The School Counseling Rollercoaster: 3 Secrets Every Counselor Should Know

October hits different, doesn’t it? One week you’re flying high after a student breakthrough, and the next- you’re wondering if you can even make it to Friday.

In this episode, I’m talking about the rollercoaster of school counseling: why it feels impossible to stay grounded this time of year, what’s really fueling the highs and lows, and three sanity-saving ways to keep your footing when everything around you feels like too much.

We’ll get real about the myths we’ve bought into (like thinking we’re supposed to “fix” everything or perfectly follow the ASCA model) and what it actually looks like to stay centered when the job gets heavy.

If you’ve been questioning whether you’re cut out for this work… this conversation might change how you see yourself (and the season you’re in).

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⭐️ Want support with real-world strategies that actually work on your campus? We’re doing that every day in the School for School Counselors Mastermind. Come join us! ⭐️

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Oh, but it's October.
If you are a school counselor,you know what I mean.
When I say October is crazy andit feels crazy hard.
I am currently recording thispodcast episode sitting in my
car in the garage after 11o'clock at night because that's

(00:22):
where we are right now in life.
And I know that you are feelingwhat I am saying.
This week, as I'm recordingthis, there's been an AWS Amazon
Web Services outage, whichaffected a ton of platforms.
And a lot of the platforms thatwere affected were the ones that
I used to produce my podcast.

(00:43):
And so I've been working reallyhard to get this out into the
world this week.
I pride myself on getting thepodcast out just about every
Monday.
But this week, because of theplatform issues, it just wasn't
happening.
And so I've had to give myselfsome grace.
I've had to do the best that Ican do, which is why I'm in the

(01:03):
garage right now getting itdone, right?
Because I really, really wantedto talk to you about the highs,
the lows, the roller coaster ofschool counseling this time of
year and what we can do.
All right.
So as you know, if you've beenlistening to the podcast for any
length of time, you know that Iam a full-time school counselor

(01:27):
just like you.
And so I know if your school isanything like mine, you're
probably seeing the same thingsthat I'm seeing.
I am seeing a lot of bigbehaviors come to the forefront.
And we've had some here andthere since school started, but
now they seem more intense thanever.

(01:47):
I'm seeing staff fatigue.
The new was wearing off, right?
The honeymoon period is over.
And here we are in real life,and that is starting to show.
The seams are unraveling, and weare starting to see the frayed
edges of teachers' patients.
And then we have a lot of hiddenconcerns that are coming out of

(02:09):
the woodwork.
Things I feel like people weremaybe able to hide or kind of
hold back at the start of theschool year when things were
exciting, the adrenaline waspumping, everything felt new.
And then all of a sudden, thosethings are coming out front and
center.
And I'm starting to develop someconcerns about some families,

(02:31):
about some student situationsand needs of all these folks,
and just trying to figure outhow I can intervene in all of
these needs going on on mycampus.
I'll tell you, I have a ton ofparent meetings going on right
now, lots of parent phone calls,teachers who need just a quick

(02:51):
minute, which ends up being 30minutes sometimes.
And then on top of all that,we're all expected to leave our
work at the end of the day, gohome, and somehow function as an
adult, like our brains aren'tcompletely overwhelmed and our
bodies are not completelyexhausted, right?

(03:13):
And so I find this time of yearI start to see school counselors
throw words like overwhelmed andburnout around a lot.
And a lot of school counselorsstart wondering things like, is
this work really worth it?
Am I really making thedifference that I'm trying to

(03:33):
make?
Or will I even make it throughthe year?
And then something inevitablywill happen.
And it'll be a good thing.
You'll get a genuine thank you.
You'll see a resolution for atough student case, or maybe
admin decides to defer to you inan important situation, and all
of a sudden you think, okay, nowwe're rolling.

(03:55):
Things might be okay.
We might be able to make it.
And then we slip right back intowhat we've been working against
all along.
And we fall back into thatoverwhelm.
And you know what I mean?
This cycle just repeats.
I often say that schools areboth the most wonderful and most
dysfunctional workplaces everconceived.

(04:19):
And I think that our job oncampuses is even a little bit
more difficult because we'redealing with some things that a
lot of folks on our campusesdon't really get to experience.
For instance, we're dealing withemotions all day long, right?
Student emotions, parentemotions, staff members'

(04:40):
emotions.
They're all just swirling aroundus all the time.
And not only are we trying tomake sense of them, but we're
also trying to appease, toproblem solve, to find
solutions.
It's a lot, especially when wehave all of these feelings in
the mix as well.
I think too, um, sometimes wefeel like we would prefer to be

(05:04):
more proactive than we are, butreally we're having to be super
reactive in a lot of situations,right?
We don't have the ability to seeinto the future.
So we don't know what's about topop off.
And we kind of feel chronicallybehind the eight ball.
Like we can never get ahead ofthings.
We're always just kind ofsweeping up the mess as things

(05:24):
go by.
And then I think too, andspeaking for myself here, I
think we feel a lack of clarity.
We have all of theseresponsibilities on our campus
that we're expected to take careof.
And we have this role confusion,right?
Like, is this really my job?
Is this really what I'm supposedto be doing?

(05:45):
And why do you think this wouldbe an appropriate job for me?
We come up against a lot ofpeople who either don't exactly
know what a school counselor issupposed to do or don't really
care what we're there to do.
And so we do get tasked out witha lot of things that we don't
really feel should be in ourpurview.
But here they are, right?

(06:06):
And sometimes we have to just goalong to get along.
And some days for that areeasier than others.
But then we too have these mixedsignals of authority where we're
kind of important when peopleneed us or want us to do
something, but we're not asimportant or respected when
people aren't interested in whatwe have to offer.

(06:28):
And so we have really weirdjobs.
Just gonna be straight with you.
We have really interesting andstrange jobs, and that requires
a lot of mental energy tonavigate.
We have unrealistic caseloads ontop of this.
Most of us are running numbersway over the recommended one to

(06:48):
250.
We have a lot of switchingbetween micro and macro work.
And I think this is somethingthat doesn't get talked about
nearly enough in schoolcounseling, where we may be
working on the micro one-on-onewith a student in a crisis
situation, and then all of asudden we switch to the macro
lens, tier one initiatives onour campus or something like

(07:11):
that.
And then we go back to the microwith a grieving student, and
then we flip back to the macro,and it's just constantly back
and forth, like a ping pong ballall day long.
And people, I don't think,really understand that aspect of
our work.
That constant movement back andforth is really tiring.

(07:32):
It's like mental gymnasticssometimes, right?
And then if we want to be real,let's take this even a step
further.
And I don't want this to soundlike a what's wrong with school
counseling episode.
That's not what my what my pointis here, because there are a lot
of great things about our worktoo.
But we got to get this out inthe open, right?

(07:53):
We got to talk about it.
And I want you to know that Isee you, I hear you, and I know
what you're struggling withbecause I am there too.
All right.
I don't ever want you to feellike you're by yourself in all
of this.
So back to the point.
I think we tend to have a veryhigh drive toward empathy as

(08:13):
school counselors, but alsotoward perfectionism.
So we want resolution for kids,but we want it done right.
We want to do things by thebook, and sometimes that works
against us.
We get so caught up in whatthings should be that we just
can't relax into the way thingsare.

(08:35):
And I'm not saying that we needto forego all the expectations
of our role or the things thatwe know would be best for
students, but sometimes we dohave to be realistic and relax
our own expectation, right?
We can kind of beat ourselvesover the head with our own set
of shoulds or musts.

(08:57):
And those are not good.
Case in point, a lot of schoolcounselors that I've seen online
and talked to online are reallywrapped up in following the Ask
a National Model to the letter,which would be great if we all
had the circumstances in placeto allow us to do that.
But we don't.

(09:18):
And so we get caught up in thiscycle of getting upset or angry
or questioning ourselves becausewe're not able to maintain that
standard, but they're allshoulds, right?
We're not able to relax theexpectation, even for just a
little bit.
And those choices are not alwayspropelling us to greatness.
We got to be mindful of that.

(09:40):
And we've also got to be mindfulof sliding into perfectionism
disguised as care, where in ourminds we're doing our utmost for
students.
We are working in a caringcapacity, trying to make sure
they have what they need to besuccessful and feel good about
themselves, but alsounderstanding that sometimes

(10:02):
that can be a disguise for ourown perfectionism and some of
our own insecurities.
I'm just gonna call it out likeit is.
I'm just gonna be real aboutthis.
I know we all often wonder, am Idoing enough?
Am I doing it right?
Are people even seeing what I'mdoing?
And have I proved myself enoughon this campus?

(10:23):
Because nothing for nothing, ifyou're like me, you probably
experience some of thosequestions and feelings every
day.
Even I feel it in mymoment-to-moment work.
I think, do the people on mycampus understand what I do all
day?
Do they understand the value ofwhat I bring to the table?
Are they judging me?

(10:45):
Are they talking about my role?
Like, oh, it must be so nice tobe the counselor and have a desk
to sit at all day.
Because we all know that goeson, right?
We know that goes on oncampuses.
Back to the dysfunctional thing.
Yes?
So we don't need to pretend thatthat's not happening.
So we have this tremendouspressure that's pushing down on

(11:08):
us too, in the middle of all theother things going on.
And so I think sometimes we tryto overcompensate through
perfectionism.
And then because of all that, wetend to have some difficulty
with unresolved problems.
The truth is a lot of our workon campuses is around things

(11:28):
that may not ever resolve.
We would love to take care ofall of our students' concerns,
but realistically, we have toknow that is not always gonna
happen.
I can tell you, I've got two bigthings going on on my campus
right now with differentstudents.
And I know that both of thosesituations are never gonna come

(11:51):
to a full resolution.
I'm never going to be able tosolve those for the students.
And to be honest, it wears on mea little bit because, you know,
we all get that lone saviorframe of mind every now and
again, and we want to fix it.
We want to solve it.
And personally, when I can't dothat, I have to be really

(12:14):
careful about how Iconceptualize these situations.
What stories am I telling myselfabout the situation?
Am I telling myself that I'm thehelper?
Or am I telling myself that Ishould be the fixer?
Because spoiler, we're not thefixers, right?

(12:35):
We are here to help, we are hereto facilitate, we are here to
walk with, but we cannot fix allthe things.
But morally, emotionally, thoseget really heavy.
So every blessed one of thesethings contributes to these dips
that we feel in the rollercoaster of school counseling.

(12:59):
And, you know, we've kind ofbeen chugging up towards the
top.
We get towards the peak, right?
The top of the roller coaster,about the beginning of October,
and then all of a sudden we areon the downhill slope and we hit
the bottom hard, and it isjarring to the senses.
You know what I'm talking about,right?

(13:20):
It is that roller coaster ofschool counseling.
And it's a lot because once wehit those lows, we shoot out of
them, and all of a sudden we hitanother high, we see a student
resolution, we see them solve aproblem on their own, we see
them start functioning moreindependently or with more
capability, and maybe we get alittle bit of professional

(13:42):
recognition along the way, andwe start thinking, hey, maybe
this isn't so bad.
I actually love this work.
This is what I was born to do.
And then from out of nowhere,something shows up and punches
you in the face and you'reheaded back down.
And I laugh because I have beenthrough this cycle so many

(14:03):
times.
And still, it never fails tosurprise me when I hit one of
those lows or when I hit one ofthose highs.
So if you hear nothing else fromme, hear this.
The highs and lows of the rollercoaster of school counseling is
not indicative of your abilityin your job.

(14:26):
Hitting those lows does not meanthat you're a terrible school
counselor.
Hitting the highs does not meanthat you're the best there ever
was.
It is just the reality of thework.
And I feel like if we had thatconversation more in October, it
would be so helpful to all of usto realize that these feelings

(14:47):
are normal, that it's just theseason of school counseling that
we're in.
Now, I'm not trying to excusesituations where you're being
undermined or you're beingmisutilized on campus.
I'm not making excuses for thosethings, right?
There are some very realproblems in the field of school

(15:08):
counseling.
There's no doubt about it.
But we also have to realize thatthis sense of unease that we're
feeling, these feelings ofpressure, it's just all about
this time of year.
And it's part of the job.
And so, for example, I'll tellyou kind of what I've been doing
in my own program.
I've been trying to do my ownwork because again, no matter

(15:31):
how long I've done this, Octoberstill punches me in the face.
So I have recently startedchallenging myself to look at
difficult situations, not asdifficult anymore, but as
interesting.
And that one word has shiftedthings for me so much.
Where when I'm standing upagainst something that just

(15:54):
feels really major, it's nevergoing to be solvable, I can
support the student, but I don'tsee a solution.
I look at it as this isinteresting.
What can I learn?
What can I seek to teach thisstudent in this situation that
might help them down the road?

(16:14):
Because really that's where thegold standard is anyway, right?
Where we are uniquely equippedto help and we are equipping
that student for future success.
We are uniquely equipped to makesome really big differences if
we can keep the right frame ofmind.

(16:34):
So I think we have to hold on tothe fact that October is
October, right?
And then with this rollercoaster school counseling going
on, we have personal life stuffas well.
The seasons are changing, whichmesses with our rhythms and our
hormones.
The holidays are coming up.
Lots of us are alreadyanticipating those for better or

(16:55):
worse.
There's just a lot going on.
So give yourself some grace.
Give yourself some support andremember that this is a season
of school counseling.
It is not the be-all end-all ofhow it's going to be forever.
I think there are a couplethings you can do if you're

(17:17):
looking for some support thistime of year that might be
helpful.
One is you need to implement areally good system into your
program.
You need to have something thattells you, here's where I am,
here's where I'm going, andhere's the next best step.
And I think a lot of schoolcounselors feel like they're at

(17:37):
loose ends because they don'thave that kind of roadmap
running through their program.
Or they're chasing the wrongdestination.
How many times have you letyourself believe that the Ask a
National Model is the onlyacceptable way of building a
school counseling program?
And that if you don't attain thestandard of ramp status or

(17:59):
school counselor of the year,that that somehow means that
you're a lesser schoolcounselor.
I hope that you've neverbelieved that.
But the possibility is high thatat some point in your career you
bought into the fact that if youwere not running a fully quote
unquote comprehensive schoolcounseling program, that you
were somehow failing.

(18:21):
I don't think that's true.
I think that if you had beengiven the time, the latitude,
the personnel, and the autonomyto implement that national
model, and you still weren'table to make it work, we might
need to be having aconversation.
But chances are you're workingwith not enough budget, not
enough people on your campus,overwhelming caseloads,

(18:44):
misappropriation of your timethat you didn't choose.
And so you can't be held to thatideal perfect world standard.
You do, however, need a roadmap.
So we have in our School forSchool Counselors masterminds
something that we call the SMARTSchool Counseling Roadmap.

(19:04):
SMART stands for start, move,assess, relate, and thrive.
And through those five steps,we're able to determine where we
are in our school counselingprogram and what our best next
step or next initiative mightbe.
It gives us clarity and a senseof purpose in our program
instead of feeling like we'reconstantly putting out fires as

(19:26):
the behavior firefighter.
And that's where you probablyare this time of year.
You're either behaviorfirefighting or you're putting
out college application firesright now.
That's what you're doing.
It is more soothing than youknow to have a good system and
to know which direction that yougo next.

(19:47):
So find a framework.
Sit down, list some goals foryour program and the steps that
you need to take to get there.
It doesn't have to be anythingformal.
You don't need a special form.
Write it down on a stinkingpost-it note.
It'll be fine.
But then start working that verymethodically and intentionally.
That's going to give you a senseof peace.

(20:08):
But then, second, rely on yourdata.
Let your data help tell thestory.
I can't tell you how many timesI have ended a day, a week, or
even a month feeling like, dadgummit, I haven't accomplished a
ding-dang thing.
Have you been there?

(20:29):
Like I've been flying by theseat of my pants.
I've been going 100 miles anhour, but glory be, I cannot
tell you what I have done.
I do not feel like I haveaccomplished a thing.
But then I go back and I lookthrough my use of time data and
go, oh, I mean, actually, I'mkind of awesome at this.
I'm doing a lot of things.
I'm juggling a lot of things.

(20:50):
There are a lot of platesspinning all at the same time,
but I'm keeping it relativelyunder control.
It is a comfort to me to see thedata evidence of what I've done
because our emotions are notalways reliable.
Right?
So we've got to have some sortof guidepost to let us know what

(21:13):
we're doing and to remind usthat we're really moving the
needle.
So you need to have a goodroadmap in place for your
program.
You need to rely on your data asa benchmark.
But then you also need to leanon your people.
Find your community, find yourcohort.
I have found consistently overthe years that the school

(21:35):
counselors that seem to talk themost about burnout and quitting,
the ones that say, I don't knowif I can do this work anymore.
I don't know if I was cut outfor this, are the people that
have no community.
So we hold support andconsultation chats in our
mastermind community everystinking week.

(21:55):
And these are not so thateverybody can get together and
vent about what's gone wrong.
These are not people comingtogether and saying, oh my gosh,
this is so terrible.
This is so hard.
I don't want to do this anymore.
Can you believe that myprincipal said this or did this
or anything like that?
That's not what these chats arefor.
These chats are for constructiveproblem solving.

(22:17):
They're for talking throughtough cases.
And I'm going to tell you, we'vehad a lot of them over the past
couple of months where we'vereally had to crowdsource and
get creative.
But by the time we were donewith these conversations, the
school counselor who brought thecase to the chat would say, I
feel so much better.
I feel like I know what I needto do next.

(22:39):
And then they'll go try it andthey'll bring the results back
to us.
And then we troubleshoot againif we need to.
That is the power ofconsultation.
Not having to rely just on yourown brain and your own decision
making, but to rely on the powerof 10, 15, or 20 people standing
behind you helping you call theshots so that you don't feel

(23:01):
like you're by yourself.
You feel like you have goodinformation, you have a breadth
of experience speaking for you,and you know legitimately what
needs to come next.
Some of our mastermind membershave said this, and these are
direct quotes.
Before, I always did what I'dalways done because it was the

(23:22):
only way it had been done.
But after joining themastermind, I questioned things
in an improvement mindset.
I learned how to improve my owncraft as well as our school
counseling program.
And now I'm genuinely happy withmy career choice and going to
work, even if some days arerough.
That is a direct quote.

(23:42):
Another member said, I wasfeeling lost as a school
counselor.
I didn't know where to start,but after joining the
mastermind, I feel ready andprepared.
I have wonderful suggestionsfrom others, and I'm ready to
begin.
Isn't that awesome?
And I'm not trying to turn thisinto a commercial for the
mastermind by any stretch of theimagination.

(24:03):
But what I am trying to impressupon you is the power of quality
consultation with someone whoknows how to lead that process
without just barking at you orgiving you advice about what
they would do, right?
And I'll give you one morebecause this is from one of our
rock star members.
They said, before joining themastermind, I was constantly

(24:26):
looking to others for the rightway to do things and thinking
that there were certainstandards I had to follow to
prove that I belonged in thisprofession.
Does that sound familiar?
Right?
Okay, let me keep going.
I've learned to trust my ownjudgment and experience to meet
the needs of my students in waysthat are responsive and
meaningful.
Being part of the mastermindhelped me see that I don't just

(24:49):
advocate for my students, butfor myself too.
My friend, wow, right?
So find a consultative communitylike that.
Get the support that you need toget through this crazy month of
October because I promise you itnever fails.
It feels like a doozy everyyear.

(25:13):
All right.
So what I want you to remembermost from this episode, I want
you to remember that the highsand lows of this time of year
especially are normal.
And I'm gonna warn you, spoileralert, it hits real hard again
in April.
So we'll be having a similarconversation once we get to
April 2026.
But for now, let's just focus onOctober.

(25:36):
So understanding the rollercoaster, relishing the highs,
understanding the lows are justpart of the game.
Get a good framework in placefor your program so you know
where to go next.
Utilize your data to show youthe movement in your program
that you can't feel, and reallylean into consultation so that

(26:00):
you don't have to feel likeyou're doing this by yourself,
that you have an army behindyou, whether that's district
counselors, whether that'speople on your campus, or
whether that's a group like ourmastermind.
I'll leave a link in the shownotes just in case you're
interested.
No pressure.
But just remember the rollercoaster is normal, and there's

(26:21):
nothing wrong with you becauseyou're going up and down, I
promise.
All right, it's getting reallyhot out here in the car in the
garage in the middle of thenight.
So I'm gonna end this episodehere, but I will be back soon
with another episode of theSchool for School Counselors
podcast.
In the meantime, keep goodenergy around you, maintain a

(26:43):
good perspective on thechallenges of this time of year,
and you're gonna do great.
I promise it's gonna be great.
I'll talk to you again soon.
Take care.