EP18: Rob Cook: Laughter Happens in the Moment

Rob Cook takes us on an epic journey through his life, from being born and raised in the housing projects of Birmingham, Alabama, to 21 years of active duty service in the military, to moving to L.A. and becoming a transformational life coach. 

He humbly shares about transitioning from living like he thought he should, to living as a man can -- as a person in touch with their essential nature. Rob takes pages from his past professions to help inform the myriad of offerings he brings to the table today. While many have told him he needs to focus his professional energy in one arena, he has thrived by not limiting himself to one offering and seeing how several teachings and avenues can connect with each other. For example, why focus solely on mindset coaching when he can do that as well in fitness training? He sees how the two are perfectly married. And when helping companies grow their business, he draws upon lessons learned in the military, such as team dynamics, collaboration, and leadership. 

Rob is a force to be reckoned with! And the love he shares with his partner Laurie is inspiring. The way he talks about their relationship, and what he has learned from her, brings laughter and tears. 

Don't miss Rob's epic keys to success, which include "moving often" and "laughing a lot." We are much the wiser after getting to speak with Rob Cook!

This episode explores:

• Breaking rules that don't line up with our essential nature
• Who am I?
• Laughter happens in the moment 
• Not having to act like a man -- I am a man.
• The understanding that changed "every aspect" of Rob's life
• Military as a microcosm of society -- we're all people first.
• Letting go of the ego's grip.
• Accepting others for who they are
• Try to get each moment right, not all of it right.
• Partners that change our lives.

Rob Cook is a Mindset Coach and creator of the unFIT brand. He works with clients to unlock the benefits of total health so they may thrive in any area of their life.  He also is the host of the 3PGC’s podcast titled “We’re Listening” -- a community where all voices are heard. 
He became a certified life coach through Supercoach Academy, discovering an ideal balance between the mental and physical realms in his work as a coach. As the founder of unFIT, he offers a fresh approach to Unlocking Your Health From the Inside/Out through coaching, training, workshops, and speaking events for start-ups, non-profit organizations, Fortune 500 companies, and everything in between.

Angus & Rohini Ross are “The Rewilders.” They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized couples' intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is the author of the ebook Marriage, and they are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also follow Angus and Rohini Ross on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about their work visit: therewilders.org.

Episode 18 features the music of RhythmPharm with Los Angeles-based composer Greg Ellis.

Episode Transcript

Rohini Ross (00:02):
Well, Angus and I are so thrilled to have you with
us, Rob. Thank you for joiningus on the rewilding love podcast
and even for listening in. AndRob is a mindset coach. He's the

(00:26):
founder of the brand Unfit. Andhe's also the host of the three
PGC podcast We're listening, sowe look forward to learning more
about all of those things today.

Rob (00:36):
Thank you for having me.

Rohini Ross (00:38):
Yeah, it's great.
So in terms of what Angus and Iwould love to explore today,
we'd love to get to know youmore. I know that you know,
you've had me on your podcast,I've got to know you a little
bit. But we'd really love tohear more about your background.
You've had such an interestingjourney. And I think we can we
have the time to start whereveryou'd like to start and go back

(00:59):
as far as you'd like to go backto so wherever you'd like to
begin, we could start at dayone.

Rob (01:06):
That is so funny, because that's how I started my episode
that just released with DerrickMason was like, Man, you're so
interested wherever you want tostart, if you want to go all the
way back to I was born. Oh, wecan like I'm waiting. Yeah. No,
I do have a question, though.
Yeah. Is the music playingbefore I start talking? Or
because the the rewilding thememusic? Is my I want to know when

(01:28):
does it play? Is it alreadyplayed at this time already?
Play already played? Okay. So Iwant to channel that vibe. Yeah.
But no, I guess we can startwith simply I was born in
Birmingham, Alabama, grew up ina very poverty stricken area.
rhetoric, gangs and violence, asmost inner cities are. And I

(01:51):
grew up with this understanding,I wasn't going to make it so
far, in this lifestyle. And Iknew I wanted out, I just didn't
know how that would happen. So Ichanneled my energy at that time
or my mind at that time toplaying sports, because the only
people around me who had anopportunity to get out were
playing sports, and they werebecoming collegiate athletes,

(02:13):
and they could get away. Even ifonly an hour down the road. That
was a big thing to us, and thescholarships and things and then
work as I proceeds and life kindof thrown me toward Uncle Sam,
it was pretty funny, becausegetting there with all kinds of
different beliefs about how theworld operated, it didn't take

(02:34):
but six weeks before I washugging other white guys, or you
know, just like prom, I gotta goyou my brother, you know,
because that's how the militarytraining works. And, and then it
became a 21 years of, of just, Idon't even know the word to
explain it life. Going throughmy first couple years of always

(02:58):
getting in trouble, and notrealizing that I was always in
trouble at home. And these weretwo different environments, two
different two different sets ofbasically just two different
environments that I was the onlycommon denominator between the
two. And I had a very goodmentor at the time. Tell me if

(03:19):
you wanted to stay strict. Youshould have stayed there. Why
did you come here. And that kindof shocked me enough to say what
teach me how to play the game.
And he told me how smart I couldbe and the potential I could
have. And it reminded me of myaunts always telling me that as

(03:40):
much trouble as I'd ever gotteninto, that never had anything
negative say about me, suspendedfrom school, they just told me I
was misusing my energy. Theyjust always channeled it to a
different light. And I kind offelt bad again. And so I dove
in. And the next I say afteryear five, the next 16 was one

(04:02):
heck of a ride. I was aprotection agent. So I protected
people places and things. Istarted with high value dollar
aircraft that were spottedplanes and things like that the
YouTube j stars, things likethat. Then it went on to places.
So nuclear sites, high valuedollar operation buildings, or

(04:24):
intelligence buildings. Anddoing well in those I became an
instructor for a while and gotthe opportunity to start with
people. So every governmentagency protects its own. So as
you see Secret Service protectsthe president. DOD has
protection teams that protecttheir assets, four star
generals, and an amazingopportunity to go to the

(04:44):
Pentagon and protect the highestranking officer in the airforce
and the secretary at Air Force.
And it was just a totallydifferent way of life at the
Pentagon. You haven't been inthe military. I don't want to
say that because I don't want todiminish what those guys but
it's it's a difference worl whenyou get to the Pentagon because
it's all strategic, it's warfighting happening, but no guns
are being shot. It's allhappening at the battle, the

(05:07):
planning that and it was justlike whoa. And from there did
well enough to get selected togo down to Special Operations
into it. Which was whiplash initself, because conventional Air
Force did things one way and Ireally thought I was at the top
of the spear. But we were whatthey would call pretty boys.

(05:29):
Because we were the suits and Ihad a shoulder holster with my
initials on it, like we didprotection like that. But in
Special Ops, you are you are youare like North Face guaran
boots, and you have weapons onyour ankle. Yeah, knobs. And you
have it was a different way oflife. It was like, whoa. But
watching how special operationsdo things was just like, like so

(05:52):
mind boggling. Becauseconventionally you plan for the
attack, especially a lot, yourespond to the attack. The
planning is on building yourskill set. So you're always
fighting, you're always driving,you're always shooting. Why?
Because you're just going to beable to react because none of us
really know what's happening. Ifwe really knew who stopped 911,

(06:15):
like I said, I was, you know, itwas it was a switch, I didn't
understand it at the time, howit played into the principles
and understanding really, that'sthe way we live life responding.
But it was one heck of awhiplash. Final deployment was
my closest brush with death. Andthat's when the writing on the

(06:37):
wall start happening over theunraveling of something I had
bound so tight. I remembercoming home and my ex wife, or
my wife at the time, was hidingmy weapons. The kids were kind
of not telling me what washappening so much with school
bullies because I wouldoverreact I would bring so much
aggression to the table on it. Inoticed I didn't really have

(07:02):
many friends unless it washighly charged as I was. And I
didn't just start it like seeingdeath didn't move me. It Like It
was it was almost like astraight A just a just a
flatline. It is a flat, I wasalive. But everything was
flatline. Because you this isthe way you deal with all that's

(07:24):
going on around you. And, andthen things just started
collapsing. I started drinking,started partying, I started
messing up at work. And it justall culminated in probably some
of the darkest days of my life,around 2014 and 15 2016. I'm at
the point where I'm at close to20 years, but I'm in trouble,

(07:48):
you know, for for my lack ofunderstanding. And I'm faced
with the challenge of what todo. And the military is in a
position where they're ready tostrip me of everything I've so
called work for that created myidentity, and then me thinking
what was I going to do then? Andthe funny thing is, when I

(08:11):
finally let go, they let go andgave me opportunity to continue
service. And I was like No, I'mgood now. Because I'd understood
at that point. The militarywasn't my identity. I didn't I
didn't know it, but I can't findit feel it was something else.
And so I retired I moved out toLos Angeles, with Laurie my life
partner now. And she I rememberher saying when I was going

(08:34):
through all this was like, I'llgive you a place to stay for you
to get your mind right. Justbecause you know, once your mind
is right, you're going to dowhatever you want to do. And so
I was like No, I've never beenon the west coast. I wouldn't
like it. She said Well listen,just 30 days, three months. Try
it. If you don't you're rightyou can go right back and I

(08:55):
remember the way she said it shesaid you can go right back to
the current environment. And Iwas like, okay, and I call my
dad I was like, Hey, you knowI'm retired you know all this
stuff. I'm gonna put my stuff ina pot and we'll go out here um,
you know, the pot is thetransitional versus putting it
in storage like not that I don'tneed it in long term storage.

(09:15):
Put it in the pot I'm not gonnabe long and three months after
being out here I was Hey, youcan you can find a job to pot
I'm not coming back fromCalifornia now. Yeah. The if the
weather alone, you know. Butfrom from 2016 was a was the

(09:36):
beginning of the search offinding. Who am I? I'm not the
thug. I'm not the the angryblack man. I'm not the racist
from Alabama. I'm not the thewar hero and I'm just a veteran.
I'm a honorably retired veteran,but Just a veteran now, I'm not

(09:59):
a special ops superhero. Now,I'm not a shooter. I'm not a
leader. I'm not Who the hell amI. And that was around the time
I met Michael Neill. And so alot of people love our first
interaction, because that was mything of the principles. But I
realized I was already on theledge. Like I was already on the

(10:22):
ledge, and he said, We met at adinner party, we had a mutual
friend. And he, later on, heinvited me in and it clicked.
And it was like a movie of theTransformers coming together,
where every part offragmentation of my life that I

(10:43):
compartmentalize this box, andthis box and this box, it was
like, they had all open it, itall came together. And I
realized, wait, well, if I don'thave to be angry and mad and
upset about all that stuff, canI use it? Because it's good
shit, you know, is what I wasgonna think, like, Can I use it?

(11:06):
And it was a year and a half ofworking through that with
Michael and programming andprogramming, but programs,
learning and standing in aconversation to the realization
of finding my voice. And, and Ithink that happened probably
around 2018, about 2018 when Irealized, I love me. I love me.

(11:26):
And then that started me nowinto, okay, well, how do I love
the world. And so I create it onfit. Because I was like, the
only way I got here was nottrying to fit in any model that
someone has set for me. Sowhenever I would talk about race

(11:48):
relations prior to just justGeorge Floyd, I brought I
brought the anger of 400 yearsof slavery, I brought the anger
of the civil rights movement, Ibrought the anger of Selma,
Alabama, and the brick I broughtall of that to the conversation
was a No wonder it never gotover. So I wonder who's going to

(12:08):
hear that. Nobody's going tohear when I'm bringing that much
fire to the table. And so thatthat kind of has been it. You
know, it's it's just beenlearning different ways to
continue losing my biases, myprejudices, my getting more

(12:31):
educated about people ingeneral. Like the she heard on
your thing, I remember I toldyou, when I saw it, I was like,
What is that and I startedlooking, and I was like, I need
to understand that. Because if Ican go in more and find another
place, not to have a spot ofignorance, to be able to connect
more and show love, that's why Iwant to be like, and so that's,

(12:53):
that's it. That's why that's therod I've been on. And it's so
fun. It's so like, fulfillingthis this concept. It's not even
a concept, the truth ofunconditional love. Like I'm
slowing life down enough to see,I get to choose, I get to

(13:16):
choose. And I'm yet to havechose love. And not felt right
in the end of it. Doesn't meanI've always chosen her. Right.
But I know the record standsit's the most undefeated fighter
ever, you know, love stand, butI don't always choose it. I go

(13:36):
in there and I thought aboutevery now and then and lose, you
know, but I learned in loser.
I'll come back to it as zerofrom from 77 to 21.

Rohini Ross (13:54):
You did an amazing job of summarizing that. And are
you kidding? Okay, if we kind ofzoom in a little bit into
because oh, it's an incrediblearc and journey and so much in
there. And and what I hear isthat that thread of waking up
throughout waking up to lovethroughout in a sense. And and

(14:15):
the love that your aunt's showedyou when they saw the positive
in you, even when you weremessing up at school or getting
into trouble that they could seethat there was good, wanting to
come through you but it was justgetting expressed in these ways
that weren't really serving you.
And so I'm curious in terms ofyour your Air Force experience.
What would you say the mainthings are that you learn from

(14:39):
that going through all of thosedifferent levels within it.

Rob (14:45):
We're all human. Because the military is a microcosm of
society. People come in from alldifferent backgrounds, all
different colors, all different.
But we all fight the same fight.
It's us versus them. And theyget you to believe that and
believing that or are seeingthat expressed and happen daily

(15:10):
is why now, I don't see the needto delineate or put a divider in
between us based on the color ofour skin based on our religious
beliefs, based on all thedifferent things in which we do
set boxes for male female. Iremember waking up to realizing
I'd never hired a female andprotection team. Now it was

(15:31):
because it was very few of themin it, but I realized because I
thought they were the weaker sexand they couldn't basically do
this at a higher they're in Oh,shit. You know, like those my
girls were and I call them mygirls, like I would say, my
boys, but they were fired. And Iremember having to teach them
different. I had to teach themhow to fight collectively, not

(15:54):
separate, I could teach a guyone on one. But I had to teach
them how to move in pairs andmove in threes. And if you ever
came upon him in training, youwould find out like you touch
one here they come there like aswarm because that was the way
they could all take care of eachother. Because if you are in
protection, or in any kind ofdefense about it, a person is
looking for what they considerto be the weakest link. So if

(16:17):
you choose six, one, this guy orsix for this guy, or five,
three, her, come on, he's goingto choose that. But the way
these girls collectively learnhow to move as a unit was
unbelievable. And they broughtso many other gifts to the
teams, the the organization justfor listening. You know, it was

(16:38):
it made us move better. So thatwas kind of what I learned most
in the military was just aseries of life experiences with
so many different people from somany different places, living
overseas experiencing differentcultures. Like where Western
civilization wasn't the way oflife in Japan. It just wasn't
the way of life. So you have tounderstand or adjust or and if

(17:00):
you fight, that's a problem ifyou fight the the what's real,
you know. So that was probablythe biggest learning in the
military was that it isabsolutely possible that we can
all cohesively move toward acommon objective. I've seen it
happen. Not saying that Ihaven't came across racists in
the military, one particularlyMarine who had a swastika on his

(17:24):
stomach. But that was what hebut in face of being an
American, I knew he would haveshot cross my back and protected
me with nothing else. I knew hewould have pulled me out of
fire. Now when we go back to ourenvironments, he probably could
never say he knows me. But Iknow he was he was shoe for my

(17:45):
life. So I mean, I know it'spossible. Now. That would be
what I take most from themilitary. And what I would drop
most is that authoritarian typedemeanor. So yeah, that's what I

(18:06):
was saying about

Angus Ross (18:08):
what i what i what I'm so blown away by and I'm so
thankful to finally get to sortof sit down with you and listen
to your story. Is this just asort of beautiful narrative of
coming back into your essentialnature? You know, you look at so
many sort of elements to societyand so many different sort of

(18:32):
backdrops to society. And theyall kind of have their own
rulebook. So sort of growing upin the inner city has its own
rulebook on rolling into themilitary has its own rulebook.
And you have to you have to fitinto that rulebook everything
about those, those environmentsis about fitting into the
rulebook

Rob (18:51):
and repairing the umbrella of religious beliefs to Don't
forget about umbrella.

Angus Ross (19:01):
And so often, and I find this so often for people
that people that I work with,it's kind of like at some point
you start to realize maybe thatthis rulebook is not lining up
with my essential nature it'snot loving up with that loving
spirit that you know existswithin me and and that's where I
think people get into difficultyso I just love that you've kind

(19:21):
of sort of hopped all thesedifferent environments that's
probably not a very good way of

Rob (19:28):
you know, it's a very good way is the way I think it This
is how I see it now that I didget a chance to move or so
called fly from each one IPeople often say you like a
butterfly man. He's just alwaysdoing something new always in
learning time and fly. So Iwould consider it

Angus Ross (19:45):
hard but yeah, but slowly but surely over the
years, you sort of like, it'slike, let's say the cream has
come to the surface is the creamis your essential nature that's
finally expressing itself. Ithink it's so beautiful. To
think of it in those terms, andthese are very sort of, you
know, I guess, looking from theoutside looking in, they seem

(20:06):
like pretty extreme environmentslike the inner city, the
military, very much got thissort of very strong, rulebook,
ethos, whatever we're gonna callit. And yet you still the cream
came to the top and you foundand were able to express that in
you know that in a voice throughour essential nature. And I just
think it's just a such abrilliant story. And kind of

(20:27):
sort of, like, shaken off themold of all those different
things as well. It's like, Iknow that in England, they would
there's this expression, I don'tknow if they use it here in
America, you can't take the boyout of that you can take the boy
out of projects, he can't takethe projects out of them. Yeah,
yeah. You've shaken off allthose stereotypes. It's like,
you're really standing in yourtrue authentic self. I think

(20:49):
that's really beautiful. That'swhat struck me about listening
to your story.

Rob (20:54):
It's, it's what I understand now. And and if you
would have asked me years ago, Iwouldn't have told a story like
this because I didn't see thevalue in it. But the comment
about the the you could take theboy out or her but you can't
take the hood out of the boy isactually pretty funny. Because
just about two months ago,probably about two months ago, I

(21:17):
found myself in an argument withmy neighbor. And, and Angus,
just to be as transparent aspossible. What came up my mouth
was okay, how about I just beatyour ass? How about I just beat
yo ass right here in Malibu,California. So you can leave me
the fuck alone. And he screamsNo, just listen to me. And I

(21:39):
noticed a few things. One, I wasin pajamas. So I don't need to
be fine in pajamas. But that wasthe first thing that I kind of
broke the. But it lost that.
Wow. I haven't lived in newprojects since I was a kid. Why
the hell did that come from?
Well, it came from the fact thatthe night before was when I

(22:00):
realized my grandmother hadCOVID and had failed in herself.
So all I was thinking about wasstories of her raising me in the
projects. So that next day whenhe was angry about something
that we've, you know, talkedback and forth about for a
while, I met it with a totallydifferent energy because of

(22:22):
where my mental space was. And Iend up laughing and hugging him
within the moment like that.
Because his name is Mike. He'smy neighbor. I'm about to hug
you Mark. And he's looking likeyou're so crazy. Come on, let's
talk about this. We sit down andjust have a beautiful
conversation. But I remembercalling my mentor Michael and
saying, Hey, man, I messed up.

(22:46):
Like, I call and tell you thegood stuff. So I'm calling to
tell you I messed up and he justlaughed. And he was like, No,
he's just human. Human. And hewas just like, yeah. And so
that's why I tell the storybecause I don't want people to
think like, Oh, he's, you know,he came into the principles

(23:07):
isn't doing this. And he's doingit so enlightened. Like, no,
just two months ago, I wastelling somebody I'm gonna beat
their as, you know, but justjust yesterday, it was an old
lady who couldn't find her way.
And I asked her to help and atfirst she looked like, and I'm
like, I'll help you get whereyou need to get. Even though
right now this is scare you thatI'm a sixth one black man
towering over you, as a feeblewhite young lady moving through

(23:31):
the airport. It's like, ah, andsat down had a beautiful
conversation. Yeah, yeah, it's,I get the comment in the sense
cuz I mean, theoretically,that's what happened. But now I
have found a good space moment,right? You know, I stopped
trying to get it all right. If Ijust get each interaction,

(23:53):
right, I could do that. But whenI try to link these daisy chain
these moments together so theycould mean I'm a good person, I
get thrown very off.

Angus Ross (24:04):
Yeah. And I think that that is so typical. In
terms of our human nature, youknow, we're kind of I feel like
we're, we are almost livingbetween these these these these
two minds in a sense, ourimpersonal mind our personal
mind, our essential ouressential nature and then just
the programming andconditioning. And I for sure

(24:25):
fall fall back into oldprogramming conditioning when
when I hit a blind spot like youknow an angry or or annoying
neighbor. But you kind of likeyou came back you know, you
can't can't can't back down toearth pretty quickly by the
sound of it.

Rob (24:43):
Or it was instant. Yeah, I won't fight truth anymore. The
moment I see it, I'm not a I'mnot Oh, give me a week to sort
through my thoughts and myfeelings and I'm gonna come back
around because I was. Once I seeit, it's over. Whether that's an
apology, whether that's I mayhave been right But let me
figure out a different way ofsaying it. Let it's the moment I

(25:04):
see it. I'm done with trying tohold on to what that was.
Because that's obviously got meright here in this mess, so to
speak, or this disturbance?
Like, let me let me get this.
Did I not say that correctly?
What vibe? Do you need me toexplain this to because I'm
trying to communicate? Hmm. I'llmeet you wherever you are. I'll
come across the tracks. I'll diga hole out. I'll meet you where
you are. I'm not going to evertell you now because I did. At

(25:26):
one point I got I got the answerto help you come over here
though. What if I can't moveRobert? What if I can't move. So
now it's like I'm coming to youwhere you are. And and I'm gonna
share as best I can. And thatmay mean, you know your
frustrations, I get it. BecauseI was frustrated too, when I was

(25:46):
scared in my life. Yeah,

Rohini Ross (25:51):
that's so powerful.
And then the other part that I'dlove to hear more about, as you
describe that click moment thattransform a moment when things
fell into place. And it's soimpactful when that happens to
people, it's so impactful whenpeople like you share the
experience of that. And so I'dlove to know a little bit more

(26:15):
about what what was the beforethat transformer moment like the
even the seconds before? Whatshifted? And then and I know,
it's an ongoing journey afterthat, but what was sort of the
shift after that?

Rob (26:33):
Yeah, it was, um, he it Michael had drawn this, this
diagram. And he was showing howwisdom was always flowing.
Right? Always flooring and howour thinking blocks it. And it

(26:53):
just made sense. It just madesense. And he also use memories
because we did talk a little bitabout PTSD on the about the
difference then. If I had beenrobbed before, and then I get
over to you and Angus houseafter I just been robbed. And I

(27:16):
get away and I get to your anAngus house. And I'm explaining
to you that a few weeks agoalmost got robbed, but I'm
crying. I'm scared. I'm nervous.
He threw a few metaphors to us,I was able to see how how we
allow a memory to bring forththe motions because I'm actually
safe sitting on you and Angus`scouch. I'm not in danger. I'm

(27:36):
amongst two people who love me.
And I'm just sharing and memory.
So why would there be a need tobring the fear, the anxiety and
the worry back because I wasn'tin it. And he made that so clear
to me. And that's why I wasthat's what the year and a half
of trying to learn how not tostay in those stay in the

(28:00):
emotions of each of thesestories. That's why I can freely
share them now. Because thestories bear, they're not what's
happening. I'm currently in myhome in my office right now. I'm
not in Birmingham being abused.
I'm not doing any drug sellingor getting, you know, I'm not

(28:23):
being bombed in Iraq anymore.
I'm not living a super highintensity life on motorcade
driving and things like that I'mnot drinking alcohol, just to
clear my mind anymore. I'm notgoing through substance abuse
counseling and treatments. Now.
I'm sitting in my office talkingto you too. So I don't need to
bring all of that with it. Youknow, maybe I'll well up,

(28:45):
obviously, you know, sometimeswhen I think about some, but I
don't have to bring all of thatto it. And and and that seems to
help people hear something init. Yeah. Yeah.

Rohini Ross (28:57):
Yeah. I mean, that.
That healing and that freedom.
It sounds like your recognition.
Was that, that size, freedom.
And since freedom is isbasically this is freedom.

Rob (29:11):
Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. Yeah.
I'm just thinking we hang inagain. Yeah. Okay. Okay, yeah. I
wear that for that reason. Yeah.
Because the moment I did realizeI was free, it was something I
never wanted to forget. Yeah. SoI bought a bunch of these
bracelets, and I wear iteverywhere. Whether I'm in a

(29:32):
suit and tie or whether I'm inworkout clothes or whatever.
I'll never, never want to forgetI`m free.

Angus Ross (29:40):
Yeah, you know, I was thinking that every now and
again, if you know and I do havethe opportunity to teach groups
and when these groups come newpeople, and they're new to this
understanding every now andagain, someone will get the idea
that they they basically whatthey say generally is like Ah,

(30:00):
I'm okay. I'm fundamentallyokay. And what they're basically
saying is like, I'm free. I'mfree of that narrative. I'm free
of that illusionary thinking andthey see that it is an illusion,
like you say, it's like, youknow, you're not backing our act
now sitting on someone's couch,just to suddenly get that sense.
Yeah, this is just the stuffthat I have created a story

(30:21):
around. And it's not happeningto me now. But I've just seen
that time and time again, wherepeople just fundamentally I will
just say, Oh, I'm okay. And Ialways used to, I would hear
that. It's like, I want to tastethat. I want to know what they
mean. And then I finally Ifinally now get it. It's like,
yeah, they just finally suddenlythey feel completely liberated

(30:41):
from all of that narrative. Andthey are okay. I think it's such
a beautiful thing.

Rohini Ross (30:47):
Yeah, it's really profound. And, and for everyone
listening. What I love aboutthis is how the same
understanding that had Angus andI come up with the rewilding
metaphor that love can always berewelded is the same
understanding that helps youheal from PTSD, that helps you

(31:10):
experience that inner freedom,that it it is applied in so many
different areas of life, simplyby all of us connecting more
with our essential nature andthe truth of who we are. And it
helps relationships, but it alsohelps many other areas. And so,
Angus, and I would love for youto share a bit more about, you

(31:31):
know, now that you've beenimpacted so profoundly, what are
the ways that you're currentlyhelping others?

Rob (31:41):
in relationships, or just in general?

Rohini Ross (31:44):
Yeah, General.

Rob (31:45):
Okay. So when I originally got out of the military, I
thought personal training wasit, I was going to get people
bodies in shape, because if yourbody feels good, I thought that
was it. And when I really satdown is understanding it was
well before the body that thingsneeded to happen. And so now I
kind of just work with themindset, and a few things that

(32:08):
drive you to this understanding,like eating balance, so that
because I know gut health isdirectly tied to brain
functions. So I don't have toteach you the principles. But if
I get your gut clear, you willstart your own understanding
those people I know movement isessential for anything to
happen. So move often. That'sit. I know, sleep is where

(32:30):
recovery and regenerationhappens. And we all need to be
replenished. So I say Sleepwell. I say laugh a lot, because
laughter happens in the moment.
You can't do laughter in pasttense. It happens in the moment.
And so that's why I say and Iumbrella it all with
prioritizing self care to makesure you do those. Never allow

(32:51):
yourself to forget to move offand sleep well he balance laugh
a lot. If you do that, I don't Idon't know what your life will
be. But I can almost guaranteeit'd be a lot better than what
it is now. And that's, that'swhat I drive. So I do have some
personal training clients andpeople who just want the body.
But they typically after a whilewe like what else kind of

(33:13):
programs you got? And what elsedo you do. And we get into
mindset coaching or businessbuilding. And it's so funny
because I never thought ofmyself as a business coach, and
two businesses start bringing mein. And so just teach that to
our employees. Just get them tolike each other, get them to
vibe as a team, I understandteam dynamics on the military.
You know, you when you deploy,you bring a fraction of your

(33:38):
unit and you connect with thefraction of another unit. And
then they drop you in the fight.
Well, team dynamics is isimperative for life survival.
You know, there's two functions,you have to understand, you
know, we are going to formtogether as a team, they were
gonna storm because we don'tknow our responsibilities. The
context hasn't been said, wedon't know who's responsible for

(34:01):
what. And then we startperforming without the after we
come out of the storm. And wekind of set the context on how
we're going to move as a team.
And then everything becomesknown. And that's how we move.
So understanding that's thecycle you see it you're able to
articulate it, you move past it,because we need you all to
understand how to defeat thisenemy, so to speak. But that's

(34:22):
pretty much it. And it just whenI let go of it having to be in a
one way. I remember peoplesaying Well, you can't do all
that. You need to got to be atrainer or you got to be this
and you got to be that andthat's where the struggle for me
was because I was like Whydidn't I want to do anything is
saying with the host and what wewere talking about. On the on
the last podcast. I've alwaysloved emceeing parties and, and

(34:45):
and being the narrator forfunctions and things and
throwing jokes and gettingpeople laugh. I've done that my
whole military career. Iremember one time getting in
trouble. In my military careerwhere I couldn't do certain
things, and the only thing theywould let me do was that because
that was a benefit to them, youknow, and coming out and going

(35:07):
to hosting and thinking I wantedto be a host and learning
certain things. Again, peoplewere like, Well, you can't host
and do this. And so I rememberone day, my hosting coach sat me
down. And he said, I don't knowhow to explain this, but you're
wasting your money almost inhosting right now in my, my, my

(35:29):
process of trying to learn, andhe says, because the problem is
not what we're teaching you isthe problem is I can't get Rob
who's backstage on stage. Hesaid, because the raw backstage,
everybody loves. He says, butwhen you get in front of that
mic, and then lights come on,you turn to what you think a
host is supposed to be. So youstart using different words,

(35:52):
your mannerisms are very strict,your storyline is direct, you're
not feeling you're just you'rejust and he says that's not
going to work. And so I didn'tunderstand it, you know, until
coming into it. Now, I was like,Oh, he was basically saying, I
was I was trying to projectsomething that wasn't real. So

(36:13):
what is the host, a person whocommunicates, I communicate,
that`s it. And so when theopportunity came for the three
PGC podcast, of course, I lovedit. Because I get to do
something that I've one beentrained into, I love and I kind
of understand the elements ofit, to move a conversation,
interviewing questions andthings like that, because it's

(36:36):
kind of you want to get thestory out. That's the only way
we're doing it right for peopleto hear the information, take
something from it be able to, tomove and flourish to thrive. So
it's been it's been pretty cool.
Breaking down all of thoserules. You know, on Monday, I
train on Tuesday, I coachWednesday, I speak Thursday, I

(36:56):
might be an emcee at a party.
Friday, I'm off. Saturday, I'mteaching a self defense class
Sunday. You know, that's, that'smy life. Man. I guy um, yeah, I
just ride this ride.

Angus Ross (37:10):
It's kind of like breaking down the rules that
don't line up with youressential nature. Yeah. I love
that. I also really love I nevereven thought of it in those
terms before but so much of thisunderstanding points to the you
know, like that beautifulfeeling is like in that
beautiful feeling will befertile territory to have an
insight. But this idea thatlaughter is the one thing that

(37:33):
puts you in the present moment,once that laughter is the one
thing that puts you in touchwith that feeling. I never, I
never looked at it on thoseterms. But yeah, you know, if
ever there were to be a magicbullet, when people will ask you
Well, how do I get to thatfeeling? How do I get to
insight? How do I get to myessential nature, you know, find
a way to laugh a lot. Becausethat's the one thing that can't,

(37:55):
you know, put you into thefuture or take you into the
past. It's really in the moment.
So thank you for that. I neverit never occurred to me. Yeah,
you can't you can't fake it,

Rohini Ross (38:05):
can you if you genuinely laughing you're,

Rob (38:07):
you could tell somebody faking their laugh, you could
tell I mean, there might be somegood actors, it's over to, you
know, when that belly laugh isthere, where it's
uncontrollable, and you there.
And I've also found it funnybecause I've laughed in
situations I weren't supposedto. I remember I remember when I
got the job at the Pentagon. Iwas in Montana. And I had for I
think five days to get back toMontana out process and get to

(38:32):
Washington, DC, but I had todrive. So across the US so I
actually have a car accidentwithin the first four hours I
go, Cliff because I kept somedry ice. I mean, black ice
drives, I get some ice and Ishoot off a cliff. As I'm going

(38:52):
off the cliff. I literally said,God, just don't let me die. If I
don't just don't let me die. Thesnow kind of catches my fall and
we slide and when I can't getthe vehicle is on the side. I
kind of have to push it the dooropen to jump out. But I wasn't
dressed for cold weather becauseI was driving so I had like some
fan pants and not reallythinking I'm going to be out in

(39:16):
the cold. And so I have to reachback in and grab a jacket. And I
look out the side and I see thetrailer of my motorcycle. And I
was like God, you could havesaved the motorcycle. Like I
like I had already forgotten Ihad ax for life just for me and
so I bust out laughing like areyou kidding me right now? Put

(39:37):
your jack you know and you knowI'm running up the hill and, and
yeah, and it was so funny, buteven the way that came together
when they pulled me out of thatditch. It was the first time
I've ever seen one tow truckconnect to another one because
the car was so far down. So thefirst truck on Platt ground
level ground look Work thetruck. And then that truck

(40:00):
lowered its cable to pull mytruck back up. But because I
didn't die, and the last twopeople who had went off that
clip had die, the mechanics workwent because we were out there
for hours and hours tellingthem, you know, I'm going to
lose my job at the Pentagon,Pentagon, and they appeared and
cut their color there.

(40:25):
Everything about them look tojust like the people who were in
Washington, DC, if youunderstand what I mean. But
their love for the military,they worked all night well, and
got my vehicle in condition todrive a cause. They saw the
color of my skin and it washesitation at first because Did

(40:47):
you understand what I mean? WhenI said there was it?

Rohini Ross (40:50):
Okay, I get it.

Rob (40:51):
Um, but because I was military, and I was going to the
Pentagon that trumped for themtheir belief on and they work to
get my vehicle up. And I gotacross the country in it. So in
moments of, of when you don'tsuppose to bust out laughing,
it's just been enough to breakit. For me at least. Yeah.

Rohini Ross (41:14):
Wow. That's a powerful story. And, and it just
shows how mindset can shift in amoment. They have their
preconceptions and bias. Andthen all of a sudden you say
something and something shifts,and they see the universal?

Rob (41:27):
No, this was a small little town and in a the off route of
Montana, right before you get toBillings. So to them, the
Pentagon and military was justas big as it was to me going to
the military. Yeah. Becausethat's the values in which they
grew up on strong military. Andso yeah, it was very
interesting. Very, very, verycool, too, because I got there.

Rohini Ross (41:56):
And so Rob, I know that relationship isn't
necessarily that isn'tnecessarily your specialty. But
I'm sure that this understandinghas served you and had you seen
things about relationships. Sowe'd love since our listeners
are often looking in thedirection of relationship, if
you would be open to sharingwhat you see differently now

(42:18):
versus before, aroundrelationship, if there's
anything that occurs to you.

Rob (42:22):
Yeah. It's very funny because it is true. I am. All of
my relationships has changed,those who my siblings, those
were my parents, those withLaurie, my life partner, all of
it is changed. When I came intothis understanding. I remember
being the older brother, I wastasked with always being the

(42:43):
person to lead and tell themthat they'd tattoo and, and I,
because my father wasn't in thehousehold. I felt I had to be my
younger brother who was from thesame I felt I had to be his dad.
And when I came into thisunderstanding, and realizing I
wasn't his dad, I was hisbrother. And I had a lot of

(43:03):
years of trying to be a father,but I had zero years of just
being a brother. So that was thefirst that was a big
relationship change that nowhe's, oh my god, he faces me
probably a little too much. Butwe're at it. Like, that's my
little brother, man. And he hecalls and we talk often. And
we're in two differentlifestyles. We're two different

(43:24):
lifestyles, he hit acceptsomething, you know, the other
day about putting his guns inthe house. And I just asked him
was that smart? Because theenvironment he's in being caught
without a gun could be thepotential of my mother, mother,
my mother and grandmothercrying. It could be, but I just
want to make sure he understoodwhy he was doing it. And it
worked for him. So that's,that's how that went. And the

(43:48):
other one was with Laurie I callit low. was realizing I didn't
have to play to be a man. Iwasn't. And in my role with her
and what I mean by that is, Ihad always been told, what makes
you a man is the amount of moneyyou have, the power and amount
of women you have in your lifeis glorified in the movies, in

(44:13):
the rap in hip hop, you know,it's it's a cultural thing, or
for me, it was cultural. And,and so I really didn't never
really had a lot of money. Sothat was never going to be its I
didn't, I didn't choose thatway. I have a little power trips
in the military when I did getto Thursdays. But for some

(44:33):
reason, I've always had a lot ofwomen in my life. And I remember
one time. What she did was sounique was when she asked me to
come out here. I was under theimpression she was doing it for
us to be together. And when Ihad gotten to a point where I

(44:54):
was healed in my mind, we weresitting it down and she said She
was we were watching a movie orsomething. It's just kind of
sad. And I'm like, baby like,What? What's wrong? Like? Why
not? Is this is him sad? Becausesoon you're going to be moving
out. awesome movie like, God putme out. And she was like, wait,

(45:16):
no, I would never put you out.
And I was like, So where am Igoing? What are you talking
about? CVS like? Well, I'vealways thought that when you got
heels, you're just going tomove. And I was like, Well, what
was you doing all this for justfor me to move? CVS like, I was
doing all this because youneeded it. And I was your
friend. And I'm like, Well,wait. So do you want to be with

(45:37):
me? You know, I'm like, No, I'mall like, wait, what's happening
right now you break it out withme. It's that's what this is,
you know? And, and she was like,No, I would love to spend the
rest of my life with you. Butwhen I asked you to come out
here, you were, you are notright. So I was just trying to
get you healed. And for you tomake whatever decision you want

(45:58):
it to make, though, that hadnothing to do with this. And
that threw me for a long time.
It because I've neverexperienced that. Where she was
just saying, No, I did thatbecause you needed it. And I
remember being out on a date.
And just looking at the younglady, and saying, I'm so sorry,
but I'm about to go home. Andshe smiled and said, Yeah, I'm

(46:25):
glad. And that threw me. So x,y. And she says, because she's
all you talking about? And I waslike, Oh, and I came home and I
said, Hey, we're good. That'sall I said. I said we're good.
And that's that's been it. Imean, it's, it's just

(46:46):
unbelievable that it no longermakes sense to me. That jumping
in and out of these smallinteractions gives me some type
of validity, or having so callednotches on my belt makes me a
better man. It just literallyfell away.

(47:07):
And now I truly in my work, getto have intimate moments with
clients who are females , whodon't feel like I'm trying to
come on to them. She can walk upand see me just hugging someone
crying, and she's gonna come andrub my back. Because the
expression now is I'm not tryingto get in nobody pants, and I
hope that's appropriate for thepodcast. But I'm just trying to

(47:30):
love people, period. You know,so that's how it's changed in
relationships. It's open to doorto have friends now. with clear,
clear, like, I'm not you know,it's that's not what this is. I
just want to know who you are. Iwant to experience you. I want

(47:52):
to love you too. Like, I want tosupport you too. And she loves
me for doing that. And so yeah,that's that's how my
relationships are with myparents has been amazing,
because they're done from thestory. You know, they gave me my

(48:13):
best opportunity at life birth.
They didn't fit the story, Iprepare for them. I get it. But
neither did I as a parent. Sonow I just love and so we're
good. So yeah, that's this, thisunderstanding for me has changed
everything about the way I seelife. Not in a not in one lane.

(48:36):
Not not in this car only. Thisis this understanding is me now
and I just show up in the otherdifferent places. So

Rohini Ross (48:57):
it's beautiful.You're wiping away a
tear.

Angus Ross (49:18):
thought that I was getting close. Because the
emotion was

Rohini Ross (49:25):
Angus is known to be more of a crier than I am. So
we have a set of questions thatwe ask our guests are you
willing to play along with us?

Rob (49:38):
Let's play

Rohini Ross (49:38):
and they're just you know, more when we talked
about it Angus and I with thesequestions, we see them more as
kind of like improv there's somany different answers you could
give. So we just ask that younot overthink it and just go
with whatever comes forward foryou.

Angus Ross (49:51):
Cool. All right. And it seems it seems like from what
you said that you are now themaster of improv anyway and
hosting Not only now we get tosee it in action.

Rob (50:04):
se it in action.

Rohini Ross (50:06):
no pressure off the table. Can I start? Angus?

Angus Ross (50:14):
Rob should know that it's that it's obviously these
questions are all revolvingaround relationship. So that's
the theme.
Yeah.

Rob (50:22):
I thought it was like algebra test. Okay. So there is
no right answer. There's myanswer. Okay, right. Okay, good.
As long as it's not a algebratest isn't up, here we go.

Rohini Ross (50:37):
And so in your current relationship, what is
one of the fondest memories foryou?

Rob (50:45):
My first vacation. We, I traveled all over the world in
the military, but I've neverbeen on vacation. everywhere
I've ever went, I brought theintensity of my job. So our
first vacation, we toured Europeand we were on the Amalfi coast
in Italy. And they gave us oneparking spot, but everywhere we

(51:08):
would go, I would rent anothercar and park it farther down the
road. And for evacuationpurposes, because that's what we
did in the military forprotection teams. And I remember
her saying, do we always have todo that? It's gonna make the
trip a lot more expensive, andit's super difficult, you know?
And, and it fell away from me.
You really enjoy the AmalfiCoast. And that's why it's one

(51:32):
of the most favorite places I'veever been. And it was that that
God trip. I love that place. Iabsolutely adore it. So

Rohini Ross (51:43):
that's great. I love that..

Angus Ross (51:47):
Well, yeah, so just so I can understand so. So you
had a must like you had agetaway car?

Rob (51:54):
Yes, yes. It took me years to break that.

Angus Ross (51:57):
Okay. But yes, just one on the Amalfi Coast. It
wasn't like there were differentgetaway cars in different places
on Yeah,

Rob (52:05):
no, no, just one Yeah, I've only I bought two before though.
I have bought them before andparked one any across the
street. Because of what Iremember being told about this
particular country reason. Itwas just it was a bad prejudice
against that country, which wasignorance on my part. Which
wives should have had to payextra. Yeah. That was on me. But

(52:26):
yeah, I just carry weapons andeverything but all that is guys
no need for in my opinion now.

Angus Ross (52:33):
Yeah. Wow. Yeah.
apart and must still I'm withJames Bond here.

Rob (52:38):
No, no, please.

Angus Ross (52:42):
Okay, so the next question. Excuse me. What is one
of the funniest memories on yourin your relationship?

Rob (52:53):
Hmm. We laugh so much. Her face when she saw me screaming
at the neighbor. And I remembersaying to her, she was just so
rare. And I was like, Hey, yougot a black man. You okay, y'all

(53:15):
gotta come back. You got he justbust out of that. Like it was
enough to break it. That Yeah,it just it because she had never
seen that. But it was just sofunny afterwards. Because she
had sent me like 30 messages. Soscared of what's happening in
your office? Are y'all Okay,what's happening? And so that's
the one I could come to rightnow. This is her face when I

(53:39):
when she saw from, from kickyour ass to hugging my neighbor,
like,

Rohini Ross (53:47):
What's going on?

Rob (53:48):
exactly what's going on?
Yeah,

Rohini Ross (53:52):
that's great. And like we said, Just pick one we
know there's many. And so thisone might sound a little like a
heavier question. But again,just go with whatever first
comes to mind. So what was oneof the most difficult times in
your relationship? And how didyou get through it?

Rob (54:08):
Oh, that was easy. It was the pivot. I was shed asked me
a question. And I took defense.
That was that was always myfirst reaction to anything. I
took defense. And in my defense,I murdered a murdered, screamed,
whatever you want to call it thewords. I'm a grown ass man.

(54:29):
You're not going to tell me whatto do. And her comment back was
baby I think I'm the only personin the room who knows that's
true. And that I left and I wasangry. I left and I really sat

(54:51):
with what she said. And yeah Shewas I didn't know and that was
probably the most and how I gotthrough it was not trying to be
a grown ass man. You know justbe Yeah. So yeah

Rohini Ross (55:18):
it's amazing when those kind of comments cut
through the noise of the ego andit really

Rob (55:27):
like, like like a 300 pound box that hit you square in the
chest. I see small so it waslike bought out without from the
file. Yeah, exactly. Have youbeen saving up? Cuz she is. Yeah
that when that one was like,whoa. So yeah, that's why I

(55:50):
remember so well.

Angus Ross (55:53):
Okay, so next one.
How do you divide domestic laborin your relationship?

Rob (56:01):
domestic labor, give me examples like, like, washing,
cooking or

Rohini Ross (56:07):
Anything that is around the home.

Angus Ross (56:09):
Okay. Rohini won't do any cleaning up so.

Rob (56:17):
Okay, well, I'm Rohini

Angus Ross (56:19):
use the vacuum cleaner. I didn't think

Rob (56:22):
I'm Rohini. Alright, so there's really only one big
chore because we're both pretty.
I don't want to use the term.
We're very particular about howthings are being cleaned me from
my military backgroundinspections and just heard from
the way are the biggest tourhonestly, is taking care of the
dogs.She see does it so muchbetter than me? I just hands

(56:44):
off. I'm like, I'm literallylike the weekend father, like I
just want to find stuff. I don'tI don't know. I don't want to I
don't want none of that. That'sall you. You know, they're only
my dogs when they're listening.
They're only mine when they gotthe pretty pictures. But
whenever they're acting acids,they're yours and you take them
and you handle them becausethey're bad odds right now. Uh

(57:05):
huh. And we both were bothvegetarians, but we eat
differently. And she's more of araw vegetarian, and I'm more
cooked. So we just cook our ownor eat our own. We usually do it
together but we just grab ourown food. She does majority of
washing because she would liketo wash more. So she'll wash and

(57:27):
I'll just grab it and fold it.
But I would wait to the week isover to wash but she doesn't
like getting clothes and shewatches daily. So I'm like
Alright, we'll just put them up.
I'll put them back here becauseI do I'm okay with laundry. So
what else what else was there?

Angus Ross (57:47):
Well, just as a sidebar, what dogs do you have?
How many dogs plural? How many?

Rob (57:53):
Three dogs. I have three dogs. Hazel is my first she was
a rescue from a breeding farm.
She was a runt and they weregoing to probably put her down
so we took her mocha being wasmy second rescue. She was an
owner surrender owner who she atMOCA has a lot of allergies and
and things wrong with her skin.

(58:14):
So it was just very expensivefor the last owner so she
surrender and we got her in 2018and just kind of got insurance
and got her all well andundercoat under got the
condition under control. AndCoco was my last rescue and
rescue her during the pandemic.
But she was an American stafferwho someone had abused by

(58:37):
clipping their ears clipping hertail and because of her coat,
she's so beautiful that theyjust bred her over and over and
gave her home c sections so shehas so much scar tissue that
that was just going to put herdown because she was obese. And
the I think it was Pitbullrescue or somebody founder. And
we were able to get her. And sowe got that under control. And

(59:02):
now they so two EnglishBulldogs, and one American
staffer, and 6058 6481 pounds.
And even funny enough, I did notlike dogs before coming into the
understanding.

Angus Ross (59:21):
Wow,

Rob (59:22):
I was scared of them. I remember the first time I've
ever went to Michael house. Iasked him Could you put your
dogs away please? Yeah,

Angus Ross (59:28):
he's still scared of the poop though, right? Yeah.

Rob (59:31):
Oh, yeah. Got it a group that I never

Rohini Ross (59:34):
You don`t want to get over that.

Rob (59:35):
Yeah. No, I think I'm allergic to it from scratch and
now it's unsafe. It's I'm I youknow, you're talking about my
life here beyond for my life injeopardy with

Rohini Ross (59:48):
the two of you sound like you've got a very
good system and Angus obviouslystill has complaints on his end.
So on a similar note how ourfinance is handled in your
relationship.

Rob (01:00:01):
Oh, her. She just has a different understanding. She's
managed, or she's had money outof a totally different socio
economic bracket than I havebefore. And so I remember having
to be open to learning how itworked. How her understanding

(01:00:22):
she used to manage bands. And soshe did PR for bands. So she was
always in accounting with howdistribution of money got paid.
And she, she's always understoodthat, and so in, in housing, and
when purchasing a home, it's myfirst purchase, and I'm like,
Oh, these numbers, and she couldexplain it. And I trust her like
nothing else. So it makes sense.
And so she handles Yeah. Becauseif not, we'd be all know where

(01:00:46):
we are with that.

Angus Ross (01:00:52):
That's great. And just to be completely
transparent, that is whereRohini skills really come into
there.

Rohini Ross (01:01:02):
I'll say one thing when Angus and I were dating in
London, I was I startedmodeling, and I needed to know I
didn't know how to do taxes inEngland. So Angus is well, I'll
introduce you to my accountant,and he can help you out with
your taxes because you don'tknow how to do it. And so when I

(01:01:24):
went to see Angus`s accountant,he said to me, my cat knows more
about money than Angus does. Ithink he was trying to warn me
off or something.

Rob (01:01:36):
That was me. I mean, money meant new shoes for me. New
shoes, new toys. What bills comeon, man. I'll get there. I gotta
get for me. I need Jordans youknow. So

Rohini Ross (01:01:48):
I`m thinking may be some similarities there.

Angus Ross (01:01:54):
All right. So next question. What was the biggest
misunderstanding you woke upfrom in your relationship?

Rob (01:02:05):
What I've thought love was to what love really is. I
thought love meant, do this.
Don't do that. And conditionallove could possibly mean that.
But unconditional love means Iaccept you for who you are. And
if I want to be with you, thenI'm not trying to change you.
You are who you are. And yeah,for my daughters, for all of

(01:02:33):
them. It was the differencebetween what I thought and
conditional love was versus whatit really is. If you love me,
you will do this. I love you.
I'll do that versus No. Theloving of you has no bearing on
it. Because that is that's goneto stay. So that's the biggest
awakening.

Angus Ross (01:02:54):
That's profound.
That's definitely going on thepodcast.

Rohini Ross (01:03:00):
Absolutely. What sorry, was it Angus,

Angus Ross (01:03:05):
one of those little soundbite show reels.

Rohini Ross (01:03:09):
What's the favorite thing your partner does for you?

Rob (01:03:13):
Every morning she wakes up before I do because I when I was
in that snow I had a I acquireda condition called frosted nip
where I was close to frostbite.
So I love part of reason I loveCalifornia because the heat but
whenever my body gets cold myextremities, they clam and my

(01:03:33):
pain my feet in my hands getvery very painful. So she wakes
up about an hour, maybe evensometimes 30 minutes to an hour
before me and goes downstairsand make sure it's heated and
warm. So that when I wake up Iwon't wake up and come down into
pains because I hand brew mycoffee and stuff. So it's it's
something she does so she hatesif we if she ever wakes up at

(01:03:58):
the same time. She's like, No,no, stay stay down. Let me go
downstairs real quick. And Ijust I just adore that. Not that
I need it all the time, but Iunderstand why she does it or
what the space is. She's comingfrom when she does it. That's
why I love it so much.

Rohini Ross (01:04:16):
That's lovely.

Angus Ross (01:04:18):
Okay, well what is the least favorite thing your
partner does?

Rob (01:04:22):
Cooks food for these damn dogs. Oh my god, I really like
it smells and stuff. Man that iswhat's that? Oh, this dogs
supper. What? That's what what?
That is for them? You know, thegirls can do no wrong. Like
they're out there. They can dono wrong and I just oh my god.

(01:04:43):
Okay, yeah. I want the dogs toeat well,

Rohini Ross (01:04:51):
I guess I can just imagine Angus cooking for our
dog Niko?

Angus Ross (01:05:02):
Yeah, don't get any idea.

Rob (01:05:04):
Yeah.

Rohini Ross (01:05:10):
So this again is kind of it could be a no, I
don't have one, but we just wantto explore it. So what's one of
your relationship deal breakersand why?

Rob (01:05:20):
Insecurity, insecurity.
Because it is my understandingof insecurities, they will allow
you to protect who You'resomething else other than who
you are. And I just need to knowwho you are, because I'm going
to love you anyway. So if youare become in the business of
showing me someone else, thenthat's not where I want to be.

(01:05:41):
And so I'm very open and honestand transparent about every my
passcode on my phone is herbirthday, my computer, password
says her, you're free to go inanything. Because I don't need
you to be insecure, because thatis a walk. Out walk. Because if
you show me who you are, I don'tcare whether it's a drug

(01:06:03):
addiction, I don't care if youran into somebody you think you
like, I love you. And if youcome to the realization that you
enjoy spending time with someoneelse, and you believe that's
truly what you want, I'm goingto enjoy you having what you
think you want. Yes, it may hurtme. Oh my god, would it bring me
to my knees in tears andsadness? But my love for you
means that you have to chasewhat you want. Not what I want.

(01:06:26):
You know? So? Yeah, if youdon't, but if you don't show me
who you are, I'm out. Yeah.

Angus Ross (01:06:38):
Damn, you're good.

Rohini Ross (01:06:42):
To ask you.

Angus Ross (01:06:49):
Wow, yeah, that's amazing. All right. So how do
you keep physical intimacy alivein your relationship?

Rob (01:06:58):
Um, just with the laughter with the touch with the
prioritizing of self caring,knowing how important that
component is to a relationship.
So you see works hard, I workhard. You know, so every moment
we get to touch, you know, itstarts throughout the day. And

(01:07:20):
then by time we kids, we hug wehold like, yeah, it's and it's,
it's fine, because it's itdoesn't always have to be sexual
for that. That expression to hitthe spot, if you understand what
I'm saying. And because thatpressure is off, it typically

(01:07:42):
makes it pretty much sexual alot, if that makes sense.
Because it's, it's because it'snot got to on Monday, Tuesday,
Thursday night, Saturdaymorning, like, yeah, two
brackets that they got to fit init. The spontaneity of just the
expression of each other makesit happen often where it's like,
oh, well, that's not a thing,then for real. Yeah.

Rohini Ross (01:08:10):
Thank you. So the final question. If there's only
one thing you could say to yourpartner, what would you like to
say to them?

Rob (01:08:24):
Thank you for showing me.
Thank you for showing me.

Rohini Ross (01:08:33):
It's really touching. Rob. Well, thank you
so much for joining us.

Rob (01:08:41):
Thank you for having me.
That was fun! I'm sorry. Iforgot we were on a podcast.

Rohini Ross (01:08:52):
It's been a really moving journey, listening to
your story, hearing the impactof the understanding in your
life. Seeing how it's ripplingout for from you and to the
lives of others. I mean, it'sjust really been touching.

Angus Ross (01:09:10):
Yes, this is so touching. And Gosh, I could I
would just add an hour with you.
I could spend the whole day.

Rob (01:09:23):
Thank you

Angus Ross (01:09:25):
for that opportunity. At some point. I'd
love to hang with you guys. Oh,yeah.
Yeah, absolutely. Well,it'sright to you. You are in Malibu.

Rob (01:09:34):
Over Yeah, Malibu lakes are get over to y'all. And now the
canyon. Bangor Canyon. We're inthe canyon Canyon.

Angus Ross (01:09:40):
That's the lovely part of the world.

Rob (01:09:44):
I like it. I like it a lot.
Yeah, I get to sit out on thedeck and in here. And that was
another relationship change meto the universe. Me to trees our
life carrizal I like hearingthem too. You know, my deck in
here and the rustling of thetrees, the wind, you know,
watching the sunset at this endof the mountain and as the

(01:10:09):
season moves, assess over herenow learning to hear the
universe just as much as Ilearned to hear my own species.
So, yeah, that's been prettycool to notice relationship
turned.

Angus Ross (01:10:23):
I hope. I hope it picks up but there was a point
where I think I heard there's athere's a hawk that I thought I
heard whistling outside yourwindow. When I work in Malibu
there, they have a lot of hawksof

Rob (01:10:38):
Cackling parrots, I feed a bluejay. So every morning, I put
a piece of bread, he just comesgrab it, he eats a couple
pieces, and he takes it away. Igot the most gossip and parents
that sit right outside myoffice. And it's like, they talk
about everybody business in theneighborhood. They're just like,
Oh, my God, I don't have jobsand nothing like I'm trying to

(01:10:59):
work in there in the background.
You probably can hear on some ofmy own podcasts. I have to you
know, sue him away or whatever.
But it's it on the power lineout there. Talk about the
neighborhood.

Angus Ross (01:11:11):
It's a bit of texture.

Rohini Ross (01:11:13):
Amazing ears. I guess I didn't notice

Angus Ross (01:11:15):
it. Oh, I noticed the whole because I mean, you
said you're in Malibu, it's likethat's just one that's just the
sort of audio backdrop for mefor booking amount of birds is
always the Hawks of flyingaround.

Rob (01:11:24):
I had to soundproof this side of the wall because of
hearing so many differentthings. I put those cards and to
close that gap in between cuzYeah, you can hear everything
out there

Rohini Ross (01:11:37):
is great. Well, we love nature. So it's good for
our podcast. We're not gonnacomplain about that.