October 21, 2025 • 25 mins
We return to a listener Q&A with a candid look at podcast craft, personal loss, and the mindset tools that help us heal without denying our feelings. We share how pragmatic optimism works in practice and when pessimism is the smarter move.
• real time cost of recording, editing, and prep
• why Tony Robbins shaped our coaching approach
• grief and shades of gray thinking in action
• using locus of control without invalidating pain
• mindful stoicism and feeling the waves
• pragmatic optimism as a default, not a mandate
• when pessimism improves plans, timing, and health
• small joys and mental health with Luffy and Ginny
• a lighthearted listener question to end
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The Sage Solutions Podcast and content posted by David Sage is presented solely for general informational, educational, and entertainment purposes. No coaching client relationship is formed by listening to this podcast. No Legal, Medical or Financial advice is being given. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user's own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice, diagnosis, or treatment of a psychotherapist, physician, professional coach, Lawyer or other qualified professional. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions. The opinions of guests are their own and may not necessarily reflect the opinions of the podcast.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:03):
Welcome to the Sage Solutions podcast, where we talk
about all things personalgrowth, personal development,
and becoming your best self.
My name is David Sage, and I ama self-worth and confidence
coach with Sage CoachingSolutions.
(00:24):
On this episode, we're goingback to a format that we haven't
done since, I think, episode 40.
We've had some new questionscome in, and I think it's about
time that we do another QAepisode.
So I've been solicitingfeedback, questions.
(00:46):
We actually have a lot morequestions than I'm going to be
able to answer here today, butI'm going to try and get through
a couple of them and hopefully Igive you some satisfactory
answers.
But before we get into it, ourgoal with this podcast is to
share free, helpful tools withyou and anyone you know who is
(01:08):
looking to improve their life.
So take action.
Subscribe and share this podcastwith them.
Let's start with our firstquestion.
How long does it take you torecord and edit an episode on
average?
That's a good question.
It definitely does depend on theepisode and it has changed over
(01:32):
time.
Both the amount and the processin which I prep for an episode
has changed over time.
I both get more prepared aheadof time and do it in a smaller
time frame than I used to.
I think I've gotten a lot moreefficient with how I prep for a
(01:54):
podcast compared to when I firststarted.
But I'm not really gonna includethat in the time.
But as far as actually recordingan episode, it changes a lot
based on the length of theepisode.
I would say the actual recordingtakes probably about twice as
long as the length of theepisode once it's put out.
(02:20):
I would also say that it changesa decent amount more if I am
doing the podcast with somebodyelse, whether it's a co-host
like Anna or Hannah, or if Ihave a guest on, that changes it
quite a bit.
Editing is the portion ofpodcasting that takes up the
(02:42):
largest period of time.
Um how long editing takes isalso a little bit dependent on
whether I'm doing it or whetherAnna's doing it, or some sort of
a hybrid.
Um but I would say editing apodcast takes, at least it takes
me, about two to three times aslong as it took to record it.
(03:04):
Because you have to go throughthe entire audio.
So the lowest it could possiblybe is the amount of time that
you spent recording it.
But when you're going throughand fixing sound quality issues,
maybe the occasional repeatedword, you know, typical editing
things for better overallquality, that does take a
(03:25):
reasonable portion of time.
Especially when you first startediting.
Um, it was it took me a lotlonger than that at the
beginning.
So yeah.
All in all, I would say therecording and editing process of
an episode averages about sixand a half times as long as the
(03:47):
length of the finished episode.
It's gonna range anywhere fromabout five times as long to
eight times as long between therecording, any pauses, and
editing and uploading.
So for a 20-minute podcastepisode, it may take anywhere
from an hour and forty minutesto two hours and forty minutes
(04:09):
when all things are said anddone.
Alright, let's move on to thenext question.
Who has been the mostinfluential person to you?
That's a hard question toanswer.
I've had a lot of veryinfluential people in my life,
and if I'm talking about mypersonal life, I don't know that
(04:32):
I can really answer thatquestion.
Obviously, my parents have had amajor effect on me.
Um I've s my sister has had amajor effect on me in the person
that I am.
My wife has, my best friend.
It's hard to really pick one outof people in my actual life.
So I'm gonna reinterpret thequestion in a way that I feel I
(04:55):
can actually answer.
So outside of people that Ipersonally know, who has had the
largest influence on my life ormy coaching or my personal
development?
There are many people that Ifollowed that I think are
brilliant and I've learned tonsof things from.
But if I had to pinpoint the oneperson that I have learned the
(05:20):
most from, it would be Mr.
Anthony Robbins or uh TonyRobbins.
For a combination of reasons, Ithink he is the GOAT.
I think he's the greatest of alltime.
He is the highest paid, mostsuccessful coach in the world.
Um he's a freak of nature.
(05:41):
The way that he thinks aboutthings is really, really
something else.
And it's part of why one of thecoaching programs that I did was
the Robins Madonna's coachingprogram, and I learned a ton
from that.
I learned a lot about the waythat he handles things, and I
think there's so many thingsthat I use in my daily life, and
(06:03):
that I use in my coaching and inthis podcast that have come
directly from Tony and thethings that he teaches.
He's somebody who hasfundamentally changed the way
that I think, and I don't thinkI would be nearly the coach that
I am today without hisinfluence.
Alright, so on to the nextquestion.
(06:27):
You've talked about your fivecore fundamentals, and I really
like them.
I understand that ourperspective creates our
experience of reality, but whatabout when a tragedy or crisis
happens that is entirely outsideof our control?
How do you apply your locus ofcontrol in a moment of pure
shock and powerlessness to avoiddescending into victimhood?
(06:51):
This is a really interestingquestion because it's very
pertinent to me and my liferight now.
For anyone who hasn't heard theepisodes that talk about this, I
recently lost my stepfather,John Azzalina.
He passed as a result of abattle with stage four liver
(07:15):
cancer.
To answer this question, I'mactually gonna start with two of
the core fundamentals that youdidn't mention.
First, we're gonna answer thisentire question under the
presumption that we're usinglifelong learning in shades of
gray through curiosity andcritical thinking.
(07:38):
I have found that even in aplace of grief and loss, there
are still major, even profoundthings that I have learned as a
result of this situation.
But more importantly, we'regonna have to operate throughout
this whole answer using ourability to think in shades of
(08:02):
gray.
There are not right and wronganswers.
Not really.
It's going to be case by case,and we're gonna have to use some
of the flexibility and balancethat comes with shades of gray
thinking.
Second, I think a major, majorfundamental, probably even more
(08:22):
important than either of theones that have been brought up
in that question is that you areenough and you deserve to fill
up your inner cup.
One of the most important thingsthat you can do in a powerful,
shocking state of grief or lossis to take care of yourself, is
(08:47):
to fill up your cup.
Give yourself what you need,give yourself grace, acceptance,
compassion, kindness, love.
It's gonna hurt.
And that's okay.
Now on to the question Yourperspective of reality has a
(09:12):
major impact and shapes a hugeportion of your experience of
reality.
But sometimes major thingshappen, and those things are
objective and real, like theloss of a loved one.
And frankly, no amount offraming or changing your
(09:37):
perspective is going to makethat loss, that pain not hurt.
We have to use shades of graythinking here and not get caught
up in a dogmatic approach whenit comes to our perspective.
We need to give ourselves graceand compassion.
(10:01):
Using your conscious perspectiveof reality is not always about
being positive or optimistic oreffective.
This is a flexible fundamentalthat can embrace the other
fundamentals because in a waythey're all just perspectives
that we can take.
(10:22):
And while learning somethingfrom this might be helpful, it
might be too painful to do thatright away.
I've found that I've had toreally fall into mindful
stoicism.
There are times where I'mstruggling and I just need to
(10:44):
get things done.
Like if I'm at work, and then Iwill enter more of a stoic
mindset.
Sometimes I just don't want tofeel the pain.
And that's an okay perspectiveto take.
Sometimes I just want to forgetabout it and have fun.
Sometimes I need to get a lot ofthings done, and I need to just
(11:05):
buckle in and focus on what I'mdoing.
Those times are okay.
But there are other times whereI take a very mindful
perspective, and when I feel awave of grief coming and I'm in
a position to be able to givemyself that time and space, I'll
let myself feel it.
(11:26):
I'll ride that wave, cry, feelthe pain, feel the loss, I'll
miss him.
And that's okay.
What I'm getting at is thatthere isn't a right or wrong way
to use your perspective ofreality.
(11:46):
It is heavily influenced byshades of gray thinking.
We're going to use the balanceand flexibility to use
perspectives that make the mostsense and are the most helpful
to us in the moment.
And sometimes that may not lineup.
We may not use the perspectivethat we want to, and we need to
(12:09):
give ourselves grace andcompassion because we're human.
Now the second part of thisquestion is also very
interesting.
When something terrible happensthat is out of our control, it
is very easy to fall into aplace of victimhood.
(12:30):
The question asks about how dowe use our locus of control to
stay away from being in a victimmindset.
I think it's a subtle shift.
We don't want to be in a victimmindset.
But we also don't want toinvalidate our feelings and loss
(12:51):
surrounding it.
Sometimes what's in our controlis our ability to let ourselves.
Sometimes what we just need todo is process that loss, but we
can use our locus of control andfocusing on what we can control
(13:15):
to stop ourselves fromspiraling, from catastrophizing,
from wallowing and and fallinginto a pit of despair.
It can help us relock in andfocus on things that we can
control, giving us power andagency so that we don't feel so
powerless for this loss.
(13:38):
Our locus of control is anincredibly powerful tool.
But it shouldn't be used as away of invalidating our
feelings.
It should be used as a powerfultool to help us regain some
control and agency, to help outour loved ones and ourselves, to
give ourselves a break fromfeeling and thinking about it
(14:00):
when we need to, by shifting ourfocus, by directing our focus
towards the self-care andcompassion and grace that we may
need.
None of the core fundamentalshave all of the answers, and not
even the combination can solvesomething as painful and hurtful
and lingering as loss and grief,or any other major negative
(14:25):
thing.
None of these are a cure all.
Nothing I'm going to tell you onthis podcast is a silver bullet.
Nothing is magic.
But a lot of it is helpful.
Alright, I feel like I spent apretty good amount of time on
that one.
(14:45):
Our next question is do you haveany pets?
Yes, I do have pets.
Hannah and I have two cats.
We have Luffy and Ginny.
Luffy is like one and a half, Iwant to say, and he is kind of a
(15:06):
chunky, fluffy boy.
He is just a happy-go-lucky,very resilient, nothing really
bothers him, little guy, butthere's not a lot going on
between those eyes.
And then we have Ginny, who isvery sharp, quick, graceful
(15:27):
little princess of a cat.
And she is um a thin, sleek catwho has a lot of personality.
She is bothered by a lot ofthings, but she is also weirdly
like the cuddlier one.
Um and they are like Hannah'severything.
(15:50):
I love the cats.
I think they are wonderful, theyare a part of our family, and
they definitely improve mymental health.
Uh, we have a little bit of ahis and hers cats situation.
Luffy is obsessed with Hannah,and Ginny is kind of obsessed
with me.
But yeah, we love our cats.
Okay, next question.
(16:11):
I really like your concept ofpragmatic optimism.
It's powerful.
But does embracing it mean thatwe have to constantly be happy
or even like suppress ournegative emotions?
Can you explain the pragmatic orrealistic way of dealing with
feelings like sadness or griefwithout letting them erode our
(16:35):
overall optimism?
Okay, so this is another reallyinteresting question.
And it allows me an opportunityto explain a couple things about
pragmatic optimism a little bitmore in depth.
To be clear, I am advocating forpragmatic optimism as a general
(16:56):
default.
Pessimism is not necessarily abad thing.
You can still utilize pessimismas a tool.
What I'm suggesting is that weuse pragmatic optimism as our
default and that we will have ahappier, healthier, and more
successful life as a result ofit.
(17:18):
But that doesn't mean you haveto be happy and optimistic all
of the time.
In fact, I do think that thereare times that pessimism makes
more sense.
I think taking an optimisticpoint of view to somebody who is
going through a very painfulthing in the moment is generally
(17:41):
a poor choice.
Because it can feel like you areminimizing the pain that they
feel, like you are making theirfeelings not valid.
It it can border on toxicpositivity.
While I do think finding, youknow, silver linings here and
there can be a helpful part ofit.
(18:02):
It's very important that you arevalidating their emotions and
their feelings because those arevalid.
It's not helpful to constantlybe positive.
Similar to pragmatic optimism, Ithink it is much better to have
positivity be your default, andI think there are a lot of
(18:22):
reasons for that.
Just like anything else, youneed to apply shades of gray.
I think another area whereoptimism is actually not the
more helpful thing is inplanning.
I think if you are planning fora trip or an outing, you should
(18:44):
actually start with a pragmaticpessimism.
What is everything that could gowrong?
I believe there's a term for it.
It's called Murphy's Law.
Anything that can go wrong will.
So operate as if Murphy's Lawwas true and try and mitigate
anything that's realisticallypossible that can go wrong will
(19:05):
actually cause much betterplanning.
Some companies do this, it'scalled red teaming.
Um, so I think realistic,pragmatic pessimism can have
some use in planning situations.
In fact, another area where Ifeel optimism is not the right
choice is in timing.
(19:28):
It's in planning for somethingto not be late.
I think this is one ofoptimism's weakest points, and
it's something I strugglehorribly with.
I am not good at this.
It's easy to take an optimisticoutlook about getting somewhere
on time.
And the problem with that isthen you are not planning for
(19:50):
any of the things that could gowrong.
Now, you can be pragmatic aboutit, but I think it's honestly
just more beneficial to takethat Murphy's Law pessimism
approach because it will get youthere on time.
It will make sure that you'renot late.
(20:10):
And depending on what the thingthat you might be late for is,
any mild negatives of being apessimist in that situation are
wildly outweighed by the factthat it will get you there on
time.
So I think when it comes to timemanagement, it makes sense to be
(20:34):
a realistic pessimist.
On a similar note, whileoptimism is overall more
beneficial for our generalhealth and stress levels, I do
believe that a little pragmaticpessimism when it comes to
making health care decisions canbe a useful outlook to flip to.
(20:59):
Similar to planning, this iswhere you're using like a
realistic Murphy's Law styleapproach of not just assuming
everything will always be finewith your health, of using the
pessimism to come up with all ofthe negative things that could
happen, mitigating all of thesenegatives, and then we flip back
to a pragmatic optimism andbelieve that we can take care of
(21:22):
them by doing screenings andthings within our control,
within our locus of control, totake care of our health, to go
to the doctor, to find thingsearly so that we can do
something about them.
So I do think that there is someutility to flipping back and
forth between some of thesethings.
(21:43):
I even think idealism, likeidealistic optimism, can be a
very helpful thing forcreativity and for ingenuity.
It might not be realisticbecause it hasn't been figured
out yet, and I think idealismcan also be a major source of
inspiration.
But pragmatic optimism is goingto mitigate many of the
(22:08):
negatives that come from anidealistic optimism and give you
all of the benefits of being ain-general optimist, of being
the type of person that attractsother people to you, that has a
positive outlook, that brightenspeople's day.
And optimists tend to be moresuccessful, tend to have better
(22:30):
health, and overall tend to behappier.
All of those things are thingswe want.
And as we covered, it can belearned, it can be practical, it
can be realistic, and when wecombine all of those things,
that's how we come to pragmaticoptimism as our default, as our
general operating system, sothat we have a happier,
(22:51):
healthier, more successful life.
So, in short, no, I don'tbelieve that you have to be
happy or positive or evenoptimistic all of the time.
I think selective use ofpragmatic pessimism can also be
very useful, whether it be fortime planning, whether it be for
(23:13):
planning for a trip, or even forif you're planning for your
health.
But as we covered in ourprevious episode titled
Pragmatic Optimism, it isclearly the most beneficial to
be a pragmatic optimist as ourdefault outlook.
And for our final question, wehave a true gem.
(23:35):
And I quote, why does God stillgive me acne as a 31-year-old
man?
And am I legally allowed topunch him for it when I die?
I just enjoyed this question toomuch to not include it.
So um I am wholly not qualifiedto answer this question.
(24:00):
Um, we also stay a religious,but um I think once you die the
law doesn't really have anythingto do with it.
And uh I think that's betweenyou and God.
So uh good luck with that one.
Well, thank you for tuning in.
I hope you enjoyed our Q ⁇ Aepisode.
(24:21):
Uh I certainly did.
And remember, you are enough,and you deserve to fill up your
inner cup with happiness, trueconfidence, and resilience.
Thank you for listening to theSage Solutions podcast.
(24:43):
Your time is valuable, and I'mso glad you choose to learn and
grow here with me.
We'd love to hear more of yourfeedback, and if you have more
questions, feel free to sendthem in.
One easy way to do it is toclick the link in the
description below and let usknow what you think.
If you haven't already, don'tforget to subscribe so you don't
(25:06):
miss out on more Sage advice.
One last thing.
The Legal Language.
This podcast is for educationaland informational purposes only.
No coaching client relationshipis formed.
It is not intended as asubstitute for the personalized
(25:28):
advice of a physician,professional coach,
psychotherapist, or otherqualified professional.
Welcome to the Sage Solutions podcast, where we talk
about all things personalgrowth, personal development,
and becoming your best self.
My name is David Sage, and I ama self-worth and confidence
coach with Sage CoachingSolutions.
(00:24):
On this episode, we're goingback to a format that we haven't
done since, I think, episode 40.
We've had some new questionscome in, and I think it's about
time that we do another QAepisode.
So I've been solicitingfeedback, questions.
(00:46):
We actually have a lot morequestions than I'm going to be
able to answer here today, butI'm going to try and get through
a couple of them and hopefully Igive you some satisfactory
answers.
But before we get into it, ourgoal with this podcast is to
share free, helpful tools withyou and anyone you know who is
(01:08):
looking to improve their life.
So take action.
Subscribe and share this podcastwith them.
Let's start with our firstquestion.
How long does it take you torecord and edit an episode on
average?
That's a good question.
It definitely does depend on theepisode and it has changed over
(01:32):
time.
Both the amount and the processin which I prep for an episode
has changed over time.
I both get more prepared aheadof time and do it in a smaller
time frame than I used to.
I think I've gotten a lot moreefficient with how I prep for a
(01:54):
podcast compared to when I firststarted.
But I'm not really gonna includethat in the time.
But as far as actually recordingan episode, it changes a lot
based on the length of theepisode.
I would say the actual recordingtakes probably about twice as
long as the length of theepisode once it's put out.
(02:20):
I would also say that it changesa decent amount more if I am
doing the podcast with somebodyelse, whether it's a co-host
like Anna or Hannah, or if Ihave a guest on, that changes it
quite a bit.
Editing is the portion ofpodcasting that takes up the
(02:42):
largest period of time.
Um how long editing takes isalso a little bit dependent on
whether I'm doing it or whetherAnna's doing it, or some sort of
a hybrid.
Um but I would say editing apodcast takes, at least it takes
me, about two to three times aslong as it took to record it.
(03:04):
Because you have to go throughthe entire audio.
So the lowest it could possiblybe is the amount of time that
you spent recording it.
But when you're going throughand fixing sound quality issues,
maybe the occasional repeatedword, you know, typical editing
things for better overallquality, that does take a
(03:25):
reasonable portion of time.
Especially when you first startediting.
Um, it was it took me a lotlonger than that at the
beginning.
So yeah.
All in all, I would say therecording and editing process of
an episode averages about sixand a half times as long as the
(03:47):
length of the finished episode.
It's gonna range anywhere fromabout five times as long to
eight times as long between therecording, any pauses, and
editing and uploading.
So for a 20-minute podcastepisode, it may take anywhere
from an hour and forty minutesto two hours and forty minutes
(04:09):
when all things are said anddone.
Alright, let's move on to thenext question.
Who has been the mostinfluential person to you?
That's a hard question toanswer.
I've had a lot of veryinfluential people in my life,
and if I'm talking about mypersonal life, I don't know that
(04:32):
I can really answer thatquestion.
Obviously, my parents have had amajor effect on me.
Um I've s my sister has had amajor effect on me in the person
that I am.
My wife has, my best friend.
It's hard to really pick one outof people in my actual life.
So I'm gonna reinterpret thequestion in a way that I feel I
(04:55):
can actually answer.
So outside of people that Ipersonally know, who has had the
largest influence on my life ormy coaching or my personal
development?
There are many people that Ifollowed that I think are
brilliant and I've learned tonsof things from.
But if I had to pinpoint the oneperson that I have learned the
(05:20):
most from, it would be Mr.
Anthony Robbins or uh TonyRobbins.
For a combination of reasons, Ithink he is the GOAT.
I think he's the greatest of alltime.
He is the highest paid, mostsuccessful coach in the world.
Um he's a freak of nature.
(05:41):
The way that he thinks aboutthings is really, really
something else.
And it's part of why one of thecoaching programs that I did was
the Robins Madonna's coachingprogram, and I learned a ton
from that.
I learned a lot about the waythat he handles things, and I
think there's so many thingsthat I use in my daily life, and
(06:03):
that I use in my coaching and inthis podcast that have come
directly from Tony and thethings that he teaches.
He's somebody who hasfundamentally changed the way
that I think, and I don't thinkI would be nearly the coach that
I am today without hisinfluence.
Alright, so on to the nextquestion.
(06:27):
You've talked about your fivecore fundamentals, and I really
like them.
I understand that ourperspective creates our
experience of reality, but whatabout when a tragedy or crisis
happens that is entirely outsideof our control?
How do you apply your locus ofcontrol in a moment of pure
shock and powerlessness to avoiddescending into victimhood?
(06:51):
This is a really interestingquestion because it's very
pertinent to me and my liferight now.
For anyone who hasn't heard theepisodes that talk about this, I
recently lost my stepfather,John Azzalina.
He passed as a result of abattle with stage four liver
(07:15):
cancer.
To answer this question, I'mactually gonna start with two of
the core fundamentals that youdidn't mention.
First, we're gonna answer thisentire question under the
presumption that we're usinglifelong learning in shades of
gray through curiosity andcritical thinking.
(07:38):
I have found that even in aplace of grief and loss, there
are still major, even profoundthings that I have learned as a
result of this situation.
But more importantly, we'regonna have to operate throughout
this whole answer using ourability to think in shades of
(08:02):
gray.
There are not right and wronganswers.
Not really.
It's going to be case by case,and we're gonna have to use some
of the flexibility and balancethat comes with shades of gray
thinking.
Second, I think a major, majorfundamental, probably even more
(08:22):
important than either of theones that have been brought up
in that question is that you areenough and you deserve to fill
up your inner cup.
One of the most important thingsthat you can do in a powerful,
shocking state of grief or lossis to take care of yourself, is
(08:47):
to fill up your cup.
Give yourself what you need,give yourself grace, acceptance,
compassion, kindness, love.
It's gonna hurt.
And that's okay.
Now on to the question Yourperspective of reality has a
(09:12):
major impact and shapes a hugeportion of your experience of
reality.
But sometimes major thingshappen, and those things are
objective and real, like theloss of a loved one.
And frankly, no amount offraming or changing your
(09:37):
perspective is going to makethat loss, that pain not hurt.
We have to use shades of graythinking here and not get caught
up in a dogmatic approach whenit comes to our perspective.
We need to give ourselves graceand compassion.
(10:01):
Using your conscious perspectiveof reality is not always about
being positive or optimistic oreffective.
This is a flexible fundamentalthat can embrace the other
fundamentals because in a waythey're all just perspectives
that we can take.
(10:22):
And while learning somethingfrom this might be helpful, it
might be too painful to do thatright away.
I've found that I've had toreally fall into mindful
stoicism.
There are times where I'mstruggling and I just need to
(10:44):
get things done.
Like if I'm at work, and then Iwill enter more of a stoic
mindset.
Sometimes I just don't want tofeel the pain.
And that's an okay perspectiveto take.
Sometimes I just want to forgetabout it and have fun.
Sometimes I need to get a lot ofthings done, and I need to just
(11:05):
buckle in and focus on what I'mdoing.
Those times are okay.
But there are other times whereI take a very mindful
perspective, and when I feel awave of grief coming and I'm in
a position to be able to givemyself that time and space, I'll
let myself feel it.
(11:26):
I'll ride that wave, cry, feelthe pain, feel the loss, I'll
miss him.
And that's okay.
What I'm getting at is thatthere isn't a right or wrong way
to use your perspective ofreality.
(11:46):
It is heavily influenced byshades of gray thinking.
We're going to use the balanceand flexibility to use
perspectives that make the mostsense and are the most helpful
to us in the moment.
And sometimes that may not lineup.
We may not use the perspectivethat we want to, and we need to
(12:09):
give ourselves grace andcompassion because we're human.
Now the second part of thisquestion is also very
interesting.
When something terrible happensthat is out of our control, it
is very easy to fall into aplace of victimhood.
(12:30):
The question asks about how dowe use our locus of control to
stay away from being in a victimmindset.
I think it's a subtle shift.
We don't want to be in a victimmindset.
But we also don't want toinvalidate our feelings and loss
(12:51):
surrounding it.
Sometimes what's in our controlis our ability to let ourselves.
Sometimes what we just need todo is process that loss, but we
can use our locus of control andfocusing on what we can control
(13:15):
to stop ourselves fromspiraling, from catastrophizing,
from wallowing and and fallinginto a pit of despair.
It can help us relock in andfocus on things that we can
control, giving us power andagency so that we don't feel so
powerless for this loss.
(13:38):
Our locus of control is anincredibly powerful tool.
But it shouldn't be used as away of invalidating our
feelings.
It should be used as a powerfultool to help us regain some
control and agency, to help outour loved ones and ourselves, to
give ourselves a break fromfeeling and thinking about it
(14:00):
when we need to, by shifting ourfocus, by directing our focus
towards the self-care andcompassion and grace that we may
need.
None of the core fundamentalshave all of the answers, and not
even the combination can solvesomething as painful and hurtful
and lingering as loss and grief,or any other major negative
(14:25):
thing.
None of these are a cure all.
Nothing I'm going to tell you onthis podcast is a silver bullet.
Nothing is magic.
But a lot of it is helpful.
Alright, I feel like I spent apretty good amount of time on
that one.
(14:45):
Our next question is do you haveany pets?
Yes, I do have pets.
Hannah and I have two cats.
We have Luffy and Ginny.
Luffy is like one and a half, Iwant to say, and he is kind of a
(15:06):
chunky, fluffy boy.
He is just a happy-go-lucky,very resilient, nothing really
bothers him, little guy, butthere's not a lot going on
between those eyes.
And then we have Ginny, who isvery sharp, quick, graceful
(15:27):
little princess of a cat.
And she is um a thin, sleek catwho has a lot of personality.
She is bothered by a lot ofthings, but she is also weirdly
like the cuddlier one.
Um and they are like Hannah'severything.
(15:50):
I love the cats.
I think they are wonderful, theyare a part of our family, and
they definitely improve mymental health.
Uh, we have a little bit of ahis and hers cats situation.
Luffy is obsessed with Hannah,and Ginny is kind of obsessed
with me.
But yeah, we love our cats.
Okay, next question.
(16:11):
I really like your concept ofpragmatic optimism.
It's powerful.
But does embracing it mean thatwe have to constantly be happy
or even like suppress ournegative emotions?
Can you explain the pragmatic orrealistic way of dealing with
feelings like sadness or griefwithout letting them erode our
(16:35):
overall optimism?
Okay, so this is another reallyinteresting question.
And it allows me an opportunityto explain a couple things about
pragmatic optimism a little bitmore in depth.
To be clear, I am advocating forpragmatic optimism as a general
(16:56):
default.
Pessimism is not necessarily abad thing.
You can still utilize pessimismas a tool.
What I'm suggesting is that weuse pragmatic optimism as our
default and that we will have ahappier, healthier, and more
successful life as a result ofit.
(17:18):
But that doesn't mean you haveto be happy and optimistic all
of the time.
In fact, I do think that thereare times that pessimism makes
more sense.
I think taking an optimisticpoint of view to somebody who is
going through a very painfulthing in the moment is generally
(17:41):
a poor choice.
Because it can feel like you areminimizing the pain that they
feel, like you are making theirfeelings not valid.
It it can border on toxicpositivity.
While I do think finding, youknow, silver linings here and
there can be a helpful part ofit.
(18:02):
It's very important that you arevalidating their emotions and
their feelings because those arevalid.
It's not helpful to constantlybe positive.
Similar to pragmatic optimism, Ithink it is much better to have
positivity be your default, andI think there are a lot of
(18:22):
reasons for that.
Just like anything else, youneed to apply shades of gray.
I think another area whereoptimism is actually not the
more helpful thing is inplanning.
I think if you are planning fora trip or an outing, you should
(18:44):
actually start with a pragmaticpessimism.
What is everything that could gowrong?
I believe there's a term for it.
It's called Murphy's Law.
Anything that can go wrong will.
So operate as if Murphy's Lawwas true and try and mitigate
anything that's realisticallypossible that can go wrong will
(19:05):
actually cause much betterplanning.
Some companies do this, it'scalled red teaming.
Um, so I think realistic,pragmatic pessimism can have
some use in planning situations.
In fact, another area where Ifeel optimism is not the right
choice is in timing.
(19:28):
It's in planning for somethingto not be late.
I think this is one ofoptimism's weakest points, and
it's something I strugglehorribly with.
I am not good at this.
It's easy to take an optimisticoutlook about getting somewhere
on time.
And the problem with that isthen you are not planning for
(19:50):
any of the things that could gowrong.
Now, you can be pragmatic aboutit, but I think it's honestly
just more beneficial to takethat Murphy's Law pessimism
approach because it will get youthere on time.
It will make sure that you'renot late.
(20:10):
And depending on what the thingthat you might be late for is,
any mild negatives of being apessimist in that situation are
wildly outweighed by the factthat it will get you there on
time.
So I think when it comes to timemanagement, it makes sense to be
(20:34):
a realistic pessimist.
On a similar note, whileoptimism is overall more
beneficial for our generalhealth and stress levels, I do
believe that a little pragmaticpessimism when it comes to
making health care decisions canbe a useful outlook to flip to.
(20:59):
Similar to planning, this iswhere you're using like a
realistic Murphy's Law styleapproach of not just assuming
everything will always be finewith your health, of using the
pessimism to come up with all ofthe negative things that could
happen, mitigating all of thesenegatives, and then we flip back
to a pragmatic optimism andbelieve that we can take care of
(21:22):
them by doing screenings andthings within our control,
within our locus of control, totake care of our health, to go
to the doctor, to find thingsearly so that we can do
something about them.
So I do think that there is someutility to flipping back and
forth between some of thesethings.
(21:43):
I even think idealism, likeidealistic optimism, can be a
very helpful thing forcreativity and for ingenuity.
It might not be realisticbecause it hasn't been figured
out yet, and I think idealismcan also be a major source of
inspiration.
But pragmatic optimism is goingto mitigate many of the
(22:08):
negatives that come from anidealistic optimism and give you
all of the benefits of being ain-general optimist, of being
the type of person that attractsother people to you, that has a
positive outlook, that brightenspeople's day.
And optimists tend to be moresuccessful, tend to have better
(22:30):
health, and overall tend to behappier.
All of those things are thingswe want.
And as we covered, it can belearned, it can be practical, it
can be realistic, and when wecombine all of those things,
that's how we come to pragmaticoptimism as our default, as our
general operating system, sothat we have a happier,
(22:51):
healthier, more successful life.
So, in short, no, I don'tbelieve that you have to be
happy or positive or evenoptimistic all of the time.
I think selective use ofpragmatic pessimism can also be
very useful, whether it be fortime planning, whether it be for
(23:13):
planning for a trip, or even forif you're planning for your
health.
But as we covered in ourprevious episode titled
Pragmatic Optimism, it isclearly the most beneficial to
be a pragmatic optimist as ourdefault outlook.
And for our final question, wehave a true gem.
(23:35):
And I quote, why does God stillgive me acne as a 31-year-old
man?
And am I legally allowed topunch him for it when I die?
I just enjoyed this question toomuch to not include it.
So um I am wholly not qualifiedto answer this question.
(24:00):
Um, we also stay a religious,but um I think once you die the
law doesn't really have anythingto do with it.
And uh I think that's betweenyou and God.
So uh good luck with that one.
Well, thank you for tuning in.
I hope you enjoyed our Q ⁇ Aepisode.
(24:21):
Uh I certainly did.
And remember, you are enough,and you deserve to fill up your
inner cup with happiness, trueconfidence, and resilience.
Thank you for listening to theSage Solutions podcast.
(24:43):
Your time is valuable, and I'mso glad you choose to learn and
grow here with me.
We'd love to hear more of yourfeedback, and if you have more
questions, feel free to sendthem in.
One easy way to do it is toclick the link in the
description below and let usknow what you think.
If you haven't already, don'tforget to subscribe so you don't
(25:06):
miss out on more Sage advice.
One last thing.
The Legal Language.
This podcast is for educationaland informational purposes only.
No coaching client relationshipis formed.
It is not intended as asubstitute for the personalized
(25:28):
advice of a physician,professional coach,
psychotherapist, or otherqualified professional.
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