May 28, 2025 • 38 mins
In this episode, we get real about the counterfeit comforts we each reach for when life feels too heavy—whether that’s emotional eating, perfectionism, scrolling, or even throwing ourselves into ministry. We open up about how our personal stories shaped these patterns. Heidi shares how growing up with alcoholic parents taught her to cope through control and performance, while Christina talks about how her mom’s trauma from WWII in Germany created a legacy of anxiety and over-functioning in her own life. These habits may look harmless, but they often mask a deeper ache we’re trying to numb.
We also talk about how family history and cultural messages feed these false comforts and how even “good” things—like spiritual routines—can become a way to avoid real connection with God. But there’s hope. Scripture invites us to bring our struggles into the light and let God meet us in the very places we tend to hide. Instead of running from discomfort, we’re learning to pause and invite God in—right in the middle of our mess. Tune in and join us as we unpack the beginning of this healing journey.
Learn more about our Revelation Within Community: https://www.revelationwithin.org
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hi and welcome to our podcast Revelation Within On
the Go.
I'm Heidi Biles-Maepperson, oneof your hosts and the owner and
lead coach of theRevelationWithinorg ministry.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
And I'm Christina Motley, your other host, also a
Revelation Within coach andHeidi's partner in all things
Revelation Within, and we're sohappy to invite you to join us
for this episode of RevelationWithin on the go.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Oh well, welcome, welcome.
We're so glad you are with us.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
We are so glad.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Well, today's episode is personal.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Did you say personal?
Personal, oh my gosh, it's raw.
Raw Whoa.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
We're talking about why we turn to what we at
Revelation Within callcounterfeit comforts.
You know things like overeating, over-controlling,
over-scrolling, overspending andso much more yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Oh, my goodness.
This is a topic that both Heidiand I know intimately, and we
have talked about it together.
We've talked to the world aboutit.
Our classes and our coaching.
This is near and dear to ourhearts for sure.
So our hope is that, as weunpack this, you'll see that
(01:31):
you're not alone in thisstruggle and, most important of
all, you'll see that there ishope.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Yes, and this is actually part one of two.
We're going to do two episodeson this topic.
Today, though, let's just divein by talking about okay, so
what is a counterfeit comfort?
Really, a counterfeit comfortcan be anything, but it's a
temporary, false solution thatwe might turn to in order to
(02:01):
numb discomfort or avoid pain.
I don't want to feel the way Ifeel, so I turn to what we call
a counterfeit comfort, and, ofcourse, you can think of your
own examples.
I mean like overeating,restricting social media,
scrolling, like we mentioned,overspending, overexercising
perfectionism.
That's one, too.
Do you have any others to addto the list, christina?
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Oh boy, you know, it's really, it's really just
over anything.
It can even be good things.
It can be overworking, you know, spending too much time at the
office, it could be all kinds ofthings it could be too much
ministry work.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Yes, it can.
I know that from experience Toomuch watching sports, playing
video games.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
It can be things that are not at all actually bad.
It's just the reason that we goand then it's like our time is
just gone.
It's like falling into a blackhole of where did the day go?
Where did the hour go?
You know what's happened.
I don't have time for this, andyeah, so it really can be over
(03:11):
anything.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Yeah, that made me go back in time to when my mom
died in 2012 and I hadn't playedvideo games in a really long
time and I always loved videogames and I went and bought a
video game and I spent hours andhours not thinking about my mom
, not thinking about my grief,and yeah, anyway.
(03:35):
So here's the thing, though,that it's not just an obvious,
overt discomfort that we'reavoiding or trying to numb
ourselves to.
It might even just be thethoughts that we have discomfort
in our own headspace, and wewant to escape that inner
turmoil, like the way I feltwith my mom when she passed away
(03:56):
.
It was, there was so much leftunsaid and so many regrets that
I knew she had, and certainlythat I did as well.
So for me that's, I wanted toescape thinking about it.
It wasn't like I had adiscomfort in an actual
situation that I wanted to avoid, but, wow, definitely in my
(04:16):
head.
Yes.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Well, I'm going to throw another one out there too,
that I've heard a lot recently,and that is when you're in pain
or physical discomfort.
That's another reason to youknow that many of us are like
just give me something todistract me from this, right,
get me out of this place ofthinking about my own pain,
(04:38):
whether it's emotional but alsophysical physical.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
You're right, definitely.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Yeah, so second Corinthians one, verses three
and four, says praise be to theGod and father of our Lord Jesus
Christ, the father ofcompassion and the God of all
comfort, who comforts us in allour troubles, so that we can
comfort those in any troublewith the comfort we ourselves
(05:04):
receive from God.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Yeah, this is such a great verse.
You know, if I really knew Godas the God of all comfort, if I
knew the Lord that way.
Wow, you know he comforts me.
I'm going to personalize thisthe God of all comfort comforts
me in all my troubles.
Yes, Whoa, Wouldn't that beamazing?
(05:28):
I mean, I know it's true withmy head, but do I live like I
believe it?
So, Christina, what are some ofyour most common counterfeit
comforts and how do they show upin sneaky ways, even now?
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Well, the biggest one , of course, that I've talked
about many, many, many times isfood and eating.
That's the one that really haskind of owned me for so many
years.
It does not own me anymore,hallelujah, yes, definitely, but
that is one that will stillpull me, especially when
circumstances are reallydifficult.
(06:07):
That will come up again.
So, really just in the last fewdays I've really been
struggling with some prettysevere symptoms with the chronic
Lyme disease, and what's thefirst thing that came up in my
mind was I need to go getsomething to eat, and it should
be this or that or this, youknow, like I.
Just that does come up again,although I know what to do about
(06:31):
it now.
Another one you mentioned asneaky one.
A sneaky one for me issurrounding myself with people
and activity.
That's a sneaky one, and it's alittle bit trickier right now
because it's just my husband andI in the house.
Last night he got home and hesaid where are all the cookies
(06:54):
that you made yesterday?
And I said, yeah, there's noone else I can blame.
I ain't them, it's like justthe two of us.
But that's okay.
I mean, I can tell him that andhe understands.
But surrounding myself withpeople, distraction activity.
(07:14):
That's one of my favorite waysto favorite ways and it's a good
thing.
It's not a bad thing.
But if I'm doing that tocomfort myself when what I
really need to do is go to theLord and talk with him and share
with him and hear what he hasto say about things happening in
(07:35):
my life, I don't want to missthat.
I don't want to miss that bybeing so quote unquote busy with
other people, other things.
That's kind of a sneaky one, Ithink, for me.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Yeah, that's a really good point.
You know, having been inministry to primarily women
Christian women, who primarilystruggle with food and eating as
their primary counterfeitcomfort for so many years, I
know that many times there'sbeen a sense of frustration why
can't I get this right?
And in a lot of the researchand training and whatnot that I
(08:13):
just exposure to people andtheir stories, I have found that
there is a lot of family oforigin influence that has
impacted us and I want to makethis clear to anybody who hears
me when I speak of this.
I'm not interested and I do notbelieve it's a godly answer in
blaming anybody for whatever itis I struggle with, it doesn't
(08:35):
matter what I struggle with inthis particular instance.
I do not believe we look atthese things so that we can
blame.
We are grown women and men ofGod who have the Holy Spirit of
God living in us.
God has given us everything weneed for life and godliness and
we just don't appropriate itmuch of the time.
But we are influenced deeply.
(08:57):
So it doesn't define me that Iwas born and raised a certain
way, but it does affect me.
I want to bring that to God inan ongoing, sometimes hourly
basis.
I was a child who grew up raisedby two older parents and they
had a lot of issues the way theycoped with their own discomfort
(09:24):
and they had lots ofcounterfeit comforts and they
were very deep.
My parents were both alcoholics.
They physically mistreated eachother and me and they also
watch TV constantly.
Back in the day we didn't havecable or computer or anything
like that, but they modeleddysfunction and I grew up in
(09:44):
that.
I mean talk about a Petri dishfor dysfunction of my own.
That became my normal.
This is how we handle things isby excess of something that we
wouldn't ordinarily turn to,maybe, but in my case a lot of
things.
I turned to food and eating anddrinking soda nonstop, like my
(10:08):
parents did alcohol.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Diet soda, by the way .
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Still, you know, I have thought about that, I've
thought there's another beveragein my hand.
How similar that is to myparents.
So what I saw of them.
Now, I don't blame them for mechoosing now to do these things
to cope and there's nothingwrong with diet soda,
necessarily there's nothingwrong with a lot of the things
but it's why, why do I turn tothese things?
(10:37):
And yes, there's family oforigin influence, but I now can
do something about that.
But I have to be willing to lookat it in order to even know and
ask God, god, walk with methrough this and let's do this
together.
How about you, christina?
Do you have anything like thatthat you know came from an
(10:57):
earlier influence?
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Yeah Well, I was raised with a mom who had had a
childhood of trauma.
It's a little different, butit's kind of interesting that
way, and really I haven't.
I'm still working this out, Ithink, with the Lord.
In just a few weeks ourfamily's going on a trip to
where she grew up and we'regoing to be there with family in
(11:20):
Europe and Germany and I don'tknow, I feel like maybe God's
going to use that for somehealing for me, with my mom and
some of what happened.
So my mom grew up during WorldWar II in Germany.
Her city was actually bombed.
Her family starved for years.
It was like trauma with areally big T at the front of it
(11:43):
right.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
I remember hearing her story.
It was shocking the things sheexperienced.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
Yes, I mean it is.
It really?
Her life could be like a youknow a TV drama, or could write
a book about it.
I didn't, you know, think aboutany of that.
Of course, while I was beingraised, not until even just the
last several years but as achild and then as a teenager, I
(12:13):
watched her kind of act out as aperson who had never processed
or dealt with or really allowedherself to feel or talk about
any of what happened to hergrowing up and even into her 20s
and early 30ies before she cameto the United States.
And so I watched.
I watched her and was part ofher very dysfunctional way of
kind of exploding emotionally orgoing away and being completely
(12:37):
unavailable one extreme or theother.
Our house was, you know,oftentimes it was just kind of
chaotic emotionally and I wasvery angry with her for a long
time about that.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
I hated the way she was.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Yeah, I felt very unsafe around her.
Now I have to say my mom was anamazing woman.
She was, and I loved her withmy whole heart and she loved me
with her whole heart.
So all of that is true, but itwas hard and and and so that
nothing is negated.
(13:14):
That was said before.
And it was hard.
And my dad would just come tome and say, christina, can't you
just make peace with your mom,can't you do?
Just do what she says, justfigure this out so that it's not
so bad for her.
And I just I was like no, I'mgoing to.
You know cause I'm this and I'mright and I'm going to.
(13:36):
I mean I was feisty as ateenager, so we had a lot of
fights.
Anyway, I watched her cope withfood, I watched her cope with,
like I said, kind ofdisappearing so going away, like
being completely unavailable,shutting down, and I watched her
try to cope with emotionaloutbursts that were very painful
(14:00):
and hurtful my whole life.
So, yeah, definitely, I meanthere were a lot of things there
that I took right into myadulthood.
You just can't help it.
And it wasn't her fault thatshe grew up during World War II.
I mean, again, like you said,heidi, I'm not blaming her at
all and she's in heaven now andall is well and healed, and I
(14:22):
can't wait to see her again.
Anyway, there's just noquestion.
We just can't ignore the factthat, when we look back, there
are reasons for what's happeningwith what we're struggling with
now.
You know some of the peoplethat have come to our classes,
some of the people that I'vecoached one-on-one.
They might begin by saying Idon't have anything.
(14:45):
You know, my childhood wasperfectly wonderful.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
I had such loving and compassionate parents and
that's great.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
That's yes, Well, it is great, except that nobody's
perfect.
No, parents are perfect, right,and so it's okay to.
It's not only okay, it's reallyimportant to be able to look
back, you know, look back withthe Lord and say you know what?
What?
Show me some things that canhelp me.
Now, why am I?
(15:15):
Why am I stuck in this pattern,or this pattern?
Where did that come from?
It might not be your parents,maybe it was some other
influence when you were younger.
But everything comes fromsomething.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
Right Absolutely.
But everything comes fromsomething Right Absolutely.
And it's interesting to me howwhat we experienced as young
could be young kids could be aswe got older and on into high
school and maybe even collegeyears.
All of those things kind ofform and shape us, especially if
we don't know any better, if wedon't know oh wait, red alert.
(15:49):
You know this is going toimpact me in how I choose food
over running to God.
We don't have those kind ofalarms.
So those heartaches and thosedisappointments, oftentimes what
we have seen and learned andexperienced as kids and young
adults kind of teach us to grabit, something that numbs before
(16:09):
we even realize what's happening.
And what I have found over thecourse of my life is I have to
believe that this is true and Ithink that science even bears
this out.
Is that well?
And I think the scripture doestoo.
But is that I taught myself,inadvertently taught myself,
that survival requiredovereating?
(16:31):
That sounds crazy, becauseobviously physically it doesn't
sound crazy, but it's like I amuncomfortable, I am scared or I
am depressed or I am, and Ican't handle these emotions and
you know what it's like to feellike I just can't handle anymore
, I am beyond my capacity andfood from early age was attached
to that, sneaking was attachedto that for me.
(16:53):
And so now, as I hate to tellyou, I'm 62.
Am I 62 or am I 63?
I'm 63 this year because you'reseven years older than me,
Anyway it's really something torealize that now, this many
years later, it's like my bodyhas been trained.
My nervous system thinks thatsurvival requires overeating,
(17:17):
and it doesn't.
And it's a lie, and I have to.
This is why we teach renewingof our minds, because we want to
establish new neural pathways,right yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
You know, the other thing that I was just thinking
about as you were talking, heidi, is that the world sends us a
message too, that we, we deserveto numb and check out and over
this and over that, because lifeis too hard and we can't handle
it.
And so here's your reward, theworld, at least here in our
(17:53):
nation I can't speak for all thenations, certainly.
I think that here in America wereally have trouble with that.
There is a strong message, andI hear it from everyone, I know,
and that's okay.
I mean, I don't like blame them, but do you hear this all the
time?
Oh, christina, you're havingsuch a hard week, you know, let
(18:14):
me bring you this to eat, or whydon't you go get yourself a
fancy coffee?
It's like culturally normalright now in our world, here
where we live, to rewardyourself with over something you
know.
Yeah, and that's that's hardsometimes.
I think it feels very normalfor us, not just food, but all
(18:37):
kinds of things.
Oh, let's go get a drink sothat you can calm down, you know
, or whatever it is.
There is a real, a reallystrong message.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
Well, there's a standard, this expectation that
discomfort doesn't need to be,we don't need to deal with it.
We can, you know, jettison it.
We don't have to feeluncomfortable in our own skin,
we don't have to do that.
And I really keep coming backto I think a lot of times it was
modeled to us and then theculture, of course, contributes
to that.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
It's not only that.
There's almost a message thatsays you can't be uncomfortable,
like you need to escape yourdiscomfort as fast as possible.
I feel like there's a messagelike that more and more and that
so many of us our lives arebusy and difficult and this
happens, that's hard and thisand the world says don't go
(19:29):
there, don't feel it, getsomething else going.
You know, do something else oringest something else so that
you don't have to deal withthose feelings Like run away.
I feel like the world is oftentelling us run away, don't deal
with it, it's too hard, youcan't.
I mean, we've got the world.
(19:50):
We've got our past, ourfamilies, our upbringing.
In Proverbs 22, 6, we readstart children off on the way
they should go, and even whenthey are old, they will not turn
from it.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
The trick is what happens when we were trained in
unhealthy ways.
This proverb is still true.
My parents taught me the way Ishould go.
According to them, you know,use substance to numb your pain.
And now I'm not turning from itas rapidly and consistently and
(20:28):
committedly as I would like.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
But I mean, really isn't that freeing in a way,
just to be able to say?
It feels like sometimes ithelps me to just say what's
happening, just say what's true,it's like bring it out in the
light.
Oh, yeah definitely there's nocondemnation in Christ.
Not at all.
There's no shame.
You know, we all come fromchallenges.
(20:54):
We all have these things in ourlives that have happened, not
all the same exactly, but yeah,I mean, let's just talk about it
.
Let's have the courage to talkabout it instead of running away
.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
I know for me because chaos was associated with
basically abuse.
As a child growing up, I wentcrazy with control at one point
in my life in the nineties,1990s and the two thousands I
yes, I used control and dietingand exercise to prove that I had
(21:34):
control of my life and theworld and my kids' lives and my
husband's life.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
And you know what?
It's so interesting how thatkind of restriction actually
felt righteous but, it's reallystill a different side of the
same coin.
It's still a way to not dealwith reality.
It's still a way to numbdiscomfort, because if I were to
(22:01):
not numb discomfort, I wouldhave to look at it, hopefully
with the Lord.
That's always what we recommendinvite God in.
But I would have to look at itwith him and say what am I not
willing to process?
Right now, I want to slap allthese band-aids over it.
I want to run another hour anda half on the treadmill, or I
want to do another set ofStairmaster exercise, whatever
(22:24):
it might be, or write down allof the things that I am not
eating, whatever it might be, orwrite down all of the things
that I am not eating, whateverit might be.
I mean and that's where, again,you mentioned it earlier,
christina even good things canbecome counterfeit when they're
driven by this sense of fear oravoidance.
Or I can't sit in it.
I just can't sit in it.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
Yeah, you know, that makes me think about you know,
think back to kind of beingnewly married and having young
kids and kind of way back then Idid.
I felt this kind of pressure toput all of these things into
our lives.
That would make it rightsomehow.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
(23:07):
For example, we have to be in asmall group at church.
We have to be that's one of thethings we have to do and we
have to sit down at the tabletogether and eat, and the kids
should be in an activity atleast one each and I should be
getting up in the morning andhaving a quiet time, and I
(23:27):
should do this with work andthis with my husband, and the
list goes on and on.
I'm getting exhausted listeningto you.
I know Well.
That's why, when you and Istarted coaching Heidi, which
was 11 years ago, one of thethings that you had me do was
write out all of those things.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
I remember.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Do you remember?
And I thought, well, I mean,what is the big deal here?
This is what I'm supposed to do, and going to the gym and
exercising was part of that, andeating a certain way was part
of that.
And, oh my gosh, there were somany things and you had me write
them all out and take them tothe Lord and ask him which ones
(24:10):
of these are you calling me toand which ones am I calling
myself to?
Basically from pressures, frombeliefs and lies, maybe from the
past or culture, whatever it is.
And you know what?
There was a very smallpercentage, very small, that I
felt like God was calling me toafter I brought it to him and,
(24:33):
wow, that was freeing.
Heidi.
I've told that story so manytimes.
I'll never forget it, because Iwas causing myself to be living
a life of stress, stress yeah.
And overwork and over busy andover activity, and so you know
(24:54):
what that did.
It caused me to be a personthat needed to be comforted all
the time.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
Right, oh goodness.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Because I was so stressed and putting so much
pressure on myself, and also tolook a certain way.
Certainly, you know, to dress acertain way, to have a house
that looked a certain way.
I am grateful because, boy, Ifelt like I was carrying the
weight of the world.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
You know, it's interesting you mentioning all
of the different things that youwere trying to put into place,
because that's what you do whenyou're married and you want to
have a family that's happy andgodly, and all of that stuff.
I did similar things.
I created binders and I madeforms that I would check off
boxes and it's like, wow, youknow, it makes me think of
Colossians 2.23.
(25:38):
That says such regulationsindeed have an appearance of
wisdom.
Yeah, they look wild.
Wow, she's got her act together.
Look at her goat.
Yeah, they look quiet.
Wow, she's got her act together.
Look at her goat.
Yes, but the verse goes on tosay they lack any value in
restraining sensual indulgence.
They don't change my heart,they don't change my neural
(25:59):
pathways either.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
Right, yes, yes, and not that there's anything wrong
with a list and those kinds ofthings.
Right and cleaning, and and allof that being a part of a small
group, I mean there's nothingwrong oh, we love those things
yeah.
Yeah, what's not right is thatpressure, living in that place
of stress where it's like we'vecreated this storm that we're
(26:23):
living in.
And I mean some storms comealong and we don't create them
at all and they are just lifeRight, right and it happens and
it's hard.
But I'm just going to challengemyself and anybody who's
listening is your storm partlyself-created?
You know, I think we do that toourselves sometimes in an effort
(26:44):
to grab some control, becauselife is messy and chaotic and it
sure would be nice to put ourducks in a row.
I can't even find mine at thispoint.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Ducky, ducky.
Where are they?
They're not even out front.
Well, and it's so interestingbecause, depending upon you know
what church tradition orwhatever you're a part of, you
might have seen control actuallybe played out as a counterfeit
comfort in your Christiancircles.
(27:19):
I know I have.
Oh my gosh.
I mean I, I raised my kids, Ihomeschooled them.
Talk about a bunch of controlfreaks no offense, anybody, I
was one too.
But man alive, oh my gosh.
And it's like I remember comingout of homeschooling and I was
going to write an article forhomeschoolers magazine but I
(27:41):
knew they would hate it becauseI was going to outline why you
should not program your kids tohave Bible time as part of their
schoolwork and all kinds ofother things that were going to
blow the lid.
I mean, I had done all of thethings.
I had done all of the thingsand I felt like this is the way
I am, honor God, this is the wayI bless my family.
(28:03):
You know, I think I juststressed everybody out and then
we all needed to comfortourselves.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
Yes, and then there was me at the same time I didn't
know you at the same time withall my kids in public school,
thinking have I screwed thiswhole thing up?
Should I be homeschooling?
And it's like ah, thing up,should I be homeschooling?
And it's like ah, we put somuch pressure on ourselves and
all the while God is just like.
Here I am.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
Fix your eyes on me.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
I am the God of all comfort.
I have the wisdom, I have yourstrength.
You know it's like oh my gosh,and we're just spinning around
like the Tasmanian devil.
Do you remember that guy?
Remember how he looked when heslowed down and you could see
his face?
Yeah, that's exactly the waythat we do sometimes.
(28:58):
We just do.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
Yeah, have you ever known someone who seems to
thrive on stress?
They?
Speaker 2 (29:03):
actually seem to create it, oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
Intentionally almost.
Yeah, well, it can be acounterfeit comfort.
It is, it definitely is.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
Yeah, I mean, it's crazy to think that's true.
And usually that person wouldsay are you kidding me?
No way, Like that's not what Ido.
But it's like yeah, you createdyour own storms.
Yeah, it is pouring rainbecause of you.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Yeah, no, kidding.
Well, and we're not going to goa lot into the healing part of
this discussion until nextepisode.
But the one thing we'll say ishealing is really not linear, it
doesn't just go steadily, it'slike anything.
You know, I know Christina hashas dealt with Lyme disease now
(29:50):
for 10 years or more 11 years,yeah and she's had seasons of
feeling better and look, I'mgetting better, I'm getting well
and then had major setbacks.
And I was the same way with myhealing from my health crisis in
2014, where I thought I wasgetting the use of my legs back
in a way that was more familiarto me as an athlete, and then no
(30:13):
, it stopped at one point for me.
And the same is true of ourhealing from the trauma or
experiences we've had that havebeen disappointing.
People have disappointed us.
That's just the.
I mean, we live in a Genesisthree world.
We are all interacting all day,every day, with a bunch of
sinners, and we're doing thesame, you know, and so I hate to
(30:36):
put it so bluntly, but there isno way we are unscathed.
And here's another thing justgoing back in time to what is it
?
2021 or whatever it was, if youlive through the COVID crisis
in the world.
You have been through trauma.
You just have, unless you wereon an island in the middle of
nowhere or hiding under a rock.
(30:59):
So we have to have compassiontowards ourselves in this
process of feeling thatsometimes it's going to feel
like oh man, I did all that workand now where am I?
I'm back to the beginning, orworse, right, you know.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
Yeah, I think one of the things that we say a lot, I
think, to people who come toRevelation Within and we say it
to ourselves as well is don'trush.
You know what, what's the rush?
Slow down, let's take our time,embrace the journey, otherwise
(31:35):
we won't get there.
Yeah, you know, because we'veall been in such a rush for so
many years and we don't seem tobe getting there.
What we need to do is slow down,embrace the journey, normalize
being on a journey rather thanrushing to the destination,
whatever that might be Right.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
And really having a different perspective, and we
talk about this in our classesas well.
What is God's view of so-calledfailure when we have these
three step back moments or years, or whatever it might be, where
all the growth we thought wehad is seems to be gone?
You know we hate that, don't we?
We hate that God allows it tohappen so that he can show us
(32:22):
what it means to truly bedependent on him.
It's not a failure that definesus.
It is something that can teachus.
Our healing path is a pathfilled with opportunities to
grow and learn not just behealed, but to grow and learn
and it really, when push comesto shove, it's God's pace and
(32:45):
not ours.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
It is and it's valuable.
It has value, the stumblesgetting up learning.
I mean, that's one of myfavorite things about what we
teach at Revelation Within iswhat do I do with messing up,
with stumbling, with failing,with what I feel like is going
backwards?
But I'm really not goingbackwards.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
No no.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Every time I'm going forwards and that is so
incredibly freeing.
It's a relief because prettymuch everywhere everyone else
says oh, you know, you werealmost there and you failed
again.
Go back and start over.
No, no, no, and that is not atall the way God designed us to
(33:30):
live.
So I love that idea ofembracing the journey and not
being afraid to stumble, to trip, to mess up, because those are
learning opportunities, like yousaid, Heidi, and I mean, I
think, of some of the greatestmilestones in my journey.
They came after hard things.
They came after the kind ofstumble where you really scrape
(33:53):
your knee and it's like bleedingall the way down.
I'm thinking back to when I wasroller skating as a girl.
I roller skated so much andsome of the falls were just a
little bruise and others werelike blood everywhere.
But it's like those arevaluable.
God has purpose for all thosehard times.
(34:15):
He won't waste anything.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
I love that God looks to our future and he is the one
that holds responsibility forus becoming what he's calling us
to be.
We don't have to put thatpressure on ourselves.
We don't need our binder withour graphs and our charts.
Philippians 1.6 says he whobegan a good work in you will
(34:38):
carry it on to completion.
If I was to do scripture, wordfocus, one of our mind renewal
tools.
He who?
Who is that?
He who it is God.
He who became a good work in youwill he will carry it on, and
not just carry it on and on, andon, but to completion.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
He really will, he will, he will, yeah.
So, just as we close, we wantto just leave you with this
thought Counterfeit comforts aredeeply rooted, but Christ
offers real comfort, and notjust comfort, but actual healing
.
He is doing something new in usall the time.
(35:22):
There is hope in him to be freeof old patterns and old lies and
the old, all the old.
There is hope here.
So just a couple of questionsfor you to think about as we go.
What counterfeit comforts am Iturning to right now, when I'm
feeling uncomfortable, when I'mstressed, when I'm exhausted,
(35:44):
what do I go to?
What is my go-to and what wouldit look like to invite God into
that space, even for just aminute or two, before going to
the counterfeit?
That won't really satisfy you,it won't really fill you at all.
It'll fall short.
What would it look like to goto God instead?
Speaker 1 (36:07):
You know, and something we've talked about
with our participants, a lot is.
You know God is there in yourcounterfeit comfort.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
He's there.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
So what would it look like to invite God into that
space also?
So like if you are findingyourself diving into a
counterfeit comfort?
Grab that moment as a sacredone, where you're recognizing
his presence.
He doesn't shun you or rejectyou.
(36:38):
Christ took all of that onhimself when he went to the
cross, and the father turned hisface away from Jesus, so that
we would never experience therejection from God.
the father so, recognizing thatGod is here, he is with me in
this counterfeit comfort.
Right now I can have a sacredmoment right now.
(37:00):
I mean, that's crazy to thinkabout.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
Yeah right.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
But isn't it true, don't you think?
Speaker 2 (37:05):
Absolutely.
It's so true, and this issomething that so many of us
have a hard time with.
But when you are in the middleof that counterfeit, ask God to
be in it with you.
That is really the best firststep that we can think of.
The first step, whether you'reovereating step that we can
think of.
The first step whether you'reovereating, over drinking, over
exercising, over controlling,over scrolling, whatever you're
(37:29):
doing, overworking, invite Godin and just let him be there
with you, sense his presencewith you.
He loves you.
He loves you.
All he wants to do is be inrelationship with you, and so
that is the beginning, isinviting him into the
counterfeit, don't be afraid todo that.
(37:51):
He is so ready to show youcompassion.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
Yes, and next time we're going to talk more about
counterfeit comforts left behindas we move towards
christ-centered confidence andthat healing I'm looking forward
to that coming to us and we'llsee you next time at revelation
within on the go bye for now,thanks, bye, see you next time.
Hi and welcome to our podcast Revelation Within On
the Go.
I'm Heidi Biles-Maepperson, oneof your hosts and the owner and
lead coach of theRevelationWithinorg ministry.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
And I'm Christina Motley, your other host, also a
Revelation Within coach andHeidi's partner in all things
Revelation Within, and we're sohappy to invite you to join us
for this episode of RevelationWithin on the go.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Oh well, welcome, welcome.
We're so glad you are with us.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
We are so glad.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Well, today's episode is personal.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Did you say personal?
Personal, oh my gosh, it's raw.
Raw Whoa.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
We're talking about why we turn to what we at
Revelation Within callcounterfeit comforts.
You know things like overeating, over-controlling,
over-scrolling, overspending andso much more yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Oh, my goodness.
This is a topic that both Heidiand I know intimately, and we
have talked about it together.
We've talked to the world aboutit.
Our classes and our coaching.
This is near and dear to ourhearts for sure.
So our hope is that, as weunpack this, you'll see that
(01:31):
you're not alone in thisstruggle and, most important of
all, you'll see that there ishope.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Yes, and this is actually part one of two.
We're going to do two episodeson this topic.
Today, though, let's just divein by talking about okay, so
what is a counterfeit comfort?
Really, a counterfeit comfortcan be anything, but it's a
temporary, false solution thatwe might turn to in order to
(02:01):
numb discomfort or avoid pain.
I don't want to feel the way Ifeel, so I turn to what we call
a counterfeit comfort, and, ofcourse, you can think of your
own examples.
I mean like overeating,restricting social media,
scrolling, like we mentioned,overspending, overexercising
perfectionism.
That's one, too.
Do you have any others to addto the list, christina?
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Oh boy, you know, it's really, it's really just
over anything.
It can even be good things.
It can be overworking, you know, spending too much time at the
office, it could be all kinds ofthings it could be too much
ministry work.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Yes, it can.
I know that from experience Toomuch watching sports, playing
video games.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
It can be things that are not at all actually bad.
It's just the reason that we goand then it's like our time is
just gone.
It's like falling into a blackhole of where did the day go?
Where did the hour go?
You know what's happened.
I don't have time for this, andyeah, so it really can be over
(03:11):
anything.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Yeah, that made me go back in time to when my mom
died in 2012 and I hadn't playedvideo games in a really long
time and I always loved videogames and I went and bought a
video game and I spent hours andhours not thinking about my mom
, not thinking about my grief,and yeah, anyway.
(03:35):
So here's the thing, though,that it's not just an obvious,
overt discomfort that we'reavoiding or trying to numb
ourselves to.
It might even just be thethoughts that we have discomfort
in our own headspace, and wewant to escape that inner
turmoil, like the way I feltwith my mom when she passed away
(03:56):
.
It was, there was so much leftunsaid and so many regrets that
I knew she had, and certainlythat I did as well.
So for me that's, I wanted toescape thinking about it.
It wasn't like I had adiscomfort in an actual
situation that I wanted to avoid, but, wow, definitely in my
(04:16):
head.
Yes.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Well, I'm going to throw another one out there too,
that I've heard a lot recently,and that is when you're in pain
or physical discomfort.
That's another reason to youknow that many of us are like
just give me something todistract me from this, right,
get me out of this place ofthinking about my own pain,
(04:38):
whether it's emotional but alsophysical physical.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
You're right, definitely.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Yeah, so second Corinthians one, verses three
and four, says praise be to theGod and father of our Lord Jesus
Christ, the father ofcompassion and the God of all
comfort, who comforts us in allour troubles, so that we can
comfort those in any troublewith the comfort we ourselves
(05:04):
receive from God.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Yeah, this is such a great verse.
You know, if I really knew Godas the God of all comfort, if I
knew the Lord that way.
Wow, you know he comforts me.
I'm going to personalize thisthe God of all comfort comforts
me in all my troubles.
Yes, Whoa, Wouldn't that beamazing?
(05:28):
I mean, I know it's true withmy head, but do I live like I
believe it?
So, Christina, what are some ofyour most common counterfeit
comforts and how do they show upin sneaky ways, even now?
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Well, the biggest one , of course, that I've talked
about many, many, many times isfood and eating.
That's the one that really haskind of owned me for so many
years.
It does not own me anymore,hallelujah, yes, definitely, but
that is one that will stillpull me, especially when
circumstances are reallydifficult.
(06:07):
That will come up again.
So, really just in the last fewdays I've really been
struggling with some prettysevere symptoms with the chronic
Lyme disease, and what's thefirst thing that came up in my
mind was I need to go getsomething to eat, and it should
be this or that or this, youknow, like I.
Just that does come up again,although I know what to do about
(06:31):
it now.
Another one you mentioned asneaky one.
A sneaky one for me issurrounding myself with people
and activity.
That's a sneaky one, and it's alittle bit trickier right now
because it's just my husband andI in the house.
Last night he got home and hesaid where are all the cookies
(06:54):
that you made yesterday?
And I said, yeah, there's noone else I can blame.
I ain't them, it's like justthe two of us.
But that's okay.
I mean, I can tell him that andhe understands.
But surrounding myself withpeople, distraction activity.
(07:14):
That's one of my favorite waysto favorite ways and it's a good
thing.
It's not a bad thing.
But if I'm doing that tocomfort myself when what I
really need to do is go to theLord and talk with him and share
with him and hear what he hasto say about things happening in
(07:35):
my life, I don't want to missthat.
I don't want to miss that bybeing so quote unquote busy with
other people, other things.
That's kind of a sneaky one, Ithink, for me.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Yeah, that's a really good point.
You know, having been inministry to primarily women
Christian women, who primarilystruggle with food and eating as
their primary counterfeitcomfort for so many years, I
know that many times there'sbeen a sense of frustration why
can't I get this right?
And in a lot of the researchand training and whatnot that I
(08:13):
just exposure to people andtheir stories, I have found that
there is a lot of family oforigin influence that has
impacted us and I want to makethis clear to anybody who hears
me when I speak of this.
I'm not interested and I do notbelieve it's a godly answer in
blaming anybody for whatever itis I struggle with, it doesn't
(08:35):
matter what I struggle with inthis particular instance.
I do not believe we look atthese things so that we can
blame.
We are grown women and men ofGod who have the Holy Spirit of
God living in us.
God has given us everything weneed for life and godliness and
we just don't appropriate itmuch of the time.
But we are influenced deeply.
(08:57):
So it doesn't define me that Iwas born and raised a certain
way, but it does affect me.
I want to bring that to God inan ongoing, sometimes hourly
basis.
I was a child who grew up raisedby two older parents and they
had a lot of issues the way theycoped with their own discomfort
(09:24):
and they had lots ofcounterfeit comforts and they
were very deep.
My parents were both alcoholics.
They physically mistreated eachother and me and they also
watch TV constantly.
Back in the day we didn't havecable or computer or anything
like that, but they modeleddysfunction and I grew up in
(09:44):
that.
I mean talk about a Petri dishfor dysfunction of my own.
That became my normal.
This is how we handle things isby excess of something that we
wouldn't ordinarily turn to,maybe, but in my case a lot of
things.
I turned to food and eating anddrinking soda nonstop, like my
(10:08):
parents did alcohol.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Diet soda, by the way .
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Still, you know, I have thought about that, I've
thought there's another beveragein my hand.
How similar that is to myparents.
So what I saw of them.
Now, I don't blame them for mechoosing now to do these things
to cope and there's nothingwrong with diet soda,
necessarily there's nothingwrong with a lot of the things
but it's why, why do I turn tothese things?
(10:37):
And yes, there's family oforigin influence, but I now can
do something about that.
But I have to be willing to lookat it in order to even know and
ask God, god, walk with methrough this and let's do this
together.
How about you, christina?
Do you have anything like thatthat you know came from an
(10:57):
earlier influence?
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Yeah Well, I was raised with a mom who had had a
childhood of trauma.
It's a little different, butit's kind of interesting that
way, and really I haven't.
I'm still working this out, Ithink, with the Lord.
In just a few weeks ourfamily's going on a trip to
where she grew up and we'regoing to be there with family in
(11:20):
Europe and Germany and I don'tknow, I feel like maybe God's
going to use that for somehealing for me, with my mom and
some of what happened.
So my mom grew up during WorldWar II in Germany.
Her city was actually bombed.
Her family starved for years.
It was like trauma with areally big T at the front of it
(11:43):
right.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
I remember hearing her story.
It was shocking the things sheexperienced.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
Yes, I mean it is.
It really?
Her life could be like a youknow a TV drama, or could write
a book about it.
I didn't, you know, think aboutany of that.
Of course, while I was beingraised, not until even just the
last several years but as achild and then as a teenager, I
(12:13):
watched her kind of act out as aperson who had never processed
or dealt with or really allowedherself to feel or talk about
any of what happened to hergrowing up and even into her 20s
and early 30ies before she cameto the United States.
And so I watched.
I watched her and was part ofher very dysfunctional way of
kind of exploding emotionally orgoing away and being completely
(12:37):
unavailable one extreme or theother.
Our house was, you know,oftentimes it was just kind of
chaotic emotionally and I wasvery angry with her for a long
time about that.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
I hated the way she was.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Yeah, I felt very unsafe around her.
Now I have to say my mom was anamazing woman.
She was, and I loved her withmy whole heart and she loved me
with her whole heart.
So all of that is true, but itwas hard and and and so that
nothing is negated.
(13:14):
That was said before.
And it was hard.
And my dad would just come tome and say, christina, can't you
just make peace with your mom,can't you do?
Just do what she says, justfigure this out so that it's not
so bad for her.
And I just I was like no, I'mgoing to.
You know cause I'm this and I'mright and I'm going to.
(13:36):
I mean I was feisty as ateenager, so we had a lot of
fights.
Anyway, I watched her cope withfood, I watched her cope with,
like I said, kind ofdisappearing so going away, like
being completely unavailable,shutting down, and I watched her
try to cope with emotionaloutbursts that were very painful
(14:00):
and hurtful my whole life.
So, yeah, definitely, I meanthere were a lot of things there
that I took right into myadulthood.
You just can't help it.
And it wasn't her fault thatshe grew up during World War II.
I mean, again, like you said,heidi, I'm not blaming her at
all and she's in heaven now andall is well and healed, and I
(14:22):
can't wait to see her again.
Anyway, there's just noquestion.
We just can't ignore the factthat, when we look back, there
are reasons for what's happeningwith what we're struggling with
now.
You know some of the peoplethat have come to our classes,
some of the people that I'vecoached one-on-one.
They might begin by saying Idon't have anything.
(14:45):
You know, my childhood wasperfectly wonderful.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
I had such loving and compassionate parents and
that's great.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
That's yes, Well, it is great, except that nobody's
perfect.
No, parents are perfect, right,and so it's okay to.
It's not only okay, it's reallyimportant to be able to look
back, you know, look back withthe Lord and say you know what?
What?
Show me some things that canhelp me.
Now, why am I?
(15:15):
Why am I stuck in this pattern,or this pattern?
Where did that come from?
It might not be your parents,maybe it was some other
influence when you were younger.
But everything comes fromsomething.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
Right Absolutely.
But everything comes fromsomething Right Absolutely.
And it's interesting to me howwhat we experienced as young
could be young kids could be aswe got older and on into high
school and maybe even collegeyears.
All of those things kind ofform and shape us, especially if
we don't know any better, if wedon't know oh wait, red alert.
(15:49):
You know this is going toimpact me in how I choose food
over running to God.
We don't have those kind ofalarms.
So those heartaches and thosedisappointments, oftentimes what
we have seen and learned andexperienced as kids and young
adults kind of teach us to grabit, something that numbs before
(16:09):
we even realize what's happening.
And what I have found over thecourse of my life is I have to
believe that this is true and Ithink that science even bears
this out.
Is that well?
And I think the scripture doestoo.
But is that I taught myself,inadvertently taught myself,
that survival requiredovereating?
(16:31):
That sounds crazy, becauseobviously physically it doesn't
sound crazy, but it's like I amuncomfortable, I am scared or I
am depressed or I am, and Ican't handle these emotions and
you know what it's like to feellike I just can't handle anymore
, I am beyond my capacity andfood from early age was attached
to that, sneaking was attachedto that for me.
(16:53):
And so now, as I hate to tellyou, I'm 62.
Am I 62 or am I 63?
I'm 63 this year because you'reseven years older than me,
Anyway it's really something torealize that now, this many
years later, it's like my bodyhas been trained.
My nervous system thinks thatsurvival requires overeating,
(17:17):
and it doesn't.
And it's a lie, and I have to.
This is why we teach renewingof our minds, because we want to
establish new neural pathways,right yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
You know, the other thing that I was just thinking
about as you were talking, heidi, is that the world sends us a
message too, that we, we deserveto numb and check out and over
this and over that, because lifeis too hard and we can't handle
it.
And so here's your reward, theworld, at least here in our
(17:53):
nation I can't speak for all thenations, certainly.
I think that here in America wereally have trouble with that.
There is a strong message, andI hear it from everyone, I know,
and that's okay.
I mean, I don't like blame them, but do you hear this all the
time?
Oh, christina, you're havingsuch a hard week, you know, let
(18:14):
me bring you this to eat, or whydon't you go get yourself a
fancy coffee?
It's like culturally normalright now in our world, here
where we live, to rewardyourself with over something you
know.
Yeah, and that's that's hardsometimes.
I think it feels very normalfor us, not just food, but all
(18:37):
kinds of things.
Oh, let's go get a drink sothat you can calm down, you know
, or whatever it is.
There is a real, a reallystrong message.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
Well, there's a standard, this expectation that
discomfort doesn't need to be,we don't need to deal with it.
We can, you know, jettison it.
We don't have to feeluncomfortable in our own skin,
we don't have to do that.
And I really keep coming backto I think a lot of times it was
modeled to us and then theculture, of course, contributes
to that.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
It's not only that.
There's almost a message thatsays you can't be uncomfortable,
like you need to escape yourdiscomfort as fast as possible.
I feel like there's a messagelike that more and more and that
so many of us our lives arebusy and difficult and this
happens, that's hard and thisand the world says don't go
(19:29):
there, don't feel it, getsomething else going.
You know, do something else oringest something else so that
you don't have to deal withthose feelings Like run away.
I feel like the world is oftentelling us run away, don't deal
with it, it's too hard, youcan't.
I mean, we've got the world.
(19:50):
We've got our past, ourfamilies, our upbringing.
In Proverbs 22, 6, we readstart children off on the way
they should go, and even whenthey are old, they will not turn
from it.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
The trick is what happens when we were trained in
unhealthy ways.
This proverb is still true.
My parents taught me the way Ishould go.
According to them, you know,use substance to numb your pain.
And now I'm not turning from itas rapidly and consistently and
(20:28):
committedly as I would like.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
But I mean, really isn't that freeing in a way,
just to be able to say?
It feels like sometimes ithelps me to just say what's
happening, just say what's true,it's like bring it out in the
light.
Oh, yeah definitely there's nocondemnation in Christ.
Not at all.
There's no shame.
You know, we all come fromchallenges.
(20:54):
We all have these things in ourlives that have happened, not
all the same exactly, but yeah,I mean, let's just talk about it
.
Let's have the courage to talkabout it instead of running away
.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
I know for me because chaos was associated with
basically abuse.
As a child growing up, I wentcrazy with control at one point
in my life in the nineties,1990s and the two thousands I
yes, I used control and dietingand exercise to prove that I had
(21:34):
control of my life and theworld and my kids' lives and my
husband's life.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
And you know what?
It's so interesting how thatkind of restriction actually
felt righteous but, it's reallystill a different side of the
same coin.
It's still a way to not dealwith reality.
It's still a way to numbdiscomfort, because if I were to
(22:01):
not numb discomfort, I wouldhave to look at it, hopefully
with the Lord.
That's always what we recommendinvite God in.
But I would have to look at itwith him and say what am I not
willing to process?
Right now, I want to slap allthese band-aids over it.
I want to run another hour anda half on the treadmill, or I
want to do another set ofStairmaster exercise, whatever
(22:24):
it might be, or write down allof the things that I am not
eating, whatever it might be, orwrite down all of the things
that I am not eating, whateverit might be.
I mean and that's where, again,you mentioned it earlier,
christina even good things canbecome counterfeit when they're
driven by this sense of fear oravoidance.
Or I can't sit in it.
I just can't sit in it.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
Yeah, you know, that makes me think about you know,
think back to kind of beingnewly married and having young
kids and kind of way back then Idid.
I felt this kind of pressure toput all of these things into
our lives.
That would make it rightsomehow.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
(23:07):
For example, we have to be in asmall group at church.
We have to be that's one of thethings we have to do and we
have to sit down at the tabletogether and eat, and the kids
should be in an activity atleast one each and I should be
getting up in the morning andhaving a quiet time, and I
(23:27):
should do this with work andthis with my husband, and the
list goes on and on.
I'm getting exhausted listeningto you.
I know Well.
That's why, when you and Istarted coaching Heidi, which
was 11 years ago, one of thethings that you had me do was
write out all of those things.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
I remember.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Do you remember?
And I thought, well, I mean,what is the big deal here?
This is what I'm supposed to do, and going to the gym and
exercising was part of that, andeating a certain way was part
of that.
And, oh my gosh, there were somany things and you had me write
them all out and take them tothe Lord and ask him which ones
(24:10):
of these are you calling me toand which ones am I calling
myself to?
Basically from pressures, frombeliefs and lies, maybe from the
past or culture, whatever it is.
And you know what?
There was a very smallpercentage, very small, that I
felt like God was calling me toafter I brought it to him and,
(24:33):
wow, that was freeing.
Heidi.
I've told that story so manytimes.
I'll never forget it, because Iwas causing myself to be living
a life of stress, stress yeah.
And overwork and over busy andover activity, and so you know
(24:54):
what that did.
It caused me to be a personthat needed to be comforted all
the time.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
Right, oh goodness.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Because I was so stressed and putting so much
pressure on myself, and also tolook a certain way.
Certainly, you know, to dress acertain way, to have a house
that looked a certain way.
I am grateful because, boy, Ifelt like I was carrying the
weight of the world.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
You know, it's interesting you mentioning all
of the different things that youwere trying to put into place,
because that's what you do whenyou're married and you want to
have a family that's happy andgodly, and all of that stuff.
I did similar things.
I created binders and I madeforms that I would check off
boxes and it's like, wow, youknow, it makes me think of
Colossians 2.23.
(25:38):
That says such regulationsindeed have an appearance of
wisdom.
Yeah, they look wild.
Wow, she's got her act together.
Look at her goat.
Yeah, they look quiet.
Wow, she's got her act together.
Look at her goat.
Yes, but the verse goes on tosay they lack any value in
restraining sensual indulgence.
They don't change my heart,they don't change my neural
(25:59):
pathways either.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
Right, yes, yes, and not that there's anything wrong
with a list and those kinds ofthings.
Right and cleaning, and and allof that being a part of a small
group, I mean there's nothingwrong oh, we love those things
yeah.
Yeah, what's not right is thatpressure, living in that place
of stress where it's like we'vecreated this storm that we're
(26:23):
living in.
And I mean some storms comealong and we don't create them
at all and they are just lifeRight, right and it happens and
it's hard.
But I'm just going to challengemyself and anybody who's
listening is your storm partlyself-created?
You know, I think we do that toourselves sometimes in an effort
(26:44):
to grab some control, becauselife is messy and chaotic and it
sure would be nice to put ourducks in a row.
I can't even find mine at thispoint.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Ducky, ducky.
Where are they?
They're not even out front.
Well, and it's so interestingbecause, depending upon you know
what church tradition orwhatever you're a part of, you
might have seen control actuallybe played out as a counterfeit
comfort in your Christiancircles.
(27:19):
I know I have.
Oh my gosh.
I mean I, I raised my kids, Ihomeschooled them.
Talk about a bunch of controlfreaks no offense, anybody, I
was one too.
But man alive, oh my gosh.
And it's like I remember comingout of homeschooling and I was
going to write an article forhomeschoolers magazine but I
(27:41):
knew they would hate it becauseI was going to outline why you
should not program your kids tohave Bible time as part of their
schoolwork and all kinds ofother things that were going to
blow the lid.
I mean, I had done all of thethings.
I had done all of the thingsand I felt like this is the way
I am, honor God, this is the wayI bless my family.
(28:03):
You know, I think I juststressed everybody out and then
we all needed to comfortourselves.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
Yes, and then there was me at the same time I didn't
know you at the same time withall my kids in public school,
thinking have I screwed thiswhole thing up?
Should I be homeschooling?
And it's like ah, thing up,should I be homeschooling?
And it's like ah, we put somuch pressure on ourselves and
all the while God is just like.
Here I am.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
Fix your eyes on me.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
I am the God of all comfort.
I have the wisdom, I have yourstrength.
You know it's like oh my gosh,and we're just spinning around
like the Tasmanian devil.
Do you remember that guy?
Remember how he looked when heslowed down and you could see
his face?
Yeah, that's exactly the waythat we do sometimes.
(28:58):
We just do.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
Yeah, have you ever known someone who seems to
thrive on stress?
They?
Speaker 2 (29:03):
actually seem to create it, oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
Intentionally almost.
Yeah, well, it can be acounterfeit comfort.
It is, it definitely is.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
Yeah, I mean, it's crazy to think that's true.
And usually that person wouldsay are you kidding me?
No way, Like that's not what Ido.
But it's like yeah, you createdyour own storms.
Yeah, it is pouring rainbecause of you.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Yeah, no, kidding.
Well, and we're not going to goa lot into the healing part of
this discussion until nextepisode.
But the one thing we'll say ishealing is really not linear, it
doesn't just go steadily, it'slike anything.
You know, I know Christina hashas dealt with Lyme disease now
(29:50):
for 10 years or more 11 years,yeah and she's had seasons of
feeling better and look, I'mgetting better, I'm getting well
and then had major setbacks.
And I was the same way with myhealing from my health crisis in
2014, where I thought I wasgetting the use of my legs back
in a way that was more familiarto me as an athlete, and then no
(30:13):
, it stopped at one point for me.
And the same is true of ourhealing from the trauma or
experiences we've had that havebeen disappointing.
People have disappointed us.
That's just the.
I mean, we live in a Genesisthree world.
We are all interacting all day,every day, with a bunch of
sinners, and we're doing thesame, you know, and so I hate to
(30:36):
put it so bluntly, but there isno way we are unscathed.
And here's another thing justgoing back in time to what is it
?
2021 or whatever it was, if youlive through the COVID crisis
in the world.
You have been through trauma.
You just have, unless you wereon an island in the middle of
nowhere or hiding under a rock.
(30:59):
So we have to have compassiontowards ourselves in this
process of feeling thatsometimes it's going to feel
like oh man, I did all that workand now where am I?
I'm back to the beginning, orworse, right, you know.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
Yeah, I think one of the things that we say a lot, I
think, to people who come toRevelation Within and we say it
to ourselves as well is don'trush.
You know what, what's the rush?
Slow down, let's take our time,embrace the journey, otherwise
(31:35):
we won't get there.
Yeah, you know, because we'veall been in such a rush for so
many years and we don't seem tobe getting there.
What we need to do is slow down,embrace the journey, normalize
being on a journey rather thanrushing to the destination,
whatever that might be Right.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
And really having a different perspective, and we
talk about this in our classesas well.
What is God's view of so-calledfailure when we have these
three step back moments or years, or whatever it might be, where
all the growth we thought wehad is seems to be gone?
You know we hate that, don't we?
We hate that God allows it tohappen so that he can show us
(32:22):
what it means to truly bedependent on him.
It's not a failure that definesus.
It is something that can teachus.
Our healing path is a pathfilled with opportunities to
grow and learn not just behealed, but to grow and learn
and it really, when push comesto shove, it's God's pace and
(32:45):
not ours.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
It is and it's valuable.
It has value, the stumblesgetting up learning.
I mean, that's one of myfavorite things about what we
teach at Revelation Within iswhat do I do with messing up,
with stumbling, with failing,with what I feel like is going
backwards?
But I'm really not goingbackwards.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
No no.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Every time I'm going forwards and that is so
incredibly freeing.
It's a relief because prettymuch everywhere everyone else
says oh, you know, you werealmost there and you failed
again.
Go back and start over.
No, no, no, and that is not atall the way God designed us to
(33:30):
live.
So I love that idea ofembracing the journey and not
being afraid to stumble, to trip, to mess up, because those are
learning opportunities, like yousaid, Heidi, and I mean, I
think, of some of the greatestmilestones in my journey.
They came after hard things.
They came after the kind ofstumble where you really scrape
(33:53):
your knee and it's like bleedingall the way down.
I'm thinking back to when I wasroller skating as a girl.
I roller skated so much andsome of the falls were just a
little bruise and others werelike blood everywhere.
But it's like those arevaluable.
God has purpose for all thosehard times.
(34:15):
He won't waste anything.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
I love that God looks to our future and he is the one
that holds responsibility forus becoming what he's calling us
to be.
We don't have to put thatpressure on ourselves.
We don't need our binder withour graphs and our charts.
Philippians 1.6 says he whobegan a good work in you will
(34:38):
carry it on to completion.
If I was to do scripture, wordfocus, one of our mind renewal
tools.
He who?
Who is that?
He who it is God.
He who became a good work in youwill he will carry it on, and
not just carry it on and on, andon, but to completion.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
He really will, he will, he will, yeah.
So, just as we close, we wantto just leave you with this
thought Counterfeit comforts aredeeply rooted, but Christ
offers real comfort, and notjust comfort, but actual healing
.
He is doing something new in usall the time.
(35:22):
There is hope in him to be freeof old patterns and old lies and
the old, all the old.
There is hope here.
So just a couple of questionsfor you to think about as we go.
What counterfeit comforts am Iturning to right now, when I'm
feeling uncomfortable, when I'mstressed, when I'm exhausted,
(35:44):
what do I go to?
What is my go-to and what wouldit look like to invite God into
that space, even for just aminute or two, before going to
the counterfeit?
That won't really satisfy you,it won't really fill you at all.
It'll fall short.
What would it look like to goto God instead?
Speaker 1 (36:07):
You know, and something we've talked about
with our participants, a lot is.
You know God is there in yourcounterfeit comfort.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
He's there.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
So what would it look like to invite God into that
space also?
So like if you are findingyourself diving into a
counterfeit comfort?
Grab that moment as a sacredone, where you're recognizing
his presence.
He doesn't shun you or rejectyou.
(36:38):
Christ took all of that onhimself when he went to the
cross, and the father turned hisface away from Jesus, so that
we would never experience therejection from God.
the father so, recognizing thatGod is here, he is with me in
this counterfeit comfort.
Right now I can have a sacredmoment right now.
(37:00):
I mean, that's crazy to thinkabout.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
Yeah right.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
But isn't it true, don't you think?
Speaker 2 (37:05):
Absolutely.
It's so true, and this issomething that so many of us
have a hard time with.
But when you are in the middleof that counterfeit, ask God to
be in it with you.
That is really the best firststep that we can think of.
The first step, whether you'reovereating step that we can
think of.
The first step whether you'reovereating, over drinking, over
exercising, over controlling,over scrolling, whatever you're
(37:29):
doing, overworking, invite Godin and just let him be there
with you, sense his presencewith you.
He loves you.
He loves you.
All he wants to do is be inrelationship with you, and so
that is the beginning, isinviting him into the
counterfeit, don't be afraid todo that.
(37:51):
He is so ready to show youcompassion.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
Yes, and next time we're going to talk more about
counterfeit comforts left behindas we move towards
christ-centered confidence andthat healing I'm looking forward
to that coming to us and we'llsee you next time at revelation
within on the go bye for now,thanks, bye, see you next time.
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