May 13, 2024 • 42 mins
Embark on a profound exploration of love and life as we invite Camille Essek of the Speaker Podcast to unravel the twisted paths of modern dating. With a landscape filled with digital illusions and fleeting connections, Camille, a powerhouse of wit and wisdom, joins us to dissect the chaos of swiping left and right. Reflect with us on the beauty of solitude and the lessons learned while stepping back to breathe amidst the search for a kindred spirit. Our heartfelt discussion illuminates the essence of self-worth and the courage to seek out a love that complements one's journey of self-discovery.
As your hosts, we open up about our personal strides down the road less traveled, where self-care morphs into an art form. Hear tales of how a simple walk on the treadmill, a nutritious homemade meal, or the soothing cascade of a waterfall showerhead can become the foundation of a 'soft life' you craft for yourself. We share the intimate details of our day-to-day rituals, serving as a testament to the power of nurturing your body and soul with the same tenderness you would show to a cherished companion.
To cap off this enriching session, we turn to the time-honored traits that make up the fabric of a strong partnership. Drawing from the well of generational wisdom and our own experiences, we dissect the evolving definition of a provider—beyond the material—and offer insights into the delicate dance of patience and discernment in the world of dating. As we bid farewell, we extend our gratitude to you, our community, for walking with us through these conversations. Your engagement and love elevate our musings, and together, we forge connections that transcend the airwaves.
RICH RELATIONSHIPS REFUGE
Meet: Gil & Renée
Rich Relationships Refuge podcast with Gilbert J and Renée M. Beavers is fantastic because it's the best place to explore the reality of relationships — the good, the bad, and the painful and confusing. This podcast helps to illuminate what it means to be intimate with others and what it teaches people about them. It will make you want to strive for a kinder, more fun relationship with others., This a place where love flourishes, bonds deepen, and relationships thrive. We're Gil and Renee, authors, and marriage coaches, and we're honored to walk alongside you on your journey towards a rich and fulfilling partnership.
In a world where relationships can feel like a maze, we believe in providing you with the compass and map to navigate the path of love with confidence and grace. Whether you're single and seeking, newly dating, or preparing for marriage, our app is your sanctuary—a refuge where you can find guidance, support, and inspiration every step of the way.
https://www.richrrmarriagementors.com/book-online
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast with Gil
and Renee, where amazing thingshappen.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Our goal is to help build, repair and restore
healthy relationships.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Hey, rich, ma'am, it's Renee and Gil from the Rich
Relationship Refuge and for achange.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
We have a guest.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Because we know you guys are tired of seeing us and
talking to y'all about justmarriage, marriage, marriage,
marriage and relationship,relationship, relationship.
Well, we decided to bring onsomeone that is in that space,
but not in that space, just togive a different perspective.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Yeah, so we have our amazing rich friend, and we
talked about what our richfriends are.
If you don't know, go back andlook at another episode.
But this is our rich friend.
Her name is Camille Essek.
She is the creator and owner ofthe Speaker Podcast and she's
going to share from herperspective because most of the
time she's interviewing people.
(00:57):
So today we are going tointerview Camille and it'll be a
switch and it'll be anopportunity for her to be able
to share all the amazing thingsthat God is doing in her life.
So, camille, thank you so muchfor being with us tonight.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Hi, gil and Renee, thank you for joining me.
It's an honor and a blessing tobe here, so thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
We appreciate it.
Camille was probably one of thefirst people that I think you
interviewed us, or weinterviewed you as far as the
connection, but regardless, itwas five years ago.
We were talking about thatbefore we got started, and that
goes to show you that this is along journey and for people who
are in it, who are in this space, that is something that is so
(01:39):
important.
So you were there with us atthe beginning, when we didn't
know what we was doing same sameSame.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
Both new to the podcasting space, so it's still
be connected and reconnect afterthis year, so it's really great
.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
I know it's so good, especially the reason why I'm
sorry Renee set this one up andI think about when we talk to
couples a lot of times,especially if they're in that
dating space they really don'tknow how to approach what
they're doing from arelationship space.
Not that they don't know how tobe in a relationship, but we
(02:17):
always kind of focused on itfrom a marriage perspective and
even though we were single, itwas a lot of years ago.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
Yes, it was a lot of years ago and things may have
changed.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
you know, especially those who have children, they
always say it wasn't like thatwhen y'all were growing up.
It's different now.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
So we want you to share from your perspective,
camille, how, if you would, ifyou would have had to describe
the terrain, the dating terrainin this day and age, if you had
to make it a movie, what wouldyou name it?
The dating terrain in this dayand age.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
Diabolical Wow.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Wow, that's an aggressive one.
I got to hear some more aboutthat one.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Tell us more.
Tell us more.
Why would you say diabolical?
I got to hear some more aboutthat one.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
Tell us more, tell us more.
Why would you say diabolical?
Just because now that we havesocial media and the
conversations and the fact thatyou have so many people that
have access to a microphone anda platform and social media, and
so now it's become like alandmine.
I guess that would be thesequel Landmine, navig,
(03:29):
navigating these spaces andconversations and then adding on
people that are not healed andwhole.
So imagine people that are nothealed or whole with the
platform and everyone's puttingin their tooth in.
So you have a traditionalmindset when it comes to dating,
courting.
(03:55):
Then you have what we call thered pill, blue pill community.
You have the 50, 50 communityand then when we bring in race,
gender and then colorism so tobe a black woman, brown skin,
black woman and then you add anageism, so brown skin, black
women over 30.
So see how this goes.
And then add on core systems,like you add in christianity
(04:20):
versus being a muslim, or whatwe call new age spiritualism,
where people don't say Godanymore, jesus Christ, they want
to talk about the higher powerin the universe and crystals and
sages and manifestation.
So you have all these ideasconverging in a social media
space and then having to weedthrough um out here on top of
(04:48):
you, figuring out what you wantand what you need and seeing if
that aligns with someone elseand their beliefs.
Then you throw in if you wantto be abstinent or do you feel
like there's nothing wrong withsomething on the first date?
There's a lot of different corevalues swirling around in this
(05:09):
field of life, love andrelationship.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
What is it for, if you had to?
For you, what has been yourexperience?
I know all that stuff is outthere, but for you, what has
been your experience?
Just personal?
Your experience, like?
I know all that stuff is outthere, but for you, what has
been your experience?
Just personal?
Speaker 3 (05:27):
your experience.
It's been interesting for mepersonally.
I've been single for four years.
Four years, yes, four years.
I've been single by choice onlybecause, um, I feel that I
needed to really sit down anddiscover what do I really want,
(05:49):
what really matters to me?
And so when you're younger, youknow most women in your younger
years, you have a list right OfX, y, z.
But as you get older, some ofthose things on the list they
don't matter and you start torealize, okay, we still have
(06:12):
some things here that we needand we want, but what really
matters because you're lookingat, you know, choosing, you know
husband, father, leadership,relationship with God there are
other things that are nowpriority and more important.
There are other things that arenow priority and more important
.
So for me it's been, um, in thelast four years, non-existent,
just because I've opted to focuson me and just really hone in
on some things before I can sayI want my dream guy making sure
(06:38):
I'm that dream woman and makingsure.
And I've turned the list back onmyself because I feel like it's
so unfair to demand all thesethings from my man, but it's
like, but what about?
What are you bringing to thetable, and so to put those
things to the side, but inturning that mirror back on
myself and working and focusingmore on me, and not just to be
(06:59):
married, but just to make sureI'm a blessing to myself, the
people I interact with on adaily basis in my community.
Do I want to be married still?
Yes, of course, but I want tomake sure we can have things
from our past that hurt us.
But sometimes we can haveresidue from those past
(07:20):
relationships and we need tomake sure that we're staying in
the presence of God If we'redoing therapy, if we're reading,
exercising, doing all thethings necessary to burn that
residue off, because you don'twant to bring that not only to
your next chapter of yourrelationship, but just in your
next chapter of life when itcomes to your purpose and your
assignments.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Well, you gave a lot of wisdom right there.
I mean, I'm still stuck back atthe red pill and the blue pill
from what you said at the very,very beginning, which is, I
think, so important for peoplewho may not be familiar with
that fantasy type world.
(08:01):
So, and you gave some otherdeeper spiritual aspects of it.
But I wanted to ask, based onwhat you said about you're
single by choice.
Why is that important for youand what does that journey look
like for someone who may benavigating that same space?
What does that mean when?
What are you kind of working on?
(08:21):
Or the wisdom that you'regaining from where you were
before you started dating towhere you are now?
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Being single by choice and, in this space,
taking more time to evaluate thepeople I interact with, being
more selective of individuals inmy circle, people that what I
call in my inner court, andrealizing are you conducive to
my future, my purpose and myassignment?
And if you're not, I have tomove you to the outer court,
(08:49):
right.
Taking more time, not dating,sitting back and revisiting some
of those relationships andsaying, you know, even though
these people, you know, approachme but I allow them to say why
is that?
And going back and revisitingsome red flags I missed.
And being honest and okay, thisperson may have done that, but
(09:09):
did I walk down the red flag toa green?
You know, and there'saccountability in those things
too, because you know you wantto be married, you want to have
a family, and so we minimizesome red flags and say, oh,
maybe it's not a red, maybe it'sa yellow.
No, it was definitely red flag,you know.
(09:32):
And we ignore things because wewant to certain things and also
in times, speaking in generalterms, we can how can I word
this?
We can choose to be in arelationship not thinking about
our full potential.
We're just at this level, notrealizing there's another level
to you and evolution of yourpersonality.
There's another evolution orlevel in your spiritual life.
(09:54):
There's another evolution inyour personal life within
yourself.
And so is this person goodBecause right now this is great.
And so is this person good,because right now this is great.
But can this person grow withyou through the ebbs and flows
of life in the next 10 to 20years?
Because who you are at 25 isnot the same at 40.
(10:15):
And we hear a lot of times inrelationships oh, they change.
They should.
If you marry someone andthey're the same person.
Let's say, you get married at25 and now you're 45 and they're
the same person.
If, let's say, you get marriedat 25 and now you're 45 and
they're the same person, is thatreally a good thing?
Because there should be amaturation in that process and
most people evolve and changeevery five.
I think the statistics sayevery three to five years.
(10:37):
So every three to five yearsyou're meeting a new version of
that person and so there needsto be grace and stretch within
the relationship that you cangrow into the relationship.
You can stretch with that personand grow with that person,
because you hear the vows forbetter or for worse.
But to be better means thatright now you're good, so for
(10:59):
better or worse means at somepoint, if you're good, you're
going to get better.
So you should be able to getbetter with that person.
And so taking that time to sitwith yourself and knowing your
own voice and being able toreally hear and discern the
voice of God.
So when someone does approachyou and in a scenario where
maybe they want to go to lunchand you sit down and have lunch,
(11:20):
you can hear them speaking, butthen you can also hear God
because your discernment hasheightened and in that
conversation they can talk toyou, they can be fine, the Holy
Ghost can kick in and be like sothose things are important and
that's what that looks like Ifyou're walking out a faith-based
(11:40):
, god-based, christ-based datingand relationship scenario
within yourself.
Wow.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
I think that's really important, that, like you said,
sitting with yourself, I thinkthat's an important part of the
journey.
We are in the process right nowof finishing a book and it's
called the Single Blueprint toDating and Marriage, because I
think, like from ourconversation, conversations I've
(12:08):
had with other of my friendswho are single women, who are
secure in their singleness Letme say that being single does
not mean there's something wrongwith you.
It doesn't mean that you'rebroken.
Sometimes being single a partof it is everyone is single,
everyone starts off single, sosingleness is a part of the
(12:31):
journey, and so why look down onany part of the journey?
And so the reason why we didthis book was because I realized
a lot of people I wanted totalk about this grew up in
church, like we didn't grow upin church, so for us, our dating
was a long process of dating.
So for you, you you grew up inchurch, correct?
(12:52):
So what was?
What were you taught aboutdating from the people around
you?
What does dating look like fromwhat you were taught?
Speaker 3 (13:01):
growing up oh, growing up in church you went to
college and it was like you goto college to graduate, but also
find a husband, by a certainage you should be married or
dating according, and if you'renot then there's something wrong
with you.
And then if you do get married,then there's pressure oh, when
(13:23):
are you going to have your firstchild?
You know, and that.
And then being grown up in theSouth I mean honestly, growing
up in the third generation I wassolid, so in that arena there
was a degree, you know, I thinkit's getting better now, but
during that time there is astigma as far as, by a certain
(13:47):
age, not being married, nothaving a child, you know you're
kind of looked at like, well,what's wrong with her, you know.
I've had one of my previousfirst ladies growing up in
church.
I was in the Navy and joinedthe Navy and during that time
and in a conversation with hershe was like you know, you're
(14:09):
right on those men and you stillcan't find a man, and that hurt
, like to be antagonized for nothaving a man, not being married
, and so, um, yeah, that that'sbeen my experience with that.
Uh, of course I've.
I've learned to separate.
(14:29):
That's not all churches, thatdoes not apply to all first
ladies.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Right.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
My experience with that person and I'm not one to
say, well, all that's just likesaying all black people are all
white.
Right, we're not a monolith,you know, let me put that out
there.
But that was just my experiencewith that particular individual
.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
So, knowing what you know now from, like you were
saying, the experience youmentioned earlier about having
those life experiences that youhave and bringing those into
your current relationships, oreven as you're setting up let's
just say setting up to startdating or if you haven't gotten
to that point, why is it soimportant that, whether it's a
young lady or young man, spendtime getting to know themselves?
Speaker 3 (15:15):
you know, based on what you knew then, versus what
you know now, whether you're inthe church or out of it To know
that happiness comes from withinand that a person does not
complete you or make you happy,because if that person walks out
and you put all yourexpectation for them to make you
happy or complete you and,let's say, they walk out of the
(15:37):
door, that can destroy yourworld and tear you apart in ways
you cannot imagine, not to sayit's not going to hurt but if
you sit with yourself and youknow who you are.
You know who you are in God.
You know who you are as far asyour purpose and your assignment
.
Being able to hear the sound ofyour own voice, being able to
hear, recognize God's voicewithin you without external
(16:02):
interference, it's another levelof confidence you know, knowing
who you are being sure ofyourself.
Growing up, you know I was anare being sure of yourself.
Growing up, you know I was anintrovert.
I'm still naturally introverted, but as a little girl I was
introverted, unless I justreally knew you.
I did not speak up for myself,you know, I didn't know my own
voice, I didn't know thestrength of my own voice and so
(16:22):
coming into my early twenties,it created issues and situations
because I did not know how tospeak up for myself.
Because I want it to be like, Iwant it to be validated, I want
it to be loved, you know.
And so when you don't use yourvoice, people can take advantage
, they can manipulate, bedeceptive, you excuse a lot of
(16:46):
bad behavior and so when you'resitting with yourself, you need
to know, even if it's simple, asI don't know, I don't like, I
love orange juice, just forexample, I don't like orange
juice, I love apple juice.
Or I turn my toilet paper thisway or that way Just knowing
your likes and your dislikes.
And also to know yourboundaries, because when someone
(17:07):
comes in and let's say, let'ssay you've been dating for a
year and and your tradition inyour home is, I leave my shoes
at the door, and that personcomes over and they just walk
all through your house becauseyou like them, you like you,
allow them to walk all throughyour place and inside you're
just like, oh, you know you'regritting your teeth and you
(17:29):
become upset with yourself.
But it's like no, speak up,like, hey, you're great, but you
know, here we take off ourshoes at the door, just like
that, on your day to day.
So when you bring other peopleinto your circle, it's not to
say that you're not flexible orthat you don't compromise on
things that are good and knowinghow to interact with other
people compromise on things thatare good and knowing how to
(17:49):
interact with other people, butcertain things that are, if
they're, if it's interruptingyour value, your core, your
spiritual life with God.
But you need to be able to knowand recognize that for yourself
, without other people.
So when other people come in toyour life, you can say, okay,
this is good for me, that's goodfor me, I don't, it's not bad,
but it's just not good for me.
That's good for me, I don't,it's not bad, but it's just not
(18:10):
good for me.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
And just knowing where lines can be drawn or
boundaries, that so yeah I thinkthat's so important because you
and I've been talking about alot this week.
Um, you know, people say thedevil is in the details, but
then the bible says it's thesmall foxes that destroy the
vine.
So to me he when I could putthose two together the devil is
(18:32):
into the details.
So we need to be into thedetails and those little small
things that we.
Oh, it's okay if he puts hishand on my shirt and I'm okay,
I'm not, because if you're okaywith that leaving you're taking
you're not sure taking yourshoes off.
Then you'll be okay with otherthings.
And so I think it's importantthat you're sharing it, because
so many times as women, we don'trealize that our bodies belong
(18:55):
to us and that people can onlydo to us what we let them.
So we need to learn how toestablish those kinds of
boundaries, know what we likeand don't like, and so I think
it's beautiful that you kind ofmade it real clear left no room
for misinterpretation about whatdoes it mean to know yourself
and really?
Speaker 3 (19:16):
for me, it's a great time for self-development, like
um recently.
Um, I've rediscovered my lovefor reading and saying, okay,
like this week I want to read acertain book, in the next week I
want to read another book.
Um, incorporating more physicalfitness back into my life.
I had kind of let it go.
And then today, about a couplehours ago, I did a mile and a
half on my new walking pad fromAmazon, just because I'm like
(19:40):
you know what, you know I'm indecent shape, but you know, you
know you are a lot better.
So it's like let's make this agoal to do at least a mile and a
half every day, and so today Igot in my first mile and a half.
I made myself a Chipotle bowl.
You know it's healthy greens,fresh veggies, like I did, the
(20:00):
turkey meat and my tomato andcorn and rice and fresh avocado,
fresh tomato and drinking mywater and drinking my mango
lemonade and things like that, Ifeel good.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
Doing it for myself.
Speaker 3 (20:15):
it's so good Watching 9-1-1 with Angela Bassett while
I was doing my mile and a half.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
It's like that.
It's so funny.
You mean you weren't doing allthat for the future guy, or
whether you're dating, orwhether you're getting ready to
get married.
Speaker 3 (20:34):
You weren't doing that for them no, that's the key
, really, and the reason why Isay this is because you know we
want to achieve things, we wantto do things, but our body is a
temple and the Bible talks aboutstewardship, and stewardship
goes beyond money stewardship,your body, stewardship over your
health.
Um, concentrating on the threeb's your brain, your body and
(20:58):
your brain.
You know, and I feel good aboutme.
I want you know.
Summer is coming, my birthdayis in june.
I want to look cute in mysundress for me you know, in
order to do that.
I'm getting starting to get alittle older and I don't want to
wake up and my knees and thingsare cracking and popping you
know, they will anyway thoughright, but it's like, well,
(21:21):
let's prolong it, and itelevates my feeling of self.
I feel refreshed.
Refreshed, I feel vibrant, Ifeel alive and just how that
feels for me.
And I was getting close to myfirst mile and a half on the
machine and I got to like 1.4and I was by myself and I was
(21:42):
like, yeah, camille, you'redoing like.
I was cheering myself on, likelook at you, girl, you got your
first moment, and just thatmoment with myself.
It felt good.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Words of affirmation.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
And it's not for a man, you know, okay, but what
about you know?
The joy within yourself.
That's what matters.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Right.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
The reason why I laugh is because Gil laughs.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
That I like that show you mentioned.
She'll binge watch it.
I'm like.
I would have never thought.
And you kind of mentioned thisbefore when you talked about
change in relationships and inthe person that you're with.
Whether you're dating ormarried, that person is going to
change.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
I would have never thought Renee would have been
interested in a first respondertype show about all these crazy
episodes.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
So be open to being with, and I think that's one of
the things I say.
I think it's important that youknow who you are, because how
can you really give yourselfaway if you've not done the work
?
And it is so good to see youdoing the work, to hear you
doing the work and that you'reenjoying it, because I believe
that when we find us, then theother people will be able to
(22:57):
find us, because I think for me,because I had such low
self-esteem for so many yearsand the Lord was like, hey,
beautiful, and I had to learnhow to respond to that, because
I had to start saying that tomyself.
So so many times we respond towhat we hear in our head and so
we, like you're talking aboutencouraging yourself, cheering
(23:19):
yourself on.
We have to start doing that forourselves so that when we hear
it, it's not.
You read a book.
She calls me daddy, and one ofthe things that talked about was
don't let some guy on thestreet be the first person to
tell your daughter that she'sbeautiful.
You need to tell her that.
And so we need to tellourselves as women we're
beautiful, we're smart, we'recapable, because if we don't say
(23:43):
it, we'll never respond to itwhen we hear it from somewhere
else.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Now I got a question.
Okay, so you've been working onthis.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
I was gonna add little things I do for myself
and recently I bought myselfsome flowers and I was just it
brightened up the space and it'slike, and I love, you know,
roses or orchids or lilies, sowhatever you know.
They have.
Like, all these are pretty likewhere I have a thing on Sunday
I make myself brunch, and that'slike my love language to myself
(24:13):
on Sundays I make myself brunch.
Or, uh, treating my body better.
You know, I'm single.
I don't have a husband to carryall this water for me all the
time.
So what did I do?
Um, I got an account withWalmart and once a week I have
them to deliver my groceries forme, because that takes stress
and pressure off of my mind.
I don't have to worry aboutkids crying.
(24:35):
I'm not frustrated trying tocarry all these groceries by
myself.
There's just little thingswhere I can be more gracious to
myself as a woman.
And we're always looking for theterm now, a soft life.
You want some man to give youthe soft life.
Girl, give give yourself thesoft life, girl, please my
shower head and got the new.
(24:55):
There's a new waterfall showerhead out.
I got it and installed itmyself because, at the end of
the day I want to be able torelax and it's like, camille,
you can do this, you know, andsome of the little things it may
seem small to some people butthat's major to me making myself
brunch, ordering my groceries,reading my book, journaling,
(25:17):
exercising and those littlethings support and replenish
into my heart every day and Ithink we as a people, if we take
the time, we're always lookingfor other people to do those
things.
But it's like you can do thatand start with you.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
You know, I have to applaud you because one
description that came to my mindwas he that finds a wife, finds
a good thing, which means thattells me that you are already
having those skills and thoseattributes of a wife while
you're single.
It doesn't say he defines arabbi or a quickie.
(25:52):
Yeah, you have already.
And because and this is not, I'mnot speaking for all guys, I'm
just speaking for my 35 years ofexperience from being married
to one woman that when you arein, when you find a woman who is
developing everything that youjust described over the last few
minutes, of those attributes ofself-care, being conscious
(26:16):
about what you're trying toachieve, whether it's
professionally or evenphysically, mentally,
spiritually, those are thethings that he may be looking
for.
That's what he should be lookingfor.
So my question that I wanted tokind of pose to you you have
achieved a level ofconsciousness, and where you're
(26:36):
at professionally and thosetypes of things, how do you,
from a person, like you said,you're at a you're not a young,
20 plus year old just gettingstarted in this world, how do
you navigate?
You've got it all together now,not saying that we're not
complete, but how would it be toincorporate that guy when he
(26:57):
does come along, if you'vealready done all the things that
I really traditionally thatguys have always looked to do
when they for their, for theirwoman, when they get into the
relationship, you know whetherit's the carrying of the water
or changing the shower head.
Do you think it would be achallenge for him to move into
those spaces?
Speaker 3 (27:18):
No, I'm doing it because he's not here.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
And I'm not tall.
Speaker 3 (27:23):
I'm only five foot four so I have to climb up for
things to get it done.
But it's about being willing toallow someone in your space
because there are people thatcan become so fixed into their
routines that no one can come inthe right heart and motive and
(27:55):
discernment.
You can see that.
Okay, let me.
Let me see what mr man, the manof god, is talking about right,
right, and that comes with trustand provision, and we hear the
word.
You know, a man is supposed toprovide, but and I was thinking
about this earlier actually Iwas thinking about my
grandfather, and he's no longerliving on my grandparents and he
was a provider.
But he provided more than justa physical house and money or a
(28:17):
car right, he providedprotection.
He provided security.
When we look at this security,that is also emotional security,
psychological security,spiritual security and providing
a space where we knew he wouldcover us, protect us.
(28:38):
Little things, and I was sittingon my couch earlier and I was
thinking about him.
He taught me how to ride mybike, even though he had
business acumen.
I don't remember the money hemade or you know, even though he
did leave a legacy, but for mehis legacy were the memories
he's right drive.
(28:58):
When I was three, four or fiveyears old and it was nap time.
It wasn't my grandmother, hewas the one that, rocking chair
holding me, couldn't sing Iremember him singing rock-A-Bye
Baby, and he would rock me tosleep.
He was a very manly man, but hewas so in tune because I was
(29:18):
this little brown-skinned littlegirl with ponytails he would
rock me to sleep.
Or if my teeth started losingmy teeth, he pulled my teeth
when it came to tools, because Iwas a granddaddy's girl.
You know, I fell in love withsports because of him our thing
(29:39):
on sundays we would sit on thecouch and watch football or
basketball or whatever.
You know those moments with him.
So he provided those things forme.
And so whoever God has to comeinto my life it's not just about
what you're bringing to thetable with your portfolio and
your wallet and your bankaccount.
What are you offering that youcan provide for me?
(30:03):
Security, reliability, yourintegrity, your character, your
intention and we people all haveintentions that are bad, you
know.
And so all of those thingstogether.
And then also trust, becauseany woman I don't care what
she's achieved If she doesn'ttrust him, she's not going to
allow him into the space.
(30:23):
So it's not so much about youtrying to persuade me that
you're a good man, but justshowing up and just being good,
being a good man, and me seeingthat in you.
And I don't think that anywoman that really desires
marriage.
If she's doing all these thingschanging shower heads or
(30:45):
whatever if he's in the space,she's naturally going to fall
back and allow him to be thatperson.
Honestly, I didn't want to dothis anyway, sir.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
That's so awesome that you said that, because you
have a measuring or a standard,now that your granddad said that
you can measure this person upagainst.
Not that you're looking toreplace him, but at least you
have a, a marker or something toidentify this guy.
Whoever it may be, the thingsthat you're looking for was it?
(31:21):
Was it like that at thebeginning, when you're younger
days, when you were dating?
Now versus now?
Speaker 3 (31:27):
oh lord, no I.
You know a teenager on thecollege campus, you know being
in college, but now you knowbeing older and wiser.
A lot of times recently, a lotof conversations with my
grandfather have come back to mewhen I was younger, at 17, 18,
(31:47):
19,.
He would talk to me afterbreakfast at the table and it
wasn't really clicking, but hewas really.
I think he was really pouringthe best way he could because I
really feel like he knew hewould not live long enough to
see me at the age and so hereally gave me a lot of gems and
(32:08):
nuggets as a little girl, as ateenager, up until, you know, he
passed away when I was 20.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
Planting seeds 29.
Speaker 3 (32:18):
Yeah.
He was planting seeds, and sonow there are so many times
where I go back and I thinkabout the conversations that he
and I had, you know, as a child,and I hold on to those things,
even the moments when I was alittle girl.
Or when I was a little girl hewould take me with him because
he had season tickets to thebaseball games that he would
(32:40):
take me, or he would be in hisgarage cleaning and messing with
his fishing tools, and eventhough he was a very manly man,
he still allowed those, what Icall those daddy daughter
moments, like he would likeright hair or paint his nails
and you know I'll put makeup on,put makeup on his face.
But if I had the lip gloss, oh,don't put that on me.
(33:01):
You know, yeah, we had aboundary now, you know.
But he was he like you'repulling too hard but he still
allowed me to be a little girland be feminine and even in his
manly, alpha male personality heallowed my femininity as a
child.
So when you're looking at adultmale future husband, whoever he
(33:23):
is, he can be the mostmasculine alpha male, but he
still allows Camille to befeminine and to be and be the
fully feminine womanly woman.
That I am right and it hasnothing to do with him being
insecure about his manhood, buthe's so secure in who he is he
allows me to flourish in who Iam that's beautiful.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
I think that's beautiful and it's important
that you paint those kind ofpictures because some people
don't have those examples.
So I really appreciate youpaint those kind of pictures,
because some people don't havethose examples.
So I really appreciate youreally painting that out so that
people have a picture in theirmind of what it's supposed to
look like to be in arelationship with someone that
is not like them.
So I have a question If youwere to give advice to someone
(34:08):
who is just starting out on thisjourney of dating, what would
be some advice you would sharewith her so that she would know
that how to avoid some of thepitfalls of dating in this day
and age?
And this diabolical dating.
Speaker 3 (34:30):
Pray and get your discernment on a thousand.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
Wow.
So if I were to say so, how doI do that, though?
I mean, how do I know if mydiscernment is higher?
I mean for someone who doesn'tknow, let's say somebody who
doesn't go to church, the wordof God, the word of God Getting
in your word.
Speaker 3 (34:48):
You know your word.
Pray, talk to god, um, ask himto lead and guide you.
Um, to show you the pitfalls inthe beginning, um, that you
don't judge.
You don't judge a book by itscharacter, but you also don't
base your decisions based onwhat it looks like.
I would say.
Over the last 10 years, one ofmy prayers has been Lord, if
(35:11):
they're here to hurt me, to harmme, to keep me from my purpose,
reveal them to me, show them tome and then move them out of
the way.
Simplest prayer I've everprayed, and he's done it every
time.
Did I always listen?
No, but he did that, and notjust in my dating situation, but
my personal situations, withfriends or relatives or whomever
(35:33):
just people I meet, just askingGod to open up your eyes and to
be able to hear him to guideyou.
You know, the word of God saysyou know all things work
together for good.
It also says that the steps ofa good man or woman are ordered
by the Lord.
Right, but you have to be ableto put yourself in a position
for to be led by God, to hear,to see.
(35:55):
Also, take more time forself-development, right, if you
want to be married, you're goingto meet different types of
people and you need to be ableto hold conversation right.
Your conversation just can't behere and in a box.
And if you're a church girl,travel, you know.
Being in the military, I'vebeen able to see and go places I
(36:15):
thought I would never imagine,but it also helped me to be able
to connect with people outsideof my little zip code.
Right, being more well-rounded,being able to connect with
people from different walks oflife.
Find things that you like,study, you know, hobbies, habits
, go on YouTube, explore, trydifferent meals, learn how to
(36:36):
cook something else other thanyour traditional Sunday dinner.
You know, really take time topoint to yourself.
But, more importantly, the firstone one, he's not the only one.
Maybe he's just meant to be afriend.
Just because you meet and yougo out for coffee doesn't mean
he's your future husband.
You know, women we get excited.
Oh girl, I think I met the onegirl.
(36:57):
You don't even know his lastname.
He may be, but just give thechance and the opportunity to
just be friends, because it'sone thing to love somebody, but
make sure you like them, youknow that's a friendship's
important Um, what else?
Um, be patient, be graciouspeople.
(37:19):
Uh, you meet people where theyare.
You don't know what that manwent through before he met you
um and if he's doing thingsthat's triggering triggering you
from your last relationshipmaybe you need to pause dating
and do some therapy and figureout why this man is triggering
you, because maybe he doesn'teven realize what he's doing,
(37:39):
but it just reminds you ofsomething and if you feel
yourself clenching up andlocking up, then maybe you need
to revisit that and reallyexplore why you're having that
response.
So I would definitely thatwould be some advice and just um
, drink your water exercise.
Um, everything's not meant forsocial media.
(38:03):
Just because you went on yourthird coffee date at Starbucks
with this person, you don't haveto post.
Just go enjoy the coffee.
Keep your friends out of yourbusiness.
Do not take advice from yourgirlfriends that are still
bitter and broken from the lastrelationship.
(38:23):
What else you gave so many?
nuggets girlfriends that arestill bitter and broken from the
last relationship.
Wow, what else?
Speaker 1 (38:28):
you gave so many nuggets right there and enjoy
the moment.
Speaker 3 (38:32):
Just because a man is being nice to you doesn't mean
he wants you.
Maybe he's just a nice guy.
Um, I think sometimes we aswomen can be guilty of reading
more into the situation of whatit is.
Maybe he was raised right andhe has good manners, he's polite
.
That may be the case.
But don't take every cue from aman as something more than what
(38:55):
it is.
Maybe it's just what it is andif he is interested in you,
he'll let you know.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Yeah, he has to choose.
I think we think we can choose,but we don't.
We don't they choose.
I think that was beautiful.
How can people connect with you?
How can they listen to yourpodcast and follow you on social
media?
Tell us all the things, okay.
Speaker 3 (39:19):
Well, my name is Camille Essek.
I'm on Instagram at CamilleEssick.
I'm on YouTube atCamilleEssickOfficial, or just
type in my name.
We're on Facebook at theSpeaker Podcast.
I'm on TikTok.
I have a lot of fun over there.
We do a lot of lifestyle things, a little comical things.
I also do some product reviewsthere.
(39:40):
I'm mainly working to build myYouTube channel, the Podcast,
the Speaker Podcast.
We're streaming across variousplatforms, such as iHeartRadio,
spotify, pandora, afropod, allthe places, stitcher, google,
audible, all these streamingservices.
We are there, so yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
Wonderful.
Well, we really appreciate yougiving somebody man.
You dropped so many nuggets.
People are going to have tolisten to this one, a multiple
times and catch everything.
I hope I said something good.
No, you definitely did, andtime just goes by so fast.
Next thing you know it's like Isaid that.
Them words of wisdom.
Speaker 2 (40:20):
Yeah, you'll be able to listen to your own episode.
He'd be like man that woman waswise.
You'll be able to listen toyour own episode and be like man
.
Speaker 3 (40:26):
That woman was wise, yes, and I would love to have
you all come over to the speakerpodcast, for I guess a reunion
Just come over.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
Yeah, absolutely, we'll do that, that'd be great,
definitely.
That'd be great.
It is so good to speak with you.
Oh no, thank you for being soopen and sharing the behind the
scenes, because sometimes we seewhat people look like on the
screen and we don't know ifthere's work that goes into that
.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
So thank you for sharing that and all the
technical stuff that happenedyes, it's very different when
you're on the other side of themicrophone.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
I was like, oh, these are hot yeah well, we love you,
we appreciate you.
So, guys, if you guys enjoyedthis episode, please remember to
download it.
If you're listening, if you'rewatching, please like, subscribe
, share and share this episodewith your family and friends and
we love you and you are morethan enough and we will see you.
Same time, same station.
(41:19):
Share this video, leave uscomments.
Um watch more of our longcontent on YouTube.
We create long content becausewe want to give you more than
just 30 seconds or 15 seconds,so we try to make it at least 30
minutes.
Now, remember, we're strongertogether and we love you and you
are more than enough so we'llsee you guys next Saturday bye
(41:43):
thank you for listening.
Speaker 1 (41:44):
Thank you for your investment in time.
Remember to subscribe to theshow and hit the notification
icon to be notified when newepisodes are posted on the
podcast platform that you'relistening from.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
Or you can always find us on our website at
richrelationshipsuscom, or ourYouTube channel, rich
Relationships with Gil Renee.
If you found this podcasthelpful or you think it could
help someone that you know andcare about, please pass it along
and share it with them.
Welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast with Gil
and Renee, where amazing thingshappen.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Our goal is to help build, repair and restore
healthy relationships.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Hey, rich, ma'am, it's Renee and Gil from the Rich
Relationship Refuge and for achange.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
We have a guest.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Because we know you guys are tired of seeing us and
talking to y'all about justmarriage, marriage, marriage,
marriage and relationship,relationship, relationship.
Well, we decided to bring onsomeone that is in that space,
but not in that space, just togive a different perspective.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Yeah, so we have our amazing rich friend, and we
talked about what our richfriends are.
If you don't know, go back andlook at another episode.
But this is our rich friend.
Her name is Camille Essek.
She is the creator and owner ofthe Speaker Podcast and she's
going to share from herperspective because most of the
time she's interviewing people.
(00:57):
So today we are going tointerview Camille and it'll be a
switch and it'll be anopportunity for her to be able
to share all the amazing thingsthat God is doing in her life.
So, camille, thank you so muchfor being with us tonight.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Hi, gil and Renee, thank you for joining me.
It's an honor and a blessing tobe here, so thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
We appreciate it.
Camille was probably one of thefirst people that I think you
interviewed us, or weinterviewed you as far as the
connection, but regardless, itwas five years ago.
We were talking about thatbefore we got started, and that
goes to show you that this is along journey and for people who
are in it, who are in this space, that is something that is so
(01:39):
important.
So you were there with us atthe beginning, when we didn't
know what we was doing same sameSame.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
Both new to the podcasting space, so it's still
be connected and reconnect afterthis year, so it's really great
.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
I know it's so good, especially the reason why I'm
sorry Renee set this one up andI think about when we talk to
couples a lot of times,especially if they're in that
dating space they really don'tknow how to approach what
they're doing from arelationship space.
Not that they don't know how tobe in a relationship, but we
(02:17):
always kind of focused on itfrom a marriage perspective and
even though we were single, itwas a lot of years ago.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
Yes, it was a lot of years ago and things may have
changed.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
you know, especially those who have children, they
always say it wasn't like thatwhen y'all were growing up.
It's different now.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
So we want you to share from your perspective,
camille, how, if you would, ifyou would have had to describe
the terrain, the dating terrainin this day and age, if you had
to make it a movie, what wouldyou name it?
The dating terrain in this dayand age.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
Diabolical Wow.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Wow, that's an aggressive one.
I got to hear some more aboutthat one.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Tell us more.
Tell us more.
Why would you say diabolical?
I got to hear some more aboutthat one.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
Tell us more, tell us more.
Why would you say diabolical?
Just because now that we havesocial media and the
conversations and the fact thatyou have so many people that
have access to a microphone anda platform and social media, and
so now it's become like alandmine.
I guess that would be thesequel Landmine, navig,
(03:29):
navigating these spaces andconversations and then adding on
people that are not healed andwhole.
So imagine people that are nothealed or whole with the
platform and everyone's puttingin their tooth in.
So you have a traditionalmindset when it comes to dating,
courting.
(03:55):
Then you have what we call thered pill, blue pill community.
You have the 50, 50 communityand then when we bring in race,
gender and then colorism so tobe a black woman, brown skin,
black woman and then you add anageism, so brown skin, black
women over 30.
So see how this goes.
And then add on core systems,like you add in christianity
(04:20):
versus being a muslim, or whatwe call new age spiritualism,
where people don't say Godanymore, jesus Christ, they want
to talk about the higher powerin the universe and crystals and
sages and manifestation.
So you have all these ideasconverging in a social media
space and then having to weedthrough um out here on top of
(04:48):
you, figuring out what you wantand what you need and seeing if
that aligns with someone elseand their beliefs.
Then you throw in if you wantto be abstinent or do you feel
like there's nothing wrong withsomething on the first date?
There's a lot of different corevalues swirling around in this
(05:09):
field of life, love andrelationship.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
What is it for, if you had to?
For you, what has been yourexperience?
I know all that stuff is outthere, but for you, what has
been your experience?
Just personal?
Your experience, like?
I know all that stuff is outthere, but for you, what has
been your experience?
Just personal?
Speaker 3 (05:27):
your experience.
It's been interesting for mepersonally.
I've been single for four years.
Four years, yes, four years.
I've been single by choice onlybecause, um, I feel that I
needed to really sit down anddiscover what do I really want,
(05:49):
what really matters to me?
And so when you're younger, youknow most women in your younger
years, you have a list right OfX, y, z.
But as you get older, some ofthose things on the list they
don't matter and you start torealize, okay, we still have
(06:12):
some things here that we needand we want, but what really
matters because you're lookingat, you know, choosing, you know
husband, father, leadership,relationship with God there are
other things that are nowpriority and more important.
There are other things that arenow priority and more important
.
So for me it's been, um, in thelast four years, non-existent,
just because I've opted to focuson me and just really hone in
on some things before I can sayI want my dream guy making sure
(06:38):
I'm that dream woman and makingsure.
And I've turned the list back onmyself because I feel like it's
so unfair to demand all thesethings from my man, but it's
like, but what about?
What are you bringing to thetable, and so to put those
things to the side, but inturning that mirror back on
myself and working and focusingmore on me, and not just to be
(06:59):
married, but just to make sureI'm a blessing to myself, the
people I interact with on adaily basis in my community.
Do I want to be married still?
Yes, of course, but I want tomake sure we can have things
from our past that hurt us.
But sometimes we can haveresidue from those past
(07:20):
relationships and we need tomake sure that we're staying in
the presence of God If we'redoing therapy, if we're reading,
exercising, doing all thethings necessary to burn that
residue off, because you don'twant to bring that not only to
your next chapter of yourrelationship, but just in your
next chapter of life when itcomes to your purpose and your
assignments.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Well, you gave a lot of wisdom right there.
I mean, I'm still stuck back atthe red pill and the blue pill
from what you said at the very,very beginning, which is, I
think, so important for peoplewho may not be familiar with
that fantasy type world.
(08:01):
So, and you gave some otherdeeper spiritual aspects of it.
But I wanted to ask, based onwhat you said about you're
single by choice.
Why is that important for youand what does that journey look
like for someone who may benavigating that same space?
What does that mean when?
What are you kind of working on?
(08:21):
Or the wisdom that you'regaining from where you were
before you started dating towhere you are now?
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Being single by choice and, in this space,
taking more time to evaluate thepeople I interact with, being
more selective of individuals inmy circle, people that what I
call in my inner court, andrealizing are you conducive to
my future, my purpose and myassignment?
And if you're not, I have tomove you to the outer court,
(08:49):
right.
Taking more time, not dating,sitting back and revisiting some
of those relationships andsaying, you know, even though
these people, you know, approachme but I allow them to say why
is that?
And going back and revisitingsome red flags I missed.
And being honest and okay, thisperson may have done that, but
(09:09):
did I walk down the red flag toa green?
You know, and there'saccountability in those things
too, because you know you wantto be married, you want to have
a family, and so we minimizesome red flags and say, oh,
maybe it's not a red, maybe it'sa yellow.
No, it was definitely red flag,you know.
(09:32):
And we ignore things because wewant to certain things and also
in times, speaking in generalterms, we can how can I word
this?
We can choose to be in arelationship not thinking about
our full potential.
We're just at this level, notrealizing there's another level
to you and evolution of yourpersonality.
There's another evolution orlevel in your spiritual life.
(09:54):
There's another evolution inyour personal life within
yourself.
And so is this person goodBecause right now this is great.
And so is this person good,because right now this is great.
But can this person grow withyou through the ebbs and flows
of life in the next 10 to 20years?
Because who you are at 25 isnot the same at 40.
(10:15):
And we hear a lot of times inrelationships oh, they change.
They should.
If you marry someone andthey're the same person.
Let's say, you get married at25 and now you're 45 and they're
the same person.
If, let's say, you get marriedat 25 and now you're 45 and
they're the same person, is thatreally a good thing?
Because there should be amaturation in that process and
most people evolve and changeevery five.
I think the statistics sayevery three to five years.
(10:37):
So every three to five yearsyou're meeting a new version of
that person and so there needsto be grace and stretch within
the relationship that you cangrow into the relationship.
You can stretch with that personand grow with that person,
because you hear the vows forbetter or for worse.
But to be better means thatright now you're good, so for
(10:59):
better or worse means at somepoint, if you're good, you're
going to get better.
So you should be able to getbetter with that person.
And so taking that time to sitwith yourself and knowing your
own voice and being able toreally hear and discern the
voice of God.
So when someone does approachyou and in a scenario where
maybe they want to go to lunchand you sit down and have lunch,
(11:20):
you can hear them speaking, butthen you can also hear God
because your discernment hasheightened and in that
conversation they can talk toyou, they can be fine, the Holy
Ghost can kick in and be like sothose things are important and
that's what that looks like Ifyou're walking out a faith-based
(11:40):
, god-based, christ-based datingand relationship scenario
within yourself.
Wow.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
I think that's really important, that, like you said,
sitting with yourself, I thinkthat's an important part of the
journey.
We are in the process right nowof finishing a book and it's
called the Single Blueprint toDating and Marriage, because I
think, like from ourconversation, conversations I've
(12:08):
had with other of my friendswho are single women, who are
secure in their singleness Letme say that being single does
not mean there's something wrongwith you.
It doesn't mean that you'rebroken.
Sometimes being single a partof it is everyone is single,
everyone starts off single, sosingleness is a part of the
(12:31):
journey, and so why look down onany part of the journey?
And so the reason why we didthis book was because I realized
a lot of people I wanted totalk about this grew up in
church, like we didn't grow upin church, so for us, our dating
was a long process of dating.
So for you, you you grew up inchurch, correct?
(12:52):
So what was?
What were you taught aboutdating from the people around
you?
What does dating look like fromwhat you were taught?
Speaker 3 (13:01):
growing up oh, growing up in church you went to
college and it was like you goto college to graduate, but also
find a husband, by a certainage you should be married or
dating according, and if you'renot then there's something wrong
with you.
And then if you do get married,then there's pressure oh, when
(13:23):
are you going to have your firstchild?
You know, and that.
And then being grown up in theSouth I mean honestly, growing
up in the third generation I wassolid, so in that arena there
was a degree, you know, I thinkit's getting better now, but
during that time there is astigma as far as, by a certain
(13:47):
age, not being married, nothaving a child, you know you're
kind of looked at like, well,what's wrong with her, you know.
I've had one of my previousfirst ladies growing up in
church.
I was in the Navy and joinedthe Navy and during that time
and in a conversation with hershe was like you know, you're
(14:09):
right on those men and you stillcan't find a man, and that hurt
, like to be antagonized for nothaving a man, not being married
, and so, um, yeah, that that'sbeen my experience with that.
Uh, of course I've.
I've learned to separate.
(14:29):
That's not all churches, thatdoes not apply to all first
ladies.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Right.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
My experience with that person and I'm not one to
say, well, all that's just likesaying all black people are all
white.
Right, we're not a monolith,you know, let me put that out
there.
But that was just my experiencewith that particular individual
.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
So, knowing what you know now from, like you were
saying, the experience youmentioned earlier about having
those life experiences that youhave and bringing those into
your current relationships, oreven as you're setting up let's
just say setting up to startdating or if you haven't gotten
to that point, why is it soimportant that, whether it's a
young lady or young man, spendtime getting to know themselves?
Speaker 3 (15:15):
you know, based on what you knew then, versus what
you know now, whether you're inthe church or out of it To know
that happiness comes from withinand that a person does not
complete you or make you happy,because if that person walks out
and you put all yourexpectation for them to make you
happy or complete you and,let's say, they walk out of the
(15:37):
door, that can destroy yourworld and tear you apart in ways
you cannot imagine, not to sayit's not going to hurt but if
you sit with yourself and youknow who you are.
You know who you are in God.
You know who you are as far asyour purpose and your assignment
.
Being able to hear the sound ofyour own voice, being able to
hear, recognize God's voicewithin you without external
(16:02):
interference, it's another levelof confidence you know, knowing
who you are being sure ofyourself.
Growing up, you know I was anare being sure of yourself.
Growing up, you know I was anintrovert.
I'm still naturally introverted, but as a little girl I was
introverted, unless I justreally knew you.
I did not speak up for myself,you know, I didn't know my own
voice, I didn't know thestrength of my own voice and so
(16:22):
coming into my early twenties,it created issues and situations
because I did not know how tospeak up for myself.
Because I want it to be like, Iwant it to be validated, I want
it to be loved, you know.
And so when you don't use yourvoice, people can take advantage
, they can manipulate, bedeceptive, you excuse a lot of
(16:46):
bad behavior and so when you'resitting with yourself, you need
to know, even if it's simple, asI don't know, I don't like, I
love orange juice, just forexample, I don't like orange
juice, I love apple juice.
Or I turn my toilet paper thisway or that way Just knowing
your likes and your dislikes.
And also to know yourboundaries, because when someone
(17:07):
comes in and let's say, let'ssay you've been dating for a
year and and your tradition inyour home is, I leave my shoes
at the door, and that personcomes over and they just walk
all through your house becauseyou like them, you like you,
allow them to walk all throughyour place and inside you're
just like, oh, you know you'regritting your teeth and you
(17:29):
become upset with yourself.
But it's like no, speak up,like, hey, you're great, but you
know, here we take off ourshoes at the door, just like
that, on your day to day.
So when you bring other peopleinto your circle, it's not to
say that you're not flexible orthat you don't compromise on
things that are good and knowinghow to interact with other
people compromise on things thatare good and knowing how to
(17:49):
interact with other people, butcertain things that are, if
they're, if it's interruptingyour value, your core, your
spiritual life with God.
But you need to be able to knowand recognize that for yourself
, without other people.
So when other people come in toyour life, you can say, okay,
this is good for me, that's goodfor me, I don't, it's not bad,
but it's just not good for me.
That's good for me, I don't,it's not bad, but it's just not
(18:10):
good for me.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
And just knowing where lines can be drawn or
boundaries, that so yeah I thinkthat's so important because you
and I've been talking about alot this week.
Um, you know, people say thedevil is in the details, but
then the bible says it's thesmall foxes that destroy the
vine.
So to me he when I could putthose two together the devil is
(18:32):
into the details.
So we need to be into thedetails and those little small
things that we.
Oh, it's okay if he puts hishand on my shirt and I'm okay,
I'm not, because if you're okaywith that leaving you're taking
you're not sure taking yourshoes off.
Then you'll be okay with otherthings.
And so I think it's importantthat you're sharing it, because
so many times as women, we don'trealize that our bodies belong
(18:55):
to us and that people can onlydo to us what we let them.
So we need to learn how toestablish those kinds of
boundaries, know what we likeand don't like, and so I think
it's beautiful that you kind ofmade it real clear left no room
for misinterpretation about whatdoes it mean to know yourself
and really?
Speaker 3 (19:16):
for me, it's a great time for self-development, like
um recently.
Um, I've rediscovered my lovefor reading and saying, okay,
like this week I want to read acertain book, in the next week I
want to read another book.
Um, incorporating more physicalfitness back into my life.
I had kind of let it go.
And then today, about a couplehours ago, I did a mile and a
half on my new walking pad fromAmazon, just because I'm like
(19:40):
you know what, you know I'm indecent shape, but you know, you
know you are a lot better.
So it's like let's make this agoal to do at least a mile and a
half every day, and so today Igot in my first mile and a half.
I made myself a Chipotle bowl.
You know it's healthy greens,fresh veggies, like I did, the
(20:00):
turkey meat and my tomato andcorn and rice and fresh avocado,
fresh tomato and drinking mywater and drinking my mango
lemonade and things like that, Ifeel good.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
Doing it for myself.
Speaker 3 (20:15):
it's so good Watching 9-1-1 with Angela Bassett while
I was doing my mile and a half.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
It's like that.
It's so funny.
You mean you weren't doing allthat for the future guy, or
whether you're dating, orwhether you're getting ready to
get married.
Speaker 3 (20:34):
You weren't doing that for them no, that's the key
, really, and the reason why Isay this is because you know we
want to achieve things, we wantto do things, but our body is a
temple and the Bible talks aboutstewardship, and stewardship
goes beyond money stewardship,your body, stewardship over your
health.
Um, concentrating on the threeb's your brain, your body and
(20:58):
your brain.
You know, and I feel good aboutme.
I want you know.
Summer is coming, my birthdayis in june.
I want to look cute in mysundress for me you know, in
order to do that.
I'm getting starting to get alittle older and I don't want to
wake up and my knees and thingsare cracking and popping you
know, they will anyway thoughright, but it's like, well,
(21:21):
let's prolong it, and itelevates my feeling of self.
I feel refreshed.
Refreshed, I feel vibrant, Ifeel alive and just how that
feels for me.
And I was getting close to myfirst mile and a half on the
machine and I got to like 1.4and I was by myself and I was
(21:42):
like, yeah, camille, you'redoing like.
I was cheering myself on, likelook at you, girl, you got your
first moment, and just thatmoment with myself.
It felt good.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Words of affirmation.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
And it's not for a man, you know, okay, but what
about you know?
The joy within yourself.
That's what matters.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Right.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
The reason why I laugh is because Gil laughs.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
That I like that show you mentioned.
She'll binge watch it.
I'm like.
I would have never thought.
And you kind of mentioned thisbefore when you talked about
change in relationships and inthe person that you're with.
Whether you're dating ormarried, that person is going to
change.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
I would have never thought Renee would have been
interested in a first respondertype show about all these crazy
episodes.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
So be open to being with, and I think that's one of
the things I say.
I think it's important that youknow who you are, because how
can you really give yourselfaway if you've not done the work
?
And it is so good to see youdoing the work, to hear you
doing the work and that you'reenjoying it, because I believe
that when we find us, then theother people will be able to
(22:57):
find us, because I think for me,because I had such low
self-esteem for so many yearsand the Lord was like, hey,
beautiful, and I had to learnhow to respond to that, because
I had to start saying that tomyself.
So so many times we respond towhat we hear in our head and so
we, like you're talking aboutencouraging yourself, cheering
(23:19):
yourself on.
We have to start doing that forourselves so that when we hear
it, it's not.
You read a book.
She calls me daddy, and one ofthe things that talked about was
don't let some guy on thestreet be the first person to
tell your daughter that she'sbeautiful.
You need to tell her that.
And so we need to tellourselves as women we're
beautiful, we're smart, we'recapable, because if we don't say
(23:43):
it, we'll never respond to itwhen we hear it from somewhere
else.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Now I got a question.
Okay, so you've been working onthis.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
I was gonna add little things I do for myself
and recently I bought myselfsome flowers and I was just it
brightened up the space and it'slike, and I love, you know,
roses or orchids or lilies, sowhatever you know.
They have.
Like, all these are pretty likewhere I have a thing on Sunday
I make myself brunch, and that'slike my love language to myself
(24:13):
on Sundays I make myself brunch.
Or, uh, treating my body better.
You know, I'm single.
I don't have a husband to carryall this water for me all the
time.
So what did I do?
Um, I got an account withWalmart and once a week I have
them to deliver my groceries forme, because that takes stress
and pressure off of my mind.
I don't have to worry aboutkids crying.
(24:35):
I'm not frustrated trying tocarry all these groceries by
myself.
There's just little thingswhere I can be more gracious to
myself as a woman.
And we're always looking for theterm now, a soft life.
You want some man to give youthe soft life.
Girl, give give yourself thesoft life, girl, please my
shower head and got the new.
(24:55):
There's a new waterfall showerhead out.
I got it and installed itmyself because, at the end of
the day I want to be able torelax and it's like, camille,
you can do this, you know, andsome of the little things it may
seem small to some people butthat's major to me making myself
brunch, ordering my groceries,reading my book, journaling,
(25:17):
exercising and those littlethings support and replenish
into my heart every day and Ithink we as a people, if we take
the time, we're always lookingfor other people to do those
things.
But it's like you can do thatand start with you.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
You know, I have to applaud you because one
description that came to my mindwas he that finds a wife, finds
a good thing, which means thattells me that you are already
having those skills and thoseattributes of a wife while
you're single.
It doesn't say he defines arabbi or a quickie.
(25:52):
Yeah, you have already.
And because and this is not, I'mnot speaking for all guys, I'm
just speaking for my 35 years ofexperience from being married
to one woman that when you arein, when you find a woman who is
developing everything that youjust described over the last few
minutes, of those attributes ofself-care, being conscious
(26:16):
about what you're trying toachieve, whether it's
professionally or evenphysically, mentally,
spiritually, those are thethings that he may be looking
for.
That's what he should be lookingfor.
So my question that I wanted tokind of pose to you you have
achieved a level ofconsciousness, and where you're
(26:36):
at professionally and thosetypes of things, how do you,
from a person, like you said,you're at a you're not a young,
20 plus year old just gettingstarted in this world, how do
you navigate?
You've got it all together now,not saying that we're not
complete, but how would it be toincorporate that guy when he
(26:57):
does come along, if you'vealready done all the things that
I really traditionally thatguys have always looked to do
when they for their, for theirwoman, when they get into the
relationship, you know whetherit's the carrying of the water
or changing the shower head.
Do you think it would be achallenge for him to move into
those spaces?
Speaker 3 (27:18):
No, I'm doing it because he's not here.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
And I'm not tall.
Speaker 3 (27:23):
I'm only five foot four so I have to climb up for
things to get it done.
But it's about being willing toallow someone in your space
because there are people thatcan become so fixed into their
routines that no one can come inthe right heart and motive and
(27:55):
discernment.
You can see that.
Okay, let me.
Let me see what mr man, the manof god, is talking about right,
right, and that comes with trustand provision, and we hear the
word.
You know, a man is supposed toprovide, but and I was thinking
about this earlier actually Iwas thinking about my
grandfather, and he's no longerliving on my grandparents and he
was a provider.
But he provided more than justa physical house and money or a
(28:17):
car right, he providedprotection.
He provided security.
When we look at this security,that is also emotional security,
psychological security,spiritual security and providing
a space where we knew he wouldcover us, protect us.
(28:38):
Little things, and I was sittingon my couch earlier and I was
thinking about him.
He taught me how to ride mybike, even though he had
business acumen.
I don't remember the money hemade or you know, even though he
did leave a legacy, but for mehis legacy were the memories
he's right drive.
(28:58):
When I was three, four or fiveyears old and it was nap time.
It wasn't my grandmother, hewas the one that, rocking chair
holding me, couldn't sing Iremember him singing rock-A-Bye
Baby, and he would rock me tosleep.
He was a very manly man, but hewas so in tune because I was
(29:18):
this little brown-skinned littlegirl with ponytails he would
rock me to sleep.
Or if my teeth started losingmy teeth, he pulled my teeth
when it came to tools, because Iwas a granddaddy's girl.
You know, I fell in love withsports because of him our thing
(29:39):
on sundays we would sit on thecouch and watch football or
basketball or whatever.
You know those moments with him.
So he provided those things forme.
And so whoever God has to comeinto my life it's not just about
what you're bringing to thetable with your portfolio and
your wallet and your bankaccount.
What are you offering that youcan provide for me?
(30:03):
Security, reliability, yourintegrity, your character, your
intention and we people all haveintentions that are bad, you
know.
And so all of those thingstogether.
And then also trust, becauseany woman I don't care what
she's achieved If she doesn'ttrust him, she's not going to
allow him into the space.
(30:23):
So it's not so much about youtrying to persuade me that
you're a good man, but justshowing up and just being good,
being a good man, and me seeingthat in you.
And I don't think that anywoman that really desires
marriage.
If she's doing all these thingschanging shower heads or
(30:45):
whatever if he's in the space,she's naturally going to fall
back and allow him to be thatperson.
Honestly, I didn't want to dothis anyway, sir.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
That's so awesome that you said that, because you
have a measuring or a standard,now that your granddad said that
you can measure this person upagainst.
Not that you're looking toreplace him, but at least you
have a, a marker or something toidentify this guy.
Whoever it may be, the thingsthat you're looking for was it?
(31:21):
Was it like that at thebeginning, when you're younger
days, when you were dating?
Now versus now?
Speaker 3 (31:27):
oh lord, no I.
You know a teenager on thecollege campus, you know being
in college, but now you knowbeing older and wiser.
A lot of times recently, a lotof conversations with my
grandfather have come back to mewhen I was younger, at 17, 18,
(31:47):
19,.
He would talk to me afterbreakfast at the table and it
wasn't really clicking, but hewas really.
I think he was really pouringthe best way he could because I
really feel like he knew hewould not live long enough to
see me at the age and so hereally gave me a lot of gems and
(32:08):
nuggets as a little girl, as ateenager, up until, you know, he
passed away when I was 20.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
Planting seeds 29.
Speaker 3 (32:18):
Yeah.
He was planting seeds, and sonow there are so many times
where I go back and I thinkabout the conversations that he
and I had, you know, as a child,and I hold on to those things,
even the moments when I was alittle girl.
Or when I was a little girl hewould take me with him because
he had season tickets to thebaseball games that he would
(32:40):
take me, or he would be in hisgarage cleaning and messing with
his fishing tools, and eventhough he was a very manly man,
he still allowed those, what Icall those daddy daughter
moments, like he would likeright hair or paint his nails
and you know I'll put makeup on,put makeup on his face.
But if I had the lip gloss, oh,don't put that on me.
(33:01):
You know, yeah, we had aboundary now, you know.
But he was he like you'repulling too hard but he still
allowed me to be a little girland be feminine and even in his
manly, alpha male personality heallowed my femininity as a
child.
So when you're looking at adultmale future husband, whoever he
(33:23):
is, he can be the mostmasculine alpha male, but he
still allows Camille to befeminine and to be and be the
fully feminine womanly woman.
That I am right and it hasnothing to do with him being
insecure about his manhood, buthe's so secure in who he is he
allows me to flourish in who Iam that's beautiful.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
I think that's beautiful and it's important
that you paint those kind ofpictures because some people
don't have those examples.
So I really appreciate youpaint those kind of pictures,
because some people don't havethose examples.
So I really appreciate youreally painting that out so that
people have a picture in theirmind of what it's supposed to
look like to be in arelationship with someone that
is not like them.
So I have a question If youwere to give advice to someone
(34:08):
who is just starting out on thisjourney of dating, what would
be some advice you would sharewith her so that she would know
that how to avoid some of thepitfalls of dating in this day
and age?
And this diabolical dating.
Speaker 3 (34:30):
Pray and get your discernment on a thousand.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
Wow.
So if I were to say so, how doI do that, though?
I mean, how do I know if mydiscernment is higher?
I mean for someone who doesn'tknow, let's say somebody who
doesn't go to church, the wordof God, the word of God Getting
in your word.
Speaker 3 (34:48):
You know your word.
Pray, talk to god, um, ask himto lead and guide you.
Um, to show you the pitfalls inthe beginning, um, that you
don't judge.
You don't judge a book by itscharacter, but you also don't
base your decisions based onwhat it looks like.
I would say.
Over the last 10 years, one ofmy prayers has been Lord, if
(35:11):
they're here to hurt me, to harmme, to keep me from my purpose,
reveal them to me, show them tome and then move them out of
the way.
Simplest prayer I've everprayed, and he's done it every
time.
Did I always listen?
No, but he did that, and notjust in my dating situation, but
my personal situations, withfriends or relatives or whomever
(35:33):
just people I meet, just askingGod to open up your eyes and to
be able to hear him to guideyou.
You know, the word of God saysyou know all things work
together for good.
It also says that the steps ofa good man or woman are ordered
by the Lord.
Right, but you have to be ableto put yourself in a position
for to be led by God, to hear,to see.
(35:55):
Also, take more time forself-development, right, if you
want to be married, you're goingto meet different types of
people and you need to be ableto hold conversation right.
Your conversation just can't behere and in a box.
And if you're a church girl,travel, you know.
Being in the military, I'vebeen able to see and go places I
(36:15):
thought I would never imagine,but it also helped me to be able
to connect with people outsideof my little zip code.
Right, being more well-rounded,being able to connect with
people from different walks oflife.
Find things that you like,study, you know, hobbies, habits
, go on YouTube, explore, trydifferent meals, learn how to
(36:36):
cook something else other thanyour traditional Sunday dinner.
You know, really take time topoint to yourself.
But, more importantly, the firstone one, he's not the only one.
Maybe he's just meant to be afriend.
Just because you meet and yougo out for coffee doesn't mean
he's your future husband.
You know, women we get excited.
Oh girl, I think I met the onegirl.
(36:57):
You don't even know his lastname.
He may be, but just give thechance and the opportunity to
just be friends, because it'sone thing to love somebody, but
make sure you like them, youknow that's a friendship's
important Um, what else?
Um, be patient, be graciouspeople.
(37:19):
Uh, you meet people where theyare.
You don't know what that manwent through before he met you
um and if he's doing thingsthat's triggering triggering you
from your last relationshipmaybe you need to pause dating
and do some therapy and figureout why this man is triggering
you, because maybe he doesn'teven realize what he's doing,
(37:39):
but it just reminds you ofsomething and if you feel
yourself clenching up andlocking up, then maybe you need
to revisit that and reallyexplore why you're having that
response.
So I would definitely thatwould be some advice and just um
, drink your water exercise.
Um, everything's not meant forsocial media.
(38:03):
Just because you went on yourthird coffee date at Starbucks
with this person, you don't haveto post.
Just go enjoy the coffee.
Keep your friends out of yourbusiness.
Do not take advice from yourgirlfriends that are still
bitter and broken from the lastrelationship.
(38:23):
What else you gave so many?
nuggets girlfriends that arestill bitter and broken from the
last relationship.
Wow, what else?
Speaker 1 (38:28):
you gave so many nuggets right there and enjoy
the moment.
Speaker 3 (38:32):
Just because a man is being nice to you doesn't mean
he wants you.
Maybe he's just a nice guy.
Um, I think sometimes we aswomen can be guilty of reading
more into the situation of whatit is.
Maybe he was raised right andhe has good manners, he's polite
.
That may be the case.
But don't take every cue from aman as something more than what
(38:55):
it is.
Maybe it's just what it is andif he is interested in you,
he'll let you know.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Yeah, he has to choose.
I think we think we can choose,but we don't.
We don't they choose.
I think that was beautiful.
How can people connect with you?
How can they listen to yourpodcast and follow you on social
media?
Tell us all the things, okay.
Speaker 3 (39:19):
Well, my name is Camille Essek.
I'm on Instagram at CamilleEssick.
I'm on YouTube atCamilleEssickOfficial, or just
type in my name.
We're on Facebook at theSpeaker Podcast.
I'm on TikTok.
I have a lot of fun over there.
We do a lot of lifestyle things, a little comical things.
I also do some product reviewsthere.
(39:40):
I'm mainly working to build myYouTube channel, the Podcast,
the Speaker Podcast.
We're streaming across variousplatforms, such as iHeartRadio,
spotify, pandora, afropod, allthe places, stitcher, google,
audible, all these streamingservices.
We are there, so yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
Wonderful.
Well, we really appreciate yougiving somebody man.
You dropped so many nuggets.
People are going to have tolisten to this one, a multiple
times and catch everything.
I hope I said something good.
No, you definitely did, andtime just goes by so fast.
Next thing you know it's like Isaid that.
Them words of wisdom.
Speaker 2 (40:20):
Yeah, you'll be able to listen to your own episode.
He'd be like man that woman waswise.
You'll be able to listen toyour own episode and be like man
.
Speaker 3 (40:26):
That woman was wise, yes, and I would love to have
you all come over to the speakerpodcast, for I guess a reunion
Just come over.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
Yeah, absolutely, we'll do that, that'd be great,
definitely.
That'd be great.
It is so good to speak with you.
Oh no, thank you for being soopen and sharing the behind the
scenes, because sometimes we seewhat people look like on the
screen and we don't know ifthere's work that goes into that
.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
So thank you for sharing that and all the
technical stuff that happenedyes, it's very different when
you're on the other side of themicrophone.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
I was like, oh, these are hot yeah well, we love you,
we appreciate you.
So, guys, if you guys enjoyedthis episode, please remember to
download it.
If you're listening, if you'rewatching, please like, subscribe
, share and share this episodewith your family and friends and
we love you and you are morethan enough and we will see you.
Same time, same station.
(41:19):
Share this video, leave uscomments.
Um watch more of our longcontent on YouTube.
We create long content becausewe want to give you more than
just 30 seconds or 15 seconds,so we try to make it at least 30
minutes.
Now, remember, we're strongertogether and we love you and you
are more than enough so we'llsee you guys next Saturday bye
(41:43):
thank you for listening.
Speaker 1 (41:44):
Thank you for your investment in time.
Remember to subscribe to theshow and hit the notification
icon to be notified when newepisodes are posted on the
podcast platform that you'relistening from.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
Or you can always find us on our website at
richrelationshipsuscom, or ourYouTube channel, rich
Relationships with Gil Renee.
If you found this podcasthelpful or you think it could
help someone that you know andcare about, please pass it along
and share it with them.
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