March 9, 2025 • 49 mins
Four years ago, Nick Reid was on the podcast recovering from a brain tumor, facing a 50/50 survival rate. Now, he’s back... and life has thrown even more brutal punches his way. A marriage breakdown, the devastating reality of parental alienation, and a legal system that makes it near impossible for good dads to stay connected with their kids.
We talk resilience, mental health, and what it means to keep showing up when everything feels stacked against you. Nick shares raw truths, hard lessons, and why he refuses to let this battle break him.
This one’s real, raw, and a must-listen for anyone navigating life’s toughest blows.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Good eight Team.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Welcome to another episode of Roll with the Punches podcast.
I'm your host, Tif Cook, and today we are speaking
to Nick Reid.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
Now.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
When we talk to Nick back in twenty twenty one,
he had most definitely rolled with some pretty shit punches.
He recovered from stage three brain cancer. We spoke about that.
That diagnosis was given to him in twenty eighteen. He
is still kicking goals in his physical health, but his
(00:32):
personal life has taken a few hits over the last
few years.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
And so that's what we're talking about today.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Whole different version of Rolling with the Punches for Nick
around parental alienation. Nobody wants to go to court and don't.
My friends are test Art Family Lawyers. Know that they
offer all forms of alternative dispute resolution. Their team of
Melbourne family lawyers have extensive experience in all areas of
(01:01):
family law to facto and same sex couples, custody and children,
family violence and intervention orders, property settlements and financial agreements.
Test Art is in your corner, so reach out to
Mark and the team at www dot test Artfamilylawyers dot
com dot au. Nick Red welcome to Roll with the
(01:25):
Punches for the second time.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Great to be here, dude, we've been it's been four years.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
What the hell, it's been a long time. Eh, Yeah,
I've been all over the place. Last time we spoke,
I sort of just recovering from the brain tumor. I
was still married, still with my children, and since then
a lot's changed. I've sort of separated. I'm now engage
with a new partner, which is great. Congrats, thank you
(01:56):
very much. That's been a few months in Canberra, twelve
months Invictoria and now back in West Australia.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Amazing. And how's the health.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Health's good? Yeah, so I think I remember last time
we spoke, the prognosis was about fifty percent survival in
five years. So we're now six and a bit years
on and yeah, still alive and kicking four monthly MRIs
and checks. But so far, so good. So fingers crossed.
(02:26):
What is it like?
Speaker 2 (02:27):
What is life like with that hanging over your head?
Does it hang over your head? I mean, given the
fact that you can't just tuck it away and ignore
it because you have these four monthly check ups.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
Yeah, it's gotten easier over time. Initially, there's that fear
that's going to come back and the biggest risk is
in the first two years. So moving on it's been better,
but there's always a bit of stress and anxiety when
you have your MRI. It's always a week between then
(02:58):
and you see the oncology. Sort of every little headache
or niggle or something, you get a bit of a
fear that, oh shit, maybe it's come back. But I
think I've learned now to live with it, and you know,
hopefully it never comes back. Bingers crossed, But yeah, it's
gotten easier over time. It's probably the best way to
(03:19):
put it, is there.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
What are the do you live your life differently because
of that? Are their silver linings? Do you have a
level of like, obviously there'd be a period of time
that takes you to adjust to this. There'd be anxiety,
they'd be worry, there'd be nerves, they'd be overthinking. But
is there also a level of appreciation for life and
(03:43):
the way that you live it and make choices.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Initially, yes, it was sort of a case of wanting
to do everything in case time runs out and so on.
But it's got to the point now where no, I
just live my life as normal. I expect to live
a normal life. I don't really do anything different than
I would normally, and I've been very fortunate. I've had
a really full on life. So sometimes when the thoughts
(04:10):
to come into my head that oh, okay, maybe something
might happen, I think myself, I've lived a good life.
I've traveled a lot, I've had a lot of fun,
and I've done a lot of things. So I'm quite
happy with what I've done in my life, if that
makes sense. And I'm not in a point of trying
to rush around and do all this crazy stuff tick
(04:30):
off a bucket list, so to speak. Yeah, so it's
been interesting, but yeah, I think I've just, like I said,
come to terms with it and I'm just living a
normal life, just enjoying myself.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Yesterday's episode that dropped, I had a conversation with a
chit called Jodie Wellman. She's they're going to have her
on regularly because she's amazing. She has her thing is
called four Thousand Mondays, and she talks about death and
life and how living with the knowledge that we're all
going to die and so the most of it. And
she actually said I think she was referencing somebody who
(05:03):
had breast cancer. And she said, there's this moment that
she had where she was almost wishing that she had
the perspective of someone that gets that ability to have
a second chance at life, to have that perspective of
And I guess when you face mortality or the chance
of mortality like that, you get to go, well, I'm
(05:27):
not wasting life. Is how I'm living life now how
I want to live it. And that's a nice reassuring
thing where the rest of us are running around feeling
like that nothing ever happens, nothing ever happened to me.
I'm here until I'm in my bloody triple digits. And
you know, I got all the time in the world
to waste on the bullshit that we tend to waste
(05:47):
our lives on.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Worry and fear and anxiety and carry on.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
Yeah, yeah, exactly. And I think I think back to
a conversation that the neurosurgeon had with me when I
first got the diagnosis. I sort of sat back, and
I looked up and I said, look, what can I
do to prolong my life? What can I do that's different?
And he turned around and said, just live your life
as normal. Brain cancer one of those things where there's
(06:12):
no real known source. You know, if it had been
let's say, bow cancer or throat cancer or melanome or
or you know, something like that, you can put it
down to something. Yes I was in the sun too much,
Yes I drank too much whiskey, Yes I did this,
Yes I did that, And you'd go, okay, let's cut
back on these things. But for me, he said, no,
live life. And that's where I think my ex couldn't
(06:33):
quite understand that I needed to live my life still.
You know, I couldn't be wrapped up in cotton wool
because its not going to make a difference. And you know,
I have seen where people have gotten sick and they
have you know, lived off the reduced the next two
three years, and still the inevitable happens. But I'd much
rather live my life as a normal enjoy myself, enjoy
(06:54):
a wine and a beer here and there, and you know,
do things that are exciting because I think it comes back.
I haven't wasted any time. I've enjoyed myself. I've lived
my life. I've not wrapped up in a little cotton
wool and sitting on the couch and worried.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
And you know, yeah, feel free to decline answer any
questions I asked that you don't wish to share.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
But was do you think that or do you know that?
I'm not sure.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Was there an element of your situation and illness that
put pressure on the marriage and her ability to cope?
Is that what started to pull the strings of the
marriage falling apart.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Yeah, there is a degree of that. Partly, I feel
that it was used as an excuse. A lot of
people who have saw brain tumors and things like that
they have personality changes. She was quite accusing of me
lack of emotion. I don't care anymore, you've changed personality,
(07:54):
And I feel a lot of that was an excuse
because I don't think I changed. And you know, I've
got a lot of good friends here and back in
Tazzi that I didn't see for a few years prior
and a few years posted the operation, and they're like,
you're still the same person. You haven't changed at all.
Yet the one person that should have known me best
(08:14):
decided that whether it was true or not, there was
an excuse for her to say no, and then he's different.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
It's what's been hardest from the outside looking in for me.
Like you're always such a brilliant person at school, Like
we went to school together, so I've known you for
years and years and years, and you're one of those
you know, there's a few people in life where you
go they're just a good person, Like, oh, yeah, I
know Nick, he's a really good guy. And you always
(08:46):
had that sort of personality. And then since I last
spoke to you on the show, obviously we talk about
this horrific thing that you've overcome and you've had this
brain surgery and this.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Weapon of a scar on your head, Like have you
still got that scar?
Speaker 3 (09:00):
Barely see it?
Speaker 2 (09:01):
It's so disappointing when it's like a slight mark there
the hair's dinner on this side.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Yeah, And that wasn't from the chemo, It's from the radiation.
So I had a massive bald patch here and three
small circles on this side. I guess it was like
the entry for the radiation and they do the funny angels. Yeah,
it's grown back and look if you look closely. But
unless you knew or paid a lot of attention, you
really wouldn't know. So I'm very fortunate that I had
(09:31):
a really good surgeon who managed to somehow cut a
straight line, stretch it open, and get this thing out.
Because I've seen people with massive C shaped scars and
all sorts of things, and I was very fortunate not
to have that.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
What do you think when you think about the fact
that someone's had you not go and open and they've
been filling around there cutting things and in like your
fucking brain.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
Yeah, it's pretty hectic, But funnily enough, I think I
was very fortunate to get a really, really good surgeon.
And I'd never heard of this guy before. Benjamin Jonker
was his name. He just rocked up and said, oh,
I'm a surgeon, very good bedside manner, very lovely bloke.
And a couple of times since then over the last
by six years, just been sitting watching an evening TV.
(10:19):
You know those the ones where they get the er
and all the surgery and stuff like that. And anyway,
I was watching this episode where this lady had Parkinson's
disease and they were talking about this world class surgeon
who was operating on her brain while she was awake.
So basically he would cut open, patching the skull, and
(10:40):
then put electrodes in while she was awake and do
things anyway to sit back and then looked up, Oh,
I know that guy that was my surgeon, so, oh
my god. Yeah, he's obviously pretty good bloke, so got
some amazing stuff. So I've seen him on two different
shows now, just randomly. I thought, well, that's quite amazing,
very fortunate.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
Yeah, it's very it's very fortunate. It's amazing. But what
I was getting into before was this idea that you know,
I've sat back since we spoke and the times when
you pop up on Facebook. There's been a few good
ones of you know, a new relationship and the announcement
of getting engaged, and I was like, that's exciting, but
there were a few that really ripped my heart out,
(11:22):
with every Christmas and maybe birthdays where you haven't seen
your kids for years, and like there was such a
level of pain in reading that. Do you want to
talk a little bit about all of that.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
Yeah, So the separation, I think by the time that
had actually happened, I was sort of at peace with that,
I think, but what I wasn't expecting was not to
see my children. I was hoping for an amical separation
fifty to fifty custody, but sadly that was not to be.
(12:00):
But I've not seen my children now for almost two
years and three months now, and it's just severe case
of Prench walienation and it hurts. It's a really tough
situation to be in. Yeah, those posts. There are often
days where you know, there was supposed to be a
(12:21):
drop off at McDonald's and you know, let's sit there
and I'd wait, they wouldn't turn up. So yeah, so
you know, come through the whole the tumy thing and
you know that's all good. But yeah, parent valienation, that's
what a whole new level of I guess mental health
illness into the picture where it's been extremely extremely hard
(12:45):
to miss your children is. Yeah, it's terrible. And like
you said, those posts, they're heartfelt. Yeah, it's not me
trying to denegrate or victimize myself. It's just pure emotion
as to what I'm feeling.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Yeah, and you know, I've seen a handful of people
share similar styles of their own situation. But my sense
for yours was, you know, sometimes people and you never know,
you only ever know one or hear one side of
a story.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
You don't know what version you're getting.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
But like I said, I would read those and they
just felt so from the heart and it just made
me like I could almost feel the pain of it.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
How old are the kids now?
Speaker 3 (13:31):
So fourteen and sixteen? Now so fifteen, seventeen in August? Yeah,
I missed now two Christmases, Yeah, birthdays, first year, first
day of high school, so many milestones said, I've just missed.
And unfortunately I've done everything, been through family courts, done
(13:56):
all the recommendations by them, and there's no repercussion for it.
It's such a sad system where there's no there's nothing
stopping a parent keeping their children from the other half.
It's sad. I don't even want to say. It's just
(14:18):
there's nothing you can do. And I can see why
seemingly normal parents, fathers and go through this, and that's
where it leads to things like people go a bit crazy,
people die, there's suicide risk and things like that, which
sort of things that don't really get talked about. For
those parents and those fathers who had their children taken
(14:40):
from them, it's really sad. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
Was it a gradual process? Were you were you getting
some access to the kids and able to keep in
touch for a period of time before that was taken
from you.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
Yeah, so what happened was was August years ago something
like that. Now, anyway, things were going downhill, and as
part of my job, because I can't go to sea
at the moment because of the brain stuff, I've got
to deal with shore postings. So rather than sitting in
(15:18):
the workshop and get bored, I decided to do some
things that are fun. So I did a recruiting for
a few years, which was great, and then an option
came up for a job in camera, which would have
led to, you know, leading towards promotion and drop progression.
It was a twelve year posting. So I said, yep,
I want to go to camera and.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
Said no one ever.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
Look, I actually really enjoyed it. But anyway, another thing. Anyway,
I sort of said to my ex, I said, look,
I'm going to go to camera. It was middle of
the year. I didn't want to pull the kids out
of school, so I said, look, you say here, I'll
go over. And you know, with work, I got flights
back every few months and so on, so I was
going to see them and they could haven't seen me.
(16:02):
So half I went. This was September, jumped in the
car two days into the drive across another ball, I
get a text message marriage is over and I was
like wow. I in my head, I was thinking, I'm
going to go, She's going to miss me, and it's
(16:23):
going to be a new start when I come back,
or it would be a slow, amicable separation where we'd
come back and we'd move o our own ways. But
it was two days into the drive and it was
like bang. I was like, oh shit, right, So here
I am camping on my own little campfire. I'm just thinking,
(16:45):
what am I doing? Am I turning around? Am I continuing?
But I continued? Can eat it on? Set up my
little apartment in Kingston and camera. It was beautiful to
better in place by the water. I had double bunk
beds in one room for the kids to come and visit.
And I went to work and that's where things declined.
You know. I would try ring the children. I couldn't
(17:06):
get hold of them. So work were great with that.
So I flew back for a couple of weeks, attempted
to see the children, but go home, locks are changed. Yeah,
it was pretty harsh. Wow. So I did see the
children a couple of times that week, but then I
(17:27):
went back to work and it was still I was
still getting nowhere. So work were very very good and said, okay,
look you can work remotely out of Perth for two months.
So that was the November December. So I came home.
I came stayed with a friend for a couple of months,
worked remotely and I've seen them. We did up a
real rushed parenting agreement where I'd see them a couple
(17:51):
of afternoons a week and every sadday, Sunday, whatever it was.
And that was okay, but there there's no flexibility. You know,
if I wanted to take them to the movies, I'd say, okay,
look instead of twelve o'clock pick up, can I picked
them up at two, dropping back at six instead of four?
Because the movie's this time? Kids want to see this movie?
(18:12):
I got. The response was no, absolutely not. That's the ought,
that's the bearing plant, that's what we're going to sick
to us. So it became very hard. And because I
didn't actually have a fixed address, I was staying with friends,
and my friends, you know, a couple of big dogs,
and they have their own life and I didn't really
feel comfortable taking my children to sort of sit in
their house. It's not my place to do that. And
(18:34):
so I found myself for those two months taking them out,
taking them to places like Time Zone and you know,
taking them shopping and things. But it was hard for
them because they wanted just to relax. They wanted to
go somewhe where they could sit and chill, but we
didn't have that place to go. I couldn't go to
(18:55):
my house because the locks were changed. I couldn't really,
I didn't have somewhere it just to sit back and relax.
And that became a bit of a hard thing, but anyway, look,
I dealt with it. That was two months. And then
towards the end of that thirtieth of December that year,
I remember I took them to Adventure World and I
don't know that I put a poet up on bitch
(19:15):
Facebook years ago. It was me and the two children,
and we had the best day. We had so much
fun when on the water slides. Adventure Worlds like a
kind of like a wet and wild dream World's accommodation
on a smaller wascale. But we had the best day.
And anyway, I then I took another job in Victoria,
(19:36):
so I went back to Victoria. This job was quite
exciting and I was had a lot of travel, so
I thought that would be actually perfect because I needed
to take my mind off what was happening. And that
was the last hour I see my children. I went
back to I moved from went back to Canberra, moved
to Melbourne, and since then, every time I flew back
(19:59):
to West Australia, I went back every six or seven weeks,
just for a week here and there, and every time
the lawyers would write to her lawyer, he's coming back,
and it was just I was met with excuses, we're
away that weekend, the kids have something on. You can't
see them, you can't see them. And it progressed from there.
She changed their phone numbers, she shut their bank accounts
(20:21):
and took all the cash out. Yeah, I had no
way of contacting them. And it was extremely sad. And yeah,
and that's continued on. That's really harsh.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Did you in the lead up when you were able
to spend time with the kids, were you able to
have conversations, did you get an understanding for what they
were experiencing or what they understood of everything.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
They were very I think they were very scared. They
I couldn't. Like I said, there's no flexibility like that'd
say to me our dad, I want to go to
the movies, or don't want to do this. Then we
were met with no, you can't, you have to be back.
By this time, there was no flexibility, and I think
there was a bit of fear that they were going
to be in trouble if they got home late or something.
(21:11):
But I was always still despite all the anger and
bitterness that was coming from the other side, I would
still go to the pickup to go to the drop
off and I'd say, look, you know, Will, you're the
man of the house. Now make sure you help mum out.
Chloe help mum, make sure you guys help mum out.
Look after you know I'm not there, so you know,
do your chores. And I would always speak positively of her.
(21:34):
But yeah, it was a very very hard time, very
very hard time.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
You know what makes tough times a little less tough
having a high performance head on your shoulders. I've been
taking Magic Mind recently and I am a fan. It
is a little green shot of the good stuff in
a very cute little bottle.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
Might I add it's got.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
Lions main mushroom rooms, ashwaganda and a stack of vitamins
BCD all the good stuff, all the stuff that keeps
you focused, firing, creative, and also calm at the same time.
My brain loves it.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
If you want to give it a shot, see what
it did there.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
Give it a shot.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
If you want to give it a shot, I'm going
to have a link in the show notes and you
can just put in a little discount code.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
It's try it out yourself. Why is it?
Speaker 2 (22:26):
I just don't understand why it seems so difficult for
good parents or like, how can it be so easy
for a mother to restrict like that? And then sometimes
when tables are turned and you have volatile relationships with
(22:47):
a lot of evidence and knowledge around it, it seemingly
goes the other way, Like I don't understand why our
system has the ability to fail so many people in
so many different ways.
Speaker 3 (23:00):
Yeah, honestly, I don't know the answer to it. I've seen,
you know, the lawyers, the letters, the money, the accusations.
You know, there was restraining orders as well that came
into place, so that following April, I was in Victoria
and I got a phone call from the manager of
police and you've got a restraining orders to you, and
(23:23):
it was all like false accusations. It's all lies and
it's up to the respondents to prove their innocence. So
that went on for six months. So you've got that
in the background. So that's an interim restraining order. So
if you don't respond to that within twenty eight days
and say I'm going to contest it, then you're basically
(23:45):
admitting to everything she's accused you of. So you've got
to go to the court. You've got to face the
shuttle conferences, you've got to go to trials, you've got
to go through all that and all that money that's
wasted and the end it gets dropped and there's no
repercussion for those lives. There's no repercussion for all those
false accusations. And so that's in the background. That's the
(24:07):
magistrate's court. And then you've got the family Court and
they're going and again you get these accusations from her saying,
oh he's a violent person. Oh, here's a drunk, Oh
here's this, Oh he's that he's controlling all this stuff
that they accuse you of, and there's no matter what
(24:29):
that The Australia was in the background. So the family
courts going, oh, well, you know there's a restraining O
blah blah blah blah blah, we recommend that you do this,
and do this and do this. And I did everything
I went. I did the Families Forever program with Anglicare,
I attempted mediation through relationships with Australia, attempted remediations through
telephone telephone dispute resolution, and still there was no order
(24:51):
by the courts to say, yes, he can have the children.
And she had a friend that went through the similar thing, yeah,
four or five years earlier, and that friend was I
think the catalyst for everything, where she rather than listened
to the lawyers, she'd listen to this friend. And this
friend was the one saying, oh no, you can do this,
(25:13):
Oh no, you can get away with this, and that
was feeding her the information of what she could get
away with. And throughout the process of that well, the
last two years, there was I think seven different lawyers,
because what happens is, let's say I go to a
lawyer and I pay this lawyer tens of thousands of
(25:34):
dollars and they go, yep, I'm going to represent you.
Da da da da dah, and they go, we don't
think this is a good idea, do not do this.
If I go, fuck you, we're going to do it anyway.
Then the lawyer turns around and goes, I'm not going
to represent you anymore. And that happened many, many occasions.
So I'd have my lawyer and I would get frustrated
(25:55):
with my lawyer. I think at the time I was
extremely frosh traded. It was hard to get hold of her,
it was hard to get a response from her. And
I would get these accusations from her lawyer and it
was like, he did this, he did this, he's a
blah blah blah blah blah. And my lawyer just go
I'd write back literally like thirteen fourteen pages sometimes and
I'd just write back these comments and every single accusation,
(26:18):
and my lawyer go, look, no, there's no point in
tit for tat. It's not going to make a difference.
And I now understand that it wouldn't have made a difference.
And instead of costing me let's say maybe two three
hundred thousand, you know, I spent well still of tens
of thousands. But yeah, that's where the lawyer's win in
(26:40):
this situation because they're making all this money, and my
lawyer was looking out for me and going, there's no
point in the tit for tat, We're not going to
win anything here, and it was Now I have a
lot of respect for her, understand where she was coming from,
because yeah, she was really really good. But still the magistrates,
you know, you go to court and again her lawyers.
(27:02):
I've seen her lawyer cry, I've send her lawyer do
this sort of stuff. Oh yeah, and Mattress, hey, you know,
let's do this, let's do that, and nothing happens. Yeah,
the legal system and it's no wonder Dad's dying and
things are happening and there's no one that restraining what
(27:23):
is are getting breached and things like that, because it
drives you crazy. And I think I've said this to
meny times. I'm a very calm person. And if I
didn't have that, and I didn't have this beautiful new
person by my side, I don't know where I'd be
right now. It's incredibly hard.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Yeah, I think also like from the standpoint of when
I think about it, thinking of the unfair effect that
it has on the children, and the fact that.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
You don't know.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
You don't get to see them, you don't know how
they're coping, you don't know what they're being told. You
know sure where they stand, whether it's whether there's any
elements of truth told to them or whether they're being
fed all sorts of things. And despite that, you also
just care about so a you care about seeing them
(28:17):
and having a relationship, but then you realize that you
care about their own mental health and relationship with a
parent is a big part of that and they're not
getting that and you're kind of hamstrung.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
Yeah, and that's fair. Again, there's no repercussion. My fiance,
she looked through everything she could to try and find something.
She found this lawyer, there's a Canadian bloke and he's
down in mandra so went and seen him and he
actually proved that parent relanation for this one person and
(28:48):
the mother did this that that. But then we said,
well what happened and he said, well, they still didn't
see the kids that aged out of the system by
that stage. So you know that this person spent all
this money to prove that friends relation was a thing,
and you know she was keeping the children from him.
But again, there was no repercussion. There was soon of
us in the kids. Yeah, it's crazy, and I think
(29:15):
they're just being fed a load of bullshit. To be honest,
I really do. I think they're scared. I took her
to the point where we did a children's assessments conference
where there's an independence kind of a counselor sash lawyer
where speaks to me, spoke to my ex, spoke to
the children, and did up a report. And in the
(29:36):
report it was really really hard because my son was
saying that life's better with dad not here and someone.
But then my daughter, she was like, I'm open to
seeing him a few times a week. I'm happy to
see him. I remember the good times of going to
the local pub where they have this hot chocolate with
this very floss and stuff, and you know things like
(29:57):
that where I remember where she remembers a good time.
But even still with that, we'd go back to the
courts and go, well, can we have this time? And
it was never never granted. It was always another accusation
after another acquisation. You know, back then it was oh
no he's not around, Oh no, he's not got nowhere
to take them, And then it turned into the restraining order.
(30:19):
Oh he was financially controlling. Oh he's abusive, he's this,
that the other. And then that all goes out of
the way, and then it turns around and the Shaney
Order's gone, Okay, cool, let's carry on. Oh no, he's
an alcoholic. So I had to, you know, again, I
forked out nearly a thousand dollars on liver tests, CDT tests,
(30:42):
I did a hair follical test. I did all this stuff.
I've done everything, and the courts are still going oh no,
no no. And even then we went onto a court
ordered as a family family therapist or brand what what
it was was called, and again the father must pay
(31:05):
for everything. Father must pay this two hundred and fifty
dollars a session, plus two thousand dollars for report eight
sessions and anyway, so I went to this session with her,
I sat down with her, one session, shared a session
with my AX, and then she had two sessions with
the children where she spoke to them each for less
than fifteen minutes. And then by this stage was a
(31:26):
second restraining order. Anyway, it's a why they are And
I said, I just want to do everything. I said,
what can I do to see my children. The whole
idea of this family therapist was for me to build
a relationship with them. And in the I think it
was my second or third session with her, I said,
what can I do? I was in tears. What can
I do? How can I see my children? And she
(31:48):
looked me and she shows, you're not going to see
your children. The best thing I can do is help
you apologize to them. I'm just like, excuse me. And
she was so condescending. And then you know when when
you moved to Melbourne, you restricted your daughter's phone. I said, yeah,
I did, because she's on the phone for fourteen hours
day throughout school days. You know, she's on the phone
(32:10):
all night on TikTok and I had this Google app
and shows. But I said, I didn't cut her phone off.
This was practice so prior to the change in exchanging
the numbers, I said, didn't cut a phone off. I said,
I just restricted it because she was on there all
this time. She was going falling behind at school. And
(32:32):
then I was like, well, you know you're you're in
a military, so we really harsh on her. Did you
tell her the expectation? I said, she's twelve years old.
And it's parenting. It's parenting, and I was getting grilled
on it shows. Oh well, and then she shows you
need to apologize to your wife believing I said, hang
on a minute, shows the best thing you can do
(32:52):
is now send her a letter, send her an email,
send her a text, and say how sorry you are,
and then she might open up. I said, I've got
to be training order she has, it doesn't matter. It's like,
so I didn't go at the last session. I was like,
this is ridiculous. And even then go to the courts
and she did this and my ex paid for the
report because she was obviously getting along well with this woman.
(33:16):
And the report comes in, Oh, no, recommendation is that,
you know, we continue on family therapy, this, that the other.
And I was like, I can't afford that. You know,
at that point, you know, the property site hadn't settled.
So I was paying for these sessions on credit card,
and it was just it's just ridiculous. And this is
supposed to be a court appointed family therapist. There open
(33:38):
and I left every session. I left in here so
I'd ring my fiance and I go, this is just bullshit.
It's yeah, that's crazy and again, that's part of the
legal system where there's she just wouldn't listen to me.
She just would not listen. She was comment sending. She
would just go I'd say something like, was it, Oh,
(34:01):
you made it hard for your time to get a passport?
I was like, no, I didn't. She says, yeah. When
they rang you and said you want your kid to
travel overseas, you said no. I said no, I said,
I wasn't happy. Yeah, it's a call all about passports.
And she said, oh really, Oh really tell me more
about that. Come on, come on, tell me more. She
just spoke to me like that, and I was just like,
(34:22):
you're freaking serious. I'm paying you all this money and
you've listened to my ex, taken my money to have
a conversation with her and taken her side. And again
I walked out of there and yeah, mental health, right,
like it takes a toll that really really? I spiraled
(34:42):
after that. This was late last year, mid mid last year.
It was Yeah, I ended up in the mental hospital
for a couple of weeks where I was just in
a point where I just couldn't cope.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
What helped you in when you got to that point?
Speaker 2 (35:00):
What were how did you feel, what were you looking
at to be your options and how did you pull
yourself out of that?
Speaker 3 (35:09):
Knowing that I've had my beautiful fiance, you know, she
was by my side the whole time. And honestly, just
the medical system was I'm lucky in defense supply that
for me. So, you know, had I been a civilian
and not understood the understood what's out there to help,
(35:34):
I don't know if I'd even be here. That's the
harsh reality of it. You know. I had a friend
who said, you're not good, mate, and he dragged me
down to the local hospital and said, look, this guy's
in a ship spot. And the following day I went
to work and the work, the doctors work said okay,
look here's an option. You can go into a mental
institution essentially. And by that time I was on a
(35:57):
lot of antidepressants and the anxiety medication, and that was
just I was an emotional rollercoaster. And leading up to
that point, you know, you're in cheers every day, and
that was a point where you know you're expecting to
see your children, they're not coming and and so on.
So you know, I spent a couple of weeks there,
and you know, they changed medication and you know it
(36:20):
was I moved on and I'm doing a lot better.
It's still not one hundred percent by a long shot,
but doing a lot lot better. Yeah, that's that's crazy.
But yeah, Stacey has been absolutely amazing. It's just been
great to have her by my side. And you know,
(36:41):
it's still very close to my parents and family and friends,
and I've still got a lot of my friends or
most nearly nearly all my friends. So it's great to
have them all on my side and have the support
knowing they're all still there. And that's I think leading
back to the alienation. It's not just the alienation from me,
(37:02):
it's the alienation from everyone associated with me. So the
children have not been able to my parents, my grandparents,
Annie's uncles, cousins, friends, anyone associated with me has been
cut off from the children. So my parents have not
spoken for two years and they were gone down the
Relationships Australia mediation process and they've and that's that's also
(37:27):
very hard seeing your parents so upset. You know, I've
kind of come to the terms now over the past
six months that I've just got to wait for them
to come to me one day. You know, the fighting
is so hard and so gut wrenching and so brutal,
and I don't want to bring the children into the
(37:48):
whole court system again. It's just that it just does
not work for their own mental wealth, for their say,
you know, looking after them. So I've got to wait
for them to come to me. And I came to
terms with that. But then when you see your parents,
so the children's grandparents just wanting to reach out to
those children. You see them in changs, you see them upset.
(38:10):
It's like I've come to a I've just come to that.
I don't know the moment where Dagan to come to me,
but stopping the fighting for the grandparents and things, that's
really really hard on me as well. It's hard seeing
them so upset. Yeah, it's just crazy, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
Crazy, like to think that you've had to have this
as an experience in what should be a fucking joyful
recovery period from overcoming such a horrific like illness.
Speaker 3 (38:53):
Yeah, yeah, is really.
Speaker 2 (38:56):
Heartbreaking, Like as like you think, you know, we have
a conversation back in twenty twenty one about this awful
thing that happens to such a small percentage of people,
and it's like, you know, some of us are unlucky
and we have to experience an awful thing in our
lives and then bam, you're doubling it up straight. And
it's just like I think that's part of what When
(39:17):
I saw this unfolding, I was like, Oh, come on,
what's what's going on here?
Speaker 1 (39:24):
Like this is really unfair to see.
Speaker 3 (39:28):
And the problem is there's no real support out there
for dads. There's no like you look on Facebook and
you look for single dads, parents support groups or whatever else,
but the stuff you see on there is crazy. There's
no real genuine place for dads to go. You know,
(39:49):
there's all this domestic violence for women, and I know
that that's a thing, and I understand that there are
women who need that, but women play on it. And
that's where where I'm in that situation where I'm getting
played on by that. It was a big thing. So
the magistrates and the courts when it comes through his
training orders, they just hand them out there front, in
the front and center, and it's up to that, Like
(40:11):
I said, it's up to the respondent to prove their innocence.
There's no support group for those dads to go I
need help. It's not there. There's nothing which is really harsh.
And my fiance, she was in in ABUSI relationship. I
can see why there's a reason why you need that,
but like I said, the ones who play on that,
(40:34):
there should be harsh implementations for that really really should Yeah, one.
Speaker 1 (40:39):
Hundred percent agree.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
I after a couple of short relationships, I ended up
twice needing to get into mention orders from men and
just seeing what you see a day in court of
that sort of thing unfolding and experiencing that and going
it's a shitty system when you're on that side of
it as well. Like being on that side, I was like,
(41:00):
this is atrocious, but it makes me so angry. Then
when you come across those small percentage of women who
are making it hard for it's like this is here
for a reason, and then someone else's is completely playing
the system and it ruins it for.
Speaker 1 (41:17):
Everybody it has.
Speaker 3 (41:20):
That's really sad, really really sad.
Speaker 2 (41:23):
And I think, you know, looking at hearing some of
the people that were going through the court that day,
and I think for me, I was just thinking the
perspective of going that's what the lawyers and the magistrates
and everyone involved. This is their life. They deal with
this day in day out. It becomes just another thing.
Whereas you go in for the first time everyone, you're like, whoa,
(41:45):
this is the world? Are people really like this? You know,
it's like two people standing there and you're like, well,
which ones that? Which one's the liar? They both liars.
Like in one case, for with me, the guy that
I was getting in order with had rented out.
Speaker 1 (42:01):
He held up a bunch of print.
Speaker 2 (42:03):
Outs that he was saying was was prints that he
had done of text messages of me saying XYZ that
didn't exist, So I thought to myself, he sat down
and graphic designed a bunch of print doubts and he's
brought them. He's got lies in his hand, which they
didn't end up looking at. They waved that off. But
it was just like when you see what people will
do and then you go, well, who you go far out,
(42:23):
what a shit job. And then you've got these people
who just work in that space and they just have
to make decisions and almost dehumanize it.
Speaker 3 (42:31):
It's like oh yeah, this or this this.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
Or this person or this person they just pick aside
that's it.
Speaker 3 (42:36):
And I think the age of the children really makes
big difference as well. If the children had have been
toddler's it would have been a different story. The magistrates
to be more like, Okay, no, they need their parent here,
because I've seen people who are raging, alcoholicues, struggles whatever,
and they still have time with their children. And that
(42:57):
makes it really harsh because I'm not begging, begging, see
mine doing everything right and still not where was it
going with that? But yeah, so when the children get
to a certain age, the court's take into their consideration,
and that's where mine have got older and older. I
think that's what's been a lot of the problem as well.
(43:18):
They're aging out of the system and it's not like
they're a toddler that can go kicking and scream into
the car seat and then dropped off with their dad.
It's you know, kids that are My son's now taller
than me, and yeah, if he goes, I don't want
to see dad because all the lives he's been told,
it's very hard to make it happen. And so when
I had that job in Victoria, I was telling me
(43:40):
about and that was great because I was so busy.
It was so busy, and it was brilliant, and I
was planning to move back, and we finally got some
orders in the courts before I moved back that I
was supposed to see them every every second Sunday. And
that's where the posts started coming up. We were supposed
to see them. So I moved back. We got a
(44:00):
five bedroom house here, I've got a bedroom set up
preaching the children. You know, initially the parenting orders back
then were you know, that drop off McDonald's just and
we'd reassessed from there, but they never came. And even
when we went to court and said, well, she's not
complying with the orders, and then she'd just go, oh,
(44:22):
I didn't fully understand. I'm not from Australia. I don't understand.
And I was like, let's get it. Let's get a
translator in if you're so, I mean, you teach English
at the school, like English are better than your native language,
so how can that be a thing. But let's just
(44:42):
they get away with it, and they said there and god,
I don't understand. There's no repercussions. And you know, as
as that year went on, this is last year just
we got nowhere. And that's that's when the mental health,
like I said, took a real tumble towards late last
late last year. It was because i'd moved back, and
that was even morescruciating because they live four hundred meters
(45:05):
down the road and I occasionally see my daughter in
the street and they just act like they don't know me,
oh ignore me, And that's so's I think that's where
that I hit rock bottom, is just seeing them there,
knowing they're so close, you know, knowing they're having a
few troubles at school and there's nothing I can do
(45:25):
to help. It's yeah, that's probably the harshest bit. But
like I said, that's where I was luck. I had
the support of the medical side and my fiance that
really I was really lucky. I was really lucky to
have that because I know a lot of people don't
have that. So it's, yeah, be very fortunate. How long
(45:46):
How old are they fourteen sixteen.
Speaker 2 (45:49):
Fourteen sixteen, so you've still got a good couple of
years before there.
Speaker 3 (45:52):
Yeah, own ups. Yeah, so it's just it's now just
waiting for them to come to me. It's just now
just yeah, just sit back and wait. But yeah, like
I said, I just wish there was something out there
for the dads. I don't think there is anything really
(46:12):
really solid out there for those guys going through this.
And that's why I said, with people that there's the
suicides and things like that, that's why it happens, is
there's nothing there for those dads.
Speaker 2 (46:24):
You know, how good things come about people like you, mate,
might be something you need to start.
Speaker 3 (46:31):
I know, I know. The problem is I don't have
the answer. So that's the biggest thing. I've gone through
it and I've still not succeeded in winning over the system.
I've seen it for the last three years now nearly
and it's just been a harsh.
Speaker 2 (46:48):
But I think even a support type group like where
people who are going through what can go and actually
connect with people that understand. Yeah, and then at least
you're going through parental alienation, but you've got a group
of people who are not alienating you, who actually understand
and get it, and you're not alone and you're understood.
Speaker 3 (47:12):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:12):
I think sometimes that that can be the best therapy
is just being heard and having a place, having a
place in the world where you go this is something
I'm going through and there's a place where I belong
because of it.
Speaker 3 (47:26):
Yeah exactly. Yeah, like that's where I've been fortunate. Like
I said, you know, the fiance and my parents and
my friends. I'm very very lucky to have all them
because it wasn't for them. Yeah, like I said, it'd
be thinking a very different story right now, sadly.
Speaker 2 (47:41):
Yeah. Yeah, Well, I think you're a superstar. And I
will be watching on and have my fingers crossed, and
I'll be awaiting some good news to come and hopefully
some happy family catch ups to hit the social media
at some point.
Speaker 3 (47:56):
Yeah, I hope. So. I think it's cross off the
Tazzy for a couple of months now the long service leaves,
so you can spend some time back home with the
parents and looking forward to that. Yeah, solt food.
Speaker 1 (48:08):
I just got back. It is soul food I have.
Speaker 2 (48:11):
The more I go back now, the more I love Tazzy.
Speaker 3 (48:14):
It's yeah, yeah, yeah, it's definitely changed a lot from
when we were when we grew up back there, and
that's the long term goal used to used to be
back back to good old Devonport And yeah, awesome, we'll
enjoy that.
Speaker 2 (48:33):
Thank you so much for coming on and having a chat.
Speaker 3 (48:37):
Great the chat. And look, let's hope there's there is
something out there down the track for the people like
me going through this that we can Yeah, just some
support would be great.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
Thanks mate, Thanks everyone.
Speaker 3 (48:50):
Cheers mate,
Good eight Team.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Welcome to another episode of Roll with the Punches podcast.
I'm your host, Tif Cook, and today we are speaking
to Nick Reid.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
Now.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
When we talk to Nick back in twenty twenty one,
he had most definitely rolled with some pretty shit punches.
He recovered from stage three brain cancer. We spoke about that.
That diagnosis was given to him in twenty eighteen. He
is still kicking goals in his physical health, but his
(00:32):
personal life has taken a few hits over the last
few years.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
And so that's what we're talking about today.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Whole different version of Rolling with the Punches for Nick
around parental alienation. Nobody wants to go to court and don't.
My friends are test Art Family Lawyers. Know that they
offer all forms of alternative dispute resolution. Their team of
Melbourne family lawyers have extensive experience in all areas of
(01:01):
family law to facto and same sex couples, custody and children,
family violence and intervention orders, property settlements and financial agreements.
Test Art is in your corner, so reach out to
Mark and the team at www dot test Artfamilylawyers dot
com dot au. Nick Red welcome to Roll with the
(01:25):
Punches for the second time.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Great to be here, dude, we've been it's been four years.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
What the hell, it's been a long time. Eh, Yeah,
I've been all over the place. Last time we spoke,
I sort of just recovering from the brain tumor. I
was still married, still with my children, and since then
a lot's changed. I've sort of separated. I'm now engage
with a new partner, which is great. Congrats, thank you
(01:56):
very much. That's been a few months in Canberra, twelve
months Invictoria and now back in West Australia.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Amazing. And how's the health.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Health's good? Yeah, so I think I remember last time
we spoke, the prognosis was about fifty percent survival in
five years. So we're now six and a bit years
on and yeah, still alive and kicking four monthly MRIs
and checks. But so far, so good. So fingers crossed.
(02:26):
What is it like?
Speaker 2 (02:27):
What is life like with that hanging over your head?
Does it hang over your head? I mean, given the
fact that you can't just tuck it away and ignore
it because you have these four monthly check ups.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
Yeah, it's gotten easier over time. Initially, there's that fear
that's going to come back and the biggest risk is
in the first two years. So moving on it's been better,
but there's always a bit of stress and anxiety when
you have your MRI. It's always a week between then
(02:58):
and you see the oncology. Sort of every little headache
or niggle or something, you get a bit of a
fear that, oh shit, maybe it's come back. But I
think I've learned now to live with it, and you know,
hopefully it never comes back. Bingers crossed, But yeah, it's
gotten easier over time. It's probably the best way to
(03:19):
put it, is there.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
What are the do you live your life differently because
of that? Are their silver linings? Do you have a
level of like, obviously there'd be a period of time
that takes you to adjust to this. There'd be anxiety,
they'd be worry, there'd be nerves, they'd be overthinking. But
is there also a level of appreciation for life and
(03:43):
the way that you live it and make choices.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Initially, yes, it was sort of a case of wanting
to do everything in case time runs out and so on.
But it's got to the point now where no, I
just live my life as normal. I expect to live
a normal life. I don't really do anything different than
I would normally, and I've been very fortunate. I've had
a really full on life. So sometimes when the thoughts
(04:10):
to come into my head that oh, okay, maybe something
might happen, I think myself, I've lived a good life.
I've traveled a lot, I've had a lot of fun,
and I've done a lot of things. So I'm quite
happy with what I've done in my life, if that
makes sense. And I'm not in a point of trying
to rush around and do all this crazy stuff tick
(04:30):
off a bucket list, so to speak. Yeah, so it's
been interesting, but yeah, I think I've just, like I said,
come to terms with it and I'm just living a
normal life, just enjoying myself.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Yesterday's episode that dropped, I had a conversation with a
chit called Jodie Wellman. She's they're going to have her
on regularly because she's amazing. She has her thing is
called four Thousand Mondays, and she talks about death and
life and how living with the knowledge that we're all
going to die and so the most of it. And
she actually said I think she was referencing somebody who
(05:03):
had breast cancer. And she said, there's this moment that
she had where she was almost wishing that she had
the perspective of someone that gets that ability to have
a second chance at life, to have that perspective of
And I guess when you face mortality or the chance
of mortality like that, you get to go, well, I'm
(05:27):
not wasting life. Is how I'm living life now how
I want to live it. And that's a nice reassuring
thing where the rest of us are running around feeling
like that nothing ever happens, nothing ever happened to me.
I'm here until I'm in my bloody triple digits. And
you know, I got all the time in the world
to waste on the bullshit that we tend to waste
(05:47):
our lives on.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Worry and fear and anxiety and carry on.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
Yeah, yeah, exactly. And I think I think back to
a conversation that the neurosurgeon had with me when I
first got the diagnosis. I sort of sat back, and
I looked up and I said, look, what can I
do to prolong my life? What can I do that's different?
And he turned around and said, just live your life
as normal. Brain cancer one of those things where there's
(06:12):
no real known source. You know, if it had been
let's say, bow cancer or throat cancer or melanome or
or you know, something like that, you can put it
down to something. Yes I was in the sun too much,
Yes I drank too much whiskey, Yes I did this,
Yes I did that, And you'd go, okay, let's cut
back on these things. But for me, he said, no,
live life. And that's where I think my ex couldn't
(06:33):
quite understand that I needed to live my life still.
You know, I couldn't be wrapped up in cotton wool
because its not going to make a difference. And you know,
I have seen where people have gotten sick and they
have you know, lived off the reduced the next two
three years, and still the inevitable happens. But I'd much
rather live my life as a normal enjoy myself, enjoy
(06:54):
a wine and a beer here and there, and you know,
do things that are exciting because I think it comes back.
I haven't wasted any time. I've enjoyed myself. I've lived
my life. I've not wrapped up in a little cotton
wool and sitting on the couch and worried.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
And you know, yeah, feel free to decline answer any
questions I asked that you don't wish to share.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
But was do you think that or do you know that?
I'm not sure.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Was there an element of your situation and illness that
put pressure on the marriage and her ability to cope?
Is that what started to pull the strings of the
marriage falling apart.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Yeah, there is a degree of that. Partly, I feel
that it was used as an excuse. A lot of
people who have saw brain tumors and things like that
they have personality changes. She was quite accusing of me
lack of emotion. I don't care anymore, you've changed personality,
(07:54):
And I feel a lot of that was an excuse
because I don't think I changed. And you know, I've
got a lot of good friends here and back in
Tazzi that I didn't see for a few years prior
and a few years posted the operation, and they're like,
you're still the same person. You haven't changed at all.
Yet the one person that should have known me best
(08:14):
decided that whether it was true or not, there was
an excuse for her to say no, and then he's different.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
It's what's been hardest from the outside looking in for me.
Like you're always such a brilliant person at school, Like
we went to school together, so I've known you for
years and years and years, and you're one of those
you know, there's a few people in life where you
go they're just a good person, Like, oh, yeah, I
know Nick, he's a really good guy. And you always
(08:46):
had that sort of personality. And then since I last
spoke to you on the show, obviously we talk about
this horrific thing that you've overcome and you've had this
brain surgery and this.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Weapon of a scar on your head, Like have you
still got that scar?
Speaker 3 (09:00):
Barely see it?
Speaker 2 (09:01):
It's so disappointing when it's like a slight mark there
the hair's dinner on this side.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Yeah, And that wasn't from the chemo, It's from the radiation.
So I had a massive bald patch here and three
small circles on this side. I guess it was like
the entry for the radiation and they do the funny angels. Yeah,
it's grown back and look if you look closely. But
unless you knew or paid a lot of attention, you
really wouldn't know. So I'm very fortunate that I had
(09:31):
a really good surgeon who managed to somehow cut a
straight line, stretch it open, and get this thing out.
Because I've seen people with massive C shaped scars and
all sorts of things, and I was very fortunate not
to have that.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
What do you think when you think about the fact
that someone's had you not go and open and they've
been filling around there cutting things and in like your
fucking brain.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
Yeah, it's pretty hectic, But funnily enough, I think I
was very fortunate to get a really, really good surgeon.
And I'd never heard of this guy before. Benjamin Jonker
was his name. He just rocked up and said, oh,
I'm a surgeon, very good bedside manner, very lovely bloke.
And a couple of times since then over the last
by six years, just been sitting watching an evening TV.
(10:19):
You know those the ones where they get the er
and all the surgery and stuff like that. And anyway,
I was watching this episode where this lady had Parkinson's
disease and they were talking about this world class surgeon
who was operating on her brain while she was awake.
So basically he would cut open, patching the skull, and
(10:40):
then put electrodes in while she was awake and do
things anyway to sit back and then looked up, Oh,
I know that guy that was my surgeon, so, oh
my god. Yeah, he's obviously pretty good bloke, so got
some amazing stuff. So I've seen him on two different
shows now, just randomly. I thought, well, that's quite amazing,
very fortunate.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
Yeah, it's very it's very fortunate. It's amazing. But what
I was getting into before was this idea that you know,
I've sat back since we spoke and the times when
you pop up on Facebook. There's been a few good
ones of you know, a new relationship and the announcement
of getting engaged, and I was like, that's exciting, but
there were a few that really ripped my heart out,
(11:22):
with every Christmas and maybe birthdays where you haven't seen
your kids for years, and like there was such a
level of pain in reading that. Do you want to
talk a little bit about all of that.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
Yeah, So the separation, I think by the time that
had actually happened, I was sort of at peace with that,
I think, but what I wasn't expecting was not to
see my children. I was hoping for an amical separation
fifty to fifty custody, but sadly that was not to be.
(12:00):
But I've not seen my children now for almost two
years and three months now, and it's just severe case
of Prench walienation and it hurts. It's a really tough
situation to be in. Yeah, those posts. There are often
days where you know, there was supposed to be a
(12:21):
drop off at McDonald's and you know, let's sit there
and I'd wait, they wouldn't turn up. So yeah, so
you know, come through the whole the tumy thing and
you know that's all good. But yeah, parent valienation, that's
what a whole new level of I guess mental health
illness into the picture where it's been extremely extremely hard
(12:45):
to miss your children is. Yeah, it's terrible. And like
you said, those posts, they're heartfelt. Yeah, it's not me
trying to denegrate or victimize myself. It's just pure emotion
as to what I'm feeling.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Yeah, and you know, I've seen a handful of people
share similar styles of their own situation. But my sense
for yours was, you know, sometimes people and you never know,
you only ever know one or hear one side of
a story.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
You don't know what version you're getting.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
But like I said, I would read those and they
just felt so from the heart and it just made
me like I could almost feel the pain of it.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
How old are the kids now?
Speaker 3 (13:31):
So fourteen and sixteen? Now so fifteen, seventeen in August? Yeah,
I missed now two Christmases, Yeah, birthdays, first year, first
day of high school, so many milestones said, I've just missed.
And unfortunately I've done everything, been through family courts, done
(13:56):
all the recommendations by them, and there's no repercussion for it.
It's such a sad system where there's no there's nothing
stopping a parent keeping their children from the other half.
It's sad. I don't even want to say. It's just
(14:18):
there's nothing you can do. And I can see why
seemingly normal parents, fathers and go through this, and that's
where it leads to things like people go a bit crazy,
people die, there's suicide risk and things like that, which
sort of things that don't really get talked about. For
those parents and those fathers who had their children taken
(14:40):
from them, it's really sad. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
Was it a gradual process? Were you were you getting
some access to the kids and able to keep in
touch for a period of time before that was taken
from you.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
Yeah, so what happened was was August years ago something
like that. Now, anyway, things were going downhill, and as
part of my job, because I can't go to sea
at the moment because of the brain stuff, I've got
to deal with shore postings. So rather than sitting in
(15:18):
the workshop and get bored, I decided to do some
things that are fun. So I did a recruiting for
a few years, which was great, and then an option
came up for a job in camera, which would have
led to, you know, leading towards promotion and drop progression.
It was a twelve year posting. So I said, yep,
I want to go to camera and.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
Said no one ever.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
Look, I actually really enjoyed it. But anyway, another thing. Anyway,
I sort of said to my ex, I said, look,
I'm going to go to camera. It was middle of
the year. I didn't want to pull the kids out
of school, so I said, look, you say here, I'll
go over. And you know, with work, I got flights
back every few months and so on, so I was
going to see them and they could haven't seen me.
(16:02):
So half I went. This was September, jumped in the
car two days into the drive across another ball, I
get a text message marriage is over and I was
like wow. I in my head, I was thinking, I'm
going to go, She's going to miss me, and it's
(16:23):
going to be a new start when I come back,
or it would be a slow, amicable separation where we'd
come back and we'd move o our own ways. But
it was two days into the drive and it was
like bang. I was like, oh shit, right, So here
I am camping on my own little campfire. I'm just thinking,
(16:45):
what am I doing? Am I turning around? Am I continuing?
But I continued? Can eat it on? Set up my
little apartment in Kingston and camera. It was beautiful to
better in place by the water. I had double bunk
beds in one room for the kids to come and visit.
And I went to work and that's where things declined.
You know. I would try ring the children. I couldn't
(17:06):
get hold of them. So work were great with that.
So I flew back for a couple of weeks, attempted
to see the children, but go home, locks are changed. Yeah,
it was pretty harsh. Wow. So I did see the
children a couple of times that week, but then I
(17:27):
went back to work and it was still I was
still getting nowhere. So work were very very good and said, okay,
look you can work remotely out of Perth for two months.
So that was the November December. So I came home.
I came stayed with a friend for a couple of months,
worked remotely and I've seen them. We did up a
real rushed parenting agreement where I'd see them a couple
(17:51):
of afternoons a week and every sadday, Sunday, whatever it was.
And that was okay, but there there's no flexibility. You know,
if I wanted to take them to the movies, I'd say, okay,
look instead of twelve o'clock pick up, can I picked
them up at two, dropping back at six instead of four?
Because the movie's this time? Kids want to see this movie?
(18:12):
I got. The response was no, absolutely not. That's the ought,
that's the bearing plant, that's what we're going to sick
to us. So it became very hard. And because I
didn't actually have a fixed address, I was staying with friends,
and my friends, you know, a couple of big dogs,
and they have their own life and I didn't really
feel comfortable taking my children to sort of sit in
their house. It's not my place to do that. And
(18:34):
so I found myself for those two months taking them out,
taking them to places like Time Zone and you know,
taking them shopping and things. But it was hard for
them because they wanted just to relax. They wanted to
go somewhe where they could sit and chill, but we
didn't have that place to go. I couldn't go to
(18:55):
my house because the locks were changed. I couldn't really,
I didn't have somewhere it just to sit back and relax.
And that became a bit of a hard thing, but anyway, look,
I dealt with it. That was two months. And then
towards the end of that thirtieth of December that year,
I remember I took them to Adventure World and I
don't know that I put a poet up on bitch
(19:15):
Facebook years ago. It was me and the two children,
and we had the best day. We had so much
fun when on the water slides. Adventure Worlds like a
kind of like a wet and wild dream World's accommodation
on a smaller wascale. But we had the best day.
And anyway, I then I took another job in Victoria,
(19:36):
so I went back to Victoria. This job was quite
exciting and I was had a lot of travel, so
I thought that would be actually perfect because I needed
to take my mind off what was happening. And that
was the last hour I see my children. I went
back to I moved from went back to Canberra, moved
to Melbourne, and since then, every time I flew back
(19:59):
to West Australia, I went back every six or seven weeks,
just for a week here and there, and every time
the lawyers would write to her lawyer, he's coming back,
and it was just I was met with excuses, we're
away that weekend, the kids have something on. You can't
see them, you can't see them. And it progressed from there.
She changed their phone numbers, she shut their bank accounts
(20:21):
and took all the cash out. Yeah, I had no
way of contacting them. And it was extremely sad. And yeah,
and that's continued on. That's really harsh.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Did you in the lead up when you were able
to spend time with the kids, were you able to
have conversations, did you get an understanding for what they
were experiencing or what they understood of everything.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
They were very I think they were very scared. They
I couldn't. Like I said, there's no flexibility like that'd
say to me our dad, I want to go to
the movies, or don't want to do this. Then we
were met with no, you can't, you have to be back.
By this time, there was no flexibility, and I think
there was a bit of fear that they were going
to be in trouble if they got home late or something.
(21:11):
But I was always still despite all the anger and
bitterness that was coming from the other side, I would
still go to the pickup to go to the drop
off and I'd say, look, you know, Will, you're the
man of the house. Now make sure you help mum out.
Chloe help mum, make sure you guys help mum out.
Look after you know I'm not there, so you know,
do your chores. And I would always speak positively of her.
(21:34):
But yeah, it was a very very hard time, very
very hard time.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
You know what makes tough times a little less tough
having a high performance head on your shoulders. I've been
taking Magic Mind recently and I am a fan. It
is a little green shot of the good stuff in
a very cute little bottle.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
Might I add it's got.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
Lions main mushroom rooms, ashwaganda and a stack of vitamins
BCD all the good stuff, all the stuff that keeps
you focused, firing, creative, and also calm at the same time.
My brain loves it.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
If you want to give it a shot, see what
it did there.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
Give it a shot.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
If you want to give it a shot, I'm going
to have a link in the show notes and you
can just put in a little discount code.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
It's try it out yourself. Why is it?
Speaker 2 (22:26):
I just don't understand why it seems so difficult for
good parents or like, how can it be so easy
for a mother to restrict like that? And then sometimes
when tables are turned and you have volatile relationships with
(22:47):
a lot of evidence and knowledge around it, it seemingly
goes the other way, Like I don't understand why our
system has the ability to fail so many people in
so many different ways.
Speaker 3 (23:00):
Yeah, honestly, I don't know the answer to it. I've seen,
you know, the lawyers, the letters, the money, the accusations.
You know, there was restraining orders as well that came
into place, so that following April, I was in Victoria
and I got a phone call from the manager of
police and you've got a restraining orders to you, and
(23:23):
it was all like false accusations. It's all lies and
it's up to the respondents to prove their innocence. So
that went on for six months. So you've got that
in the background. So that's an interim restraining order. So
if you don't respond to that within twenty eight days
and say I'm going to contest it, then you're basically
(23:45):
admitting to everything she's accused you of. So you've got
to go to the court. You've got to face the
shuttle conferences, you've got to go to trials, you've got
to go through all that and all that money that's
wasted and the end it gets dropped and there's no
repercussion for those lives. There's no repercussion for all those
false accusations. And so that's in the background. That's the
(24:07):
magistrate's court. And then you've got the family Court and
they're going and again you get these accusations from her saying,
oh he's a violent person. Oh, here's a drunk, Oh
here's this, Oh he's that he's controlling all this stuff
that they accuse you of, and there's no matter what
(24:29):
that The Australia was in the background. So the family
courts going, oh, well, you know there's a restraining O
blah blah blah blah blah, we recommend that you do this,
and do this and do this. And I did everything
I went. I did the Families Forever program with Anglicare,
I attempted mediation through relationships with Australia, attempted remediations through
telephone telephone dispute resolution, and still there was no order
(24:51):
by the courts to say, yes, he can have the children.
And she had a friend that went through the similar thing, yeah,
four or five years earlier, and that friend was I
think the catalyst for everything, where she rather than listened
to the lawyers, she'd listen to this friend. And this
friend was the one saying, oh no, you can do this,
(25:13):
Oh no, you can get away with this, and that
was feeding her the information of what she could get
away with. And throughout the process of that well, the
last two years, there was I think seven different lawyers,
because what happens is, let's say I go to a
lawyer and I pay this lawyer tens of thousands of
(25:34):
dollars and they go, yep, I'm going to represent you.
Da da da da dah, and they go, we don't
think this is a good idea, do not do this.
If I go, fuck you, we're going to do it anyway.
Then the lawyer turns around and goes, I'm not going
to represent you anymore. And that happened many, many occasions.
So I'd have my lawyer and I would get frustrated
(25:55):
with my lawyer. I think at the time I was
extremely frosh traded. It was hard to get hold of her,
it was hard to get a response from her. And
I would get these accusations from her lawyer and it
was like, he did this, he did this, he's a
blah blah blah blah blah. And my lawyer just go
I'd write back literally like thirteen fourteen pages sometimes and
I'd just write back these comments and every single accusation,
(26:18):
and my lawyer go, look, no, there's no point in
tit for tat. It's not going to make a difference.
And I now understand that it wouldn't have made a difference.
And instead of costing me let's say maybe two three
hundred thousand, you know, I spent well still of tens
of thousands. But yeah, that's where the lawyer's win in
(26:40):
this situation because they're making all this money, and my
lawyer was looking out for me and going, there's no
point in the tit for tat, We're not going to
win anything here, and it was Now I have a
lot of respect for her, understand where she was coming from,
because yeah, she was really really good. But still the magistrates,
you know, you go to court and again her lawyers.
(27:02):
I've seen her lawyer cry, I've send her lawyer do
this sort of stuff. Oh yeah, and Mattress, hey, you know,
let's do this, let's do that, and nothing happens. Yeah,
the legal system and it's no wonder Dad's dying and
things are happening and there's no one that restraining what
(27:23):
is are getting breached and things like that, because it
drives you crazy. And I think I've said this to
meny times. I'm a very calm person. And if I
didn't have that, and I didn't have this beautiful new
person by my side, I don't know where I'd be
right now. It's incredibly hard.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Yeah, I think also like from the standpoint of when
I think about it, thinking of the unfair effect that
it has on the children, and the fact that.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
You don't know.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
You don't get to see them, you don't know how
they're coping, you don't know what they're being told. You
know sure where they stand, whether it's whether there's any
elements of truth told to them or whether they're being
fed all sorts of things. And despite that, you also
just care about so a you care about seeing them
(28:17):
and having a relationship, but then you realize that you
care about their own mental health and relationship with a
parent is a big part of that and they're not
getting that and you're kind of hamstrung.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
Yeah, and that's fair. Again, there's no repercussion. My fiance,
she looked through everything she could to try and find something.
She found this lawyer, there's a Canadian bloke and he's
down in mandra so went and seen him and he
actually proved that parent relanation for this one person and
(28:48):
the mother did this that that. But then we said,
well what happened and he said, well, they still didn't
see the kids that aged out of the system by
that stage. So you know that this person spent all
this money to prove that friends relation was a thing,
and you know she was keeping the children from him.
But again, there was no repercussion. There was soon of
us in the kids. Yeah, it's crazy, and I think
(29:15):
they're just being fed a load of bullshit. To be honest,
I really do. I think they're scared. I took her
to the point where we did a children's assessments conference
where there's an independence kind of a counselor sash lawyer
where speaks to me, spoke to my ex, spoke to
the children, and did up a report. And in the
(29:36):
report it was really really hard because my son was
saying that life's better with dad not here and someone.
But then my daughter, she was like, I'm open to
seeing him a few times a week. I'm happy to
see him. I remember the good times of going to
the local pub where they have this hot chocolate with
this very floss and stuff, and you know things like
(29:57):
that where I remember where she remembers a good time.
But even still with that, we'd go back to the
courts and go, well, can we have this time? And
it was never never granted. It was always another accusation
after another acquisation. You know, back then it was oh
no he's not around, Oh no, he's not got nowhere
to take them, And then it turned into the restraining order.
(30:19):
Oh he was financially controlling. Oh he's abusive, he's this,
that the other. And then that all goes out of
the way, and then it turns around and the Shaney
Order's gone, Okay, cool, let's carry on. Oh no, he's
an alcoholic. So I had to, you know, again, I
forked out nearly a thousand dollars on liver tests, CDT tests,
(30:42):
I did a hair follical test. I did all this stuff.
I've done everything, and the courts are still going oh no,
no no. And even then we went onto a court
ordered as a family family therapist or brand what what
it was was called, and again the father must pay
(31:05):
for everything. Father must pay this two hundred and fifty
dollars a session, plus two thousand dollars for report eight
sessions and anyway, so I went to this session with her,
I sat down with her, one session, shared a session
with my AX, and then she had two sessions with
the children where she spoke to them each for less
than fifteen minutes. And then by this stage was a
(31:26):
second restraining order. Anyway, it's a why they are And
I said, I just want to do everything. I said,
what can I do to see my children. The whole
idea of this family therapist was for me to build
a relationship with them. And in the I think it
was my second or third session with her, I said,
what can I do? I was in tears. What can
I do? How can I see my children? And she
(31:48):
looked me and she shows, you're not going to see
your children. The best thing I can do is help
you apologize to them. I'm just like, excuse me. And
she was so condescending. And then you know when when
you moved to Melbourne, you restricted your daughter's phone. I said, yeah,
I did, because she's on the phone for fourteen hours
day throughout school days. You know, she's on the phone
(32:10):
all night on TikTok and I had this Google app
and shows. But I said, I didn't cut her phone off.
This was practice so prior to the change in exchanging
the numbers, I said, didn't cut a phone off. I said,
I just restricted it because she was on there all
this time. She was going falling behind at school. And
(32:32):
then I was like, well, you know you're you're in
a military, so we really harsh on her. Did you
tell her the expectation? I said, she's twelve years old.
And it's parenting. It's parenting, and I was getting grilled
on it shows. Oh well, and then she shows you
need to apologize to your wife believing I said, hang
on a minute, shows the best thing you can do
(32:52):
is now send her a letter, send her an email,
send her a text, and say how sorry you are,
and then she might open up. I said, I've got
to be training order she has, it doesn't matter. It's like,
so I didn't go at the last session. I was like,
this is ridiculous. And even then go to the courts
and she did this and my ex paid for the
report because she was obviously getting along well with this woman.
(33:16):
And the report comes in, Oh, no, recommendation is that,
you know, we continue on family therapy, this, that the other.
And I was like, I can't afford that. You know,
at that point, you know, the property site hadn't settled.
So I was paying for these sessions on credit card,
and it was just it's just ridiculous. And this is
supposed to be a court appointed family therapist. There open
(33:38):
and I left every session. I left in here so
I'd ring my fiance and I go, this is just bullshit.
It's yeah, that's crazy and again, that's part of the
legal system where there's she just wouldn't listen to me.
She just would not listen. She was comment sending. She
would just go I'd say something like, was it, Oh,
(34:01):
you made it hard for your time to get a passport?
I was like, no, I didn't. She says, yeah. When
they rang you and said you want your kid to
travel overseas, you said no. I said no, I said,
I wasn't happy. Yeah, it's a call all about passports.
And she said, oh really, Oh really tell me more
about that. Come on, come on, tell me more. She
just spoke to me like that, and I was just like,
(34:22):
you're freaking serious. I'm paying you all this money and
you've listened to my ex, taken my money to have
a conversation with her and taken her side. And again
I walked out of there and yeah, mental health, right,
like it takes a toll that really really? I spiraled
(34:42):
after that. This was late last year, mid mid last year.
It was Yeah, I ended up in the mental hospital
for a couple of weeks where I was just in
a point where I just couldn't cope.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
What helped you in when you got to that point?
Speaker 2 (35:00):
What were how did you feel, what were you looking
at to be your options and how did you pull
yourself out of that?
Speaker 3 (35:09):
Knowing that I've had my beautiful fiance, you know, she
was by my side the whole time. And honestly, just
the medical system was I'm lucky in defense supply that
for me. So, you know, had I been a civilian
and not understood the understood what's out there to help,
(35:34):
I don't know if I'd even be here. That's the
harsh reality of it. You know. I had a friend
who said, you're not good, mate, and he dragged me
down to the local hospital and said, look, this guy's
in a ship spot. And the following day I went
to work and the work, the doctors work said okay,
look here's an option. You can go into a mental
institution essentially. And by that time I was on a
(35:57):
lot of antidepressants and the anxiety medication, and that was
just I was an emotional rollercoaster. And leading up to
that point, you know, you're in cheers every day, and
that was a point where you know you're expecting to
see your children, they're not coming and and so on.
So you know, I spent a couple of weeks there,
and you know, they changed medication and you know it
(36:20):
was I moved on and I'm doing a lot better.
It's still not one hundred percent by a long shot,
but doing a lot lot better. Yeah, that's that's crazy.
But yeah, Stacey has been absolutely amazing. It's just been
great to have her by my side. And you know,
(36:41):
it's still very close to my parents and family and friends,
and I've still got a lot of my friends or
most nearly nearly all my friends. So it's great to
have them all on my side and have the support
knowing they're all still there. And that's I think leading
back to the alienation. It's not just the alienation from me,
(37:02):
it's the alienation from everyone associated with me. So the
children have not been able to my parents, my grandparents,
Annie's uncles, cousins, friends, anyone associated with me has been
cut off from the children. So my parents have not
spoken for two years and they were gone down the
Relationships Australia mediation process and they've and that's that's also
(37:27):
very hard seeing your parents so upset. You know, I've
kind of come to the terms now over the past
six months that I've just got to wait for them
to come to me one day. You know, the fighting
is so hard and so gut wrenching and so brutal,
and I don't want to bring the children into the
(37:48):
whole court system again. It's just that it just does
not work for their own mental wealth, for their say,
you know, looking after them. So I've got to wait
for them to come to me. And I came to
terms with that. But then when you see your parents,
so the children's grandparents just wanting to reach out to
those children. You see them in changs, you see them upset.
(38:10):
It's like I've come to a I've just come to that.
I don't know the moment where Dagan to come to me,
but stopping the fighting for the grandparents and things, that's
really really hard on me as well. It's hard seeing
them so upset. Yeah, it's just crazy, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
Crazy, like to think that you've had to have this
as an experience in what should be a fucking joyful
recovery period from overcoming such a horrific like illness.
Speaker 3 (38:53):
Yeah, yeah, is really.
Speaker 2 (38:56):
Heartbreaking, Like as like you think, you know, we have
a conversation back in twenty twenty one about this awful
thing that happens to such a small percentage of people,
and it's like, you know, some of us are unlucky
and we have to experience an awful thing in our
lives and then bam, you're doubling it up straight. And
it's just like I think that's part of what When
(39:17):
I saw this unfolding, I was like, Oh, come on,
what's what's going on here?
Speaker 1 (39:24):
Like this is really unfair to see.
Speaker 3 (39:28):
And the problem is there's no real support out there
for dads. There's no like you look on Facebook and
you look for single dads, parents support groups or whatever else,
but the stuff you see on there is crazy. There's
no real genuine place for dads to go. You know,
(39:49):
there's all this domestic violence for women, and I know
that that's a thing, and I understand that there are
women who need that, but women play on it. And
that's where where I'm in that situation where I'm getting
played on by that. It was a big thing. So
the magistrates and the courts when it comes through his
training orders, they just hand them out there front, in
the front and center, and it's up to that, Like
(40:11):
I said, it's up to the respondent to prove their innocence.
There's no support group for those dads to go I
need help. It's not there. There's nothing which is really harsh.
And my fiance, she was in in ABUSI relationship. I
can see why there's a reason why you need that,
but like I said, the ones who play on that,
(40:34):
there should be harsh implementations for that really really should Yeah, one.
Speaker 1 (40:39):
Hundred percent agree.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
I after a couple of short relationships, I ended up
twice needing to get into mention orders from men and
just seeing what you see a day in court of
that sort of thing unfolding and experiencing that and going
it's a shitty system when you're on that side of
it as well. Like being on that side, I was like,
(41:00):
this is atrocious, but it makes me so angry. Then
when you come across those small percentage of women who
are making it hard for it's like this is here
for a reason, and then someone else's is completely playing
the system and it ruins it for.
Speaker 1 (41:17):
Everybody it has.
Speaker 3 (41:20):
That's really sad, really really sad.
Speaker 2 (41:23):
And I think, you know, looking at hearing some of
the people that were going through the court that day,
and I think for me, I was just thinking the
perspective of going that's what the lawyers and the magistrates
and everyone involved. This is their life. They deal with
this day in day out. It becomes just another thing.
Whereas you go in for the first time everyone, you're like, whoa,
(41:45):
this is the world? Are people really like this? You know,
it's like two people standing there and you're like, well,
which ones that? Which one's the liar? They both liars.
Like in one case, for with me, the guy that
I was getting in order with had rented out.
Speaker 1 (42:01):
He held up a bunch of print.
Speaker 2 (42:03):
Outs that he was saying was was prints that he
had done of text messages of me saying XYZ that
didn't exist, So I thought to myself, he sat down
and graphic designed a bunch of print doubts and he's
brought them. He's got lies in his hand, which they
didn't end up looking at. They waved that off. But
it was just like when you see what people will
do and then you go, well, who you go far out,
(42:23):
what a shit job. And then you've got these people
who just work in that space and they just have
to make decisions and almost dehumanize it.
Speaker 3 (42:31):
It's like oh yeah, this or this this.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
Or this person or this person they just pick aside
that's it.
Speaker 3 (42:36):
And I think the age of the children really makes
big difference as well. If the children had have been
toddler's it would have been a different story. The magistrates
to be more like, Okay, no, they need their parent here,
because I've seen people who are raging, alcoholicues, struggles whatever,
and they still have time with their children. And that
(42:57):
makes it really harsh because I'm not begging, begging, see
mine doing everything right and still not where was it
going with that? But yeah, so when the children get
to a certain age, the court's take into their consideration,
and that's where mine have got older and older. I
think that's what's been a lot of the problem as well.
(43:18):
They're aging out of the system and it's not like
they're a toddler that can go kicking and scream into
the car seat and then dropped off with their dad.
It's you know, kids that are My son's now taller
than me, and yeah, if he goes, I don't want
to see dad because all the lives he's been told,
it's very hard to make it happen. And so when
I had that job in Victoria, I was telling me
(43:40):
about and that was great because I was so busy.
It was so busy, and it was brilliant, and I
was planning to move back, and we finally got some
orders in the courts before I moved back that I
was supposed to see them every every second Sunday. And
that's where the posts started coming up. We were supposed
to see them. So I moved back. We got a
(44:00):
five bedroom house here, I've got a bedroom set up
preaching the children. You know, initially the parenting orders back
then were you know, that drop off McDonald's just and
we'd reassessed from there, but they never came. And even
when we went to court and said, well, she's not
complying with the orders, and then she'd just go, oh,
(44:22):
I didn't fully understand. I'm not from Australia. I don't understand.
And I was like, let's get it. Let's get a
translator in if you're so, I mean, you teach English
at the school, like English are better than your native language,
so how can that be a thing. But let's just
(44:42):
they get away with it, and they said there and god,
I don't understand. There's no repercussions. And you know, as
as that year went on, this is last year just
we got nowhere. And that's that's when the mental health,
like I said, took a real tumble towards late last
late last year. It was because i'd moved back, and
that was even morescruciating because they live four hundred meters
(45:05):
down the road and I occasionally see my daughter in
the street and they just act like they don't know me,
oh ignore me, And that's so's I think that's where
that I hit rock bottom, is just seeing them there,
knowing they're so close, you know, knowing they're having a
few troubles at school and there's nothing I can do
(45:25):
to help. It's yeah, that's probably the harshest bit. But
like I said, that's where I was luck. I had
the support of the medical side and my fiance that
really I was really lucky. I was really lucky to
have that because I know a lot of people don't
have that. So it's, yeah, be very fortunate. How long
(45:46):
How old are they fourteen sixteen.
Speaker 2 (45:49):
Fourteen sixteen, so you've still got a good couple of
years before there.
Speaker 3 (45:52):
Yeah, own ups. Yeah, so it's just it's now just
waiting for them to come to me. It's just now
just yeah, just sit back and wait. But yeah, like
I said, I just wish there was something out there
for the dads. I don't think there is anything really
(46:12):
really solid out there for those guys going through this.
And that's why I said, with people that there's the
suicides and things like that, that's why it happens, is
there's nothing there for those dads.
Speaker 2 (46:24):
You know, how good things come about people like you, mate,
might be something you need to start.
Speaker 3 (46:31):
I know, I know. The problem is I don't have
the answer. So that's the biggest thing. I've gone through
it and I've still not succeeded in winning over the system.
I've seen it for the last three years now nearly
and it's just been a harsh.
Speaker 2 (46:48):
But I think even a support type group like where
people who are going through what can go and actually
connect with people that understand. Yeah, and then at least
you're going through parental alienation, but you've got a group
of people who are not alienating you, who actually understand
and get it, and you're not alone and you're understood.
Speaker 3 (47:12):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:12):
I think sometimes that that can be the best therapy
is just being heard and having a place, having a
place in the world where you go this is something
I'm going through and there's a place where I belong
because of it.
Speaker 3 (47:26):
Yeah exactly. Yeah, like that's where I've been fortunate. Like
I said, you know, the fiance and my parents and
my friends. I'm very very lucky to have all them
because it wasn't for them. Yeah, like I said, it'd
be thinking a very different story right now, sadly.
Speaker 2 (47:41):
Yeah. Yeah, Well, I think you're a superstar. And I
will be watching on and have my fingers crossed, and
I'll be awaiting some good news to come and hopefully
some happy family catch ups to hit the social media
at some point.
Speaker 3 (47:56):
Yeah, I hope. So. I think it's cross off the
Tazzy for a couple of months now the long service leaves,
so you can spend some time back home with the
parents and looking forward to that. Yeah, solt food.
Speaker 1 (48:08):
I just got back. It is soul food I have.
Speaker 2 (48:11):
The more I go back now, the more I love Tazzy.
Speaker 3 (48:14):
It's yeah, yeah, yeah, it's definitely changed a lot from
when we were when we grew up back there, and
that's the long term goal used to used to be
back back to good old Devonport And yeah, awesome, we'll
enjoy that.
Speaker 2 (48:33):
Thank you so much for coming on and having a chat.
Speaker 3 (48:37):
Great the chat. And look, let's hope there's there is
something out there down the track for the people like
me going through this that we can Yeah, just some
support would be great.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
Thanks mate, Thanks everyone.
Speaker 3 (48:50):
Cheers mate,
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