In this powerful follow-up episode, Stephanie Olson and Rebecca Saunders dive into the messy intersection of privacy, parenting, and social media. From family vlogging to the addictive nature of online platforms, they unpack the long-term consequences of what we choose to share—especially when it involves our children.
The conversation explores generational differences in how we use social media, the challenges of true consent from minors, and the haunting permanence of digital content—highlighted by Nyla Ray’s post-OnlyFans experience. They also discuss the Coldplay CEO scandal as a cautionary tale on integrity in the digital age.
Whether you're a parent, educator, or social media user, this episode challenges you to think critically about your digital footprint and how we can prioritize integrity over likes.
Topics Covered:
- Family vlogging and child privacy
- Digital consent and generational norms
- The permanence of online content
- Social media addiction and dopamine hits
- Integrity, accountability, and policy
- Real-life examples from Nyla Ray and Coldplay’s CEO
- Creating informed and ethical social media habits
Takeaway:
What we post matters—maybe more than we think. And when it comes to kids, consent, and content, the best rule may be: if in doubt, leave it out.
Everyone has resilience, but what does that mean, and how do we use it in life and leadership? Join Stephanie Olson, an expert in resiliency and trauma, every week as she talks to other experts living lives of resilience. Stephanie also shares her own stories of addictions, disordered eating, domestic and sexual violence, abandonment, and trauma, and shares the everyday struggles and joys of everyday life. As a wife, mom, and CEO she gives commentaries and, sometimes, a few rants to shed light on what makes a person resilient. So, if you have experienced adversity in life in any way and want to learn how to better lead your family, your workplace, and, well, your life, this podcast is for you!
https://setmefreeproject.net
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Stephanie Olson (00:00):
Hi, it's Stephanie Olson, and I just
(00:01):
wanted to let you know that thispodcast is part two of our
social media and privacyconversation. Last week, we
talked about what happened withthe Coldplay CEO hold debacle.
Today, we're going to talk alittle bit more about family
vlogging and we're just going tohave a conversation about what
(00:23):
it means to have privacy onsocial media.
Unknown (00:42):
You You know, I I think this conversation is two fold,
right? Because it's what whatmight other people post, versus
what might you post? And thosemight not be the same things,
but there's definitely things toconsider either way, right?
Stephanie Olson (01:03):
So and so on that. Yeah,
Unknown (01:05):
I think that, you know, well, I'll just say, as a mom,
that's most of my experiencefrom being a mom, because that's
the biggest thing going on in
Stephanie Olson (01:12):
my life.
Absolutely, it's kind of a bigthing, yes.
Unknown (01:16):
So as a mom, I try to be very mindful of what I post
about my children because Idon't know. I you know, they
might grow up to be very privatepeople. I have a sister, one of
my millions of sisters, who isnot even on social media at all.
Right, nothing. She was only onFacebook from Facebook
(01:36):
marketplace, and somehow gotkicked off. I didn't even know
you could. Oh, okay, yeah,right. So now there's nothing,
but then, you know, others are,like, very excited to share
everything that's going on.
Yeah? So I don't know how mykids are going to be, so out of
respect for them, I try to shareas little as possible about
them, just basically that I havethem. Yeah. And so that's one
thing I think that if, if youdon't know how much someone else
(01:59):
is comfortable with sharingonline, err on the side of
caution and don't or just ask. Imean, if they're old enough to
consent to that, ask,
Stephanie Olson (02:09):
Well, okay, so that's a really important point.
You just said, if they're oldenough to consent to that, that,
in and of itself, isquestionable, because at what
age are they truly able toconsent to? Yeah, totally
comfortable with having my lifeon social media. I have an
(02:31):
interesting conversation aboutthat, because I know a young mom
whose child is going through aton of mental health issues. And
I do think that, I mean, we'reof different generations, so I
think that with my generation,we're on social media, but we
(02:56):
don't use it necessarily, in thesame way as people in a younger
generation do, and I've noticeda lot of people use social media
who are younger, almost like ajournal. I mean, like, I'm just
gonna write my stuff, I'm gonnashare it on social media. That's
where I connect with people.
There was a statistic yesterdaythat I heard that today we meet
(03:20):
more people on social media thanwe do in person. Yeah, as a
whole. And so anyway, so shewould post, or does post,
literal stories about thestruggles she is going through
(03:41):
with her child. And her child isprobably, I don't know, 1011,
12, somewhere around there.
Well, one day I DM her and said,I have, I just want to give you
something to think about that.
You know, I understand why youare posting all of this, because
(04:07):
it's her story, too, in a sense,right? She is absolutely it's
for an outlet. She's trying toto to vent, she's trying to
share. She's trying to getsupport, whatever, whatever it
may be, but I said, Someday yourchild is going to be an adult,
and that stuff does not go away.
(04:31):
And have you thought about whatyour kiddo thinks about that, or
what they might experience lateron in life because of that. And
her response was, Well, I'veasked him, and he's fine with
it. Well, he's 10. He does notunderstand. No,
Unknown (04:53):
you know, so okay, I do Tiktok like probably too much.
And you.
Stephanie Olson (05:00):
Have great stuff. I love your I love your I
love your content. It's great.
And you don't show your kids, bythe way,
Unknown (05:08):
I don't show your face.
I think I have a couple videoswhere you can see their little
hands playing, but I don't,because I don't want to leave a
digital footprint for themexactly, exactly. My daughter
thinks it's so cool, and she'sasked multiple times if she
could do a video, and I alwaystell her no, or I'll record one
and then just never post it. Soshe thinks she's not because she
(05:30):
had like, five roll, yeah, butyou know, she may think that's
really cool now, yeah, but Imean, once she is older, she may
not, I think you know, even at1011, 12, I mean, they can't
fully comprehend, right, thatwhen you post something online,
(05:55):
it never goes away, because evenIf you delete it, someone's got
it saved somewhere, and morethan likely it's someone you
don't want to have it. Yeah? AndI just, I, for me, I don't know
that we can really say there's acertain age where you can
consent to that, but more of Doyou have a deep understanding of
social media and how thingscannot be deleted? Yeah,
Stephanie Olson (06:22):
that's so true.
I was actually watching aninterview with Nyla Ray. I don't
know if you know who she is, buta really amazing woman. She was
very active, famous on only fansand did and, you know, it's an
she has a fascinating story ortestimony because she did it on
(06:44):
purpose. She chose to do it. Shewanted to do it. And was, that
was her life for five years. Andit's just, it's very interesting
to hear her talk about that. Butshe wound up, um, wanting to, I
(07:06):
mean, she, she had a, she's,she's, um, a strong, she has a
very strong faith. She met herhusband. Do you know? Yeah, that
was her name. Yes, I reallyappreciate her story. And she
(07:27):
met her husband. Well, she shemet this guy who they were just
great friends, but he had a verystrong faith, and just through
their conversation and thingslike that. She wound up leaving
only fans, and they wound upgetting married and all that
(07:47):
wonderful stuff. It is a greatstory. What is fascinating about
it, though, is she did shut downonly fans. However, she was
saying that she actually had tohire a company to scrape the
internet, to start removing, toremove things, and she's still
(08:11):
that's still happening. I mean,
Unknown (08:16):
it's even with that it's not going to be fully gone.
No,
Stephanie Olson (08:20):
no, and it's a long process. And no, people,
screenshot. People, I mean, itis, it is out there forever. And
what she talked about, I don'tknow if you've heard of the book
The body keeps score.
Unknown (08:36):
Yeah, I've I read like, part of the introduction, and I
haven't read any further yet.
Stephanie Olson (08:40):
Yeah, I have it. I haven't listened to it
yet. I have it on Audible. But Ishe talked about that and said,
You know what, people don'tunderstand, because a lot of
people with only fans, and Ididn't mean this to be an only
fans conversation, but you know,these, these young women think,
Oh, I'm just going to do thiswhile I'm making a little bit of
(09:01):
money and I'm getting this doneand and then I can pay for
college or whatever the case maybe. She said, What people don't
understand is your body neverforgets those things. Your body
doesn't forget what you see.
Your body doesn't forget whatyou do. It is always a part of
who you are, and your body keepsscore and and I can't go into
(09:23):
that in detail because I haven'tread the book, yeah, but even
things like our friend theColdplay friend having an affair
with a spouse, probably not thehealthiest thing to do, right?
Your body keeps score, and sodoes social media, and it's kind
(09:49):
of this really similarconnection of those things don't
go away and you. Regardless, notthat we can't have grace, and
not that we can't haverestoration, and you and I are
both faith gals and um, and
Unknown (10:08):
to change the course of your life.
Stephanie Olson (10:10):
Absolutely, absolutely yes, the past is
still there. It is. It doesn'tgo away. And I can speak to that
personally as somebody whodefinitely has a past and yeah,
so I just think those are reallyimportant things to think about,
whether we're thinking aboutsocial media or whether we're
(10:32):
thinking about our hearts andour bodies and our minds and
things like that.
Unknown (10:38):
I yeah, I'm glad that you mentioned that because, you
know it, it makes me think aboutwhat you said earlier. You know,
back in the old days, you canmove away from this. Well, could
you really, or could you justpublicly thinking more on that?
Now, I bet you these thingsstill did have an effect. It
just wasn't such a public one.
Stephanie Olson (10:56):
Yeah. Well, that's true. That's really true.
And just because you movedoesn't mean that you know, if
you move because of yourreputation, doesn't mean you're
a changed person, or that yourreputation can't follow you in
other ways. So, yeah, that'sThat's true. Wow, yeah. Um, you
(11:18):
were talking so we were talkingabout this a little bit offline,
and you mentioned mommybloggers, and I would love to
hear your take on that.
Unknown (11:28):
Well, hope you got time. You know, I Okay, so I
used to be a person who wouldwatch family bloggers, like back
in college, found it so, likeinteresting, especially as a
girl who the thing I wanted tobe most in the world was a mom.
And
Stephanie Olson (11:48):
so tell me.
Tell me what family blogging is.
Okay? Yes,
Unknown (11:51):
I guess we should start there. And so I don't know if
there's like, a real definitionthat everyone uses what I think
of when I hear family bloggersare people who talk about their
life, and the primary focus ison the kids, okay? And so that's
what I'm kind of identifying as,that yes. And so this might look
like I'm so sorry, there arebugs I chose outside, but oh my
(12:12):
goodness, the bugs live here.
Yes, they do. They should. Theyshould move out. This is my
spot. Sorry. Okay, so I, youknow, I, I think of maybe
YouTube channels or tick tocks,whatever, where the primary
focus is on the kids, or becauseyou can talk about your
(12:32):
experience as a parent withoutshowing your kids, yes, and
that's what I like to look atnow, there are certain creators
online that I'll watch thembecause they talk about
motherhood or ideas you
Stephanie Olson (12:44):
do, that's when you
Unknown (12:45):
do, oh, yeah,
Stephanie Olson (12:48):
I don't know. I think you're cool, but
Unknown (12:51):
that's what I kind of watch now. Yeah, back in the
day, I would watch it, and frommy point of view, then it was
look at these happy familiesthat are going and doing things
together, and it's such aperfect idea, like idyllic life.
Well, I think that the more thatthose kids who are the focus of
those channels grow up, the morethat we're learning that maybe
(13:12):
what you're seeing in thosevideos is not accurate, and the
more that I started to learn,the more I've distanced myself
away from that, to the pointwhere now, I mean, I am so not
in support of this, that if Isee a creator that I like that
starts making their kids afocus, I will unfollow and
block, yeah, because I don'twant to support it, right? But,
um, yeah, I think there is a lotof potential danger there. One
(13:42):
and being you know, you'reputting this personal
information online. And so I'veseen some where it's like
talking about private medical,medical things, about that child
posting it for everyone to see.
Or this one gets to me the worstfilming meltdowns. Oh, the thing
I've heard a lot is, while I'mtrying to show other parents how
to get through it, you can dothat without showing it. Yeah,
(14:04):
absolutely. There's a bigdifference between entertaining
and educating. And I think thatwhen we're posting kids private
moments, whether it's pottytraining, I mean, that's that's
the thing I see a lot too pottytraining videos or public
meltdowns or sharing medicalhistory, doctor's appointments.
I've seen videos of moms saying,you know, my daughter just got
(14:26):
her first period. Let's talkabout
Stephanie Olson (14:29):
it. Oh, man,
Unknown (14:32):
that does not need to be shared with the world. Yeah,
and especially when we'relooking at who, who is watching
it. I think that the audience Itold you I could go off on a
tangent. Here, stop me if youneed to. No, I like it. You
know, who are the differentpeople that are watching it? I
would assume that some of themare people who were like, I used
(14:56):
to be excited to be parents, orparents that are looking for
ideas and tips. You. Some ofthem are probably people that
know that family in real life,but you know who else is
watching? Online predators?
Yeah, especially when we'retalking about those potty
training videos. When you lookon Tiktok, you can see how many
times a video has been saved,yep, tell me why. There would be
(15:16):
millions of saves on a pottytraining video we're going to
partially exposed, right, right?
We just have to be reallythinking here about what's
happening, and it'suncomfortable, yeah, and I know
that some parents are postingand thinking there's no way
that's happening. That's nottheir intention. However, others
(15:38):
completely understand that'swhat's happening. And we can see
that because they see that nastycomments that are being left on
those videos that are veryinappropriate in detailing
things that a predator mightwant to do to the child on that
video, and then the video isstill not being taken down. Wow,
it's a big mixed
Stephanie Olson (15:58):
bag there. So, yeah, I think that people Okay,
so here's my question for you,do you think that those family
vloggers, and I'm sure it's amixed bag, do you think they're
doing it to really help otherfamilies or moms, or do you
(16:23):
think they're doing it forviews?
Unknown (16:27):
I don't know that we can say for sure that it's all
one or the other. I thinkthere's a lot of a mix in there.
What I will say is money changespeople, it does, and there's a
lot of money in on onlineinfluencing. And so I think that
even families that may havestarted with peer intentions
that can get warped over time,yeah,
Stephanie Olson (16:49):
well, look at everything. Okay, so that's an
interesting thought. So wetalked about the Coldplay CEO or
not. Okay? The CEO? Okay, so wetalked about the Coldplay guy
(17:10):
who is a billionaire. We'retalking about only fans. We're
talking about family vlogs. Allof those have a money influence,
right? Not the Cold Play viralvideo necessarily, but his, he
(17:32):
had money as the CEO of thistech company, and
Unknown (17:37):
you posted it. We don't know this like who it is. If
they have a channel that'salready monetized, they could
actually be making money off ofposting that right now.
Stephanie Olson (17:45):
Absolutely, absolutely. So we do start. And
one of the things that Naila Raytalked about, and I would love
to interview that woman, thatwould be amazing, yeah, one of
the things that she talked aboutwas that it was, you know, it's
(18:10):
kind of like drugs or drinkingwhen you're an addict and I'm an
addict. So I could speak to thispersonally, but when you're an
alcoholic addict or whateveryou're addicted to, you need
more and more in order to feelthat pie. And so if you are on
(18:38):
drugs, you need more of thatdrug in order to feel that same
feeling as you increase in youraddiction. Well, money is really
very similar to that, and one ofthe things she said with only
fans is that in order to makeshe was making an exorbitant
amount of money. And I don'teven like to talk about that
(19:01):
part, because I don't wantpeople to be like, Oh, but what
she said is no. And what shesaid was, it took more and more
pushing the envelope to maintainthat amount of money or to
increase it. And I think it'sthat is what we're talking about
(19:25):
with family vloggers, withsocial media as a whole, that it
takes more and more to push theenvelope in order to increase
those views, increase those
Unknown (19:39):
Yeah, I think so. And I've even seen children of
family blogger who have writtenbooks and made their own videos
talking about this, about howwhat started as just family
togetherness, were makingvideos, almost an online diary.
In some cases, it turned into,oh, this gets us views. So we're
going to do it over and over.
Over, and it doesn't matter ifyou want to be a part of this.
(20:01):
This is what's making our
Stephanie Olson (20:04):
money. Yeah, yeah. I, I just think it, it can
be very addictive,
Unknown (20:13):
and it's Yeah, and you know, we're talking about money
as being addictive, and that'sabsolutely true. But even on
channels that or social mediathat is not monetized yet, those
likes and shares can give thesame kind of effect.
Stephanie Olson (20:29):
Well, it does so. They did a study actually,
and I think it was in 2016 thatthe amount of likes that are
that dopamine hit when ateenager, for example, gets a
lot of likes. That is the samefeeling for somebody who has not
(20:57):
seen a loved one for a long timeand sees a loved one, but that
feeling, yes, of excitement, isthe same type of feeling. Or
even somebody winning a majorsomething, it's that same
feeling. And so every like islike a dopamine hit, and you
(21:21):
need more and more of that forthat dopamine hit to feel the
same, which is exactly whataddiction is, right? Yeah,
Unknown (21:33):
it's It's crazy to think that these things which
social media can bring so muchjoy, it can also bring
destruction. Yeah, but it's wildto think that this thing that
we're engaging in so many of ushas been designed to make us
addicted to it.
Stephanie Olson (21:51):
Yes, yes. And you know, that's a really
important point, because when wetalk about social media with
our, you know, participants orsomebody we're training, or
youth or whomever we are, neverlike anti down with social
media, you know. But I think itis very important, and I think
(22:14):
it's important for techcompanies to understand this
too, but it's important tounderstand the good and the bad
of social media. There's a lotof good stuff with social media.
And when we ask people, What arethe positives of social media, I
would say, Well, you can talk toa family member that you don't
really want to talk to in reallife. You can find out what's
(22:37):
going on with them, and youstill don't have to communicate
with them. That's awesome. Youcan keep in touch with friends
who move across the country oracross the world. There's a lot
of good stuff. You can getinspired. You can learn things.
I mean, you can learn how tochange a tire on YouTube. You
know, those are great things.
Social media is a great thing,and it's not going away. So how
(23:02):
can we safely navigate it? Howcan we ethically navigate it,
and what are those things thatwe need to do to keep our
integrity and still be a part ofof of of the positive pieces of
social media.
Unknown (23:26):
Yeah, I love that. And I think it starts like with
anything. If you're going tochoose to use social media, you
want to make that decision in aninformed way, yeah. So that
means you want to look at allsides, just like you're saying.
You want to know, you want toknow how it's designed. You want
to know how it can affect youand what you can do positively
and negatively. And that's, Imean, I think that's really at
(23:47):
the heart of a lot of what weteach about anything, is you
want to be informed, right? Whenyou have that accurate
information to make wisedecisions. Exactly.
Stephanie Olson (23:56):
Yeah, yeah.
Well, this was a greatconversation. I thought it was
really interesting. You know,our our Cold Play friend, has an
uphill battle, I think, toovercome. And I think what we
don't want to do, that we canactually almost do with social
(24:17):
media is he is, in essencewearing the scarlet letter,
right? He's got the big red a onhis shirt right now. And I'm not
sure that's fair, um orappropriate at the same time, he
(24:37):
made some choices that were justnot, maybe good choices. And
there are repercussions. Thereare consequences, and today, in
today's world, thoseconsequences sometimes don't go
(24:58):
away. Yeah, and that's hard.
Unknown (25:04):
That is hard I feel for him. I feel, I mean, ultimately,
what I wish on everyone involvedis just for healing. Yeah,
Stephanie Olson (25:11):
yeah, whatever that looks Yeah. I'm not sure if
I feel for him a whole lot atthis point, but I really do feel
for his family and that hisfamily has to experience this so
publicly, when they had nochoice in this situation, they
(25:36):
had no options and and frankly,actually, I have a feeling the
people who work at that companyare going through some similar
things, and they didn't have achoice. They didn't have the
options. And so that is one ofthose things that social media
(25:58):
can do. All of a sudden, thistech company has almost has the
scarlet letter on them as well,when I'm not sure that's fair,
probably not appropriate. Yeah,right. And then it makes me
think you know, as as a CEO andyou as a director of our stuff
(26:24):
with staff, you know, what, ifwe were in a similar situation,
and the backlash started toaffect our organization in a
negative way because of socialmedia? You know? You have to
start looking at some which iswhy it in part. I mean, not that
(26:44):
exactly, but we have a socialmedia policy in our handbook,
and there are codes of conductthat you have to follow on
social media that we have putinto place because, as I've
always said, handbooks arecreated because somebody did
something, that
Unknown (27:04):
organization should have a social media policy, in
my opinion,
Stephanie Olson (27:08):
absolutely. And I think that you know that at
least protects you on thatlevel. If we had a situation
like this, well, and I don'teven know, because I was going
to say, because of that, thiswould be an obvious choice, but
he didn't post it. This isn'this social media. And so then
(27:32):
you're like, gosh, trickysituation. Yes, I mean, his
actions caused some very, I'msure has caused some very
problematic things for thecompany, but he didn't break a
social media policy. Well, Idon't know. I don't know what
they're gonna do.
Unknown (27:50):
Yeah, I think we need to come back and talk about it
more, because there's just somuch. There's so many layers to
this.
Stephanie Olson (27:58):
I love having these conversations, but I think
there's so much more we canexplore with social media and
especially family vlogging, andso let's do take a look at that.
Unknown (28:10):
I think that's great.
And if anyone has listened thisfar and you're thinking of
questions as we're talking, letus know, oh, yeah, to talk
through those discussion pointsor questions that you might
have,
Stephanie Olson (28:20):
yeah, because I think this is a learning tool
for all of us. I think anytimesomething like this happens to
somebody, it's really sad thatit is happening, and again,
we're not going to, you know,we're not going to aggravate it
by showing the video and keepingthat piece going. But I do think
all of this, these are learningtools, and we can all learn from
(28:44):
other people's mistakes,unfortunately, and I think it's
important that we do learn andmake changes that are
appropriate to Well, number one,don't have an affair. You know?
That's like, that's a good ruleof thumb. That is a good rule of
thumb. So and integrity, I wantto go back to the point of
(29:05):
integrity, because you mentionedthis. I always just define
integrity as doing, doing. Whatis it that you are who you are
when no one is looking. Oh,doing the right thing. Integrity
is doing the right thing evenwhen no one is watching. And I
(29:28):
think that's what it's allabout. We do need to live our
life with integrity, and that isa positive thing, and it's a
good thing, and integrity isvery important. We've got it as
one of our core values, right?
But so did Enron. Enron hadintegrity as one of their core
(29:50):
values. I think the differencebetween Enron and us, besides
the amount of money they had, isthat. We really do believe in
living that integrity, integral,integral life. You know, that's
an
Unknown (30:06):
important piece, something that we keep each
other accountable on too.
Stephanie Olson (30:10):
That's a great point. Okay, yes, we hold each
other accountable to that wereally do. And you need to have
accountability people in yourlife as well. And so if, if we
were, and I can guarantee this,if, if we were going out as an
(30:31):
organization, and I was activelyhaving an affair and bringing my
boyfriend along with us, youwould not be
Unknown (30:42):
there. No, I would say, What is wrong with you? Yep, and
I know,
Stephanie Olson (30:48):
and the same is true for I think every one of
our staff members would be like,Nope, I'm not going to be a
party to that. So it's integrityall the way around. I think,
yeah, well, this was a gooddiscussion. Interesting. I've
learned a lot.
Unknown (31:09):
This is good. I feel like these are always so fun,
just to get to talk and almostprocess like what we're seeing
Stephanie Olson (31:15):
it is, it's good processing. So, yeah, let's
talk more about social media andsocial vlogging and all of the
things, because there are a lotof things, and this is just part
of one of the things that we dotalk about social media safety
and how to safely navigate it.
So along with that is socialmedia integrity. So yeah, this
(31:38):
was good, yeah. So thank you forjoining us. Go get some R and R.
We'll see you next time. Bye.
You.
Hi, it's Stephanie Olson, and I just
(00:01):
wanted to let you know that thispodcast is part two of our
social media and privacyconversation. Last week, we
talked about what happened withthe Coldplay CEO hold debacle.
Today, we're going to talk alittle bit more about family
vlogging and we're just going tohave a conversation about what
(00:23):
it means to have privacy onsocial media.
Unknown (00:42):
You You know, I I think this conversation is two fold,
right? Because it's what whatmight other people post, versus
what might you post? And thosemight not be the same things,
but there's definitely things toconsider either way, right?
Stephanie Olson (01:03):
So and so on that. Yeah,
Unknown (01:05):
I think that, you know, well, I'll just say, as a mom,
that's most of my experiencefrom being a mom, because that's
the biggest thing going on in
Stephanie Olson (01:12):
my life.
Absolutely, it's kind of a bigthing, yes.
Unknown (01:16):
So as a mom, I try to be very mindful of what I post
about my children because Idon't know. I you know, they
might grow up to be very privatepeople. I have a sister, one of
my millions of sisters, who isnot even on social media at all.
Right, nothing. She was only onFacebook from Facebook
(01:36):
marketplace, and somehow gotkicked off. I didn't even know
you could. Oh, okay, yeah,right. So now there's nothing,
but then, you know, others are,like, very excited to share
everything that's going on.
Yeah? So I don't know how mykids are going to be, so out of
respect for them, I try to shareas little as possible about
them, just basically that I havethem. Yeah. And so that's one
thing I think that if, if youdon't know how much someone else
(01:59):
is comfortable with sharingonline, err on the side of
caution and don't or just ask. Imean, if they're old enough to
consent to that, ask,
Stephanie Olson (02:09):
Well, okay, so that's a really important point.
You just said, if they're oldenough to consent to that, that,
in and of itself, isquestionable, because at what
age are they truly able toconsent to? Yeah, totally
comfortable with having my lifeon social media. I have an
(02:31):
interesting conversation aboutthat, because I know a young mom
whose child is going through aton of mental health issues. And
I do think that, I mean, we'reof different generations, so I
think that with my generation,we're on social media, but we
(02:56):
don't use it necessarily, in thesame way as people in a younger
generation do, and I've noticeda lot of people use social media
who are younger, almost like ajournal. I mean, like, I'm just
gonna write my stuff, I'm gonnashare it on social media. That's
where I connect with people.
There was a statistic yesterdaythat I heard that today we meet
(03:20):
more people on social media thanwe do in person. Yeah, as a
whole. And so anyway, so shewould post, or does post,
literal stories about thestruggles she is going through
(03:41):
with her child. And her child isprobably, I don't know, 1011,
12, somewhere around there.
Well, one day I DM her and said,I have, I just want to give you
something to think about that.
You know, I understand why youare posting all of this, because
(04:07):
it's her story, too, in a sense,right? She is absolutely it's
for an outlet. She's trying toto to vent, she's trying to
share. She's trying to getsupport, whatever, whatever it
may be, but I said, Someday yourchild is going to be an adult,
and that stuff does not go away.
(04:31):
And have you thought about whatyour kiddo thinks about that, or
what they might experience lateron in life because of that. And
her response was, Well, I'veasked him, and he's fine with
it. Well, he's 10. He does notunderstand. No,
Unknown (04:53):
you know, so okay, I do Tiktok like probably too much.
And you.
Stephanie Olson (05:00):
Have great stuff. I love your I love your I
love your content. It's great.
And you don't show your kids, bythe way,
Unknown (05:08):
I don't show your face.
I think I have a couple videoswhere you can see their little
hands playing, but I don't,because I don't want to leave a
digital footprint for themexactly, exactly. My daughter
thinks it's so cool, and she'sasked multiple times if she
could do a video, and I alwaystell her no, or I'll record one
and then just never post it. Soshe thinks she's not because she
(05:30):
had like, five roll, yeah, butyou know, she may think that's
really cool now, yeah, but Imean, once she is older, she may
not, I think you know, even at1011, 12, I mean, they can't
fully comprehend, right, thatwhen you post something online,
(05:55):
it never goes away, because evenIf you delete it, someone's got
it saved somewhere, and morethan likely it's someone you
don't want to have it. Yeah? AndI just, I, for me, I don't know
that we can really say there's acertain age where you can
consent to that, but more of Doyou have a deep understanding of
social media and how thingscannot be deleted? Yeah,
Stephanie Olson (06:22):
that's so true.
I was actually watching aninterview with Nyla Ray. I don't
know if you know who she is, buta really amazing woman. She was
very active, famous on only fansand did and, you know, it's an
she has a fascinating story ortestimony because she did it on
(06:44):
purpose. She chose to do it. Shewanted to do it. And was, that
was her life for five years. Andit's just, it's very interesting
to hear her talk about that. Butshe wound up, um, wanting to, I
(07:06):
mean, she, she had a, she's,she's, um, a strong, she has a
very strong faith. She met herhusband. Do you know? Yeah, that
was her name. Yes, I reallyappreciate her story. And she
(07:27):
met her husband. Well, she shemet this guy who they were just
great friends, but he had a verystrong faith, and just through
their conversation and thingslike that. She wound up leaving
only fans, and they wound upgetting married and all that
(07:47):
wonderful stuff. It is a greatstory. What is fascinating about
it, though, is she did shut downonly fans. However, she was
saying that she actually had tohire a company to scrape the
internet, to start removing, toremove things, and she's still
(08:11):
that's still happening. I mean,
Unknown (08:16):
it's even with that it's not going to be fully gone.
No,
Stephanie Olson (08:20):
no, and it's a long process. And no, people,
screenshot. People, I mean, itis, it is out there forever. And
what she talked about, I don'tknow if you've heard of the book
The body keeps score.
Unknown (08:36):
Yeah, I've I read like, part of the introduction, and I
haven't read any further yet.
Stephanie Olson (08:40):
Yeah, I have it. I haven't listened to it
yet. I have it on Audible. But Ishe talked about that and said,
You know what, people don'tunderstand, because a lot of
people with only fans, and Ididn't mean this to be an only
fans conversation, but you know,these, these young women think,
Oh, I'm just going to do thiswhile I'm making a little bit of
(09:01):
money and I'm getting this doneand and then I can pay for
college or whatever the case maybe. She said, What people don't
understand is your body neverforgets those things. Your body
doesn't forget what you see.
Your body doesn't forget whatyou do. It is always a part of
who you are, and your body keepsscore and and I can't go into
(09:23):
that in detail because I haven'tread the book, yeah, but even
things like our friend theColdplay friend having an affair
with a spouse, probably not thehealthiest thing to do, right?
Your body keeps score, and sodoes social media, and it's kind
(09:49):
of this really similarconnection of those things don't
go away and you. Regardless, notthat we can't have grace, and
not that we can't haverestoration, and you and I are
both faith gals and um, and
Unknown (10:08):
to change the course of your life.
Stephanie Olson (10:10):
Absolutely, absolutely yes, the past is
still there. It is. It doesn'tgo away. And I can speak to that
personally as somebody whodefinitely has a past and yeah,
so I just think those are reallyimportant things to think about,
whether we're thinking aboutsocial media or whether we're
(10:32):
thinking about our hearts andour bodies and our minds and
things like that.
Unknown (10:38):
I yeah, I'm glad that you mentioned that because, you
know it, it makes me think aboutwhat you said earlier. You know,
back in the old days, you canmove away from this. Well, could
you really, or could you justpublicly thinking more on that?
Now, I bet you these thingsstill did have an effect. It
just wasn't such a public one.
Stephanie Olson (10:56):
Yeah. Well, that's true. That's really true.
And just because you movedoesn't mean that you know, if
you move because of yourreputation, doesn't mean you're
a changed person, or that yourreputation can't follow you in
other ways. So, yeah, that'sThat's true. Wow, yeah. Um, you
(11:18):
were talking so we were talkingabout this a little bit offline,
and you mentioned mommybloggers, and I would love to
hear your take on that.
Unknown (11:28):
Well, hope you got time. You know, I Okay, so I
used to be a person who wouldwatch family bloggers, like back
in college, found it so, likeinteresting, especially as a
girl who the thing I wanted tobe most in the world was a mom.
And
Stephanie Olson (11:48):
so tell me.
Tell me what family blogging is.
Okay? Yes,
Unknown (11:51):
I guess we should start there. And so I don't know if
there's like, a real definitionthat everyone uses what I think
of when I hear family bloggersare people who talk about their
life, and the primary focus ison the kids, okay? And so that's
what I'm kind of identifying as,that yes. And so this might look
like I'm so sorry, there arebugs I chose outside, but oh my
(12:12):
goodness, the bugs live here.
Yes, they do. They should. Theyshould move out. This is my
spot. Sorry. Okay, so I, youknow, I, I think of maybe
YouTube channels or tick tocks,whatever, where the primary
focus is on the kids, or becauseyou can talk about your
(12:32):
experience as a parent withoutshowing your kids, yes, and
that's what I like to look atnow, there are certain creators
online that I'll watch thembecause they talk about
motherhood or ideas you
Stephanie Olson (12:44):
do, that's when you
Unknown (12:45):
do, oh, yeah,
Stephanie Olson (12:48):
I don't know. I think you're cool, but
Unknown (12:51):
that's what I kind of watch now. Yeah, back in the
day, I would watch it, and frommy point of view, then it was
look at these happy familiesthat are going and doing things
together, and it's such aperfect idea, like idyllic life.
Well, I think that the more thatthose kids who are the focus of
those channels grow up, the morethat we're learning that maybe
(13:12):
what you're seeing in thosevideos is not accurate, and the
more that I started to learn,the more I've distanced myself
away from that, to the pointwhere now, I mean, I am so not
in support of this, that if Isee a creator that I like that
starts making their kids afocus, I will unfollow and
block, yeah, because I don'twant to support it, right? But,
um, yeah, I think there is a lotof potential danger there. One
(13:42):
and being you know, you'reputting this personal
information online. And so I'veseen some where it's like
talking about private medical,medical things, about that child
posting it for everyone to see.
Or this one gets to me the worstfilming meltdowns. Oh, the thing
I've heard a lot is, while I'mtrying to show other parents how
to get through it, you can dothat without showing it. Yeah,
(14:04):
absolutely. There's a bigdifference between entertaining
and educating. And I think thatwhen we're posting kids private
moments, whether it's pottytraining, I mean, that's that's
the thing I see a lot too pottytraining videos or public
meltdowns or sharing medicalhistory, doctor's appointments.
I've seen videos of moms saying,you know, my daughter just got
(14:26):
her first period. Let's talkabout
Stephanie Olson (14:29):
it. Oh, man,
Unknown (14:32):
that does not need to be shared with the world. Yeah,
and especially when we'relooking at who, who is watching
it. I think that the audience Itold you I could go off on a
tangent. Here, stop me if youneed to. No, I like it. You
know, who are the differentpeople that are watching it? I
would assume that some of themare people who were like, I used
(14:56):
to be excited to be parents, orparents that are looking for
ideas and tips. You. Some ofthem are probably people that
know that family in real life,but you know who else is
watching? Online predators?
Yeah, especially when we'retalking about those potty
training videos. When you lookon Tiktok, you can see how many
times a video has been saved,yep, tell me why. There would be
(15:16):
millions of saves on a pottytraining video we're going to
partially exposed, right, right?
We just have to be reallythinking here about what's
happening, and it'suncomfortable, yeah, and I know
that some parents are postingand thinking there's no way
that's happening. That's nottheir intention. However, others
(15:38):
completely understand that'swhat's happening. And we can see
that because they see that nastycomments that are being left on
those videos that are veryinappropriate in detailing
things that a predator mightwant to do to the child on that
video, and then the video isstill not being taken down. Wow,
it's a big mixed
Stephanie Olson (15:58):
bag there. So, yeah, I think that people Okay,
so here's my question for you,do you think that those family
vloggers, and I'm sure it's amixed bag, do you think they're
doing it to really help otherfamilies or moms, or do you
(16:23):
think they're doing it forviews?
Unknown (16:27):
I don't know that we can say for sure that it's all
one or the other. I thinkthere's a lot of a mix in there.
What I will say is money changespeople, it does, and there's a
lot of money in on onlineinfluencing. And so I think that
even families that may havestarted with peer intentions
that can get warped over time,yeah,
Stephanie Olson (16:49):
well, look at everything. Okay, so that's an
interesting thought. So wetalked about the Coldplay CEO or
not. Okay? The CEO? Okay, so wetalked about the Coldplay guy
(17:10):
who is a billionaire. We'retalking about only fans. We're
talking about family vlogs. Allof those have a money influence,
right? Not the Cold Play viralvideo necessarily, but his, he
(17:32):
had money as the CEO of thistech company, and
Unknown (17:37):
you posted it. We don't know this like who it is. If
they have a channel that'salready monetized, they could
actually be making money off ofposting that right now.
Stephanie Olson (17:45):
Absolutely, absolutely. So we do start. And
one of the things that Naila Raytalked about, and I would love
to interview that woman, thatwould be amazing, yeah, one of
the things that she talked aboutwas that it was, you know, it's
(18:10):
kind of like drugs or drinkingwhen you're an addict and I'm an
addict. So I could speak to thispersonally, but when you're an
alcoholic addict or whateveryou're addicted to, you need
more and more in order to feelthat pie. And so if you are on
(18:38):
drugs, you need more of thatdrug in order to feel that same
feeling as you increase in youraddiction. Well, money is really
very similar to that, and one ofthe things she said with only
fans is that in order to makeshe was making an exorbitant
amount of money. And I don'teven like to talk about that
(19:01):
part, because I don't wantpeople to be like, Oh, but what
she said is no. And what shesaid was, it took more and more
pushing the envelope to maintainthat amount of money or to
increase it. And I think it'sthat is what we're talking about
(19:25):
with family vloggers, withsocial media as a whole, that it
takes more and more to push theenvelope in order to increase
those views, increase those
Unknown (19:39):
Yeah, I think so. And I've even seen children of
family blogger who have writtenbooks and made their own videos
talking about this, about howwhat started as just family
togetherness, were makingvideos, almost an online diary.
In some cases, it turned into,oh, this gets us views. So we're
going to do it over and over.
Over, and it doesn't matter ifyou want to be a part of this.
(20:01):
This is what's making our
Stephanie Olson (20:04):
money. Yeah, yeah. I, I just think it, it can
be very addictive,
Unknown (20:13):
and it's Yeah, and you know, we're talking about money
as being addictive, and that'sabsolutely true. But even on
channels that or social mediathat is not monetized yet, those
likes and shares can give thesame kind of effect.
Stephanie Olson (20:29):
Well, it does so. They did a study actually,
and I think it was in 2016 thatthe amount of likes that are
that dopamine hit when ateenager, for example, gets a
lot of likes. That is the samefeeling for somebody who has not
(20:57):
seen a loved one for a long timeand sees a loved one, but that
feeling, yes, of excitement, isthe same type of feeling. Or
even somebody winning a majorsomething, it's that same
feeling. And so every like islike a dopamine hit, and you
(21:21):
need more and more of that forthat dopamine hit to feel the
same, which is exactly whataddiction is, right? Yeah,
Unknown (21:33):
it's It's crazy to think that these things which
social media can bring so muchjoy, it can also bring
destruction. Yeah, but it's wildto think that this thing that
we're engaging in so many of ushas been designed to make us
addicted to it.
Stephanie Olson (21:51):
Yes, yes. And you know, that's a really
important point, because when wetalk about social media with
our, you know, participants orsomebody we're training, or
youth or whomever we are, neverlike anti down with social
media, you know. But I think itis very important, and I think
(22:14):
it's important for techcompanies to understand this
too, but it's important tounderstand the good and the bad
of social media. There's a lotof good stuff with social media.
And when we ask people, What arethe positives of social media, I
would say, Well, you can talk toa family member that you don't
really want to talk to in reallife. You can find out what's
(22:37):
going on with them, and youstill don't have to communicate
with them. That's awesome. Youcan keep in touch with friends
who move across the country oracross the world. There's a lot
of good stuff. You can getinspired. You can learn things.
I mean, you can learn how tochange a tire on YouTube. You
know, those are great things.
Social media is a great thing,and it's not going away. So how
(23:02):
can we safely navigate it? Howcan we ethically navigate it,
and what are those things thatwe need to do to keep our
integrity and still be a part ofof of of the positive pieces of
social media.
Unknown (23:26):
Yeah, I love that. And I think it starts like with
anything. If you're going tochoose to use social media, you
want to make that decision in aninformed way, yeah. So that
means you want to look at allsides, just like you're saying.
You want to know, you want toknow how it's designed. You want
to know how it can affect youand what you can do positively
and negatively. And that's, Imean, I think that's really at
(23:47):
the heart of a lot of what weteach about anything, is you
want to be informed, right? Whenyou have that accurate
information to make wisedecisions. Exactly.
Stephanie Olson (23:56):
Yeah, yeah.
Well, this was a greatconversation. I thought it was
really interesting. You know,our our Cold Play friend, has an
uphill battle, I think, toovercome. And I think what we
don't want to do, that we canactually almost do with social
(24:17):
media is he is, in essencewearing the scarlet letter,
right? He's got the big red a onhis shirt right now. And I'm not
sure that's fair, um orappropriate at the same time, he
(24:37):
made some choices that were justnot, maybe good choices. And
there are repercussions. Thereare consequences, and today, in
today's world, thoseconsequences sometimes don't go
(24:58):
away. Yeah, and that's hard.
Unknown (25:04):
That is hard I feel for him. I feel, I mean, ultimately,
what I wish on everyone involvedis just for healing. Yeah,
Stephanie Olson (25:11):
yeah, whatever that looks Yeah. I'm not sure if
I feel for him a whole lot atthis point, but I really do feel
for his family and that hisfamily has to experience this so
publicly, when they had nochoice in this situation, they
(25:36):
had no options and and frankly,actually, I have a feeling the
people who work at that companyare going through some similar
things, and they didn't have achoice. They didn't have the
options. And so that is one ofthose things that social media
(25:58):
can do. All of a sudden, thistech company has almost has the
scarlet letter on them as well,when I'm not sure that's fair,
probably not appropriate. Yeah,right. And then it makes me
think you know, as as a CEO andyou as a director of our stuff
(26:24):
with staff, you know, what, ifwe were in a similar situation,
and the backlash started toaffect our organization in a
negative way because of socialmedia? You know? You have to
start looking at some which iswhy it in part. I mean, not that
(26:44):
exactly, but we have a socialmedia policy in our handbook,
and there are codes of conductthat you have to follow on
social media that we have putinto place because, as I've
always said, handbooks arecreated because somebody did
something, that
Unknown (27:04):
organization should have a social media policy, in
my opinion,
Stephanie Olson (27:08):
absolutely. And I think that you know that at
least protects you on thatlevel. If we had a situation
like this, well, and I don'teven know, because I was going
to say, because of that, thiswould be an obvious choice, but
he didn't post it. This isn'this social media. And so then
(27:32):
you're like, gosh, trickysituation. Yes, I mean, his
actions caused some very, I'msure has caused some very
problematic things for thecompany, but he didn't break a
social media policy. Well, Idon't know. I don't know what
they're gonna do.
Unknown (27:50):
Yeah, I think we need to come back and talk about it
more, because there's just somuch. There's so many layers to
this.
Stephanie Olson (27:58):
I love having these conversations, but I think
there's so much more we canexplore with social media and
especially family vlogging, andso let's do take a look at that.
Unknown (28:10):
I think that's great.
And if anyone has listened thisfar and you're thinking of
questions as we're talking, letus know, oh, yeah, to talk
through those discussion pointsor questions that you might
have,
Stephanie Olson (28:20):
yeah, because I think this is a learning tool
for all of us. I think anytimesomething like this happens to
somebody, it's really sad thatit is happening, and again,
we're not going to, you know,we're not going to aggravate it
by showing the video and keepingthat piece going. But I do think
all of this, these are learningtools, and we can all learn from
(28:44):
other people's mistakes,unfortunately, and I think it's
important that we do learn andmake changes that are
appropriate to Well, number one,don't have an affair. You know?
That's like, that's a good ruleof thumb. That is a good rule of
thumb. So and integrity, I wantto go back to the point of
(29:05):
integrity, because you mentionedthis. I always just define
integrity as doing, doing. Whatis it that you are who you are
when no one is looking. Oh,doing the right thing. Integrity
is doing the right thing evenwhen no one is watching. And I
(29:28):
think that's what it's allabout. We do need to live our
life with integrity, and that isa positive thing, and it's a
good thing, and integrity isvery important. We've got it as
one of our core values, right?
But so did Enron. Enron hadintegrity as one of their core
(29:50):
values. I think the differencebetween Enron and us, besides
the amount of money they had, isthat. We really do believe in
living that integrity, integral,integral life. You know, that's
an
Unknown (30:06):
important piece, something that we keep each
other accountable on too.
Stephanie Olson (30:10):
That's a great point. Okay, yes, we hold each
other accountable to that wereally do. And you need to have
accountability people in yourlife as well. And so if, if we
were, and I can guarantee this,if, if we were going out as an
(30:31):
organization, and I was activelyhaving an affair and bringing my
boyfriend along with us, youwould not be
Unknown (30:42):
there. No, I would say, What is wrong with you? Yep, and
I know,
Stephanie Olson (30:48):
and the same is true for I think every one of
our staff members would be like,Nope, I'm not going to be a
party to that. So it's integrityall the way around. I think,
yeah, well, this was a gooddiscussion. Interesting. I've
learned a lot.
Unknown (31:09):
This is good. I feel like these are always so fun,
just to get to talk and almostprocess like what we're seeing
Stephanie Olson (31:15):
it is, it's good processing. So, yeah, let's
talk more about social media andsocial vlogging and all of the
things, because there are a lotof things, and this is just part
of one of the things that we dotalk about social media safety
and how to safely navigate it.
So along with that is socialmedia integrity. So yeah, this
(31:38):
was good, yeah. So thank you forjoining us. Go get some R and R.
We'll see you next time. Bye.
You.
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