Resolve Over Discipline

Tired of trying to brute-force discipline only to burn out when motivation dips? We flip the script by treating discipline as the effect and resolve as the cause—then show you how to build resolve on command by fueling it with a clear, emotionally charged why. Instead of pushing the car up the hill, we build the engine and pour in the right fuel, so action becomes the natural outcome.

We start by dismantling common myths: motivation is a spark, not a steady fuel; discipline is the consistent action but not the driver. The driver is resolve, the felt decision that ends the internal debate before it begins. From there, we connect the dots with Angela Duckworth’s research on grit—passion (your ultimate concern) plus perseverance (your tenacity). When your why is specific and personal, resolve becomes firm, and discipline follows with less friction. You’ll hear a vivid contrast between a weak why like “look good on vacation” and a powerful why rooted in being a healthy, present parent, and why the latter wins on cold, rainy mornings.

We get practical with a three-step method to make action stick. First, excavate your why using the five whys to drill from surface goals to core values. Second, turn that why into identity, shifting from “I want to run a marathon” to “I am a runner,” so behavior aligns without bargaining. Third, make a real decision—cut off other options and end the loopholes. Along the way, we map how repetition creates an upward spiral: as your discipline muscle grows, you need less resolve to move it, making consistency feel calm and almost automatic.

If you’re ready to replace willpower theatrics with a dependable engine, this conversation gives you the tools. Subscribe, share with someone who needs it, and leave a review with the one why that drives you most—what identity are you ready to claim?

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:03):
Welcome to the Sage Solutions podcast, where we talk
about all things personalgrowth, personal development,
and becoming your best self.
My name is David Sage, and I ama self-worth and confidence
coach with Sage CoachingSolutions.
So if you listened to the lastepisode of this podcast, you'll

(00:27):
know that this episode wasactually the intended release
for this last Tuesday.
But due to a whole series ofcomplications and the way that
life turned out, we ended updoing kind of a bonus mini
episode, just talking about thatsituation and getting across
that this episode would stillhappen.
Especially because theperseverance of this episode

(00:50):
fits right along with the topicthat we're talking about today.
Because here at the SageSolutions podcast, it's a place
where we move beyond just quickfixes.
And we're often diving into thedeep foundational strategies
that lead to building a moreconfident and meaningful life.

(01:13):
So let's get to it.
I want to talk about a word thatI think we misunderstand.
It's a word that everyone wantsto have, or almost, shades of
gray.
But when we think about it, weactually treat it like a chore.
And that word is discipline.
Now, right around this time lastyear, we actually did an episode

(01:37):
on maintaining discipline duringthe holidays.
And it was a good episode.
But let's be honest, when youhear the word discipline, what
do you feel?
Well for most of us, it justfeels hard.
Feels like restriction.
It sounds like the 5 a.m.
alarm.

(01:58):
Like eating the salad when youreally want the burger.
Like forcing yourself to dothings that you dread.
When people talk aboutdiscipline, it's often brought
up as this superpower of puregritty willpower that some
people are just born with.
And the rest of us, well, Iguess we're just not.

(02:20):
We say, I just don't have enoughdiscipline.
Or I wish I were moredisciplined.
Now discipline, like any otherskill or trait, is like a
muscle.
Some people happen to be builtkind of like elite athletes,

(02:40):
with more developed muscles oreasier to develop muscles in
specific areas.
But in all reality, any of uscan build any muscle in our
body.
And the same goes for any skillor any trait.
Life is like a muscle.
So take action and build it.

(03:03):
But the point of today's podcastis not just to tell you go out
there and build discipline.
What if I told you thatdiscipline isn't really the
goal?
What if I told you that focusingon being more disciplined is
like trying to drive a car thathas no engine?
Today we're going to talk aboutthe engine, not just the car.

(03:26):
So we're not talking aboutdiscipline.
We're talking about the powerfuldriving emotion that makes
discipline run, the simple,logical, and easy first step.
Today, we're talking aboutresolve.

(03:47):
But before we get into it, ourgoal with this podcast is to
share free, helpful tools withyou and anyone you know who is
looking to improve their life.
So take action.
Subscribe and share this podcastwith them.
Resolve is not the same asdiscipline.

(04:08):
And it's not the same as what wethink of as motivation either.
Motivation is a spark.
It's the jolt of inspiration youget from watching a great movie
or listening to a wonderfulpodcast.
Like this one, hopefully.
Motivation is wonderful.
It's that fired up feeling of Iwant to.

(04:32):
But motivation or inspiration isfleeting.
Because we have many motivationsbehind the way that we do
things, I generally talk aboutwhat most people call motivation
as inspiration to help clear upthe difference.
It's an emotion that happens toyou.

(04:52):
It's not something you can relyon.
It's like a fair weather friend.
It's there when things areexciting, but it's gone on that
cold rainy Tuesday morning whenyou just don't feel like doing
it.
This is what leads Mel Robbinsto say things like motivation is
garbage.
Now, I do think that's a littlebit overstated, but if you're

(05:16):
relying on feeling inspired, onmotivation as your fuel, as your
regular fuel, not a littlerocket booster to get you a
little ahead on a day, but asyour fuel, you're setting
yourself up for failure.
And not like failing forwardfailure, just poor planning
failure.

(05:37):
Inspiration works much better asa lubricant, something that when
you already have a fuel, makesit so that the engine runs much
more frictionless andeffortlessly.
But where does discipline playinto this?
Well, discipline is the action,it's the car itself.
It's the physical act of gettingup and making the call, of doing

(06:01):
the work.
It is a state of repeated,consistent action.
But resolve.
Resolve is the engine.
Resolve is the I will.
As humans, psychologically, weare not motivated by logic.
The only time that logicmotivates people is when

(06:24):
something is really smart and itgets people excited.
It is the emotional response tologic that gets people to do
things because of logic.
As much as people may bemoan, asmuch as people may loathe or
criticize emotion, how you feel,your feelings, your emotions are

(06:48):
your motivations for doing whatyou do, which is why managing or
regulating your emotions,including things like changing
your emotional state or primingit in the first place, has a
major effect on the actions thatyou take.

(07:08):
Now, inspiration is a fleetingemotion, which is why it's not a
good emotion to rely on when itcomes to taking action,
especially long-term action,like in the form of discipline.
Now, resolve, resolve isdifferent.
What I want to get across isthat resolve is an emotion.

(07:29):
It is the feeling of beingresolved.
I feel resolve.
When something is important toyou, you get the feeling of
resolve.
This is why resolve isdifferent.
It's not the spark, it's thefire.
It's a deep, internal,unshakable decision that you

(07:54):
make.
It's the feeling.
Not a whimsical in the not awhimsical, flighty emotional
feeling like motivation thatcomes and goes.
It's the deep, settled, powerfulemotional state of being.
Resolve is when the internalnegotiation stops.

(08:14):
And you know what negotiationI'm talking about, right?
Your alarm clock goes off.
And your own personal internaldebate club kicks into high
gear.
Ugh, it's so warm in bed.
Which you follow up with, but Ineed to get up.
And then it fires back with, youcan just go to the gym tomorrow.

(08:35):
Or you deserve a rest.
You worked hard yesterday.
Or oh come on, five more minuteswon't hurt.
That debate comes from a lack ofresolve.
Once you cultivate resolve, it'sa whole different ball game.
When you have resolved, thealarm goes off, and when the

(08:56):
debate is about to start, it issilenced by the feeling of
resolve that says, This isimportant to me.
I have to get up.
And as a result, you just getup.
The debate doesn't even happen.
The decision was made.
The person who decided to get upat that time was you last night.

(09:22):
The person in the morning isjust the employee executing that
order.
The feeling of resolve is whatpowers that moment where you
draw a line in the sand.
It's the moment you decide thisis who I am now.
This is what we are doing.
There is no other option.
This is important to me.

(09:42):
So there it is, the central ideaof today's podcast.
Discipline is merely the effect.
The feeling of resolve is thecause.
The problem is we try and forcethe action of discipline without
first cultivating that feelingof resolve.

(10:02):
And that is why we fail.
We are pushing a car with anempty gas tank up a hill and
wondering why we're soexhausted.
We need to stop focusing on thedoing and start focusing on the
deciding.
There's a powerful quote fromAmelia Earhart that captures
this perfectly.

(10:22):
She says the most difficultthing is the decision to act.
The rest is merely tenacity.
That's it.
The decision to act, that'sresolve.
The tenacity is just discipline.
And she calls it mirror.
She implies that it's the easypart.

(10:45):
And she's right.
Once you have truly decided theaction becomes secondary.
The hard work, the difficultthing was forging the resolve in
the first place.
So I'm sure you're alreadythinking the next logical
question, which is great, I wantthis resolve thing, but where do

(11:08):
I get it?
How do I build it?
Well, it doesn't come from thinair.
It comes from one place, andonly one place.
Why?
So if resolve is the engine,then your why is the fuel.
You've probably heard theconcept before, which was

(11:29):
popularized by Simon Sinek inhis book Start with Why.
He talks about it from abusiness and leadership
perspective.
I believe it's one of the mostimportant concepts in personal
development.
Your why is your purpose.
It's what's important to you.

(11:50):
It's linked to your values andyour core beliefs, your reason
for being, your purpose.
It's not what you do, it's nothow you do it, it's why you do
it.
So when we're trying tocultivate resolve, if we use a
weak why, it's not going to leadto very much resolve.

(12:13):
Let's use a really commonexample.
Getting in shape.
Let's say I have a goal oflosing 20 pounds.
That's the what.
And I come up with a plan to goto the gym four times a week and
cut out sugar.
That's the how.
But none of that is going tohappen without a why.

(12:33):
So what's my why?
If you ask me and I said, Ireally want to look good for
this tropical vacation in threemonths.
Is that a why?
Well, yes, sort of, but it's aweak one.
It's superficial.
It's external.
It doesn't really drive me.

(12:54):
So here's what happens.
Two weeks in, I start blazingstrong, trying to use that beach
vacation as the fuel for myresolve.
But two weeks in, it's cold,it's raining, and a friend
invites me out for pizza.
And frankly, that why just isn'tstrong enough to power the

(13:14):
engine of resolve.
My internal negotiation starts,and even if not that time, the
why loses.
Okay, now let's ask a differentperson, the same question, who
happens to have the same goal.
And this time they have adifferent why.
So I ask them why they want todo all of this, and they say,

(13:38):
Well, I want to get healthy.
Okay, but why do you want to gethealthy?
And they say, Because I just hadmy first child, and I want to
have the energy to play withthem as they grow up.
Say, okay, that makes sense.
Is there a specific reason whyyou think energy is really

(13:59):
important for raising yourchild?
They respond, My own father wasalways sick, and he couldn't,
well, despite his best efforts,and it's not his fault, but he
couldn't be there for me in thatsame way.
And then of course that can getinto a conversation where we

(14:20):
talk about why that wasimportant to them, which would
lead them to say something alongthe lines of, what it really
boils down to is that the reasonI want to do this is because I
want to be a living example ofhealth and vitality for my
child.
I want to be able to run withthem, not watch them from the
sidelines.

(14:41):
I want to be an activeparticipant in their life.
I want to be present and healthyand a good role model for my
family for the rest of my lifeor for as long as possible.
Now take that why and compare itto the beach vacation.
What happens when the alarm goesoff for that person?

(15:02):
When it's cold and it's rainingand they're tired, that why is
standing right there next totheir bed.
It's not a vague idea of abeach.
It's the face of their child.
It's the thought of their childasking them to come play tag or
teach them a sport.
When your why is that powerful,the negotiation doesn't stand a

(15:25):
chance.
And the resolve is forged.
And not just forged, it's madeof steel.
The act of getting up, thediscipline, is now just the
logical automatic extension ofthat why.
Lean in.
Let the resolve boil up and fuelyou.

(15:47):
Your why is what you call uponin the moment of trial.
When motivation is gone, yourwhy is what you use to create,
to cultivate resolve.
And the more you do it, the moreautomatic that feeling of
resolve will get.
And the more that you use thatresolve to power the action, the

(16:10):
repeated action that isdiscipline, the stronger the
muscle of discipline you willbuild.
Meaning that you need lessresolve to power the same
muscle, since it has gotten somuch stronger.
It is a self-fulfilling upwardspiral.

(16:31):
You need energy to power yourmuscles.
And the stronger that you getyour muscles, the less energy
that they require.
Life is like a muscle, so takeaction and build it.
And emotions, feelings, resolve,drive your actions.

(16:54):
But you have to power thatresolve with a powerful why.
Resolve is quite literally theact of resolving your commitment
to your why over and over againuntil it becomes a permanent
part of you.
And that's when the real magichappens.
Not just using a why to make itabundantly clear the importance

(17:19):
of something to fuel yourresolve, but when it becomes a
part of your identity, it justbecomes a part of who you are.
The resolve becomes automatic.
You don't question it because cbecause of the cognitive
dissonance that comes from notbeing who you believe yourself
to be.
And when your why and youridentity align, your resolve

(17:44):
becomes unstoppable, and thebuilding of that muscle of
discipline becomes almostautomatic.
Now this isn't just motivationaltheory.
This is backed by realpsychology, by some of the most
profound research in psychology.
Dr.
Angela Duckworth, a researcherat the University of

(18:06):
Pennsylvania, who's famed forher work on the concept that she
calls grit, has done a wholeseries of studies that back up
what we're talking about heretoday.
If you haven't read her work, Ihighly recommend it.
She even has a book called Grit.
That's definitely worth theread.

(18:28):
Duckworth spent years studyinghigh achievers in every field
imaginable.
West Point cadets, top-tierathletes, national spelling bee
champions, and successfulentrepreneurs.
She wanted to know whatseparated the best from the
rest.
And it wasn't talent, it wasn'tIQ, and it wasn't social

(18:51):
intelligence.
Though to be honest, none ofthose things hurt.
They're definitely stillhelpful.
The one single highest predictorof success that she found time
and time again was grit.
Duckworth defines grit with avery specific two-part formula.

(19:12):
Let's break that down becauseit's exactly what we're talking
about today.
Passion in this context isn'tjust excitement.
It's what she calls an ultimateconcern.
It's a top level defining goalfor your life.
It is, in plain terms, your why.

(19:33):
It is the thing you care aboutso deeply you're willing to
organize your life around it.
Perseverance is the tenacity,the never give up attitude.
It's the discipline.
And her work provesscientifically that people who
succeed in the long run are theones who have both, who need the

(19:54):
perseverance, the discipline.
But that perseverance ispointless and impossible to
maintain without the passion,the why.
And since your why is what givesyour perseverance direction,
your resolve is the bridge thatconnects them.
When your why is clear, yourresolve becomes firm.

(20:15):
When your resolve is firm, yourdiscipline, or in this context
she says perseverance, becomesconsistent.
And that right there is theformula for grit.
So if you're struggling withdiscipline, you likely don't
have a discipline problem.
You have a clarity problem.
You haven't gotten clear enoughand deep enough on your why to

(20:38):
fuel your resolve.
So how do we do this?
How do we build this engine?
We're gonna use a simplethree-step process on how to
build resolve.
You cannot invent a why.
You have to discover it.
It's already in you.
You just have to dig it out.
The best method I know is thefive whys.

(21:01):
It's a technique originallydeveloped by Toyota for problem
solving, but it also happens towork perfectly for this.
Let's take the goal I want tostart my own business.
Okay, why?
Because I want to make moremoney.
Okay, sure, who doesn't?
But why do you want to make moremoney?

(21:22):
Because I want to have morefreedom and control over my
time.
Okay, that's a lot more concretethan just wanting to make money.
But why do you want that freedomand control over your time?
Well, because I hate reportingto somebody else and feeling
trapped.
Alright, now we're gettingsomewhere.
Why do you think you feel thatway?

(21:42):
Because when I feel trapped, Idon't feel like I'll be able to
go home for my kids when theyget off of the school bus and be
there for them in their life.
And why do you want to be homefor your kids when they get off
the school bus?
Because I believe family is themost important thing in the
world to me, and I want to builda life that truly reflects that
value.

(22:04):
That, that fifth why, that hasthe power.
I want to make more money won'tget you through the terror of
filing all of the LLC paperworkand making your first cold call
and everything else that youhave to set up with your own
business.
I want to build a life thatreflects my deepest value of
family will.

(22:25):
Step one, excavate your why.
Getting clear on what'simportant to you, on your
purpose, on things that you'repassionate about, about what you
value.
And connecting those things toyour why is the clearest way to

(22:46):
fuel the resolve that you need.
And this five whys technique isone of the easiest ways to bring
it to fruition.
So take a goal that you've beenstruggling with the discipline
to do and realize that it'sabout resolve, and in order to

(23:08):
build that resolve, you have tostart asking why.
So take that goal and ask whyfive times and write down the
answers.
Get to the real root of why.
Step two, turn your why into anidentity.

(23:29):
This is the most powerful shiftyou can make.
Do not focus on the goal.
Focus on the identity.
A goal is I want to run amarathon.
An identity is I am a runner.
See the difference?
When your identity is I am arunner, what does a runner do?

(23:50):
They run.
So when it's 6 a.m.
and it's time to run, you're notbeing disciplined, you're simply
being who you are.
It's not a negotiation.
It's an affirmation of youridentity.
Don't try to be healthy.
Be a healthy person.
Don't try to write a book.
Be a writer.

(24:11):
Don't try to be a betterpartner.
Be a loving present partner.
Once you've excavated that why,incorporate it into who you are.
When your why is so strong thatit changes how you see yourself,
resolve is the automaticbyproduct.
And the more that you feel theemotion of resolve, the easier

(24:33):
it is to call that feeling up.
And then step three, make a realdecision.
The word decision comes from theLatin root and I might be um
butchering this.
Decidere.
Which means to cut off.
To make a real decision meansthat you cut off all other

(24:57):
possibilities.
Most of us don't make decisions.
We make preferences.
I'd like to go to the gym.
I prefer to get fit.
I want to save more money.
Resolve is born the moment youmake a decision.
The moment you say, This is it,the boats are burned, there is

(25:18):
no retreat, the debate is over.
I am doing this.
This is who I am, and this iswhy it's important to me.
So excavate your why, forge itinto an identity, and then make
a true cutoff decision that thisis who you are.
This is the birthplace ofresolve.

(25:40):
So remember, discipline is not adragon that you have to slay.
It's not a mountain that youhave to climb through sheer
agonizing effort.
Discipline is just the natural,quiet, automatic result of a
feeling.
The feeling of resolve.
And that resolve is notsomething you find, wish for, or

(26:01):
wait for.
It's something you build.
You build it from the rawmaterials of your why.
You build it by getting crystalclear on what matters to you,
why you are here, and who youwant to be.
So my invitation to you thisweek is to stop trying to be

(26:22):
more disciplined.
Stop pushing that car.
Instead, I want you to buildthat engine.
Find your why, connect with it,feel it, and then from that
place of power, make thedecision, pour that fuel into
the engine.
Because as Amelia Earhart said,that's the hardest part.

(26:44):
And it's only really the hardestpart because it's the essential
part.
Cultivate resolve and build yourlife just like a muscle.
And remember, you are enough,and you deserve to fill up your
inner cup with happiness, trueconfidence, and resilience.

(27:12):
Thank you for listening to theSage Solutions podcast.
Your time is valuable, and I'mso glad that you choose to learn
and grow here with me.
If you haven't already, don'tforget to subscribe so you don't
miss out on more Sage advice.

(27:36):
One last thing.
The legal language.
This podcast is for educationaland informational purposes only.
No coaching client relationshipis formed.
It is not intended as asubstitute for the personalized
advice of a physician,professional coach,
psychotherapist, or otherqualified professional.