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In this heartfelt episode of Security Halt!, host Deny Caballero is joined by Jay Fain to explore the vital role of storytelling, mentorship, and community in helping veterans navigate life after service. From the creative challenges of content creation to the emotional journey of military transition, this conversation offers real talk about the ups and downs veterans face when redefining their identity in civilian life.
Jay shares his passion for uplifting veteran voices through media, the importance of nonprofit resources like the VFW, and how sharing personal stories fosters resilience and connection across generations. They unpack the realities of post-military life, emphasizing gratitude, growth, and authenticity—not just the highlight reel.
Whether you're a veteran, creative, or supporter of the military community, this episode is a powerful reminder that you’re not alone, and your story matters.
🎙️ Like what you hear? Be sure to like, share, follow, and subscribe on Spotify, YouTube, and Apple Podcasts for more veteran-driven conversations that inspire purpose and connection.
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Chapters
00:00 The Juggling Act of running a small business
05:12 Navigating the Transition from Military to Civilian Life
10:52 The Importance of Community Support
16:18 Finding Purpose After Service
23:51 Understanding the VFW and Its Role Today
31:41 The Importance of Sharing Stories
34:46 Humanizing the Veteran Experience
37:26 Finding Positivity in the Veteran Community
40:44 Living with Perspective and Gratitude
43:39 Navigating Life's Ups and Downs
46:49 Embracing the Present and Reaching Out
50:36 The Joys of Maturity and Home Life
Instagram: @securityhalt
Tik Tok: @security.halt.pod
LinkedIn: Deny Caballero
Connect with Jay on social media and check out shieldofsisters.com too!
Instagram: jaylimp
https://www.instagram.com/jaylimp/
Website: shieldofsisters.com
Produced by Security Halt Media
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Security Odd Podcast.
Let's go.
The only podcast that'spurpose-built from the ground up
to support you Not just you,but the wider audience,
everybody.
Authentic, impactful andinsightful conversations that
serve a purpose to help you.
And the quality has gone up.
It's decent it's hosted by me,danny Caballero.
(00:23):
It's decent it's hosted by me,danny Caballero To like get to a
point where I have like abattle rhythm like established
and then like one more thingdrops in my schedule and I'm
just like juggling 50 fuckingmillion things.
I'm like I just want to sleep,for maybe two hours a day, no.
(00:43):
That's your life.
Jay Fane, how you been, man,doing good, doing good, doing
good.
Yeah, dude, it's um.
It's nice to be busy, thoughit's good for again.
Yeah, now I'm finally likeagain.
I'm like searching for, uh,additional team members.
I need a video editor, becausenow I'm like juggling more shows
(01:03):
and it's like, all right, Ineed somebody that's passionate
for video editing, buteverybody's always like, you
know, you should outsource tophilippines, and I'm like I
don't want to do that I want toI won't just stay an american
thing, yeah yeah, well
Speaker 2 (01:17):
I know there has to be people out there that would,
yeah love to help you out manyeah yeah, it's finding the
right.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
I want passionate people and it's like I've talked
to a dude I found on linkedinand I'm like, yeah, you know,
just started talking.
I'm like I see your videoeditors.
Yeah, I had a video.
Okay, do you like what you do?
Fucking hate it hate it.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Why would you say open the work and then you're
the video editor?
You know, I give it to thevideo editors, man, because
that's, I mean, that's liketedious work, that's a lot of
work.
Ah, dude, it's it's a lot.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
I constantly feel like like fucking a hacker on
the Matrix.
It's like multiple screens Okay, cool, All right.
Splice here.
Subscribe button here.
Graphic Overlay Filter Okay,LUTs Correction.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
And then, like after you're done with it, you got to
like review it all just to makesure you didn't miss anything.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Yeah, yeah, review it all just to make sure you
didn't miss anything.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
yeah, yeah, dude, and with you when you're already
operating with a fucked up brain.
It's like god damn it, I put.
Why is everything misspelledlike and subtract?
The amount of shit that youlike brush to produce and hang
up on like on youtube and you goback like, oh fuck, no, no, no,
(02:46):
no, no, no fucking delete,delete.
Look, it's like my groover orlike there's a glaring error in
the fucking in in the subtitles.
It's like look if you're.
I know you're watching and Iknow some of you have seen it.
(03:06):
I get it.
It's there's a lot of spellingerrors.
It's like I just have to relyon ai, so please forgive me.
There's so many times where,like I put soft professional,
it's just like soft, like it'slike on target with soft penises
(03:28):
.
That's what it gives theviewers impression.
We need hard, hard operators,not soft.
What are you doing?
yeah, the best is like like andsubtract.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
What the fuck.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
It's a professional endeavor.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Oh man, yeah, dude, it's a wonderful world of
content creation here.
Here's a look to behind thescenes.
I just need interns again.
I was able to get interns for awhile.
Yeah, that's dried up.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
How are you getting them?
Speaker 1 (04:13):
So through a great organization freaking, a
nonprofit that helps our softwounded veterans or anybody that
goes through and uh istransitioning you apply from
SOCOM care coalition, entertheir uh intern program and then
you can like go through theirentire Rolodex of different
businesses, differententrepreneurs that might align
(04:34):
with what you want to do on theoutside, and then you'd be like
I want an intern for them.
And it was great.
I had enough that I was doing adigital magazine for a while,
which is fucking awesome, werelike you know, I like writing, I
want to explore that.
And uh had some great dudesthat loved to write.
So I was like fuck yeah, dude,like let's get out there.
I'll be able to talk about thepodcast episodes as they're
launching, be able to talk aboutveteran issues.
(04:57):
And then it was just like theseason of like people that
wanted to be artistic dried upand it was like I want to go
into fence tech.
I can't help you with that.
It's like I get what you'redoing super cool.
I'd like to do podcasting, butI'm gonna make like 150k over
there.
I'm like I can't fault you forthat, yeah, yeah yeah, but hey
(05:21):
you know, give
Speaker 2 (05:22):
them an opportunity for sure.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Exactly.
Yeah, it's like poop and cum.
Jokes are fun, but um, I wantto make real money.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Okay, okay, all right .
Well, yeah, it's.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
I've been able to explore like all aspects of this
, from like doing it with, likeas a hobby with friends, like
doing it on my own, getting likeinterns come involved, dudes
that wanted to, and like it's.
It's.
It's a nice like way to likeexplore like the whole process
of it with uh, you know theunderstanding that I'm a dog
shit entrepreneur like I.
(06:00):
I just like, I am just horribleat this, but if I can figure it
out I know that you guyswatching going into the
transition like you can figureit out too.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Yeah, how about you man.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
You know, like being in the philanthropy space, like
that's not easy.
How are you navigating it?
Speaker 2 (06:21):
I mean from my experience I I guess, because
I've been out of the militarysince 2008 and like from then to
now, like a lot of differentvariables have changed, like
especially within the the likethe culture of this country and
(06:43):
dynamics of how things were thenas they are now, because then,
like obviously, where we'restill like very heavily in the
g-watt and now it's not really athing, and so then there's a
lot of people that are stillstill trying to think about it
(07:07):
from a philanthropic aspect.
It seemed like then there was alot more veteran-like pride
Just because there was warsgoing on.
It was a popular topic backthen.
The big popular topic, I guessnow is, like my peers and people
(07:32):
that I know, or people thatserved during the GWAT, are
starting to get out, retire orwhatever it's changed us to now.
So, like now it's just likesome of the people that I served
with have I've I've been morein contact with, because they're
trying to figure out now, likewhat's the next step.
(07:53):
So it seems like, speaking,speaking from a philanthropic
aspect, it's like hey, what likesome of these, some of the guys
that I've like personally, thatI've talked to recently,
they're like hey, what like someof these, some of the guys that
I've like personally, that I'vetalked to recently, they're
like what now?
Like I was like, well, you gotto think about it from a
different mindset now.
Like you're not donning auniform every day, where you're
(08:15):
in command of a bunch ofsoldiers or whatever, and now
it's you, and now maybe thisperson has a family or whatever.
Now you got to think about itfrom your perspective and their
perspective.
What do you want to do next foryou, what do you want to do
next for your family?
(08:35):
And what do you want to do nextfor the rest of your life?
And if there's something, amission or an organization or
whatever that you want to applyfor or work for, do you believe
in it?
Can you?
Can you?
Can you invest your time, yourenergy, all your efforts to it
(08:57):
and feel comfortable in thatspace?
If you really don't, then maybeyou should look elsewhere.
But it's just just that's whatI've noticed recently as
compared to years ago yeah, yeahit's.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
It's more complex now .
I think the our current veteranthat's getting out now.
I think there's there's ageneral lack of like, feeling
like they can accomplishanything greater, like there's a
lot of guys that I'm coming tocontact I feel like like I just
I just need to go for the easything.
I don't need to worry about myfeelings, my purpose, my passion
(09:34):
, push all that down, and I'llfigure it out later.
It's like, well, yes, maybe,but what if?
What if we could find the thingthat you love to do and you can
go straight into that?
I don't know what it is withthe um like a sense of
hopelessness or like a sense oflike I shouldn't be entitled to
(10:00):
Like it's.
It's like I feel like I had agreat career.
Now it's like I need to justdedicate myself to like just a
mundane.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Yeah, yeah, I understand that.
Um, I don't know just how I tryto.
I guess for me, like how I tryto help, um, you know the, the
veterans coming out andtransitioning, is like I try to
think about it.
I try to be think about it fromtheir perspective, but like I
(10:44):
try to live about, like if theyare seeking the help or support,
how is the best way that I canpoint them to that I can trust
as well.
That has maybe helped me or Iknow does great work, like, say,
(11:07):
some dude's getting out andlike is looking for a video job.
And yeah, I was like hey, Iknow this guy that runs this
amazing podcast.
You know you should talk to him.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Yeah, yeah yeah, it feels like we need a a more
grassroots approach of likehelping any way we can as a
community and there are a lot ofgood nonprofits out there and
even that can be a resource ofitself.
Just like if you would justtake the time, like if you're in
the space or you know you, youmind it.
(11:38):
Just collecting information andpassing it off to your friends,
like that in itself is like ahuge fucking burn off somebody's
shoulder.
When they're like fuck, I don'tknow who to turn to.
Like honor foundation, I shoutthem out all the time because
like hey, it works, it's proven.
Like that's sort of like beingable to arm somebody with tools
like they can figure it out.
As long as they know where togo, they can start figuring it
(12:00):
out.
It's a thing that and man, don'teven get me started on uh tap,
the transition assistanceprogram.
Boy, it's like the biggest.
The biggest pet peeve I havewith like this program is it's,
by and large, just being ran andoperated by people that never
(12:20):
transitioned themselves.
They they were like a seniorsar major got out and then just
went right into talking abouttransition as if they did it and
it's like dude, you never had acorporate job.
You never had a job as anoperations manager, so why are
you telling people to go get ascrum certification and PMP
certification if you haven'tdone it?
(12:40):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Um, and one thing I've noticedis like, especially if people
like are reaching out for thehelp, they're not.
You know, the one of the commonthings I've ran into is, um,
they're not like when they, well, they're looking for someone to
(13:04):
help guide them through this.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
You know it's, it's not just, oh, hey, okay, Go to
this website, hit this link,fill this out.
Yeah, it's like they they needlike a mentor or a someone
that's just just help them,guide them through that process
and get them to a certain point.
Point and it seems like as ifyou know, like we're all at
(13:36):
fault, this where we kind ofkind of like divert them
elsewhere, so it's off our hands.
But if you can identify aperson that really needs that
true guidance, it's just likeokay, like let's, let's, let's,
let's like establish like a,like a meet up every once in a
while or a call every once in awhile and like update and see
where you're at and you know,and just like those little
(13:57):
things, like it helps.
Like a veteran in transition getto a point.
You know it makes them feel onelike they're not alone, like
they, they're like okay, thisperson actually truly cares.
There's people out there thatcare, that want to help.
It's not just like they.
Some people get into a mindsetwhere I've noticed that, like
(14:18):
you know, they just see me aslike a number or another person
or something to fill a seat here.
You know, like I'm not a human,it's just you know they really
like that, that connection theygot because we had that when
we're all in the military, withpeople that help guide us,
because we have all had ourmentors, people we looked up to.
They're looking for that samething when they get out
(14:38):
absolutely, dude, there's apower.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
People don't want to admit it.
Man, like we get too, I don'tknow, we get too callous.
Like I don't fucking matter,you can call me whatever you
want.
And it's like no, like beingtreated like a decent human
being is important.
Like we act tough, like wow,fucking, don't need to worry
about me.
It's like no, like just havinga common like just respect of
acknowledge you as a human being, saying your name, not
(15:03):
addressing you as like justrespect of acknowledge you as a
human being, saying your name,not addressing you as like just
another fucking individual inthe room, just saying like hey,
man, dave, great to meet you,welcome and excited to have you
here in this transition brief.
But it's like we also need tolike understand that some people
need something.
That's completely different.
Man, like I'm starting to talkto a lot of veterans that want
(15:23):
to go into agriculture.
I never once heard aboutfucking agriculture going
through like any of thetransition shit like, and that's
crazy to me.
That's like this is a big need.
Like fuck, shout out thefreaking uh one of my buddies
that's uh just going into it.
Just like fuck, dude, I, I justwant to do this.
I have no family background incattle ranching no background,
(15:46):
never did it himself and he'slike dude, they just.
I have a passion for beingconnected with with animals,
being right there at the frontline of feeding america.
I'm gonna get involved in this.
And he took a just thatbeginner's mind approach to it,
reached out, started talking topeople like hey, man, I'll work,
I'll work for free.
Uh, I've got no wife, don'thave kids, I can live in my
(16:07):
frigging RV.
Like.
I will learn how to do this Ifyou teach me people where, like
are.
A lot of them are out theredoing the same thing.
Dude In in your, your ownjourney.
What was that transition likeinto?
Once you got to the point whereit's like, dude, I gotta get
out in the workforce, I gotta dosomething.
How did you go about figuringout, like A, what you were
(16:29):
interested in, like, what wereyou passionate in?
And then, like, how did youapproach it from that beginning
mindset of like dude, I was oneday I was just a kid in the
military.
Now I'm like okay, now I'vegotta figure out what I, you
(16:49):
know, transition.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
For me, like you know , it's, it's been almost you
know 17 years since I've beenout and like I still feel like
I'm transitioning, like like Ifeel like I'm just gonna always
transition for the rest of mylife.
But uh, because I mean here afew different reasons why I feel
(17:16):
that way, other than me servingmy time.
And then, you know, I had ashort kind of sweet career
joined to my training, went tomy unit, got deployed, got
wounded, recovered and got outThree years of just of all that.
But before that I grew upbecause my dad was a career
(17:40):
military, career army guy.
I mean, just all the men in thefamily were career army.
Growing up I knew I was justgoing to be in the serve in some
way, shape or form.
I didn't know anything elseelse, I didn't want to do
anything else.
So so when I, when I got hurtand wounded, like it was a weird
(18:01):
time for me, 22, 23 years old,and I was like, well, what do I
do now?
Like what?
What do I do now?
Like, what do I do now?
Like like do I stay in or do Iget out, or you know.
So I decided, um, I decided tomedically retire and like try to
go back to school and do thatstuff.
(18:24):
But I, I quickly realized thatschool wasn't for me and I
didn't like do bad, I had goodgrades and stuff, but I just it
just wasn't for me.
Um, and then after, like that'swhen I started like looking
into like you know different,like veteran type groups and
(18:48):
stuff you know, like like theVFW, for example, and so like,
okay, what are?
Like, these guys have beenaround for 100 years, you know,
and they've figured somethingout.
Let me see what's going onthere, and understanding like
that, because these guys servedin wars that happened decades
(19:11):
ago and now they're living alife prosper, prosperously.
You know they have, and it'sjust like they figured something
out.
I can learn from that.
Yeah, dude, that's, and uh, it'sactually a solid fucking point,
yeah, and you know, justreaching out to these veteran
groups, being part of some ofthese veteran groups, it opened
(19:33):
doors for me, like I kind ofstarted putting myself out there
, getting to know the community,like not just where I was at,
but just kind of all over theUnited States and wherever, and
people were reaching out to me.
And then I got opportunities towork at an apparel company for
(19:55):
a little while, which was great,I loved it.
Then I got opportunities towork as a DOD contractor where I
worked within the specialoperations community, which was
a lot of fun for a while, a lotof fun for a while.
(20:15):
And um, and then, like I gotapproached to, you know, with
some of that background ofworking in philanthropy and in
that in that space I gotapproached to work in like some,
some other veteranorganizations running nonprofits
.
And you know, it's that likewhen I took that step to reach
out to these organizations, theveteran organizations that's
been around for a while, it kindof opened some doors for me.
So I've just been kind of likeriding this wave of like hey,
(20:36):
what's coming next, what'scoming next, or let me stick
with this, or see what happenshere.
I've never really just I alwaysknew that I wanted to stay
within that space because I seeit as like, let's say, the World
War II generation.
They came back and they helpedfix this country and helped do a
(21:01):
lot of things when they gotback.
And they helped not just theirveterans, they helped everyone
else out, and then they in turndid the same thing for the
vietnam veterans, the vietnamveterans and in turn, are doing
the same thing for like us, andnow it's our turn to kind of do
the same thing for the youngerguys.
(21:21):
Yet now we're still in.
You know, like I, I just feellike that.
That's like where I fit in verywell with what I'm doing now.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Yeah, absolutely, man .
I want to highlight that partof your journey you just talked
about.
I want to touch in on the VFW.
But you found a space that youliked and you enjoyed, and a lot
of times there's thismisconception that our next
chapter has to be solidified inone place, one organization, for
(21:54):
the rest of your life, till youfucking die.
That's it.
You better choose carefully.
You don't want to end up likeDom over at the cheese stick
factory, that's it.
He's locked in for life.
Yeah, you know, mitch is overat the French toast factory and
that's far better.
It's like dude, you don't haveto stay there, he can go through
life.
And like you go, once you gothrough that, that final out,
(22:18):
you have that D214 and you'restruggling to still figure out,
like, what you want to do.
Like, yes, sometimes you go forthat whatever's there, whatever
you can get to help supportyour family, to help keep you
going and continue striving.
That's, that's the key.
Continue thinking and exploringwhat you're excited about.
And then you realize like, okay, I like this space.
(22:39):
It doesn't have to be just withthis company.
Like, hey, somebody else isintriguing, pops up in the scene
, be willing to bet on yourself,be willing to bet on your
dreams and be willing to lookand explore concepts and ideas.
The nonprofit space is amazing.
Be willing to bet on yourself,be willing to bet on your dreams
and be willing to look andexplore concepts and ideas, like
the nonprofit space is amazing.
Be willing to say like, hey,you know, I can help develop and
work this and work with thisteam at this company, help
(23:03):
making something that's, youknow, added value within the
community.
And then you understand likeokay, I like this, I like doing
this.
And then something pops up.
Or maybe you start up your ownnonprofit and you start working
that like follow life and whereit takes you, man, like that's
really important.
It helps you maintain that likethat spirit of advancement, the
(23:23):
spirit of creating somethingand being completely devoted to,
like what your mission and yourown purpose is.
I think like that's somethingthat needs to be talked about a
lot more.
We, more often than not, not,all I hear is you know, just
stick where you're at, if it's,if you're happy staying on a
pilot, that works, or maybe itdoesn't work for you and it's
(23:43):
okay.
But, um, I I have to admit I, Idon't know enough about the vfw
and I think that I'm not theonly one what got you at first,
like being willing to like go toa place that by and large we
have to admit, by and large itjust seems like something that
is part of a bygone age that youknow, we, we see it on the old
(24:04):
tv shows.
I was like, oh, bmw.
Like but I don't see a face andoften enough I don't see a face
or or um well, before, becausenow I'm old as fuck.
I see I see faces like mine now, but like I feel like it's not
a welcome place for like, uh,you know a guy like me with long
(24:26):
hair, nose ring friggin.
Um yeah, like, tell me aboutVFW and how you know, how does
it?
What does it feel like to be apart of the organization now?
Like, how has it grown?
Speaker 2 (24:39):
Well, um, I recently got back into like VFW stuff.
Um, uh, since I moved here andhere in Kansas city uh, there's
a great veteran, uh, a great, uhgreat VFW post here and when I
first moved here, there wasthings I needed help with and
they helped me a lot with a lotof things.
(25:00):
They helped review my wife'sclaims for the VA, they helped
with just things that I neededwhen I was struggling a bit and
they helped they were there, noshit.
All I needed when I wasstruggling a bit and they just
they helped, they were there.
All I had to do was just askand and they figured out how
they could help me out the bestway they can, and and that's
(25:22):
what the VFW does.
They really do all across theboard.
You know, I know there's thestigma of old, salty, grown,
yeah, veteran.
That, yeah, that's mean, itdoesn't like, it's not like that
.
You know it's like those guysare around but they're there for
a reason because they have thesame story.
(25:43):
They went through it andthey've, in turn, looked to the
VFW for help and become part ofthe VFW to help out the younger
generation like us.
You know they're not, they'renot there to just, oh, you're
not or you're not, you don'tknow, you weren't there.
(26:04):
It's not like that.
You know, I know we've all seenthat and that's like kind of
like the stigma or whatever.
But it's not like.
I always encourage people likehey, go, and what I like to do
is, whenever I have anopportunity, I like to sit with
like one of the older gentlemenand that you know, and just kind
of sit there and talk to him.
Just listen, here, there, hereis story, here her story.
(26:26):
You don't see, like whatthey've been through, like where
they're from, like their family, like just get to know them,
you know, and like there's somuch to take and learn from
doing just something as simpleas that and that's like cause.
That's like kind of what theVFW is about.
(26:47):
Like it's it's to help out theveteran and their families and
stuff and it's it's to it's toprovide that support system,
that family feeling, thatnonjudgmental zone, like that's
what it's about.
It's not a compare and contrastlike each other's stories and
(27:08):
stuff.
Like yeah, there might be someof that.
Just because we're veterans andwe do that, we kind of like to
talk shit about each other andall that different branches and
all that shit.
That's what it's about.
They've been around for ahundred years, I think Over a
hundred years or something likethat I don't know the exact
(27:29):
historics.
That says a lot, just thatalone.
Like there's organizations thatjust started within the last
few years, that have gotten bigand popular, but are they going
to survive 100 years?
Something like the vfw is goingto endure probably forever.
You know that.
(27:50):
That.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
That says a lot about that organization yeah, no,
it's, it's a americaninstitution and you're right,
there's a lot of misconceptions.
I know I've um.
I've judged it not on my ownlived experience but what you
see on media and what you hearthat it's um.
It's important to understandand realize that, like it's an
(28:14):
institution that was built toserve and provide resources for
the veteran.
So that includes us, itincludes our generation, it's
not and if we don't, like yousaid something powerful about
being able to sit down and breakbread, just have an afternoon
(28:37):
when you're sitting down withthe previous generation and
that's something that you know.
I talk about that a lot beingable to have a community, being
able to integrate, talk withpeople, build a support network.
But also we need to learn andshare the stories, oral history,
and hear these stories from ourveterans that aren't going to
be here much longer.
(28:57):
You know our world war twoveterans like we don't have a
lot left.
Like here, the was it.
The 81st uh trip to Normandywill be happening uh, with the
best defense foundation.
I know there's a lot of otherum nonprofits to bring our world
war ii veterans out back tonormandy, back to to see the
(29:19):
places where they're.
You know they fought andengaged to be able to get that
hero's welcome from the peoplethere.
And, uh, those, the number ofthose veterans is dwindling.
Individuals were losing themand and it's just, it's normal
thing, it's a part of life.
But if we don't capture thestories and just think of how
enriching it would be for you,the audience member listening at
(29:41):
home, if you just took aweekend to go down there and and
talk with some of theseveterans from these you know
different campaigns, differentparts of history, what they saw,
what what they experiencedYou're able to keep that live
within you.
You're able to help promotethat and then bring it back to
somebody else.
Like, yeah, dude, I've talkedwith so-and-so.
He lived and experiencedsomething that we don't talk
(30:06):
about as much, we don'thighlight as much within our own
peer groups.
Like, fuck, dude, I hung outwith a World War II veteran at
VFW and he was telling mestories of what it was like for
him on D-Day and what heexperienced.
And, dude, think about beingdeployed until it was over, not
just like being able to returnhome on like, hey, we're going
(30:27):
on Christmas Eve.
No, there's none of that.
How long are we here here,platoon sergeants?
No, it's done so we win this.
Yeah, that's, that's nuts man.
Yeah it's, it's insane, it'sinsane.
And these american heroes are,are you know?
(30:48):
That's where they go, that'swhere they feel comfortable.
They go to vfw, they live.
They live in areas where theycan go, have access to that.
Their families help them, makethat a regular part of their
life because that's theircommunity.
And every time I've met a WorldWar II veteran, they light up
when somebody shows interest intheir life and being able to
(31:10):
like sit down and have you knowcommunication with us Like they,
they get so much out of thatLike you're going to walk out of
there enriched.
You're going to have a piece oforal history that few people
can say, that they have like beable to say like holy shit, like
these stories they have to liveon.
Not all of them are captured inbooks, not all of them are
captured in movies, and somedaythat's going to be us, yeah,
(31:36):
yeah man that's the weird part.
Speaker 3 (31:37):
That's the weird part like some kid is kind of
sitting down like wow, mrcaballero, tell about your story
.
Well, you see, back in my dayin 82nd, we used to take piss
bottles and hurl them at thekids and they loved it.
They chased those bottles downand, oh boy, they had a good
time.
We'd take candy and then putchewing tobacco dip cans, fill
(32:02):
it with tobacco and with thecandy.
We'd see those kids take thosechewing tobacco Boy.
They enjoyed it Like wow,you're a piece of shit.
Certainly was.
Certainly was.
Certainly was.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
Brian won't share those stories.
That's going to be us somedaywhen we get older.
Life is funny, man.
We're going to get to the pointwhere we're going to want and
seek community, seek the comfortof being able to talk and share
something Like.
(32:39):
Life goes in circles, man.
You're going to literallyexperience this.
We're all going to experiencethis.
We're going to see old veteransat some point, stop, if you
can't, if you I'm not tellingyou like, sacrifice your day, be
late for work, but if you canstop and engage and talk and ask
them about their life, ask themwhat they went through, it's
(33:01):
going to pay back big timebecause someday you're going to
be sitting there.
You're going to be thatindividual hoping and wishing
the younger generation wouldtake interest in what you
experienced.
Because those stories, man, theydon't belong to us.
We have to share them.
We have to, we have to get themout there.
And it's not just theglamorized Hollywood versions of
(33:25):
midnight raids and sexyhelicopter rides into forbidden
enemy territories.
No, it has to be the storiesthat incorporate the entire
spectrum of the GWAT, the funnystuff, the convoy ops where
you're just fucking droning onabout stupid stuff.
Would you have sex with MeganFox if she also had a dick, but
(33:49):
not a big one, just a tiny one.
Just all the outrageous shit,like all the stuff that we, we
don't share enough, like likethat movie that's out right now,
um, shit, warfare right.
Like it's opening sequence.
It's something that's sorelatable, like the hype, the,
(34:09):
the stupid stuff we would dotogether in a platoon bay.
Like that stuff is important toremember, it is important to
share, not just within our ownlittle circles, but with the
world.
People need to understand whatit's truly like to be an
infantry soldier, an engineer, afrigging 88 Mike.
All these things need to beshared and I think we do
(34:31):
ourselves a disservice by nottalking about it all, not
getting it out there, notsharing it and showing people
that it's a human being.
You have to humanize this, thislived experience.
It's not a superhero, I mean.
That's why it's so crazy seeinglike these stories that get
they're they're entertaining,but it's important to understand
that.
Like that's not real combat,that's not real life.
(34:53):
Like the real, the real thingis that 18 year old kid that's
about to go on a patrol and he'sgoing to jerk off in the port
of shitter before he goes wherethe fuck is johnson well busy,
busy
Speaker 2 (35:14):
they're in the fuck out.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
We gotta go on patrol bro, they're in the fuck up.
I'm not going in on the wrongmindset.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
I have to relax, be relaxed, it's just so.
But that's the fucking truth.
Just imagine it.
That's a lived experience.
I hope someday gets put out ina book or movie.
Man, it's, it's just.
Life was so different.
It was just such a weird,complete, like a fever dream,
(35:42):
like of just insane shit withinhyper violence, in the worst
moments of your life.
And you, you fucking lived it,brother, like you.
You know it just as much as anyother veteran that's lived
through it.
Like just the the highs and theextreme fucking lows and that.
How do we move forward and tryto like embrace everything from
(36:05):
that veteran experience and tryto promote like positivity
within the community?
That's a conundrum.
Like how do we get people toshare their story?
Because it's cathartic in a wayand it'll give them a release,
like be able to go on a podcast,be able to talk like share,
write.
That's one of the things thatI'm really excited about in the
advocacy space the, thesongwriting, like individuals
(36:27):
are like going through thesenon-profits to share their
stories.
But from the aspect of a songdude, like that's to me, like
that there's because there's alot of musical, I'm starting to
see a lot more guys reach outlike hey, I'm a musician in
nashville, do a veteran, I writesongs and a lot of it has to do
my time and service and likeyou go see their comment
(36:48):
sections or you see the stuffthat they're sharing and it's
resonating with people.
Like people are like thinkinglike wow, do you like the shit
you're talking about?
Like it's home.
It's like fuck, dude, it'salmost like therapy by proxy,
like being able to tune intosomebody that's able to sing
your your situation and put aperspective on it.
It's like people can hear it,can heal in the most
(37:10):
unconventional ways or get apiece of of what.
Like rest and, uh, walk awayfrom something and feel a little
more restorative.
Like start to understand thatlike pathways to healing come in
so many different avenues.
Man like that's the thing thatis uh doesn't always happen
inside of therapy.
Last session, uh, we have to beopen to that.
(37:31):
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Yeah, it's looking at what youexperienced.
We were talking last time.
He came on the show, dude, like, how are you moving forward and
what are some of the thingsthat you are implementing in
your life to stay in that propermindset?
Speaker 2 (37:50):
Yeah, Okay, okay, you know, just to stay in that
positive mindset I guess I'm notgoing to lie, I have my issues
(38:15):
and I have my days.
Absolutely Some days are greatbut some days are just like you
know that.
Stay in that mindset to whereI'm not letting, like, the
(38:38):
externals or anything likeaffect me in a negative way.
Like is, like I, just there'sthings that I in my situation,
what I've been through, likethat I just kind of remind
(38:58):
myself all the time, like youknow why I love being alive.
You know, like, yeah, becausereal, like it was for me, like
it, like I almost did it, like I, like I, I I'm, almost I was, I
almost wasn't, like I almostwasn't here, to like enjoy my
(39:22):
day.
You know, enjoy waking up Ialmost wasn't here, like I
almost didn't have thatopportunity, like I was very
close to that.
And remembering that, you know Iget to wake up every day, one
next to my beautiful wife.
You know I get to wake up everyday, one next to my beautiful
wife.
You know, and enjoy the housethat we live in and drink my
(39:45):
coffees in the morning and petmy dogs.
And, you know, go hang out withmy stepson or whatever, hang
out with family, like justmaking a phone call to a friend,
like little things that Ialmost didn't have.
I remember like, wow, like I amso very thankful that I can
(40:07):
still do that every day.
You know, and I've had brothersand stuff that didn't make it
back.
You know, I have them tattooedon my back, you know.
That's like a reminder, likewow, like they can't have what I
got going on, like I don't haveit bad at all.
(40:29):
You know, like, and some ofthese guys were not even.
They were teenagers, so theyweren't even 18, 19 years old.
Like you know that's.
And like I have a, I have astepson that's almost their age.
It's just like you know.
It's just like I, I like Idon't have to go like structure
(40:52):
my day out in order to feelfulfilled, like I can just go
out and do something and bethankful that I'm just doing
that, whatever that is yeah,like, yeah dude.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
It's um, it's a powerful reminder the importance
of like, having perspectivewhen you look back at who and
what we've lost, like, and thennot from a place of like,
dwelling and sorrow, butreminder of like.
Life is short, this is not aninfinite thing.
(41:28):
No matter what that weirdYouTube guy is trying to do with
longevity with his blood boy.
Like dude, this this will end,end.
You can prolong it, you can tryto, like you know, use every
tool and resource to age slowerand being hyper, hyper health
(41:48):
and being that that like,weirdly obsessed about living
forever.
But you're not going to.
It ends, it ends and we have todo everything we can to
remember that.
Our brothers, our sistersaren't here with us, want us to
live.
They don't want us to survive,they want us to thrive.
(42:09):
They want us to go out thereand live a life filled with joy,
filled with awe and amazing,beautiful things.
And if we can tap into that, ifwe can.
Just, you know, and I know, notevery day is going to be 100%.
Not every day is going to befucking sunshine, rainbows and
lollipops.
Some days are going to fuckingsuck, but we need those days, we
(42:30):
need the shitty days.
We need the shitty days so thatwhen we're having a great time,
we can look back and be likeman.
I'm not eating spam out of acan in the back of my truck.
Fuck yeah, this is great, thisis great, oh, hell.
Yeah, we need that forperspective.
But we also need to rememberand honor our friends, honor our
(42:51):
loved ones that aren't hereanymore, and know that, not from
a sad state of like fuck dude,we can miss them.
But the number one thing wehave to remember, just like my
friend John Wayne Walden sayslive for them.
Live for them, honor them,thank them Like fucking so glad
(43:12):
I had you in my life, Even if itwas brief.
Thank you for being there withme.
I'm going to live double for us.
I'm going to fucking be happy.
I'm going to, even when I don'twant to.
I'm going to meet the shittydays with grace and a smile and
move forward, because I knowthat it's going to get better.
Everything dissipates man.
(43:34):
The bad, the pain, it willdissipate.
It's going to get better.
Everything dissipates man.
The bad, the pain, it willdissipate Like dude.
That's like the hardest thingto tell people Like this pain,
what you're feeling right now.
Just be present with it.
It's going to pass, it's going.
No, but I want it to be goingout.
I want it to be gone so fast.
I don't want it to be here.
I want it to fast forward.
Well, we can't yeah, that's theshort answer.
We can't fast forward from thispain.
(43:55):
We can't fast forward from thetrauma.
We can't fast forward from thedivorce, from the heartbreak and
the people that leave us.
But what we can do is we canchoose to be present in the
moment, acknowledge it andunderstand that this too shall
pass.
It will like it absolutely.
You'll breathe, let go of theanxiety and understand hey, man,
(44:20):
in this moment, this sucks.
I'm here.
I'm here right now.
And the great friends, thegreat friends are going to walk
by and be like, yeah, man, thatsucks.
The great friends in your lifeare going to crawl down in that
hole.
They're going to look at youand say, yep, friends in your
life, I gotta crawl down in thathole.
Speaker 2 (44:38):
They're gonna look at you say, yep, I'm here with you
.
Speaker 1 (44:40):
I'm here with you and this is going to get better.
We're gonna move through this,but right now I'm right here
with you because that's all weneed.
We don't need somebody to walkby and be like that, that
fucking andy elliot elliotdouchebag.
But fuck you, get out of therepussy.
Speaker 3 (44:54):
Get out of that fucking hole you, piece shit
You're a fucking piece of shit,motherfucker.
Look at you, you weakmotherfucker.
Look at my fucking abs.
Fuck you, let's go, no no, somedays fucking suck.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
But stay in the fight , stay here, stay in the present
, stay in and out.
It's going to get fuckingbetter.
I'm not going to lie to you.
The QRF is not coming.
They're not going to kick inthe door and be like freeze
motherfucker.
We're here Sometimes.
It's just going to be you.
Reach out.
Reach out to that friend that'swith you, that you know is
(45:27):
going to pick up the fuckingphone.
Reach out and talk.
That's your form of QRF.
You've got to take action.
You've got to take action.
You got to be vulnerable enoughbecause you have to understand
people live complex lives.
There's a chance your friendmight catch you on the right
time.
They'll be there for you.
But you, by and large, when youfeel it, when you get in that
place of like fuck, dude, I'mstarting to get depressed, reach
(45:50):
out to that friend that youknow can make you laugh, that
can get your spirit back up andthen know this shit will pass.
Man.
It's important to talk about itbecause a lot of people get the
misconception of like well,jay's always happy.
Why the fuck can I always behappy?
Why the fuck can I be likeDenny?
Why the fuck can I be like allthese other people.
Why do I always get in badmoods?
Why do I always get depressed?
Truth is, brother, sister, lifeisn't always going to be fair,
(46:13):
easy and happy.
Some days really suck, butthat's okay.
That's life.
It comes with good, it comeswith bad.
It's a wave.
I remember that's the firstthing I learned about being
special operations.
I thought it was going to begreat every single fucking day
and then you get that shittyteam sergeant.
That's just fucking your mouthnonstop.
(46:34):
It just sucks.
It's just the worst ever.
And I remember I had a senioron the team that was just okay.
Man, it's just a wave.
I'm like just ride it.
It fucking sucks right nowYou're low man, but that wave's
going to come over.
You're going to fucking be onthe high.
It's going to be awesome.
And then, when you're up there,appreciate it, because at some
(46:56):
point you're going to have a badday again.
But it's okay, come and go.
Dude, it's just life and that'sthe most important thing that
we all need to understand.
Dude, it's like there's goingto be good days.
You're going to have thatexperience.
What's your favorite thing todo on the good days, jay?
Speaker 2 (47:15):
On the good days.
Like, what's your favoritething to do on the good days,
Jay, On the good days?
Well, so I'm fortunate to youknow.
Hang out with my best friendevery day.
Oh yeah, you know so, and she'salso a veteran herself.
(47:35):
You've met her and she has alot going on and she and I get
to help support her through allthat.
And so it's like I like to knowwhat she has going on, because I
like to be there to help andsupport and, you know, makes me
happy that I can help her out,you know, because she's she does
(47:56):
the same for me, you know,makes me happy that I can help
her out, you know, because shedoes the same for me.
But, like, as for fun stuff, Iguess, like hobby-wise or
whatever, like you know, there'sthings I like to do.
Like I like to say I like toplay golf because it's the one
(48:22):
sport I've played since I was alittle kid.
But I'm not, like, a avidgolfer, I don't go out and play
all the time, but I like to playgolf.
I like to do that stuff.
Um, I like to really like what,like how our house, how our home
(48:45):
set up is, like this is where Ican come and just be myself and
hang out and have my peace andbe in my zen and, yeah, relax.
And I like I love being home somuch.
You know, like I I'm somewhatof a homebody but I'm also a
(49:07):
social butterfly, also a socialbutterfly at times, but with the
right people, you know, I don'tjust go hang out with anybody.
But home is just like man,because we've worked so hard to
build what we got.
I want to enjoy that and thisis my getaway from the world.
(49:31):
I walk through the doors of myhouse and all right, this is my
piece.
Speaker 3 (49:37):
I feel that in my core.
Speaker 2 (49:40):
This is my happy place.
Speaker 1 (49:42):
Dude, yeah, I feel that so much.
Dude.
Yeah, Same sentiment Like Ilike going out doing photography
, being able to get out in the,in just nature.
But I like being at home.
And now that I'm a dad.
Speaker 3 (50:04):
I don't want to do a lot of shit with a lot of people
.
Speaker 1 (50:05):
It's just like my main concern is like I want to
be with my wife, I want to be mykid.
I look forward to rushing homeif I have to go anywhere, just
so I can be with my wife, justso I can see my little girl.
Like that's, like, that's thedifference.
Like that happened.
Like I like to get out, go tothe gym in the morning, get out,
could do things, but in theback of my mind it's like can I?
(50:28):
Just as soon as I'm done, likeI just want to go, I want to
grab that little girl.
Like this morning, like therewas a perfect example, I woke up
early getting ready for the gym.
And it's like hey, you want towake up with Izzy.
I'm like do I?
Abso-fucking-lutely, that'slike the greatest fucking thing
on earth.
Like, just like, like a littlekid giddy on Christmas day to go
wake my little girl up andchange her shitty diaper.
(50:50):
Like that's just.
Like, like that's something thatyou don't understand, like how
it changes you.
Like I'm just like fuck dude,like this I'd rather be cleaning
shit than going out.
And like partying and drinkingLike that's just, I don't know.
Like that's just.
That's the great thing aboutlife and maturing and in this
season, um, it's just, it'swonderful being able to get to
(51:10):
that point where you know whatyou value and you don't have to
pretend because for a longperiod in time in my life I had
to pretend whether it was ahobby to be around people.
It's like, dude, I don't evenplay video games anymore.
Dude, if I can just get to bed,fucking, hang out, read a book,
(51:31):
man.
Yeah, fucking dude, that luxuryof getting the bed by like
eight, oh fuck, dude, I've madeit.
Yeah, just fucking my, my 20year old self's looking at me.
Like you, you're a fucking loserman.
You're a fucking loser.
Speaker 2 (51:49):
I'm like fuck you, I always say.
I always say like if my bedcould have a cell phone that
motherfuckers call me all thetime jake, where the fuck you at
get your ass in bed I gotta go,man, I gotta.
Speaker 1 (52:10):
I gotta do this thing with my bed.
It's just always hounding me.
Yep, being old is fucking greatman, it's amazing.
It's just you take it like.
Here's the last anecdote I willtell you about old Denny.
Speaker 3 (52:27):
I hate lawn work, but like one thing I do like is
waging warfare on weeds yeah,last week, and I planned my
entire weekend around how I wasgoing to decimate warfare on
weeds.
Speaker 1 (52:36):
Yeah, last week and I planned my entire weekend
around how I was going todecimate the pandemic of weeds
in my backyard.
I got meticulous in planning.
I'm like I'm going to get twobags of the weed killer.
I'm going to lay that down andthen I'm going to get the spray
weed killer.
I'm just going to methodicallyspray 240 all over.
I'm just going to methodicallyspray like 240 all over.
(52:57):
I'm just like, and I'm likeplanning all the work and
everything I got to do just toget out there to kill weeds.
I'm like I got to get all thisstuff out.
My wife's like, yeah, we canhire somebody.
I'm like, no, don't take thisaway from me.
I got to kill these fuckingweeds.
So if you're like me, you'regoing to love killing some weeds
(53:18):
, oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (53:22):
That's the season of life that I'm in, I get it.
I'm the same way with my yardman.
I'm out there, I have a lawnguy.
I work with him all the time tofigure out what's the next best
thing to do Right now thisseason.
Uh, I'm working on like puttingnew, new growth and grass and
like seeding and all that andyeah, I get it, man, you know,
(53:46):
get, get getting rid of theweeds and like like no, I get,
it's just like oh my fucking god, I literally felt like I was
like that's a video game idea,because that's how I felt.
Speaker 1 (54:06):
I felt like I was where I was playing halo wars
and I'm just commanding we abrigade of weed killers.
I'm just like, yeah, we werestrategizing how to kill these
weeds.
And like every morning, everymorning, I look out there and
I'm just like, fuck yeah.
Speaker 3 (54:22):
I'm gonna fucking kill all of you.
Speaker 2 (54:25):
Oh, dude, I step out on my front porch every morning
with my coffee and I stare at mygrass.
Speaker 3 (54:29):
I'm just like uh-huh, oh yeah, the key takeaway from
this is that we all become SARTmajors.
Oh yeah, the key takeaway fromthis it's all become a certain
major dude jay.
Thank you so much for beinghere today man, I needed this
laugh.
Speaker 1 (54:45):
I don't, I don't care what.
I hope you enjoyed it.
The audience, I don't.
Either way, I don't care,because I have been so stressed
and working so hard this weekthat I fucking this is selfish.
This is my selfish episode.
I needed you in my life todayand I need to laugh this much.
Oh, my God, yeah, if, uh, ifyou want to support Jay, where
(55:07):
can they go for to find out moreabout the foundation that you
and your amazing wife work for?
Speaker 2 (55:11):
Um.
They can go to the websiteshield of sisterscom.
Um.
They can go to the websiteshield of sisterscom?
Um on all the socials field ofsisters.
Just look it up um and reachout to him from there.
Speaker 1 (55:24):
Awesome man.
Thank you so much for beinghere today.
Before you guys leave, go toepisode description, check out
Jay's web or Instagram and thengo to the website there.
Also, do me a favor, head onover to Spotify or Apple
Podcasts and especially YouTube.
Give us a like, share, followand, dare I say, subscribe, not
subtract.
Fucking AI Caption maker.
(55:47):
I'm going to go Alex Jones onyou.
Fuck a bitch, son of a bitch,fucking everything up for me.
Thank you, Like, follow, share,subscribe.
I'm Danny Caballero.
Thank you for tuning in, thankyou for hanging out with us and
we'll see you all next time.
Until then, take care.
Thanks for tuning in and don'tforget to like, follow, share,
subscribe and review us on yourfavorite podcast platform.
(56:10):
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(56:34):
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Let's go.
The only podcast that'spurpose-built from the ground up
to support you Not just you,but the wider audience,
everybody.
Authentic, impactful andinsightful conversations that
serve a purpose to help you.
And the quality has gone up.
It's decent it's hosted by me,danny Caballero.
(00:23):
It's decent it's hosted by me,danny Caballero To like get to a
point where I have like abattle rhythm like established
and then like one more thingdrops in my schedule and I'm
just like juggling 50 fuckingmillion things.
I'm like I just want to sleep,for maybe two hours a day, no.
(00:43):
That's your life.
Jay Fane, how you been, man,doing good, doing good, doing
good.
Yeah, dude, it's um.
It's nice to be busy, thoughit's good for again.
Yeah, now I'm finally likeagain.
I'm like searching for, uh,additional team members.
I need a video editor, becausenow I'm like juggling more shows
(01:03):
and it's like, all right, Ineed somebody that's passionate
for video editing, buteverybody's always like, you
know, you should outsource tophilippines, and I'm like I
don't want to do that I want toI won't just stay an american
thing, yeah yeah, well
Speaker 2 (01:17):
I know there has to be people out there that would,
yeah love to help you out manyeah yeah, it's finding the
right.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
I want passionate people and it's like I've talked
to a dude I found on linkedinand I'm like, yeah, you know,
just started talking.
I'm like I see your videoeditors.
Yeah, I had a video.
Okay, do you like what you do?
Fucking hate it hate it.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Why would you say open the work and then you're
the video editor?
You know, I give it to thevideo editors, man, because
that's, I mean, that's liketedious work, that's a lot of
work.
Ah, dude, it's it's a lot.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
I constantly feel like like fucking a hacker on
the Matrix.
It's like multiple screens Okay, cool, All right.
Splice here.
Subscribe button here.
Graphic Overlay Filter Okay,LUTs Correction.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
And then, like after you're done with it, you got to
like review it all just to makesure you didn't miss anything.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Yeah, yeah, review it all just to make sure you
didn't miss anything.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
yeah, yeah, dude, and with you when you're already
operating with a fucked up brain.
It's like god damn it, I put.
Why is everything misspelledlike and subtract?
The amount of shit that youlike brush to produce and hang
up on like on youtube and you goback like, oh fuck, no, no, no,
(02:46):
no, no, no fucking delete,delete.
Look, it's like my groover orlike there's a glaring error in
the fucking in in the subtitles.
It's like look if you're.
I know you're watching and Iknow some of you have seen it.
(03:06):
I get it.
It's there's a lot of spellingerrors.
It's like I just have to relyon ai, so please forgive me.
There's so many times where,like I put soft professional,
it's just like soft, like it'slike on target with soft penises
(03:28):
.
That's what it gives theviewers impression.
We need hard, hard operators,not soft.
What are you doing?
yeah, the best is like like andsubtract.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
What the fuck.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
It's a professional endeavor.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Oh man, yeah, dude, it's a wonderful world of
content creation here.
Here's a look to behind thescenes.
I just need interns again.
I was able to get interns for awhile.
Yeah, that's dried up.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
How are you getting them?
Speaker 1 (04:13):
So through a great organization freaking, a
nonprofit that helps our softwounded veterans or anybody that
goes through and uh istransitioning you apply from
SOCOM care coalition, entertheir uh intern program and then
you can like go through theirentire Rolodex of different
businesses, differententrepreneurs that might align
(04:34):
with what you want to do on theoutside, and then you'd be like
I want an intern for them.
And it was great.
I had enough that I was doing adigital magazine for a while,
which is fucking awesome, werelike you know, I like writing, I
want to explore that.
And uh had some great dudesthat loved to write.
So I was like fuck yeah, dude,like let's get out there.
I'll be able to talk about thepodcast episodes as they're
launching, be able to talk aboutveteran issues.
(04:57):
And then it was just like theseason of like people that
wanted to be artistic dried upand it was like I want to go
into fence tech.
I can't help you with that.
It's like I get what you'redoing super cool.
I'd like to do podcasting, butI'm gonna make like 150k over
there.
I'm like I can't fault you forthat, yeah, yeah yeah, but hey
(05:21):
you know, give
Speaker 2 (05:22):
them an opportunity for sure.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Exactly.
Yeah, it's like poop and cum.
Jokes are fun, but um, I wantto make real money.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Okay, okay, all right .
Well, yeah, it's.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
I've been able to explore like all aspects of this
, from like doing it with, likeas a hobby with friends, like
doing it on my own, getting likeinterns come involved, dudes
that wanted to, and like it's.
It's.
It's a nice like way to likeexplore like the whole process
of it with uh, you know theunderstanding that I'm a dog
shit entrepreneur like I.
(06:00):
I just like, I am just horribleat this, but if I can figure it
out I know that you guyswatching going into the
transition like you can figureit out too.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Yeah, how about you man.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
You know, like being in the philanthropy space, like
that's not easy.
How are you navigating it?
Speaker 2 (06:21):
I mean from my experience I I guess, because
I've been out of the militarysince 2008 and like from then to
now, like a lot of differentvariables have changed, like
especially within the the likethe culture of this country and
(06:43):
dynamics of how things were thenas they are now, because then,
like obviously, where we'restill like very heavily in the
g-watt and now it's not really athing, and so then there's a
lot of people that are stillstill trying to think about it
(07:07):
from a philanthropic aspect.
It seemed like then there was alot more veteran-like pride
Just because there was warsgoing on.
It was a popular topic backthen.
The big popular topic, I guessnow is, like my peers and people
(07:32):
that I know, or people thatserved during the GWAT, are
starting to get out, retire orwhatever it's changed us to now.
So, like now it's just likesome of the people that I served
with have I've I've been morein contact with, because they're
trying to figure out now, likewhat's the next step.
(07:53):
So it seems like, speaking,speaking from a philanthropic
aspect, it's like hey, what likesome of these, some of the guys
that I've like personally, thatI've talked to recently,
they're like hey, what like someof these, some of the guys that
I've like personally, that I'vetalked to recently, they're
like what now?
Like I was like, well, you gotto think about it from a
different mindset now.
Like you're not donning auniform every day, where you're
(08:15):
in command of a bunch ofsoldiers or whatever, and now
it's you, and now maybe thisperson has a family or whatever.
Now you got to think about itfrom your perspective and their
perspective.
What do you want to do next foryou, what do you want to do
next for your family?
(08:35):
And what do you want to do nextfor the rest of your life?
And if there's something, amission or an organization or
whatever that you want to applyfor or work for, do you believe
in it?
Can you?
Can you?
Can you invest your time, yourenergy, all your efforts to it
(08:57):
and feel comfortable in thatspace?
If you really don't, then maybeyou should look elsewhere.
But it's just just that's whatI've noticed recently as
compared to years ago yeah, yeahit's.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
It's more complex now .
I think the our current veteranthat's getting out now.
I think there's there's ageneral lack of like, feeling
like they can accomplishanything greater, like there's a
lot of guys that I'm coming tocontact I feel like like I just
I just need to go for the easything.
I don't need to worry about myfeelings, my purpose, my passion
(09:34):
, push all that down, and I'llfigure it out later.
It's like, well, yes, maybe,but what if?
What if we could find the thingthat you love to do and you can
go straight into that?
I don't know what it is withthe um like a sense of
hopelessness or like a sense oflike I shouldn't be entitled to
(10:00):
Like it's.
It's like I feel like I had agreat career.
Now it's like I need to justdedicate myself to like just a
mundane.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Yeah, yeah, I understand that.
Um, I don't know just how I tryto.
I guess for me, like how I tryto help, um, you know the, the
veterans coming out andtransitioning, is like I try to
think about it.
I try to be think about it fromtheir perspective, but like I
(10:44):
try to live about, like if theyare seeking the help or support,
how is the best way that I canpoint them to that I can trust
as well.
That has maybe helped me or Iknow does great work, like, say,
(11:07):
some dude's getting out andlike is looking for a video job.
And yeah, I was like hey, Iknow this guy that runs this
amazing podcast.
You know you should talk to him.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Yeah, yeah yeah, it feels like we need a a more
grassroots approach of likehelping any way we can as a
community and there are a lot ofgood nonprofits out there and
even that can be a resource ofitself.
Just like if you would justtake the time, like if you're in
the space or you know you, youmind it.
(11:38):
Just collecting information andpassing it off to your friends,
like that in itself is like ahuge fucking burn off somebody's
shoulder.
When they're like fuck, I don'tknow who to turn to.
Like honor foundation, I shoutthem out all the time because
like hey, it works, it's proven.
Like that's sort of like beingable to arm somebody with tools
like they can figure it out.
As long as they know where togo, they can start figuring it
(12:00):
out.
It's a thing that and man, don'teven get me started on uh tap,
the transition assistanceprogram.
Boy, it's like the biggest.
The biggest pet peeve I havewith like this program is it's,
by and large, just being ran andoperated by people that never
(12:20):
transitioned themselves.
They they were like a seniorsar major got out and then just
went right into talking abouttransition as if they did it and
it's like dude, you never had acorporate job.
You never had a job as anoperations manager, so why are
you telling people to go get ascrum certification and PMP
certification if you haven'tdone it?
(12:40):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Um, and one thing I've noticedis like, especially if people
like are reaching out for thehelp, they're not.
You know, the one of the commonthings I've ran into is, um,
they're not like when they, well, they're looking for someone to
(13:04):
help guide them through this.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
You know it's, it's not just, oh, hey, okay, Go to
this website, hit this link,fill this out.
Yeah, it's like they they needlike a mentor or a someone
that's just just help them,guide them through that process
and get them to a certain point.
Point and it seems like as ifyou know, like we're all at
(13:36):
fault, this where we kind ofkind of like divert them
elsewhere, so it's off our hands.
But if you can identify aperson that really needs that
true guidance, it's just likeokay, like let's, let's, let's,
let's like establish like a,like a meet up every once in a
while or a call every once in awhile and like update and see
where you're at and you know,and just like those little
(13:57):
things, like it helps.
Like a veteran in transition getto a point.
You know it makes them feel onelike they're not alone, like
they, they're like okay, thisperson actually truly cares.
There's people out there thatcare, that want to help.
It's not just like they.
Some people get into a mindsetwhere I've noticed that, like
(14:18):
you know, they just see me aslike a number or another person
or something to fill a seat here.
You know, like I'm not a human,it's just you know they really
like that, that connection theygot because we had that when
we're all in the military, withpeople that help guide us,
because we have all had ourmentors, people we looked up to.
They're looking for that samething when they get out
(14:38):
absolutely, dude, there's apower.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
People don't want to admit it.
Man, like we get too, I don'tknow, we get too callous.
Like I don't fucking matter,you can call me whatever you
want.
And it's like no, like beingtreated like a decent human
being is important.
Like we act tough, like wow,fucking, don't need to worry
about me.
It's like no, like just havinga common like just respect of
acknowledge you as a human being, saying your name, not
(15:03):
addressing you as like justrespect of acknowledge you as a
human being, saying your name,not addressing you as like just
another fucking individual inthe room, just saying like hey,
man, dave, great to meet you,welcome and excited to have you
here in this transition brief.
But it's like we also need tolike understand that some people
need something.
That's completely different.
Man, like I'm starting to talkto a lot of veterans that want
(15:23):
to go into agriculture.
I never once heard aboutfucking agriculture going
through like any of thetransition shit like, and that's
crazy to me.
That's like this is a big need.
Like fuck, shout out thefreaking uh one of my buddies
that's uh just going into it.
Just like fuck, dude, I, I justwant to do this.
I have no family background incattle ranching no background,
(15:46):
never did it himself and he'slike dude, they just.
I have a passion for beingconnected with with animals,
being right there at the frontline of feeding america.
I'm gonna get involved in this.
And he took a just thatbeginner's mind approach to it,
reached out, started talking topeople like hey, man, I'll work,
I'll work for free.
Uh, I've got no wife, don'thave kids, I can live in my
(16:07):
frigging RV.
Like.
I will learn how to do this Ifyou teach me people where, like
are.
A lot of them are out theredoing the same thing.
Dude In in your, your ownjourney.
What was that transition likeinto?
Once you got to the point whereit's like, dude, I gotta get
out in the workforce, I gotta dosomething.
How did you go about figuringout, like A, what you were
(16:29):
interested in, like, what wereyou passionate in?
And then, like, how did youapproach it from that beginning
mindset of like dude, I was oneday I was just a kid in the
military.
Now I'm like okay, now I'vegotta figure out what I, you
(16:49):
know, transition.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
For me, like you know , it's, it's been almost you
know 17 years since I've beenout and like I still feel like
I'm transitioning, like like Ifeel like I'm just gonna always
transition for the rest of mylife.
But uh, because I mean here afew different reasons why I feel
(17:16):
that way, other than me servingmy time.
And then, you know, I had ashort kind of sweet career
joined to my training, went tomy unit, got deployed, got
wounded, recovered and got outThree years of just of all that.
But before that I grew upbecause my dad was a career
(17:40):
military, career army guy.
I mean, just all the men in thefamily were career army.
Growing up I knew I was justgoing to be in the serve in some
way, shape or form.
I didn't know anything elseelse, I didn't want to do
anything else.
So so when I, when I got hurtand wounded, like it was a weird
(18:01):
time for me, 22, 23 years old,and I was like, well, what do I
do now?
Like what?
What do I do now?
Like, what do I do now?
Like like do I stay in or do Iget out, or you know.
So I decided, um, I decided tomedically retire and like try to
go back to school and do thatstuff.
(18:24):
But I, I quickly realized thatschool wasn't for me and I
didn't like do bad, I had goodgrades and stuff, but I just it
just wasn't for me.
Um, and then after, like that'swhen I started like looking
into like you know different,like veteran type groups and
(18:48):
stuff you know, like like theVFW, for example, and so like,
okay, what are?
Like, these guys have beenaround for 100 years, you know,
and they've figured somethingout.
Let me see what's going onthere, and understanding like
that, because these guys servedin wars that happened decades
(19:11):
ago and now they're living alife prosper, prosperously.
You know they have, and it'sjust like they figured something
out.
I can learn from that.
Yeah, dude, that's, and uh, it'sactually a solid fucking point,
yeah, and you know, justreaching out to these veteran
groups, being part of some ofthese veteran groups, it opened
(19:33):
doors for me, like I kind ofstarted putting myself out there
, getting to know the community,like not just where I was at,
but just kind of all over theUnited States and wherever, and
people were reaching out to me.
And then I got opportunities towork at an apparel company for
(19:55):
a little while, which was great,I loved it.
Then I got opportunities towork as a DOD contractor where I
worked within the specialoperations community, which was
a lot of fun for a while, a lotof fun for a while.
(20:15):
And um, and then, like I gotapproached to, you know, with
some of that background ofworking in philanthropy and in
that in that space I gotapproached to work in like some,
some other veteranorganizations running nonprofits
.
And you know, it's that likewhen I took that step to reach
out to these organizations, theveteran organizations that's
been around for a while, it kindof opened some doors for me.
So I've just been kind of likeriding this wave of like hey,
(20:36):
what's coming next, what'scoming next, or let me stick
with this, or see what happenshere.
I've never really just I alwaysknew that I wanted to stay
within that space because I seeit as like, let's say, the World
War II generation.
They came back and they helpedfix this country and helped do a
(21:01):
lot of things when they gotback.
And they helped not just theirveterans, they helped everyone
else out, and then they in turndid the same thing for the
vietnam veterans, the vietnamveterans and in turn, are doing
the same thing for like us, andnow it's our turn to kind of do
the same thing for the youngerguys.
(21:21):
Yet now we're still in.
You know, like I, I just feellike that.
That's like where I fit in verywell with what I'm doing now.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Yeah, absolutely, man .
I want to highlight that partof your journey you just talked
about.
I want to touch in on the VFW.
But you found a space that youliked and you enjoyed, and a lot
of times there's thismisconception that our next
chapter has to be solidified inone place, one organization, for
(21:54):
the rest of your life, till youfucking die.
That's it.
You better choose carefully.
You don't want to end up likeDom over at the cheese stick
factory, that's it.
He's locked in for life.
Yeah, you know, mitch is overat the French toast factory and
that's far better.
It's like dude, you don't haveto stay there, he can go through
life.
And like you go, once you gothrough that, that final out,
(22:18):
you have that D214 and you'restruggling to still figure out,
like, what you want to do.
Like, yes, sometimes you go forthat whatever's there, whatever
you can get to help supportyour family, to help keep you
going and continue striving.
That's, that's the key.
Continue thinking and exploringwhat you're excited about.
And then you realize like, okay, I like this space.
(22:39):
It doesn't have to be just withthis company.
Like, hey, somebody else isintriguing, pops up in the scene
, be willing to bet on yourself,be willing to bet on your
dreams and be willing to lookand explore concepts and ideas.
The nonprofit space is amazing.
Be willing to bet on yourself,be willing to bet on your dreams
and be willing to look andexplore concepts and ideas, like
the nonprofit space is amazing.
Be willing to say like, hey,you know, I can help develop and
work this and work with thisteam at this company, help
(23:03):
making something that's, youknow, added value within the
community.
And then you understand likeokay, I like this, I like doing
this.
And then something pops up.
Or maybe you start up your ownnonprofit and you start working
that like follow life and whereit takes you, man, like that's
really important.
It helps you maintain that likethat spirit of advancement, the
(23:23):
spirit of creating somethingand being completely devoted to,
like what your mission and yourown purpose is.
I think like that's somethingthat needs to be talked about a
lot more.
We, more often than not, not,all I hear is you know, just
stick where you're at, if it's,if you're happy staying on a
pilot, that works, or maybe itdoesn't work for you and it's
(23:43):
okay.
But, um, I I have to admit I, Idon't know enough about the vfw
and I think that I'm not theonly one what got you at first,
like being willing to like go toa place that by and large we
have to admit, by and large itjust seems like something that
is part of a bygone age that youknow, we, we see it on the old
(24:04):
tv shows.
I was like, oh, bmw.
Like but I don't see a face andoften enough I don't see a face
or or um well, before, becausenow I'm old as fuck.
I see I see faces like mine now, but like I feel like it's not
a welcome place for like, uh,you know a guy like me with long
(24:26):
hair, nose ring friggin.
Um yeah, like, tell me aboutVFW and how you know, how does
it?
What does it feel like to be apart of the organization now?
Like, how has it grown?
Speaker 2 (24:39):
Well, um, I recently got back into like VFW stuff.
Um, uh, since I moved here andhere in Kansas city uh, there's
a great veteran, uh, a great, uhgreat VFW post here and when I
first moved here, there wasthings I needed help with and
they helped me a lot with a lotof things.
(25:00):
They helped review my wife'sclaims for the VA, they helped
with just things that I neededwhen I was struggling a bit and
they helped they were there, noshit.
All I needed when I wasstruggling a bit and they just
they helped, they were there.
All I had to do was just askand and they figured out how
they could help me out the bestway they can, and and that's
(25:22):
what the VFW does.
They really do all across theboard.
You know, I know there's thestigma of old, salty, grown,
yeah, veteran.
That, yeah, that's mean, itdoesn't like, it's not like that
.
You know it's like those guysare around but they're there for
a reason because they have thesame story.
(25:43):
They went through it andthey've, in turn, looked to the
VFW for help and become part ofthe VFW to help out the younger
generation like us.
You know they're not, they'renot there to just, oh, you're
not or you're not, you don'tknow, you weren't there.
(26:04):
It's not like that.
You know, I know we've all seenthat and that's like kind of
like the stigma or whatever.
But it's not like.
I always encourage people likehey, go, and what I like to do
is, whenever I have anopportunity, I like to sit with
like one of the older gentlemenand that you know, and just kind
of sit there and talk to him.
Just listen, here, there, hereis story, here her story.
(26:26):
You don't see, like whatthey've been through, like where
they're from, like their family, like just get to know them,
you know, and like there's somuch to take and learn from
doing just something as simpleas that and that's like cause.
That's like kind of what theVFW is about.
(26:47):
Like it's it's to help out theveteran and their families and
stuff and it's it's to it's toprovide that support system,
that family feeling, thatnonjudgmental zone, like that's
what it's about.
It's not a compare and contrastlike each other's stories and
(27:08):
stuff.
Like yeah, there might be someof that.
Just because we're veterans andwe do that, we kind of like to
talk shit about each other andall that different branches and
all that shit.
That's what it's about.
They've been around for ahundred years, I think Over a
hundred years or something likethat I don't know the exact
(27:29):
historics.
That says a lot, just thatalone.
Like there's organizations thatjust started within the last
few years, that have gotten bigand popular, but are they going
to survive 100 years?
Something like the vfw is goingto endure probably forever.
You know that.
(27:50):
That.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
That says a lot about that organization yeah, no,
it's, it's a americaninstitution and you're right,
there's a lot of misconceptions.
I know I've um.
I've judged it not on my ownlived experience but what you
see on media and what you hearthat it's um.
It's important to understandand realize that, like it's an
(28:14):
institution that was built toserve and provide resources for
the veteran.
So that includes us, itincludes our generation, it's
not and if we don't, like yousaid something powerful about
being able to sit down and breakbread, just have an afternoon
(28:37):
when you're sitting down withthe previous generation and
that's something that you know.
I talk about that a lot beingable to have a community, being
able to integrate, talk withpeople, build a support network.
But also we need to learn andshare the stories, oral history,
and hear these stories from ourveterans that aren't going to
be here much longer.
(28:57):
You know our world war twoveterans like we don't have a
lot left.
Like here, the was it.
The 81st uh trip to Normandywill be happening uh, with the
best defense foundation.
I know there's a lot of otherum nonprofits to bring our world
war ii veterans out back tonormandy, back to to see the
(29:19):
places where they're.
You know they fought andengaged to be able to get that
hero's welcome from the peoplethere.
And, uh, those, the number ofthose veterans is dwindling.
Individuals were losing themand and it's just, it's normal
thing, it's a part of life.
But if we don't capture thestories and just think of how
enriching it would be for you,the audience member listening at
(29:41):
home, if you just took aweekend to go down there and and
talk with some of theseveterans from these you know
different campaigns, differentparts of history, what they saw,
what what they experiencedYou're able to keep that live
within you.
You're able to help promotethat and then bring it back to
somebody else.
Like, yeah, dude, I've talkedwith so-and-so.
He lived and experiencedsomething that we don't talk
(30:06):
about as much, we don'thighlight as much within our own
peer groups.
Like, fuck, dude, I hung outwith a World War II veteran at
VFW and he was telling mestories of what it was like for
him on D-Day and what heexperienced.
And, dude, think about beingdeployed until it was over, not
just like being able to returnhome on like, hey, we're going
(30:27):
on Christmas Eve.
No, there's none of that.
How long are we here here,platoon sergeants?
No, it's done so we win this.
Yeah, that's, that's nuts man.
Yeah it's, it's insane, it'sinsane.
And these american heroes are,are you know?
(30:48):
That's where they go, that'swhere they feel comfortable.
They go to vfw, they live.
They live in areas where theycan go, have access to that.
Their families help them, makethat a regular part of their
life because that's theircommunity.
And every time I've met a WorldWar II veteran, they light up
when somebody shows interest intheir life and being able to
(31:10):
like sit down and have you knowcommunication with us Like they,
they get so much out of thatLike you're going to walk out of
there enriched.
You're going to have a piece oforal history that few people
can say, that they have like beable to say like holy shit, like
these stories they have to liveon.
Not all of them are captured inbooks, not all of them are
captured in movies, and somedaythat's going to be us, yeah,
(31:36):
yeah man that's the weird part.
Speaker 3 (31:37):
That's the weird part like some kid is kind of
sitting down like wow, mrcaballero, tell about your story
.
Well, you see, back in my dayin 82nd, we used to take piss
bottles and hurl them at thekids and they loved it.
They chased those bottles downand, oh boy, they had a good
time.
We'd take candy and then putchewing tobacco dip cans, fill
(32:02):
it with tobacco and with thecandy.
We'd see those kids take thosechewing tobacco Boy.
They enjoyed it Like wow,you're a piece of shit.
Certainly was.
Certainly was.
Certainly was.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
Brian won't share those stories.
That's going to be us somedaywhen we get older.
Life is funny, man.
We're going to get to the pointwhere we're going to want and
seek community, seek the comfortof being able to talk and share
something Like.
(32:39):
Life goes in circles, man.
You're going to literallyexperience this.
We're all going to experiencethis.
We're going to see old veteransat some point, stop, if you
can't, if you I'm not tellingyou like, sacrifice your day, be
late for work, but if you canstop and engage and talk and ask
them about their life, ask themwhat they went through, it's
(33:01):
going to pay back big timebecause someday you're going to
be sitting there.
You're going to be thatindividual hoping and wishing
the younger generation wouldtake interest in what you
experienced.
Because those stories, man, theydon't belong to us.
We have to share them.
We have to, we have to get themout there.
And it's not just theglamorized Hollywood versions of
(33:25):
midnight raids and sexyhelicopter rides into forbidden
enemy territories.
No, it has to be the storiesthat incorporate the entire
spectrum of the GWAT, the funnystuff, the convoy ops where
you're just fucking droning onabout stupid stuff.
Would you have sex with MeganFox if she also had a dick, but
(33:49):
not a big one, just a tiny one.
Just all the outrageous shit,like all the stuff that we, we
don't share enough, like likethat movie that's out right now,
um, shit, warfare right.
Like it's opening sequence.
It's something that's sorelatable, like the hype, the,
(34:09):
the stupid stuff we would dotogether in a platoon bay.
Like that stuff is important toremember, it is important to
share, not just within our ownlittle circles, but with the
world.
People need to understand whatit's truly like to be an
infantry soldier, an engineer, afrigging 88 Mike.
All these things need to beshared and I think we do
(34:31):
ourselves a disservice by nottalking about it all, not
getting it out there, notsharing it and showing people
that it's a human being.
You have to humanize this, thislived experience.
It's not a superhero, I mean.
That's why it's so crazy seeinglike these stories that get
they're they're entertaining,but it's important to understand
that.
Like that's not real combat,that's not real life.
(34:53):
Like the real, the real thingis that 18 year old kid that's
about to go on a patrol and he'sgoing to jerk off in the port
of shitter before he goes wherethe fuck is johnson well busy,
busy
Speaker 2 (35:14):
they're in the fuck out.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
We gotta go on patrol bro, they're in the fuck up.
I'm not going in on the wrongmindset.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
I have to relax, be relaxed, it's just so.
But that's the fucking truth.
Just imagine it.
That's a lived experience.
I hope someday gets put out ina book or movie.
Man, it's, it's just.
Life was so different.
It was just such a weird,complete, like a fever dream,
(35:42):
like of just insane shit withinhyper violence, in the worst
moments of your life.
And you, you fucking lived it,brother, like you.
You know it just as much as anyother veteran that's lived
through it.
Like just the the highs and theextreme fucking lows and that.
How do we move forward and tryto like embrace everything from
(36:05):
that veteran experience and tryto promote like positivity
within the community?
That's a conundrum.
Like how do we get people toshare their story?
Because it's cathartic in a wayand it'll give them a release,
like be able to go on a podcast,be able to talk like share,
write.
That's one of the things thatI'm really excited about in the
advocacy space the, thesongwriting, like individuals
(36:27):
are like going through thesenon-profits to share their
stories.
But from the aspect of a songdude, like that's to me, like
that there's because there's alot of musical, I'm starting to
see a lot more guys reach outlike hey, I'm a musician in
nashville, do a veteran, I writesongs and a lot of it has to do
my time and service and likeyou go see their comment
(36:48):
sections or you see the stuffthat they're sharing and it's
resonating with people.
Like people are like thinkinglike wow, do you like the shit
you're talking about?
Like it's home.
It's like fuck, dude, it'salmost like therapy by proxy,
like being able to tune intosomebody that's able to sing
your your situation and put aperspective on it.
It's like people can hear it,can heal in the most
(37:10):
unconventional ways or get apiece of of what.
Like rest and, uh, walk awayfrom something and feel a little
more restorative.
Like start to understand thatlike pathways to healing come in
so many different avenues.
Man like that's the thing thatis uh doesn't always happen
inside of therapy.
Last session, uh, we have to beopen to that.
(37:31):
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Yeah, it's looking at what youexperienced.
We were talking last time.
He came on the show, dude, like, how are you moving forward and
what are some of the thingsthat you are implementing in
your life to stay in that propermindset?
Speaker 2 (37:50):
Yeah, Okay, okay, you know, just to stay in that
positive mindset I guess I'm notgoing to lie, I have my issues
(38:15):
and I have my days.
Absolutely Some days are greatbut some days are just like you
know that.
Stay in that mindset to whereI'm not letting, like, the
(38:38):
externals or anything likeaffect me in a negative way.
Like is, like I, just there'sthings that I in my situation,
what I've been through, likethat I just kind of remind
(38:58):
myself all the time, like youknow why I love being alive.
You know, like, yeah, becausereal, like it was for me, like
it, like I almost did it, like I, like I, I I'm, almost I was, I
almost wasn't, like I almostwasn't here, to like enjoy my
(39:22):
day.
You know, enjoy waking up Ialmost wasn't here, like I
almost didn't have thatopportunity, like I was very
close to that.
And remembering that, you know Iget to wake up every day, one
next to my beautiful wife.
You know I get to wake up everyday, one next to my beautiful
wife.
You know, and enjoy the housethat we live in and drink my
(39:45):
coffees in the morning and petmy dogs.
And, you know, go hang out withmy stepson or whatever, hang
out with family, like justmaking a phone call to a friend,
like little things that Ialmost didn't have.
I remember like, wow, like I amso very thankful that I can
(40:07):
still do that every day.
You know, and I've had brothersand stuff that didn't make it
back.
You know, I have them tattooedon my back, you know.
That's like a reminder, likewow, like they can't have what I
got going on, like I don't haveit bad at all.
(40:29):
You know, like, and some ofthese guys were not even.
They were teenagers, so theyweren't even 18, 19 years old.
Like you know that's.
And like I have a, I have astepson that's almost their age.
It's just like you know.
It's just like I, I like Idon't have to go like structure
(40:52):
my day out in order to feelfulfilled, like I can just go
out and do something and bethankful that I'm just doing
that, whatever that is yeah,like, yeah dude.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
It's um, it's a powerful reminder the importance
of like, having perspectivewhen you look back at who and
what we've lost, like, and thennot from a place of like,
dwelling and sorrow, butreminder of like.
Life is short, this is not aninfinite thing.
(41:28):
No matter what that weirdYouTube guy is trying to do with
longevity with his blood boy.
Like dude, this this will end,end.
You can prolong it, you can tryto, like you know, use every
tool and resource to age slowerand being hyper, hyper health
(41:48):
and being that that like,weirdly obsessed about living
forever.
But you're not going to.
It ends, it ends and we have todo everything we can to
remember that.
Our brothers, our sistersaren't here with us, want us to
live.
They don't want us to survive,they want us to thrive.
(42:09):
They want us to go out thereand live a life filled with joy,
filled with awe and amazing,beautiful things.
And if we can tap into that, ifwe can.
Just, you know, and I know, notevery day is going to be 100%.
Not every day is going to befucking sunshine, rainbows and
lollipops.
Some days are going to fuckingsuck, but we need those days, we
(42:30):
need the shitty days.
We need the shitty days so thatwhen we're having a great time,
we can look back and be likeman.
I'm not eating spam out of acan in the back of my truck.
Fuck yeah, this is great, thisis great, oh, hell.
Yeah, we need that forperspective.
But we also need to rememberand honor our friends, honor our
(42:51):
loved ones that aren't hereanymore, and know that, not from
a sad state of like fuck dude,we can miss them.
But the number one thing wehave to remember, just like my
friend John Wayne Walden sayslive for them.
Live for them, honor them,thank them Like fucking so glad
(43:12):
I had you in my life, Even if itwas brief.
Thank you for being there withme.
I'm going to live double for us.
I'm going to fucking be happy.
I'm going to, even when I don'twant to.
I'm going to meet the shittydays with grace and a smile and
move forward, because I knowthat it's going to get better.
Everything dissipates man.
(43:34):
The bad, the pain, it willdissipate.
It's going to get better.
Everything dissipates man.
The bad, the pain, it willdissipate Like dude.
That's like the hardest thingto tell people Like this pain,
what you're feeling right now.
Just be present with it.
It's going to pass, it's going.
No, but I want it to be goingout.
I want it to be gone so fast.
I don't want it to be here.
I want it to fast forward.
Well, we can't yeah, that's theshort answer.
We can't fast forward from thispain.
(43:55):
We can't fast forward from thetrauma.
We can't fast forward from thedivorce, from the heartbreak and
the people that leave us.
But what we can do is we canchoose to be present in the
moment, acknowledge it andunderstand that this too shall
pass.
It will like it absolutely.
You'll breathe, let go of theanxiety and understand hey, man,
(44:20):
in this moment, this sucks.
I'm here.
I'm here right now.
And the great friends, thegreat friends are going to walk
by and be like, yeah, man, thatsucks.
The great friends in your lifeare going to crawl down in that
hole.
They're going to look at youand say, yep, friends in your
life, I gotta crawl down in thathole.
Speaker 2 (44:38):
They're gonna look at you say, yep, I'm here with you
.
Speaker 1 (44:40):
I'm here with you and this is going to get better.
We're gonna move through this,but right now I'm right here
with you because that's all weneed.
We don't need somebody to walkby and be like that, that
fucking andy elliot elliotdouchebag.
But fuck you, get out of therepussy.
Speaker 3 (44:54):
Get out of that fucking hole you, piece shit
You're a fucking piece of shit,motherfucker.
Look at you, you weakmotherfucker.
Look at my fucking abs.
Fuck you, let's go, no no, somedays fucking suck.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
But stay in the fight , stay here, stay in the present
, stay in and out.
It's going to get fuckingbetter.
I'm not going to lie to you.
The QRF is not coming.
They're not going to kick inthe door and be like freeze
motherfucker.
We're here Sometimes.
It's just going to be you.
Reach out.
Reach out to that friend that'swith you, that you know is
(45:27):
going to pick up the fuckingphone.
Reach out and talk.
That's your form of QRF.
You've got to take action.
You've got to take action.
You got to be vulnerable enoughbecause you have to understand
people live complex lives.
There's a chance your friendmight catch you on the right
time.
They'll be there for you.
But you, by and large, when youfeel it, when you get in that
place of like fuck, dude, I'mstarting to get depressed, reach
(45:50):
out to that friend that youknow can make you laugh, that
can get your spirit back up andthen know this shit will pass.
Man.
It's important to talk about itbecause a lot of people get the
misconception of like well,jay's always happy.
Why the fuck can I always behappy?
Why the fuck can I be likeDenny?
Why the fuck can I be like allthese other people.
Why do I always get in badmoods?
Why do I always get depressed?
Truth is, brother, sister, lifeisn't always going to be fair,
(46:13):
easy and happy.
Some days really suck, butthat's okay.
That's life.
It comes with good, it comeswith bad.
It's a wave.
I remember that's the firstthing I learned about being
special operations.
I thought it was going to begreat every single fucking day
and then you get that shittyteam sergeant.
That's just fucking your mouthnonstop.
(46:34):
It just sucks.
It's just the worst ever.
And I remember I had a senioron the team that was just okay.
Man, it's just a wave.
I'm like just ride it.
It fucking sucks right nowYou're low man, but that wave's
going to come over.
You're going to fucking be onthe high.
It's going to be awesome.
And then, when you're up there,appreciate it, because at some
(46:56):
point you're going to have a badday again.
But it's okay, come and go.
Dude, it's just life and that'sthe most important thing that
we all need to understand.
Dude, it's like there's goingto be good days.
You're going to have thatexperience.
What's your favorite thing todo on the good days, jay?
Speaker 2 (47:15):
On the good days.
Like, what's your favoritething to do on the good days,
Jay, On the good days?
Well, so I'm fortunate to youknow.
Hang out with my best friendevery day.
Oh yeah, you know so, and she'salso a veteran herself.
(47:35):
You've met her and she has alot going on and she and I get
to help support her through allthat.
And so it's like I like to knowwhat she has going on, because I
like to be there to help andsupport and, you know, makes me
happy that I can help her out,you know, because she's she does
(47:56):
the same for me, you know,makes me happy that I can help
her out, you know, because shedoes the same for me.
But, like, as for fun stuff, Iguess, like hobby-wise or
whatever, like you know, there'sthings I like to do.
Like I like to say I like toplay golf because it's the one
(48:22):
sport I've played since I was alittle kid.
But I'm not, like, a avidgolfer, I don't go out and play
all the time, but I like to playgolf.
I like to do that stuff.
Um, I like to really like what,like how our house, how our home
(48:45):
set up is, like this is where Ican come and just be myself and
hang out and have my peace andbe in my zen and, yeah, relax.
And I like I love being home somuch.
You know, like I I'm somewhatof a homebody but I'm also a
(49:07):
social butterfly, also a socialbutterfly at times, but with the
right people, you know, I don'tjust go hang out with anybody.
But home is just like man,because we've worked so hard to
build what we got.
I want to enjoy that and thisis my getaway from the world.
(49:31):
I walk through the doors of myhouse and all right, this is my
piece.
Speaker 3 (49:37):
I feel that in my core.
Speaker 2 (49:40):
This is my happy place.
Speaker 1 (49:42):
Dude, yeah, I feel that so much.
Dude.
Yeah, Same sentiment Like Ilike going out doing photography
, being able to get out in the,in just nature.
But I like being at home.
And now that I'm a dad.
Speaker 3 (50:04):
I don't want to do a lot of shit with a lot of people
.
Speaker 1 (50:05):
It's just like my main concern is like I want to
be with my wife, I want to be mykid.
I look forward to rushing homeif I have to go anywhere, just
so I can be with my wife, justso I can see my little girl.
Like that's, like, that's thedifference.
Like that happened.
Like I like to get out, go tothe gym in the morning, get out,
could do things, but in theback of my mind it's like can I?
(50:28):
Just as soon as I'm done, likeI just want to go, I want to
grab that little girl.
Like this morning, like therewas a perfect example, I woke up
early getting ready for the gym.
And it's like hey, you want towake up with Izzy.
I'm like do I?
Abso-fucking-lutely, that'slike the greatest fucking thing
on earth.
Like, just like, like a littlekid giddy on Christmas day to go
wake my little girl up andchange her shitty diaper.
(50:50):
Like that's just.
Like, like that's something thatyou don't understand, like how
it changes you.
Like I'm just like fuck dude,like this I'd rather be cleaning
shit than going out.
And like partying and drinkingLike that's just, I don't know.
Like that's just.
That's the great thing aboutlife and maturing and in this
season, um, it's just, it'swonderful being able to get to
(51:10):
that point where you know whatyou value and you don't have to
pretend because for a longperiod in time in my life I had
to pretend whether it was ahobby to be around people.
It's like, dude, I don't evenplay video games anymore.
Dude, if I can just get to bed,fucking, hang out, read a book,
(51:31):
man.
Yeah, fucking dude, that luxuryof getting the bed by like
eight, oh fuck, dude, I've madeit.
Yeah, just fucking my, my 20year old self's looking at me.
Like you, you're a fucking loserman.
You're a fucking loser.
Speaker 2 (51:49):
I'm like fuck you, I always say.
I always say like if my bedcould have a cell phone that
motherfuckers call me all thetime jake, where the fuck you at
get your ass in bed I gotta go,man, I gotta.
Speaker 1 (52:10):
I gotta do this thing with my bed.
It's just always hounding me.
Yep, being old is fucking greatman, it's amazing.
It's just you take it like.
Here's the last anecdote I willtell you about old Denny.
Speaker 3 (52:27):
I hate lawn work, but like one thing I do like is
waging warfare on weeds yeah,last week, and I planned my
entire weekend around how I wasgoing to decimate warfare on
weeds.
Speaker 1 (52:36):
Yeah, last week and I planned my entire weekend
around how I was going todecimate the pandemic of weeds
in my backyard.
I got meticulous in planning.
I'm like I'm going to get twobags of the weed killer.
I'm going to lay that down andthen I'm going to get the spray
weed killer.
I'm just going to methodicallyspray 240 all over.
I'm just going to methodicallyspray like 240 all over.
(52:57):
I'm just like, and I'm likeplanning all the work and
everything I got to do just toget out there to kill weeds.
I'm like I got to get all thisstuff out.
My wife's like, yeah, we canhire somebody.
I'm like, no, don't take thisaway from me.
I got to kill these fuckingweeds.
So if you're like me, you'regoing to love killing some weeds
(53:18):
, oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (53:22):
That's the season of life that I'm in, I get it.
I'm the same way with my yardman.
I'm out there, I have a lawnguy.
I work with him all the time tofigure out what's the next best
thing to do Right now thisseason.
Uh, I'm working on like puttingnew, new growth and grass and
like seeding and all that andyeah, I get it, man, you know,
(53:46):
get, get getting rid of theweeds and like like no, I get,
it's just like oh my fucking god, I literally felt like I was
like that's a video game idea,because that's how I felt.
Speaker 1 (54:06):
I felt like I was where I was playing halo wars
and I'm just commanding we abrigade of weed killers.
I'm just like, yeah, we werestrategizing how to kill these
weeds.
And like every morning, everymorning, I look out there and
I'm just like, fuck yeah.
Speaker 3 (54:22):
I'm gonna fucking kill all of you.
Speaker 2 (54:25):
Oh, dude, I step out on my front porch every morning
with my coffee and I stare at mygrass.
Speaker 3 (54:29):
I'm just like uh-huh, oh yeah, the key takeaway from
this is that we all become SARTmajors.
Oh yeah, the key takeaway fromthis it's all become a certain
major dude jay.
Thank you so much for beinghere today man, I needed this
laugh.
Speaker 1 (54:45):
I don't, I don't care what.
I hope you enjoyed it.
The audience, I don't.
Either way, I don't care,because I have been so stressed
and working so hard this weekthat I fucking this is selfish.
This is my selfish episode.
I needed you in my life todayand I need to laugh this much.
Oh, my God, yeah, if, uh, ifyou want to support Jay, where
(55:07):
can they go for to find out moreabout the foundation that you
and your amazing wife work for?
Speaker 2 (55:11):
Um.
They can go to the websiteshield of sisterscom.
Um.
They can go to the websiteshield of sisterscom?
Um on all the socials field ofsisters.
Just look it up um and reachout to him from there.
Speaker 1 (55:24):
Awesome man.
Thank you so much for beinghere today.
Before you guys leave, go toepisode description, check out
Jay's web or Instagram and thengo to the website there.
Also, do me a favor, head onover to Spotify or Apple
Podcasts and especially YouTube.
Give us a like, share, followand, dare I say, subscribe, not
subtract.
Fucking AI Caption maker.
(55:47):
I'm going to go Alex Jones onyou.
Fuck a bitch, son of a bitch,fucking everything up for me.
Thank you, Like, follow, share,subscribe.
I'm Danny Caballero.
Thank you for tuning in, thankyou for hanging out with us and
we'll see you all next time.
Until then, take care.
Thanks for tuning in and don'tforget to like, follow, share,
subscribe and review us on yourfavorite podcast platform.
(56:10):
If you want to support us, headon over to buymeacoffeecom.
Forward slash setcoffpodpodcast and buy us a coffee.
Connect with us on Instagram Xor TikTok and share your
thoughts or questions abouttoday's episode.
You can also visitsecurityhawkcom for exclusive
content, resources and updates.
And remember we get throughthis together.
If you're still listening, theepisode's over.
(56:34):
Yeah, there's no more Tune intomorrow or next week.
Thank you.
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