the one event thatbroke my heart.
I'm Sylvia Worsham.
Thank you so much for tuning into this week's episode titled
the Sum of the Whole.
(16:57):
Have a wonderful week, staysafe, love y'all.
Bye now.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
So that's it for today's episode of Release Doubt
Reveal Purpose.
Head on over to iTunes orwherever you listen and
subscribe to the show.
One lucky listener every singleweek who posts a review on
iTunes will win a chance in thegrand prize drawing to win a
$25,000 private VIP day withSylvia Worsham herself.
(17:23):
Be sure to head on over toReleased Doubt
RevealPurposePodcastcom and pickupa free copy of Sylvia's gift
and join us on the next episode.
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