Eric Tansey on Life as a Veteran, Cop, & Author

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Security Odd Podcast.
Let's go the only podcastthat's purpose-built from the
ground up to support you Notjust you, but the wider audience
, everybody.
Authentic, impactful andinsightful conversations that
serve a purpose to help you.
And the quality has gone up.
It's decent.

(00:21):
It's hosted by me, dannyCaballero.
It's decent.
It's hosted by me, dennyCaballero.
It's perfect.
Oh man.

Speaker 2 (00:34):
It's like Tom Cruise and Will Ferrell.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
Yeah, right, had a baby, and that's you, eric Tanti
.
Welcome to Security Out Podcast.
How are you, good sir?
How are you?

Speaker 2 (00:46):
I know it doesn't seem like I'm doing good, but
I'm doing great.

Speaker 1 (00:48):
Sorry yeah, no, it's perfect uh for you listening.
You just missed uh, two adultmen confused by technology it
was very embarrassing.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
We thought there was a ghost in my studio and it
happens that it was in thecomputer the whole time the
files are in the computer, it'sokay, but trust us, we know what
we're talking about.

Speaker 1 (01:12):
We're professionals.
Dude, you're an author nowYou're a veteran.
You were a service member, thena law enforcement officer.
Done a lot of big things, man.
Um, to serve after serving,that takes a take some guts, man
.
And uh, I want to dive intoyour story.

(01:33):
How does one go from themilitary into law enforcement
and then write a book about it?

Speaker 2 (01:38):
Uh, the book was not part of the plan, by the way.
Um, that was like sheeraccident.
Um, I was probably the guy thatwould say I would never write a
book.
You know, they say never, saynever.
Yeah, true, right, never.
I grew up like I would never bea cop.
That's the dumbest thing ever,because I was a skater and a
surfer and, um, you know, Idon't know, kind of like

(02:00):
anti-cop I guess yeah became acop and then I also wrote a book
.
So it's kind of kind of weirdhow life works out for you.
But uh, you said, how does howdo I go from being a veteran to
being a cop?
Um, well, I was a terriblesalesman and realized that, uh,
so I got out of the military tosell wine.
Believe me, really, holy shit,okay.

(02:22):
So, yeah, we gotta, we gottadive into that.
We're having fun.
So when I was going through,like when I deployed, when I got
home from deployment fromAfghanistan in early 2005, 2006,
I tried out for the Green Beretprogram, went selection, got
selected and then started myjourney in the Q course and at
the time I happened to be likebest friends with a combat

(02:43):
controller who was going throughthe combat control pipeline.
And you've been to Bragg,obviously, you've been through
the Q course and you know thatit's really hard to date girls
or find any girls in the Braggarea and I don't know.
At that time all the dudes werefilling up the bars and we were
like, let's go to a winetasting.

(03:05):
And so we started going to winetastings and I actually really
got into wine Again.
It was like 2006.
So when I got out of themilitary in 2010,.
I was like I'm going to get outand become a wine salesman.
I want to hunt the sommelierprogram and the certified
specialist of wine program,which, like nobody really knew
about back then the netflixdocumentary psalm hadn't come

(03:28):
out yet, or anything like that.
So this was like you know?
Still still, people are likewhat is that you know?
And, um, so I I got out of themilitary and started working as
a wine salesman and, uh, a wineeducator, and was terrible at it
.
Oh, it was awful, and so I did.
The only other thing a studentcan do without college education
, that's become a cop.

(03:49):
So they're like wait, likelymove.

Speaker 1 (03:53):
It's a it's a most likely pivot.

Speaker 2 (03:55):
Yeah, man.
So I didn't make it through theQ course.

Speaker 1 (03:58):
I got in some trouble uh, in the Q course,
investigate that what happened.

Speaker 2 (04:02):
Yeah, you're more than welcome.
It's actually a pretty famousstory.
You might even know the story,but it was kind of legendary at
the time.
But there was a group of higherenlisted dudes that were going
through the Q course.
I was a lower enlisted guygoing through the Q course and
they bought a house and weresubletting all the rooms for max
BAH.
So I was paying the max BAH.

(04:27):
But when you get in front of CIDand you say I was focused on my
area of responsibility andthey're like that doesn't work.
Here you have to tell us whoare you writing checks to.
We have the copies of thechecks.
You just have to be honest withus.
And then I was like, oh, I wasfocused on my area of
responsibility and they're likeyou understand that's unethical,
right, but I just graduated cor two and like you know, when I
was 23, I don't know man likeis it dumb?

(04:50):
Yes, should.
I just said who I mean, theyalready knew.
It wasn't like I was right.
But in my brain everything is atest.
You know everything.
You know.
And it even came down to thesergeant major at the time of
being like dude, what are youdoing?
Like just go in there andcooperate, or you're going to be
caught up in this too, and Iwas like man, I'm not saying
anything.

Speaker 1 (05:08):
Yeah, Look at the street.
Yeah, man.

Speaker 2 (05:11):
Like little did I know.
So I got sent back because Iwas a 20th group in the guard.
So I got sent back to a unitand without my green break on a
probationary status to return,and so I had to do all these
like probation stuff and I, youknow, went to tdy and all these
things and and like.
So people were like, who areyou, what are you doing?
You're on a team, but you'renot on a team, you're, you know.
So, like my whole, the lastfour years of my military

(05:33):
service were very, you know, itwas like two years at brag and
then two years on a team withouthaving a green beret, yeah, and
then, uh, and then when theyfinally got me back up to brag,
they said I had to start fromselection and I was like just
not going to do it, let me, takeit dog, not going to do it, not

(05:53):
for me.
No, because I already didSmollett Tactics twice, all the
way through twice.
So I finished Smollett Tacticsbut I failed leadership.
So I peered really high butthey were like every time we put
you in charge of something, youjust pawned it off on somebody
else.
But I was 23 years old and Idon't know.
This was in the middle of GWATand so everybody, there were

(06:16):
snipers and brawn stars.
There were two Apache pilotsthat landed their Apache in
Fallujah and the gunner jumpedout and loaded up a wounded
Marine, landed their Apache inFallujah and the the passenger,
the, the gunner jumped out andloaded up a wounded Marine and
both these dudes lost theircommissions as officers and lost
their pilots licenses, I guess,whatever because they did this

(06:37):
and they were told not to.
So the Blackhawks couldn't landbecause of this firefight and
so these Apache pilots was likefuck it, we'll land.
They land the back dude kicksout, grabs the Marines gun,
loads them wounded Marine intothe Apache and they take off.
So both those dudes ended upgetting like silver stars and
like both those guys were in myclass.
Fuck, you know, like one of thelost boys.

(07:00):
I remember the, uh, thatdocumentary, the lost boys with
those like.
African kids that were like oneof the Lost Boys from that.
What Diane Sawyer special, hewas in the class too.
So it was like you had allthese like epic people and then
you just have me this, you know,23 year old, one deployment
nerd uh, e4 at the time and um.

(07:22):
So every time they would put mein a leadership position, I
would be like you know what?
What?
I'm really good at carryingheavy shit, but I'm not good at
being a leader.
So let's just like, give me theradio batteries and you guys
you know, you guys take thisportion of the upward and I'll
take the carry heavy shit part.

Speaker 1 (07:36):
You know, dude, it's really hard to find your own and
find your own voice when yougot dudes like that.
It's really fucking hard.
And you're 23 man, you're afucking kid yeah, there was this
like first sergeant.

Speaker 2 (07:48):
That was like going through the course at the time,
you know, and and um, and I wasthe youngest guy on the little
training, oda, and this guy justlike hated me.
I'm sure he had good reasons tohate me, um, but he just hated
me and that made my life veryhard because, you know, there's
no rank, but he is a firstsergeant and it was like I don't
know, like I don't know if hewas like trying to teach me
stuff or what he was trying todo, but it just like.

(08:10):
So that whole small tacticsphase was very rough for me but
I appeared very high.
But again they told me like atthe end they were like hey, if
you were, if we were to tell youat the murder on Monday, would
you start over from thebeginning?
And I was like, yeah, of courseyou know, cause I was thinking
like they're testing me.
They're like great, we'll seeyou next week.

(08:30):
And I was like wait.
And so they sent me.
You know how they say, I don'tknow like for those of you
haven't been, when you finishthe course, they like send you
to two different.
Well, back then they did, it wastent city.
But you went to two differenttents, so people who didn't make
it through the murder boardwould have to go to one tent and
then the people who made itwould go to the other tent.
And so, after they told me Ididn't make it, I was like,
going towards the other tent,they're like no, no, no, you're

(08:51):
coming back, go to the tent that, you know, with all those guys
that made it.
So I was like, oh, okay, sothis still could be a game.
And I get in there, everybody'slike yeah, chancy, you know,
when you walk in, they're likeyou made it, you know.
And I was like no, no, no, no,no, hold on.
Like I don't think I did makeit.
And they're like no, they'refucking with you, man, they're
fucking.
So I've got like these highspirits and so that you

(09:28):
everything.
But I'm like still like I don'tthink I made it, you know.
So I'm trying not to celebrate.
And then, of course, saturdaymorning, uh, email with the
packing list shows up in myinbox and I'm like no, it's true
, I spend the rest of theweekend like repacking, you know
.
And then I get there and thenthey're like class leader is
corporal tansey, and I was likewait, what did you just fucking
say yo, because your classleader is like a captain or
above or a captain.
And so I ended up being theclass leader and I appeared like

(09:48):
almost dead last and they mademe the class leader of the whole
class.
But so then at the last murderboard I come in and I mean I
suck too.
I mean, aside from like I nevergot us lost.
So that was like my onlyredeeming quality.
Like land nav was always solid,but like everything else, like
dude, we, I would have usinfilling by doing like 18 click

(10:12):
movements, because I didn'trequest that a bird or a truck
and they're like well, all youhad to do is request a platform
and you didn't request any.
So now you're just going toinfill by walking.
Why didn't anybody request aninfo platform?
Request an info platform.
Everybody's like yeah, youidiot.
I was like I didn't know.
It's awful.
And so I got to the murder boardthe second time and they're
like man, first time you werehere it looks like you weren't a

(10:33):
leader at all, but you werereally friendly and you had a
lot of friends.
You peered high.
And then this time you were aleader the entire time and you
peered really low, like what'syour deal?
And I was like, man, I don't.
I Like what's your deal and Iwas like man, I don't.
I'm just gonna be honest withyou guys.
I like broke composure.
I was like I'm just gonna behonestly, like I tried my best.
This was a great learningopportunity.
I mean, I'm a better man for it, but obviously I've not cut out

(10:54):
to be a green beret.
But thank you, and they're likewell, hold on, if we were to
send you on to the next phase oftraining, you think you could
find yourself to peer somewherein the middle and I was like a
hundred percent.
And they're like okay,congratulations, you've made it
through this iteration and I waslike like I like tears like
coming down my eyes and the oneguy I just remember him saying

(11:14):
uh, I think you're the firstperson to be that excited to go
to seer like that we've ever hadin here.
So then I, yeah, I graduated CIDand then I was sitting in
language school and I had noidea this investigation was
coming down the pipeline, andgot called out and they were
like, are you living at thisaddress and everything, and I

(11:34):
was like, yeah, and then CID gotinvolved.
I knew it was kind of crazy andI didn't really know what the
extent was.
But yeah, I think those guysgot UCM, you know, ucmj action,
um, the guys that were that ownthe place and um, it was, it was
a really big deal, man.
A lot of guys lost.
You know, I think it wentbefore Congress at one point
like cause one guy was like an Eseven or something, but it

(11:59):
ended up being you know, I putthat on my resume that I got in
trouble because I really Ireceived like a training general
letter of reprimand oh shit atraining gomar well, that
doesn't go with training wheels.
Yeah, it doesn't exist so it'slike they didn't keep it in a
file.
So the police bar it took me ayear to get hired as a cop
because they couldn't like I washonest and they couldn't find

(12:21):
the paperwork.
They're like, well, we know yousaid you got in trouble, but we
don't see anywhere that you gotin trouble.
I'm like, yeah, I made it up, Imade it up.
I made it up like I made upthis whole thing about fever on
the government because I want tobe a cop, that bad, like you
know.
So but yeah, they ended upfinding it through a sergeant
major who I'm still friends withnow.
Um guy worked for black riflecoffee.
I won't say his name just incase he doesn't want me to, but

(12:41):
he's still currently a GreenBeret and he's a Sergeant Major.
And yeah, I think he somehow,through the I don't know,
through the annals of thepipeline or something, someone
was able to verify that yeah,this guy was involved in an
investigation and he wasn't introuble for anything.
So, yeah, so then I became acop and then that's, and then

(13:03):
that was the shit show in itself, man, and it was just worthy of
writing a book and it was likemy career was hilarious, it was
like the funniest.
It was like you know and youknow, you probably know yourself
.
But there's just, you can'tmake it up.
And people would say Ericeither has a black cloud that
hangs over his head or he has agolden horseshoe.
Nobody can figure it out outyet.
It's either I have the worstluck of any man on the planet or

(13:26):
I have a golden horseshoe.
It's.

Speaker 1 (13:27):
It's like we don't know, because everything I do is
awesome and epic, but it endsepically terrible too yeah,
sometimes uh life can give us uhquite the epic ride, only to
watch it fall apart mid-flightyeah so, like leading up to the

(13:47):
book.

Speaker 2 (13:48):
So I, I, I and I wrote the book.
It's called pig latin, aseriously funny true story, and
it's a comedy.
It's like the first cop comedylike ever written.
And so I signed this huge bookdeal with simon schuster and
again had no idea this was evergoing to be a book.
It wasn't.
That wasn't the goal.
But how it became a book was.
I was really struggling, dude,like I joined the department and

(14:08):
I'm like going to the academyand I had just come out of the Q
course lifestyle.
I'd only been out of themilitary for like a year.
So you know, I knew that likequiet, professional, like I knew
how to play the game too, likeI knew how to be the gray guy.
I'm a team player, i'm'm a cutelike.
That is me.
If there's heavy stuff to carry, I'm your man.
If there's the bathrooms thatneed to be cleaned, I'm your.

(14:28):
I'm the guy that will be thelast person to sit down and the
first person to stand up.
I'm the guy that fills upeverybody's water bottles.
I'm the guy that you know likehelps you moleskin your feet,
but I'm not the guy that comesup with the plan they like.
I'm not the guy that, like,builds your apparatus, I'm just
the guy that carries yourfucking apparatus.
Does that make sense?

Speaker 1 (14:46):
A hundred percent, but it takes a.
It takes a real human beingthat understands who the fuck
they are to admit that I, you,you know it.
You've seen the guys to get upon here.
There's, there's.
There's people out there thatmake themselves out to be like
captain America and noteverybody's captain America.
I'm not fucking Captain America.

(15:06):
I'm not going to give you thequarterback speech that you need
.
I'll take care of you.
But it takes a person ofdifferent caliber to be able to
admit what they're good at, whatthey're great at, and what
they're fucking dog shit at.
And there's so many people outthere in this space that's like
I'm Iron man.

Speaker 2 (15:30):
No, at best, aunt man , just admit it, just fucking
admit it.
I'm like like why can't we justbe great at being mediocre?
Like why is that not okay?
Like I'm a mediocre guy but Icould be awesome at being
mediocre.
You know people like don't saythat, bro, you're manifesting
bad.
You're like that's not you.
I'm like no, like I know that,that's where I'm, that's where
I'm at, and like let me succeed.
You found greatness, though.

Speaker 1 (15:47):
You found your own, like, yeah, you found your own
talents, your own skill setsthat you can amplify.
Like going back earlier whenyou were that young corporal hey
, we're going to make you theclass leader.
That's an old way mentality ofthinking.
I'm going to force you to be aleader.
I'm going to force you to be aleader.

(16:10):
I'm going to force that leaderout of you.
Some people don't have that.
Some people, especially thatage, it's not, it's not in you.
If you've never actually likebeen grown or molded and
developed over and over, somepeople need like a deployment or
two to get those reps in.
It doesn't always happen likethrough an SUT class.

Speaker 2 (16:21):
Yeah, and I mean like for me, I I joined the military
, like 19 too, and like I was asurfer with long hair, working
on a deep sea fishing boat, likeI was the last person that
should join the military and hadno, like no ambition in joining
the military, but I was.
I was going to get on the boatbecause I worked on a deep sea
fishing boat right out of highschool and, um, and I was living
in an apartment with two of mybest friends and, like we surfed

(16:42):
and fished all day, every day.
We all worked, like one workedon the dock and the other two of
us worked on the boat, and so,like we went to work together
and we came off the boat.
I was like it was like thisawesome life at 18, living like
like three blocks from the ocean, you know, in saint augustine,
florida, and it was, it wasgreat man, everything was going
awesome.
And I'm on my way to get on theboat and they're playing this
thing on the radio of fallujahand it's like, and they're like,

(17:03):
oh, our troops are now enteringfallujah, and it's like they're
playing, and I just like, Idon't know man, like I had like
long hair and I was just likedude, what I'm a piece of shit
like I'm, like I'm gonna go.
Why am I not there?
Dolphins man?
Like there's dudes my age, likefighting fallujah right now,
this is like 2002, you know.
And so, uh, I got off of theboat that evening covered in

(17:24):
fish guts, and went into arecruiting station.
I didn't know what the nationalguard was, I didn't know what
anything was.
It just said like now, hiring25 an hour, you know, or
something.
So I walk in, I'm covered infish guts and, like you know,
sticking, they're all like, whatare you doing here?
You know, because it's, youknow, g-wad, like.
So all the security was, youknow, like tsa level security at
these armories at the beginningof GWAT.
And I was just like I'm justhere to see a recruiter, you

(17:46):
know I only I can't imagine whatthey must've been thinking,
like this long hairdo was fishguts all over his t-shirt and
board shorts and flip-flops on.
You know, and you know I justsaid I want to go to war, I
don't want to be in the military, I just want to go do basic

(18:09):
training and get all that stuffdone.
You know you should be able todeploy pretty quickly, and so
that's what I did the minute Ideployed, this cream beret unit
rolled through and they werelike, hey, we need a gunner
who's got the highest shootingscore in your little group.
That I was with the squad thatI was on, and they were like, oh
well was on.
And they were like, oh well,tansy shot expert, you know, on
multiple platforms and got anr-com for it, so take him.
And so now, um, I'm I'msurrounded by green berets that

(18:30):
I don't know.
I didn't even know what a greenberet was, dude, I swear to you
, I didn't even know what theywere, just like, we just called
them the bearded dudes, you know, because, like, gee, what was
the first time we saw that stuff?
So 2005, like that, like thatdidn't really exist.
You know, like, you read, likethe red team, red seal books,
like you know, whatever thosebooks were back in the day.

(18:51):
But, um, so, yeah, now I'm like,and none of those guys ever
talked to me, but I was withthem for months, like four or
five months, and, um, they werereally nice to me, it was really
cool, but I wasn't getting likementored by them or anything
like they.
They were in some serious shit.
They were doing like seriousmission planning.
I mean, like you know, at onepoint, like I remember one point
, like when I first got withthem, they were like how many
hand grenades do you have?
And I'm like they wouldn't giveme hand grenades, like, dude,

(19:14):
you have to have at least fourhand grenades.
And honestly, and the guy waslike what you need?
And I was like, oh, they said Ineed to come in here and get
some hand grenades.
And he's like, yeah, how manyyou need?
He's like he told me to come inhere, get four.
He's like, yeah, sure he likefour, those things are heavy too
, you know.
So they can't say four grenades, I don't have any pouches.
Like you got any pouches.
I was like now he's like I'vegot, I've got two, so here's two

(19:38):
pouches.
I was like what I do with theother?
He's like put them in yourcargo pockets, I don't know.
Still, like walking aroundthese swinging fucking hand
grenades, you know, like that'show, that's how green I was bro.
Yeah, well, you know, at theend of that four or five months,
I knew that's what I wanted tobe.
I was like yo, these, this is adifferent breed of humans.
Like, if I'm gonna stay in,this is what I need to do, and I

(20:00):
I would tell people like Ithink I'm gonna go.
Like.
When I got back, I was like I,I'm going to be a green brain.
They're all laughing.
They're like bro, no, you'renot.
No, you're not, You're an idiot.
And um, and I trained for likesix months.
When I got home and I went toselection and you know I got
selected, which was crazy.
But um, you know, so when I was28 by the time, I went to the

(20:22):
Academy and I and at that pointI was mature, right, and I'd
been through a lot of the stuffthrough the Q course and and
TDYs and works, and, like youknow, I worked with a SEAL team
for a while out in Californiawith the Green Beret unit and I
was doing some countersurveillance training with a
SEAL team that was gearing upfor an op and so we were helping
them train for a month or so.
And so, you know, I got a lotof great experience under my

(20:43):
belt, like maturity level stuffand just being a mature human
being really.
And so when I came to theacademy I was like I'm gonna be
like the gray man, I'm justgonna be the guy that helps
everybody.
And man, I get in there andthere's this like ex-navy seal
in there that like did hishomework.
He's like where's my greenberet?
Yet?
And I don't raise my handbecause I wasn't a green beret.
So I was like, oh, there's aGreen Beret in a class.
That's cool.

(21:04):
And he's like I'm going to askone more time Where's my Green
Beret?
Yeah, it's a big old black dudeand nobody raises their hand.
I'm like you're right, I'mstaying out of attention so I
can't really see all of it.
But I'm like who is this guy?
And then he was like oh shit,motherfucker, I know you in here
.
And he was like where are you?
I'm going to give you one morechance.

(21:24):
And he was like you've had someproblems with integrity in the
past, in your past.
And I'm like man, is this guytalking about me, possibly.
So I'm like I don't know whatto do.
So finally, I'm like are youtalking to him?
Are you talking about me?
And he was like are you dancing?
And I was like yeah, of coursehe goes in this whole tirade
like why wouldn't you raise yourhand?
But I was like I wasn't a great.

(21:45):
And then, you know, so he hadit out for me from day one, and
so he called me sf the wholetime, which was not true.
And I kept telling everybodyI'm like freaking out.
I'm like, guys, I'm not, I'mnot a green beret, like not a
green beret, and uh, but youknow that he would like tell all
the other instructors, and sothen at all the shooting courses
they'd be like where's that,where's that little brain?
Where's that little specialforces guy at?
And I'm like God damn it.

Speaker 1 (22:05):
It's such a pain in the ass man.

Speaker 2 (22:08):
So I make it and then , um, I get sent to the hardest
beat in the hardest district ofbeing a police officer in
Raleigh and I'm telling you,like I show up day one and again
like I'm back to ground zero.
I barely I make it through theAcademy.
It's very hard, it was tough.
You know all the academics andstuff.
I wasn't used to all that stuff.
I make it through, um, and Iget to the unit and I get to the

(22:31):
squad and I show up like anhour early sitting in this
parking lot I got my fuckingeverything is shined to the day.
I get the haircut dude like Iam gonna be gray guy academy
sucked.
I got my shit pushed in theentire academy.
Dude like class leader made mebe the flag folding fucking guy
for the americans like I meanall of the things, dude, you
name it.
I was like getting it put on me.

(22:53):
I felt like I was back at sutagain so it was awful.
So I I'm like, okay, not goingto be that guy anymore.
Like it's behind me and I showup and the guy's like are you
Eric?
And I hadn't heard my firstname in forever.
And I was like yes, I am Eric,thank you.
And he was like we got a call,go get in the car.
And this is like I don't startshift till 6am.

(23:15):
It is five, 30, brother.
And I'm like okay, like okay,yeah, we've got a call.
So I go out.
It's a sea of cop cars.
So I just stand there like Igot all this gear my fucking
hand like shotguns and shit, andthe guy's like the guy's like
what are you doing?
And I was like uh, which car doyou want us to go in, sir?
And he was like, uh, the carparked right here out front.
And I was like, okay, well, Iguess it might have been common

(23:37):
sense, but not really, not forme first day.
Yeah, like I have no fuckingidea, dude, I don't even know
your name yet.
So I pop the trunk, I startputting my shit in the trunk and
then I just stand there at theback of the truck and he's like
what are you doing?
And I was like, okay, so I goto get in the cop car.
And he's like what are you?
You're driving.
And I was like I'm, I'm driving.
I'd never driven a real cop car, like even in the academy.

(23:59):
They're not real cop cars,they're like pieces of shit.
Junker crown vix, but like thishas got the computer shit.
You know all this stuff, dude.
Yeah, I don't even know how toturn on the sirens oh, so anyway
yeah, so I get in this thingand I'm like it's like it might
be the cockpit of a c-130, bro,I'm like all these buttons and
switches, man, like it's not aregular car see, I would assume,

(24:22):
just you know from somebody hasno, no understanding, no
background in it.

Speaker 1 (24:27):
I just assume, like the Academy would teach you all
those computers, all that stuff,and that could be further from
the truth.

Speaker 2 (24:34):
No, I mean you do like really great shooting in
the Academy, lots of shootinglike way more than the military
does.
I mean we shot a lot and allsorts of really great.
I mean I was so impressed byall the shooting stuff that we
did.
I mean like three gun just.
I mean it was.
It was really good training and,um, you know, you do get good
driving training, like it's justyou're not.

(24:55):
You don't have all thecomputers and stuff in the car
and of course you're learningthe law mostly.
I mean it's mostly learning thelaw and learning how to deal
with all autistic people andschizophrenic people and all the
drug recognition and all that.
You know what I mean.
So it's a lot, it's a fire hoseof information in a short
period of time.
But yeah, so we get in this carand he was like all right man
of town and he's like, well,I'll show you how to get there.
And so now it's like 5, 35 andwe pull up and this black kid

(25:28):
comes up to the car and he'slike my mom's out for meds and
she's acting crazy.
You know, he's like 14 orsomething.
This guy's backpack on and shitlike ready for school, and I
was like okay.
And so I look over at thetraining officer and he was like
I was like oh, okay, and he waslike go ahead.
I was like go ahead.
And what he was like take careof it.
And I was like take care of it.
It's like five, 40 in themorning now, Like my shift

(25:51):
hasn't technically even started.
So I get out of the car andthere's this 400 pound black
lady dude standing at the top ofthis set of stairs on a porch.
And a porch and she's got a, aturban wrapped around her head
like a jamaican lady, you know,you know.
So I walk up and I'm like youknow, I steeple my fingers and
I'm like hi, ma'am, I'm officertansy with the raleigh police
department.
What's going on this thismorning?

(26:12):
And she takes her teeth out ofher mouth, sets them on the
railing and gets into a perfectfighting stance I mean shoulder
width, feet, shoulder widthapart squat down on her knees,
kind of weight up on her heel,on her toes, and she's like 400
pounds, rocking back and forth.
And I'm like I've got somefight training.
So I'm like yo, this bitchfights like what's up, like

(26:37):
she's got great.
Her elbows were tucked in.
I mean, it was like I'm justlike taking it all in.
I was.
I was like, wow, this isawesome.
And so I was like I'mdefinitely not going to fight
her, though, and I was like hey,like what's going?
Like tell me what's going on,what's the matter?
And she tears down the stairs inmy direction, running full
speed, this massive lady.

(26:58):
So I move out of the way like amatador and she's like a bull.
Right, she whips past me, sheruns out in the yard, takes this
turban off of her head, whichis an American flag, fluffs it
out on the ground, gets down andshe's wearing a sundress.
She gets down and she starts togrind on this flag and she's
like you like that big boy, youlike that.
And I'm like not, not really.

(27:19):
And I'm looking over at mytraining officer and he's like
this, he's like like unamused,he's just like whatever dude.
So we, we go through this, thisordeal.
And then she's like are yougonna arrest me?
And I was like no, I'm notgonna.
I'm not gonna arrest you.
Well, why don't you just standup and talk to me?
She reaches back, undoes thedress from the bottom, gets on
one arm right, great athleticismhere and starts to peel this

(27:39):
sundress up over her head,freeing these massive 400 pound
titties out.
Like now she's butt naked.
A school bus pulls up to pick upthe 14 year old.
So now there's like this schoolbus of kids that are like you
know, she's butt naked on theyard.
I'm like, I'm like losing it.
I'm like what the fuck is goingon.
So she was like you're going toarrest me now?
And I was like yeah, I think so.
And I look over at my trainingofficer.

(27:59):
He hasn't moved, he's justleaning up against the car,
watching with his hands up onhis face, doesn't care.
And so she's like what are yougoing to arrest me for?
And I was like oh, lewd andlascivious acts.
I was just making it up.
I didn't even know if that's areal charge.
I seen her on TV.
So I was like lewd andlascivious, I don't even know
what the up to like a halfburpee.
Now she's on her feet again andI'm like how the fuck did she

(28:22):
just do a burpee Like this is abig ass woman dude.
And she turns around and she'sgrunting.
She's.
And I'm like what are yougrunting at?
But my mind can't keep up withwhat my eyes seeing.
So I'm seeing this chocolatestarfish open and she grunts and
then it closes when she stopsgrunting and then she starts to
grunt again and a little turtlehead starts to poke out and then

(28:43):
she stops and the turtle headgoes back into the b-hole and
she's like ugh and the poop'sgetting in.
Finally my brain's like she'strying to shit on you.
So I just say it out loud I'mlike she's chasing me with her
butthole, grunting like I don'tknow, I don't know what's the

(29:06):
issue.
Then she takes off running again.
I'm like how the fuck is shethis fast?
Like what is she on?
Like it's like peptides, whatis it like, I don't know?
She runs back up the stairs anddisappears into the house.
So I turn around at the stairsand I look back because I'm like
I'm not going in this house bymyself.
We're in the military, youdon't do that.
And he goes go get her.
He's so mad and so disappointedin me and I'm like she's inside
now.
He's like go get her.

(29:27):
So I'm like fuck.
So I'm like all right.
So I start going up the stairsby myself.
She comes out of the darkness ofthe house the sun hasn't even
come up yet.
She comes out with a pain.
She's like my president's blackmotherfucker and she slams it
down over my head.
Now I'm wearing a picture frameof something around my neck and
I'm like what?
Like a cartoon character, andthis SWAT guy just pulls past me

(29:48):
.
I don't even know where he camefrom, but this big old, giant
guy comes pulling past her,grabs her by the neck, slams her
up over the railing, pulls outhis parachute.
He's like you want to getsprayed, bitch?
And she's like no, I'm good.
He's like well, turn around,put your fucking hands behind
your back.
She's like all right, all right, chill, chill.
She turns around.
She puts her hand behind.
He hugs her.
He cuffs her up.
He looks at me.
He's like was it that hard,brooke?
And I was like, oh shit, Ididn't even know you could hit a

(30:12):
bitch like that.
Like I didn't you stairs.
I put her in the cop car and Iturned off.
She was like you're just goingto take her to jail naked and I
was like I don't know, dude,like what do you want me to do?
He's like why don't you?
How about you go get her dressand put it back on her?
And I was like, okay, sure, soI go back.

(30:33):
And she's 400 pounds.
Trying to get her in a back of acrown Vic is like extremely
difficult because her legs won'teven fit in the back because of
the cage.
So I try to go.
Badly.
Now she, I open the door, she'skicking, you know doing the
whole thing and I'm just so.
Finally, I'm just playing likehorseshoes with the dress.
I'm trying to like throw it upover her head, to just like try
to land it on her, like reelingit back and like trying to cast
the net on her.
I finally get it on her.

(30:53):
We get her down to the jail.
And he's like now, go, don'ttake you to jail.
So I'm like fascinated by jail.
I'm like holy shit, this isjail, this is all.
It's crazy.
And he's just like go, type outan affidavit.
And I'm like yeah, all right.
So I walk over and there's likethis row of laptop or computers

(31:14):
and one state trooper at the endand so I just walk over there
and uh I I turn on the screen.
It doesn't have.
I don't have.
It says like login and password, which I don't have.
I'm just kind of staring, but Idon't want to be that guy.
And I'm just kind of sittingthere and I'm staring at the
state trooper and so he finallylike looks over at me and I'm
like what's up?
And he's like what's up?
And he's typing and I'm stillstaring at him.
He looks at me 25 fuckingminutes.

(31:38):
Dude, it's the worst day of mywhole life.
Like I'm probably gonna quit atthe end of the day, but like I
gotta type out some kind of anaffidavit.
I don't even know what thefucking affidavit is.
I can't even log in on thegoddamn computer.
Like can you just get me onthis fucking thing.
He's like no, I got you.
So he pulls it all up for me.
And he was like there, all yougotta do is justcha.
So you know I'm typing like afucking neanderthal.
She tried to poop on me, youknow what I mean.
And so the training officer, helike, walks behind me and he's

(32:10):
staring over my shoulder.
I'm like I'm about to getroasted for my fucking
inabilities, the type.
And I hear like a clapping andI'm like what is that?
And I look up and homegirl ison the bench in front of my
computer, butt naked, standingup and shitting from like three
feet up in the air, and the poopis just splattering onto the
marble floor.
And I sling back and I'm likeholy shit.

(32:32):
And my training officer's likeyou're so lucky she's not
throwing that at you right now.
And that's when I knew like mytraining officer would have let
her throw shit in my face.
So then I type like this fromnow on hey, no one's shitting on
me like you know, and then thatwas my first fucking call, my
first five minutes in my dating.
I went to jail two more timesthe rest of the day and both

(32:52):
guys were naked at the end ofthat and it was just like this
crazy start, uh to training, andthen it never got better.
Dude, he goes on um, he goes onleave because he has a baby,
and I get stuck with a specialunit squad and these guys don't
like me and and I mean dude, itgets to the point where I'm like
almost gonna get fired becauseI fuck everything up.

(33:14):
Dude, like I fuck everything up, like I've tried so hard to be
a good helper that I was justfucking up like I'll give you
one more just to paint thepicture for you.
But like they all went tobreakfast on Sunday morning and
I was like, okay, so likeeverybody hates me, I'm in the
way.
These guys don't want me onthis special project because I'm
a fuck up and they're going tobreak.

(33:34):
So here's, I know they want toserve this warrant on this very
dangerous guy.
So here's what I'm going to doI'm going to look this guy up
and I'm going to find everywherehe's not.
So when they're done withbreakfast, I can be like, hey, I
know we're going after this guytoday.
He's not here here, here, here,here.
Like.
I looked on his Facebook, Ichecked his Snapchat.
Like I'm going to impress theseguys with like just grunt work,

(33:54):
right.
And so I know it's Sundaymorning and I'm like he's got a
mom's address Probably not there.
So I'm going to run by, becauseif he's there, he would just be
, or he is there, his car willbe there.
And then I'll call these guys.
I'll be like I got him, but Igo there and the car is not
there.
But I know that if I got totalk to mom, maybe mom will give
me some information on wherehe's at.

(34:16):
So I'm not telling anybodywhere I'm doing.
And again, it's like seven inthe morning and so I get out of
my cop car and I knock on thedoor, you know, and this like 25
year old chick opens the doorand she's like hello.
And I'm like is someone sothere?
And she's like, what, what youneed from him?
Well, he got worse or something.
And I was like, oh, it's likesome driving shit.
It's like it was not.
It was like like stolenfirearms, assault with a firearm

(34:39):
like I mean, this is a badfelon, this is like a bad dude,
like going away.
Yeah, he's got like indictmentsand shit for like drive-by
shootings.
And I'm like, oh, he just.
And she was like, oh, I toldhim to pay those tickets.
I was like it's a failure toappear for like some kind of
like bullshit, uh, registrationviolation.
She was like man, I told him heneeded to fix his shit and I
was like, well, um, are you hismother?

(35:00):
Knowing she's not the mother,because she's like 25 years old,
she's like, yeah, I'm his mom.
And I'm like, oh shit, why isshe lying?
Like I know she ain't the mom.
I was like, oh, you're his mom.
And she's like, yeah, I try toraise him right, he just, he
does his own damn thing.
And I was like, yes, ma'am.
I was like, well, he's not here,is he?
And she looks back behind her,she looks back at me, she's like

(35:24):
no, and I'm like that'sindicator number two that he's
here, you know, you know.
So I'm like oh shit.
And I was like, well, I'll justask her if I can look.
She's gonna say no, and thenI'm gonna call them at breakfast
and be like I got him and I'mwatching the house like, get
over here him.
You know, I'm about to be ahero, bro, I'm about to get in

(35:45):
the good graces of these guys.
And I'm like well, could I comein real quick and look and just
make sure he's not here.
She's like sure, come on in.
I was like, oh shit.
So I walk in and it's like along hallway, all the doors are
closed.
And so I go to the first door,I open it up and it's like
there's nothing in there and Ishut the door.
I'm scared, I'm like I don'twant to be in this fucking house

(36:07):
.
Like now I can't pull my gunout or anything, because I told
her it's a driver's registration.
So I'm walking around thishouse by myself looking for a
violent felon.
I'm there, no backup anywherecoming, because they're at
breakfast anyway by the timethey pay their bill and shit.
It's probably gonna be like 10minutes, 15 minutes at the most,

(36:27):
and so I just want to get thefuck out.
So I'm not really searching,I'm just like opening doors, I'm
like not in there, not okay.
And I opened the second door andthere he is, dude, like balls
deep trying to get the windowopen and he's looking back and
I'm like stop police.
And he's like and so I tacklehim, you know, and he dives up
underneath this.
Uh, it was a, uh, you know, oneof those two-story beds, you

(36:48):
know, bunk bed, you know.
So he crawls up under the bunkbed and I jump over it right
like I go through the bunk bedand he goes.
So now we're playing like catand mouse, like I'm trying to
get a toddler to bed, you know,and he's going.
So I grab him by the ankles andI yank him back.
Girl home girl comes back behindme and smacks me in the back of
the head with a coffee mug andI turn around, I blast her in
the face with my fist orsomething I you know, and then
he's like calling back.
I'm there, I just let go awhole can of pepper spray up

(37:09):
underneath the bed.
Now, real, mama, she's come outof bad.
She's like what's going on inmy house?
Get the fuck out my house.
Now she's throwing fuckingcoffee mugs.
Dude, I'm pepper spraying.
Mom, who's like 60 years old,you know.
The other bitches runningaround like oh, my fucking nose.
Oh, he punched me, you know.
And this dude, I've got him bythe dreads and he's swinging on
me.
I jump on the radio.
I'm like Raleigh, I need help,and I just like let go of the

(37:31):
radio and I'm fighting,everything.
They're like where are you 420,david?
Where 422?
Where are such and suchapartments?
And I'm just fighting andeverything.
And they're like we got you.
So I ended up getting all threeof these people in handcuffs and
I mean like everybody's coveredin pepper spray, I'm covered in
pepper spray, he's covered inpepper spray.
I've got like half of hisdreads like stuck in my, my

(38:00):
watch.
You know cause it got alltangled up handcuffs.
And you know, here comes thesquad guys.
You know, boom kicks in thedoor and they're like where the
fuck?
What's going on?
And I'm like I got them.
And they're like you, fuckingidiot.
And they're like and I was likeI got you know, and I named the
guy and I'm like I got them him.
And then this other guy justlooks at me and he's like leron,

(38:23):
jacob, and they all leave andit's like bro, yo, I got the bag
up.
So then you know, I have to goto the sergeant's office and he
was like dude, you're a reckless, you're a liability, like you
gotta fucking chill.
And I was like dude, you guysjust don't know me, like nobody.
Just you don't know.
Like I'm not trying, like I'mjust I'm not trying to go get a

(38:44):
bad guy.
I was trying to like be this,like have all the organizations
you guys could go out and belike real hunters, like you know
, and so and that's so I.
You know I I ended up writingsome reports for a homicide case
and then I I had my wife readthe homicide case where I went
to trial and she was like, oh sodoes the jury get this?

(39:07):
Does the jury get what you wrote, your report?
And I said yeah, and she's like, but they get like the first
draft, there's like a roughdraft Right.
And I was like, no, no, no,that's the copy you can't right,
like somebody edited this,right.
And I was like, no, I just typeit.
And she's like, do not know thedifference between there, there
and there.
And I was like, cares, she'slike this is the most

(39:27):
embarrassing thing I've everread in my life.
And my wife is so sweet shewould never say anything mean to
me at all.
She's never told me to shut upor like she is a sweet one.
Like I've never called my wifea bitch, I've never called my
wife a name.
Like we are like we're justreal kind to each other.
So she's like this isembarrassing.
So I know it's bad, because I'mlike man, this is fuck, she's
being mean right now.

(39:48):
This is serious.
And she was like you can't this.
You gotta like learn how towrite.
Like this is like, this is likefirst grade level writing.
And I was like, yeah, but ittells the whole story.
She was like like you didn'tspell like anything correctly
and like run on sentences andblah, blah.
So I was like, all right, cool,I'm gonna learn how to write,
you know.
And she's like I'm gonna helpyou.

(40:09):
She's got a master's degree andeverything and I didn't go to
college.
So she's like we're gonna workon a paper.
We didn't have kids at the time.
We have five now.
She's like six months, ofcourse.
They're like man, you're gettingso good at your report writing.
This detective says he's like,hey, dude, like did you take a
college course or something.
Like he's like you've gottenexponentially better.

(40:29):
And I was like, oh, dude, mywife's helping me write my
reports and they're like what?
And I was like, yeah, andthey're like dude, what?
And I was like, yeah, like Iwrite them and she helps me.
You can't.
So then we had to get the da'sinvolved.
You know I'm like, you know I'min, like I think I'm gonna get
fired for this.
You know, and they're like, howmany of these reports?

Speaker 1 (40:50):
I'm like hundreds like I don't know that's like
six months worth.

Speaker 2 (40:54):
You're gonna be thrown out because, you know.
So it's like everything I triedto do is just bad, bro, and
it's just and uh, you know, I, Iobviously I didn't get fired.
And so then they were like so,like what, I don't know, some,
some, some sergeant or some.
You know they really wanted tokeep me on, you know, because,

(41:15):
bless his heart, you know, hetries so hard, yeah, and so he
was like look, what we're gonnado is you're gonna write every
single day.
When you get home, you're goingto write what you did at work
for the day and then you'regoing to turn it into me, you
know, and we're going to go overthis and we're going to learn,
you're going to teach you how towrite, and so for the course of
like six, you know, six, sevenyears, I would start writing and

(41:36):
I would get home and my kidswould go to bed and everything.
My wife would go to bed and Iwas on night shift, so I was
still wide awake and I wouldstart taking.
But you know, everything was sobad because I, I worked on
shooting or stabbing every weekand I was starting to depress
myself, like reliving someone'slike oh, she was pregnant, her
boyfriend beat her stomach inwith a baseball bat and she was
shitting baby parts.
When I got there, you know whatI mean?
Like I'm writing all this stuff, but it was like so depressing

(41:58):
and I was like, well, I'm gonnajust start right.
And these were my own personaldiaries.
I was writing it like that,like, oh, he bashed her stomach
in and she was shitting babyparts, you know, like blah, blah
.
But it was only for me, it wasfor nobody else.
And, um, I was like you knowwhat?
This is so dark and grim andI've wrote so much.
I want my kids to read this.
I'm starting to have kids and Iwas like it'd be cool to have.
So I started writing it morefunny and less disturbing, yeah,

(42:20):
and psychotic, and I startedmaking it like more palpable, to
, to, to do the consumption, andso I just started writing like
the funnier stories.
And then I had all these likesuper hilarious funny stories
that I found myself in and, uh,I like, after I got done being a
cop, my wife, um, encouraged meto, to email them to a, to an

(42:41):
actual writer, nick Palmashano,and, um, he called me back in
like 10 days and he was likedude, I usually people send me
hundreds of books a year and Imaybe get to like five
paragraphs.
And he was like I'm on chapterfive of your book right now and
I was like, oh great.
He was like this is thefunniest thing I've ever read in
my whole life.
Like what are you doing withthis?
And I was like, oh great.
And he was like this is thefunniest thing I've ever read in
my whole life.
Like what are you doing withthis?
And I was like nothing, I justemailed it to you.

(43:01):
And he was like we're going toget this thing published.
Like this is awesome.
And so, yeah.
Then Simon Schuster offered thishuge, like once in a lifetime
book deal.
They fell in love with it.
They were like this is so crazyeasy.
And so they gave me like amassive book deal.
Like never saw it coming.

(43:21):
And um, yeah, dude, now I'vegot the number one release for
fall of 2025 for simon schuster,bro, and it's a cop comedy.
It's like what in the world,man?
And so like we're talking tothere's a whole bunch of people
right now that are involved inthe book, to do other things
with the book, that are sendingout contracts and, like my whole
life has just changedcompletely over this reason.
Daryl at the ball and actually Iemailed these guys that were in

(43:43):
contracts with now that thatwe're signing a contract with
something else, and they werelike we're so excited to be a
part of this journey.
But on there it's.
All these like these are bignames, dude, like you would know
if I was allowed to say them.
And then, like, I write backand I'm like you guys read the
book.
So you know how retarded Ireally am.
I don't want to hear anycomplaints about how big of an

(44:04):
idiot you are.
And then they, like they didn'trespond.
I called my agent back and Iwas like, was that good?
He's like not the best response, not the best response, but not
the worst.

Speaker 1 (44:14):
So how does it feel, coming through this journey of
your life and have somebody justlike the first person believing
you in your story so much like?
How does that feel hearing that?

Speaker 2 (44:30):
um, you know it's.
It's so nice man, because I'vebeen a c-minus student my whole
life.
Dude, my seventh grade teachersaid it would never amount to
anything but a trash truckdriver.
Um, which I was like.
I heard they make a lot ofmoney.
Um, you know, I've always beenthe clown, and not like
necessarily the clown, um,because I'm not really like a
class clown, but like when Ispeak people laugh.
Um, you know, for example,going to seer school, like we

(44:52):
were getting on the helicopterto do the final training
exercise and I didn't knowanybody that I was with and they
were like everybody ready to goand everybody's like yeah, yeah
, I was like let's suck thisdick.
Everybody was like what?
And I was like you know, youknow the helicopter.
This captain's like did you saylet's suck this dick?
And I was like I was excited,yeah, I mean, I guess.
And he was like that's sofucking weird, like why would
you say that I was like it justcame to me right now in the

(45:15):
moment, really Really excitedabout this, like our faces are
all painted you know like howexcited you are, I was like,
let's talk this dick.
You know they're like dude,you're like a weird guy, you
know, and it's like I hadn'tsaid anything, I had been like
just a regular gray guy, likejust this rando guy, and now all

(45:40):
of a sudden kind of personality.
So yeah, the first time, andthat somebody was like um.
And then just to see the netgalley reviews of these arc
readers who are advanced readersfor simon schuster, that are,
you know, probably predominantlyliberals, um, and have no idea
what military or police life isreally like, to have them
putting these reviews like howthe book's changing their life
and how they'll never view copsthe same, and you know, they
laughed and cried and were angryin the same paragraph.

(46:01):
And you know, this one person'sgot like 700 book reviews and
said it was like one of the bestbooks I've ever read, you know,
and it's like it's just such apowerful book because it's so
truthful and honest and it'slike, and it was cool when I
cause I had of the book.
Those stories are prettyterribly written but by the end

(46:24):
I'm like a really good writerand it's I didn't even realize
that.
But these art creators like,it's kind of cool to follow his
journey because you can eventell his immaturity in his
writing style at the beginningof the book versus how mature it
is towards the end of the book.
Because it's years of writing,right, it's years of stories
compiled into one big story andI was like, wow, I didn't even
kind of see that leads into thedevelopment of the story itself

(46:47):
yeah, because I become atraining officer, I become a
senior, I become officer of theyear.
You know, I come from this likeworst fucking cop to being, you
know, officer of the year and Iget like the second highest
award you can get in in RaleighPD and like I get, you know, I
ended up having, you know, apretty great career and I get
fired the same year.
I'm officer of the year, uh,and I get a lifesaving award the

(47:07):
day that I get fired Um firstcop to be fired in 20 years
because I opened a distilleryand they, they told me I
couldn't.
And they said can you resign?
I said I think it would befunnier to get fired, because
I've never been fired before.
And so I just was like let'sjust ride it out.
And so I opened up a legaldistillery and then they were
like sure you're not going toresign?
I was like positive, and sothey fired me.

(47:32):
Um, but it was, it was fine,you know.
And uh, so you know the book.
Um, when, when I go back tothese stories in chronological
order, because I hadn't seenthese stories in like five or
six years, and I'm going back tothese stories and it was just
like man, it's so crazy how mucha cop goes through and how many
traumatic acts, traumaticincidents you have like in a
week.
So when we were putting thebook to actual together as a

(47:53):
book dude, this could be likethree or four books.
It could have been like 900pages.
If we put all of the shit inthere, we had to narrow it down
to 300 and something pages.
So and it was just kind of like, and every one of these stories
has a police report to pack itup, and so there's they're not
exaggerated, uh, or anything.
It's like you can go and readthe report, like this guy really

(48:14):
got his nuts ripped off.
Or like this guy really had hisyou know nuts ripped off.
Or like this guy really had hisyou know arm ripped off when he
hit this telephone or this.
You know, these three girlsdied on a school bus, uh, when
this guy running from the lawhit them.
You know, all these storiesreally fucking happen and
there's police reports to backit up.
And having some of the seniorofficers, uh, raleigh canine for
instance, he read the book andhe called me at like chapter 15

(48:34):
and he said dude, I've been acop for 25 years, a dog handler.
He was in the dog, a doghandler in the Marine Corps
first and then was a MarineCorps or was a dog handler all
through RPD.
And he was like dude, I'm atchapter 15.
He's like I just finishedbawling my eyes out for five
minutes Like my wife came intoour room, sat at the edge of the
bed and I just held my wife forthe first time in my whole 25
year career being a lawenforcement officer and I just

(48:55):
sobbed.
He was like I don't know whathappened, but I was laughing
hysterically at your book,crying at how side the store is,
and then I was crying that Iwas laughing and then crying
that I'm crying at crying atlaughing, and he's like I don't
know, I just got lost.
I feel he's like it was like 25years of therapy and I just wept
and I was like whoa, are youserious?
And he's like dude, and it'sjust, you know, and it's just a
very dark comedy.

(49:16):
So I'm really excited about thebook and I think, I think
everybody's just going toappreciate it, because it's
nobody's really written a bookmaking fun of themselves.
I guess really, um, you know,and I think that's pretty much
what the book does.
It's just I just kind ofhighlight on my inner dialogue,
um, my self-doubt all the time,like should I fucking shoot this

(49:37):
guy, or should I not shoot thisguy?
Or like you know what I mean,like am I tasting this?

Speaker 1 (49:40):
real, true, authentic vulnerability it's missing it's
missing from our veteran space.
It's missing from lawenforcement space because, you
know, as men we're told we can'tbe vulnerable, that we can't
share our, our weaknesses andthe things that we're not sure
about.
But when we read those storiesyou know just like you shared.
This gentleman probablyidentified a lot of his own

(50:02):
journey within yours and that'sprobably the first time he's
felt that and of course, it'sgoing to be an emotional roller
coaster for anybody man.
So, kudos to you for doing that,man.
You may not see it right now,but when it's released, when
it's out there, you're going tohelp a lot of people finally
identify a part of themselvesthat they've been told to keep
hidden for a long time.

(50:22):
There's a power ofvulnerability, and you putting
that into a book for otherpeople to read, that's fucking
awesome, man.

Speaker 2 (50:30):
Kudos to you and then , you know, like I said, it was
like more of an organic, it waslike never planned.
I wasn't like, oh, I'm gonnawrite this book and going to be
like all this stuff, like it wasliterally just like a diary
really, and I wanted my kids toread it.
And I think when I wrote this Itold all the senior editors
that were working on the book atthe time.
You know, I was like, when Iwrote this, I wanted to kind of
like tell my kids that your dadwas a huge fuck up like his

(50:52):
whole life, and you're probablygoing to be fuck ups too.
You know what I mean.
And if you've seen my kidsinstagrams, they're like they're
sponsored skaters big, longhair.
I mean, they're pro advancedlike uh, uh.
What's his name?
ryan sheckler, I don't know ifyou remember yeah, yeah he took
my kids to woodward for a weekand like paid for it.
You know, like tim pool has hadthem out to his house like

(51:13):
twice to skate with richiejackson and cody mcintyre like
bro, they're phenomenal.
Like don't call him duke tansyor tansy fam.
Like he has his own podcast andshit like that.
He did like he's been with tonyhawk and bucky lasik.
Like met all these guys.
Wow, you know they're like 7,12 and 10.
I have five total, but mydaughters are too young to skate
.
But, um, sheepdog holster justsent my kids like skateboards,

(51:36):
you know.
And they run rodeo pools.
Dude, like real level.
Like they're nuts, bro.
And they're like my son, myoldest son.
He's 12, his duke tansey.
His instagram page is unhinged.
Oh, he's got like a million.
Like a million, listen, uhviews on some of his posts and
shit like it's, they're crazy.
But at the time I was likethey're probably a lot like me
when you know, before theybecame a lot better than me and

(51:58):
uh, and I was like so I shouldprobably write a book to let
them know.
They're like hey guys, it'sokay to kind of be.
You know how I was, where it'slike I've never been good at
anything, like I've never justshown up and been the guy right
like I'm third string,everything bro.
Like I could play football butnot first string.
You know I could play baseballbut you know I wasn't in the the
initial lineup.
I played rugby but I playedflanker and hooker and whatever

(52:22):
else was needed.
You know it was never likethat's eric, he's our flanker,
you know.
So I've never been like good atanything.
I've just been mediocre ateverything I've ever done in my
whole life.
But I've tried my best atwhatever it is I'm doing, um,
and and I think I just I putmyself in situations that are
extraordinary situations, but Iwasn't an extraordinary person

(52:44):
to rise up to the game and Ijust kind of want to like, and I
just kind of say you know, thereason why I guess I am the way
I am is because I put myselfinto very difficult situations
and you know my parents had ahard time of, you know, thinking
I'm an absolute failure.
My dad's always.
But you know like after he readmy book he cried, he was like
crying his eyes out.
But you know he says, you knowI never realized until I read
your book that the reason whyyou are just all over the place

(53:08):
all the time is because you putyourself in the hardest
situations and you're not eventhe guy to be there, like I'm
definitely not the guy thatshould have been at selection,
right, but, but I made it.

Speaker 1 (53:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (53:18):
You know, and I and I , but and I, I, I should have
been the guy at the Q course andI didn't make it.
But like I learned way morefrom just trying, then if I
would've just been like yeah,I'm a skinny surfer idiot, I
shouldn't even try.

Speaker 1 (53:40):
You know absolutely, man.
Um, I think we need more ofthat, dude.
I think there's a lot of peoplethat aren't willing to try.
A lot of self-doubt gets in,but from your journey, for what
you shared today, like that'sthe overarching lesson that I
want people to take away is justfucking go out there and try it
, send it, do big things.
Yeah, maybe historically by thedefinition, maybe by the big
pages in the books, you're notthe guy to go do it.

(54:02):
Who knows?
Because the stereotypical guythat can do it doesn't always
get selected, doesn't alwaysmake it.

Speaker 2 (54:09):
It's a little fucker that's willing to show up and
try yeah.
Yeah, I mean, I got my sommelierdiploma, I got my certified
specialist of wine diploma.
Was that's like a 70 fail ratefor csw at the time?
And you know, it's like youknow, and I studied harder than
anybody on the csw.
I thought in my brain and Iscored a 77 and a 75 is passing.
So I passed by like two pointsright, but like that's the story

(54:30):
of my life.
But I forever get to say I'm acertified specialist of wine.
It's like, did I do anythingwith it?
No, but like I don't know.
Like I'm now that I'm in my 40sand I have five kids that are
just rushing it through life andI in their homeschooled and
like I mean brother, likesurvivalists, they sleep outside
by themselves like they're likemy son was eating a squirrel
the other day behind my shedlike an illegal snare.

(54:50):
I'm like, go to their instagram.
It's unhinged, bro.
You'll be like what?
Like why is there not a movieabout these?
These guys, like these guys aregnarly.
But you know, like now that I'm41, it's like, dude, you get to
live here once, that's it.
You're here one freaking time,dude, on this planet, one time,
if you like, if you could fathom, if you were.

(55:11):
If you're gonna go to disneyworld, right, what do you want
to do?
It's like you're only.
You're only gonna go to disneyworld once in your life.
What are you going to do whenyou get to Disney World?
You're going to do it all,right.
You're not going to ride oneride once and be done with it.
You're going to try to do allof Disney in your first try.
Why aren't we doing all of lifeon our first try?
You want to open up adistillery and make rum and you
haven't been doing it and youwant to do it then just sold it

(55:35):
in january.
I ran a legal distillery.
I opened it and made rum forsix years and I ran a rum bar.
Never owned a business in mywhole life and you know, but I
did it and I could say that,like I, I made instill
distilling company rum for sixyears.
I owned the, I started it and,uh, sold it and, um, you know,
but I've done everything.
If I thought that I wanted todo it, I did.

(55:57):
It was.
It was inst still a successfulbusiness by all means.
No, no, if credit like that'swhy I had to sell it, because,
like, obviously I'm not thatgreat of a business person
either.
But, like you know, what Ilearned from that has carried on
to my next business, which youknow I run a podcast and it's I
don't really now that I'm in my40s, I don't really see all
those things as like epic fails,as like I did in their moments,

(56:21):
like right now, like I can sitand I have like dad lore is what
my 12 year old calls it yeah,yeah dude, you've got a whole
list of dad.
You've got the best stories.
Will you tell us a story I'mlike that feels good man that
feels bad.

Speaker 1 (56:34):
That right there.
That's worth every fuckingfailure, every opportunity that
didn't pan out 100%.

Speaker 2 (56:41):
When your kids want to hear your stories, that's
fucking success, man, and aslong as I'm a, great dad, like I
took all the stuff that Ilearned from Chaco and
everything in the 2016, 17, 18,19 timeframe.
You know when I was going tostart my own business and leave
law enforcement, you know.
You know you're on that grind.
You got to be on that grindgrind.
You gotta get up at fouro'clock in the morning, you know

(57:01):
, um.
But when I started working outkids, I I started taking that
mindset and I was like I justone day I was like, what if hear
me out here, hold on, wait aminute.
What if we all put that energyinto raising our offspring?
And so, like, I had thesix-pack abs and I was doing the
CrossFit two times a day,running my way.
But my kids were like not reallybeing raised.

(57:21):
They were being raised by mywife because I wasn't really.
I was focused on my dreams andmy aspirations and I don't know,
I like I felt bad in the momentand I decided to invest all in
on my kids.
And now my kids are likefreaking pro skateboarders and
they're not even like they'refully sponsored and they're not
even like.
The two of them aren't even 10years old yet.
And there we got packages offree shit on our porch every

(57:43):
single day that these kids getskateboard decks, they get trips
, they get, you know, shirts andpants and belts and knives, and
I mean it's and it's crazy andthat's because I invested, you
know, into, into my kids andthat's really you know.
Now I'm in my 40s and I can sayI don't care what happens with

(58:05):
the book, I could care less.
I don't care if it's a New YorkTimes bestseller, I don't care
about how many podcasts I get togo on, as long as every day I
get to wake up and hang out withmy kids and my wife and my kids
have a good relationship withme, then fuck the rest of the
world.

Speaker 1 (58:17):
It's true, man, that's the secret of life.
I used to say oh man,unfortunately I fucked up and I
didn't realize it.
Don't be sad If you're like meand you put off being a dad, put
off being a husband for a longtime.
Don't be sad, enjoy it.
When it finally happens, bepresent and cherish it.

(58:39):
Man, it's the greatest calling,it is the most important calling
in life being a husband andbeing a father, dude be sad I'm
telling you it is waking up tothe love of your life, to your
soulmate, the person that isyour fucking rock and being
there for them.
That is the calling of a manand being a father right there.

Speaker 2 (58:59):
Dude, isn't that the ultimate freedom, though, like I
mean, like it's like, once youget to that moment, like your
whole life, like my life, wasalways about trying to achieve
the next thing, dude, is like Igotta get the green beret or I
gotta be a swat, I gotta be this, I gotta be that, it's like.
But once you like reallyrealize it, you're happily
married and you, you're doingwhat you should as a father and
you're like no, no, no, this isthis, is it, this is what life's

(59:21):
really about.
This is happiness.
Like, yeah, you know, that'sthat's so cool, man, I'm glad
you have that too, and I hopeother guys find a man and then
just yeah, that's what youshould be chasing, right, it's
like 100 should be chasing that.

Speaker 1 (59:33):
All it takes is just being able to put that, be
vulnerable enough to cherishthat.
If I'm willing to sharepictures of me going out to the
bars when I was young and allthat stuff, then I got to be
able to do the same thing andtalk about the real truth.
Now that I'm older, now thatI'm wiser, now that I have the
real information, because I'mtrying desperately to reach you,
that young man that's trying toreach that endeavor of becoming

(59:56):
a Green Beret, it's great, it'swonderful, it's wonderful.
Keep chasing that.
We need you in there.
We need you to get to thosedreams.
But what if your ultimatecalling is to have kids and be a
good husband?
Maybe all that training, allthe Q course, all the selections
, all that's just getting youready to be a really good man

(01:00:16):
for somebody.
That's it, man.
We need dads.
We need dads, we need dads,Dude.

Speaker 2 (01:00:20):
We so need dads.
It's so important, man, and theQ course really set you up to
be a good father for sure.
All that leadership stuff, man.
It's no joke, man, when you cantie a knot like yeah, I might
not have passed the Q course I'mnot a Green Beret but or eight
like with his eyes, you know,strap down the christmas tree.
Like all the other dads wereout there.
Like I can't get my christmastree down the roof, I'm like you

(01:00:41):
know my kids are like damn dad,that's rad.

Speaker 1 (01:00:44):
like you know what I mean like oh yeah, dude, eric,
when does uh, when does the bookcome out?

Speaker 2 (01:00:50):
august 26th but it's on pre-order now barnes and
noble books, a million amazon.
When it comes out it's supposedto hit target cost Costco
Hudson's in the airport.
It should be really easy tofind on August 26th If you get
on the pre-order list and you DMme at erictansyofficial.
If you buy one book pre-orderand you send me a DM, I will
mail you a signed artistrendition of a bookmarker of me

(01:01:13):
allegedly tasing a woman in thevagina naked in the bathtub True
story.
Allegedly.
Allegedly tasing a woman in thevagina um, naked in the bathtub
.
Uh, true story, allegedly.
And uh, I will send you this.
Uh, I didn't mean to tase herin the vagina, by the way, it
was an accident.
I was staring at her vaginawhen I shot her with the taser,
and wherever you're looking iswhere you're looking is where
it's going, not like when youlike she was cutting her wrist

(01:01:34):
at her vagina level.
So I was like stop cuttingyourself.
She's like did you just tase mein my pussy?
And I was like, oh my god, Idid, let me call 9-1-1.
She's like you are 9-1-1, youfucking idiot.
And I was like oh my god.
And then like the ambulance getthere.
Like do you taser in the pussy?
And I was like, oh god, yes Idid.

Speaker 1 (01:01:50):
How do we?

Speaker 2 (01:01:51):
fix this like, let's just get over the fact that I
taser in the pussy and get itout.
But anyway, everybody lovesthat story.
So I will send you thisbookmarker and if you buy one
for a first responder, then Iwill send you the other three of
the other three characters themain characters of the book, um
and you will get a signed.
Uh, all four bookmarkers.
That's all my cheap ass has togive you for, uh, pre-ordering a

(01:02:11):
book, but they are pretty coolI love that.

Speaker 1 (01:02:12):
Go to the episode description.
You'll see the links there.
Go, do yourself a favor, getthe book.
I'm gonna get it.
Uh, there's nothing better thansupporting our law enforcement
veterans and our authors because, like I said earlier, these
stories need to be shared.
This, this is the real stuffthat we gotta celebrate.
We can talk about fictionalsci-fi books all day long.
They're great.

(01:02:33):
I enjoy sci-fi, I likewarhammer 40k lore just as much
as any other guy, but thesestories that put a human face
into a profession that rarelygets enough celebration, and
love man, we got to rally behindit.
Eric, thank you so much forbeing here.
Thank you for sharing yourstory with us.
Bro, I cannot wait for thisbook and I can't wait to

(01:02:54):
celebrate you and every other,because I feel like the universe
is going to continue to makethis even a bigger thing.
So I'm only, I can only imaginewhat's to come with this book
Hopefully a Netflix series,maybe a movie, a board game, a
video game.
That'd be fucking badass.
But thank you for being heretoday to all of you at home
listening.
Thank you, and do me a favor Goahead and ahead on over to

(01:03:22):
Spotify or Apple Podcasts.
Leave us a five-star review.
Put some words in there, Idon't know.
Put Eric's awesome or taste thevagina, I don't know.
Whatever you want to do, I justappreciate you doing it because
it helps me with the algorithm.
I'm Danny Caballero, thank youfor tuning in and we'll see you
all next time.
Until then, take care.
Thanks for tuning in and don'tforget to like, follow, share,
subscribe and review us on yourfavorite podcast platform.
If you want to support us, headon over to buymeacoffeecom

(01:03:42):
forward slash SecHawk podcastand buy us a coffee.
Connect with us on Instagram Xor TikTok and share your
thoughts or questions abouttoday's episode.
You can also visitsecurityhawkcom for exclusive
content, resources and updates.
And remember we get throughthis together.
If you're still listening, theepisode's over.

(01:04:03):
Yeah, there's no more Tune intomorrow or next week.
Thank you.

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Dateline NBC

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Eric Tansey on Life as a Veteran, Cop, & Author

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Dateline NBC

All Episodes

Eric Tansey on Life as a Veteran, Cop, & Author

Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club