January 22, 2024 • 28 mins
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Navigating ethical pitfalls and maintaining professionalism isn't just a part of our job - it's at the heart of our mission as school counselors.
This episode takes a hard look at the delicate dance between best, ethical practices and the pressures that tempt us to bend or overstep our boundaries.
This is the stuff few people talk about: the emotional complexities that come with truly investing in our students' lives. You'll hear firsthand how to balance empathy with professionalism, personal connection with necessary distance, productivity versus rigidity, and why it's crucial to know when to reach out for additional resources and support when things start to feel dicey.
All school counselors need to join this down-to-earth conversation about the stuff we don't always talk about but face every day.
It's a reminder that in our journeys as school counselors, knowing when to ask for support is a strength, not a weakness.
Together, we can navigate the complexities and keep our focus on being there for our students in the absolute best way possible.
Mentioned in this episode:
School for School Counselors Mastermind
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Our goal at School for School Counselors is to help school counselors stay on fire, make huge impacts for students, and catalyze change for our roles through grassroots advocacy and collaboration. Listen to get to know more about us and our mission, feel empowered and inspired, and set yourself up for success in the wonderful world of school counseling.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Steph Johnson (00:00):
Hello school counselor friend, welcome back
to the School for SchoolCounselors podcast.
I'm so glad that you're backhere with me for another week.
I'm Steph Johnson, your host,full-time school counselor.
Just like you, back in thesaddle for another week of the
podcast.
I'm so humbled and gratefulthat you choose to spend some of
(00:21):
your time with me each week.
When I was a kid, back in theAtari days even the pre Atari
days, if you can believe thatI'm dating myself a little bit
we had a system called anIntellivision.
Anybody out there rememberthose?
It was an old, old schoolgaming console.
(00:42):
It was new at the time andinstead of having a joystick or
something like that, it had thislittle handheld cartridge with
a bunch of number buttons and alittle dial kind of thing on it
and you use that to play games.
Mostly they were card games,solitaire things like that.
But eventually my familyupgraded and we got a game
(01:05):
called Pitfall.
I don't know if any of you haveplayed Pitfall Again, I'm
showing my age here but inPitfall it was this little guy
who was running this trail inthe jungle trying to collect
coins and treasure, and every sooften he had to swing on a vine
over some roaring rapids, or hehad to avoid getting chomped by
(01:27):
an alligator or something likethat, there were always these
pitfalls that were jumping up todeflect him from his mission.
Sometimes I feel like it's thatway in school counseling.
You know, we're rolling alongjust fine, we're running to a
destination, we're trying tomake things happen along the way
, but inevitably something jumpsup and tries to bite us, and
(01:50):
often there are things that arejumping up that we weren't
really aware of and that perhapswe brought on ourselves.
Ouch, oh, that's a hardconversation to have, but you
know and I know that thesethings happen.
So this week we're going tohave a gut check.
We are going to check in on ourprofessionalism pitfalls and
(02:14):
make sure that we're not gettingdeterred from our mission.
Before I jump into that, thereare some wonderful reviews that
I would love to read for thepodcast, and I'm going to reach
you to this time because I'm notsure if I've read this first
one before.
I feel like I have, but Icouldn't find it in my archives
(02:35):
and I want to give it its dueattention.
So I'm going to give you twothis week.
The first one comes from areviewer called Local Customer
Family, and they submitted thisback in November.
So sorry, it's taken me a whileto get to it.
They entitled their review OldDogs, new Tricks.
They went on to say as a schoolcounselor of 17 years in Texas,
(02:57):
go you.
I continue to learn, grow andfeel supported by your podcast.
We are an island, sometimes onour campuses, and it's nice to
fill that connection with others.
It's great encouragement at atime when our jobs are so needed
yet at times doubted and undersupported.
(03:18):
Please keep up the great work.
Thank you, local CustomerFamily.
I appreciate that.
Our other review comes fromCJBO83184.
Oh, say that three times fast.
Their review was titled Supportfor a New Counselor.
They said always look forwardto listening each week, usually
(03:41):
while I'm at home doing thedishes.
Same girl, same.
I get it.
As a new school counselor, Ihave found the podcast to be a
good balance of bringing tolight our day-to-day hurdles
while still reassuring us aslisteners of our professional
skills and best intentions wehave for our students.
Often listening to the podcastis the only time I hear praise
(04:05):
or confirmation for the work anddevoted time I put into my
counseling program.
Thank you, steph.
Thank you so much for thatwonderful review.
I tell y'all these are worthmore than gold, not only in
helping getting the word outabout the podcast for people who
need to hear about it, but alsojust knowing that there are
people out there listening andappreciating what my team and I
(04:29):
are putting out each and everyweek.
So thank you, thank you fromthe bottom of my heart, all
right.
Well, let's jump back into thisgut check.
Let's make sure that we'redoing what we need to be doing
and that we haven't fallen intoany of these pitfalls of things
that felt like they were a goodidea at the time, maybe some
(04:50):
situations that we've slid intoand didn't really realize it.
We wanna make sure that we'reon top of all of the right ways
of doing things, all of theethical ways of doing things,
all of the best practice ways ofdoing things.
We just wanna make sure we'regiving it our 1,000% so we
(05:11):
demonstrate professionalismdaily.
On our campuses, we do a lot ofthings in order to demonstrate
that we are emphasizinginclusivity and treating
everyone with respect andkindness, being mindful of
diversity.
We're also showing effectivecommunication skills.
Hopefully.
(05:32):
We're striving to be clear andeffective when we communicate.
We're demonstrating activelistening on a daily basis so
that folks can experience thatas well as see what it is and
how they might try to replicatethat in their own conversations.
We are advocates for studentwellbeing.
(05:53):
We advocate for their mentalhealth as well as their overall
wellbeing.
We collaborate with teachersand administrators and outside
programs to implementinterventions for students to
support their wellness.
We model conflict resolutionskills.
We model tolerance and respect.
(06:14):
We help students learn tonavigate conflicts in a
constructive and respectfulmanner.
We model empathy and compassionwhen students are facing
challenges.
Sometimes I think when we modelthese kinds of empathy and
compassion, it really kind offorces our teachers' hands.
(06:34):
If they're not intrinsicallywired that way, they notice it,
they start to really internalizethat and change the way they're
communicating with theirstudents.
We strive to be timely andresponsive when we're responding
to emails, phone calls,requests for meetings, showing
up, being on time, maintainingaccurate documents and
(06:57):
documentation, beingcollaborative with everyone on
our campus to enhance overalleducational experiences.
We're doing all those thingsevery day.
That makes me tired justlisting all of that out, and
that's not even everything we do.
There's so much more to ourrole on campus each and every
(07:19):
day.
But just to give you a taste ofthe things I'm thinking about,
as I'm talking about the thingsthat people are noticing about
us, perhaps the things they seekto emulate about us, and really
, at the end of the day, we wantto inspire those kinds of
positive change.
However, with all of thisprofessional behavior, all of
(07:42):
these professionalresponsibilities and demeanor,
we also encounter some pitfalls.
They are very, very tempting,and nothing for nothing.
We do work within somemicrosystems that have a lot of
pressure and sometimes a lot ofundue influence.
(08:04):
Right, some of our campuses forlack of a better way of
explaining it kind of operatelike dysfunctional families in a
way.
You ever been on one of those.
You know what I'm talking about.
Those usually have poorcommunication.
You have power dynamics at playwhere you don't really know who
(08:25):
you can trust or who you cantalk to or what's going to
happen next, sometimes innegative school culture or maybe
inconsistency in the way thingsare happening.
You don't often find all ofthose all on one campus.
Thankfully, sometimes a campuscan be great and still have a
few of those less than idealelements in play.
(08:47):
But you do get into theseenvironments where you just feel
so much pressure, so muchexpectation to do things in a
different way than perhaps theway you would have originally
chosen, and so I want to talkthrough some of the things you
may be presented with andperhaps how we can handle those
(09:07):
situations.
First, potential pitfall isbreaching confidentiality,
sharing sensitive studentinformation without the proper
authorization.
Sometimes we just feel superpressured to disclose
confidential information thatmight be disclosures to parents,
(09:31):
to colleagues or even sometimesto other students.
I had a situation on my campusone time.
I had a student walk into myoffice and tell me, hands down,
one of the worst stories I'dever heard in my life.
It was painful to listen to, itwas difficult to attend to, and
after it was over, we hadauthorities involved.
(09:54):
So the next day, when schooltime rolled around, they weren't
at school and the teacher cameout of the classroom asking
about the student and where theyhad gone.
It was a situation that I wasnot at liberty to talk about.
It was still an ongoingsituation, I couldn't provide
any details, and so I tried tobe very tactful and matter of
(10:17):
fact with the teacher and justletting them know.
You know there might be somethings I can share later on down
the road, but right now there'snot a lot I can tell you, and
this teacher was sweet andprecious and loved her students
so much.
And she followed me out intothe hallway and, in a very loud
(10:38):
voice some people might havecalled it shouting she said you
need to tell me what's going on.
Right now I have an educationalright to know Y'all.
That was intimidating Right,not only because she was loud
and being assertive aboutwanting to know, with all the
(11:00):
best intentions, but because ofthe nature of the disclosure.
Almost felt like if I relayed alittle bit of that information
it would take a little bit ofthe hurt out of my heart, it
would let me unload a little bit.
But I knew that wasn't theright answer.
Gosh, I was tempted, though.
(11:20):
I still remember that day sovividly and clearly and I see
1000%, see where that teacherwas coming from.
Sometimes we get that same kindof pressure from parents and we
walk a tightrope ofconfidentiality versus parent
rights, don't we?
That's a constant dance that wehave to perform.
(11:43):
It's important for you to knowyour state guidelines.
It's important for you tounderstand ethical guidelines in
school counseling, but it'salso important to remember this
is not a black or whitesituation.
Most of the time it's a verygray area.
That's where consultation comesin.
That's where discussing ethicswith someone to get a different
(12:08):
point of view hopefully someonewho's well versed in it is going
to serve you well.
Sometimes we get colleague andteacher pressure, as I described
earlier.
They will have a very validreason for wanting to know.
Or sometimes we're tempted toshare more than the bare minimum
, more than what's absolutelynecessary, especially if we know
(12:30):
the teacher well or the otherparty well.
We want to get in good withthem, right?
We want to be seen as a personon campus that others want to
talk to.
It can be tempting.
I know lots of you are probablysitting and listening and
thinking, oh my gosh, I wouldnever do that.
Give it time.
Give it time because I 1000%guarantee that you will be
(12:56):
tempted with this at least oncein your career.
Because, again, we're humanbeings.
We're not perfect.
All the time we are tempted todo things that sometimes we know
are not best practice and we'retempted for lots of different
reasons.
The important thing is thatwe're aware of this and we're
being mindful of it in themoment as much as we possibly
(13:18):
can be.
Sometimes two confidentialitybreaches are encouraged by our
administrative demands.
Your admin may want logs orsummaries of student visits.
It can be tempting to want toturn those over, just so you
don't get hassled about it.
I've talked with probablyhundreds of school counselors in
(13:39):
that situation over the years.
That's scary.
Sometimes districts want tohouse student counseling
information in computerized hubsand databases somewhere.
That can be a real ethicalcheck.
You need to really be mindfulof that if you're in that
process.
Keep good consultation in that.
(14:00):
And sometimes it's consideredadministrative reciprocity where
you are expected to discloseinformation to be a real part of
the team.
You ever been there Back to thatdysfunctional family idea,
right, gotta be careful withthat.
But you know, really we want tobe accepted, we want to be
(14:25):
loved, we want to be respectedfor the work that we do.
And sometimes we come acrosssituations or individuals that
know how to manipulate thosesituations to get us to disclose
information.
And again, sometimes they'redoing it with the best of
intentions.
But we gotta be careful that wedon't fall into the pitfall of
(14:48):
over disclosing or violatingconfidentiality.
All right.
Pitfall number two compromisingour boundaries.
Sometimes we can really developoverly personal relationships
with students.
And I'm not talking aboutinappropriate relationships as
(15:10):
far as friendships or romanticrelationships or anything like
that.
I'm talking about becomingreally emotionally invested in a
student or perhaps crossingsome professional boundaries in
an attempt to be overlysupportive.
I see this happen a lot.
(15:31):
When counselors have theirheavy hitters, the ones that
keep coming back time and timeagain, where they've been able
to develop quite a bit ofrapport, particularly if we know
those students are not likelyto receive services elsewhere,
it starts to kind of blur thelines of our work.
Some folks will say I'm goingto get them what they need, no
(15:54):
matter what it takes, and so ifthat means I provide some longer
term counseling, I guess that'swhat it means.
But then in that longer termrelationship we kind of start to
default to the overlysupportive role.
It's a delicate balance, guys.
It's a delicate balance.
It can lead to favoritism aswell, even if it's unintentional
(16:15):
.
You might catch yourselfthinking I know I'm not supposed
to have favorites, but man,that one's one of them.
If you find yourself in thatsituation, just assess yourself.
It doesn't necessarily meanyou're doing anything wrong, but
it means it's time to getmindful about the situation.
This could also be acting as aconfidant, not only for students
(16:40):
, but sometimes coworkers oreven parents.
It can create an awkwarddynamic later on where someone's
come to confide in you andmaybe kind of blurs your
boundaries a little bit.
And then, after they're overthat upset in the moment, they
kind of get embarrassed by thedisclosure.
Maybe they start to distance alittle bit.
(17:00):
That can really damage somerelationships.
So it's important to be mindfulof the disclosures that you're
receiving.
Sometimes becoming a confidantcan supersede the student-parent
relationship, which is a placethat we definitely do not want
to be.
We can encourage students tocommunicate with their parents.
(17:21):
We can really encourage them tohave hard conversations.
We can model, we can role play,we can do all kinds of things
in those situations.
But we got to be really carefulthat we don't start to
supersede that parent-studentrelationship.
And you'll come across somefolks in the school counseling
(17:41):
world that are adamant that itis our job to be the confidant.
But I don't think it is Parentsor parents.
They're guardians, regardlessof our opinions.
Again, you need to be aware ofyour state guidelines and your
ethical mandates, but you needto really give this some serious
(18:03):
consideration if you findyourself in a situation like
this.
This crossing of boundaries canalso translate into a failure to
refer, where we becomehyper-invested in a student and
don't want to refer them out orwe don't recognize the need.
We're in so deep we can't seethe forest for the trees.
(18:24):
We've got to remember that wedon't have to be the savior of
students' situations.
Our role you've heard me saythis many times is to be the
helper, not the fixer.
So we have to be discerningenough to determine when the
situation is in need ofadditional expertise, if it
(18:46):
needs additional time,additional resources or supports
that we cannot provide in theschool setting, so that we can
refer out.
This is a heavy conversationthis week, right as we're
talking about these professionalpitfalls, but they're so
important to examine and reallyturn a critical eye to.
(19:08):
So first was breachingconfidentiality.
Second, compromising boundaries.
Third, over-commitment andinflexibility.
Over-commitment can happen whenyou take on too many
responsibilities.
We often see this in folks thatreally seek to be a changemaker
(19:30):
.
It is just really in theirheart to change systems or
circumstances for students.
Sometimes this is when they'revery new school counselors and
they haven't yet learned theircampus well or found a balance
on their campus.
Sometimes it's with folks whoseem to have a little bit of a
(19:52):
lone savior complex, meaningthey see themselves as the
ultimate solution to a student'sproblem, and so they feel like
they have to be this hero, andthat can get pretty dicey.
We start to over-commit andthat kind of plays into
overstepping our boundaries aswell.
Sometimes you get too manyresponsibilities because they've
(20:15):
been assigned to you.
You have an administrator whodoesn't understand your role,
maybe who doesn't value it, andso you end up struggling to
fulfill all these professionalduties and it leads to a
decrease in the quality of yourcounseling services.
That's over-commitment.
The sister to that isinflexibility, where we resist
(20:40):
change or we're inflexible inour approaches.
I think this is a considerationwhen we're trying to balance
ASCA expectations withreal-world intervention
possibilities, especially ifyou've just emerged from ASCA
land, otherwise known as gradschool.
You feel like you have allthese expectations and the right
(21:03):
answers for how your counselingprogram is supposed to work,
and you do become a littleinflexible in your initial
approaches.
You feel like you're doing theright thing by, you know,
planning that flag in the groundsaying I will do this, I won't
do that, I have to do it thisway.
But really what you end updoing is forcing yourself to
(21:24):
work with one hand tied behindyour back.
You might develop a reputationfor difficulty, you might set
the stage for some hardrelationships, and so sometimes
we have to work towardcompromises instead of just
stating all of our demandsupfront.
It's a lot like building a newrelationship or being in a new
(21:45):
marriage.
We talk about it a lot aroundhere as advocating from the
inside out.
So we've got to develop a goodperspective, learn where and
when to lean into flexibility onour campus, and that takes time
.
We have to be careful of notbeing too rigid in the process.
(22:05):
This could look like failing toadapt to new counseling methods
or strategies that we knowcould benefit students.
We know sometimes we have toget creative To benefit students
.
Well, on our campus Sometimeswe have these weird situations
or circumstances.
We know we need to servestudents within, but we just
(22:26):
don't know how.
So sometimes we got to get alittle creative and think
outside the box.
Sometimes our settings dictateless than ideal approaches.
That could be due to lack ofresources or time, lack of
parent buying in, lack of parentavailability.
Sometimes we have to meet themwhere they are.
Sometimes we have to reallyengage in some good consultation
(22:49):
to broaden our perspectives, toprovide us some different
vantage points and give us somedifferent sources of feedback so
that we can make sure thatwe're not over committing or
becoming too inflexible.
And then last, one of theprofessional pitfalls that's
very easy to fall into isinadequate professional
development, and we're notstaying updated on the latest
(23:13):
counseling techniques or bestpractices.
And you're probably thinking,ah no, that'll never be me.
I mean, they're slammingprofessional development down my
throat like no buddies businessAin't no way I'm getting behind
in professional development.
But I want you to take a minuteand think Is the professional
development that you're beingprovided or engaging in truly
(23:37):
helpful in your uniquecircumstance?
If it's not, you may be victimof inadequate professional
development.
So, whether it's due to time,whether it's due to overwhelm
and not being able to seek thoseexperiences, whether it's due
to trying to get yourprofessional development through
(23:59):
the scroll, which is superdangerous, please don't do that
in these mega school counselinggroups, where people are all
asking for insight and adviceand you start seeing threads of
comments that contradict eachother.
It's a dangerous place to be.
You've got to make sure you'reseeking professional, ongoing
(24:20):
development.
So look into options in yourlocal area.
Here in Texas we have what arecalled education service centers
that provide training fordifferent school districts
within a region.
There may be foundations, theremay be nonprofits that provide
this professional development.
Sometimes it's pay to playprofessional development, where
(24:41):
you seek a certain workshop andpay for the experience, and
that's okay.
Make sure you vet those people,but that's a good way to get
some experience and someinformation.
Your state or nationalorganizations are going to be a
great resource for professionaldevelopment, as well as
consultation groups, like ourschool for school counselors,
mastermind.
(25:02):
Now, if you seek consultationgroups, be discerning.
Most groups do not seek to beevidence based consultation
groups.
They are set up to perpetuatethe view of the leader as the
expert and that is the end ofthe story.
So be careful with those.
We've heard a lot of folks thathave come into our mastermind
from other groups say that theyenjoy the mastermind because
(25:23):
they feel like they're beingtalked with versus being talked
at.
So be discerning in thoserelationships and situations.
But, no matter where you chooseto grow, be intentional about
your implementation and yourfollow through, because once you
leave a really great trainingand you re-enter the real world
(25:44):
of your school campus, it's easyto forget what you were so
excited about or you neglect thetime that it takes to implement
the new strategies that youreally wanted to try and felt
would be beneficial to yourstudents.
So just be mindful of that.
All right, so four bigprofessional pitfalls that we
(26:05):
want to be careful that we don'tfall victim to.
Number one breaches ofconfidentiality, sharing
information through colleague orteacher pressure,
administrative demand or parentpressure.
Being very, very aware of thatand compromising boundaries.
(26:25):
Making sure we don't becomeoverly invested in our heavy
hitters.
Making sure we don't become theconfidant of those that are not
interested to our care in thatway or failing to refer because
we're just so hyper-invested orwe want to be the lone savior.
(26:46):
Three the pair ofover-commitments and
inflexibility.
Having too manyresponsibilities, sometimes
self-initiated and struggling tofulfill those, so you're
compromising the quality ofcounseling or resisting change,
being inflexible, being militantabout your approaches.
(27:07):
Or four inadequate professionaldevelopment, not seeking enough
or not seeking the right types.
Make sure you find theprofessional development that's
really going to serve yourunique circumstances and is
going to introduce you to aconsultative circle that you can
rely on and lean on.
(27:28):
If you need a circle like thatyou've heard me say many times,
jump into our School for SchoolCounselors Mastermind.
It's amazing.
You can find out more on ourbrand new website,
schoolforschoolcounselorscomslash mastermind.
All the information will beright there for you.
I hope this was helpful and wasgreat food for thought, if
(27:48):
nothing else, just to cause youto reflect on the way you're
doing business on your campus,and if it's healthy and
sustainable, not only for thosein your care and those around
you, but for you as an important, dynamic, innovative human
being and school counselor.
All right, take this to task,think about it over the next
(28:09):
week.
I hope you have the best weekcoming up and, until we talk
again, take care.
Hello school counselor friend, welcome back
to the School for SchoolCounselors podcast.
I'm so glad that you're backhere with me for another week.
I'm Steph Johnson, your host,full-time school counselor.
Just like you, back in thesaddle for another week of the
podcast.
I'm so humbled and gratefulthat you choose to spend some of
(00:21):
your time with me each week.
When I was a kid, back in theAtari days even the pre Atari
days, if you can believe thatI'm dating myself a little bit
we had a system called anIntellivision.
Anybody out there rememberthose?
It was an old, old schoolgaming console.
(00:42):
It was new at the time andinstead of having a joystick or
something like that, it had thislittle handheld cartridge with
a bunch of number buttons and alittle dial kind of thing on it
and you use that to play games.
Mostly they were card games,solitaire things like that.
But eventually my familyupgraded and we got a game
(01:05):
called Pitfall.
I don't know if any of you haveplayed Pitfall Again, I'm
showing my age here but inPitfall it was this little guy
who was running this trail inthe jungle trying to collect
coins and treasure, and every sooften he had to swing on a vine
over some roaring rapids, or hehad to avoid getting chomped by
(01:27):
an alligator or something likethat, there were always these
pitfalls that were jumping up todeflect him from his mission.
Sometimes I feel like it's thatway in school counseling.
You know, we're rolling alongjust fine, we're running to a
destination, we're trying tomake things happen along the way
, but inevitably something jumpsup and tries to bite us, and
(01:50):
often there are things that arejumping up that we weren't
really aware of and that perhapswe brought on ourselves.
Ouch, oh, that's a hardconversation to have, but you
know and I know that thesethings happen.
So this week we're going tohave a gut check.
We are going to check in on ourprofessionalism pitfalls and
(02:14):
make sure that we're not gettingdeterred from our mission.
Before I jump into that, thereare some wonderful reviews that
I would love to read for thepodcast, and I'm going to reach
you to this time because I'm notsure if I've read this first
one before.
I feel like I have, but Icouldn't find it in my archives
(02:35):
and I want to give it its dueattention.
So I'm going to give you twothis week.
The first one comes from areviewer called Local Customer
Family, and they submitted thisback in November.
So sorry, it's taken me a whileto get to it.
They entitled their review OldDogs, new Tricks.
They went on to say as a schoolcounselor of 17 years in Texas,
(02:57):
go you.
I continue to learn, grow andfeel supported by your podcast.
We are an island, sometimes onour campuses, and it's nice to
fill that connection with others.
It's great encouragement at atime when our jobs are so needed
yet at times doubted and undersupported.
(03:18):
Please keep up the great work.
Thank you, local CustomerFamily.
I appreciate that.
Our other review comes fromCJBO83184.
Oh, say that three times fast.
Their review was titled Supportfor a New Counselor.
They said always look forwardto listening each week, usually
(03:41):
while I'm at home doing thedishes.
Same girl, same.
I get it.
As a new school counselor, Ihave found the podcast to be a
good balance of bringing tolight our day-to-day hurdles
while still reassuring us aslisteners of our professional
skills and best intentions wehave for our students.
Often listening to the podcastis the only time I hear praise
(04:05):
or confirmation for the work anddevoted time I put into my
counseling program.
Thank you, steph.
Thank you so much for thatwonderful review.
I tell y'all these are worthmore than gold, not only in
helping getting the word outabout the podcast for people who
need to hear about it, but alsojust knowing that there are
people out there listening andappreciating what my team and I
(04:29):
are putting out each and everyweek.
So thank you, thank you fromthe bottom of my heart, all
right.
Well, let's jump back into thisgut check.
Let's make sure that we'redoing what we need to be doing
and that we haven't fallen intoany of these pitfalls of things
that felt like they were a goodidea at the time, maybe some
(04:50):
situations that we've slid intoand didn't really realize it.
We wanna make sure that we'reon top of all of the right ways
of doing things, all of theethical ways of doing things,
all of the best practice ways ofdoing things.
We just wanna make sure we'regiving it our 1,000% so we
(05:11):
demonstrate professionalismdaily.
On our campuses, we do a lot ofthings in order to demonstrate
that we are emphasizinginclusivity and treating
everyone with respect andkindness, being mindful of
diversity.
We're also showing effectivecommunication skills.
Hopefully.
(05:32):
We're striving to be clear andeffective when we communicate.
We're demonstrating activelistening on a daily basis so
that folks can experience thatas well as see what it is and
how they might try to replicatethat in their own conversations.
We are advocates for studentwellbeing.
(05:53):
We advocate for their mentalhealth as well as their overall
wellbeing.
We collaborate with teachersand administrators and outside
programs to implementinterventions for students to
support their wellness.
We model conflict resolutionskills.
We model tolerance and respect.
(06:14):
We help students learn tonavigate conflicts in a
constructive and respectfulmanner.
We model empathy and compassionwhen students are facing
challenges.
Sometimes I think when we modelthese kinds of empathy and
compassion, it really kind offorces our teachers' hands.
(06:34):
If they're not intrinsicallywired that way, they notice it,
they start to really internalizethat and change the way they're
communicating with theirstudents.
We strive to be timely andresponsive when we're responding
to emails, phone calls,requests for meetings, showing
up, being on time, maintainingaccurate documents and
(06:57):
documentation, beingcollaborative with everyone on
our campus to enhance overalleducational experiences.
We're doing all those thingsevery day.
That makes me tired justlisting all of that out, and
that's not even everything we do.
There's so much more to ourrole on campus each and every
(07:19):
day.
But just to give you a taste ofthe things I'm thinking about,
as I'm talking about the thingsthat people are noticing about
us, perhaps the things they seekto emulate about us, and really
, at the end of the day, we wantto inspire those kinds of
positive change.
However, with all of thisprofessional behavior, all of
(07:42):
these professionalresponsibilities and demeanor,
we also encounter some pitfalls.
They are very, very tempting,and nothing for nothing.
We do work within somemicrosystems that have a lot of
pressure and sometimes a lot ofundue influence.
(08:04):
Right, some of our campuses forlack of a better way of
explaining it kind of operatelike dysfunctional families in a
way.
You ever been on one of those.
You know what I'm talking about.
Those usually have poorcommunication.
You have power dynamics at playwhere you don't really know who
(08:25):
you can trust or who you cantalk to or what's going to
happen next, sometimes innegative school culture or maybe
inconsistency in the way thingsare happening.
You don't often find all ofthose all on one campus.
Thankfully, sometimes a campuscan be great and still have a
few of those less than idealelements in play.
(08:47):
But you do get into theseenvironments where you just feel
so much pressure, so muchexpectation to do things in a
different way than perhaps theway you would have originally
chosen, and so I want to talkthrough some of the things you
may be presented with andperhaps how we can handle those
(09:07):
situations.
First, potential pitfall isbreaching confidentiality,
sharing sensitive studentinformation without the proper
authorization.
Sometimes we just feel superpressured to disclose
confidential information thatmight be disclosures to parents,
(09:31):
to colleagues or even sometimesto other students.
I had a situation on my campusone time.
I had a student walk into myoffice and tell me, hands down,
one of the worst stories I'dever heard in my life.
It was painful to listen to, itwas difficult to attend to, and
after it was over, we hadauthorities involved.
(09:54):
So the next day, when schooltime rolled around, they weren't
at school and the teacher cameout of the classroom asking
about the student and where theyhad gone.
It was a situation that I wasnot at liberty to talk about.
It was still an ongoingsituation, I couldn't provide
any details, and so I tried tobe very tactful and matter of
(10:17):
fact with the teacher and justletting them know.
You know there might be somethings I can share later on down
the road, but right now there'snot a lot I can tell you, and
this teacher was sweet andprecious and loved her students
so much.
And she followed me out intothe hallway and, in a very loud
(10:38):
voice some people might havecalled it shouting she said you
need to tell me what's going on.
Right now I have an educationalright to know Y'all.
That was intimidating Right,not only because she was loud
and being assertive aboutwanting to know, with all the
(11:00):
best intentions, but because ofthe nature of the disclosure.
Almost felt like if I relayed alittle bit of that information
it would take a little bit ofthe hurt out of my heart, it
would let me unload a little bit.
But I knew that wasn't theright answer.
Gosh, I was tempted, though.
(11:20):
I still remember that day sovividly and clearly and I see
1000%, see where that teacherwas coming from.
Sometimes we get that same kindof pressure from parents and we
walk a tightrope ofconfidentiality versus parent
rights, don't we?
That's a constant dance that wehave to perform.
(11:43):
It's important for you to knowyour state guidelines.
It's important for you tounderstand ethical guidelines in
school counseling, but it'salso important to remember this
is not a black or whitesituation.
Most of the time it's a verygray area.
That's where consultation comesin.
That's where discussing ethicswith someone to get a different
(12:08):
point of view hopefully someonewho's well versed in it is going
to serve you well.
Sometimes we get colleague andteacher pressure, as I described
earlier.
They will have a very validreason for wanting to know.
Or sometimes we're tempted toshare more than the bare minimum
, more than what's absolutelynecessary, especially if we know
(12:30):
the teacher well or the otherparty well.
We want to get in good withthem, right?
We want to be seen as a personon campus that others want to
talk to.
It can be tempting.
I know lots of you are probablysitting and listening and
thinking, oh my gosh, I wouldnever do that.
Give it time.
Give it time because I 1000%guarantee that you will be
(12:56):
tempted with this at least oncein your career.
Because, again, we're humanbeings.
We're not perfect.
All the time we are tempted todo things that sometimes we know
are not best practice and we'retempted for lots of different
reasons.
The important thing is thatwe're aware of this and we're
being mindful of it in themoment as much as we possibly
(13:18):
can be.
Sometimes two confidentialitybreaches are encouraged by our
administrative demands.
Your admin may want logs orsummaries of student visits.
It can be tempting to want toturn those over, just so you
don't get hassled about it.
I've talked with probablyhundreds of school counselors in
(13:39):
that situation over the years.
That's scary.
Sometimes districts want tohouse student counseling
information in computerized hubsand databases somewhere.
That can be a real ethicalcheck.
You need to really be mindfulof that if you're in that
process.
Keep good consultation in that.
(14:00):
And sometimes it's consideredadministrative reciprocity where
you are expected to discloseinformation to be a real part of
the team.
You ever been there Back to thatdysfunctional family idea,
right, gotta be careful withthat.
But you know, really we want tobe accepted, we want to be
(14:25):
loved, we want to be respectedfor the work that we do.
And sometimes we come acrosssituations or individuals that
know how to manipulate thosesituations to get us to disclose
information.
And again, sometimes they'redoing it with the best of
intentions.
But we gotta be careful that wedon't fall into the pitfall of
(14:48):
over disclosing or violatingconfidentiality.
All right.
Pitfall number two compromisingour boundaries.
Sometimes we can really developoverly personal relationships
with students.
And I'm not talking aboutinappropriate relationships as
(15:10):
far as friendships or romanticrelationships or anything like
that.
I'm talking about becomingreally emotionally invested in a
student or perhaps crossingsome professional boundaries in
an attempt to be overlysupportive.
I see this happen a lot.
(15:31):
When counselors have theirheavy hitters, the ones that
keep coming back time and timeagain, where they've been able
to develop quite a bit ofrapport, particularly if we know
those students are not likelyto receive services elsewhere,
it starts to kind of blur thelines of our work.
Some folks will say I'm goingto get them what they need, no
(15:54):
matter what it takes, and so ifthat means I provide some longer
term counseling, I guess that'swhat it means.
But then in that longer termrelationship we kind of start to
default to the overlysupportive role.
It's a delicate balance, guys.
It's a delicate balance.
It can lead to favoritism aswell, even if it's unintentional
(16:15):
.
You might catch yourselfthinking I know I'm not supposed
to have favorites, but man,that one's one of them.
If you find yourself in thatsituation, just assess yourself.
It doesn't necessarily meanyou're doing anything wrong, but
it means it's time to getmindful about the situation.
This could also be acting as aconfidant, not only for students
(16:40):
, but sometimes coworkers oreven parents.
It can create an awkwarddynamic later on where someone's
come to confide in you andmaybe kind of blurs your
boundaries a little bit.
And then, after they're overthat upset in the moment, they
kind of get embarrassed by thedisclosure.
Maybe they start to distance alittle bit.
(17:00):
That can really damage somerelationships.
So it's important to be mindfulof the disclosures that you're
receiving.
Sometimes becoming a confidantcan supersede the student-parent
relationship, which is a placethat we definitely do not want
to be.
We can encourage students tocommunicate with their parents.
(17:21):
We can really encourage them tohave hard conversations.
We can model, we can role play,we can do all kinds of things
in those situations.
But we got to be really carefulthat we don't start to
supersede that parent-studentrelationship.
And you'll come across somefolks in the school counseling
(17:41):
world that are adamant that itis our job to be the confidant.
But I don't think it is Parentsor parents.
They're guardians, regardlessof our opinions.
Again, you need to be aware ofyour state guidelines and your
ethical mandates, but you needto really give this some serious
(18:03):
consideration if you findyourself in a situation like
this.
This crossing of boundaries canalso translate into a failure to
refer, where we becomehyper-invested in a student and
don't want to refer them out orwe don't recognize the need.
We're in so deep we can't seethe forest for the trees.
(18:24):
We've got to remember that wedon't have to be the savior of
students' situations.
Our role you've heard me saythis many times is to be the
helper, not the fixer.
So we have to be discerningenough to determine when the
situation is in need ofadditional expertise, if it
(18:46):
needs additional time,additional resources or supports
that we cannot provide in theschool setting, so that we can
refer out.
This is a heavy conversationthis week, right as we're
talking about these professionalpitfalls, but they're so
important to examine and reallyturn a critical eye to.
(19:08):
So first was breachingconfidentiality.
Second, compromising boundaries.
Third, over-commitment andinflexibility.
Over-commitment can happen whenyou take on too many
responsibilities.
We often see this in folks thatreally seek to be a changemaker
(19:30):
.
It is just really in theirheart to change systems or
circumstances for students.
Sometimes this is when they'revery new school counselors and
they haven't yet learned theircampus well or found a balance
on their campus.
Sometimes it's with folks whoseem to have a little bit of a
(19:52):
lone savior complex, meaningthey see themselves as the
ultimate solution to a student'sproblem, and so they feel like
they have to be this hero, andthat can get pretty dicey.
We start to over-commit andthat kind of plays into
overstepping our boundaries aswell.
Sometimes you get too manyresponsibilities because they've
(20:15):
been assigned to you.
You have an administrator whodoesn't understand your role,
maybe who doesn't value it, andso you end up struggling to
fulfill all these professionalduties and it leads to a
decrease in the quality of yourcounseling services.
That's over-commitment.
The sister to that isinflexibility, where we resist
(20:40):
change or we're inflexible inour approaches.
I think this is a considerationwhen we're trying to balance
ASCA expectations withreal-world intervention
possibilities, especially ifyou've just emerged from ASCA
land, otherwise known as gradschool.
You feel like you have allthese expectations and the right
(21:03):
answers for how your counselingprogram is supposed to work,
and you do become a littleinflexible in your initial
approaches.
You feel like you're doing theright thing by, you know,
planning that flag in the groundsaying I will do this, I won't
do that, I have to do it thisway.
But really what you end updoing is forcing yourself to
(21:24):
work with one hand tied behindyour back.
You might develop a reputationfor difficulty, you might set
the stage for some hardrelationships, and so sometimes
we have to work towardcompromises instead of just
stating all of our demandsupfront.
It's a lot like building a newrelationship or being in a new
(21:45):
marriage.
We talk about it a lot aroundhere as advocating from the
inside out.
So we've got to develop a goodperspective, learn where and
when to lean into flexibility onour campus, and that takes time
.
We have to be careful of notbeing too rigid in the process.
(22:05):
This could look like failing toadapt to new counseling methods
or strategies that we knowcould benefit students.
We know sometimes we have toget creative To benefit students
.
Well, on our campus Sometimeswe have these weird situations
or circumstances.
We know we need to servestudents within, but we just
(22:26):
don't know how.
So sometimes we got to get alittle creative and think
outside the box.
Sometimes our settings dictateless than ideal approaches.
That could be due to lack ofresources or time, lack of
parent buying in, lack of parentavailability.
Sometimes we have to meet themwhere they are.
Sometimes we have to reallyengage in some good consultation
(22:49):
to broaden our perspectives, toprovide us some different
vantage points and give us somedifferent sources of feedback so
that we can make sure thatwe're not over committing or
becoming too inflexible.
And then last, one of theprofessional pitfalls that's
very easy to fall into isinadequate professional
development, and we're notstaying updated on the latest
(23:13):
counseling techniques or bestpractices.
And you're probably thinking,ah no, that'll never be me.
I mean, they're slammingprofessional development down my
throat like no buddies businessAin't no way I'm getting behind
in professional development.
But I want you to take a minuteand think Is the professional
development that you're beingprovided or engaging in truly
(23:37):
helpful in your uniquecircumstance?
If it's not, you may be victimof inadequate professional
development.
So, whether it's due to time,whether it's due to overwhelm
and not being able to seek thoseexperiences, whether it's due
to trying to get yourprofessional development through
(23:59):
the scroll, which is superdangerous, please don't do that
in these mega school counselinggroups, where people are all
asking for insight and adviceand you start seeing threads of
comments that contradict eachother.
It's a dangerous place to be.
You've got to make sure you'reseeking professional, ongoing
(24:20):
development.
So look into options in yourlocal area.
Here in Texas we have what arecalled education service centers
that provide training fordifferent school districts
within a region.
There may be foundations, theremay be nonprofits that provide
this professional development.
Sometimes it's pay to playprofessional development, where
(24:41):
you seek a certain workshop andpay for the experience, and
that's okay.
Make sure you vet those people,but that's a good way to get
some experience and someinformation.
Your state or nationalorganizations are going to be a
great resource for professionaldevelopment, as well as
consultation groups, like ourschool for school counselors,
mastermind.
(25:02):
Now, if you seek consultationgroups, be discerning.
Most groups do not seek to beevidence based consultation
groups.
They are set up to perpetuatethe view of the leader as the
expert and that is the end ofthe story.
So be careful with those.
We've heard a lot of folks thathave come into our mastermind
from other groups say that theyenjoy the mastermind because
(25:23):
they feel like they're beingtalked with versus being talked
at.
So be discerning in thoserelationships and situations.
But, no matter where you chooseto grow, be intentional about
your implementation and yourfollow through, because once you
leave a really great trainingand you re-enter the real world
(25:44):
of your school campus, it's easyto forget what you were so
excited about or you neglect thetime that it takes to implement
the new strategies that youreally wanted to try and felt
would be beneficial to yourstudents.
So just be mindful of that.
All right, so four bigprofessional pitfalls that we
(26:05):
want to be careful that we don'tfall victim to.
Number one breaches ofconfidentiality, sharing
information through colleague orteacher pressure,
administrative demand or parentpressure.
Being very, very aware of thatand compromising boundaries.
(26:25):
Making sure we don't becomeoverly invested in our heavy
hitters.
Making sure we don't become theconfidant of those that are not
interested to our care in thatway or failing to refer because
we're just so hyper-invested orwe want to be the lone savior.
(26:46):
Three the pair ofover-commitments and
inflexibility.
Having too manyresponsibilities, sometimes
self-initiated and struggling tofulfill those, so you're
compromising the quality ofcounseling or resisting change,
being inflexible, being militantabout your approaches.
(27:07):
Or four inadequate professionaldevelopment, not seeking enough
or not seeking the right types.
Make sure you find theprofessional development that's
really going to serve yourunique circumstances and is
going to introduce you to aconsultative circle that you can
rely on and lean on.
(27:28):
If you need a circle like thatyou've heard me say many times,
jump into our School for SchoolCounselors Mastermind.
It's amazing.
You can find out more on ourbrand new website,
schoolforschoolcounselorscomslash mastermind.
All the information will beright there for you.
I hope this was helpful and wasgreat food for thought, if
(27:48):
nothing else, just to cause youto reflect on the way you're
doing business on your campus,and if it's healthy and
sustainable, not only for thosein your care and those around
you, but for you as an important, dynamic, innovative human
being and school counselor.
All right, take this to task,think about it over the next
(28:09):
week.
I hope you have the best weekcoming up and, until we talk
again, take care.
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