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August 6, 2025 33 mins

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In this third episode of our Shame to Shalom series, we’re looking at failure through a new lens—what if it’s not the end of your story, but the soil where growth begins? We know how shame loves to twist our stumbles into statements about our worth. But there’s another voice—the voice of grace—that says, “Let’s start again. I still trust you.” We share how our own mess-ups have become moments of mercy, and how Jesus, like He did with Peter, meets us not with rejection, but restoration.

We also talk about boundaries—not as punishment, but as protection for what matters. From Proverbs 4:23, we uncover the idea of guarding what’s precious, and how setting limits can help us walk in freedom. Whether it’s resting, resisting unhealthy comforts, or filtering what voices we allow in, boundaries help create space for peace. And when we stumble, our “Look and Learn” tool helps us ask the right questions, process with God, and move forward with honesty and hope. We’re not striving for perfection—we’re learning to walk with Him, right in the middle of the mess.

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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hi and welcome to our podcast Revelation Within on
the Go.
I'm Heidi Biles-Mafferson, oneof your hosts and the owner and
lead coach of theRevelationWithinorg ministry.

Speaker 2 (00:13):
And I'm Christina Motley, your other host, also a
Revelation Within coach, andHeidi's partner in all things
Revelation Within, thingsRevelation Within.

Speaker 1 (00:31):
We are so happy to invite you to join us for this
episode of Revelation Within.
Welcome, welcome.
Well, this is the third episodein our four-part series from
shame to shalom, and we have anew class starting up in
September by the same name.
It'll be, about eight weekslong, but if you've ever

(00:53):
struggled to hold boundarieswith grace or felt stuck in a
cycle of shame after failingagain, after failing again.

Speaker 2 (01:10):
Today's episode is for you, it is, it is, it is,
and it's for me and it's forHeidi too.
We are going to explore what itlooks like to rewrite the story
that Shane tries to tell.
And you know, we all have.
We all have that in our lives.
We all have that story or thosestories, depending on the
season in our life.

(01:30):
It's time to rewrite that story, to shift from failure to
formation.
We're going to talk aboutboundaries, not not as
punishment but as protection,and how to review our missteps
with God's grace, you knowinstead of hiding in guilt.

Speaker 1 (01:52):
That sounds good, doesn't that?

Speaker 2 (01:54):
sound really, really good, and I don't know a person
on this planet that cannotrelate to that.

Speaker 1 (02:01):
Yeah, me too we all deal with that.
So let's just lift up this timeto the Lord together.
Okay, great Jesus, we come toyou open hearted and tired of
straining for perfection.
It's a lie, lord, we can'treach it this side of heaven.
Would you meet us where we'vefallen?

(02:22):
Would you remind us who we areand whose we are?
Teach us to guard what isprecious, not with walls, but
with wisdom.
God, yes, yes, thank you, lord,in Christ's name Amen.

Speaker 2 (02:35):
Amen Thanks.

Speaker 1 (02:35):
Heidi.
Sure, we're going to start withsomething familiar.
I think everybody can relate tothis.
Have you ever said I failedagain?

Speaker 2 (02:46):
Yes, again and again.

Speaker 1 (02:49):
And again, again, again.
That phrase feels kind of likea verdict, it feels like a label
.
It's I'm a failure, I havefailed, I am a failure.
But what if we changed thestory a bit?
But what?

Speaker 2 (03:03):
if we changed the story a bit.
Yeah, so shame turns slip upsinto identity.
It causes us to feel like wewere owned by it.
Right, that's, that's thedirection that shame goes in.
So, for example, I'm just amess like I am.
I am this, it is who I am, itowns me and that's not the

(03:25):
direction we want to go in andit's certainly not the direction
that God goes in.
God rewrites that in John 21.
Peter, who denied Jesus threetimes, is lovingly restored in
that story.
Go back and read it.
It's an amazing story.
Imagine yourself in front ofChrist.

(03:47):
In that story, peter isrestored with love.
Jesus doesn't erase Peter'spast, he reframes it.
He doesn't say, poof, it's gone, it's disappeared.
He actually uses what happenedand reframes it disappeared.
He actually uses what happenedand reframes it.
He says do you love me?

(04:07):
Then feed my sheep.

Speaker 1 (04:11):
And he definitely doesn't say you blew it, you're
out.

Speaker 2 (04:15):
He doesn't say well, this is who you are now.

Speaker 1 (04:18):
You made this choice.

Speaker 2 (04:19):
This is who you are.
He doesn't.
He's not that way.
That's not who God is.
And if you, if you look at, youknow all the stories in the new
Testament where Jesus isinteracting with people.

Speaker 1 (04:38):
This is what he does, he loves, he has compassion and
he reframes Yep.
He says let's start again.
I still trust you.
In fact, that's how grace talks.

Speaker 2 (04:45):
Yes, I love that.
It's how grace talks.

Speaker 1 (04:58):
We want to get in the habit of telling ourselves the
truth about what aligns with theway God thinks, instead of
thinking that God is shaming usor wagging his finger in our
face.
That's a lie from the pit, itis so I mean he's saying our
face, that's a lie from the pit,it is so I mean he's saying
let's start again.
I still trust you.
In Romans 8, 28, we read and weknow that in all things God
works for the good of those wholove him.

Speaker 2 (05:17):
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 (05:19):
It reminds us that even our failures can be compost
for spiritual growth.

Speaker 2 (05:25):
Okay, it can be compost for spiritual growth.

Speaker 1 (05:32):
Let's do a breath prayer for a minute, just to
bring this home, okay.
Great In case, you've never beenwith us for these breath
prayers.
Basically we're just.
We're just calming our bodydown, but we're doing it with a
truth that is in alignment withGod's truth, his very own
thoughts.
Sometimes we use scripture,sometimes we use principles from
scripture, sometimes it's justa truth that God has laid on our

(05:55):
hearts.
And so the truth we're going touse for this breath prayer, on
the inhale, we're going to saymy story is still being written
and we know that's true.
We know that's true.
And then, on the exhale, andyou are a redeemer, I think I
want to say you are the redeemeror my I think I'm going to say

(06:16):
my redeemer.

Speaker 2 (06:17):
I like my also.

Speaker 1 (06:18):
All right.
So I like to start breathpraying by kind of breathing
deeply in and exhaling out andand kind of getting a running
start on it all.
So, so let's go ahead and emptyour lungs of all the air that
we can so exhale and now inhale.

(06:40):
Let's do just that again exhaleand inhale and say my story is
still being written my story isstill being written and on the

(07:01):
exhale say and you are my redeand you are my redeemer.

Speaker 2 (07:05):
And you are my redeemer.

Speaker 1 (07:09):
And then inhale again .
My story is still being written.
And exhale, and you are myredeemer.
Amen.
I love that.
That's so true, you know,recognizing that our missteps

(07:30):
are not wasted but can actuallybe powerful moments, compost,
like we said, that God can useto help us grow.
I love that.
And Romans 8 reminds us thatGod is in fact working all
things together for good, andthat even includes our failures.

Speaker 2 (07:51):
What I don't know about everybody else, but for me
it's like certain areas in mylife I've kind of set aside as
not believing this.
You know what I mean.
It's like, yes, okay, I'm notowned by this, I'm not a failure
here, okay, I can get up andlearn from this.

(08:11):
But, for example, for me, thearea of food and eating and
weight, I set that one aside.
That one was my failure placefor so many years and I didn't
apply this to that.
I didn't.
I didn't apply God's grace tothat.
I struggled with that in a waythat was different from
everything else.

Speaker 1 (08:33):
And it may be something else, for someone else
.

Speaker 2 (08:35):
You know, it may not be that, but I think that for
all of us there's something, atleast one thing, that we often
will say this one doesn't belongin this category, but it does.
There isn't anything thatdoesn't belong in this category,
so think about that.
Maybe there's somebody out therewho's like, yeah, but what

(08:56):
about this?
Yes, this applies to that too.
It does, 100%.
Here is where that grace meetsreal life boundaries.
Okay, let's talk a little bitabout boundaries, and I remember
learning that word kind of forthe first time as applied to
this, and I thought I like thisso much better than restrictions

(09:21):
or rules I knew you'd say itwith me rules, boundaries,
because boundaries aren't aboutperfection or performance and
they're certainly not shamefulnot at all.
They're simply the lovingguardrails, you know, like a
guardrail on a mountain road,guardrails we put around our

(09:41):
hearts to protect what mattersmost.
I actually had a time when Iwas, my life was saved by a
boundary, a guardrail on amountain road.

Speaker 1 (09:55):
No, do tell.

Speaker 2 (09:56):
Yeah, well, back when I was I'm guessing I was well,
let's see, probably earlys inSouthern California and my
husband and I he was myboyfriend then we had borrowed
his mom's car because his carwasn't running and I don't think
I had one at the time orsomething.
Anyway, we borrowed her car andwe went into the mountains and

(10:19):
we ran into snow and ice andthat's really unusual in
Southern California, but if yougo high enough at a certain time
of year, I had never in my lifedriven anywhere where there was
snow or ice.

Speaker 1 (10:34):
And.

Speaker 2 (10:35):
I, it was my turn to drive back and we I crashed into
a guardrail with his mom's car.
Oh dear yeah, A little need forgrace there Mortifying.
And that guardrail was strongand it stopped the car and it

(10:56):
wasn't a big crash, but it wasenough to dent the car, but it
definitely stopped us from goingover the cliff.
And David, you know he was sosweet, he's like I'll take the
blame, I'll say I was driving,but anyway, I will never forget
that Whenever we talk aboutguardrails I think about that.

(11:16):
That guardrail was set up aheadof time.
It was there ahead of time.

Speaker 1 (11:22):
I didn't have to say or if there was a mishap, yeah
Right.

Speaker 2 (11:24):
It wasn't like oh, I'm slipping quick, put up a
guardrail.
It wasn't like that, it wasalready there.
And so it worked, for me itworked for us.
It saved us from going over thecliff and we were pretty high

(11:46):
at the time.
I will never forget that.
Every time I hear the wordguardrail, I think of that story
.
So but if that word ofboundaries, if that makes you
feel at all nervous or guilty,know that you're not alone.
Shame says you set boundariesbecause you're broken right.
I mean that's the language ofshame.
But that's not truth.

Speaker 1 (12:06):
It's not truth.

Speaker 2 (12:08):
Proverbs 4.23 is truth, it's God's words, and he
says above all else, guard yourheart, for everything you do
flows from it.
I mean above all else.
That's pretty clear.
It's actually really extreme.
Above all else, guard yourheart.

(12:29):
So in Hebrew the word for guardnasar means to watch over
something precious.
Oh, this is where it gets sogood.
Boundaries aren't rejection,they're protection.
Gets so good.
Boundaries aren't rejection,they're protection, they're to

(12:49):
protect something precious.
They say this is the languageof boundaries.
From God's point of view,boundaries say I'm worth
preserving.
I'm worth being protected.
I'm worth being watched over,yeah.
Isn't that astonishing?

(13:16):
Yeah, it is.
It's amazing, but what a greatexample.
And, of course, we all know howthat worked out.

Speaker 1 (13:23):
But I think the point , though is at least I think
this is a really valuable pointto ponder for a moment is that
it wasn't about sin.
Boundaries were not about sinin that first establishing of
them with Adam and Eve, and soshame has us redefining it and
taking and twisting whatboundaries are.

(13:46):
But God says no, I want toprotect you, and really that's
what it was about for Adam andEve when God established those
boundaries.
I love that.
Let's take just a minute andinvite y'all who are listening,
and us as well, to kind of bringthis thought home.
We want to join us in invitingGod to show us.

(14:07):
So pray with me and sit, ifyou're able to, in silence, and
we're going to just listen forwhat he says to us.
Lord, what area of my life isvulnerable or out of control in
some way?
Would you show me that rightnow, and I'm just going to be

(14:28):
silent for a moment and inviteyou to do the same what area of
my life, lord, is vulnerable orout of control?
And, lord, what boundary areyou inviting me to set?

(14:55):
What is a boundary from you forme?
Not to punish me, but toprotect what's sacred, lord,
what boundary do you want me toset?
What boundary is from you, notto punish me, but to protect

(15:15):
what is sacred?
Such a good question, and justso you have some ideas of how
this might look.
An example of boundaries godmight have us said is yes to

(15:37):
rest, I need to rest, I morerest.
Not just no to late nightscrolling, because yeah, no to
late night scrolling, but thatmay not be all it may be for the
purpose of rest.
Another example is I will pausebefore I comfort eat and ask

(15:58):
what do I need right now?
That's a really good one.
I'm going to say that again.
I will pause before I comforteat and ask what do I need right
now?
And then here's another examplethat, oh, I bet several of us
at least, could use this as awonderful boundary I will limit

(16:21):
exposure to voices that stirshame in me.
I will limit exposure to voicesthat stir shame in me.
See, these are all examples ofloving godly boundaries.
It may not be what comes to ourmind initially when we think of
boundaries.
We may be more prescriptivethan that or feel like we're

(16:43):
more prescriptive than that, butwhen we invite God in to help
us set boundaries that alignwith his desires for us and his
heart to protect us.
That's when we really getsomewhere with it.
It's not rules.
It's established for protectionof what's precious.

Speaker 2 (17:01):
Yeah, and that feels better, doesn't it?
Yeah, it feels like life, itfeels like something you want to
do, you want to go toward.
We want to be protected, right.
We are precious, you know.

Speaker 1 (17:18):
You know, can I just be honest, true confession?
Yeah, of course, this longingeven though I was I grew up as a
tomboy and I was always a machogirl and all of that stuff,
whatever, whatever, whatever, Iwas strong and healthy, and all
of that I have always had alonging to be protected, to be
protected by somebody who is aprotective figure, you know.

(17:40):
So, not just protected, butsomebody, and I'm so grateful
that I know now that that's myLord, jesus Christ.
But it's like I always longedfor somebody to be accessible,
to intervene, for me to say,nope, not my girl, you're not
going to get to her that way.
I mean, I don't know, maybeeverybody has that feeling I

(18:02):
think everybody does.

Speaker 2 (18:03):
I mean whether we realize it or not.
We might think I don't needthat, but I think we do.
I think that's built into us sothat we are longing for the
Lord in that.

Speaker 1 (18:15):
Because he's the only one that can really do it.
Right, so true, so true.

Speaker 2 (18:20):
I love that.
Thanks for sharing that, heidi.
Okay, let's go ahead and jumpinto another breath prayer.
This one is also beautiful.
You might want to jot it downIf it really resonates with you.
Today we're going to inhale andthen say, boundaries protect
what is precious.
And then we're going to exhaleand say, and Lord, I am precious

(18:44):
to you.
So let's go ahead and take adeep breath and say boundaries
protect what is precious,precious.
Breathe out and say, and Lord,I am precious to you.

(19:06):
Let's do that one again.
Nice deep breath.
Breathe in and say boundariesprotect what is precious.
And breathe out, and Lord, I amprecious to you.

(19:30):
I love this so easy to remember.
That's really easy to remember,such a good one to do
throughout the day when you'rethinking about boundaries.
I love that.

Speaker 1 (19:49):
Oh well, let's talk about what happens after we mess
up, because we know we're goingto mess up this side of heaven.
We won't be perfect, right?
No, not at all, not at all.
And what do most of us want todo when we've messed up?
Yeah, we want to just give upand hide.
Yeah, hide.
The shame comes in, all hide.
Yeah, we want to hide.

Speaker 2 (20:02):
The shame comes in.
All those old mean messagescome back into our brain.
We want to beat ourselves upover it and then we just kind of
drop it and it seems like itwas wasted time.

Speaker 1 (20:15):
Yeah, and that's just .
It doesn't have to be that wayand it shouldn't be that way.
We can experience God's gracein the midst of it, which is a
wonderful truth.
So most of us want to hide.
Shame says you blew it.
Don't let anyone know or see.
And this is so cool because Godsays something entirely
different.

(20:36):
He does In Genesis, chapterthree, verse nine.
He called to Adam and Eve andsaid where are you?
This was right after they hadmessed up big time, as if he
didn't know, right, right, andyou know, what's so cool is that
word in Hebrew, that is thewhere are you part.
It isn't about location, it'srelational.

(20:58):
It means where are you with me,don't you just love that?
I love.

Speaker 2 (21:04):
I do.
That's really really neat,that's amazing and that's our
God, that's the God that we love, the God that we serve, the God
that we know.
He walks into the shame andsays let's talk, let's turn on
all the lights, let's just shinewarm sunshine all over.

(21:25):
Let's walk through thistogether.
Don't no need to hide.
No need to hide.
It's okay, like it's totallyokay, let's talk about this
together.
And that's who our God is, ourGod of compassion and love and
comfort and patience.
That's who he is.
So in Micah 7, verse 8, chapter7, verse 8, it says though I

(21:51):
have fallen, I will rise.
Though I sit in darkness, theLord will be my light.

Speaker 1 (21:58):
I love that I know.

Speaker 2 (22:01):
I mean there's other places in the Bible many
actually where it talks aboutlight and God being light and
how there is no darkness withhim, like he sees every detail
in the darkness.
It's just like light to him.
So I just love it's so assuringto me to know that God is.
Not only is he light, but hesees everything and that's good,

(22:25):
that's good.
So we want to talk a little bittoday about one of our favorite
mind renewal tools, and that islook and learn, and that's what
we're talking about here.
Rather than hiding, runningaway, you know, throwing all the
food wrappers into the bottomof the trash can and turning on
your favorite show so you're notthinking about it.

(22:47):
None of that.
We want to look and learn withthe Lord and bring you know he's
going to bring something good,he's going to teach us.
So the first thing that we dowith look and learn is just ask
God.
Well, the first thing we do isinvite him in always.
Lord, please come into thistime, help me to see the way you

(23:08):
see, open my eyes, shine thelight.
And then we ask him whathappened?
What was that all about?
What was that about?
What happened?
I mean, I totally turned left.
When I thought I was going tobe turning right, something
happened there.
It took me by surprise, ormaybe you had it planned, but

(23:29):
what happened?
Let's just look at it.
And then, what was I feeling?
What was I feeling?
Was I upset in some way?
Was I super excited aboutsomething?
Was I nervous, disappointed,overwhelmed, full of fear?
What was I feeling overwhelmed,full of fear.
What was I feeling?
And then was there a lie that Iwas believing.

(23:53):
Because you know our beliefs iswhat drives what we do, our
actions.
And so was there a lie there?
Probably there was.
Was there a lie that I wasbelieving, something that I need
to look at with you, lord?
And then, what truth.
are you speaking over me, lord?

(24:15):
What truth?
What is true from yourperspective?
Refute the lie.
Help me to see what was wrongso that I can go in a different
direction next time.
And that's where we go, kind of, at the end is show me what can
I do differently next time whenI see this coming again and
it's almost exactly the samething and that happens to us all

(24:38):
the time what can I dodifferently?
That will bring life to me,lord, instead of trap me in
shame again.

Speaker 1 (24:47):
Right, right.
Thank you for that, and it'simportant for me to recognize,
as I take all of this to God,it's not for perfecting anything
no.
It's for walking in moreawareness, becoming more present
with God in the mess.
He is there, See.

(25:11):
I was thinking as Christina,you were talking about how good
it is for him to see everything.
Some of us come from a placewhere that's terrifying.

Speaker 2 (25:17):
Yeah, I think that.

Speaker 1 (25:19):
God sees everything.
We may know it with our head,but it's like, oh, but if he's
mean, if he's disapproving, ifhe's distant, if he's not the
God of all compassion andcomfort, if he's not eager to
demonstrate compassion and grace, like it says he is in his word
, then it's terrifying.
But that's just.

(25:40):
It is who he is.
Makes all the difference in theworld.
So for a person who is notconvinced that they are excited
that God can see all and knowall, just review who he is.
Create a God list, spend sometime praise festing and we've
talked about that in otherpodcasts and stuff Just dive

(26:02):
into the Psalms God, what do youlike?
What?

Speaker 2 (26:04):
do you?

Speaker 1 (26:04):
do for your people, right?
Yes, what do you want me tobelieve?
So that way, as I become morepresent with God in my mess,
it's a joy to hear from him.
I know that he's not wagginghis finger in my face and really
the look and learn tool that wejust shared is a way that we

(26:25):
experience God's grace in themoments throughout our days.
None of us are perfect, sorather than just pretend that's
not a big deal, it didn't botherme that I did X, y or Z or I
better just shake it off andmove on.
Which is what, at the best?
What some of us tend to do?
We can invite him to teach usthrough it.

(26:45):
We can learn so much from ourmess ups.
Let's not let a single one ofthem be wasted.

Speaker 2 (26:51):
Yes, I love that, Heidi.
I love that One of the one ofmy favorite things that you
taught me early on when westarted coaching Heidi.
Um, I remember just thinkingit's going to be okay, I'm going
to mess up again, and that wasjust totally new for me.

Speaker 1 (27:11):
Really.

Speaker 2 (27:12):
It was after so many years of being owned by my
failure.
You said something like you'regoing to mess up.
Christina.
Just be ready for it with theLord, have the plan in place
that was so freeing for me.

Speaker 1 (27:27):
And a lot of people would say that's wrong.
That's wrong, You're sinningand you shouldn't do that
anymore.
Really, what is most consistentwith God's character?
I look in God's word andclearly he knew we were going to
mess up repeatedly.
That's why Jesus came and gavehimself on the cross and then

(27:50):
defeated the grave andresurrected is because he knew I
would need the power that heoffers me to defeat sin.
And so really it's it's aprocess.

Speaker 2 (28:03):
It's just, it goes on , and on, and on until we get to
heaven.
I mean, when you think abouthis relationships with his
disciples, that is the examplefor us.
They messed up over and, overand over again and Jesus knew it
was going to happen and hechose them anyway.

(28:24):
He didn't choose perfect peoplenot that there are any but he
didn't choose perfect people tobe his.
There are any, but he didn'tchoose perfect people to be his
disciples.
They were all kind of a mess.
So that's comforting to me.
Let's take a moment to speakpraise to the God who protects
and restores and walks with usin the darkness.

(28:45):
Let's take a moment to do that.
So, god, you are my refuge whenI'm overwhelmed.
You speak grace where I speakjudgment.
You call me precious.
You guard my heart because itmatters to you.

(29:06):
I love those.
Those are awesome.

Speaker 1 (29:10):
We could go on and on and have a regular full-on
praise fest.

Speaker 2 (29:14):
We could.
I was thinking about it.

Speaker 1 (29:18):
Oh, I love the truth about what God is like and what
he does for us.
He does, he is our refuge.
He does speak grace where wespeak judgment to ourselves.
It makes me think of thatLauren Daigle song where you say
I am yours and I say I'msomething else I forget how it
goes, but yeah, it's really good.
You know it's important.

(29:38):
You are not a failure.
I am not a failure.
You are a learner, I'm alearner.
Your story isn't over.
My story isn't over, it'sunfolding.
It's unfolding and it's sacred.
God's boundaries are love inaction, and his grace is still

(30:00):
the loudest, most powerful voice, and we love that truth.

Speaker 2 (30:04):
I love it too.
You know, I went for a walkthis morning and God and I made
this little agreement, probablya couple of years ago, that
every time I go for a walk bymyself I start with praising him
every single time for the firstfew minutes.
And it was so good.
It was so good.

(30:24):
I've had a lot of worrieslately Quite a lot of worries.
Yeah, I've been a lot ofworries lately.
You think Quite a lot ofworries.
Yeah, I've been diagnosed withbreast cancer and I'm on this
whole new life journey that I'venever been on before.
And starting my day, my walk,my drive, whatever it is

(30:45):
starting with praise, it changeseverything.
Yeah, it turns my heart towardhim.
It calms my fears, it remindsme that God is on his throne and
, no matter what's going tohappen next, no matter what it
is, he's right there and he'spowerful and amazing and

(31:06):
beautiful and compassionate, andhe's crazy about me and he's
crazy about you, right?
So, yeah, that's that is one ofour best.
Maybe it is our best tool.
Yes, praising God.
It renews our minds and itrestores our hope, our spirits.
Wow, it's powerful.
So next time we're going to betalking about the practical

(31:32):
steps of rebuilding trust withyour body and letting peace, not
pressure, lead your next rightstep.

Speaker 1 (31:42):
That sounds amazing, yes, and until then, live loved,
live true, live from shalom.
That's what we do when we liveout of the love God has for us.

Speaker 2 (31:54):
Yes, yes, and we are so glad that you've been with us
today, so glad, and we wouldlove to invite you to join us
for our next episode ofRevelation Within Revelation
Within On the Go.
Come and join us, we'd love tosee you again.

Speaker 1 (32:15):
Yay, bye for now.
Bye for now.
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