December 22, 2024 • 13 mins
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Learn how to show up as your best self during the holidays, manage stress, and enjoy quality time with loved ones in this quick mindset reset episode. For best results, listen BEFORE you go to the family gathering ;) And if you've decided you're not going to the family thing this year -- good on ya. Sometimes that can be the best decision as well. All that and more in this quick episode.
Timestamps to help you navigate this episode...
0:00 Intro
0:24 FREE Self Love & Sweat MONTHLY Calendar
3:22 Owning Your Triggers
7:43 Choosing Peace Over Tradition
11:08 Responding Instead of Reacting
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http://lifelikelunden.com/vip
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LinkedIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lundensouza/
Twitter: @lifelikelunden
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Lunden Souza (00:00):
Welcome to Self Love and Sweat the podcast, the
place where you'll get inspiredto live your life
unapologetically, embrace yourperfect imperfections and do
what sets your soul on fire.
I'm your host, Lunden Souza.
Hey, before we jump into thisepisode, I just want to make
(00:27):
sure that you get all the freethings possible, if you haven't
already.
You need to get your self-loveand sweat free monthly life
coaching calendar.
Honestly, the way to experiencedeep change in your life is by
doing small little things overtime, and so that's what you'll
(00:48):
find in this free calendar.
You can get it by going tolifelikelunden calendar.
Get yours for free and let'sget into today's episode
Welcome back to the podcast.
Today we have another quickmindset reset.
This is the perfect quickepisode to listen to before we
(01:10):
go into the holidays and arearound our family, and I want to
share with you some helpfultools for communication and
showing up your best.
It has not always been rainbowsand butterflies in my family,
that's for sure.
And communicating, settingboundaries, showing up as your
(01:34):
best self.
Like I just have so many thingsin my mind that have happened,
and I'm sure that you do as well.
Sure that you do as well.
I recently posted a post in ourNABA community about having
tough conversations with peoplethat you love, and someone left
a comment there saying, yeah,this is especially helpful when
(01:57):
it comes to the holidays.
And she said like this is theperfect cheat sheet to have for
the holidays and this is aprevious episode.
I've done five tips for toughconversations with loved ones.
I'll link that in thedescription, but I want to
specifically talk about theholiday season, especially for
(02:18):
those of us that have been doingthe inner work, that have been
working on healing, that havebeen becoming more of the person
that we want to be.
Right, I heard a quotesomewhere.
Someone once said to me likejust when you think you found
your own, like just when youthink you found your inner peace
and your balance, go home, goto your family, go be around
(02:41):
people that have known you yourwhole life and see what happens.
Right, it's easy to be theperson that you know you want to
be when you're around thepeople that accept that, let's
say, and not saying that yourfamily won't accept the person
that you're becoming.
But, quite frankly, there's alot of history there and it can
ruffle a lot of feathers, and itcan ruffle a lot of feathers
(03:07):
and so, yeah, this is somethingto listen to before you go into
the holiday season with family.
This is something to listen towhen you're deciding if that's
something that you even want todo, right?
So the first and some of thesethe tips, let's say are points I
want to mention.
I've learned from guests on thepodcast, or I've learned through
good conversations with peoplethat are on their healing
(03:29):
journey, that are on the journeyof becoming even more of the
person that they want to be.
The first one was from MeganGallagher.
She was on the podcast and shesaid something which the concept
and the idea I'd heard before,but when she said it I was like,
oh yeah, that resonates.
(03:49):
And what she said is yourtriggers are your responsibility
.
Your triggers are yourresponsibility.
So when someone triggers you,it's not their job to change so
that they're not triggering you.
It's your job to adjust yourheart posture and adjust how you
respond.
Right, yes, things can betriggering, but it's not other
(04:13):
people's job to change so thatyou're not triggered.
It's not the world's job toaccommodate you so that you're
not triggered.
It's your job to examine yourtriggers and to ask yourself
what are they trying to teach me.
This is a lot of work that I dowith my clients one-on-one is
understanding your feelings andyour thoughts and your emotions,
(04:35):
understanding and unpacking alot of that ancestral stuff that
has led to these triggers.
Sometimes we are just sounconscious we're getting
triggered, triggered, triggered,triggered, triggered and we're
upset and frustrated and mad andtriggered and it's like, wait,
it's our job to unpack that.
So, going into the holidayswith my family, I always remind
(04:58):
myself like my triggers are myresponsibility.
I'm choosing to step into thatroom with these people and if
I'm triggered, that's somethingthat I need to work on.
And so a lot of mentalrehearsal and that's the second
point is ask yourself somethingthat might trip me up a person,
a relative, a situation, anenvironment throughout the
(05:19):
holidays that might trip me up,and how would my best self show
up that might trip me up and howwould my best self show up
right?
I've shared a lot about myrelationship with my grandfather
and how it.
You know there's a lot ofthings that he says where, or I
should say he's said in the pastthat I'm just like, what did
(05:39):
you just say to my face?
Like, excuse me?
And through unpacking a lot ofthat ancestral stuff.
I've really remedied what?
Yeah, I've really remedied thatsituation.
Right, I'll just say it likethat.
This is a quick mindset resetepisode.
We could talk for hours on thatthere.
But how would my best self showup?
(06:02):
What might trip me up?
Okay, well, my grandpa mightsay something rude and
disrespectful.
Historically, when I wasyounger and in my teenage years,
I would scream and yell back athim.
But that's not how my best selfwould show up.
I often say communication isabout connection, not about
convincing, and for the longesttime I always tried to convince
(06:25):
my relatives of the way that Iwas seeing things.
But it's like that's not goingto drive connection.
And I remember last Christmasmy grandpa sat next to me and
he's like you're just incredibleand amazing.
And I was like wait, what?
Like I never thought that Iwould ever hear that, right, but
if I kept expecting him to giveme something in order for me to
feel a certain type of way, I'mgoing to be waiting forever,
(06:48):
right?
But I got surprised and that'sgreat and that's exciting.
But just ask yourself, you knowwhat might trip me up and how
would my best self show up?
Right, close your eyes, imaginethe environment you're going to
be during the holidaysChristmas, christmas Eve,
whatever it is and mentallyrehearse how you're going to
show up, right, even if you'relike, okay, yeah, I know that
(07:09):
relative always wants tocomplain about this, this and
this, so I'm going to sit likeon the other side of the table,
I'm just going to be over here.
Or if a family member starts tocomplain or talk shit or
whatever, I'm just going to sitthere and breathe and just
listen and nod.
I'm not going to contribute tothat part of the conversation.
(07:31):
And then the last one is such areminder you don't have to go,
you don't have to be in asituation that you don't feel
loved, nurtured and supported in.
A lot of people love traditions.
I know that in my family, myItalian family, there's a lot of
tradition and I heard once,when I was in Scotland at a
(07:55):
retreat, one of the guys thatwas there.
He was like traditions areguilt trips from dead people and
I was like, oh, I resonate withthat.
And sometimes we think like, oh, I have to go with the flow,
because this is tradition andthis is what my family does and
this is, yeah, this is whatwe've always done.
And if I'm not there?
(08:15):
What will they think about meand all this guilt and shame
that comes up from not doing thething that you've always done?
But you don't have to putyourself in that room.
There's been times in my lifewhere I've gone through a lot of
struggles with my family andI've decided I'm not going, I'm
not going to Christmas, I'm notgoing to Thanksgiving, I'm not
going to Easter or whatever.
(08:36):
It is Right.
And was there feathers ruffledbecause of it?
Absolutely, but preserving mypeace was more important than
stepping into something for thesake of tradition, right?
So, yeah, it's just.
Yeah.
I just wanted to highlight thosepoints there and also think of
your word, the word thatdescribes how you want to show
(08:56):
up.
Is it love, is it kindness, isit nurturing, is it respectful,
is it understanding, is itloving towards myself?
And ask yourself what worddescribes how I want to be in
this family interaction for theholidays, and what does that
actually mean?
Like, what am I actually doing?
How am I actually moving?
(09:17):
You know what's my seatedposture?
You know what am I saying tofamily members when we engage in
conversation?
Right, I know that the holidaysare not always easy.
I also want to acknowledge thatthere's a lot of loss and hurt
and pain and sometimes theholidays can be a hard time to
(09:37):
face that and to just kind of bein a time that's air quotes,
supposed to be happy when youmight not be feeling happy and
jolly and joyful inside.
Right, full permission to feelall the feels and feel
everything that you want to feel.
But for those of us that aregoing home for the holidays or
going to be with family and it'sjust, yeah, one of those events
(10:02):
where you're like, okay, I cando this right and I can say too
of someone who's reallystruggled with communication
within family and all of thethings that when you continue to
show up and you continue tomanage your own triggers and you
continue to ask yourself, howwould my best self show up, and
(10:22):
you can continue to set healthyboundaries, it becomes easier,
right.
You get to get on the otherside of anger and frustration
and triggers and all the things.
And, yeah, I hope you guys havea beautiful holiday season.
I hope these tips help younavigate going into the family
(10:44):
vibe and sometimes we're doinggreat, everything's all good,
and then we go into thatsituation and it's just who's
this person that I used to be.
That's now coming out right,it's still part of you and we
just have to be reminded thatsome of those anchors can live
within that environment of beingaround our family or being in
the house that we grew up in, orgrandma's house or whatever.
(11:07):
Right, there can be anchorstied.
We go into a physical situation,we're around somebody and then
we have this emotional responsewhich is essentially just
memorized.
It's a chemical reaction.
Boom, this happens.
Here's how I feel right, andthat opportunity to go from
stimulus to reaction andactually choose.
Okay, how am I going to respond?
(11:27):
Let me stretch out that dominoeffect a little bit.
It's not just like this personsays this and boom, I react this
way.
How can I stretch it out, howcan I separate that domino
effect so that that person canbe around, that situation can
happen and I can feel adifferent way, which is why I
love the coaching that I do andmeditation and all the ways that
(11:49):
we get to get beyond ouremotions and get to get beyond
our triggers.
Get to get beyond our triggers.
So I hope this episode supportedyou.
Listen to this before you gointo the holiday party, the
holiday situation, especially ifyou feel like, oh, how is this
going to be?
I appreciate you guys listening.
It's been such an incrediblefourth year of the podcast.
(12:11):
I appreciate you guys so much.
Send me your reflections onthese episodes and we'll see you
at the next one.
Thank you so much for listeningto this episode of Self Love
and Sweat, the Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode orwere inspired by it or something
(12:32):
resonated with you, do me afavor and share this episode
with a friend, someone that youthink might enjoy this episode
as well.
That's the ultimate complimentand the best way to make this
podcast ripple out into theworld of others.
And also you can leave us areview up to five stars wherever
(12:54):
you're listening to the podcast.
Thank you so much for listeningand we'll see you at the next
episode.
I appreciate you.
Welcome to Self Love and Sweat the podcast, the
place where you'll get inspiredto live your life
unapologetically, embrace yourperfect imperfections and do
what sets your soul on fire.
I'm your host, Lunden Souza.
Hey, before we jump into thisepisode, I just want to make
(00:27):
sure that you get all the freethings possible, if you haven't
already.
You need to get your self-loveand sweat free monthly life
coaching calendar.
Honestly, the way to experiencedeep change in your life is by
doing small little things overtime, and so that's what you'll
(00:48):
find in this free calendar.
You can get it by going tolifelikelunden calendar.
Get yours for free and let'sget into today's episode
Welcome back to the podcast.
Today we have another quickmindset reset.
This is the perfect quickepisode to listen to before we
(01:10):
go into the holidays and arearound our family, and I want to
share with you some helpfultools for communication and
showing up your best.
It has not always been rainbowsand butterflies in my family,
that's for sure.
And communicating, settingboundaries, showing up as your
(01:34):
best self.
Like I just have so many thingsin my mind that have happened,
and I'm sure that you do as well.
Sure that you do as well.
I recently posted a post in ourNABA community about having
tough conversations with peoplethat you love, and someone left
a comment there saying, yeah,this is especially helpful when
(01:57):
it comes to the holidays.
And she said like this is theperfect cheat sheet to have for
the holidays and this is aprevious episode.
I've done five tips for toughconversations with loved ones.
I'll link that in thedescription, but I want to
specifically talk about theholiday season, especially for
(02:18):
those of us that have been doingthe inner work, that have been
working on healing, that havebeen becoming more of the person
that we want to be.
Right, I heard a quotesomewhere.
Someone once said to me likejust when you think you found
your own, like just when youthink you found your inner peace
and your balance, go home, goto your family, go be around
(02:41):
people that have known you yourwhole life and see what happens.
Right, it's easy to be theperson that you know you want to
be when you're around thepeople that accept that, let's
say, and not saying that yourfamily won't accept the person
that you're becoming.
But, quite frankly, there's alot of history there and it can
ruffle a lot of feathers, and itcan ruffle a lot of feathers
(03:07):
and so, yeah, this is somethingto listen to before you go into
the holiday season with family.
This is something to listen towhen you're deciding if that's
something that you even want todo, right?
So the first and some of thesethe tips, let's say are points I
want to mention.
I've learned from guests on thepodcast, or I've learned through
good conversations with peoplethat are on their healing
(03:29):
journey, that are on the journeyof becoming even more of the
person that they want to be.
The first one was from MeganGallagher.
She was on the podcast and shesaid something which the concept
and the idea I'd heard before,but when she said it I was like,
oh yeah, that resonates.
(03:49):
And what she said is yourtriggers are your responsibility
.
Your triggers are yourresponsibility.
So when someone triggers you,it's not their job to change so
that they're not triggering you.
It's your job to adjust yourheart posture and adjust how you
respond.
Right, yes, things can betriggering, but it's not other
(04:13):
people's job to change so thatyou're not triggered.
It's not the world's job toaccommodate you so that you're
not triggered.
It's your job to examine yourtriggers and to ask yourself
what are they trying to teach me.
This is a lot of work that I dowith my clients one-on-one is
understanding your feelings andyour thoughts and your emotions,
(04:35):
understanding and unpacking alot of that ancestral stuff that
has led to these triggers.
Sometimes we are just sounconscious we're getting
triggered, triggered, triggered,triggered, triggered and we're
upset and frustrated and mad andtriggered and it's like, wait,
it's our job to unpack that.
So, going into the holidayswith my family, I always remind
(04:58):
myself like my triggers are myresponsibility.
I'm choosing to step into thatroom with these people and if
I'm triggered, that's somethingthat I need to work on.
And so a lot of mentalrehearsal and that's the second
point is ask yourself somethingthat might trip me up a person,
a relative, a situation, anenvironment throughout the
(05:19):
holidays that might trip me up,and how would my best self show
up that might trip me up and howwould my best self show up
right?
I've shared a lot about myrelationship with my grandfather
and how it.
You know there's a lot ofthings that he says where, or I
should say he's said in the pastthat I'm just like, what did
(05:39):
you just say to my face?
Like, excuse me?
And through unpacking a lot ofthat ancestral stuff.
I've really remedied what?
Yeah, I've really remedied thatsituation.
Right, I'll just say it likethat.
This is a quick mindset resetepisode.
We could talk for hours on thatthere.
But how would my best self showup?
(06:02):
What might trip me up?
Okay, well, my grandpa mightsay something rude and
disrespectful.
Historically, when I wasyounger and in my teenage years,
I would scream and yell back athim.
But that's not how my best selfwould show up.
I often say communication isabout connection, not about
convincing, and for the longesttime I always tried to convince
(06:25):
my relatives of the way that Iwas seeing things.
But it's like that's not goingto drive connection.
And I remember last Christmasmy grandpa sat next to me and
he's like you're just incredibleand amazing.
And I was like wait, what?
Like I never thought that Iwould ever hear that, right, but
if I kept expecting him to giveme something in order for me to
feel a certain type of way, I'mgoing to be waiting forever,
(06:48):
right?
But I got surprised and that'sgreat and that's exciting.
But just ask yourself, you knowwhat might trip me up and how
would my best self show up?
Right, close your eyes, imaginethe environment you're going to
be during the holidaysChristmas, christmas Eve,
whatever it is and mentallyrehearse how you're going to
show up, right, even if you'relike, okay, yeah, I know that
(07:09):
relative always wants tocomplain about this, this and
this, so I'm going to sit likeon the other side of the table,
I'm just going to be over here.
Or if a family member starts tocomplain or talk shit or
whatever, I'm just going to sitthere and breathe and just
listen and nod.
I'm not going to contribute tothat part of the conversation.
(07:31):
And then the last one is such areminder you don't have to go,
you don't have to be in asituation that you don't feel
loved, nurtured and supported in.
A lot of people love traditions.
I know that in my family, myItalian family, there's a lot of
tradition and I heard once,when I was in Scotland at a
(07:55):
retreat, one of the guys thatwas there.
He was like traditions areguilt trips from dead people and
I was like, oh, I resonate withthat.
And sometimes we think like, oh, I have to go with the flow,
because this is tradition andthis is what my family does and
this is, yeah, this is whatwe've always done.
And if I'm not there?
(08:15):
What will they think about meand all this guilt and shame
that comes up from not doing thething that you've always done?
But you don't have to putyourself in that room.
There's been times in my lifewhere I've gone through a lot of
struggles with my family andI've decided I'm not going, I'm
not going to Christmas, I'm notgoing to Thanksgiving, I'm not
going to Easter or whatever.
(08:36):
It is Right.
And was there feathers ruffledbecause of it?
Absolutely, but preserving mypeace was more important than
stepping into something for thesake of tradition, right?
So, yeah, it's just.
Yeah.
I just wanted to highlight thosepoints there and also think of
your word, the word thatdescribes how you want to show
(08:56):
up.
Is it love, is it kindness, isit nurturing, is it respectful,
is it understanding, is itloving towards myself?
And ask yourself what worddescribes how I want to be in
this family interaction for theholidays, and what does that
actually mean?
Like, what am I actually doing?
How am I actually moving?
(09:17):
You know what's my seatedposture?
You know what am I saying tofamily members when we engage in
conversation?
Right, I know that the holidaysare not always easy.
I also want to acknowledge thatthere's a lot of loss and hurt
and pain and sometimes theholidays can be a hard time to
(09:37):
face that and to just kind of bein a time that's air quotes,
supposed to be happy when youmight not be feeling happy and
jolly and joyful inside.
Right, full permission to feelall the feels and feel
everything that you want to feel.
But for those of us that aregoing home for the holidays or
going to be with family and it'sjust, yeah, one of those events
(10:02):
where you're like, okay, I cando this right and I can say too
of someone who's reallystruggled with communication
within family and all of thethings that when you continue to
show up and you continue tomanage your own triggers and you
continue to ask yourself, howwould my best self show up, and
(10:22):
you can continue to set healthyboundaries, it becomes easier,
right.
You get to get on the otherside of anger and frustration
and triggers and all the things.
And, yeah, I hope you guys havea beautiful holiday season.
I hope these tips help younavigate going into the family
(10:44):
vibe and sometimes we're doinggreat, everything's all good,
and then we go into thatsituation and it's just who's
this person that I used to be.
That's now coming out right,it's still part of you and we
just have to be reminded thatsome of those anchors can live
within that environment of beingaround our family or being in
the house that we grew up in, orgrandma's house or whatever.
(11:07):
Right, there can be anchorstied.
We go into a physical situation,we're around somebody and then
we have this emotional responsewhich is essentially just
memorized.
It's a chemical reaction.
Boom, this happens.
Here's how I feel right, andthat opportunity to go from
stimulus to reaction andactually choose.
Okay, how am I going to respond?
(11:27):
Let me stretch out that dominoeffect a little bit.
It's not just like this personsays this and boom, I react this
way.
How can I stretch it out, howcan I separate that domino
effect so that that person canbe around, that situation can
happen and I can feel adifferent way, which is why I
love the coaching that I do andmeditation and all the ways that
(11:49):
we get to get beyond ouremotions and get to get beyond
our triggers.
Get to get beyond our triggers.
So I hope this episode supportedyou.
Listen to this before you gointo the holiday party, the
holiday situation, especially ifyou feel like, oh, how is this
going to be?
I appreciate you guys listening.
It's been such an incrediblefourth year of the podcast.
(12:11):
I appreciate you guys so much.
Send me your reflections onthese episodes and we'll see you
at the next one.
Thank you so much for listeningto this episode of Self Love
and Sweat, the Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode orwere inspired by it or something
(12:32):
resonated with you, do me afavor and share this episode
with a friend, someone that youthink might enjoy this episode
as well.
That's the ultimate complimentand the best way to make this
podcast ripple out into theworld of others.
And also you can leave us areview up to five stars wherever
(12:54):
you're listening to the podcast.
Thank you so much for listeningand we'll see you at the next
episode.
I appreciate you.
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