The Hero's Journey With Don't Sweat the Small Stuff's Kristine Carlson SUMMER REBOOT - Episode 277 - Sandy K Nutrition - Health & Lifestyle Queen

Episode Transcript
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Sandy Kruse (00:02):
Hi everyone, it's me, Sandy Kruse of Sandy K
Nutrition, Health and LifestyleQueen.
For years now, I've beenbringing to you conversations
about wellness from incredibleguests from all over the world.
Discover a fresh take onhealthy living for midlife and

(00:26):
beyond, One that embracesbalance and reason, without
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Join me and my guests as weexplore ways that we can age
gracefully, with in-depthconversations about the thyroid,

(00:49):
about hormones and otheralternative wellness options for
you and your family.
True wellness nurtures ahealthy body, mind, spirit and
soul, and we cover all of theseessential aspects to help you
live a balanced, joyful life.

(01:10):
Be sure to follow my show, rateit, review it and share it.
Always remember my friendsbalanced living works.
Remember my friends balancedliving works.
Hi everyone, Welcome to Sandy KNutrition, Health and Lifestyle

(01:31):
Queen.
Today with me, I have a specialguest and her name is Kristine
Carlson.
She is a New York Timesbestselling author, best known
for her work with her latehusband, Dr Richard Carlson, in
the Don't Sweat the Small Stuffseries, With over 25 million

(01:52):
books sold worldwide.
She is a renowned speaker,inspiring podcast host, retreat
leader and blogger.
Her mission is to help womentransform from heartbreak and
loss, to live their best liveswith joy, gratitude, renewed
passion and purpose.

(02:13):
With her resilient spirit,powerful presence and
heart-centered teaching, sheguides women through the
challenges and transitions ofmidlife and awakens them to
their truth and the expressionof their higher selves.
Now, today we are talking about,let's just say, trudging

(02:37):
through life's purpose, throughtragedy, because sometimes the
hero's journey is what can pushus into a whole other world and
a whole other life.
And most of you who follow me,you know that I've had my own
journey and I've had my ownstruggles and that's why I do

(03:00):
what I do now and I get to talkto amazing people all the time,
like Kristine.
So with that, welcome Kristine.
Thank you so much for coming.

Kristine Carlson (03:10):
Thank you so much, Sandy, for having me.
Thank you for that beautifulintroduction as well.

Now listen, I have I don't know how many of your
books here.
I mean, I'm a 1970 baby, so Iwas born in 1970.
And I think Don't Sweat theSmall Stuff the first one came
out would it be like 1990,something like that 1997.
1997.

(03:37):
So this was to me the serieswas like a stepping stone to
books to really help with thewhole being happy and okay with
life's troubles, and you'veobviously had your own and I

(03:58):
think that's where we need tobegin.
We need to begin with yourstory.

All right.
Well, you've started with a bitof my story.
It really started with mymeeting and my love story with
my late husband, dr RichardCarlson, who wrote the first
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff book.
We met in college and we met atPepperdine University and it

(04:25):
was really loved at firstmeeting and we, you know, got
married.
As soon as I graduated fromcollege we started our journey.
Richard was in body work whilehe got his master's and PhD in
psychology and I had a designbusiness and we started our

(04:45):
journey.
Then we had our two daughterslike to say, we co-authored our
two daughters during thatjourney, jazz and Kenna and we
just we created this reallyincredible life together.
It wasn't an overnight successstory.
Richard had written 10 books bythe time he wrote don't sweat

(05:06):
the small stuff.
So he'd been on the author pathfor a long time.
10 years is a long time to waitfor your blockbuster big seller
, but but it was a bigger sellerthan we could have ever
anticipated and it went tobecome a worldwide phenomenon in
published in every languageimaginable and every country

(05:29):
imaginable.
So then, at at the 10-yearanniversary, um, richard,
literally at the 10-yearanniversary of Don't Spill the
Small Stuff, was writingdifferent books and he was about
to get to New York to go on abook tour for the last book that

(05:52):
he wrote and on the descent ofthat flight, richard died very
suddenly from a pulmonaryembolism.
And I was 43, our kids were 14and 17.
And he was 45 years old and itwas very, just, really
incredibly shocking.

(06:13):
Like, just talk about the hero'sjourney.
You know, the hero's journey itreally starts with a shattering
of life as you knew it andtrajectory and puts you on a
whole new trajectory of life.
And and for many of yourlisteners, um, today I'm sure
that they've had theirshattering moments, um, that

(06:33):
come where it's completelyunannounced, unexpected, um, and
it pretty much pulls the rugout from underneath your feet
and you know, and yet you starta journey the moment that that
happens.
You know, for me it was ajourney of how can I prepare my

(06:53):
kids for grief, from going fromhaving this almost clearly
perfect life to having itcompletely different and the
loss of a father that they justdearly, dearly admired and loved
, who was very present with themand present in our lives, to

(07:13):
living a new life of grief.
And you know, I say my kids'childhood ended that day when we
got that news.
It's not anything that you canprepare for and it's nothing
that you.
You know, I didn't have anyexperience really with grief.
All four of our parents werealive and of course I'd lost a

(07:34):
couple of friends to terribleaccidents along the way, and so
had Richard, but I just didn'thave anything really that
prepared me for losing the loveof my life and my life partner.
But I did have a very deep andrich spiritual background and
backbone and it was everythingfrom my Christian upbringing to

(07:59):
my walking into the new ageworld in college.
You know it held a very largerepertoire of experience.
You know we had been on a pathtogether in college that was
very unique in the sense that wewere on a spiritual trek

(08:20):
together where we wereevaluating everything possible.
I like to say that Richard andI, by the time we were 25, 26
years old, were probably two ofthe most healed 26-year-olds
because we really dove in toevery kind of therapy and every
kind of imaginable device,whether it be holotropic breath

(08:46):
work or it was flotation tanksor this thing that Richard did,
his master's thesis on the grampotentializer that would spin
you around and activate, youknow, all sides of your brain.
We did all of that in ouryounger years, prior to having a
family, and then he did get hismaster's and PhD in psychology,

(09:10):
studied a very unique form ofpsychology called psychology of
mind at the time, and we bothwere able to study that as a
philosophy to live by together,which was really powerful.
When he introduced me into theDon't Sweat the Small Stuff
series, I was able to jump inbecause we were practicing this

(09:31):
way of life that is veryprevalent in that series.
So that's kind of the beginningof my story, and then the
remaking of myself and thereshaping and the revealing of
myself through this journey ofloss and bringing me into the

(09:52):
life that I'm living today,which is, you know, really.
I've given myself permission tolive a life of joy and to return
to joy after a tremendous longpassage through grief.

Now where to begin on asking you.
I guess, because I have so manyquestions, I do want to touch
on the spirituality aspect,because so I have a Catholic
upbringing.
But then it's interesting theway spirituality can really help
you get through hard times.

(10:28):
I stepped away, meaning itdidn't resonate with me, and
this was in my 20s.
While you were doing all thosespiritual cool things, I was out
there partying Like I was justhaving a good time.
I wasn't thinking that way, andI think having a foundation,

(10:53):
whatever your belief system is,will at least help you in some
way.
But I would imagine that it wastough to get through.
But I would imagine that it wastough to get through.
And where did you even, yeah,like where do you even begin to

(11:14):
pick up the pieces after such agreat loss and love story?

Well, I mean honestly, I was really well
supported by a community ofhealers and people that we had
as friends.
They were all over the world.
They weren't in my location allof them, but I did have a group
of friends that were mycommunity and where I live and

(11:39):
it was just amazing how thatcommunity stepped forward to
assist me.
I think they knew, I think myfriends were terrified that I
wasn't going to be able to dothis, that I wasn't going to be
able to live with, with the kindof relationship that I had lost
.
But you know, it wasinteresting because I realized

(12:00):
through all of this just trulyhow resilient and strong my
human spirit is and I justimmediately stood in it.
And I remember having this verypivotal conversation with
myself where I, literally, threedays after Richard died, I
literally had this conversationthat went kind of like this I

(12:23):
could see myself doing thisgrief thing two ways and I could
literally see it.
I could see the choice.
The choice was to just go to bedand not get up and, you know,
wallow and wallow, wallow,wallow in the misery and the
loss and the feeling that mylife was now just looming like,

(12:44):
like, like I couldn't evenimagine a day without Richard in
it, and that it just felt likethis long and desolate path, or
I could, you know, embrace whatis, which was terribly difficult
, but knowing that I would havethe, the guidance, the inner

(13:08):
guidance, to teach me you knowhow to get through each day, how
to go through loss, how to gothrough grief, knowing that I
knew their grief would come.
And you know my.
The only thing I didn't knowwas how I was ever going to come
out of it.
That was the.
That's the scary part for anyof us going through such a huge

(13:30):
loss is we don't know and wedon't feel, when we're in it,
like there's ever going to be away out.
And I started to quicklyrecognize that when I allowed
myself to feel my feelings, whenI allowed myself to grieve
deeply and really cry deeply andreally be in it, that I came

(13:55):
out of it.
Every cycle of grief, everywave of grief, I came out of it
and I would feel these differentfeelings, and they were
feelings of peace, they werefeelings of calm and presence
and they were feelings that Icould never have anticipated in
grief.
The beauty of life when you'rein grief is is astounding.

(14:18):
When you open your eyes and you, you suddenly see the sky in a
new way, because what you'rereally looking for in the sky is
you're looking for your personthat you've lost.
You're looking for to find anyindication that they still exist
.
And what was really beautifulfor me, sandy, is that I had a

(14:41):
conversation with Richard atsome point in our marriage.
I remember I was sitting nextto the bathtub when he was in
the bath and I had my, you know,my head kind of rested on my in
my hands, and I was asking himyou know, do you think if
anything ever happens to one ofus, we'll be able to find our
way to each other?
Do you think that we'll be ableto communicate and give each

(15:04):
other signs and and know thatwe're still connected?
And he just looked at me withthe most clear expression.
He said there is no doubt in mymind that you and I will find
each other in any situation,whether it be in life or out of
this body.
He said there's no doubt in mymind, and I had so many amazing

(15:28):
experiences very early on whereRichard was so present with me
and I could feel him and I couldalmost even see where he was,
and that was both my ability toopen and to be present with him
in his new spirit place and alsothe strength of his spirit

(15:52):
desiring this to know that I wasgoing to be okay.
So I had this just incrediblelike connection with him for the
first two years where I couldjust really access him and feel
him and feel one with him, andthen, after a couple of years, I
noticed that there was thisnatural evolution where he had

(16:15):
to be on his journey and I hadto be on mine and I had gotten
to a point where, um, I startedto realize that it was.
It was time for that, and Ihave this really incredible
experience.
I'd love to share this storywith you.
That happened just two yearsafter he died.

(16:35):
It was right at the time when Ifound out, my daughter, jazz,
was pregnant with her first babyand we were coming home from
Eugene, oregon, where my parentshad had their 50th wedding
anniversary, and we were flyingin a small commuter plane home.

(16:56):
It was just a really quickflight to San Francisco, like an
hour flight, so it was a verysmall commuter plane and we went
up to the ticket agent and itwas around Christmas time and he
was this really lovelyPolynesian man and he said you
know, you're not seated togetheron this flight.
Would you like to be seatedtogether?
And I remember looking at thegirls and I just said no, it's

(17:18):
okay, we're fine.
You know, we're fine, it's ashort flight, we're fine, it's a
short flight.
And then he said well, I'd liketo put you guys on a.
I'd like to rearrange your seatsbecause, I want you to sit
together on the flight becauseit's the holidays.
So I was like, oh, okay,whatever.
So he did that, he rearrangedour seats on this flight and
that's kind of a reallyimportant piece, and you'll
understand in a moment that whenI sat down in my seat, the

(17:42):
window seat was open and thegirls sat across the aisle
together in the seats next to me, and the man who walked up to
sit next to me, he stood infront of me and for a moment I
had this weird feeling, likethese chills that ran over me.
And then my girls who are, youknow, they were, they were like

(18:04):
16 and 19 years old, they were,they giggled, which was so weird
, you know, like with the wholething, which is so weird, they
giggled when he stood in frontof me and and so I let him in,
and then I proceeded to havethis very strong feeling like
I'm supposed to talk to this man, like I have to have a
conversation with this man.
Well, he pulls his laptop outand he's clearly busy.

(18:25):
So I, you know, I'm in my mind,I'm like, oh God, I really have
to talk to him.
I can't bug him, I can't bethat person.
So I didn't bother him and thenon the descent of the flight he
put his laptop away and I askedhim I just opened a conversation
.
I said is this a work day foryou?
And he said oh, yeah, you know,I'm so sorry.
I had a.

(18:46):
I have a meeting this afternoon.
I was preparing for what aboutyou?
I noticed you have yourcomputer with you and I'm like
no, it's not really a work day,but I'm a writer so I always
have my computer with me in caseyou know, I've got something
that you know I feel like I needto jot down.
And he's like oh, have you beenpublished?
And I said well, I have.
But you might be more familiarwith my late husband's work, dr

(19:09):
Richard Cross, and he wroteDon't Sweat the Small Stuff.
And the guy just like I mean heliterally just like got really
uneasy looking and I said what Igo?
Did you know him?
And he goes no, I didn't knowhim.
And I'm like what he said?
Well, did he die on a flight toJFK a little over two years ago

(19:32):
?
And I at around this time and Isaid yeah, how did you know?
How'd you know it was JFK?
He said he just was shaking hishead.
He said I was seated directlybehind him on that flight, oh my
.
God, I was the first to assistin lifting his body.
I helped the crew lift his bodyout of his seat and he goes.

(19:55):
I just burst into tears and Isaid, oh my God, what are the
chances of this happening, thatwe're having this conversation?
He looked at me and he saidthere's no chances that we would
ever have this conversation andI said no, I, and he said I
always wanted to tell you.

(20:15):
You know, once I looked you upand I, you know, because I
wanted to tell your husband, I,very peacefully, he looked very
at peace, and I, he had no ideaof knowing that I had never
talked to anyone at that pointwho was on that flight.
And it was my deepest desire,because I couldn't be with him,
to know that he was held on somelevel, that he was honored in

(20:40):
that capacity of you know of, ofdying on that plane.
And so it just made me feel so,um, in grace, you know.
I just I knew that was Richard,I knew that was divine, I knew
that was grace that haddelivered this conversation to
me.
And, um, and it was thatbeautiful Polynesian man who

(21:02):
rearranged our seats.
He was in grace, he was thereason it happened.
You know that we were able tohave that conversation and it
helped heal me so much.
It really helped me to knowthat all was well, even though I
had that sense I did a.
Really that really helped me.

Wow, that just like I got chills as you were
telling that story.
Did you feel like that kind ofhelped you?
When did you start writing Likein terms of because I don't
know how many books Richard hadpublished before you because you
, you were writing with him evenwhile he was still alive, right

(21:48):
.

Yeah, I wrote Don't Sweep the Small Stuff in
Love with him.
And then I wrote my first solobook when he was alive.

Don't Sweep the Small Stuff in.

Love.
I have it I have that one Ihave that one too.
I love that alive too.
But I hadn't really owned mycareer as a writer.
You know, I was more or lesslike, okay, I did that, you know
it was a New York Timesbestseller or whatever.

(22:18):
I'm off.
I went back to my life of beinga mom and being the crystal in
his clock so that he couldcontinue to do his work and his
writing.
And and then after he died, youknow, I I immediately had to
fill my early morning hours thathe and I would have coffee with

(22:39):
something, because it was justso painful, it was just so
incredibly painful.
And then I started to journalabout what I was going through
and my feelings about what I wasgoing through.
And then it was just so oddbecause then I felt Richard
coming through my fingers on thekeyboard and I could type
faster than I'd ever typed and Iwas just like, oh, this is so

(23:02):
wow, like, like, and I had thisjust communication that was just
always happening with him andit was telepathic, but I had
this communication that washappening.
So it really drove me to reallydocument that first year of
passage, which becameHeartbroken, open a memoir

(23:25):
through loss, memoir throughprofound loss, to choosing a
life of joy and or whatever I'mnot sure what the subtitle is
actually changed it the secondround of printing, but it's a
memoir through profound loss andthat book became a lifetime
movie two years ago.
So you know it was.

(23:46):
It's just been a reallyincredible part of my journey
and of course, I really Istarted to really own my life as
a writer at that point andreally began to publish more and
write more books and have nowwritten seven books.
I have an eighth book comingout this December which I didn't

(24:07):
have to do a lot for I I just Ihad to edit it and do some
write an introduction, but it'scalled don't split the small
stuff every day, and it's 365chapters of don't split the
small stuff paired down to a daylike a really like a one page
reading.
So it's it's that's a day likea really like a one page reading
.

So it's it's that's a new, that's going to be a new
add on to our brand and and sowould you say then, richard, is
really like living almostthrough you, because you many
things that can happen.
There can be tragedy, there canbe illness, death, divorce.

(24:45):
So many different things happento us.

It happens to your kids.
It's not just about you, it'sabout your parents, your kids,
your friends.
It's really, yeah, so muchhappens.
In midlife it's like you neverprepared for it.
Midlife it's it's like youdon't.
You're never prepared for it,but it sure does it does.

And I feel almost like you know one of the things,
because I could totally relateto you on the writing aspect.
When things are just flowingand you're really in your
purpose, you feel like you're inyour purpose, you're in your
vibe and you know, I always telleven people who are not writers
I'm like just journal.

(25:41):
Nobody's reading it.
You don't have to, you don'thave to present this to the
world Like it.
Just somehow it provides youwith almost like a destination
on.
You know where you want to go,even for the day, if you want to
think short term.
So I always talk about theselittle signs as breadcrumbs.

(26:01):
You had way more thanbreadcrumbs.
I mean you had a lot of signsto do what you're doing now and
you followed them.
And it doesn't mean that youwere hiding your grief or that
you were stifling it.
You said you cried when youneeded to cry.

(26:22):
I think it's important to.
But then the other thing I wantto touch on you had resources of
people who you knew, who kindof helped you move through it
all.
How was that?
What were these?
Because I know for me Imentioned, okay, catholicism at

(26:46):
that time.
It didn't help me.
I actually, when my daughterwas sick.
It was after I was sick.
After my daughter was sick, I'mlike something's got to change.
I don't know what.
I actually saw a shaman.
I saw different healers fromdifferent areas of wellness

(27:07):
alternative health, regularhealth so what did you do?
Who did you see to help get youthrough all of this?

Well, like I said, I had a community of
girlfriends that were all incommunication with each other
about me that I didn't knowuntil one day I went out to
lunch and I realized they hadthis communication going on and
it really suddenly hit me thatthey were on an email thread
making sure that I was likesomebody was reaching out to me

(27:40):
every day and and I and I, andso that was really just
incredible.
But I also had some reallyamazing people that were friends
of Richard's.
Another amazing story is fromjohn welsh ons, who wrote this
book called Awakening from Griefand you know, I never really

(28:02):
knew before I went through grief, what he meant by awakening.
But then, after I went throughgrief, I was like, oh, now I
know what he means by awakening.
You know, like it's like abeautiful spiritual awakening
through grief.
And so he was.
This is another great story.
John and Richard were greatfriends and when Richard died he

(28:25):
was on his way to New York.
Well, he was going to be doinga bunch of publicity for his
latest book and he called Johnand said, hey, maybe in New York
, let's get together.
John lived in New York, and solet's get together.
John lived in New York and solet's get together.
So they made a date to gettogether.
Well, when I had to um findsomebody to identify Richard,

(28:46):
because there's no way I wasgetting on an airplane and
leaving my kids and, you know,going to New York, I mean, my
husband just died on a planethere's just no way I could do
that.
So I um called John and I askedhim if he would go and identify
Richard for the um, you know,for the what is it the autopsy

(29:09):
for?
To, you know, to to to gothrough the autopsy process and
all of that.
And somebody needed to, youknow, sign off that this was
indeed Richard Carson.
So John said, of course I willdo that.
Well, when John made hisappointment with the woman who
was, you know, doing the autopsyat the morgue when he made his

(29:33):
appointment, he looked in hiscash goes come at friday, come
on friday at 11 o'clock.
He opens his date book andthere it is richard is in his
date book on friday at 11o'clock and and he had to he was
just like, oh my God, that iscrazy that Richard's not even

(29:56):
going to miss his appointmentwith me, you know, like Gosh.
And so he went to do theviewing.
And John said, when he walkedin, he's only felt the sense of
love and peace that he felt inthat room with Richard.
When he went to the tomb of hisguru, meher Baba, and he said

(30:21):
he has only felt that incredible, surreal, just overwhelming
sense of love and peace in that,those two places.
When he went to, you know, toview Richard and spend some time
with Richard just a couple ofdays after he died, you know, so

(30:41):
yeah, it was just so manythings.
So, when I say there were somany things, there were just so
miracle upon miracle uponmiracle, told me that this was
indeed Richard's time and andthat he somehow knew it based on
some of the behaviors that werethat he left behind us, um, in

(31:06):
our home, like notes, and youknow just, everything was done,
everything was taken care of.
You know just, even like he hadtaken my notebook, that I had a
project going on and he'dwritten all of our account
numbers in it.
I mean, I wouldn't have knownwhere all of our stuff was
because he managed that, butthere it was in my notebook, all

(31:27):
of these accounts with theaccount numbers and what the
money was in there.
And you know just, we had doneour estate plan a year before.
You know, we just signed offall of our paperwork the year
before.
You know, just, we had done ourestate plan a year before.
You know, we had just signedoff all of our paperwork the
year before.
You know.
Just, I just knew, you know,based on so many things, it gave
me so much faith to know thathe was in the place, that he was

(31:49):
supposed to be in, you know,and that I was somehow meant to
be on this journey, you know,and and it wasn't an easy
journey, there was nothing easyabout it.
It's not.
It's never easy to let go ofsomebody that you just hold so
dear and so are so in love with.
And God help the people thathave lost a child.

(32:13):
You know, I I don't even know,because my children definitely
brought me back into my bodywhen I got the call that Richard
had died.
Just the mere notion that I hadchildren kept me alive for that
first five minutes afterwards.
So you know, I don't know, it'sa that is the largest loss that

(32:34):
anyone can go through.
And I have friends that havelost children and and some of
them have done well and some ofthem haven't.
Some of them just cannot returnfrom the deep, deep grief.
Permission.
They grant themselvespermission to go through loss
and to miss their child everyday, but to bring their child

(32:57):
with them in the same way Ibring Richard with me.
You know, even amidst.
You know I'm, I'm, I'm, I'vebeen like, I have a boyfriend.
You know I've moved likeforward in my love life.
I've moved forward in my lifein so many ways.
You know I don't, I don't, Iknow that I'm in this life as a
woman to live a full life and mylife has been very full after

(33:22):
Richard's death.
You know it's in some ways I'mliving much more on purpose and
to my purpose than I might havebeen had he lived.
And and that's because you knowI wouldn't have discovered what
I discovered about myselfthrough loss, that you know I
wouldn't have known or wouldn'thave wanted necessarily or known

(33:44):
that I was here to really serveothers in that capacity and to
be that sort of guiding lightfor people who have gone through
a huge loss.
You know, so it's, it's been anincredible journey and I'm sure
yours has too.
Like it's like who knew, youknow who knew.

I think something that you mentioned there about
getting past, where there's somepeople who can get past it and
some who can't the one thingthat we often have as women is
we have this guilt, and maybeit's this guilt of service, and
you know like you know whenyou're, if your husband passes

(34:23):
away, like yours, or if yourchild passes away, you feel a
guilt.
If you want to live a fulfilledlife, and I think that is what
holds a lot of people back notbeing able to get past that
point it's like it's okay, youknow you can't bring them back,

(34:43):
so you're left here.
You have to live.

Yes, the permission piece.
It's the permission that yougrant yourself to go on and to
live, live a full life.
I've done so much work withwomen and I.
There's a point at which I seea woman struggle with her grief
and what she thinks that love is, and there's this switch and

(35:10):
when it switches on, it's justthe most beautiful thing.
When she suddenly realizes andI've said this to so many women
over the years, I say you know,if the table was turned and it
was reversed and you were theone that died, what would you
want for your partner, whatwould you want for the person

(35:32):
who survived your loss?
And it's that moment where thelight goes on and they know that
their person is rooting forthem, like cheering for them,
like wanting them to live and tomake the most of this very

(35:53):
short time that we have on thisearth Very, very short.
You know I love Anita Morjani.
She had that near-deathexperience and wrote that book
Dying to Be Me, and Iinterviewed her last year for
our Book book doulas program fora spirit writer conference that

(36:16):
we held and she said that inher near death experience she
learned that it is the mostprecious gift that we get is to
be here on earth for the shortamount of time that we're here
and that we think that it's muchbetter to be in spirit world at

(36:39):
some point.
You know, and surely when yourbody is breaking down or my dad
is at 91, he definitely feelsthat way right now, he's made
the most of his life but whenyou're a midlife or you know,
even in your sixties andseventies, and you've got all
this energy and life to live,it's a tragedy to let that go

(37:00):
and it doesn't mean you don't gothrough a very like a grief
period.
But to think that grief ismeant to last forever is a real
myth.
And I say this, I say you missand long for the human person
that you knew and to hear theirvoice and to laugh with them and

(37:21):
live life with them for therest of your life.
But missing them and being ingrief are two very different
things, because you get used tomissing them them.
But if you hold yourself toliving a life of grief and

(37:42):
despair and darkness versuschoosing light, love and joy,
that's a choice and that becomesa choice and you must give
yourself permission to honoryourself, honor your person that
you've lost, honor this life bychoosing life and it's hard and
it's not always.
It's a hard process and thereis tremendous guilt Everyone

(38:06):
faces.
You know what they callsurvivor's guilt.
It's very much a part of theprocess, but I think the
permission piece is really hugemuch a part of the process.

But I think the permission piece is really huge.
It's interesting because youwent through it very young which
is the tragedy piece and youhad two young daughters that you
had to raise yourself.
But everybody goes through thatfor the most part.
Not many couples get to dietogether and you know you

(38:37):
mentioned your dad, who's 91.
My dad's 87.
And my mom is still alive,she's 78.
She's nine years younger.
About this even when people areelderly, that they don't give
themselves permission tocontinue and live a life of joy

(39:00):
after that grief, of courseyou're going to grieve, like my
parents are about to celebratetheir 60th anniversary.
They've been together forever.
You're going to grieve, butit's almost like you don't see a
lot of people give themselvesthat permission.

Yeah, well, I think you know I see my parents
that way too.
My, my mom is 87.
And my dad's 91.
And my dad hasn't been.
You know, he's been well in hismind but not very mobile for
the last couple of years.
He's been kind of getting more,less and less mobile.
So my mom is sort of picking upthe slack on everything and

(39:38):
she's you know she gets tired.
I mean, she's had her healthconcerns over the years but
she's come out of them and she'sstrong.
She gets tired and yet I feelthis, I feel like my mom still
has a lot of life left to live,like I feel like she's going to
be around, and you know, and Idon't feel like my dad does.

(39:59):
I feel like, you know, I feellike my dad is definitely
winding down and that day is iscoming, you know, fairly soon
for him and according to hisprayer, he's really funny, he
talks a lot about you know howhe's ready and I think you know

(40:21):
he wants to prepare me.
He wants to me to know thatevery time I see him it could be
the last time, and you know,and I definitely feel that.
You know, I feel that that Iget a little anxious.
You know in the pit of mystomach, even what I know to be
true now, that death is notpermanent.
To be true now that death isnot permanent, death is only a
transition, a change of one formto another form.
And yet I still, I still feelsad.

(40:44):
I've been so blessed, like youhave, with having parents our
whole lives, and you know, and I, I, so I try to get back there,
I try to spend as much timewith them as I can and and, yeah
, it's, it's, it's a tough, youknow, it's a tough thing to see
the elderly and their life.

It's you hit a soft , soft spot with me.
I need a tissue because you'remaking me think of my dad.

So yeah, I feel you, christine you watch
your mom you know to like andyou think, well, how is she
going to do this?
Well, my mom has really goodfriends.
I hope your mom does too.
My mom is in a community.
Yeah, and I can see these olderwomen like there's two that I'm
thinking of in her PEOsisterhood that they're like

(41:29):
last time I was there.
They're like Pat, there's thesenew places that help come in
our area.
You know, they live in thislittle retirement community and
I'm like, and my mom's actuallygetting kind of you know she's
getting excited about it.
Now, my dad isn't.
he wants to stay in his houseand she just she's like oh, he's
going to leave all the cleaningout to me, you know, you know,

(41:49):
and she's like tells him all thetime, well, I could go first,
ted, you know, and he doesn'tthink so.
So but yeah, it's just a tough,it's a, it's a tough thing and
to be that connected to somebodyfor that long, you can see how,
you know people like that arethat connected, die, you know,

(42:11):
very quickly after each other,like because they just can't.
The grief, grief is so tough onthe body, it really is.
It's so, so tough and I, youknow, I often thought about that
like this is so painful, likein the body.
I mean, you know it's like Idon't know how people like go
through this that don't have thetools.

(42:32):
You know it's like so painful.
So I can see how older peoplethey just, they just say I'm
done, or their heart breaks.
You know they're, theyliterally die Like.
Did you hear that story aboutDebbie Reynolds?
You know she was, she was older, like she was in her I don't
know, want to say early eightiesand her daughter died before

(42:52):
her and she died like two dayslater and she was perfectly fine
, but she had a broken heart andshe died of a broken heart and
you know, I think that'saltogether possible when
somebody's had a full life andthey they feel done.
You know.

Wow, you know, there's just so much, so, so
many different places.
I could go with that because Ibelieve that we do hold a lot of
the pain when things happen,when tragedies happen, traumas,

(43:38):
tools to.
I don't think we ever reallyheal entirely.
It's like what you said, likeit's not, like you forget and
you never think about it again.
I always look at it like scars.
So I have a scar.
I don't you know, you couldstill see it.
It's still there, but I'm overit now.
I'm over the surgery, I'm overthe trauma, but it's always

(43:59):
there.
You'll never really forget it.
But when you don't get overthat pain, I think it can cause
illness, trauma, death in you.
I know some people would thinkthis is really woo, but with my

(44:20):
daughter getting sick, I did nothave the tools I didn't have I
had.
The one thing I had was a veryclose family, friends.
I had such a great circlearound me.
But the other tools, the toolsfor me, only my spiritual tools,
weren't there and I held a lotof pain.

(44:41):
And then, you know, for me tohave cancer exactly one year
after she was diagnosed.
You know it's not that I didn'thave a thyroid problem before,
but what made that switch?
Was it that my body was in thistense position for like almost
a year?
I was always.

(45:02):
I had no control.
It was like this loss ofcontrol.
I didn't know how to help her.
You know like it was weird.
But I do feel that people canget sick from not being able to
overcome Right.

Oh, absolutely Absolutely, by holding that
emotion inside or just notacknowledging, not allowing
yourself to go through it.
I didn't want grief to turninto something else.
I wanted to live it as it waspresent and when it was present.

(45:51):
And you know, like I saidearlier, I hope that I would
return to a life of joy.
I didn't know I would, I didn't.
I mean, I didn't know how longit was going to take or anything
.
I did know that I would feelbetter the days that I allowed
myself to be in it, and the dayswhen I couldn't, I could not
not allow myself to be in it.

(46:12):
You know, I just be in it, Iwould feel better.
And that was what kind ofguided me.
You know, like you saybreadcrumbs, you know, I always
tell people that are in loss.
One time I was speaking at aconference, and it was on grief,
and an older gentleman came upto me and he was just the
sweetest older gentleman youcould tell in his day.

(46:35):
He was a real looker, you know,he was just really sweet.
And he said I don't know,christine, how I'm going to live
without my wife.
I just I don't have the desireto live.
And I said, I whispered in hisear as I was hugging him.
I said you don't have to knowanything, but what you do need
to do is you've got to think ofone thing every moment that

(46:59):
excites you.
You've got to follow somethingevery moment that gets you to
move forward on some level.
And I said it could be your dog, it could be calling somebody,
it could be getting coffee atthe local coffee store, it could
be.
But just ask yourself to followthe breadcrumbs of what excites

(47:21):
you in this moment, even ifit's the smallest thing.
And if you can't come up withanything, make something up and
believe it until you, until itpenetrates you.
You know, and and he, I don'tever know what happened to that
man, but that was what I, whatcame to me, to say to him.
And I think that's where a lotof times, when we're in survival

(47:42):
mode, we have to be in thatmode of just doing one, putting
one foot in front of the otherand asking ourself to look for
something that could inspire us.
You know, for me it was beingout in nature and going for a
walk or being with a reallyclose girlfriend that could hold
me in my grief, but not try andfix me.

(48:04):
You know, those kinds of thingshelped me a lot.
And I just want to go back tosomething you said.
Um, cause I found this, that Ifound that when I, when my heart
was broken you know, the reasonI called my book heartbroken
open was because I found thatheartbreak and loss.

(48:27):
It opened my heart and itcracked me wide open in a way
that I never knew that I wasn'topen because it was so big.
It was so much bigger thananything I'd ever had happen to
me.
And what I found is that myheart actually grew bigger, that

(48:48):
I didn't carry the wound inthat way, that I actually opened
up to more life and to morelove and to more compassion.
And and maybe it was because Iwas more shut down than I ever
thought, you know, it was like Ididn't realize that I was kind
of going through my life alittle numb, you know, like I

(49:09):
had all these programs I wouldsay to myself growing like at
this stage of my life when I wasraising a family, oh, you don't
have anything to cry about,look at your life.
So I would never cry Like Iwould never allow myself, even
though, like I had a period, Iwas like I had PMS.
I wanted to sit down and have agood cry now and then, but I

(49:30):
could never make myself or allowmyself my tears.
Well, I started to realize ingrief how humanly destructive
that was and how I had a wallaround my heart that I was
protecting myself in a way.
I didn't even know and that wasone of the most beautiful
things was that wall?
Just it just broke andshattered and I was open, like I

(49:54):
was like an open book, like Ibecame myself and I became more
of who I am, not less of who Iam because I opened to this
beautiful process of healing.
And I think that's the hope Ilike to hold out for people is
that you really kind of can gothe bitter route or the wounded

(50:16):
route, or the victim route, oryou could go the hero route and
the choose the path of you knowI'm going to heal, I'm going to
step into my life, I'm going toI don't know how it's going to
happen, but that's what I know Iwant for myself and then to
feel okay about that, to feelgood about that, to step in, and
that is what being the hero is,that's all it is is just not

(50:41):
becoming that human sacrifice towhat's happened to you, but
choosing the path of healing.
When you choose the path to heal, you choose the path to open to
what's happened and start toask yourself perhaps this
actually happened for me on somelevel.
Not that you wanted it, none ofus want bad things to happen to

(51:04):
us, but when they do, we don'treally have a choice after the
fact that they happen.
But we do have a choice in howwe move forward and I like to
hold out the hope that weactually we don't have to live a
wounded life.
We can live a life where we'reliving outside of those whims.
Of course, we carry the empathyand compassion and we carry the

(51:28):
wisdom that those things bringto us, the incredible depth of
life that you can't almost learnany other way, like you can't
read that in a book and get it,the same way that when you live
through it.
Just like I don't know what youlived through.
I haven't had cancer, I don'tknow what that's like to be that

(51:52):
person.
You know, I can only imagine,but I don't know.
And but you, sandy, look atwhat you've done with your life,
like how you help people, andthe trajectory, the hero's
journey that you've walked isincredible, that you help people
discover their health, probablyin ways they never imagined.

(52:12):
So you know, I think this isthe beauty of of when you do
walk the hero's path.
And I did write a book calledfrom heartbreak to wholeness the
hero's journey to joy, calledFrom Heartbreak to Wholeness the
Hero's Journey to Joy.
So I totally have equated thatwhole hero's journey and I used
my friend Lisa, who's my, one ofmy best friends, as an other

(52:36):
through line story in that bookbecause while I was writing that
book, she was given the newsthat she had breast cancer and
so I and she had stage threebreast cancer.
So I, while I was writing thatbook, I dedicated that book to
her because I watched her gothrough that as the hero.

(52:56):
You know she walked the hero'spath through that whole ordeal
and now, as she's doing reallywell, she's in remission and
she's been cancer free for areally long time now.
And but you know, I think we gothrough an incredible loss of
our identity through a lot ofdifferent ways and you can lose
the identity that you have withyour health.

(53:16):
I think I would imagine, whenyou have the news that you're
suddenly not healthy, you knowthat's a whole identity crisis
too that we go through.
But you could speak to that anddo speak to that much better.

I think you know you mentioned you can walk the
wounded path, the victim path,or more of.
I'm going to lead a moreinspired life as a result of
this.
So what do you think?
Because I definitely wentthrough the wounded path, that

(53:54):
was that whole tightness withinme and I do feel that
contributed to me not being well.
I definitely went through thevictim path like why us, why me?
We went through genetic testingand sometimes I feel like too
much of the medical stuff canactually instill even more fear

(54:18):
and a lot of that just broughtmore fear to me.
But I had to go through that toget to that inspired path.
Do you think that sometimesthat's, I guess, a natural way
to go through it, whatever it is, whether it's grief or illness?

I do.
I think that we go in and outof both of these all the time.
I think that those days whereyou feel really inspired, when
you're going through anythingreally like your dark night of
the soul, you know, I think youfeel.
And then there's days where youyou sit down and go.
I can't do this, I feel sorryfor myself, but I think if

(54:58):
you're, if you really are deepdown wanting to heal that's part
of it.
Is is acknowledging where youare being in it, but knowing
that you are healing and I thinkfor, for, if you can return to
that place of inspiration, thenyou are walking the path.

(55:19):
You know you are walking thepath.
I think it's for the people whodon't ever have that, who don't
have that in their sight.
That's the person I'm speakingabout, or to, or giving hope to,
that I want them to know thatit is a choice at some level and
it is.

And.

I know that's hard for some people to hear
because they feel veryvictimized.
But you know, I think if youknow that it is a choice at some
time, then you'll be moreprepared to make that choice for
yourself and maybe you have tosit in that, place things and it

(56:23):
is a choice.
That's what the research on thebrain shows.
You know it is a choice, soit's up to you, and people are
different, people need differentthings.
But I definitely saw that in myown life that it is a choice
and I've seen women when theymake that choice after a time,
over and over again, and I'vealso seen the resistance to it.
I've seen people want to hold onto being a victim and I'd have
to ask them you know, how hasthis been your life?
You know how has this been whoyou are in your life and how has

(56:44):
this served you?
Because it's my feeling, myunderstanding, that being a
victim doesn't serve us verywell.
It's not an empowered place tolive and you know my path is to
show people what they can do toempower themselves, to go
through healing, to grievehealthily and come out the other

(57:05):
side and live a life of joy,and that's my hope for every
single human that goes throughanything is that they choose to
live a life of joy at some point.

Yeah, I think I've read that same research, that
happiness.

From Sean Aker in the.
Happiness Advantage.

Yes, and yes, I've seen some stay there and it's
interesting because everybodytalks about manifestation and
that you know.
I don't know what your thoughtsare on this at all, christine,
but to me it kind of makes sense.
I feel like we're all energeticbeings and, you know, sometimes

(57:49):
they say you know when it rains, it pours.
And I can definitely say for meit was a snowball effect First
my daughter's sick, then I gotsick, then actually my husband
was sick the year after and itwas all one year after he coded
in the hospital.
I don't talk about that partthat much, but it wasn't a great

(58:09):
time.
That's a lot for you.
It was all like it was threeyears in a row and so I call
that the snowball effect andduring that time I was
definitely what people it's aterm now I was vibrating very
low.
I was vibrating in this spaceof I wasn't, I was staying there

(58:31):
.
You know how you mentioned,some people stay there, you're
very surviving.

I mean you're in this survival mode when
you're in that place, right Likeyou're just surviving what's
going on.
I mean that's normal, you'rejust surviving what's going on.
I mean that's normal?

Yeah, I guess.
But I often I don't know.
I don't know what to thinkabout this, but I often wonder.
Maybe you know I didn't have,like we were talking about
earlier, the tools to try andbring some of that inspired life
back.
I was sitting in that low statewithout those tools to help me

(59:09):
get out.
Sure, I had my friends, myfamily, always very good, but
personally things that I coulddo for my own state of mind.
So if somebody's kind of livingin that you know that space
where they're stuck, what advicewould you give them to first
begin?
I know you mentioned find thatone little thing, even if it's

(59:32):
that cup of coffee that youmight really enjoy and go for
that cup of coffee.
Is that where somebody canbegin?
Like, how does one start?

Like, how does one start?
I mean, honestly, the bestplace to start is to really as
hard as it might be for somebodygoing through something very,
very difficult and this mightsound very Pollyanna and very
simplistic, but honestly, thebest place to start is.
There's two things I would say.

(01:00:02):
I would start by bringing yourattention very much to the
present moment, and what I meanby that is that when somebody's
going through loss or adifficult time, they may notice,
if they become more consciousof their thinking, that they're
thinking about their past orwhat they're not going to be

(01:00:24):
experiencing in their future.
And so what I always say is likebring your attention back to
the present moment, because inthe present moment you're
actually, if you notice, you'reokay in the present moment a lot
of the time, like you know, ifyou have a stomachache, you have
a stomachache and you noticethat if you.

(01:00:44):
But if it's a sunny day andyou're looking outside and
you're present, you're going tonotice the sunny day, you're
going to notice the birds,you're going to notice whatever
is that play in your space, andso that's one thing.
The second thing I would say isdefinitely think of really the

(01:01:05):
smallest thing to be gratefulfor and focus on that.
I mean, it's amazing, Like ifyou're in a really low mood and
then suddenly you remember todrop into gratitude, a practice
of gratitude, even if it's thesmallest thing, like wow, I'm
grateful that I'm wearing thecolor pink today.
You know I'm grateful that I canbreathe this fresh air.

(01:01:28):
I'm grateful you know I thinkfor people to to really like,
allow themselves, to feel theirgratitude.
For one thing the researchshows, through heart math, that
when you're focused on anythingthat you're grateful for, the
heart actually starts toexperience joy.
And so it's a very small waythat you can kind of elevate

(01:01:54):
your mood by your heart, feelinga sense of peace, a sense of
joy at the smallest thing ofpeace, a sense of joy at the
smallest thing.
And and I know it's hard, I'mnot saying this is easy, Nobody,
nobody like you know you're not.
When you're in a bad place,it's very hard to remember to do
these things, or even to thinkthat it's going to help.
But again, they really doeshelp, and you know it's.

(01:02:18):
It's where I go whenever I'mhaving a low day.
I just I simply close my eyes,place my hand on my heart, I
take a few deep breaths in andout and I just ask myself to
think of one small thing I feelgrateful for right now, and I'll
open my eyes.
I'm like, oh, feel better.

(01:02:39):
You know it's kind of simplebut it works.
And you know those are theplaces.
You know it's always the smallthings that we do.
It's the, it's the reaching outto a friend, it's the, it's the
doing something nice foryourself.
It's eating a piece ofchocolate.
Sometimes.
You know it's like doing thethings that just come to you

(01:03:01):
that make you feel a little bitbetter.
You know, if you that make youfeel a little bit better, you
know if you can make yourselffeel a little bit better and
build on that, then you start toget perspective and you start
to.
You know, from perspective, youstart to invite wisdom and you
know when we can invite wisdom.
That's grace, you know.

(01:03:23):
That's grace coming through usand we all have access to that.
You know we do.
And it doesn't mean that wehave access to it all the time
or every single day.
But if you can get back to thatplace of being connected to the
present moment, being connectedto yourself, showing yourself a

(01:03:45):
lot of gentleness, a lot ofcompassion, a lot of, a lot of
you know what you need, which isjust, you know, being able to
be held, probably in this space,then you're going to, you're
going to be okay.
And there are days we all havethat we just have to get through
.
But hopefully, if you getthrough one day like that, then

(01:04:14):
the next day you recognize thatit's a lot better and I also
think it's the recognition thatyou have good days and bad days.
You know it's like, and I knowthat people who struggle with
true depression and disorders.
This isn't necessarily appliedto them.
You know, there are definitelypeople in this world that have
biochemical issues and I'mreally not speaking to that

(01:04:34):
person.
You know I can't, but I becauseI'm not a doctor but I do know
that there are people that thiswould not probably work for, but
I do know that there are peoplethat this would not probably
work for.
I'm speaking to the woman whois basically healthy but she's
having a tough time.
She's struggling, you know, andand we all struggle.
You know we all have strugglesand, and you know I have

(01:04:57):
struggles now that are hormonalstruggles.
You know it's like that.
I never, right.
Yeah, I mean, I'm throughmenopause, but even then I don't
have hormones anymore.
So my doctor says to me youdon't have any hormones, chris.
I'm like, I know, you know.

(01:05:18):
So there's.
There's real struggles that wehave and I think that's the
human journey too.
You know we're not.
This life isn't like it's notpromised to be an easy life.
You know it has ease in it, ithas grace in it, but we're not
promised an easy life and Idon't think that's what it's
really about.
It's how you honor yourself andhow you honor the journey and

(01:05:43):
how you.
You know how resilient you are.
I mean, resilience is a hugething to build in your life and
it kind of shows what you'remade of.
So it takes a lot of grit, alot of grit and determination
sometimes.
But you know what we're women.
We have it.
We push those babies out.
If you've ever pushed a baby up, yes, you've got grit yes, yes,

(01:06:06):
been there, done that twice.

Sandy Kruse (01:06:08):
So hey, and even if you haven't.

Kristine Carlson (01:06:11):
There's other ways that you've been.
You're.
You're a strong woman.
You have it within you and Ithink remembering that and
knowing that you know we getthrough the unthinkable and the
unimaginable, and the permissionthat you give yourself to live
on is really the important piece.
You know it's.
It's it's honoring this lifeand honoring the life that you

(01:06:34):
have and making the most of it.

I think what you said about presence you know, I
think it's underrated and maybethe term, just the word,
presence is overused.

It wasn't 30 years ago.

No, it wasn't.
You're right Back when I neededsomebody to tell me to be more
present.
I didn't really, you know,nobody told me that.
But you know, the other day itwas actually not the other, it
was about a week, week and ahalf ago I just sat in my car
and watched the sun set bymyself.
I parked on a country road, Iturned my notifications off on

(01:07:15):
my phone and I just watched thesun go down and nothing else.
And you know I would have neverthought to do that before.
And I also feel that our animalsif you love animals, it really
helps us, because we lost ourone of our dogs two years ago

(01:07:37):
and she was the dog that weactually got her in between my
daughter's two surgeries so thatwe could, we wanted to bring
more joy into our lives during atime that was not very joyful.
So we got this little puppy andthen we lost her on.

(01:07:58):
It was within the same year ofmy daughter's last appointment
at Toronto's Hospital for SickChildren.
So I always believe that ouranimals are somehow brought to
us during a time and a phase inour life, and so you know, her
job here on earth was done, andit was my other dog and the

(01:08:21):
presence I had with her.
That helped me grieve, ithelped me move through it.
So my other dog, gracie, I meanshe was my little savior and I
cried with her and she missedher too.
But there's nothing morevaluable than just being present

(01:08:42):
in nature, present with howyou're feeling and letting your
body feel it.

That is presence.
It is presence at its core.
It's just allowing yourself tobe in it and to feel it.

Yeah.
So let me ask you do you stillfeel Richard's presence after
all these years?

I do, I do.
He shows me in all sorts ofways that he's still present and
yeah, and I, often I can hearhim, I can hear his voice still,
I can hear him laugh and Ibelieve that I'll carry him in
that capacity for the rest of mylife.
I think it's the way I survivedwas to know that our love would

(01:09:33):
carry on and carry forward, andit's just helped me to just
live every day and feel himpresent in it.
You know, I feel like everytime I think of him, every time
I speak of him, it's like I'mbringing him with me.
And it's so interesting becausemy grandkids I have five
grandkids now from jazz and justone daughter has five kids, and

(01:09:58):
Caden is now 15.
Caden is now 15 and he talksabout his grandfather Richard as
if he knows him.
And so he said he had to give aspeech.
He's a really good athlete anda very, very good student.
And he gave a speech and hesaid I carry my grandfather
Richard with me.
He's such an inspiration for meevery day and he was known for

(01:10:22):
being very loving and very kindand very present.
And he said you know, I, Ialways, I always feel him, I
always feel like he's with meand he's just a great
inspiration to me, you know.
So I think about like howthat's happened and it's because
you know I talk about him.

(01:10:42):
My daughter talks about him toour kids, to our grandkids, and
it helps all of us to keep hispresence alive in our hearts and
in our present day life, and Ijust think it's so beautiful to
see the grandkids feel him.

Oh, I would agree, I think that's amazing.
Him oh, I would agree, I thinkthat's amazing.
So then I would say then you'reprobably more on not believing
in coincidences, you believethat these things happen for a
reason.
The signs, the symbolism, allof that happens for a reason.

Well, it's interesting because I, I've,
I've, I used to think that andthen I started to realize that I
think that it's us thatactually finds the reason, that,
when you, that you actuallysearch for the meaning and you
know, and that, because you'relooking, because you're present,
these things happen and thenyou see them and they have such

(01:11:43):
tremendous meaning, if you ask,what does this mean, you know,
like we're, we're, you know.
So, yeah, I do think, likethere's, there's a fine line
between does it happen for areason, or do we find the reason
why it happens?
And, and so I've learned that Ifeel like, for myself, I find
the reason why things happen,you know, and, and that's what

(01:12:04):
helps me put my life in order,it helps me put things back in
order, um, versus just you know,oh yeah, yeah, that's just a
different, kind of a little bitdifferent twist, but that's kind
of what I feel about that.

Yeah, I kind of see .
I think I see what you mean.
I personally, when I ask forsigns when I need them, like my
aunt was a very big presence inmy life growing up and so I
always ask for signs from myaunt and often I'll find them
because I'm present and I'mlooking for them and I'm asking

(01:12:47):
for them.

And I think the ask is the operative word,
that's the action word, right.
Like you, you ask and it'sbecause you've asked that you're
open to receiving right.
So it's a.
It's a.
There's a definitely a directlink between asking and
receiving and surrender andreceiving.
So, and I think there's a directlink between surrender and

(01:13:08):
asking you know, so when I saywhen people pray, I feel like
when you're praying, it's likestanding on the seashore with a
fishing rod and you send, youcast out the fishing rod and it
lands in the sea somewhere andthat's where your prayer goes.
You say a prayer, it goes outand you don't know when the fish
is going to land or when you'regoing to have something on the
rod.
It comes when it comes, butit's sort of like that act of

(01:13:31):
surrender is to let it go andthen you know, be open to the
answer when it comes.
So I feel like asking.
I often ask for signs as well,and then it's the ask that
actually opens the door.
If you forget to ask, you knowyou can't expect spirit to.
You know to to just always giveyou.
You know, like, it's reallyreally important to ask.

(01:13:53):
I believe like, and then whenyou do ask, then you're, you're
on the lookout, right, likeyou're on the lookout.

Yeah, it's.
It just opens up that awareness.
So this has been such a greatconversation.
I would love for you to tell usso you have.
There's a movie, a documentary.

Is it a documentary?
It's not.
It's a Lifetime movie.
It's actually my story, socalled Don't Sweep the Small
Stuff of the Christine Carlsonstory.

Yes, cause I, I did see that.

Andrew Locklear played me.
It was a blast.
I love her.

That is so cool.
Yeah, it was really fun, yeah.
And then you do retreats.
You're still writing like, tellus all about what you're, and
you've got another book comingin December, so let us know
everything that's happening.

Well, I you know my retreats are my special
time with women.
I only do women's retreats andI have several of them on the
calendar.
I've got a retreat that I'mdoing, a what Now?
Retreat, which is my signatureprogram called what?

Now.

It's really a program designed to help women
through change and transition ofany kind.
I have many people that comeback every couple of years to my
what now?
Retreats.
They're always say I'm going tochange and transition again or
I just want the.
The retreat is really amazing.
It's my most transformationalretreat.
Women's retreat is very small.
It's at Sea Ranch, california.

(01:15:27):
There's one in January.
Then I have bringing a group toCosta Rica with my dear friend
and amazing.
I call her like Linda the GoodWitch.
Her name is Alexa Fisher.
Have you heard of Wish Beats?
Yes, I have.
She's such a phenomenal humanand she's doing a lot now more

(01:15:49):
with wishing.
But she and I are hosting aretreat in Costa Rica.
You should come.

When is that?

It's in March, march 11th through the 16th and
then I we're doing that onetogether, and then I'm doing a
retreat in Italy in 2025, whichis just a blast.
That's one of my favoriteretreats I do.
It might be my last year for awhile, but I don't know, because
I did it last year, so I skip ayear.

(01:16:18):
Generally I do it every twoyears, but I had some women that
couldn't come on the last oneand so I wanted to roll them
over into a new Italy retreat,so I decided to do it again in
25, in the fall of 25.
So, yeah, that's what I have onthe calendar, and then I host
writing retreats.
I also am a book doula withbookdoulascom, so if you have a

(01:16:42):
book or you feel like you wantto write a book, you can go over
on over to book doulascom, andI partnered up with my
developmental editor and reallybest friend, deborah Evans, to
create that program, and so Istay pretty busy.

Busy lady Italy.
I'm actually going to Croatiathis month, so oh my God, how
fun how fun for you, yeah, so,um, I would love to go to Italy,
maybe, maybe another time.

Yeah yeah, italy is a blast and I've never
been so yeah, yeah, come see howI do my retreats.

Very cool.
You just you bring so muchlight to this world.
You really do.
And it's funny because we'vebeen following each other just
on Instagram.
I don't know how we gotconnected years ago, because I
think I've been following youfor a long time, but somehow,

(01:17:41):
you know, like I felt very drawnto you.
I felt very drawn to you.
I'm very drawn to your energy,I'm drawn to your light.
I think you have a lot to offerto the world.
I think you're just an amazingperson, Christine.

Likewise, sandy, thank you so much for
this opportunity to have thisreally rich conversation today
and just thank you for what youdo for the world, to make the
world a better place.
I know that people must loveyour podcast.
You're just beautiful,delightful and authentic and I
love all of those qualities.

Thank you Same and I will have all the links in the
show notes.
And once again, thank you,Christine.
Thank you and once again, thankyou, Christine.

Thank you.

I hope you enjoyed this episode.
Be sure to share it withsomeone you know might benefit
and always remember when yourate, review, subscribe, you
help to support my content andhelp me to keep going and
bringing these conversations toyou each and every week.

(01:18:47):
Join me next week for a newtopic, new guest, new exciting
conversations to help you liveyour best life.

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The Hero's Journey With Don't Sweat the Small Stuff's Kristine Carlson SUMMER REBOOT - Episode 277

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}The Hero's Journey With Don't Sweat the Small Stuff's Kristine Carlson SUMMER REBOOT - Episode 277