March 28, 2025 • 43 mins
Text us your feedback on this episode
What if your DNA could give you insights into your sobriety journey? In this episode, I sit down with Lane Kennedy, mindfulness coach for the city of San Francisco, to explore the science of addiction, genetics, and how understanding your DNA can impact your path to recovery.
We explore how genetics shape alcohol use, the impact of epigenetics on healing, and the importance of a personalized sobriety approach. Whether you're sober-curious, in recovery, or just love science and self-discovery, this chat will expand your perspective.
Timestamps to help you navigate this episode
0:00 Intro
0:24 FREE Self Love & Sweat MONTHLY Calendar
7:47 How Mindfulness Affects Your Present Life
10:40 What Is Mindfulness?
16:35 Overcoming Addiction with Genetic Awareness
22:19 Mindful Parenting in a Digital Age
32:51 Recovery and Making Fast Decisions
FREE Self Love & Sweat Monthly Life Coaching Calendar: http://lifelikelunden.com/calendar
2 FREE HIGH INTENSITY RESISTANCE TRAINING WORKOUTS: https://lifelikelunden.activehosted.com/f/169
One-On-One Life Coaching & NLP with Lunden:
http://lifelikelunden.com/vip
Connect with Lunden:
IG: @lifelikelunden
YouTube: https://youtube.com/lundensouza
LinkedIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lundensouza/
Twitter: @lifelikelunden
Use code LUNDEN25 for a discount on Snap Supplements: https://bit.ly/snapsweat
Podcast Sound Design Intro & Outro: https://hitspotaudio.com/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Lunden Souza (00:00):
Welcome to Self Love and Sweat the podcast, the
place where you'll get inspiredto live your life
unapologetically, embrace yourperfect imperfections and do
what sets your soul on fire.
I'm your host, Lunden Souza.
Hey, before we jump into thisepisode, I just want to make
(00:27):
sure that you get all the freethings possible, if you haven't
already.
You need to get your self-loveand sweat free monthly life
coaching calendar.
Honestly, the way to experiencedeep change in your life is by
doing small little things overtime, and so that's what you'll
(00:48):
find in this free calendar.
You can get it by going tolifelikelunden calendar.
Get yours for free and let'sget into .
Welcome back to the podcast.
We have Lane Kennedy and ifyou're watching this video, you
(01:09):
yeah, if you're me and you'rewatching this video, you have
the heart emojis on your eyesbecause looking at Lane and her
background and her do-good shirtand your bright smile and just
the yeah, the light force, Iknow you are in this world.
I'm so grateful to have you.
Welcome to the show.
Thanks for having me.
I'm so grateful to have you.
Welcome to the show.
Lane Kennedy (01:25):
Thanks for having me.
It's so good to be with youLunden.
Lunden Souza (01:29):
I've just so enjoyed getting to know you over
the last.
Has it been months?
Have we ever had ayear-iversary of knowing each
other yet?
I don't know, but it feels likeway longer.
Lane Kennedy (01:40):
It feels like way longer, but I know Well.
We officially met, right Was it.
April yeah.
Lunden Souza (01:47):
Okay, april of last year, so we're getting
there.
Yeah, we're getting there.
Lane Kennedy (01:51):
But I knew about you way before then and I was
super.
I was super jealous.
I was like who is this Lunden?
I don't understand.
She's getting all the attention.
That's right Me jealous.
Lunden Souza (02:05):
Ditto Reciprocated .
Lane Kennedy (02:07):
But now that I know you, I just adore you and
just love you.
It's so awesome.
Lunden Souza (02:12):
I well, thanks for sharing that and for, yeah,
counting back.
It's been since April was ourlast NABA event in Austin, texas
, and I just felt like at thatevent I was so drawn to you and
we got to hang out by the pool alittle bit and I feel like it
(02:35):
feels way longer and maybe itjust feels that way because of
what we're drawn to in life andthe way that our work gets to do
its connected thing.
But I want you to tell everyonewhat you do and who you are and
give your little yeah intro.
I mean I can intro you too.
Lane is the mindfulness coachof San Francisco.
(02:59):
She does amazing work in DNAand, yeah, it's just a mom
lovely heart and I feel likethat only like scratches the
surface a little bit.
But what's it like doing yourthing?
What is your favorite partabout what you do?
Lane Kennedy (03:20):
Well, you know, I really think about how
everyone's moving about in theworld these days.
I mean, for the past, I had myson.
He's 15.
So, you know, 16 years ago, Irecognized that society was
running at a rapid rate and whenI became a mom, like my whole
(03:51):
world changed in ways that I hadno idea that it would change.
And I was already you know,quote spiritual.
I was already working aspiritual path.
But what became evident to mewas that I needed something more
than that and I fell into adeeper path of mindfulness, out
of a spiritual crisis and I talkabout the spiritual crisis all
(04:12):
the time in that, you know, Ihad my son and he was strapped
in the back of the car and Ifound myself outside of my car
yelling and screaming at astranger because they weren't
driving the way that I wantedthem to, yelling and screaming
at a stranger because theyweren't driving the way that I
wanted them to.
And when you have atwo-year-old in your car and
(04:34):
you're doing that, that's notokay when you say that you're
like quote living a spiritualpath.
And so in that moment of crisis, I had this out-of-body
experience and really watchedmyself and I thought something
needs to change and so, luckilyfor me, I'm very open and
curious by nature and so Istarted to study mindfulness and
(04:55):
I took my meditation practicemore deeply.
I'd already studied Buddhism.
I lived in Thailand for a while, lived with the monks and
studied, so I was like, again, Iwas already on that path, but I
wasn't embodying the work.
And I think that's really,really relevant to who I am and
what I do today is that I try toembody the mindful life and in
(05:20):
all areas.
Right, like we have so manyboxes, so many avenues, so many
roads that we all walk, andsometimes I find that people are
just mindful or certain way ina certain part of their life and
they've, you know, in otherareas they're like hitting
burnout and, you know,disruption, and so I really try
(05:44):
to practice embodying thismindfulness in all areas of it.
And it's time, it's commitment,it's being in alignment with
myself, and when I'm inalignment with myself, I feel
like doors open up and I meetreally cool people.
I mean, that's how I ended upbeing the mindfulness teacher
(06:07):
for the city of San Francisco.
I'm able to work with all theorganizations here, so all the
city government organizations,from the you know, the cafeteria
staff and all the publicschools, to librarians, the
first responders, thecontrollers, you know, who write
all the paychecks like.
(06:27):
Everybody has access to me, andso that's been a really great
again experience in bringingmindfulness to a group of people
who really are undervalued andoverlooked.
I feel like city employees arejust told what to do and you
(06:48):
have to be a certain way, and sowhen they show up and learn how
to be more mindful in theirlife, it's like a ripple effect
that occurs within the city andwithin their organization.
So that's like a part of what Ido which is really fun.
Lunden Souza (07:07):
Yeah, I love hearing that because when I
signed up for your DNA webinar,there was like a drop down menu
that said are you a cityemployee of the city of San
Francisco or something alongthose lines.
And I remember just yeah,thinking like oh, how lucky
those people are to have thataccess to all of your tools and
all of your wisdom and, like yousaid, be able to feel supported
(07:31):
and recognized in ways thatmaybe they don't always feel in
the positions that they're in,and I think that, yeah,
regardless of what position wehold, incorporating more
mindfulness in the day-to-day.
What is mindfulness to you?
How do you define that?
(07:52):
Is it being aware of yourthoughts?
Is it becoming more aware ofyour awareness?
What is mindfulness in that bigpicture sense to you and how
you, yeah, bring that?
Lane Kennedy (08:07):
It's really simple for me.
It's like being present righthere, right now.
There is no other moment.
There's nothing else thatmatters except this conversation
that I'm having with you,Lunden, right, and I have like
two Irish wolfhounds and I havea son and I have a husband, like
, and I have a client listthat's demanding and right, like
(08:28):
things, but none of thatmatters because if I'm mindful,
I'm right here with you, engagedin this moment, which changes
my chemistry, which changes theway that we communicate together
, which changes our connectionand the coherence that we can
create.
It's like so cool, so that'swhat mindfulness is.
(08:49):
And people have all these ideasof what mindfulness is.
Yeah, right, and it's likedon't overthink it.
Lunden Souza (08:57):
Just don't Be here now.
Yeah, don't think of it, butyeah, in this present moment,
because oftentimes you know ourmind is ruminating or, you know,
repeating something that's inthe past, that we're, you know,
not present in this moment orworried about something in the
future or what we need to donext, or.
(09:31):
But yeah, I remember I was likeI don't know, maybe eight or 10
years ago, I can't rememberspecifically, but I just chose
to not use the word busy anymoreand said full.
And the other day, me and JenReno were messaging and she said
something like I know you'rebusy or you have a busy day.
And I was like no, I have afull day and I shared with her.
I'm like a long time ago Idecided that I didn't want to be
busy and all over the place,and so I would say, oh, my
(09:53):
schedule's really full today.
I had a full day, I had a fullweek, and that, for me, always
brought me back to that center,present moment of just like no,
it's full and there's capacityand abundance and juiciness in
this moment.
(10:14):
And being here now ismindfulness, and I think there's
a lot of tools and ways we getto access the reminder of no.
Be here now.
And what are your favoritemindfulness tools?
Lane Kennedy (10:35):
I like pleasant, unpleasant a lot.
That's like one of my favoritetools to use.
Is the experience pleasant orunpleasant?
You know, the mind again isvery judgmental and if I just
put those two categories up Ican navigate the world a lot
(10:56):
easier or easily.
So I like that tool.
Another one is just catching mybreath.
Lunden Souza (11:05):
Yeah, when you inhale, whenever I do, and you
just, not because I was thinkingthat, but just hearing your
breath.
I was like just that likeaudible exhale moment of just
soaking all of that oxygen.
Lane Kennedy (11:23):
Yeah, those are two of my favorite, where it's
again really easy but overlooked, forgotten.
Lunden Souza (11:31):
And is the pleasant unpleasant one?
Just like a self check-in oflike, right now, in this moment,
does it feel good or not feelgood, or where am I at?
What is the pleasant unpleasant?
Lane Kennedy (11:41):
No, the pleasant, unpleasant is a part of a
mindfulness-based stressreduction.
Matt, what is the pleasant,unpleasant?
No, the pleasant, unpleasant isa part of mindfulness-based
stress reduction.
It's part of a programmingaround how you approach your
life and every situation, everyaction.
You have a choice.
Is it pleasant or unpleasant?
Is it pleasant to go on a walk?
Well, no, because it's rainingout.
I don't want to be.
Or, yes, it is, and you don'thave to get into the dialogue
(12:07):
about it, because that's wherethe rumination starts to affect
and like trickle out into us.
So if we can just keep it tothose two categories, you can
move through things a lot morequickly and not get stuck.
Lunden Souza (12:21):
Yeah, got it Pleasant, unpleasant and yeah,
coming back to our breath,mm-hmm, what do you feel like is
?
I think you said somethingabout mindfulness being like the
connection to the presentmoment, or something like that
(12:43):
and, of course, on the flip side, there's the disconnect to that
that we oftentimes can call.
You know, insert, ailment,whatever, and I know that you
have been sober for a long time.
I know that Pat Smith Wellness,who I love, who's also part of
our community, who I know hedoes PSW shout out to him, part
of our community, who I know wejust PSW shout out to him he
(13:04):
also talks a lot about just yeah, being in a space of, um, yeah,
numbing and consumption andjust desiring to have that sober
life.
I also haven't, um, yeah, Ithink I've had like three or
four drinks in the last likeyear and a half, which is like,
yeah, so cool, you know, and Ijust I can remember just because
, like friends, birthdays,glasses of wine, and so I know
(13:28):
people listening right, whetheryou, yeah, that's a journey
you're needing to take or justdesiring to tap into, I know
that a disconnect from thatpresent moment can lead us to do
all sorts of things and havethings across the board that
we're struggling with and I kindof want to talk about what that
disconnect could be like andhow you found that reconnection
(13:49):
with the present moment andchose that.
Lane Kennedy (13:53):
I think addiction and this is where the DNA stuff
kind of comes into play isunderstanding that addiction and
disconnection are related andit's really driven by our
dopamine receptors, which isthrough our DNA where I can see
what's happening with somebody,and that people will often, you
(14:16):
know, like scold themselves andhave really horrific
conversations of you know, whycan I stop smoking cigarettes?
Or why do I keep drinking, whydo I keep shopping?
Why, why, like you know, andthen the disconnect is not being
in that present moment.
Because they're smoking so much.
Right, they're doing some kindof addictive behavior, but when
(14:37):
I'm able to share with them likewell, your DNA, your
genetically, this, like this, isyour predisposition, is this?
So what are you going to do tosupport yourself in not having
that run your life, right?
So how can you get into thepresent moment where you're not
(14:59):
having that run you?
And it takes a lot of effort.
It takes a commitment run you,and it takes a lot of effort.
It takes a commitment, it takeslike a willingness to go above
and beyond, and there'ssomething really dynamic about
understanding that it's not yourfault, right?
(15:19):
That's such a game changer whenI talk to people around it's
not your fault.
Lunden Souza (15:25):
Like.
Your DNA shows this and this iswhat your brain shows.
Lane Kennedy (15:30):
Right, it's generational here.
It's generational like threegenerations.
Here's the evidence.
And here you are, 30, 40, 50years later, dealing with the
trauma of your past.
It's been imprinted on you.
So now you know thisinformation.
So how are you going to changeit?
How are you going to stay inthe present moment with yourself
(15:52):
knowing that you're up againstthis?
And that's where you start tobuild tools.
That's where you start toreally use the NABA community.
Right, all the courseworkthat's in there that can support
people in shame.
Right, we have a course aroundshame.
We have a course around bodyimage.
We have a course around mindsetand thinking differently.
(16:13):
Right, we have these beautifulcourses that can support people
that are suffering from thatkind of not being able to get
into the present moment quiteyet because of their genetics.
I love that awakening.
Lunden Souza (16:31):
Yeah, and so what do you see in this genetic
testing, or what are you lookingat?
And what do you see whensomeone's more predisposed to
having addictive behavior?
And I love what you said tooabout or I don't know exactly
how you said it, but you didn'tsay like make it go away.
(16:51):
You said like how are you goingto like do your best when
you're up against it, orsomething very like.
Yeah, like in the game, you gotto be, like in that present
moment, ready to go, because younever know what quite you're up
against in that moment withthis.
Lane Kennedy (17:13):
You don't know.
You don't know what you don'tknow, right.
You walk into a dark closet.
You don't know what's in thereuntil you're in there feeling
things, right.
That's kind of the same waywith understanding your DNA.
It's like you don't know untilyou actually see it and somebody
has a session with you whereyou can understand it.
You know, it's one thing to getyour DNA from 23andMe and be
(17:35):
like, oh, this is what I am, butit's another to go through a
therapeutic session and have itexplained to you and then have a
plan created so you can get thesupport.
And that's why I think NABIT issuch a cool little hub, because
somebody who has an eatingdisorder, right, who's binging
(17:59):
food and then starvingthemselves, binging food and
starving themselves and I wentthrough that cycle so I can talk
about it very freely and openlybut somebody who's in that kind
of cycle we have a course inNABA that helps women or men
around body shame and how tolook at yourself and how to
appreciate who you are, right,that's like a stepping stone to
get into the present moment, tosupport your genetics, to start
(18:23):
making the shift, because yourgenes, your DNA, it is who it is
.
Now you can change the outcomeby changing the lifestyle
choices that you make.
Lunden Souza (18:37):
Does that make sense?
Yeah, that's the geneticsversus the epigenetics component
of like you have the genes, butare they expressed?
Lane Kennedy (18:42):
Are they expressed ?
Lunden Souza (18:43):
Right, making day-to-day choices in your
lifestyle.
That is going to support, likethe on or off switch of what's
going to be a little bit louderright, and still being mindful
of all the knobs.
Lane Kennedy (18:56):
Right, right, exactly.
You have to be mindful of allthe knobs, because it's not just
about one.
There's many.
Yeah.
Lunden Souza (19:07):
Yeah, and you mentioned dopamine.
Can we talk about?
Lane Kennedy (19:11):
that a little bit.
That's like more right, we justwant more.
Lunden Souza (19:16):
Yeah.
Lane Kennedy (19:17):
We want to feel more, and is that available?
On?
Lunden Souza (19:20):
the genetic testing that you do is like
looking to see what is.
Lane Kennedy (19:26):
Yeah, there's several dopamine receptors that
I'm able to view and eachdopamine receptor has a little
bit different leaning towards.
It's like they're not all thesame.
Yeah Right, so I can.
It's like I can see who theperson is before I even meet
(19:47):
them sometimes, Because peoplesometimes will just, you know,
order through me and then I getto do a consult with them, a
session, and I already know whothey are when they sit in my
chair, which sometimes, you know, some people get a little like,
oh, you're not.
It's like, are you a psychic?
I'm like no.
Lunden Souza (20:07):
Yeah, it's.
It's who you are.
It's in the genes.
Lane Kennedy (20:10):
It's just your blueprint, it's just yeah, yeah,
here you are.
Lunden Souza (20:14):
Your blueprint and I met.
I imagine that sometimes feelsfreeing and sometimes feels not
that for people Exactly, exactly.
Lane Kennedy (20:26):
I think there's a lot more freedom in it and a lot
more hope in it, because youcan make changes.
Yeah Right, we are all so, socapable of making change, and so
how it's like creating a teamof people, or getting around a
group of people who are going tosupport you in making those
changes, because a party of one,it can be done.
(20:47):
But why do that to yourselfwhen you can have so much fun
with a crew of people?
Lunden Souza (20:53):
Yeah, doing it together and, like you said, I
went through that so I can speakopenly about it, and I think
that's really what we get to see.
A lot in all that we do, thereis like just yeah, okay, that
happened, let me share, let medigest it, let me work through
that with you alongside andshare and help and make that
ripple even more.
And, like you said initially,the course on shame.
(21:15):
But I also think that's a lotof the feels that we often feel
surrounding some of thesestruggles and things that we're
navigating.
And it's nice to be in a spacealongside other people like you,
where all of that is like thenorm and important.
And the more we don't do that,the more the disconnect is there
(21:39):
and the more that we're able tospeak and, like you even said,
like you take something specificniche down on what you're
struggling with specifically,but also in that big picture,
it's just like more connection,more truth, more you know,
ability to just like own it andhave this be part of that
journey.
And what you're presentlynavigating, I think is, yeah, so
(22:03):
lovely and one of my favoritethings about talking on the
podcast and hanging out and um,your son was was at the event,
which was so cool, and what didhe think and what did he have a
choice in coming.
What was his take, keytakeaways and how do you parent
in a mindful way and teachmindfulness to a teenager?
(22:24):
Because that's probably not thesimplest butter on bread task,
or maybe it is, I don't know.
I always think moms, I justlove hearing from the way we
take what we learn and pass iton.
Lane Kennedy (22:39):
Yeah, I've done things really differently with
my son.
You know he wasn't allowedtechnology, he wasn't allowed a
phone.
He just got a phone at 15.
We're really kind of, you know,restrictive around technology
and his brain.
You know, the AmericanPediatric Society had said, you
(23:00):
know, the maximum time a childshould be on a device was two
hours and that was pre-pandemic.
Then pandemic hit and it's all.
Bets are off.
So now kids are on their deviceseight hours, nine hours, 10
hours a day, and so when I thinkabout that in my child and I
think about his geneticpropensity and his DRDs, his
(23:21):
genes, like I know that that's athat can be a big challenge.
So I lead by example.
Right, I have rules around howhe uses technology.
He has no screen days wherehe's just completely off
technology and he can read booksall day, I don't care.
He can go out to the park, hecan go to the library, whatever.
(23:42):
But I think the biggest tool isaround leading by example.
And when he came to Austin itwas, we were going on a road
trip, the two of us, you know wewere driving up the coast of
California, up to Oregon, up toWashington, up into Toronto, not
(24:04):
Toronto, vancouver, so we werejust in it together for like a
month and when we were in Austinhe was like-.
Lunden Souza (24:14):
It was just your next stop.
Next stop, come here, myfriends, right.
Lane Kennedy (24:19):
He was like I need time, mom.
We have a relationship wherehe's like we need space, I need
space from you.
You just go, do you.
And I was like, yeah, I'll dome.
One of the great things wasbeing at the pool and him
meeting up with, uh, sharla andand um, rob, robert, yeah, and
you know, he him bonding withRobert, you know right, like
(24:41):
just hanging out by the pooldoing what he wanted to, yeah,
and he has the confidence to dothat now because, again, I've
led by example.
I'm super out there.
Go get him approachable.
I'm going to go have aconversation with doesn't matter
who.
Like I don't see somebody beingmore important than me or less
(25:04):
important than me.
I'm just going to start havinga conversation with somebody.
So he kind of has that samesense about him and it's just
again inviting him intoconversations that are
challenging that he doesn't wantto have.
(25:25):
I constantly do that as welland ask him why, like, why are
you guys doing that?
You wouldn't get it, mom, buttell me more.
So I'm constantly kind ofasking him to use his brain to
think about things so he canexpress himself, which this
(25:51):
generation and these pandemickids.
Their math skills are down.
Their reading skills are down,their social academics are down,
like everything.
So I've been kind of veryproactive in supporting him and
it's still a challenge.
Lunden Souza (26:11):
Yeah, Tell me more engaging more.
Lane Kennedy (26:15):
Engaging more yeah .
Lunden Souza (26:16):
Like you said, to be that example, I was talking
to this guy.
I was talking to this guy,brian.
We chatted for the podcast onFriday and he just talks.
His message is random acts ofkindness and just being in the
goodness game of just giving andyou know and I asked him that
too of you know, he has threeteenage boys.
(26:37):
I think he said I'm like, how doyou parent that, do you like?
And he's like, oh yeah, well,you know, lead by example.
And we have like a givingportion of all the money that we
bring in that we just do forwhat they get 10 bucks for
allowance.
You put a dollar in the givingjar and like we, you know
there's just certain things wedo, but like you said, um, it's
a lot of it is just like yeah,you're with them, day in and day
(27:04):
out like be that, and thenthey'll see that, and then it
becomes part of yeah.
I mean, granted, phones weredifferent too when we first got
our phones, but mine was, yeah,15 or 16, like when I started
driving, and so I'm not a parent, but sometimes I think about
that because I work with a lotof kids and I'm like, yeah,
probably like when you drive,and even now there's like the
watches that you can call fromor track from, which I think is
cool, because then, um, yeah, Iremember when we didn't have
(27:27):
self or anything and I wasprobably like mom, I'm going to
go into a friend's house, youknow, and probably was.
I probably was at a friend'shouse, but maybe not that
friend's house, right, Somewhereelse.
Lane Kennedy (27:39):
Right, I think there's also.
I think about um.
In contrast to my life andgrowing up, um like I was
drinking at 16, like I wasalready starting into my
addiction.
So you know, am I keeping atight grip on him?
A hundred percent?
(28:00):
I am, uh, but I also because ofthe household that I grew up in
and the time that I grew up in.
It's very different than it isnow.
It's like mandatory that we eatall together, like 6.30, we're
sitting at the dinner tabletogether.
He, one night a week gets tosit by himself.
It's like we have a structuredlife, there's scaffolding in
(28:25):
place to support him in hiswell-being.
And I think again, this is bychoice that I've done this and
it hasn't been convenient at all.
I'll just say that.
But I also really understandand know my history, my life,
(28:47):
and I know other kids that areout there.
It's a mess, I'm just going tosay it.
It's a mess.
Lunden Souza (28:54):
It's fine, but there's also a lot of families
that are together and you workwith people who see a lot and
you know a lot and that's yourarena.
So so you like the dinner timeis like yeah, you're at home, we
know where you're at.
At 6 30 PM we're winding downfor the evening.
Lane Kennedy (29:09):
You're not out and about getting into.
Yeah, he has a.
He has a bedtime.
He's in bed, lights are out bynine, 15, like end of story,
where other teenagers right noware going to bed at 10, 11
o'clock and he understands hisbody rhythm, like he's tapped
into that.
He understands that when he'son the phone he gets a headache,
(29:31):
like his emotional intelligenceis tapped in, which, at the end
of the day, if that's all I'vedone, I've won the game here on
this one.
Lunden Souza (29:50):
Yeah, yeah, the EQ , yeah, powerful, yeah, so
important.
Yeah, I'm just as you'retalking, I'm thinking about me
at that age and, yeah, startingto, like you said, drink and
smoke, weed and just more andlots of things.
Lane Kennedy (30:05):
Yeah.
Lunden Souza (30:06):
And my parents also had us in bed at, you know,
8.30.
We were supposed to be in bed,we had dinner all together and I
was also out the windowpartying a lot.
And I share that because andI've talked to my parents openly
and honestly about this butit's like the boundaries were
(30:27):
there, but I don't think alwaysthe communication, it was just
like you're not allowed to doanything and nothing, and so I
would always want to go to thefriend's house that the parents
were a little bit more lenient,not to say that was right or
wrong, but as a kid that's whatI wanted.
I just like I feel like maybethe leash was a little bit too
tight and I, you know, jokeabout that with my parents now
and we talk about things.
So it's, it's all good, but Ihad that and I was still, like
(30:52):
you know, doing all the thingsand I'm still grateful, looking
back now, for that structure andI think that was important for
my brain and learning about thedeveloping brain and maybe
certain disconnects I hadgenetically and maybe still do
have.
I really want to get all mytesting done with you this is
making me think about things butdid not have probably as much
(31:15):
emotional intelligence as yourson and was very impulsive for
sure, and that's something thatI think now I probably navigate
in ways of using mindfulnesspractices to be less impulsive,
but I can see how that, even inmy emotional reactions to
certain things communicationstyle, areas where I really have
(31:37):
to like do a little hug backthere and, yeah, yeah, in some
instances right, like in yourcase and people that you work
with it becomes like a real,real, real thing that you
navigate daily and I just thinkit's.
(31:58):
I think Desiree might havecommented on one of your posts
that you shared about just howpeople in recovery is just so
motivating for her to just seehow the moment by moment
activation of people in in thatspace um is.
And so I'm sure somebodylistening is in recovery or know
(32:19):
someone who's in recovery orwants to be in recovery, or
maybe this is what they'relistening to, to know that it's
the next best step for theirjourney.
Like, what's that been like?
And, like you said, 15, youwere already drinking.
I mean, fast forward to thelast 10 months.
I have known you, like how didthat go in your life and how did
you find the connections to?
Lane Kennedy (32:41):
Yeah, you know I'm very fast, like I like to do
things fast.
My nickname was Fast Lane.
Life in the Fast Lane yeah justI'm going right and so drinking
I did fast, I was messy fast andthen when I fell into recovery,
(33:03):
this was like the best thingever and it happened fast.
Once I had my last drink Ididn't drink again.
I'm fortunate enough to saythat I got sober through the 12
steps and it stuck with me.
And I use the 12 steps becausethose are spiritual principles
(33:27):
and they're principles that Ifound in Buddhism.
They're principles that I foundin Christianity.
They're principles that I foundin Buddhism.
They're principles that I foundin Christianity.
They're principles that I havefound in Judaism.
They are principles, and sothose principles help me survive
and thrive in my life and Ijust continue to go back to them
.
(33:48):
And a lot of people kind of gethung up on terminology and a lot
of people get hung up withAlcoholics Anonymous and a lot
of people get hung up on smartrecovery and it's just like stop
labeling it all.
Just find what works for youand do it Like that's it,
(34:13):
whatever is going to work foryou, and do it Like that's it.
Whatever's going to work foryou, do it, and as long as
you're happy.
Right, there's a lot of talk inthe recovery communities around
you know people die.
People die and we don't know itbecause they're dead, and we
don't know it because they'redead and there's a lot of
(34:35):
statistics.
So why not start changing thatconversation around?
Being a sober statistic, why notbecome alcohol-free and change
your life?
Because what happens as aresult of stopping one habit,
(34:56):
the action of drinking, yourwhole life changes, which is so
profound to me, and it could bestopping smoking cigarettes, but
it's the addictive quality,that addiction.
Stopping that one thing, thatone behavior, is the domino that
changes your whole life, whichis profound to me, which is a
(35:19):
spiritual.
It's again, it goes back tothat spiritual act.
Everything is spiritual.
Lunden Souza (35:25):
Yeah, yeah, Find what works for you and stick to
it.
I like when you said it wasvery fast and then getting
recovery, getting in recoveryand having that happen fast.
It made me think of a closefriend of mine.
I just remembered she was, yeah, in recovery.
Same thing, Just like when shedecided.
And then she's been sober for ayear, I think, maybe over a
decade now, and she's like, ohyeah, it's just like.
(35:45):
In that moment I just I knowlike it went from everything to
nothing and yeah, she just, andit can be that simple.
Lane Kennedy (35:57):
That is what is so amazing, Lunden, is that it's
that decision and you're done.
And people get all heady aboutit and start thinking when
thinking is the problem, becauseaddiction is a mental illness
which is a thinking problem, anda lot of people don't
understand that.
They think it's a drinkingproblem or a smoking problem or
(36:19):
a too much sex problem, when inreality it's the thinking, it's
the cognition.
So if you make a decision, I'mdone, then you don't have to
ruminate about it anymore.
Lunden Souza (36:32):
Yeah, yeah, make that decision that I'm done,
then you don't have to ruminateabout it anymore.
Yeah, yeah, make that decisionthat I'm done.
A friend of mine one time, whenI was not being mindful and not
in the present moment, but welove friends like this she
snapped in the middle of my faceand she goes Lunden.
This moment is inevitable.
This moment is inevitable andthis moment she just kept going
(36:54):
we love Trisha, we love friendslike Trisha.
And just brought me back tothat like split second decision
moment of just like you're, youknow, and it just reminded me in
that moment to come back tothat.
Of course, the snap, just youknow, brought me right back to
that rhythm and there.
But also, you know, brought meback to like hey, you're kind of
wasting precious moments.
You're not here yet, you know,like come back here and, um, you
(37:18):
know, remember, it can be thatsplit second decision, and I'm
assuming, with recovery, it'smultiple bajillions of split
second decisions, moment bymoment you know and that's kind
of bringing you back to thepresent of no, I'm still
choosing this and who I want tobe in this moment is this, but
the tug of war I always think of, like a Stretch Armstrong, that
(37:39):
old, poor boy of like we'reover here in the future and in
the past and there's a lot of,yeah, generous fertile-ness to
the present moment that we getto have.
And the thought, like you said,that's not the problem, it's
the thought.
(38:00):
What's the thought?
What was the thought for you?
What's the thought that you getto not have anymore or get to
reframe?
Lane Kennedy (38:10):
That I need to drink to get through anything
that I need to check out, likethere's nothing worth checking
out anymore, like the presentmoment is amazing.
But I was never taught thatthere's a bunch of skills that I
was just never taught becausemy parents weren't I mean, they
(38:31):
were young hippies that I wasjust never taught because my
parents weren't I mean, theywere young hippies.
So it's like they didn't know.
You know, my grandma didn'tknow that.
Her grandma like it.
Just again, it's generational.
So that's why, you know, for meand my son it's like I am very
present with him.
It's intentional on how myhusband and I are raising him
(38:52):
more so for me, but yeah.
Lunden Souza (38:56):
Yeah, Reminding him of, yeah, like you said, and
then with technology and allthe things, I mean that's
another stretch Armstrongpulling us in different
directions yeah, yeah.
How many people do you or howlike do you work with on a
regular basis that you know havegotten sober Like?
(39:17):
Do you know the ripple of beingum life in the fast lane and
now helping people get in theirlane?
Do you know how many peopleyou've impacted?
I feel like you've helped somany people.
Lane Kennedy (39:26):
Thousands, by this time it's thousands.
Yeah, it's um.
And now that I have thesobriety for dummies book, it's
even more so, Right?
So it's like it just keepsgoing and I'm not, like I'm not
in charge of that.
Lunden Souza (39:43):
Yeah.
Lane Kennedy (39:45):
Like I just show up and I've served.
Lunden Souza (39:48):
Yeah.
Lane Kennedy (39:50):
Yeah, this is not.
This was not the plan, thoughlet me tell you that, like my
plan was, I was on my way, youknow, fashion modeling.
Lunden Souza (39:58):
That that was the plan like who's sir, like oh
yeah, and you were a supermodel,weren't you like who?
Like who's serving them?
Lane Kennedy (40:05):
it's not that I forgot, but we're just on that
topic, like hello, like and doyou sometimes think about?
Lunden Souza (40:12):
I think about this too, because I feel like
there's been a lot of coolcompartments of my life highs,
lows, whatever but you're likeoh shit, I had a super ma, I did
this, like, like you said, andit's not the plan, it's just
like, when you are in thatpresent space, a little dance in
very cool directions.
Lane Kennedy (40:30):
Yeah, yeah, I can reflect on my life and just be
like that's really cool.
I was able to do all that and Ididn't die.
That's cool.
Lunden Souza (40:44):
I got through all that and, yeah, lived to tell
about it.
Yeah, and, like you said, a lotof people don't.
Why not become the statistic inthe other direction?
Do you still go to meetings?
Lane Kennedy (40:58):
I do.
I do in principle.
It's just the principle ofservice and showing that it's
possible.
There was a place for me to gowhen I needed it, so I hold that
space for others, yeah.
Lunden Souza (41:18):
I love that, so, so fantastic.
The principle of service whencan we connect with you even
further?
We want to do DNA testing.
Or you mentioned your booksobriety for dummies.
I'm going to link everything inthe description, but tell us
that part.
Lane Kennedy (41:36):
Everything is at lanekennedycom.
I have a mindfulness app, Ihave the Sobriety for Dummies, I
have DNA, all of itlanekennedycom.
You can find me there.
Lunden Souza (41:47):
Yay.
Thank you so much for thislovely conversation today and
thank you guys for listening.
I feel like there's so manyavenues for listeners just to
learn and become more aware ofthe opportunities that are
available for them and ways,like you said, where it's not
your fault but you get to do amore specific dance with people
(42:08):
that also get to do yourspecific dance, and I just feel
like there's so many ways toplug into what you have and I'm
so grateful to know you and I'mexcited to keep getting to know
you.
Lane Kennedy (42:21):
It's so, it's so amazing, Like I feel like I wake
up in the morning now.
It's like I'm unpackaging orunwrapping this gift of life and
it's like who do I get to playwith, who do I get to hang out
with, who do I get to meet?
Who?
Lunden Souza (42:34):
do I get to play with?
Lane Kennedy (42:35):
Yeah, it's like every day it's new and exciting
for me and I just I never wantto take that for granted Like
that's what living for me is allabout.
It's like being present andcontinuing to unwrap that
present.
Lunden Souza (42:49):
It's a gift.
Thank you for being here, lane.
Thank you, guys for listeningand we'll see you at the next
episode.
Thank you so much for listeningto this episode of Self Love
and Sweat the Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode orwere inspired by it or something
(43:12):
resonated with you, do me afavor and share this episode
with a friend, someone that youthink might enjoy this episode
as well.
That's the ultimate complimentand the best way to make this
podcast ripple out into theworld of others, and also you
can leave us a review up to fivestars wherever you're listening
(43:34):
to the podcast.
Thank you so much for listeningand we'll see you at the next
episode.
I appreciate you.
Welcome to Self Love and Sweat the podcast, the
place where you'll get inspiredto live your life
unapologetically, embrace yourperfect imperfections and do
what sets your soul on fire.
I'm your host, Lunden Souza.
Hey, before we jump into thisepisode, I just want to make
(00:27):
sure that you get all the freethings possible, if you haven't
already.
You need to get your self-loveand sweat free monthly life
coaching calendar.
Honestly, the way to experiencedeep change in your life is by
doing small little things overtime, and so that's what you'll
(00:48):
find in this free calendar.
You can get it by going tolifelikelunden calendar.
Get yours for free and let'sget into .
Welcome back to the podcast.
We have Lane Kennedy and ifyou're watching this video, you
(01:09):
yeah, if you're me and you'rewatching this video, you have
the heart emojis on your eyesbecause looking at Lane and her
background and her do-good shirtand your bright smile and just
the yeah, the light force, Iknow you are in this world.
I'm so grateful to have you.
Welcome to the show.
Thanks for having me.
I'm so grateful to have you.
Welcome to the show.
Lane Kennedy (01:25):
Thanks for having me.
It's so good to be with youLunden.
Lunden Souza (01:29):
I've just so enjoyed getting to know you over
the last.
Has it been months?
Have we ever had ayear-iversary of knowing each
other yet?
I don't know, but it feels likeway longer.
Lane Kennedy (01:40):
It feels like way longer, but I know Well.
We officially met, right Was it.
April yeah.
Lunden Souza (01:47):
Okay, april of last year, so we're getting
there.
Yeah, we're getting there.
Lane Kennedy (01:51):
But I knew about you way before then and I was
super.
I was super jealous.
I was like who is this Lunden?
I don't understand.
She's getting all the attention.
That's right Me jealous.
Lunden Souza (02:05):
Ditto Reciprocated .
Lane Kennedy (02:07):
But now that I know you, I just adore you and
just love you.
It's so awesome.
Lunden Souza (02:12):
I well, thanks for sharing that and for, yeah,
counting back.
It's been since April was ourlast NABA event in Austin, texas
, and I just felt like at thatevent I was so drawn to you and
we got to hang out by the pool alittle bit and I feel like it
(02:35):
feels way longer and maybe itjust feels that way because of
what we're drawn to in life andthe way that our work gets to do
its connected thing.
But I want you to tell everyonewhat you do and who you are and
give your little yeah intro.
I mean I can intro you too.
Lane is the mindfulness coachof San Francisco.
(02:59):
She does amazing work in DNAand, yeah, it's just a mom
lovely heart and I feel likethat only like scratches the
surface a little bit.
But what's it like doing yourthing?
What is your favorite partabout what you do?
Lane Kennedy (03:20):
Well, you know, I really think about how
everyone's moving about in theworld these days.
I mean, for the past, I had myson.
He's 15.
So, you know, 16 years ago, Irecognized that society was
running at a rapid rate and whenI became a mom, like my whole
(03:51):
world changed in ways that I hadno idea that it would change.
And I was already you know,quote spiritual.
I was already working aspiritual path.
But what became evident to mewas that I needed something more
than that and I fell into adeeper path of mindfulness, out
of a spiritual crisis and I talkabout the spiritual crisis all
(04:12):
the time in that, you know, Ihad my son and he was strapped
in the back of the car and Ifound myself outside of my car
yelling and screaming at astranger because they weren't
driving the way that I wantedthem to, yelling and screaming
at a stranger because theyweren't driving the way that I
wanted them to.
And when you have atwo-year-old in your car and
(04:34):
you're doing that, that's notokay when you say that you're
like quote living a spiritualpath.
And so in that moment of crisis, I had this out-of-body
experience and really watchedmyself and I thought something
needs to change and so, luckilyfor me, I'm very open and
curious by nature and so Istarted to study mindfulness and
(04:55):
I took my meditation practicemore deeply.
I'd already studied Buddhism.
I lived in Thailand for a while, lived with the monks and
studied, so I was like, again, Iwas already on that path, but I
wasn't embodying the work.
And I think that's really,really relevant to who I am and
what I do today is that I try toembody the mindful life and in
(05:20):
all areas.
Right, like we have so manyboxes, so many avenues, so many
roads that we all walk, andsometimes I find that people are
just mindful or certain way ina certain part of their life and
they've, you know, in otherareas they're like hitting
burnout and, you know,disruption, and so I really try
(05:44):
to practice embodying thismindfulness in all areas of it.
And it's time, it's commitment,it's being in alignment with
myself, and when I'm inalignment with myself, I feel
like doors open up and I meetreally cool people.
I mean, that's how I ended upbeing the mindfulness teacher
(06:07):
for the city of San Francisco.
I'm able to work with all theorganizations here, so all the
city government organizations,from the you know, the cafeteria
staff and all the publicschools, to librarians, the
first responders, thecontrollers, you know, who write
all the paychecks like.
(06:27):
Everybody has access to me, andso that's been a really great
again experience in bringingmindfulness to a group of people
who really are undervalued andoverlooked.
I feel like city employees arejust told what to do and you
(06:48):
have to be a certain way, and sowhen they show up and learn how
to be more mindful in theirlife, it's like a ripple effect
that occurs within the city andwithin their organization.
So that's like a part of what Ido which is really fun.
Lunden Souza (07:07):
Yeah, I love hearing that because when I
signed up for your DNA webinar,there was like a drop down menu
that said are you a cityemployee of the city of San
Francisco or something alongthose lines.
And I remember just yeah,thinking like oh, how lucky
those people are to have thataccess to all of your tools and
all of your wisdom and, like yousaid, be able to feel supported
(07:31):
and recognized in ways thatmaybe they don't always feel in
the positions that they're in,and I think that, yeah,
regardless of what position wehold, incorporating more
mindfulness in the day-to-day.
What is mindfulness to you?
How do you define that?
(07:52):
Is it being aware of yourthoughts?
Is it becoming more aware ofyour awareness?
What is mindfulness in that bigpicture sense to you and how
you, yeah, bring that?
Lane Kennedy (08:07):
It's really simple for me.
It's like being present righthere, right now.
There is no other moment.
There's nothing else thatmatters except this conversation
that I'm having with you,Lunden, right, and I have like
two Irish wolfhounds and I havea son and I have a husband, like
, and I have a client listthat's demanding and right, like
(08:28):
things, but none of thatmatters because if I'm mindful,
I'm right here with you, engagedin this moment, which changes
my chemistry, which changes theway that we communicate together
, which changes our connectionand the coherence that we can
create.
It's like so cool, so that'swhat mindfulness is.
(08:49):
And people have all these ideasof what mindfulness is.
Yeah, right, and it's likedon't overthink it.
Lunden Souza (08:57):
Just don't Be here now.
Yeah, don't think of it, butyeah, in this present moment,
because oftentimes you know ourmind is ruminating or, you know,
repeating something that's inthe past, that we're, you know,
not present in this moment orworried about something in the
future or what we need to donext, or.
(09:31):
But yeah, I remember I was likeI don't know, maybe eight or 10
years ago, I can't rememberspecifically, but I just chose
to not use the word busy anymoreand said full.
And the other day, me and JenReno were messaging and she said
something like I know you'rebusy or you have a busy day.
And I was like no, I have afull day and I shared with her.
I'm like a long time ago Idecided that I didn't want to be
busy and all over the place,and so I would say, oh, my
(09:53):
schedule's really full today.
I had a full day, I had a fullweek, and that, for me, always
brought me back to that center,present moment of just like no,
it's full and there's capacityand abundance and juiciness in
this moment.
(10:14):
And being here now ismindfulness, and I think there's
a lot of tools and ways we getto access the reminder of no.
Be here now.
And what are your favoritemindfulness tools?
Lane Kennedy (10:35):
I like pleasant, unpleasant a lot.
That's like one of my favoritetools to use.
Is the experience pleasant orunpleasant?
You know, the mind again isvery judgmental and if I just
put those two categories up Ican navigate the world a lot
(10:56):
easier or easily.
So I like that tool.
Another one is just catching mybreath.
Lunden Souza (11:05):
Yeah, when you inhale, whenever I do, and you
just, not because I was thinkingthat, but just hearing your
breath.
I was like just that likeaudible exhale moment of just
soaking all of that oxygen.
Lane Kennedy (11:23):
Yeah, those are two of my favorite, where it's
again really easy but overlooked, forgotten.
Lunden Souza (11:31):
And is the pleasant unpleasant one?
Just like a self check-in oflike, right now, in this moment,
does it feel good or not feelgood, or where am I at?
What is the pleasant unpleasant?
Lane Kennedy (11:41):
No, the pleasant, unpleasant is a part of a
mindfulness-based stressreduction.
Matt, what is the pleasant,unpleasant?
No, the pleasant, unpleasant isa part of mindfulness-based
stress reduction.
It's part of a programmingaround how you approach your
life and every situation, everyaction.
You have a choice.
Is it pleasant or unpleasant?
Is it pleasant to go on a walk?
Well, no, because it's rainingout.
I don't want to be.
Or, yes, it is, and you don'thave to get into the dialogue
(12:07):
about it, because that's wherethe rumination starts to affect
and like trickle out into us.
So if we can just keep it tothose two categories, you can
move through things a lot morequickly and not get stuck.
Lunden Souza (12:21):
Yeah, got it Pleasant, unpleasant and yeah,
coming back to our breath,mm-hmm, what do you feel like is
?
I think you said somethingabout mindfulness being like the
connection to the presentmoment, or something like that
(12:43):
and, of course, on the flip side, there's the disconnect to that
that we oftentimes can call.
You know, insert, ailment,whatever, and I know that you
have been sober for a long time.
I know that Pat Smith Wellness,who I love, who's also part of
our community, who I know hedoes PSW shout out to him, part
of our community, who I know wejust PSW shout out to him he
(13:04):
also talks a lot about just yeah, being in a space of, um, yeah,
numbing and consumption andjust desiring to have that sober
life.
I also haven't, um, yeah, Ithink I've had like three or
four drinks in the last likeyear and a half, which is like,
yeah, so cool, you know, and Ijust I can remember just because
, like friends, birthdays,glasses of wine, and so I know
(13:28):
people listening right, whetheryou, yeah, that's a journey
you're needing to take or justdesiring to tap into, I know
that a disconnect from thatpresent moment can lead us to do
all sorts of things and havethings across the board that
we're struggling with and I kindof want to talk about what that
disconnect could be like andhow you found that reconnection
(13:49):
with the present moment andchose that.
Lane Kennedy (13:53):
I think addiction and this is where the DNA stuff
kind of comes into play isunderstanding that addiction and
disconnection are related andit's really driven by our
dopamine receptors, which isthrough our DNA where I can see
what's happening with somebody,and that people will often, you
(14:16):
know, like scold themselves andhave really horrific
conversations of you know, whycan I stop smoking cigarettes?
Or why do I keep drinking, whydo I keep shopping?
Why, why, like you know, andthen the disconnect is not being
in that present moment.
Because they're smoking so much.
Right, they're doing some kindof addictive behavior, but when
(14:37):
I'm able to share with them likewell, your DNA, your
genetically, this, like this, isyour predisposition, is this?
So what are you going to do tosupport yourself in not having
that run your life, right?
So how can you get into thepresent moment where you're not
(14:59):
having that run you?
And it takes a lot of effort.
It takes a commitment run you,and it takes a lot of effort.
It takes a commitment, it takeslike a willingness to go above
and beyond, and there'ssomething really dynamic about
understanding that it's not yourfault, right?
(15:19):
That's such a game changer whenI talk to people around it's
not your fault.
Lunden Souza (15:25):
Like.
Your DNA shows this and this iswhat your brain shows.
Lane Kennedy (15:30):
Right, it's generational here.
It's generational like threegenerations.
Here's the evidence.
And here you are, 30, 40, 50years later, dealing with the
trauma of your past.
It's been imprinted on you.
So now you know thisinformation.
So how are you going to changeit?
How are you going to stay inthe present moment with yourself
(15:52):
knowing that you're up againstthis?
And that's where you start tobuild tools.
That's where you start toreally use the NABA community.
Right, all the courseworkthat's in there that can support
people in shame.
Right, we have a course aroundshame.
We have a course around bodyimage.
We have a course around mindsetand thinking differently.
(16:13):
Right, we have these beautifulcourses that can support people
that are suffering from thatkind of not being able to get
into the present moment quiteyet because of their genetics.
I love that awakening.
Lunden Souza (16:31):
Yeah, and so what do you see in this genetic
testing, or what are you lookingat?
And what do you see whensomeone's more predisposed to
having addictive behavior?
And I love what you said tooabout or I don't know exactly
how you said it, but you didn'tsay like make it go away.
(16:51):
You said like how are you goingto like do your best when
you're up against it, orsomething very like.
Yeah, like in the game, you gotto be, like in that present
moment, ready to go, because younever know what quite you're up
against in that moment withthis.
Lane Kennedy (17:13):
You don't know.
You don't know what you don'tknow, right.
You walk into a dark closet.
You don't know what's in thereuntil you're in there feeling
things, right.
That's kind of the same waywith understanding your DNA.
It's like you don't know untilyou actually see it and somebody
has a session with you whereyou can understand it.
You know, it's one thing to getyour DNA from 23andMe and be
(17:35):
like, oh, this is what I am, butit's another to go through a
therapeutic session and have itexplained to you and then have a
plan created so you can get thesupport.
And that's why I think NABIT issuch a cool little hub, because
somebody who has an eatingdisorder, right, who's binging
(17:59):
food and then starvingthemselves, binging food and
starving themselves and I wentthrough that cycle so I can talk
about it very freely and openlybut somebody who's in that kind
of cycle we have a course inNABA that helps women or men
around body shame and how tolook at yourself and how to
appreciate who you are, right,that's like a stepping stone to
get into the present moment, tosupport your genetics, to start
(18:23):
making the shift, because yourgenes, your DNA, it is who it is
.
Now you can change the outcomeby changing the lifestyle
choices that you make.
Lunden Souza (18:37):
Does that make sense?
Yeah, that's the geneticsversus the epigenetics component
of like you have the genes, butare they expressed?
Lane Kennedy (18:42):
Are they expressed ?
Lunden Souza (18:43):
Right, making day-to-day choices in your
lifestyle.
That is going to support, likethe on or off switch of what's
going to be a little bit louderright, and still being mindful
of all the knobs.
Lane Kennedy (18:56):
Right, right, exactly.
You have to be mindful of allthe knobs, because it's not just
about one.
There's many.
Yeah.
Lunden Souza (19:07):
Yeah, and you mentioned dopamine.
Can we talk about?
Lane Kennedy (19:11):
that a little bit.
That's like more right, we justwant more.
Lunden Souza (19:16):
Yeah.
Lane Kennedy (19:17):
We want to feel more, and is that available?
On?
Lunden Souza (19:20):
the genetic testing that you do is like
looking to see what is.
Lane Kennedy (19:26):
Yeah, there's several dopamine receptors that
I'm able to view and eachdopamine receptor has a little
bit different leaning towards.
It's like they're not all thesame.
Yeah Right, so I can.
It's like I can see who theperson is before I even meet
(19:47):
them sometimes, Because peoplesometimes will just, you know,
order through me and then I getto do a consult with them, a
session, and I already know whothey are when they sit in my
chair, which sometimes, you know, some people get a little like,
oh, you're not.
It's like, are you a psychic?
I'm like no.
Lunden Souza (20:07):
Yeah, it's.
It's who you are.
It's in the genes.
Lane Kennedy (20:10):
It's just your blueprint, it's just yeah, yeah,
here you are.
Lunden Souza (20:14):
Your blueprint and I met.
I imagine that sometimes feelsfreeing and sometimes feels not
that for people Exactly, exactly.
Lane Kennedy (20:26):
I think there's a lot more freedom in it and a lot
more hope in it, because youcan make changes.
Yeah Right, we are all so, socapable of making change, and so
how it's like creating a teamof people, or getting around a
group of people who are going tosupport you in making those
changes, because a party of one,it can be done.
(20:47):
But why do that to yourselfwhen you can have so much fun
with a crew of people?
Lunden Souza (20:53):
Yeah, doing it together and, like you said, I
went through that so I can speakopenly about it, and I think
that's really what we get to see.
A lot in all that we do, thereis like just yeah, okay, that
happened, let me share, let medigest it, let me work through
that with you alongside andshare and help and make that
ripple even more.
And, like you said initially,the course on shame.
(21:15):
But I also think that's a lotof the feels that we often feel
surrounding some of thesestruggles and things that we're
navigating.
And it's nice to be in a spacealongside other people like you,
where all of that is like thenorm and important.
And the more we don't do that,the more the disconnect is there
(21:39):
and the more that we're able tospeak and, like you even said,
like you take something specificniche down on what you're
struggling with specifically,but also in that big picture,
it's just like more connection,more truth, more you know,
ability to just like own it andhave this be part of that
journey.
And what you're presentlynavigating, I think is, yeah, so
(22:03):
lovely and one of my favoritethings about talking on the
podcast and hanging out and um,your son was was at the event,
which was so cool, and what didhe think and what did he have a
choice in coming.
What was his take, keytakeaways and how do you parent
in a mindful way and teachmindfulness to a teenager?
(22:24):
Because that's probably not thesimplest butter on bread task,
or maybe it is, I don't know.
I always think moms, I justlove hearing from the way we
take what we learn and pass iton.
Lane Kennedy (22:39):
Yeah, I've done things really differently with
my son.
You know he wasn't allowedtechnology, he wasn't allowed a
phone.
He just got a phone at 15.
We're really kind of, you know,restrictive around technology
and his brain.
You know, the AmericanPediatric Society had said, you
(23:00):
know, the maximum time a childshould be on a device was two
hours and that was pre-pandemic.
Then pandemic hit and it's all.
Bets are off.
So now kids are on their deviceseight hours, nine hours, 10
hours a day, and so when I thinkabout that in my child and I
think about his geneticpropensity and his DRDs, his
(23:21):
genes, like I know that that's athat can be a big challenge.
So I lead by example.
Right, I have rules around howhe uses technology.
He has no screen days wherehe's just completely off
technology and he can read booksall day, I don't care.
He can go out to the park, hecan go to the library, whatever.
(23:42):
But I think the biggest tool isaround leading by example.
And when he came to Austin itwas, we were going on a road
trip, the two of us, you know wewere driving up the coast of
California, up to Oregon, up toWashington, up into Toronto, not
(24:04):
Toronto, vancouver, so we werejust in it together for like a
month and when we were in Austinhe was like-.
Lunden Souza (24:14):
It was just your next stop.
Next stop, come here, myfriends, right.
Lane Kennedy (24:19):
He was like I need time, mom.
We have a relationship wherehe's like we need space, I need
space from you.
You just go, do you.
And I was like, yeah, I'll dome.
One of the great things wasbeing at the pool and him
meeting up with, uh, sharla andand um, rob, robert, yeah, and
you know, he him bonding withRobert, you know right, like
(24:41):
just hanging out by the pooldoing what he wanted to, yeah,
and he has the confidence to dothat now because, again, I've
led by example.
I'm super out there.
Go get him approachable.
I'm going to go have aconversation with doesn't matter
who.
Like I don't see somebody beingmore important than me or less
(25:04):
important than me.
I'm just going to start havinga conversation with somebody.
So he kind of has that samesense about him and it's just
again inviting him intoconversations that are
challenging that he doesn't wantto have.
(25:25):
I constantly do that as welland ask him why, like, why are
you guys doing that?
You wouldn't get it, mom, buttell me more.
So I'm constantly kind ofasking him to use his brain to
think about things so he canexpress himself, which this
(25:51):
generation and these pandemickids.
Their math skills are down.
Their reading skills are down,their social academics are down,
like everything.
So I've been kind of veryproactive in supporting him and
it's still a challenge.
Lunden Souza (26:11):
Yeah, Tell me more engaging more.
Lane Kennedy (26:15):
Engaging more yeah .
Lunden Souza (26:16):
Like you said, to be that example, I was talking
to this guy.
I was talking to this guy,brian.
We chatted for the podcast onFriday and he just talks.
His message is random acts ofkindness and just being in the
goodness game of just giving andyou know and I asked him that
too of you know, he has threeteenage boys.
(26:37):
I think he said I'm like, how doyou parent that, do you like?
And he's like, oh yeah, well,you know, lead by example.
And we have like a givingportion of all the money that we
bring in that we just do forwhat they get 10 bucks for
allowance.
You put a dollar in the givingjar and like we, you know
there's just certain things wedo, but like you said, um, it's
a lot of it is just like yeah,you're with them, day in and day
(27:04):
out like be that, and thenthey'll see that, and then it
becomes part of yeah.
I mean, granted, phones weredifferent too when we first got
our phones, but mine was, yeah,15 or 16, like when I started
driving, and so I'm not a parent, but sometimes I think about
that because I work with a lotof kids and I'm like, yeah,
probably like when you drive,and even now there's like the
watches that you can call fromor track from, which I think is
cool, because then, um, yeah, Iremember when we didn't have
(27:27):
self or anything and I wasprobably like mom, I'm going to
go into a friend's house, youknow, and probably was.
I probably was at a friend'shouse, but maybe not that
friend's house, right, Somewhereelse.
Lane Kennedy (27:39):
Right, I think there's also.
I think about um.
In contrast to my life andgrowing up, um like I was
drinking at 16, like I wasalready starting into my
addiction.
So you know, am I keeping atight grip on him?
A hundred percent?
(28:00):
I am, uh, but I also because ofthe household that I grew up in
and the time that I grew up in.
It's very different than it isnow.
It's like mandatory that we eatall together, like 6.30, we're
sitting at the dinner tabletogether.
He, one night a week gets tosit by himself.
It's like we have a structuredlife, there's scaffolding in
(28:25):
place to support him in hiswell-being.
And I think again, this is bychoice that I've done this and
it hasn't been convenient at all.
I'll just say that.
But I also really understandand know my history, my life,
(28:47):
and I know other kids that areout there.
It's a mess, I'm just going tosay it.
It's a mess.
Lunden Souza (28:54):
It's fine, but there's also a lot of families
that are together and you workwith people who see a lot and
you know a lot and that's yourarena.
So so you like the dinner timeis like yeah, you're at home, we
know where you're at.
At 6 30 PM we're winding downfor the evening.
Lane Kennedy (29:09):
You're not out and about getting into.
Yeah, he has a.
He has a bedtime.
He's in bed, lights are out bynine, 15, like end of story,
where other teenagers right noware going to bed at 10, 11
o'clock and he understands hisbody rhythm, like he's tapped
into that.
He understands that when he'son the phone he gets a headache,
(29:31):
like his emotional intelligenceis tapped in, which, at the end
of the day, if that's all I'vedone, I've won the game here on
this one.
Lunden Souza (29:50):
Yeah, yeah, the EQ , yeah, powerful, yeah, so
important.
Yeah, I'm just as you'retalking, I'm thinking about me
at that age and, yeah, startingto, like you said, drink and
smoke, weed and just more andlots of things.
Lane Kennedy (30:05):
Yeah.
Lunden Souza (30:06):
And my parents also had us in bed at, you know,
8.30.
We were supposed to be in bed,we had dinner all together and I
was also out the windowpartying a lot.
And I share that because andI've talked to my parents openly
and honestly about this butit's like the boundaries were
(30:27):
there, but I don't think alwaysthe communication, it was just
like you're not allowed to doanything and nothing, and so I
would always want to go to thefriend's house that the parents
were a little bit more lenient,not to say that was right or
wrong, but as a kid that's whatI wanted.
I just like I feel like maybethe leash was a little bit too
tight and I, you know, jokeabout that with my parents now
and we talk about things.
So it's, it's all good, but Ihad that and I was still, like
(30:52):
you know, doing all the thingsand I'm still grateful, looking
back now, for that structure andI think that was important for
my brain and learning about thedeveloping brain and maybe
certain disconnects I hadgenetically and maybe still do
have.
I really want to get all mytesting done with you this is
making me think about things butdid not have probably as much
(31:15):
emotional intelligence as yourson and was very impulsive for
sure, and that's something thatI think now I probably navigate
in ways of using mindfulnesspractices to be less impulsive,
but I can see how that, even inmy emotional reactions to
certain things communicationstyle, areas where I really have
(31:37):
to like do a little hug backthere and, yeah, yeah, in some
instances right, like in yourcase and people that you work
with it becomes like a real,real, real thing that you
navigate daily and I just thinkit's.
(31:58):
I think Desiree might havecommented on one of your posts
that you shared about just howpeople in recovery is just so
motivating for her to just seehow the moment by moment
activation of people in in thatspace um is.
And so I'm sure somebodylistening is in recovery or know
(32:19):
someone who's in recovery orwants to be in recovery, or
maybe this is what they'relistening to, to know that it's
the next best step for theirjourney.
Like, what's that been like?
And, like you said, 15, youwere already drinking.
I mean, fast forward to thelast 10 months.
I have known you, like how didthat go in your life and how did
you find the connections to?
Lane Kennedy (32:41):
Yeah, you know I'm very fast, like I like to do
things fast.
My nickname was Fast Lane.
Life in the Fast Lane yeah justI'm going right and so drinking
I did fast, I was messy fast andthen when I fell into recovery,
(33:03):
this was like the best thingever and it happened fast.
Once I had my last drink Ididn't drink again.
I'm fortunate enough to saythat I got sober through the 12
steps and it stuck with me.
And I use the 12 steps becausethose are spiritual principles
(33:27):
and they're principles that Ifound in Buddhism.
They're principles that I foundin Christianity.
They're principles that I foundin Buddhism.
They're principles that I foundin Christianity.
They're principles that I havefound in Judaism.
They are principles, and sothose principles help me survive
and thrive in my life and Ijust continue to go back to them
.
(33:48):
And a lot of people kind of gethung up on terminology and a lot
of people get hung up withAlcoholics Anonymous and a lot
of people get hung up on smartrecovery and it's just like stop
labeling it all.
Just find what works for youand do it Like that's it,
(34:13):
whatever is going to work foryou, and do it Like that's it.
Whatever's going to work foryou, do it, and as long as
you're happy.
Right, there's a lot of talk inthe recovery communities around
you know people die.
People die and we don't know itbecause they're dead, and we
don't know it because they'redead and there's a lot of
(34:35):
statistics.
So why not start changing thatconversation around?
Being a sober statistic, why notbecome alcohol-free and change
your life?
Because what happens as aresult of stopping one habit,
(34:56):
the action of drinking, yourwhole life changes, which is so
profound to me, and it could bestopping smoking cigarettes, but
it's the addictive quality,that addiction.
Stopping that one thing, thatone behavior, is the domino that
changes your whole life, whichis profound to me, which is a
(35:19):
spiritual.
It's again, it goes back tothat spiritual act.
Everything is spiritual.
Lunden Souza (35:25):
Yeah, yeah, Find what works for you and stick to
it.
I like when you said it wasvery fast and then getting
recovery, getting in recoveryand having that happen fast.
It made me think of a closefriend of mine.
I just remembered she was, yeah, in recovery.
Same thing, Just like when shedecided.
And then she's been sober for ayear, I think, maybe over a
decade now, and she's like, ohyeah, it's just like.
(35:45):
In that moment I just I knowlike it went from everything to
nothing and yeah, she just, andit can be that simple.
Lane Kennedy (35:57):
That is what is so amazing, Lunden, is that it's
that decision and you're done.
And people get all heady aboutit and start thinking when
thinking is the problem, becauseaddiction is a mental illness
which is a thinking problem, anda lot of people don't
understand that.
They think it's a drinkingproblem or a smoking problem or
(36:19):
a too much sex problem, when inreality it's the thinking, it's
the cognition.
So if you make a decision, I'mdone, then you don't have to
ruminate about it anymore.
Lunden Souza (36:32):
Yeah, yeah, make that decision that I'm done,
then you don't have to ruminateabout it anymore.
Yeah, yeah, make that decisionthat I'm done.
A friend of mine one time, whenI was not being mindful and not
in the present moment, but welove friends like this she
snapped in the middle of my faceand she goes Lunden.
This moment is inevitable.
This moment is inevitable andthis moment she just kept going
(36:54):
we love Trisha, we love friendslike Trisha.
And just brought me back tothat like split second decision
moment of just like you're, youknow, and it just reminded me in
that moment to come back tothat.
Of course, the snap, just youknow, brought me right back to
that rhythm and there.
But also, you know, brought meback to like hey, you're kind of
wasting precious moments.
You're not here yet, you know,like come back here and, um, you
(37:18):
know, remember, it can be thatsplit second decision, and I'm
assuming, with recovery, it'smultiple bajillions of split
second decisions, moment bymoment you know and that's kind
of bringing you back to thepresent of no, I'm still
choosing this and who I want tobe in this moment is this, but
the tug of war I always think of, like a Stretch Armstrong, that
(37:39):
old, poor boy of like we'reover here in the future and in
the past and there's a lot of,yeah, generous fertile-ness to
the present moment that we getto have.
And the thought, like you said,that's not the problem, it's
the thought.
(38:00):
What's the thought?
What was the thought for you?
What's the thought that you getto not have anymore or get to
reframe?
Lane Kennedy (38:10):
That I need to drink to get through anything
that I need to check out, likethere's nothing worth checking
out anymore, like the presentmoment is amazing.
But I was never taught thatthere's a bunch of skills that I
was just never taught becausemy parents weren't I mean, they
(38:31):
were young hippies that I wasjust never taught because my
parents weren't I mean, theywere young hippies.
So it's like they didn't know.
You know, my grandma didn'tknow that.
Her grandma like it.
Just again, it's generational.
So that's why, you know, for meand my son it's like I am very
present with him.
It's intentional on how myhusband and I are raising him
(38:52):
more so for me, but yeah.
Lunden Souza (38:56):
Yeah, Reminding him of, yeah, like you said, and
then with technology and allthe things, I mean that's
another stretch Armstrongpulling us in different
directions yeah, yeah.
How many people do you or howlike do you work with on a
regular basis that you know havegotten sober Like?
(39:17):
Do you know the ripple of beingum life in the fast lane and
now helping people get in theirlane?
Do you know how many peopleyou've impacted?
I feel like you've helped somany people.
Lane Kennedy (39:26):
Thousands, by this time it's thousands.
Yeah, it's um.
And now that I have thesobriety for dummies book, it's
even more so, Right?
So it's like it just keepsgoing and I'm not, like I'm not
in charge of that.
Lunden Souza (39:43):
Yeah.
Lane Kennedy (39:45):
Like I just show up and I've served.
Lunden Souza (39:48):
Yeah.
Lane Kennedy (39:50):
Yeah, this is not.
This was not the plan, thoughlet me tell you that, like my
plan was, I was on my way, youknow, fashion modeling.
Lunden Souza (39:58):
That that was the plan like who's sir, like oh
yeah, and you were a supermodel,weren't you like who?
Like who's serving them?
Lane Kennedy (40:05):
it's not that I forgot, but we're just on that
topic, like hello, like and doyou sometimes think about?
Lunden Souza (40:12):
I think about this too, because I feel like
there's been a lot of coolcompartments of my life highs,
lows, whatever but you're likeoh shit, I had a super ma, I did
this, like, like you said, andit's not the plan, it's just
like, when you are in thatpresent space, a little dance in
very cool directions.
Lane Kennedy (40:30):
Yeah, yeah, I can reflect on my life and just be
like that's really cool.
I was able to do all that and Ididn't die.
That's cool.
Lunden Souza (40:44):
I got through all that and, yeah, lived to tell
about it.
Yeah, and, like you said, a lotof people don't.
Why not become the statistic inthe other direction?
Do you still go to meetings?
Lane Kennedy (40:58):
I do.
I do in principle.
It's just the principle ofservice and showing that it's
possible.
There was a place for me to gowhen I needed it, so I hold that
space for others, yeah.
Lunden Souza (41:18):
I love that, so, so fantastic.
The principle of service whencan we connect with you even
further?
We want to do DNA testing.
Or you mentioned your booksobriety for dummies.
I'm going to link everything inthe description, but tell us
that part.
Lane Kennedy (41:36):
Everything is at lanekennedycom.
I have a mindfulness app, Ihave the Sobriety for Dummies, I
have DNA, all of itlanekennedycom.
You can find me there.
Lunden Souza (41:47):
Yay.
Thank you so much for thislovely conversation today and
thank you guys for listening.
I feel like there's so manyavenues for listeners just to
learn and become more aware ofthe opportunities that are
available for them and ways,like you said, where it's not
your fault but you get to do amore specific dance with people
(42:08):
that also get to do yourspecific dance, and I just feel
like there's so many ways toplug into what you have and I'm
so grateful to know you and I'mexcited to keep getting to know
you.
Lane Kennedy (42:21):
It's so, it's so amazing, Like I feel like I wake
up in the morning now.
It's like I'm unpackaging orunwrapping this gift of life and
it's like who do I get to playwith, who do I get to hang out
with, who do I get to meet?
Who?
Lunden Souza (42:34):
do I get to play with?
Lane Kennedy (42:35):
Yeah, it's like every day it's new and exciting
for me and I just I never wantto take that for granted Like
that's what living for me is allabout.
It's like being present andcontinuing to unwrap that
present.
Lunden Souza (42:49):
It's a gift.
Thank you for being here, lane.
Thank you, guys for listeningand we'll see you at the next
episode.
Thank you so much for listeningto this episode of Self Love
and Sweat the Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode orwere inspired by it or something
(43:12):
resonated with you, do me afavor and share this episode
with a friend, someone that youthink might enjoy this episode
as well.
That's the ultimate complimentand the best way to make this
podcast ripple out into theworld of others, and also you
can leave us a review up to fivestars wherever you're listening
(43:34):
to the podcast.
Thank you so much for listeningand we'll see you at the next
episode.
I appreciate you.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!