March 7, 2025 • 23 mins
Worthiness sits at the core of how we view ourselves, yet many of us struggle to grasp this fundamental truth: we are worthy simply because we exist. This episode explores the critical difference between inherent worth and contextual value – a distinction that transforms how we handle rejection, failure, and self-doubt.
Growing up with conditional approval taught me to equate accomplishments with worthiness. I became the "responsible one," the helper, the achiever – tying my identity to external validation until failures felt like proof of my unworthiness. Through years of healing, I've discovered that worthiness isn't something we earn but something we remember, buried beneath layers of conditioning and comparison.
The most liberating realization? Worth is unchanging while value fluctuates. Worth is who you are; value is how you show up. When rejection happens, it's not evidence of unworthiness but simply misalignment. By practicing authenticity over performance, setting boundaries without guilt, and surrounding ourselves with people who see our inherent value, we can break free from the endless pursuit of external validation.
Whether you're weathering hardship, facing self-doubt, or trying to silence limiting beliefs, remember this truth: you are worthy always, period. Your mistakes don't define you. Your achievements don't increase your worth. You are enough exactly as you are, and that will never change.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi guys, welcome back to Sash and Soul.
I'm so happy to have you heretoday with me.
On this beautiful sunny day,I'm looking out at blue skies
and I am absolutely loving it.
Two days from yesterday isspring.
So you know, we're almost there, you guys.
(00:20):
We've reached the home stretchof this winter.
I am not a winter girl.
I need my warm weather, I needmy sunshine, I need my long days
.
So I'm very, very excited forthe change in season.
I also, like I just got backfrom a long weekend in Florida
where it was beautiful and 70sand sunny every day and just
(00:45):
perfect, perfect weather.
So I was sad to come home, butagain looking forward to the
weather warming up and, you know, leaning into just kind of I
don't know something aboutspring that just feels like kind
of a fresh start.
I just feel rejuvenated and myenergy increases and clarity, it
(01:08):
just yeah.
So I'm ready for it.
I hope that you are feelingthat same level of hope and
excitement and anticipation.
Also, I got a new microphoneand I was doing a sound check
before I hit record and I'm,like, very happy with it, very
excited about it, because myother microphone was picking up
(01:29):
on all the outside noise, mydogs barking in the background,
and any time I moved I felt likeI could hear just the tiniest
of sounds and I was like man.
My listeners must find thatreally annoying.
So, anyway, I hope this isbetter for you.
I'm excited about it, but todaywe're going to dive in.
We're going to talk today aboutworthiness and especially how
(01:53):
to reclaim your sense ofself-worth when you're in the
middle of hardship, when you'refacing adversity, when you're
experiencing self-doubt orlimiting beliefs.
So we're going to do a deepdive.
I want to acknowledge firstthat this is a really personal
and vulnerable conversation andit may be one that many of us
(02:15):
struggle with, but don't oftentalk openly about it.
So I want to bring that to thetable today and I hope that you
can lean into this deepermessage and find the overall
conversation helpful.
Wherever this finds you today,I know myself this topic is
definitely hitting home for me.
So, as I was researchingworthiness and what it means to
(02:38):
be worthy and the differencebetween worthiness and value and
how that relates to ourrelationships with other people,
it was really really insightfulfor me and just you know, kind
of being able to figure out how,first of all, like see how far
I've come, but then also figureout the ways that I can continue
(03:00):
to remember my own sense ofself-worth and develop the
realization of the value that Ibring to the world, because
those are two separate thingsthat we are going to talk about
today.
So let's dive in First.
What is worthiness?
This question has been such adifficult question for me to
(03:25):
find the answer to and to likenot even just find the answer,
because I feel like I've beentold what worthiness is so many
times, but to like conceptualizeit has been really difficult.
So basic, basic definition isthat worthiness is not something
that we earn.
It is something that weinherently have.
(03:45):
It means that each and everyone of us is deserving of love,
of respect and belonging withoutconditions, which is so hard
for us to grasp as human beingsbecause so much of our lives are
conditional.
So it's not something that youhave to earn, to achieve or to
(04:06):
prove.
Worthiness simply existsbecause we exist.
Worthiness is not based on yoursuccess.
It's not based on externalvalidation or perfection.
It doesn't disappear when wemake mistakes or don't meet
expectations.
And that, I think, is thedisconnect, because we always
(04:26):
feel like we have to earnworthiness, like we have to do
something to be worthy.
Worthiness is the foundation ofour being.
It is this unfailing truth thatwe are enough, just as we are,
even when we grow, when wechange, when we evolve.
So this means that you don'thave to hustle for approval.
(04:46):
You can recognize that you haveimperfections and see those
imperfections, but still seeyourself as valuable.
When you have a sense ofworthiness, you allow yourself
to take up space to use yourvoice and to set boundaries with
other people without guilt,which can be so very difficult
to do.
And mostly, you don't let yourfailure or your rejection, or
(05:08):
any rejection that you may feel,define who you are and define
your identity.
In essence, our self-worth isnot something that we just
discover someday.
It's actually something that weremember because it has always
been there.
It just gets buried underlayers of very early
conditioning and conditionallove in comparison and the need
(05:34):
for external validation.
It gets buried in perfectionism, in our fear of failure, in
trauma and past rejection andthat myth of not enough.
These are all things that aregoing to make us believe that
worth is something that we needto earn.
So I personally used to rely onvalidation through my
(05:56):
accomplishments and throughexternal praise, and that
reinforced the limiting beliefthat worth was something that I
needed to earn rather thansomething that just is part of
who I am.
It was my way of combatingemotional invalidation and
rejection, and so I felt, in thewake of trauma and mental
health struggles, that my worthwould be defined by.
(06:18):
You know, if I can prove myself, if I can accomplish more, if I
can do things that are worthyof praise, then I was somehow
worthy.
So at home, I was praised andcelebrated for being like a
responsible big sister, and Iwas this helper to my mom of
seven kids, and she also ran afull-time daycare, and so I was
the one that was thisaccomplished dancer.
(06:40):
I got good grades.
I was very helpful around thehouse.
I got good grades.
I was very helpful around thehouse like my responsibility,
and, you know, stepping up tothe plate became, like this,
powerful part of my identity andsomething that you know I cra
(07:01):
its own challenges of grief andshame and guilt.
And so then I relied evenfurther on the spotlight and the
admiration from friends andfamily and, of course, you know,
in pageantry, perfect strangersas validation that I was good
enough, because when you'recelebrated for being really
strong and stepping up in themidst of trauma and grief.
It makes it even harder torecognize that you are worthy
(07:24):
simply because you exist, notbecause of what you do for other
people.
My sense of worth came fromtaking care of other people and
being responsible, so therefore,the more that I did, the better
I felt, the more at peace Ifelt with myself.
And then, at the same time andthis is you know, where it gets
(07:44):
really painful is that anymistakes or failures that I had
were deeply painful because Iattached them to my identity.
It wasn't that I made a mistake, it's that I was the mistake.
So it's taken a lot of time forme to reclaim and unearth and
(08:07):
remember my sense of self-worth,and I think time and separation
from the trauma and the peopleinvolved has brought a lot of
that healing, as well as therapyand healthy relationships that
I've sought out and developed.
And I also think that, as I'veleaned into the different things
that make me unique my personalidentity and the aspects of who
I am has really helped merediscover my worth, just as I
(08:29):
am.
My worth is not dependent onwhat I do, but is everything
about inherently who I am.
Our worth comes from existence,existence itself.
It does not come from what wedo or how well we perform or
what others think of us.
If you think about it this way,a newborn baby is worthy
(08:53):
without having to accomplishanything, and if you put
yourself in that same likeness,you're worthy simply because
you're alive, because you'realive, because you're breathing
and because you're present inthis world.
It is really easy to believethat worth is something that we
have to prove, because societyteaches us that value is
(09:15):
transactional.
But think about this If youwere standing on a deserted
island with no one around tovalidate your existence, would
you still be worthy?
If you never achieved anothermilestone or won another award
or received another compliment,would you still be worthy?
(09:37):
The answer to both is yes,because worth is not dependent
on recognition or contribution.
It exists because you exist.
Any mistakes, any failures oreven causing harm do not take
away your worth.
As I said, worth is nottransactional.
(09:58):
It doesn't decrease when youmess up and it actually doesn't
get bigger when you succeedeither.
Your worth is just as it is.
You can do bad things and stillbe good.
Growth and accountability arereally important, but they don't
determine your worthiness.
So a key to rediscovering yourown worth is learning to
(10:24):
separate that externalvalidation that we so often
crave from your own internalworth, understanding that
success and titles and praise donot define you.
So, in addition to that, wehave to recognize there's a
difference between worth andvalue, and this was one of the
(10:46):
most interesting things that Ikind of uncovered as I was doing
this research, becauseoftentimes we combine those two
or think of worth and value asthe same thing, but they're not.
Worth is intrinsic, it does notchange.
You are worthy simply becauseyou exist.
Value, though, is contextual.
(11:08):
It is how your presence, yourskills or your contributions
affect other people in differentsituations.
So think of it this way Worthis who you are, value is how you
show up.
Worth is constant, neverchanging.
(11:28):
Value fluctuates depending onthe role that you're in your
relationships and many otherexternal factors, but, as I said
, the problem is we often tieour value to how others perceive
us, believing that if we'revaluable, then people will stay.
So this is where relationshipsand belonging and fear of
(11:51):
rejection comes into play.
So this fear of rejection isbecause, if someone doesn't see
our value, we assume that we'renot worthy, but the truth is
that rejection is not any kindof proof of unworthiness.
It's just misalignment, meaningthat you know, if our value is
(12:17):
going to fluctuate depending onyou know those relationships and
on the role that we play,someone else may not need that
in this moment.
So them not needing it is justa disconnect.
It's not any kind of sign thator evidence that you are not
(12:40):
valuable.
So when we detach our worthfrom again that external
validation what other peoplechoose to do, think or say then
that rejection loses its powerover you.
So how do we rediscover ourworthiness?
We rediscover our worthiness bypracticing authenticity, not
(13:05):
performance.
Authenticity is going to leadto real belonging.
So when authenticity is at thecore of how you show up, it's
going to shift the focus frombeing valuable to others to
being true to yourself.
Authenticity is aboutexpression, it's not about
(13:26):
perception.
When you are being authentic,you are being authentic.
You are behaving as your true,real, transparent self.
You're not worrying about whatother people perceive of you.
I think that that's a problemwhen we use the authenticity
buzzword is that we worry thatother people aren't going to see
(13:47):
us as authentic.
But it's not about whethersomeone else thinks we are being
authentic or not.
It's about whether or not weare being authentic.
People are going to perceivewhat they perceive, so it's not
about how others receive you,but it's about the fact that
you're showing up as yourself,completely unapologetically.
(14:09):
What is your pure and positiveintention?
So, when this fear of not beingvaluable creeps in, the real
question becomes am I beinghonest with myself and am I
honoring my truth?
Am I showing up in a way thatreflects who I really am?
(14:30):
So then, if the answer is yes,then your value is already there
.
It's already present becauseyou're living it rather than
trying to prove it.
And then the ironic thing is,the more we stop chasing
external validation, the more wenaturally attract the right
people, the right opportunitiesand the right relationships that
(14:52):
genuinely align with us.
So, in effort to rediscover yourworthiness, it's going to take
a lot of self-reflection andself-awareness, first
identifying where your beliefsabout worthiness come from, as I
did earlier in thisconversation, and challenge the
negative stories that you tellyourself.
(15:13):
That's really difficult.
Just like any limiting belief,it is a belief that is ingrained
in you, and it's going to takework and effort and consistency
to change the habit of thinkingthat way into a new habit of
healthy, accurate, helpfulthinking.
(15:34):
And this is where asking forhelp is going to be one of the
best things that you can do foryourself, whether that is
reaching out to a therapist orworking with a mindset coach.
If what your limiting beliefsabout your worthiness are
related to is some type of goalthat you're trying to achieve
(15:55):
and you just keep kind ofhitting these walls, asking for
help from a loved one, someonethat you can trust, it's going
to take mindset shifts aboutunderstanding what worthiness
actually is.
So, as I said, worthiness issomething you inherently have.
It's a birthright.
(16:17):
It is not something that youearn, and your struggles do not
define you.
Your mistakes do not define you.
Your perceived failures do notdefine you.
Your behaviors, your actions donot define you.
How you respond to them doesthat's the important thing what
is your intention?
(16:37):
Own those things.
So some daily practices for youthat will help you embrace your
own worth are affirmations.
But when I talk aboutaffirmations, I'm talking about
affirmations.
But when I talk aboutaffirmations, I'm talking about
affirmations that actually workright, like I think.
So often we go to these likeextremely positive affirmations
(17:01):
that, like you, just don't quitebelieve, and that's the problem
with so many affirmations, youwant to find affirmations that
are neutral enough, that helpuplift you, that your brain is
going to grasp onto as accurateand true.
So affirmations like I'm enoughjust because I exist.
(17:23):
I am enough just because Iexist.
Another practice for you is tostart setting boundaries and
learning to say no withoutfeeling guilty.
I'm sure many of you have heardof the let them theory by Mel
Robbins.
I bring it up to my clients arelike, oh, yeah, yeah, I love
(17:45):
her, I love that.
I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm lateto this party but I'm listening
to the let them Theory by MelRobbins.
And when I think about settingboundaries and learning to say
no without guilt, and when Ithink about external validation,
I think about the Let themTheory because Mel Robbins talks
about how the basic law ofhuman nature is that we cannot
(18:08):
control what anybody else says,does or thinks.
And so, in knowing that, thenwe need to take ownership of how
we behave, because no one elsecontrols that, take ownership of
the things we say, because noone else can own that or take
responsibility for that thingswe say because no one else can
(18:32):
own that or take responsibilityfor that.
And when we set boundaries andsay no, we don't have to hold on
to any of the reactions that wemight be met with, in that we
don't have to own or feelresponsible for someone else
being uncomfortable when we seta boundary or tell them no.
We also need to recognize andcelebrate progress.
(18:54):
I mean, we hear this so oftennow, like it's like a constant
meme everywhere progress, notperfection, celebrate the little
wins.
When we were talking in theFebruary masterclass on
confidence and the winningmindset, I was sharing the
(19:14):
confidence formula and it'sbasically this cyclical pattern
of take a small action,celebrate the wins, build
confidence off of those wins,and that confidence will lead to
more action, and that actionwill lead to more wins, which
(19:35):
will lead to more confidence,and that will lead to more
action, and it just keeps kindof snowballing in that way.
As long as you are focusing onthe progress that you're making,
focusing on the wins and reallycelebrating those, and not
aiming for some high level ofelite, whateverness, that is
(19:57):
perfection.
And finally and this is onethat I really want to lean into
for myself is surroundingyourself with people who remind
you of your worth, especiallywhen you forget.
This isn't about surroundingyourself with people that are
going to boost your ego.
That's external validation.
We're trying to learn how tofind and remember our worthiness
(20:20):
without that externalvalidation, but sometimes we
need a little boost.
So surround yourself with thepeople who genuinely love you
and see you for who you are, andalso the people that recognize
that they have worth as well.
You think, when we aresurrounding ourselves with
people who live by the exampleof which we want to live by,
(20:43):
that's going to help reinforcethese healthy changes and
behaviors that we want toexperience ourselves, enforce
these healthy changes andbehaviors that we want to
experience ourselves.
So, in essence, in closing, towrap this up, you are worthy,
always, period.
Your value will change indifferent spaces, but that does
(21:05):
not change your worth.
The fear of rejection andabandonment is very, very real,
but it does not define you.
The more you embrace yourself-worth without any
conditions, including your own,the less power that external
validation has over you.
(21:25):
So with that, I am going toleave you with that statement
yet again, because I think itshould be the most important
thing that you hear today youare worthy always, period,
(21:56):
period.
Stay well, my friends.
I will talk to you again nextweek and be sure to look into
some of the opportunities todive in deeper to your own
mindset, work and professionalskill development through the
Fearlessly Authentic app.
Schedule a call with me if anyof this resonates with you.
Schedule a call with me if anyof this resonates with you and
you want to talk deeper aboutdeveloping your sense of
self-worth and recognizing thevalue that you bring to the
table and eliminating that fearof rejection and what other
(22:21):
people may or may not think ofyou, because that is the work
that I love to do.
All right, my friends, I willsee you next week.
Bye.
Hi guys, welcome back to Sash and Soul.
I'm so happy to have you heretoday with me.
On this beautiful sunny day,I'm looking out at blue skies
and I am absolutely loving it.
Two days from yesterday isspring.
So you know, we're almost there, you guys.
(00:20):
We've reached the home stretchof this winter.
I am not a winter girl.
I need my warm weather, I needmy sunshine, I need my long days
.
So I'm very, very excited forthe change in season.
I also, like I just got backfrom a long weekend in Florida
where it was beautiful and 70sand sunny every day and just
(00:45):
perfect, perfect weather.
So I was sad to come home, butagain looking forward to the
weather warming up and, you know, leaning into just kind of I
don't know something aboutspring that just feels like kind
of a fresh start.
I just feel rejuvenated and myenergy increases and clarity, it
(01:08):
just yeah.
So I'm ready for it.
I hope that you are feelingthat same level of hope and
excitement and anticipation.
Also, I got a new microphoneand I was doing a sound check
before I hit record and I'm,like, very happy with it, very
excited about it, because myother microphone was picking up
(01:29):
on all the outside noise, mydogs barking in the background,
and any time I moved I felt likeI could hear just the tiniest
of sounds and I was like man.
My listeners must find thatreally annoying.
So, anyway, I hope this isbetter for you.
I'm excited about it, but todaywe're going to dive in.
We're going to talk today aboutworthiness and especially how
(01:53):
to reclaim your sense ofself-worth when you're in the
middle of hardship, when you'refacing adversity, when you're
experiencing self-doubt orlimiting beliefs.
So we're going to do a deepdive.
I want to acknowledge firstthat this is a really personal
and vulnerable conversation andit may be one that many of us
(02:15):
struggle with, but don't oftentalk openly about it.
So I want to bring that to thetable today and I hope that you
can lean into this deepermessage and find the overall
conversation helpful.
Wherever this finds you today,I know myself this topic is
definitely hitting home for me.
So, as I was researchingworthiness and what it means to
(02:38):
be worthy and the differencebetween worthiness and value and
how that relates to ourrelationships with other people,
it was really really insightfulfor me and just you know, kind
of being able to figure out how,first of all, like see how far
I've come, but then also figureout the ways that I can continue
(03:00):
to remember my own sense ofself-worth and develop the
realization of the value that Ibring to the world, because
those are two separate thingsthat we are going to talk about
today.
So let's dive in First.
What is worthiness?
This question has been such adifficult question for me to
(03:25):
find the answer to and to likenot even just find the answer,
because I feel like I've beentold what worthiness is so many
times, but to like conceptualizeit has been really difficult.
So basic, basic definition isthat worthiness is not something
that we earn.
It is something that weinherently have.
(03:45):
It means that each and everyone of us is deserving of love,
of respect and belonging withoutconditions, which is so hard
for us to grasp as human beingsbecause so much of our lives are
conditional.
So it's not something that youhave to earn, to achieve or to
(04:06):
prove.
Worthiness simply existsbecause we exist.
Worthiness is not based on yoursuccess.
It's not based on externalvalidation or perfection.
It doesn't disappear when wemake mistakes or don't meet
expectations.
And that, I think, is thedisconnect, because we always
(04:26):
feel like we have to earnworthiness, like we have to do
something to be worthy.
Worthiness is the foundation ofour being.
It is this unfailing truth thatwe are enough, just as we are,
even when we grow, when wechange, when we evolve.
So this means that you don'thave to hustle for approval.
(04:46):
You can recognize that you haveimperfections and see those
imperfections, but still seeyourself as valuable.
When you have a sense ofworthiness, you allow yourself
to take up space to use yourvoice and to set boundaries with
other people without guilt,which can be so very difficult
to do.
And mostly, you don't let yourfailure or your rejection, or
(05:08):
any rejection that you may feel,define who you are and define
your identity.
In essence, our self-worth isnot something that we just
discover someday.
It's actually something that weremember because it has always
been there.
It just gets buried underlayers of very early
conditioning and conditionallove in comparison and the need
(05:34):
for external validation.
It gets buried in perfectionism, in our fear of failure, in
trauma and past rejection andthat myth of not enough.
These are all things that aregoing to make us believe that
worth is something that we needto earn.
So I personally used to rely onvalidation through my
(05:56):
accomplishments and throughexternal praise, and that
reinforced the limiting beliefthat worth was something that I
needed to earn rather thansomething that just is part of
who I am.
It was my way of combatingemotional invalidation and
rejection, and so I felt, in thewake of trauma and mental
health struggles, that my worthwould be defined by.
(06:18):
You know, if I can prove myself, if I can accomplish more, if I
can do things that are worthyof praise, then I was somehow
worthy.
So at home, I was praised andcelebrated for being like a
responsible big sister, and Iwas this helper to my mom of
seven kids, and she also ran afull-time daycare, and so I was
the one that was thisaccomplished dancer.
(06:40):
I got good grades.
I was very helpful around thehouse.
I got good grades.
I was very helpful around thehouse like my responsibility,
and, you know, stepping up tothe plate became, like this,
powerful part of my identity andsomething that you know I cra
(07:01):
its own challenges of grief andshame and guilt.
And so then I relied evenfurther on the spotlight and the
admiration from friends andfamily and, of course, you know,
in pageantry, perfect strangersas validation that I was good
enough, because when you'recelebrated for being really
strong and stepping up in themidst of trauma and grief.
It makes it even harder torecognize that you are worthy
(07:24):
simply because you exist, notbecause of what you do for other
people.
My sense of worth came fromtaking care of other people and
being responsible, so therefore,the more that I did, the better
I felt, the more at peace Ifelt with myself.
And then, at the same time andthis is you know, where it gets
(07:44):
really painful is that anymistakes or failures that I had
were deeply painful because Iattached them to my identity.
It wasn't that I made a mistake, it's that I was the mistake.
So it's taken a lot of time forme to reclaim and unearth and
(08:07):
remember my sense of self-worth,and I think time and separation
from the trauma and the peopleinvolved has brought a lot of
that healing, as well as therapyand healthy relationships that
I've sought out and developed.
And I also think that, as I'veleaned into the different things
that make me unique my personalidentity and the aspects of who
I am has really helped merediscover my worth, just as I
(08:29):
am.
My worth is not dependent onwhat I do, but is everything
about inherently who I am.
Our worth comes from existence,existence itself.
It does not come from what wedo or how well we perform or
what others think of us.
If you think about it this way,a newborn baby is worthy
(08:53):
without having to accomplishanything, and if you put
yourself in that same likeness,you're worthy simply because
you're alive, because you'realive, because you're breathing
and because you're present inthis world.
It is really easy to believethat worth is something that we
have to prove, because societyteaches us that value is
(09:15):
transactional.
But think about this If youwere standing on a deserted
island with no one around tovalidate your existence, would
you still be worthy?
If you never achieved anothermilestone or won another award
or received another compliment,would you still be worthy?
(09:37):
The answer to both is yes,because worth is not dependent
on recognition or contribution.
It exists because you exist.
Any mistakes, any failures oreven causing harm do not take
away your worth.
As I said, worth is nottransactional.
(09:58):
It doesn't decrease when youmess up and it actually doesn't
get bigger when you succeedeither.
Your worth is just as it is.
You can do bad things and stillbe good.
Growth and accountability arereally important, but they don't
determine your worthiness.
So a key to rediscovering yourown worth is learning to
(10:24):
separate that externalvalidation that we so often
crave from your own internalworth, understanding that
success and titles and praise donot define you.
So, in addition to that, wehave to recognize there's a
difference between worth andvalue, and this was one of the
(10:46):
most interesting things that Ikind of uncovered as I was doing
this research, becauseoftentimes we combine those two
or think of worth and value asthe same thing, but they're not.
Worth is intrinsic, it does notchange.
You are worthy simply becauseyou exist.
Value, though, is contextual.
(11:08):
It is how your presence, yourskills or your contributions
affect other people in differentsituations.
So think of it this way Worthis who you are, value is how you
show up.
Worth is constant, neverchanging.
(11:28):
Value fluctuates depending onthe role that you're in your
relationships and many otherexternal factors, but, as I said
, the problem is we often tieour value to how others perceive
us, believing that if we'revaluable, then people will stay.
So this is where relationshipsand belonging and fear of
(11:51):
rejection comes into play.
So this fear of rejection isbecause, if someone doesn't see
our value, we assume that we'renot worthy, but the truth is
that rejection is not any kindof proof of unworthiness.
It's just misalignment, meaningthat you know, if our value is
(12:17):
going to fluctuate depending onyou know those relationships and
on the role that we play,someone else may not need that
in this moment.
So them not needing it is justa disconnect.
It's not any kind of sign thator evidence that you are not
(12:40):
valuable.
So when we detach our worthfrom again that external
validation what other peoplechoose to do, think or say then
that rejection loses its powerover you.
So how do we rediscover ourworthiness?
We rediscover our worthiness bypracticing authenticity, not
(13:05):
performance.
Authenticity is going to leadto real belonging.
So when authenticity is at thecore of how you show up, it's
going to shift the focus frombeing valuable to others to
being true to yourself.
Authenticity is aboutexpression, it's not about
(13:26):
perception.
When you are being authentic,you are being authentic.
You are behaving as your true,real, transparent self.
You're not worrying about whatother people perceive of you.
I think that that's a problemwhen we use the authenticity
buzzword is that we worry thatother people aren't going to see
(13:47):
us as authentic.
But it's not about whethersomeone else thinks we are being
authentic or not.
It's about whether or not weare being authentic.
People are going to perceivewhat they perceive, so it's not
about how others receive you,but it's about the fact that
you're showing up as yourself,completely unapologetically.
(14:09):
What is your pure and positiveintention?
So, when this fear of not beingvaluable creeps in, the real
question becomes am I beinghonest with myself and am I
honoring my truth?
Am I showing up in a way thatreflects who I really am?
(14:30):
So then, if the answer is yes,then your value is already there
.
It's already present becauseyou're living it rather than
trying to prove it.
And then the ironic thing is,the more we stop chasing
external validation, the more wenaturally attract the right
people, the right opportunitiesand the right relationships that
(14:52):
genuinely align with us.
So, in effort to rediscover yourworthiness, it's going to take
a lot of self-reflection andself-awareness, first
identifying where your beliefsabout worthiness come from, as I
did earlier in thisconversation, and challenge the
negative stories that you tellyourself.
(15:13):
That's really difficult.
Just like any limiting belief,it is a belief that is ingrained
in you, and it's going to takework and effort and consistency
to change the habit of thinkingthat way into a new habit of
healthy, accurate, helpfulthinking.
(15:34):
And this is where asking forhelp is going to be one of the
best things that you can do foryourself, whether that is
reaching out to a therapist orworking with a mindset coach.
If what your limiting beliefsabout your worthiness are
related to is some type of goalthat you're trying to achieve
(15:55):
and you just keep kind ofhitting these walls, asking for
help from a loved one, someonethat you can trust, it's going
to take mindset shifts aboutunderstanding what worthiness
actually is.
So, as I said, worthiness issomething you inherently have.
It's a birthright.
(16:17):
It is not something that youearn, and your struggles do not
define you.
Your mistakes do not define you.
Your perceived failures do notdefine you.
Your behaviors, your actions donot define you.
How you respond to them doesthat's the important thing what
is your intention?
(16:37):
Own those things.
So some daily practices for youthat will help you embrace your
own worth are affirmations.
But when I talk aboutaffirmations, I'm talking about
affirmations.
But when I talk aboutaffirmations, I'm talking about
affirmations that actually workright, like I think.
So often we go to these likeextremely positive affirmations
(17:01):
that, like you, just don't quitebelieve, and that's the problem
with so many affirmations, youwant to find affirmations that
are neutral enough, that helpuplift you, that your brain is
going to grasp onto as accurateand true.
So affirmations like I'm enoughjust because I exist.
(17:23):
I am enough just because Iexist.
Another practice for you is tostart setting boundaries and
learning to say no withoutfeeling guilty.
I'm sure many of you have heardof the let them theory by Mel
Robbins.
I bring it up to my clients arelike, oh, yeah, yeah, I love
(17:45):
her, I love that.
I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm lateto this party but I'm listening
to the let them Theory by MelRobbins.
And when I think about settingboundaries and learning to say
no without guilt, and when Ithink about external validation,
I think about the Let themTheory because Mel Robbins talks
about how the basic law ofhuman nature is that we cannot
(18:08):
control what anybody else says,does or thinks.
And so, in knowing that, thenwe need to take ownership of how
we behave, because no one elsecontrols that, take ownership of
the things we say, because noone else can own that or take
responsibility for that thingswe say because no one else can
(18:32):
own that or take responsibilityfor that.
And when we set boundaries andsay no, we don't have to hold on
to any of the reactions that wemight be met with, in that we
don't have to own or feelresponsible for someone else
being uncomfortable when we seta boundary or tell them no.
We also need to recognize andcelebrate progress.
(18:54):
I mean, we hear this so oftennow, like it's like a constant
meme everywhere progress, notperfection, celebrate the little
wins.
When we were talking in theFebruary masterclass on
confidence and the winningmindset, I was sharing the
(19:14):
confidence formula and it'sbasically this cyclical pattern
of take a small action,celebrate the wins, build
confidence off of those wins,and that confidence will lead to
more action, and that actionwill lead to more wins, which
(19:35):
will lead to more confidence,and that will lead to more
action, and it just keeps kindof snowballing in that way.
As long as you are focusing onthe progress that you're making,
focusing on the wins and reallycelebrating those, and not
aiming for some high level ofelite, whateverness, that is
(19:57):
perfection.
And finally and this is onethat I really want to lean into
for myself is surroundingyourself with people who remind
you of your worth, especiallywhen you forget.
This isn't about surroundingyourself with people that are
going to boost your ego.
That's external validation.
We're trying to learn how tofind and remember our worthiness
(20:20):
without that externalvalidation, but sometimes we
need a little boost.
So surround yourself with thepeople who genuinely love you
and see you for who you are, andalso the people that recognize
that they have worth as well.
You think, when we aresurrounding ourselves with
people who live by the exampleof which we want to live by,
(20:43):
that's going to help reinforcethese healthy changes and
behaviors that we want toexperience ourselves, enforce
these healthy changes andbehaviors that we want to
experience ourselves.
So, in essence, in closing, towrap this up, you are worthy,
always, period.
Your value will change indifferent spaces, but that does
(21:05):
not change your worth.
The fear of rejection andabandonment is very, very real,
but it does not define you.
The more you embrace yourself-worth without any
conditions, including your own,the less power that external
validation has over you.
(21:25):
So with that, I am going toleave you with that statement
yet again, because I think itshould be the most important
thing that you hear today youare worthy always, period,
(21:56):
period.
Stay well, my friends.
I will talk to you again nextweek and be sure to look into
some of the opportunities todive in deeper to your own
mindset, work and professionalskill development through the
Fearlessly Authentic app.
Schedule a call with me if anyof this resonates with you.
Schedule a call with me if anyof this resonates with you and
you want to talk deeper aboutdeveloping your sense of
self-worth and recognizing thevalue that you bring to the
table and eliminating that fearof rejection and what other
(22:21):
people may or may not think ofyou, because that is the work
that I love to do.
All right, my friends, I willsee you next week.
Bye.
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