April 30, 2025 • 31 mins
“His Nuts Were HOWLING!” – Gay Erotica Goodreads Review Breakdown 😳
The Queens get hot under the collar in this steamy and hilarious breakdown of a 1 Star Goodreads Review for the gay BDSM erotica novella Loser Takes All by Cora Knight. Chelsey airs a relatable kvetch about last-minute cancellations before Trey drops a genre bombshell and unveils the most dramatic cold read of the season.
From Free Tad’s Nads to wonton ass confusion, this episode zips, howls, and winks its way through cringe-worthy excerpts, questionable metaphors, and a wildly expressive review that blends GIFs, formatting flair, and just enough grammar to leave an impact. It’s bold. It’s ridiculous. And it might just be Review Queen-worthy. 👑
PLUS: An ode to wanton vs wonton, the pitfalls of poorly written smut, and a Royal Highness dedicated to unexpected upgrades.
⏰ Timestamps:
- (00:00:00) Introduction
- (00:01:25) Lodge A Complaint – Last-Minute Cancellations
- (00:04:49) Review Breakdown – Loser Takes All by Cora Knight
- (00:26:18) The Verdict
- (00:29:16) My Royal Highness
- (00:31:45) On This Week’s After Show Pod – Beige Palazzo Pants
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Everybody's got an opinion.
Every Californian, Virginian inVirginia, it's so hard to tell
who to cho and who to ignore.
Someone's gotta settle The Score.
Trey and Chelsey will helpyou choose who's win, which.
(00:31):
Hello.
Well, hello and welcome to Review That.
Review the steamy podcastthat is dedicated to reviewing
reviews Chelsey.
Dawn doesn't know why we're doingthis, but that is Chelsey Donn,
(00:52):
and that is Trey Gerrald.
But together.
Just call us the Review Queen
you watching on YouTube orlistening on your podcast app.
Know why I am using this tone of voice.
Chelsey still in the dark, but hereat Review That Review, we believe in
balance, the good, the bad, and the covet.
(01:16):
So it's only fair that we take aquick little moment to fetch it out.
Chelsey, is there anythingthat you would like to
Lodge A Complaint
about today?
Ah, don't you know it?
All right.
I mean, let's go with a realtime complaint, because why not?
I hate last minute cancellations,last minute change of plans.
(01:40):
I just, it really bothers me.
I have an intention when I set upmy schedule, especially like if I'm
setting it up a week in advance,two weeks in advance, and I'm
anticipating this one thing happening.
And then all of a suddenthe 11th hour gets canceled.
That sucks.
It's so disappointing.
Mm-hmm.
(02:00):
It ruins the whole mojo.
It ruins the flow.
I gotta recalibrate, Igotta start over again.
It's jarring to me.
I get it.
Like sometimes people are like, I lovewhen people last when it cancel on plans.
I'm in my thirties, I just wannastay home in my bed and snuggle.
I kind of get that too sometimes.
I like do want the friendto cancel last minute.
(02:22):
But most of the time Imake plans with intention.
And so if I've intentionally made thatplan, if I've intentionally revved up
the energy to accommodate that event orthat happening, I expect it to happen.
And when it gets canceled lastminute, it really just throws me.
(02:43):
Can you relate?
Oh my.
Look, plans are plans for a reason.
Yes, there are moments when you're likeso thrilled that there's a change of
plans, but no, a last minute cancellation.
If you're supposed to comeand clean my house at four and
at one 30, you cancel on me.
Which Chelsey is experiencing.
That's right.
That is inappropriate.
I hate that that goes in the ledger.
All right, well,
(03:07):
should we hear other peoplecomplain about things?
Should we let someone else getsomething off their chest perhaps.
They're large chest, small chest.
I don't know.
I feel like this is gonna beinvolving something sensual.
Hmm.
I wonder why you're picking up on that.
Yeah, let's do it.
Okay.
Before we do, Hey.
(03:28):
Hi.
Hi.
You're watching this on YouTube.
We're on Spotify.
Why don't you just do a reallybig solid over on YouTube.
Click that subscribe button.
Give us a little thumbs up.
Leave us a comment.
Would ya?
Would ya?
Please.
We love hearing from you.
Comment away, review away.
(03:48):
Leave us a five star review.
While you're at it, do all thethings you could possibly do to
help keep the show in the air.
We appreciate you.
We do.
Speaking of, why don't we
Review That?
Review.
As you know, you're your trustee.
Review Queens.
We bring in internet reviews thatwe feel need to be inspected.
(04:12):
We read you a review.
We break it down.
We rate the impact of that reviewon a scale from zero to five crowns.
It's a very regal process, but we call
Assess That Kvetch.
That's right, and Trey.
It is your turn and you've been hinting atsome things with me, so I'm very curious
to know what are we reviewing today?
(04:34):
All right.
Today we're gonna do somethingcompletely brand new.
Oh my goodness.
Okay.
It's a new topic and oh, I'm gonnapresent the review in a way we've
never done it before, so, okay.
Today, Chelsey, you and I. Oh, okay.
Also, disclaimer, our incredible editor,doc Sheena, is gonna be helping us today
because we are gonna work really hard.
(04:55):
Uh, to navigate throughthe YouTube sensors.
Okay, so we are gonnabe rating and reviewing.
This is a one star Good reads reviewwritten by someone named Claudia
C or does that say Claudia Claud
Claud Dick.
(05:15):
Actually, you know what, it's claudie andthey have a little crescent moon emoji.
Ah, so it's Claudie.
Sorry, Claudie Claudie.
But it looks like it could beClaudia or CLA C, but it's Claudie.
Okay.
Okay.
Claudia's, one star.
Good reads of you four.
(05:36):
This is where we're doingsome censorship, so, okay.
This is listed as the genre on Good Reads.
MM Romance.
This is a phrase you cannot sayon YouTube, but it's four letters
that represent a genre of, um.
Um, how do I say this?
(05:58):
The first letter is B, the last letteris M. There's also like a, a letter
D in there, and there's also s andthere's also an S somewhere in there.
Okay.
And then this is a phrase you cannotsay on YouTube, um, but it's not
exotic, but it's similar to exotic.
Okay.
(06:18):
Um, contemporary romance.
Gay for you?
Novella.
Those are the genres.
Those,
mm Like male.
Male.
Male.
Okay.
This is a male.
Male romance.
Okay.
Novel.
Got
it.
Okay.
Okay.
This is, um, actually a series, soit's the up ending TAD Romance series
(06:42):
ending tad.
Okay.
Volume one.
All right.
Is a journey of erotic discovery.
And the title of this book is Loser TakesAll The novelist's name is Cora Knight.
Okay, so this is CLA one star.
(07:02):
Good Reads, review for Loser Takes All.
I just want you all to know thatat the time of recording, loser
Takes All, which is part one in theseries, has a 4.05 overall out of.
3,387 ratings, and I just want togive you this brief description
(07:25):
before we read the review.
So, okay.
This is on Good Reads.
Tad's Weekend started out likeany other, hitting a college frat
party with a handful of buddies,but just as the evening hits its
peak, things get upended fast.
Pitched by his drunkentrolling friends, tad.
(07:46):
Winds up getting hustled bythree jocks playing poker.
Now he's forced to pay his dues in themost outlandish of ways, accepting a
couple broken bones, or spending anhour with his victor's favorite flogger.
Scott, but the tantalizing torturequickly proves to be the least of Tad's
(08:08):
worries da da dot, and the kickoff of anight of raw shocking lust experience.
The graphic minute by minute account ofthat hour spent at the hands of Tad's.
Insatiable Tormentor addictingchemistry lights the stage as Scott
Ignites Tad's reluctant desiresinto a frenzy, a forbidden need.
(08:32):
Scott and Tad, those are quite the names.
Scott and Tad.
The author's name is Cora Knight.
Yeah, that seems very lusty.
So also, I don't think I'veheard the name Tad since like
win a date with Tad Hamilton.
Oh yeah.
Remember that one?
Mm-hmm.
Topher Grace.
Yes.
Also a weird name.
(08:52):
Topher.
Okay.
Topher.
Also, keep in mind thisis a 63 page novella.
Okay?
Um, I believe it's only availableon Kindle, so background, okay.
Not saying that that means anything.
So Chelsey, I'm gonna point to youwhen it's your time to hit the slide.
Okay?
And then I'm gonna read what's on theslide, which I don't know what it is.
(09:13):
This is a cold read.
I've sent Chelsey, A PDF.
This will make sense as we read through.
So I'm gonna give youthe little clue to hit.
Okay.
You're gonna read what's on the slide.
Okay.
And then you're gonna zip it.
I'm gonna keep, keep reading.
I've just extracted moments fromClaudia's review that Chelsey gonna read.
Got it.
And then I'll continue reading.
Okay.
Is there a style you'dlike me to read it in?
(09:34):
No nos, I think.
I think you're gonna understand.
Okay.
You know what kind of novel this is?
Yep.
Okay.
This was written November of 2022.
One star, the longest 60pages I have ever read.
(09:54):
Uh, emoji of a face, like, ah, it wasbasically one long, drawn out sex scene,
which wouldn't necessarily be a bad thingif it hadn't been so horribly written.
Boring and repetitive, theexact opposite of what I wanted,
(10:14):
which was quick and dirty.
Sexy smut.
I started highlightingafter the first 15 or so.
Because this was just ridiculous.
A handful of pants was Tad's only reply.
Every time I read the sentence,I see someone literally
(10:35):
holding out a handful of pants.
His nuts were howling to get free.
You mean Scott didn't gag them?
Hashtag free Tads nads.
Free just Tad was irrevocably floored.
(10:57):
Few things in his life had felt this good.
Honestly, he could barely think of onemost likely, something pertaining to his.
Yep, that would be my guess as well.
(11:18):
He plunged his tongue deep.
It darted inside Tad's recesses
skull.
Skull emoji.
The sound of a zipper descendingtantalized, Tad's ears.
(11:46):
Scott just found the infamous.
Prostate
sounds like a game achievement.
Unleashing a fiery, it's,
it's super effective.
(12:08):
Oh.
Wait,
he didn't have a problem with gazeor the activities they engaged in.
How one said gay standing right behind him
was presently blowing his
(12:28):
mind.
You don't say
what?
Making his engorged roar with need.
More gags needed.
Your pink little snatch isjust so damn accommodating
(12:50):
skull emoji.
Make your wink at my
skull emoji.
Aw Tad, you should see yourshy little anus begging for
my fuck Tad Cringed mortified.
(13:15):
Believe me, tad, you're not the onlyone emoji of a girl holding her head.
The guy was clearly into Tad.
Not just his wonton.
I think it's
wanton.
(13:36):
I think it's pronounced
wanton.
Okay.
Okay, okay.
Okay.
Not just his
wanton.
Maybe he just wanted some Chinese tad.
Alright, we're all the same bitch
making his all, but how
(14:02):
his genitals are particularlyvocal, aren't they?
Ditching the idea to liberate his eyes.
Hashtag free Tads dash
Richter.
Five earthquakes, upended.
(14:23):
Did they move to the kitchen?
I had a good laugh or two, I won't lie.
But other than that, this was, oh my god.
Awful.
It was Ws, Ws.
And you were that.
You got the joke.
I got the joke aquatic.
(14:44):
Is that how you spell
wanton And, uh.
Or did he misspell it?
Well, let's get into thatbecause are, are they the
same spelling?
I don't know.
Do you
think that, do you think that,
oh my God, that was funny.
Try,
I don't know what key words we can say,but is, is this the kind of literature you
go to for correct spelling and grammar?
I don't know this.
Okay.
(15:06):
I went back and forth about if, ifthis could even be attempted to be
discussed on, on YouTube with all ofthe like, you know, whatevers, um, but.
Oh my gosh.
There's nothing more deliciousto me than these romance novels
'cause they're just so absurd.
Yes.
(15:27):
What's there for you?
I know, I know it was hard for you 'causeyou were being active and and engaging.
So like I can send you the reviewas well if you wanna like read it.
I thought it was, it was reallyfunny in a way that it was like,
let's just let the evidence
speak for itself,
speak for itself.
You know,
so funny.
I
could give you a review or Icould just let you read some
(15:51):
excerpts, some highlights, somehighlights of what I experienced.
Save you 60 pages and find your smut.
Elsewhere,
so, okay.
But that's a big, um, discrepancy I findhere because the reason I wanted to read
the actual description on Good, on GoodReads is because they say that it's a,
(16:13):
an a graphic minute by minute account,and then Claudie starts by saying it,
it's one long drawn out sex scene.
Well, that's what they describeit as, minute by minute graphic.
But then they do circleback by saying, but.
Like I wanted to be quick and dirty.
(16:33):
As long as it was like goodand not horribly written.
This was horribly written.
Sure,
right.
I mean, we were looking for whatwe were looking for, but it was
just, it was not well written.
Okay.
So I just wanna point out, just bothto clear my own name, make the joke
land harder, and also just clarifyfor our listeners and viewers.
(16:55):
Wanton as in extravagant,lustful, outrageous is spelled.
W-A-N-T-O-N,
and this is spelled W-O-N-T-O-N.
So this is wonton
Fair.
Okay.
Good job.
(17:16):
Well, okay.
But I cannot distinguish if thatis Cora Knight's misspelling, or if
that's Claudia's misspelling word.
Did Cora
Knight mean wonton?
So there are a couple of highlightsin here that are so out of
context that I don't understand.
Yeah.
Like I don't understand the wholething about gags unless that has
something to do with the culture of
(17:37):
Definitely.
Okay.
And then also the free tabs Nads,like, that's just funny, I think.
I think the point of the gags is that.
This is not just any romance novel.
This romance novel is specificallyin the category that we can't say.
So be like, because that's what, like,don't just give me like, he's a howling.
(18:02):
Give me jack, give me whips.
Give me chains.
50 shades.
Gimme 50 shades.
Give me a room, give me aswing, give me a. Something.
Well, that I do think Claudia is goodat because they, one of their points
at the top is that it's repetitive.
Right.
And I love that in this like 13 captions.
(18:23):
It's like early on wetalk about the Howling.
Yes.
And then later there's another oneof the Howl, the Howling, the howl.
So it is funny 'cause I'm like,right, we've already used this.
We've already used this description.
Right.
It's definitely like when youlook at it on the paper, I
appreciate it even more because.
It's like the highlights from the textare bolded and they're italicized.
(18:46):
So it's really clear when you'rereading the review, like what is
Claudia's voice and what is the book?
Yeah.
Which is just like pleasing to theI and they even like.dot dotted
before each one of the Yeah.
Quotes to make it clear like, okay, thisis a partial quote, this is a full quote.
(19:07):
So I think that Claud.
Just like maybe in the spelling andgrammar section really like went out of
their way to format this well and to kindof let us know like they're a good writer
maybe.
Well, that's why you and I love onthe show Good Reads reviews, right?
Because it is a communitywhere they get very creative.
(19:28):
It's one of the only review platformswhere you can do bold italics, you
can do gifs, you can include images,like you can really write, um.
Which is why I love Good Reads.
I, I find this to be truthful becausethey're literally copy pasting quotes.
So I, right.
I believe Claudie, is it shadyto like present the evidence?
(19:53):
I don't.
Is it sha I don't, I don't know.
Because romance novels are so cheesy.
It's like a lifetime movie.
It's like a very specificgenre where like, this is also
where I'm confused because.
You have to be creative.
Right?
So upending of tad, like we knowwhat that means, but then you could
(20:14):
also in the same breath say Make yourwink at my you pink little snatch.
Right?
Right.
You can say, but Right.
I don't know.
It's such a conundrum.
This is such a funny topic to me.
This, yeah.
I mean, it is so interesting,this entire genre.
I mean, Trey and I, um, years ago mm-hmm.
(20:36):
We went to a podcast conventionand we met someone that told
us that we won't put on blast.
That they are a romance novel writer.
They have a pen name and they writethese novels in their free time.
So really like this could,this writer could be anyone.
Which is like, what's so interestingabout it having so many reviews and
(20:57):
obviously so many sales, is there'slike the romance novel sector has
been really democratized seems.
Right.
Yeah.
And like you, like
anybody on the street couldwrite a great romance novel.
You don't have to be a recognizablename necessarily to be somebody that
(21:18):
could be successful in this world.
And I feel like it's a niche world.
So my impression is thatClaudie probably reads a lot.
Yes.
Of of books in this genre.
And so I feel they're somewhatof an authority, so I don't
think that they're being shady.
(21:40):
I sort of trust them innately.
I do too, honestly,
I don't know why, but I just, it feelslike they're well studied and they're just
like, oh my God, I'm dead at this line.
Like, I can't even believethey're saying this.
Like, yep, that's what they said.
And I feel like they know don't.
(22:00):
Don't think that this isnormal or what you should be
expecting for this kind of novel.
'cause it's, it's not hitting the mark.
Well see that's what's interesting andthat's what's tough when we do good reads
or we do, it's why we don't do movies.
It's like, it's art, so it's subjective.
Like it's hard to say if it's good or bad,but I, typical fluke, I don't know because
(22:23):
maybe like upending is really like.
Evocative for certain people.
And then for people like Claudiaand perhaps me, it's ridiculous.
Um, so I find value in the reviewthat they just literally copy paste.
'cause it's like, here's a highlightand it's also not, um, spoiling.
(22:44):
It's not, it's not keeping someonefrom needing to buy the book.
You know what I mean?
Like, they're not, what'sthe, what am I trying to say?
It's like.
They're not giving away so muchthat, that it's like, okay, if you,
you really now after reading thesepreviews, still wanna read 60 pages
of this, by all means, go for it.
(23:04):
They're, it's like they're givingyou the same amount that you would
get if you were looking at a bookand it was like, look inside.
Right.
They're not giving you any more than that.
Correct.
So I don't think they're crossing a linein terms of disrespecting a copyright.
Correct.
There you go.
That's what I.
Okay.
Well, I mean I think it was really funny.
(23:24):
I liked the use of emojis was like reallylike just like dead, like af, you know?
Like, I don't know.
That was really funny to me.
And the style was reallyinteresting and ultimate impact.
I think.
I agree with what you weregetting at just before, which is
that choose your own adventure.
You wanna go down this road, go for it.
This is your cup of tea when you'rereading this one star review, being like,
oh, I actually love when my men howl.
(23:47):
If it's not, then I reallyfeel like you're getting a fair
assessment of what's to come.
So I think that's high and.
I think I could maybe crown,
I think Yeah, let's crown,let's, let's crown Claudie.
All right.
So Chelsey and I each have our ownset of zero to five crown cards.
In an effort to be fair and notinfluence one another, we will
simultaneously reveal our rating.
(24:10):
The Queens are Tabulating,
total school.
Okay.
Trey's holding up four and a half crowns.
I'm holding up five crowns.
I went all the way.
I almost did four and a half.
But I just thought, you know what, Eva?
If I'm just giving five crowns,'cause I loved this new take on a
way to read a review with you, Treyand I had so much fun doing it.
(24:33):
And the wand to Swanton Pass really justthrew me over the edge with this one.
I thought this was really good.
I think it's a difficult balancelike we were discussing to give a
preview without giving anything away.
And also we so often talk ingood read review, like, okay,
well at the end of the day.
It's an opinion, right?
(24:54):
And so I think that this was areally great way of writing a
review to be like, it is an opinion.
You're right.
Here's my opinion.
I think that this line iseffing hilarious and not sexy.
If you disagree, feel free to disagree.
And for that space, which is reallyunusual, I think in a Good reads review.
I thought this was a ReviewQueen for Good reads.
(25:16):
Um, so I went with five crowns, butyou won four and a let us know why.
I concur.
I just felt a little bit like whenyou actually look visually at the
review, there is so much, uh, spacededicated to like the pull quotes.
And, and I want a little more context.
I don't need more context because Ithink Claudia is succinct and clear
(25:39):
at the beginning, but I, I wouldlove a little more real estate about.
What would make it less, quote unquote,horribly written, boring and repetitive?
Um, I, I, you know.
I want to read more reviews from Claudie.
I also kind really do trust them and I,I would like to see which other sort of
(26:01):
romance novels they find to be better.
Mm. Um, yeah, 'cause I was reallytickled and I think that the,
a lot of the comedy here, like.
Skull face, um, like is in,in Claudia Succinctness.
Mm-hmm.
But it's not exactly five crowns for me.
I, I'm leaving a littlebit of wiggle room.
Um, it does have 16 likes andthey did hashtag um, kill it with
(26:24):
fire, which I think is funny.
Um.
There we go.
All right.
It's funny, I wonder how, um, thisfinal product is gonna turn out here
on, on the YouTubes, but um, if youhave any experience reading romance
novels and you have any recommendations,leave them in the comments.
'cause Chelsey and I aregonna get into the genre.
Yeah, I love it.
(26:44):
All right.
This was so fun.
Alright, queen.
Well, we have aired our grievances.
We've inspected this hilarious review.
So now let's shine a littlelight on something that's
truly deserving of a crown.
We have reached the mostregal portion of our show.
Chelsey, who are you inducting today for?
My Royal Highness.
Um, okay, so My Royal Highness.
(27:06):
I just wanna kind of go like theopposite of what I did in my complaint.
And I wanna say when peoplepleasantly surprise you, or when
situations end up working outbetter than you had anticipated.
Mm. So for example, Trey kind of hintedat the fact that in the beginning
of this episode, I had somebodythat was gonna come clean my house.
(27:28):
I was really looking forward tothis, and they canceled last minute.
By the end of this episode,I actually have somebody else
coming to clean my house.
Who is an even better match and isa direct referral from a friend.
So in life, I think sometimes whenthey say, when one door closes,
you open a window, another dooropens, whatever that expression is.
And I think sometimes it'sfor the betterment of us.
(27:51):
And obviously this is like amicrocosm example of that, but
I do think it applies globally.
So My Royal Highness is thatfeeling of, oh no, it didn't work
out only to be replaced with.
Oh, but this other thingworked out even better.
Exceeding expectations.
Nothing is better.
I agree.
Yes, agree.
(28:12):
I'm glad that in the span of thisepisode, all that drama has worked out.
Yes.
Well, we did it, queen, theGood, the Bad tci, the Pink Anus.
That was another round on the Rru and RQ Ferris Wheel of Romance.
I love that.
Thank you for joining us today, Queens.
(28:34):
If you like what you heard,please tell a friend.
If you did not like what youheard, please tell an enemy
on this week's after show, Trey,we are rating and reviewing.
We're going back to good old Amazon,a five star review for Tron Jori,
women high waist casual, wideleg long palazzo pants trousers.
(28:59):
Regular size in black,actually, sorry, in beige.
I wanted them in black.
And it makes sense because both Treyand I are wearing beige day and I
don't know how I feel about this.
I feel a little naked.
It's crazy, but um, it is crazy.
Well, I wonder why
this was said.
I could see that.
(29:20):
You idiot.
You said the entire 12 person cast,and then you just remembered and you
said, I could see that you clearlycouldn't see it the entire time.
I do wonder.
Well, in the meantime, please remember,
ignore the haters.
You're a queen.
Gender nonspecific queen.
(29:40):
That's right.
Bye.
Sign up directly on Apple Podcast tohear our weekly members only after show.
Unlock additional benefits when youbecome a Patreon member at Review
That Review dot com slash patreon.
Follow us on all the socials at theReview Queen and join our mailing
list at Review That Review dot com.
Our kvetch line is open 247 at 1 8 5 0 review zero.
(30:03):
You never visit, you never write.
Give us a koal now.
Oh my gosh.
I'm really curious to see.
How we're gonna get throughthe YouTube rigamarole.
Oh, we're gonna get throughthe rigamarole, baby.
I, I think it's gonnabe more entertaining.
We're not
the first people to getthrough the rigmarole.
Do, but like book talkand like book YouTube.
(30:25):
Do they not do romance novels?
Like there has to be awhole show out there.
I think that the way we can
get around this is, uh, charisma,uniqueness, nerve and talent.
Let's serve it.
Hunt.
That's right.
All right, Queens, we love you so much.
We'll see you on Friday.
Join with Patreon.
Don't be
Don't be a charisma, uniqueness,nerve and talent hater.
(30:47):
Be the tad in the world and get upended,
wantons, wantons.
Love you Queens.
Bye bye.
I do.
I do love wanton soup though.
I do too.
I love a fried wonton too.
Me too.
Mm yummy.
Okay, bye.
(31:09):
Thanks for watching Queens.
Click here to subscribe andclick here for more videos.
Everybody's got an opinion.
Every Californian, Virginian inVirginia, it's so hard to tell
who to cho and who to ignore.
Someone's gotta settle The Score.
Trey and Chelsey will helpyou choose who's win, which.
(00:31):
Hello.
Well, hello and welcome to Review That.
Review the steamy podcastthat is dedicated to reviewing
reviews Chelsey.
Dawn doesn't know why we're doingthis, but that is Chelsey Donn,
(00:52):
and that is Trey Gerrald.
But together.
Just call us the Review Queen
you watching on YouTube orlistening on your podcast app.
Know why I am using this tone of voice.
Chelsey still in the dark, but hereat Review That Review, we believe in
balance, the good, the bad, and the covet.
(01:16):
So it's only fair that we take aquick little moment to fetch it out.
Chelsey, is there anythingthat you would like to
Lodge A Complaint
about today?
Ah, don't you know it?
All right.
I mean, let's go with a realtime complaint, because why not?
I hate last minute cancellations,last minute change of plans.
(01:40):
I just, it really bothers me.
I have an intention when I set upmy schedule, especially like if I'm
setting it up a week in advance,two weeks in advance, and I'm
anticipating this one thing happening.
And then all of a suddenthe 11th hour gets canceled.
That sucks.
It's so disappointing.
Mm-hmm.
(02:00):
It ruins the whole mojo.
It ruins the flow.
I gotta recalibrate, Igotta start over again.
It's jarring to me.
I get it.
Like sometimes people are like, I lovewhen people last when it cancel on plans.
I'm in my thirties, I just wannastay home in my bed and snuggle.
I kind of get that too sometimes.
I like do want the friendto cancel last minute.
(02:22):
But most of the time Imake plans with intention.
And so if I've intentionally made thatplan, if I've intentionally revved up
the energy to accommodate that event orthat happening, I expect it to happen.
And when it gets canceled lastminute, it really just throws me.
(02:43):
Can you relate?
Oh my.
Look, plans are plans for a reason.
Yes, there are moments when you're likeso thrilled that there's a change of
plans, but no, a last minute cancellation.
If you're supposed to comeand clean my house at four and
at one 30, you cancel on me.
Which Chelsey is experiencing.
That's right.
That is inappropriate.
I hate that that goes in the ledger.
All right, well,
(03:07):
should we hear other peoplecomplain about things?
Should we let someone else getsomething off their chest perhaps.
They're large chest, small chest.
I don't know.
I feel like this is gonna beinvolving something sensual.
Hmm.
I wonder why you're picking up on that.
Yeah, let's do it.
Okay.
Before we do, Hey.
(03:28):
Hi.
Hi.
You're watching this on YouTube.
We're on Spotify.
Why don't you just do a reallybig solid over on YouTube.
Click that subscribe button.
Give us a little thumbs up.
Leave us a comment.
Would ya?
Would ya?
Please.
We love hearing from you.
Comment away, review away.
(03:48):
Leave us a five star review.
While you're at it, do all thethings you could possibly do to
help keep the show in the air.
We appreciate you.
We do.
Speaking of, why don't we
Review That?
Review.
As you know, you're your trustee.
Review Queens.
We bring in internet reviews thatwe feel need to be inspected.
(04:12):
We read you a review.
We break it down.
We rate the impact of that reviewon a scale from zero to five crowns.
It's a very regal process, but we call
Assess That Kvetch.
That's right, and Trey.
It is your turn and you've been hinting atsome things with me, so I'm very curious
to know what are we reviewing today?
(04:34):
All right.
Today we're gonna do somethingcompletely brand new.
Oh my goodness.
Okay.
It's a new topic and oh, I'm gonnapresent the review in a way we've
never done it before, so, okay.
Today, Chelsey, you and I. Oh, okay.
Also, disclaimer, our incredible editor,doc Sheena, is gonna be helping us today
because we are gonna work really hard.
(04:55):
Uh, to navigate throughthe YouTube sensors.
Okay, so we are gonnabe rating and reviewing.
This is a one star Good reads reviewwritten by someone named Claudia
C or does that say Claudia Claud
Claud Dick.
(05:15):
Actually, you know what, it's claudie andthey have a little crescent moon emoji.
Ah, so it's Claudie.
Sorry, Claudie Claudie.
But it looks like it could beClaudia or CLA C, but it's Claudie.
Okay.
Okay.
Claudia's, one star.
Good reads of you four.
(05:36):
This is where we're doingsome censorship, so, okay.
This is listed as the genre on Good Reads.
MM Romance.
This is a phrase you cannot sayon YouTube, but it's four letters
that represent a genre of, um.
Um, how do I say this?
(05:58):
The first letter is B, the last letteris M. There's also like a, a letter
D in there, and there's also s andthere's also an S somewhere in there.
Okay.
And then this is a phrase you cannotsay on YouTube, um, but it's not
exotic, but it's similar to exotic.
Okay.
(06:18):
Um, contemporary romance.
Gay for you?
Novella.
Those are the genres.
Those,
mm Like male.
Male.
Male.
Okay.
This is a male.
Male romance.
Okay.
Novel.
Got
it.
Okay.
Okay.
This is, um, actually a series, soit's the up ending TAD Romance series
(06:42):
ending tad.
Okay.
Volume one.
All right.
Is a journey of erotic discovery.
And the title of this book is Loser TakesAll The novelist's name is Cora Knight.
Okay, so this is CLA one star.
(07:02):
Good Reads, review for Loser Takes All.
I just want you all to know thatat the time of recording, loser
Takes All, which is part one in theseries, has a 4.05 overall out of.
3,387 ratings, and I just want togive you this brief description
(07:25):
before we read the review.
So, okay.
This is on Good Reads.
Tad's Weekend started out likeany other, hitting a college frat
party with a handful of buddies,but just as the evening hits its
peak, things get upended fast.
Pitched by his drunkentrolling friends, tad.
(07:46):
Winds up getting hustled bythree jocks playing poker.
Now he's forced to pay his dues in themost outlandish of ways, accepting a
couple broken bones, or spending anhour with his victor's favorite flogger.
Scott, but the tantalizing torturequickly proves to be the least of Tad's
(08:08):
worries da da dot, and the kickoff of anight of raw shocking lust experience.
The graphic minute by minute account ofthat hour spent at the hands of Tad's.
Insatiable Tormentor addictingchemistry lights the stage as Scott
Ignites Tad's reluctant desiresinto a frenzy, a forbidden need.
(08:32):
Scott and Tad, those are quite the names.
Scott and Tad.
The author's name is Cora Knight.
Yeah, that seems very lusty.
So also, I don't think I'veheard the name Tad since like
win a date with Tad Hamilton.
Oh yeah.
Remember that one?
Mm-hmm.
Topher Grace.
Yes.
Also a weird name.
(08:52):
Topher.
Okay.
Topher.
Also, keep in mind thisis a 63 page novella.
Okay?
Um, I believe it's only availableon Kindle, so background, okay.
Not saying that that means anything.
So Chelsey, I'm gonna point to youwhen it's your time to hit the slide.
Okay?
And then I'm gonna read what's on theslide, which I don't know what it is.
(09:13):
This is a cold read.
I've sent Chelsey, A PDF.
This will make sense as we read through.
So I'm gonna give youthe little clue to hit.
Okay.
You're gonna read what's on the slide.
Okay.
And then you're gonna zip it.
I'm gonna keep, keep reading.
I've just extracted moments fromClaudia's review that Chelsey gonna read.
Got it.
And then I'll continue reading.
Okay.
Is there a style you'dlike me to read it in?
(09:34):
No nos, I think.
I think you're gonna understand.
Okay.
You know what kind of novel this is?
Yep.
Okay.
This was written November of 2022.
One star, the longest 60pages I have ever read.
(09:54):
Uh, emoji of a face, like, ah, it wasbasically one long, drawn out sex scene,
which wouldn't necessarily be a bad thingif it hadn't been so horribly written.
Boring and repetitive, theexact opposite of what I wanted,
(10:14):
which was quick and dirty.
Sexy smut.
I started highlightingafter the first 15 or so.
Because this was just ridiculous.
A handful of pants was Tad's only reply.
Every time I read the sentence,I see someone literally
(10:35):
holding out a handful of pants.
His nuts were howling to get free.
You mean Scott didn't gag them?
Hashtag free Tads nads.
Free just Tad was irrevocably floored.
(10:57):
Few things in his life had felt this good.
Honestly, he could barely think of onemost likely, something pertaining to his.
Yep, that would be my guess as well.
(11:18):
He plunged his tongue deep.
It darted inside Tad's recesses
skull.
Skull emoji.
The sound of a zipper descendingtantalized, Tad's ears.
(11:46):
Scott just found the infamous.
Prostate
sounds like a game achievement.
Unleashing a fiery, it's,
it's super effective.
(12:08):
Oh.
Wait,
he didn't have a problem with gazeor the activities they engaged in.
How one said gay standing right behind him
was presently blowing his
(12:28):
mind.
You don't say
what?
Making his engorged roar with need.
More gags needed.
Your pink little snatch isjust so damn accommodating
(12:50):
skull emoji.
Make your wink at my
skull emoji.
Aw Tad, you should see yourshy little anus begging for
my fuck Tad Cringed mortified.
(13:15):
Believe me, tad, you're not the onlyone emoji of a girl holding her head.
The guy was clearly into Tad.
Not just his wonton.
I think it's
wanton.
(13:36):
I think it's pronounced
wanton.
Okay.
Okay, okay.
Okay.
Not just his
wanton.
Maybe he just wanted some Chinese tad.
Alright, we're all the same bitch
making his all, but how
(14:02):
his genitals are particularlyvocal, aren't they?
Ditching the idea to liberate his eyes.
Hashtag free Tads dash
Richter.
Five earthquakes, upended.
(14:23):
Did they move to the kitchen?
I had a good laugh or two, I won't lie.
But other than that, this was, oh my god.
Awful.
It was Ws, Ws.
And you were that.
You got the joke.
I got the joke aquatic.
(14:44):
Is that how you spell
wanton And, uh.
Or did he misspell it?
Well, let's get into thatbecause are, are they the
same spelling?
I don't know.
Do you
think that, do you think that,
oh my God, that was funny.
Try,
I don't know what key words we can say,but is, is this the kind of literature you
go to for correct spelling and grammar?
I don't know this.
Okay.
(15:06):
I went back and forth about if, ifthis could even be attempted to be
discussed on, on YouTube with all ofthe like, you know, whatevers, um, but.
Oh my gosh.
There's nothing more deliciousto me than these romance novels
'cause they're just so absurd.
Yes.
(15:27):
What's there for you?
I know, I know it was hard for you 'causeyou were being active and and engaging.
So like I can send you the reviewas well if you wanna like read it.
I thought it was, it was reallyfunny in a way that it was like,
let's just let the evidence
speak for itself,
speak for itself.
You know,
so funny.
I
could give you a review or Icould just let you read some
(15:51):
excerpts, some highlights, somehighlights of what I experienced.
Save you 60 pages and find your smut.
Elsewhere,
so, okay.
But that's a big, um, discrepancy I findhere because the reason I wanted to read
the actual description on Good, on GoodReads is because they say that it's a,
(16:13):
an a graphic minute by minute account,and then Claudie starts by saying it,
it's one long drawn out sex scene.
Well, that's what they describeit as, minute by minute graphic.
But then they do circleback by saying, but.
Like I wanted to be quick and dirty.
(16:33):
As long as it was like goodand not horribly written.
This was horribly written.
Sure,
right.
I mean, we were looking for whatwe were looking for, but it was
just, it was not well written.
Okay.
So I just wanna point out, just bothto clear my own name, make the joke
land harder, and also just clarifyfor our listeners and viewers.
(16:55):
Wanton as in extravagant,lustful, outrageous is spelled.
W-A-N-T-O-N,
and this is spelled W-O-N-T-O-N.
So this is wonton
Fair.
Okay.
Good job.
(17:16):
Well, okay.
But I cannot distinguish if thatis Cora Knight's misspelling, or if
that's Claudia's misspelling word.
Did Cora
Knight mean wonton?
So there are a couple of highlightsin here that are so out of
context that I don't understand.
Yeah.
Like I don't understand the wholething about gags unless that has
something to do with the culture of
(17:37):
Definitely.
Okay.
And then also the free tabs Nads,like, that's just funny, I think.
I think the point of the gags is that.
This is not just any romance novel.
This romance novel is specificallyin the category that we can't say.
So be like, because that's what, like,don't just give me like, he's a howling.
(18:02):
Give me jack, give me whips.
Give me chains.
50 shades.
Gimme 50 shades.
Give me a room, give me aswing, give me a. Something.
Well, that I do think Claudia is goodat because they, one of their points
at the top is that it's repetitive.
Right.
And I love that in this like 13 captions.
(18:23):
It's like early on wetalk about the Howling.
Yes.
And then later there's another oneof the Howl, the Howling, the howl.
So it is funny 'cause I'm like,right, we've already used this.
We've already used this description.
Right.
It's definitely like when youlook at it on the paper, I
appreciate it even more because.
It's like the highlights from the textare bolded and they're italicized.
(18:46):
So it's really clear when you'rereading the review, like what is
Claudia's voice and what is the book?
Yeah.
Which is just like pleasing to theI and they even like.dot dotted
before each one of the Yeah.
Quotes to make it clear like, okay, thisis a partial quote, this is a full quote.
(19:07):
So I think that Claud.
Just like maybe in the spelling andgrammar section really like went out of
their way to format this well and to kindof let us know like they're a good writer
maybe.
Well, that's why you and I love onthe show Good Reads reviews, right?
Because it is a communitywhere they get very creative.
(19:28):
It's one of the only review platformswhere you can do bold italics, you
can do gifs, you can include images,like you can really write, um.
Which is why I love Good Reads.
I, I find this to be truthful becausethey're literally copy pasting quotes.
So I, right.
I believe Claudie, is it shadyto like present the evidence?
(19:53):
I don't.
Is it sha I don't, I don't know.
Because romance novels are so cheesy.
It's like a lifetime movie.
It's like a very specificgenre where like, this is also
where I'm confused because.
You have to be creative.
Right?
So upending of tad, like we knowwhat that means, but then you could
(20:14):
also in the same breath say Make yourwink at my you pink little snatch.
Right?
Right.
You can say, but Right.
I don't know.
It's such a conundrum.
This is such a funny topic to me.
This, yeah.
I mean, it is so interesting,this entire genre.
I mean, Trey and I, um, years ago mm-hmm.
(20:36):
We went to a podcast conventionand we met someone that told
us that we won't put on blast.
That they are a romance novel writer.
They have a pen name and they writethese novels in their free time.
So really like this could,this writer could be anyone.
Which is like, what's so interestingabout it having so many reviews and
(20:57):
obviously so many sales, is there'slike the romance novel sector has
been really democratized seems.
Right.
Yeah.
And like you, like
anybody on the street couldwrite a great romance novel.
You don't have to be a recognizablename necessarily to be somebody that
(21:18):
could be successful in this world.
And I feel like it's a niche world.
So my impression is thatClaudie probably reads a lot.
Yes.
Of of books in this genre.
And so I feel they're somewhatof an authority, so I don't
think that they're being shady.
(21:40):
I sort of trust them innately.
I do too, honestly,
I don't know why, but I just, it feelslike they're well studied and they're just
like, oh my God, I'm dead at this line.
Like, I can't even believethey're saying this.
Like, yep, that's what they said.
And I feel like they know don't.
(22:00):
Don't think that this isnormal or what you should be
expecting for this kind of novel.
'cause it's, it's not hitting the mark.
Well see that's what's interesting andthat's what's tough when we do good reads
or we do, it's why we don't do movies.
It's like, it's art, so it's subjective.
Like it's hard to say if it's good or bad,but I, typical fluke, I don't know because
(22:23):
maybe like upending is really like.
Evocative for certain people.
And then for people like Claudiaand perhaps me, it's ridiculous.
Um, so I find value in the reviewthat they just literally copy paste.
'cause it's like, here's a highlightand it's also not, um, spoiling.
(22:44):
It's not, it's not keeping someonefrom needing to buy the book.
You know what I mean?
Like, they're not, what'sthe, what am I trying to say?
It's like.
They're not giving away so muchthat, that it's like, okay, if you,
you really now after reading thesepreviews, still wanna read 60 pages
of this, by all means, go for it.
(23:04):
They're, it's like they're givingyou the same amount that you would
get if you were looking at a bookand it was like, look inside.
Right.
They're not giving you any more than that.
Correct.
So I don't think they're crossing a linein terms of disrespecting a copyright.
Correct.
There you go.
That's what I.
Okay.
Well, I mean I think it was really funny.
(23:24):
I liked the use of emojis was like reallylike just like dead, like af, you know?
Like, I don't know.
That was really funny to me.
And the style was reallyinteresting and ultimate impact.
I think.
I agree with what you weregetting at just before, which is
that choose your own adventure.
You wanna go down this road, go for it.
This is your cup of tea when you'rereading this one star review, being like,
oh, I actually love when my men howl.
(23:47):
If it's not, then I reallyfeel like you're getting a fair
assessment of what's to come.
So I think that's high and.
I think I could maybe crown,
I think Yeah, let's crown,let's, let's crown Claudie.
All right.
So Chelsey and I each have our ownset of zero to five crown cards.
In an effort to be fair and notinfluence one another, we will
simultaneously reveal our rating.
(24:10):
The Queens are Tabulating,
total school.
Okay.
Trey's holding up four and a half crowns.
I'm holding up five crowns.
I went all the way.
I almost did four and a half.
But I just thought, you know what, Eva?
If I'm just giving five crowns,'cause I loved this new take on a
way to read a review with you, Treyand I had so much fun doing it.
(24:33):
And the wand to Swanton Pass really justthrew me over the edge with this one.
I thought this was really good.
I think it's a difficult balancelike we were discussing to give a
preview without giving anything away.
And also we so often talk ingood read review, like, okay,
well at the end of the day.
It's an opinion, right?
(24:54):
And so I think that this was areally great way of writing a
review to be like, it is an opinion.
You're right.
Here's my opinion.
I think that this line iseffing hilarious and not sexy.
If you disagree, feel free to disagree.
And for that space, which is reallyunusual, I think in a Good reads review.
I thought this was a ReviewQueen for Good reads.
(25:16):
Um, so I went with five crowns, butyou won four and a let us know why.
I concur.
I just felt a little bit like whenyou actually look visually at the
review, there is so much, uh, spacededicated to like the pull quotes.
And, and I want a little more context.
I don't need more context because Ithink Claudia is succinct and clear
(25:39):
at the beginning, but I, I wouldlove a little more real estate about.
What would make it less, quote unquote,horribly written, boring and repetitive?
Um, I, I, you know.
I want to read more reviews from Claudie.
I also kind really do trust them and I,I would like to see which other sort of
(26:01):
romance novels they find to be better.
Mm. Um, yeah, 'cause I was reallytickled and I think that the,
a lot of the comedy here, like.
Skull face, um, like is in,in Claudia Succinctness.
Mm-hmm.
But it's not exactly five crowns for me.
I, I'm leaving a littlebit of wiggle room.
Um, it does have 16 likes andthey did hashtag um, kill it with
(26:24):
fire, which I think is funny.
Um.
There we go.
All right.
It's funny, I wonder how, um, thisfinal product is gonna turn out here
on, on the YouTubes, but um, if youhave any experience reading romance
novels and you have any recommendations,leave them in the comments.
'cause Chelsey and I aregonna get into the genre.
Yeah, I love it.
(26:44):
All right.
This was so fun.
Alright, queen.
Well, we have aired our grievances.
We've inspected this hilarious review.
So now let's shine a littlelight on something that's
truly deserving of a crown.
We have reached the mostregal portion of our show.
Chelsey, who are you inducting today for?
My Royal Highness.
Um, okay, so My Royal Highness.
(27:06):
I just wanna kind of go like theopposite of what I did in my complaint.
And I wanna say when peoplepleasantly surprise you, or when
situations end up working outbetter than you had anticipated.
Mm. So for example, Trey kind of hintedat the fact that in the beginning
of this episode, I had somebodythat was gonna come clean my house.
(27:28):
I was really looking forward tothis, and they canceled last minute.
By the end of this episode,I actually have somebody else
coming to clean my house.
Who is an even better match and isa direct referral from a friend.
So in life, I think sometimes whenthey say, when one door closes,
you open a window, another dooropens, whatever that expression is.
And I think sometimes it'sfor the betterment of us.
(27:51):
And obviously this is like amicrocosm example of that, but
I do think it applies globally.
So My Royal Highness is thatfeeling of, oh no, it didn't work
out only to be replaced with.
Oh, but this other thingworked out even better.
Exceeding expectations.
Nothing is better.
I agree.
Yes, agree.
(28:12):
I'm glad that in the span of thisepisode, all that drama has worked out.
Yes.
Well, we did it, queen, theGood, the Bad tci, the Pink Anus.
That was another round on the Rru and RQ Ferris Wheel of Romance.
I love that.
Thank you for joining us today, Queens.
(28:34):
If you like what you heard,please tell a friend.
If you did not like what youheard, please tell an enemy
on this week's after show, Trey,we are rating and reviewing.
We're going back to good old Amazon,a five star review for Tron Jori,
women high waist casual, wideleg long palazzo pants trousers.
(28:59):
Regular size in black,actually, sorry, in beige.
I wanted them in black.
And it makes sense because both Treyand I are wearing beige day and I
don't know how I feel about this.
I feel a little naked.
It's crazy, but um, it is crazy.
Well, I wonder why
this was said.
I could see that.
(29:20):
You idiot.
You said the entire 12 person cast,and then you just remembered and you
said, I could see that you clearlycouldn't see it the entire time.
I do wonder.
Well, in the meantime, please remember,
ignore the haters.
You're a queen.
Gender nonspecific queen.
(29:40):
That's right.
Bye.
Sign up directly on Apple Podcast tohear our weekly members only after show.
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(30:03):
You never visit, you never write.
Give us a koal now.
Oh my gosh.
I'm really curious to see.
How we're gonna get throughthe YouTube rigamarole.
Oh, we're gonna get throughthe rigamarole, baby.
I, I think it's gonnabe more entertaining.
We're not
the first people to getthrough the rigmarole.
Do, but like book talkand like book YouTube.
(30:25):
Do they not do romance novels?
Like there has to be awhole show out there.
I think that the way we can
get around this is, uh, charisma,uniqueness, nerve and talent.
Let's serve it.
Hunt.
That's right.
All right, Queens, we love you so much.
We'll see you on Friday.
Join with Patreon.
Don't be
Don't be a charisma, uniqueness,nerve and talent hater.
(30:47):
Be the tad in the world and get upended,
wantons, wantons.
Love you Queens.
Bye bye.
I do.
I do love wanton soup though.
I do too.
I love a fried wonton too.
Me too.
Mm yummy.
Okay, bye.
(31:09):
Thanks for watching Queens.
Click here to subscribe andclick here for more videos.
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