February 17, 2025 • 43 mins
RICH RELATIONSHIPS REFUGE
Meet: Gil & Renée
Rich Relationships Refuge podcast with Gilbert J and Renée M. Beavers is fantastic because it's the best place to explore the reality of relationships — the good, the bad, and the painful and confusing. This podcast helps to illuminate what it means to be intimate with others and what it teaches people about them. It will make you want to strive for a kinder, more fun relationship with others., This a place where love flourishes, bonds deepen, and relationships thrive. We're Gil and Renee, authors, and marriage coaches, and we're honored to walk alongside you on your journey towards a rich and fulfilling partnership.
In a world where relationships can feel like a maze, we believe in providing you with the compass and map to navigate the path of love with confidence and grace. Whether you're single and seeking, newly dating, or preparing for marriage, our app is your sanctuary—a refuge where you can find guidance, support, and inspiration every step of the way.
https://www.richrrmarriagementors.com/book-online
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast with Gil
and Renee, where amazing thingshappen.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Our goal is to help build, repair and restore
healthy relationships.
25,.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
We are so excited and honored and grateful to be here
with you guys, and so today weare talking about you know, it's
the new year and everybody'salways doing new stuff, whether
it's working out, whether it'snew eating plans and all that
kind of stuff.
Well, we wanted to start outthis new year with our married
(00:40):
couples hey, where are marriedcouples at and and this will
still be applicable to someonewho is in relationship, because
you can always get skills thatare going to be applicable when
you actually are going down thataisle.
You want to be ready, so thisis something that we're going to
be working on.
Uh, how many years ago was itthat we did the?
Speaker 1 (00:59):
we did this during the pandemic.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
We did it during the pandemic?
With how many couples?
Speaker 1 (01:03):
23, 23.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
23 different couples from all over the country that
they actually wrote a chapter inthe book.
So it's not just us talking,it's.
I think it was over 200 yearsof experience and all the
different chapters havedifferent topics, and that was
the marital code to oneness bookyes, and that was the marital
code to oneness book yes, andnow we actually have the
(01:24):
workbook that actually goes withthat, that we figured we would
start out 2025 with when itcomes to talking about marriage
and the marital experience.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
And if you don't have the book and if you know any of
our authors, go to theirwebsites and purchase our
marital code to oneness from anyauthor that you know.
That was a part of that um,actual, um, that project.
But if you want to get theworkbook, you can go to barnes
and noble online or walk into astore and ask for our marital
(01:55):
code to oneness.
They have it at barnes andnoble.
And if you want to get theactual book this is the workbook
you can get in touch with oneof our authors who will actually
put in the description we'llactually put all the names of
all the authors and if you knowthem, you can reach out to them
and if you know us, you canreach out to us as well for the
book.
But, um, we really, really,really want to say that this
(02:17):
part of the year is going to beto our married couples.
However, if I were you and Iwas single and desired to be
married, I would be trying tocome and just be like a fly on
the wall and kind of hear, likebefore I get to that point, what
I need to know.
One of the things that we lovedour very first marriage retreat
(02:38):
we ever went to was with frankand bunny wilson.
That was our first, and ken,kenan and Sharnika Jones treated
us and invited us.
We love you, kenan and Sharnika.
Thank you for introducing us toFrank and Bunny Wilson, but one
of the things that they didthat I thought was very unique
and I'm not seeing anybody elsedo it they included the singles
and the couples together,because so many times singles
(03:01):
think that married people haveit going on and married people
think that single people have itgoing on, and married people
think the single people have itgoing on.
But guess what?
We all have growth areas andstrengths, so we're gonna
practice that same model.
If you are single and seekingmarriage, or if you're single
and you are dating, please joinus during these sessions as well
, because it applies to you.
You can ask questions, you canput your comments and your
(03:24):
feedback.
We still want you to be engaged, we want you to be involved,
and so we just thank you.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
You know, one of the things I appreciated about the
way last year ended out.
I think it was a few episodesthat we did.
There were ahead, we had moreengagement from this type of
format and if that's what we'retrying, different things to
bring you the information thatgod has put on our heart, to
bring to you guys, to invest inyour relationships.
So that's what we're our maingoal is to do and if you've
(03:50):
gotten someone out of it, Iappreciate everyone who chimes
in with the chimes or the chatsand everything.
We're reading those and we'retrying to incorporate that into
the conversation.
But if you have something tosay or comments, or even on
topic or off topic, we welcomeit.
Be positive.
You know, as we go on into thenew year, sometimes people just
(04:10):
want to poke just for the sakeof poking, for whatever reason.
Well, we like to say yeah yeah,hurting people hurt other people
, right, but what we like to sayis we are trying to make
investments and bring value toyou.
So if you're not bringing value, we're gonna ignore you.
Yeah, simple as that we're notgonna even comment, we're not
gonna even say it.
You know, and I've seen it,where people in the comments, in
(04:32):
the chats, usually jump on theother people who are jumping in
there, we're bringing thenegativity.
So be positive and be, try tobe helpful, be inquisitive.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
You want to know.
We don't know everything, butwe will share.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Absolutely so.
We are going to be talkingabout what today.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
We're going to be talking about the difference
between working in and on yourmarriage.
This is in the beginning of thebook.
It's in the beginning of theworkbook and in the beginning of
the book, and it was somethingthat I thought was an important
thing to focus on becausethroughout the workbook it's
really it asks you questions.
But I want you guys tounderstand why it asks you those
(05:06):
questions, cause how many ofyou sometimes you don't read the
beginning of the book.
You just start going into thefirst chapter with our books.
You don't want to do that.
They're always going to benuggets and insights into who we
are and why we do what we do atthe beginning of the book.
So the beginning of the bookbook.
It talks about working in yourmarriage and working on your
(05:27):
marriage.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
well, and I see here that long ball.
I think that's long ballactually put in there.
That leaves me out, nope no,maybe you missed the beginning,
but we said you could be a flyon the wall, because this stuff
is the information that isapplicable to when you actually
get married.
So by all means, stick around,still stay in and hang out.
But the reason why we actuallytitled this chapter was when we
(05:49):
first got married.
I went back to work after wewere got married, literally the
week after, you know, we were 21.
Yeah, we were very young andanybody know anybody in my
married couples how many peopletry to give you advice about.
When they find out you'renewlywed, everybody just comes
with a list of what you need todo and what you don't need to do
.
Well, that happened to me when Iwent back to work.
(06:19):
My supervisor at the time,trying to be helpful, basically
said you know, if you just wantto have a good marriage, you
just need to work on yourmarriage.
And I said, ok, and I'm sittingthere waiting for some kind of
nuggets or some information, andthat person gave me zero, gave
me nothing, and I thought aboutthat and I was like, well, you
know what?
What does that really mean?
Working in and on your marriage?
And I took that and I wasliterally at the very beginning
of our marriage and God soldthat into my heart and I always
(06:41):
kept that in the back of my mindas we have grown in our
relationship of 36 years.
We just celebrated ouranniversary a couple weeks ago,
or actually last week, um, andone thing that actually
resonated with me was well, workon your marriage.
And that means applying some ofthe things that we're going to
share with you today about whatthat actually means when we say
(07:02):
work in and on your marriage andso I'm going gonna give you an
example, because you guys know Ilike examples.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Okay, so this, this will be.
This will be geared towardsfemales, but men will understand
it too.
Okay, this is a product.
This is not a sponsored ad.
This is just something I haveused for years.
This is, um, it's actually aclay.
It is actually a deep cleansingmask.
You can use.
It's bentonite clay.
You can wash your face with thepeople eat it.
(07:28):
They do a lot of differentthings with bentonite clay, but
this is, I have found to be, avery good deep cleansing mask to
clean your skin, right, right.
And then this is one of myfavorite companies.
Again, this is not sponsored.
Um, I like, um, the lipstick bar.
I like their lipstick andthat's how I can kiss you and
not get makeup on him, but thisis a concealer, so these are
(07:51):
both for your skin, right.
Well, this one deep cleans andleaves your skin because gil
even says it feels so smooth,leaves it clean and smooth and
with nothing on it this, this,you can have bumps and pimples
and this covers it up.
When we're talking aboutworking on your marriage, we're
(08:12):
talking about a deep clean andyou really getting to know you,
the areas where you need to grow, the areas where you need to
change, the areas where you needto mature.
Working on your marriage isjust giving you a tool
communication and conflict.
So the difference betweenworking in and on is the end is
really about you and the on isabout the tools you use to make
(08:35):
things better that's good so,thank you.
That's the door gave me that'sactually pretty good so that's
we talked.
Today.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
We're talking about working in your marriage so the
very first one that we actuallytalk about, renee kind of
mentioned it right now.
I'm always remember this y'allwhen it comes to the clay.
So when we say on.
Yeah, that's number one that'snumber one is actually that
personal inventory.
When you think about personalinventory of an individual, of
(09:04):
yourself, if you've looked atany of the other videos in the
past, all the videos we got outthere and all the stuff we talk,
or even if you've seen us teachlive and things like that, we
are always talking aboutassessments and inventory and
doing some self-looking anddoing some journaling, always
looking at you first, becausebefore you actually get married,
(09:25):
you're an individual, just likea ball was just saying here I'm
single, I don't need well, thisdoesn't apply to me.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Well it does because at the very beginning.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
you're an individual and you're actually going to
need to know yourself very, verywell.
That's where that personalinventory comes in, to where you
want to go into yourrelationship having a clear,
confident understanding of whoyou are as an individual first.
Yes, because what tends tohappen and it happened even in
our marriage, you know, becausewe all have experiences and
(09:56):
things that we have come throughand past hurts and pains and
all those things.
Well, we got to bring thoseinto our relationship.
Well, when you bring that intoyour relationship, that is going
to always set you up forchallenges that you're going to
go through, because you have towork through some things prior
to actually understanding whoyou are as an individual, before
you can ever become a couple.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
And let's give you some examples of what that looks
like.
Okay, psalms 139.
Search me.
O, oh lord.
And so we need to be searchingourselves.
We need to be looking to seeokay, do I know my communication
style?
Do I know?
There are so many things?
Do you know your love language?
There's a new book that we'restudying and we're reading right
now.
Um, it's called the five voices.
(10:39):
Do you know your voice?
There's's so many assessments.
If you get our app, our MaritalCult, if you go to the app
store and look up MarriageMentors, rich, rr, there are
assessments on there so that youcan search and examine yourself
.
You need to know what's yourcommunication style, what's your
(11:01):
personality, what are yourlikes, what are your dislikes?
What are your dislikes?
What are your strengths, whatare your growth areas.
You need to know all that aboutyourself so that when you get
with another person and they sayto you, oh, you're
short-tempered or oh, you knowyou're very direct, you can say
you know what I am and you knowwhat I think that's something.
(11:24):
How does that make you feel?
So if you are, if someone tellsyou something about you that you
don't already know, it's very,very easy to get defensive and
to start, um, making it seemlike it's the other person.
We always say there's no suchthing as marriage problems.
They're only individualproblems that you bring into
(11:44):
your marriage.
So if you don't take the timeto get to know you as an
individual, how are you going toreally be able to receive or
even work on getting to know theother person?
If you're still trying to getto know you, how are you going
to get to know this other person?
So it's very, very, very, very,very crucial that you take that
long journey inward and youlearn all these things about
(12:07):
yourself that are going to helpyou to better understand you and
then begin to do some of thethings you say you like for
yourself, that you do that byyourself absolutely.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
You know, proverbs talks about guarding your heart.
When proverbs 4 talks aboutguarding your heart, because
when you don't do that, you haveto examine your heart on top of
that.
When you examine your heartbecause when you don't do that,
you have to examine your hearton top of that when you examine
your heart, this is where someof your past hurts, your past
pains, some of the things thatyou have experienced throughout
life actually comes up, and thisis where you want to really
(12:37):
take a deep dive into looking atthose things, because anything
that you don't talk about andwork out you're going to bring
into your next relationship,you're going to bring it in.
And when you don't understandwhere is this coming from?
Why does, when this person doesABC, I react with CD and E?
And when you don't understandwhere is this coming from?
That is going to set you up forchallenges that you may not be
(13:01):
equipped to do.
But when you hang out with us,you read some of the books that
Renee mentioned you actually areworking on yourself.
That's where you become awareof the things and the challenges
that you have had in your lifethat actually are going to set
you up for success, because thebeginning of it is God, put two
people together.
It's in even in yourrelationship.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
It's got to be three yes you want to tell about the
yes okay, it's a triangle, sothere has to be you and your,
your person down here and god atthe top, because without god
being a part of it, the thingsthat you're expected to do to be
kind and patient and loving andgentle and slow to speak and
(13:44):
presenting yourself to god aliving sacrifice, holy all these
things that it takes to makeyour relationship work the two
of you will not be able to do it.
It's not until you get into arelationship with God as an
individual that you begin to see.
Because one of the things thatwe talk about and we were
watching y'all know I love theirfuture wifey podcast, I know I
(14:05):
do, and we were watching theepisode with Fawn and Keith
Weaver, and one of the thingsthat I said that just resonated
with me so much was it's amazingto me when someone says and
articulates what you live.
One of the things that Irealized when me and Gil first
got married, I noticed a patternEvery single time I went to God
(14:27):
about Gil, god would always saywell, what about you?
And I remember I would go tothe Lord about the girls.
Well, they're doing this andthey're doing that.
And he said how about I changeyou so that when they do what
they're going to do, it doesn'taffect you.
And so one of the things thatVaughn said was we have to have
(14:48):
the mindset, and she justarticulated we have to have the
mindset that I am not going tolook at what happens between us,
as Gil, I'm going to look atwhat happens to us as me, to us
(15:10):
as me.
We, when other things arebothering you external things we
always say you really don'thave a, it's not a um, your
temper is really a problem.
That's an internal issue.
The reason why things bump you,they only push out of you what
was inside of you when you getmarried.
Marriage is the place whereyou're going to see the things
about yourself that you neverknew were there.
And so that's not his fault,that's me.
And so we have to go intorelationships with the mindset.
(15:32):
Is the only thing someone cando is pull what's inside of me
out.
I need to find out where itcame from, how did it get there
and change me?
So we have to approachsituations with the mindset that
I only have control over me.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
You know, it's always easy to find the growth areas
in others and seeing that theBible talks about it in Matthew,
about remove the plank fromyour eye you know one thing that
we have to focus on, especiallywhen you're getting into
another relationship, it's easyto identify problems and, just
like Mr Ball is just saying here, when that problem comes up and
the person is doesn't want tofocus on it or doesn't want to
(16:12):
respond to it in a way thatactually says you know what, we
need to work on this.
You know, that's why Godpartnered you in with somebody
and you're going to find that,more than likely, this person
has some strengths in the areasthat you have growth areas and
vice versa, because they are thethings that god is bringing to
you to help you get throughthose things, because if not,
(16:32):
they wouldn't be growth areasyeah you wouldn't have any
struggles.
You wouldn't have any problems.
Well, and it's all about howyou respond.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Because if something we I gave the example about when
I burned the air fryer, thefire outside, and he came and
said you know, we, in a marriage, in order for a marriage, in
order for any relationship tohave longevity, there has to be
this one thing that is like asuperpower, and it's called
humility.
We have to approach each otherwith loving, kindness.
(17:02):
And if you don't start off withthat because most people have
it in the beginning, when theyfirst start dating, you're so
nice and kind and gentle, youdon't want to hurt their
feelings, but then the longeryou get you've been together,
the more abrasive and the lessrespect and restraint you have
for one another.
You have to have that samelevel of gentleness and kindness
(17:24):
.
And one of the things that meand Gil have as a rule is that I
already know that if he'ssaying something to me, it's
because he loves me, he wants tomake me better, it's not
because he's trying to destroyme or he's trying to hurt my
feelings.
And so there's some guidelines.
Number one God has to be at thecenter of it.
Number two, you have to havehumility.
And number three, you have tounderstand he is here or she is
(17:46):
here to have my back and make mebetter, and sometimes a part of
making you better means they'regoing to say something that you
may not like, and so you haveto prepare yourself for that.
So I know that.
I know how Gil is.
I know how his mind works.
Gil's very analytical, gil is aa thinker, he is a visionary,
he's looking at the future, andthat's not the way I operate,
(18:09):
and so I had to learn how to sayokay, babe, I see how that
could be beneficial.
Whereas when I was younger, mydream wasn't one of the things I
came up with.
You always blow out my candles,and that was my mindset was
that when I would bring himsomething big and I was excited
about it, he'd always tell meall the things that could go
wrong, and instead of seeingthat as a negative, I had to see
(18:32):
that as provision and insightyou know, when you think about
the relationships that you're in, you have to credit the person
with having your back.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
Yes, you have to credit the person with the
righteousness and the positivitythat you're seeking, or you
probably wouldn't be inrelationship with them If you
automatically gravitate to anegative aspect of this person
excuse me, of this person whoyou are actually spending the
rest of your life with and wantto spend the rest of life with,
and then you are alreadycrediting them with undermining
(19:02):
you or doing something negativetowards you.
You may have to do some morereassessing and reevaluating.
Maybe there's issues that youhave unresolved as far as trust
issues or unrealisticexpectations or things that you
have brought into therelationship that this person
had nothing to do with.
It could have been from pastexperiences that you have
brought into the presentrelationship, or even in your
(19:24):
marriage, that you say you knowwhat this person I know Renee is
never going to try to hurt meintentionally.
I have to believe that from thevery beginning, or we wouldn't
have made it this long thatwe've been together, because if
your natural response is toalways think that there's
something negative brewing orsomething negative coming up
(19:45):
that this person is, as she saidI'm trying to blow out her
candles, not because she doesn'twant to celebrate, but I'm
trying to.
I see it as protection.
When you have this person, Ithink as a man, we naturally are
are we going to protect modefirst?
That's our normal default,that's just what we do.
And when you do that, renee hasto think about okay, he's not
trying to hurt me, he's nottrying to disappoint me, he's
(20:06):
not trying to lower my, my funmeter.
He's actually trying to see thethings that, because I want her
to be successful in the thingsthat she's trying to do, but I'm
thinking about the things thatcan become obstacles or could
become hindrances tosuccessfully accomplishing what
it is that she set out to do,because, guess what?
I'm trying to protect her fromdisappointment, yes, so when you
(20:27):
think about that that is thefocus and the goal that the man
should actually.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
That's our default right and it's important to
understand that when you getmarried, the two units call our
marital code to oneness.
The goal of marriage is for twodifferent people to become one,
and, and that takes three.
That takes you, god and theother person.
But does that mean you becomethe same person?
No, it means that I look at hisstrengths and I see them as a
(20:55):
benefit, even though they mayfeel foreign to me.
And he has to do the same,because there's things that I'm
going to introduce him to thathe may not have ever thought of
and he could dismiss it as, oh,that's not necessary.
But a part of becoming one isrealizing that everything about
me is not right and great, andeverything about him is not
(21:17):
right and great, and everythingabout me is not broken and wrong
and everything about him is notbroken and wrong.
And so it's reallyunderstanding and knowing
yourself and knowing I know mygrowth areas, I know my
strengths, I know the thingsabout me that I think, areas
where I need to grow, and, andin a marriage relationship and
even in your friendships, that'swhat that rub is going to come
(21:37):
from, and if your relationshipsdon't make you better and draw
you closer to god, then I wouldask you to reevaluate the value
of those relationships.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
Absolutely.
You know one thing that weactually are bringing to you in
this episode of our Saturdayafternoon chat, or whatever you
want to say we're talking about,if you just joined us we're
talking about the marital codeto oneness.
We appreciate you guys hangingout with us on these Saturdays,
because what we're trying to dois start out the new year
working on even our relationshipAfter 36 years we are still
(22:08):
trying to work and figure thingsout.
And that's what we are bringingto you guys the things that we
do on a regular habit and aregular daily basis, the tools
and the skills to invest intoyou guys to actually say you
know what, make it your own.
We're not telling you to do itverbatim, but we're telling you
the principle and the guidelinesof things that you need to be
thinking about as you navigatethis thing called marriage,
(22:30):
because it is bring it up topoint number three it is
spiritual warfare.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
It is, and I think that's something that's so
important for people tounderstand.
That's why God ordainedmarriage, and so, therefore, he
is the only one that has thepower to protect and sustain it
so if he's not a part of it.
That's why the divorce rate isso high because we go into
something that God created andwe don't want him to be a part
of it.
We say, well, that was good formy parents and my grandparents,
(22:58):
but I got this new thing goingon and I'm worried about
vibrations and I'm worried aboutthe the bible says there is
nothing new under the sun.
We have got to, got to, got to,got to, got to let the Lord be
the head of our life, the Lordbe the head of our relationships
, because if we don't, we willallow ourselves and media.
(23:22):
And you got to hit that babe,because if not, it's going to
cut the volume off.
It's important I don't know ifthe sound went out or not, but
we have got to let the Lord bethe part, the head.
It'll come back on.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Okay, youtube, come on back on one I wonder if it's
(24:07):
still filming, or do we go?
We just we just had to hit thatsorry boy, we were just gonna
hit that button to say oh, man,we went.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
No, we did it we still here.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
We still here, nw, we still here.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
Sorry, we're here, we're here, we're here, and so
can you hear us nw.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
Put a thumbs up or give us some hearts.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
If you can still hear us, can you hear us some?
Speaker 2 (24:23):
hearts, if you can still hear us.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
Can you hear us?
Let us know.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
Hopefully you're still there, but we just don't
keep going.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Yes, okay.
So we need to understand thatmarriage is something that was
ordained by God and in order formarriage to work, it takes
three, and in all of yourrelationships, it takes you and
the other person to God Becausejust, let's just be honest it
takes you and that other personto God Because let's just be
honest we're living in a timewhen people's emotions and
(24:50):
anxiety and past pain is leavingthem.
They're being governed by that.
So if we don't allow the Lordand the fruit of the Spirit to
govern us, everyone you come incontact with is going to be in a
bad mood and have a badattitude, and so you have to
make a decision that you are notgoing to be that person that
you are going to search me, lord, because I don't believe that
(25:14):
you know.
When people talk about oh, youknow what I have road rage.
No, you had bathroom ragekitchen rage grocery store rage,
church rage, kitchen rage,grocery store rage, church rage.
You have to really ask yourselfwhy does that make me so mad?
Why does something as simple asI can remember, something as
(25:35):
simple as when?
Um, I remember when erin waslittle she had this big thing of
barrettes and it fell over andI lost it and the lord was like.
Now she's like two.
I understand her temper tantrum, but why are you so angry?
inside we have to ask ourselveswhy am I so angry inside, why am
I so on edge, why am I soeasily offended?
(25:59):
And so it's important that weexamine ourselves and that we
look at ourselves and sometimes,other than just we need jesus,
we need community, we needtherapy.
Some of us need to see atrained professional, some of us
need to help, have someone tohelp us walk through the pain of
(26:20):
our past.
We will tell you what we dowith couples.
We help them with communitysupport tools, accountability
and assessments.
If we assess and go throughworking with you and we realize
that there are some things thatyou need to see a professional
therapist, we do not have anypride in saying, hey, what you
(26:41):
need is beyond our skill set.
So so we're coaches and mentors.
We are not therapists, we arenot psychotherapists, we are not
counselors, and we are verycomfortable and secure in the
vein that we are called to walkin and that is where we will
stay and you won't pull us intoor drag us into an area that we
know there's no grace on theline for us.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Again, if you just joined us.
We had that little hiccup inthe video in a quick second, but
we're talking about working inand on your marriage no, and
today.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
Next week is on on.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
So we're talking about in and on your marriage,
and this is indeed okay, this isfrom the marital code to one is
the actual book that we did.
This is the work book and wejust shared this with you.
We invested in our singles.
The last, what was it?
Four?
four, four months of the yearfor the last four months we
talked a lot about the singles,things that singles actually go
through.
If you want to see what thosevideos are all about, go back to
(27:33):
the channel, check out thosethings.
We're talking specifically tothe singles and about those
things.
Nw checked in here and he waslike, uh, this doesn't apply to
me.
Well, if you want somethingspecifically tailored to singles
, go look at that.
Those those videos are outthere.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
And you can get the book from Barnes Noble.
It's called the SinglesBlueprint for Dating and
Marriage.
It's at Barnes Noble.
You can get it online at BarnesNoble, and so now we're talking
about Our Marital Code toOneness, which is also available
at Barnes Noble, and we'regoing to put the names of the
authors for the other books inthere.
I want to share something.
I want to go, no, go ahead, goahead.
(28:10):
Okay, so I'm going to sharesomething so if you guys watched
our video from our trip toHouston, we did the unboxing
yesterday and I thought it wasso it made me sad Because Gil
was really disappointed.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
Because it was just shinier than I thought.
No, it was not as shiny as youthought that it was going to
turn out.
I know you're probably sayingwhat are you talking about, this
shiny thing?
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Okay, so I'm going to show you.
I'm going to show you.
Okay.
So he was disappointed with theway it looked, and so you know,
if y'all know me, I am crafty.
And so I said you know what,babe?
I said you know what baby, sokind of make him look better.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
So what we did was, if you see, go check out the
video.
When they did it was it a shortyesterday I did the long video
and the long video, but anyway,we were doing date night and we
were having some fun and we wentand did this little artsy thing
.
This is the creating somethingit's a bank it's a bank.
It's something that we did as acouple's date night.
It was in the arts for our 36thanniversary in.
Houston for our anniversary.
On our anniversary weekend trip.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
But you know, and so that was a really good example
of how our expectations couldlead us to disappointment,
Because things don't always turnout the way you planned.
So what do you do?
When things don't go as planned?
You have to add to it and makeit better.
So this is what I have done tomake him more aesthetically
(29:29):
pleasing, and gil said that hethought that she looked really
cute.
a lot better and so I'm gonnaput some clear coat over it.
So, rather than throwing thisaway because it didn't meet our
expectations, we just added toit and made it better, and
that's what we have to bewilling to do with our
relationships and if you knowanything about us, you could
(29:50):
probably imagine who's the goldand glitter and who's the gray.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
So I'll just say that this is a blending.
This is just like what yourmarriage is like.
It's a blending of two differentthings and some things two
different people coming togetherto create one thing, and you'll
notice that there's some goldmixed in there and there's some
gray mixed into the gold andsome gold mixed into the gray.
Well, guess what your marriageis going to be just like that.
There are going to be someareas that get mixed in to each
(30:16):
other that you're going to haveto work out, and it doesn't mean
that it's going to be bad orit's going to be.
And it's going to be perfect no,but it is a blending of.
The two shall become one.
That's what the bible talksabout it the two shall becoming
one.
Well, we were talking about.
The last point that we weretalking about is having a
thriving in your relationship,because it has to be
(30:36):
christ-centered.
That is something that webelieve at the nucleus and at
the foundation of ourrelationship, and what we
believe when we work withcouples is God has got to be the
center and what does that looklike?
We talked about it beingspiritual warfare, because God
is going to show you thingsabout your relationship and
about your spouse and yoursignificant other that there's
(30:58):
no other way you can find thesethings out, because there may be
things about Renee that she iseven unaware of, and things
about me that.
I'm unaware of because they areblind spots.
There are things that about usthat we have no idea that is
impacting our relationships.
But when you have someone whois have a for real relationship
with God and is seeking God onyour behalf on a daily basis
(31:19):
with prayer and interceding andreading the word, and there God
is going to show you thingsabout them that you are going to
be there to be an aid to right.
In Matthew 15, it talks aboutloving one another.
Love is, and that's what we aretrying to actually talk about
and demonstrate, even when wetalk about having a God-centered
, god-thriving marriage, isbecause that is the essence of
(31:41):
who you are as an individual andwhen it comes to your
relationship and the reason whywe're saying is spiritual
warfare is because there's goingto be external forces trying to
push constantly.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
god is not the source of the spiritual warfare, he is
the protector of spiritualwarfare.
Yes, the enemy is going toattack what?
And one of the things that Ithink it's important for you to
be like well, until I gotmarried, I was fine.
Well, and when you go intosomething that God created, now
you become a threat to the enemy.
Yes, because marriage is aninstitution ordained by God,
(32:16):
whether you go into it knowingthat or not.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
Whether people believe it or not, whether
people believe it or not.
It's irrelevant is irrelevant.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
You will experience difficulty and adversity, that
without the power of god and theword of god and the fruits of
the spirit and and the angelsand and all the things that god
provides your life with, youwill get into the attack of the
enemy.
That makes you say I marriedthe wrong person, I made the
(32:43):
wrong decision just like when gGil saw this, he could have said
, oh no, throw it away.
That's not what I wanted, that'snot the way I wanted it to look
.
Let's just throw it away.
Well, no, you got to work on it, you got to be willing to make
some investments, you have to bewilling to make some
improvements, and it has toreflect you both.
And so I think it's importantthat we understand that, just
(33:04):
like some of the things that we,some of the decisions we make
and the projects we create andthe choices, you're going to be
willing to go through thedifficulty and the adversity and
be on the other side of that,because you will never become
everything you want to becomewithout some adversity, without
some difficulty, without somepulling and then the other thing
(33:25):
, without all those things, butalso without the selflessness.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
Oh, yeah.
When I say that, when I talkabout being selfless, if you are
getting married and you havenot worked out some selfish
things and selfish behavior inyour relationship and in you as
an individual, you are going tostruggle when it comes to
another person, because marriageis the highest form of serving
someone else that you are everexperienced.
(33:51):
If you're not ready to do that,if you're not ready to put
yourself second and I'm not justtalking about the guys putting
everybody- ahead of them.
I'm talking about Renee, puttingme ahead of her and me putting
Renee ahead of myself.
You should stay single for alittle while, yeah, and if
you're married and you haven'tif that's new information to you
(34:11):
well, we challenge you becausewe have realized that the more I
put Renee ahead of me goals,dreams, aspirations, desires and
all those things and the more.
I put you ahead of me goals,dreams, aspirations, priorities
then the more I put you ahead ofme goals, dreams, aspirations,
priorities Then you'll be amazedat how I'm able to accomplish
(34:32):
the things that I want to do andshe's able to accomplish the
things she wants to do by twopeople working on it together.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
But that comes from.
I came as a whole 100 percentperson goes back to the first.
So I'm not losing myself in him.
I am prioritizing him over mebecause I'm just as valuable,
and so I think sometimes kind ofpeople get confused between the
two becoming one orprioritizing putting him first.
(34:57):
Putting him first does not meanthat I'm not valuable.
It just means that I say, whatdo you need, baby?
And then he.
So I'm putting him first andhe's putting me first.
So we're basically God isteaching us how to love the way
he loves, because God gave, goddidn't just talk, god gave and
(35:18):
he showed and he served.
Jesus came to serve, and so Ireally believe that when we
operate the way God has calledus to, marriage is attractive to
people around.
They see it, there's somethingdifferent about you.
There's a glow, there's a smile, there's a lightness.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
And it comes from letting God carry the thrive.
And as far as being Christcentered is thinking about, do
you have those unrealisticexpectations when it comes to
your relationship?
When we have those unrealisticexpectations and we bring them
into our relationship, just likethis person said, it could be
utterly nonsense.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Baby.
So give some examples of men'sunrealistic expectations.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
So give some examples of men's unrealistic
expectations For my wife to meto come home every day and my
wife will have on and this issomething that was going to have
a sexy outfit and have dinneron the table for me every single
day.
I come home from work andyou're going to have mad, crazy
sex whenever you want.
All those different things thatwill feed into my own desires
and my own selfishness.
(36:24):
That is realistic nonsense okay.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
So I'm going to talk about some of the uncommunicated
expectations that we bring aswomen.
When he's supposed to know whatI want, I shouldn't have to
tell him.
I shouldn't have to ask himnothing.
We've been together long enough.
He should be able to read mymind.
We bring some very unrealistic,we bring some uncommunicated
(36:50):
expectations to the relationship.
We sometimes feel that, by notsaying anything, that it's up to
him to figure it out.
One of the things that I usedto do when we first got married,
when I would get mad, I wouldjust be quiet and I would be
looking out the window.
I would be turning away.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
Come on, ladies.
Y'all know y'all do it.
I would be in the car, in thecar, looking out the window at
the other way and trying andit's like what's wrong?
Speaker 1 (37:14):
Nothing, what's wrong , Nothing that's so childish
that you're having a tempertantrum and you want somebody
else to pull you back A part ofhaving God in your life.
When Matthew said you move theplane from your own hour before
you move the splinter, Iremember asking the Lord well,
why do they have a splinter andnot have a plane?
(37:34):
He said because you're alwaysworking on other people.
Sometimes, as women, we'rereally good at figuring out what
he needs.
Everybody else needs it, and heneeds to do that and he needs
what everybody else needs and heneed to do that and he need to
work on.
Sweetie, what do you need towork on, sis, rich sis?
What is it in your relationshipthat you need to work on it
with your friends, with yourchildren, with your spouse, with
(37:56):
your person?
What is it that you need towork on?
You need to know that I one ofthe things I challenge us this
year is you should know your owngrowth areas.
You should not just yourstrengths, you should know your
growth areas.
What are some of the areas whereyour personality needs to be
tempered by love, joy, goodness,faithfulness, gentleness,
(38:19):
meekness, self-control, becauseone of the things I know that we
have a tendency to say this isjust my face.
Well, if that's just your face,then is that face inviting?
We use some of, we use, we useour culture as an excuse to be
not so inviting and kind andwarm.
(38:42):
You know, I'm not saying youhave to be someone else's
personality but, I, do believethat we have a responsibility.
love, joy, goodness,faithfulness, gentleness,
meekness and self-control that'snot my standard.
That's God's standard.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
That's in the Bible.
Proof to the Spirit.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
So I challenge us, as women, to be very much aware of
our own growth areas and to beable to express and communicate
that to someone who is close tous, so that they can hold us
accountable, so we can getbetter so we appreciate you guys
hanging out, but as we justshare with you guys, we are
talking about the marital codeto oneness.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
We're talking about working in and on your marriage.
In your marriage, we're talkingdeep.
Speaker 1 (39:22):
If you don't want to know why she's working in your
marriage, you got to go back andwatch the video working.
This is we're working.
We're going deep.
We're working in our marriage,which means we're working on
ourself, and we still have to dothat.
Speaker 2 (39:36):
Even as a couple, I'm still working on myself so
we're talking about the maritalcode, the oneness we're talking
in work, talking about in and onyour marriage, and this week is
talking about in your marriageand next week we're going to
work on your marriage, some ofthe things and tools and skills
that you can actually take intoyour marriage, and and some of
the things you may be doingalready and doing well, and some
(39:56):
of the things may be newinformation.
All we're doing is sharingthings with you guys of 36 years
that we have practiced in ourmarriage, that we've been
working with couples for over 20plus years.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
Yeah, 20, 20 years.
Speaker 2 (40:07):
When it comes to how to make the relationship better,
because we all can get betterat this thing called marriage
and at this thing calledrelationships.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
Yes, and one of the things I remember watching this
video.
There was this famous athlete Idon't remember his name, he was
like one of the best golfplayers and he said that every
year at the beginning of theyear, he goes back to the basics
, because by the end of the year, you've gotten away from the
basics.
What are some of the thingsyou're going back to?
Like?
I decided this year that I amgoing to read.
(40:36):
Like last year, I read throughthe Bible with the Bible app.
I love the YouVersion.
This year, I'm reading theBible.
I'm going to read the wholeentire Bible.
So, join me, I'm reading fourchapters a day, every day,
because I feel that God deservesas much of my attention as I
give all the other things.
So that's one of the thingsI've made a decision to do.
(40:57):
And so what are some of thethings you're going to do this
year that's going to make youbetter than you were last year.
Speaker 2 (41:07):
So we hope you guys enjoy hanging out with us this
saturday, if you want to.
If you didn't catch thebeginning, we apologize for the
hiccup, but that you may havemissed a little bit of the video
.
That actually happened becausesomebody called us, but that's
okay but marital code to onenesswe're talking about in and on
your marriage.
Go back and check out the videoat the very beginning.
Do all the lights, subscribe,share.
Speaker 1 (41:33):
Share.
Turn on the bell Okay.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
Okay, y'all this year .
I celebrate y'all for last year.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
Hallelujah guys.
Yeah, great, we appreciate yourvideos.
We have over, yeah, 38,000followers on Instagram, on
YouTube and you guys, we have3.3 million views on YouTube.
We want to get to the placethat the people who are watching
our videos are subscribers.
We are getting a lot of viewsfrom people who are not
(41:57):
subscribers.
We want you to not justsubscribers that you're not.
You're not subscribing andyou're not.
There's the bell notificationnot being turned on we need you
to subscribe.
Speaker 2 (42:05):
We need you to do that.
Turn on notifications.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
Turn on notifications so that you can help us,
because it helps us to helpother people and it helps us to
it helps you to know that, hey,this is something you want to
watch, so share it with otherpeople.
Thank you for watching.
We love you.
If you have comments andquestions, put them in the chat.
We comments and questions putthem in the chat.
(42:27):
Um, we're going to give yousome time.
If you guys want to ask somequestions, please feel free to
do that.
Um, if you want to reach out tous personally, reach out to us.
Help at rich relationshiprefugecom, we'll answer your
questions.
If there's topics you want totalk about, we can create some
shorts about it, but, um, thisyear we're going to continue to
just be available and to beJesus' hands and feet, be
someone you can know and trustand touch, and so and we'll have
(42:51):
some book signings coming upthis year too, to a city near
you, so stay tuned for that aswell.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
Thank you, guys, for hanging out with us.
Thank you for your investmentin time.
We do not take it lightly.
We appreciate it.
Thanks for all the comments andwe will see you guys next
weekend.
Thank you for listening, thankyou for your investment in time.
Remember to subscribe to theshow and hit the notification
(43:16):
icon to be notified when newepisodes are posted on the
podcast platform that you'relistening from.
Speaker 1 (43:21):
Or you can always find us on our website at
richrelationshipsuscom, or ourYouTube channel, rich
Relationships with Gil Renee.
If you found this podcasthelpful or you think it could
help someone that you know andcare about, please pass it along
and share it with them.
Welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast with Gil
and Renee, where amazing thingshappen.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Our goal is to help build, repair and restore
healthy relationships.
25,.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
We are so excited and honored and grateful to be here
with you guys, and so today weare talking about you know, it's
the new year and everybody'salways doing new stuff, whether
it's working out, whether it'snew eating plans and all that
kind of stuff.
Well, we wanted to start outthis new year with our married
(00:40):
couples hey, where are marriedcouples at and and this will
still be applicable to someonewho is in relationship, because
you can always get skills thatare going to be applicable when
you actually are going down thataisle.
You want to be ready, so thisis something that we're going to
be working on.
Uh, how many years ago was itthat we did the?
Speaker 1 (00:59):
we did this during the pandemic.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
We did it during the pandemic?
With how many couples?
Speaker 1 (01:03):
23, 23.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
23 different couples from all over the country that
they actually wrote a chapter inthe book.
So it's not just us talking,it's.
I think it was over 200 yearsof experience and all the
different chapters havedifferent topics, and that was
the marital code to oneness bookyes, and that was the marital
code to oneness book yes, andnow we actually have the
(01:24):
workbook that actually goes withthat, that we figured we would
start out 2025 with when itcomes to talking about marriage
and the marital experience.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
And if you don't have the book and if you know any of
our authors, go to theirwebsites and purchase our
marital code to oneness from anyauthor that you know.
That was a part of that um,actual, um, that project.
But if you want to get theworkbook, you can go to barnes
and noble online or walk into astore and ask for our marital
(01:55):
code to oneness.
They have it at barnes andnoble.
And if you want to get theactual book this is the workbook
you can get in touch with oneof our authors who will actually
put in the description we'llactually put all the names of
all the authors and if you knowthem, you can reach out to them
and if you know us, you canreach out to us as well for the
book.
But, um, we really, really,really want to say that this
(02:17):
part of the year is going to beto our married couples.
However, if I were you and Iwas single and desired to be
married, I would be trying tocome and just be like a fly on
the wall and kind of hear, likebefore I get to that point, what
I need to know.
One of the things that we lovedour very first marriage retreat
(02:38):
we ever went to was with frankand bunny wilson.
That was our first, and ken,kenan and Sharnika Jones treated
us and invited us.
We love you, kenan and Sharnika.
Thank you for introducing us toFrank and Bunny Wilson, but one
of the things that they didthat I thought was very unique
and I'm not seeing anybody elsedo it they included the singles
and the couples together,because so many times singles
(03:01):
think that married people haveit going on and married people
think that single people have itgoing on, and married people
think the single people have itgoing on.
But guess what?
We all have growth areas andstrengths, so we're gonna
practice that same model.
If you are single and seekingmarriage, or if you're single
and you are dating, please joinus during these sessions as well
, because it applies to you.
You can ask questions, you canput your comments and your
(03:24):
feedback.
We still want you to be engaged, we want you to be involved,
and so we just thank you.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
You know, one of the things I appreciated about the
way last year ended out.
I think it was a few episodesthat we did.
There were ahead, we had moreengagement from this type of
format and if that's what we'retrying, different things to
bring you the information thatgod has put on our heart, to
bring to you guys, to invest inyour relationships.
So that's what we're our maingoal is to do and if you've
(03:50):
gotten someone out of it, Iappreciate everyone who chimes
in with the chimes or the chatsand everything.
We're reading those and we'retrying to incorporate that into
the conversation.
But if you have something tosay or comments, or even on
topic or off topic, we welcomeit.
Be positive.
You know, as we go on into thenew year, sometimes people just
(04:10):
want to poke just for the sakeof poking, for whatever reason.
Well, we like to say yeah yeah,hurting people hurt other people
, right, but what we like to sayis we are trying to make
investments and bring value toyou.
So if you're not bringing value, we're gonna ignore you.
Yeah, simple as that we're notgonna even comment, we're not
gonna even say it.
You know, and I've seen it,where people in the comments, in
(04:32):
the chats, usually jump on theother people who are jumping in
there, we're bringing thenegativity.
So be positive and be, try tobe helpful, be inquisitive.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
You want to know.
We don't know everything, butwe will share.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Absolutely so.
We are going to be talkingabout what today.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
We're going to be talking about the difference
between working in and on yourmarriage.
This is in the beginning of thebook.
It's in the beginning of theworkbook and in the beginning of
the book, and it was somethingthat I thought was an important
thing to focus on becausethroughout the workbook it's
really it asks you questions.
But I want you guys tounderstand why it asks you those
(05:06):
questions, cause how many ofyou sometimes you don't read the
beginning of the book.
You just start going into thefirst chapter with our books.
You don't want to do that.
They're always going to benuggets and insights into who we
are and why we do what we do atthe beginning of the book.
So the beginning of the bookbook.
It talks about working in yourmarriage and working on your
(05:27):
marriage.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
well, and I see here that long ball.
I think that's long ballactually put in there.
That leaves me out, nope no,maybe you missed the beginning,
but we said you could be a flyon the wall, because this stuff
is the information that isapplicable to when you actually
get married.
So by all means, stick around,still stay in and hang out.
But the reason why we actuallytitled this chapter was when we
(05:49):
first got married.
I went back to work after wewere got married, literally the
week after, you know, we were 21.
Yeah, we were very young andanybody know anybody in my
married couples how many peopletry to give you advice about.
When they find out you'renewlywed, everybody just comes
with a list of what you need todo and what you don't need to do
.
Well, that happened to me when Iwent back to work.
(06:19):
My supervisor at the time,trying to be helpful, basically
said you know, if you just wantto have a good marriage, you
just need to work on yourmarriage.
And I said, ok, and I'm sittingthere waiting for some kind of
nuggets or some information, andthat person gave me zero, gave
me nothing, and I thought aboutthat and I was like, well, you
know what?
What does that really mean?
Working in and on your marriage?
And I took that and I wasliterally at the very beginning
of our marriage and God soldthat into my heart and I always
(06:41):
kept that in the back of my mindas we have grown in our
relationship of 36 years.
We just celebrated ouranniversary a couple weeks ago,
or actually last week, um, andone thing that actually
resonated with me was well, workon your marriage.
And that means applying some ofthe things that we're going to
share with you today about whatthat actually means when we say
(07:02):
work in and on your marriage andso I'm going gonna give you an
example, because you guys know Ilike examples.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Okay, so this, this will be.
This will be geared towardsfemales, but men will understand
it too.
Okay, this is a product.
This is not a sponsored ad.
This is just something I haveused for years.
This is, um, it's actually aclay.
It is actually a deep cleansingmask.
You can use.
It's bentonite clay.
You can wash your face with thepeople eat it.
(07:28):
They do a lot of differentthings with bentonite clay, but
this is, I have found to be, avery good deep cleansing mask to
clean your skin, right, right.
And then this is one of myfavorite companies.
Again, this is not sponsored.
Um, I like, um, the lipstick bar.
I like their lipstick andthat's how I can kiss you and
not get makeup on him, but thisis a concealer, so these are
(07:51):
both for your skin, right.
Well, this one deep cleans andleaves your skin because gil
even says it feels so smooth,leaves it clean and smooth and
with nothing on it this, this,you can have bumps and pimples
and this covers it up.
When we're talking aboutworking on your marriage, we're
(08:12):
talking about a deep clean andyou really getting to know you,
the areas where you need to grow, the areas where you need to
change, the areas where you needto mature.
Working on your marriage isjust giving you a tool
communication and conflict.
So the difference betweenworking in and on is the end is
really about you and the on isabout the tools you use to make
(08:35):
things better that's good so,thank you.
That's the door gave me that'sactually pretty good so that's
we talked.
Today.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
We're talking about working in your marriage so the
very first one that we actuallytalk about, renee kind of
mentioned it right now.
I'm always remember this y'allwhen it comes to the clay.
So when we say on.
Yeah, that's number one that'snumber one is actually that
personal inventory.
When you think about personalinventory of an individual, of
(09:04):
yourself, if you've looked atany of the other videos in the
past, all the videos we got outthere and all the stuff we talk,
or even if you've seen us teachlive and things like that, we
are always talking aboutassessments and inventory and
doing some self-looking anddoing some journaling, always
looking at you first, becausebefore you actually get married,
(09:25):
you're an individual, just likea ball was just saying here I'm
single, I don't need well, thisdoesn't apply to me.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Well it does because at the very beginning.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
you're an individual and you're actually going to
need to know yourself very, verywell.
That's where that personalinventory comes in, to where you
want to go into yourrelationship having a clear,
confident understanding of whoyou are as an individual first.
Yes, because what tends tohappen and it happened even in
our marriage, you know, becausewe all have experiences and
(09:56):
things that we have come throughand past hurts and pains and
all those things.
Well, we got to bring thoseinto our relationship.
Well, when you bring that intoyour relationship, that is going
to always set you up forchallenges that you're going to
go through, because you have towork through some things prior
to actually understanding whoyou are as an individual, before
you can ever become a couple.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
And let's give you some examples of what that looks
like.
Okay, psalms 139.
Search me.
O, oh lord.
And so we need to be searchingourselves.
We need to be looking to seeokay, do I know my communication
style?
Do I know?
There are so many things?
Do you know your love language?
There's a new book that we'restudying and we're reading right
now.
Um, it's called the five voices.
(10:39):
Do you know your voice?
There's's so many assessments.
If you get our app, our MaritalCult, if you go to the app
store and look up MarriageMentors, rich, rr, there are
assessments on there so that youcan search and examine yourself
.
You need to know what's yourcommunication style, what's your
(11:01):
personality, what are yourlikes, what are your dislikes?
What are your dislikes?
What are your strengths, whatare your growth areas.
You need to know all that aboutyourself so that when you get
with another person and they sayto you, oh, you're
short-tempered or oh, you knowyou're very direct, you can say
you know what I am and you knowwhat I think that's something.
(11:24):
How does that make you feel?
So if you are, if someone tellsyou something about you that you
don't already know, it's very,very easy to get defensive and
to start, um, making it seemlike it's the other person.
We always say there's no suchthing as marriage problems.
They're only individualproblems that you bring into
(11:44):
your marriage.
So if you don't take the timeto get to know you as an
individual, how are you going toreally be able to receive or
even work on getting to know theother person?
If you're still trying to getto know you, how are you going
to get to know this other person?
So it's very, very, very, very,very crucial that you take that
long journey inward and youlearn all these things about
(12:07):
yourself that are going to helpyou to better understand you and
then begin to do some of thethings you say you like for
yourself, that you do that byyourself absolutely.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
You know, proverbs talks about guarding your heart.
When proverbs 4 talks aboutguarding your heart, because
when you don't do that, you haveto examine your heart on top of
that.
When you examine your heartbecause when you don't do that,
you have to examine your hearton top of that when you examine
your heart, this is where someof your past hurts, your past
pains, some of the things thatyou have experienced throughout
life actually comes up, and thisis where you want to really
(12:37):
take a deep dive into looking atthose things, because anything
that you don't talk about andwork out you're going to bring
into your next relationship,you're going to bring it in.
And when you don't understandwhere is this coming from?
Why does, when this person doesABC, I react with CD and E?
And when you don't understandwhere is this coming from?
That is going to set you up forchallenges that you may not be
(13:01):
equipped to do.
But when you hang out with us,you read some of the books that
Renee mentioned you actually areworking on yourself.
That's where you become awareof the things and the challenges
that you have had in your lifethat actually are going to set
you up for success, because thebeginning of it is God, put two
people together.
It's in even in yourrelationship.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
It's got to be three yes you want to tell about the
yes okay, it's a triangle, sothere has to be you and your,
your person down here and god atthe top, because without god
being a part of it, the thingsthat you're expected to do to be
kind and patient and loving andgentle and slow to speak and
(13:44):
presenting yourself to god aliving sacrifice, holy all these
things that it takes to makeyour relationship work the two
of you will not be able to do it.
It's not until you get into arelationship with God as an
individual that you begin to see.
Because one of the things thatwe talk about and we were
watching y'all know I love theirfuture wifey podcast, I know I
(14:05):
do, and we were watching theepisode with Fawn and Keith
Weaver, and one of the thingsthat I said that just resonated
with me so much was it's amazingto me when someone says and
articulates what you live.
One of the things that Irealized when me and Gil first
got married, I noticed a patternEvery single time I went to God
(14:27):
about Gil, god would always saywell, what about you?
And I remember I would go tothe Lord about the girls.
Well, they're doing this andthey're doing that.
And he said how about I changeyou so that when they do what
they're going to do, it doesn'taffect you.
And so one of the things thatVaughn said was we have to have
(14:48):
the mindset, and she justarticulated we have to have the
mindset that I am not going tolook at what happens between us,
as Gil, I'm going to look atwhat happens to us as me, to us
(15:10):
as me.
We, when other things arebothering you external things we
always say you really don'thave a, it's not a um, your
temper is really a problem.
That's an internal issue.
The reason why things bump you,they only push out of you what
was inside of you when you getmarried.
Marriage is the place whereyou're going to see the things
about yourself that you neverknew were there.
And so that's not his fault,that's me.
And so we have to go intorelationships with the mindset.
(15:32):
Is the only thing someone cando is pull what's inside of me
out.
I need to find out where itcame from, how did it get there
and change me?
So we have to approachsituations with the mindset that
I only have control over me.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
You know, it's always easy to find the growth areas
in others and seeing that theBible talks about it in Matthew,
about remove the plank fromyour eye you know one thing that
we have to focus on, especiallywhen you're getting into
another relationship, it's easyto identify problems and, just
like Mr Ball is just saying here, when that problem comes up and
the person is doesn't want tofocus on it or doesn't want to
(16:12):
respond to it in a way thatactually says you know what, we
need to work on this.
You know, that's why Godpartnered you in with somebody
and you're going to find that,more than likely, this person
has some strengths in the areasthat you have growth areas and
vice versa, because they are thethings that god is bringing to
you to help you get throughthose things, because if not,
(16:32):
they wouldn't be growth areasyeah you wouldn't have any
struggles.
You wouldn't have any problems.
Well, and it's all about howyou respond.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Because if something we I gave the example about when
I burned the air fryer, thefire outside, and he came and
said you know, we, in a marriage, in order for a marriage, in
order for any relationship tohave longevity, there has to be
this one thing that is like asuperpower, and it's called
humility.
We have to approach each otherwith loving, kindness.
(17:02):
And if you don't start off withthat because most people have
it in the beginning, when theyfirst start dating, you're so
nice and kind and gentle, youdon't want to hurt their
feelings, but then the longeryou get you've been together,
the more abrasive and the lessrespect and restraint you have
for one another.
You have to have that samelevel of gentleness and kindness
(17:24):
.
And one of the things that meand Gil have as a rule is that I
already know that if he'ssaying something to me, it's
because he loves me, he wants tomake me better, it's not
because he's trying to destroyme or he's trying to hurt my
feelings.
And so there's some guidelines.
Number one God has to be at thecenter of it.
Number two, you have to havehumility.
And number three, you have tounderstand he is here or she is
(17:46):
here to have my back and make mebetter, and sometimes a part of
making you better means they'regoing to say something that you
may not like, and so you haveto prepare yourself for that.
So I know that.
I know how Gil is.
I know how his mind works.
Gil's very analytical, gil is aa thinker, he is a visionary,
he's looking at the future, andthat's not the way I operate,
(18:09):
and so I had to learn how to sayokay, babe, I see how that
could be beneficial.
Whereas when I was younger, mydream wasn't one of the things I
came up with.
You always blow out my candles,and that was my mindset was
that when I would bring himsomething big and I was excited
about it, he'd always tell meall the things that could go
wrong, and instead of seeingthat as a negative, I had to see
(18:32):
that as provision and insightyou know, when you think about
the relationships that you're in, you have to credit the person
with having your back.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
Yes, you have to credit the person with the
righteousness and the positivitythat you're seeking, or you
probably wouldn't be inrelationship with them If you
automatically gravitate to anegative aspect of this person
excuse me, of this person whoyou are actually spending the
rest of your life with and wantto spend the rest of life with,
and then you are alreadycrediting them with undermining
(19:02):
you or doing something negativetowards you.
You may have to do some morereassessing and reevaluating.
Maybe there's issues that youhave unresolved as far as trust
issues or unrealisticexpectations or things that you
have brought into therelationship that this person
had nothing to do with.
It could have been from pastexperiences that you have
brought into the presentrelationship, or even in your
(19:24):
marriage, that you say you knowwhat this person I know Renee is
never going to try to hurt meintentionally.
I have to believe that from thevery beginning, or we wouldn't
have made it this long thatwe've been together, because if
your natural response is toalways think that there's
something negative brewing orsomething negative coming up
(19:45):
that this person is, as she saidI'm trying to blow out her
candles, not because she doesn'twant to celebrate, but I'm
trying to.
I see it as protection.
When you have this person, Ithink as a man, we naturally are
are we going to protect modefirst?
That's our normal default,that's just what we do.
And when you do that, renee hasto think about okay, he's not
trying to hurt me, he's nottrying to disappoint me, he's
(20:06):
not trying to lower my, my funmeter.
He's actually trying to see thethings that, because I want her
to be successful in the thingsthat she's trying to do, but I'm
thinking about the things thatcan become obstacles or could
become hindrances tosuccessfully accomplishing what
it is that she set out to do,because, guess what?
I'm trying to protect her fromdisappointment, yes, so when you
(20:27):
think about that that is thefocus and the goal that the man
should actually.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
That's our default right and it's important to
understand that when you getmarried, the two units call our
marital code to oneness.
The goal of marriage is for twodifferent people to become one,
and, and that takes three.
That takes you, god and theother person.
But does that mean you becomethe same person?
No, it means that I look at hisstrengths and I see them as a
(20:55):
benefit, even though they mayfeel foreign to me.
And he has to do the same,because there's things that I'm
going to introduce him to thathe may not have ever thought of
and he could dismiss it as, oh,that's not necessary.
But a part of becoming one isrealizing that everything about
me is not right and great, andeverything about him is not
(21:17):
right and great, and everythingabout me is not broken and wrong
and everything about him is notbroken and wrong.
And so it's reallyunderstanding and knowing
yourself and knowing I know mygrowth areas, I know my
strengths, I know the thingsabout me that I think, areas
where I need to grow, and, andin a marriage relationship and
even in your friendships, that'swhat that rub is going to come
(21:37):
from, and if your relationshipsdon't make you better and draw
you closer to god, then I wouldask you to reevaluate the value
of those relationships.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
Absolutely.
You know one thing that weactually are bringing to you in
this episode of our Saturdayafternoon chat, or whatever you
want to say we're talking about,if you just joined us we're
talking about the marital codeto oneness.
We appreciate you guys hangingout with us on these Saturdays,
because what we're trying to dois start out the new year
working on even our relationshipAfter 36 years we are still
(22:08):
trying to work and figure thingsout.
And that's what we are bringingto you guys the things that we
do on a regular habit and aregular daily basis, the tools
and the skills to invest intoyou guys to actually say you
know what, make it your own.
We're not telling you to do itverbatim, but we're telling you
the principle and the guidelinesof things that you need to be
thinking about as you navigatethis thing called marriage,
(22:30):
because it is bring it up topoint number three it is
spiritual warfare.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
It is, and I think that's something that's so
important for people tounderstand.
That's why God ordainedmarriage, and so, therefore, he
is the only one that has thepower to protect and sustain it
so if he's not a part of it.
That's why the divorce rate isso high because we go into
something that God created andwe don't want him to be a part
of it.
We say, well, that was good formy parents and my grandparents,
(22:58):
but I got this new thing goingon and I'm worried about
vibrations and I'm worried aboutthe the bible says there is
nothing new under the sun.
We have got to, got to, got to,got to, got to let the Lord be
the head of our life, the Lordbe the head of our relationships
, because if we don't, we willallow ourselves and media.
(23:22):
And you got to hit that babe,because if not, it's going to
cut the volume off.
It's important I don't know ifthe sound went out or not, but
we have got to let the Lord bethe part, the head.
It'll come back on.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Okay, youtube, come on back on one I wonder if it's
(24:07):
still filming, or do we go?
We just we just had to hit thatsorry boy, we were just gonna
hit that button to say oh, man,we went.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
No, we did it we still here.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
We still here, nw, we still here.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
Sorry, we're here, we're here, we're here, and so
can you hear us nw.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
Put a thumbs up or give us some hearts.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
If you can still hear us, can you hear us some?
Speaker 2 (24:23):
hearts, if you can still hear us.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
Can you hear us?
Let us know.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
Hopefully you're still there, but we just don't
keep going.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Yes, okay.
So we need to understand thatmarriage is something that was
ordained by God and in order formarriage to work, it takes
three, and in all of yourrelationships, it takes you and
the other person to God Becausejust, let's just be honest it
takes you and that other personto God Because let's just be
honest we're living in a timewhen people's emotions and
(24:50):
anxiety and past pain is leavingthem.
They're being governed by that.
So if we don't allow the Lordand the fruit of the Spirit to
govern us, everyone you come incontact with is going to be in a
bad mood and have a badattitude, and so you have to
make a decision that you are notgoing to be that person that
you are going to search me, lord, because I don't believe that
(25:14):
you know.
When people talk about oh, youknow what I have road rage.
No, you had bathroom ragekitchen rage grocery store rage,
church rage, kitchen rage,grocery store rage, church rage.
You have to really ask yourselfwhy does that make me so mad?
Why does something as simple asI can remember, something as
(25:35):
simple as when?
Um, I remember when erin waslittle she had this big thing of
barrettes and it fell over andI lost it and the lord was like.
Now she's like two.
I understand her temper tantrum, but why are you so angry?
inside we have to ask ourselveswhy am I so angry inside, why am
I so on edge, why am I soeasily offended?
(25:59):
And so it's important that weexamine ourselves and that we
look at ourselves and sometimes,other than just we need jesus,
we need community, we needtherapy.
Some of us need to see atrained professional, some of us
need to help, have someone tohelp us walk through the pain of
(26:20):
our past.
We will tell you what we dowith couples.
We help them with communitysupport tools, accountability
and assessments.
If we assess and go throughworking with you and we realize
that there are some things thatyou need to see a professional
therapist, we do not have anypride in saying, hey, what you
(26:41):
need is beyond our skill set.
So so we're coaches and mentors.
We are not therapists, we arenot psychotherapists, we are not
counselors, and we are verycomfortable and secure in the
vein that we are called to walkin and that is where we will
stay and you won't pull us intoor drag us into an area that we
know there's no grace on theline for us.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Again, if you just joined us.
We had that little hiccup inthe video in a quick second, but
we're talking about working inand on your marriage no, and
today.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
Next week is on on.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
So we're talking about in and on your marriage,
and this is indeed okay, this isfrom the marital code to one is
the actual book that we did.
This is the work book and wejust shared this with you.
We invested in our singles.
The last, what was it?
Four?
four, four months of the yearfor the last four months we
talked a lot about the singles,things that singles actually go
through.
If you want to see what thosevideos are all about, go back to
(27:33):
the channel, check out thosethings.
We're talking specifically tothe singles and about those
things.
Nw checked in here and he waslike, uh, this doesn't apply to
me.
Well, if you want somethingspecifically tailored to singles
, go look at that.
Those those videos are outthere.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
And you can get the book from Barnes Noble.
It's called the SinglesBlueprint for Dating and
Marriage.
It's at Barnes Noble.
You can get it online at BarnesNoble, and so now we're talking
about Our Marital Code toOneness, which is also available
at Barnes Noble, and we'regoing to put the names of the
authors for the other books inthere.
I want to share something.
I want to go, no, go ahead, goahead.
(28:10):
Okay, so I'm going to sharesomething so if you guys watched
our video from our trip toHouston, we did the unboxing
yesterday and I thought it wasso it made me sad Because Gil
was really disappointed.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
Because it was just shinier than I thought.
No, it was not as shiny as youthought that it was going to
turn out.
I know you're probably sayingwhat are you talking about, this
shiny thing?
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Okay, so I'm going to show you.
I'm going to show you.
Okay.
So he was disappointed with theway it looked, and so you know,
if y'all know me, I am crafty.
And so I said you know what,babe?
I said you know what baby, sokind of make him look better.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
So what we did was, if you see, go check out the
video.
When they did it was it a shortyesterday I did the long video
and the long video, but anyway,we were doing date night and we
were having some fun and we wentand did this little artsy thing
.
This is the creating somethingit's a bank it's a bank.
It's something that we did as acouple's date night.
It was in the arts for our 36thanniversary in.
Houston for our anniversary.
On our anniversary weekend trip.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
But you know, and so that was a really good example
of how our expectations couldlead us to disappointment,
Because things don't always turnout the way you planned.
So what do you do?
When things don't go as planned?
You have to add to it and makeit better.
So this is what I have done tomake him more aesthetically
(29:29):
pleasing, and gil said that hethought that she looked really
cute.
a lot better and so I'm gonnaput some clear coat over it.
So, rather than throwing thisaway because it didn't meet our
expectations, we just added toit and made it better, and
that's what we have to bewilling to do with our
relationships and if you knowanything about us, you could
(29:50):
probably imagine who's the goldand glitter and who's the gray.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
So I'll just say that this is a blending.
This is just like what yourmarriage is like.
It's a blending of two differentthings and some things two
different people coming togetherto create one thing, and you'll
notice that there's some goldmixed in there and there's some
gray mixed into the gold andsome gold mixed into the gray.
Well, guess what your marriageis going to be just like that.
There are going to be someareas that get mixed in to each
(30:16):
other that you're going to haveto work out, and it doesn't mean
that it's going to be bad orit's going to be.
And it's going to be perfect no,but it is a blending of.
The two shall become one.
That's what the bible talksabout it the two shall becoming
one.
Well, we were talking about.
The last point that we weretalking about is having a
thriving in your relationship,because it has to be
(30:36):
christ-centered.
That is something that webelieve at the nucleus and at
the foundation of ourrelationship, and what we
believe when we work withcouples is God has got to be the
center and what does that looklike?
We talked about it beingspiritual warfare, because God
is going to show you thingsabout your relationship and
about your spouse and yoursignificant other that there's
(30:58):
no other way you can find thesethings out, because there may be
things about Renee that she iseven unaware of, and things
about me that.
I'm unaware of because they areblind spots.
There are things that about usthat we have no idea that is
impacting our relationships.
But when you have someone whois have a for real relationship
with God and is seeking God onyour behalf on a daily basis
(31:19):
with prayer and interceding andreading the word, and there God
is going to show you thingsabout them that you are going to
be there to be an aid to right.
In Matthew 15, it talks aboutloving one another.
Love is, and that's what we aretrying to actually talk about
and demonstrate, even when wetalk about having a God-centered
, god-thriving marriage, isbecause that is the essence of
(31:41):
who you are as an individual andwhen it comes to your
relationship and the reason whywe're saying is spiritual
warfare is because there's goingto be external forces trying to
push constantly.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
god is not the source of the spiritual warfare, he is
the protector of spiritualwarfare.
Yes, the enemy is going toattack what?
And one of the things that Ithink it's important for you to
be like well, until I gotmarried, I was fine.
Well, and when you go intosomething that God created, now
you become a threat to the enemy.
Yes, because marriage is aninstitution ordained by God,
(32:16):
whether you go into it knowingthat or not.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
Whether people believe it or not, whether
people believe it or not.
It's irrelevant is irrelevant.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
You will experience difficulty and adversity, that
without the power of god and theword of god and the fruits of
the spirit and and the angelsand and all the things that god
provides your life with, youwill get into the attack of the
enemy.
That makes you say I marriedthe wrong person, I made the
(32:43):
wrong decision just like when gGil saw this, he could have said
, oh no, throw it away.
That's not what I wanted, that'snot the way I wanted it to look
.
Let's just throw it away.
Well, no, you got to work on it, you got to be willing to make
some investments, you have to bewilling to make some
improvements, and it has toreflect you both.
And so I think it's importantthat we understand that, just
(33:04):
like some of the things that we,some of the decisions we make
and the projects we create andthe choices, you're going to be
willing to go through thedifficulty and the adversity and
be on the other side of that,because you will never become
everything you want to becomewithout some adversity, without
some difficulty, without somepulling and then the other thing
(33:25):
, without all those things, butalso without the selflessness.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
Oh, yeah.
When I say that, when I talkabout being selfless, if you are
getting married and you havenot worked out some selfish
things and selfish behavior inyour relationship and in you as
an individual, you are going tostruggle when it comes to
another person, because marriageis the highest form of serving
someone else that you are everexperienced.
(33:51):
If you're not ready to do that,if you're not ready to put
yourself second and I'm not justtalking about the guys putting
everybody- ahead of them.
I'm talking about Renee, puttingme ahead of her and me putting
Renee ahead of myself.
You should stay single for alittle while, yeah, and if
you're married and you haven'tif that's new information to you
(34:11):
well, we challenge you becausewe have realized that the more I
put Renee ahead of me goals,dreams, aspirations, desires and
all those things and the more.
I put you ahead of me goals,dreams, aspirations, priorities
then the more I put you ahead ofme goals, dreams, aspirations,
priorities Then you'll be amazedat how I'm able to accomplish
(34:32):
the things that I want to do andshe's able to accomplish the
things she wants to do by twopeople working on it together.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
But that comes from.
I came as a whole 100 percentperson goes back to the first.
So I'm not losing myself in him.
I am prioritizing him over mebecause I'm just as valuable,
and so I think sometimes kind ofpeople get confused between the
two becoming one orprioritizing putting him first.
(34:57):
Putting him first does not meanthat I'm not valuable.
It just means that I say, whatdo you need, baby?
And then he.
So I'm putting him first andhe's putting me first.
So we're basically God isteaching us how to love the way
he loves, because God gave, goddidn't just talk, god gave and
(35:18):
he showed and he served.
Jesus came to serve, and so Ireally believe that when we
operate the way God has calledus to, marriage is attractive to
people around.
They see it, there's somethingdifferent about you.
There's a glow, there's a smile, there's a lightness.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
And it comes from letting God carry the thrive.
And as far as being Christcentered is thinking about, do
you have those unrealisticexpectations when it comes to
your relationship?
When we have those unrealisticexpectations and we bring them
into our relationship, just likethis person said, it could be
utterly nonsense.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Baby.
So give some examples of men'sunrealistic expectations.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
So give some examples of men's unrealistic
expectations For my wife to meto come home every day and my
wife will have on and this issomething that was going to have
a sexy outfit and have dinneron the table for me every single
day.
I come home from work andyou're going to have mad, crazy
sex whenever you want.
All those different things thatwill feed into my own desires
and my own selfishness.
(36:24):
That is realistic nonsense okay.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
So I'm going to talk about some of the uncommunicated
expectations that we bring aswomen.
When he's supposed to know whatI want, I shouldn't have to
tell him.
I shouldn't have to ask himnothing.
We've been together long enough.
He should be able to read mymind.
We bring some very unrealistic,we bring some uncommunicated
(36:50):
expectations to the relationship.
We sometimes feel that, by notsaying anything, that it's up to
him to figure it out.
One of the things that I usedto do when we first got married,
when I would get mad, I wouldjust be quiet and I would be
looking out the window.
I would be turning away.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
Come on, ladies.
Y'all know y'all do it.
I would be in the car, in thecar, looking out the window at
the other way and trying andit's like what's wrong?
Speaker 1 (37:14):
Nothing, what's wrong , Nothing that's so childish
that you're having a tempertantrum and you want somebody
else to pull you back A part ofhaving God in your life.
When Matthew said you move theplane from your own hour before
you move the splinter, Iremember asking the Lord well,
why do they have a splinter andnot have a plane?
(37:34):
He said because you're alwaysworking on other people.
Sometimes, as women, we'rereally good at figuring out what
he needs.
Everybody else needs it, and heneeds to do that and he needs
what everybody else needs and heneed to do that and he need to
work on.
Sweetie, what do you need towork on, sis, rich sis?
What is it in your relationshipthat you need to work on it
with your friends, with yourchildren, with your spouse, with
(37:56):
your person?
What is it that you need towork on?
You need to know that I one ofthe things I challenge us this
year is you should know your owngrowth areas.
You should not just yourstrengths, you should know your
growth areas.
What are some of the areas whereyour personality needs to be
tempered by love, joy, goodness,faithfulness, gentleness,
(38:19):
meekness, self-control, becauseone of the things I know that we
have a tendency to say this isjust my face.
Well, if that's just your face,then is that face inviting?
We use some of, we use, we useour culture as an excuse to be
not so inviting and kind andwarm.
(38:42):
You know, I'm not saying youhave to be someone else's
personality but, I, do believethat we have a responsibility.
love, joy, goodness,faithfulness, gentleness,
meekness and self-control that'snot my standard.
That's God's standard.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
That's in the Bible.
Proof to the Spirit.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
So I challenge us, as women, to be very much aware of
our own growth areas and to beable to express and communicate
that to someone who is close tous, so that they can hold us
accountable, so we can getbetter so we appreciate you guys
hanging out, but as we justshare with you guys, we are
talking about the marital codeto oneness.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
We're talking about working in and on your marriage.
In your marriage, we're talkingdeep.
Speaker 1 (39:22):
If you don't want to know why she's working in your
marriage, you got to go back andwatch the video working.
This is we're working.
We're going deep.
We're working in our marriage,which means we're working on
ourself, and we still have to dothat.
Speaker 2 (39:36):
Even as a couple, I'm still working on myself so
we're talking about the maritalcode, the oneness we're talking
in work, talking about in and onyour marriage, and this week is
talking about in your marriageand next week we're going to
work on your marriage, some ofthe things and tools and skills
that you can actually take intoyour marriage, and and some of
the things you may be doingalready and doing well, and some
(39:56):
of the things may be newinformation.
All we're doing is sharingthings with you guys of 36 years
that we have practiced in ourmarriage, that we've been
working with couples for over 20plus years.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
Yeah, 20, 20 years.
Speaker 2 (40:07):
When it comes to how to make the relationship better,
because we all can get betterat this thing called marriage
and at this thing calledrelationships.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
Yes, and one of the things I remember watching this
video.
There was this famous athlete Idon't remember his name, he was
like one of the best golfplayers and he said that every
year at the beginning of theyear, he goes back to the basics
, because by the end of the year, you've gotten away from the
basics.
What are some of the thingsyou're going back to?
Like?
I decided this year that I amgoing to read.
(40:36):
Like last year, I read throughthe Bible with the Bible app.
I love the YouVersion.
This year, I'm reading theBible.
I'm going to read the wholeentire Bible.
So, join me, I'm reading fourchapters a day, every day,
because I feel that God deservesas much of my attention as I
give all the other things.
So that's one of the thingsI've made a decision to do.
(40:57):
And so what are some of thethings you're going to do this
year that's going to make youbetter than you were last year.
Speaker 2 (41:07):
So we hope you guys enjoy hanging out with us this
saturday, if you want to.
If you didn't catch thebeginning, we apologize for the
hiccup, but that you may havemissed a little bit of the video
.
That actually happened becausesomebody called us, but that's
okay but marital code to onenesswe're talking about in and on
your marriage.
Go back and check out the videoat the very beginning.
Do all the lights, subscribe,share.
Speaker 1 (41:33):
Share.
Turn on the bell Okay.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
Okay, y'all this year .
I celebrate y'all for last year.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
Hallelujah guys.
Yeah, great, we appreciate yourvideos.
We have over, yeah, 38,000followers on Instagram, on
YouTube and you guys, we have3.3 million views on YouTube.
We want to get to the placethat the people who are watching
our videos are subscribers.
We are getting a lot of viewsfrom people who are not
(41:57):
subscribers.
We want you to not justsubscribers that you're not.
You're not subscribing andyou're not.
There's the bell notificationnot being turned on we need you
to subscribe.
Speaker 2 (42:05):
We need you to do that.
Turn on notifications.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
Turn on notifications so that you can help us,
because it helps us to helpother people and it helps us to
it helps you to know that, hey,this is something you want to
watch, so share it with otherpeople.
Thank you for watching.
We love you.
If you have comments andquestions, put them in the chat.
We comments and questions putthem in the chat.
(42:27):
Um, we're going to give yousome time.
If you guys want to ask somequestions, please feel free to
do that.
Um, if you want to reach out tous personally, reach out to us.
Help at rich relationshiprefugecom, we'll answer your
questions.
If there's topics you want totalk about, we can create some
shorts about it, but, um, thisyear we're going to continue to
just be available and to beJesus' hands and feet, be
someone you can know and trustand touch, and so and we'll have
(42:51):
some book signings coming upthis year too, to a city near
you, so stay tuned for that aswell.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
Thank you, guys, for hanging out with us.
Thank you for your investmentin time.
We do not take it lightly.
We appreciate it.
Thanks for all the comments andwe will see you guys next
weekend.
Thank you for listening, thankyou for your investment in time.
Remember to subscribe to theshow and hit the notification
(43:16):
icon to be notified when newepisodes are posted on the
podcast platform that you'relistening from.
Speaker 1 (43:21):
Or you can always find us on our website at
richrelationshipsuscom, or ourYouTube channel, rich
Relationships with Gil Renee.
If you found this podcasthelpful or you think it could
help someone that you know andcare about, please pass it along
and share it with them.
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