November 15, 2024 • 13 mins
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Ready for a Quick Mindset Reset? Have you ever labeled someone in your life as "toxic"? Have you ever wondered how to heal from a toxic relationship or toxic people in your life? In this episode Lunden talks about a potential reframe that might help you heal in some of these situations. What might your life be like if you stopped ruminating on them being toxic, and instead thought of it this way....tune in to this episode!
Timestamps to help you navigate this episode
0:00 Intro
0:24 FREE Self Love & Sweat MONTHLY Calendar
4:13 How To Set Boundaries With Toxic People
6:10Turning Toxic People Into Teachers
8:31 How To Turn Toxic Relationships Into Positive Ones
FREE Self Love & Sweat Monthly Life Coaching Calendar: http://lifelikelunden.com/calendar
2 FREE HIGH INTENSITY RESISTANCE TRAINING WORKOUTS: https://lifelikelunden.activehosted.com/f/169
One-On-One Life Coaching & NLP with Lunden:
http://lifelikelunden.com/vip
Connect with Lunden:
IG: @lifelikelunden
YouTube: https://youtube.com/lundensouza
LinkedIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lundensouza/
Twitter: @lifelikelunden
Use code LUNDEN25 for a discount on Snap Supplements: https://bit.ly/snapsweat
Podcast Sound Design Intro & Outro: https://hitspotaudio.com/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Lunden Souza (00:00):
Welcome to Self Love and Sweat the podcast, the
place where you'll get inspiredto live your life
unapologetically, embrace yourperfect imperfections and do
what sets your soul on fire.
I'm your host, Lunden Souza.
Hey, before we jump into thisepisode, I just want to make
(00:27):
sure that you get all the freethings possible, if you haven't
already.
You need to get your Self andSweat Sweat free f monthly life
coaching calendar.
Honestly, the way to experiencedeep change in your life is by
doing small little things overtime, and so that's what you'll
(00:48):
find in this free calendar.
You can get it by going tolifelikelunden.
com/calendar.
Get yours for free and let'sget into today's episode.
backThis QMR episode, Quick Mindset
Reset, is about toxic people andtransforming them from being
(01:15):
toxic in your life to teachers.
It can be so easy, especiallyin this culture, to point at
other people as toxic.
They're the problem because ofthem.
This is why I am this way.
They did this to me.
They're toxic, right, and Idefinitely want to make a clear
(01:37):
distinction.
There might be people in yourlife that are abusive physically
, mentally, emotionally.
There might be people in yourlife that are abusive physically
, mentally, emotionally.
There might be people in yourlife that have done horrendous
things to you and if you'velistened to the podcast before,
you know I've had so manyincredible guests share about
(01:59):
how they've turned their paininto purpose domestic violence,
so many things, so many amazingguests I've had on this episode
or on this show differentepisodes.
So I don't want to discount.
This episode is not about justletting things slide and letting
people that have done unkindthings or things that have done
(02:24):
you wrong, let's say, let themslide.
But I do want you to listen tothis and consider the real
estate that they're taking up inyour mind and in your heart
when you call them toxic.
They were toxic and they didthis to me.
I spoke on this in a webinarseries for my friend, Veronica
(02:47):
Kelly.
She hosted this free event allabout freedom and she asked me
to speak on it and going into it.
I didn't know what I was goingto speak on.
I just figured that whatever itwas I was supposed to speak on
would just speak through me, andthat's exactly what happened.
(03:07):
When I popped on that webinar,there was a speaker before me
and one of the things that theywere discussing not the speaker
before me, but one of the thingsthat everybody in the room was
starting to discuss was liketoxic family members and how
they were seeking freedom from,yeah, toxic people in their
(03:30):
lives, in their family, in theirrelationships, et cetera.
And I happened to tap in andjoin the webinar right when they
were talking about it and itcame to me.
I was like, oh, I can talkabout this, right, I can talk
about change your words, changeyour world when it comes to
toxic people, right, and Idefinitely was that person who
(03:51):
was pointing the finger ateverybody else.
You're the problem, you're thetoxic person.
You did this to me because youdid this to me.
This is why I'm this way anddefinitely spent a lot of years
having that story on replay inmy mind and heart, especially
within my family.
(04:13):
If you've been following me fora while, you know that there
were some major issues within myfamily, with my grandfather,
him not approving of certaindecisions I made in my life.
Him, yeah, just exploding.
There's just been so many, evenfriendships, friendships where
(04:34):
I would consider them toxic andI would say I made a whole
course on this.
Maybe you guys remember a longtime ago, in 20, I think 18, I
made this five-part course, itwas called Positively Productive
and it was five short videosabout how to be more positive
and productive.
And there was an episode inthat five-part series that I
(04:57):
actually said I was like youneed to get rid of the toxic
people in your life.
Right, I call these peopletoxic, like I literally said
that in the course becausethat's where I was at the time.
Right, that's where my heartwas, that's where my thought
process was.
But, honestly, when we cantransform these toxic people in
our lives to our teachers andfigure out what lessons we could
(05:21):
not have learned without them,that's where the true power lies
.
Right, it's so easy to ruminatein what they did to you and
what they said and the way thatthey treated you and how they
gaslit you and blindsided youand treated you like this.
That's easy.
Right, we can have that tape onrepeat and ruminate on that.
(05:44):
But when we can really take astep back and figure out what
lesson we were supposed to learnbecause of them, what lesson we
couldn't have possibly learnedwithout them, right, you can get
so much appreciation andgratitude from that.
Right, so much learning andgrowth outside of stagnance and
(06:07):
stuckness and just being angryand upset about it.
And the reason why I love theability to change toxic people
into teachers is because this ishow we can connect with people
on a deeper level.
Right, yes, we can connect withpeople and talk shit about all
the toxic people in our lives.
But imagine the next levelconnections we get to have when
(06:29):
we can not only share the toxicthing that happened but how we
were able to alchemize that andto be our biggest teacher.
And now what we're doing,moving forward.
Right, that type of cohesionwithin connection with others is
so much more profound, so muchmore powerful.
When we ruminate in toxicity,that's group chats where we're
(06:51):
talking shit about people.
That's connecting with peopleover negative things.
Right, do you have any of thosefriends where it's like they
don't really want to talk orconnect if there's not something
going wrong or whatever in yourlife?
Right, that's how we bond overtoxicity.
But when we bond over the waythat that has become a teacher
in our lives, that's magic,right.
(07:13):
That's why I really feel a lotof times people will tell me
like, oh, you make friends soeasily, you just go into places
by yourself and you just goalone.
And I think one of the mainreasons why I do that and why I
can do that is because I'm opento sharing those stories about
how things were hard and, let'ssay, went from being toxic to a
(07:34):
teacher in my life, how I wasable to reframe being toxic to a
teacher in my life, how I wasable to reframe what this
situation might be.
I've left the group chats.
In my friend group there was abig group chat and I leave the
group chats.
I've left them over and overagain.
I don't like to be in thatspace where people are talking
(07:55):
crap about others, talking aboutthings that I don't feel like
are up-leveling and are, yeah,just next level, and so that,
for me, is like they've taughtme.
I could say, oh, forget myfriends, all the things, but I'm
like, no, they've taught me howto set boundaries.
They've taught me how I canstill be friends with people and
(08:16):
not engage in particularconversations.
They've taught me that I don'thave to.
I can make other friends.
I can find other groups ofpeople that are going to feed my
soul in good and new ways.
I've had issues within my family, big struggles with my
grandfather that took years andyears for me to work through.
(08:38):
I would be so angry at him.
I would wake up in the middleof the night screaming, crying,
sobbing.
And then now I'm at a pointwhere he came to visit me him
and my grandma and my mom lastweekend and he told me like
three times that I was amazing.
He was like you're so amazing,I'm learning so much from you.
And I was like I never believedthat that language was amazing.
He was like you're so amazing,I'm learning so much from you.
(08:58):
And I was like I never believedthat that language was possible
to come out of my grandfathertowards anybody, to be honest,
let alone me, the person in hisfamily that went against the
grain, that didn't do what hethought we were supposed to do.
Wild, right, wild.
(09:19):
And then I think about this guyI dated when I was in college.
He cheated on me.
I found out in the most like.
When I think about that versionof me, I cry for her, I cry
with her.
I've worked through a lot ofthat, but he cheated on me and
it was devastating.
I was devastated.
(09:42):
I could have held on to thatstory of all, men cheat and he's
toxic and that happened to meand that's why X, y or Z.
But now when I look at it, I'mlike, oh my gosh, that
relationship taught me so much.
It taught me how to love myselfeven more.
It just taught me so manythings on so many levels, and so
(10:05):
that's why I love the way thatI coach my clients on breathwork
, written exposure therapy, evenhypnosis, visualization really
changing our subconscious beliefaround what happened, because
we can carry that stuff andthat's disease and that is just
like back pain and that istoxicity within our body.
(10:26):
To be honest, we want to talkabout toxicity, right, that
internal world, our poordetoxification organs, with all
the stress and all the traumaand all the stories that we
choose to tell of what happenedto us and why we're this way, in
a place of stuckness.
I feel like changing from toxicto teachers in our lives and
(10:48):
being able to literally writeout that story of like this is
what happened, and then makethat because matter, because
this happened to me.
Now here's how I've overcome it, how I'm going to make a bigger
ripple in the world, how I'mgoing to transcend some of the
hardness and bring more gifts tothe world.
(11:10):
And so I challenge you this weekto think about these people in
your life that you might havelabeled as toxic, and I think
honestly, like I said, I've hadsome incredible guests on my
podcast.
I've spent hours inconversation with people off the
microphone just talking aboutdeep pain, right, and the human
(11:31):
brain and body and spirit is soresilient.
You can have people that youwould consider, oh my gosh.
They have every right tobelieve that person was horrible
and disgusting and toxic and ohmy gosh.
But they're choosing loveinstead.
It is possible, and so Ichallenge you this week to think
(11:51):
about those people that you arelabeling as toxic, that you're
letting that toxic track play inyour mind, and figure out what
they taught you right?
What are you grateful for?
How could you not have becomewho you are today without them,
without that challenging moment?
And I want to hear from you.
So, if this episode resonateswith you, send me a DM on
(12:14):
Instagram @lifelikelundenL-I-F-E-L-I-K-E-L-U-N-D-E-N.
And this is our quick mindsetreset for today how to transform
toxic people into teachers.
Who comes to mind for you?
I know somebody is coming tomind for you.
Think about it, hang out inthis space, you know, pray about
(12:39):
it, meditate on it and share itwith me in the DMs.
I want to hear from you.
Have a beautiful day.
Thank you so much for listeningto this episode of Self Love
and Sweat, the Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode orwere inspired by it or something
(13:00):
resonated with you, do me afavor and share this episode
with a friend, someone that youthink might enjoy this episode
as well.
That's the ultimate complimentand the best way to make this
podcast ripple out into theworld of others, and also you
can leave us a review up to fivestars wherever you're listening
(13:22):
to the podcast.
Thank you so much for listeningand we'll see you at the next
episode.
I appreciate you.
Welcome to Self Love and Sweat the podcast, the
place where you'll get inspiredto live your life
unapologetically, embrace yourperfect imperfections and do
what sets your soul on fire.
I'm your host, Lunden Souza.
Hey, before we jump into thisepisode, I just want to make
(00:27):
sure that you get all the freethings possible, if you haven't
already.
You need to get your Self andSweat Sweat free f monthly life
coaching calendar.
Honestly, the way to experiencedeep change in your life is by
doing small little things overtime, and so that's what you'll
(00:48):
find in this free calendar.
You can get it by going tolifelikelunden.
com/calendar.
Get yours for free and let'sget into today's episode.
backThis QMR episode, Quick Mindset
Reset, is about toxic people andtransforming them from being
(01:15):
toxic in your life to teachers.
It can be so easy, especiallyin this culture, to point at
other people as toxic.
They're the problem because ofthem.
This is why I am this way.
They did this to me.
They're toxic, right, and Idefinitely want to make a clear
(01:37):
distinction.
There might be people in yourlife that are abusive physically
, mentally, emotionally.
There might be people in yourlife that are abusive physically
, mentally, emotionally.
There might be people in yourlife that have done horrendous
things to you and if you'velistened to the podcast before,
you know I've had so manyincredible guests share about
(01:59):
how they've turned their paininto purpose domestic violence,
so many things, so many amazingguests I've had on this episode
or on this show differentepisodes.
So I don't want to discount.
This episode is not about justletting things slide and letting
people that have done unkindthings or things that have done
(02:24):
you wrong, let's say, let themslide.
But I do want you to listen tothis and consider the real
estate that they're taking up inyour mind and in your heart
when you call them toxic.
They were toxic and they didthis to me.
I spoke on this in a webinarseries for my friend, Veronica
(02:47):
Kelly.
She hosted this free event allabout freedom and she asked me
to speak on it and going into it.
I didn't know what I was goingto speak on.
I just figured that whatever itwas I was supposed to speak on
would just speak through me, andthat's exactly what happened.
(03:07):
When I popped on that webinar,there was a speaker before me
and one of the things that theywere discussing not the speaker
before me, but one of the thingsthat everybody in the room was
starting to discuss was liketoxic family members and how
they were seeking freedom from,yeah, toxic people in their
(03:30):
lives, in their family, in theirrelationships, et cetera.
And I happened to tap in andjoin the webinar right when they
were talking about it and itcame to me.
I was like, oh, I can talkabout this, right, I can talk
about change your words, changeyour world when it comes to
toxic people, right, and Idefinitely was that person who
(03:51):
was pointing the finger ateverybody else.
You're the problem, you're thetoxic person.
You did this to me because youdid this to me.
This is why I'm this way anddefinitely spent a lot of years
having that story on replay inmy mind and heart, especially
within my family.
(04:13):
If you've been following me fora while, you know that there
were some major issues within myfamily, with my grandfather,
him not approving of certaindecisions I made in my life.
Him, yeah, just exploding.
There's just been so many, evenfriendships, friendships where
(04:34):
I would consider them toxic andI would say I made a whole
course on this.
Maybe you guys remember a longtime ago, in 20, I think 18, I
made this five-part course, itwas called Positively Productive
and it was five short videosabout how to be more positive
and productive.
And there was an episode inthat five-part series that I
(04:57):
actually said I was like youneed to get rid of the toxic
people in your life.
Right, I call these peopletoxic, like I literally said
that in the course becausethat's where I was at the time.
Right, that's where my heartwas, that's where my thought
process was.
But, honestly, when we cantransform these toxic people in
our lives to our teachers andfigure out what lessons we could
(05:21):
not have learned without them,that's where the true power lies
.
Right, it's so easy to ruminatein what they did to you and
what they said and the way thatthey treated you and how they
gaslit you and blindsided youand treated you like this.
That's easy.
Right, we can have that tape onrepeat and ruminate on that.
(05:44):
But when we can really take astep back and figure out what
lesson we were supposed to learnbecause of them, what lesson we
couldn't have possibly learnedwithout them, right, you can get
so much appreciation andgratitude from that.
Right, so much learning andgrowth outside of stagnance and
(06:07):
stuckness and just being angryand upset about it.
And the reason why I love theability to change toxic people
into teachers is because this ishow we can connect with people
on a deeper level.
Right, yes, we can connect withpeople and talk shit about all
the toxic people in our lives.
But imagine the next levelconnections we get to have when
(06:29):
we can not only share the toxicthing that happened but how we
were able to alchemize that andto be our biggest teacher.
And now what we're doing,moving forward.
Right, that type of cohesionwithin connection with others is
so much more profound, so muchmore powerful.
When we ruminate in toxicity,that's group chats where we're
(06:51):
talking shit about people.
That's connecting with peopleover negative things.
Right, do you have any of thosefriends where it's like they
don't really want to talk orconnect if there's not something
going wrong or whatever in yourlife?
Right, that's how we bond overtoxicity.
But when we bond over the waythat that has become a teacher
in our lives, that's magic,right.
(07:13):
That's why I really feel a lotof times people will tell me
like, oh, you make friends soeasily, you just go into places
by yourself and you just goalone.
And I think one of the mainreasons why I do that and why I
can do that is because I'm opento sharing those stories about
how things were hard and, let'ssay, went from being toxic to a
(07:34):
teacher in my life, how I wasable to reframe being toxic to a
teacher in my life, how I wasable to reframe what this
situation might be.
I've left the group chats.
In my friend group there was abig group chat and I leave the
group chats.
I've left them over and overagain.
I don't like to be in thatspace where people are talking
(07:55):
crap about others, talking aboutthings that I don't feel like
are up-leveling and are, yeah,just next level, and so that,
for me, is like they've taughtme.
I could say, oh, forget myfriends, all the things, but I'm
like, no, they've taught me howto set boundaries.
They've taught me how I canstill be friends with people and
(08:16):
not engage in particularconversations.
They've taught me that I don'thave to.
I can make other friends.
I can find other groups ofpeople that are going to feed my
soul in good and new ways.
I've had issues within my family, big struggles with my
grandfather that took years andyears for me to work through.
(08:38):
I would be so angry at him.
I would wake up in the middleof the night screaming, crying,
sobbing.
And then now I'm at a pointwhere he came to visit me him
and my grandma and my mom lastweekend and he told me like
three times that I was amazing.
He was like you're so amazing,I'm learning so much from you.
And I was like I never believedthat that language was amazing.
He was like you're so amazing,I'm learning so much from you.
(08:58):
And I was like I never believedthat that language was possible
to come out of my grandfathertowards anybody, to be honest,
let alone me, the person in hisfamily that went against the
grain, that didn't do what hethought we were supposed to do.
Wild, right, wild.
(09:19):
And then I think about this guyI dated when I was in college.
He cheated on me.
I found out in the most like.
When I think about that versionof me, I cry for her, I cry
with her.
I've worked through a lot ofthat, but he cheated on me and
it was devastating.
I was devastated.
(09:42):
I could have held on to thatstory of all, men cheat and he's
toxic and that happened to meand that's why X, y or Z.
But now when I look at it, I'mlike, oh my gosh, that
relationship taught me so much.
It taught me how to love myselfeven more.
It just taught me so manythings on so many levels, and so
(10:05):
that's why I love the way thatI coach my clients on breathwork
, written exposure therapy, evenhypnosis, visualization really
changing our subconscious beliefaround what happened, because
we can carry that stuff andthat's disease and that is just
like back pain and that istoxicity within our body.
(10:26):
To be honest, we want to talkabout toxicity, right, that
internal world, our poordetoxification organs, with all
the stress and all the traumaand all the stories that we
choose to tell of what happenedto us and why we're this way, in
a place of stuckness.
I feel like changing from toxicto teachers in our lives and
(10:48):
being able to literally writeout that story of like this is
what happened, and then makethat because matter, because
this happened to me.
Now here's how I've overcome it, how I'm going to make a bigger
ripple in the world, how I'mgoing to transcend some of the
hardness and bring more gifts tothe world.
(11:10):
And so I challenge you this weekto think about these people in
your life that you might havelabeled as toxic, and I think
honestly, like I said, I've hadsome incredible guests on my
podcast.
I've spent hours inconversation with people off the
microphone just talking aboutdeep pain, right, and the human
(11:31):
brain and body and spirit is soresilient.
You can have people that youwould consider, oh my gosh.
They have every right tobelieve that person was horrible
and disgusting and toxic and ohmy gosh.
But they're choosing loveinstead.
It is possible, and so Ichallenge you this week to think
(11:51):
about those people that you arelabeling as toxic, that you're
letting that toxic track play inyour mind, and figure out what
they taught you right?
What are you grateful for?
How could you not have becomewho you are today without them,
without that challenging moment?
And I want to hear from you.
So, if this episode resonateswith you, send me a DM on
(12:14):
Instagram @lifelikelundenL-I-F-E-L-I-K-E-L-U-N-D-E-N.
And this is our quick mindsetreset for today how to transform
toxic people into teachers.
Who comes to mind for you?
I know somebody is coming tomind for you.
Think about it, hang out inthis space, you know, pray about
(12:39):
it, meditate on it and share itwith me in the DMs.
I want to hear from you.
Have a beautiful day.
Thank you so much for listeningto this episode of Self Love
and Sweat, the Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode orwere inspired by it or something
(13:00):
resonated with you, do me afavor and share this episode
with a friend, someone that youthink might enjoy this episode
as well.
That's the ultimate complimentand the best way to make this
podcast ripple out into theworld of others, and also you
can leave us a review up to fivestars wherever you're listening
(13:22):
to the podcast.
Thank you so much for listeningand we'll see you at the next
episode.
I appreciate you.
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