February 9, 2024 • 27 mins
What's your current relationship with time? Is it empowering? Does it feel balanced and harmonious? ⚖️
Mine didn't.
It was deeply interwoven with my relationship to achievement. And it wasn't until I created the time for self discovery, healing and lots of self love, that I started taking more time for digestion, reflection and enjoying what's already been created.
This new relationship with time has brought me so much more clarity and peace in my life.
❣️My loving key 🔑takeaway from this episode is this...
To receive the permission and encouragement to slow down, integrate experiences, and enjoy the present moment rather than always rushing to the next achievement or goal.
🌐Links to mentions: Xenia Instagram & Frequency Artist
Want to connect? Find me on theblueprintbyjz.com or Instagram
Have a question or topic request? I love answering your burning questions and discussing what you're passionate about. Think of me as your "down to talk about anything" in-house executive coach.
Send all questions and topic requests to hello@theblueprintbyjz.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jessie Anne Zayas (00:01):
Hello, and welcome. This is Jessie Anne
Zayas with self love stories.
And today I am dropping in withsome January and February
reflections. So last time wespoke, it was January Post New
Years. And I shared aninvitation to have time and
(00:26):
space to integrate. You know, Ithink in our culture in our
society, a lot of times, I mean,quite literally right, in the
new year, we talked about NewYear's resolutions and having
that clarity at the first of theyear, and being ready to just,
you know, jumpstart and createall that shift and
(00:49):
transformation from day one. Andquite honestly, in my own
journey and my own experience. AJanuary, New Year, February time
is still even just biologically,for me a time of slow and
steady, it's the winter season.
(01:13):
You know, in the past decade,I've lived you know, a lot in
like the northeast, also in theMidwest, so Chicago, New York
City, and, you know, reallyexperiencing those winters and
that slow movement. And it wasalways interesting to me that,
you know, you know, you wouldcome with this quote, unquote,
(01:34):
summer energy into winter. Andwhen I released kind of this
expectation to jump in, youknow, and be ready in that new
year, I realized I actuallycreated more space and clarity.
So that's kind of what I want toshare is, you know, my
(01:56):
relationship to time from a selflove perspective, and how
trusting myself how releasingcontrol, and through self
discovery and healing, how I'vecreated a more expansive,
(02:19):
playful, nourishing relationshipwith time. So, before I dive
into this, kind of, you know,I'll call it this my new world,
my existing world. You know, myold world used to look very much
(02:42):
destination oriented,achievement oriented. So what do
I mean by that? So quiteliterally, you know, I was
raised by military parents, Ithink even energetically, there
was a lot of, you know, what'sthe goal what's the outcome?
What are you doing, you know,don't waste time you're moving
(03:03):
like pond water is literally aphrase I was told a lot as a
child and that in your movinglike molasses there was always
this quote, unquote, I guessbelief to always maximize time
and that we didn't have enoughtime. And that time needed to be
(03:27):
spent in quote, unquote, theright way, a productive way. In
things like leisure play fun,were carved out, you know, and
only for these times and and asyou can imagine, that robbed a
lot of opportunities forspontaneity, for truly
(03:50):
replenishing, you know,nourishing and quite honestly
regulating my nervous system.
But, you know, child, you know,growing up with parents that
also Hey, they're doing the bestthat they know, based on, you
know, their culture and theirupbringing. So anyways, I share
that because even through thatenergy and space, just even my
own personality, which HelloCapricorn stellium Taurus
(04:12):
stellium there's a lot of thisgusto to like, achieve
accomplish, but not from amonetary perspective is what
I've realized through the yearswhen I've reflected on this,
like need to achieve andaccomplish. It's honestly from a
need to know like, know, what'snext. Then what, then what, then
(04:35):
what, and my yearning oflearning and quite honestly,
figuring out life is what Irealized was the pole. But I
really didn't realize that, youknow, of course, like if we kind
of went back right, was justkind of, you know, in the
(04:55):
framework of my upbringing. Sonow if I move in To like, my 20s
You know, I'm in corporateAmerica. And you know, I'm, you
know, from 21 to I want to sayabout 2728 I go from, you know,
starting green marketing managerto us VP of Marketing at a
(05:19):
publicly traded company in NewYork City. So, again, a lot of
movement, a lot of achieving alot of wanting to know wanting
to learn everything know all theconcepts of marketing and, and
corporate life, quite honestly.
(05:40):
Because, you know, if you're inthat space, and in that world,
it's a whole different freakinworld. And my poor parents
hadn't, you know, again,military parents had no clue
about that world. I mean, evendown to, you know, insurance,
you know, I was in TRICARE, Imean, you know, never paid for
any doctor's appointment, andevery prescription was $3. I
mean, I had a reality check,even when, you know, picking out
(06:02):
my insurance premium. So,anyways, I share that all
because, again, that energy ofachievement and going and going
and just learning and learningand learning and wanting to find
this answer in this old worldthat I was living in was getting
to this destination. But where,and I think that was that, you
know, aha moment for me, becausethat was my tower moment. A, I
(06:25):
mean, from an astrologicalperspective, literally, my, you
know, my, my Saturn Return. And,you know, secondly, you know,
when you rush, rush, rush, go,go, go, go get get get get get,
and you don't even realize whereyou're going to and what you're
trying to accomplish. I mean, Iwould, you know, assert to say,
(06:46):
that's going to be anybody'stower moment, because now you're
up on the top, and you're justlike looking down and you're
like, where am I? Who am I? Whatdid I even want here, I'm not
happy, I'm not fulfilled. Ithought this was going to feel
different, I thought thisexperience was going to maybe
(07:06):
even look different. But I don'teven know how that looks. So
that was, again, my old world ofjust going rushing, getting to
somewhere, because I thoughtthat somewhere was going to
maybe be better, or I don'tknow. Like it again, I didn't
(07:30):
even know what it was, I thinkit was like, you know, a similar
moment of like, I was soexcited, like, if I take this
back to like high school, and goand so I literally graduated
high school in three years incollege in three years, again,
rushing, rushing, rushing,because again, I was so excited
for what to get a job because Ithought getting a job would be
(07:51):
the coolest freakin thing. Andthat was gonna be my next level
of freedom, right. And Iremember my first day at work
working at a supply chainlogistics company in Houston,
Texas as a marketingcoordinator. And I was sitting
(08:13):
at the desk and I spent my firsteight hours in an office. And I
was like, What the fuck, this isgoing to be the rest of my
freakin life. Like just sittingin a cubicle. Looking at a
computer, it was like this alittle bit of like this
dystopian, I remember it beinglike this, like out of body
(08:36):
experience almost for a moment,and it kind of really kind of
rattled me. Because again, like,you know, if you remember, in
college, you know, you had kindof more freedom in your
schedule. You're you weren'tbehind a screen all day. Unless,
I mean, maybe if you're, youknow, you're certain degree, you
know, was like maybe computersciences, I don't know. But at
least for me, you know, it wassocialization it was, you know,
(08:59):
freedom of your schedule. Itwas, you know, you know,
electing to the things that youwere interested in, even right,
in, I felt like, again, a senseof, like, again, I rushed to get
to somewhere, because I thoughtit was maybe going to be better
in some way. Maybe even moreexpansive. And then I'm just
here in this new world, and I'mjust, I'm like, No, this is not
(09:21):
for me. So anyways, sameparallel to fast forward in New
York City, you know, quote,unquote, I got to the top of
sitting at the table, and I wasjust like, This is it. This is
what I've been racing ticket to.
I don't want this I thought Iwanted to be a CMO I thought I
wanted you know, to be sittingat this table having these
(09:46):
responsibilities, but I'mactually less creative here. I
am not doing the work that usedto expand me. I feel more lonely
up Hear, Idon't like these people up here.
All these things. So anyways,that was my old world and my
(10:07):
relationship to time, which wasvery a rush, rush, rush, rush
rush and not slowing down tosmell the roses and really
relishing in all of thebeautiful achievements and micro
achievements, which, you know, Idon't want to say have any
regrets. But of course, when Ilook back with compassion and
empathy, like I understand,like, again, you know, through
(10:27):
my naivety, I thought, you know,I was I was genuinely going
somewhere, or that I thought Iwanted to go. But I now realize
I really didn't sit with and bepresent with all the amazing
things that I did accomplish atsuch a young age. And so I'm
even now in this process, goingback to remember and sit with
and acknowledge and celebrateand really, you know, sit with
(10:51):
all those amazingaccomplishments. And I guess
that gets me to this new world,where it's trusting the journey,
loving and enjoying the journey,and realizing that that is what
life is a journey, there is nodestination. Yeah, there's going
to be these places we want toget to are these milestones that
(11:12):
maybe we want and desire. Andthat's so beautiful, because
that's part of the humanexperience. But that's not what
it's about getting it, it'sreally the journey of getting
there. And then also enjoyingonce you're there to and really
sitting with it and beingpresent and add in through this
(11:33):
new learning. And sitting inthis new world. I've been able
to play with time more. Andthrough playing with time, I've
been able to access so much moreflow and freedom. And I kind of
have, you know, split time intothis. And I love this. This is
(11:57):
also coming in a beautiful timewhere I've actually joined this
amazing program by thiswonderful human being Xenia. And
I hope I'm pronouncing thatright Samia, and I will link
their profile in the notes. Andthey are putting on such an
(12:19):
incredible frequency artistsprogram. And through that
program, we've been playing withtime and finding ways to play
with time. And when I was in heroffice hours the other day, she
referenced multiple time, and Ijust love that so much right
(12:40):
like this muggle time versus Iwould even say my flow time, my
creative time, my spiritualtime, my dream time, my play
time, my self discovery time,you know, my wonderment time,
you know, there's my quote,unquote, muggle life, you know,
my nine to five, my 3d world,you know, where I sometimes put
(13:02):
a little bit more structurearound it. Now I'm in this new
world that I live in. And what Imean by that is, you know, old
me spend so much time overanalyzing an email or the way
that I wrote this and that andnow I know, Hey, I like to spend
less time on email. So I'll puta timer on literally for like
(13:24):
five minutes, like, how muchtime do I want to spend on this
email, two minutes, fiveminutes, so on and so forth. And
then things that I love, likethe creative exploration, the
marketing r&d, the creatingconcepts and mood boards and
creating guests experienceflows, like those are the things
that love doing and my nine tofive so you know, that's times I
honestly, I unleashed time andallow myself to flow when it's
(13:46):
been hours and I love and and Ifeel so in a way juiced up from
that. So I play with my quote,unquote muggle time, by creating
a little bit more structure andboundaries about the things that
quite honestly deplete me ofenergy, and then allow my muggle
time to enter twine with thatcreative and flowy time by, you
(14:06):
know, finding those moments. Forexample, in my nine to five that
really unleash my creativitythat I love to spend, you know,
so it's like finding that joywherever you're at and playing
with time to lean into that andthings that are maybe depleting
you of energy or not expandingyou not nourishing, how can you
(14:28):
how can you play with that time?
How can you find a little bitmore balance around that?
Because we're all going toexperience that too. We're all
going to end up being inmeetings or situations traffic
even right, like places that youknow, that deplete us of energy
and that we don't want to bewithin total quote, don't want
to waste our time at. So again,the way we balance that is by
(14:52):
bringing in more of how we wantto spend our time So again, in
my old world, you know, before Iembarked on this journey of
healing and self discovery, andreally cultivating more self
love in my life, which was thatmilestone marker, you know,
(15:14):
around 28 years old, was inright? Around 28. But also, I
would say, you know, really wentinto 2020, with so many other
people, right, I've just likeread and thinking about life in
a deeper, deeper, deeper, moremeaningful way. And, you know, I
(15:35):
know I'm not alone in this, butI think we've all kind of, you
know, and if we kind of sit withit for a moment, we all
experience so much death andtransformation around us, you
know, even if it didn't happenin our own families, it
definitely happened in thecircles and communities we were
in. And I think, for anycommunity, society, person to
(16:00):
experience, death and grief, youstart really connecting with
your own mortality and your ownrelationship with time and how
you're spending your time. And,you know, I think that was my
big aha moment that I now wantto get to and share with you all
(16:20):
this week. And it's, again,taken time and movement, but
also stillness for me to come tothis conclusion about what I
really want to cultivate in2024. And what my intentions are
for 2024. In the interestingthing about it is, it's it's
essentially the message that Ishared with y'all last time,
(16:41):
which is, I'm really at a placeof integration. You know, I'm
coming up on a year of my soulbattle, you know, where I was so
fortunate and blessed to travelaround different places in the
world, spend, you know, a monthin Torino, Italy, Paris, France,
Buddha, Pash, you know, spend,you know, three months in
(17:03):
Mexico. And through thatbeautiful, nourishing time,
there's so much wisdom and somuch learning and just so much
just inciting experiences that,you know, my heart and soul is
yearning to share, because Ireally want so many other people
to experience this. And I'm alsorealizing I'm still synthesizing
(17:29):
a lot of it, like it's stillpercolating and still deepening
and I think again, that's my, mynew relationship to, to life.
It's, it's, it's this doublehelix, in a way, it's a spiral,
you know, it's, the more I know,the less I know, the more I
know, less. I know, like, it'skind of, again, going around and
(17:51):
around and around. But in abeautiful way, it's always going
up. It's always transcending andeven the times that I feel like
I don't know, I do know. And themore that I sit with that, and
also release this expectation tocontrol, knowing the answer and
getting clarity right then inthere, it will always come to me
(18:15):
like cultivating self trust thatI do know the answer and through
time and patience, and you know,honestly, cultivating play
cultivating joy, cultivatingpeace, cultivating calm, because
knowing in that frequency iswhere I gained the best clarity
(18:35):
from not in a frequency of fearor scarcity. Right, like that's,
that is not where I gain mytruest wisdom or my inner truth,
if you will. So, yeah, I thinkthat's kind of where I want to
(18:56):
leave us for today is this newclarity that I have that for
this year, I want it to be ayear of integration and
digestion of just really, reallylooking at all my Journal notes.
(19:17):
Were looking at all my pictures,you know, even from again, going
back to my journals from 2020You know, going back to my
journal from when was it 2019When I was you know, journaling
in a piazza in Italy like havingmy Eat Pray Love moment, like
who am I?
(19:39):
What do I want? You know, allthose things. I mean, I mean,
y'all I was even to the pointlike what am I good at? Like I
didn't even like I didn't evenfelt like I knew myself but
again, I hadn't given myselftime to really look at myself
witness myself, observe myselfsee all this beautiful For life
(20:00):
that I lived, it was so lookingat that, you know, like looking
out looking into the future thatI wasn't even looking around and
just taking up everything thatwas in my space and really
relishing in that. So myinvitation is that you can have
years of not quote unquote,accomplishing things. And what I
(20:24):
mean by that is, you know, ifyou experience like I have
experience, living life from away of accomplishing or having
goals, so Right, like I was eventhis year, right, I was even
like, Okay, what I want to dowith my business, what do I want
to do with my nine to five? Whatdo I want to do? You know, with
my spiritual work with myhealing work, what do I want to
(20:46):
do with women's circle that I'veco created? You know, what do I
want to do with the podcast,like, again, I was like, going
into this doing mode. Andeverything in my being
everything in my intuition waslike, I just want to soak up
everything. Like, I want to soakup the here. And now I want to
soak up this past year, like,I'm still like, like I said, I'm
(21:08):
still just, you know, I'm stilllike, consuming all the
beautiful nectar honestly, fromthat experience, this past year
of traveling, and just being andwitnessing myself in a whole new
(21:30):
light. And I really want tohonor and respect this moment in
my life, this time in my life,that I want to sit with that,
and I want to honor it, and Iwant to harvest it. And when I
even say that I don't think I'veever created that time in my
life to synthesize to, to digestto harvest to really be with
(21:59):
memories and thoughts andphilosophies that I have in,
reintegrate them, reread them,resynthesize them, I'm used to
just again, going for more newknowledge and more new things
and more, more, again, new, newnew in versus kind of going back
(22:21):
and really synthesizing all thisrichness that I already do know.
And getting deeper with that,because I know when I get deeper
with that. It's like, it's likethe whole I guess, right now
what's coming up. For me, it'slike this visual of the whole,
you know, how a diamond iscreated, right? It's like, it's
(22:43):
not just going to pick upanother thing. And another
thing, another thing, it'sreally holding on to this one,
you know, chemical compound,this mineral compound, and with
you know, pressure and, youknow, with synthesizing and
alchemy going on, it createsthis beautiful jam raid. And
(23:03):
yeah, I'm just present to justAlka maizing. I think that's the
word maybe that's where I wantedto get to with that is I really
want to alchemize this time,because I know it's going to be
so much gold. And I don't wantto rush to the next thing or go
to the next accomplishment whenthat doesn't feel right, right
(23:25):
now. In a way I already know.
And I feel this so deep in mybones, that by honoring this
epiphany that I have, it feelsso good to take this year to
integrate to reread my notes, relisten to my audio notes to look
at my pictures from this pastyear. And just remember the
memories and the emotionalstates that I've been in that,
(23:46):
quote unquote, all these thingsI want to accomplish, I am going
to actually get clarity on whatthe heck I want to accomplish,
because that's the first thing.
And the second thing is it'sgoing to like happen, like I
know it's just going to likeunfolds like I'm going to
probably get invitations forthings or again, I'm going to
(24:07):
get like crazy downloads andclarity. So again, it's that
balance of knowing when to maybemove rate and move with time and
maybe that looks like action andcreating plans and you know,
again, taking those steps insometimes playing with time
(24:29):
stillness is presence. It'scultivating peace, calm joy. And
the last kind of like visualsthat I'll leave y'all with is
like do you know like whenyou've when you're like taking a
shower, and you feel like so atpeace and so at calm, and then
(24:52):
all of a sudden you get like thebest downloads and like the best
ideas. It's like that right? Andthen you get out of the shower
and you Start thinking about it.
You're like, Okay, what am I?
What was it? What was it and youalmost kind of like lose it. But
then maybe you're like cookinglater or doing something else
that's like very peaceful andrelaxing. And then you're like,
Oh, I remember. And then nowyou're like closer to Notepad
(25:13):
and you can like, write it down.
It's like that. It's if you findthose moments of peace and calm,
and trust yourself that you knowthe answer and is going to come
to you like, also don't fightit. Because I also feel like the
same example with a shower.
Like, the more you think aboutand you're like, Oh, I can't
remember why can't remember andyou start like judging yourself
(25:35):
and like shaming yourself aroundit. And then you're like, No,
I'll never remember thatbrilliant idea. Like you can you
feel that energy. It's sodifferent. It's like, okay,
trust that you're going to knowit. Trust that the next
peaceful, joyful thing that youdo. Those epiphanies and
clarities are going to come andplay with time in that way, is
my invitation. So all that tosay, I'm gonna pause here.
(25:58):
Hopefully, this all made sensethat I just, you know, just had
this download today and thisepiphany today and just really
felt shared up sorry, I reallyfelt called to share and kind of
offer permission in a way thatyou don't have to have a year of
(26:19):
milestones or goals orachievements. It can be a year
of enjoying relishing,integrating, harvesting, things
that you've already planted andgrown and enjoying that doesn't
have to be the new thing or thenext thing. Okay, well, I'll
(26:42):
leave you there sending so muchlove so much joy, so much peace
to your life, sending thatfrequency through. And we'll
talk soon. Bye
Hello, and welcome. This is Jessie Anne
Zayas with self love stories.
And today I am dropping in withsome January and February
reflections. So last time wespoke, it was January Post New
Years. And I shared aninvitation to have time and
(00:26):
space to integrate. You know, Ithink in our culture in our
society, a lot of times, I mean,quite literally right, in the
new year, we talked about NewYear's resolutions and having
that clarity at the first of theyear, and being ready to just,
you know, jumpstart and createall that shift and
(00:49):
transformation from day one. Andquite honestly, in my own
journey and my own experience. AJanuary, New Year, February time
is still even just biologically,for me a time of slow and
steady, it's the winter season.
(01:13):
You know, in the past decade,I've lived you know, a lot in
like the northeast, also in theMidwest, so Chicago, New York
City, and, you know, reallyexperiencing those winters and
that slow movement. And it wasalways interesting to me that,
you know, you know, you wouldcome with this quote, unquote,
(01:34):
summer energy into winter. Andwhen I released kind of this
expectation to jump in, youknow, and be ready in that new
year, I realized I actuallycreated more space and clarity.
So that's kind of what I want toshare is, you know, my
(01:56):
relationship to time from a selflove perspective, and how
trusting myself how releasingcontrol, and through self
discovery and healing, how I'vecreated a more expansive,
(02:19):
playful, nourishing relationshipwith time. So, before I dive
into this, kind of, you know,I'll call it this my new world,
my existing world. You know, myold world used to look very much
(02:42):
destination oriented,achievement oriented. So what do
I mean by that? So quiteliterally, you know, I was
raised by military parents, Ithink even energetically, there
was a lot of, you know, what'sthe goal what's the outcome?
What are you doing, you know,don't waste time you're moving
(03:03):
like pond water is literally aphrase I was told a lot as a
child and that in your movinglike molasses there was always
this quote, unquote, I guessbelief to always maximize time
and that we didn't have enoughtime. And that time needed to be
(03:27):
spent in quote, unquote, theright way, a productive way. In
things like leisure play fun,were carved out, you know, and
only for these times and and asyou can imagine, that robbed a
lot of opportunities forspontaneity, for truly
(03:50):
replenishing, you know,nourishing and quite honestly
regulating my nervous system.
But, you know, child, you know,growing up with parents that
also Hey, they're doing the bestthat they know, based on, you
know, their culture and theirupbringing. So anyways, I share
that because even through thatenergy and space, just even my
own personality, which HelloCapricorn stellium Taurus
(04:12):
stellium there's a lot of thisgusto to like, achieve
accomplish, but not from amonetary perspective is what
I've realized through the yearswhen I've reflected on this,
like need to achieve andaccomplish. It's honestly from a
need to know like, know, what'snext. Then what, then what, then
(04:35):
what, and my yearning oflearning and quite honestly,
figuring out life is what Irealized was the pole. But I
really didn't realize that, youknow, of course, like if we kind
of went back right, was justkind of, you know, in the
(04:55):
framework of my upbringing. Sonow if I move in To like, my 20s
You know, I'm in corporateAmerica. And you know, I'm, you
know, from 21 to I want to sayabout 2728 I go from, you know,
starting green marketing managerto us VP of Marketing at a
(05:19):
publicly traded company in NewYork City. So, again, a lot of
movement, a lot of achieving alot of wanting to know wanting
to learn everything know all theconcepts of marketing and, and
corporate life, quite honestly.
(05:40):
Because, you know, if you're inthat space, and in that world,
it's a whole different freakinworld. And my poor parents
hadn't, you know, again,military parents had no clue
about that world. I mean, evendown to, you know, insurance,
you know, I was in TRICARE, Imean, you know, never paid for
any doctor's appointment, andevery prescription was $3. I
mean, I had a reality check,even when, you know, picking out
(06:02):
my insurance premium. So,anyways, I share that all
because, again, that energy ofachievement and going and going
and just learning and learningand learning and wanting to find
this answer in this old worldthat I was living in was getting
to this destination. But where,and I think that was that, you
know, aha moment for me, becausethat was my tower moment. A, I
(06:25):
mean, from an astrologicalperspective, literally, my, you
know, my, my Saturn Return. And,you know, secondly, you know,
when you rush, rush, rush, go,go, go, go get get get get get,
and you don't even realize whereyou're going to and what you're
trying to accomplish. I mean, Iwould, you know, assert to say,
(06:46):
that's going to be anybody'stower moment, because now you're
up on the top, and you're justlike looking down and you're
like, where am I? Who am I? Whatdid I even want here, I'm not
happy, I'm not fulfilled. Ithought this was going to feel
different, I thought thisexperience was going to maybe
(07:06):
even look different. But I don'teven know how that looks. So
that was, again, my old world ofjust going rushing, getting to
somewhere, because I thoughtthat somewhere was going to
maybe be better, or I don'tknow. Like it again, I didn't
(07:30):
even know what it was, I thinkit was like, you know, a similar
moment of like, I was soexcited, like, if I take this
back to like high school, and goand so I literally graduated
high school in three years incollege in three years, again,
rushing, rushing, rushing,because again, I was so excited
for what to get a job because Ithought getting a job would be
(07:51):
the coolest freakin thing. Andthat was gonna be my next level
of freedom, right. And Iremember my first day at work
working at a supply chainlogistics company in Houston,
Texas as a marketingcoordinator. And I was sitting
(08:13):
at the desk and I spent my firsteight hours in an office. And I
was like, What the fuck, this isgoing to be the rest of my
freakin life. Like just sittingin a cubicle. Looking at a
computer, it was like this alittle bit of like this
dystopian, I remember it beinglike this, like out of body
(08:36):
experience almost for a moment,and it kind of really kind of
rattled me. Because again, like,you know, if you remember, in
college, you know, you had kindof more freedom in your
schedule. You're you weren'tbehind a screen all day. Unless,
I mean, maybe if you're, youknow, you're certain degree, you
know, was like maybe computersciences, I don't know. But at
least for me, you know, it wassocialization it was, you know,
(08:59):
freedom of your schedule. Itwas, you know, you know,
electing to the things that youwere interested in, even right,
in, I felt like, again, a senseof, like, again, I rushed to get
to somewhere, because I thoughtit was maybe going to be better
in some way. Maybe even moreexpansive. And then I'm just
here in this new world, and I'mjust, I'm like, No, this is not
(09:21):
for me. So anyways, sameparallel to fast forward in New
York City, you know, quote,unquote, I got to the top of
sitting at the table, and I wasjust like, This is it. This is
what I've been racing ticket to.
I don't want this I thought Iwanted to be a CMO I thought I
wanted you know, to be sittingat this table having these
(09:46):
responsibilities, but I'mactually less creative here. I
am not doing the work that usedto expand me. I feel more lonely
up Hear, Idon't like these people up here.
All these things. So anyways,that was my old world and my
(10:07):
relationship to time, which wasvery a rush, rush, rush, rush
rush and not slowing down tosmell the roses and really
relishing in all of thebeautiful achievements and micro
achievements, which, you know, Idon't want to say have any
regrets. But of course, when Ilook back with compassion and
empathy, like I understand,like, again, you know, through
(10:27):
my naivety, I thought, you know,I was I was genuinely going
somewhere, or that I thought Iwanted to go. But I now realize
I really didn't sit with and bepresent with all the amazing
things that I did accomplish atsuch a young age. And so I'm
even now in this process, goingback to remember and sit with
and acknowledge and celebrateand really, you know, sit with
(10:51):
all those amazingaccomplishments. And I guess
that gets me to this new world,where it's trusting the journey,
loving and enjoying the journey,and realizing that that is what
life is a journey, there is nodestination. Yeah, there's going
to be these places we want toget to are these milestones that
(11:12):
maybe we want and desire. Andthat's so beautiful, because
that's part of the humanexperience. But that's not what
it's about getting it, it'sreally the journey of getting
there. And then also enjoyingonce you're there to and really
sitting with it and beingpresent and add in through this
(11:33):
new learning. And sitting inthis new world. I've been able
to play with time more. Andthrough playing with time, I've
been able to access so much moreflow and freedom. And I kind of
have, you know, split time intothis. And I love this. This is
(11:57):
also coming in a beautiful timewhere I've actually joined this
amazing program by thiswonderful human being Xenia. And
I hope I'm pronouncing thatright Samia, and I will link
their profile in the notes. Andthey are putting on such an
(12:19):
incredible frequency artistsprogram. And through that
program, we've been playing withtime and finding ways to play
with time. And when I was in heroffice hours the other day, she
referenced multiple time, and Ijust love that so much right
(12:40):
like this muggle time versus Iwould even say my flow time, my
creative time, my spiritualtime, my dream time, my play
time, my self discovery time,you know, my wonderment time,
you know, there's my quote,unquote, muggle life, you know,
my nine to five, my 3d world,you know, where I sometimes put
(13:02):
a little bit more structurearound it. Now I'm in this new
world that I live in. And what Imean by that is, you know, old
me spend so much time overanalyzing an email or the way
that I wrote this and that andnow I know, Hey, I like to spend
less time on email. So I'll puta timer on literally for like
(13:24):
five minutes, like, how muchtime do I want to spend on this
email, two minutes, fiveminutes, so on and so forth. And
then things that I love, likethe creative exploration, the
marketing r&d, the creatingconcepts and mood boards and
creating guests experienceflows, like those are the things
that love doing and my nine tofive so you know, that's times I
honestly, I unleashed time andallow myself to flow when it's
(13:46):
been hours and I love and and Ifeel so in a way juiced up from
that. So I play with my quote,unquote muggle time, by creating
a little bit more structure andboundaries about the things that
quite honestly deplete me ofenergy, and then allow my muggle
time to enter twine with thatcreative and flowy time by, you
(14:06):
know, finding those moments. Forexample, in my nine to five that
really unleash my creativitythat I love to spend, you know,
so it's like finding that joywherever you're at and playing
with time to lean into that andthings that are maybe depleting
you of energy or not expandingyou not nourishing, how can you
(14:28):
how can you play with that time?
How can you find a little bitmore balance around that?
Because we're all going toexperience that too. We're all
going to end up being inmeetings or situations traffic
even right, like places that youknow, that deplete us of energy
and that we don't want to bewithin total quote, don't want
to waste our time at. So again,the way we balance that is by
(14:52):
bringing in more of how we wantto spend our time So again, in
my old world, you know, before Iembarked on this journey of
healing and self discovery, andreally cultivating more self
love in my life, which was thatmilestone marker, you know,
(15:14):
around 28 years old, was inright? Around 28. But also, I
would say, you know, really wentinto 2020, with so many other
people, right, I've just likeread and thinking about life in
a deeper, deeper, deeper, moremeaningful way. And, you know, I
(15:35):
know I'm not alone in this, butI think we've all kind of, you
know, and if we kind of sit withit for a moment, we all
experience so much death andtransformation around us, you
know, even if it didn't happenin our own families, it
definitely happened in thecircles and communities we were
in. And I think, for anycommunity, society, person to
(16:00):
experience, death and grief, youstart really connecting with
your own mortality and your ownrelationship with time and how
you're spending your time. And,you know, I think that was my
big aha moment that I now wantto get to and share with you all
(16:20):
this week. And it's, again,taken time and movement, but
also stillness for me to come tothis conclusion about what I
really want to cultivate in2024. And what my intentions are
for 2024. In the interestingthing about it is, it's it's
essentially the message that Ishared with y'all last time,
(16:41):
which is, I'm really at a placeof integration. You know, I'm
coming up on a year of my soulbattle, you know, where I was so
fortunate and blessed to travelaround different places in the
world, spend, you know, a monthin Torino, Italy, Paris, France,
Buddha, Pash, you know, spend,you know, three months in
(17:03):
Mexico. And through thatbeautiful, nourishing time,
there's so much wisdom and somuch learning and just so much
just inciting experiences that,you know, my heart and soul is
yearning to share, because Ireally want so many other people
to experience this. And I'm alsorealizing I'm still synthesizing
(17:29):
a lot of it, like it's stillpercolating and still deepening
and I think again, that's my, mynew relationship to, to life.
It's, it's, it's this doublehelix, in a way, it's a spiral,
you know, it's, the more I know,the less I know, the more I
know, less. I know, like, it'skind of, again, going around and
(17:51):
around and around. But in abeautiful way, it's always going
up. It's always transcending andeven the times that I feel like
I don't know, I do know. And themore that I sit with that, and
also release this expectation tocontrol, knowing the answer and
getting clarity right then inthere, it will always come to me
(18:15):
like cultivating self trust thatI do know the answer and through
time and patience, and you know,honestly, cultivating play
cultivating joy, cultivatingpeace, cultivating calm, because
knowing in that frequency iswhere I gained the best clarity
(18:35):
from not in a frequency of fearor scarcity. Right, like that's,
that is not where I gain mytruest wisdom or my inner truth,
if you will. So, yeah, I thinkthat's kind of where I want to
(18:56):
leave us for today is this newclarity that I have that for
this year, I want it to be ayear of integration and
digestion of just really, reallylooking at all my Journal notes.
(19:17):
Were looking at all my pictures,you know, even from again, going
back to my journals from 2020You know, going back to my
journal from when was it 2019When I was you know, journaling
in a piazza in Italy like havingmy Eat Pray Love moment, like
who am I?
(19:39):
What do I want? You know, allthose things. I mean, I mean,
y'all I was even to the pointlike what am I good at? Like I
didn't even like I didn't evenfelt like I knew myself but
again, I hadn't given myselftime to really look at myself
witness myself, observe myselfsee all this beautiful For life
(20:00):
that I lived, it was so lookingat that, you know, like looking
out looking into the future thatI wasn't even looking around and
just taking up everything thatwas in my space and really
relishing in that. So myinvitation is that you can have
years of not quote unquote,accomplishing things. And what I
(20:24):
mean by that is, you know, ifyou experience like I have
experience, living life from away of accomplishing or having
goals, so Right, like I was eventhis year, right, I was even
like, Okay, what I want to dowith my business, what do I want
to do with my nine to five? Whatdo I want to do? You know, with
my spiritual work with myhealing work, what do I want to
(20:46):
do with women's circle that I'veco created? You know, what do I
want to do with the podcast,like, again, I was like, going
into this doing mode. Andeverything in my being
everything in my intuition waslike, I just want to soak up
everything. Like, I want to soakup the here. And now I want to
soak up this past year, like,I'm still like, like I said, I'm
(21:08):
still just, you know, I'm stilllike, consuming all the
beautiful nectar honestly, fromthat experience, this past year
of traveling, and just being andwitnessing myself in a whole new
(21:30):
light. And I really want tohonor and respect this moment in
my life, this time in my life,that I want to sit with that,
and I want to honor it, and Iwant to harvest it. And when I
even say that I don't think I'veever created that time in my
life to synthesize to, to digestto harvest to really be with
(21:59):
memories and thoughts andphilosophies that I have in,
reintegrate them, reread them,resynthesize them, I'm used to
just again, going for more newknowledge and more new things
and more, more, again, new, newnew in versus kind of going back
(22:21):
and really synthesizing all thisrichness that I already do know.
And getting deeper with that,because I know when I get deeper
with that. It's like, it's likethe whole I guess, right now
what's coming up. For me, it'slike this visual of the whole,
you know, how a diamond iscreated, right? It's like, it's
(22:43):
not just going to pick upanother thing. And another
thing, another thing, it'sreally holding on to this one,
you know, chemical compound,this mineral compound, and with
you know, pressure and, youknow, with synthesizing and
alchemy going on, it createsthis beautiful jam raid. And
(23:03):
yeah, I'm just present to justAlka maizing. I think that's the
word maybe that's where I wantedto get to with that is I really
want to alchemize this time,because I know it's going to be
so much gold. And I don't wantto rush to the next thing or go
to the next accomplishment whenthat doesn't feel right, right
(23:25):
now. In a way I already know.
And I feel this so deep in mybones, that by honoring this
epiphany that I have, it feelsso good to take this year to
integrate to reread my notes, relisten to my audio notes to look
at my pictures from this pastyear. And just remember the
memories and the emotionalstates that I've been in that,
(23:46):
quote unquote, all these thingsI want to accomplish, I am going
to actually get clarity on whatthe heck I want to accomplish,
because that's the first thing.
And the second thing is it'sgoing to like happen, like I
know it's just going to likeunfolds like I'm going to
probably get invitations forthings or again, I'm going to
(24:07):
get like crazy downloads andclarity. So again, it's that
balance of knowing when to maybemove rate and move with time and
maybe that looks like action andcreating plans and you know,
again, taking those steps insometimes playing with time
(24:29):
stillness is presence. It'scultivating peace, calm joy. And
the last kind of like visualsthat I'll leave y'all with is
like do you know like whenyou've when you're like taking a
shower, and you feel like so atpeace and so at calm, and then
(24:52):
all of a sudden you get like thebest downloads and like the best
ideas. It's like that right? Andthen you get out of the shower
and you Start thinking about it.
You're like, Okay, what am I?
What was it? What was it and youalmost kind of like lose it. But
then maybe you're like cookinglater or doing something else
that's like very peaceful andrelaxing. And then you're like,
Oh, I remember. And then nowyou're like closer to Notepad
(25:13):
and you can like, write it down.
It's like that. It's if you findthose moments of peace and calm,
and trust yourself that you knowthe answer and is going to come
to you like, also don't fightit. Because I also feel like the
same example with a shower.
Like, the more you think aboutand you're like, Oh, I can't
remember why can't remember andyou start like judging yourself
(25:35):
and like shaming yourself aroundit. And then you're like, No,
I'll never remember thatbrilliant idea. Like you can you
feel that energy. It's sodifferent. It's like, okay,
trust that you're going to knowit. Trust that the next
peaceful, joyful thing that youdo. Those epiphanies and
clarities are going to come andplay with time in that way, is
my invitation. So all that tosay, I'm gonna pause here.
(25:58):
Hopefully, this all made sensethat I just, you know, just had
this download today and thisepiphany today and just really
felt shared up sorry, I reallyfelt called to share and kind of
offer permission in a way thatyou don't have to have a year of
(26:19):
milestones or goals orachievements. It can be a year
of enjoying relishing,integrating, harvesting, things
that you've already planted andgrown and enjoying that doesn't
have to be the new thing or thenext thing. Okay, well, I'll
(26:42):
leave you there sending so muchlove so much joy, so much peace
to your life, sending thatfrequency through. And we'll
talk soon. Bye
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