May 24, 2024 • 34 mins
Another brilliant chat with the wonderful, brutally honest and ever insightful Mark LeBusque in the bag today! We explore our 'stop and go' stories, you know the ones that hold us back or propel us forward, but often run on their own accord in our heads and dictate our behaviour. I discover my internal 'little miss nobody' identity (have you got one of those too?).
How do we get out of our own way? How do we break the cycle? How do we develop the skill of intuition? He never fails to get real and raw with me in these chats and I love it to bits. (Free coaching, hey!)
SPONSORED BY TESTART FAMILY LAWYERS
Website: testartfamilylawyers.com.au
MARK LEBUSQUE
Website: marklebusque.com
TIFFANEE COOK
Linktree: linktr.ee/rollwiththepunches/
Website: rollwiththepunches.com.au
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/tiffaneecook/
Facebook: facebook.com/rollwiththepunchespodcast/
Instagram: instagram.com/rollwiththepunches_podcast/
Instagram: instagram.com/tiffaneeandco
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Good day everyone, Welcome to the show. This is Roll
with the Punches podcast and I'm your host, Tiffany Cook.
And today I am having a short and sweet, well
not super short, but shorter than usual chat to Mark Lebask.
We had an offcuff, unplanned conversation. I was sitting around
(00:22):
at I think it was about ten am on a Tuesday,
a random Tuesday. My day was all out of sorts
and had all sorts of freedom, and so I shot
Mark a message and said, get online. Let's do it.
So we did, and bloody oath. It was such a
great chat. We talked about the idea of me having
this little miss nobody, idea of myself, the skill of intuition,
(00:46):
and the essential human skills that we develop when we
are doing our thing, when we're doing the thing that
we love, some of the skills that we don't often recognize,
the idea of comparison, comparison corroding, confidence, and our stop
and go stories, how to break the cycles. Heaps of
great stuff. So it was one of my favorite chats. Actually,
(01:08):
I really loved it. I hope you enjoy it, and
if you do, you know what to do all the things,
all of the things. Nobody wants to go to court
and don't. My friends at test Art Family Lawyers know
that they offer all forms of alternative dispute resolution. Their
team of Melbourne family lawyers have extensive experience in all
areas of family law to facto and same sex couples,
(01:31):
custody and children, family violence and intervention orders, property settlements
and financial agreements. Test Art is in your corner, so
reach out to Mark and the team at www dot
test Artfamilylawyers dot com dot au. Machael Bus, Marklebus here
(01:52):
we are.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Here, yes we are.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
Like just see what I thought I wouldn't have been
thinking up to ten minutes ago. I'll be talking to
you today, My goodness, see better?
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Or what's going on.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
There in the background? Everyone bears just realized I'm on
a podcast. And when I get on a podcast, she
knows the difference when I am and when I'm not.
And now she's trying to smash her over the banner
that stands behind me. They're very intelligent cats, Like she
doesn't do that when I'm sitting here working, but as
soon as she knows I'm on a podcast, she does it.
(02:22):
That is, I got no words for her. That's intelligent
and very frustrating or.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Attention seeking.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
It is all she wants is my love. She's so
happy when I just lay down and she just gets
to sit right on my chest and just put her
little so I can feel her breath on my chin,
and she just looks at me and hers and and
it's and everything's forgiven. I'm like, oh, I love you
so much.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
That's not how you describe where she sat when we
went the saw went to see the Brunswick Ballroom.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
You said she sat somewhere else. I remember that we
were all laughing about that.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
She does sit there too. She sits in a lot
of places.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
There you go.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
I'll just leave that up to the imagination of the
trustee listeners.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
So here's the thing, Like you were doing a few
bits and persons you're editing, and then some things got canceled,
and like they be a million things going through your mind,
because I know the way you work. How the fuck
did I pop out of this?
Speaker 2 (03:29):
Somehow?
Speaker 1 (03:31):
I just felt like, I don't know, I just thought,
what a great day to have a chat, What a
great day to have a chat with Mark. Sometimes I
don't know, I'm feeling like I've got good energy, and
I'm awake and I'm excited. I feel really my vibes
feel high, and I like having a chat when it's
like that and you're pretty good off the cuffs. I
(03:53):
just thought i'd really win and seize the moment, which
it's rare that you're not off you know, presenting and
working and tling and relaxing and you know, doing great stuff.
Kat is going nuts in the background. Everyone's boxing match
here in a minute.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
It is a kid.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
This is the most relentless she's been with it. What's
your morning been like? What's your life been like?
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Well, well, since we caught up, what's my morning been like?
The morning was the usual thing. I just actually just
jumped on thet I blew my knee up again. I
told you that, So I'm just I jumped on the
on the rogue today and just just tick the legs
over for twenty minutes, so one minute going forward, one
(04:39):
minute going backward, trying to get some getting some movement
back into this fifty seven year old knee. That what
it does every now and again, it just fucking locks up,
and it's still not unlocked yet. At times it'll just
crack again and then it feels good as goal, but
it hasn't. It's been over a week now and it
hasn't quite gone back to how it should be. So
(05:00):
I'm just trying to keep it as I guess, as
moving as I.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Can with it. And so I did that.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
Then I jumped in the sauna for forty minutes, and
then I jumped in the cold chair for five minutes and.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Had a share.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
And now I'm I had a little client thing and
now I'm talking to you. So that's been my morning.
How about you?
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Are you living the dream? Well?
Speaker 2 (05:24):
I had.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
I had no clients this morning, which is a typical
for me, so I got straight up. I did plan
to go to the gym first, but I will be
there later, so I thought i'd be grown up and
reschedule that and make time, you know, rather than travel
there twice. So I got up. I've been editing podcasts,
which they've been older ones, So I love that because
I kind of I remember that I loved the guests
and then but I get to listen to the conversation
(05:46):
all over again, and that excites me. It excites me
when I've got really great variety of conversations in the bank,
and I just got to sit for a morning and
like listen to three or four of them in a row. Nice,
And I thought I had one to that and get
your voice back in the mix.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
What why, Tiez? What else you been doing?
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Well? That's it? Like really, that is it. It is
nine point forty two. I've been up since I woke
up at about five point thirty. I got up at
about six thirty. I took a nice, easy start to
the day. And what I like about a change in
routine is it just it just fires my brain up differently,
so I get reflective, reflective on choices and life. I
(06:31):
tend to reflect on the usual grind or the usual
process and find myself having a different perspective on it
or different ideas. So I've actually reached out to a
few people that I wanted to connect with, and I
think of that, I go, well, when I'm really busy,
who am I not catching up with or what am
I not spending time on that I'd like to be
(06:54):
lots of reflection.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Nice. Nice.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
So if I made an assumption that you had gone
through alphabetically with trying to find someone to talk to right.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Now, Buska, where.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
Did I come in so it was like, Nah, couldn't
get in that Halps was an available? Couldn't get that
fucking a busker Bush?
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Where was I on the list?
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Actually, Harps and I have already tentatively booked something today.
We said we'd be in touch and probably records. So
that wasn't come first. You came first. You came first.
I always love chatting with you, and you've probably been
on my mind because you're just changing your podcast. You're
launching a new podcast and pivoting from the usual simply
(07:45):
practically human where you're talking to guests and I'll give
you a chance to talk about what your new idea
is because it's really cool. But I guess I had
a little bit of fomo. I had a little bit
of oh, well, I get to talk to my will
Marster want to talk talk to me as much? Maybe
maybe internally I was throwing a line out to see
if you were going to disappear from my life of abandonment.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
We have talked about that before, haven't we.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
That's why that's why we don't let go, because we
don't want to be your band and we know all that,
and so that's cool.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
So no, look, no chance the interesting thing. It's always
for your.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
Guests, for your guests, I'm your guest, for your listeners
to think about, like even that moment where you're like,
I wonder if that person. I wonder if that person.
I had someone reach out to me last week who
is new to the game I'm in, and and they
just sort of only a LinkedIn message saying, oh, I
(08:45):
wouldn't mind a chat, wouldn't I catching up? I said,
that's cool. When you want to do that, just flick
me something for next week. And they've come back with,
oh my god. You know, I can't believe this is happening.
And I thought you'd be too busy. But I think
there's a lesson in all of to go. You can't
you can't decide what busyness is for other people, but
(09:05):
also have the courage to reach out to someone that's
different for us. We have a relationship now, but I
remember doing this tif about fifteen years I'd read an
amazing book called Hardwired Humans by a guy called Andrew O'Keeffe. Now,
I want to be really clear here, not the XTV
guy Andrew O'Keeffe, who may or may not have found
(09:28):
himself in some allegedly.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Challenging situations.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
So let's say in the last five years, and I
hope he's going better with all that.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
But a guy had a new South Wales and.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
I read his book and I literally read it in
one gay because every page I turned I couldn't put
it down. And then I wrote him an email and
it said something like, Andrew just wanted to reach out
say that I loved your book and if you'd ever
liked to have a chat, I'd love to do so.
And I let that email sit in my inbox on
my out box for four days, and every time I
(10:03):
went to press the button, the little voice said, he's
not going to be interested in you. He's an author,
he's written two books, he's connected to some famous people
around the world. And in the end, I remember literally
closing my eyes and sort of stepping back a bit
and then putting the finger out and hitting the button
and I reckon. Within about two hours, I've got a
(10:24):
response from this good human being saying I'm really pleased
that you like the book. And I do a bit
of traveling and next time I'm in Melbourne, we should
we should catch up. Now this was around the time
when I was thinking about going out and doing my
own thing. One of the things I did to start
with was actually partnered with Andrew, doing some work with
him early days. Now, I guess my message in this
(10:47):
to people is, who's your Andrew? Who's that person that
you think, Oh, they wouldn't respond to me, they won't
come back to me, and what is it that's holding
you back from I had that same situation with Aps
when I wrote to him. It's like, he won't respond
to me, and he did. And you know, I wonder
(11:08):
what it is with us human beings that think that
we're not in the right We're not in the same league,
we're not at the same level, we're not whatever it
might be. It's all that comparison stuff that I think
stops us from doing what we're now doing, which is like,
you know, you should be a message, a messaging messenger.
I come back and go, oh, I'm bit, I've got
(11:29):
shit on all morning. You go, well, I've got shit
on all afternoon. This ain't going to work. And then
I see, lang on, I've got nothing until ten fifteen.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Let's have a chat, and here we are making it work.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
So what about you, what's your moment been where it's
like I couldn't possibly, I couldn't possibly reach out to
that person because like, oh oh.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Look, I guess it's a tough one to recall because
I did so so much like I broke through that
barrier in that time of COVID when things happened and
I learned really quickly. I got to see it firsthand
and process it really quickly. Hey hang on, you little
miss nobody. What gave me the confidence though, And this
(12:17):
was fortunate for me because it gave me a sense
of perceived confidence that I wouldn't have had otherwise. And
that was that at the time of starting my podcast,
I was working online with paramedics and I'd put together
this program and one of the sessions was just to
get together during COVID, you know, let's connect, And that
(12:41):
merged and morphed really quickly into me bringing on wonderful
guests and speakers, and then that planted the seed of
this podcast idea because I had the affiliation with what
seemed like a really big well not seemed like it is,
it's a big and a respected organization, confidence to ask
(13:01):
people to come and speak to and for that organization
on behalf of me, and then I realized that, I mean,
it was just the it was just the interaction. It
was just the asking. If you ask, you get, And
then I had other people coming to me, going, how
are you getting these guests? And some of the people
(13:22):
asking me that question were people that I remember at
the time thinking, my god, you'd have phone numbers in
your phone that I would love to be asking on
the show. And I feel like, you're not even asking
the people that you have have reach with. So that
was really interesting to me. And it was just something
that unfolded that I happened to already be in the
(13:43):
middle of and get to process it and see it happening,
which is kind of weird and cool, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
It's brilliant.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
I want to explore a bit about how you've got
over being little miss nobody, because that's really interesting that
you know even those three these three words a little
miss nobody.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
And I'm sure others who are listening can relate to this.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
It's like delving into the darkest areas of your bad
news filing cabinet, going well, I'm down here in draw
number one, and then that person's up in draw number eight,
and look at they're doing wonderful things. How do you
overcome because it's not just right place at the right time.
I think one of the things Covid did for us
(14:26):
is to get us off our arses, some of us
to go, and I had to change my business model significantly.
You've you've done what you've done, but we had you
had a choice, you could still be carrying the story
of a little miss Nobody. So there's got to be
more than just right place, right time what happened for you.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
I want to say that that is still a challenge
slash floor of mine. And I say that because just
this morning I was I was thinking about podcasting and
some of the guests I've connected with and the amount
of podcasts I go on that aren't mine, which is
very few compared to how many guests I have on.
(15:07):
And I never pitch myself. And I never pitched. I mean,
I was running my podcast for a couple of years
before people started asking me. Listeners started reaching out saying
do you do coaching? Do this? Do you do that?
And I went, oh, oh you. I'd never talk about
who I am. I'm very guest focused and nobody knows
who I am on my background, and there's still a
(15:30):
huge level of that that exists, because there's a part
of me that goes, what do I have to say?
And I'm far less comfortable talking as the person. I'm
very comfortable at interjecting in a conversation that is based
on the other person and sharing me and I have
a lot of confidence when the spotlight isn't naturally on me,
(15:53):
and I feel like I'm muscling it on my own
spotlight and going, oh, hey, I've got something to say here.
But when it's really hey, this is Tiff, She's got
something to say, and somebody else is kind of saying that,
I feel like, oh, I'm just you know, like I'm
still holding that. It's a tough one, isn't it.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
I'm really pleased that you shared that. I don't find
that as tough anymore. And I think something that's been
really useful for me is to continue to remind myself
of these myself. Jeez, I'm back in Moldura again. Myself,
(16:34):
I understood it.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
I'm from Devin Portes.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
Main comparison corrodes confidence, so I can still get caught
up at times in comparing myself to others that I
see on LinkedIn or something and what they're doing, and
I'm why the fuck aren't I doing that. However, I've
(16:57):
now been able to go, you know what that is
not that's not useful from the point of view putting
yourself down, but you're not having a conversation with yourself.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Then that goes, Oh, they're doing really good work.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
But some am I it's like, well, hewck come there
over in the States and I'm here. So I've really
become aware of the downside of comparison and the impact
on confidence, and I'm really really comfortable now.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
I do a thing in my program where we.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
Share our stop and go stories, the stop story being
yourself limiting belief. My stop story is I'm just lucky.
I've just been in the right place at the right time.
I was lucky that I had fuck all to do
for forty five minutes here today, so now I'm talking
to you, I'm lucky. I could tell for every client
I have in ten years, I could tell a story
where I was just lucky that I met someone who
(17:55):
introduced me to someone and all that sort of stuff,
and my luck's going to run out. That's my stop
story that sends me into a tailspin every now and again.
But my ghost story like, what am I great at?
And I just share this in the room and I
look at people's faces and they're like, how do you
fucking say that? And I go, I am not just great,
I am fucking awesome at creating a space where people
(18:17):
feel safe enough.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
To share shit about themselves.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
Now I don't even have any sort of visceral reaction
to that anymore. And that's one of the things I
want to try and help people with is just get
comfortably uncomfortable with sharing what you're fucking awesome at, because
that could be a gift for someone else who's shit
(18:41):
house at that stuff, and they might just want one
or two tips. I'm shit at attention to detail, tiff.
So when I'm in the room, I say to people,
just anyone is awesome at this, give me one tip
on what I could do? And they sort of look
at me like, oh, I better be pretty cool, and
I go fucking simple stuff and someone says write a list,
and I went, oh, that's a good idea.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
I don't do that.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
So I want people to be thinking about this, What
are other people missing out on because you're not sharing
that thing about you, not in the not in the
sort of in the way that you do it, but
coming out straight away and going, hey, I'm fucking awesome
at this? What are other people missing out on? And
then the other thing I say to people, what are
(19:26):
you frightened of? By saying that? So, what might you
be frightened of if you really started, if you started
a conversation blowing a bit of smoke out your own backside?
What are you worried about?
Speaker 1 (19:41):
Oh? Not living up not living up to it?
Speaker 3 (19:48):
Yeah, So, so think about that for a minute. Something
that what is what is something that I'm going to?
I'm going to something that I know you're awesome at?
Is inspiring young females to step into whatever it is
(20:09):
they want to step into. You are fucking awesome at that.
But what are you worried about if you started to
share that?
Speaker 1 (20:25):
I don't know. I guess maybe I guess one of
the biggest things, because again I was thinking about this
this morning. What a I'm not selling anything, I'm not
being an expert in anything, And I'll become really comfortable
at that, And so it pushes me out of the
(20:45):
normal organic tiff sharing and inspiring by leading by example,
and encouraging the underdog and encouraging mediocrity and discomfort into
putting a picture around it and making a promise. I
don't want to not deliver on a promise. I don't
(21:07):
want to get it wrong. Whereas if I'm just in
the middle letting people follow like a little pied piper
blowing my little trumpet, is that to say?
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Is that a nice, nice safe space for you?
Speaker 1 (21:23):
Yeah? But also it's not because it keeps me small?
Speaker 3 (21:29):
Yeah, the guy, it's a challenging one. I just want
people to be thinking about this that because you're not
you're not small. It's not you're not staying small with
what you're doing. It's not staying small. But there's that
little voices, you know, those three words that we mentioned before,
and and then what you said now, maybe there's just
(21:51):
a bit of safety that goes with it. I think
I busted through this tip about five years ago. I'm like,
I don't, really, I don't. Someone could come up to me,
what can happen in the room As I look around
the room and you see looks on people's faces, and
it's like you can see the look and they go
I don't think they believe that about me. But that's
okay because because some people can have a really shit
(22:11):
experience with me and others might have an inspiring.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
One, and they're both right.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
But I think we all as human beings, get so
caught up in the I love what you said, What
if I don't what if I can't prove that?
Speaker 1 (22:26):
What if?
Speaker 2 (22:27):
What if I don't deliver on that?
Speaker 1 (22:29):
I'm just reflecting, and I was I was doing. I
did a little thing the other day, a little like
online quizzy thing about the corn corn needs or something.
Someone referred to it. So I jumped on and did it,
and belonging skyrocketed for me, this sense of belonging. Right,
So maybe that's it because because if if anyone it's polarized,
(22:50):
I don't belong. So it's there's the ability to I
don't know, maybe I don't know. That just jumped in
my hands, like is there something there?
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Of course there is. It's like.
Speaker 3 (23:02):
Belonging is a significant human desire, connection, belonging, survival, all
those types of things. And if you're feeling like you're
going to be, well, maybe I'm going to be a
bit isolated, rejected, even if I share too much about
(23:24):
myself I can do it in a self deprecating way.
I can do it in ways where I soften the
message so then people will accept me. Because we have
a cultural thing around the tall poppy syndrome, don't we,
and people looking for things that will tell me that
you're not as awesome as you thought you were. But
(23:45):
I actually think we need to break the cycle on
that stuff, because I really do believe that we get
caught in the bad news filing cabinet of what are
people going to think of me? I look at it
the other way now and go, what are people missing
out on if I don't turn up and be big?
Speaker 1 (24:08):
Yeah, that's really true, And just the courage to the
courage to invest in it. I was thinking again this morning.
I was like, what am I? You know? What situations
do I need to invite myself into? What rooms do
I need to be and what free stuff do I
need to do more of in order to be with
(24:30):
the right people. Get inspired? I went, I accepted an
invitation to low and behold the bloody black tie gala
all that on the weekend.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
Jee must lead picture, you said out there.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
A couple of days out and it came through somebody
who We've been introduced through a networking circle. Last year
I got some quotes for some work from them but
didn't need to proceed at the given time, so that
we're connected, but we'd only I had one quick a
little bit of back and forth and I think a
quick zoom meeting to say hi and get to get
(25:05):
my head around what their service was. And they reached
out and said, Hey, we've got a ticket to this event.
Would you like to come? It's black tie, it's a
big charity thing at the Crown, and it's really late
on a Saturday, and I worked seven mornings, so I
was like, oh, very late, very late sleep. So my
inclination was to say oh, And then I thought, oh,
(25:27):
this is a completely different environment, completely different people, completely Look,
this is a real networking opportunity and also just a
funnes say yes, so get out of your own way,
dress up for a night. And so I did it
and g It's brought about a five podcast guests. Got
(25:47):
the five people I spoke to because these are hand
picked people that are that are doing great stuff in
the world, but each have a story big or small,
and so five times I went you know what I
reckon you should come and have a chat on my
show because your story needs to be shared. You're amazing.
But also just the perspective of different people doing different stuff.
(26:13):
That type of event was different to be in the
middle of To turn up as one single person who's
not used to dressing up and sit on a big
table of ten people that I didn't know and introduce myself,
most of them in couples. So to walk up to
couples and say Hi, I'm Tiff. I'm Tiff. And later
in the night one of the guys, Nick shout out
(26:34):
to him. He said, did you do you know? Who?
Do you know? Ben? I said When I say no him,
we had one zoom call last year. He goes, did
you and you came by yourself? And I went yeah,
and he goes, that's really wow. And I was like, yeah,
it is, isn't it? And I've stepped out and I've
it was uncomfortable at first, and then I went out
of my way to make conversation and get to know
(26:55):
people and practice the stuff I'm not used to and
just made its making me think what else? What other
rooms do I need to be and what other So
many activities I met people that that start charities together,
like a guy that actually helps people start charities. And yeah,
heaps of thoughts, heaps of experiences.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
So at what moment did you get past the little
old me and then go.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
This is scary as fuck, but I'm going to go
and do it, and then think about you there in
the night and when you walk through the door. Because
I saw some early photos and saw some later photos
and it's like it's a different person.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
Like how did it? How did it click that I
should be there? I belong here?
Speaker 1 (27:48):
I think what what it did? What I noticed really
stand out for me was the how staying in your
environment and comfort zone on the most very very basic
level gives you a perception of yourself that is not real.
Like I used to when I worked in corporate. I
used to dress up all the times I was wearing heels,
(28:09):
I was, you know, and I was very comfortable that.
And over the years of personal training and just doing podcasting,
I'm sitting here in my roll with the Punch's muscletop
every day so I don't have to think about what
to wear, and I play my I dumb myself down
because I'm the little boxer girl. That's really funny and
fun and we do all the physical stuff. And it
just reminded me that I'm also a girl that really
(28:32):
likes to get glammed up and have intelligent conversations and
not have to not adapt to the perceived perception, my
perceived perception of what others already make of me because
they don't know me yet, and they're not meeting me
in a gym with a muscletop on. They're meeting me
with red fucking lipstick and a jumpsuit and big heels.
(28:53):
Mark I was in big heels.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
Wow, oh wait, there you go.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
So so you put yourself into that situation so then
the next time it's going to be easier.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Yeah, I'm like, my hand is raised. Anyone need a
plus one for a black tie event? On there?
Speaker 3 (29:10):
So this is where your lesseners should be thinking about
what's their moment going to be, what's their thing coming up,
what's the thing that's going to scare the shit out
of them that they need to do, and and step
into the fucking the cold swimming pool of vulnerability and
not knowing and like even you know, you said turn
(29:30):
it up, turning up single when the table with people
there with couples and like, oh, you know, that's even challenging.
That's challenging in itself for for people. So you've got
to just keep grabbing these little things and going, well this.
You know, I can keep playing small and safe and
(29:51):
poor little me, or I can step out into these
situations and I think that's pretty cool that you've done it.
That's a bit like you know talked before about I'm
retiring a party in starting a new one, and there's
a bit of for fuck, that was pretty easy to
do it that way. But the new way is send
me a question. I'm not going to look at the
(30:11):
questions until I sit down in front of the microphone.
I'm going to talk about contentious issues with leadership and
human interaction and stuff in the workplace. And I'm not
going to feel it's called in the raw. So when
I looked up in the raw what it says, it
basically says not to be pre manufactured, diluted. I'm just
(30:33):
going to say what I feel and what I think
about those questions, and some people are going to love it,
and other people are going to think it's totally fucking wrong,
and they might have some people may change their perception
of me with the answers that I give. But I
see it as more of me stepping into the zone
(30:54):
where I need to be uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Again.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
I really love that because you're you're already very good
at this off the cuff and just saying what comes
to you in the moment and articulating it really well.
But just think of the skills that you're honing through
doing it in a structured way, like we never think
(31:17):
about the skills we're honing. When I thought about and
as even as you were relaying it again to me
thought about that event, I also thought about just it's
just the and I talk about it in a boxing context,
but it's everywhere. The idea of going into different I'm
just used to being in different environments and speaking to
different different people on different levels in different ways. And
(31:39):
that's a skill that is very relevant to the stuff
that I do. It's a skill relevant to being a speaker.
It's a skill relevant to running workshops or even fitness
classes or personal training people. All these skills that we
don't recognize. We think skills are something that you go
to school and get a certificate for.
Speaker 3 (31:59):
Stay true, it's usually technical stuff, but it's the ability
to it's your intuition. Like people say, how do you
think so quickly on your feet? Okay, well it takes
thirty five years of stuff up in your head. And
the other thing is, and I've not always been great
at that, is to actively listen rather than have the answer.
(32:19):
And I'm pretty good at having the answer at times
as well. But you know, I think what you're talking
about now is, in some respects, doing what I call
a bit of an essential human skills audit. As well
as you've got your technical skills, they're easy to write down,
but you do your essential human skills audit, and you'll
start to go, oh, I didn't realize I had that. Yeah,
(32:41):
And then then it stops you from playing the safe game,
and you know, and then you stop being scared of Well,
I can't really walk into that room with those people
because they're from here. Like you know, I talk about
doing a podcast on the late level of how much
I'm shitting myself. Let's say it might be seven out
of ten, but I'll finished with this. Yes, I don't
(33:02):
know if I've talked about this before on the episode.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
Maybe I have.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
But on March of seventh twenty twenty five, I've got
to do a dad daughter dance at my youngest daughter's wedding. Now,
i am fucking petrified of dancing, and I'm petrified of
people seeing me dance. So what I've done to scare
the shit out of myself is I've reached out to
a guy that came to my program once who is
(33:27):
a professional dancer, but he has another job, but he's
a professional dancer. And I've reached out to Jamie and said, mate,
here's the song, here's.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
What it's about.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
Can you come back to me and let me know
when we're going to start a lesson. So even me
saying that, now I feel like I'm going to vomit
hito my mouth because I'm so scared of it.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
This is one more very strong string in your Patrick
Swayzy bow Marklebus Wazy.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
Now Swayzey, I think Swaysy's we're going to retire Sways.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
I think Sways He's gone, no way.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
Yeah, oh way, are you going to do the lift?
Speaker 3 (34:05):
I don't know what we're doing, but hopefully by then
I would have replaced my knee as well, so then
I'll be fine, because like that knee ain't going to
hold up anything that's going to be off the straight.
We might I was thinking we might get some of
those hobby horses and just across the thing of the
hobby horse stuff you see on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
Yeah, yeah, you know that's a real sport.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
Hey, I know it is. But if I have to
go off the straight, I'm no good. Now listen. In
four minutes time, I've got to check in with some
clients on something on a call. So this has been amazing,
how we've just off the cuff, come together, had a chat.
I always love these, but I have to bid you
and your listeners farewell.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
Thanks for swooning in Thank everyone,
Good day everyone, Welcome to the show. This is Roll
with the Punches podcast and I'm your host, Tiffany Cook.
And today I am having a short and sweet, well
not super short, but shorter than usual chat to Mark Lebask.
We had an offcuff, unplanned conversation. I was sitting around
(00:22):
at I think it was about ten am on a Tuesday,
a random Tuesday. My day was all out of sorts
and had all sorts of freedom, and so I shot
Mark a message and said, get online. Let's do it.
So we did, and bloody oath. It was such a
great chat. We talked about the idea of me having
this little miss nobody, idea of myself, the skill of intuition,
(00:46):
and the essential human skills that we develop when we
are doing our thing, when we're doing the thing that
we love, some of the skills that we don't often recognize,
the idea of comparison, comparison corroding, confidence, and our stop
and go stories, how to break the cycles. Heaps of
great stuff. So it was one of my favorite chats. Actually,
(01:08):
I really loved it. I hope you enjoy it, and
if you do, you know what to do all the things,
all of the things. Nobody wants to go to court
and don't. My friends at test Art Family Lawyers know
that they offer all forms of alternative dispute resolution. Their
team of Melbourne family lawyers have extensive experience in all
areas of family law to facto and same sex couples,
(01:31):
custody and children, family violence and intervention orders, property settlements
and financial agreements. Test Art is in your corner, so
reach out to Mark and the team at www dot
test Artfamilylawyers dot com dot au. Machael Bus, Marklebus here
(01:52):
we are.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Here, yes we are.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
Like just see what I thought I wouldn't have been
thinking up to ten minutes ago. I'll be talking to
you today, My goodness, see better?
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Or what's going on.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
There in the background? Everyone bears just realized I'm on
a podcast. And when I get on a podcast, she
knows the difference when I am and when I'm not.
And now she's trying to smash her over the banner
that stands behind me. They're very intelligent cats, Like she
doesn't do that when I'm sitting here working, but as
soon as she knows I'm on a podcast, she does it.
(02:22):
That is, I got no words for her. That's intelligent
and very frustrating or.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Attention seeking.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
It is all she wants is my love. She's so
happy when I just lay down and she just gets
to sit right on my chest and just put her
little so I can feel her breath on my chin,
and she just looks at me and hers and and
it's and everything's forgiven. I'm like, oh, I love you
so much.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
That's not how you describe where she sat when we
went the saw went to see the Brunswick Ballroom.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
You said she sat somewhere else. I remember that we
were all laughing about that.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
She does sit there too. She sits in a lot
of places.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
There you go.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
I'll just leave that up to the imagination of the
trustee listeners.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
So here's the thing, Like you were doing a few
bits and persons you're editing, and then some things got canceled,
and like they be a million things going through your mind,
because I know the way you work. How the fuck
did I pop out of this?
Speaker 2 (03:29):
Somehow?
Speaker 1 (03:31):
I just felt like, I don't know, I just thought,
what a great day to have a chat, What a
great day to have a chat with Mark. Sometimes I
don't know, I'm feeling like I've got good energy, and
I'm awake and I'm excited. I feel really my vibes
feel high, and I like having a chat when it's
like that and you're pretty good off the cuffs. I
(03:53):
just thought i'd really win and seize the moment, which
it's rare that you're not off you know, presenting and
working and tling and relaxing and you know, doing great stuff.
Kat is going nuts in the background. Everyone's boxing match
here in a minute.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
It is a kid.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
This is the most relentless she's been with it. What's
your morning been like? What's your life been like?
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Well, well, since we caught up, what's my morning been like?
The morning was the usual thing. I just actually just
jumped on thet I blew my knee up again. I
told you that, So I'm just I jumped on the
on the rogue today and just just tick the legs
over for twenty minutes, so one minute going forward, one
(04:39):
minute going backward, trying to get some getting some movement
back into this fifty seven year old knee. That what
it does every now and again, it just fucking locks up,
and it's still not unlocked yet. At times it'll just
crack again and then it feels good as goal, but
it hasn't. It's been over a week now and it
hasn't quite gone back to how it should be. So
(05:00):
I'm just trying to keep it as I guess, as
moving as I.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Can with it. And so I did that.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
Then I jumped in the sauna for forty minutes, and
then I jumped in the cold chair for five minutes and.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Had a share.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
And now I'm I had a little client thing and
now I'm talking to you. So that's been my morning.
How about you?
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Are you living the dream? Well?
Speaker 2 (05:24):
I had.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
I had no clients this morning, which is a typical
for me, so I got straight up. I did plan
to go to the gym first, but I will be
there later, so I thought i'd be grown up and
reschedule that and make time, you know, rather than travel
there twice. So I got up. I've been editing podcasts,
which they've been older ones, So I love that because
I kind of I remember that I loved the guests
and then but I get to listen to the conversation
(05:46):
all over again, and that excites me. It excites me
when I've got really great variety of conversations in the bank,
and I just got to sit for a morning and
like listen to three or four of them in a row. Nice,
And I thought I had one to that and get
your voice back in the mix.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
What why, Tiez? What else you been doing?
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Well? That's it? Like really, that is it. It is
nine point forty two. I've been up since I woke
up at about five point thirty. I got up at
about six thirty. I took a nice, easy start to
the day. And what I like about a change in
routine is it just it just fires my brain up differently,
so I get reflective, reflective on choices and life. I
(06:31):
tend to reflect on the usual grind or the usual
process and find myself having a different perspective on it
or different ideas. So I've actually reached out to a
few people that I wanted to connect with, and I
think of that, I go, well, when I'm really busy,
who am I not catching up with or what am
I not spending time on that I'd like to be
(06:54):
lots of reflection.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Nice. Nice.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
So if I made an assumption that you had gone
through alphabetically with trying to find someone to talk to right.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Now, Buska, where.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
Did I come in so it was like, Nah, couldn't
get in that Halps was an available? Couldn't get that
fucking a busker Bush?
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Where was I on the list?
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Actually, Harps and I have already tentatively booked something today.
We said we'd be in touch and probably records. So
that wasn't come first. You came first. You came first.
I always love chatting with you, and you've probably been
on my mind because you're just changing your podcast. You're
launching a new podcast and pivoting from the usual simply
(07:45):
practically human where you're talking to guests and I'll give
you a chance to talk about what your new idea
is because it's really cool. But I guess I had
a little bit of fomo. I had a little bit
of oh, well, I get to talk to my will
Marster want to talk talk to me as much? Maybe
maybe internally I was throwing a line out to see
if you were going to disappear from my life of abandonment.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
We have talked about that before, haven't we.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
That's why that's why we don't let go, because we
don't want to be your band and we know all that,
and so that's cool.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
So no, look, no chance the interesting thing. It's always
for your.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
Guests, for your guests, I'm your guest, for your listeners
to think about, like even that moment where you're like,
I wonder if that person. I wonder if that person.
I had someone reach out to me last week who
is new to the game I'm in, and and they
just sort of only a LinkedIn message saying, oh, I
(08:45):
wouldn't mind a chat, wouldn't I catching up? I said,
that's cool. When you want to do that, just flick
me something for next week. And they've come back with,
oh my god. You know, I can't believe this is happening.
And I thought you'd be too busy. But I think
there's a lesson in all of to go. You can't
you can't decide what busyness is for other people, but
(09:05):
also have the courage to reach out to someone that's
different for us. We have a relationship now, but I
remember doing this tif about fifteen years I'd read an
amazing book called Hardwired Humans by a guy called Andrew O'Keeffe. Now,
I want to be really clear here, not the XTV
guy Andrew O'Keeffe, who may or may not have found
(09:28):
himself in some allegedly.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Challenging situations.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
So let's say in the last five years, and I
hope he's going better with all that.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
But a guy had a new South Wales and.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
I read his book and I literally read it in
one gay because every page I turned I couldn't put
it down. And then I wrote him an email and
it said something like, Andrew just wanted to reach out
say that I loved your book and if you'd ever
liked to have a chat, I'd love to do so.
And I let that email sit in my inbox on
my out box for four days, and every time I
(10:03):
went to press the button, the little voice said, he's
not going to be interested in you. He's an author,
he's written two books, he's connected to some famous people
around the world. And in the end, I remember literally
closing my eyes and sort of stepping back a bit
and then putting the finger out and hitting the button
and I reckon. Within about two hours, I've got a
(10:24):
response from this good human being saying I'm really pleased
that you like the book. And I do a bit
of traveling and next time I'm in Melbourne, we should
we should catch up. Now this was around the time
when I was thinking about going out and doing my
own thing. One of the things I did to start
with was actually partnered with Andrew, doing some work with
him early days. Now, I guess my message in this
(10:47):
to people is, who's your Andrew? Who's that person that
you think, Oh, they wouldn't respond to me, they won't
come back to me, and what is it that's holding
you back from I had that same situation with Aps
when I wrote to him. It's like, he won't respond
to me, and he did. And you know, I wonder
(11:08):
what it is with us human beings that think that
we're not in the right We're not in the same league,
we're not at the same level, we're not whatever it
might be. It's all that comparison stuff that I think
stops us from doing what we're now doing, which is like,
you know, you should be a message, a messaging messenger.
I come back and go, oh, I'm bit, I've got
(11:29):
shit on all morning. You go, well, I've got shit
on all afternoon. This ain't going to work. And then
I see, lang on, I've got nothing until ten fifteen.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Let's have a chat, and here we are making it work.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
So what about you, what's your moment been where it's
like I couldn't possibly, I couldn't possibly reach out to
that person because like, oh oh.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Look, I guess it's a tough one to recall because
I did so so much like I broke through that
barrier in that time of COVID when things happened and
I learned really quickly. I got to see it firsthand
and process it really quickly. Hey hang on, you little
miss nobody. What gave me the confidence though, And this
(12:17):
was fortunate for me because it gave me a sense
of perceived confidence that I wouldn't have had otherwise. And
that was that at the time of starting my podcast,
I was working online with paramedics and I'd put together
this program and one of the sessions was just to
get together during COVID, you know, let's connect, And that
(12:41):
merged and morphed really quickly into me bringing on wonderful
guests and speakers, and then that planted the seed of
this podcast idea because I had the affiliation with what
seemed like a really big well not seemed like it is,
it's a big and a respected organization, confidence to ask
(13:01):
people to come and speak to and for that organization
on behalf of me, and then I realized that, I mean,
it was just the it was just the interaction. It
was just the asking. If you ask, you get, And
then I had other people coming to me, going, how
are you getting these guests? And some of the people
(13:22):
asking me that question were people that I remember at
the time thinking, my god, you'd have phone numbers in
your phone that I would love to be asking on
the show. And I feel like, you're not even asking
the people that you have have reach with. So that
was really interesting to me. And it was just something
that unfolded that I happened to already be in the
(13:43):
middle of and get to process it and see it happening,
which is kind of weird and cool, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
It's brilliant.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
I want to explore a bit about how you've got
over being little miss nobody, because that's really interesting that
you know even those three these three words a little
miss nobody.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
And I'm sure others who are listening can relate to this.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
It's like delving into the darkest areas of your bad
news filing cabinet, going well, I'm down here in draw
number one, and then that person's up in draw number eight,
and look at they're doing wonderful things. How do you
overcome because it's not just right place at the right time.
I think one of the things Covid did for us
(14:26):
is to get us off our arses, some of us
to go, and I had to change my business model significantly.
You've you've done what you've done, but we had you
had a choice, you could still be carrying the story
of a little miss Nobody. So there's got to be
more than just right place, right time what happened for you.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
I want to say that that is still a challenge
slash floor of mine. And I say that because just
this morning I was I was thinking about podcasting and
some of the guests I've connected with and the amount
of podcasts I go on that aren't mine, which is
very few compared to how many guests I have on.
(15:07):
And I never pitch myself. And I never pitched. I mean,
I was running my podcast for a couple of years
before people started asking me. Listeners started reaching out saying
do you do coaching? Do this? Do you do that?
And I went, oh, oh you. I'd never talk about
who I am. I'm very guest focused and nobody knows
who I am on my background, and there's still a
(15:30):
huge level of that that exists, because there's a part
of me that goes, what do I have to say?
And I'm far less comfortable talking as the person. I'm
very comfortable at interjecting in a conversation that is based
on the other person and sharing me and I have
a lot of confidence when the spotlight isn't naturally on me,
(15:53):
and I feel like I'm muscling it on my own
spotlight and going, oh, hey, I've got something to say here.
But when it's really hey, this is Tiff, She's got
something to say, and somebody else is kind of saying that,
I feel like, oh, I'm just you know, like I'm
still holding that. It's a tough one, isn't it.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
I'm really pleased that you shared that. I don't find
that as tough anymore. And I think something that's been
really useful for me is to continue to remind myself
of these myself. Jeez, I'm back in Moldura again. Myself,
(16:34):
I understood it.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
I'm from Devin Portes.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
Main comparison corrodes confidence, so I can still get caught
up at times in comparing myself to others that I
see on LinkedIn or something and what they're doing, and
I'm why the fuck aren't I doing that. However, I've
(16:57):
now been able to go, you know what that is
not that's not useful from the point of view putting
yourself down, but you're not having a conversation with yourself.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Then that goes, Oh, they're doing really good work.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
But some am I it's like, well, hewck come there
over in the States and I'm here. So I've really
become aware of the downside of comparison and the impact
on confidence, and I'm really really comfortable now.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
I do a thing in my program where we.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
Share our stop and go stories, the stop story being
yourself limiting belief. My stop story is I'm just lucky.
I've just been in the right place at the right time.
I was lucky that I had fuck all to do
for forty five minutes here today, so now I'm talking
to you, I'm lucky. I could tell for every client
I have in ten years, I could tell a story
where I was just lucky that I met someone who
(17:55):
introduced me to someone and all that sort of stuff,
and my luck's going to run out. That's my stop
story that sends me into a tailspin every now and again.
But my ghost story like, what am I great at?
And I just share this in the room and I
look at people's faces and they're like, how do you
fucking say that? And I go, I am not just great,
I am fucking awesome at creating a space where people
(18:17):
feel safe enough.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
To share shit about themselves.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
Now I don't even have any sort of visceral reaction
to that anymore. And that's one of the things I
want to try and help people with is just get
comfortably uncomfortable with sharing what you're fucking awesome at, because
that could be a gift for someone else who's shit
(18:41):
house at that stuff, and they might just want one
or two tips. I'm shit at attention to detail, tiff.
So when I'm in the room, I say to people,
just anyone is awesome at this, give me one tip
on what I could do? And they sort of look
at me like, oh, I better be pretty cool, and
I go fucking simple stuff and someone says write a list,
and I went, oh, that's a good idea.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
I don't do that.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
So I want people to be thinking about this, What
are other people missing out on because you're not sharing
that thing about you, not in the not in the
sort of in the way that you do it, but
coming out straight away and going, hey, I'm fucking awesome
at this? What are other people missing out on? And
then the other thing I say to people, what are
(19:26):
you frightened of? By saying that? So, what might you
be frightened of if you really started, if you started
a conversation blowing a bit of smoke out your own backside?
What are you worried about?
Speaker 1 (19:41):
Oh? Not living up not living up to it?
Speaker 3 (19:48):
Yeah, So, so think about that for a minute. Something
that what is what is something that I'm going to?
I'm going to something that I know you're awesome at?
Is inspiring young females to step into whatever it is
(20:09):
they want to step into. You are fucking awesome at that.
But what are you worried about if you started to
share that?
Speaker 1 (20:25):
I don't know. I guess maybe I guess one of
the biggest things, because again I was thinking about this
this morning. What a I'm not selling anything, I'm not
being an expert in anything, And I'll become really comfortable
at that, And so it pushes me out of the
(20:45):
normal organic tiff sharing and inspiring by leading by example,
and encouraging the underdog and encouraging mediocrity and discomfort into
putting a picture around it and making a promise. I
don't want to not deliver on a promise. I don't
(21:07):
want to get it wrong. Whereas if I'm just in
the middle letting people follow like a little pied piper
blowing my little trumpet, is that to say?
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Is that a nice, nice safe space for you?
Speaker 1 (21:23):
Yeah? But also it's not because it keeps me small?
Speaker 3 (21:29):
Yeah, the guy, it's a challenging one. I just want
people to be thinking about this that because you're not
you're not small. It's not you're not staying small with
what you're doing. It's not staying small. But there's that
little voices, you know, those three words that we mentioned before,
and and then what you said now, maybe there's just
(21:51):
a bit of safety that goes with it. I think
I busted through this tip about five years ago. I'm like,
I don't, really, I don't. Someone could come up to me,
what can happen in the room As I look around
the room and you see looks on people's faces, and
it's like you can see the look and they go
I don't think they believe that about me. But that's
okay because because some people can have a really shit
(22:11):
experience with me and others might have an inspiring.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
One, and they're both right.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
But I think we all as human beings, get so
caught up in the I love what you said, What
if I don't what if I can't prove that?
Speaker 1 (22:26):
What if?
Speaker 2 (22:27):
What if I don't deliver on that?
Speaker 1 (22:29):
I'm just reflecting, and I was I was doing. I
did a little thing the other day, a little like
online quizzy thing about the corn corn needs or something.
Someone referred to it. So I jumped on and did it,
and belonging skyrocketed for me, this sense of belonging. Right,
So maybe that's it because because if if anyone it's polarized,
(22:50):
I don't belong. So it's there's the ability to I
don't know, maybe I don't know. That just jumped in
my hands, like is there something there?
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Of course there is. It's like.
Speaker 3 (23:02):
Belonging is a significant human desire, connection, belonging, survival, all
those types of things. And if you're feeling like you're
going to be, well, maybe I'm going to be a
bit isolated, rejected, even if I share too much about
(23:24):
myself I can do it in a self deprecating way.
I can do it in ways where I soften the
message so then people will accept me. Because we have
a cultural thing around the tall poppy syndrome, don't we,
and people looking for things that will tell me that
you're not as awesome as you thought you were. But
(23:45):
I actually think we need to break the cycle on
that stuff, because I really do believe that we get
caught in the bad news filing cabinet of what are
people going to think of me? I look at it
the other way now and go, what are people missing
out on if I don't turn up and be big?
Speaker 1 (24:08):
Yeah, that's really true, And just the courage to the
courage to invest in it. I was thinking again this morning.
I was like, what am I? You know? What situations
do I need to invite myself into? What rooms do
I need to be and what free stuff do I
need to do more of in order to be with
(24:30):
the right people. Get inspired? I went, I accepted an
invitation to low and behold the bloody black tie gala
all that on the weekend.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
Jee must lead picture, you said out there.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
A couple of days out and it came through somebody
who We've been introduced through a networking circle. Last year
I got some quotes for some work from them but
didn't need to proceed at the given time, so that
we're connected, but we'd only I had one quick a
little bit of back and forth and I think a
quick zoom meeting to say hi and get to get
(25:05):
my head around what their service was. And they reached
out and said, Hey, we've got a ticket to this event.
Would you like to come? It's black tie, it's a
big charity thing at the Crown, and it's really late
on a Saturday, and I worked seven mornings, so I
was like, oh, very late, very late sleep. So my
inclination was to say oh, And then I thought, oh,
(25:27):
this is a completely different environment, completely different people, completely Look,
this is a real networking opportunity and also just a
funnes say yes, so get out of your own way,
dress up for a night. And so I did it
and g It's brought about a five podcast guests. Got
(25:47):
the five people I spoke to because these are hand
picked people that are that are doing great stuff in
the world, but each have a story big or small,
and so five times I went you know what I
reckon you should come and have a chat on my
show because your story needs to be shared. You're amazing.
But also just the perspective of different people doing different stuff.
(26:13):
That type of event was different to be in the
middle of To turn up as one single person who's
not used to dressing up and sit on a big
table of ten people that I didn't know and introduce myself,
most of them in couples. So to walk up to
couples and say Hi, I'm Tiff. I'm Tiff. And later
in the night one of the guys, Nick shout out
(26:34):
to him. He said, did you do you know? Who?
Do you know? Ben? I said When I say no him,
we had one zoom call last year. He goes, did
you and you came by yourself? And I went yeah,
and he goes, that's really wow. And I was like, yeah,
it is, isn't it? And I've stepped out and I've
it was uncomfortable at first, and then I went out
of my way to make conversation and get to know
(26:55):
people and practice the stuff I'm not used to and
just made its making me think what else? What other
rooms do I need to be and what other So
many activities I met people that that start charities together,
like a guy that actually helps people start charities. And yeah,
heaps of thoughts, heaps of experiences.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
So at what moment did you get past the little
old me and then go.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
This is scary as fuck, but I'm going to go
and do it, and then think about you there in
the night and when you walk through the door. Because
I saw some early photos and saw some later photos
and it's like it's a different person.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
Like how did it? How did it click that I
should be there? I belong here?
Speaker 1 (27:48):
I think what what it did? What I noticed really
stand out for me was the how staying in your
environment and comfort zone on the most very very basic
level gives you a perception of yourself that is not real.
Like I used to when I worked in corporate. I
used to dress up all the times I was wearing heels,
(28:09):
I was, you know, and I was very comfortable that.
And over the years of personal training and just doing podcasting,
I'm sitting here in my roll with the Punch's muscletop
every day so I don't have to think about what
to wear, and I play my I dumb myself down
because I'm the little boxer girl. That's really funny and
fun and we do all the physical stuff. And it
just reminded me that I'm also a girl that really
(28:32):
likes to get glammed up and have intelligent conversations and
not have to not adapt to the perceived perception, my
perceived perception of what others already make of me because
they don't know me yet, and they're not meeting me
in a gym with a muscletop on. They're meeting me
with red fucking lipstick and a jumpsuit and big heels.
(28:53):
Mark I was in big heels.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
Wow, oh wait, there you go.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
So so you put yourself into that situation so then
the next time it's going to be easier.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Yeah, I'm like, my hand is raised. Anyone need a
plus one for a black tie event? On there?
Speaker 3 (29:10):
So this is where your lesseners should be thinking about
what's their moment going to be, what's their thing coming up,
what's the thing that's going to scare the shit out
of them that they need to do, and and step
into the fucking the cold swimming pool of vulnerability and
not knowing and like even you know, you said turn
(29:30):
it up, turning up single when the table with people
there with couples and like, oh, you know, that's even challenging.
That's challenging in itself for for people. So you've got
to just keep grabbing these little things and going, well this.
You know, I can keep playing small and safe and
(29:51):
poor little me, or I can step out into these
situations and I think that's pretty cool that you've done it.
That's a bit like you know talked before about I'm
retiring a party in starting a new one, and there's
a bit of for fuck, that was pretty easy to
do it that way. But the new way is send
me a question. I'm not going to look at the
(30:11):
questions until I sit down in front of the microphone.
I'm going to talk about contentious issues with leadership and
human interaction and stuff in the workplace. And I'm not
going to feel it's called in the raw. So when
I looked up in the raw what it says, it
basically says not to be pre manufactured, diluted. I'm just
(30:33):
going to say what I feel and what I think
about those questions, and some people are going to love it,
and other people are going to think it's totally fucking wrong,
and they might have some people may change their perception
of me with the answers that I give. But I
see it as more of me stepping into the zone
(30:54):
where I need to be uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Again.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
I really love that because you're you're already very good
at this off the cuff and just saying what comes
to you in the moment and articulating it really well.
But just think of the skills that you're honing through
doing it in a structured way, like we never think
(31:17):
about the skills we're honing. When I thought about and
as even as you were relaying it again to me
thought about that event, I also thought about just it's
just the and I talk about it in a boxing context,
but it's everywhere. The idea of going into different I'm
just used to being in different environments and speaking to
different different people on different levels in different ways. And
(31:39):
that's a skill that is very relevant to the stuff
that I do. It's a skill relevant to being a speaker.
It's a skill relevant to running workshops or even fitness
classes or personal training people. All these skills that we
don't recognize. We think skills are something that you go
to school and get a certificate for.
Speaker 3 (31:59):
Stay true, it's usually technical stuff, but it's the ability
to it's your intuition. Like people say, how do you
think so quickly on your feet? Okay, well it takes
thirty five years of stuff up in your head. And
the other thing is, and I've not always been great
at that, is to actively listen rather than have the answer.
(32:19):
And I'm pretty good at having the answer at times
as well. But you know, I think what you're talking
about now is, in some respects, doing what I call
a bit of an essential human skills audit. As well
as you've got your technical skills, they're easy to write down,
but you do your essential human skills audit, and you'll
start to go, oh, I didn't realize I had that. Yeah,
(32:41):
And then then it stops you from playing the safe game,
and you know, and then you stop being scared of Well,
I can't really walk into that room with those people
because they're from here. Like you know, I talk about
doing a podcast on the late level of how much
I'm shitting myself. Let's say it might be seven out
of ten, but I'll finished with this. Yes, I don't
(33:02):
know if I've talked about this before on the episode.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
Maybe I have.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
But on March of seventh twenty twenty five, I've got
to do a dad daughter dance at my youngest daughter's wedding. Now,
i am fucking petrified of dancing, and I'm petrified of
people seeing me dance. So what I've done to scare
the shit out of myself is I've reached out to
a guy that came to my program once who is
(33:27):
a professional dancer, but he has another job, but he's
a professional dancer. And I've reached out to Jamie and said, mate,
here's the song, here's.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
What it's about.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
Can you come back to me and let me know
when we're going to start a lesson. So even me
saying that, now I feel like I'm going to vomit
hito my mouth because I'm so scared of it.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
This is one more very strong string in your Patrick
Swayzy bow Marklebus Wazy.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
Now Swayzey, I think Swaysy's we're going to retire Sways.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
I think Sways He's gone, no way.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
Yeah, oh way, are you going to do the lift?
Speaker 3 (34:05):
I don't know what we're doing, but hopefully by then
I would have replaced my knee as well, so then
I'll be fine, because like that knee ain't going to
hold up anything that's going to be off the straight.
We might I was thinking we might get some of
those hobby horses and just across the thing of the
hobby horse stuff you see on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
Yeah, yeah, you know that's a real sport.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
Hey, I know it is. But if I have to
go off the straight, I'm no good. Now listen. In
four minutes time, I've got to check in with some
clients on something on a call. So this has been amazing,
how we've just off the cuff, come together, had a chat.
I always love these, but I have to bid you
and your listeners farewell.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
Thanks for swooning in Thank everyone,
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist
It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.