July 13, 2025 • 48 mins
This chat with ADHD coach Meredith Carder hit home on so many levels. Meredith shared her winding journey to an ADHD diagnosis, starting with recognising the signs in her daughter and then navigating the frustratingly slow and often dismissive diagnostic process herself. We unpacked what ADHD actually looks like in women, especially when layered with things like anxiety, trauma, and that sneaky social conditioning that teaches us to mask it all.
Meredith dove deep into the power of informed coaching, how ADHD shows up differently across life stages, and the big shifts she’s seen in awareness since the pandemic pushed more of this conversation into the online space. We talked meds, managing without them, and the nuanced reality of how perimenopause can completely rattle your already shaky executive functions. There’s a lot of truth in here about experimenting, making your own rules, and trusting your gut - even when the internet is screaming ten different things at once.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
She said, it's now never I got fighting in my blood.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I'm tiff. This is Roll with the Punches and we're
turning life's hardest hits into wins. Nobody wants to go
to court, and don't. My friends at test Art Family
Lawyers know that they offer all forms of alternative dispute resolution.
Their team of Melbourne family lawyers have extensive experience in
(00:29):
all areas of family law to facto and same sex couples,
custody and children, family violence and intervention orders, property settlements
and financial agreements. Test Art is in your corner, so
reach out to Mark and the team at www dot
test Artfamilylawyers dot com dot au. Meredithcarter, Welcome to Roll
(00:54):
with the Punches.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
I'm so excited for a conversation.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Me too, mate, So good to have you on though.
Would you like to give a little intro to myself
and the listeners as to how you describe who you
are and what you do?
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Sure? My name is Meredith Carter. I think you dressed
just said that, But i am an ADHD coach, creator, writer, speaker.
I've been working in this space for about six years now.
I started creating ADHD content a few years after my
(01:29):
diagnosis and after really wanting to dive into the coaching
world around ADHD and have spent the last couple of
years just exploring that field and learning everything I could
about the ADHD bring love it.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
What was your experience like going through the diagnosis process
and all of that six years ago.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
It was quite interesting At this time. I'd already kind
of self identified several years before that, so I've sort
of known I likely had ADHD for almost a decade now.
My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD, and during that process,
that's when the light bulbs really started going off for me.
(02:15):
But because I struggled so much with executive functions like
planning and prioritizing, it just didn't feel that important to
go through the process. And then when I decided to
do it, I had a really hard time following through.
Like I would identify some providers I wanted to work
with for the assessment, I would leave messages, not get
(02:38):
phone calls back, and then six months later I would
be like, Oh, I really want to get on this again.
So it took a while to really complete the process.
Once I did get the appointment scheduled and go through
that piece, I actually had a pretty good experience. I
was a little bit terrified because I'd heard so many
horror stories about called women not being believed that their
(03:03):
struggles were as intense as they were. I've always been
really good at masking my struggles and covering them up
and appearing like I'm functioning, just flying to the world.
So I had a lot of anxiety around would these
providers really listen to me? But I did. I did
find a pretty informed provider and was able to get
(03:24):
those answers.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
And what was your outcome? What was what were you seeking?
What was the path for you?
Speaker 3 (03:33):
You know, at that point, I had already been studying
ADHD and really diving into the information so that I
could help my daughter. I think at that point I
was already interested in becoming an ADHD coach. I had
worked with a coach, I had been kind of implementing
the strategies and tips I was learning about already in
(03:53):
my life and in my daughter's life. But I really
felt like I needed that professional opinion if I was
going to be working with people with ADHD. I also
know that there's so many other things that can look
like ADHD, so I wanted to rule those out to
make sure I was attacking the difficulties I was having
(04:15):
from the right angles.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
What are some of those things?
Speaker 3 (04:19):
You know, it's very common for women with ADHD to
be struggling also with anxiety or depression. Oftentimes symptoms of
trauma can look like ADHD symptoms, and oftentimes you're dealing
with more than just ADHD. It can be an intersection
of a lot of those things.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
How do we know? How do we know what the
origin is?
Speaker 3 (04:44):
I think that's where working with a skilled provider is
really important, because they're going to be able to not
just look at one or two symptoms, but look at
the collection of symptoms and hear your input and understand
and from a clinical perspective how it's impacting you, and hopefully,
(05:05):
if they are an informed provider, be able to also
roll out or confirm what else is going on.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Do you think it's changed over the six years? Well,
what has changed? I should say I.
Speaker 3 (05:23):
Think a lot has changed. There really was this kind
of space and time around the time of the pandemic
where people were spending a lot more time on their phones.
People that had been working in the ADHD space already,
and advocacy and coaching began sharing information online in new ways.
(05:46):
You saw people getting on Instagram and TikTok that probably
wouldn't have earlier, Like me, I'm one of those people.
I would have probably built like coaching practice in a
more traditional way with more of a local focus, had
the pandemic not happened. But people started just all of
a sudden understanding more about ADHD. They were seeing themselves
(06:09):
in this type of content, uh, and they were seeking answers.
I think during that time it was also a time
where people that had kind of learned how to accommodate
themselves and learned a lot of coping strategies, whether they
were the best coping strategies they could have learned or not,
a lot of those things fell apart during the pandemic
(06:31):
because you just didn't have access to them. So a
lot of people were struggling even more than they were before.
It was kind of the straw that broke the camel's
back for a lot of people. So there was more
demand for information, and you know, coaches and professionals met
that demand. And during that time there's also been a
lot of advocacy asking providers to to sharpen their skills
(06:56):
around ADHD. There's not a lot of ADHD education that
happens when someone is getting a degree to work with
mental health, so oftentimes that means a provider has to
seek that out on their own. And as providers, we're
seeing more and more people coming in asking about ADHD
a lot more strengthen their education as well.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Sweet weed, isn't it? It is?
Speaker 3 (07:23):
Oftentimes I tect to clients and I don't want to
scare anyone off from like ever seeking a professional opinion.
But if they are lucky enough to have a skilled
provider in their area that's like a specialist around ADHD,
oftentimes they'll just seek answers from like their general practitioner
or someone that's more of a generalist, and they'll say
(07:46):
things like I felt like I knew more about ADHD
than my doctor did. And that's really frustrating to hear,
because it can be really tough to get answers and
seek that and have the courage to ask for that
professional opinion and then realize that perhaps that provider's information
(08:08):
is outdated or just really not very deep.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
If people are seeking a diagnosis or some support and
they're right at the beginning stage, what do you think,
what are the red flags or the green flags in
terms of finding good support, good understanding. How do we
know that the person we're seeing is treating us no
matter what their qualifications, without a lens of their own bias.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
Yeah, some of the rad flags I would say it
would be if your provider says something like how did
you know learn about ADHD? Or what makes you think
you have ADHD? And if you share like I learned
about it online or something like that, and they dismiss
you right away. There is a lot of information out
there on the internet that's not quite accurate, So I
understand then, but it really shouldn't matter to a provider
(09:04):
why you're in their office. Their job is to help
you discern if this is it, not to you know,
kind of belittle you for how you came to these questions.
I would also struggle with a provider that didn't ask
questions about how your symptoms might show up in other
areas of life, in different life stages for you. So
(09:27):
most ADHD people that work in the field will be
looking for evidence that it existed in childhood. So if
their questions around that piece are how did you do
in school? And if you said I did pretty good
in school, and they're like, well, if you can't have ADHD,
that would be a red flag because role it's you know,
(09:50):
kind of the stereotype is the child that can't focus
at school, that's falling out of their chair, that's getting
in trouble all the time. It doesn't always present that
way for everyone. A lot of people, it eachd have
really curious brains. So if you were the kid that
was interested in school, you might have done well. So
well those doctors that aren't seeing nuance when they ask
(10:11):
those questions, I think that would be a red flag
as well.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
It's so interesting. I think maybe three years ago I
had a diagnosis and same questions, you know, like thinking
back to childhood and you know, when you only have
your own childhood to judge, like you and you don't like,
we don't have a benchmark of what's good behavior, what's distracted.
(10:38):
Like I was just a lively kid and I looked
back it was like, ah, I edit, all right, but
I'm just doing a course at the moment, And Jesus,
it's funny to go with a new understanding and self
awareness to look at how I deal with the stuff.
I the stuff are comfortable in learning and the stuff
that challenges me a bit. And I'm like, it's really
(10:59):
funny because I see the moments where I'm like, there
were some there were some subjects where I would just
annoyingly annihilate it and almost to the annoyance of the teachers,
because they're like, you distract everybody, and you shouldn't even
deserve to name in this subject you're annoying. You should
be like I'm sitting I'm sat outside on a desk
half of the lesson every time. And then there were
(11:23):
there were subjects where I just because of whatever the
reason why it be the teacher or the environment or
the people and the distractions or just the lack of interest,
I just didn't learn a thing and I would just
get disruptive and sent out. So it was like, yeah,
oh yeah, I'm a good student. I was like, yeah, maybe,
or maybe it's complicated.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
Right. Oftentimes they think if you are looking at a
students ripport cord and they have all ease and then
like one D or F or even a C and
it's consistently as across a certain subject, or if you
see like really strange patterns that don't match up I
think sometimes that's worth exploring because our brains with ADHD
(12:08):
can get hyper focused on the things we want to
learn about. So if we have a teacher that creates
the right environment that's interesting, that brings some challenge into
the learning, we likely will do. Okay. If we have
a subject or a teacher or an environment that's not working,
then it's going to be really really hard for our
brains to engage. So I was that kid too, where
(12:30):
all a's and then math was always a disaster. I
really really struggled until I got to college actually and
took a class on statistics, and in that class I
did great because I could. I found it kind of
interesting to see patterns and it was so much more
applied to real life that I was like, Okay, I
get why I'm learning this now. So sometimes it's not
(12:51):
even just like a pattern across a subject matter. Sometimes
it really has to do with how it's applied and
how our brains can make sense of the information. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Yeah, And what's your take on natural versus medicated management?
Speaker 3 (13:08):
You know, I think it's really individual. I do think
medication for a lot of people can be life changing.
The thing about ADG medication and I'm not adopted, so
please don't ever take this as medical advice. But ADG medication,
especially stimulant medication or specifically stimulant medication, is something that's
(13:31):
like in and out of your system within a certain
amount of hours, so it's not going to build in
your system in the same way maybe an SSRI would.
So that being said, you can try ADHD medication, and
if the side effects aren't working for you or you're
not getting the results you want, it's very easy to
discontinue using it. So it is I think for some people,
(13:57):
just kind of knowing, Okay, I'm going to try this,
I don't have to commit to this forever or for
a very long period of time can be helpful. There's
also a lot of research that there's certain age ranges
in children as well, where if it can help them
kind of really like remoedal the pathways in their brain
and calm their brain down enough that they can kind
(14:19):
of you get some you know, increased to learning and
reduce impacts later in life. So I really think it's
worth investigating. That. Being said, sometimes there's side effects that
don't work for people. Sometimes people have other health conditions
that don't make them a good candidate. I think the
statistics around eighty percent of people with ADHD find benefit
(14:40):
from medication, but that means there's twenty percent of people
that are not going to be able to have that
same benefit or are not candidates. So keeping that in mind,
I do think that even if you're taking medication, you
still need to build different skills, and you still need
strategies and support in a common to truly feel like
(15:01):
you're thriving with ADHD.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
What do some of those look like?
Speaker 3 (15:06):
You know, there are so many things that we could
talk about here, but a lot of it has to
do with shaping your environment in a way that is
better suited to your brain. So a lot of the
productivity hacks and things that people use for neurotypical people
don't always work for ADHD brains. So thinking about what
(15:30):
motivates an ADHD and there's a few things that are
commonly known to you to help motivate an ADHD, and
that's urgency, challenge, creativity, What am I missing? There's a
couple more interest and novelty. So thinking about those factors
(15:53):
and thinking about, Okay, I'm going to create an environment
that has those things in it. Knowing how your brain
works is really really helpful. So oftentimes, like people will
get an ADHD diagnosis and be like, Okay, I'm gonna
try this medication, and maybe it does help them initiate
tasks or feel like they can focus better, it's not
(16:13):
going to necessarily help them build the skills to really
deal with some of the other symptoms that medication doesn't address.
So that's really important to have that, like understanding about
how your brain is wired.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Yeah, and did you yourself like you do ADHD coaching mail?
Is that something that you sought out and experienced yourself
from the other side?
Speaker 3 (16:36):
Yes, yeah, I had. I had been really trying to
read a lot. I love to read, but I was
struggling because a lot of the books I was finding
were just talking about how to manage ADHD in children.
I wasn't finding a lot that was written from like
the lived experience of someone with ADHD. So I actually
have found some courses through the add Coaching Academy ADKA
(17:02):
is the academic used for that, and I had enrolled
in a course more to just learn about ADHD than
to get into coaching. But as soon as I took
that first course. I think I really didn't even know
what ADHD coaching was when I signed up for that,
but I was like, oh my gosh, this is really fascinating,
and I decided to work with a coach one on
one during that time, and after that experience, it was
(17:26):
pretty life changing for me. I decided to continue with
the courses I already had worked in employee coaching at
the time and training and development. So it was so
awesome to be able to find a way to apply
the skills I already had with coaching to something that
felt so life changing for me.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Yeah, yeah, do fund You probably don't because people come
to you. So I'm thinking about on D, Like, when
I think of an IDHD coach, I'm like one where
I'm not doing things. I don't want to be what
to do, don't. I don't want someone to boss me
around and tell me stuff I already know that I'm
(18:04):
just not doing. Okay, do'll we get over that home.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
Yeah? A lot of us really don't like being told
what to do. That is so true, And an ADHD
coach isn't really there to tell you what to do.
They're there to ask you powerful questions that help you
identify what strategies are going to work for you best.
And you know, most coaching is more inquiry based versus directive,
(18:33):
and the difference between kind of just a general life
coach and ADHD coaches. They're going to be looking at
that all through like an ADHD lens. So they're going
to help you understand the root of your resistance or
your struggles and be sprinkling in that like kind of
psycho education into the coaching process and help you develop
(18:55):
strategies that make sense for you personally and for ADHD.
So really, a trained ADHD coach isn't going to spend
a whole section being our session being like, Okay, here's
what you're gonna do, like they're that would be more
like mentorship, that you'd be able to find those tips
and tricks like they're in my book, they're they're out there,
they're everywhere, and they can be super helpful. But a
(19:17):
coach should guide you and help you find personalized strategies
versus saying, hey, this is how you do it. And
it works so much better than just having someone direct
you and tell you what to do, because then you've
bought into it and you kind of come to the
best fit for you.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Yeah, and what are people when people do come to you,
what are I asking for? What do they do? They
have goals? Or are they just going this is I'm
not coping with myself.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
You know. When I first started coaching, I was very
much like just doing like the generalist thing. So clients
were coming to me with all kinds of focuses they
wanted to to really explore. Some of them were looking
to make career changes. I had a lot of clients
that wanted to help with all of the decision making
(20:06):
and really like landing on a new kind of focus
or career for that would make better sense for how
their brain is wired. So a lot of times it's
that sometimes people are focused on a specific goal. These days,
I don't do a ton of one on one coaching,
but when I do, it's typically solopreneurs, small business owners
(20:28):
that are trying to build their business in a way
that makes sense for their brain because they've been there
before and they've had experience burnout or they're feeling really
stuck and they can't really find ways to structure their
business without really having some intense struggles.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Yeah, I don't have to business kids what are the differences?
Speaker 3 (20:52):
You know, it really is so hard to answer that question,
because if you know somebody with ADHD, you know one
person with ADHD, it can looks so differently across the
lifespan and just from person to person. But to generalize things, oftentimes,
something that's noticed is that as childhood progresses, and you
(21:15):
know that child grows into like the teen years, college beyond,
they might see a decrease in impulsivity. Impulsivity can sometimes
soften a little bit. Oftentimes too, we start to get
better at covering up our behaviors. We call that masking.
(21:36):
So this happens a lot quicker. It seems like for
girls than boys. Girls tend to really internalize outside messages
much earlier, and we're very much socialized differently than boys
in most cultures, and we have different expectations. So usually
girls here loud and clearer early on the we're disruptive
(21:59):
and that we need to fit in differently. So as
we get older, we kind of develop like these coping mechanisms,
whether we know we have ADHD or not. Uh So
you'll see that more as kids grow into adulthood, Like
it may look like a child has grown out of
their ADHD. But what has happened oftentimes is that they've
(22:22):
just gotten better at created workarounds and and masking their symptoms.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
When it comes to supporting as neurotypical people, what what
can or how can we support or understand or be
open minded? Like, well, w how do we bridge the
gap between understanding and dealing with one another helping one another?
Speaker 3 (22:45):
I think that what you just said about being open
minded is so so key. Oftentimes I talk to family
members of people with ADHD and say that the number
one thing they can do is to not assume inten
So if they see their ADHD kid on the couch,
avoiding homework and you know, avoiding sometimes even things they
(23:09):
say they want to do, assuming they're lazy or assuming
they're irresponsible, all that does is create more overwhelming shame
for that child or that person. Instead of saying, okay,
you told me you were going to do this, why
didn't you do this? In like kind of an attacking way,
say hey, I can see that maybe you're having a
(23:30):
hard time starting this. What can I do to help?
Or do you want to explore what might be going
on here? So asking questions instead of making assumptions is
really really helpful. I do think that learning about ADHD,
if you truly are wanting to support that person in
your life, the learning should be on both people. Instead
(23:51):
of waiting for that ADHD person to like tell you
everything about their condition, seek out some outside resources. It's
probably going to give you a lot of insight and
really help your communication with that person.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
Yeah, and when women are idea today, women are in
that perimenopause and the menopausal stage of life, do you
what knowledge do you have around that?
Speaker 3 (24:17):
Well, I am gaining a lot of knowledge around that
these days, because that is the stage of life I
am in. I am so thankful I was diagnosed before
I hit this stage because that piece of information has
been key with how I've kind of looked at the
changes I was going to make in my life during
this phase. And it's just also been really helpful understanding that,
(24:42):
you know, this is a real physical thing that's going on,
and adh is making it harder. So one of the
most important things to understand is that when you are
in the perimenopause, as you progress through that, you are
losing available estrogen in your body. And estrogen does a
lot of things, but it impacts a lot of cognitive processes,
(25:05):
So a lot of those things that estrogen kind of
some of the symptoms that causes in people. All people
is struggling with kind of like cognitive tempo, being able
to think as quickly as you used to. People call
like brain fog is another symptom that people report experiencing,
trouble focusing, trouble regulating emotions. All of those things are
(25:29):
things that people with ADHD already struggle with. So when
we start having less estrogen, then those symptoms are going
to feel like they're set on fire. So it's really
important to understand that this is like a real thing
that's happening, it's not in your imagination, and talking to
your doctor about changes that might need to be made
in your treatment is really helpful during that time. It's
(25:52):
also a time, I think where we have to really
start thinking about understanding our capacity, understanding that like our
expectations for ourselves might need to shift during that time,
and all the things that were like nice to have,
like you know, working out and sleeping and all of
(26:12):
that are going to get harder. And a lot of
those like you know, I know a lot of ADHD
women that did just fine or fine. I put that
in quotes. They probably they appeared to be doing just fine,
but a lot of them were really into exercise. I'm
one of those people. I was a marathon runner until
I hit perimine pause and started getting injured like constantly,
(26:34):
and that routine and that dopamine like really I think
helped me in all of those years that I was
spending being you know, undiagnosed. And when that kind of
coping mechanism started being less available to me because my
body was just changing and not reacting to exercise in
the same way and needing more recovery and I was
(26:55):
having injuries and things like that, that was really really
tough to handle. I had to figure out, what are
my other coping mechanisms, what are the other ways I
can process stress? Uh, So that piece can be really
really tough on I think all women, that women with ADHD, especially,
I am so in the.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
Guts of that at the moment, where I have seen
in my scrolling lots of conflicting advice, as we do
in every area of everything, but I guess of around
that managing perimenopause symptoms hit and specifically to ADHD. Do
(27:39):
you have a stance or an opinion or any knowledge
about that yourself.
Speaker 3 (27:44):
Again not a doctor, but I have really deep dived
into trying to understand if HRT was going to be
right for me, and through kind of my evaluation and
conversations with my doctor, I'm personally have chosen to take
HRD and it has helped me a lot. So this
(28:04):
is all just personal experience, but I really do think
that from what everything I know as a non medical
provider and from the providers that I trust, I think
for many people it is a safe choice and it's
worth exploring. And really, just like ADHD, finding that provider
(28:24):
that is informed on that topic versus has kind of
the stigmas and I'll do an information on it. Finding
that person that's up to date with their information is
super important.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Yeah, it's such a mind field. I came across a
specific account that talked a lot about that, and it
was just after I'd made the decision, I'd done had
my blood test, and I got Okay, I'm going to
give this a go, and I'm in the very early
stages now of HRT, and then that popped up and
it was like, estrogen is the problem for ADYHD brains,
(28:57):
and I was like, what, And you know, when you
just go I do this a lot. I am tired
of needing to make decisions about all of the information
that's now science backed and opposing each other. And so
I really feel like I've had a big rant on
my show. I think it goes love tomorrow of me
just having a riff on the experience I've had over
(29:19):
the last couple of years with my energy crashing and
needing to reassess and being tired. And then you know
how long it's taken to get through all the channels
and the information to get some solutions happening that should
have that I feel should have happened far sooner, and
only happened because I have the luxury of speaking to
so many experts on the show and getting getting solutions
(29:44):
and ideas and information from people that I do trust
in order to make informed decisions. And yet, you know,
I talk to my clients and people that are ten
years ahead of me in that journey, and they are
kind of at the stage I'm at now. Still, Well, y'all,
I have been going through these ten years. I didn't,
you know, maybe I should look into that, And it's
(30:05):
so frustrating.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
It is.
Speaker 3 (30:07):
It is so frustrating. I think that science is pretty
much to ignored studying women for so many years that
we're just now trying to crawl over ready out of that.
It is really really tough. There's just not enough research
out there, and I think that there's more of a
focus on it now than there even was a few
years ago. But just like you said, it's so tough,
(30:30):
especially because of the way information is distributed now, like
we're all learning on social media. And I think it's great.
It's been fantastic for my career, and I think it
has so many upsides. But the downside is that really strong, opinionated,
inflammatory content gets pushed. Content that scarce you gets pushed.
(30:52):
Content with nuance gets d you know, prioritized in the algorithm.
So it is it is really tough to feel the
confidence to go forward with the treatment plans sometimes because
you will always find that opposing viewpoint. And I do
think we have to get good at like knowing what
questions to ask so that we can vet the experts
(31:15):
that we're going to listen to.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Yeah, yeah, I'm really big on that idea of critical
thinking and being your own experiment and figuring it out,
but steaking to it and getting the doubt or and
talking to the rock people. But it's yeah, it's it's
a mod field.
Speaker 3 (31:35):
Yeah, yeah, it's so tough. I mean I work with
so many clients that just agonize over the decisions to
try medication or not or what supplements to take, and
they's so much time spent kind of in that overwhelm
and not knowing who to listen to and who to trust,
and it's scary. So it is hard, I think, because
(31:59):
there is always going to be an uphosing viewpoint, but
looking at how you you know, how you can find
people that you trust that seem to have the credentials
to understand the science. And I always asking to you,
like what's this person's agenda? Like are what are they
(32:20):
trying to do? And if they're out there saying like
estrogen's horrible for you, like what are they trying to
sell you that's different than estrogen? You know what I mean? Like, ye,
is there intention pure just to educate or is there
a motive here? And that can help you find some
answers too.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
I think, Yeah, that particular account, I won't name it,
but I also couldn't because I can't remember what it's called.
But I every single time I've seen something, I get
frustrated because I'm like, you don't give any answer. All
you do is put doubt into everything. I get really
mad and I'm like, you're not actually providing. All you're
providing is conflict in people's minds with no there's no
(32:58):
solution at the bottom, there's no here is how you
find out. I had. The cool thing was I had
a smart DNA test years ago that I went back
to and looked at some of these genetic things that
related to stuff that they might have talked about. I'm
very good with my terminology, thank you. But I was
able to look at that and just figure out how
(33:21):
my body processes and deals with toxins and moves and
deals with estrogen specifically. So I kind of went all
right that I'm really big on the place bowl effect
as well. It's like, well, whether or not this is
the right part for me, also, it matters a lot
if I feel it's the right path for me. So
(33:41):
I can't have I can't make a decision to go
in this direction and then consume and continue to consume
stuff and then then let that doubt sink in. Like
I think, we have to look for our information, make
a decision, decide on a period of time that we're
going to implement that plan, and then just shut the
(34:02):
noise out and go, this is my decision for now,
all bits or off until I get to there and
assist whether or not we feeling good or not.
Speaker 3 (34:10):
Yeah, I love that. I think that when I'm hearing
what you're saying in the context of ADHD, I'm like,
that is all so great. And it's all things that
are really hard for us with ADHD because we often
have this tendency to ruminate on decisions. Rumination is kind
of like what people would commonly call overthinking, and there's
actually now I get into the science too much, but
there are studies that show like our kind of the
(34:34):
part of our brain the rumination originates from, is more
active in people with ADHD. So we do sit on
those decisions. We are seeking more information and we're thinking
and thinking and thinking on them, and it's very hard
for us sometimes to make the decision and move forward.
We're also big time researchers that curiosity gets us. It's
(34:54):
a really good thing sometimes, but sometimes it's not. Sometimes
it is a minefield, so we sometimes overreachsearch things. So
what you just described is basically what I would see
to acclaim as a framework for making decisions and committing
to decisions. So if we don't have any framework and
any kind of like timeline or process around how we'll
(35:17):
make big decisions like this, then we're going to stay
kind of in that rumination phase for a really long time,
and we're going to be exhausted, and then we're not
going to be able to make any of those changes.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
Yeah. Yeah, you mentioned before when we were talking about medication,
stimulant medication and how it can easily be gone. You
can easily make a choice and if it's not working
for you can go off it. Not like your ssrys
and I understand that you're not a psychiatrist or a
medical doctor, but i'd love to know if you have
(35:50):
any knowledge or experience around the stimulants and whether or
not they people experience like a bit of a crashing
effect after using them, What they stimulate the nervous system.
Can people use them just a couple of days and
not the rest of the time, or does that I
(36:10):
don't know. I guess I have the feeling when I
have tried to use them at times that it's like
stimulating my system and then leaving me feeling depleted afterwards.
Speaker 3 (36:24):
Yeah, that can definitely, Yes, that can be a reality
for sure. A lot of people will describe a crash
when the medication is leaving their system. I know I've
experienced that as well. Typically, if that feeling of a
crash is very pronounced, there can sometimes be tweaking with
your dosage or the delivery method that might help that.
(36:48):
So just because you experience that with one medication or
one dosage doesn't mean that that will be happening with
any dosage. Or it might happen, but it might be
like less of a profound effect. It's kind of like
when you drink a ton of coffee and then all
of a sudden you crash a little bit, right, So
like if you drink a ton of coffee, it's going
to be more pronounced, but if you drink a less coffee,
(37:10):
you might not notice it as much. So working with
your provider, if you are, you know, trying medication and
you have our experiencing that, I think it's really important.
They say that the average person needs to usually try
three different types of medication or dosages before they find
the right fit for them. So but oftentimes people that
(37:30):
try to medication, like, they try it and they have
some side effects and they like or like immediately this
is not for me. So I would just encourage people
that if you're open to medication and you're like getting
some good results, but like you still have some things
that are not working for you, then kind of work
with your provider. You also asked about, like can I
just take this a couple of days a week. Some
(37:51):
people do that. Some people really will use medication as needed. Again,
this is a conversation to have with your provider about
what's appropriate for you. But there's been a lot of
interesting discussions lately about providers that are really kind of
on the cutting edge of treatment, working especially with their
patients that have a cycle, like changing dosage after they
(38:15):
ovulate and having to make adjustments for that because your
brain has lest estrogen at that time, so you might
need a little bit more. Maybe you don't take medication
in the first half of your cycle. So there are
a lot of options out there. And because and again
this is this applies to stimulant medications. This doesn't apply
to all things that can be used to treat ADHD,
(38:36):
to stimulate specifically, there is wiggle room to make changes.
A lot of people won't take it on the weekends
if they don't want to, and that has some pros
and cons to it. Like pros would be that it
helps you kind of avoid that tolerance to a certain dosage.
(38:56):
Sometimes people will find okay, like this feels like it's
stopped working, but if you take some breaks, it helps
with that kind of de lease that process. Some people
have some sleep difficulties on medication, so like sometimes that
allows them to rest a little bit. Other people are
fineing that they still have to use their executive functions
a lot on the weekends, and the function better by
taking it seventies a week. So it really is an
(39:18):
individual thing, and really a good prevator is going to
talk to you about your individual circumstance and help you
really land on some answers there.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
Yeah. I think for myself, having it correlate at this
time where perimenopause is hit me like a truck made
me really hesitant to want dabble it. Like I went completely.
I stopped taking it at all for quite some time
because I was like, I just need I just need
to know what my baseline is. I need to know
(39:48):
that this is the stimulant taxing my nervous system and
causing me to feel Is this just burnout? Is you
know I was in that stage? Is this burnout? Is
this the stimulant medication? Is this perimenopause? So I didn't
take it for quite a long time. And interestingly, just
last week when I had a school day in Inverticomas,
(40:09):
I was like, you know, I just need I'm just
not just not getting the best out of myself. So
I had viove ance that day a smaller and since
being on HRT, it felt different, it felt like it
it was not. Yeah, it was interesting to me. I
was like, oh, that there's more experimenting to happen there,
(40:32):
because that's an interesting change.
Speaker 3 (40:35):
Yeah, And I think it's good to you to have
those tams where you're like, especially when you're trying other
things as well, very curious about other things. So like
I would to usually recommend a personally like let's try
hr T and eat is she beds and all of
the things all at once, because then you're not going
to know what's causing the same factor, what's causing the
positive change. So you know, when there's also just that
(40:57):
that conversation around stimulants, they might be a tool that
you really need to use during certain stages of your
life where you have less control over your environment. I
work from home most of the time. I can kind
of control my schedule most of the time, so I'm
able to make accommodations for myself where I go through
sometimes months where I don't feel that I need medication.
(41:19):
But then when I was writing my book and dealing
with like, you know, I had a massive family event
happened like right at the same time I signed my
book contract, and that was the time when stimmul that
medication really like was a very effective tool to get
me through that. So thinking about kind of removing the
shame around that, I think a lot of people like
they feel like, Okay, if I don't biologically need this
(41:42):
to live and to keep my heart beating or like
manage my thyrote or something like that, then I'm using
a cheat code or something like that. But I do
think that you know, the way your ADHD presents is
going to change and fluctuate based on the vironment you're in,
and if you're in a career that has a lot
(42:04):
of interest and structure. You might do better without medication,
but then if you are not you might need it.
Or if you are at home with kids all day,
it's a lot. Your life is a lot different than
someone that's going to an office, you know, So thinking
about your environment and kind of understanding that your life
is going to shift and change, and your environment's going
(42:25):
to change, so your tools might need to change too.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
Yeah, what do you love most about what you do
and what you offer? What's your favorite thing?
Speaker 3 (42:34):
I mean, I just love people. I love that I
get to work with people. I love hearing people's stories.
I've always been very, very fascinated by people. I think
that's why I studied psychology in college. So I'm not
that person that's like, you know, if I meet new people,
you know, people are making small talk. I'm that person
that's like, tell me your life story, and I'm not
(42:57):
annoyed when people are like, do the oversharing. I'm like,
every more.
Speaker 2 (43:01):
I love this.
Speaker 3 (43:02):
So I love working with ADHD people too, because there's
just this like special thing that happens when people don't
have to apologize so much, when people can go on tangents.
I find that like people can keep up with me
that have ADHD. I usually talk in circles, I follow
weird paths, and I love being able to like spend
(43:25):
my day talking to other people that are you know,
communicate in the same way. I also find ADHD people
so interesting because we're so curious that Like, I love
being able to talk to someone and they tell me,
like all the info dump on the subject they've been
hyper focusing on. Like, I love that I get to
(43:46):
learn from all these people and all their stories and
all their interests, and it just really makes my life
feel colorful and fun.
Speaker 2 (43:55):
I love that, you know what you just made me
think of. I've got a few friends who have ADHD
and or have friends that have ADHD, and they're very
well versed in it, and it's it's actually quite beautiful
because I noticed recently. But you get your diagnosis and
you notice a lot more about your natural behavior and
environment and this stuff, and you're like, I see this now.
(44:17):
And there was a particular time when my friend was
asking me if I wanted to do something, you know,
on a few days time, and he'd asked me a
couple of times. I hadn't read the message because it
was this massive week and I couldn't fit, and I
was like someone was waiting on an answer on dinner
that night, and he was waiting for an answer on
that and I was feeling really chaotic, and often I
would just go, I'll I'll just get to that one,
(44:39):
and it was just beautiful to go he gets this.
So I get to write back to him and go, hey,
I just can't make a decision right now, and he's like,
it's okay, you can just wake up Saturday and tell
me if you feel like it, if you want. And
I was like, oh, I don't think I've ever realized
it's an option to say that to someone and black,
(45:00):
I can't make a decision for no reason but the
fact that the decisions too much for me now, and
it's small things like that. It's so funny. But I
was like, oh God, I love you. I love that.
Speaker 3 (45:12):
Finding the people that you can be your authentic ADHD
self with is just amazing. Like I highly recommend when
I'm talking to clients that have like really had to
like heavily mask because of their environment or their job
or just their family, even find find those people that
are going to get it without you having to make
(45:35):
excuses feel like you're making excuses. They're not really excuses
because they're probably real things that are happening. But finding
the people that you don't have to over explain with,
you know, that are still going to look at you,
but like, but huh, you know, like there I remember
conversations i'd had before I knew I had ADHD where
people would be like, whoa, why are you like this?
I mean, like not always in such a like Kurt
(45:56):
tone way, but they're like, I don't understand you, and
I know those people that understand you, and it's amazing,
And like you said, just being able to tell him
the real reason versus trying to come up with the
socially like kind of neurotypically acceptable reason is so nice. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:15):
Yeah, there's that logic in your mind that goes it's
not hard to make a decision, just say yes, you've
got nothing on. I'm like yeah, but then it feels
like a task, not a fun thing, and and then
I feel stressed about it, and then I'm resenting you
for it. It's like, so it's the whole thing. Yeah, Meredith,
You're great. I'm going to have your links to your
(46:36):
website meredithcater dot com in the show notes. Where else
can people find you and follow you online? And is
there anything else you'd like to promote?
Speaker 3 (46:44):
Sure? I will love for people that are curious about ADHD,
whether you're supporting a loved run or you have ADHD yourself.
I have a book called it All Makes Sense Now
embrace your ADHD brain to live a creative and colorful life.
And that's a a liable at all the major book
retailers and some of the tiny independent ones, so you
(47:05):
can find that just about anywhere. And then I create
on Instagram quite regularly, and I'm also writing on substack
and my Instagram is Hummingbird Underscore ADHD and my substack
is it All makes Sense? ADHD insights amazing.
Speaker 2 (47:25):
Thanks so much, Thanks everyone, Thank you.
Speaker 1 (47:30):
She said, it's now never I got fighting in my blood.
Got it
She said, it's now never I got fighting in my blood.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I'm tiff. This is Roll with the Punches and we're
turning life's hardest hits into wins. Nobody wants to go
to court, and don't. My friends at test Art Family
Lawyers know that they offer all forms of alternative dispute resolution.
Their team of Melbourne family lawyers have extensive experience in
(00:29):
all areas of family law to facto and same sex couples,
custody and children, family violence and intervention orders, property settlements
and financial agreements. Test Art is in your corner, so
reach out to Mark and the team at www dot
test Artfamilylawyers dot com dot au. Meredithcarter, Welcome to Roll
(00:54):
with the Punches.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
I'm so excited for a conversation.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Me too, mate, So good to have you on though.
Would you like to give a little intro to myself
and the listeners as to how you describe who you
are and what you do?
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Sure? My name is Meredith Carter. I think you dressed
just said that, But i am an ADHD coach, creator, writer, speaker.
I've been working in this space for about six years now.
I started creating ADHD content a few years after my
(01:29):
diagnosis and after really wanting to dive into the coaching
world around ADHD and have spent the last couple of
years just exploring that field and learning everything I could
about the ADHD bring love it.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
What was your experience like going through the diagnosis process
and all of that six years ago.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
It was quite interesting At this time. I'd already kind
of self identified several years before that, so I've sort
of known I likely had ADHD for almost a decade now.
My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD, and during that process,
that's when the light bulbs really started going off for me.
(02:15):
But because I struggled so much with executive functions like
planning and prioritizing, it just didn't feel that important to
go through the process. And then when I decided to
do it, I had a really hard time following through.
Like I would identify some providers I wanted to work
with for the assessment, I would leave messages, not get
(02:38):
phone calls back, and then six months later I would
be like, Oh, I really want to get on this again.
So it took a while to really complete the process.
Once I did get the appointment scheduled and go through
that piece, I actually had a pretty good experience. I
was a little bit terrified because I'd heard so many
horror stories about called women not being believed that their
(03:03):
struggles were as intense as they were. I've always been
really good at masking my struggles and covering them up
and appearing like I'm functioning, just flying to the world.
So I had a lot of anxiety around would these
providers really listen to me? But I did. I did
find a pretty informed provider and was able to get
(03:24):
those answers.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
And what was your outcome? What was what were you seeking?
What was the path for you?
Speaker 3 (03:33):
You know, at that point, I had already been studying
ADHD and really diving into the information so that I
could help my daughter. I think at that point I
was already interested in becoming an ADHD coach. I had
worked with a coach, I had been kind of implementing
the strategies and tips I was learning about already in
(03:53):
my life and in my daughter's life. But I really
felt like I needed that professional opinion if I was
going to be working with people with ADHD. I also
know that there's so many other things that can look
like ADHD, so I wanted to rule those out to
make sure I was attacking the difficulties I was having
(04:15):
from the right angles.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
What are some of those things?
Speaker 3 (04:19):
You know, it's very common for women with ADHD to
be struggling also with anxiety or depression. Oftentimes symptoms of
trauma can look like ADHD symptoms, and oftentimes you're dealing
with more than just ADHD. It can be an intersection
of a lot of those things.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
How do we know? How do we know what the
origin is?
Speaker 3 (04:44):
I think that's where working with a skilled provider is
really important, because they're going to be able to not
just look at one or two symptoms, but look at
the collection of symptoms and hear your input and understand
and from a clinical perspective how it's impacting you, and hopefully,
(05:05):
if they are an informed provider, be able to also
roll out or confirm what else is going on.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Do you think it's changed over the six years? Well,
what has changed? I should say I.
Speaker 3 (05:23):
Think a lot has changed. There really was this kind
of space and time around the time of the pandemic
where people were spending a lot more time on their phones.
People that had been working in the ADHD space already,
and advocacy and coaching began sharing information online in new ways.
(05:46):
You saw people getting on Instagram and TikTok that probably
wouldn't have earlier, Like me, I'm one of those people.
I would have probably built like coaching practice in a
more traditional way with more of a local focus, had
the pandemic not happened. But people started just all of
a sudden understanding more about ADHD. They were seeing themselves
(06:09):
in this type of content, uh, and they were seeking answers.
I think during that time it was also a time
where people that had kind of learned how to accommodate
themselves and learned a lot of coping strategies, whether they
were the best coping strategies they could have learned or not,
a lot of those things fell apart during the pandemic
(06:31):
because you just didn't have access to them. So a
lot of people were struggling even more than they were before.
It was kind of the straw that broke the camel's
back for a lot of people. So there was more
demand for information, and you know, coaches and professionals met
that demand. And during that time there's also been a
lot of advocacy asking providers to to sharpen their skills
(06:56):
around ADHD. There's not a lot of ADHD education that
happens when someone is getting a degree to work with
mental health, so oftentimes that means a provider has to
seek that out on their own. And as providers, we're
seeing more and more people coming in asking about ADHD
a lot more strengthen their education as well.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Sweet weed, isn't it? It is?
Speaker 3 (07:23):
Oftentimes I tect to clients and I don't want to
scare anyone off from like ever seeking a professional opinion.
But if they are lucky enough to have a skilled
provider in their area that's like a specialist around ADHD,
oftentimes they'll just seek answers from like their general practitioner
or someone that's more of a generalist, and they'll say
(07:46):
things like I felt like I knew more about ADHD
than my doctor did. And that's really frustrating to hear,
because it can be really tough to get answers and
seek that and have the courage to ask for that
professional opinion and then realize that perhaps that provider's information
(08:08):
is outdated or just really not very deep.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
If people are seeking a diagnosis or some support and
they're right at the beginning stage, what do you think,
what are the red flags or the green flags in
terms of finding good support, good understanding. How do we
know that the person we're seeing is treating us no
matter what their qualifications, without a lens of their own bias.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
Yeah, some of the rad flags I would say it
would be if your provider says something like how did
you know learn about ADHD? Or what makes you think
you have ADHD? And if you share like I learned
about it online or something like that, and they dismiss
you right away. There is a lot of information out
there on the internet that's not quite accurate, So I
understand then, but it really shouldn't matter to a provider
(09:04):
why you're in their office. Their job is to help
you discern if this is it, not to you know,
kind of belittle you for how you came to these questions.
I would also struggle with a provider that didn't ask
questions about how your symptoms might show up in other
areas of life, in different life stages for you. So
(09:27):
most ADHD people that work in the field will be
looking for evidence that it existed in childhood. So if
their questions around that piece are how did you do
in school? And if you said I did pretty good
in school, and they're like, well, if you can't have ADHD,
that would be a red flag because role it's you know,
(09:50):
kind of the stereotype is the child that can't focus
at school, that's falling out of their chair, that's getting
in trouble all the time. It doesn't always present that
way for everyone. A lot of people, it eachd have
really curious brains. So if you were the kid that
was interested in school, you might have done well. So
well those doctors that aren't seeing nuance when they ask
(10:11):
those questions, I think that would be a red flag
as well.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
It's so interesting. I think maybe three years ago I
had a diagnosis and same questions, you know, like thinking
back to childhood and you know, when you only have
your own childhood to judge, like you and you don't like,
we don't have a benchmark of what's good behavior, what's distracted.
(10:38):
Like I was just a lively kid and I looked
back it was like, ah, I edit, all right, but
I'm just doing a course at the moment, And Jesus,
it's funny to go with a new understanding and self
awareness to look at how I deal with the stuff.
I the stuff are comfortable in learning and the stuff
that challenges me a bit. And I'm like, it's really
(10:59):
funny because I see the moments where I'm like, there
were some there were some subjects where I would just
annoyingly annihilate it and almost to the annoyance of the teachers,
because they're like, you distract everybody, and you shouldn't even
deserve to name in this subject you're annoying. You should
be like I'm sitting I'm sat outside on a desk
half of the lesson every time. And then there were
(11:23):
there were subjects where I just because of whatever the
reason why it be the teacher or the environment or
the people and the distractions or just the lack of interest,
I just didn't learn a thing and I would just
get disruptive and sent out. So it was like, yeah,
oh yeah, I'm a good student. I was like, yeah, maybe,
or maybe it's complicated.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
Right. Oftentimes they think if you are looking at a
students ripport cord and they have all ease and then
like one D or F or even a C and
it's consistently as across a certain subject, or if you
see like really strange patterns that don't match up I
think sometimes that's worth exploring because our brains with ADHD
(12:08):
can get hyper focused on the things we want to
learn about. So if we have a teacher that creates
the right environment that's interesting, that brings some challenge into
the learning, we likely will do. Okay. If we have
a subject or a teacher or an environment that's not working,
then it's going to be really really hard for our
brains to engage. So I was that kid too, where
(12:30):
all a's and then math was always a disaster. I
really really struggled until I got to college actually and
took a class on statistics, and in that class I
did great because I could. I found it kind of
interesting to see patterns and it was so much more
applied to real life that I was like, Okay, I
get why I'm learning this now. So sometimes it's not
(12:51):
even just like a pattern across a subject matter. Sometimes
it really has to do with how it's applied and
how our brains can make sense of the information. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Yeah, And what's your take on natural versus medicated management?
Speaker 3 (13:08):
You know, I think it's really individual. I do think
medication for a lot of people can be life changing.
The thing about ADG medication and I'm not adopted, so
please don't ever take this as medical advice. But ADG medication,
especially stimulant medication or specifically stimulant medication, is something that's
(13:31):
like in and out of your system within a certain
amount of hours, so it's not going to build in
your system in the same way maybe an SSRI would.
So that being said, you can try ADHD medication, and
if the side effects aren't working for you or you're
not getting the results you want, it's very easy to
discontinue using it. So it is I think for some people,
(13:57):
just kind of knowing, Okay, I'm going to try this,
I don't have to commit to this forever or for
a very long period of time can be helpful. There's
also a lot of research that there's certain age ranges
in children as well, where if it can help them
kind of really like remoedal the pathways in their brain
and calm their brain down enough that they can kind
(14:19):
of you get some you know, increased to learning and
reduce impacts later in life. So I really think it's
worth investigating. That. Being said, sometimes there's side effects that
don't work for people. Sometimes people have other health conditions
that don't make them a good candidate. I think the
statistics around eighty percent of people with ADHD find benefit
(14:40):
from medication, but that means there's twenty percent of people
that are not going to be able to have that
same benefit or are not candidates. So keeping that in mind,
I do think that even if you're taking medication, you
still need to build different skills, and you still need
strategies and support in a common to truly feel like
(15:01):
you're thriving with ADHD.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
What do some of those look like?
Speaker 3 (15:06):
You know, there are so many things that we could
talk about here, but a lot of it has to
do with shaping your environment in a way that is
better suited to your brain. So a lot of the
productivity hacks and things that people use for neurotypical people
don't always work for ADHD brains. So thinking about what
(15:30):
motivates an ADHD and there's a few things that are
commonly known to you to help motivate an ADHD, and
that's urgency, challenge, creativity, What am I missing? There's a
couple more interest and novelty. So thinking about those factors
(15:53):
and thinking about, Okay, I'm going to create an environment
that has those things in it. Knowing how your brain
works is really really helpful. So oftentimes, like people will
get an ADHD diagnosis and be like, Okay, I'm gonna
try this medication, and maybe it does help them initiate
tasks or feel like they can focus better, it's not
(16:13):
going to necessarily help them build the skills to really
deal with some of the other symptoms that medication doesn't address.
So that's really important to have that, like understanding about
how your brain is wired.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Yeah, and did you yourself like you do ADHD coaching mail?
Is that something that you sought out and experienced yourself
from the other side?
Speaker 3 (16:36):
Yes, yeah, I had. I had been really trying to
read a lot. I love to read, but I was
struggling because a lot of the books I was finding
were just talking about how to manage ADHD in children.
I wasn't finding a lot that was written from like
the lived experience of someone with ADHD. So I actually
have found some courses through the add Coaching Academy ADKA
(17:02):
is the academic used for that, and I had enrolled
in a course more to just learn about ADHD than
to get into coaching. But as soon as I took
that first course. I think I really didn't even know
what ADHD coaching was when I signed up for that,
but I was like, oh my gosh, this is really fascinating,
and I decided to work with a coach one on
one during that time, and after that experience, it was
(17:26):
pretty life changing for me. I decided to continue with
the courses I already had worked in employee coaching at
the time and training and development. So it was so
awesome to be able to find a way to apply
the skills I already had with coaching to something that
felt so life changing for me.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Yeah, yeah, do fund You probably don't because people come
to you. So I'm thinking about on D, Like, when
I think of an IDHD coach, I'm like one where
I'm not doing things. I don't want to be what
to do, don't. I don't want someone to boss me
around and tell me stuff I already know that I'm
(18:04):
just not doing. Okay, do'll we get over that home.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
Yeah? A lot of us really don't like being told
what to do. That is so true, And an ADHD
coach isn't really there to tell you what to do.
They're there to ask you powerful questions that help you
identify what strategies are going to work for you best.
And you know, most coaching is more inquiry based versus directive,
(18:33):
and the difference between kind of just a general life
coach and ADHD coaches. They're going to be looking at
that all through like an ADHD lens. So they're going
to help you understand the root of your resistance or
your struggles and be sprinkling in that like kind of
psycho education into the coaching process and help you develop
(18:55):
strategies that make sense for you personally and for ADHD.
So really, a trained ADHD coach isn't going to spend
a whole section being our session being like, Okay, here's
what you're gonna do, like they're that would be more
like mentorship, that you'd be able to find those tips
and tricks like they're in my book, they're they're out there,
they're everywhere, and they can be super helpful. But a
(19:17):
coach should guide you and help you find personalized strategies
versus saying, hey, this is how you do it. And
it works so much better than just having someone direct
you and tell you what to do, because then you've
bought into it and you kind of come to the
best fit for you.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Yeah, and what are people when people do come to you,
what are I asking for? What do they do? They
have goals? Or are they just going this is I'm
not coping with myself.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
You know. When I first started coaching, I was very
much like just doing like the generalist thing. So clients
were coming to me with all kinds of focuses they
wanted to to really explore. Some of them were looking
to make career changes. I had a lot of clients
that wanted to help with all of the decision making
(20:06):
and really like landing on a new kind of focus
or career for that would make better sense for how
their brain is wired. So a lot of times it's
that sometimes people are focused on a specific goal. These days,
I don't do a ton of one on one coaching,
but when I do, it's typically solopreneurs, small business owners
(20:28):
that are trying to build their business in a way
that makes sense for their brain because they've been there
before and they've had experience burnout or they're feeling really
stuck and they can't really find ways to structure their
business without really having some intense struggles.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Yeah, I don't have to business kids what are the differences?
Speaker 3 (20:52):
You know, it really is so hard to answer that question,
because if you know somebody with ADHD, you know one
person with ADHD, it can looks so differently across the
lifespan and just from person to person. But to generalize things, oftentimes,
something that's noticed is that as childhood progresses, and you
(21:15):
know that child grows into like the teen years, college beyond,
they might see a decrease in impulsivity. Impulsivity can sometimes
soften a little bit. Oftentimes too, we start to get
better at covering up our behaviors. We call that masking.
(21:36):
So this happens a lot quicker. It seems like for
girls than boys. Girls tend to really internalize outside messages
much earlier, and we're very much socialized differently than boys
in most cultures, and we have different expectations. So usually
girls here loud and clearer early on the we're disruptive
(21:59):
and that we need to fit in differently. So as
we get older, we kind of develop like these coping mechanisms,
whether we know we have ADHD or not. Uh So
you'll see that more as kids grow into adulthood, Like
it may look like a child has grown out of
their ADHD. But what has happened oftentimes is that they've
(22:22):
just gotten better at created workarounds and and masking their symptoms.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
When it comes to supporting as neurotypical people, what what
can or how can we support or understand or be
open minded? Like, well, w how do we bridge the
gap between understanding and dealing with one another helping one another?
Speaker 3 (22:45):
I think that what you just said about being open
minded is so so key. Oftentimes I talk to family
members of people with ADHD and say that the number
one thing they can do is to not assume inten
So if they see their ADHD kid on the couch,
avoiding homework and you know, avoiding sometimes even things they
(23:09):
say they want to do, assuming they're lazy or assuming
they're irresponsible, all that does is create more overwhelming shame
for that child or that person. Instead of saying, okay,
you told me you were going to do this, why
didn't you do this? In like kind of an attacking way,
say hey, I can see that maybe you're having a
(23:30):
hard time starting this. What can I do to help?
Or do you want to explore what might be going
on here? So asking questions instead of making assumptions is
really really helpful. I do think that learning about ADHD,
if you truly are wanting to support that person in
your life, the learning should be on both people. Instead
(23:51):
of waiting for that ADHD person to like tell you
everything about their condition, seek out some outside resources. It's
probably going to give you a lot of insight and
really help your communication with that person.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
Yeah, and when women are idea today, women are in
that perimenopause and the menopausal stage of life, do you
what knowledge do you have around that?
Speaker 3 (24:17):
Well, I am gaining a lot of knowledge around that
these days, because that is the stage of life I
am in. I am so thankful I was diagnosed before
I hit this stage because that piece of information has
been key with how I've kind of looked at the
changes I was going to make in my life during
this phase. And it's just also been really helpful understanding that,
(24:42):
you know, this is a real physical thing that's going on,
and adh is making it harder. So one of the
most important things to understand is that when you are
in the perimenopause, as you progress through that, you are
losing available estrogen in your body. And estrogen does a
lot of things, but it impacts a lot of cognitive processes,
(25:05):
So a lot of those things that estrogen kind of
some of the symptoms that causes in people. All people
is struggling with kind of like cognitive tempo, being able
to think as quickly as you used to. People call
like brain fog is another symptom that people report experiencing,
trouble focusing, trouble regulating emotions. All of those things are
(25:29):
things that people with ADHD already struggle with. So when
we start having less estrogen, then those symptoms are going
to feel like they're set on fire. So it's really
important to understand that this is like a real thing
that's happening, it's not in your imagination, and talking to
your doctor about changes that might need to be made
in your treatment is really helpful during that time. It's
(25:52):
also a time, I think where we have to really
start thinking about understanding our capacity, understanding that like our
expectations for ourselves might need to shift during that time,
and all the things that were like nice to have,
like you know, working out and sleeping and all of
(26:12):
that are going to get harder. And a lot of
those like you know, I know a lot of ADHD
women that did just fine or fine. I put that
in quotes. They probably they appeared to be doing just fine,
but a lot of them were really into exercise. I'm
one of those people. I was a marathon runner until
I hit perimine pause and started getting injured like constantly,
(26:34):
and that routine and that dopamine like really I think
helped me in all of those years that I was
spending being you know, undiagnosed. And when that kind of
coping mechanism started being less available to me because my
body was just changing and not reacting to exercise in
the same way and needing more recovery and I was
(26:55):
having injuries and things like that, that was really really
tough to handle. I had to figure out, what are
my other coping mechanisms, what are the other ways I
can process stress? Uh, So that piece can be really
really tough on I think all women, that women with ADHD, especially,
I am so in the.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
Guts of that at the moment, where I have seen
in my scrolling lots of conflicting advice, as we do
in every area of everything, but I guess of around
that managing perimenopause symptoms hit and specifically to ADHD. Do
(27:39):
you have a stance or an opinion or any knowledge
about that yourself.
Speaker 3 (27:44):
Again not a doctor, but I have really deep dived
into trying to understand if HRT was going to be
right for me, and through kind of my evaluation and
conversations with my doctor, I'm personally have chosen to take
HRD and it has helped me a lot. So this
(28:04):
is all just personal experience, but I really do think
that from what everything I know as a non medical
provider and from the providers that I trust, I think
for many people it is a safe choice and it's
worth exploring. And really, just like ADHD, finding that provider
(28:24):
that is informed on that topic versus has kind of
the stigmas and I'll do an information on it. Finding
that person that's up to date with their information is
super important.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Yeah, it's such a mind field. I came across a
specific account that talked a lot about that, and it
was just after I'd made the decision, I'd done had
my blood test, and I got Okay, I'm going to
give this a go, and I'm in the very early
stages now of HRT, and then that popped up and
it was like, estrogen is the problem for ADYHD brains,
(28:57):
and I was like, what, And you know, when you
just go I do this a lot. I am tired
of needing to make decisions about all of the information
that's now science backed and opposing each other. And so
I really feel like I've had a big rant on
my show. I think it goes love tomorrow of me
just having a riff on the experience I've had over
(29:19):
the last couple of years with my energy crashing and
needing to reassess and being tired. And then you know
how long it's taken to get through all the channels
and the information to get some solutions happening that should
have that I feel should have happened far sooner, and
only happened because I have the luxury of speaking to
so many experts on the show and getting getting solutions
(29:44):
and ideas and information from people that I do trust
in order to make informed decisions. And yet, you know,
I talk to my clients and people that are ten
years ahead of me in that journey, and they are
kind of at the stage I'm at now. Still, Well, y'all,
I have been going through these ten years. I didn't,
you know, maybe I should look into that, And it's
(30:05):
so frustrating.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
It is.
Speaker 3 (30:07):
It is so frustrating. I think that science is pretty
much to ignored studying women for so many years that
we're just now trying to crawl over ready out of that.
It is really really tough. There's just not enough research
out there, and I think that there's more of a
focus on it now than there even was a few
years ago. But just like you said, it's so tough,
(30:30):
especially because of the way information is distributed now, like
we're all learning on social media. And I think it's great.
It's been fantastic for my career, and I think it
has so many upsides. But the downside is that really strong, opinionated,
inflammatory content gets pushed. Content that scarce you gets pushed.
(30:52):
Content with nuance gets d you know, prioritized in the algorithm.
So it is it is really tough to feel the
confidence to go forward with the treatment plans sometimes because
you will always find that opposing viewpoint. And I do
think we have to get good at like knowing what
questions to ask so that we can vet the experts
(31:15):
that we're going to listen to.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Yeah, yeah, I'm really big on that idea of critical
thinking and being your own experiment and figuring it out,
but steaking to it and getting the doubt or and
talking to the rock people. But it's yeah, it's it's
a mod field.
Speaker 3 (31:35):
Yeah, yeah, it's so tough. I mean I work with
so many clients that just agonize over the decisions to
try medication or not or what supplements to take, and
they's so much time spent kind of in that overwhelm
and not knowing who to listen to and who to trust,
and it's scary. So it is hard, I think, because
(31:59):
there is always going to be an uphosing viewpoint, but
looking at how you you know, how you can find
people that you trust that seem to have the credentials
to understand the science. And I always asking to you,
like what's this person's agenda? Like are what are they
(32:20):
trying to do? And if they're out there saying like
estrogen's horrible for you, like what are they trying to
sell you that's different than estrogen? You know what I mean? Like, ye,
is there intention pure just to educate or is there
a motive here? And that can help you find some
answers too.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
I think, Yeah, that particular account, I won't name it,
but I also couldn't because I can't remember what it's called.
But I every single time I've seen something, I get
frustrated because I'm like, you don't give any answer. All
you do is put doubt into everything. I get really
mad and I'm like, you're not actually providing. All you're
providing is conflict in people's minds with no there's no
(32:58):
solution at the bottom, there's no here is how you
find out. I had. The cool thing was I had
a smart DNA test years ago that I went back
to and looked at some of these genetic things that
related to stuff that they might have talked about. I'm
very good with my terminology, thank you. But I was
able to look at that and just figure out how
(33:21):
my body processes and deals with toxins and moves and
deals with estrogen specifically. So I kind of went all
right that I'm really big on the place bowl effect
as well. It's like, well, whether or not this is
the right part for me, also, it matters a lot
if I feel it's the right path for me. So
(33:41):
I can't have I can't make a decision to go
in this direction and then consume and continue to consume
stuff and then then let that doubt sink in. Like
I think, we have to look for our information, make
a decision, decide on a period of time that we're
going to implement that plan, and then just shut the
(34:02):
noise out and go, this is my decision for now,
all bits or off until I get to there and
assist whether or not we feeling good or not.
Speaker 3 (34:10):
Yeah, I love that. I think that when I'm hearing
what you're saying in the context of ADHD, I'm like,
that is all so great. And it's all things that
are really hard for us with ADHD because we often
have this tendency to ruminate on decisions. Rumination is kind
of like what people would commonly call overthinking, and there's
actually now I get into the science too much, but
there are studies that show like our kind of the
(34:34):
part of our brain the rumination originates from, is more
active in people with ADHD. So we do sit on
those decisions. We are seeking more information and we're thinking
and thinking and thinking on them, and it's very hard
for us sometimes to make the decision and move forward.
We're also big time researchers that curiosity gets us. It's
(34:54):
a really good thing sometimes, but sometimes it's not. Sometimes
it is a minefield, so we sometimes overreachsearch things. So
what you just described is basically what I would see
to acclaim as a framework for making decisions and committing
to decisions. So if we don't have any framework and
any kind of like timeline or process around how we'll
(35:17):
make big decisions like this, then we're going to stay
kind of in that rumination phase for a really long time,
and we're going to be exhausted, and then we're not
going to be able to make any of those changes.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
Yeah. Yeah, you mentioned before when we were talking about medication,
stimulant medication and how it can easily be gone. You
can easily make a choice and if it's not working
for you can go off it. Not like your ssrys
and I understand that you're not a psychiatrist or a
medical doctor, but i'd love to know if you have
(35:50):
any knowledge or experience around the stimulants and whether or
not they people experience like a bit of a crashing
effect after using them, What they stimulate the nervous system.
Can people use them just a couple of days and
not the rest of the time, or does that I
(36:10):
don't know. I guess I have the feeling when I
have tried to use them at times that it's like
stimulating my system and then leaving me feeling depleted afterwards.
Speaker 3 (36:24):
Yeah, that can definitely, Yes, that can be a reality
for sure. A lot of people will describe a crash
when the medication is leaving their system. I know I've
experienced that as well. Typically, if that feeling of a
crash is very pronounced, there can sometimes be tweaking with
your dosage or the delivery method that might help that.
(36:48):
So just because you experience that with one medication or
one dosage doesn't mean that that will be happening with
any dosage. Or it might happen, but it might be
like less of a profound effect. It's kind of like
when you drink a ton of coffee and then all
of a sudden you crash a little bit, right, So
like if you drink a ton of coffee, it's going
to be more pronounced, but if you drink a less coffee,
(37:10):
you might not notice it as much. So working with
your provider, if you are, you know, trying medication and
you have our experiencing that, I think it's really important.
They say that the average person needs to usually try
three different types of medication or dosages before they find
the right fit for them. So but oftentimes people that
(37:30):
try to medication, like, they try it and they have
some side effects and they like or like immediately this
is not for me. So I would just encourage people
that if you're open to medication and you're like getting
some good results, but like you still have some things
that are not working for you, then kind of work
with your provider. You also asked about, like can I
just take this a couple of days a week. Some
(37:51):
people do that. Some people really will use medication as needed. Again,
this is a conversation to have with your provider about
what's appropriate for you. But there's been a lot of
interesting discussions lately about providers that are really kind of
on the cutting edge of treatment, working especially with their
patients that have a cycle, like changing dosage after they
(38:15):
ovulate and having to make adjustments for that because your
brain has lest estrogen at that time, so you might
need a little bit more. Maybe you don't take medication
in the first half of your cycle. So there are
a lot of options out there. And because and again
this is this applies to stimulant medications. This doesn't apply
to all things that can be used to treat ADHD,
(38:36):
to stimulate specifically, there is wiggle room to make changes.
A lot of people won't take it on the weekends
if they don't want to, and that has some pros
and cons to it. Like pros would be that it
helps you kind of avoid that tolerance to a certain dosage.
(38:56):
Sometimes people will find okay, like this feels like it's
stopped working, but if you take some breaks, it helps
with that kind of de lease that process. Some people
have some sleep difficulties on medication, so like sometimes that
allows them to rest a little bit. Other people are
fineing that they still have to use their executive functions
a lot on the weekends, and the function better by
taking it seventies a week. So it really is an
(39:18):
individual thing, and really a good prevator is going to
talk to you about your individual circumstance and help you
really land on some answers there.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
Yeah. I think for myself, having it correlate at this
time where perimenopause is hit me like a truck made
me really hesitant to want dabble it. Like I went completely.
I stopped taking it at all for quite some time
because I was like, I just need I just need
to know what my baseline is. I need to know
(39:48):
that this is the stimulant taxing my nervous system and
causing me to feel Is this just burnout? Is you
know I was in that stage? Is this burnout? Is
this the stimulant medication? Is this perimenopause? So I didn't
take it for quite a long time. And interestingly, just
last week when I had a school day in Inverticomas,
(40:09):
I was like, you know, I just need I'm just
not just not getting the best out of myself. So
I had viove ance that day a smaller and since
being on HRT, it felt different, it felt like it
it was not. Yeah, it was interesting to me. I
was like, oh, that there's more experimenting to happen there,
(40:32):
because that's an interesting change.
Speaker 3 (40:35):
Yeah, And I think it's good to you to have
those tams where you're like, especially when you're trying other
things as well, very curious about other things. So like
I would to usually recommend a personally like let's try
hr T and eat is she beds and all of
the things all at once, because then you're not going
to know what's causing the same factor, what's causing the
positive change. So you know, when there's also just that
(40:57):
that conversation around stimulants, they might be a tool that
you really need to use during certain stages of your
life where you have less control over your environment. I
work from home most of the time. I can kind
of control my schedule most of the time, so I'm
able to make accommodations for myself where I go through
sometimes months where I don't feel that I need medication.
(41:19):
But then when I was writing my book and dealing
with like, you know, I had a massive family event
happened like right at the same time I signed my
book contract, and that was the time when stimmul that
medication really like was a very effective tool to get
me through that. So thinking about kind of removing the
shame around that, I think a lot of people like
they feel like, Okay, if I don't biologically need this
(41:42):
to live and to keep my heart beating or like
manage my thyrote or something like that, then I'm using
a cheat code or something like that. But I do
think that you know, the way your ADHD presents is
going to change and fluctuate based on the vironment you're in,
and if you're in a career that has a lot
(42:04):
of interest and structure. You might do better without medication,
but then if you are not you might need it.
Or if you are at home with kids all day,
it's a lot. Your life is a lot different than
someone that's going to an office, you know, So thinking
about your environment and kind of understanding that your life
is going to shift and change, and your environment's going
(42:25):
to change, so your tools might need to change too.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
Yeah, what do you love most about what you do
and what you offer? What's your favorite thing?
Speaker 3 (42:34):
I mean, I just love people. I love that I
get to work with people. I love hearing people's stories.
I've always been very, very fascinated by people. I think
that's why I studied psychology in college. So I'm not
that person that's like, you know, if I meet new people,
you know, people are making small talk. I'm that person
that's like, tell me your life story, and I'm not
(42:57):
annoyed when people are like, do the oversharing. I'm like,
every more.
Speaker 2 (43:01):
I love this.
Speaker 3 (43:02):
So I love working with ADHD people too, because there's
just this like special thing that happens when people don't
have to apologize so much, when people can go on tangents.
I find that like people can keep up with me
that have ADHD. I usually talk in circles, I follow
weird paths, and I love being able to like spend
(43:25):
my day talking to other people that are you know,
communicate in the same way. I also find ADHD people
so interesting because we're so curious that Like, I love
being able to talk to someone and they tell me,
like all the info dump on the subject they've been
hyper focusing on. Like, I love that I get to
(43:46):
learn from all these people and all their stories and
all their interests, and it just really makes my life
feel colorful and fun.
Speaker 2 (43:55):
I love that, you know what you just made me
think of. I've got a few friends who have ADHD
and or have friends that have ADHD, and they're very
well versed in it, and it's it's actually quite beautiful
because I noticed recently. But you get your diagnosis and
you notice a lot more about your natural behavior and
environment and this stuff, and you're like, I see this now.
(44:17):
And there was a particular time when my friend was
asking me if I wanted to do something, you know,
on a few days time, and he'd asked me a
couple of times. I hadn't read the message because it
was this massive week and I couldn't fit, and I
was like someone was waiting on an answer on dinner
that night, and he was waiting for an answer on
that and I was feeling really chaotic, and often I
would just go, I'll I'll just get to that one,
(44:39):
and it was just beautiful to go he gets this.
So I get to write back to him and go, hey,
I just can't make a decision right now, and he's like,
it's okay, you can just wake up Saturday and tell
me if you feel like it, if you want. And
I was like, oh, I don't think I've ever realized
it's an option to say that to someone and black,
(45:00):
I can't make a decision for no reason but the
fact that the decisions too much for me now, and
it's small things like that. It's so funny. But I
was like, oh God, I love you. I love that.
Speaker 3 (45:12):
Finding the people that you can be your authentic ADHD
self with is just amazing. Like I highly recommend when
I'm talking to clients that have like really had to
like heavily mask because of their environment or their job
or just their family, even find find those people that
are going to get it without you having to make
(45:35):
excuses feel like you're making excuses. They're not really excuses
because they're probably real things that are happening. But finding
the people that you don't have to over explain with,
you know, that are still going to look at you,
but like, but huh, you know, like there I remember
conversations i'd had before I knew I had ADHD where
people would be like, whoa, why are you like this?
I mean, like not always in such a like Kurt
(45:56):
tone way, but they're like, I don't understand you, and
I know those people that understand you, and it's amazing,
And like you said, just being able to tell him
the real reason versus trying to come up with the
socially like kind of neurotypically acceptable reason is so nice. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:15):
Yeah, there's that logic in your mind that goes it's
not hard to make a decision, just say yes, you've
got nothing on. I'm like yeah, but then it feels
like a task, not a fun thing, and and then
I feel stressed about it, and then I'm resenting you
for it. It's like, so it's the whole thing. Yeah, Meredith,
You're great. I'm going to have your links to your
(46:36):
website meredithcater dot com in the show notes. Where else
can people find you and follow you online? And is
there anything else you'd like to promote?
Speaker 3 (46:44):
Sure? I will love for people that are curious about ADHD,
whether you're supporting a loved run or you have ADHD yourself.
I have a book called it All Makes Sense Now
embrace your ADHD brain to live a creative and colorful life.
And that's a a liable at all the major book
retailers and some of the tiny independent ones, so you
(47:05):
can find that just about anywhere. And then I create
on Instagram quite regularly, and I'm also writing on substack
and my Instagram is Hummingbird Underscore ADHD and my substack
is it All makes Sense? ADHD insights amazing.
Speaker 2 (47:25):
Thanks so much, Thanks everyone, Thank you.
Speaker 1 (47:30):
She said, it's now never I got fighting in my blood.
Got it
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