In this episode, Stephanie Olson and Rebecca Saunders delve into the concept of 'sharenting'—the act of parents sharing information and images of their children online. They discuss the implications of this practice, including the risks of digital footprints, identity theft, and digital kidnapping. The conversation emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries, obtaining consent, and being mindful of the potential repercussions of sharing personal information about children on social media. The hosts encourage parents to reflect on their sharing habits and consider the long-term effects on their children's privacy and safety.
takeaways
- Sharenting refers to sharing your kids online.
- Many parents are unaware of the risks associated with sharenting.
- Children do not have a say in what is shared about them.
- Digital footprints can lead to identity theft.
- Digital kidnapping is a real concern.
- 92% of children have an online presence by age two.
- Parents often share too much personal information.
- Setting boundaries around sharing is crucial.
- Consent from children should be prioritized.
- Social media should not be treated as a private journal.
Sound Bites
- "Kids don't understand the internet."
- "Children are full people, not objects."
- "I'd rather be paranoid than sorry."
Chapters
00:00
Introduction to Sharenting
02:44
Understanding the Risks of Sharenting
05:12
The Impact of Digital Footprint on Children
08:12
Digital Kidnapping and Its Implications
11:11
Privacy Concerns in Sharing Children's Information
13:51
Setting Boundaries for Sharing
16:45
The Role of Intentions in Sharing
19:59
Navigating Consent and Family Dynamics
22:53
Final Thoughts on Responsible Sharing
35:08
R&R Outro.mp4
Everyone has resilience, but what does that mean, and how do we use it in life and leadership? Join Stephanie Olson, an expert in resiliency and trauma, every week as she talks to other experts living lives of resilience. Stephanie also shares her own stories of addictions, disordered eating, domestic and sexual violence, abandonment, and trauma, and shares the everyday struggles and joys of everyday life. As a wife, mom, and CEO she gives commentaries and, sometimes, a few rants to shed light on what makes a person resilient. So, if you have experienced adversity in life in any way and want to learn how to better lead your family, your workplace, and, well, your life, this podcast is for you!
https://setmefreeproject.net
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:16):
Stephanie, hello and welcome to R and R resilience
and relationships. I'm StephanieOlson, and I'm here with Rebecca
Saunders, awesome. Well,Rebecca, this podcast is all
about you, so I'm turning itright over to you. What are we
talking about? Sharon Ting.
Sharon Ting, yeah, somethingvery important to me, and I'm
(00:36):
glad that you're gonna let meyap about it, yes, but okay, so
Sharon Ting, I don't thinkthat's a term that everyone's
heard before,so probably should start by
defining that. Yeah. So what I'mtalking about, it's really
broad. Basically, it's acombination of sharing and
parenting, sharing your kidsonline.
(00:57):
Okay, good, not so good, butgood. Okay, got it. So sharing
refers to sharing your kidsonline. And so that comes from,
like, a lot of different things,but when I say that, what are
you first thinking of? Well, Ithink of family vlogging, like
putting our kids online. But Ialso think, you know, there's so
(01:20):
I was looking at a Tiktok theother day, and it was the cutest
Tiktok. My sister sent it to mebecause she said, This is you.
And it was a little girl saying,we're going to go to Mexican
food, because I know we justwent grocery shopping, but I'm
all about the Mexicanrestaurants, so totally get it.
She was adorable, probablythree, with a cute little
(01:46):
southern accent. But I saw itand I laughed, but then I
thought, that's a three yearold. Yeah? And we see that kind
of stuff all the time, right? Imean, like, so cute, so
relatable. But when you reallythink about it, like, why are
you online? You're so little,yeah, yeah, and not not getting
a choice. Frankly, yeah, I thinkthat's a big thing. Of like, you
(02:08):
know, at three, you don'tunderstand the Internet. You
don't understand how that'sbeing sent to different people.
I mean, no idea. Frankly, at3343
53 No, you know, yeah, because Ifeel like as adults, we're just
starting to see how big of areach something can have. And
all the time, you see, oh, Ididn't realize this was going to
(02:29):
blow up, or I didn't realizethat would be shared so much,
which is why, in my family, weactually just have a group text.
And so we share photos throughthat. We share all of the
things, and it really is onlygoing to the people who really
care. I do something withpictures of my kids, so I don't
share my kids online at all, butI do have an app on my phone.
(02:51):
It's called Family Album, andI'm sure that there are others
like it out there too, butbasically, you can put your
photos in there, and it's like ashared album that you have to
have. I have to send you thelink for you to be able to make
an account. That's perfect,yeah. Well, only our family
members have access to picturesof the kids, but I can also take
them out if I need to. Thatmakes sense. Okay, so I said,
what comes to my mind withSherrington? So Tell, tell us
(03:14):
more about that. Yeah, so Ithink family bloggers is what a
lot of people instantly go to,but it's a little bit broader
than that, because, yes,definitely family blogs, kids
having parent run accounts onInstagram or YouTube or Tiktok,
that falls into it, but it canalso be as simple as sharing
some of your kids information onyour Facebook page. So maybe
(03:38):
your child doesn't have anaccount. You're not having them
make videos or directing it, butyou are saying, Look, I'm so
proud of my baby. Here's someinformation about what's going
on, which is so typical, right?
Yeah, so typical. Actually,there was a study. So as I said,
I'm really passionate aboutthis, so I put together some of
the information that I foundhelpful in understanding this,
and I want to share it today.
(04:00):
But so there was actually astudy by CS Mott Children's
Hospital. Well, I say a study, asurvey is what I meant to say, a
survey done by them where theyjust kind of asked other
parents. Okay, so when they wereasking parents, 74% of them said
that they knew another parentwho was engaging in charity, so
they themselves and or knewsomeone else. Now, of that
(04:21):
information, 50 56% of parentssaid that that information was
embarrassing, so something thekid might not want to have
shared, but not necessarilyinappropriate. 51% said that the
parent provided details thatreveal their child's location.
Oh, wow. And 37% said that thereare actually circulated
(04:42):
inappropriate photos initiatedby the parent. So it's really,
it's common, yeah, and my guessis, when you say inappropriate
photos, it may not be like, youknow, I'm putting my kid on only
fans.
Yes, right? But it might besomething like, I'm bathing my
(05:03):
kid and they did something supercute, or they would see as
innocent, right, be treated assuch as others. Or potty
training. That's a big one too.
Potty training, yeah, that ispotty training. It would never
occur to me to put pottytraining online. That just seems
like a very private moment, andI think, and here's the other
thing, so as parents, becausekids are adorable, right?
(05:28):
They're just they're cute, andeveryone knows their kid is the
cutest. Exactly, exactly. No onesays, I have an ugly kid, right?
No one says that.
But I think if we would start tothink a little bit almost
reverse thinking, would I becomfortable if this were me on
(05:51):
social media, so I'm not showingmyself going to the bathroom on
social media. There were a lotof covid things that happened
during that time, but not onpurpose, right? So can we look
at that and say, Would I do thiswith myself?
(06:12):
That's a really good way to lookat things, and I think that so
much of the time because they'recute and little, and the
majority of parents out therearen't thinking inappropriate
things about children, right?
Their children, and so we'rewe're seeing them as, oh, my,
cute little baby's learning anew skill. But what is someone
else saying that as? And would,would that be so cute if it was
(06:32):
you on the toilet? No, yeah,exactly. And I think it kind of
comes down to acknowledging thatchildren are full people.
They're just younger people. Youknow, they're not I struggle
with saying this. They're notobjects, and I don't think a lot
(06:52):
of parents are intentionallyviewing them as such. But when
we think about, you know, maybeI don't need to respect their
right to privacy, you know,those types of things. I think
sometimes we forget that kidshave those rights too, and just
because they are dependent onyou doesn't mean that you should
(07:13):
share everything that you knowabout them, right, right?
Absolutely. So what then we'retalking about, you know, if you
wouldn't want that shared aboutyou? What? If it's something
where you would want that sharedabout you? Maybe it's my child
just got this award at theirschool, you know what? What
could be the problem with that?
Mm, well, I'm thinking of acouple of things like, for
(07:35):
example, now I know where youwent to school, I know what you
look like, I know your age. Iknow where that you got an
award. And now it's not even somuch that I'm going to come with
my white van and kidnap you, butI can now start building a
relationship based on all ofthose things I know. I can say,
(07:56):
oh, gosh, I had a friend whowent to that school, or you got
an award for that. That is myfavorite thing to do, or
whatever the case may be, I haveenough information to now build
a relationship with that child.
Yeah, absolutely. And you saidnot kidnapping. But did you know
there actually is a thing thatis called Digital kidnapping, so
(08:20):
tell me more. Oh, yes, digitalkidnapping is when someone will
take images, stories,information about someone else's
child and then pretend that thatis their child. Okay, okay, so
that sounds like a Lifetimemovie, right? I swear. So how
often does that? Okay? So I'mtrying to wrap my brain around
(08:41):
that. What's the purpose ofthat, and how often does that
happen? I wish I could tell youhow often it happens. I need to
dig a little further, so if Ican find that information before
this podcast drops, I'll makesure to give you the link so we
can put it in the notes. Okay,so I'm not sure the prevalence,
although I do know it ishappening and becoming more
common now, it's similar tocatfishing, right? So think
(09:04):
about all the reasons whysomeone might want to have a
false identity online. Maybeyou're trying to create this
persona to manipulate otherpeople.
Maybe, I mean, I've seen a fewstories about this where maybe
you were pregnant, had a loss ofthat child, but then still want
to live out that, you know, I ama mother, and I this is how old
(09:27):
my child would be. Sometimesit's even a thing like that of
you know, I don't want to admitthat I don't have my child on
this earth anymore. So I'm goingto pretend as if this, this kid
over here, is my kid, wow,and it's, yeah, it's not as rare
as I would like. I mean, I'veheard several stories about
this, and I'll find the detailson how often exactly, but yes, I
mean, it even starts withultrasound photos. So you know,
(09:49):
I did see a thing on someonefaking a pregnancy. And, yeah,
okay, go ahead, it was. I'mtrying to.
In my note, because I found thisinteresting. So 30, 34%
of us parents routinely, so morethan once, will share ultrasound
(10:11):
photos online.
Then we're talking about digitalkidnapping. It can start even
that early of pretending as ifthat is your baby, and when
we're looking at pictures orinformation that parents have
posted about their kids in theUnited States, and this is a
2016 study. Oh, wow, I'm sureit's increased. But in 2016
(10:32):
a study, and this information isfrom the Journal of Pediatrics,
a study found that 92% of uschildren have an online presence
by the age of two.
Oh my gosh.
Okay,okay, I just want to sit on that
for a second, because obviously,Wow, talk about digital
(10:56):
footprint starting at a veryyoung age. So obviously these
kiddos aren't creating theironline presence. This is all
about parents and what they'redoing. So talk about the
problems with that. Having ourchildren having an online
presence, a digital footprint bythe age of two years old. Yeah,
(11:17):
there's, there's a lot of riskwith that. So we've already
talked through digitalkidnapping. It can make them
easier to manipulate emotionallyin person. Yeah, there's also
identity theft to worry about.
So oftentimes, I mean, I wasguilty of this too. So when my
daughter was born, she's fournow, I posted her newborn
(11:38):
pictures. I posted her with thislittle sign, and it said her
full name, her date of birth,her time of birth, all of that
stuff, how much she played, youknow, because I'm bragging about
her, because I'm so excited,yeah, and I've gone through and
I've, I've deleted everything Ican. Don't know if it's saved or
passed around anywhere, becauseyou never know who else has it
(11:59):
now that it's been public, butit for the first year or so of
her life, I was routinelyposting her pictures. And if you
go back and look at everything Ihad posted, then, I mean, I'm
sure that I gave away enoughinformation. I mean, her full
name, full birthday, that'senough right there to steal
someone's identity. Yeah. And sothat is something huge. And
(12:20):
even, like me, even if you tryto scrub it off the internet, I
don't know for sure if it'sfully gone right? Well, sorry,
yeah, identity theft is one ofthose things, because I think
that's a prime target, becauseyou're not going to notice that
right away, because you're notgetting at as a two year old,
you're not getting denied creditcards. You're not getting denied
(12:44):
house loan. These are thingsthat will follow you for life.
But I just I That's horrifying,and it happened to a friend of
mine. Did you really? Yes? Oh,wow. Someone that I used to go
to church with so she was goingto volunteer in the children's
(13:04):
ministry. She had to fill out abackground check and all that.
Well, that is how we realizedthat there were some things in
her background check that poppedup. We're like, hey, this
doesn't make sense. You justturned 18, and that's how we had
found out her identity had beenstolen and her credit was
wrecked. Oh, man, and she hadjust turned 18. That is so sad.
(13:26):
So, yeah, I think that's, that'sa really important piece. And
these are things that so when mykids were, your kids ages, we
didn't, I don't know whenFacebook started. I know
certainly MySpace was a thinglike early on, and then Facebook
started. I know I didn't get onFacebook until my kids were just
a little bit older, but it wasjust not the same as it is
(13:52):
today. And we've talked aboutsocial media and how people look
at social mediadifferently in different
generations, and how you almostutilize social media, sometimes
in a younger generation, as ajournal, but it's very similar
when you're talking aboutsharenting, that instead of the
baby book that I had, thatyou're using social media as
(14:18):
your baby book. Yeah, my friendof mine on Facebook, The Way She
Does It is there's a separatealbum for each year of her
daughter's life. And so herdaughter is six now, and it's
just daughter's name is whateverage. And so when you look
through that, I mean, there arelike, 1000s and 1000s of photos,
(14:39):
and I'm like, please stop doingthis. Oh, wow. But you know, I
mean, every parent gets to maketheir choice, but I do think it
is important that we talk aboutthe risks of this, yeah, because
there are real risks that Ithink just most parents aren't
aware of. Exactly I just sawyesterday somebody who I am
friends.
(15:00):
With, and now I can't rememberwho it was, but who it is, and
I'll have a conversation withthem. Oh, I do remember. It's a
very good friend of mine, andsomebody who knows what I do,
butit's so easy to fall into those
traps. So school starting, andshe did a sign, and it had the
(15:21):
name of of course, her kiddo,age, grade school, all of the
typical things like it. And theymake them like it's a
chalkboard, and you can put yourmy kids, super cute. It's a
super cute thing. Just don'tpost it on social media. I love
(15:41):
that you have it and that youhave that picture. In fact,
funny enough. My youngest justwent off to college, and they
did that. The college did that,and it was the cutest thing.
They had the cutest pictures.
But I'm not posting that onsocial media because I don't
(16:02):
need anyone to know where my sonis going to college and what
he's doing and and all of thosethings. But I see that all of
the time. Yes, and you know,okay, so, as if it wasn't
already startling enough just tothink about how 92% of kids have
an online presence by two Yeah,that's my insanity. Yeah. Here's
(16:23):
another one for you. TheNational Center for Missing and
Exploited Children has foundthat 50%
of photos that sex offenders aresharing come from the parents
Facebook page. That does notsurprise me. Like social media.
Social media, wow, that isstunning. That's a striking
fully clothed. A lot of themfully clothed, normal picture,
(16:45):
right? And that is what'sgetting passed around. Oh my
gosh. So I think it's justreally important. And, you know,
we talk about social mediasafety, and I think a lot of
people think youth, you know,oh, don't post whatever. And
that's who is causing the mostconcern with social media. I
(17:06):
don't think that's true. I thinkthat a lot of the concern is
from family members. And sowe've got adults who also and as
as we grow older, and by we, Imean me. We know generations are
growing older, and so now we'vegot parents who have always had
(17:29):
social media, right? Have alwaysknown social media. And so now
it's a whole different mindsetof what's being posted and how
easily, how easily accessible itis to find out information. I
have a story. This isn't aboutsharenting. It's about scams,
(17:53):
but it's the same type of thing.
There is a woman that I know whowas called by her grandson.
Quote, unquote, called by hergrandson,
and he said, Grandma, I went toMexico. I got arrested. I'm in a
(18:15):
Mexican prison. I need your helpto get out, and I need you to
send me this money.
Please don't tell anybody.
They'll kill me all of thethings, right? And that person
sounded enough like the Son, thegrandson, and had all of the
information that he needed totell her to send money. Now the
(18:39):
grandson was actually having abirthday party that same
weekend, and he said, Don't,don't go to the birthday party.
Don't tell anybody. So he knewall of this information, so she
stayed put and gave over $30,000and of course, it was a scam.
(19:02):
Her son, I think, finally,actually came to her house and
said, I'm worried about you.
What's going on? And that's whenit all unraveled. Here's the
catch. She did not have anysocial media, all of the
information they got on her andher family was from other
(19:27):
families social media posts.
Yeah, that's wild, yeah, sowild. So we do have to be really
mindful of what we're posting,and we do have to ask
permission. What are what areyour thoughts? Because I have
seen people post things that areof their child but also other
(19:48):
people's children. So whathappens then, if you've got
somebody who's posting picturesof your kids without your
consent? Well.
Well, I don't know if this isthe right way to handle it, but
just personally, everyone aroundme and the kids knows my hard
stance on this. I post about it.
I talk about it all the time,yeah. And so if someone posts a
(20:12):
picture of my child, we'rehaving a phone call, yeah? And
like, I immediately address it,because this is so important to
me, and I say, hey, like, at thevery least, you need to put an
emoji or something in front oftheir face. They do not need to
be identifiable, right? If thiswere to keep happening, my
family already knows this is ahard line for me. If you
(20:32):
continue to post things about mykid, you don't get to have
pictures of my kids. Don't getto take pictures of them. You
don't need to be alone withthem, because they're that
important to me. Now, I thinkeveryone can kind of decide
their own boundaries with it. Iknow that's more on the extreme
side than a lot of people wouldgo, but that's what, that's how
I believe. I think that's reallyimportant. And I think
(20:53):
boundaries are incrediblyimportant and and learning how
to set them, how to respectthem, especially on something
like social media. You know,when my my first born
was born, not sure that makessense, but when my oldest was
(21:15):
born, we had a an extreme. Now,this doesn't even sound like a
thing anymore. This would be anon issue today, I think. But we
had a requirement that beforeyou held her, you had to wash
your hands. Oh, that wassanitized. Like, really, like,
people still are weirded outabout that cousin's having a
(21:39):
baby, like, very soon, and she'salready posted, that's the rule.
Well, yeah, I so it wouldn'teven, I mean, it wouldn't occur
to me to not do that. So I but Iremember there were people in
our family who were kind ofoffended by that, and I was
(21:59):
shocked by, I mean, we're in ahospital. It was all my babies
were born in the winter, sobefore you touch my bed, six
season, yes, and so yeah, beforeyou touch my baby, you're gonna
make sure that you'reI think that's reasonable. But I
also know that people getoffended by the simplest things,
because when you're saying I amnot clean, or you're saying I
(22:22):
have a cold and I No, I'm justsaying, wash your hands before
you touch my baby. And that's ahard stance, I think that's
fair. So I like your boundaryattack, yeah, yeah. I think
sometimes people do. They theysee you wanting something for
your family as an attack againstthe choices that they've made
for theirs, and it's not. Imean, we all get to choose,
(22:45):
especially when we're talkingabout what we're doing with our
kids. I mean, like as a parents,we're doing whatever we think is
best for our kids, and that'sokay, and we don't all have to
agree, but you know, in yourfamily, you get to decide that,
and it's okay to haveboundaries.
So years ago, I was training onhuman trafficking and social
(23:07):
media a community, and in thecommunity training, there were a
lot of parents, a lot ofgrandparents, and I remember one
of the grandparents said, Allright, I have a question for
you, and I need you to kind ofanswer this, and this will be
the the decision, like, that's alot of pressure,
(23:30):
but the quote, right, but thequestion was from a grandma, and
she was really offended becauseher daughter in law wouldn't let
her post pictures of her child,and so grandma would post
pictures on Facebook because shewas, of course, very proud of
(23:50):
her grandchildren. And yes, anddaughter in law said, I'm not
going to let you do that. Pleasestop. And Grandma said, who's
right? And I said, I hate totell you this, because I
appreciate where you're comingfrom, but you absolutely have no
right to post pictures of theirchildren on social media, and it
(24:16):
could be dangerous. And so itwas a really interesting
conversation after that,because, and I appreciated that
she even asked the question,but, but, yeah,
we don't get to choose that.
That's not fair. And thenparents who choose that for
their kids also not fair, right?
I thinkI want to believe anyways, and I
(24:38):
think that this is true, thatthe majority of parents who post
their kids online have goodintentions, parents,
grandparents, aunts, uncles. Weknow that there's a fraction of
them who I mean it. It isnefarious purposes, right? That
exist. We've seen that. But Iwant to say that the majority,
it's not like that. Usually itis.
(25:00):
I love them so much, and I wantto share them with the world,
and I share things that areimportant to me on this
platform. That's right,yeah, I was just reminded by one
of our friendsfrom she's in this work, and she
is amazing. She's one of the OGSin this work in Nebraska,
(25:24):
incredible. But she reminded methe other day that when
Noelle turned 15 and got,oh, learner's permit, it was
learner's permit, I think. Andso you know how your address is
on there. And there was apicture of No, well, holding the
(25:44):
learner's permit with all theinformation I'm doing this work.
Okay, this is and it didn't evenoccur to me, and I get a phone
call from her, and she's like,hello, and I'm like, Oh my gosh,
I didn't, I don't even knowwhat. I wasn't even thinking
about it. And so of course, Iwent in and blurred the photo
(26:05):
and and things like that. But itis easy to forget that it is not
just a place to house photos,but it is going out to the
world. And we always say when,when you have access to the
world, the world has access toyou. And that's something we
(26:25):
have to to keep in mind. It issomething I've heard too from
parents, is, you know, well,that doesn't really apply to me,
because I have a private page.
What are your thoughts on that?
Well, it's only private so much,right? There's, I think that it
(26:46):
is important that you only havepeople following you that you
know,but you have to have it really
locked down, like you would haveto have no friends of friends
being able to see. I mean,there's there's only so far that
(27:07):
it can be private, and so youhave to be really cautious,
because that's good.
That is private, but thatdoesn't mean no one can access
it, right? Yeah. What are yourthoughts? Oh, that, yeah,
exactly what you said. Privateisn't always as private as you
(27:29):
think. And just the very natureof posting something online like
this is something I've thoughtabout actually, with the app
that I use to share photos of mykids to family. It's like, okay,
right? There is a possibilitythat this can get hacked, sure,
and if it does, you have nocontrol, right? And that's
something I've even thoughtabout with that private app. Of
(27:51):
like, is this the best way tocontinue forward, right? Maybe I
shouldn't, because the more thatI learned, the more I am
thinking through these things.
Of you know what can happen, andI think that that's important,
just to think throughall of the risks and honestly
for any decision you make inyour life, you should be
researching and thinking throughthe risks and benefits. So what
would you say to someone whosaid, Boy, that sounds like
(28:15):
paranoia, and what are the oddsof somebody grabbing a hold of
those photos that that you don'tknow who wants to do harm? I
mean, the reality is thateverybody's online, everybody's
posting everything. You soundparanoid.
(28:38):
It's okay to think that I wouldrather be paranoid and make sure
they're protected. Yeah, that'sthat's my view on it is I
understand that other people maycome through this and think the
benefits outweigh the risks. Forme, I would rather be called
paranoid and be assured that mykids information is not being
(28:59):
shared. And the other thingabout this that we haven't even
really touched on yet is thatyou don't know how your child is
going to feel about you postingabout them, and so that's
something that you've got to becareful of too. Is one day
they're going to be adults,they're going to see or,
honestly even teenagers, they'regoing to see what you have
posted. Will they be comfortablewith that?
(29:23):
That's a great point. And youknow, it's that just made me
think of my son has always beenvery cautious in a lot of areas
of life, like financially. AndI'm not sure if cautious is the
right word, just intentional,very financially intentional,
but also with photos. And evenwhen he was young, when I was
(29:47):
doing more posting of photos onon my kids, I would have to ask
him, Can I post this? And.
And really today, I hardly postanything. Anybody who looks at
my social media would say that'sabsolutely not true, because
there's a lot on me that isposted, my my reels, or whatever
(30:11):
that my amazing, amazing adminassistant posts for me. But it's
not my kids, it's not mypersonal life, it's all work
related. And I don't know I hejust at a young age, he was
like, I don't want that sharedwith everybody. So we do have to
(30:34):
remember that they will seethese things at some point. And
are you posting something thatthey will look at and go, I
don't want the world to knowthat.
And I think even the way thatyou talk about them, this is
something that I'm constantlytrying to remind myself, because
(30:55):
I do post on social media, and Ipost a lot about on my personal
page, about what it's like to bea single mom, yeah. Yeah. And so
I try to make sure that I'mcareful on that okay, am I
sharing about me, or am Isharing about them? Because that
line can get very blurry, yep.
And even sometimes, like thereare different jokes or pranks
with kids, and those just breakmy heart because you're seeing a
(31:20):
genuine reaction that could befear or whatever, posted for the
world to see. I That's so true.
That is so true.
You know, I wrote a book aboutkind of my story, my testimony,
and my kids are in that, becausethey're a part of my story. But
(31:42):
one of the things and and Tessa,my middle one always brings this
up, one of the things that Isaid I talked about in my book
was something that made her feelI can't even remember what it
was, but it was, she easilymisinterpreted it and took it
(32:05):
as, Oh my gosh, I'm not yourfavorite, which wasn't that at
all. I mean, she is. I alwayssay I have three favorite
children, and they are allamazing. They all have such
different personalities, andthey are all are so amazing to
spend time with. And my oldestsaid, once it's it's not that
(32:28):
mom has favorites. She hasdifferent things about each of
us that are a favorite thingabout each of us, which is 100%
true, but it was a story aboutTessa being precocious and, you
know, big personality orwhatever, but she can tell me
(32:49):
the page it's, it's on, andexactly, and, and I don't think
she's really like hurt by this,I don't know, but it really, it
had nothing to do withanything negative about her, but
that's how she took it. And so Ithink it's important that we
(33:10):
have to remember that we have tobe cautious about what we're
saying to your point, becausewhat we intend and what they
might perceive could be two verydifferent things. So what is
your advice for someone who'sbeen listening to this and maybe
they're thinking of things nowthat they've never really
(33:33):
thought through before? Where doyou go from here with this
information? Well, I would sayalways listen to Rebecca. That
would be my first piece ofadvice. But I think to what you
said, you can go through yoursocials and look back and say,
Is this something I want outthere, if not, I want to delete
it? Is this something I want outthere, delete it? And then going
(33:55):
forward, just being reallymindful of what it is we're
posting, what's our intent ofposting it, and is this going to
be, is this going to haverepercussions later, in whatever
way that could be? I agree withall that, and I would add on
that if you have a child who ismaybe older, grown now, even ask
them like, Hey, I've beenthinking through this. Is there
(34:19):
anything that you want me tocheck for that maybe I can
remove? I love that. Yeah, Ilove that. Because social media
is fun. It's great,but it's it's not a journal,
it's not private, even if youthink it is. And there are
things people, there are peopleout there who want to do harm,
(34:39):
so we do have to be mindful ofthat. Well, thank you for having
this conversation with me today.
Forever. Good one. I love it. Ithink it's important, and we'd
love to hear from you. Let usknow what you want to talk
about. Let us know if you havequestions about Sharon Ting,
because that is a term that wasnew to me and so.
(35:00):
I would love to hear yourthoughts, but we appreciate you
being here. Go get some R and R,and we will see you next time.
Bye. You.
Stephanie, hello and welcome to R and R resilience
and relationships. I'm StephanieOlson, and I'm here with Rebecca
Saunders, awesome. Well,Rebecca, this podcast is all
about you, so I'm turning itright over to you. What are we
talking about? Sharon Ting.
Sharon Ting, yeah, somethingvery important to me, and I'm
(00:36):
glad that you're gonna let meyap about it, yes, but okay, so
Sharon Ting, I don't thinkthat's a term that everyone's
heard before,so probably should start by
defining that. Yeah. So what I'mtalking about, it's really
broad. Basically, it's acombination of sharing and
parenting, sharing your kidsonline.
(00:57):
Okay, good, not so good, butgood. Okay, got it. So sharing
refers to sharing your kidsonline. And so that comes from,
like, a lot of different things,but when I say that, what are
you first thinking of? Well, Ithink of family vlogging, like
putting our kids online. But Ialso think, you know, there's so
(01:20):
I was looking at a Tiktok theother day, and it was the cutest
Tiktok. My sister sent it to mebecause she said, This is you.
And it was a little girl saying,we're going to go to Mexican
food, because I know we justwent grocery shopping, but I'm
all about the Mexicanrestaurants, so totally get it.
She was adorable, probablythree, with a cute little
(01:46):
southern accent. But I saw itand I laughed, but then I
thought, that's a three yearold. Yeah? And we see that kind
of stuff all the time, right? Imean, like, so cute, so
relatable. But when you reallythink about it, like, why are
you online? You're so little,yeah, yeah, and not not getting
a choice. Frankly, yeah, I thinkthat's a big thing. Of like, you
(02:08):
know, at three, you don'tunderstand the Internet. You
don't understand how that'sbeing sent to different people.
I mean, no idea. Frankly, at3343
53 No, you know, yeah, because Ifeel like as adults, we're just
starting to see how big of areach something can have. And
all the time, you see, oh, Ididn't realize this was going to
(02:29):
blow up, or I didn't realizethat would be shared so much,
which is why, in my family, weactually just have a group text.
And so we share photos throughthat. We share all of the
things, and it really is onlygoing to the people who really
care. I do something withpictures of my kids, so I don't
share my kids online at all, butI do have an app on my phone.
(02:51):
It's called Family Album, andI'm sure that there are others
like it out there too, butbasically, you can put your
photos in there, and it's like ashared album that you have to
have. I have to send you thelink for you to be able to make
an account. That's perfect,yeah. Well, only our family
members have access to picturesof the kids, but I can also take
them out if I need to. Thatmakes sense. Okay, so I said,
what comes to my mind withSherrington? So Tell, tell us
(03:14):
more about that. Yeah, so Ithink family bloggers is what a
lot of people instantly go to,but it's a little bit broader
than that, because, yes,definitely family blogs, kids
having parent run accounts onInstagram or YouTube or Tiktok,
that falls into it, but it canalso be as simple as sharing
some of your kids information onyour Facebook page. So maybe
(03:38):
your child doesn't have anaccount. You're not having them
make videos or directing it, butyou are saying, Look, I'm so
proud of my baby. Here's someinformation about what's going
on, which is so typical, right?
Yeah, so typical. Actually,there was a study. So as I said,
I'm really passionate aboutthis, so I put together some of
the information that I foundhelpful in understanding this,
and I want to share it today.
(04:00):
But so there was actually astudy by CS Mott Children's
Hospital. Well, I say a study, asurvey is what I meant to say, a
survey done by them where theyjust kind of asked other
parents. Okay, so when they wereasking parents, 74% of them said
that they knew another parentwho was engaging in charity, so
they themselves and or knewsomeone else. Now, of that
(04:21):
information, 50 56% of parentssaid that that information was
embarrassing, so something thekid might not want to have
shared, but not necessarilyinappropriate. 51% said that the
parent provided details thatreveal their child's location.
Oh, wow. And 37% said that thereare actually circulated
(04:42):
inappropriate photos initiatedby the parent. So it's really,
it's common, yeah, and my guessis, when you say inappropriate
photos, it may not be like, youknow, I'm putting my kid on only
fans.
Yes, right? But it might besomething like, I'm bathing my
(05:03):
kid and they did something supercute, or they would see as
innocent, right, be treated assuch as others. Or potty
training. That's a big one too.
Potty training, yeah, that ispotty training. It would never
occur to me to put pottytraining online. That just seems
like a very private moment, andI think, and here's the other
thing, so as parents, becausekids are adorable, right?
(05:28):
They're just they're cute, andeveryone knows their kid is the
cutest. Exactly, exactly. No onesays, I have an ugly kid, right?
No one says that.
But I think if we would start tothink a little bit almost
reverse thinking, would I becomfortable if this were me on
(05:51):
social media, so I'm not showingmyself going to the bathroom on
social media. There were a lotof covid things that happened
during that time, but not onpurpose, right? So can we look
at that and say, Would I do thiswith myself?
(06:12):
That's a really good way to lookat things, and I think that so
much of the time because they'recute and little, and the
majority of parents out therearen't thinking inappropriate
things about children, right?
Their children, and so we'rewe're seeing them as, oh, my,
cute little baby's learning anew skill. But what is someone
else saying that as? And would,would that be so cute if it was
(06:32):
you on the toilet? No, yeah,exactly. And I think it kind of
comes down to acknowledging thatchildren are full people.
They're just younger people. Youknow, they're not I struggle
with saying this. They're notobjects, and I don't think a lot
(06:52):
of parents are intentionallyviewing them as such. But when
we think about, you know, maybeI don't need to respect their
right to privacy, you know,those types of things. I think
sometimes we forget that kidshave those rights too, and just
because they are dependent onyou doesn't mean that you should
(07:13):
share everything that you knowabout them, right, right?
Absolutely. So what then we'retalking about, you know, if you
wouldn't want that shared aboutyou? What? If it's something
where you would want that sharedabout you? Maybe it's my child
just got this award at theirschool, you know what? What
could be the problem with that?
Mm, well, I'm thinking of acouple of things like, for
(07:35):
example, now I know where youwent to school, I know what you
look like, I know your age. Iknow where that you got an
award. And now it's not even somuch that I'm going to come with
my white van and kidnap you, butI can now start building a
relationship based on all ofthose things I know. I can say,
(07:56):
oh, gosh, I had a friend whowent to that school, or you got
an award for that. That is myfavorite thing to do, or
whatever the case may be, I haveenough information to now build
a relationship with that child.
Yeah, absolutely. And you saidnot kidnapping. But did you know
there actually is a thing thatis called Digital kidnapping, so
(08:20):
tell me more. Oh, yes, digitalkidnapping is when someone will
take images, stories,information about someone else's
child and then pretend that thatis their child. Okay, okay, so
that sounds like a Lifetimemovie, right? I swear. So how
often does that? Okay? So I'mtrying to wrap my brain around
(08:41):
that. What's the purpose ofthat, and how often does that
happen? I wish I could tell youhow often it happens. I need to
dig a little further, so if Ican find that information before
this podcast drops, I'll makesure to give you the link so we
can put it in the notes. Okay,so I'm not sure the prevalence,
although I do know it ishappening and becoming more
common now, it's similar tocatfishing, right? So think
(09:04):
about all the reasons whysomeone might want to have a
false identity online. Maybeyou're trying to create this
persona to manipulate otherpeople.
Maybe, I mean, I've seen a fewstories about this where maybe
you were pregnant, had a loss ofthat child, but then still want
to live out that, you know, I ama mother, and I this is how old
(09:27):
my child would be. Sometimesit's even a thing like that of
you know, I don't want to admitthat I don't have my child on
this earth anymore. So I'm goingto pretend as if this, this kid
over here, is my kid, wow,and it's, yeah, it's not as rare
as I would like. I mean, I'veheard several stories about
this, and I'll find the detailson how often exactly, but yes, I
mean, it even starts withultrasound photos. So you know,
(09:49):
I did see a thing on someonefaking a pregnancy. And, yeah,
okay, go ahead, it was. I'mtrying to.
In my note, because I found thisinteresting. So 30, 34%
of us parents routinely, so morethan once, will share ultrasound
(10:11):
photos online.
Then we're talking about digitalkidnapping. It can start even
that early of pretending as ifthat is your baby, and when
we're looking at pictures orinformation that parents have
posted about their kids in theUnited States, and this is a
2016 study. Oh, wow, I'm sureit's increased. But in 2016
(10:32):
a study, and this information isfrom the Journal of Pediatrics,
a study found that 92% of uschildren have an online presence
by the age of two.
Oh my gosh.
Okay,okay, I just want to sit on that
for a second, because obviously,Wow, talk about digital
(10:56):
footprint starting at a veryyoung age. So obviously these
kiddos aren't creating theironline presence. This is all
about parents and what they'redoing. So talk about the
problems with that. Having ourchildren having an online
presence, a digital footprint bythe age of two years old. Yeah,
(11:17):
there's, there's a lot of riskwith that. So we've already
talked through digitalkidnapping. It can make them
easier to manipulate emotionallyin person. Yeah, there's also
identity theft to worry about.
So oftentimes, I mean, I wasguilty of this too. So when my
daughter was born, she's fournow, I posted her newborn
(11:38):
pictures. I posted her with thislittle sign, and it said her
full name, her date of birth,her time of birth, all of that
stuff, how much she played, youknow, because I'm bragging about
her, because I'm so excited,yeah, and I've gone through and
I've, I've deleted everything Ican. Don't know if it's saved or
passed around anywhere, becauseyou never know who else has it
(11:59):
now that it's been public, butit for the first year or so of
her life, I was routinelyposting her pictures. And if you
go back and look at everything Ihad posted, then, I mean, I'm
sure that I gave away enoughinformation. I mean, her full
name, full birthday, that'senough right there to steal
someone's identity. Yeah. And sothat is something huge. And
(12:20):
even, like me, even if you tryto scrub it off the internet, I
don't know for sure if it'sfully gone right? Well, sorry,
yeah, identity theft is one ofthose things, because I think
that's a prime target, becauseyou're not going to notice that
right away, because you're notgetting at as a two year old,
you're not getting denied creditcards. You're not getting denied
(12:44):
house loan. These are thingsthat will follow you for life.
But I just I That's horrifying,and it happened to a friend of
mine. Did you really? Yes? Oh,wow. Someone that I used to go
to church with so she was goingto volunteer in the children's
(13:04):
ministry. She had to fill out abackground check and all that.
Well, that is how we realizedthat there were some things in
her background check that poppedup. We're like, hey, this
doesn't make sense. You justturned 18, and that's how we had
found out her identity had beenstolen and her credit was
wrecked. Oh, man, and she hadjust turned 18. That is so sad.
(13:26):
So, yeah, I think that's, that'sa really important piece. And
these are things that so when mykids were, your kids ages, we
didn't, I don't know whenFacebook started. I know
certainly MySpace was a thinglike early on, and then Facebook
started. I know I didn't get onFacebook until my kids were just
a little bit older, but it wasjust not the same as it is
(13:52):
today. And we've talked aboutsocial media and how people look
at social mediadifferently in different
generations, and how you almostutilize social media, sometimes
in a younger generation, as ajournal, but it's very similar
when you're talking aboutsharenting, that instead of the
baby book that I had, thatyou're using social media as
(14:18):
your baby book. Yeah, my friendof mine on Facebook, The Way She
Does It is there's a separatealbum for each year of her
daughter's life. And so herdaughter is six now, and it's
just daughter's name is whateverage. And so when you look
through that, I mean, there arelike, 1000s and 1000s of photos,
(14:39):
and I'm like, please stop doingthis. Oh, wow. But you know, I
mean, every parent gets to maketheir choice, but I do think it
is important that we talk aboutthe risks of this, yeah, because
there are real risks that Ithink just most parents aren't
aware of. Exactly I just sawyesterday somebody who I am
friends.
(15:00):
With, and now I can't rememberwho it was, but who it is, and
I'll have a conversation withthem. Oh, I do remember. It's a
very good friend of mine, andsomebody who knows what I do,
butit's so easy to fall into those
traps. So school starting, andshe did a sign, and it had the
(15:21):
name of of course, her kiddo,age, grade school, all of the
typical things like it. And theymake them like it's a
chalkboard, and you can put yourmy kids, super cute. It's a
super cute thing. Just don'tpost it on social media. I love
(15:41):
that you have it and that youhave that picture. In fact,
funny enough. My youngest justwent off to college, and they
did that. The college did that,and it was the cutest thing.
They had the cutest pictures.
But I'm not posting that onsocial media because I don't
(16:02):
need anyone to know where my sonis going to college and what
he's doing and and all of thosethings. But I see that all of
the time. Yes, and you know,okay, so, as if it wasn't
already startling enough just tothink about how 92% of kids have
an online presence by two Yeah,that's my insanity. Yeah. Here's
(16:23):
another one for you. TheNational Center for Missing and
Exploited Children has foundthat 50%
of photos that sex offenders aresharing come from the parents
Facebook page. That does notsurprise me. Like social media.
Social media, wow, that isstunning. That's a striking
fully clothed. A lot of themfully clothed, normal picture,
(16:45):
right? And that is what'sgetting passed around. Oh my
gosh. So I think it's justreally important. And, you know,
we talk about social mediasafety, and I think a lot of
people think youth, you know,oh, don't post whatever. And
that's who is causing the mostconcern with social media. I
(17:06):
don't think that's true. I thinkthat a lot of the concern is
from family members. And sowe've got adults who also and as
as we grow older, and by we, Imean me. We know generations are
growing older, and so now we'vegot parents who have always had
(17:29):
social media, right? Have alwaysknown social media. And so now
it's a whole different mindsetof what's being posted and how
easily, how easily accessible itis to find out information. I
have a story. This isn't aboutsharenting. It's about scams,
(17:53):
but it's the same type of thing.
There is a woman that I know whowas called by her grandson.
Quote, unquote, called by hergrandson,
and he said, Grandma, I went toMexico. I got arrested. I'm in a
(18:15):
Mexican prison. I need your helpto get out, and I need you to
send me this money.
Please don't tell anybody.
They'll kill me all of thethings, right? And that person
sounded enough like the Son, thegrandson, and had all of the
information that he needed totell her to send money. Now the
(18:39):
grandson was actually having abirthday party that same
weekend, and he said, Don't,don't go to the birthday party.
Don't tell anybody. So he knewall of this information, so she
stayed put and gave over $30,000and of course, it was a scam.
(19:02):
Her son, I think, finally,actually came to her house and
said, I'm worried about you.
What's going on? And that's whenit all unraveled. Here's the
catch. She did not have anysocial media, all of the
information they got on her andher family was from other
(19:27):
families social media posts.
Yeah, that's wild, yeah, sowild. So we do have to be really
mindful of what we're posting,and we do have to ask
permission. What are what areyour thoughts? Because I have
seen people post things that areof their child but also other
(19:48):
people's children. So whathappens then, if you've got
somebody who's posting picturesof your kids without your
consent? Well.
Well, I don't know if this isthe right way to handle it, but
just personally, everyone aroundme and the kids knows my hard
stance on this. I post about it.
I talk about it all the time,yeah. And so if someone posts a
(20:12):
picture of my child, we'rehaving a phone call, yeah? And
like, I immediately address it,because this is so important to
me, and I say, hey, like, at thevery least, you need to put an
emoji or something in front oftheir face. They do not need to
be identifiable, right? If thiswere to keep happening, my
family already knows this is ahard line for me. If you
(20:32):
continue to post things about mykid, you don't get to have
pictures of my kids. Don't getto take pictures of them. You
don't need to be alone withthem, because they're that
important to me. Now, I thinkeveryone can kind of decide
their own boundaries with it. Iknow that's more on the extreme
side than a lot of people wouldgo, but that's what, that's how
I believe. I think that's reallyimportant. And I think
(20:53):
boundaries are incrediblyimportant and and learning how
to set them, how to respectthem, especially on something
like social media. You know,when my my first born
was born, not sure that makessense, but when my oldest was
(21:15):
born, we had a an extreme. Now,this doesn't even sound like a
thing anymore. This would be anon issue today, I think. But we
had a requirement that beforeyou held her, you had to wash
your hands. Oh, that wassanitized. Like, really, like,
people still are weirded outabout that cousin's having a
(21:39):
baby, like, very soon, and she'salready posted, that's the rule.
Well, yeah, I so it wouldn'teven, I mean, it wouldn't occur
to me to not do that. So I but Iremember there were people in
our family who were kind ofoffended by that, and I was
(21:59):
shocked by, I mean, we're in ahospital. It was all my babies
were born in the winter, sobefore you touch my bed, six
season, yes, and so yeah, beforeyou touch my baby, you're gonna
make sure that you'reI think that's reasonable. But I
also know that people getoffended by the simplest things,
because when you're saying I amnot clean, or you're saying I
(22:22):
have a cold and I No, I'm justsaying, wash your hands before
you touch my baby. And that's ahard stance, I think that's
fair. So I like your boundaryattack, yeah, yeah. I think
sometimes people do. They theysee you wanting something for
your family as an attack againstthe choices that they've made
for theirs, and it's not. Imean, we all get to choose,
(22:45):
especially when we're talkingabout what we're doing with our
kids. I mean, like as a parents,we're doing whatever we think is
best for our kids, and that'sokay, and we don't all have to
agree, but you know, in yourfamily, you get to decide that,
and it's okay to haveboundaries.
So years ago, I was training onhuman trafficking and social
(23:07):
media a community, and in thecommunity training, there were a
lot of parents, a lot ofgrandparents, and I remember one
of the grandparents said, Allright, I have a question for
you, and I need you to kind ofanswer this, and this will be
the the decision, like, that's alot of pressure,
(23:30):
but the quote, right, but thequestion was from a grandma, and
she was really offended becauseher daughter in law wouldn't let
her post pictures of her child,and so grandma would post
pictures on Facebook because shewas, of course, very proud of
(23:50):
her grandchildren. And yes, anddaughter in law said, I'm not
going to let you do that. Pleasestop. And Grandma said, who's
right? And I said, I hate totell you this, because I
appreciate where you're comingfrom, but you absolutely have no
right to post pictures of theirchildren on social media, and it
(24:16):
could be dangerous. And so itwas a really interesting
conversation after that,because, and I appreciated that
she even asked the question,but, but, yeah,
we don't get to choose that.
That's not fair. And thenparents who choose that for
their kids also not fair, right?
I thinkI want to believe anyways, and I
(24:38):
think that this is true, thatthe majority of parents who post
their kids online have goodintentions, parents,
grandparents, aunts, uncles. Weknow that there's a fraction of
them who I mean it. It isnefarious purposes, right? That
exist. We've seen that. But Iwant to say that the majority,
it's not like that. Usually itis.
(25:00):
I love them so much, and I wantto share them with the world,
and I share things that areimportant to me on this
platform. That's right,yeah, I was just reminded by one
of our friendsfrom she's in this work, and she
is amazing. She's one of the OGSin this work in Nebraska,
(25:24):
incredible. But she reminded methe other day that when
Noelle turned 15 and got,oh, learner's permit, it was
learner's permit, I think. Andso you know how your address is
on there. And there was apicture of No, well, holding the
(25:44):
learner's permit with all theinformation I'm doing this work.
Okay, this is and it didn't evenoccur to me, and I get a phone
call from her, and she's like,hello, and I'm like, Oh my gosh,
I didn't, I don't even knowwhat. I wasn't even thinking
about it. And so of course, Iwent in and blurred the photo
(26:05):
and and things like that. But itis easy to forget that it is not
just a place to house photos,but it is going out to the
world. And we always say when,when you have access to the
world, the world has access toyou. And that's something we
(26:25):
have to to keep in mind. It issomething I've heard too from
parents, is, you know, well,that doesn't really apply to me,
because I have a private page.
What are your thoughts on that?
Well, it's only private so much,right? There's, I think that it
(26:46):
is important that you only havepeople following you that you
know,but you have to have it really
locked down, like you would haveto have no friends of friends
being able to see. I mean,there's there's only so far that
(27:07):
it can be private, and so youhave to be really cautious,
because that's good.
That is private, but thatdoesn't mean no one can access
it, right? Yeah. What are yourthoughts? Oh, that, yeah,
exactly what you said. Privateisn't always as private as you
(27:29):
think. And just the very natureof posting something online like
this is something I've thoughtabout actually, with the app
that I use to share photos of mykids to family. It's like, okay,
right? There is a possibilitythat this can get hacked, sure,
and if it does, you have nocontrol, right? And that's
something I've even thoughtabout with that private app. Of
(27:51):
like, is this the best way tocontinue forward, right? Maybe I
shouldn't, because the more thatI learned, the more I am
thinking through these things.
Of you know what can happen, andI think that that's important,
just to think throughall of the risks and honestly
for any decision you make inyour life, you should be
researching and thinking throughthe risks and benefits. So what
would you say to someone whosaid, Boy, that sounds like
(28:15):
paranoia, and what are the oddsof somebody grabbing a hold of
those photos that that you don'tknow who wants to do harm? I
mean, the reality is thateverybody's online, everybody's
posting everything. You soundparanoid.
(28:38):
It's okay to think that I wouldrather be paranoid and make sure
they're protected. Yeah, that'sthat's my view on it is I
understand that other people maycome through this and think the
benefits outweigh the risks. Forme, I would rather be called
paranoid and be assured that mykids information is not being
(28:59):
shared. And the other thingabout this that we haven't even
really touched on yet is thatyou don't know how your child is
going to feel about you postingabout them, and so that's
something that you've got to becareful of too. Is one day
they're going to be adults,they're going to see or,
honestly even teenagers, they'regoing to see what you have
posted. Will they be comfortablewith that?
(29:23):
That's a great point. And youknow, it's that just made me
think of my son has always beenvery cautious in a lot of areas
of life, like financially. AndI'm not sure if cautious is the
right word, just intentional,very financially intentional,
but also with photos. And evenwhen he was young, when I was
(29:47):
doing more posting of photos onon my kids, I would have to ask
him, Can I post this? And.
And really today, I hardly postanything. Anybody who looks at
my social media would say that'sabsolutely not true, because
there's a lot on me that isposted, my my reels, or whatever
(30:11):
that my amazing, amazing adminassistant posts for me. But it's
not my kids, it's not mypersonal life, it's all work
related. And I don't know I hejust at a young age, he was
like, I don't want that sharedwith everybody. So we do have to
(30:34):
remember that they will seethese things at some point. And
are you posting something thatthey will look at and go, I
don't want the world to knowthat.
And I think even the way thatyou talk about them, this is
something that I'm constantlytrying to remind myself, because
(30:55):
I do post on social media, and Ipost a lot about on my personal
page, about what it's like to bea single mom, yeah. Yeah. And so
I try to make sure that I'mcareful on that okay, am I
sharing about me, or am Isharing about them? Because that
line can get very blurry, yep.
And even sometimes, like thereare different jokes or pranks
with kids, and those just breakmy heart because you're seeing a
(31:20):
genuine reaction that could befear or whatever, posted for the
world to see. I That's so true.
That is so true.
You know, I wrote a book aboutkind of my story, my testimony,
and my kids are in that, becausethey're a part of my story. But
(31:42):
one of the things and and Tessa,my middle one always brings this
up, one of the things that Isaid I talked about in my book
was something that made her feelI can't even remember what it
was, but it was, she easilymisinterpreted it and took it
(32:05):
as, Oh my gosh, I'm not yourfavorite, which wasn't that at
all. I mean, she is. I alwayssay I have three favorite
children, and they are allamazing. They all have such
different personalities, andthey are all are so amazing to
spend time with. And my oldestsaid, once it's it's not that
(32:28):
mom has favorites. She hasdifferent things about each of
us that are a favorite thingabout each of us, which is 100%
true, but it was a story aboutTessa being precocious and, you
know, big personality orwhatever, but she can tell me
(32:49):
the page it's, it's on, andexactly, and, and I don't think
she's really like hurt by this,I don't know, but it really, it
had nothing to do withanything negative about her, but
that's how she took it. And so Ithink it's important that we
(33:10):
have to remember that we have tobe cautious about what we're
saying to your point, becausewhat we intend and what they
might perceive could be two verydifferent things. So what is
your advice for someone who'sbeen listening to this and maybe
they're thinking of things nowthat they've never really
(33:33):
thought through before? Where doyou go from here with this
information? Well, I would sayalways listen to Rebecca. That
would be my first piece ofadvice. But I think to what you
said, you can go through yoursocials and look back and say,
Is this something I want outthere, if not, I want to delete
it? Is this something I want outthere, delete it? And then going
(33:55):
forward, just being reallymindful of what it is we're
posting, what's our intent ofposting it, and is this going to
be, is this going to haverepercussions later, in whatever
way that could be? I agree withall that, and I would add on
that if you have a child who ismaybe older, grown now, even ask
them like, Hey, I've beenthinking through this. Is there
(34:19):
anything that you want me tocheck for that maybe I can
remove? I love that. Yeah, Ilove that. Because social media
is fun. It's great,but it's it's not a journal,
it's not private, even if youthink it is. And there are
things people, there are peopleout there who want to do harm,
(34:39):
so we do have to be mindful ofthat. Well, thank you for having
this conversation with me today.
Forever. Good one. I love it. Ithink it's important, and we'd
love to hear from you. Let usknow what you want to talk
about. Let us know if you havequestions about Sharon Ting,
because that is a term that wasnew to me and so.
(35:00):
I would love to hear yourthoughts, but we appreciate you
being here. Go get some R and R,and we will see you next time.
Bye. You.
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