Managing Holiday Stress with Joy Makela

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Road to Redemption, a show sharing
powerful life testimonies,giving hope to those on their
own road to redemption.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
Welcome to Road to Redemption.
I'm John Martin, your host, andso excited I've got Valerie
Peterson our co-host today.
We have a special guest.
We're very excited.
I'll let you introduce ourspecial guest today, valerie.

Speaker 3 (00:21):
This is an honor to have Joy Makala here.
She's just a dear friend.
She is a licensed mental healthcounselor in the state of
Florida.
She's also a licensed schoolpsychologist.
She is a wife, she is a motherand she is the owner of True Joy
Counseling in Niceville,florida.

(00:42):
Welcome, joy.

Speaker 4 (00:43):
Thank you, val.
So good to be here with you too.

Speaker 2 (00:46):
Thanks, yeah, we're so excited, just our
conversation before we came onwas so good.
I was just I was like gosh, wegot to get you back like many
more times, but I know todaywhat were we going to talk about
today, Val.

Speaker 3 (00:59):
Definitely holiday stress.
How to deal with holiday stress.
Yes, joy in what you do as youown, true Joy, counseling but
you also see patients there.
So what are you seeing in yourwork today concerning the
holidays?

Speaker 4 (01:17):
and stress.
Yes, lots of stress, lots ofanxiety, lots of hustle, bustle
and a lot of busyness.
That's what people are comingin saying I'm just busy, I'm
just busy, I'm busy and I'mtired.
They are being impacted by thislevel of stress I want to share
with the two of you.
As I was thinking about what wewere talking about today, I went

(01:40):
back to the story of Martha andMary.
It just popped in my mind ofthese families that are just
trying to do preparations,trying to get their house ready,
trying to shop right, thecommercialism of our holidays
and Christmas, and it reallymade me think about the story of

(02:01):
Martha and Mary.
Can you envision Martha justtrying to prepare to host Jesus?
And she's getting distracted.
It says in Luke 10, 38,.
Martha was distracted by all thepreparations that had to be
made.
And she went to Jesus and saidLord, don't you care that my

(02:24):
sister is just sitting here andleft all the work to me?
And what did Jesus say, right,he said?
Martha said Jesus, tell her tohelp me.
And Jesus said Martha, martha,you were worried and upset by
many things, but few things areneeded, indeed, only one.

(02:46):
Mary has chosen what is betterand it will not be taken away
from her.
What did Mary choose To sit Tosoak in Right, and it made me
think about these reallystressed families.
They're doing all these busythings, yeah.

Speaker 3 (03:07):
But the answer's right there and we're going to
remind parents today.
Your kids are picking up onyour stress.
Yes, they, you set the stage,parents, for peace in the home.
Right, joy, right.
What's the verse?
Where there's strife anddivision, it opens the door to
agony and homework.
Right.

(03:27):
When you sense there's strifeinstead of peace this Christmas
season, what can you do?

Speaker 4 (03:34):
Yeah, again, I'm going to go back to Luke 10, 38.
What were the reminders that?
Jesus said he set theboundaries.
We talk often about settingboundaries and managing
expectations, don't we Val?
Right, right, right set theboundaries and manage
expectations.

Speaker 3 (03:49):
Jesus set the boundaries, set the boundaries
and manage the expectations ofwhat he wanted to see happen in
that situation so, parents, youcannot bring your children any
further than you've comeyourself, absolutely so you're
setting the boundary for yourchildren.

(04:10):
Your children don't rememberChristmases as they are growing
up, or whatever age.

Speaker 4 (04:18):
Is it filled with anxiety and strife?
Is it filled with peace andcalm?
Exactly.

Speaker 3 (04:24):
Right.
He says what in the word mypeace I give to you, not as the
world gives, but as I give.
Right, we've got to seek hispeace.
Even we both have adultchildren.
They're picking up on ourstress if we have it, and
they're going to pick up on ourpeace.
Right, john?
Right when we have it.

Speaker 4 (04:48):
We're setting the stage for the entire family,
generationally.
I'll even put in yourgrandchildren, right.
So, as you as a parent, who areadult children, are setting the
stage for that peace, some ofthat tradition that calm, our
adult children are picking up onit, and their children's
children, right.
So it is a generational thing,exactly, to have peace around

(05:10):
Christmas.
The other thing that reallycame to me in that verse and in
that story of Martha and Marywas Jesus accepted imperfection.
He was not saying let's get up,let's get up, let's get this
house ready, let's get the mealprepared.
He was not saying let's get up,let's get up, let's get this
house ready, let's get the mealprepared.
He said sit Right, I've got aword, I want to relax and have

(05:31):
fellowship.
He accepted imperfection.
How big is that this time ofyear when people and families
want?
everything to look perfect.
It's got to look perfect.
It's got to get the perfectgift.
It's got to have the perfectdecorations.
It's got to look perfect.
Got to get the perfect gift.
Yeah, got to have the perfectdecorations.
Yes, got to set the perfectmeal and the perfect table and
again, manage the expectationsright out of the mouth of Jesus.

Speaker 3 (05:52):
And as we teach our clients, our patients, that
perfectionism, you havedichotomous thinking that goes
along with the perfectionismRight Either I'm good or I'm bad
.

Speaker 1 (06:04):
Oh, the house looks gorgeous, or no?
It doesn't.

Speaker 3 (06:08):
So finding the middle ground.
No, I didn't get all thoseChristmas cards out this year,
but it's okay.
That self-talk, thatself-dialogue.
No, didn't make the perfectdinner, but it's okay Finding
that middle ground.

Speaker 4 (06:25):
Right, jo, absolutely .
I always remind my patients wehave New Year's, you can send
out New Year's cards, and if youdon't get them out by New
Year's, valentine's Day is rightaround the corner.

Speaker 3 (06:34):
That's it, and if you can't do any of it for a year
that's okay too, that's it.
That's okay too Be easy onyourself, and I just really
sense the word today.
Pace yourself Right.
I don't know if you're seeingjust that rushed the busyness.
Go, go, go, go, go the busyness.
Pace yourself Right.
And if you don't get it alldone today, you know the verse

(06:58):
in Matthew 6, don't look attomorrow, just stay in day.
If you didn't get it done today, you have tomorrow.

Speaker 4 (07:04):
Well, again go back to what Jesus did.
He slowed down, he wasn'tbuying into what Martha was
doing and preparing, and, beingdistracted by the preparation,
he said unplug, right, this isour modern term.

Speaker 3 (07:16):
Unplug.

Speaker 4 (07:18):
Unplug.
He was saying slow down, sitdown, calm down.
The message is very, very clearyes, sit down, calm down.

Speaker 3 (07:26):
The message is very, very clear yes, incredible,
right?
I just sensed too I wasthinking of a dear friend that
they just got so overwhelmedwith the cost of gifts.
This was several years ago andI thought this was such a
creative idea.
So when they got together as anextended family and they
usually would get gifts foreveryone, they called it the

(07:47):
brown bag Christmas and they allput a gift in a brown bag for
all the adults.
They put it on the tree andeveryone went and you know, they
know what it was, and picks,you know, a $30 gift from under
the tree.
Be creative, start newtraditions this year.

Speaker 4 (08:03):
Absolutely Right of the tree.
Be creative, start newtraditions this year absolutely
right.
Well, they make apps now forextended family members to do
secret santa gifts on phone apps, so again talk about using
technology.
I know we just said unplug butwe can use technology in an
appropriate, positive way to dojust exactly that, to do do a

(08:25):
secret Santa gift exchange, andthe app will do the work for you
.
So use technology appropriately.

Speaker 1 (08:32):
Yes, yeah.

Speaker 4 (08:33):
And I was thinking the other thing that came to
mind with this first and thestory of Martha and Mary, of the
simplicity of it, of justaccepting a simple get-together
hosting something that's justsimple, a simple meal, Because
think about the first Christmas.
It was pretty simple.
It was pretty simple, wasn't?

Speaker 3 (08:54):
it, oh my goodness, in a manger.

Speaker 4 (08:56):
A few guests.
I mean, they were big guests,but just a few.
There wasn't a huge meal beingprepared, we weren't, you know,
decorating, we weren't doing allthese things.
So, reflecting back on thereason for the season, we hear
that phrase, but the firstChristmas was very simple, very

(09:17):
humble, very focused onfellowship and celebration.
Yeah, that's so good.

Speaker 3 (09:23):
As you're talking I'm thinking of Psalm 46, 10,.
Be still, and know that I'mlike just be still, Don't rush
it If you don't have a fulldinner that you had planned for
people to come over.
Do something different, right?
Go to Whataburger, Pick up.

Speaker 1 (09:42):
You know you can do something.

Speaker 3 (09:44):
Have food delivered to your house.
Just it's okay if it's notperfect.

Speaker 4 (09:49):
Can the presence of just being present with one
another and sharing fellowshipbe the gift that, in a lot of
families, can be the gift?
Yes, and to focus again, whatwas Jesus saying to Martha and
Mary?
What's the focus here?
The focus is the celebration oftheir birth, of our Lord and
Savior.

Speaker 3 (10:09):
Not lose focus of that and keep it simple
Fellowship can be the gift.
With someone listening, david,let's say joy is just totally
overwhelmed.
Yeah, with a holiday season,maybe working full time,
whatever.
Maybe young kids what would yousay to them today?

Speaker 4 (10:30):
I would go back to what you just said earlier what
piece or portion of it can youdo?
We don't have to do it all.
We don't have to do it all.
If you've got 10 things on yourlist, can you do half?
Can you do a third?
What would make you comfortablewith and it goes back to that
dichotomous thinking the all ornothing, the black and white?
I've got to do all 10 things?

(10:50):
No, you don't.
You really don't, you reallydon't.
And then here's what I wouldsay to some parents as a
reminder that the kids don'tnotice.
They don't notice.
They don't notice the perfectlydecorated house or the
imperfectly decorated house.
They notice the presence,meaning your presence with them,
time spent together.

(11:11):
They notice the fellowship,they notice the love.

Speaker 3 (11:16):
But don't you think some of it is to impress other
people?
It may not not be, and ifthat's the case, right, we have
a choice.
We can please god or we canplease me.
Who are we going to choose?
What?
Which one are we going tochoose?
I love that verse because italways keeps me kind of grounded

(11:36):
, like okay, yeah, this may youknow, look good to people, or
please people, but, lord, whatdo you want?

Speaker 4 (11:43):
here, and I can promise you, god's not looking
for the perfect Instagram post,right?
How many are seeking that Like?
This is going to be the perfectInstagram post.
This is going to be the perfectshot.
This is going to be the perfectChristmas tree that I can post.
This is going to be the perfectpile of presents under the tree
, or my perfectly dressed kidsin their matching pajama.

(12:07):
That God is not looking for,that perfect Instagram post.

Speaker 3 (12:12):
It's so good.
I was, you know.
As I was sitting this morning,I was like what would the Lord
say to us about Christmas If hewas sitting right here right now
?
What would he say to us?
What would he want us to dothis Christmas season?
Do we ask him, lord?

(12:32):
What can I cut out?
Or how can I be less anxious?
What can I focus on?
What can I focus on, you know,joy, as we teach our clients and
patients, where the mind leads,the rest of us is going to
follow.
So what are you saying aboutyour situation?
What are you saying aboutChristmas this year?

(12:53):
Can you be aware of what you'resaying?
And maybe, what does it say inRomans 12 too?
Be transformed by the renewingof your mind.

Speaker 4 (13:01):
Stop that thought and say no, things do not have to
be perfect this year, right,right, right, we can just
celebrate the gift of havingcompany over, or the gift of
fellowship, or the gift ofhaving coffee with friends,
right?

Speaker 3 (13:17):
it's it's simple.

Speaker 2 (13:18):
It's going back to that simple gratitude and I
think part of what came to mymind about what we can do is try
to connect with others thatbecause we're in such a fallen
world right now a lot of peopleare struggling, you know, with
suicide thoughts, depression,drug, you know, drug, just all

(13:39):
this stuff is out there.
A lot of people are just tryingto get through the holidays and
mask.
But we can show the love tothose people you know, uh, that
are going through that in ourfamily, or just anybody we might
see as we're going throughoutour day and try to spend some
time with them, um, justministering to them?

Speaker 4 (14:01):
um, just maybe praying for them.

Speaker 2 (14:04):
Um, you know, I think it's more, more time.
You know, they just want to seethat you care to stop and just
for a minute and just say youknow, is there anything that, um
, we could pray about?
Or, you know, just maybe try toslow down to just connect with
people that maybe the HolySpirit is calling us to connect
with in the season.

Speaker 3 (14:26):
Because when we are, we call it in our field activity
addiction.
Right when we are so busy.
I don't know about for the twoof you, but for me, when I get
so busy, I'm not aware of whatthe Holy Spirit is trying to
tell me to do.
Or hey, val, can you stop andspend a little bit of time over

(14:46):
here with this person?
I can't hear that because I'mso focused on my agenda instead
of his agenda.
Does that make sense?

Speaker 4 (14:55):
Absolutely.
And then it's that viciouscycle of busyness.
I'm busy, I don't know what itfeels like to unplug, rest or
relax, so I stay more busy andyou just keep going and going
back to.
If we're racing around inphysical presence of our body
movement, we're racing around inour thoughts and our feelings
as well, and I just I just saidsomeone needs to hear this Apply

(15:15):
self-care Just like when we'reracing around in our thoughts
and our feelings as well.

Speaker 3 (15:16):
And I just I just said someone needs to hear this
apply self-care just like whenwe're on an airplane, in that
analogy, when the air mask comesout, first over your face, then
the toddler on your lap, withthe person next to you, you've
got to take care of you becauseno one's going to do it for you
right, and as you take care ofyou, then and spend some time
with the Lord and take some timeaway from the busyness, then

(15:40):
you can be God-directed, thenyou can walk in peace, not
stress, right.

Speaker 4 (15:46):
Yes, absolutely, self-care is huge, but it's
often, as you know, being acounselor yourself, the last
thing on the list in thisholiday, christmas season is not
taking care of yourself so thatyou can take care of others.
It's go, go, go.
And really the commercialism.
I mean, we see it, we'rebombarded by the messages on

(16:10):
television, on social media, onall the screens that we take in.
There's nothing saying hey,unplug this and turn to jesus.

Speaker 3 (16:17):
Right, yes, so, and maybe absolutely active activity
addiction parents put someboundaries around your, your
evening with your kids.
And christmas, turn the phoneover, put it up at a certain
time and start some newtraditions.
This year, have, right, havethe Christmas music going, watch
a Christmas movie with somepopcorn, you know Right, do

(16:41):
those things together that yourchildren are going to remember,
right?

Speaker 4 (16:45):
Because, going back to what I said, they're not
going to remember if your housewas clean or not clean, or
well-decorated or notwell-decorated.
They're not.
They're going to remembermaking Christmas pizza Christmas
Eve.
That's our tradition because weknow we're gonna have a big
Christmas meal the next day, sowe make homemade pizzas
Christmas Eve and those are thethings that my adult children
remember.
They don't remember if I hadevery right ball hung on the

(17:10):
tree or every light.
They don't.
They don't remember that.
They remember christmas evepizzas.

Speaker 2 (17:17):
This is awesome well, I was gonna say too, my wife
christine is gonna see this andbe like thank you for john
getting to hear thisconversation because this is so
for me, like all these thingsyou're talking about the, you
know, perfectionism and um beingtoo busy, and just you, you
know I struggle with thesethings, so this is like really

(17:37):
speaking to me big time, and Iknow it's going to help a lot of
other people too, but I canspeak for my own.
you know, having young childrenand wow, this is blessing me.

Speaker 3 (17:48):
You know I get a sense, john and Joy, that there
are some people today listeningthat are really going through
some severe situationalstressors and I just encourage
them to think on 2 Chronicles,20th chapter, where the prophet
said to King Jehoshaphat and allthose people the battle's not

(18:11):
yours but it's God's yours butit's God's.
Try not to take on that.
You have to fix some of thesituations you may be walking
through today.
Can you trust God is working inthe unseen on your behalf?
The heavenlies are always atwork.

Speaker 4 (18:29):
No matter what's happening here on earth,
heavenlies are always at work,god is always at work.
And you're right, val, we arehearing in our line of work.
We've got death.
Like John was saying, there'sthoughts of suicide, there's
anxiety, there's depression, andit doesn't go away in the
Christmas season.
And so I love that scripture, Ilove that verse.

Speaker 3 (18:52):
Just encourage them to read the entire chapter of 2
Chronicles 20, because it givesyou just a reminder that
praising God can help go througha season of difficulty, but
also continuing to surrenderyour situation back to him and

(19:12):
asking for his help.

Speaker 4 (19:18):
Because he's there and he wants to help us right.
Absolutely, absolutely.
This is a good show.

Speaker 2 (19:21):
it's been great and I I think, you know, as we're
coming towards the end, we mightreally just pray for some of
these folks.
You know, because and all of usand our family, because we're
dealing with these things andwith Road to Redemption, we have
kind of three key things welike to leave with people is is

(19:42):
first, to open the Word of God,the Bible, and just right now
you can do that.
You can open the Bible or aBible app.

Speaker 3 (19:51):
Right.

Speaker 2 (19:52):
There are tons of them out there and just start
reading His Word He'll speak toyou right now.
And then to get into a church.
To go to a church, aChrist-centered church, during
this season, and go Don't watchit on TV unless you're obviously
not able to go medically but goto church, go to the services

(20:14):
and go to a small group.
Get in a small group.
It's not too late.
Even now there's still smallgroups meeting at Destiny.
I know they're having a men'sgroup meeting every Tuesday up
to Christmas.
So go to those small groups.
Have an accountability lifegroup that you can be vulnerable
with, that can really speakinto your life and connect.

Speaker 4 (20:38):
Connect.
That's back to what you weresaying earlier connecting.

Speaker 2 (20:42):
So let's pray.
Let's just pray, dear Father.
God, we thank you for the show,holy Spirit, thank you for
guiding us and we just pray.
Lord, for all those that arestruggling with just the
busyness of the holiday season,just busyness and stress, and

(21:04):
even folks that might bethinking of thoughts of suicide.
Lord, we just ask that you justcome into the hearts of these
people today and speak to themand let them know how loved they
are, how cared for they are andjust, lord, bring them your
peace, bring them your peaceduring this holiday season and

(21:26):
we just declare that everyonelistening to this show is going
to experience an incrediblepeace and joy throughout the
remainder of this holiday season.
We declare this over everyonelistening right now and we just
ask that you accept Jesus intoyour listening right now and we

(21:47):
just ask that you accept Jesusinto your hearts right now.
In the name of Jesus, we prayamen, amen.
Well, it's been a great showdid y'all have anything else?

Speaker 3 (21:59):
I think we hit it all .
I just really sensed what theLord wanted to say was that it
was thank you for having me.

Speaker 4 (22:05):
Yeah, it was good, so great, but I just really sensed
what the Lord wanted to say itwas sad, it was sad it was, it
was Thank you for having me.

Speaker 2 (22:08):
Yeah, it was good, so great, so good.

Speaker 1 (22:11):
You've been listening to Road to Redemption, sharing
powerful life testimonies,giving hope to those on their
own road to redemption.
If you have any comments orquestions, we would love to
connect with you.
You can reach out to us atdestinyradiolive.
Thank you for listening andwe'll see you next week on Road
to Redemption.