Self Love to Attract Love (Happy Valentine's Day) with Veronica Kelly

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Lunden Souza (00:00):
Welcome to Self Love and Sweat the podcast, the
place where you'll get inspiredto live your life
unapologetically, embrace yourperfect imperfections and do
what sets your soul on fire.
I'm your host, Lunden Souza.
Hey, before we jump into thisepisode, I just want to make

(00:27):
sure that you get all the freethings possible, if you haven't
already.
You need to get your self-loveand sweat free monthly life
coaching calendar.
Honestly, the way to experiencedeep change in your life is by
doing small little things overtime, and so that's what you'll

(00:48):
find in this free calendar.
You can get it by going tolifelikelunden calendar.
Get yours for free and let'sget into today's episode.
Happy today, welcome back to .
Happy Valentine's Day actuallythe time that we're posting this
episode.
It is Valentine's Day, theseason of love, and oftentimes

(01:12):
we think about loving ourromantic partner or having a
Valentine's Day date or allthose things.
But today we're going to talkabout self-love to attract love,
and we have Veronica Kelly backon the show.
So excited to have you back,babe.
Thanks for being here.
Oh, my gosh, thanks for beingmy Valentine.
I know I do.

(01:33):
I will, yes, be mine, but yeah,I'm excited about this topic.
Veronica and I were chattingjust personally, like we always
do.
We love to stay in touch andjust connect and vibe and all
the things we were chatting.
And then it was like, oh, let'sdo a Valentine's Day episode,
let's talk about what it reallymeans to find that deep

(01:59):
connection and love that wesometimes feel like we're
searching for all over the placeoutside of us, when really we
know it and want to talk abouthow it starts within.
And so I'm going to letVeronica she's been on the show
before we did an amazing episodeall on healing and EFT and
everything, so I'm going to linkthat in the description.
You guys definitely want to gocheck out that episode, but I'm

(02:21):
just going to let Veronicareintroduce herself a little bit
and talk about you know why?
Why do we have to go to ourselffirst if we want to find
someone?

Veronica Kelly (02:30):
right.
Yeah, I love that.
Thank you so much for having me, babe, and I'm so happy to
connect with all of thelisteners, all the viewers.
Thank you for tuning in.
Lunden podcast is one of myfavorites, so if you're here,
then you probably have the sameaffinity I have for her
beautiful heart and all that sheoffers to us and the tools and
the tips that you bring Lunden.

(02:52):
It's just such an honor to knowyou and be here with you.
I just love you, babe, same.
So uh, self-love to attractlove right?
It's crazy, because I went atthings the wrong way and, just
like so many of us, I was taughtthat we're complete when we're
with somebody else and that thatlove that we seek is going to

(03:14):
come to us via someone else,when in reality, we're never
going to be loved more deeplythan we love ourselves.
And one of my favorite quotesbecause I am a self-love and
freedom coach this is what I do,this is my life's work, and I
know that our relationship toourself reflects itself into our

(03:36):
relationship with everything.
And just knocking all these funquotes off the top, but one of
my favorite quotes that I teachwith my clients is you teach
others how to love you throughthe way that you choose to love
yourself, and so really honoringand giving yourself what it is

(03:58):
that you desire from otherscreates a safety in your nervous
system to experience the worldin that way, and so for me.
I used self-love to transformevery single area of my life and
it is so, so, so important,because if we're not satisfied
being by ourself and happy beingin a space where we are our own

(04:22):
company, it's very challengingto invite somebody else in, to
be in our company or to have theconfidence that they want to be
around us if we don't want tobe around ourselves.

Yeah, I love what you said.
If we are not enjoying ourcompany, then someone else is
not going to.

Yeah, and we don't feel confident to invite
someone in to enjoy our companyif we don't want to be in our
own company or we don't feelsafe in our own company, and
it's a really beautifulexperience to just slow that
down and be present with thatand excavate all of the needs
that are important to us andgive them to ourselves.

(05:02):
So, yeah, self-love andcompassion.
Coach, I absolutely love what Ido.
It lights me up inside to seepeople transform and to witness
once that change happens.
Frequency first, and then it togo into the 3D world and
witness miracles andopportunities and people show up

(05:23):
in a way that is unexpected andexciting.
It's just such an honor to getto walk people through this
journey and bring them back tothemselves.

Yeah, yeah, that self-love journey and I know we
talked so extensively about thatand what that specifically
looked like for you in your lifeon that previous episode.
So I definitely want toencourage the listeners to check
that out.
It's so gold.
But one of the things I thinkabout when it comes to self-love
and then, like you said, itstarts with ourselves first and

(05:56):
going within and lovingourselves as deeply as another
person can and all those things.
But I think of Disney movieswhere it's just like you have to
be pretty and passive and giveup your voice on the little
mermaid for love and all thisstuff is like, oh, especially
for women, right, you got tolook a certain way and be this

(06:19):
so that the ultimate goal is toattract your Prince Charming and
he's just going to show up andall these different stories that
we think are fun and we playthose movies for our kids.
But I think we don't reallyrealize how much that
programming does not serve us atall, actually, and it's not

(06:43):
about waiting for somebody elseto come in and love us enough so
that we can validate ourselves.
It's not that coming into us,it's the in coming out, right,
right, I believe that everybodyhas a choice and we get to
through.

The self-discovery is where we get
to discover what feels good tous and what feels safe to us,
and I believe that there'snothing wrong with that fantasy
of not wanting to work andwanting to have a powerful
husband and be able to stay athome with the kids and just mom
and let that be your life's work.

(07:19):
I think that that's a fantasticgoal that lights you up inside,
and coming from a place of thisis my needs.
This is what I desire.
I want nothing more than tohave a big, beautiful house with
kids, and that's my focus andthat is a beautiful goal to have
.
Other people are verydrastically different and choose
to have a career and choose tohave impact and not to say you

(07:43):
can't have one without the other.
But it's through theself-discovery and really
getting honest with what we wantand having the confidence to go
out and do that.
One of my best friends she's astay-at-home mom with three
children and her husband,Michael, is amazing and ever
since we were little, she's likeI just want babies and a
husband and I just want a houseand a family that lights me up

(08:06):
inside, and she's created thatfor herself and he is amazing
and they have such a storybooklove and she gets to choose that
because that's what she wants.
And there's other people that Inever played with, like baby
dolls.
I had like a microphone andworkout gear.

I was like getting shape girl and singing Karaoke,
music or karaoke machine I gotmy cordless mic and I just
thought I was same, nothing more.

To me was like just to play and to contribute
and to have fun and work out andsing, and that was to me.
You give me a baby doll and Iwas like, nah, I'm good.
I knew from a very young agethat that wasn't a passion for
mine.
Now I love my God, kids, I lovemy family and I've always
actually given back and workedwith children.
I've done youth.

(08:53):
I used to lead youth groups incollege.
I used to work at a nonprofitin LA, teaching, acting to kids
and improv to kids which soundslike impossible task, but it's
awesome.
Kids are so good at improv andI've always given back and
worked with kids.
So I love contributing tochildren.
But personally I have a.

(09:17):
I like freedom.
I want to just be with mypartner and just enjoy the world
and then, if a, if family,comes, then that's okay.
But that's not something thatwe were taught when we were
little, especially those of usthat are 30 and above.
We had a different upbringingwhere it was very dependent on
find the husband, do the thing,be submissive.
And what a blessing it is thatwe are in a society right now,
in 2025, where we can 100% makethat choice for us to go against

(09:42):
what our ancestors have doneand our mothers and grandmothers
and great grandmothers and soon and forth.
They didn't have that choicefor us to go against what our
ancestors have done and ourmothers and grandmothers and
great grandmothers and so on andforth.
They didn't have that choice.
And the fact that we have thatright now to make the choice
what do I want, what feels goodto me, what do I want my life to
look like and how can I alignwith the love that flows, with
what I desire and that's amazing, especially as women, to have

(10:06):
that choice.

And what an honor.
That is right, yeah, yeah,great time to be alive as women,
like you said, to have thatchoice.
I think Lindsay postedsomething one time on Instagram,
one of our mutual friends she'sbeen on the podcast too of like
your ancestors, before you didnot have that choice.
They needed to make you know X,y or Z choices for survival and

(10:28):
all these things.
And now we are the first in ourfamily line that can decide to
you know, bob and weave a littlebit and do something different.
I remember when I was living inAustria and I was dating this
guy named Joe and he was thefirst guy I dated when I first
moved to Austria and I rememberwhen we broke up, my parents

(10:54):
loved him he's a great guy,right but we were just not for
each other.
And my mom was like, so worriedand she's like but Lunden,
you're never going to findsomeone that loves you as much
as Joe.
And I was like okay, well, Ilove me and I don't care.
And I was very whippy in myresponse, whatever, but I just
remember that.
And so when you say thatprogramming for people that are

(11:15):
30 or older, it's like, yeah, nofault to my mom, Love her.
She's amazing, but I justremember she like said that, and
you know, I do know, you know,with self-love and to attract
love, you know, um, we don'tjust say I love me and then we,
I love me and we're good, right,it's like there's this bridge
that we get to build inself-love, right, and you and I

(11:37):
work with a lot of people.
We know that at the root there'sa lot of unworthiness and not
good enough and a lot of thatstuff that you know prevents us
from really stepping into whatself-love is, and I know it's so
much more than just looking inthe mirror.
I mean, that's greataffirmations, you know, you know
, for yourself, but like forsomebody who's listening today
that like, yeah, hasn't reallyembarked a ton on this self-love

(12:01):
journey, or they want to.
Where do we start and what doesthat do in terms of that
magnetic effect to draw more ofour truest self and also our
partner?
That aligns with that.

Absolutely.
And again, just going back tothat conversation, that quote
that I teach and live by is thatyou teach others to love you
through the way that you loveyourself.
And just to give a littlesnippet of my journey with love
romantic love as well asself-love and how it tends to

(12:35):
work with our subconscious.
And when we are really young,from the ages of zero to six,
our brains are in thetabrainwave state and that's how
we pick up the cues on what issafe and how to operate in the
world so that we stay alive.
We stay in the tribe, we'recared for and we have the best
experience that our littlebrains can create for us.
And so during those early yearsis where we form our opinions

(12:58):
about ourself and how to operatein the world.
And so when we have trauma orand I'm not necessarily going to
say negative, because thesubconscious mind doesn't
understand positive or negative,it just understands repetition
and strong emotion, yep.
So when we get cues from ourfamily that you deserve love,
it's safe to love.

(13:19):
You are worthy, everybody lovesyou and no matter what you do,
even if you make a big mistake,I still love you and you get
those cues and that's what youreinforce and that's what you go
in the world and create.
However, if any type ofopposite of that comes into your
, your life as a young one,without intending to it, creates

(13:40):
your opinion about yourself.
So for me, my parents were veryyoung and they were not fit to
raise a toddler and there was alot of abandonment and neglect.
And my grandparents stepped inthankfully and adopted me, but
you could not explain to threefour-year-old Veronica why mom
and dad don't want her anymore.
And even though I had a lovinghome with my grandparents and

(14:04):
even though I had a loving homewith my grandparents, I still
had this very broken heart thatI missed my mom.
I missed my parents so much andI truly took it on that it was
my fault.
Now, the thing about thesubconscious mind is you don't?
This is not a conscious pattern, and for me, I was dating the
same person on repeat, selfish,addicted, unavailable and it

(14:28):
wasn't until I was literally inmy early thirties that I
actually was like, okay, and Iwas this whole story is on our
last podcast but I finally gotto a place where I was like,
wait a minute, I've never had aserious relationship.
I'm on my thirties, like I'm.
I think I'm fine looking.
I'm pretty nice to berelationship.
I'm in my thirties, like I'm Ithink I'm fine looking.

(14:52):
I'm pretty nice to be around,I'm funny Girl.
Yes, there's no, why am I notable to have any type of person
commit to me?
And so I stopped and was likeall right, so I'm going to take
some responsibility for this.
And I started to do the workand I learned through therapy
that I have a program in my mindthat says I'm unlovable, that
I'm unworthy, that if my parentsdon't love me, who else is
going to?
And so, in order to protect myheart from being broken again,

(15:13):
when my parents left, mysubconscious put a wall around
me and said if nobody gets closeenough to love her, then she'll
never have her heart brokenagain.
And so I had to do a lot ofwork around just feeling safe to
have my heart broken again andnot saying I'm inviting
heartbreak in.
But I needed to know and createthis container that I've got my

(15:35):
own back, that I am worthy.
It was through EFT and I reallyjust dismantled that A lot of
forgiveness, a lot of adultmaturity in how I looked at my
childhood, reframing it, seeingit, for my parents were very
young and they did their best.
It's not my fault.
Everybody tried the best thatthey could and it just was what

(15:59):
it was.
And so having that forgivenessand taking it from being there's
something wrong with me, I'mnot safe and changing it into no
, there's nothing wrong with me.
I am safe because I'm an adultand I choose safety for myself
and I choose to only bringpeople in that will treat me

(16:20):
with respect.
And when I made that shift andit was with EFT, I did a lot of
work clearing those old programsand bringing in the new that my
subconscious mind caught onboard and was like, yeah, let's
try this on, let's try this on.
What does it feel like to besafe and opening up and letting
somebody love me?
And that is when within I swearit was like six months of me

(16:44):
really getting into EFT that Ihad my first committed
relationship.
He was my starter relationship.
God bless Pablo.

And then we talked about Pablo.
On the last one, pablo, we loveyou.

And then I stepped into my soul-changing my
, the man I was going to marry,and again he's not the one for
me.
But I will never take, takeback those life lessons and that
experience I had from our fiveyears together.
And so I share that, becausethe tools of reprogramming your

(17:18):
mind and your safety thresholdare accessible to every single
person when you commit to it.
But you need to commit to itand that takes, you know, hiring
a coach to help hold your hand,the accountability, having
somebody hold a mirror up thatlooks different than what you
see, and like you're an expertin changing that language,

(17:39):
changing the pattern in whichyou speak about this possibility
and letting it be really,really fun.
So it is something you canabsolutely change, but you have
to commit that.
You are the cause of therelationships you're being
handed.
So change your relationshipwith yourself and your
relationships will change everytime.

That reminds me of what Aubrey says.
Aubrey, she's on her way hereright now, by the way, she's
going to be here like at fiveo'clock.
She's driving from, I think,arizona to or maybe California
to be here.
But she says if you got anissue, issue.
And it makes me laugh.
And yeah, like you said, havefun with it, play with it.
Right, don't hit yourself overthe head with a hammer.

(18:22):
It's just like it's kind offunny.
You got to issue issue and goingback to that drawing board of
like, okay, what is my role inthis?
That I'm attracting, like yousaid, seeing those patterns,
right, it's hard to see thewater when you're the fish.
That's why coaching and all ofwhat we do is so powerful, not
because you and I have gottenall the things together, it's

(18:49):
because we're good at supportingand holding that space.
Like you said, for that mirrorthat shows a different
reflection than you might beused to seeing.
Because as soon as you're ableto make that shift, then you can
have that moment where you said, okay, let me try it on, let me
change that story.
It feels kind of like what yousaid with improv and the kids
and that method acting.
It's like at first.
It's not the programming of whoyou are yet, but if you want to
, then you know, become theperson that you know loves and

(19:12):
attracts through self-love.
We got to try it on.

And it might and get safe with it and starting
to get safe.
And that's what that's why theplay is so fun when we are
changing our mindset.
Because we're computers you canput a program in and you can
take a program out, and it justtakes that commitment and
willingness and that desire tochange the program.
And when you have thatcommitment and willingness, the

(19:38):
more you can just get fun aboutit and, of course, feel the
feelings.
That is so important.
In order to heal, we have tofeel, and that's a big part of
it.
But through feeling thefeelings, whatever it is that
has caused you to have thisheart wall or protection or

(20:00):
whatever's keeping you away fromexperiencing the love with the
other, there is a wound thereand you get to feel that.
And every time we feel a woundthat we were once afraid of, it
builds faith in ourself that Igot this.
I can feel the feelings andit's interesting.
I just actually I have anarticle out right now Simple

(20:21):
plug for our friend's magazinemagazine best holistic best
holistic life magazine.
Yeah, that's it Best holisticlife magazine.
Um, I just published an articlethat is about self-love and one
of the biggest lessons that Ilearned through my relationship
that did fall apart.
It did once.

(20:42):
The last year, we really grewapart and it was very apparent
that building a life togetherwas not going to be the best
choice for us.
And unfortunately, I was withsomebody that was very hard, had
a very hard time communicating,and so he really gaslit me on a
lot of stuff and told me what Iwanted to hear.

(21:03):
When my intuition knew that itwasn't right.
I could feel it wasn't rightanymore and we were stuck in
pandemic together in like asmall apartment.
I couldn't work my yoga jobsand all the jobs I was doing I
couldn't do.
In Los Angeles it was,everything was shut down, and so
we really were just kind ofstuck together and he lied a lot

(21:25):
to my face and I don't doubtthat he loves me, loved me very,
very deeply, but I knew thatwasn't going in the right
direction and he failed to havethe hard conversations and so
when we did split, it was verymuch a jar to me, even though I
knew subconsciously and in myintuition it wasn't right.
He literally told me to my faceover and over again up until a

(21:47):
week before we split, that no,you're crazy, I do love you.
I think we have a future.
We're going to work this out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,yeah.
So when we did split, it was ajar to my nervous system, and
what I'm realizing and this is alot that's in the article I

(22:12):
invite everybody to go read isthat the biggest thing that my
heart wall and my self-defensemechanisms were keeping me away
from was experiencing heartbreakagain, and I had fucking
heartbreak.
It broke me down.
I was on my knees many, many,many, many, many days and nights
after we split, and what I'velearned now on the other side of
that is I can handle it if myheart gets slammed and most of

(22:35):
my life, my defense mechanismskept me from knowing that truth
because it wouldn't let meexperience it.
So I had the love.
I experienced the glory of whatit is to be in a committed,
wholehearted, unconditional love, and I wouldn't trade it for
the world.
And I learned that, even if Ido get taken to my knees, I got

(22:56):
this, yeah, and that's a wholeother level of being an adult,
being a woman, being a personwho loves.
That's a rite of passage, and Idon't take it lightly that.
I know I have the skills tomove through that, which is huge
, yeah, so huge.

It reminds me of, yeah, I dated this guy named
Jade and he had two, or actuallyhas a lot of nieces and nephews
, but one of them in particular.
I remember we were eithertalking about it and, yeah, like
his nephew asked him.
You know, hey, jade, if therewas one thing that you wish
would happen to me that's goingto just help me moving forward

(23:35):
in life, right, like, what wouldyou wish for me?
And Jade's response was thatyou get your heart broken, like
I want you to get your heart.
I want you to go through thatfirst heartbreak.
You know, not that it's great,but how necessary it is, right,
like you said, it brings you toyour knees and you got to got
you and that's like theself-love, right, it's like I

(23:56):
got me.
I don't need anybody else toget me.
You know, in order to have andattract the love and all of that
, you have to have both.
You get to have the moment onyour knees and agony and the
love that you get to attract andbring in.
But that's what it reminded meof and I thought that was
interesting.
It wasn't like, oh, I wish you.
I don't know, you sometimeswish the pain away from your

(24:18):
nieces or nephews or littlesthat you love and that they
don't have to go through theroadblocks and stuck points.
But then, when he said that, Iwas like, oh yeah, you're right,
actually we shouldn't avoidthat.
Heartbreak probably is one ofthe biggest teachers, and I can
think about that in my life too.
Crazy For sure.

One of my favorite quotes that really
helped me when I did go throughthis breakup was by Gwendolyn
Doyle from the book Untamed.
And it's so simple this is hard, but we can do hard things.
And I said that to myself onrepeat.
I would just be like on a hike,like crying.

(25:00):
I'm like this is hard, but wecan do hard things.
And I don't mean the hike, Imean the tears that were falling
from my face.

Yeah, and that's a really good one.
Emotional hard for sure.

For sure.
And once we have thatexperience, then the fear
doesn't have as much hold of usanymore, the fear of being X, y
and Z.
When we know that we can breakthrough it, it loses its grip.
And when we can move intorelationships from a place of
excitement and possibility asopposed to necessity and fear,

(25:36):
that's when magic can appear andyou can build something really
really special.
So good.

I know that.

Oh yeah, go ahead, go ahead.
Oh, this is the thing.
And as we're just kind ofspeaking about ways to create
this for yourself, one of myfavorite exercises I love is to
get your journal write down fiveof your needs.
So what are your needs in arelationship?

(26:03):
So, honesty, adoration, x, y orZ?
Fill in the blank, whateveryour five needs that you desire
from a partner.

Yeah, desire to have them to have the tough
conversations.

integrity yes, and for me it's a spiritual
connection.
I found that was a hard thingwith my last relationship and
I'm so spiritual it is like thefoundation of everything I do
and he wasn't, and I didn'trealize how important that is to
have a partner that walks thatpath with me until I was with a

(26:40):
partner who wouldn't walk thepath with me.
So find what those needs areand then commit to giving them
to yourself and really allowingokay, I am going to give myself
compliments.
So if you want to be adored,like for me, I love words of
affirmations that's a big one ofmy love languages so give them

(27:02):
to yourself, like I.
This is so random, I don't knowwhy.
I just thought about this whenI was in my 20s.
I had this habit when I wouldgo out and I don't know where it
came from, but it was I wouldlook at myself in the mirror
when I was all dressed up andI'd be like good enough and walk
out.
That was like my.
I don't know where that camefrom.
I don't know what it was.
Maybe it was just telling mestop messing with stuff and get

(27:24):
out, you're fine.
But once I really got a hold ofmy creative languaging and how
I was talking to myself.
I was like whoa, whoa, whoa,good enough.
Is that the energy you want totake out into the world when
you're looking for a partner?
No, you look great, kid, likechanging that conversation.
And so if one of your needs is,you know, security, then how

(27:46):
can you create that for yourself?
Maybe you're going to put 15%of your income in savings
instead of 10%.
How can you create yoursecurity in yourself and the
more that we can feel confidentgiving ourselves our needs, then
that creates an actualenergetic bubble that creates

(28:08):
the only way that someone isgoing to be able to be attracted
into your field is if theyresonate with what those needs
are and are willing to be inharmony with those needs.
Because you've already set itup, this is how I treat myself,
so that's how everybody elsethat comes into my space I
expect for them to treat me.

Yes, so good, that list, making the list of your
needs and then giving them toyourself.
First, people are used tomaking the list of what they
want their partner to be, whatcolor hair, all this whole list
and, yeah, I like the idea oftaking it out of, like the
physical characteristics, goinginto that what's you know really

(28:49):
on the inside, and then youhave to, like you said, vibrate
there.
You have to be there at thataddress for somebody to meet you
at that address.
It makes me think of security.
For me, that was an unconsciouspattern, right, always looking
for a guy to take care of me.
Every guy that I've dated just,yeah, move in with them, they
take care of me.

(29:09):
I still run my businesses,don't have to have a care in the
world, whatever.
That was kind of my repeat.
But then over the last year anda half being here in Utah, just
reestablishing myself, crushingit and all, I just feel so good
and that's been the safety andsecurity that I needed to create
for myself.
And I will say that, while it'sbeen beautiful and incredible,

(29:32):
it has not been easy, right,when you find that safety and
it's like that's opportunity fora lot of stuff to come up.
Like you said, those, thosestories of I'm not worthy to be
loved because of what happenedwhen I was younger.
Right, it's really hard tounpack and rewrite those stories
when we're in fight or flightand so when we're able to land
and feel safe and good andsecure, um, it's a really great.

(29:54):
Um, yeah, opportunity for otherthings to work through, to come
up so that you can Attract evenmore of that.
Um, I love the idea of writingthe list.
I know we're going to do someeft too, but what would be some
other like self-love practicesfor those listening?
You know, I know exercise forme is now a huge self-love
practice, because I don't do itanymore, because I feel like I'm

(30:17):
not going to be in shape if Idon't, or my body's not going to
look a certain type of way.
I do it because I'm like, oh,this allows me to just love and
give and be the vessel that canserve with excellence and for me
, that's so loving.
I love to do that.
What are some other things forself-love for those listening?

Yeah, so, I'm a big fan of saying no, no.
Setting boundaries is like theultimate testament of self-love
and just having safety andcreating a boundary and giving
yourself an opportunity tochoose yourself.
And when you learn to chooseyourself, then it promotes other

(31:00):
people choosing your boundariesand your safety.
Safety is a huge one to me.
I need to feel safe.
My safety is valued by mypartner and that, for me, is
wellness.
It's if you have more than onedrink at dinner, you're not
driving us home.

(31:20):
It's like just I want to knowthat my partner values my safety
and my health and my wellness.
That's very important to mebecause I do, and so I didn't
used to value my safety, myhealth and my wellness.
I was doing I did drugs, Idrank, I partied.
I was a mess.
When I was in my twenties I didnot value myself and my safety.
I did drugs, I drank, I partied.
I was a mess.
When I was in my 20s I did notvalue myself and my safety.

(31:42):
I put myself in a lot ofsituations and that weren't the
most healthy for me.
And so now, when I chose to makemy safety and my health and my
wellness a really big priorityfor me, now it's expected that
my partners prioritize that aswell.
So setting boundaries thatalign with your values and even

(32:03):
in small ways, like you know, ifyour friend wants to go see a
movie that you think might notfeel good to your nervous system
, I don't like horror films andI just don't like to be inside
of a theater with a scary movieon films, and I just don't like
to be inside of a theater with ascary movie on and having the
courage to say you know, hey,so-and-so, I would love to hang

(32:24):
out with you tonight, but thismovie doesn't feel good to me
Are you open to a differentmovie or are you open to a
dinner instead?
And just having thoseconversations where you're
really choosing your values in aloving way is a huge way to
start to set up the safety tohave those conversations when
you're really choosing yourvalues in a loving way is a huge
way to start to set up thesafety to have those
conversations when you're inyour relationships and so that's

(32:45):
a really good one is working onyour non-negotiables and your
boundaries and sticking to themin ways that are safe, like with
friends or with colleagues, andpracticing that so that when
you step into it with yourpartner, another really great
rule of thumb when it comes tocreating the love that you

(33:06):
desire is your language.
So the reason that in myexperience, that affirmations
may not work is because oursubconscious mind's not on board
.
So you can say something allday and night and if you, your
subconscious mind, disagrees,it's never going to take.

(33:27):
There will be a tug of war anda waste of energy happening
between the convincing and thelack of trust Exactly.
And so adding in some fillerwords, which are like gateway
words, if you will like I'mwilling to feel safe in a
romantic partnership, I'm opento being treated with respect, I

(33:53):
am available to meeting myhusband in a way that feels easy
and fun.
I allow the universe tosurprise me with love in a way I
never knew possible.
And so, having willing,allowing, available, if you add
those into your subconsciousmind, it leaves the door open

(34:16):
for possibility and there's nota fight because your
subconscious mind it leaves thedoor open for possibility and
there's not a fight because yoursubconscious mind's like okay,
yeah, we are not in a romanticrelationship, but I am willing,
I'm willing.
And then your subconscious mindstarts to get on board and
you're like I am willing, allright, hmm, what would that look
like for me?
And then coming into a place ofplay Hmm, what would that look
like for me?
And then coming into a place ofplay, going through the motions

(34:39):
, having those fantasies.
People say fantasies are bad,but I don't think so.
I believe, like Einstein does,that everything was created in
the imagination first.
Dr Wayne Dyer says that I willsee it when I believe it.
Not, I'll believe it when I seeit.
I'll see it in my reality whenI believe that it's possible.

(34:59):
And the way to help to get yoursubconscious mind on board with
that is being willing, beingopen, being available, or like
Jana's shorts new book, yetsaying I haven't found love yet,
and just that word yet justleaves a little door in that
subconscious mind for you topeek into and then maybe start

(35:21):
to walk through when it becomesan alignment choice.

Yep, you got to make it believable.
I love the show.
I actually love it.
It's the Queer Eye show.
Oh, my God, I love Queer, eyeObsessed, right.
But there was one episode whereKaramo, yeah, karamo, we love
Karamo.
Jonathan was in the mirror withone of their guests who gets to

(35:46):
get all.
I secretly wish it to be on theshow.
I want them just to come andlove on me.
But he was in the mirror withher and saying like, oh, I love
me, I think I'm beautiful.
And she's sitting there sayingit in the mirror with this wonky
face.
You can tell she doesn'tbelieve it.
She looks at him and she's likebut I don't believe that.
And he's like it's okay, justsay it.
And so I made a reel about this.

(36:08):
I was like okay, this is goodand we can do better.
Right, these filler words,these bridge words?

right, adding in yet or I'm willing, available
for working on being okay withyou know, excited to invite in
all of that, and also stoppingwhen you have that resistance
and go, wow, okay, let's diveinto that.
And taking a moment and askingin your journal why don't I

(36:37):
believe that?
What do I believe?
Okay, Whose voice is that?
Is that my voice or is thatsomeone else's voice?
Okay, Can I forgive this?
And I'm such a big proponent ofhiring a coach, a therapist, a
getting somebody that can helpyou walk you through this,
because our ego mind wants tokeep us there.

(36:58):
You know, and, as you were justsaying, those willing like we
were just talking about thosewords help you open the door.
But having a trained person whocan see you on the other side
of the door, be like come on,come on, come on, let's come
over here, it really helps youto dive into that.
Because once, if we never, ifwe don't give the opportunity to
find out what the resistance is, we can't move past it.

Yep, yep, we can't run away from it.
I had the pleasure last year ofbeing a part of Veronica's
Breaking Free right.
Is that the correct title?

Finally, Breaking Free.

Finally Breaking Free a free event week long.
She provides so much value.
Oh my gosh, it's like a fullseries of incredible information
and coaching from Veronica.
She brings in special guests.
I was one of them last year, sowas Aubrey.
We got to be together and Iknow that you're doing this

(37:57):
again.
So I want to talk about thisand what you're doing, and then
I want us to do a little bit ofEFT so that you guys can get a
taste of what that is and howamazing and transformative it is
for our nervous system.
And then, for those of youlistening, we would love to
invite you to join in on thisfinally breaking free event that
Veronica is doing in March.

(38:18):
So you'll find the links in thedescription, all of that.
But tell us a little bit moreabout what we can get excited
about for this event.
And then let's tap a little bitas we kind of land the plane
and wish everyone a happyValentine's Day.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and it is called
obviously Finally Breaking Free.
We're going to do six days andit's going to be March 3rd and
going through the followingMonday, and what's really
exciting is that it is going tobe a massively transformative

(38:55):
event.
The people who attended lastyear had massive transformations
I'm excited to share.
I'm going to bring a massivelytransformative event.
The people who attended lastyear had massive transformations
I'm excited to share.
I'm going to bring a guest into share her experience because
she changed just in that week.
She created so much change inher life.
I was so proud of her.
And we meet every day on Zoom.
I give wisdom teachings, we tap, we speak, we connect and then

(39:15):
in the evening I have myspeakers, which you are going to
be one of, because I love youand I appreciate your wisdom.
I'm so happy you're going to behere.
And in the evening, people getto have an experience, taste
other magic of different waysthat they might resonate with.
For healing, we have quantumhealing.
I've got somatic healing, nlphealing, eft experts.
There's going to be languageexperts yourself.

(39:37):
We're going to have differentpeople in so everybody can get
this experience of what it feelslike to try different
modalities in their bodies andfind the one that fits and I
love Try it on.
Yeah, try it on, and thenfinally breaking free is by the
end of this experience.
If you commit to it, you willhave a massive shift.

(39:59):
Emotional freedom techniquewill change your nervous system
in five days, if you commit, andthen I'll have an opportunity
for people to buy the recordingstoo.
So if they want to keep them intheir toolbox, they're more
than welcome to, and it's goingto be great.
You can register atfinallybreakingfreecom as well
as on my Instagram.
Register atfinallybreakingfreecom as well

(40:22):
as on my Instagram.
There is a link tree that willtake you to the most updated
information on everything aswell.
So you can register via myInstagram or on
finallybreakingfreecom, and Iknow that you're going to post
all those links in the notes.
Yeah, but it's a huge, it'sgoing to be great.
So if you really want to createthat self-love and connect with
yourself to attract the love, Igot you.

Yeah, you do got us.
It's a great experience.
I got to be a part, yeah, of alittle nugget of it, but I know
that it was incrediblytransformative for everybody
that joined.
I mean, it was incrediblytransformative for me just being
able to be there and witnessyou do your thing and see all
those women that showed up tothe container that you created.

(41:04):
And, yeah, like you said, itwill change if you commit to it.
Right, it will.
But you got to show up and putin the repetitions and it's fun
to put in the repetitionstogether and I feel like when we
do that all together and inthat space, um, it's, it's
fantastic.
So, yeah, and for everyonelistening, I'll put those links
there for sure Finally breakingfreecom, um, so that you can

(41:26):
join us and be a part of that inMarch.

Yeah, I'm so excited, and thanks for the plug
.

Oh, okay, let's tap a little bit.
Yeah, a little self-loveValentine's day, if you guys
know what tapping is.
Or EFT, awesome.
If you don't, all good right,we're going to start where you
are, yeah.

So the basics of tapping is you really can't get
it wrong.
So as long as you are followingalong and loving and accepting
yourself right where you are,you can't get it wrong.
So we're going to go throughsome tapping points and we're
going to just chat withourselves.
And what I love about EFT isit's based in self-acceptance,

(42:03):
compassion and forgiveness, andthe more that you can hold a
compassionate willingness to bewith the parts that are wounded
and bring them up and sit themat the table and feed them with
love and compassion.
That is when the healinghappens, and having the courage
and the willingness to be withwhat is is paramount.

(42:25):
And so the first couple roundsof EFT we just let that be.
We'll let that be what it is,create the safety and the
willingness, and then we'llcreate a conversation to move
what you want to let go of.
And then we'll close it outwith just being in the state of
anything's possible and we'llbring in some really positive

(42:47):
affirmations and plug them in.
So EFT is an actual studiedmethod of which you recreate
neurological pathways inside ofyour system, and one thing I
want to talk about briefly isthat one of my favorite things
is that it gets out of your headand gets it into your heart,

(43:09):
because we can know somethingall day and night, but until we
believe it to be true in ourheart center, it doesn't change
our field.
And if we don't change ourfield, we don't change our
reality.
And one thing that I love aswell that science has backed up
now is that and I think I'vegiven you this data before, but

(43:29):
do you know how?
So, with the electromagneticmapping devices, when they take
a scan of your field, do youknow how much stronger the pulse
of electricity coming from yourmind is versus how much
stronger the one coming fromyour heart is?
Do you know how much strongerthe electromagnetic pulse is
beaming from your heart isversus the one beaming from your

(43:50):
head?

I'm going to guess like 10 times.

If you don't do any exercise and you're just
walking around your day-to-daylife, it's around 70 times more
strong.
If you do work on your heart,do heart coherence and connect
with your heart more, it's up to100 to 130 times stronger than
the pulse from your brain.

Yeah, Isn't that wild?
Out of our head and into ourheart, let's go.

Exactly, and that is literally what is
creating the energy around yourbody that is literally
connecting people, place andthings to you.
So just like to drop that inthe bucket of.
One of the main positive thingsabout EFT is we get out of our
head and into our heart and intoour bodies.
Cool, All right.
Lunden, what do you want to tapon specifically?

Well, I think that , yeah, self-love, and let's say
, like exactly what the topic isright Self-love that attracts
your ultimate yeah, partner,right.
And I also want to note tooright, sometimes people are
already in relationships.
Remember, we change andtransform and we're growing, so
it's like, even if you are in arelationship, becoming more of

(45:04):
the person that you want to bealongside that partner and
attracting that again is sobeautiful.
So, whether that's the stateyou want to attract from, or
you're single and not in arelationship and wanting to
attract a partner for your ofyou know, a partner for your
highest good, let's do that.

Great, all right .
So we're going to start on thekarate chop point, so just start
to take some deep inhales andexhales.

So we're tapping for those listening on the
outside of our palm, that pinkyline below.

Yeah, okay, like you're about to judo, chop
somebody right there.
Take a big breath in, eventhough I desire more self-love.

Even though I desire more self-love, I accept
myself exactly where I am.

I accept myself exactly where I am, even though
I may not fully feel safeaccepting my own love.

Even though I might not fully feel safe
accepting my own love.

I love accept and forgive myself.
I love accept and forgivemyself Even though I desire to
shift my relationship withmyself.

Even though I desire to shift my relationship
with myself.

I, love and accept myself right where I am.
I love and accept myself rightwhere I am, coming to the
eyebrow points where youreyebrow meets the nose.
Take a big breath in, eventhough I've been living my life
this way for a long time eventhough I've been living my life

(46:42):
this way for a long time outsideof the eye and even though I've
gotten comfortable exactlywhere I am, and even though I've
gotten comfortable exactlywhere I am under the eye and
even though I may not haveprioritized my needs and my
desires before, and even thoughI may not have prioritized my
needs and my desires before andeven though I may not have
prioritized my needs and desiresbefore, the nose.

(47:06):
I love and accept myself anyways.
I love and accept myselfanyways.
Big breath in, big breath outthe chin, Even though I may have
picked up other people'sopinions about how love should
look.

Even though I may have picked up others' opinions
on how love should look.

Even though I may have been programmed by
Disney movies as a little kid,disney movies as a little kid,
Even if I've been programmed byDisney movies as a little kid.
I'm open to choosing my versionof love.

I'm open to choosing my version of love.

The chest, big breath in and even though and I
invite everybody to insert herewhat it is that you've been
doing so even though I put otherneeds ahead of mine, even
though I keep myself isolated,even though I don't feel safe,
even though, just, whatever thatis for you, just name it, you
know, hmm.

Even though sometimes I feel a little
nervous to fully express my trueself in relationship.

That's okay.
I love and forgive myself.
That's okay.
I love and forgive myself.
I totally forgive myself foroperating this way.
I totally forgive myself foroperating this way.
I totally forgive myself forabandoning myself.

I totally forgive myself for abandoning myself,
big breath in.
I totally forgive myself forabandoning myself.

Big breath in the side of the ribs.
What if I was to let thatchange?

What if I was to let that change?
What if I was to make adifferent choice?
What if I was to make adifferent choice?
That would feel pretty cool,that would feel pretty cool.

That would feel pretty cool.
Am I safe enough, though?
Am I safe enough though?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Big breath in Top of the head.
I am open to prioritizing myneeds and my authentic self.

I am open to prioritizing my needs and my
authentic self.

Eyebrow points Big breath in I'm safe, I am
safe, I'm safe sitting withwhatever is blocking me.

I am safe sitting with whatever is blocking me.
I am safe letting it go too.

Outside of the I , I allow myself to soften into
possibility.
I love and accept myself as Ifigure out what that looks like
for me.

I love and accept myself as I figure out what that
looks like for me.

Under the eye.
I do not have to be perfect inorder to get love.

I do not have to be perfect in order to get love.

Perfect doesn't exist.
Perfect doesn't exist, manmessy seems to be the rage these
days.
Doesn't exist, man messy seemsto be the rage these days, messy
seems to be the rage these days.
I mean for real, like have youwatched reality TV?

The masterpiece.

Big breath in the nose.
I get to be me.
I get to be me, just plain.
Old me, just me, exciting me,exciting me, tired me, tired me,

(50:54):
bitchy me, bitchy me,successful me, successful me,
sad me messy, me, messy me.
All of this is welcome at mytable, all of this is welcome at
my table, the chin I choose me.
I choose me.
Big breath in.
I let go of the resistance toseeing myself.

(51:17):
I let go of the resistance toseeing myself.

I let go of the resistance to seeing myself.

I let go of the need to put it in.
Maybe it's please, maybe it'sovergive, maybe it's martyr.
I let go of the need to justput it in.

I let go of the need to have somebody else
desire me in order for me tofeel desirable.

Yeah, good, and I want y'all to just take a big
breath into how that feels.
I get to let this go.
I get to let this go.
I ask for my body to trust meand let this go.

I ask for my body to trust me and let this go the
chest.

Who would I be without that?
Who would I be without that?
I'm willing to find out.

I am willing to find out Big breath in.

I am willing to find out big breath in.
So right now, I am sovereignand I'm making the choice to let
go of and I want y'all to putin that thing.
What is that thing?
I'm choosing to let go ofpeople pleasing.
I'm choosing to let go of andjust just name it.
I'm safe.
I'm choosing to let go ofplaying small.

(52:38):
I let it.
I'm safe.
Choosing to let go of playingsmall, I let it go.
Let it go.

I let it go.

I let it go.
I choose to let it go.
I choose to let it go.
I'm safe on a cellular levelLetting this go.

I'm safe on a cellular level, letting this go
Big breath in the ribs.

I accept myself right where I am.
I accept myself right where Iam.
I witness myself exactly as Iam.
I witness myself exactly as Iam.
Nothing, there's nothing I haveto do or be to deserve love,
nothing.
There's nothing I have to do orbe to deserve love.

Nothing, there's nothing I have to do or be to
deserve love Right here and now.

All of the flaws , all of the successes.
I get to witness self-love now.

Right now, all the flaws, all the successes.
I get to witness self-love now.

Top of the head.
I'm available for the shiftright now.

I'm available for this shift right now.
Eyebrow points big breath.

I'm safe.
I am safe outside of the eye.
I allow myself to be seen.
I allow myself to be seen.
I am safe letting go of oldprograms.
I am safe, letting go of oldprograms under the I.
I bring in possibility andexcitement.
I bring in possibility andexcitement.

(54:14):
I'm worthy, even on myshittiest admit I'm worthy.

Even on my shittiest, darkest moment, I
still deserve love I am worthy.

Even on my shittiest, darkest moment, I
still deserve love Unconditionallove, unconditional love.
Let's make a sound the nose.
I let this go, I let this go.
I'm safe, I'm safe, I'm worthy,I'm worthy, I'm open, I'm open.

(54:48):
I don't have to have this shitfigured out, I just get to be me
.

I don't have to have this shit figured out, I
just get to be me Good old me.

Good old me, big breath in Good chin.
My needs are important.
My needs are important.
I value my needs.
I value my needs.
I give myself my needs.

I give myself, I gift myself my needs.

Yeah, and I want you to really just breathe that
in.
I value my values.

I value my values.

The chest I deserve and I want you to just
drop in some needs, so just kindof let your mind go with it.
I deserve safety.
I deserve to be adored.
Just let it flow.
I deserve to be in a verypassionate, sexy relationship.
I deserve a big, beautifulhouse.
I deserve just name it ally'all.

I deserve I deserve, I deserve safety,
adoration, spiritual connectionand so much fucking laughter.

Yeah, I deserve that.
The ribs.
I choose this for me.
I choose safety.
I choose laughter and just letit go.
I choose it, I choose safety.

I choose adoration , I choose laughter.
I choose spiritual connection.

Big breath in Top of the head.
I don't need to know how thisis coming, I just need to be in
alignment with it.

I don't need to know how this is coming, I just
need to be in alignment with it.
I brought points big breath in.
I have so much courage to letgo of the things blocking me.
I have so much courage to letgo of the things that are
blocking me.
They're gone in this moment fornow.

They're gone.
In this moment for now, justfor today, I choose to let them
go.
Just for today, I choose to letthem go.
What if I truly, truly believethat?
What if I?
Truly truly believe that let'shave a game.
I'm going to believe it today.

Let's have a game.
I'm going to believe it today.

Under the eye.
I believe I deserve love.
I believe I deserve love.
I feel it in my bones.
I feel it in my bones the noseI take really good care of
myself.
I take really good care ofmyself.
I have the freedom to design alove that feels safe to me.

I have the freedom to design a love that feels
safe to me.

And that's so awesome and I'm so awesome.
Big breath in I love myself.
I love myself and those thatare listening.
If that doesn't feel right tosay I'm willing to love myself
more deeply.

Yeah, willing to love myself more deeply, the
chin.

I fully, fully surrender anything that says
different.

I fully, fully surrender anything that says
different.

It's just great to just give myself a break.
It feels so great to givemyself a break To fully let
myself off the hook and forgivemyself.

I fully let myself off the hook and forgive myself
.
I am forgiven and I forgive.
I am forgiven and I forgive.
I choose different, I choosedifferent.

Because I'm worth it.
Because I'm worth it, the chestBig breath in Good job me.
Good job me.
Body, you're beautiful, body,you're beautiful.
I love you heart.
I love you heart.
I'm so grateful for myself.

(58:50):
I'm so grateful for myself.
I'm so grateful for the love Ialready have.

So grateful for the love that I already have.
What a blessing.

What a blessing Big breath in Side of the ribs.
I choose to sit in this fieldof possibility.
I choose to sit in this fieldof possibility.
I choose to be grateful formyself.
I choose to be grateful formyself and I let anything else

(59:25):
fall away.
And I let anything else fallaway and I tune back into me.
And I tune back into me becauseI'm worth it, because I'm worth
it, because I'm worth it Top ofthe head.
This is the reality I'mchoosing for myself.

This is the reality I'm choosing for myself,
with faith.

With faith and love and love and curiosity and
curiosity and safety and safety.
Just tap all around.
Tap your neck, your shoulders,your arms, your boobs, your
belly, your back, your legs.
Just take a second y'all.

(01:00:08):
I want you to just imagine thatyour cells and your bones are
drinking in the shift, just likea plant absorbing nutrients and
water.
Drink it in to your cells, inyour bones.
I invite y'all to revel in thisfeeling tone as much as you can

(01:00:34):
and come back to this tap asmany times as you're available
to as you create the shift.
Come on back.

Lunden Souza (01:00:49):
Fuck yeah, oh, I love tapping with you.
Thank you so good.
I just ditto I get lost in theact now and now I've been doing
the tapping we did on Instagram.
We did a live together.
I always just scroll back andsave it and I'll redo it.
So I feel like, yeah, myability to kind of get lost in

(01:01:12):
it is so, yeah, more yeahavailable, because I that's when
the magic happens, girl andkeep going back.
Thank you so much for sharingthat and, yes, for those
listening, save this episode,star it and listen again, of
course, but also fast forwarduntil you get to this point and

(01:01:34):
we invite you to tap and re-tapwith us.
Thank you, bk.
My pleasure and that's.

Veronica Kelly (01:01:40):
it's like you said earlier, it's putting in
the reps.
You know our, the, therepetition and strong emotion is
how we rewire our brains andEFT when you do it consistently,
daily.
That's why my clients havemassive and I mean like I'm
blown away to this day, humbledand honored, how massively
transformative my clientsreceive their EFT journey.

(01:02:04):
It's day and night when peoplework with me if they show up
every day and do that EFT,because it will 100% change your
life If you can commit to it.

Yeah, I just kind of I'm going to hang out in this
feeling for a little bit.
Thank you guys so much forlistening and being a part of
this.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Happy Valentine's Day, enjoythis.
Share this episode with afriend.
If you're listening to this andyou're like, oh, wow, that's
the ultimate gift, right, me andVeronica are only one person

(01:02:40):
each, let's say, and wheneveryou guys share our social media
accounts or these episodes withsomeone right that you think
this will resonate with.
Even if just one person's lifeand heart is shifted from this
episode, I always consider thata win.
I can definitely say more thanone in this instance, but share
this with a friend.

(01:03:00):
Copy paste, send someone alittle happy Valentine's day
message.
Remember them, remind them youknow how much you care and love
them and give them the gift ofself-love through this episode
today.
We appreciate you and join usin March for Veronica's finally
breaking free event.
I'll be there on one of thedays in the evening as a guest
speaker alongside so many otherincredibly, just yeah.

Veronica Kelly (01:03:22):
Yeah, incredible .
The list of experts I have onthis one is like what.
It's so amazing.
So y'all please join me, pleasejoin me, finally breaking free
Lunden.

I love you.
Love you too, sister.
Thank you guys for listening.
Something resonated with you.
Do me a favor and share thisepisode with a friend, someone
that you think might enjoy thisepisode as well.

(01:04:02):
That's the ultimate complimentand the best way to make this
podcast ripple out into theworld of others.
And also you can leave us areview up to five stars wherever
you're listening to the podcast.
Thank you so much for listeningand we'll see you at the next
episode.
I appreciate you.

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Stuff You Should Know

Dateline NBC

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Self Love to Attract Love (Happy Valentine's Day) with Veronica Kelly

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}Stuff You Should Know

Dateline NBC

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

All Episodes

Self Love to Attract Love (Happy Valentine's Day) with Veronica Kelly

Stuff You Should Know