November 5, 2025 • 47 mins
A mirror in a six-by-eight cell, a blur of scratches, and one hard truth: nothing changes until you do. That’s where Sean Crane rebuilt his life from the inside out—trading resentment for forgiveness, numbness for discipline, and chaos for purpose.
We dive into Sean’s early years in Santa Barbara marked by parental addiction, anxiety, and a spiral into substance abuse. A violent night and a wrongful focus by authorities led to an arrest and a sentence that could have broken him. Instead, isolation became a workshop for transformation. Sean shares the routines that saved his life—prayer, brutal bodyweight workouts, relentless reading, and strict control of his thoughts—and explains how forgiving his parents unlocked the energy to move forward. He also unpacks why faith wasn’t a flourish, but a survival tool that became a compass.
The conversation follows his evolution in prison: earning four associate degrees, mentoring others, and speaking his vision out loud before he could prove it. On release, the free world hit hard—anxiety, noise, and uncertainty—yet he chose purpose over comfort, launched a fitness business, and later pivoted online during COVID to help people battle anxiety, depression, and addiction with practical habits. Sean breaks down a simple recovery framework: make peace with the past, define a meaningful future, and operationalize it with daily, measurable actions. He also offers clear guidance on loving someone with addiction while setting boundaries that protect your own growth.
This is a raw, hopeful roadmap for anyone stuck between pain and possibility. If you’re ready to turn trauma into tools, build unbreakable habits, and follow a calling with courage, press play and lean in. If the story moved you, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs hope, and leave a review telling us the one habit you’ll start today.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
When you truly like transcend your trauma and your
pain and you you get clear onwhat God wants you to do in
life, like that purpose we feelin our heart, and you have the
courage to go down that path fora long period of time and
overcome all those challenges onthe way, like magic starts to
happen in your life.
Where then the things that onceaffected you in the past, now
they they aid you.
(00:20):
You know, they're like toolsbecause there's lessons you
learned along the way.
So that's the main thing that Istill take away from all those
years is like the lessons that Iacquired are invaluable.
(00:41):
My name is Sean Crane.
Um, I'm the founder ofUnstoppable 365, which is a
health and fitness program andcompany for men and women who
want to make health a priorityand develop the mindset and
habits to not only get resultsbut sustain them.
Uh and I've been on a journey tothis point.
This is something, you know, mylife right now is something that
I once prayed for and envisionedfor years.
(01:03):
I have my beautiful wife, threechildren.
We have one more on the way.
I have a company that allows meto make an impact and help
people, something that is isdear to my heart.
Um, I live in, you know, I havea life by design.
These are all the things that Iwanted to achieve as far as
having my career be my passion,being able to help people, have
a family, and raise my childrenand share all those beautiful
(01:25):
memories together.
But it it took me a long time toget here and I went through a
lot of struggle, uh, a lot ofhardship, a lot of adversity.
I grew up in Santa Barbara,California, which is a beautiful
part of the world.
Great people, tons ofopportunities.
I mean, this is a place thatmovie stars and athletes and
celebrities moved to to callhome.
(01:45):
And I was so fortunate to growup here.
And as a kid, I loved going tothe beach.
I loved playing sports, I lovedspending time with my cousins
and my friends.
And all I wanted to do was be aprofessional athlete.
I remember from an early age, Iwanted to be a professional
baseball player, basketballplayer, football player.
Like I loved sports, and I get Ibecame very passionate around
surfing as well as I got older.
(02:07):
So I was always active and doingthings as a kid.
I was passionate, I was full oflife.
And, you know, at a young age,though, I started seeing a lot
of things at home that changedmy perception of the world.
I started noticing my parentswere both struggling with
addiction.
They were, you know, the firstthing I noticed is that they
were different than my friend'sparents, and they were different
than a lot of my aunts anduncles.
(02:27):
I'd see them fight, I'd see themdrunk, I'd see them passed out.
I started seeing all thesethings at a young age that
really affected me.
And the thing that really standsout the most is at 10 years old,
I saw my mother overdose for thefirst time.
So I was literally watching herlifeless on the ground, and I
pulled my brother and sister whoare younger than me into the
(02:49):
next room to shelter them andkind of protect them while my
uncle and my dad were doing CPRon her.
And that was the first of threetimes I saw her overdose and get
wheeled out on a stretcher bythe paramedics.
And it was just horrifying as akid.
I mean, I started to have thesenervous habits, I guess you
could call them.
I remember I'd I'd bite mynails, I'd be worried that
(03:10):
something bad was going tohappen at home, or if I'd see an
ambulance with the lights onnear our house, driving home
from school or going somewhere,I'd get very nervous and almost
overwhelmed with um anxiety andstress and fear.
So from a young age, I startedseeing those things, and it it
changed my attitude andperception towards life.
And then at 14, uh, my freshmanyear in high school, the first
(03:33):
month in school, uh as afreshman, you know, it was a
really pivotal age for me.
I'm trying to figure out who Iam as a young man and a person
in that in this world.
And I came home one day and mydad was drunk, he was blacked
out drunk.
You could tell by the look onhis face, and he had a pistol in
his lap.
And I don't know what he wasgonna do with it.
He had had an argument withsomeone the day before and he
(03:54):
was just completely out of hismind.
And the cops ended up coming toour house and having a standoff
with him.
And I remember just thinking mydad was gonna be shot and killed
in front of us.
And luckily, he surrendered tothe cops, gave up the gun, and
they took him to jail, and heended up going off to prison.
And so at that time, my mom,instead of stepping up and being
there to take care of us, shestarted falling worse into her
(04:17):
addiction, and she stoppedcoming home at night.
She found a boyfriend, and sheabandoned me and my siblings.
And so at 14, that's literallywhen my whole world went dark
and completely flipped upsidedown.
I lost both my parents in a veryshort period of time, and uh
thank God I had my uncle Mikethere to take care of us.
He was like my guardian angel mywhole life.
(04:38):
He was the person there checkingin on us, living with us, making
sure that the harm that myparents were doing to themselves
wasn't affecting us, and it was,but he was there to protect us.
Um, but still, I became so angryand resentful and confused at
that time.
I didn't know how to deal withall the emotion I was
experiencing.
And this is still when I was I Ilove sports, I love surfing.
(05:00):
I was a good kid, you know, andI I had good friends at that
time, and I I changed overnight.
I stopped going to school, Istopped hanging out with my old
friends, I stopped going tofamily functions because I
didn't want to be around anybodythat would ask me about my mom
and dad or remind me of myreality.
I I couldn't accept it.
I just couldn't.
I couldn't believe that my lifehad changed so drastically, and
(05:23):
it hurt me so bad.
It hurt me so bad because thenI'd continue to see my mom in
the neighborhood drunk or comehome after not seeing us for a
week.
And so it wasn't just the painof that initial event, but it
was the continuation of thepain, like constantly being
reminded of what had happenedand seeing my parents just
completely fall apart in frontof us.
(05:46):
So for the next you know, 10years, my my dad was in and out
of prison, my mom was in and outof my life, she was losing her
mind to her to her drugaddiction.
She completely changed.
Um, and I started to become anaddict myself.
So when I stopped going toschool and hanging out with my
old friends and going to familyfunctions, I found a new group
of friends who I could Isomewhat relate to.
(06:08):
We were all going throughhardships in our lives, and we
were all angry, and we were allnumbing our pain with drugs and
alcohol.
And so that's what I did.
I started partying, I startedgetting high every day, I
started drinking every day, andthat was the only escape or
relief I could find at the time.
So I had, you know, codependentrelationships with my friends.
I I had a codependentrelationship with my dad.
(06:28):
We started using uh together anddrinking together at that time.
And it was just this warped,chaotic life, you know, where uh
friends were dying fromaccidental overdoses, family
members were dying.
Um, my dad was so close to dyingon many occasions, and and my
life was very precarious, uh,very, very um chaotic, and just
(06:50):
you never know what was going tohappen day to day.
And so, you know, I actuallymanaged to to go through high
school and graduate.
They basically let me graduateafter going to an alternative
school and getting credits umand just kind of doing their
best they could with me.
But I was getting in fights atschool because I was angry and
at the world and taking out thatanger on people or or
(07:13):
situations, didn't know how tocontrol my emotions.
Um, I'd miss a lot of school.
And just at that time, I hadnothing going for me.
I didn't play any sports, Ididn't have any goals.
I I couldn't, I couldn't eventhink of that stuff.
And so then after high school, Istarted working for one of my
uncle's tree service businesses,and it was a great experience
for me.
It was taught me the value ofhard work, taught me um what it
(07:35):
was like to actually get out inthe real world and earn your
money.
And it was one of the greatestaccomplishments of my life to
that point because my mom anddad weren't around.
My uncle was struggling to paythe bills at our house and keep
a roof over our head, and mysiblings were still in school.
And so I remember at 18, rightout of high school, I'd I'd work
all week, I'd make$1,000 cash,and I'd come home and I'd give
(07:57):
my uncle Mike$900 every week.
So I'd only keep$100.
And I was working my butt off.
I was climbing trees, carryinglogs up hills.
Like I was working with grownmen and I was pushing myself
because that this was my uncle'scompany.
I took pride in that and Iwanted to make him proud, and I
was grateful I had a job.
But at the same time, I wasworking with my dad too.
He was always in and out of thepicture.
(08:18):
And we would drink at work, wewould drink after work.
Um, and so I never was likeactually healing or fixing what
was wrong with me.
I was just continuing to mask itand numb it.
And uh I was I was happy that Iwas able to work and help
provide for my family, but I wasstill a mess.
And so that happened all the wayfrom 18 till 23.
And then when I was 23, Iactually had a relationship with
(08:42):
a girl that we ended up movingin together.
We moved out of Santa Barbara totry to get away from that toxic
environment I was in.
And for a little period of time,we actually had a pretty decent
life.
Like I was trying to get sober,I wasn't as bad as I was when I
was younger, but I would stilldrink, I would still take pills,
but I was working and I feltlike I kind of had a grip on
(09:02):
life.
I was away from my parents.
Um, and then me and that girlbroke up at 23.
She left.
Uh we weren't happy togetheranymore.
And my dad actually came to livewith me at that time.
And it was like the codependencyand the drug use and the alcohol
abuse, it just went through theroof.
It was the worst it had everbeen.
I was heartbroken.
(09:23):
It was the first time I dealtwith a breakup.
Um, and so there's these certainevents in life, whether it's a
loss of a loved one, you loseyour job and you're in financial
uh stress, or maybe you have abreakup that can trigger us to
just relapse or go back into ourdrug use and alcohol use uh
tenfold.
And that's what happened to me.
And I really felt like at thattime I almost had a death wish.
You know, I was taking handfulsof pills every morning just to
(09:45):
get out of bed, drinking alcoholall day long.
And I'm so lucky at that time Ididn't accidentally overdose
because I had I had no care inthe world, meaning like I was
reckless, I was heartbroken, andI almost had a death sentence,
it seemed like.
And um, you know, so then duringthat time I started going back
to Santa Barbara, back to my oldfriends, socializing, going back
(10:08):
out to parties and bars, andjust maybe trying to find a new
girl or escape the pain I wasexperiencing.
And that's when I went to aparty in a really beautiful
place in Santa Barbara calledthe Mesa, which overlooks the
Pacific Ocean.
And it's it's like worldrenowned, you know, it's
amazing.
And there's a lot of collegekids that live in that area
because there's a uh SantaBarbara City College close by.
(10:30):
And I remember that night I wentto the party with one friend.
I didn't know anybody else.
We were just going there todrink, socialize, have a good
time.
And right when I got there,there were these two groups of
guys who were starting to argueand fight.
And you could tell they had somepast issue that they were uh
bringing back up or they weregonna try to resolve right then
and there.
And I've been to so many partiesas a young person where
(10:50):
everyone's drinking, and by theend of the night, a group of
guys are fighting.
Like it just happened all thetime.
I was in the mix often.
Like I was fighting, I've gottenjumped in the past, I've gotten
in trouble for fighting.
And then it would always dieout, though, and everyone would
go home, and it was like thatwas almost a weekly thing as a
young person going to collegeparties.
Um, but this night, one of thegroups of men, they had weapons
(11:13):
with them, and no one knew that.
But as this big fight broke out,uh, they started assaulting the
other group with weapons, withknives.
And I was right there watchingthe fight, like way too close.
I was drunk, I was acting likean idiot, I was there to watch
the fight, and all of a sudden Iget tackled from the side and
I'm wrestling around with thisguy on the ground, thinking that
(11:34):
they're jumping me because theythought I was part of the other
group of men.
Um, and you know, nobody waskicking me in the head, no one
was hurting me.
I was just wrestling with thisbig guy on top of me that I
couldn't get off.
And when I stood up, uh, I wascovered in blood.
And everyone at the party sawthat, and they saw me wrestling
with him, and then everyonedispersed.
Everybody ran, and no one reallysaw the initial attack or knew
(11:57):
what happened.
It was dark, we were in thefront yard, um, and it was just
like a melee.
And so we ran and left, and Iknew something bad had happened.
You know, I was covered inblood.
I knew it wasn't my blood, itwasn't from a bloody nose.
Like the amount of blood washorrific.
And the next morning I woke upafter being drunk and passed
out, and I Googled fight on themesa, and that's when it said
(12:20):
that there have been two menstabbed and one was in critical
condition.
And right then and there I knewlike my life was gonna change
forever.
I just I knew something reallybad had happened, and I thought,
honestly, this is how naive Iwas, or maybe it's because I
know in my heart I'm innocent,but I thought the cops were
gonna come and question me andtry to get me to tell on who did
the crime.
I never assumed that they werelooking at me as the number one
(12:42):
suspect, the guilty suspect.
And but they did.
They came the next day andarrested me at gunpoint.
They had dozens of policeofficers, dogs, the forensic
unit, they had AR-15s, they putme on the ground, put the gun to
my back, and they cuffed me andbrought me in the car.
And uh I was like, man, they'rereally pulling out all the stops
(13:02):
to like scare the hell out of meright here.
This is insane.
And when I got to the policestation, again, that's what I
thought they were gonna do.
But they said, We're chargingyou for attempted murder.
Um, there's a number ofeyewitnesses that said they saw
you wrestling around with thisguy who was stabbed, he's gonna
die, you're gonna go to prisonfor homicide.
And that's literally what theytold me.
They were trying to scare theheck out of me.
(13:23):
And I was in shock, I was numb,I was in disbelief.
And I remember just getting tothe county jail and calling my
Uncle Mike, and you just getlike a 10-second phone call
right then and there when you'regetting booked in.
And I like I was choking backtears almost.
I'm like, Mike, they charged mewith attempted murder.
I didn't do it.
Like, I don't know what's gonnahappen.
Um, and then so for the nextcouple of weeks, I was going
(13:45):
back and forth to court, andlike I remember the first day I
walked into court, uh, and allthese news people are there, the
media is there, they're takingpictures of me.
There's like the journalistswriting out, you know, the notes
of the day and what's happening.
And they put my picture on thefront page of the Santa Barbara
news press.
It said Sean Crane charged withattempted murder.
And the first thing my lawyertold me is that the judge and
(14:07):
the DA are talking aboutamending your charges today to
homicide.
The victim's in a coma.
No one thinks he's gonnasurvive, he's brain dead.
And that was the first thingthey told me.
And I was 23 years old and I waslooking at life in prison for
something I didn't do.
And so for the next couple ofmonths, I'm going back and forth
to court.
I'm hoping that, you know, atthat point I still thought the
(14:28):
truth was gonna come out.
I still thought that somehow,somehow, people in the party
were gonna tell the truth, thatthe the real culprit of the
crime was gonna be found, youknow, found guilty, or that new
information had to come out.
Like you're sitting in asituation going, this can't be
real.
You know, I've seen this inmovies, I've read about it in
books, but this can't actuallybe my life right now.
(14:51):
Like I remember just being insuch shock.
And here's the thing, too, islike in jail, guys are using
drugs and stuff, and it's thesame lifestyle in there as it is
out here.
So I remember when I saw guysbringing drugs in and they
offered me some, I was relieved.
I finally could numb out thetruth again.
I was repeating the samebehavior in there as I was out
here.
This is how how twisted and sickthe addiction is, right?
(15:14):
Like anything to just help me toescape reality.
And it it worked, but it wasn'tmaking the truth or of the
matter go away.
It wasn't making, you know, myproblems go out.
I was still stuck in jail.
And uh I got a couple fights inthere.
I got in a couple fights andthey moved me back to a part of
the jail where you're now inisolation, you're locked down 24
(15:35):
hours a day.
Uh, you just go to court andthat's it.
Or you might get to shower likethree times a week.
They never gave you yard time.
If they did, it was just abigger concrete box.
So here I'm stuck in thissix-byte cell.
It was so small I could touchboth walls at the same time.
I'm coming off these drugs andall the stuff that I was doing
both on the streets and then andthere.
And I remember I just had thismoment where I looked in the
(15:56):
mirror and the mirror's allscratched out.
You can barely see yourreflection, but I felt so
horrible.
I was coming off of drugs, myskin felt nasty, I'm all dirty,
I'm I'm smelling.
I'm like, Sean, what are youdoing in your life right now?
Like, this, what are you doing?
You're doing the same stuff inhere as you were doing out
there.
And like, I just had this momentof clarity where I realized I
(16:18):
gotta change before anythingelse changes.
It doesn't matter if I go toprison, if I get out, it doesn't
matter what happens in my life.
If I don't change myself,nothing good is gonna happen in
my life.
And I have no control, you know?
It was just this really soberingmoment where I think we all go
through times in our life wherewe expect other people to help
(16:40):
us or something else to change.
Like we think it's gonna be anexternal shift.
It's an internal shift that hasto take place before we see it
reflected in anything external,whether that's our
relationships, our career, ourhealth, our financial situation,
whatever.
If we want to truly see thingschange in our lives, we have to
change first.
And in that moment, I just satthere and I thought about my
(17:02):
life to that point, and Icouldn't think of anything I was
truly proud of.
You know, I I remember wantingto be a professional athlete.
I had big dreams as a kid.
I wanted to help people.
I wanted to do somethingsignificant in my life.
You know, I always felt like Iwas capable of that.
And I felt ashamed and bad thatI had let myself down.
(17:23):
I felt, you know, it was thefirst time I really took
responsibility andaccountability for my actions.
I, you know, I blamed my parentsfor so long.
I I had like the F the worldmentality.
I was so angry and upset at whathappened.
And I had acted like a victimbecause of that.
And so it was the first time inmy life I realized I have to
make the change.
I'm in control.
It's I I it's I have to beaccountable.
(17:44):
And, you know, I thought aboutall the things I didn't do, all
the stuff I wish I would havedone.
Um, and and I really felt likemy life was over because they
were telling me life in prison,you know?
And I treated it like that.
I treated it like I was on mydeathbed.
And I think I experienced in myjail cell what a lot of people
will feel and experience at theend of their life.
They thought they had more time.
(18:05):
There was this truth in theirheart about who they wanted to
be and the things they wanted toachieve and the places they
wanted to go, but they keptputting it off, or they kept
making excuses, or they had fearand doubt around these changes,
and they never actually livedthe life they wanted to live.
You know, and that's my wholepurpose for now being a speaker
and a coach and doing what I dois to reach as many people as
(18:27):
possible to ensure that theydon't have that same feeling
that I had in that jail cellwhen they're on their deathbed.
Like I want people to look backon their lives with tears of joy
in their eyes and a heart fullof gratitude, not thinking, oh
my gosh, I wish I had a secondchance.
Like, is there a do-over?
Because there's not.
And so in that moment in mycell, I just made two promises
to myself.
(18:47):
The first one was that I wasgonna truly go all in to become
the best version I could everbe.
Like I had to do it for me.
I had to be my truest andauthentic self, and I was gonna
face every fear, go after everygoal, and I'm truly all in on
this life.
And the second promise was thatI was gonna be sober for the
rest of my life.
I made those commitments tomyself because I knew that it
(19:08):
was life or death, and I neveragain wanted to contribute to
that feeling that I experiencedin my jail cell.
And so from that moment forward,every day I would find ways to
be productive and focused on mygrowth.
I started working out everymorning.
I started reading books, Istarted praying and meditating.
Every second of my day, I wasjust trying to do something
(19:28):
productive to stay busy so thatI could pass the time in a
productive manner, but also sothat I wasn't suffering in that
cell.
Because if you're not doingpositive things every day that
build you up, like working out,reading, just being productive
and consuming your energy andtime on things in your control,
your mind starts to go crazy.
You start to think about howyou're gonna be in that cell
(19:50):
forever.
You start wondering what's yourgirlfriend or your
ex-girlfriend's doing, orthinking about loved ones that
you can't see.
You're just you start thinkingabout all the stuff outside of
your control, about the DA andthe judge and how no one's
coming to help you, no one'strying to tell the truth.
And your mind will just ruinyou.
You'll have anxiety, stress,suicidal thoughts, depression.
And that's why guys go back tothe drugs, or you see people
(20:13):
that are in that situation taketheir own lives.
And that's when I realized howpowerful our thoughts are.
And everything that I teach now,and all the coaching principles
that I share with my clients andeven from stage derive from
those moments and what Ilearned.
The first thing I learned islike your thoughts are literally
your reality.
And if you're sitting thereentertaining negative thoughts,
(20:34):
it's gonna affect yoursubsequent actions, the effort
you put forth in your life, youremotional stability, how you're
feeling, how you're treatingothers, everything derives from
your thoughts.
And so every morning I'd get upand the first thing I'd do is
just pray to God for strengthand guidance.
I'd think about all my lovedones and picture them doing good
in their lives and you know,anything positive I could to
(20:56):
create this gratitudeperspective.
And that started helping me tohave better thoughts.
And then I'd look at my tinylittle cell, and instead of
thinking negative thoughts, I'dgo, well, what can I do today to
improve myself?
What can I do in this limitedspace to get a little bit better
today, to feel to feelproductive?
And that's why I started workingout, and that's why I started
(21:16):
reading books, and I even lookedup words in the dictionary every
day, over and over and over.
And the craziest thing happened,but I started feeling something
in my life I had never felt, andthat was joy and gratitude and
pride in the way I was living.
And I hadn't experienced thatfor you know many, many years,
since I was a little kid.
And I realized, wow, these dailyactions are shifting my energy.
(21:38):
I'm I'm feeling different, I'mfeeling optimistic.
How is this possible?
I'm feeling gratitude, and itwas because I was doing things
every single day that made mefeel proud of who I was, and I
was focusing on what was withinmy control, and I was I was
safeguarding my thoughts, I wasfocusing on positive thoughts
and positive future outcomes,not negative ones.
(21:58):
Um couple reasons this waspossible that I really want to
touch on.
First, it was the ability toaccept the past and the things I
could no longer change and makepeace with those life events
that had ruined me and and hurtme so devastating so badly, and
forgive my parents.
A lot of people carry aroundtrauma and baggage and issues
(22:18):
from the past that they can'tdeal with or they they haven't
faced, and it continues to causeharm in their lives currently
and in the future.
And that was me over and overand over, just angry at the
world, upset at my parents, justtaking that that emotional
distress I had was bottled upinside of me.
And that's why I use drugs andalcohol to try to numb it out.
And I remember I was justsitting there in my cell and I
(22:40):
thought, man, I I gotta let goof the past.
Like this challenge that I'mfacing right now is life or
death.
If I don't give 100% of myenergy and focus to this
challenge, I'm not gonna make itout of this cell.
And I remember just realizing Igotta let go of the past, man.
I gotta forgive my parents.
Like, I can't change that now.
This challenge is so muchbigger, it requires all my
attention.
And I also did it because Ididn't want my parents to
(23:02):
self-destruct further.
And I had a fear that they wereboth gonna overdose and die
while I was gone because theyfelt bad about my situation and
and guilty because of how theycontributed to who I became,
essentially.
And I just sat there in my celland I wrote them letters,
multiple letters, um, addressingeverything that we had never
talked about, describing how Ifelt, describing the emotional
(23:23):
effect their actions had on me.
And I thought I was letting themoff the hook and kind of like
forgiving them for them.
And that's when I realizedforgiveness was for me.
It was so that I could let go ofall the anger towards them, the
resentment.
I could finally express how Ifelt and just honestly
acknowledge my emotional stateat that time.
And I swear I felt the biggestweight lifted off my shoulders
(23:45):
when I did that.
I felt finally for the firsttime, like in a decade, that I
was liberated from thosetraumatic life events and that
it was okay, like that happened.
I can't change it now, and Igotta move forward in my life.
And I really made peace with thepast, and uh it saved my life
because I was so upset and sadand broken down because of that.
(24:08):
And and so that was the firstcomponent to getting sober and
changing.
Like at that point, I had beensober because I chose to, and I
was in a cell and I couldn't getdrugs.
But if there had been a liquorstore there or a drug right
there, who knows?
Would I have used it?
Probably.
But when I when I let go of theanger towards them, like that
was a really pivotal moment inmy life.
And the second one was believingthat God was intervening in my
(24:30):
life for a purpose, and thateven though no one would choose
to go to jail or face life inprison or going through what I
was going through, maybesomehow, somehow it was divine
intervention.
And I chose to believe thatbecause the opposite was so
debilitating, so despairing.
To just believe that it was bychance and that, you know, I
could spend the rest of my lifein prison and like that.
(24:50):
I that was such a pessimisticview in my point, in my
perspective.
And I just realized, like, man,maybe God's putting you here to
get you sober, Sean.
Maybe if you didn't come tojail, you would have been like
your friends or some of yourloved ones who accidentally
overdosed and your life would beover, you know.
Or maybe this is the firstopportunity you've had to figure
out who you are as a person, notbe around your dad and your
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friends and have thosecodependent, toxic
relationships, but anopportunity to discover your
true self and be that man.
You know, and the big thebiggest one for me was just
believing that God hadintervened in my life for a
purpose.
And even though I couldn't fullysee it or understand it in that
moment, there was a bigger plan.
And there was, you know, God hada plan for me, and it was part
of this master plan that Icouldn't see or understand.
(25:31):
And that gave me hope each dayto keep doing my workouts,
reading books.
It was just that little bit ofhope and faith that I started to
develop that would get methrough each day.
Like maybe somehow, somehow,these moments are gonna add up.
These moments are gonna get meto somewhere better in life.
Um, faith is so important tohave.
And that's why, like inrecovery, a lot of recovery
(25:52):
groups talk about higher powerand spirituality.
Because if you don't have faith,what is it all for?
What does it matter?
You know, you get very negativeand pessimistic real quick if
you don't believe that somethingbigger, better is at work in our
lives and that it could getbetter down the road, right?
It's like, what's the point?
We have to have some element offaith or belief, at least I did,
because if I didn't, everythingI learned was to be able to get
(26:14):
through the day without wanting,and this just to be transparent,
without wanting to hang myself,without wanting to use drugs.
Like it was life or death.
So at first I worked out becauseit made me feel happier.
I would look up words in thedictionary because to learn a
new word made me feel good aboutmyself and it made me forget
that I was stuck in a cell.
Like believing that God wasguiding me and asking for
(26:35):
strength and becoming aspiritual person.
It was survival.
I needed help.
I completely surrendered andlike I'll do whatever it takes.
Just like I needed to getthrough these days.
And those days added up.
And all of a sudden, eightmonths passed by.
And I was completely differentin eight months.
I had transformed my mentality.
I was sober, I was working outevery day, I was in good shape.
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I was a believer.
God was guiding me on this path.
I had I started to get clarityaround what could possibly be if
I continued on this journey.
Um, and that's when I found outI was going to prison.
They told me I was gonna doseven years in prison.
And at that time, I looked at itas the biggest challenge in my
life, but I wasn't daunted.
Because of that momentum I hadbuilt up in eight months and the
(27:16):
faith that I had developed andthe inner strength, I told
myself, Sean, you're gonna go toprison, you're gonna make every
day in there count, you're gonnaovercome this challenge, and
there's nothing in life youcan't do after that.
Like I looked at it as thedefining moment in my life, and
almost in this weird and twistedkind of way, part of me was a
little excited to go face thischallenge and show people in the
world who I truly was and what Iwas capable of.
(27:39):
I just felt, you know, and atthe same time, you're scared,
you're sad, you're you're indisbelief still.
But part of me was like, Sean,you know what?
Imagine who you're gonna becomethrough this experience and what
you can do later on in yourlife.
Like, this is the biggestchallenge you'll ever face.
And, you know, as a kid, Ialways had like these visions of
crazy things happening andovercoming them.
(27:59):
I'd watch the Rocky movies, youknow, like the underdog story.
Um, and and part of us always wecheer for the underdog.
He goes through so muchadversity, so much struggle.
He's beaten down.
No one thinks he could ever comeback from that.
And he does.
And we're like, oh my gosh.
So as a kid, I'd picture like abus going off a bridge into the
water and jumping in there andsaving everybody, you know, or
(28:20):
like a house fire and likepulling your family members out,
or like just this create thesecrazy scenarios where I was able
to fulfill some potential Ipossessed because of that
situation, you know, and thiswas it for me.
And so when I got to prison, Istuck to myself.
I focused every day on the sameroutines.
I read so many books, I lookedup so many words in the
(28:43):
dictionary, I'd keep these vocablists in my cell on these
papers, and I'd memorize them.
And I started using these wordsin my letters back home when I
would speak to other people.
I started feeling my mind comealive and my memory, my speed of
thought improve.
And I thought, oh my gosh, I'mchanging in real time.
I'm doing more push-ups, I'mgetting in better conditioning,
better shape.
I'm learning, I'm growing.
(29:03):
This is incredible.
And that was the path I chose.
You know, I stayed sober, Ibuilt some good relationships
with guys that wanted toimprove.
Um I enrolled in college coursesbecause they had a
correspondence program.
So I started studyingpsychology, social and
behavioral sciences, all theseinteresting subjects and topics
that I had neglected in myyouth.
And I became a scholar in thatcell.
(29:24):
I became an athlete, avisionary, a purpose-driven man.
And so for the next five and ahalf years, that's what I did
every day.
And they gave me six months offmy sentence because I got four
associates' degrees during thetime.
I just took every course theyhad available.
I passed them all.
I think I had like a 3.8 GPA or3.9.
Um, and I started actuallymentoring other inmates because
(29:46):
the guys would see how dedicatedand focused and disciplined I
was.
And at first they'd theywouldn't get it.
They'd be like, What's this guydoing, man?
Like he thinks he's gonna getout and do something in life.
And guys would say that, like,Crane, what are you doing, man?
You know you're gonna get outand go to the same old
neighborhood, the samelifestyle.
And no, I wasn't.
Like, I'm gonna be different.
I knew it.
And every phone call, I'd getback home, I'd ask about how
(30:06):
everyone was doing.
And then I couldn't help butjust sharing what I was doing,
where I was going, the life thatI wanted to live.
You know, there's an element ofspeaking your truth out loud
that's so important.
There's two facets of it.
On the one end of the spectrum,people are scared to talk about
the past and the stuff thatafflicted us.
So we suppress that.
We can't grow when we suppressour truth.
And on the other end of thespectrum, people are scared to
(30:27):
call their shot and tell peoplewhat's on their heart and the
purpose that they feel and whothey want to be and the goals
they have, because there's anelement of the unknown and it's
not guaranteed.
And so we have fear and doubtaround those things.
And for me, what I learned islike I had nothing to lose.
And I'm truly all in.
I don't care.
If I crash and burn trying toachieve these goals, at least I
(30:49):
tried.
I'm never gonna have that regretthat I had in my cell ever
again.
I'm gonna go all in.
And so every phone call, everyletter, every moment I got to
express my truth, I would withfull transparency, with 100%
conviction.
And I was believing and buildingthat believability up in myself
by speaking those words.
But then I would always back itup with action.
(31:10):
I'd be the guy up at five in themorning doing squats and
push-ups in the corner of thedorm while everyone else is
sleeping.
I would do a thousand push-upsand a thousand squats before
chow.
And then I'd come back and I'dread my book and I'd take my
college courses.
And every day I was justbecoming this machine.
And I felt more productive inthere than I ever had in my
life.
It was incredible.
And so, you know, the other guyswere drawn to that, and I was
(31:31):
able to start mentoring otherguys, working out with them,
showing them what books I wasreading, even getting them to
enroll in college courses.
And these are guys that are inthere for murder, um, robbery,
uh, multiple offenders, guyswith tattoos on their faces,
guys that initially we probablywouldn't have a lot in common
because I wasn't in a like agang and I didn't come from a uh
(31:53):
like a lifestyle like that.
But we could connect on so manyother things, you know.
Um, maybe because I was finallyopening up about my struggles
with drugs and alcohol or myparents or coming from a broken
home.
And then they saw me changing,and I was able to get those guys
to start working out with me,building up confidence, um,
seeing the potential theypossessed.
And I remember the moment it hitme, I was like, wow, this is my
(32:16):
calling in life.
Like my purpose initially wasfor redemption and to improve
myself and to show people whowhat I was capable of, but now
it became about everybody else.
I realized that I could not onlybe an example, but I could make
an impact on other people'slives by sharing with them what
worked for me.
And that's the when I knewdefinitively that I was gonna
come home, I wanted to be aspeaker, a coach, and this was
(32:38):
my path.
And so when I finally did getout, you know, I got out in
2017, right at the end, and uh Iwent and stayed in a trailer on
my aunt and uncle's property.
And the first couple months wasreally rough.
You know, I had so much clarityand conviction in prison, and I
was so regimented and structuredwith their rules and the way the
life was life wasn't there.
(32:59):
When I got out, you're in thisfree-frall.
You know, I remember driving onthe freeway and cars are going
fast, everyone's on theirphones.
You know, the first time I gotback on a phone, I had never had
like Instagram.
I had never barely even lookedat an iPhone.
And it was just so overwhelmingto me.
And so you see a lot of guysthat get out, and the anxiety
and stress is so much that theygo back to their old ways.
(33:21):
And uh I knew I wouldn't dothat, I wouldn't break my
sobriety, but I did deal with alot of anxiety, a lot of just
emotional distress.
And I remember like just in thistrailer on my aunt and uncle's
property going, I thought it wasgonna be different.
Like I thought it was just gonnahappen right away and it was
almost gonna be effortlessbecause I had just gone through
the hard stuff, you know?
(33:41):
Um and that's when I realized,no, Sean, just like you fought
in there, you got to keepfighting every day for sobriety,
for your dreams, your goals.
And so after two months workingfor my uncle, doing the same
tree work that I did beforeprison, I said, I'm not doing
this anymore.
This is not my passion.
I'm not gonna ever spend anotherday of my life not pursuing my
vision that God put on my heart.
(34:01):
And I literally left thattrailer with a backpack, like
$700 of money I'd saved up, andI flew back to Santa Barbara.
Um, and that day I was able tofind a job as a personal trainer
in a gym, find a room to rentout.
I gave the guy all my money andum an old beat up car.
It was actually my uncle'smechanic's car, uh, one of his
(34:22):
cars, and he let me borrow itfor a couple weeks until I could
pay him back.
And I literally went all in.
Like I went back to SantaBarbara with nothing.
And that same day I got a job, aplace to stay, and a car.
And I started training clientsin the gym every day, building
up a positive reputation,showing people my true self,
getting results with people.
And after about six to eightmonths, I left that gym and
(34:43):
started my own fitness companyin town.
And now I'm training clients allover the place, and people are
starting to see, you know, who Ireally am.
The local news did a story onme.
They called it the redemptionstory.
You know, they filmed me and myfamily and me in the gym.
And I was like, wow, okay, I'mdoing it now, man.
I'm doing it.
And then um COVID shut all thegyms down.
And so at that time, I had mywife Jessica.
(35:05):
We had got married.
We had my daughter, Scarlett, myoldest boy, Mason, he's my
stepson.
He was already in my life, andthen she was pregnant again with
Preston.
So, like, literally within 18months, all this happened.
I I'm telling you, I did notwaste time.
And uh that was the moment Irealized, okay, I'm never going
back in life.
Like I was scared, I was gonnago get a nine to five to support
(35:25):
my family because I lost all myclients and all my revenue and
everything overnight.
And it was in that moment Irealized more so than ever, the
gift that prison had given mebecause everyone was locked
down, they were scared, theydidn't know how to handle this
situation.
I had just gone through this forhalf a decade.
For me, COVID was nothing.
(35:46):
Like being locked down, like itwas nothing.
The emotional effect that it hadon people, I had just been
through it and I realized, wow,I need to start sharing my story
more online.
I'm I'm I'm gonna go all in tobeing an online coach, you know,
um a content creator, whateveryou want to call it.
I know that I can help peoplewith more than just fitness and
being in the gyms.
I can help them with theirmindset, I can help them combat
(36:09):
depression, anxiety, the stuffthat I overcame, addiction.
And so I started sharingFacebook lives every day and my
message and my story to theworld.
And that's when my onlinebusiness just started taking
off.
And, you know, I never lookedback ever since then.
Now I have a team of 15employees and team members, uh,
my beautiful family.
We live in a beautiful home.
We got one more child on theway.
(36:30):
I've been able to speak on bigstages and share my message
with, you know, thousands andthousands of people.
I wrote my book, um, actually,it's right here, Prison of Your
Own, that became a bestsellerduring COVID.
And it's all the stuff that Ienvisioned for years and prayed
for and worked relentlesslytowards has manifested.
And I wouldn't be here today ifit wasn't for my own recovery.
(36:52):
And recovery is likemultifaceted.
It was healing and letting go ofthe past.
It was having the courage toclarify my goals and articulate
what I truly wanted out of lifeand pursue that in the future.
It was the daily habits that Ideveloped and how that shaped my
mindset over time.
And just reading books and beinga student of life and wanting to
then give back and share withothers.
You know, I think like whetherit's in recovery or coaching or
(37:14):
just in overall human evolution,our development from young
people to more mature people,the act of being able then to
give back and teach others, it'sso fruitful because it reminds
you of what life was like whenyou started, what your journey
was like.
You you live vicariously throughthe people you mentor and
through the concepts that youcontinue to teach them.
So for me, it keeps me gratefulevery day.
(37:35):
I never forget those things Iwent through.
Just because I have success now,I'm still humbled.
I'm grateful God did all thisfor me.
I'm just a vessel of thatmessage and I'm willing to do
the work.
And I truly feel like now it'sthis new chapter of life where
um I just want to be of service.
I want to be an example, and Iwant to make an impact with as
many people's lives as possiblegoing forward.
(37:57):
So that's where I'm at today.
You know, I feel honestly soblessed and grateful.
12 years of sobriety, threebeautiful children, one more on
the way.
Um, and I feel like I sacrificeda small amount of time in prison
to learn a lifetime of wisdom.
And I truly feel like all thelessons that God taught me
(38:17):
during that time is gonna allowme to live the best life
possible until the day I take mylast breath.
The things that once haunted meand I felt ashamed about are now
my superpowers, you know.
Like I'm I'm a very devotedfamily man.
Family is my number one value.
And and I'm, you know, this yearthe main thing I focused on as
my business has grown is beingpresent at home.
(38:40):
It's a challenge for a lot ofentrepreneurs.
Um, but like I have so muchpresence there and I give my
children so much love because Iknow what it's like to be the
kid that just wanted his dad tobe sober or to have his parents
keep their promises.
And like they broke my heart athousand times over.
And uh at the time it hurttremendously.
And but now it's it helps me tobe a better father and to show
(39:03):
my family more love.
So that's just one example howwhen you truly like transcend
your trauma and your pain, andyou you get clear on what God
wants you to do in life, likethat purpose we feel in our
heart, and you have the courageto go down that path for a long
period of time and overcome allthose challenges on the way,
like magic starts to happen inyour life.
Where then the things that onceaffected you in the past, now
(39:26):
they they aid you.
You know, they're like toolsbecause there's lessons you
learned along the way.
So that's the main thing that Istill take away from all those
years is like the lessons that Iacquired are invaluable.
Like I empathize 100% withanybody who has a brother, a
sister, a parent, a significantother, like a friend who's
struggling because the worstfeeling in the world is when you
(39:48):
love someone so much and youcan't fix them.
You can't do it for them.
I mean, I saw my dad come backand forth from jail and prison.
He overdosed one time.
I had to give him mouth to mouthuntil the paramedics showed up.
I thought he was dead.
Uh and over and over, I had likeI would get let down because he
would promise to get sober, he'dhave these little bouts of
(40:09):
sobriety.
Even towards the end, man, hegot sober for a year before my
daughter Scarlett was born.
And I I was like, Man, maybethis is it.
Like, maybe he's gonna be ableto live the rest of his life
sober and be here and watch mehave a family and be a part of
it.
And uh you know, my dad was sucha good person, like he was such
(40:35):
a loving person.
This is the hardest part.
He had two sides of him.
He had that loving, charismaticversion of himself that can make
anyone laugh and smile and feelspecial.
But when he would drink or dodrugs, it was like Dr.
Jekyll and Mr.
Hyde.
He became a really mean personand uh just a just not the same
individual.
And it's because he had so manydemons and unresolved issues
(40:56):
from his childhood that he henever won that battle, you know?
And uh, so here's the truth likeit's gonna be hard until the day
they're gone.
Maybe they make it, maybe theydon't.
There's no easy way to say thatto somebody.
What I'd say is like two thingsum I love my dad and I was there
until the day he was gone.
(41:16):
And I'm grateful for thatbecause now I miss him and I I
did everything I could, and youknow, but it was almost a relief
when he was gone too, because ofthe burden that it placed on me
my whole life.
And I never wanted him to die,but um, I felt like I couldn't
really truly step into mypotential and live my life until
that relationship was over, youknow, and so until the day he
(41:38):
was here, I I was there for him.
But because of that, part of mewas always afflicted as well.
So, you know, you can love themfrom a distance, you can be an
example for them.
Um, you can do everything inyour power, and I hope that it
helps them change.
Look at I got sober because myuncle Mike did that for me my
whole life.
He he helped me, he saved mylife by being always being
(42:02):
there.
But there was a chance that Icouldn't have made it.
And so, like all those years ofhis life that he spent on me,
well, now I'm gone, right?
That's what happened with me andmy dad.
So, what I'd say is like lovehim from a distance, be there
for him, let them know that youcare about them, but you can't
change them.
They have to want it forthemselves and pray for them and
do whatever you can.
(42:22):
But I see a lot of people whojust like me, they're afflicted
their whole lives and they cannever be their true self or go
after what they want becausethey're always trying to help
that other person.
Like, I would I didn't even wantto leave home sometimes because
I was so scared of what wouldhappen.
I thought my dad might haveanother gun, or him and my uncle
might get in a fight, or thehouse might burn down.
So there were many times wherelike I never went out or I
(42:44):
didn't go and do stuff I wantedto do because I was so worried
about having to take care ofhim.
So it it affected metremendously in my life, is what
I'm saying.
Um in hindsight, like I wouldn'tchange a thing.
I was there with him and I wentthrough a lot of pain and
anguish because of it, but um, Ihad a really good relationship
with him in a twisted type ofway.
So I I still cherish thosemoments, even though they were
(43:06):
hard for me.
I hope that answers someone'squestion, you know, or that
question, because and you see, Istill get emotional behind it.
Like my dad was my best friendfor many years.
Um there's no easy way to answerthat.
For some people, you might haveto you might have to distance
yourself from them for a whileand they have to figure
themselves out.
For other people, you might wantto somewhat stay close and show
(43:29):
them that you love them so theydon't feel abandoned.
But it's like playing with fire,it's like rolling the dice.
You don't know what's gonnahappen.
Before prison, I didn't go afteranything I wanted to do, and I
really like based my decisionsbased on how I thought it would
affect my parents or what otherpeople would think.
After going to prison andgetting out, I was like, like,
screw everyone, I'm all in.
(43:51):
I'll still show them love, butI'm never, I'm never again gonna
put anything or anyone before mytruth and my goals because I
suffered immensely because ofthat.
So when I got out, I hadboundaries with my dad.
Like I went after my goals in mycareer.
I went after my goals in myrelationship.
I got married, I started havingbabies.
Like he saw me rebuilding mylife, and I'd still talk with
(44:12):
him all the time and see him andlet him know I love him, but it
was different.
I did have clear boundaries, andthe difference was like I'm
finally putting myself first.
In the past, that felt selfish,but I realized, like, man, I get
one life and I don't want tolive my entire life putting
everything and everyone elsefirst, and then get to the end
of my life and go, wait, Iwanted more time to work on my
stuff and me and make myselfproud.
(44:33):
So um, you know, I think thefear was always that like people
aren't gonna understand, they'regonna get mad at you.
And even if they do say thingslike, at the end of your life,
are you gonna look back on thisis the way I want to live and
who I want to be?
Or I did everything to makeother people happy, but in the
process lost myself.
That's what happened to me.
So boundaries are key.
You got to make sure that youlike prioritize your hobbies,
(44:56):
your passions, do things everyday that you like that make you
fulfilled.
And then in turn, you'reactually a better supporter,
friend, lover, whatever for thepeople around you because you
feel more fulfilled and youactually are excited about the
stuff you're doing in your life.
So, you know, you actuallybecome a better version of
yourself for everyone else bydoing that, you know?
And uh I think when we gothrough struggles in life where
(45:17):
we're battling addiction, we caneither uh continuously escape
from our problems and try to runfrom them, or we become we
become victims of circumstancewhere we're like, we're always
pointing at other people, we'repissed off at the world, which
is somewhat of a naturalreaction.
But at some point you got tolook yourself in the mirror and
go, man, I'm the only personthat can make a change.
I gotta do it.
What needs to change in my lifeto make it better?
(45:38):
And it's empowering because yourealize how capable you are.
Like if you really takeaccountability and you're
willing to do the work, yourealize that you're immensely
capable.
Like that was one of the biggesttakeaways I had when I was
incarcerated.
Uh is I realized that wow, I amsmart, I am ambitious, I am like
like all these things that wemaybe feel like we're lacking,
(46:00):
we can develop them by takingaccountability and doing the
work.
And then you realize you're amillion times stronger and more
capable than you ever thought.
You just gotta face it.
You gotta face it, and just yougotta attack these goals, you
gotta attack these challenges,you gotta be willing to face
them head on.
If anyone's listening to thisand they feel hopeless, like
that was a time where I feltimmensely hopeless at rock
(46:22):
bottom.
I thought my life was completelyover.
And it's amazing because now Ican look back on those times in
my life and um it's not painfulanymore.
Life is beautiful, so much haschanged in a relatively short
period of time.
So literally, just I wantanybody listening to this, just
hold on to even if it's 1% ofhope, a little sliver of hope
(46:44):
and faith that your life can getbetter, and then look for ways
to improve it, you know, even ifit's small things.
Like I was reading thedictionary in my cell, I was
doing push-ups, I focused onwhat I could do versus all the
reasons I couldn't and all thenegative aspects of my life.
And and you got to build thatfoundation over time.
But if you're willing to fightand you don't give up and you
(47:04):
know that you deserve more forlife and you are a special,
unique person, like literally,there's nobody else in the world
that's ever been like you orever will be.
You're very special and uniquein the way you're designed.
Recognize that.
And there's a purpose behindthat.
And you have to you have to feelthat in your heart that you're
made to do something great inyour life, and whatever
struggles you're going throughright now, maybe one day, like
(47:26):
me now, you can look back andrealize that was a part of a
bigger plan for you.
And they provided lessons andwisdoms that you desperately
needed to go off and live thatpurposeful life.
When you truly like transcend your trauma and your
pain and you you get clear onwhat God wants you to do in
life, like that purpose we feelin our heart, and you have the
courage to go down that path fora long period of time and
overcome all those challenges onthe way, like magic starts to
happen in your life.
Where then the things that onceaffected you in the past, now
they they aid you.
(00:20):
You know, they're like toolsbecause there's lessons you
learned along the way.
So that's the main thing that Istill take away from all those
years is like the lessons that Iacquired are invaluable.
(00:41):
My name is Sean Crane.
Um, I'm the founder ofUnstoppable 365, which is a
health and fitness program andcompany for men and women who
want to make health a priorityand develop the mindset and
habits to not only get resultsbut sustain them.
Uh and I've been on a journey tothis point.
This is something, you know, mylife right now is something that
I once prayed for and envisionedfor years.
(01:03):
I have my beautiful wife, threechildren.
We have one more on the way.
I have a company that allows meto make an impact and help
people, something that is isdear to my heart.
Um, I live in, you know, I havea life by design.
These are all the things that Iwanted to achieve as far as
having my career be my passion,being able to help people, have
a family, and raise my childrenand share all those beautiful
(01:25):
memories together.
But it it took me a long time toget here and I went through a
lot of struggle, uh, a lot ofhardship, a lot of adversity.
I grew up in Santa Barbara,California, which is a beautiful
part of the world.
Great people, tons ofopportunities.
I mean, this is a place thatmovie stars and athletes and
celebrities moved to to callhome.
(01:45):
And I was so fortunate to growup here.
And as a kid, I loved going tothe beach.
I loved playing sports, I lovedspending time with my cousins
and my friends.
And all I wanted to do was be aprofessional athlete.
I remember from an early age, Iwanted to be a professional
baseball player, basketballplayer, football player.
Like I loved sports, and I get Ibecame very passionate around
surfing as well as I got older.
(02:07):
So I was always active and doingthings as a kid.
I was passionate, I was full oflife.
And, you know, at a young age,though, I started seeing a lot
of things at home that changedmy perception of the world.
I started noticing my parentswere both struggling with
addiction.
They were, you know, the firstthing I noticed is that they
were different than my friend'sparents, and they were different
than a lot of my aunts anduncles.
(02:27):
I'd see them fight, I'd see themdrunk, I'd see them passed out.
I started seeing all thesethings at a young age that
really affected me.
And the thing that really standsout the most is at 10 years old,
I saw my mother overdose for thefirst time.
So I was literally watching herlifeless on the ground, and I
pulled my brother and sister whoare younger than me into the
(02:49):
next room to shelter them andkind of protect them while my
uncle and my dad were doing CPRon her.
And that was the first of threetimes I saw her overdose and get
wheeled out on a stretcher bythe paramedics.
And it was just horrifying as akid.
I mean, I started to have thesenervous habits, I guess you
could call them.
I remember I'd I'd bite mynails, I'd be worried that
(03:10):
something bad was going tohappen at home, or if I'd see an
ambulance with the lights onnear our house, driving home
from school or going somewhere,I'd get very nervous and almost
overwhelmed with um anxiety andstress and fear.
So from a young age, I startedseeing those things, and it it
changed my attitude andperception towards life.
And then at 14, uh, my freshmanyear in high school, the first
(03:33):
month in school, uh as afreshman, you know, it was a
really pivotal age for me.
I'm trying to figure out who Iam as a young man and a person
in that in this world.
And I came home one day and mydad was drunk, he was blacked
out drunk.
You could tell by the look onhis face, and he had a pistol in
his lap.
And I don't know what he wasgonna do with it.
He had had an argument withsomeone the day before and he
(03:54):
was just completely out of hismind.
And the cops ended up coming toour house and having a standoff
with him.
And I remember just thinking mydad was gonna be shot and killed
in front of us.
And luckily, he surrendered tothe cops, gave up the gun, and
they took him to jail, and heended up going off to prison.
And so at that time, my mom,instead of stepping up and being
there to take care of us, shestarted falling worse into her
(04:17):
addiction, and she stoppedcoming home at night.
She found a boyfriend, and sheabandoned me and my siblings.
And so at 14, that's literallywhen my whole world went dark
and completely flipped upsidedown.
I lost both my parents in a veryshort period of time, and uh
thank God I had my uncle Mikethere to take care of us.
He was like my guardian angel mywhole life.
(04:38):
He was the person there checkingin on us, living with us, making
sure that the harm that myparents were doing to themselves
wasn't affecting us, and it was,but he was there to protect us.
Um, but still, I became so angryand resentful and confused at
that time.
I didn't know how to deal withall the emotion I was
experiencing.
And this is still when I was I Ilove sports, I love surfing.
(05:00):
I was a good kid, you know, andI I had good friends at that
time, and I I changed overnight.
I stopped going to school, Istopped hanging out with my old
friends, I stopped going tofamily functions because I
didn't want to be around anybodythat would ask me about my mom
and dad or remind me of myreality.
I I couldn't accept it.
I just couldn't.
I couldn't believe that my lifehad changed so drastically, and
(05:23):
it hurt me so bad.
It hurt me so bad because thenI'd continue to see my mom in
the neighborhood drunk or comehome after not seeing us for a
week.
And so it wasn't just the painof that initial event, but it
was the continuation of thepain, like constantly being
reminded of what had happenedand seeing my parents just
completely fall apart in frontof us.
(05:46):
So for the next you know, 10years, my my dad was in and out
of prison, my mom was in and outof my life, she was losing her
mind to her to her drugaddiction.
She completely changed.
Um, and I started to become anaddict myself.
So when I stopped going toschool and hanging out with my
old friends and going to familyfunctions, I found a new group
of friends who I could Isomewhat relate to.
(06:08):
We were all going throughhardships in our lives, and we
were all angry, and we were allnumbing our pain with drugs and
alcohol.
And so that's what I did.
I started partying, I startedgetting high every day, I
started drinking every day, andthat was the only escape or
relief I could find at the time.
So I had, you know, codependentrelationships with my friends.
I I had a codependentrelationship with my dad.
(06:28):
We started using uh together anddrinking together at that time.
And it was just this warped,chaotic life, you know, where uh
friends were dying fromaccidental overdoses, family
members were dying.
Um, my dad was so close to dyingon many occasions, and and my
life was very precarious, uh,very, very um chaotic, and just
(06:50):
you never know what was going tohappen day to day.
And so, you know, I actuallymanaged to to go through high
school and graduate.
They basically let me graduateafter going to an alternative
school and getting credits umand just kind of doing their
best they could with me.
But I was getting in fights atschool because I was angry and
at the world and taking out thatanger on people or or
(07:13):
situations, didn't know how tocontrol my emotions.
Um, I'd miss a lot of school.
And just at that time, I hadnothing going for me.
I didn't play any sports, Ididn't have any goals.
I I couldn't, I couldn't eventhink of that stuff.
And so then after high school, Istarted working for one of my
uncle's tree service businesses,and it was a great experience
for me.
It was taught me the value ofhard work, taught me um what it
(07:35):
was like to actually get out inthe real world and earn your
money.
And it was one of the greatestaccomplishments of my life to
that point because my mom anddad weren't around.
My uncle was struggling to paythe bills at our house and keep
a roof over our head, and mysiblings were still in school.
And so I remember at 18, rightout of high school, I'd I'd work
all week, I'd make$1,000 cash,and I'd come home and I'd give
(07:57):
my uncle Mike$900 every week.
So I'd only keep$100.
And I was working my butt off.
I was climbing trees, carryinglogs up hills.
Like I was working with grownmen and I was pushing myself
because that this was my uncle'scompany.
I took pride in that and Iwanted to make him proud, and I
was grateful I had a job.
But at the same time, I wasworking with my dad too.
He was always in and out of thepicture.
(08:18):
And we would drink at work, wewould drink after work.
Um, and so I never was likeactually healing or fixing what
was wrong with me.
I was just continuing to mask itand numb it.
And uh I was I was happy that Iwas able to work and help
provide for my family, but I wasstill a mess.
And so that happened all the wayfrom 18 till 23.
And then when I was 23, Iactually had a relationship with
(08:42):
a girl that we ended up movingin together.
We moved out of Santa Barbara totry to get away from that toxic
environment I was in.
And for a little period of time,we actually had a pretty decent
life.
Like I was trying to get sober,I wasn't as bad as I was when I
was younger, but I would stilldrink, I would still take pills,
but I was working and I feltlike I kind of had a grip on
(09:02):
life.
I was away from my parents.
Um, and then me and that girlbroke up at 23.
She left.
Uh we weren't happy togetheranymore.
And my dad actually came to livewith me at that time.
And it was like the codependencyand the drug use and the alcohol
abuse, it just went through theroof.
It was the worst it had everbeen.
I was heartbroken.
(09:23):
It was the first time I dealtwith a breakup.
Um, and so there's these certainevents in life, whether it's a
loss of a loved one, you loseyour job and you're in financial
uh stress, or maybe you have abreakup that can trigger us to
just relapse or go back into ourdrug use and alcohol use uh
tenfold.
And that's what happened to me.
And I really felt like at thattime I almost had a death wish.
You know, I was taking handfulsof pills every morning just to
(09:45):
get out of bed, drinking alcoholall day long.
And I'm so lucky at that time Ididn't accidentally overdose
because I had I had no care inthe world, meaning like I was
reckless, I was heartbroken, andI almost had a death sentence,
it seemed like.
And um, you know, so then duringthat time I started going back
to Santa Barbara, back to my oldfriends, socializing, going back
(10:08):
out to parties and bars, andjust maybe trying to find a new
girl or escape the pain I wasexperiencing.
And that's when I went to aparty in a really beautiful
place in Santa Barbara calledthe Mesa, which overlooks the
Pacific Ocean.
And it's it's like worldrenowned, you know, it's
amazing.
And there's a lot of collegekids that live in that area
because there's a uh SantaBarbara City College close by.
(10:30):
And I remember that night I wentto the party with one friend.
I didn't know anybody else.
We were just going there todrink, socialize, have a good
time.
And right when I got there,there were these two groups of
guys who were starting to argueand fight.
And you could tell they had somepast issue that they were uh
bringing back up or they weregonna try to resolve right then
and there.
And I've been to so many partiesas a young person where
(10:50):
everyone's drinking, and by theend of the night, a group of
guys are fighting.
Like it just happened all thetime.
I was in the mix often.
Like I was fighting, I've gottenjumped in the past, I've gotten
in trouble for fighting.
And then it would always dieout, though, and everyone would
go home, and it was like thatwas almost a weekly thing as a
young person going to collegeparties.
Um, but this night, one of thegroups of men, they had weapons
(11:13):
with them, and no one knew that.
But as this big fight broke out,uh, they started assaulting the
other group with weapons, withknives.
And I was right there watchingthe fight, like way too close.
I was drunk, I was acting likean idiot, I was there to watch
the fight, and all of a sudden Iget tackled from the side and
I'm wrestling around with thisguy on the ground, thinking that
(11:34):
they're jumping me because theythought I was part of the other
group of men.
Um, and you know, nobody waskicking me in the head, no one
was hurting me.
I was just wrestling with thisbig guy on top of me that I
couldn't get off.
And when I stood up, uh, I wascovered in blood.
And everyone at the party sawthat, and they saw me wrestling
with him, and then everyonedispersed.
Everybody ran, and no one reallysaw the initial attack or knew
(11:57):
what happened.
It was dark, we were in thefront yard, um, and it was just
like a melee.
And so we ran and left, and Iknew something bad had happened.
You know, I was covered inblood.
I knew it wasn't my blood, itwasn't from a bloody nose.
Like the amount of blood washorrific.
And the next morning I woke upafter being drunk and passed
out, and I Googled fight on themesa, and that's when it said
(12:20):
that there have been two menstabbed and one was in critical
condition.
And right then and there I knewlike my life was gonna change
forever.
I just I knew something reallybad had happened, and I thought,
honestly, this is how naive Iwas, or maybe it's because I
know in my heart I'm innocent,but I thought the cops were
gonna come and question me andtry to get me to tell on who did
the crime.
I never assumed that they werelooking at me as the number one
(12:42):
suspect, the guilty suspect.
And but they did.
They came the next day andarrested me at gunpoint.
They had dozens of policeofficers, dogs, the forensic
unit, they had AR-15s, they putme on the ground, put the gun to
my back, and they cuffed me andbrought me in the car.
And uh I was like, man, they'rereally pulling out all the stops
(13:02):
to like scare the hell out of meright here.
This is insane.
And when I got to the policestation, again, that's what I
thought they were gonna do.
But they said, We're chargingyou for attempted murder.
Um, there's a number ofeyewitnesses that said they saw
you wrestling around with thisguy who was stabbed, he's gonna
die, you're gonna go to prisonfor homicide.
And that's literally what theytold me.
They were trying to scare theheck out of me.
(13:23):
And I was in shock, I was numb,I was in disbelief.
And I remember just getting tothe county jail and calling my
Uncle Mike, and you just getlike a 10-second phone call
right then and there when you'regetting booked in.
And I like I was choking backtears almost.
I'm like, Mike, they charged mewith attempted murder.
I didn't do it.
Like, I don't know what's gonnahappen.
Um, and then so for the nextcouple of weeks, I was going
(13:45):
back and forth to court, andlike I remember the first day I
walked into court, uh, and allthese news people are there, the
media is there, they're takingpictures of me.
There's like the journalistswriting out, you know, the notes
of the day and what's happening.
And they put my picture on thefront page of the Santa Barbara
news press.
It said Sean Crane charged withattempted murder.
And the first thing my lawyertold me is that the judge and
(14:07):
the DA are talking aboutamending your charges today to
homicide.
The victim's in a coma.
No one thinks he's gonnasurvive, he's brain dead.
And that was the first thingthey told me.
And I was 23 years old and I waslooking at life in prison for
something I didn't do.
And so for the next couple ofmonths, I'm going back and forth
to court.
I'm hoping that, you know, atthat point I still thought the
(14:28):
truth was gonna come out.
I still thought that somehow,somehow, people in the party
were gonna tell the truth, thatthe the real culprit of the
crime was gonna be found, youknow, found guilty, or that new
information had to come out.
Like you're sitting in asituation going, this can't be
real.
You know, I've seen this inmovies, I've read about it in
books, but this can't actuallybe my life right now.
(14:51):
Like I remember just being insuch shock.
And here's the thing, too, islike in jail, guys are using
drugs and stuff, and it's thesame lifestyle in there as it is
out here.
So I remember when I saw guysbringing drugs in and they
offered me some, I was relieved.
I finally could numb out thetruth again.
I was repeating the samebehavior in there as I was out
here.
This is how how twisted and sickthe addiction is, right?
(15:14):
Like anything to just help me toescape reality.
And it it worked, but it wasn'tmaking the truth or of the
matter go away.
It wasn't making, you know, myproblems go out.
I was still stuck in jail.
And uh I got a couple fights inthere.
I got in a couple fights andthey moved me back to a part of
the jail where you're now inisolation, you're locked down 24
(15:35):
hours a day.
Uh, you just go to court andthat's it.
Or you might get to shower likethree times a week.
They never gave you yard time.
If they did, it was just abigger concrete box.
So here I'm stuck in thissix-byte cell.
It was so small I could touchboth walls at the same time.
I'm coming off these drugs andall the stuff that I was doing
both on the streets and then andthere.
And I remember I just had thismoment where I looked in the
(15:56):
mirror and the mirror's allscratched out.
You can barely see yourreflection, but I felt so
horrible.
I was coming off of drugs, myskin felt nasty, I'm all dirty,
I'm I'm smelling.
I'm like, Sean, what are youdoing in your life right now?
Like, this, what are you doing?
You're doing the same stuff inhere as you were doing out
there.
And like, I just had this momentof clarity where I realized I
(16:18):
gotta change before anythingelse changes.
It doesn't matter if I go toprison, if I get out, it doesn't
matter what happens in my life.
If I don't change myself,nothing good is gonna happen in
my life.
And I have no control, you know?
It was just this really soberingmoment where I think we all go
through times in our life wherewe expect other people to help
(16:40):
us or something else to change.
Like we think it's gonna be anexternal shift.
It's an internal shift that hasto take place before we see it
reflected in anything external,whether that's our
relationships, our career, ourhealth, our financial situation,
whatever.
If we want to truly see thingschange in our lives, we have to
change first.
And in that moment, I just satthere and I thought about my
(17:02):
life to that point, and Icouldn't think of anything I was
truly proud of.
You know, I I remember wantingto be a professional athlete.
I had big dreams as a kid.
I wanted to help people.
I wanted to do somethingsignificant in my life.
You know, I always felt like Iwas capable of that.
And I felt ashamed and bad thatI had let myself down.
(17:23):
I felt, you know, it was thefirst time I really took
responsibility andaccountability for my actions.
I, you know, I blamed my parentsfor so long.
I I had like the F the worldmentality.
I was so angry and upset at whathappened.
And I had acted like a victimbecause of that.
And so it was the first time inmy life I realized I have to
make the change.
I'm in control.
It's I I it's I have to beaccountable.
(17:44):
And, you know, I thought aboutall the things I didn't do, all
the stuff I wish I would havedone.
Um, and and I really felt likemy life was over because they
were telling me life in prison,you know?
And I treated it like that.
I treated it like I was on mydeathbed.
And I think I experienced in myjail cell what a lot of people
will feel and experience at theend of their life.
They thought they had more time.
(18:05):
There was this truth in theirheart about who they wanted to
be and the things they wanted toachieve and the places they
wanted to go, but they keptputting it off, or they kept
making excuses, or they had fearand doubt around these changes,
and they never actually livedthe life they wanted to live.
You know, and that's my wholepurpose for now being a speaker
and a coach and doing what I dois to reach as many people as
(18:27):
possible to ensure that theydon't have that same feeling
that I had in that jail cellwhen they're on their deathbed.
Like I want people to look backon their lives with tears of joy
in their eyes and a heart fullof gratitude, not thinking, oh
my gosh, I wish I had a secondchance.
Like, is there a do-over?
Because there's not.
And so in that moment in mycell, I just made two promises
to myself.
(18:47):
The first one was that I wasgonna truly go all in to become
the best version I could everbe.
Like I had to do it for me.
I had to be my truest andauthentic self, and I was gonna
face every fear, go after everygoal, and I'm truly all in on
this life.
And the second promise was thatI was gonna be sober for the
rest of my life.
I made those commitments tomyself because I knew that it
(19:08):
was life or death, and I neveragain wanted to contribute to
that feeling that I experiencedin my jail cell.
And so from that moment forward,every day I would find ways to
be productive and focused on mygrowth.
I started working out everymorning.
I started reading books, Istarted praying and meditating.
Every second of my day, I wasjust trying to do something
(19:28):
productive to stay busy so thatI could pass the time in a
productive manner, but also sothat I wasn't suffering in that
cell.
Because if you're not doingpositive things every day that
build you up, like working out,reading, just being productive
and consuming your energy andtime on things in your control,
your mind starts to go crazy.
You start to think about howyou're gonna be in that cell
(19:50):
forever.
You start wondering what's yourgirlfriend or your
ex-girlfriend's doing, orthinking about loved ones that
you can't see.
You're just you start thinkingabout all the stuff outside of
your control, about the DA andthe judge and how no one's
coming to help you, no one'strying to tell the truth.
And your mind will just ruinyou.
You'll have anxiety, stress,suicidal thoughts, depression.
And that's why guys go back tothe drugs, or you see people
(20:13):
that are in that situation taketheir own lives.
And that's when I realized howpowerful our thoughts are.
And everything that I teach now,and all the coaching principles
that I share with my clients andeven from stage derive from
those moments and what Ilearned.
The first thing I learned islike your thoughts are literally
your reality.
And if you're sitting thereentertaining negative thoughts,
(20:34):
it's gonna affect yoursubsequent actions, the effort
you put forth in your life, youremotional stability, how you're
feeling, how you're treatingothers, everything derives from
your thoughts.
And so every morning I'd get upand the first thing I'd do is
just pray to God for strengthand guidance.
I'd think about all my lovedones and picture them doing good
in their lives and you know,anything positive I could to
(20:56):
create this gratitudeperspective.
And that started helping me tohave better thoughts.
And then I'd look at my tinylittle cell, and instead of
thinking negative thoughts, I'dgo, well, what can I do today to
improve myself?
What can I do in this limitedspace to get a little bit better
today, to feel to feelproductive?
And that's why I started workingout, and that's why I started
(21:16):
reading books, and I even lookedup words in the dictionary every
day, over and over and over.
And the craziest thing happened,but I started feeling something
in my life I had never felt, andthat was joy and gratitude and
pride in the way I was living.
And I hadn't experienced thatfor you know many, many years,
since I was a little kid.
And I realized, wow, these dailyactions are shifting my energy.
(21:38):
I'm I'm feeling different, I'mfeeling optimistic.
How is this possible?
I'm feeling gratitude, and itwas because I was doing things
every single day that made mefeel proud of who I was, and I
was focusing on what was withinmy control, and I was I was
safeguarding my thoughts, I wasfocusing on positive thoughts
and positive future outcomes,not negative ones.
(21:58):
Um couple reasons this waspossible that I really want to
touch on.
First, it was the ability toaccept the past and the things I
could no longer change and makepeace with those life events
that had ruined me and and hurtme so devastating so badly, and
forgive my parents.
A lot of people carry aroundtrauma and baggage and issues
(22:18):
from the past that they can'tdeal with or they they haven't
faced, and it continues to causeharm in their lives currently
and in the future.
And that was me over and overand over, just angry at the
world, upset at my parents, justtaking that that emotional
distress I had was bottled upinside of me.
And that's why I use drugs andalcohol to try to numb it out.
And I remember I was justsitting there in my cell and I
(22:40):
thought, man, I I gotta let goof the past.
Like this challenge that I'mfacing right now is life or
death.
If I don't give 100% of myenergy and focus to this
challenge, I'm not gonna make itout of this cell.
And I remember just realizing Igotta let go of the past, man.
I gotta forgive my parents.
Like, I can't change that now.
This challenge is so muchbigger, it requires all my
attention.
And I also did it because Ididn't want my parents to
(23:02):
self-destruct further.
And I had a fear that they wereboth gonna overdose and die
while I was gone because theyfelt bad about my situation and
and guilty because of how theycontributed to who I became,
essentially.
And I just sat there in my celland I wrote them letters,
multiple letters, um, addressingeverything that we had never
talked about, describing how Ifelt, describing the emotional
(23:23):
effect their actions had on me.
And I thought I was letting themoff the hook and kind of like
forgiving them for them.
And that's when I realizedforgiveness was for me.
It was so that I could let go ofall the anger towards them, the
resentment.
I could finally express how Ifelt and just honestly
acknowledge my emotional stateat that time.
And I swear I felt the biggestweight lifted off my shoulders
(23:45):
when I did that.
I felt finally for the firsttime, like in a decade, that I
was liberated from thosetraumatic life events and that
it was okay, like that happened.
I can't change it now, and Igotta move forward in my life.
And I really made peace with thepast, and uh it saved my life
because I was so upset and sadand broken down because of that.
(24:08):
And and so that was the firstcomponent to getting sober and
changing.
Like at that point, I had beensober because I chose to, and I
was in a cell and I couldn't getdrugs.
But if there had been a liquorstore there or a drug right
there, who knows?
Would I have used it?
Probably.
But when I when I let go of theanger towards them, like that
was a really pivotal moment inmy life.
And the second one was believingthat God was intervening in my
(24:30):
life for a purpose, and thateven though no one would choose
to go to jail or face life inprison or going through what I
was going through, maybesomehow, somehow it was divine
intervention.
And I chose to believe thatbecause the opposite was so
debilitating, so despairing.
To just believe that it was bychance and that, you know, I
could spend the rest of my lifein prison and like that.
(24:50):
I that was such a pessimisticview in my point, in my
perspective.
And I just realized, like, man,maybe God's putting you here to
get you sober, Sean.
Maybe if you didn't come tojail, you would have been like
your friends or some of yourloved ones who accidentally
overdosed and your life would beover, you know.
Or maybe this is the firstopportunity you've had to figure
out who you are as a person, notbe around your dad and your
(25:10):
friends and have thosecodependent, toxic
relationships, but anopportunity to discover your
true self and be that man.
You know, and the big thebiggest one for me was just
believing that God hadintervened in my life for a
purpose.
And even though I couldn't fullysee it or understand it in that
moment, there was a bigger plan.
And there was, you know, God hada plan for me, and it was part
of this master plan that Icouldn't see or understand.
(25:31):
And that gave me hope each dayto keep doing my workouts,
reading books.
It was just that little bit ofhope and faith that I started to
develop that would get methrough each day.
Like maybe somehow, somehow,these moments are gonna add up.
These moments are gonna get meto somewhere better in life.
Um, faith is so important tohave.
And that's why, like inrecovery, a lot of recovery
(25:52):
groups talk about higher powerand spirituality.
Because if you don't have faith,what is it all for?
What does it matter?
You know, you get very negativeand pessimistic real quick if
you don't believe that somethingbigger, better is at work in our
lives and that it could getbetter down the road, right?
It's like, what's the point?
We have to have some element offaith or belief, at least I did,
because if I didn't, everythingI learned was to be able to get
(26:14):
through the day without wanting,and this just to be transparent,
without wanting to hang myself,without wanting to use drugs.
Like it was life or death.
So at first I worked out becauseit made me feel happier.
I would look up words in thedictionary because to learn a
new word made me feel good aboutmyself and it made me forget
that I was stuck in a cell.
Like believing that God wasguiding me and asking for
(26:35):
strength and becoming aspiritual person.
It was survival.
I needed help.
I completely surrendered andlike I'll do whatever it takes.
Just like I needed to getthrough these days.
And those days added up.
And all of a sudden, eightmonths passed by.
And I was completely differentin eight months.
I had transformed my mentality.
I was sober, I was working outevery day, I was in good shape.
(26:56):
I was a believer.
God was guiding me on this path.
I had I started to get clarityaround what could possibly be if
I continued on this journey.
Um, and that's when I found outI was going to prison.
They told me I was gonna doseven years in prison.
And at that time, I looked at itas the biggest challenge in my
life, but I wasn't daunted.
Because of that momentum I hadbuilt up in eight months and the
(27:16):
faith that I had developed andthe inner strength, I told
myself, Sean, you're gonna go toprison, you're gonna make every
day in there count, you're gonnaovercome this challenge, and
there's nothing in life youcan't do after that.
Like I looked at it as thedefining moment in my life, and
almost in this weird and twistedkind of way, part of me was a
little excited to go face thischallenge and show people in the
world who I truly was and what Iwas capable of.
(27:39):
I just felt, you know, and atthe same time, you're scared,
you're sad, you're you're indisbelief still.
But part of me was like, Sean,you know what?
Imagine who you're gonna becomethrough this experience and what
you can do later on in yourlife.
Like, this is the biggestchallenge you'll ever face.
And, you know, as a kid, Ialways had like these visions of
crazy things happening andovercoming them.
(27:59):
I'd watch the Rocky movies, youknow, like the underdog story.
Um, and and part of us always wecheer for the underdog.
He goes through so muchadversity, so much struggle.
He's beaten down.
No one thinks he could ever comeback from that.
And he does.
And we're like, oh my gosh.
So as a kid, I'd picture like abus going off a bridge into the
water and jumping in there andsaving everybody, you know, or
(28:20):
like a house fire and likepulling your family members out,
or like just this create thesecrazy scenarios where I was able
to fulfill some potential Ipossessed because of that
situation, you know, and thiswas it for me.
And so when I got to prison, Istuck to myself.
I focused every day on the sameroutines.
I read so many books, I lookedup so many words in the
(28:43):
dictionary, I'd keep these vocablists in my cell on these
papers, and I'd memorize them.
And I started using these wordsin my letters back home when I
would speak to other people.
I started feeling my mind comealive and my memory, my speed of
thought improve.
And I thought, oh my gosh, I'mchanging in real time.
I'm doing more push-ups, I'mgetting in better conditioning,
better shape.
I'm learning, I'm growing.
(29:03):
This is incredible.
And that was the path I chose.
You know, I stayed sober, Ibuilt some good relationships
with guys that wanted toimprove.
Um I enrolled in college coursesbecause they had a
correspondence program.
So I started studyingpsychology, social and
behavioral sciences, all theseinteresting subjects and topics
that I had neglected in myyouth.
And I became a scholar in thatcell.
(29:24):
I became an athlete, avisionary, a purpose-driven man.
And so for the next five and ahalf years, that's what I did
every day.
And they gave me six months offmy sentence because I got four
associates' degrees during thetime.
I just took every course theyhad available.
I passed them all.
I think I had like a 3.8 GPA or3.9.
Um, and I started actuallymentoring other inmates because
(29:46):
the guys would see how dedicatedand focused and disciplined I
was.
And at first they'd theywouldn't get it.
They'd be like, What's this guydoing, man?
Like he thinks he's gonna getout and do something in life.
And guys would say that, like,Crane, what are you doing, man?
You know you're gonna get outand go to the same old
neighborhood, the samelifestyle.
And no, I wasn't.
Like, I'm gonna be different.
I knew it.
And every phone call, I'd getback home, I'd ask about how
(30:06):
everyone was doing.
And then I couldn't help butjust sharing what I was doing,
where I was going, the life thatI wanted to live.
You know, there's an element ofspeaking your truth out loud
that's so important.
There's two facets of it.
On the one end of the spectrum,people are scared to talk about
the past and the stuff thatafflicted us.
So we suppress that.
We can't grow when we suppressour truth.
And on the other end of thespectrum, people are scared to
(30:27):
call their shot and tell peoplewhat's on their heart and the
purpose that they feel and whothey want to be and the goals
they have, because there's anelement of the unknown and it's
not guaranteed.
And so we have fear and doubtaround those things.
And for me, what I learned islike I had nothing to lose.
And I'm truly all in.
I don't care.
If I crash and burn trying toachieve these goals, at least I
(30:49):
tried.
I'm never gonna have that regretthat I had in my cell ever
again.
I'm gonna go all in.
And so every phone call, everyletter, every moment I got to
express my truth, I would withfull transparency, with 100%
conviction.
And I was believing and buildingthat believability up in myself
by speaking those words.
But then I would always back itup with action.
(31:10):
I'd be the guy up at five in themorning doing squats and
push-ups in the corner of thedorm while everyone else is
sleeping.
I would do a thousand push-upsand a thousand squats before
chow.
And then I'd come back and I'dread my book and I'd take my
college courses.
And every day I was justbecoming this machine.
And I felt more productive inthere than I ever had in my
life.
It was incredible.
And so, you know, the other guyswere drawn to that, and I was
(31:31):
able to start mentoring otherguys, working out with them,
showing them what books I wasreading, even getting them to
enroll in college courses.
And these are guys that are inthere for murder, um, robbery,
uh, multiple offenders, guyswith tattoos on their faces,
guys that initially we probablywouldn't have a lot in common
because I wasn't in a like agang and I didn't come from a uh
(31:53):
like a lifestyle like that.
But we could connect on so manyother things, you know.
Um, maybe because I was finallyopening up about my struggles
with drugs and alcohol or myparents or coming from a broken
home.
And then they saw me changing,and I was able to get those guys
to start working out with me,building up confidence, um,
seeing the potential theypossessed.
And I remember the moment it hitme, I was like, wow, this is my
(32:16):
calling in life.
Like my purpose initially wasfor redemption and to improve
myself and to show people whowhat I was capable of, but now
it became about everybody else.
I realized that I could not onlybe an example, but I could make
an impact on other people'slives by sharing with them what
worked for me.
And that's the when I knewdefinitively that I was gonna
come home, I wanted to be aspeaker, a coach, and this was
(32:38):
my path.
And so when I finally did getout, you know, I got out in
2017, right at the end, and uh Iwent and stayed in a trailer on
my aunt and uncle's property.
And the first couple months wasreally rough.
You know, I had so much clarityand conviction in prison, and I
was so regimented and structuredwith their rules and the way the
life was life wasn't there.
(32:59):
When I got out, you're in thisfree-frall.
You know, I remember driving onthe freeway and cars are going
fast, everyone's on theirphones.
You know, the first time I gotback on a phone, I had never had
like Instagram.
I had never barely even lookedat an iPhone.
And it was just so overwhelmingto me.
And so you see a lot of guysthat get out, and the anxiety
and stress is so much that theygo back to their old ways.
(33:21):
And uh I knew I wouldn't dothat, I wouldn't break my
sobriety, but I did deal with alot of anxiety, a lot of just
emotional distress.
And I remember like just in thistrailer on my aunt and uncle's
property going, I thought it wasgonna be different.
Like I thought it was just gonnahappen right away and it was
almost gonna be effortlessbecause I had just gone through
the hard stuff, you know?
(33:41):
Um and that's when I realized,no, Sean, just like you fought
in there, you got to keepfighting every day for sobriety,
for your dreams, your goals.
And so after two months workingfor my uncle, doing the same
tree work that I did beforeprison, I said, I'm not doing
this anymore.
This is not my passion.
I'm not gonna ever spend anotherday of my life not pursuing my
vision that God put on my heart.
(34:01):
And I literally left thattrailer with a backpack, like
$700 of money I'd saved up, andI flew back to Santa Barbara.
Um, and that day I was able tofind a job as a personal trainer
in a gym, find a room to rentout.
I gave the guy all my money andum an old beat up car.
It was actually my uncle'smechanic's car, uh, one of his
(34:22):
cars, and he let me borrow itfor a couple weeks until I could
pay him back.
And I literally went all in.
Like I went back to SantaBarbara with nothing.
And that same day I got a job, aplace to stay, and a car.
And I started training clientsin the gym every day, building
up a positive reputation,showing people my true self,
getting results with people.
And after about six to eightmonths, I left that gym and
(34:43):
started my own fitness companyin town.
And now I'm training clients allover the place, and people are
starting to see, you know, who Ireally am.
The local news did a story onme.
They called it the redemptionstory.
You know, they filmed me and myfamily and me in the gym.
And I was like, wow, okay, I'mdoing it now, man.
I'm doing it.
And then um COVID shut all thegyms down.
And so at that time, I had mywife Jessica.
(35:05):
We had got married.
We had my daughter, Scarlett, myoldest boy, Mason, he's my
stepson.
He was already in my life, andthen she was pregnant again with
Preston.
So, like, literally within 18months, all this happened.
I I'm telling you, I did notwaste time.
And uh that was the moment Irealized, okay, I'm never going
back in life.
Like I was scared, I was gonnago get a nine to five to support
(35:25):
my family because I lost all myclients and all my revenue and
everything overnight.
And it was in that moment Irealized more so than ever, the
gift that prison had given mebecause everyone was locked
down, they were scared, theydidn't know how to handle this
situation.
I had just gone through this forhalf a decade.
For me, COVID was nothing.
(35:46):
Like being locked down, like itwas nothing.
The emotional effect that it hadon people, I had just been
through it and I realized, wow,I need to start sharing my story
more online.
I'm I'm I'm gonna go all in tobeing an online coach, you know,
um a content creator, whateveryou want to call it.
I know that I can help peoplewith more than just fitness and
being in the gyms.
I can help them with theirmindset, I can help them combat
(36:09):
depression, anxiety, the stuffthat I overcame, addiction.
And so I started sharingFacebook lives every day and my
message and my story to theworld.
And that's when my onlinebusiness just started taking
off.
And, you know, I never lookedback ever since then.
Now I have a team of 15employees and team members, uh,
my beautiful family.
We live in a beautiful home.
We got one more child on theway.
(36:30):
I've been able to speak on bigstages and share my message
with, you know, thousands andthousands of people.
I wrote my book, um, actually,it's right here, Prison of Your
Own, that became a bestsellerduring COVID.
And it's all the stuff that Ienvisioned for years and prayed
for and worked relentlesslytowards has manifested.
And I wouldn't be here today ifit wasn't for my own recovery.
(36:52):
And recovery is likemultifaceted.
It was healing and letting go ofthe past.
It was having the courage toclarify my goals and articulate
what I truly wanted out of lifeand pursue that in the future.
It was the daily habits that Ideveloped and how that shaped my
mindset over time.
And just reading books and beinga student of life and wanting to
then give back and share withothers.
You know, I think like whetherit's in recovery or coaching or
(37:14):
just in overall human evolution,our development from young
people to more mature people,the act of being able then to
give back and teach others, it'sso fruitful because it reminds
you of what life was like whenyou started, what your journey
was like.
You you live vicariously throughthe people you mentor and
through the concepts that youcontinue to teach them.
So for me, it keeps me gratefulevery day.
(37:35):
I never forget those things Iwent through.
Just because I have success now,I'm still humbled.
I'm grateful God did all thisfor me.
I'm just a vessel of thatmessage and I'm willing to do
the work.
And I truly feel like now it'sthis new chapter of life where
um I just want to be of service.
I want to be an example, and Iwant to make an impact with as
many people's lives as possiblegoing forward.
(37:57):
So that's where I'm at today.
You know, I feel honestly soblessed and grateful.
12 years of sobriety, threebeautiful children, one more on
the way.
Um, and I feel like I sacrificeda small amount of time in prison
to learn a lifetime of wisdom.
And I truly feel like all thelessons that God taught me
(38:17):
during that time is gonna allowme to live the best life
possible until the day I take mylast breath.
The things that once haunted meand I felt ashamed about are now
my superpowers, you know.
Like I'm I'm a very devotedfamily man.
Family is my number one value.
And and I'm, you know, this yearthe main thing I focused on as
my business has grown is beingpresent at home.
(38:40):
It's a challenge for a lot ofentrepreneurs.
Um, but like I have so muchpresence there and I give my
children so much love because Iknow what it's like to be the
kid that just wanted his dad tobe sober or to have his parents
keep their promises.
And like they broke my heart athousand times over.
And uh at the time it hurttremendously.
And but now it's it helps me tobe a better father and to show
(39:03):
my family more love.
So that's just one example howwhen you truly like transcend
your trauma and your pain, andyou you get clear on what God
wants you to do in life, likethat purpose we feel in our
heart, and you have the courageto go down that path for a long
period of time and overcome allthose challenges on the way,
like magic starts to happen inyour life.
Where then the things that onceaffected you in the past, now
(39:26):
they they aid you.
You know, they're like toolsbecause there's lessons you
learned along the way.
So that's the main thing that Istill take away from all those
years is like the lessons that Iacquired are invaluable.
Like I empathize 100% withanybody who has a brother, a
sister, a parent, a significantother, like a friend who's
struggling because the worstfeeling in the world is when you
(39:48):
love someone so much and youcan't fix them.
You can't do it for them.
I mean, I saw my dad come backand forth from jail and prison.
He overdosed one time.
I had to give him mouth to mouthuntil the paramedics showed up.
I thought he was dead.
Uh and over and over, I had likeI would get let down because he
would promise to get sober, he'dhave these little bouts of
(40:09):
sobriety.
Even towards the end, man, hegot sober for a year before my
daughter Scarlett was born.
And I I was like, Man, maybethis is it.
Like, maybe he's gonna be ableto live the rest of his life
sober and be here and watch mehave a family and be a part of
it.
And uh you know, my dad was sucha good person, like he was such
(40:35):
a loving person.
This is the hardest part.
He had two sides of him.
He had that loving, charismaticversion of himself that can make
anyone laugh and smile and feelspecial.
But when he would drink or dodrugs, it was like Dr.
Jekyll and Mr.
Hyde.
He became a really mean personand uh just a just not the same
individual.
And it's because he had so manydemons and unresolved issues
(40:56):
from his childhood that he henever won that battle, you know?
And uh, so here's the truth likeit's gonna be hard until the day
they're gone.
Maybe they make it, maybe theydon't.
There's no easy way to say thatto somebody.
What I'd say is like two thingsum I love my dad and I was there
until the day he was gone.
(41:16):
And I'm grateful for thatbecause now I miss him and I I
did everything I could, and youknow, but it was almost a relief
when he was gone too, because ofthe burden that it placed on me
my whole life.
And I never wanted him to die,but um, I felt like I couldn't
really truly step into mypotential and live my life until
that relationship was over, youknow, and so until the day he
(41:38):
was here, I I was there for him.
But because of that, part of mewas always afflicted as well.
So, you know, you can love themfrom a distance, you can be an
example for them.
Um, you can do everything inyour power, and I hope that it
helps them change.
Look at I got sober because myuncle Mike did that for me my
whole life.
He he helped me, he saved mylife by being always being
(42:02):
there.
But there was a chance that Icouldn't have made it.
And so, like all those years ofhis life that he spent on me,
well, now I'm gone, right?
That's what happened with me andmy dad.
So, what I'd say is like lovehim from a distance, be there
for him, let them know that youcare about them, but you can't
change them.
They have to want it forthemselves and pray for them and
do whatever you can.
(42:22):
But I see a lot of people whojust like me, they're afflicted
their whole lives and they cannever be their true self or go
after what they want becausethey're always trying to help
that other person.
Like, I would I didn't even wantto leave home sometimes because
I was so scared of what wouldhappen.
I thought my dad might haveanother gun, or him and my uncle
might get in a fight, or thehouse might burn down.
So there were many times wherelike I never went out or I
(42:44):
didn't go and do stuff I wantedto do because I was so worried
about having to take care ofhim.
So it it affected metremendously in my life, is what
I'm saying.
Um in hindsight, like I wouldn'tchange a thing.
I was there with him and I wentthrough a lot of pain and
anguish because of it, but um, Ihad a really good relationship
with him in a twisted type ofway.
So I I still cherish thosemoments, even though they were
(43:06):
hard for me.
I hope that answers someone'squestion, you know, or that
question, because and you see, Istill get emotional behind it.
Like my dad was my best friendfor many years.
Um there's no easy way to answerthat.
For some people, you might haveto you might have to distance
yourself from them for a whileand they have to figure
themselves out.
For other people, you might wantto somewhat stay close and show
(43:29):
them that you love them so theydon't feel abandoned.
But it's like playing with fire,it's like rolling the dice.
You don't know what's gonnahappen.
Before prison, I didn't go afteranything I wanted to do, and I
really like based my decisionsbased on how I thought it would
affect my parents or what otherpeople would think.
After going to prison andgetting out, I was like, like,
screw everyone, I'm all in.
(43:51):
I'll still show them love, butI'm never, I'm never again gonna
put anything or anyone before mytruth and my goals because I
suffered immensely because ofthat.
So when I got out, I hadboundaries with my dad.
Like I went after my goals in mycareer.
I went after my goals in myrelationship.
I got married, I started havingbabies.
Like he saw me rebuilding mylife, and I'd still talk with
(44:12):
him all the time and see him andlet him know I love him, but it
was different.
I did have clear boundaries, andthe difference was like I'm
finally putting myself first.
In the past, that felt selfish,but I realized, like, man, I get
one life and I don't want tolive my entire life putting
everything and everyone elsefirst, and then get to the end
of my life and go, wait, Iwanted more time to work on my
stuff and me and make myselfproud.
(44:33):
So um, you know, I think thefear was always that like people
aren't gonna understand, they'regonna get mad at you.
And even if they do say thingslike, at the end of your life,
are you gonna look back on thisis the way I want to live and
who I want to be?
Or I did everything to makeother people happy, but in the
process lost myself.
That's what happened to me.
So boundaries are key.
You got to make sure that youlike prioritize your hobbies,
(44:56):
your passions, do things everyday that you like that make you
fulfilled.
And then in turn, you'reactually a better supporter,
friend, lover, whatever for thepeople around you because you
feel more fulfilled and youactually are excited about the
stuff you're doing in your life.
So, you know, you actuallybecome a better version of
yourself for everyone else bydoing that, you know?
And uh I think when we gothrough struggles in life where
(45:17):
we're battling addiction, we caneither uh continuously escape
from our problems and try to runfrom them, or we become we
become victims of circumstancewhere we're like, we're always
pointing at other people, we'repissed off at the world, which
is somewhat of a naturalreaction.
But at some point you got tolook yourself in the mirror and
go, man, I'm the only personthat can make a change.
I gotta do it.
What needs to change in my lifeto make it better?
(45:38):
And it's empowering because yourealize how capable you are.
Like if you really takeaccountability and you're
willing to do the work, yourealize that you're immensely
capable.
Like that was one of the biggesttakeaways I had when I was
incarcerated.
Uh is I realized that wow, I amsmart, I am ambitious, I am like
like all these things that wemaybe feel like we're lacking,
(46:00):
we can develop them by takingaccountability and doing the
work.
And then you realize you're amillion times stronger and more
capable than you ever thought.
You just gotta face it.
You gotta face it, and just yougotta attack these goals, you
gotta attack these challenges,you gotta be willing to face
them head on.
If anyone's listening to thisand they feel hopeless, like
that was a time where I feltimmensely hopeless at rock
(46:22):
bottom.
I thought my life was completelyover.
And it's amazing because now Ican look back on those times in
my life and um it's not painfulanymore.
Life is beautiful, so much haschanged in a relatively short
period of time.
So literally, just I wantanybody listening to this, just
hold on to even if it's 1% ofhope, a little sliver of hope
(46:44):
and faith that your life can getbetter, and then look for ways
to improve it, you know, even ifit's small things.
Like I was reading thedictionary in my cell, I was
doing push-ups, I focused onwhat I could do versus all the
reasons I couldn't and all thenegative aspects of my life.
And and you got to build thatfoundation over time.
But if you're willing to fightand you don't give up and you
(47:04):
know that you deserve more forlife and you are a special,
unique person, like literally,there's nobody else in the world
that's ever been like you orever will be.
You're very special and uniquein the way you're designed.
Recognize that.
And there's a purpose behindthat.
And you have to you have to feelthat in your heart that you're
made to do something great inyour life, and whatever
struggles you're going throughright now, maybe one day, like
(47:26):
me now, you can look back andrealize that was a part of a
bigger plan for you.
And they provided lessons andwisdoms that you desperately
needed to go off and live thatpurposeful life.
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Ruthie's Table 4
For more than 30 years The River Cafe in London, has been the home-from-home of artists, architects, designers, actors, collectors, writers, activists, and politicians. Michael Caine, Glenn Close, JJ Abrams, Steve McQueen, Victoria and David Beckham, and Lily Allen, are just some of the people who love to call The River Cafe home. On River Cafe Table 4, Rogers sits down with her customers—who have become friends—to talk about food memories. Table 4 explores how food impacts every aspect of our lives. “Foods is politics, food is cultural, food is how you express love, food is about your heritage, it defines who you and who you want to be,” says Rogers. Each week, Rogers invites her guest to reminisce about family suppers and first dates, what they cook, how they eat when performing, the restaurants they choose, and what food they seek when they need comfort. And to punctuate each episode of Table 4, guests such as Ralph Fiennes, Emily Blunt, and Alfonso Cuarón, read their favourite recipe from one of the best-selling River Cafe cookbooks. Table 4 itself, is situated near The River Cafe’s open kitchen, close to the bright pink wood-fired oven and next to the glossy yellow pass, where Ruthie oversees the restaurant. You are invited to take a seat at this intimate table and join the conversation. For more information, recipes, and ingredients, go to https://shoptherivercafe.co.uk/ Web: https://rivercafe.co.uk/ Instagram: www.instagram.com/therivercafelondon/ Facebook: https://en-gb.facebook.com/therivercafelondon/ For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iheartradio app, apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.