Send me a text! I'd LOVE to hear your feedback on this episode!
Important links:
Go here to learn more about Kristine Carlson's books, retreats, courses and more: https://kristinecarlson.com/
Join my Substack, where you'll get a glimpse of my upcoming book:
https://sandykruse.substack.com/
If you want to get in touch, email me sandy@sandyknutrition.ca
Kristine Carlson is a New York Times bestselling author, best known for her work with her late husband, Dr. Richard Carlson in the Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff series—with over 25 million books sold worldwide. She is a renowned speaker, inspiring podcast host, retreat leader and blogger. Her mission is to help women transform from heartbreak and loss to live their best lives with joy, gratitude, renewed passion and purpose. With her resilient spirit, powerful presence and heart-centred teaching, she guides women through the challenges and transitions of middle life and awakens them to their truth and the expression of their highest selves.
Kristine Carlson shares her journey from a devastating loss to discovering profound joy and contentment, offering practical wisdom for navigating life's challenges with grace and resilience.
• Kristine's backstory with the "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" series co-created with her late husband Dr. Richard Carlson
• The difference between happiness (ongoing contentment) versus joy (momentary peaks)
• How tragedy can transform into purpose and personal growth
• Practical tools to become "imperturbable" in a reactionary world
• The "stop, drop and notice" technique for becoming responsive rather than reactive
• Why beginning your day with intention sets the tone for everything that follows
• Distressing research showing happiness has declined from 95.8% to 84.9% in Canada since 1984
• The Ho'oponopono practice (I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you) for releasing expectations
• How journaling as if you're one year in the future can help align with what truly matters
Share this episode, follow Sandy on social media @SandyKNutrition, and subscribe to her Substack for more insights on balanced living.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Sandy Kruse (00:02):
Hi everyone, it's me, Sandy Kruse of Sandy K
Nutrition, health and LifestyleQueen.
For years now, I've beenbringing to you conversations
about wellness from incredibleguests from all over the world.
Discover a fresh take onhealthy living for midlife and
(00:25):
beyond, one that embracesbalance and reason without
letting only science dictateevery aspect of our wellness,
(00:46):
and my guests as we explore waysthat we can age gracefully,
with in-depth conversationsabout the thyroid, about
hormones and other alternativewellness options for you and
your family.
True Wellness nurtures ahealthy body, mind, spirit and
soul, and we cover all of theseessential aspects to help you
(01:07):
live a balanced, joyful life.
Be sure to follow my show, rateit, review it and share it.
Always remember my friendsbalanced living works.
Friends, balanced living works.
(01:31):
Hi everyone, welcome to SandyKay Nutrition, health and
Lifestyle Queen.
Today I have a return guest.
Her name is Kristine Carlsonand she's a New York Times
bestselling author.
She's best known for her workwith her late husband, dr
Richard Carlson, in the Don'tSweat the Small Stuff series,
and she was on my podcast lastyear where we discussed how to
(01:55):
transform tragedy into purpose.
And this time we are going tobe talking about how to be happy
in our ever-changing world, andyou know, I think this is a
really good topic because thelast two episodes I've had have
(02:17):
been very, very sciencey.
Most of you who follow me andhave been following me for over
five years now know that I donot believe that science can
completely dictate our wellness,because our wellness embodies a
(02:38):
lot more than just what isexplainable by science.
What is explainable by science,you know, we have to consider
the health of our body, our mind, our spirit and our soul, and
that's why this discussion isjust so wonderful, because
(03:01):
happiness.
Is this a goal that we can allachieve?
Can we all achieve happinessall the time?
Please do me a favor.
Listen to this entire podcast.
Follow me on all of my socialsSandy K Nutrition, health and
(03:21):
Lifestyle Queen, or just Sandy KNutrition anywhere and
everywhere.
I'm active on Instagram,facebook, tiktok, youtube,
rumble Threads, all of the aboveand I'm also a writer, just
like Kristine.
Follow me on Substack.
Most of the stuff that I putout there is for free.
(03:42):
There is a paid option as well.
It's just sandykruse.
substackcom.
The link will be there and thereason I started the Substack
it's not even a year and I'vegot I think I've got about 350
subscribers.
(04:03):
Now it's because I write short,explorative essays to really
help you think about yourwellness as it pertains to you.
I don't dictate oh, you mustintermittent fast, or nobody
should be eating kale, becausekale can kill you.
I've become a little bit of a Idon't know.
(04:28):
I feel like this world ofwellness has gotten to be too
much of a dictatorship.
In that I'm right, you're wrong.
The science says this.
So you have to do this and Idon't believe this.
I believe that we are sobio-individual and nobody can
(04:49):
tell us exactly what's going tohelp us heal our body or our
mind or help with our spirit.
So that's why I started my substack.
So go find me there, go find meon my socials and, if you can do
one thing for me here after youlisten to this, two things.
(05:13):
One is share this podcastepisode, whether it's sharing it
through a text with your friendor share it on your own social
media and tag me.
I'm just um anywhere.
If it's on Instagram, it's justat Sandy K nutrition.
(05:34):
This helps me to keep havingthese amazing conversations and
great guests each and every week, and great guests each and
every week.
Also, if you're listening onSpotify or if you're listening
on Apple Podcasts, there is away that you can add a few kind
(05:55):
words to your reviews, provideme with a five-star rating and
how this podcast helps you livea healthier and happier life.
Thank you so much, and withthat let's cut on through to
this amazing interview with myfriend, christine Carlson.
(06:18):
Be sure to follow her as well,and all the links are in the
show notes.
Hi everyone, welcome to Sandy KNutrition, health and Lifestyle
Queen.
Today with me I have a returnguest.
I have the lovely KristineCarlson back, and Kristine is a
New York Times bestsellingauthor best known for her work
(06:40):
with her late husband, drRichard Carlson, in the Don't
Sweat the Small Stuff series,with over 25 million books sold
worldwide.
She's also a renowned speaker,inspiring podcast host, retreat
leader and blogger, and hermission is to help women
(07:00):
transform from heartbreak andloss to live their best lives
with joy, gratitude, renewedpassion and purpose.
With her resilient spirit,powerful presence and
heart-centered teaching, sheguides women through the
challenges and transitions ofmiddle life and awakens them to
(07:22):
their truth and the expressionof their highest selves.
And the first we talked abouttragedy turning tragedy into
purpose in our last recording.
That was episode 248.
And now we're going to talkabout how to be happy in our
(07:44):
changing world.
Because you know, christine andI, I think we're pretty aligned
in a lot of ways.
We try and stay out of reallykind of heated discussions and
politics.
And you know, I know for mepersonally I just have to do
what makes me happy and healthyand that's kind of where it's at
(08:09):
and that's for me and my family.
So I think this is an importantdiscussion and I just want to
welcome you back again,christine.
I know you and I just reallyalign and we just we sync.
So I'm happy to have you, thankyou.
Kristine Carlson (08:24):
Yeah, thank you, sandy, for having me back.
Our last discussion was so deepand so wonderful, and I also
love your energy and feel veryaligned with you, so thank you.
Sandy Kruse (08:36):
I think it's important for anybody who maybe
didn't hear our firstconversation just to give us a
backstory, because everybody Iknow has heard of Don't Sweat
the Small Stuff.
But I think you're, you knowyou're.
I'm going to call it.
It's a hero's journey.
What?
What led you to do what you donow?
Kristine Carlson (08:56):
Yeah, that is, that is true, so you probably.
Well, I'll just go back to thebeginning.
Richard and I met in collegeand we immediately fell in love.
It was a very fairytale-ishstory of romance.
I felt like I'd always knownhim and we dated many years
(09:19):
before we got married out ofcollege and we had two daughters
.
Married out of college and wehad two daughters.
And Richard embarked on hisjourney as an author after
becoming a certified rolfer, abodywork therapist, and got his
master's and PhD in psychologyduring that time and then really
(09:40):
wanted to write.
He had done, he'd been workingwith people this is all prior to
positive psychology, prior tolife coaching, even the field of
coaching.
But he had developed somethingcalled happiness training
because he didn't really believethat long-term traditional
therapy helped all people.
(10:02):
He did think that theirtraditional therapy helped some
people, but he felt like thepeople that he knew that he was
supposed to speak to would dobetter with what he called
happiness training and that wasreally teaching five principles
of happiness.
So he went and he did that formany years and then started
writing his books and on the10th book he'd written many
(10:26):
books on happiness, but on the10th book he wrote Don't Sweat
the Small Stuff, and that bookcompletely took off for a couple
of reasons.
We felt that it was the timingof that book.
It was 1997 when that book cameout and that was right on the
cusp of the exploding technology, computer technology, the
(10:50):
dot-com era.
It was like where email startedreally happening.
It was really an overwhelmingtime for people and we think
that's why Dose With a SmallStuff became so popular so fast,
because where technology wasmeant to, we thought, give us
(11:10):
more time, it actually ended uptaking more time because it tied
us to technology 100% of ourtime, versus having those
spacious time periods where wewere away from our technology.
You know where we're away fromour technology where we were
away from the phone.
You couldn't take your phonebecause we didn't have cell
phones in the car with you.
(11:31):
So you had that time alone andyou had that time away.
You would sit at your desk andtalk with people on the phone
and perhaps work on a document,but you weren't being emailed
constantly.
Perhaps work on a document, butyou weren't being emailed
constantly, you know.
So there's there's this way inwhich people became very
(11:52):
overwhelmed and in thatoverwhelm their anxiety grew and
I think that the generation ofpeople that really resonated
were the 35, you know, to 55year olds, where they started to
realize, wow, you know, ourlives are, um, we're not as
happy as we really want to be.
How, what, what's going on, why, how can we change this?
And it was a really good eraalso for self-help.
(12:15):
People were into self-help,they wanted to learn more, they
were into personal developmentand growth.
So that book really took off.
And it was then, upon the 10thanniversary of Don't Sweat the
Small Stuff, that Richard got ona plane and he was promoting a
(12:35):
different book and he was goingto New York to do publicity.
And on the descent of thatflight, at 45 years old, he died
very suddenly from a pulmonaryembolism.
And it literally just was soreally truly unexpected that it
(12:56):
completely rocked our world mydaughters, mine, his parents, my
parents, all of the friends andfamily that loved us, his fans
all around the world.
I mean it really really wasjust a wow, really, how did this
happen?
Moment.
And for me it really did, asyou say, it really did start my
(13:19):
hero's journey.
I mean, it shattered my lifeand my perfect life the way I
knew it.
Of course, there's no perfectlife, but you have this idea of
what you're trying to attain.
And it shattered that and sentme on a whole new trajectory of
healing healing through loss,healing through grief, seeing my
(13:39):
girls through grief, and thenin that it was amazing because
it also opened up a whole newbody of work for me.
I realized that part of myhealing was journaling, and so I
healed through writing.
And as I was writing thisjournal, I started to become so
(14:01):
aware that I was actuallysharing a template for grief.
And and then I, a couple yearslater, wrote the book
Heartbroken Open a memoirthrough loss to self discovery.
Because I also realized that thejourney of grief led me back to
myself in such a profound wayand and I also, you know I
(14:23):
hadn't returned to full joy, butI was definitely having a very
alive experience of life, like Iwas knowing that grief wasn't
all sadness, that there was, itwas intermixed with joy and all
sorts of you know differentemotions.
(14:43):
But I started to realize, well,this is really what being alive
is.
This is really being alivebecause you feel everything.
You feel every breeze of windon your face.
You look up and you see thebeauty of the sky.
Light is really light andexplosive.
You know like and becauseyou're awakened and I started to
(15:04):
really draw these conclusionsabout going through this heart.
Know like and because you'reawakened and I started to really
draw these conclusions aboutgoing through this heartbroken,
open experience and that itreally had awakened me into a
higher level of consciousness,into a higher level of
compassion and understanding.
And then, of course, I hoped,and deeply hoped, that I would
(15:24):
return to my happy self and alife full of joy.
And I did return to that life,but I returned a different woman
, and I think that's whathappens to all of us when we go
through any big change.
What you've been through withyour health, you know, anything
that we have to go through, thatis, you know, deep and healing
(15:48):
also brings us into a new placein ourselves.
And you know I think that wasthe most beautiful part of the
journey was to realize that thegrowth that happened was so huge
for my soul and for myexpression in this lifetime that
I couldn't, in a way, I wouldas much as I would love to have
(16:10):
Richard here with me.
It was as if our soul contracthad given me this incredible
gift and it was the gift ofreally knowing that I was going
to make the most of this lifethat I was living.
And certainly the work that I'vedone over the past almost 20
years now has profoundlyimpacted many people and many
(16:34):
people through my own books andthrough my retreats and through
my speaking.
So it's been just a wild rideand that brings us, you know, to
today, and so that's kind of ina nutshell, that's the history
of my story, and what brings meto the work that I do is a deep
passion to help other womenespecially, overcome these very
(17:00):
big life transitions and come toa place where they step into
their lives.
They give themselves permissionto step into their lives with
the fullness of expression, thefullness of what they have to
experience while here for therest of their journey on earth.
Sandy Kruse (17:20):
Yeah, you have a very powerful story where you
turn something that was a realtragedy into somehow finding
your way to your gifts, and it'scertainly not a good way to
experience it, but often that'swhat happens to us.
(17:43):
And that whole word happy, youknow, I heard this and I found
this really interesting.
We're going to get deeper intothis.
I stopped saying to my kids Ijust want you to be happy and
healthy.
And the reason I stopped that,christine, is because I was like
(18:09):
, okay, you know, the word happyhas a definition that doesn't
necessarily align with what lifeis going to offer you all the
time.
So it's almost like I'm givingthem false hope to be searching
for constant happiness.
(18:29):
And so many years ago I startedwriting them letters.
So, like on Valentine's Day, ontheir birthdays, I don't buy
cards, I write them a letter,and usually that letter is
talking about their gifts andtalking about life.
And so I think, defining whatis an enriched life, you know,
(18:56):
does that mean it's happy?
Like, I don't know if you getwhere I'm coming from, but I do,
I do.
I would love to hear yourthoughts on this.
Kristine Carlson (19:08):
Yeah, well, I think what you're, what you're
speaking to is is reallyprofound.
You know we can choose wordsand words have different
connotations and meanings, butreally, what is it the meaning?
What is the meaning that yougive the word and you know what
happiness is for one person,maybe something totally
different than what happiness isto another person?
(19:31):
For example, I think ofhappiness as being this kind of
continual feeling of contentment.
Continual feeling ofcontentment versus some people
(19:51):
might think of happy as beingelated in the moments of
happiness that I call joy.
So joy to me and happiness aresomething slightly different.
Joy happens in a moment andhappiness just kind of feels
like an overall contentment withyour life.
It doesn't mean that you'rehappy every single moment of
every single day.
It just means that you know howto get back to that place of
contentment with your life andbeing grateful quicker because
(20:16):
it's the overall.
You know how, like they, likethere's this 80-20 rule or
something where, overall, youknow how to keep life in
perspective and you know how tokind of go with the ebbs and
flows of things that make youunhappy.
And every day there's somethingthat happens that I might
wrinkle my nose at or say, oh,wow, that's not so great, or oh,
(20:41):
that makes me mad today, orthat makes me mad in this moment
.
But the difference betweenpeople who have tools in their
toolkit or who have reallydiscovered this deep level
contentment and peace inside isnot that those things don't
happen.
They happen to everyone everyday.
It's how you get back to thatfeeling inside, and to me, peace
(21:05):
and happiness are very similar,and that might be something
different for somebody else.
You have to be able to definewhat that state means for you,
and then you don't have to makehappiness your goal either.
It can be something else.
Whatever word resonates withyou about the state of mind that
you want to be in.
(21:26):
I think the word happy is just.
It means that you know, itmeans that you feel this sense
of elation or this sense ofgratitude that brings a smile to
your face.
You know, and, and but you candefine it any way you want to,
and maybe that's the first placewhere people need to start is
(21:48):
really what is the state of mindthey really want to be in, and
and what does happy mean to them?
What does that mean?
You know, to like a third worldcountry, happy might mean
something totally different thanto Americans, you know.
So you, you know, is it amaterial question on some level?
Maybe because happy, you know,how can you be happy when you're
(22:09):
starving, you know?
But there are people in theworld and you will find this
that there are people in theworld, all over the world, with
different circumstances, thatwould define themselves as happy
people, or other people mightdefine them as happy people.
So it isn't really yourcircumstances, it's who you have
(22:29):
developed into from the insideout and how you have done.
That can be a lot of differentways.
You know.
It can come from life, it cancome from choices and it can
come from and I would say 90% ishow do you view life and how do
you keep your life, how do youkeep the traumas, the problems,
(22:53):
the different things that happenin perspective, you know?
And how do you build theresilience necessary to go
through difficult times and thenreturn to a place where you can
say, yeah, I feel happy.
Just yesterday I was thinking Iwas just out walking my dog and
(23:14):
he was running up a grassy hilland I was just like feeling this
bounce in my step and I waslike the sun was shining and I'm
like I feel so happy, you know,and it's like this, this
feeling of I'm so glad I'm here,I'm so glad I'm alive, I'm so
glad I get to take this momentin, and it feels so good, you
(23:37):
know, and and that's kind of, Ithink, how I define happy and
sure you're right about yourkids.
You know you're setting yourkids up for a bad situation If
you, if you say you only wantthem to be happy, because that
isn't life.
Even the happiest people inlife have tremendous moments of
(23:58):
grief and sadness, and life isabout having all of the
experience too.
But I think that I don't thinkthat happiness is so far off
base that we can't attain someevery day or that we can't
attain a high level ofcontentment in our lives that
feels very stable, that feelsvery good for the most part,
(24:23):
with the natural vacillationsthat happen every moment, you
know, with disappointments thathappen, with um.
You know things that people sayto you that might anger you.
You know all of that is justnormal.
It happens to everyone everysingle day.
Sandy Kruse (24:38):
Yeah, I did this.
I did this podcast with uh God,what's his name?
Hale Dwarfskin, dwarfskinDwarfskin.
He wrote the Sedona Method.
Have you read that book?
I haven't.
So he was actually part of goshRhonda.
I can't remember the name.
(24:58):
The Secret, remember the Secret?
Rhonda Hall, rhonda?
Was it Patrick?
Oh, I don't know.
She wrote the secret.
Oh, okay, okay and, and so hewas actually working with her
and I think he was in the moviethe secret and I recorded with
him and we talked about how tobecome imperturbable and it was
(25:22):
a really neat discussion and, ofof course, you know, it
involves all kinds of things,like things that trigger you and
you know, basically the wholepoint is, when we're constantly
triggered, we are far fromimperturbable.
Right, we want to be in thatplace where, sure, that's not
(25:45):
saying you should put up withabuse or anything like that.
That's not what I'm saying.
But what I'm saying is in thisworld we kind of have a lot of
these triggers and we live in anelectronics world where we have
social media trolls and we have, like it's just, it's a lot,
(26:09):
and Hale talked about beingimperturbable.
So it's kind of like whatyou're saying you go for a walk
with your dog and you're justlike wow, like life is good, and
that kind of stuff.
Just it rolls off my backbecause it just doesn't matter.
Kristine Carlson (26:27):
And I think it's about kind of also, when I
think of imperturbable, I thinkabout being less reactive and
more responsive to life.
It's really about not splittingthe small stuff.
I mean, yes, you know so, like,like you, defining what small
stuff is.
You know small stuff isn't whenyour husband dies or when you
get the news of cancer.
You know so, like like you,defining what small stuff is.
(26:50):
You know small stuff isn't whenyour husband dies or when you
get the news of cancer.
You know that's big stuff, andyou know.
And and yet small stuff isreally what bothers most people
the most.
A lot of people do really muchbetter than we would think in
the big stuff, and the smallstuff is what bags and takes
away and steals joy every singleday.
And when you are super reactiveto life, then you are easily
(27:10):
triggered.
You're just, it's like you're apin cushion ready to get pinned
versus, you know, versus like arock where water is falling
over you.
You know, yeah, it's like youwant to become that rock that
just allows water to fall overyou, versus being a pin cushion
(27:31):
that is being pricked all daylong.
And I think that's where whenpeople start to realize that in
order to do that, in order topractice that way of life, you
have to be able to be mindfuland pause.
You have to be able to.
I call it stop, drop and notice, like sort of like what you do
in a fire you stop, drop androll.
(27:52):
I call it stop, drop and notice.
Like stop, drop down intoyourself, into your heart and
notice how you're feeling.
And when you notice how you'refeeling, you can notice if
you're feeling agitated or not.
And then you can pause andreflect on what it is that's
agitating you.
(28:13):
Or maybe your body isn'tfeeling good.
Sometimes we're just in areactive state because we didn't
sleep well the night before orwe're coming down with something
or we're PMSing.
If you're a woman or you'restressed out about something,
and I think when you can stopand pause and become more
(28:35):
mindful about what it is you'refeeling, then you can become
curious and question what is thenature of your thinking, how
are you thinking and what areyou thinking and what are you
thinking about today?
I I think it's very simple thatit goes back, everything goes
back to our thoughts and ourthoughts about life and the lens
from which we're viewing life.
(28:55):
And the more we can track ourown thinking about things, the
more we can interrupt thosethought patterns.
You know, one of the beautifulthings about neuroscience today
is.
It shows us that we alltoxicity means that you can
rewire your brain in a positiveway, like you can change your
thought patterns and rewire yourbrain, and what's in it for you
(29:17):
to do that is that it's if wewere able to track our thinking
all of us we would be able tosee these different thought
patterns that bring us todifferent places within
ourselves and they're veryingrained in us.
Like we all have thesetape-recorded things that we say
to ourselves all day long andin a loop.
(29:40):
But the more that you caninterrupt that loop, the better
you're going to feel and themore you'll vacillate towards
something more positive, becauseyou're consciously trying,
you're consciously deciding andchoosing to do that.
And and this is where trueconsciousness comes in is when
(30:03):
you get to choose, so when youget to see yourself and become
the witness of your thinking andI love, like Eckhart Tolle's
book the Power of Now and A NewEarth, because he talks a lot
about this where you can witnessyour thinking and once you can
sit back and witness your ownthoughts and realize, wow, I now
(30:25):
know why I'm feeling so bad, Inow know why I'm so reactive,
but so now I just have to catchmyself.
I have to catch myself in theact and then I have to stop,
drop in and notice, like beforeI react and when we start to do
this, life starts to reallymagically change and we change
(30:47):
and I think with that, sandy,comes up a much higher level of
compassion that has theopportunity to grow.
What I have found over mylifetime is the people who have
the least level of compassionfor others actually have the
least level of compassion forothers, actually have the least
level of compassion forthemselves.
When you're super hard onyourself, you tend to be hard on
(31:09):
others, and when you're superhard on yourself, you tend to be
more reactive.
So if you can soften and bemore gentle and more kind and
compassionate with yourself andthe way you talk to yourself and
the kinds of thoughts thatyou're thinking about yourself
and about your life, then you'llstart to see that you'll start
to replace those thoughts withmore positive ones.
(31:31):
It's just the natural evolutionof what we do as humans.
So, yeah, so I know that kindof went on a tangent, but I
really feel like so much of thatis that the nature of what
keeps us back and holds us backfrom choosing to be happier
people from choosing to be morecontent, from becoming, you know
(31:52):
, less reactive and moreresponsive to life and and
certainly like our books in thedon'ts with a small stuff series
or they point to all theseprinciples really beautifully.
That's why people have lovedthem over the years is that it
really teaches you how to dothis like very practical things
that people don't even knowthey're rewiring their brain,
(32:14):
but they are.
We know that now.
Sandy Kruse (32:17):
Yeah, I think you know there's obviously there's
different personality types andyou mentioned people who are
harder on themselves tend to beharder on others.
So I am 100% fully admittingthat I am very hard on myself
and I tend to be hard on peoplearound me, and it all really
(32:42):
stems from these expectations.
Right, I expect that it shouldgo this way, because this is
what I would do in thissituation, and so it's almost
like I set myself up for failureall the time, christine, all
the time.
And I do this because it's kindof in my nature, because I
(33:06):
expect that I would act in thisway, so why wouldn't they?
And I know it's wrong and Isometimes have a hard time
snapping myself out of it.
So you'll probably love this,but you know, what I've found as
a tactic to snap me out of thatand to get me out of that whole
(33:27):
expectation loop whichdisappoints me and then makes me
unhappy, is I started doingthis whole Ho'oponopono
regularly.
Kristine Carlson (33:38):
Oh, I love that.
I love that.
I was just doing that thismorning.
Sandy Kruse (33:40):
Oh, were you?
Okay?
So you know what I did.
Okay, you're going to laugh atthis one.
Kristine Carlson (33:46):
Why don't you describe that for everyone so
they know what it is?
Sandy Kruse (33:49):
Yeah, Sure, I'm sorry, please forgive me.
No wait, oh see, now I'm all,I'm all.
I don't have it written.
Please forgive me, I'm, oh, myGod, christine.
Kristine Carlson (34:03):
I'll look it up, but you know it doesn't
really matter.
That's what I heard.
Sandy Kruse (34:07):
Yes.
Kristine Carlson (34:08):
It's like you can kind of just say it
different every time, as long asyou get the four things.
I'm sorry, Please forgive me.
Thank you I love you.
Sandy Kruse (34:16):
Okay, that's it, that's it.
So I actually, on a post-itnote, wrote this on my mirror in
my bathroom and I wrote it onmy husband's, because both of us
tend to almost ruminate onthings that maybe can't change
right now and it's not to do,it's just in life and it could
(34:39):
disappoint us and make usunhappy and then you get in that
loop and I've started doingthis regularly.
So it's the first thing I seein the mirror.
So I usually say it a few timeswhile I'm in the shower.
I go on what I like to callho'oponopono walks, where I just
I don't I never have headphoneson when I walk in nature and I
(35:06):
say it and I notice the thingsaround me and I noticed I've
actually done that.
You know where I've hadconversations with my daughter
and you know they say you cansend ho'oponopono to someone
else.
When you think of them I'veread a few books on this you
(35:28):
think of them.
I've read a few books on this.
I have found it kind of changedmy life for the better, and I
know it sounds so simple, but Ithink everybody has a different
tactic or whatever that they'llresonate with.
This really resonated with me,as simple as it is.
Kristine Carlson (35:41):
Yeah, I think it's really powerful to have
tools like that in your backpocket and things that you go to
.
I went to that this morningbecause I had a let's say it's a
conflict.
It was more like we justweren't on the same page, like
we weren't understanding.
I mean, I understood, but Ithink I was placing my values on
(36:04):
somebody else and kind of inmad that she wasn't doing what I
wanted her to do.
And it had to do with a dearfriend of mine who's just lost
her husband and her daughter.
And I just thought well, youknow you need to go out there
and be with your mom.
You know you've got to go outthere and be with your mom and
she needs you now.
But there was thisdysfunctional stuff going on
(36:27):
between them where the mother isstill taking care of the
daughter, she doesn't live close, all this stuff, just a
situation.
And I just remember, like afeeling, like well, you,
sometimes, you know, you justlove us fierce and sometimes you
just have to say I'm coming out, you know, because I don't
believe that you can make thedecision you need to make for
yourself right now.
You just lost your husband lastweek and so I was really
(36:50):
impressing that on this personand and I really offended her
and deeply offended her and Icould tell and she was very um,
you know, I, I understood.
I mean she, she could tell Iwas thinking of her a certain
way, which may or may not betrue at all about her, and I
started to become aware of thatthis morning.
So I did the Ho'oponoponoexercise and then I texted her
(37:16):
and I told her.
I said you know, I just reallyhope you have a wonderful day
and I want you to know that thatI had it.
What did I say?
I can even read it to you frommy own phone.
I said Good morning, I hopeyour day is full of joy.
I do trust your instincts whereyour mom is concerned and know
(37:36):
you will support her in manyways.
Lots of love.
And then she just said shewrote me back Good morning, I
will always appreciate your loveand concern.
You're the best.
So it healed something that Iwas mad about that I know she
was probably very upset by, andit was just a four-line message
(37:57):
note saying you know I trust you.
And that came through thatexercise, like I.
And then it's so now we canboth go about our business and I
can support her mom the way Ifeel like she needs it.
She can support her mom the wayshe is going to do with her mom
, and it's all fine, you know.
But I had overreacted and gottenall caught up in my own ideas
(38:21):
and my own expectations, justlike you said.
You did and, and you know,sometimes we do have really
strong feelings about things.
But but I think behind all ofit, we have to give other people
the grace also of knowing thatjust because we think
something's true doesn't meanit's always true, and and so
(38:43):
when I get caught up in asituation like that, I quickly
come back to that idea that justbecause I think it's this way
doesn't mean it actually is.
It's just what I'm thinking,and and I don't, I don't, I'm
like, I don't like to be, youknow, I don't like having energy
(39:04):
sucks, you know, like where I'mallowing some situation to suck
my joy out of me, to suck myenergy out.
But I have way too much that Iwant to accomplish and
contribute to others and toserve, and I definitely want to
serve from love and to serve,and I definitely want to serve
from love, and and so when I'm,when I'm off base, like I might
(39:30):
have been off base yesterday Iquickly come back to this idea
like what's the most importantthing here?
Most important thing is that wefind this mutual love that we
have for this woman who's goingthrough loss and that we become
her team.
And we can't become a team ifwe're separating because we
think other people should bedoing things the way we want
them to.
You know, people have to dowhat they're going to do, you
(39:51):
know, based on what they can doand what they is in their heart
to do, and then you have to begrateful for what they do do and
then do your part the way youneed to do it.
So, yeah, so I don't know.
That was kind of interestinghow that all came around in this
conversation, but I hope thatother people listening find that
helpful.
Sandy Kruse (40:13):
I do think that if you look at well, I guess
there's a couple of differentpoints there.
If you look at, the root of alot of unhappiness can be
expectations of people who youexpect to act a certain way
around you and they don't.
And then another root ofunhappiness could be if you
(40:37):
allow all these external voicescome into your head and then
they can start to affect yourhappiness.
I mean, we see that happeningin the world right now, right.
Kristine Carlson (40:52):
Yeah, you mean external, like input, from like
social media and from all thedifferent news channels.
Yes, and it gets you so firedup and yeah, as soon as I feel
fired up, I turn off the news.
Yeah, I'm like okay, I've hadenough.
Sandy Kruse (41:10):
Me too.
Like I feel, like you know, forme there are certain things
that can affect me in such a waythat it will upset me, and I
feel like you know, the moreempathic you are, the more
certain things will affect you.
(41:30):
Like I can't watch certainthings at night because you know
, there was a time I rememberback oh gosh, I used to be
massively into Grey's Anatomy.
I used to love it, and thenthere was one season it happened
to be around the same time thatmy daughter was sick and it was
(41:53):
all these sick kids, thestoryline, and I'm like I'm done
.
I turned it off and I neverwatched it again because it was
affecting my brain, my happiness, it was putting all sorts of
things in my head that reallydidn't need to be there.
So I think having these kindsof boundaries around what's
(42:17):
coming at us is really important.
Kristine Carlson (42:20):
Yeah, I think you have to ask yourself what is
really feeding your anxiety andwhat's helping take, you know,
helping you cope.
And certainly, if something'sfeeding your angst, you don't
want to keep feeding your angst.
You want to get yourself awayfrom the things that are feeding
your angst and return to whatnurtures, you know, a calm, more
(42:45):
peaceful feeling inside.
And again, you know like Ithink all of these things are
things that you have tocultivate.
You know it doesn't happen likeright all at once.
Generally it's, it's like peaceis something that you need to
cultivate.
And what I always say to peopleis just from the moment you
(43:06):
start your day, even if you lookat how you start your day, you
know how you start your day isreally how you live your day.
So, when you get out of bed,what is the first thing besides
peeing that we all do?
Sandy Kruse (43:19):
Yeah, yeah, or a cup of coffee, hey yeah, yeah.
Kristine Carlson (43:24):
So coffee, and then what you know, like I
always say to people like Iliterally sit in silence for
about five minutes before I getup.
Then I get up and then I go andI, you know, before I get up,
then I get up and then I go andI, you know, I drink a big glass
(43:45):
of water and then I make mycoffee and then I sit and it's
silent.
I mean I feed my dog becausehe's going to be looking at me
and bothering me if I don't.
So I feed my dog but then I sitin silence and I'm usually turn
on my fireplace if it's thewinter or sit outside and watch
the sunrise if it's nice outside, and I literally don't go to my
phone for like a half an hour.
(44:06):
I don't look at my computer orgo to my phone for half an hour
because I just want to be inthat space of quiet and peace
and solitude and just allowmyself to just kind of like
bathe in it before I start myday.
And then I start my day and Ilive from that place of peace.
(44:31):
You know, often I'll close myeyes in meditation.
Sometimes I won't.
It just depends on what I'mfeeling.
Sometimes I find an open-eyedmeditation with the fire better,
you know.
But I just I think the more youstart your day off the way you
want to live it, the more chanceyou have of maintaining that
(44:54):
sense of happiness or peace orcomposure or contentment
throughout your day.
And it's like a touchstonereally, closure or contentment
throughout your day.
And it's like a touchstonereally.
I mean, if you can find itwithin yourself and cultivate it
and you know what it feels like, you can return to that, you
know, throughout your day.
And by just simply closing youreyes and you know, remembering
(45:16):
or placing your hand on yourheart and tuning into your heart
or asking yourself a question,how are you feeling?
You know, just, these simplekinds of things are what return
us to a state of mind that againI'll go back to what we said
earlier that we can become moreresponsive to life versus
(45:36):
reactive.
And responsive again is to beable to pause before you respond
, and it could be a moment ofpause.
It doesn't mean like you'regoing to pause for 10 minutes
before you answer somebody'squestion.
It just means a moment thatyou're going to take a deep
breath and you're going tonotice how are you feeling
before you react.
You know reaction is knee jerkResponse, takes a moment of
(46:02):
checking in, and that'sperfectly okay.
I mean, you'll find peoplereally love that when you, when
you just take a moment and youpause and contemplation.
Sometimes one of my best lineswhen somebody says something
that upsets me is wow, you know,I really need to think about
that.
I really need to think aboutwhat you're saying, and and it's
(46:25):
like because then they know I'mnot reacting, but I'm going to
think about it, I'm going tocontemplate it, I really need to
think about that.
That makes me really curious.
I don't know the answer to thatright now.
Sandy Kruse (46:37):
I like that and then I like so the one thing I
think that also can contributeto and I'm going to switch this
to peace, because I think wekind of agree that peace just
it's more aligned to what we'retalking about it is.
Here's a good example.
(46:58):
I hear a lot of times oh, Ican't do that, I have to get up,
I have to go to work.
I have this kind of a job, Ihave this and I'm like okay, so
let me think about this Goodexample.
I'm traveling, I have to get upsuper early in the morning and
(47:23):
you know how morning flightsit's like, stressful, and you
got to get to the airport andthere's traffic.
So what I do is I make sure Iget up a half hour earlier than
I actually need to for thatpiece Just to set.
I'll do everything, I'll moveit and I'll shift it, just so I
can have that little bit ofpeace.
And usually how I start my dayI think you're going to like
(47:45):
this one, christine, because Istarted this.
Actually it's over a month thatI've been doing this now.
There were some stuff that wasgoing on just before Christmas
and stuff that I had no controlover.
So instead of writing in myjournal, which I normally do, I
(48:06):
fast forwarded to one year.
So, let's say, if it wasDecember 15th, I forwarded it.
Maybe you've heard this.
I saw this from somebody andI'm like, oh God, I love this.
So instead of writing December15th 2024, I wrote December 15th
2025.
And every single day it's nowover a month I'm journaling as
(48:29):
though it's one year later.
So I heard this, or I read thisfrom somebody that it actually
can help shift your own energyand your own mindset and your
own vibration, so that you'remore aligned and attuned to you
know what you really want out oflife.
(48:52):
So I have two journals like Ihave one where it's you know
it's it's kind of a crapshootjournal where I'm just going to
write whatever I need to get offmy chest or anything.
And then I have this journalwhere it's more of yeah, I'm
aligned to that.
(49:13):
So you know I'm kind of a weirdo.
I like to do different methodsto support my piece different
methods to support my, my peace.
Kristine Carlson (49:25):
Well, there's a, there's a chapter in Don't
Stop the Small Stuff and it saysask yourself the question will
this matter a year from now?
And so it's like, if you can,if you can ask yourself that
question and you're dealing withsomething that is, you know, a
real problem, well that realproblem will matter a year from
now.
But if it's not a real problemand it's just something you're
(49:47):
sweating that you can let go oftoday, it won't matter a year
from now, and you'll find thatit works really well to gain
perspective.
So, in a way, I think, when youforward to a year from now,
that's pretty cool.
You know, like you're, you'rekind of acknowledging what are,
what are the?
What are, what is that yearfrom now?
Look like.
Sandy Kruse (50:07):
Yeah, I think we have to figure out.
I mean, some people might gookay, that's weird, I wouldn't
do that and that's okay.
But for me, I I find it reallyhelps me because it helps me to
really align with, like you said, what matters these are the
things that matter, andwhatever's going on now that I
(50:30):
can't change right now, I'mgoing to maybe put it in my you
know, let off some steam crapjournal, because I also believe
yeah, and also don't sweat thesmall stuff journal.
You know, sometimes we have tounload, you do.
Kristine Carlson (50:51):
Yeah, you have to.
You have to let it go, andwhatever it takes for you to let
things go, that don't matter.
It just opens up space for youto live into what really matters
to you.
And I think, even just takingtime to answer those questions,
you know, at different stages ofyour life, because what matters
to us in our 30s and 40sdoesn't matter so much in our
(51:14):
50s and 60s.
You'll see a lot of youngpeople buying new furniture,
building their lives, you know,getting their homes in order,
and you'll see a lot of peoplemy age selling their homes,
getting rid of their stuff, youknow.
And so I think it's reallyhelpful over time to understand
that we change with our livesand that that's perfectly okay
(51:35):
and good and, in fact, healthyto change and to allow yourself
the gift of change.
And yeah, what a greatconversation we've had today,
Sandy.
We've gone all over the map.
Sandy Kruse (51:48):
I know we have.
I have to talk because before,before Christine and I recorded,
I sent her this research and Ithought it was super interesting
.
So I am going to link this inthe show notes and basically it
answers the question do youthink the world is happier now
(52:09):
than before?
And some of the research sothis is the research comes from
integrated value surveys by OurWorld in Data.
I will cite it properly in myshow notes.
So in Canada in general, in1984, this is self-reported
95.8% of people self-reportedthat they are happy.
(52:33):
In 2022, that percentagedropped significantly to 84.9%
happy.
In the United States 1984,90.3% happy.
2022, 88.2% happy.
So what I will put in the shownotes is the link to this
(52:57):
research.
They're coming out with thenewest poll in February and of
course it's very subjective.
It's kind of like what wetalked about.
It's self-reported.
But I mean I've seen researchwhere they say that people who
don't have children are happier.
So it's very subjective.
(53:18):
Like I can't imagine my lifewithout my children.
Kristine Carlson (53:22):
I can't, there might be less stress for them.
Maybe it's based on stress, Alot of this.
There's a lot of stress inparenting, for sure.
I mean, especially today andwith all the gosh, all the
things you have to be worriedabout and concerned about and
you know, the social media andall that stuff.
(53:43):
There's a lot of stress inparenting.
So maybe people equate theirstress level with happiness.
I would imagine.
Sandy Kruse (53:50):
I think so, and I know that there was one graph
there that even talked abouteconomic stress and financial
stress as it related tohappiness and financial stress
as it related to happiness.
And you know I'm going to putthis link because you know, and
(54:12):
I think maybe we'll end with,I'm going to ask you the
question do you think the worldis happier now than, let's say,
1984, or not as happy?
What are your thoughts on that?
Kristine Carlson (54:24):
1984 or not as happy.
What are your thoughts on that?
Well, absolutely, I don't thinkpeople are happier today.
I think that we're living in aworld that is promoting.
You know, many people aredivided and they're not finding
the common ground, the ways thatwe're more alike than different
.
They're valuing things thatdestroy their relationships
(54:51):
versus build relationship.
And, yeah, I don't think theworld is a happier place today.
There's a lot of, you know,there's just a lot of discord
going on.
But that doesn't mean that youcan't be working on your own
happiness quotient.
It doesn't mean that you can'tpractice a life in a certain way
that brings you, you know,deeper engagement, that brings
(55:13):
you into a place where you feelmore content.
And you know, that's why I didcome on today to again was was.
We have a new book out Don'tSplit the Small Stuff Every Day
and it's a thought-by-thoughtbook where it's one page a day.
That gives you a life practice,that gives you perspective,
that gives you something tothink about, that will help your
(55:35):
relationships with your family,your coworkers, your kids, your
family, your coworkers, yourkids or it gives you something
to think about and how to takecare of yourself in a way that
promotes peace, that promotesgratitude, and these are the
kinds of things that as a world,we're maybe not focused on, but
(55:56):
as an individual, you can focuson them, and each individual
and the level that they're ableto create of their own
contentment and happiness intheir own lives impacts the
world greatly.
Because yeah, because it impactsyour family, it impacts your
friends, it impacts the circle,the community that you live in.
You can see that in the grocerystore.
(56:16):
You know somebody who walks inwith a smile on their face, that
connects to other people,versus somebody who's grumpy and
doesn't connect with otherpeople and is just grumpy.
You know, and it's like you cansee, and I do think that post
COVID has had a lot to do withwhy people are still reeling
from the trauma of thatexperience.
(56:38):
You know it's it's many peopledidn't do very well with their
mental wellness during that timeand are still healing from that
.
You know so, and we don't reallytalk about that because it's
like anything, we're justsupposed to get over things so
quickly, but really we're onlytalking about three or four
years since we were in COVID andthat's just.
(56:58):
You know, that's not really alot of time for people who are
deeply wounded by that time.
So, that said, you know thesekinds of conversations, I think
I hope have inspired yourlisteners today.
I know I feel inspired just bybeing in your presence, sandy,
and so thank you, thank you foropening the door to this
(57:20):
conversation.
It's been really powerful andwonderful, and I hope your
listeners feel so too.
Sandy Kruse (57:26):
I feel exactly the same as you, Christine.
We somehow have that, and youknow it's that energy of the
collective right.
It's like what you're saying.
Like my husband, he can comehome, Christine, and look at my
face and then immediately feellike, oh, she's had a bad day.
(57:47):
It's rare because that's notusually how he comes home to me,
but he can feel it when it'snot.
So I think we provided thelisteners a few different tools
and a conversation that wouldmaybe help to enlighten and
inspire others that whateveryou're putting out there, you're
(58:11):
getting back.
You're actually contributing toa collective of higher
vibrational beings on thisplanet.
It helps with our world, ithelps with our happiness overall
.
So I know you're doing so manygreat things and you do all
kinds of retreats and speakingevents and I just think you're
(58:33):
pretty cool, Christine.
Someday we'll meet in person, Ilove that, thank you, thank you
so much, Sandy.
(58:53):
Thank you, Christine, for yourtime.
When you rate, review,subscribe, you help to support
my content and help me to keepgoing and bringing these
conversations to you each andevery week.
Join me next week for a newtopic, new guest, new exciting
(59:15):
conversations to help you liveyour best life.
Hi everyone, it's me, Sandy Kruse of Sandy K
Nutrition, health and LifestyleQueen.
For years now, I've beenbringing to you conversations
about wellness from incredibleguests from all over the world.
Discover a fresh take onhealthy living for midlife and
(00:25):
beyond, one that embracesbalance and reason without
letting only science dictateevery aspect of our wellness,
(00:46):
and my guests as we explore waysthat we can age gracefully,
with in-depth conversationsabout the thyroid, about
hormones and other alternativewellness options for you and
your family.
True Wellness nurtures ahealthy body, mind, spirit and
soul, and we cover all of theseessential aspects to help you
(01:07):
live a balanced, joyful life.
Be sure to follow my show, rateit, review it and share it.
Always remember my friendsbalanced living works.
Friends, balanced living works.
(01:31):
Hi everyone, welcome to SandyKay Nutrition, health and
Lifestyle Queen.
Today I have a return guest.
Her name is Kristine Carlsonand she's a New York Times
bestselling author.
She's best known for her workwith her late husband, dr
Richard Carlson, in the Don'tSweat the Small Stuff series,
and she was on my podcast lastyear where we discussed how to
(01:55):
transform tragedy into purpose.
And this time we are going tobe talking about how to be happy
in our ever-changing world, andyou know, I think this is a
really good topic because thelast two episodes I've had have
(02:17):
been very, very sciencey.
Most of you who follow me andhave been following me for over
five years now know that I donot believe that science can
completely dictate our wellness,because our wellness embodies a
(02:38):
lot more than just what isexplainable by science.
What is explainable by science,you know, we have to consider
the health of our body, our mind, our spirit and our soul, and
that's why this discussion isjust so wonderful, because
(03:01):
happiness.
Is this a goal that we can allachieve?
Can we all achieve happinessall the time?
Please do me a favor.
Listen to this entire podcast.
Follow me on all of my socialsSandy K Nutrition, health and
(03:21):
Lifestyle Queen, or just Sandy KNutrition anywhere and
everywhere.
I'm active on Instagram,facebook, tiktok, youtube,
rumble Threads, all of the aboveand I'm also a writer, just
like Kristine.
Follow me on Substack.
Most of the stuff that I putout there is for free.
(03:42):
There is a paid option as well.
It's just sandykruse.
substackcom.
The link will be there and thereason I started the Substack
it's not even a year and I'vegot I think I've got about 350
subscribers.
(04:03):
Now it's because I write short,explorative essays to really
help you think about yourwellness as it pertains to you.
I don't dictate oh, you mustintermittent fast, or nobody
should be eating kale, becausekale can kill you.
I've become a little bit of a Idon't know.
(04:28):
I feel like this world ofwellness has gotten to be too
much of a dictatorship.
In that I'm right, you're wrong.
The science says this.
So you have to do this and Idon't believe this.
I believe that we are sobio-individual and nobody can
(04:49):
tell us exactly what's going tohelp us heal our body or our
mind or help with our spirit.
So that's why I started my substack.
So go find me there, go find meon my socials and, if you can do
one thing for me here after youlisten to this, two things.
(05:13):
One is share this podcastepisode, whether it's sharing it
through a text with your friendor share it on your own social
media and tag me.
I'm just um anywhere.
If it's on Instagram, it's justat Sandy K nutrition.
(05:34):
This helps me to keep havingthese amazing conversations and
great guests each and every week, and great guests each and
every week.
Also, if you're listening onSpotify or if you're listening
on Apple Podcasts, there is away that you can add a few kind
(05:55):
words to your reviews, provideme with a five-star rating and
how this podcast helps you livea healthier and happier life.
Thank you so much, and withthat let's cut on through to
this amazing interview with myfriend, christine Carlson.
(06:18):
Be sure to follow her as well,and all the links are in the
show notes.
Hi everyone, welcome to Sandy KNutrition, health and Lifestyle
Queen.
Today with me I have a returnguest.
I have the lovely KristineCarlson back, and Kristine is a
New York Times bestsellingauthor best known for her work
(06:40):
with her late husband, drRichard Carlson, in the Don't
Sweat the Small Stuff series,with over 25 million books sold
worldwide.
She's also a renowned speaker,inspiring podcast host, retreat
leader and blogger, and hermission is to help women
(07:00):
transform from heartbreak andloss to live their best lives
with joy, gratitude, renewedpassion and purpose.
With her resilient spirit,powerful presence and
heart-centered teaching, sheguides women through the
challenges and transitions ofmiddle life and awakens them to
(07:22):
their truth and the expressionof their highest selves.
And the first we talked abouttragedy turning tragedy into
purpose in our last recording.
That was episode 248.
And now we're going to talkabout how to be happy in our
(07:44):
changing world.
Because you know, christine andI, I think we're pretty aligned
in a lot of ways.
We try and stay out of reallykind of heated discussions and
politics.
And you know, I know for mepersonally I just have to do
what makes me happy and healthyand that's kind of where it's at
(08:09):
and that's for me and my family.
So I think this is an importantdiscussion and I just want to
welcome you back again,christine.
I know you and I just reallyalign and we just we sync.
So I'm happy to have you, thankyou.
Kristine Carlson (08:24):
Yeah, thank you, sandy, for having me back.
Our last discussion was so deepand so wonderful, and I also
love your energy and feel veryaligned with you, so thank you.
Sandy Kruse (08:36):
I think it's important for anybody who maybe
didn't hear our firstconversation just to give us a
backstory, because everybody Iknow has heard of Don't Sweat
the Small Stuff.
But I think you're, you knowyou're.
I'm going to call it.
It's a hero's journey.
What?
What led you to do what you donow?
Kristine Carlson (08:56):
Yeah, that is, that is true, so you probably.
Well, I'll just go back to thebeginning.
Richard and I met in collegeand we immediately fell in love.
It was a very fairytale-ishstory of romance.
I felt like I'd always knownhim and we dated many years
(09:19):
before we got married out ofcollege and we had two daughters
.
Married out of college and wehad two daughters.
And Richard embarked on hisjourney as an author after
becoming a certified rolfer, abodywork therapist, and got his
master's and PhD in psychologyduring that time and then really
(09:40):
wanted to write.
He had done, he'd been workingwith people this is all prior to
positive psychology, prior tolife coaching, even the field of
coaching.
But he had developed somethingcalled happiness training
because he didn't really believethat long-term traditional
therapy helped all people.
(10:02):
He did think that theirtraditional therapy helped some
people, but he felt like thepeople that he knew that he was
supposed to speak to would dobetter with what he called
happiness training and that wasreally teaching five principles
of happiness.
So he went and he did that formany years and then started
writing his books and on the10th book he'd written many
(10:26):
books on happiness, but on the10th book he wrote Don't Sweat
the Small Stuff, and that bookcompletely took off for a couple
of reasons.
We felt that it was the timingof that book.
It was 1997 when that book cameout and that was right on the
cusp of the exploding technology, computer technology, the
(10:50):
dot-com era.
It was like where email startedreally happening.
It was really an overwhelmingtime for people and we think
that's why Dose With a SmallStuff became so popular so fast,
because where technology wasmeant to, we thought, give us
(11:10):
more time, it actually ended uptaking more time because it tied
us to technology 100% of ourtime, versus having those
spacious time periods where wewere away from our technology.
You know where we're away fromour technology where we were
away from the phone.
You couldn't take your phonebecause we didn't have cell
phones in the car with you.
(11:31):
So you had that time alone andyou had that time away.
You would sit at your desk andtalk with people on the phone
and perhaps work on a document,but you weren't being emailed
constantly.
Perhaps work on a document, butyou weren't being emailed
constantly, you know.
So there's there's this way inwhich people became very
(11:52):
overwhelmed and in thatoverwhelm their anxiety grew and
I think that the generation ofpeople that really resonated
were the 35, you know, to 55year olds, where they started to
realize, wow, you know, ourlives are, um, we're not as
happy as we really want to be.
How, what, what's going on, why, how can we change this?
And it was a really good eraalso for self-help.
(12:15):
People were into self-help,they wanted to learn more, they
were into personal developmentand growth.
So that book really took off.
And it was then, upon the 10thanniversary of Don't Sweat the
Small Stuff, that Richard got ona plane and he was promoting a
(12:35):
different book and he was goingto New York to do publicity.
And on the descent of thatflight, at 45 years old, he died
very suddenly from a pulmonaryembolism.
And it literally just was soreally truly unexpected that it
(12:56):
completely rocked our world mydaughters, mine, his parents, my
parents, all of the friends andfamily that loved us, his fans
all around the world.
I mean it really really wasjust a wow, really, how did this
happen?
Moment.
And for me it really did, asyou say, it really did start my
(13:19):
hero's journey.
I mean, it shattered my lifeand my perfect life the way I
knew it.
Of course, there's no perfectlife, but you have this idea of
what you're trying to attain.
And it shattered that and sentme on a whole new trajectory of
healing healing through loss,healing through grief, seeing my
(13:39):
girls through grief, and thenin that it was amazing because
it also opened up a whole newbody of work for me.
I realized that part of myhealing was journaling, and so I
healed through writing.
And as I was writing thisjournal, I started to become so
(14:01):
aware that I was actuallysharing a template for grief.
And and then I, a couple yearslater, wrote the book
Heartbroken Open a memoirthrough loss to self discovery.
Because I also realized that thejourney of grief led me back to
myself in such a profound wayand and I also, you know I
(14:23):
hadn't returned to full joy, butI was definitely having a very
alive experience of life, like Iwas knowing that grief wasn't
all sadness, that there was, itwas intermixed with joy and all
sorts of you know differentemotions.
(14:43):
But I started to realize, well,this is really what being alive
is.
This is really being alivebecause you feel everything.
You feel every breeze of windon your face.
You look up and you see thebeauty of the sky.
Light is really light andexplosive.
You know like and becauseyou're awakened and I started to
(15:04):
really draw these conclusionsabout going through this heart.
Know like and because you'reawakened and I started to really
draw these conclusions aboutgoing through this heartbroken,
open experience and that itreally had awakened me into a
higher level of consciousness,into a higher level of
compassion and understanding.
And then, of course, I hoped,and deeply hoped, that I would
(15:24):
return to my happy self and alife full of joy.
And I did return to that life,but I returned a different woman
, and I think that's whathappens to all of us when we go
through any big change.
What you've been through withyour health, you know, anything
that we have to go through, thatis, you know, deep and healing
(15:48):
also brings us into a new placein ourselves.
And you know I think that wasthe most beautiful part of the
journey was to realize that thegrowth that happened was so huge
for my soul and for myexpression in this lifetime that
I couldn't, in a way, I wouldas much as I would love to have
(16:10):
Richard here with me.
It was as if our soul contracthad given me this incredible
gift and it was the gift ofreally knowing that I was going
to make the most of this lifethat I was living.
And certainly the work that I'vedone over the past almost 20
years now has profoundlyimpacted many people and many
(16:34):
people through my own books andthrough my retreats and through
my speaking.
So it's been just a wild rideand that brings us, you know, to
today, and so that's kind of ina nutshell, that's the history
of my story, and what brings meto the work that I do is a deep
passion to help other womenespecially, overcome these very
(17:00):
big life transitions and come toa place where they step into
their lives.
They give themselves permissionto step into their lives with
the fullness of expression, thefullness of what they have to
experience while here for therest of their journey on earth.
Sandy Kruse (17:20):
Yeah, you have a very powerful story where you
turn something that was a realtragedy into somehow finding
your way to your gifts, and it'scertainly not a good way to
experience it, but often that'swhat happens to us.
(17:43):
And that whole word happy, youknow, I heard this and I found
this really interesting.
We're going to get deeper intothis.
I stopped saying to my kids Ijust want you to be happy and
healthy.
And the reason I stopped that,christine, is because I was like
(18:09):
, okay, you know, the word happyhas a definition that doesn't
necessarily align with what lifeis going to offer you all the
time.
So it's almost like I'm givingthem false hope to be searching
for constant happiness.
(18:29):
And so many years ago I startedwriting them letters.
So, like on Valentine's Day, ontheir birthdays, I don't buy
cards, I write them a letter,and usually that letter is
talking about their gifts andtalking about life.
And so I think, defining whatis an enriched life, you know,
(18:56):
does that mean it's happy?
Like, I don't know if you getwhere I'm coming from, but I do,
I do.
I would love to hear yourthoughts on this.
Kristine Carlson (19:08):
Yeah, well, I think what you're, what you're
speaking to is is reallyprofound.
You know we can choose wordsand words have different
connotations and meanings, butreally, what is it the meaning?
What is the meaning that yougive the word and you know what
happiness is for one person,maybe something totally
different than what happiness isto another person?
(19:31):
For example, I think ofhappiness as being this kind of
continual feeling of contentment.
Continual feeling ofcontentment versus some people
(19:51):
might think of happy as beingelated in the moments of
happiness that I call joy.
So joy to me and happiness aresomething slightly different.
Joy happens in a moment andhappiness just kind of feels
like an overall contentment withyour life.
It doesn't mean that you'rehappy every single moment of
every single day.
It just means that you know howto get back to that place of
contentment with your life andbeing grateful quicker because
(20:16):
it's the overall.
You know how, like they, likethere's this 80-20 rule or
something where, overall, youknow how to keep life in
perspective and you know how tokind of go with the ebbs and
flows of things that make youunhappy.
And every day there's somethingthat happens that I might
wrinkle my nose at or say, oh,wow, that's not so great, or oh,
(20:41):
that makes me mad today, orthat makes me mad in this moment
.
But the difference betweenpeople who have tools in their
toolkit or who have reallydiscovered this deep level
contentment and peace inside isnot that those things don't
happen.
They happen to everyone everyday.
It's how you get back to thatfeeling inside, and to me, peace
(21:05):
and happiness are very similar,and that might be something
different for somebody else.
You have to be able to definewhat that state means for you,
and then you don't have to makehappiness your goal either.
It can be something else.
Whatever word resonates withyou about the state of mind that
you want to be in.
(21:26):
I think the word happy is just.
It means that you know, itmeans that you feel this sense
of elation or this sense ofgratitude that brings a smile to
your face.
You know, and, and but you candefine it any way you want to,
and maybe that's the first placewhere people need to start is
(21:48):
really what is the state of mindthey really want to be in, and
and what does happy mean to them?
What does that mean?
You know, to like a third worldcountry, happy might mean
something totally different thanto Americans, you know.
So you, you know, is it amaterial question on some level?
Maybe because happy, you know,how can you be happy when you're
(22:09):
starving, you know?
But there are people in theworld and you will find this
that there are people in theworld, all over the world, with
different circumstances, thatwould define themselves as happy
people, or other people mightdefine them as happy people.
So it isn't really yourcircumstances, it's who you have
(22:29):
developed into from the insideout and how you have done.
That can be a lot of differentways.
You know.
It can come from life, it cancome from choices and it can
come from and I would say 90% ishow do you view life and how do
you keep your life, how do youkeep the traumas, the problems,
(22:53):
the different things that happenin perspective, you know?
And how do you build theresilience necessary to go
through difficult times and thenreturn to a place where you can
say, yeah, I feel happy.
Just yesterday I was thinking Iwas just out walking my dog and
(23:14):
he was running up a grassy hilland I was just like feeling this
bounce in my step and I waslike the sun was shining and I'm
like I feel so happy, you know,and it's like this, this
feeling of I'm so glad I'm here,I'm so glad I'm alive, I'm so
glad I get to take this momentin, and it feels so good, you
(23:37):
know, and and that's kind of, Ithink, how I define happy and
sure you're right about yourkids.
You know you're setting yourkids up for a bad situation If
you, if you say you only wantthem to be happy, because that
isn't life.
Even the happiest people inlife have tremendous moments of
(23:58):
grief and sadness, and life isabout having all of the
experience too.
But I think that I don't thinkthat happiness is so far off
base that we can't attain someevery day or that we can't
attain a high level ofcontentment in our lives that
feels very stable, that feelsvery good for the most part,
(24:23):
with the natural vacillationsthat happen every moment, you
know, with disappointments thathappen, with um.
You know things that people sayto you that might anger you.
You know all of that is justnormal.
It happens to everyone everysingle day.
Sandy Kruse (24:38):
Yeah, I did this.
I did this podcast with uh God,what's his name?
Hale Dwarfskin, dwarfskinDwarfskin.
He wrote the Sedona Method.
Have you read that book?
I haven't.
So he was actually part of goshRhonda.
I can't remember the name.
(24:58):
The Secret, remember the Secret?
Rhonda Hall, rhonda?
Was it Patrick?
Oh, I don't know.
She wrote the secret.
Oh, okay, okay and, and so hewas actually working with her
and I think he was in the moviethe secret and I recorded with
him and we talked about how tobecome imperturbable and it was
(25:22):
a really neat discussion and, ofof course, you know, it
involves all kinds of things,like things that trigger you and
you know, basically the wholepoint is, when we're constantly
triggered, we are far fromimperturbable.
Right, we want to be in thatplace where, sure, that's not
(25:45):
saying you should put up withabuse or anything like that.
That's not what I'm saying.
But what I'm saying is in thisworld we kind of have a lot of
these triggers and we live in anelectronics world where we have
social media trolls and we have, like it's just, it's a lot,
(26:09):
and Hale talked about beingimperturbable.
So it's kind of like whatyou're saying you go for a walk
with your dog and you're justlike wow, like life is good, and
that kind of stuff.
Just it rolls off my backbecause it just doesn't matter.
Kristine Carlson (26:27):
And I think it's about kind of also, when I
think of imperturbable, I thinkabout being less reactive and
more responsive to life.
It's really about not splittingthe small stuff.
I mean, yes, you know so, like,like you, defining what small
stuff is.
You know small stuff isn't whenyour husband dies or when you
get the news of cancer.
You know so, like like you,defining what small stuff is.
(26:50):
You know small stuff isn't whenyour husband dies or when you
get the news of cancer.
You know that's big stuff, andyou know.
And and yet small stuff isreally what bothers most people
the most.
A lot of people do really muchbetter than we would think in
the big stuff, and the smallstuff is what bags and takes
away and steals joy every singleday.
And when you are super reactiveto life, then you are easily
(27:10):
triggered.
You're just, it's like you're apin cushion ready to get pinned
versus, you know, versus like arock where water is falling
over you.
You know, yeah, it's like youwant to become that rock that
just allows water to fall overyou, versus being a pin cushion
(27:31):
that is being pricked all daylong.
And I think that's where whenpeople start to realize that in
order to do that, in order topractice that way of life, you
have to be able to be mindfuland pause.
You have to be able to.
I call it stop, drop and notice, like sort of like what you do
in a fire you stop, drop androll.
(27:52):
I call it stop, drop and notice.
Like stop, drop down intoyourself, into your heart and
notice how you're feeling.
And when you notice how you'refeeling, you can notice if
you're feeling agitated or not.
And then you can pause andreflect on what it is that's
agitating you.
(28:13):
Or maybe your body isn'tfeeling good.
Sometimes we're just in areactive state because we didn't
sleep well the night before orwe're coming down with something
or we're PMSing.
If you're a woman or you'restressed out about something,
and I think when you can stopand pause and become more
(28:35):
mindful about what it is you'refeeling, then you can become
curious and question what is thenature of your thinking, how
are you thinking and what areyou thinking and what are you
thinking about today?
I I think it's very simple thatit goes back, everything goes
back to our thoughts and ourthoughts about life and the lens
from which we're viewing life.
(28:55):
And the more we can track ourown thinking about things, the
more we can interrupt thosethought patterns.
You know, one of the beautifulthings about neuroscience today
is.
It shows us that we alltoxicity means that you can
rewire your brain in a positiveway, like you can change your
thought patterns and rewire yourbrain, and what's in it for you
(29:17):
to do that is that it's if wewere able to track our thinking
all of us we would be able tosee these different thought
patterns that bring us todifferent places within
ourselves and they're veryingrained in us.
Like we all have thesetape-recorded things that we say
to ourselves all day long andin a loop.
(29:40):
But the more that you caninterrupt that loop, the better
you're going to feel and themore you'll vacillate towards
something more positive, becauseyou're consciously trying,
you're consciously deciding andchoosing to do that.
And and this is where trueconsciousness comes in is when
(30:03):
you get to choose, so when youget to see yourself and become
the witness of your thinking andI love, like Eckhart Tolle's
book the Power of Now and A NewEarth, because he talks a lot
about this where you can witnessyour thinking and once you can
sit back and witness your ownthoughts and realize, wow, I now
(30:25):
know why I'm feeling so bad, Inow know why I'm so reactive,
but so now I just have to catchmyself.
I have to catch myself in theact and then I have to stop,
drop in and notice, like beforeI react and when we start to do
this, life starts to reallymagically change and we change
(30:47):
and I think with that, sandy,comes up a much higher level of
compassion that has theopportunity to grow.
What I have found over mylifetime is the people who have
the least level of compassionfor others actually have the
least level of compassion forothers, actually have the least
level of compassion forthemselves.
When you're super hard onyourself, you tend to be hard on
(31:09):
others, and when you're superhard on yourself, you tend to be
more reactive.
So if you can soften and bemore gentle and more kind and
compassionate with yourself andthe way you talk to yourself and
the kinds of thoughts thatyou're thinking about yourself
and about your life, then you'llstart to see that you'll start
to replace those thoughts withmore positive ones.
(31:31):
It's just the natural evolutionof what we do as humans.
So, yeah, so I know that kindof went on a tangent, but I
really feel like so much of thatis that the nature of what
keeps us back and holds us backfrom choosing to be happier
people from choosing to be morecontent, from becoming, you know
(31:52):
, less reactive and moreresponsive to life and and
certainly like our books in thedon'ts with a small stuff series
or they point to all theseprinciples really beautifully.
That's why people have lovedthem over the years is that it
really teaches you how to dothis like very practical things
that people don't even knowthey're rewiring their brain,
(32:14):
but they are.
We know that now.
Sandy Kruse (32:17):
Yeah, I think you know there's obviously there's
different personality types andyou mentioned people who are
harder on themselves tend to beharder on others.
So I am 100% fully admittingthat I am very hard on myself
and I tend to be hard on peoplearound me, and it all really
(32:42):
stems from these expectations.
Right, I expect that it shouldgo this way, because this is
what I would do in thissituation, and so it's almost
like I set myself up for failureall the time, christine, all
the time.
And I do this because it's kindof in my nature, because I
(33:06):
expect that I would act in thisway, so why wouldn't they?
And I know it's wrong and Isometimes have a hard time
snapping myself out of it.
So you'll probably love this,but you know, what I've found as
a tactic to snap me out of thatand to get me out of that whole
(33:27):
expectation loop whichdisappoints me and then makes me
unhappy, is I started doingthis whole Ho'oponopono
regularly.
Kristine Carlson (33:38):
Oh, I love that.
I love that.
I was just doing that thismorning.
Sandy Kruse (33:40):
Oh, were you?
Okay?
So you know what I did.
Okay, you're going to laugh atthis one.
Kristine Carlson (33:46):
Why don't you describe that for everyone so
they know what it is?
Sandy Kruse (33:49):
Yeah, Sure, I'm sorry, please forgive me.
No wait, oh see, now I'm all,I'm all.
I don't have it written.
Please forgive me, I'm, oh, myGod, christine.
Kristine Carlson (34:03):
I'll look it up, but you know it doesn't
really matter.
That's what I heard.
Sandy Kruse (34:07):
Yes.
Kristine Carlson (34:08):
It's like you can kind of just say it
different every time, as long asyou get the four things.
I'm sorry, Please forgive me.
Thank you I love you.
Sandy Kruse (34:16):
Okay, that's it, that's it.
So I actually, on a post-itnote, wrote this on my mirror in
my bathroom and I wrote it onmy husband's, because both of us
tend to almost ruminate onthings that maybe can't change
right now and it's not to do,it's just in life and it could
(34:39):
disappoint us and make usunhappy and then you get in that
loop and I've started doingthis regularly.
So it's the first thing I seein the mirror.
So I usually say it a few timeswhile I'm in the shower.
I go on what I like to callho'oponopono walks, where I just
I don't I never have headphoneson when I walk in nature and I
(35:06):
say it and I notice the thingsaround me and I noticed I've
actually done that.
You know where I've hadconversations with my daughter
and you know they say you cansend ho'oponopono to someone
else.
When you think of them I'veread a few books on this you
(35:28):
think of them.
I've read a few books on this.
I have found it kind of changedmy life for the better, and I
know it sounds so simple, but Ithink everybody has a different
tactic or whatever that they'llresonate with.
This really resonated with me,as simple as it is.
Kristine Carlson (35:41):
Yeah, I think it's really powerful to have
tools like that in your backpocket and things that you go to
.
I went to that this morningbecause I had a let's say it's a
conflict.
It was more like we justweren't on the same page, like
we weren't understanding.
I mean, I understood, but Ithink I was placing my values on
(36:04):
somebody else and kind of inmad that she wasn't doing what I
wanted her to do.
And it had to do with a dearfriend of mine who's just lost
her husband and her daughter.
And I just thought well, youknow you need to go out there
and be with your mom.
You know you've got to go outthere and be with your mom and
she needs you now.
But there was thisdysfunctional stuff going on
(36:27):
between them where the mother isstill taking care of the
daughter, she doesn't live close, all this stuff, just a
situation.
And I just remember, like afeeling, like well, you,
sometimes, you know, you justlove us fierce and sometimes you
just have to say I'm coming out, you know, because I don't
believe that you can make thedecision you need to make for
yourself right now.
You just lost your husband lastweek and so I was really
(36:50):
impressing that on this personand and I really offended her
and deeply offended her and Icould tell and she was very um,
you know, I, I understood.
I mean she, she could tell Iwas thinking of her a certain
way, which may or may not betrue at all about her, and I
started to become aware of thatthis morning.
So I did the Ho'oponoponoexercise and then I texted her
(37:16):
and I told her.
I said you know, I just reallyhope you have a wonderful day
and I want you to know that thatI had it.
What did I say?
I can even read it to you frommy own phone.
I said Good morning, I hopeyour day is full of joy.
I do trust your instincts whereyour mom is concerned and know
(37:36):
you will support her in manyways.
Lots of love.
And then she just said shewrote me back Good morning, I
will always appreciate your loveand concern.
You're the best.
So it healed something that Iwas mad about that I know she
was probably very upset by, andit was just a four-line message
(37:57):
note saying you know I trust you.
And that came through thatexercise, like I.
And then it's so now we canboth go about our business and I
can support her mom the way Ifeel like she needs it.
She can support her mom the wayshe is going to do with her mom
, and it's all fine, you know.
But I had overreacted and gottenall caught up in my own ideas
(38:21):
and my own expectations, justlike you said.
You did and, and you know,sometimes we do have really
strong feelings about things.
But but I think behind all ofit, we have to give other people
the grace also of knowing thatjust because we think
something's true doesn't meanit's always true, and and so
(38:43):
when I get caught up in asituation like that, I quickly
come back to that idea that justbecause I think it's this way
doesn't mean it actually is.
It's just what I'm thinking,and and I don't, I don't, I'm
like, I don't like to be, youknow, I don't like having energy
(39:04):
sucks, you know, like where I'mallowing some situation to suck
my joy out of me, to suck myenergy out.
But I have way too much that Iwant to accomplish and
contribute to others and toserve, and I definitely want to
serve from love and to serve,and I definitely want to serve
from love, and and so when I'm,when I'm off base, like I might
(39:30):
have been off base yesterday Iquickly come back to this idea
like what's the most importantthing here?
Most important thing is that wefind this mutual love that we
have for this woman who's goingthrough loss and that we become
her team.
And we can't become a team ifwe're separating because we
think other people should bedoing things the way we want
them to.
You know, people have to dowhat they're going to do, you
(39:51):
know, based on what they can doand what they is in their heart
to do, and then you have to begrateful for what they do do and
then do your part the way youneed to do it.
So, yeah, so I don't know.
That was kind of interestinghow that all came around in this
conversation, but I hope thatother people listening find that
helpful.
Sandy Kruse (40:13):
I do think that if you look at well, I guess
there's a couple of differentpoints there.
If you look at, the root of alot of unhappiness can be
expectations of people who youexpect to act a certain way
around you and they don't.
And then another root ofunhappiness could be if you
(40:37):
allow all these external voicescome into your head and then
they can start to affect yourhappiness.
I mean, we see that happeningin the world right now, right.
Kristine Carlson (40:52):
Yeah, you mean external, like input, from like
social media and from all thedifferent news channels.
Yes, and it gets you so firedup and yeah, as soon as I feel
fired up, I turn off the news.
Yeah, I'm like okay, I've hadenough.
Sandy Kruse (41:10):
Me too.
Like I feel, like you know, forme there are certain things
that can affect me in such a waythat it will upset me, and I
feel like you know, the moreempathic you are, the more
certain things will affect you.
(41:30):
Like I can't watch certainthings at night because you know
, there was a time I rememberback oh gosh, I used to be
massively into Grey's Anatomy.
I used to love it, and thenthere was one season it happened
to be around the same time thatmy daughter was sick and it was
(41:53):
all these sick kids, thestoryline, and I'm like I'm done
.
I turned it off and I neverwatched it again because it was
affecting my brain, my happiness, it was putting all sorts of
things in my head that reallydidn't need to be there.
So I think having these kindsof boundaries around what's
(42:17):
coming at us is really important.
Kristine Carlson (42:20):
Yeah, I think you have to ask yourself what is
really feeding your anxiety andwhat's helping take, you know,
helping you cope.
And certainly, if something'sfeeding your angst, you don't
want to keep feeding your angst.
You want to get yourself awayfrom the things that are feeding
your angst and return to whatnurtures, you know, a calm, more
(42:45):
peaceful feeling inside.
And again, you know like Ithink all of these things are
things that you have tocultivate.
You know it doesn't happen likeright all at once.
Generally it's, it's like peaceis something that you need to
cultivate.
And what I always say to peopleis just from the moment you
(43:06):
start your day, even if you lookat how you start your day, you
know how you start your day isreally how you live your day.
So, when you get out of bed,what is the first thing besides
peeing that we all do?
Sandy Kruse (43:19):
Yeah, yeah, or a cup of coffee, hey yeah, yeah.
Kristine Carlson (43:24):
So coffee, and then what you know, like I
always say to people like Iliterally sit in silence for
about five minutes before I getup.
Then I get up and then I go andI, you know, before I get up,
then I get up and then I go andI, you know, I drink a big glass
(43:45):
of water and then I make mycoffee and then I sit and it's
silent.
I mean I feed my dog becausehe's going to be looking at me
and bothering me if I don't.
So I feed my dog but then I sitin silence and I'm usually turn
on my fireplace if it's thewinter or sit outside and watch
the sunrise if it's nice outside, and I literally don't go to my
phone for like a half an hour.
(44:06):
I don't look at my computer orgo to my phone for half an hour
because I just want to be inthat space of quiet and peace
and solitude and just allowmyself to just kind of like
bathe in it before I start myday.
And then I start my day and Ilive from that place of peace.
(44:31):
You know, often I'll close myeyes in meditation.
Sometimes I won't.
It just depends on what I'mfeeling.
Sometimes I find an open-eyedmeditation with the fire better,
you know.
But I just I think the more youstart your day off the way you
want to live it, the more chanceyou have of maintaining that
(44:54):
sense of happiness or peace orcomposure or contentment
throughout your day.
And it's like a touchstonereally, closure or contentment
throughout your day.
And it's like a touchstonereally.
I mean, if you can find itwithin yourself and cultivate it
and you know what it feels like, you can return to that, you
know, throughout your day.
And by just simply closing youreyes and you know, remembering
(45:16):
or placing your hand on yourheart and tuning into your heart
or asking yourself a question,how are you feeling?
You know, just, these simplekinds of things are what return
us to a state of mind that againI'll go back to what we said
earlier that we can become moreresponsive to life versus
(45:36):
reactive.
And responsive again is to beable to pause before you respond
, and it could be a moment ofpause.
It doesn't mean like you'regoing to pause for 10 minutes
before you answer somebody'squestion.
It just means a moment thatyou're going to take a deep
breath and you're going tonotice how are you feeling
before you react.
You know reaction is knee jerkResponse, takes a moment of
(46:02):
checking in, and that'sperfectly okay.
I mean, you'll find peoplereally love that when you, when
you just take a moment and youpause and contemplation.
Sometimes one of my best lineswhen somebody says something
that upsets me is wow, you know,I really need to think about
that.
I really need to think aboutwhat you're saying, and and it's
(46:25):
like because then they know I'mnot reacting, but I'm going to
think about it, I'm going tocontemplate it, I really need to
think about that.
That makes me really curious.
I don't know the answer to thatright now.
Sandy Kruse (46:37):
I like that and then I like so the one thing I
think that also can contributeto and I'm going to switch this
to peace, because I think wekind of agree that peace just
it's more aligned to what we'retalking about it is.
Here's a good example.
(46:58):
I hear a lot of times oh, Ican't do that, I have to get up,
I have to go to work.
I have this kind of a job, Ihave this and I'm like okay, so
let me think about this Goodexample.
I'm traveling, I have to get upsuper early in the morning and
(47:23):
you know how morning flightsit's like, stressful, and you
got to get to the airport andthere's traffic.
So what I do is I make sure Iget up a half hour earlier than
I actually need to for thatpiece Just to set.
I'll do everything, I'll moveit and I'll shift it, just so I
can have that little bit ofpeace.
And usually how I start my dayI think you're going to like
(47:45):
this one, christine, because Istarted this.
Actually it's over a month thatI've been doing this now.
There were some stuff that wasgoing on just before Christmas
and stuff that I had no controlover.
So instead of writing in myjournal, which I normally do, I
(48:06):
fast forwarded to one year.
So, let's say, if it wasDecember 15th, I forwarded it.
Maybe you've heard this.
I saw this from somebody andI'm like, oh God, I love this.
So instead of writing December15th 2024, I wrote December 15th
2025.
And every single day it's nowover a month I'm journaling as
(48:29):
though it's one year later.
So I heard this, or I read thisfrom somebody that it actually
can help shift your own energyand your own mindset and your
own vibration, so that you'remore aligned and attuned to you
know what you really want out oflife.
(48:52):
So I have two journals like Ihave one where it's you know
it's it's kind of a crapshootjournal where I'm just going to
write whatever I need to get offmy chest or anything.
And then I have this journalwhere it's more of yeah, I'm
aligned to that.
(49:13):
So you know I'm kind of a weirdo.
I like to do different methodsto support my piece different
methods to support my, my peace.
Kristine Carlson (49:25):
Well, there's a, there's a chapter in Don't
Stop the Small Stuff and it saysask yourself the question will
this matter a year from now?
And so it's like, if you can,if you can ask yourself that
question and you're dealing withsomething that is, you know, a
real problem, well that realproblem will matter a year from
now.
But if it's not a real problemand it's just something you're
(49:47):
sweating that you can let go oftoday, it won't matter a year
from now, and you'll find thatit works really well to gain
perspective.
So, in a way, I think, when youforward to a year from now,
that's pretty cool.
You know, like you're, you'rekind of acknowledging what are,
what are the?
What are, what is that yearfrom now?
Look like.
Sandy Kruse (50:07):
Yeah, I think we have to figure out.
I mean, some people might gookay, that's weird, I wouldn't
do that and that's okay.
But for me, I I find it reallyhelps me because it helps me to
really align with, like you said, what matters these are the
things that matter, andwhatever's going on now that I
(50:30):
can't change right now, I'mgoing to maybe put it in my you
know, let off some steam crapjournal, because I also believe
yeah, and also don't sweat thesmall stuff journal.
You know, sometimes we have tounload, you do.
Kristine Carlson (50:51):
Yeah, you have to.
You have to let it go, andwhatever it takes for you to let
things go, that don't matter.
It just opens up space for youto live into what really matters
to you.
And I think, even just takingtime to answer those questions,
you know, at different stages ofyour life, because what matters
to us in our 30s and 40sdoesn't matter so much in our
(51:14):
50s and 60s.
You'll see a lot of youngpeople buying new furniture,
building their lives, you know,getting their homes in order,
and you'll see a lot of peoplemy age selling their homes,
getting rid of their stuff, youknow.
And so I think it's reallyhelpful over time to understand
that we change with our livesand that that's perfectly okay
(51:35):
and good and, in fact, healthyto change and to allow yourself
the gift of change.
And yeah, what a greatconversation we've had today,
Sandy.
We've gone all over the map.
Sandy Kruse (51:48):
I know we have.
I have to talk because before,before Christine and I recorded,
I sent her this research and Ithought it was super interesting
.
So I am going to link this inthe show notes and basically it
answers the question do youthink the world is happier now
(52:09):
than before?
And some of the research sothis is the research comes from
integrated value surveys by OurWorld in Data.
I will cite it properly in myshow notes.
So in Canada in general, in1984, this is self-reported
95.8% of people self-reportedthat they are happy.
(52:33):
In 2022, that percentagedropped significantly to 84.9%
happy.
In the United States 1984,90.3% happy.
2022, 88.2% happy.
So what I will put in the shownotes is the link to this
(52:57):
research.
They're coming out with thenewest poll in February and of
course it's very subjective.
It's kind of like what wetalked about.
It's self-reported.
But I mean I've seen researchwhere they say that people who
don't have children are happier.
So it's very subjective.
(53:18):
Like I can't imagine my lifewithout my children.
Kristine Carlson (53:22):
I can't, there might be less stress for them.
Maybe it's based on stress, Alot of this.
There's a lot of stress inparenting, for sure.
I mean, especially today andwith all the gosh, all the
things you have to be worriedabout and concerned about and
you know, the social media andall that stuff.
(53:43):
There's a lot of stress inparenting.
So maybe people equate theirstress level with happiness.
I would imagine.
Sandy Kruse (53:50):
I think so, and I know that there was one graph
there that even talked abouteconomic stress and financial
stress as it related tohappiness and financial stress
as it related to happiness.
And you know I'm going to putthis link because you know, and
(54:12):
I think maybe we'll end with,I'm going to ask you the
question do you think the worldis happier now than, let's say,
1984, or not as happy?
What are your thoughts on that?
Kristine Carlson (54:24):
1984 or not as happy.
What are your thoughts on that?
Well, absolutely, I don't thinkpeople are happier today.
I think that we're living in aworld that is promoting.
You know, many people aredivided and they're not finding
the common ground, the ways thatwe're more alike than different
.
They're valuing things thatdestroy their relationships
(54:51):
versus build relationship.
And, yeah, I don't think theworld is a happier place today.
There's a lot of, you know,there's just a lot of discord
going on.
But that doesn't mean that youcan't be working on your own
happiness quotient.
It doesn't mean that you can'tpractice a life in a certain way
that brings you, you know,deeper engagement, that brings
(55:13):
you into a place where you feelmore content.
And you know, that's why I didcome on today to again was was.
We have a new book out Don'tSplit the Small Stuff Every Day
and it's a thought-by-thoughtbook where it's one page a day.
That gives you a life practice,that gives you perspective,
that gives you something tothink about, that will help your
(55:35):
relationships with your family,your coworkers, your kids, your
family, your coworkers, yourkids or it gives you something
to think about and how to takecare of yourself in a way that
promotes peace, that promotesgratitude, and these are the
kinds of things that as a world,we're maybe not focused on, but
(55:56):
as an individual, you can focuson them, and each individual
and the level that they're ableto create of their own
contentment and happiness intheir own lives impacts the
world greatly.
Because yeah, because it impactsyour family, it impacts your
friends, it impacts the circle,the community that you live in.
You can see that in the grocerystore.
(56:16):
You know somebody who walks inwith a smile on their face, that
connects to other people,versus somebody who's grumpy and
doesn't connect with otherpeople and is just grumpy.
You know, and it's like you cansee, and I do think that post
COVID has had a lot to do withwhy people are still reeling
from the trauma of thatexperience.
(56:38):
You know it's it's many peopledidn't do very well with their
mental wellness during that timeand are still healing from that
.
You know so, and we don't reallytalk about that because it's
like anything, we're justsupposed to get over things so
quickly, but really we're onlytalking about three or four
years since we were in COVID andthat's just.
(56:58):
You know, that's not really alot of time for people who are
deeply wounded by that time.
So, that said, you know thesekinds of conversations, I think
I hope have inspired yourlisteners today.
I know I feel inspired just bybeing in your presence, sandy,
and so thank you, thank you foropening the door to this
(57:20):
conversation.
It's been really powerful andwonderful, and I hope your
listeners feel so too.
Sandy Kruse (57:26):
I feel exactly the same as you, Christine.
We somehow have that, and youknow it's that energy of the
collective right.
It's like what you're saying.
Like my husband, he can comehome, Christine, and look at my
face and then immediately feellike, oh, she's had a bad day.
(57:47):
It's rare because that's notusually how he comes home to me,
but he can feel it when it'snot.
So I think we provided thelisteners a few different tools
and a conversation that wouldmaybe help to enlighten and
inspire others that whateveryou're putting out there, you're
(58:11):
getting back.
You're actually contributing toa collective of higher
vibrational beings on thisplanet.
It helps with our world, ithelps with our happiness overall
.
So I know you're doing so manygreat things and you do all
kinds of retreats and speakingevents and I just think you're
(58:33):
pretty cool, Christine.
Someday we'll meet in person, Ilove that, thank you, thank you
so much, Sandy.
(58:53):
Thank you, Christine, for yourtime.
When you rate, review,subscribe, you help to support
my content and help me to keepgoing and bringing these
conversations to you each andevery week.
Join me next week for a newtopic, new guest, new exciting
(59:15):
conversations to help you liveyour best life.
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