August 25, 2025 • 25 mins
Sexual addiction silently destroys lives, marriages, and families while those struggling often feel hopelessly trapped in cycles of shame. In this powerful conversation, Steve Coppi and Corey Neal share their journey from decades of sexual shame to newfound freedom through honesty, accountability and a personal relationship with Jesus.
Steve reveals how his 45-year battle with pornography addiction began at age 12 and continued until he was 57. Rock bottom came when suicidal thoughts and unbearable hypocrisy drove him to make a desperate call to Corey. That single phone call began a transformation process when Corey responded not with judgment but with compassionate understanding: "That's not the worst I've heard before. You're going to be all right."
The conversation dives deep into how true accountability operates—not as behavior policing but as a confessional space where men can finally bring their darkest struggles into the light. Drawing from James 5:16, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective". They emphasize that confession to trusted brothers provides the pathway to healing that so many desperately seek.
What sets this episode apart is the practical roadmap they offer for those currently struggling. They share how recovery begins with breaking denial, surrendering to a process, and participating in specialized groups where men find the tools, community, and biblical guidance necessary for lasting freedom. They emphasize that while the journey isn't easy, it leads to a life they never thought possible—marriages in restoration and reconnection with children.
For leaders and those wanting to help others, Steve and Corey announce their upcoming Men of Valor Conference on October 10-11, 2025 in Santa Rosa Beach FL, designed to equip people with the tools and understanding to effectively support those battling sexual addiction.
Ready to break free from sexual bondage or help someone who is? This episode provides both the hope and practical guidance needed to begin that journey today. The path to freedom starts with one honest conversation—just like the one that changed Steve's life forever.
For anyone struggling in this area contact Cory Neal at 850-368-3250 and Steve Coppi at 678-457-6471.
For more information contact us at
rtrdestiny@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Road to Redemption, a show sharing
powerful life testimonies,giving hope to those on their
own road to redemption.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Well, welcome.
This is John Martin, your host.
I'm excited to be back on Roadto Redemption today with two
good friends of mine Corey Neal,who I've known for a long time.
Steve Copey, who I've known fora long time as well.
Guys, thanks for coming in.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
It's great being here , John.
Thanks so much for having us.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (00:29):
John, it's unbelievable that the God who
created this universe sees fitfor us two men to sit in these
seats today.
How humbling is that it is.
It's a blessing to be here.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Because we both know where we're from.
We're from the Mississippi GulfCoast and New Orleans,
louisiana.
We from the Mississippi GulfCoast and New Orleans, louisiana
.
You know we got a lot of pastbut thanks to Jesus, we're
redeemed and we're very blessed.
Well, I wanted to get y'all tocome on because you know y'all
have a ministry, you know, andit's ministering to men and I
(01:01):
got to hear a little bit theother night.
It's ministering to men and Igot to hear a little bit the
other night.
I went to the men's barbecue,got to hear you, steve, talk
about something that is real.
A lot of people try to pushunder the rug, but it's sexual
impurity and pornography andthings like this that are out
there.
A lot of men and even women arestruggling with this and we
(01:24):
need to bring this to the lightbecause we know that Jesus wants
us set free.
He does not want us walking inthat and a lot of people can
live in that and feel verylonely, get very isolated and it
can really burst into a hugeproblem that can break up their
(01:44):
marriage, cause a lot of badthings and we know our Lord does
not want that.
So just, Steve, why don't youtalk about.
Maybe tell me a little bitabout how you met Corey and how
this all came about?
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Yeah, thank you for asking that question.
I'm grateful to be able to behere today to talk about this.
I'm grateful to be able to behere today to talk about this.
It's never easy for me to sharethese things, but it's
imperative, I think, for othersto hear it so that they can find
(02:18):
hope that there's an actualpathway that can be walked.
So the way that it all happenedwas I had this problem with
pornography in my life to makeit simple, since I was 12.
And that's when I was firstfirst ran into it.
And then my experience withthat at 12 was like a revelation
to me.
It just absolutely filled mewith this understanding that
that's what I needed in my lifeand that's that first contact.
(02:42):
Some people don't have thatexperience.
Well, I did, because it met aneed, and then that thing went
on for my life until I was 57.
And there's a lot of groundthat I could cover in there, but
, for the sense of time, just beaware that it went on for a
very long time, and the pointwhere everything began to kind
(03:02):
of bubble to a head was when Iwas actually leading a group on
purity here at the church and Iwas really in a bad spot.
I was like the last person inthis panhandle to be leading
that group, and so I'm leadingthis group in the sense of
despair and dread that I wouldwake up with every morning.
(03:26):
So there's a mental aspect tothis, a mental health aspect to
this, where I was in terribleshape, probably going to end my
life pretty soon, because it wasthe weight of all this
hypocrisy in my life was justbecoming unbearable.
So I'm at this group and veryjaded at this point I don't
believe anyone can help me.
(03:47):
And Corey sitting across fromme and he hears me talking like
I'm the worst guy in this groupand I'm leading it at my house,
and Corey sitting on the chairnext to me and he's like you
should give me a phone call, youshould call me.
I'm like, yeah, whatever, man,I'll give you a call.
And so then it was February 7thof 2022.
I'm sitting on that same couchand I'm dialing a number that I
(04:11):
should not be dialing.
I get about halfway through itand I hear this little voice say
you should give Corey a call.
I'm like, all right, whatever,I'll give him a call.
So I call Corey and I say youknow, hey, this is Steve and he
goes.
Yeah, great Thanks for calling,he goes.
(04:31):
So what have you been up to?
Well, I've been up to a littleof this and a little of that,
and he's like that's not what.
I asked you, what are you doing?
And so I just said, okay, fine,I let it rip.
I just said here's everything.
And I told him everything thatI was doing and he said, ah,
that's not the worst I've heardbefore.
You're going to be all right,man.
And that just really likesuddenly I felt like the sun
(04:54):
came out and I was like, holycow, who is this guy?
And then he said you know what?
I want you to send me a textevery day of three things you're
grateful for.
And then I want you to comewith a group to me with a group
no-transcript and I've beensober ever since, but I do need
(05:14):
to make a qualification on thatbefore we all celebrate Is that
the pathway from February 7th totoday has been a daily,
consistent thing that I've hadto walk out, and I've had to
walk out all the consequences aswell.
And so the good news was I hadCorey along the way to mentor me
through this, because he didn'tlead me in a way where he just
(05:37):
dropped nuggets on me.
He walked the path alongside meand mentored me through it and
sometimes I was telling you,john earlier today sometimes I'd
call him three times a day andI don't know how he put up with
me that much, but there weretimes where it was pretty
desperate and I needed him andhe helped me walk through those
early days and then eventuallywe can go into the talking about
how my marriage is moved into aplace of restoration.
(06:01):
I won't call it restored, I'llcall it in a place of
restoration.
It's a process that'scontinuing on.
So that's the short of it.
And there were other issues inaddition to pornography.
I won't go into those here, butI was in desperate shape and at
a certain point I had to giveall my firearms to Corey for a
while, and that's how closethings were.
(06:23):
So he's been a good brother anda good friend in all this and
I'm really grateful to besitting here today.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Amen, thank you, corey.
Well, corey, let's hear fromyou.
Speaker 4 (06:33):
So James, 5.16, we probably know this it's confess
your sins to one another so youmay be healed, and that the
prayer of a righteous manavaileth much.
Well, how can we confess oursins if we don't have a brother
to go to?
You see, james is writing thisto the church.
This was to find a safe place,to find a brother to be able to
(06:54):
confess, and that's the way Isee accountability.
Accountability is not policing,it's confessional, but there's
got to be a brother there whohas two things in order to step
into that role for that man, andthe two things are grace.
The truth is that these menthink that they're alone.
How do I know that?
Because I was him.
I didn't just show up and be amentor to Steve.
(07:17):
I had to walk my own path, mypath, very similar to Steve's.
It was hard and it was hurtfuland it was painful, but it's
changed my life and it's changed.
It's changed my relationship tounderstand that I have a God
(07:37):
who deeply and desperately lovesme and he chose to create me.
Knowing everything that I woulddo, he still chose me.
So I went down my path and thetruth is, john, that sometimes
God gives us something outsideof salvation that is so good
that we have to share it to theworld, and this is one of those.
(07:59):
If men could only see whattheir life would be like, if
they became rigorously honestand willing to do whatever it
took, how their life couldchange, how their world could
change.
The world around them willchange, and how now the God of
the universe will see fit to usethem.
There's nothing more edifyingon this side of earth than that.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Amen.
Well, this is such an importanttopic because sexual sin is an
area that can really be.
It's a dark, hidden place.
You know people that strugglewith this, and if you don't have
outlets to bring it to thelight and accountability, it can
(08:41):
, just as I said earlier, reallygo down a bad path.
And I'm so glad that the church, the body of Christ, is getting
better about this and offeringfreedom, you know, for men and
women, cause with these phonesand all these things, it's just
everywhere now.
So we've got to um, put on thearmor of God, you know as
(09:04):
Ephesians said, and go upagainst this.
Steve, what else do you have toshare?
Speaker 3 (09:11):
I'm glad you brought up the point about the armor of
God.
I think that a lot of times whenI'm among men, we talk about
the sword of the spirit and theshield of faith and we really
focus on those things.
But everything's hanging off thebelt of truth and if we are
operating as Christians as we'reoperating as Christian men with
(09:32):
integrity and we don't havethat truth on the innermost
being, if we have parts of ourlives where we're keeping
secrets, our armor is on theground and then the other part
of it is is if we keep thosesecrets, then what happened in
my life, and in Corey's life too, is that our weapons are
pointed towards our families.
So there's an effect downstreamof this that goes beyond just
our own picture, and that's whatwe help men walk through.
(09:53):
We help them walk through aprocess I help them walk through
and Corey does too.
We help them walk through aprocess where that belt of truth
becomes the center of theirlife.
They become rigorously honestand they're willing to do
whatever it takes, and then thearmor of God makes sense.
It stays where it's supposed tobe, and then my weapons are
(10:14):
pointed towards the enemy.
And I do want to read ascripture that.
I think, would really has been ahallmark for a lot of men in
this situation.
It's Isaiah 58, 8 and 12.
Then your salvation will comelike the dawn and it came in my
life that way and your woundswill quickly heal, your
godliness will lead you forwardand the glory of the Lord will
(10:36):
protect you from behind.
Some of you will rebuild thedeserted ruins of your cities
and then you'll be known as arebuilder of walls and a
restorer of homes.
And that scripture speaks sodeeply to me because as you step
forward into this path, yourwounds will heal.
God will heal your wounds andthe glory of the Lord will
protect you from behind.
(10:57):
So you're only going to get theconsequences that you need to
stay on the path, and I'vewitnessed that over and over
again.
I've asked these guys, I askedthe guys in my group do you
think you got everything youdeserved?
And they're like no.
And I'm like who do you think'sin charge of that?
God in his mercy.
And I said you know, I hadn'tthought about this that a man
(11:19):
reaps what he sows.
It says that God's the Lord ofthe harvest, and sometimes we
think of that in an avalanche ofblessing, but I think he's also
Lord of the Harvest inpreventing a lot of the harvest
of the consequences comingtowards us.
I'm not saying it's going to beeasy, it's going to be hard,
it's going to be really hard.
I'm sorry, but crossing overthat brink into a place of
(11:41):
freedom, it's worth everything.
And the way I live now, theperson I am now, I can't even
imagine how I lived that way for45 years of my life and I would
never, I never want to go backto it again.
So it's that scripture alsospeaks about moving forward.
Once you're healed, then you'regoing to be a restorer of homes,
(12:02):
and that has blossomed out ofthis thing that I've seen some I
can't say all.
I've seen some marriagesrestored and they're on their
path to recovery, and I've seensome people go through divorces
too, and we're there for thoseguys as well, but I've always
seen the children come back, andso there's a lot of really good
(12:27):
products out of this thing.
I guess I could say, because ofwhat the Holy Spirit and what
God does, every man, no matterhow far you've gone down this
path, is worthy of redemption.
You don't believe it, you don'tthink it's possible, but you're
worthy of it, I'm worthy of itand I'm worthy of that
redemption because of the workthat Christ has done.
But I just was in a positionwhere I couldn't of it and I'm
(12:48):
worthy of that redemptionbecause of the work that Christ
has done.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
But I just was in a position where I couldn't
receive it.
So if anyone's listening rightnow, I know they are people that
are struggling with thisbecause it's just rampant With
the world, with these phones andour world.
What do you say?
What is something they can doto take steps to start getting
free?
Speaker 4 (13:11):
Well, I have an idea.
The first thing we have to dois we got to fight the right
enemy.
So let's go back to James.
James says but each person istempted when he is lured and
enticed by his own desire.
Then desire, when it hasconceived, gives birth to sin,
and sin when it so.
Are we blaming everything onSatan or do we have a part to
(13:34):
play in this?
And I think James says that wehave a part to play in this.
And first we have to be willingto open up our hearts to
whatever it is that God wants toshow us, about us, and that can
be painful that God wants toshow us about us, and that can
be painful.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
And then I think the other part would be to surrender
to a process.
That's one of the toughestparts of what I had to work with
Corey.
I used to say to Corey Coreywould be saying to me things and
I'd be like you talk like aspace alien.
I have no idea what you'retalking about Because my brain
was so messed up I couldn'treceive the things he was saying
.
They make sense to me now, butso I'll have guys in our groups,
(14:14):
going through these groups andfor the first six months it's
like they don't even.
Everything I'm saying is likethrowing ping pong balls against
their head and I just tell themyou need to just stay in the
group, keep coming, and thesurrender process will
(14:34):
eventually kick in and thelights come on in about six to
eight months that just suddenlytheir eyes open.
So in that ensuing eight monthsis where they need to just
surrender to the process thatwe're leading them into a thing
biblically and clinically notthat we're clinicians at all,
but it's clinically based sothat they can trust that where
we're leading them with thisthing will result in their
(14:55):
freedom in this area.
And it takes time, and thenwe're there just to love and
accept them as they go throughthat surrender process.
While they go, I describe itlike some of these guys are like
cats on a waffle iron they'rejust going through a lot and
it's hard to get through thenoise.
But I think the key is, like Isaid, surrendering to the
(15:15):
process.
They've got to break the denialfirst.
They've got to stop acting likeit's not a problem Once they
break that denial, then, if theysurrender to the process, then
I'm within a 99% sure that thegrace of God and the Holy Spirit
will lead them to a betterplace of freedom and love and
grace and they'll find that theyare men of valor.
(15:35):
They're men who are walking inthis glorious place with God.
Speaker 4 (15:42):
And what I find, too, is that men are willing.
So these men we're talkingabout myself and Steve included
these are good men.
These men do not want to behere.
These are good men.
They're just trapped, and so Iknow that men are practical.
I know many women are too butparticularly they will say hey,
corey, give me steps, onethrough five, and I'll do those
(16:02):
if that means I'm going to getbetter.
Well, there's not necessarily aone through five, but I never
had direction when I startedthis journey.
I had to figure out the path,and that path has kind of been
blazed for those who go behindus, and we've been a process of
you know how, what are we goingto use to help the guys who go
behind us, cause there's alwaysdifferent ideals.
And so, through our smallgroups, uh, we have kind of we
(16:22):
have landed on pure desireministries.
They are one of the absoluteleaders when it comes to helping
men with unwanted sexualbehavior or compulsive sexual
behavior, and so they have amultitude of studies.
So, anybody listening to this,if you simply go to Pure Desire
Ministries, there is a plethoraof information, there's a phone
number to call, so there is apath where you can start today.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Amen.
Well, and I think, too, we justwant to encourage you, along
with our three pillars, the roadto redemption.
Number one get into the Word ofGod.
If you're listening right now,just pick up the Bible and I
promise you he's going to takeyou to where you need to be.
You're going to open ascripture that's going to speak
to you right now with thisproblem, or whatever problem you
(17:07):
right now with this problem, orwhatever problem you're dealing
with.
And then two is to get into aChrist-centered church and just
go.
And lastly is to get into agroup, a small group that you
can be accountable to, you cando life with, and just get into
a group.
It may not be the exact groupyou're going to be in long term,
(17:29):
but right now, I know, comingup here in the next week or two,
the freedom groups are startingand and destiny worship center
churches and and other churchesthroughout the the country.
You know freedom is done andit's a great group for people
that are dealing with the sexualsin and other things to get set
(17:51):
free.
So get into a freedom group.
Wow, this has been such a gooddiscussion.
Is there anything else beforewe go, guys, that you want to
share.
How about that conference,steve?
Speaker 3 (18:03):
Yeah, we have a conference coming up and this
would be a great opportunity foryou know.
Maybe you're wondering, youknow, is this something that's
active in my children?
Is this something that's activein my grandchildren?
How is it affecting the schools, how is it affecting the church
?
How is it affecting thosearound me?
So maybe it's not my issue.
(18:26):
Well, the conference will helpyou to have access to the tools
that you need to help thosearound you, so that's a great
way to go there.
And then it will introduceresources and opportunities for
people that can access thesethings.
And I do want to focus on whatyou said about groups, and in a
group setting is where we canconfess to one another and
(18:47):
that's where we find thatfreedom, and so I think the
conference would be a great wayto start.
Maybe you're not ready to cometo a group right now.
The conference is a great wayto just kind of show up and eat
some barbecue and hear somethings and and gain a better
understanding of what the groundlooks like in this area,
(19:08):
especially for leadership.
If you, if you love the menaround you, if this is not a
tool in your tool bag right now,I really think it.
I really would encourage you togain that resource and so at
least you would know where to,where to turn guys, and when is
that conference and where dopeople go to find out about it?
Speaker 4 (19:27):
Yeah, that's a good question.
So that conference is October10th and 11th and if you Google
or go to YouTube, you can typein Men of Valor, every Man's War
, and that'll have ourconference information.
Now we have two nationalkeynote speakers coming in.
This is going to be a regionalevent.
This is not a local event.
(19:48):
We suspect people will beflying in for this event.
We've got Nick Stumbo, theexecutive director at pure
desire, and we have Dr JaniceCottle, so an amazing lineup.
We're going to have praise andworship.
It includes food, um, and it'sright now is our early bird, so
it's $95.
So we made it really affordable.
So any man who wants to go.
But I want to talk to a veryspecific man right now.
The man I want to talk to isnot a struggler.
(20:09):
It's not his problem.
He probably never struggledwith this, but his heart hurts
when he sees other peoplehurting.
That man should come to thisconference to get equipped,
because that's the entire goalof this conference.
Conference to get equipped,because that's the entire goal
of this conference is to showthe church how this can be
successful, that you can getclean and stay clean, and they
(20:31):
will leave there with the toolsto be competent to help another
struggler.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
So it's the Men of Valor conference called.
Speaker 4 (20:41):
Men of Valor.
Every Man's War.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
Every Man's War.
Every Man's War.
It's in Santa Rosa Beach, it'sat Good News Church right,
that's right yep, santa RosaBeach, and give me the date
again, october 10th and 11th.
Okay, wow, that's going to begreat.
That is really cool.
They're doing that Well aswe're coming to the end here.
Is there anything else, guys,you'll have to share?
Speaker 3 (21:05):
I'm just grateful for the time.
I'm glad that the Lord broughtus all together in this space.
Unimaginable to me three yearsago that I would be sitting here
, and it's only by God's graceand his mercy in my life and his
redemptive power that I'm herewith you today.
So I'm really grateful for allthe things that God is doing in
(21:27):
this area.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
Well, as we come to the end of the show, I just feel
really called to pray.
We just want to lift up inprayer this discussion we've had
around sexual impurity,pornography, these things that
have really hurt our familiesand marriages, and I know that
(21:50):
our Lord does not want this andhe wants to see men and women
set free.
So we just lift this up, lord,and we lift up the conference
and the groups that Corey andSteve are doing and we just pray
for anyone struggling with thisLord that you will provide a
(22:14):
way for them to be set free.
We just pray that you give thema future hope, that there is
great hope that they can be setfree and they can live in sexual
purity, and we just pray thatyou open doors for them to call,
(22:35):
whether it be Steve or CoreyWe'll put their numbers in the
show, in the show notes for youto reach them.
Reach out to Steve or Corey orsome other men in your church.
We pray many men and even womenwill reach out to someone after
(22:58):
this show to take that step tobe set free.
In Jesus' name we pray, amen,amen.
So it's still rolling now.
So I always say if there'sanything else that you forgot.
We've got a few more minutes.
We can plug it in.
Speaker 4 (23:20):
Yeah, I've got a couple thoughts.
I feel like the Holy Spiritshared something when I was
getting ready to come out here,and it's this ideal that the way
I was raised in a legalisticmanner, my righteousness was
dependent upon me.
But how freeing is it wheneverour righteousness has nothing to
do with us, we can just stand.
As a son, I never knew how todo that.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
Awesome, corey, thank you.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
And I think for me it took a long time in this
process, you know, to get tothat place where I was walking
in restoration.
I felt like I had to strugglethrough this.
I felt like I had to, I must, Ihave to, I need to do things.
And then I stopped doing that.
God took me into a place whereI stopped doing that and I just
rested, do things.
And then I stopped doing that.
God took me into a place whereI stopped doing that and I just
(24:07):
rested in him.
It sounds so weird.
And everything slowed down.
And then it's almost like Godstarted prospering me in ways I
never thought were possible.
And I'm not saying this is aprosperity method.
It has to do with, kind of,when my priorities became his
priorities and his prioritiesbecame my priorities.
(24:29):
Everything slowed down and Istarted kind of walking in that
place.
It doesn't happen.
It happens for everyone thatgoes through this process.
I can't tell you how, I can'ttell you when, but it does.
And then these things just openup.
It's like the scales fall youwhen, but it does.
And then these things just openup, it's like the scales fall
off your eyes and it happens.
And it's such a miraculousplace to be, and that's where I
(24:51):
walk now.
It hurts like a son of a gun,but I still am walking in this
place.
So that's the place.
I'm trying to encourage men toland, but it takes time.
Speaker 4 (25:06):
You know it's funny you say that, steve, because
I've heard this and I've seenthis to be true that men who
have any control of their income, whether they're self-employed,
whether they're in sales,whether they get bonuses,
whatever when a man gets clean,when he surrenders his sexuality
to God, when he does that, hisincome doubles.
It was true for me, wow, andI've seen it time and time again
(25:28):
.
It's, it's unbelievable.
It's like what happens when wealign our heart with God's heart
what he wants to do for us andmost of what we do is get
ourselves out of the way.
So God can do for us what hewants to do.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Oh, wow so awesome.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
You've been listening to Road to Redemption, sharing
powerful life testimonies,giving hope to those on their
own road to redemption.
If you have any comments orquestions, we would love to
connect with you.
You can reach out to us atdestinyradiolive.
Thank you for listening andwe'll see you next week on Road
to Redemption.
Welcome to Road to Redemption, a show sharing
powerful life testimonies,giving hope to those on their
own road to redemption.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Well, welcome.
This is John Martin, your host.
I'm excited to be back on Roadto Redemption today with two
good friends of mine Corey Neal,who I've known for a long time.
Steve Copey, who I've known fora long time as well.
Guys, thanks for coming in.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
It's great being here , John.
Thanks so much for having us.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (00:29):
John, it's unbelievable that the God who
created this universe sees fitfor us two men to sit in these
seats today.
How humbling is that it is.
It's a blessing to be here.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Because we both know where we're from.
We're from the Mississippi GulfCoast and New Orleans,
louisiana.
We from the Mississippi GulfCoast and New Orleans, louisiana
.
You know we got a lot of pastbut thanks to Jesus, we're
redeemed and we're very blessed.
Well, I wanted to get y'all tocome on because you know y'all
have a ministry, you know, andit's ministering to men and I
(01:01):
got to hear a little bit theother night.
It's ministering to men and Igot to hear a little bit the
other night.
I went to the men's barbecue,got to hear you, steve, talk
about something that is real.
A lot of people try to pushunder the rug, but it's sexual
impurity and pornography andthings like this that are out
there.
A lot of men and even women arestruggling with this and we
(01:24):
need to bring this to the lightbecause we know that Jesus wants
us set free.
He does not want us walking inthat and a lot of people can
live in that and feel verylonely, get very isolated and it
can really burst into a hugeproblem that can break up their
(01:44):
marriage, cause a lot of badthings and we know our Lord does
not want that.
So just, Steve, why don't youtalk about.
Maybe tell me a little bitabout how you met Corey and how
this all came about?
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Yeah, thank you for asking that question.
I'm grateful to be able to behere today to talk about this.
I'm grateful to be able to behere today to talk about this.
It's never easy for me to sharethese things, but it's
imperative, I think, for othersto hear it so that they can find
(02:18):
hope that there's an actualpathway that can be walked.
So the way that it all happenedwas I had this problem with
pornography in my life to makeit simple, since I was 12.
And that's when I was firstfirst ran into it.
And then my experience withthat at 12 was like a revelation
to me.
It just absolutely filled mewith this understanding that
that's what I needed in my lifeand that's that first contact.
(02:42):
Some people don't have thatexperience.
Well, I did, because it met aneed, and then that thing went
on for my life until I was 57.
And there's a lot of groundthat I could cover in there, but
, for the sense of time, just beaware that it went on for a
very long time, and the pointwhere everything began to kind
(03:02):
of bubble to a head was when Iwas actually leading a group on
purity here at the church and Iwas really in a bad spot.
I was like the last person inthis panhandle to be leading
that group, and so I'm leadingthis group in the sense of
despair and dread that I wouldwake up with every morning.
(03:26):
So there's a mental aspect tothis, a mental health aspect to
this, where I was in terribleshape, probably going to end my
life pretty soon, because it wasthe weight of all this
hypocrisy in my life was justbecoming unbearable.
So I'm at this group and veryjaded at this point I don't
believe anyone can help me.
(03:47):
And Corey sitting across fromme and he hears me talking like
I'm the worst guy in this groupand I'm leading it at my house,
and Corey sitting on the chairnext to me and he's like you
should give me a phone call, youshould call me.
I'm like, yeah, whatever, man,I'll give you a call.
And so then it was February 7thof 2022.
I'm sitting on that same couchand I'm dialing a number that I
(04:11):
should not be dialing.
I get about halfway through itand I hear this little voice say
you should give Corey a call.
I'm like, all right, whatever,I'll give him a call.
So I call Corey and I say youknow, hey, this is Steve and he
goes.
Yeah, great Thanks for calling,he goes.
(04:31):
So what have you been up to?
Well, I've been up to a littleof this and a little of that,
and he's like that's not what.
I asked you, what are you doing?
And so I just said, okay, fine,I let it rip.
I just said here's everything.
And I told him everything thatI was doing and he said, ah,
that's not the worst I've heardbefore.
You're going to be all right,man.
And that just really likesuddenly I felt like the sun
(04:54):
came out and I was like, holycow, who is this guy?
And then he said you know what?
I want you to send me a textevery day of three things you're
grateful for.
And then I want you to comewith a group to me with a group
no-transcript and I've beensober ever since, but I do need
(05:14):
to make a qualification on thatbefore we all celebrate Is that
the pathway from February 7th totoday has been a daily,
consistent thing that I've hadto walk out, and I've had to
walk out all the consequences aswell.
And so the good news was I hadCorey along the way to mentor me
through this, because he didn'tlead me in a way where he just
(05:37):
dropped nuggets on me.
He walked the path alongside meand mentored me through it and
sometimes I was telling you,john earlier today sometimes I'd
call him three times a day andI don't know how he put up with
me that much, but there weretimes where it was pretty
desperate and I needed him andhe helped me walk through those
early days and then eventuallywe can go into the talking about
how my marriage is moved into aplace of restoration.
(06:01):
I won't call it restored, I'llcall it in a place of
restoration.
It's a process that'scontinuing on.
So that's the short of it.
And there were other issues inaddition to pornography.
I won't go into those here, butI was in desperate shape and at
a certain point I had to giveall my firearms to Corey for a
while, and that's how closethings were.
(06:23):
So he's been a good brother anda good friend in all this and
I'm really grateful to besitting here today.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Amen, thank you, corey.
Well, corey, let's hear fromyou.
Speaker 4 (06:33):
So James, 5.16, we probably know this it's confess
your sins to one another so youmay be healed, and that the
prayer of a righteous manavaileth much.
Well, how can we confess oursins if we don't have a brother
to go to?
You see, james is writing thisto the church.
This was to find a safe place,to find a brother to be able to
(06:54):
confess, and that's the way Isee accountability.
Accountability is not policing,it's confessional, but there's
got to be a brother there whohas two things in order to step
into that role for that man, andthe two things are grace.
The truth is that these menthink that they're alone.
How do I know that?
Because I was him.
I didn't just show up and be amentor to Steve.
(07:17):
I had to walk my own path, mypath, very similar to Steve's.
It was hard and it was hurtfuland it was painful, but it's
changed my life and it's changed.
It's changed my relationship tounderstand that I have a God
(07:37):
who deeply and desperately lovesme and he chose to create me.
Knowing everything that I woulddo, he still chose me.
So I went down my path and thetruth is, john, that sometimes
God gives us something outsideof salvation that is so good
that we have to share it to theworld, and this is one of those.
(07:59):
If men could only see whattheir life would be like, if
they became rigorously honestand willing to do whatever it
took, how their life couldchange, how their world could
change.
The world around them willchange, and how now the God of
the universe will see fit to usethem.
There's nothing more edifyingon this side of earth than that.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Amen.
Well, this is such an importanttopic because sexual sin is an
area that can really be.
It's a dark, hidden place.
You know people that strugglewith this, and if you don't have
outlets to bring it to thelight and accountability, it can
(08:41):
, just as I said earlier, reallygo down a bad path.
And I'm so glad that the church, the body of Christ, is getting
better about this and offeringfreedom, you know, for men and
women, cause with these phonesand all these things, it's just
everywhere now.
So we've got to um, put on thearmor of God, you know as
(09:04):
Ephesians said, and go upagainst this.
Steve, what else do you have toshare?
Speaker 3 (09:11):
I'm glad you brought up the point about the armor of
God.
I think that a lot of times whenI'm among men, we talk about
the sword of the spirit and theshield of faith and we really
focus on those things.
But everything's hanging off thebelt of truth and if we are
operating as Christians as we'reoperating as Christian men with
(09:32):
integrity and we don't havethat truth on the innermost
being, if we have parts of ourlives where we're keeping
secrets, our armor is on theground and then the other part
of it is is if we keep thosesecrets, then what happened in
my life, and in Corey's life too, is that our weapons are
pointed towards our families.
So there's an effect downstreamof this that goes beyond just
our own picture, and that's whatwe help men walk through.
(09:53):
We help them walk through aprocess I help them walk through
and Corey does too.
We help them walk through aprocess where that belt of truth
becomes the center of theirlife.
They become rigorously honestand they're willing to do
whatever it takes, and then thearmor of God makes sense.
It stays where it's supposed tobe, and then my weapons are
(10:14):
pointed towards the enemy.
And I do want to read ascripture that.
I think, would really has been ahallmark for a lot of men in
this situation.
It's Isaiah 58, 8 and 12.
Then your salvation will comelike the dawn and it came in my
life that way and your woundswill quickly heal, your
godliness will lead you forwardand the glory of the Lord will
(10:36):
protect you from behind.
Some of you will rebuild thedeserted ruins of your cities
and then you'll be known as arebuilder of walls and a
restorer of homes.
And that scripture speaks sodeeply to me because as you step
forward into this path, yourwounds will heal.
God will heal your wounds andthe glory of the Lord will
protect you from behind.
(10:57):
So you're only going to get theconsequences that you need to
stay on the path, and I'vewitnessed that over and over
again.
I've asked these guys, I askedthe guys in my group do you
think you got everything youdeserved?
And they're like no.
And I'm like who do you think'sin charge of that?
God in his mercy.
And I said you know, I hadn'tthought about this that a man
(11:19):
reaps what he sows.
It says that God's the Lord ofthe harvest, and sometimes we
think of that in an avalanche ofblessing, but I think he's also
Lord of the Harvest inpreventing a lot of the harvest
of the consequences comingtowards us.
I'm not saying it's going to beeasy, it's going to be hard,
it's going to be really hard.
I'm sorry, but crossing overthat brink into a place of
(11:41):
freedom, it's worth everything.
And the way I live now, theperson I am now, I can't even
imagine how I lived that way for45 years of my life and I would
never, I never want to go backto it again.
So it's that scripture alsospeaks about moving forward.
Once you're healed, then you'regoing to be a restorer of homes,
(12:02):
and that has blossomed out ofthis thing that I've seen some I
can't say all.
I've seen some marriagesrestored and they're on their
path to recovery, and I've seensome people go through divorces
too, and we're there for thoseguys as well, but I've always
seen the children come back, andso there's a lot of really good
(12:27):
products out of this thing.
I guess I could say, because ofwhat the Holy Spirit and what
God does, every man, no matterhow far you've gone down this
path, is worthy of redemption.
You don't believe it, you don'tthink it's possible, but you're
worthy of it, I'm worthy of itand I'm worthy of that
redemption because of the workthat Christ has done.
But I just was in a positionwhere I couldn't of it and I'm
(12:48):
worthy of that redemptionbecause of the work that Christ
has done.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
But I just was in a position where I couldn't
receive it.
So if anyone's listening rightnow, I know they are people that
are struggling with thisbecause it's just rampant With
the world, with these phones andour world.
What do you say?
What is something they can doto take steps to start getting
free?
Speaker 4 (13:11):
Well, I have an idea.
The first thing we have to dois we got to fight the right
enemy.
So let's go back to James.
James says but each person istempted when he is lured and
enticed by his own desire.
Then desire, when it hasconceived, gives birth to sin,
and sin when it so.
Are we blaming everything onSatan or do we have a part to
(13:34):
play in this?
And I think James says that wehave a part to play in this.
And first we have to be willingto open up our hearts to
whatever it is that God wants toshow us, about us, and that can
be painful that God wants toshow us about us, and that can
be painful.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
And then I think the other part would be to surrender
to a process.
That's one of the toughestparts of what I had to work with
Corey.
I used to say to Corey Coreywould be saying to me things and
I'd be like you talk like aspace alien.
I have no idea what you'retalking about Because my brain
was so messed up I couldn'treceive the things he was saying
.
They make sense to me now, butso I'll have guys in our groups,
(14:14):
going through these groups andfor the first six months it's
like they don't even.
Everything I'm saying is likethrowing ping pong balls against
their head and I just tell themyou need to just stay in the
group, keep coming, and thesurrender process will
(14:34):
eventually kick in and thelights come on in about six to
eight months that just suddenlytheir eyes open.
So in that ensuing eight monthsis where they need to just
surrender to the process thatwe're leading them into a thing
biblically and clinically notthat we're clinicians at all,
but it's clinically based sothat they can trust that where
we're leading them with thisthing will result in their
(14:55):
freedom in this area.
And it takes time, and thenwe're there just to love and
accept them as they go throughthat surrender process.
While they go, I describe itlike some of these guys are like
cats on a waffle iron they'rejust going through a lot and
it's hard to get through thenoise.
But I think the key is, like Isaid, surrendering to the
(15:15):
process.
They've got to break the denialfirst.
They've got to stop acting likeit's not a problem Once they
break that denial, then, if theysurrender to the process, then
I'm within a 99% sure that thegrace of God and the Holy Spirit
will lead them to a betterplace of freedom and love and
grace and they'll find that theyare men of valor.
(15:35):
They're men who are walking inthis glorious place with God.
Speaker 4 (15:42):
And what I find, too, is that men are willing.
So these men we're talkingabout myself and Steve included
these are good men.
These men do not want to behere.
These are good men.
They're just trapped, and so Iknow that men are practical.
I know many women are too butparticularly they will say hey,
corey, give me steps, onethrough five, and I'll do those
(16:02):
if that means I'm going to getbetter.
Well, there's not necessarily aone through five, but I never
had direction when I startedthis journey.
I had to figure out the path,and that path has kind of been
blazed for those who go behindus, and we've been a process of
you know how, what are we goingto use to help the guys who go
behind us, cause there's alwaysdifferent ideals.
And so, through our smallgroups, uh, we have kind of we
(16:22):
have landed on pure desireministries.
They are one of the absoluteleaders when it comes to helping
men with unwanted sexualbehavior or compulsive sexual
behavior, and so they have amultitude of studies.
So, anybody listening to this,if you simply go to Pure Desire
Ministries, there is a plethoraof information, there's a phone
number to call, so there is apath where you can start today.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Amen.
Well, and I think, too, we justwant to encourage you, along
with our three pillars, the roadto redemption.
Number one get into the Word ofGod.
If you're listening right now,just pick up the Bible and I
promise you he's going to takeyou to where you need to be.
You're going to open ascripture that's going to speak
to you right now with thisproblem, or whatever problem you
(17:07):
right now with this problem, orwhatever problem you're dealing
with.
And then two is to get into aChrist-centered church and just
go.
And lastly is to get into agroup, a small group that you
can be accountable to, you cando life with, and just get into
a group.
It may not be the exact groupyou're going to be in long term,
(17:29):
but right now, I know, comingup here in the next week or two,
the freedom groups are startingand and destiny worship center
churches and and other churchesthroughout the the country.
You know freedom is done andit's a great group for people
that are dealing with the sexualsin and other things to get set
(17:51):
free.
So get into a freedom group.
Wow, this has been such a gooddiscussion.
Is there anything else beforewe go, guys, that you want to
share.
How about that conference,steve?
Speaker 3 (18:03):
Yeah, we have a conference coming up and this
would be a great opportunity foryou know.
Maybe you're wondering, youknow, is this something that's
active in my children?
Is this something that's activein my grandchildren?
How is it affecting the schools, how is it affecting the church
?
How is it affecting thosearound me?
So maybe it's not my issue.
(18:26):
Well, the conference will helpyou to have access to the tools
that you need to help thosearound you, so that's a great
way to go there.
And then it will introduceresources and opportunities for
people that can access thesethings.
And I do want to focus on whatyou said about groups, and in a
group setting is where we canconfess to one another and
(18:47):
that's where we find thatfreedom, and so I think the
conference would be a great wayto start.
Maybe you're not ready to cometo a group right now.
The conference is a great wayto just kind of show up and eat
some barbecue and hear somethings and and gain a better
understanding of what the groundlooks like in this area,
(19:08):
especially for leadership.
If you, if you love the menaround you, if this is not a
tool in your tool bag right now,I really think it.
I really would encourage you togain that resource and so at
least you would know where to,where to turn guys, and when is
that conference and where dopeople go to find out about it?
Speaker 4 (19:27):
Yeah, that's a good question.
So that conference is October10th and 11th and if you Google
or go to YouTube, you can typein Men of Valor, every Man's War
, and that'll have ourconference information.
Now we have two nationalkeynote speakers coming in.
This is going to be a regionalevent.
This is not a local event.
(19:48):
We suspect people will beflying in for this event.
We've got Nick Stumbo, theexecutive director at pure
desire, and we have Dr JaniceCottle, so an amazing lineup.
We're going to have praise andworship.
It includes food, um, and it'sright now is our early bird, so
it's $95.
So we made it really affordable.
So any man who wants to go.
But I want to talk to a veryspecific man right now.
The man I want to talk to isnot a struggler.
(20:09):
It's not his problem.
He probably never struggledwith this, but his heart hurts
when he sees other peoplehurting.
That man should come to thisconference to get equipped,
because that's the entire goalof this conference.
Conference to get equipped,because that's the entire goal
of this conference is to showthe church how this can be
successful, that you can getclean and stay clean, and they
(20:31):
will leave there with the toolsto be competent to help another
struggler.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
So it's the Men of Valor conference called.
Speaker 4 (20:41):
Men of Valor.
Every Man's War.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
Every Man's War.
Every Man's War.
It's in Santa Rosa Beach, it'sat Good News Church right,
that's right yep, santa RosaBeach, and give me the date
again, october 10th and 11th.
Okay, wow, that's going to begreat.
That is really cool.
They're doing that Well aswe're coming to the end here.
Is there anything else, guys,you'll have to share?
Speaker 3 (21:05):
I'm just grateful for the time.
I'm glad that the Lord broughtus all together in this space.
Unimaginable to me three yearsago that I would be sitting here
, and it's only by God's graceand his mercy in my life and his
redemptive power that I'm herewith you today.
So I'm really grateful for allthe things that God is doing in
(21:27):
this area.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
Well, as we come to the end of the show, I just feel
really called to pray.
We just want to lift up inprayer this discussion we've had
around sexual impurity,pornography, these things that
have really hurt our familiesand marriages, and I know that
(21:50):
our Lord does not want this andhe wants to see men and women
set free.
So we just lift this up, lord,and we lift up the conference
and the groups that Corey andSteve are doing and we just pray
for anyone struggling with thisLord that you will provide a
(22:14):
way for them to be set free.
We just pray that you give thema future hope, that there is
great hope that they can be setfree and they can live in sexual
purity, and we just pray thatyou open doors for them to call,
(22:35):
whether it be Steve or CoreyWe'll put their numbers in the
show, in the show notes for youto reach them.
Reach out to Steve or Corey orsome other men in your church.
We pray many men and even womenwill reach out to someone after
(22:58):
this show to take that step tobe set free.
In Jesus' name we pray, amen,amen.
So it's still rolling now.
So I always say if there'sanything else that you forgot.
We've got a few more minutes.
We can plug it in.
Speaker 4 (23:20):
Yeah, I've got a couple thoughts.
I feel like the Holy Spiritshared something when I was
getting ready to come out here,and it's this ideal that the way
I was raised in a legalisticmanner, my righteousness was
dependent upon me.
But how freeing is it wheneverour righteousness has nothing to
do with us, we can just stand.
As a son, I never knew how todo that.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
Awesome, corey, thank you.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
And I think for me it took a long time in this
process, you know, to get tothat place where I was walking
in restoration.
I felt like I had to strugglethrough this.
I felt like I had to, I must, Ihave to, I need to do things.
And then I stopped doing that.
God took me into a place whereI stopped doing that and I just
rested, do things.
And then I stopped doing that.
God took me into a place whereI stopped doing that and I just
(24:07):
rested in him.
It sounds so weird.
And everything slowed down.
And then it's almost like Godstarted prospering me in ways I
never thought were possible.
And I'm not saying this is aprosperity method.
It has to do with, kind of,when my priorities became his
priorities and his prioritiesbecame my priorities.
(24:29):
Everything slowed down and Istarted kind of walking in that
place.
It doesn't happen.
It happens for everyone thatgoes through this process.
I can't tell you how, I can'ttell you when, but it does.
And then these things just openup.
It's like the scales fall youwhen, but it does.
And then these things just openup, it's like the scales fall
off your eyes and it happens.
And it's such a miraculousplace to be, and that's where I
(24:51):
walk now.
It hurts like a son of a gun,but I still am walking in this
place.
So that's the place.
I'm trying to encourage men toland, but it takes time.
Speaker 4 (25:06):
You know it's funny you say that, steve, because
I've heard this and I've seenthis to be true that men who
have any control of their income, whether they're self-employed,
whether they're in sales,whether they get bonuses,
whatever when a man gets clean,when he surrenders his sexuality
to God, when he does that, hisincome doubles.
It was true for me, wow, andI've seen it time and time again
(25:28):
.
It's, it's unbelievable.
It's like what happens when wealign our heart with God's heart
what he wants to do for us andmost of what we do is get
ourselves out of the way.
So God can do for us what hewants to do.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Oh, wow so awesome.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
You've been listening to Road to Redemption, sharing
powerful life testimonies,giving hope to those on their
own road to redemption.
If you have any comments orquestions, we would love to
connect with you.
You can reach out to us atdestinyradiolive.
Thank you for listening andwe'll see you next week on Road
to Redemption.
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