In this conversation, Stephanie Olson emphasizes the importance of creating a safe space for children to discuss difficult topics. She discusses the need for parents to listen actively and engage in conversations about issues like social media safety and human trafficking from an early age. By establishing a foundation of trust and open communication, parents can help their children navigate sensitive subjects more effectively.
takeaways
- Provide a safe space for conversations.
- Listen to what your kids care about.
- Your reaction matters when they share difficult things.
- Create opportunities for communication in comfortable ways.
- Start conversations about tough topics early and often.
- Engage in discussions about social media safety.
- Talk about consent and trustworthy individuals.
- Be available for your children when they want to talk.
- Don't make scary topics scarier than they are.
- Establish a foundation of trust for open dialogue.
Sound Bites
- "We need to provide a safe space."
- "Start those conversations so early."
- "It's not a one and done conversation."
Chapters
00:00
Creating a Safe Space for Conversations
09:27
The Importance of Early Conversations
12:55
R&R Outro.mp4
Everyone has resilience, but what does that mean, and how do we use it in life and leadership? Join Stephanie Olson, an expert in resiliency and trauma, every week as she talks to other experts living lives of resilience. Stephanie also shares her own stories of addictions, disordered eating, domestic and sexual violence, abandonment, and trauma, and shares the everyday struggles and joys of everyday life. As a wife, mom, and CEO she gives commentaries and, sometimes, a few rants to shed light on what makes a person resilient. So, if you have experienced adversity in life in any way and want to learn how to better lead your family, your workplace, and, well, your life, this podcast is for you!
https://setmefreeproject.net
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Stephanie Olson (00:17):
Hello, I'm Stephanie Olson, and welcome to
resilience and relationships Rand R and I am solo today, but I
want to talk about parenting andhow to talk to your kiddos about
anything. But I think I want totalk about that foundation of
(00:38):
what sets the tone for theconversation about anything, any
of the important things, whetheryou're talking about human
trafficking, or whether you'retalking about sex or, you know,
whatever it is. I want to talkabout the foundation of getting
to those conversations, becausethey're uncomfortable
(01:00):
conversations to have,regardless of whether you're
comfortable or not, it's goingto be uncomfortable for your
kiddos. It might be annoying toyour kiddos, depending on their
response, but I think thefoundation of what we need to do
(01:21):
as parents and caregivers isprovide a safe space. Now. What
does that look like? Well, I sayoften that before you are ever
going to have a conversationabout anything important,
anything that is critical to thelives of your kiddos, anything
that makes people feeluncomfortable you need to be
(01:43):
having those conversations as aparent or caregiver that your
kids want to have. I cannot tellyou how many times I listen to
the importance of Minecraft orwhatever it may be that you
think I have no idea what we'retalking about, nor do I really
(02:07):
care, but my kiddo cares aboutthis, and so I'm going to care
about this. That's got to be thefoundation, and whether they're
talking about something thathappened in school or something
that's going on in, you know,their life, wherever it may be,
(02:27):
we need to listen. We need to beavailable to hear those things I
will never forget. I was at theorthodontist office, and my
daughter was getting her teethdone or worked on whatever,
braces, all the things. And Iwas sitting there waiting and
(02:50):
watching a little girl. She wasprobably nine years old. Her and
her dad were also waiting fortheir sibling, daughter,
whomever, to get their bracesdone. And the dad was on his
phone the entire time, and hewas kind of looking down, and
the nine year old wasdesperately trying to get his
(03:11):
attention. Would talk to him, hewould ignore her. She started
dancing in front of him so thathe would pay attention. He
ignored her, and the entiretime, he did not look up from
his phone to give attention tohis daughter. Now that's kind of
what I'm talking about. One ofmy favorite things to tell
(03:35):
parents and educators andanybody who's working with
youth, because this advice wasgiven to me is that when your
child walks into the room, andwhether that's your your child,
whether that's your student,whether that's a youth you're
serving, but when they walk intothe room, your eyes should light
(03:57):
up like you have never seenanything so amazing. That's what
it's all about. And those arethe things that I think we need
to remember as parents andcaregivers. We need to make them
priority when they walk in theroom, oh my gosh, it's so great
(04:18):
to see you. Come here. Give me ahug. If you want to give me a
hug, remember consent, but weare available for them, and they
can talk to us about anythingthey want. We're a safe person.
We're a safe adult, and we areready to listen. Now, when my
kids became teenagers, thingschanged a little bit, and they
(04:40):
still wanted to talk, but itlooked different. I go to bed
extremely early. I am an earlyriser. Early go to better. Not
sure that's a saying, but that'swho I am, and inevitably, my
teenagers would want to talk tome at like. 11 o'clock, PM. Now
(05:03):
that's not a big deal for someof you parental figures who stay
up late. For me, it was torture,and I was always asleep already.
They would come in, they wouldwake me up, but I always stayed
awake and listened, becauseregardless of when your teenager
(05:24):
wants to talk, because if youhave teenagers, you know it's
not always a regular occurrence,listen, because that's a great
opportunity to set thatfoundation and let them know,
Hey, I am somebody you can cometo I am a safe adult here. Now
the other thing I tell parentsis, don't react when your kiddo
(05:48):
tells you something that isreactable. Again, not sure if
that's a real thing to say. Nowthat doesn't mean there are
consequences for when our kiddostalk to us and they say
something that deservesconsequences. That's not what
I'm talking about. But in thatmoment, don't react to what they
(06:11):
say, other than to say, Gosh,that was that was really brave
of you to come to me with that.
Thank you for sharing that. Ireally appreciate that now, in
that moment, what we're tryingto do is create a moment where
they feel safe, where they feellike what they've done in coming
(06:31):
to you was a good thing, andthat you are somebody who can
hear that and then respond. Thattakes a lot of effort and
determination, sometimes on ourpart, where we're just in our
head, okay, calm down. Calmdown, calm down. I get that, but
in that moment, it is soimportant that we don't react to
(06:56):
the difficult things, but wereally listen and allow them to
talk. Now again, that's not tosay that in five or six or 10
sentences later, they are awarethere are consequences. I'm not
saying don't create consequencesfor things that require them.
(07:17):
What I'm saying is, in thatmoment, just be there, just
listen. And I would also say,however they want to
communicate, it's important thatthey communicate in a way that
is comfortable for them. Mymiddle daughter had such a hard
time talking about the toughthings. Still does, I would say,
(07:38):
but is getting much better. Butduring a time when she was in
middle school, I believe shereally had a hard time coming to
me with things that were hardfor her to talk about. And my
car happened to have a littlecompartment that she called a
secret compartment, that youcould put things in and open
them. And so we had a routinethat when she had to talk to me
(08:03):
about something, she would writeme a note, put it in that secret
compartment, and I would look atit every day to see if there was
something in there. And I wasnot supposed to respond
verbally, but to write back,because she needed that time, or
that ability to read what I wassaying without being face to
(08:24):
face. That's just something thatwe can do for our kiddos to help
them process the conversation,but also feel comfortable in
whatever way that we they needto have that conversation.
People ask me all the time, howdo you talk to your youth about
social media safety? How do youtalk to your youth about human
(08:47):
trafficking? And the answer isvery easily, when you open up
that foundation and that door tostart with, that I am here for
you with the stuff that's silly,the stuff that, frankly, I don't
care about, you're not gonna saythat, but the stuff you don't
(09:08):
care about, and the stuff thatis just like whatever, and
that's how you start thatconversation About the tough
things, but I will guaranteeyou, unless you open that door,
they won't listen to you withthe difficult things, one of the
questions parents often ask meas well is, How early do you
(09:30):
start those conversations? Well,it's just like sex. How early do
you start that birds and thebees conversation. And my answer
is so early that you your kiddohas no idea when that first
conversation started. It's not aone and done. It's not a hey,
(09:53):
let's sit down and talk aboutthe birds and the bees. We're
both going to be extremelyuncomfortable. And then let's
get this over. And you know,everything. You need to know it
should be a consistentconversation, and it should
start so early, age appropriate,that they don't even remember
when the conversation began.
There's a lot of great booksthat are available on those
(10:15):
topics, or that can you can readto help you have those
conversations. But I would saythe same thing is true with
social media and with humantrafficking, that we have those
conversations at a very youngage, but age appropriate. So
let's talk about social media,and let's talk about what it
means to have followers, and whoare the followers that you've
(10:38):
got. I want to, I want to seewho's following you, and let's
have conversations about that.
And yeah, there might be timeswhen you need to delete those
followers because they're notsafe people, or they don't even
know them. And that would be aconversation about the
importance of knowing the peoplethat we have follow us. And with
(11:00):
human trafficking, it's a scarytopic. We always say it's a
scary topic. We don't need tomake it scarier, but you don't
have to, at a young agenecessarily, talk about human
trafficking in general, butpeople who want to do harm that
age appropriately, early on thatwe need to be safe on social
media, because there are peoplewho want to do harm, and what
(11:24):
might that look like on socialmedia that our curriculum is
from kindergarten through 12thgrade for youth and then adults
of every facet of the community,but when we're talking to
kindergarten through sixthgrade, we don't even mention the
topic of human traffickingunless they have lived
experience that requires that.
But we don't even talk aboutthat. We talk about consent. We
(11:45):
talk about who a trustworthyperson is. We talk about social
media safety, and then we havethose conversations about people
who want to do harm and whatthat looks like. That's really
all. I wanted to talk to youabout the importance of having
those conversations reallystarts with the foundation that
we're talking to our kids andlistening to them about the
(12:09):
stuff that's important to them,and it's not going to be a
successful conversation ifyou're not doing that. And then
all of a sudden, now I want totalk to you about human
trafficking and how to staysafe. They will roll their eyes
and call you completelyoverprotective. They might do
that anyway, but the importanceof having those conversations at
(12:31):
a time where they need to havethose conversations be available
for them, that's all I have fortoday, we'd love to hear what
you want to talk about and someof the things you might want to
hear. And reach out to us. Ifyou have any questions or want
to have a conversation with us,we will see you next time. Get
(12:52):
some R and R.
Hello, I'm Stephanie Olson, and welcome to
resilience and relationships Rand R and I am solo today, but I
want to talk about parenting andhow to talk to your kiddos about
anything. But I think I want totalk about that foundation of
(00:38):
what sets the tone for theconversation about anything, any
of the important things, whetheryou're talking about human
trafficking, or whether you'retalking about sex or, you know,
whatever it is. I want to talkabout the foundation of getting
to those conversations, becausethey're uncomfortable
(01:00):
conversations to have,regardless of whether you're
comfortable or not, it's goingto be uncomfortable for your
kiddos. It might be annoying toyour kiddos, depending on their
response, but I think thefoundation of what we need to do
(01:21):
as parents and caregivers isprovide a safe space. Now. What
does that look like? Well, I sayoften that before you are ever
going to have a conversationabout anything important,
anything that is critical to thelives of your kiddos, anything
that makes people feeluncomfortable you need to be
(01:43):
having those conversations as aparent or caregiver that your
kids want to have. I cannot tellyou how many times I listen to
the importance of Minecraft orwhatever it may be that you
think I have no idea what we'retalking about, nor do I really
(02:07):
care, but my kiddo cares aboutthis, and so I'm going to care
about this. That's got to be thefoundation, and whether they're
talking about something thathappened in school or something
that's going on in, you know,their life, wherever it may be,
(02:27):
we need to listen. We need to beavailable to hear those things I
will never forget. I was at theorthodontist office, and my
daughter was getting her teethdone or worked on whatever,
braces, all the things. And Iwas sitting there waiting and
(02:50):
watching a little girl. She wasprobably nine years old. Her and
her dad were also waiting fortheir sibling, daughter,
whomever, to get their bracesdone. And the dad was on his
phone the entire time, and hewas kind of looking down, and
the nine year old wasdesperately trying to get his
(03:11):
attention. Would talk to him, hewould ignore her. She started
dancing in front of him so thathe would pay attention. He
ignored her, and the entiretime, he did not look up from
his phone to give attention tohis daughter. Now that's kind of
what I'm talking about. One ofmy favorite things to tell
(03:35):
parents and educators andanybody who's working with
youth, because this advice wasgiven to me is that when your
child walks into the room, andwhether that's your your child,
whether that's your student,whether that's a youth you're
serving, but when they walk intothe room, your eyes should light
(03:57):
up like you have never seenanything so amazing. That's what
it's all about. And those arethe things that I think we need
to remember as parents andcaregivers. We need to make them
priority when they walk in theroom, oh my gosh, it's so great
(04:18):
to see you. Come here. Give me ahug. If you want to give me a
hug, remember consent, but weare available for them, and they
can talk to us about anythingthey want. We're a safe person.
We're a safe adult, and we areready to listen. Now, when my
kids became teenagers, thingschanged a little bit, and they
(04:40):
still wanted to talk, but itlooked different. I go to bed
extremely early. I am an earlyriser. Early go to better. Not
sure that's a saying, but that'swho I am, and inevitably, my
teenagers would want to talk tome at like. 11 o'clock, PM. Now
(05:03):
that's not a big deal for someof you parental figures who stay
up late. For me, it was torture,and I was always asleep already.
They would come in, they wouldwake me up, but I always stayed
awake and listened, becauseregardless of when your teenager
(05:24):
wants to talk, because if youhave teenagers, you know it's
not always a regular occurrence,listen, because that's a great
opportunity to set thatfoundation and let them know,
Hey, I am somebody you can cometo I am a safe adult here. Now
the other thing I tell parentsis, don't react when your kiddo
(05:48):
tells you something that isreactable. Again, not sure if
that's a real thing to say. Nowthat doesn't mean there are
consequences for when our kiddostalk to us and they say
something that deservesconsequences. That's not what
I'm talking about. But in thatmoment, don't react to what they
(06:11):
say, other than to say, Gosh,that was that was really brave
of you to come to me with that.
Thank you for sharing that. Ireally appreciate that now, in
that moment, what we're tryingto do is create a moment where
they feel safe, where they feellike what they've done in coming
(06:31):
to you was a good thing, andthat you are somebody who can
hear that and then respond. Thattakes a lot of effort and
determination, sometimes on ourpart, where we're just in our
head, okay, calm down. Calmdown, calm down. I get that, but
in that moment, it is soimportant that we don't react to
(06:56):
the difficult things, but wereally listen and allow them to
talk. Now again, that's not tosay that in five or six or 10
sentences later, they are awarethere are consequences. I'm not
saying don't create consequencesfor things that require them.
(07:17):
What I'm saying is, in thatmoment, just be there, just
listen. And I would also say,however they want to
communicate, it's important thatthey communicate in a way that
is comfortable for them. Mymiddle daughter had such a hard
time talking about the toughthings. Still does, I would say,
(07:38):
but is getting much better. Butduring a time when she was in
middle school, I believe shereally had a hard time coming to
me with things that were hardfor her to talk about. And my
car happened to have a littlecompartment that she called a
secret compartment, that youcould put things in and open
them. And so we had a routinethat when she had to talk to me
(08:03):
about something, she would writeme a note, put it in that secret
compartment, and I would look atit every day to see if there was
something in there. And I wasnot supposed to respond
verbally, but to write back,because she needed that time, or
that ability to read what I wassaying without being face to
(08:24):
face. That's just something thatwe can do for our kiddos to help
them process the conversation,but also feel comfortable in
whatever way that we they needto have that conversation.
People ask me all the time, howdo you talk to your youth about
social media safety? How do youtalk to your youth about human
(08:47):
trafficking? And the answer isvery easily, when you open up
that foundation and that door tostart with, that I am here for
you with the stuff that's silly,the stuff that, frankly, I don't
care about, you're not gonna saythat, but the stuff you don't
(09:08):
care about, and the stuff thatis just like whatever, and
that's how you start thatconversation About the tough
things, but I will guaranteeyou, unless you open that door,
they won't listen to you withthe difficult things, one of the
questions parents often ask meas well is, How early do you
(09:30):
start those conversations? Well,it's just like sex. How early do
you start that birds and thebees conversation. And my answer
is so early that you your kiddohas no idea when that first
conversation started. It's not aone and done. It's not a hey,
(09:53):
let's sit down and talk aboutthe birds and the bees. We're
both going to be extremelyuncomfortable. And then let's
get this over. And you know,everything. You need to know it
should be a consistentconversation, and it should
start so early, age appropriate,that they don't even remember
when the conversation began.
There's a lot of great booksthat are available on those
(10:15):
topics, or that can you can readto help you have those
conversations. But I would saythe same thing is true with
social media and with humantrafficking, that we have those
conversations at a very youngage, but age appropriate. So
let's talk about social media,and let's talk about what it
means to have followers, and whoare the followers that you've
(10:38):
got. I want to, I want to seewho's following you, and let's
have conversations about that.
And yeah, there might be timeswhen you need to delete those
followers because they're notsafe people, or they don't even
know them. And that would be aconversation about the
importance of knowing the peoplethat we have follow us. And with
(11:00):
human trafficking, it's a scarytopic. We always say it's a
scary topic. We don't need tomake it scarier, but you don't
have to, at a young agenecessarily, talk about human
trafficking in general, butpeople who want to do harm that
age appropriately, early on thatwe need to be safe on social
media, because there are peoplewho want to do harm, and what
(11:24):
might that look like on socialmedia that our curriculum is
from kindergarten through 12thgrade for youth and then adults
of every facet of the community,but when we're talking to
kindergarten through sixthgrade, we don't even mention the
topic of human traffickingunless they have lived
experience that requires that.
But we don't even talk aboutthat. We talk about consent. We
(11:45):
talk about who a trustworthyperson is. We talk about social
media safety, and then we havethose conversations about people
who want to do harm and whatthat looks like. That's really
all. I wanted to talk to youabout the importance of having
those conversations reallystarts with the foundation that
we're talking to our kids andlistening to them about the
(12:09):
stuff that's important to them,and it's not going to be a
successful conversation ifyou're not doing that. And then
all of a sudden, now I want totalk to you about human
trafficking and how to staysafe. They will roll their eyes
and call you completelyoverprotective. They might do
that anyway, but the importanceof having those conversations at
(12:31):
a time where they need to havethose conversations be available
for them, that's all I have fortoday, we'd love to hear what
you want to talk about and someof the things you might want to
hear. And reach out to us. Ifyou have any questions or want
to have a conversation with us,we will see you next time. Get
(12:52):
some R and R.
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