March 16, 2025 • 41 mins
Text us your feedback on this episode
Heart attacks aren't just a men's issue-it's the #1 killer of women, and knowing the signs could save your life. In this episode, Dr. Kirsten Thornhill shares her shocking experience of having a heart attack in her 30s and what every woman needs to know about heart health. Tune in to learn how to protect your heart and take control of your well-being.
We dive into:
❤️ The signs of a heart attack in women (they’re NOT always what you think!)
💡 How stress, exercise, and lifestyle impact cardiovascular health
🚨 Why young women often ignore heart attack symptoms—and what to do instead
About Dr. Kirsten Thornhill:
She empowers PhDs to transition into non-academic careers while advancing healthcare through clinical research. She also hosts full moon events and brings joy with her vibrant fashion and warm presence.
SOCIAL MEDIA LINKS:
IG: @kthorn_
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kirstenthornhill/
LinkTree: https://linktr.ee/drkirstenthornhill
Timestamps to help you navigate this episode:
0:00 Intro
0:24 FREE Self Love & Sweat MONTHLY Calendar
5:55 Heart Attack Experience at Age 30
16:47 Heart Attack Warning Signs
21:38 The Dark Period After the Heart Attack
36:18 Heart Health Advice for Women
FREE Self Love & Sweat Monthly Life Coaching Calendar: http://lifelikelunden.com/calendar
2 FREE HIGH INTENSITY RESISTANCE TRAINING WORKOUTS: https://lifelikelunden.activehosted.com/f/169
One-On-One Life Coaching & NLP with Lunden:
http://lifelikelunden.com/vip
Connect with Lunden:
IG: @lifelikelunden
YouTube: https://youtube.com/lundensouza
LinkedIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lundensouza/
Twitter: @lifelikelunden
Use code LUNDEN25 for a discount on Snap Supplements: https://bit.ly/snapsweat
Podcast Sound Design Intro & Outro: https://hitspotaudio.com/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Lunden Souza (00:00):
Welcome to Self Love and Sweat the podcast, the
place where you'll get inspiredto live your life
unapologetically, embrace yourperfect imperfections and do
what sets your soul on fire.
I'm your host, Lunden Souza.
Hey, before we jump into thisepisode, I just want to make
(00:27):
sure that you get all the freethings possible, If you haven't
already.
You need to get your self-loveand sweat free monthly life
coaching calendar.
Honestly, the way to experiencedeep change in your life is by
doing small little things overtime, and so that's what you'll
(00:48):
find in this free calendar.
You can get it by going tolifelikelunden.
com/calendar.
Get yours for free and let'sget into today's episode.
Happy today and welcome back tothe podcast.
Today's guest is such a gift,just such a wonderful woman that
(01:10):
I've had the privilege ofmeeting here, living in Utah,
and the funny thing is is we'realso from basically the same
hometown in Central California,which we figured out the day
that we met.
We have Dr Kirsten Thornhillhere today.
Can I say that?
Is that okay if I introduce youas doctor?
I love that you're a doctor.
Yes, yes, it is new but yes.
(01:33):
Yeah, thank you for being heretoday and I just want to briefly
intro how we met and then youguys are going to hear how
freaking awesome and why I loveKirsten so much.
But we met in the teepee.
So we met my friend, becca, whoI met out here in Utah.
She has a teepee like a legitteepee in her backyard where she
does sound baths, plantmedicine ceremonies Just it's
(01:56):
such a great place.
I love going to Becca's teepee.
So one day, me and my neighborBryson, we go to Becca's house
for a hot bay sound bath andthere's like a little intimate
circle I think there's maybelike six of us, small group, and
we're just all, like you know,just chit-chatting and talking
about where we're from.
And I mentioned I was from asmall town in Central California
and Kirsten's eyes lit up in away that only people from the
(02:17):
209 light up Like wait where?
And we figured out we're from.
Yeah, very close to the sametown, have a lot of friends that
know each other wild, but notwild, because I feel like things
happen like that in my life andin your life too, all the time.
And I remember that day youcame in and you were just like
sharing what you had gonethrough.
There was a lot happening inthat moment and I just remember
(02:41):
sitting back and being like, ohmy gosh, this girl's so badass.
She's just showing up forherself, showing up for the
journey.
No shame, guilt or what she'sbeen going through, just it
rolled off the tongue, right.
And those listening you know ifyou've yeah, for those listening
, this could be their firstepisode they've ever listened to
, but probably not.
And in my family it was likeyou didn't talk about the hard
(03:02):
things, you just pretended likeeverything was okay and you just
said you were all good and youput a smile and some lipstick on
and everything was great, right.
And here's this gorgeous,wonderful, vibrant, human,
kirsten, in the teepee, justlike this is what happened.
Here's what I've been doing.
It was just like so as if youwere just talking about anything
, and I love that and that'swhat I love about the podcast
(03:24):
and what I love about you.
And so, before I pressed recordon the episode for today, I
told Kirsten I'm like, well,let's just talk like we normally
do Just now we're pressingrecord, right, but I'm so happy
to have you here.
I freaking adore you.
Tell us a little bit about you,so that the listener can just
yeah, understand more about you.
Dr. Kirsten Thornhill (03:42):
Oh well, thank you for that introduction.
My cheeks already hurt.
We've just begun, I don't evenknow where to start.
What I would say is, ifsomebody said who you are, I
really just try and show up inthis human experience to the
best of my abilities, and whatthat typically looks like is
(04:04):
showing and sharing love withpeople, even though
professionally I just became adoctor and I do research.
But personally I think I'm alot more grounded and self aware
to be able to connect withpeople on very, very different
(04:24):
scopes and levels, and then thatkind of translates and bleeds
into what I do professionally.
Lunden Souza (04:31):
Yes, I remember Well, we were at Friendsmas Was
Friendsmas, right, that's whatit's called At my neighbor
Bryson's house and I invitedKirsten I'm like come over and
then we were sitting next toeach other, yeah, talking and
talking about how, how awkwardit is when people ask you what
(04:53):
you do and how we kind of don'tlike that question, and how you
were like, yeah, I just like Idon't, I don't know about how I
feel, like saying that I'm adoctor and we were just talking
about that.
Then we're in the gift exchangeand we're all in a circle and we
have to say something we'reexcited about and Kirsten goes
I'm excited because I'm a doctor, and you let it out.
Which is that's.
I love that, Right.
It's like when you havesomething that you're a little
(05:15):
bit like funky about, might aswell just like say it and get it
out.
What was that moment like foryou?
What was going through yourhead?
Do you feel different now thatyou say doctor, Where's that
stand?
Dr. Kirsten Thornhill (05:31):
Yeah.
So imposter syndrome leaks intous any given day, any given
time, no matter what we'veaccomplished or not.
And when I did arrive to thatparty, I was looking for you
because I was like I know no one, but I know Lunden and I know
she is radiant, so these peoplewill reflect that too.
And I started talking to agentleman and he's like what do
you do?
And I think my philosophicalbrain said in what regard?
(05:52):
Like professionally orpersonally, because my innate
reaction to that question is I'mhaving an intense human
experience and getting to findout things along the way.
But professionally that's adifferent story and I didn't go
into that.
He was really surprised.
That was my response.
But then, when we were in thisbeautiful circle and people were
sharing things they're excitedabout and I knew nothing about
(06:14):
them I was like, okay, I amexcited that I finally finished
school after 10 years and I havebeen working on being seen and
being heard more and I am reallyproud of that.
So I'm going to share it,regardless of how people respond
.
I'm excited.
And so it was like a verybeautiful opportunity to get to
(06:34):
use my voice to share what I wasproud of, even though it was
just a glimpse of getting tomeet new people, and we're all
sharing this minor thing andnone of us know each other.
Lunden Souza (06:45):
I love that.
I love that.
I remember looking over at youand being like, oh okay, she's
going to own it.
Today's the day she's owning itand I'm right next to you and I
love it.
I want to talk about your heartattack.
I want to talk about your 30,right, Did you have your heart
attack at 30?
Right after.
Dr. Kirsten Thornhill (07:03):
I turned 30.
Lunden Souza (07:07):
you had your heart attack at 30.
Right after I turned 30.
What, what, what?
Yeah, like physically what wasgoing on, and like I know you
see it, cause that's how we rollit was like it's it's something
more than just the heart attack, Right, but like what
physically happened, what wasgoing on?
And then, yeah, tell us thatstory.
Dr. Kirsten Thornhill (07:20):
Wild story in hindsight right.
If only our foresight was assignificant and impactful as our
hindsight.
My background is in preventivecardiology, so through school I
worked with inpatient,outpatient physicians and
patients to help withpreventative health measures to
(07:43):
help people before they have aheart attack, like how, what
markers can we find?
You know, what type of physicalactivity can we recommend, what
type of stress copingmechanisms?
And so me having a heart attackwas never in my cards.
I it was probably early May Igot bronchitis out of nowhere,
(08:05):
probably through cycling andbeing around people or maybe
just being in social settings,and so I took time off of
exercise and my coughing gotreally bad.
So I ended up going to urgentcare and I had minor pneumonia
and I just had a viralbronchitis.
So there wasn't really anyantibiotics I could be put on
just to rest, warm liquids,really really rest.
(08:28):
And so that was really hard forme because I love to exercise,
I love to move my body, and so Ireally took time off until I
physically had no more symptomsto ensure I'd be okay to come
back to exercise.
So I returned.
I was cycling again to exercise, so I returned.
I was cycling again like normal.
(08:49):
I didn't need an inhaler, I was.
I was just slowly getting backinto it and I think I cycled
about four days that week andhad no problem and I was like,
great, I'm back.
I just fell a little weakbecause I was sick for two,
three weeks and then on thefifth day of cycling that week I
had a heart attack while I wasin class and I had no idea.
I just had stabbing pain in mydiaphragm, so right between like
(09:09):
my belly button and my chest inthat area, and it kept getting
worse when I tried to take deepbreaths and I was cycling at
about 85% to 100% of my maximum,so I was breathing really hard.
And then I struggled to breatheand I was trying to diagnose
myself really quickly and say,okay, is this because I haven't
(09:31):
exercised?
Is something going on that I'mnot aware of?
And so I didn't want to get upand leave class because at that
point I started hyperventilatingbecause I couldn't get a deep
breath, and so I said, okay, I'mgoing to wait here until class
is over and somebody can help meoff and we can try and figure
out what's going on.
At that time I also didn't knowif anyone else had a medical
(09:52):
background in the room that if Iwere to get off the bike and
fall, if somebody could save me.
So I said I'm going to stay on.
So class ended, my partnerhelped me get off the bike and I
still was saying I'm reallystruggling to breathe.
I was checking my pulse inclass and obviously it was
really high, which wasn'thelping, cause I was like, okay,
I'm exercising, of course mypulse is high, I don't really
know what's going on and I haveno medical history of cardiac on
(10:16):
either side of the family, bythe way, no history of anything.
And so I go home and the chestpains are still really bad.
So I try and sit in the showerbecause I'm thinking, okay,
maybe my lungs are stillaffected, and so I tried to get
some steam in there and justtake some deeper breaths slowly
in the shower and it didn'treally help.
And so I went to lay down andkind of just lay in fetal
(10:40):
position because closing mychest, my chest, or contracting
my chest felt a little bitbetter.
I tried to fall asleep and Ikept having.
I heard a voice say don't fallasleep, you might not wake up.
And it happened twice and itwasn't my voice, I have no idea
whose it was, and I tried toroll over and fall asleep one
(11:01):
more time, and when I rolledover onto my back, I like gasped
for air.
Um, and that's when I told mypartner I think I need to go to
the emergency room.
I don't know what's happeningand I think it's beyond what I
can help myself with.
Uh, and so by the time hehopped in the shower and it was
maybe 10 minutes from when Itold him we need to go, and
(11:23):
luckily St Mark's is rightwithin a mile of our place, so
he was able to take me there andby the time we got to the ER,
which was only 10 minutes afterI said this, I couldn't even
talk.
I walked into the ER and myhands were on my knees and I was
literally hitting my chest,trying to tell the nurse that I
couldn't breathe because Ididn't know I was having heart
(11:45):
attack.
And so they got me back rightaway and I was really kind of
going into shock because I hadbeen in such discomfort.
And so they ran an EKG on mefirst and I asked to see it
because I wanted to know whatwas going on, because I didn't
think it was my heart, becausepreviously I had bronchitis that
was more of a lung issue, andso my EKG came back normal and
(12:06):
so at first I thought, okay,this is good, my heart's okay, I
don't know what's going on, andso took me back for blood work.
You know that ER visit ended upbeing almost eight hours before
I got admitted and I really gotnervous when they said I needed
to get a CT scan to see if Ihad a pulmonary embolism.
(12:27):
And when I came in I could talkin very short bursts when I had
a breath, and so I let themknow about my background and
that they could talk to memedically to tell me what's
going on and not beat around thebush or something.
And they said, okay, we'regoing to get you back to see if
you have a pulmonary embolism.
And my partner does not have amedical background and I he kind
(12:49):
of saw me like start to freakout and I wanted to cry but I
couldn't breathe, so cryingwould have obviously made me
need to breathe harder.
And he said what's going on?
I said they're going to see ifI have a blood clot in my lungs
and it could go at any time andI could die.
And I said that and he juststared at me and that was when I
(13:09):
was really scared because I hadbronchitis and so I thought, oh
my gosh, what if it issomething to do with my lungs?
So there was like an hour ofwaiting before they could get me
in for the CT and then it tookabout an hour after the CT to
get the results and luckily Ididn't have a pulmonary embolism
.
So I was like thank goodness,because at that time, while I'm
waiting, I'm also like if I dohave one it could rupture and
(13:32):
luckily I'm in this facility andhopefully I can be taken care
of.
But that's terrifying, becausewhat if I exercised and made it?
Lunden Souza (13:40):
worse.
You're there like you're in theposition of needing the support
and you know so much, I imagine, like, not that you don't know
more, but knowing more probably,you know, made you more
petrified.
Dr. Kirsten Thornhill (13:51):
Oh, absolutely, because uh, you,
absolutely.
Because the doctor's coming inand telling me how certain
variables in my blood resultsare increasing, which means I
was actively, continuouslyhaving a heart attack while I
was in there.
And to give some perspective,they look at your troponin
levels and somebody who's havinga major heart attack has
(14:12):
troponin levels in the blood ofabout like 5,000, like massive
amounts.
I was in the hundreds range andit was continuing.
So I was having a minor heartattack while I was in there and
so every couple hours they didmy blood work and my troponin
was still increasing, and sothey kept telling me to try and
remain calm.
But I'm like, okay, I'mactively having a heart attack
(14:33):
while I'm sitting here and I'mjust waiting for I don't know.
So they ended up keeping meovernight and that was a really
weird 24, 48 hours of I'm apatient in a room that I once
would come in and work withpatients, with patients.
(15:00):
And this is really surrealbecause days before I got a
state award from the state ofUtah and got invited to this big
gala and was, um, I got votedbest in education for the state
and it was just like this beingseen.
It was this first time of likeme being seen post finishing
school and then I have a heartattack a couple of days later.
And so while I'm in there, Iget an email that I was in the
Provo Herald and here's thisarticle about me and the title
(15:24):
was like doctoral student excelsthrough rock bottoms.
And I just start crying,laughing while I'm in the
hospital, because I was just ata career high two days ago and
now I don't even know this is arock bottom yet.
But I'm like this has got to bea rock bottom of my physical
health.
I've never endured a physicalhealth problem, luckily and
(15:47):
gratefully, besides sportsinjuries.
And so I'm laughing and thenurse is like, are you okay?
I'm like, and so I'm laughingand the nurse is like are you
okay?
I'm like, absolutely not.
I'm in the newspaper, but I'mhere, and so that that was that
immediate experience, right,it's forever stamped in my brain
because it was so extreme andit's something I've never gone
(16:09):
through before.
And then I didn't even thinkabout what would happen next.
I just wanted to make sure Iwas okay.
So that was May last year.
Lunden Souza (16:20):
Yeah, and here we are, yeah, february.
So, yeah, march, a few monthsWe'll have to have a little
celebration of your one year.
Now you're healthy, absolutelyCommemorate that.
But what's interesting to meand I'm sure there's people
listening that think this too Ihonestly thought when you have a
heart attack, you just collapseLike I didn't think you could
(16:41):
like, yeah, distinguish if youwant to get on the bike or off
the bike.
Like you know, I didn't realizethat there's this, yeah, that
that's what a heart attack canbe or look like.
So I just feel like I learnedso much right now because I
thought like, oh, that that'swhat a heart attack can be or
look like.
So I just feel like I learnedso much right now because I
thought like, oh, your heartjust does its heart attack thing
.
And then you're, you know, onthe ground or you just I didn't
realize that there's, um, yeah,like you could have awareness
(17:04):
through that, and maybe someonelistening has gone through that
before or didn't know thateither, right, and I just think,
yeah, that's super interesting,right, you're not just attack
and then done.
It's like there are some thingsto maybe notice or pay
attention to or, like you said,those voices are just an inner
knowing of like wait, I need toget checked out.
Dr. Kirsten Thornhil (17:25):
Absolutely , and I definitely want to echo
or bold underline that womenhave different symptomatic
responses during a heart attackthan men, and we've probably
heard or been informed thatright, maybe left arm tingling
and chest pain is a typical signof a heart attack which it is
but in women it may present verydifferently.
(17:47):
It may be chest pain that'scoming and going, it may be a
shortness of breath, it may beall of a sudden, maybe a few
days of extreme onset oftiredness, and so I definitely
encourage people becauseunfortunately you won't know
until you know to try and reallycheck in with yourself.
Right, how are you physicallyfeeling?
Lunden Souza (18:08):
How are what are the levels called?
Again, sorry, I didn't mean tointerrupt you.
You said what's the T word?
A troponin, troponin, right?
So you're not just going tolike feel off and want to go run
and get your troponin levelschecked all the time, right?
It's like how do you know whenit's time to, especially as a
woman, like you said?
You're not, you're not.
Yeah, the symptoms aredifferent, or different than
(18:30):
what you would expect, or likebeing tired, I would never think
oh hard, you know and not thatwe want people to think big
things out of something that'snot that big, but like I would
never have known that never, andit's also so important and not
to even stretch it as far ashypochondriac in your journal.
Dr. Kirsten Thornhill (18:50):
Whether you journal or just make a note.
If you notice just feelingweird one day, just write it
down.
It may be nothing right, it mayjust be stress from work or you
know where you're at in yourmenstrual cycle or whatever it
is.
But just make a note.
If you feel like something'sweird or just you know, just
write it down.
Because once I was in there,once we figured out the
(19:11):
diagnosis of having a minorheart attack.
I had acute pericarditis, whichis where the swelling of the
lining around my heart filledwith fluid and I was obviously
cycling really hard and my heartcouldn't keep up with the
demand.
But that resulted because theinfection from the bronchitis
(19:32):
went from my lungs to my heartand no one knew.
I didn't know, the doctorsdidn't know.
They said this happens to lessthan 1% of people and it's
typically in people that are intheir twenties and thirties that
are really active because we'repushing our physical boundaries
.
Uh, and so that once I got thatinformation I was like this is
really weird, because somethinghappened to me that no one would
(19:55):
have expected, I would havenever known.
And some of the symptoms I didstill have, like I mentioned,
the sharp, sharp chest pain andeven the days a couple of days
before I was really tired, butit was hard for me to ever think
about it could be a heartattack because I was getting
over being sick.
You know, I started cyclingagain.
I just thought those werepotential things that would
(20:17):
happen when I'm getting backinto it.
And so when they were like,have you noticed any tiredness
or shortness of breath the lastfew days?
And I said yes, but I don'tknow if it's correlational or
causational, because I was alsosick, and so even just saying
those things out loud to thephysicians and the team that I
was working with, I was like, oh, those are some things I kind
(20:39):
of brushed off.
Or, you know, maybe I could havetold my partner or told a
friend of like, oh, that isreally weird.
I'm feeling like this today.
Just kind of voicing it outloud or sharing it with somebody
could really help to make surethat you're with someone or
you're not alone during thesetimes where you kind of feel off
, because what would havehappened if I fell asleep?
(20:59):
I have no idea what would havehappened if I didn't go to cycle
that class and there were 40people around me, like so you
know, everything happens in thetiming that it does for a reason
, whether you understand it ornot, at that time right
Hindsight or foresight.
But I'm glad things happenedthe way they did and the timing
(21:20):
that they did, because the rock,so to speak, that was dropped
in the pond that day rippled.
It's still rippling for me, butfor probably four months after
that I was in a really darkplace and I have a lot of
gratitude for that space that Iwas in.
But wow, what a life experienceto have a part of you
(21:44):
physically die.
Lunden Souza (21:47):
And that's when I met you is when we were in the
teepee and you were like comingout of that dark period.
I was just talking about thisbecause before you and I hopped
on, I was on a one-on-one clientcall and you said you know,
everything happens for a reason.
We might not be sure about it.
I like to say things happen andwe make a reason, rather than
(22:08):
everything happens for a reason,because these stories that we
tell are so tight knit right Interms of you know, so what's
your?
What?
Like you, said I, when you lookback, you kind of don't wish it
didn't happen.
Of course, in the moment youknow all the things, but like
things happen and we make areason, what's why you didn't
have a heart attack?
Dr. Kirsten Thornhill (22:29):
What a question.
I think it's multifactorial forsure, but one is I needed to
slow down, and whether thatmeant physically slowing down
because I was trying to take onthe world, or if that meant
emotionally and mentally slowingdown and checking in with
myself because I became so goodat being there for others and
(22:54):
putting everything first, Istill was in a really good place
to put some of my needs there,but I still wasn't my main focus
.
And that experience had tohappen for me to one truly love
myself at rock bottom.
I physically can't even walk upthe stairs for months.
(23:14):
I'm on bedrest, I am left withme, and I'm really glad that at
that time I already had a reallygood meditation, meditative and
journaling practice.
But I really had to lean in andsay, okay, what am I not seeing
in my blind spot, what am I notpracticing, what am I not
(23:35):
dealing with?
That this experience is tryingto show me.
So that was a huge factor.
And then, two it was a weirdculmination of my background has
been preventive cardiology andthen I have a heart attack.
I, yeah, it made you shut upWild, yeah.
And so I really even not evenan identity crisis, but I'm a
(23:58):
very introspective person andthought maybe I'm not meant to
work in this field anymore.
Maybe this is the most symbolicsign that, yes, I've endured
school, I finished my PhD, I nowhave that in my pocket.
What if I don't need to work inthat field anymore?
What if I can do anything withmy life now?
And I've never had thatprivilege and that freedom that
(24:21):
this is just a brand new restartthat I don't know I'm going to
be really grateful for.
And so those months were veryheavy, with a victim feeling
whether that is right or wrongisn't necessarily in the
ballpark, but sitting with okay,this has happened, this is
happening for me.
Why is this happening for me?
You know, going through theperiods of grief, of anger why
(24:44):
did this happen for me?
Going to the periods of sadnesslike why did this happen for me
?
Then entering the state ofempowerment, of wow, why did
this happen for me Just thatwhole process.
Right, I would say I'm more onthe latter end now of this power
.
Lunden Souza (24:59):
I love that part.
You said the same thing, butyou said it angry, sad and
empowered and everybodylistening felt it.
I just got goosebumps over mywhole body and this is huge,
because this is the words changeour world.
Right, it's like the same butdifferent.
Same but not.
It's like the same sentence,but same but different.
Same but not same sentence.
But sometimes we need to askthat question or get things out
from a space of anger and griefand sadness and then empowerment
(25:24):
, right, and I love that yousaid about that victim, you know
, wanting to be in that spaceand that it's not right or wrong
, neither here nor there.
Right, we all need that forsome amount of time and we get
to choose the duration of thatand when we choose to transition
from victim and sadness andfeeling right.
I don't think we should skipover that.
But we get to decide how longdo I want to be here?
(25:46):
And then when is it time for meto move to that empowerment
phase?
And I just love hearing thenuances in your voice of why did
this happen to me?
Why did this happen to me?
Why did this happen to me?
Dr. Kirsten Thornhill (25:59):
It was like Absolutely and then.
So there's that level ofinternal conflict, internal talk
, internal mindset, withexperience, and then there's
that external.
How do I tell people I had aheart attack?
Do I want to tell people?
Do I want to have thoseconversations?
Do I have the bandwidth to havethose conversations?
(26:20):
Are people going to feel badfor me, right?
So then it's like this jugglingof internal dialogue.
External, how do I ask peopleto be here for me and support me
, but I also don't want toproject onto them and have them
feel my pain, because I'm awarethat I will probably project if
I'm not in a good place.
So at that same time, when Iwas really going through this
(26:43):
healing process, is when I kindof found Becca and going to
these different sound bathceremonies and really leaning
into my spiritual community,which has blossomed, leaning
into my spiritual communitywhich has blossomed, and I was
just in a state of like thishappened for me.
(27:03):
I don't have all of the answersyet, but this is going to make
me stronger as a healer,stronger as a leader, stronger
as somebody who people come tofor their health.
And now I have a deeper layerto be able to relate to patients
.
Whether I still work incardiology or not, which I
actually don't right now, I canstill relate to them on having
something catastrophic happen toyou out of nowhere, even just
(27:24):
that level of humanness, ofempathy and compassion, of
experiencing something you neverthought you would.
Lunden Souza (27:31):
So, yeah, so good you would.
So, yeah, yeah, so good.
Um, we heard a little glimpseof Kirsten's dog bark and you
have the cutest doodles ever.
Oh, thank you, little guy, andthey're so sweet.
And you know and I say thatbecause I know you're you're
back at it again, right, I wentto cycling class with you.
(27:51):
You brought me to M cyclestudios to do an 8am class on a
Sunday.
It was so fun.
I know.
Recently you had your podiumride so you got to be on kind of
that platform and that cycleplace you go to is phenomenal.
So it's just like great music,good vibes, choreography the guy
was burning sage or Paula Santo.
At the end we had a meditate,epic, right.
And you're with your dogs and Iknow you're hiking and getting
(28:13):
out and every morning at 6amKirsten cold plunges on a cold
pledge in her roof that sheoftentimes has to break the ice
first because it's so cold inUtah.
Like you're, you're living,right, you're alive and you're
living, and it's so beautiful to, to watch and witness.
But what has that journey beenlike?
Like, have you been a littlebit?
What was like getting on thebike the first time?
(28:35):
After that, were you scared,like?
And now you're inviting more ofthe community in right.
Like I'm really grateful of thetime that I met you, like of
all times, to meet Kirsten.
Like this is really fuckingcool and it's such a gift to to
see you and witness this.
Like it's it's going to make mea little emotional, but like
you're living and you're goingafter what some people might not
(28:59):
have.
You know, some people haveheart attacks and freaking die.
You know, and here you are andthat didn't happen.
So what was that journey like?
Back to finding your physicalhealth and wellbeing and now
stepping in role of facilitatorfor community and all of that.
Right, you're not pumping thebrakes woe is me.
Like you're creating somethinganew and what's that been like?
Dr. Kirsten Thornhill (29:23):
It really was a burn to the ground for me
.
So the months that came after,right, the heart attack is I'm
dealing with a physicalimmobility, okay, and as a
person that exercises numeroustimes a day, every day, to have
that taken away from you, itmesses with your psyche, it
messes with your physicalappearance, perceptions, it
messes with the communities thatyou have around exercise.
(29:46):
So all of that's gone.
While that's gone, I'veobviously finished school.
I'm now unemployed while I'mjob hunting.
So I'm job hunting, but I feelvery uncomfortable of, okay,
this limits me because I can'twork in person.
I don't want to have to tell anemployer that, hey, I'm on
bedrest.
It's not that I don't want tocommunicate the vulnerabilities.
(30:08):
I don't want this to continueinto this huge new chapter of my
life where I'm finally not inschool after 10 years.
So I'm dealing with that, andthen I'm looking in the mirror
and I'm like I don't know who Iam anymore.
I feel like a part of me died.
I don't recognize myself, eventhough the same people are on me
.
I went through a full blowndeath, a physical death, and so
(30:33):
then that also came with anemotional and mental death as
well.
I got to a point in probably, Iwant to say it was September.
I didn't want to live anymore.
In probably, I want to say itwas September.
I didn't want to live anymore,and that was a really, really
scary place to be, because of mybackground being so close with
physical and mental health.
(30:56):
I, you know, communicated mythoughts and feelings to my
therapist, and it really wasbeyond what her and I could do.
So I really looked to myresources, even if I didn't know
what they were.
I just started calling aroundplaces of you know who can I
talk to beyond my cognitivebehavioral therapist, because
I'm having these feelings andthese thoughts and they're not a
reflection of who I really am,but they are a projection of
(31:17):
what I've gone through.
And so I'm going to use myresources because I know if I
were to tell a friend this washappening to me right now, they
would want what's best for me.
And even though this is hard, Ineed to help myself, and if I
can't help myself, I need tofind people that can.
And so I really had to gothrough a mental death after
(31:38):
that.
And again, these experienceswere so raw and vulnerable that
there was so much power in them,there's so much power in being
at your lowest and still beingyour true self, regardless.
If it's to strangers, friends,family, whoever you need to tell
, and just owning it.
It's not even being proud,owning it.
(31:59):
It is just like this is whatI'm going through.
If this is how you couldsupport me, if this is how you
could support me, if this is howyou could be there, great.
If not, I totally understand.
Just full surrender of what'shappening.
It will help with the healingprocess, whether you're in the
beginning stages or at the end.
And so once I started to quoteunquote, come out of this I
really was very introspectivefor months, still very much
(32:22):
hermiting, but really leaninginto my spiritual community and
trying to go back to cycle againwas terrifying.
You're telling me I'm going towalk into the same room that I
had a heart attack in and noone's going to know, and I'm
going to be fine.
Terrifying.
But I did it anyways because Isaid I'd rather do it scared
(32:43):
than not do it at all.
And that's kind of been amantra of mine even of late, of
like I'm really scared but I'mgoing to do it anyways because
I'd rather do it than thanponder what would have happened
if I did or didn't.
Uh.
And so I got back into it and,with my background, I've been a
clinical exercise physiologistfor many years at the?
(33:04):
U where I was helping patientspost heart attack with exercise
rehabilitation.
So I just treated myself as apatient.
I walked in there, I used mypull socks, I monitored my heart
rate, I took things at my pace,I took my blood pressure and I
just treated myself like anexternal patient.
Okay, I know mentally I can domore because I have a very
(33:26):
athletic background, butphysically I have to treat
myself like a patient.
I have to treat myself like aheart patient because I am, and
so I really just gave myselfgrace that was definitely my
word last year, not even knowingall this was going to happen.
And then coming to this place ofdeep, deep meditative work the
last few months, where Iactually connected with my
(33:48):
spirit guides in a meditationand I asked what was my purpose,
what is my purpose in thishuman existence?
And instantly my spirit guidesaid to heal and be light.
And for you to heal, that meansyou need to go through a lot of
stuff people will choose to notgo through and that is going to
make you stronger to be able tohelp others.
(34:09):
And once I got that, I came outof that meditation and I said,
okay, this all makes sense now.
That was like the answer rightthat I was going through for the
grief of like why?
And then I got that answer of,oh, I am here to heal and
because I get to do that andendure these things, this gives
me the ability to help othersand that is very near and dear
(34:30):
to my core values.
So I've really blossomed in thatway of opening to community,
opening up and inviting peopleto do my quote unquote weird
things with me and cold plungecommunities at my house and
sound baths and full moonceremony, and I just opened it
and at the end of the day I'mlike, if no one shows, I still
love this.
If everyone shows, I still lovethis, because it's
(34:53):
authentically who I am.
So if it's with community,that'll be great and it will
just enhance the experience evenmore.
But if it's an opportunity toconnect deeper with self, I also
am all for that.
Lunden Souza (35:08):
Yes, yes, so many snaps to that.
We were at the.
Yeah, me and Kirsten, notknowingly, but we were at the
Utah Jazz game two nights ago,right Two nights ago.
At the same time, I postedsomething on stories and then
she's like wait, you're here andI'm in section 139.
(35:28):
And I was like, okay, I'm 135.
And so we look up and we're likewaving and we see each other
and you sent me a text.
You're like I love how we'relike orbiting each other and I'm
like same.
It's just I love, yeah, I loveeverything that you needed to go
through in order to get here sothat we can tap into this
relationship that we've startedand are working on.
We're always trying to spendtime together and make plans and
(35:50):
whatever.
And I was with my friendMaritza and she's like, oh,
who's that?
I'm like, oh, that's the girlwe're going to her full moon
ceremony on the 12th and she'slike, ok, cool, I'm like she's
from Turlock and my friendMaritza, who's visiting, she's
from Merced too.
So she was like we were justkind of sitting there and it was
just fun.
We're like munching on Frenchfries.
You're one you know a couplesections over and I get to bring
(36:11):
you know my friends into yourcreation and those containers.
And I went to your last one,which was so fun and I knew I
couldn't come from the beginning, so I came an hour late but I
was like I don't care, I want tobe there, I want to be in your
space.
I know I need that for myself,Didn't make a ton of connections
with the people that were there, but for me that wasn't the
point.
I wanted to show up for me andbe in a space of um of that.
So you're creating, yeah, whatyou're creating is impacting my
(36:33):
life.
So thank you so much.
I love that, I'm glad.
And then the last thing I knowthat you're, yeah, I want to
honor our time and everything.
But yeah, for for women and ourheart.
What can we do?
What?
What is the day-to-day thingsthat we can do to love on our
heart?
I know that, even as apreventative cardiologist expert
(37:00):
that you were, you still gotthe journey that you needed in
that.
But like, yeah, for all thewomen listening, what are some
things that we can do to love onour heart even more?
Dr. Kirsten Thornhill (37:08):
I definitely recommend starting
your morning with self, and thatcan look like one minute of
silence, that can look like oneminute of journaling, that can
look like five minutes of a walk.
Check in with yourself.
Okay, you may say, kirsten,what does that even mean?
That could be you physicallytouching your arm, touching your
(37:29):
legs, having a somaticexperience with self to say I'm
kind of sore today or oh, wow,my leg's moving, I'm a little
jittery, maybe I'm anxious.
Just try and check in withyourself a little bit every day,
because things do compound,right, like they're saying, kind
of habits build upon each otherand micro things add up to
macro things.
And check in with yourself on adaily basis, because oftentimes
(37:54):
heart attacks are the quoteunquote silent killer, right?
So how much are we just puttingthings down right or putting
things at the bottom of the listand we keep pushing and pushing
and pushing and don't realizethat that's contributing to
maybe physical manifestations ofhealth or illness?
And trying to check in mental,physical or body, mind, soul on
(38:15):
a daily basis, whatever thatlooks like for you and maybe
that'll just that kind ofroutine will happen over time
can help you preventatively.
Try and figure out okay, whatdoes my body need today.
Do I need to do movement?
Mentally or physically?
Okay, do I need to sleep inlonger?
Is that for my mental orphysical?
So kind of having thatmindfulness and conscious
(38:37):
awareness of self and what youcan show up with the world today
will make a huge difference foryourself and then who you
surround yourself with.
Lunden Souza (38:46):
I love that.
You know you're not telling uswhat to eat or do this.
It's like literally a check-in,you know a work-in process.
I appreciate that so much.
I know that you are newish toInstagram and you weren't on
social media a ton, and even ifthis conversation is where we
leave it, wonderful.
But is there a place whereothers can connect with you?
(39:08):
Do you want to share any infoon that or do we not want to?
It's your call, yeah.
Dr. Kirsten Thornhill (39:15):
I'm happy to share.
I've been on Instagram one yearnow just personally as like a
fun thing, and I want to getbetter at it, get more involved.
And that is K-T-H-O-R-Nunderscore is my username and I
am really big on LinkedIn.
That is my one social mediathat I do speak very
(39:38):
authentically on there, mainlyabout my professional endeavors
and challenges, but I feel likeI light very well on there.
So those are probably my twoplaces.
Lunden Souza (39:50):
Noted.
We'll add those to thedescription so those listening
can connect with you.
Thanks, babe, I appreciate you.
I'm so glad to know you, I'm soglad we're friends and we
connected in this very cool way.
And yeah, thanks for agreeingto share your story on the
podcast.
Dr. Kirsten Thornhill (40:07):
Oh, thank you.
I love that you invited me toshare your space.
Lunden Souza (40:12):
Thank you, guys, for listening and we'll see you
at the next episode.
Bye.
Thank you so much for listeningto this episode of Self Love
and Sweat, the Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode orwere inspired by it or something
(40:32):
resonated with you, do me afavor and share this episode
with a friend, someone that youthink might enjoy this episode
as well.
That's the ultimate complimentand the best way to make this
podcast ripple out into theworld of others.
And also you can leave us areview up to five stars wherever
(40:54):
you're listening to the podcast.
Thank you so much for listeningand we'll see you at the next
episode.
I appreciate you.
Welcome to Self Love and Sweat the podcast, the
place where you'll get inspiredto live your life
unapologetically, embrace yourperfect imperfections and do
what sets your soul on fire.
I'm your host, Lunden Souza.
Hey, before we jump into thisepisode, I just want to make
(00:27):
sure that you get all the freethings possible, If you haven't
already.
You need to get your self-loveand sweat free monthly life
coaching calendar.
Honestly, the way to experiencedeep change in your life is by
doing small little things overtime, and so that's what you'll
(00:48):
find in this free calendar.
You can get it by going tolifelikelunden.
com/calendar.
Get yours for free and let'sget into today's episode.
Happy today and welcome back tothe podcast.
Today's guest is such a gift,just such a wonderful woman that
(01:10):
I've had the privilege ofmeeting here, living in Utah,
and the funny thing is is we'realso from basically the same
hometown in Central California,which we figured out the day
that we met.
We have Dr Kirsten Thornhillhere today.
Can I say that?
Is that okay if I introduce youas doctor?
I love that you're a doctor.
Yes, yes, it is new but yes.
(01:33):
Yeah, thank you for being heretoday and I just want to briefly
intro how we met and then youguys are going to hear how
freaking awesome and why I loveKirsten so much.
But we met in the teepee.
So we met my friend, becca, whoI met out here in Utah.
She has a teepee like a legitteepee in her backyard where she
does sound baths, plantmedicine ceremonies Just it's
(01:56):
such a great place.
I love going to Becca's teepee.
So one day, me and my neighborBryson, we go to Becca's house
for a hot bay sound bath andthere's like a little intimate
circle I think there's maybelike six of us, small group, and
we're just all, like you know,just chit-chatting and talking
about where we're from.
And I mentioned I was from asmall town in Central California
and Kirsten's eyes lit up in away that only people from the
(02:17):
209 light up Like wait where?
And we figured out we're from.
Yeah, very close to the sametown, have a lot of friends that
know each other wild, but notwild, because I feel like things
happen like that in my life andin your life too, all the time.
And I remember that day youcame in and you were just like
sharing what you had gonethrough.
There was a lot happening inthat moment and I just remember
(02:41):
sitting back and being like, ohmy gosh, this girl's so badass.
She's just showing up forherself, showing up for the
journey.
No shame, guilt or what she'sbeen going through, just it
rolled off the tongue, right.
And those listening you know ifyou've yeah, for those listening
, this could be their firstepisode they've ever listened to
, but probably not.
And in my family it was likeyou didn't talk about the hard
(03:02):
things, you just pretended likeeverything was okay and you just
said you were all good and youput a smile and some lipstick on
and everything was great, right.
And here's this gorgeous,wonderful, vibrant, human,
kirsten, in the teepee, justlike this is what happened.
Here's what I've been doing.
It was just like so as if youwere just talking about anything
, and I love that and that'swhat I love about the podcast
(03:24):
and what I love about you.
And so, before I pressed recordon the episode for today, I
told Kirsten I'm like, well,let's just talk like we normally
do Just now we're pressingrecord, right, but I'm so happy
to have you here.
I freaking adore you.
Tell us a little bit about you,so that the listener can just
yeah, understand more about you.
Dr. Kirsten Thornhill (03:42):
Oh well, thank you for that introduction.
My cheeks already hurt.
We've just begun, I don't evenknow where to start.
What I would say is, ifsomebody said who you are, I
really just try and show up inthis human experience to the
best of my abilities, and whatthat typically looks like is
(04:04):
showing and sharing love withpeople, even though
professionally I just became adoctor and I do research.
But personally I think I'm alot more grounded and self aware
to be able to connect withpeople on very, very different
(04:24):
scopes and levels, and then thatkind of translates and bleeds
into what I do professionally.
Lunden Souza (04:31):
Yes, I remember Well, we were at Friendsmas Was
Friendsmas, right, that's whatit's called At my neighbor
Bryson's house and I invitedKirsten I'm like come over and
then we were sitting next toeach other, yeah, talking and
talking about how, how awkwardit is when people ask you what
(04:53):
you do and how we kind of don'tlike that question, and how you
were like, yeah, I just like Idon't, I don't know about how I
feel, like saying that I'm adoctor and we were just talking
about that.
Then we're in the gift exchangeand we're all in a circle and we
have to say something we'reexcited about and Kirsten goes
I'm excited because I'm a doctor, and you let it out.
Which is that's.
I love that, Right.
It's like when you havesomething that you're a little
(05:15):
bit like funky about, might aswell just like say it and get it
out.
What was that moment like foryou?
What was going through yourhead?
Do you feel different now thatyou say doctor, Where's that
stand?
Dr. Kirsten Thornhill (05:31):
Yeah.
So imposter syndrome leaks intous any given day, any given
time, no matter what we'veaccomplished or not.
And when I did arrive to thatparty, I was looking for you
because I was like I know no one, but I know Lunden and I know
she is radiant, so these peoplewill reflect that too.
And I started talking to agentleman and he's like what do
you do?
And I think my philosophicalbrain said in what regard?
(05:52):
Like professionally orpersonally, because my innate
reaction to that question is I'mhaving an intense human
experience and getting to findout things along the way.
But professionally that's adifferent story and I didn't go
into that.
He was really surprised.
That was my response.
But then, when we were in thisbeautiful circle and people were
sharing things they're excitedabout and I knew nothing about
(06:14):
them I was like, okay, I amexcited that I finally finished
school after 10 years and I havebeen working on being seen and
being heard more and I am reallyproud of that.
So I'm going to share it,regardless of how people respond
.
I'm excited.
And so it was like a verybeautiful opportunity to get to
(06:34):
use my voice to share what I wasproud of, even though it was
just a glimpse of getting tomeet new people, and we're all
sharing this minor thing andnone of us know each other.
Lunden Souza (06:45):
I love that.
I love that.
I remember looking over at youand being like, oh okay, she's
going to own it.
Today's the day she's owning itand I'm right next to you and I
love it.
I want to talk about your heartattack.
I want to talk about your 30,right, Did you have your heart
attack at 30?
Right after.
Dr. Kirsten Thornhill (07:03):
I turned 30.
Lunden Souza (07:07):
you had your heart attack at 30.
Right after I turned 30.
What, what, what?
Yeah, like physically what wasgoing on, and like I know you
see it, cause that's how we rollit was like it's it's something
more than just the heart attack, Right, but like what
physically happened, what wasgoing on?
And then, yeah, tell us thatstory.
Dr. Kirsten Thornhill (07:20):
Wild story in hindsight right.
If only our foresight was assignificant and impactful as our
hindsight.
My background is in preventivecardiology, so through school I
worked with inpatient,outpatient physicians and
patients to help withpreventative health measures to
(07:43):
help people before they have aheart attack, like how, what
markers can we find?
You know, what type of physicalactivity can we recommend, what
type of stress copingmechanisms?
And so me having a heart attackwas never in my cards.
I it was probably early May Igot bronchitis out of nowhere,
(08:05):
probably through cycling andbeing around people or maybe
just being in social settings,and so I took time off of
exercise and my coughing gotreally bad.
So I ended up going to urgentcare and I had minor pneumonia
and I just had a viralbronchitis.
So there wasn't really anyantibiotics I could be put on
just to rest, warm liquids,really really rest.
(08:28):
And so that was really hard forme because I love to exercise,
I love to move my body, and so Ireally took time off until I
physically had no more symptomsto ensure I'd be okay to come
back to exercise.
So I returned.
I was cycling again to exercise, so I returned.
I was cycling again like normal.
(08:49):
I didn't need an inhaler, I was.
I was just slowly getting backinto it and I think I cycled
about four days that week andhad no problem and I was like,
great, I'm back.
I just fell a little weakbecause I was sick for two,
three weeks and then on thefifth day of cycling that week I
had a heart attack while I wasin class and I had no idea.
I just had stabbing pain in mydiaphragm, so right between like
(09:09):
my belly button and my chest inthat area, and it kept getting
worse when I tried to take deepbreaths and I was cycling at
about 85% to 100% of my maximum,so I was breathing really hard.
And then I struggled to breatheand I was trying to diagnose
myself really quickly and say,okay, is this because I haven't
(09:31):
exercised?
Is something going on that I'mnot aware of?
And so I didn't want to get upand leave class because at that
point I started hyperventilatingbecause I couldn't get a deep
breath, and so I said, okay, I'mgoing to wait here until class
is over and somebody can help meoff and we can try and figure
out what's going on.
At that time I also didn't knowif anyone else had a medical
(09:52):
background in the room that if Iwere to get off the bike and
fall, if somebody could save me.
So I said I'm going to stay on.
So class ended, my partnerhelped me get off the bike and I
still was saying I'm reallystruggling to breathe.
I was checking my pulse inclass and obviously it was
really high, which wasn'thelping, cause I was like, okay,
I'm exercising, of course mypulse is high, I don't really
know what's going on and I haveno medical history of cardiac on
(10:16):
either side of the family, bythe way, no history of anything.
And so I go home and the chestpains are still really bad.
So I try and sit in the showerbecause I'm thinking, okay,
maybe my lungs are stillaffected, and so I tried to get
some steam in there and justtake some deeper breaths slowly
in the shower and it didn'treally help.
And so I went to lay down andkind of just lay in fetal
(10:40):
position because closing mychest, my chest, or contracting
my chest felt a little bitbetter.
I tried to fall asleep and Ikept having.
I heard a voice say don't fallasleep, you might not wake up.
And it happened twice and itwasn't my voice, I have no idea
whose it was, and I tried toroll over and fall asleep one
(11:01):
more time, and when I rolledover onto my back, I like gasped
for air.
Um, and that's when I told mypartner I think I need to go to
the emergency room.
I don't know what's happeningand I think it's beyond what I
can help myself with.
Uh, and so by the time hehopped in the shower and it was
maybe 10 minutes from when Itold him we need to go, and
(11:23):
luckily St Mark's is rightwithin a mile of our place, so
he was able to take me there andby the time we got to the ER,
which was only 10 minutes afterI said this, I couldn't even
talk.
I walked into the ER and myhands were on my knees and I was
literally hitting my chest,trying to tell the nurse that I
couldn't breathe because Ididn't know I was having heart
(11:45):
attack.
And so they got me back rightaway and I was really kind of
going into shock because I hadbeen in such discomfort.
And so they ran an EKG on mefirst and I asked to see it
because I wanted to know whatwas going on, because I didn't
think it was my heart, becausepreviously I had bronchitis that
was more of a lung issue, andso my EKG came back normal and
(12:06):
so at first I thought, okay,this is good, my heart's okay, I
don't know what's going on, andso took me back for blood work.
You know that ER visit ended upbeing almost eight hours before
I got admitted and I really gotnervous when they said I needed
to get a CT scan to see if Ihad a pulmonary embolism.
(12:27):
And when I came in I could talkin very short bursts when I had
a breath, and so I let themknow about my background and
that they could talk to memedically to tell me what's
going on and not beat around thebush or something.
And they said, okay, we'regoing to get you back to see if
you have a pulmonary embolism.
And my partner does not have amedical background and I he kind
(12:49):
of saw me like start to freakout and I wanted to cry but I
couldn't breathe, so cryingwould have obviously made me
need to breathe harder.
And he said what's going on?
I said they're going to see ifI have a blood clot in my lungs
and it could go at any time andI could die.
And I said that and he juststared at me and that was when I
(13:09):
was really scared because I hadbronchitis and so I thought, oh
my gosh, what if it issomething to do with my lungs?
So there was like an hour ofwaiting before they could get me
in for the CT and then it tookabout an hour after the CT to
get the results and luckily Ididn't have a pulmonary embolism
.
So I was like thank goodness,because at that time, while I'm
waiting, I'm also like if I dohave one it could rupture and
(13:32):
luckily I'm in this facility andhopefully I can be taken care
of.
But that's terrifying, becausewhat if I exercised and made it?
Lunden Souza (13:40):
worse.
You're there like you're in theposition of needing the support
and you know so much, I imagine, like, not that you don't know
more, but knowing more probably,you know, made you more
petrified.
Dr. Kirsten Thornhill (13:51):
Oh, absolutely, because uh, you,
absolutely.
Because the doctor's coming inand telling me how certain
variables in my blood resultsare increasing, which means I
was actively, continuouslyhaving a heart attack while I
was in there.
And to give some perspective,they look at your troponin
levels and somebody who's havinga major heart attack has
(14:12):
troponin levels in the blood ofabout like 5,000, like massive
amounts.
I was in the hundreds range andit was continuing.
So I was having a minor heartattack while I was in there and
so every couple hours they didmy blood work and my troponin
was still increasing, and sothey kept telling me to try and
remain calm.
But I'm like, okay, I'mactively having a heart attack
(14:33):
while I'm sitting here and I'mjust waiting for I don't know.
So they ended up keeping meovernight and that was a really
weird 24, 48 hours of I'm apatient in a room that I once
would come in and work withpatients, with patients.
(15:00):
And this is really surrealbecause days before I got a
state award from the state ofUtah and got invited to this big
gala and was, um, I got votedbest in education for the state
and it was just like this beingseen.
It was this first time of likeme being seen post finishing
school and then I have a heartattack a couple of days later.
And so while I'm in there, Iget an email that I was in the
Provo Herald and here's thisarticle about me and the title
(15:24):
was like doctoral student excelsthrough rock bottoms.
And I just start crying,laughing while I'm in the
hospital, because I was just ata career high two days ago and
now I don't even know this is arock bottom yet.
But I'm like this has got to bea rock bottom of my physical
health.
I've never endured a physicalhealth problem, luckily and
(15:47):
gratefully, besides sportsinjuries.
And so I'm laughing and thenurse is like, are you okay?
I'm like, and so I'm laughingand the nurse is like are you
okay?
I'm like, absolutely not.
I'm in the newspaper, but I'mhere, and so that that was that
immediate experience, right,it's forever stamped in my brain
because it was so extreme andit's something I've never gone
(16:09):
through before.
And then I didn't even thinkabout what would happen next.
I just wanted to make sure Iwas okay.
So that was May last year.
Lunden Souza (16:20):
Yeah, and here we are, yeah, february.
So, yeah, march, a few monthsWe'll have to have a little
celebration of your one year.
Now you're healthy, absolutelyCommemorate that.
But what's interesting to meand I'm sure there's people
listening that think this too Ihonestly thought when you have a
heart attack, you just collapseLike I didn't think you could
(16:41):
like, yeah, distinguish if youwant to get on the bike or off
the bike.
Like you know, I didn't realizethat there's this, yeah, that
that's what a heart attack canbe or look like.
So I just feel like I learnedso much right now because I
thought like, oh, that that'swhat a heart attack can be or
look like.
So I just feel like I learnedso much right now because I
thought like, oh, your heartjust does its heart attack thing
.
And then you're, you know, onthe ground or you just I didn't
realize that there's, um, yeah,like you could have awareness
(17:04):
through that, and maybe someonelistening has gone through that
before or didn't know thateither, right, and I just think,
yeah, that's super interesting,right, you're not just attack
and then done.
It's like there are some thingsto maybe notice or pay
attention to or, like you said,those voices are just an inner
knowing of like wait, I need toget checked out.
Dr. Kirsten Thornhil (17:25):
Absolutely , and I definitely want to echo
or bold underline that womenhave different symptomatic
responses during a heart attackthan men, and we've probably
heard or been informed thatright, maybe left arm tingling
and chest pain is a typical signof a heart attack which it is
but in women it may present verydifferently.
(17:47):
It may be chest pain that'scoming and going, it may be a
shortness of breath, it may beall of a sudden, maybe a few
days of extreme onset oftiredness, and so I definitely
encourage people becauseunfortunately you won't know
until you know to try and reallycheck in with yourself.
Right, how are you physicallyfeeling?
Lunden Souza (18:08):
How are what are the levels called?
Again, sorry, I didn't mean tointerrupt you.
You said what's the T word?
A troponin, troponin, right?
So you're not just going tolike feel off and want to go run
and get your troponin levelschecked all the time, right?
It's like how do you know whenit's time to, especially as a
woman, like you said?
You're not, you're not.
Yeah, the symptoms aredifferent, or different than
(18:30):
what you would expect, or likebeing tired, I would never think
oh hard, you know and not thatwe want people to think big
things out of something that'snot that big, but like I would
never have known that never, andit's also so important and not
to even stretch it as far ashypochondriac in your journal.
Dr. Kirsten Thornhill (18:50):
Whether you journal or just make a note.
If you notice just feelingweird one day, just write it
down.
It may be nothing right, it mayjust be stress from work or you
know where you're at in yourmenstrual cycle or whatever it
is.
But just make a note.
If you feel like something'sweird or just you know, just
write it down.
Because once I was in there,once we figured out the
(19:11):
diagnosis of having a minorheart attack.
I had acute pericarditis, whichis where the swelling of the
lining around my heart filledwith fluid and I was obviously
cycling really hard and my heartcouldn't keep up with the
demand.
But that resulted because theinfection from the bronchitis
(19:32):
went from my lungs to my heartand no one knew.
I didn't know, the doctorsdidn't know.
They said this happens to lessthan 1% of people and it's
typically in people that are intheir twenties and thirties that
are really active because we'repushing our physical boundaries
.
Uh, and so that once I got thatinformation I was like this is
really weird, because somethinghappened to me that no one would
(19:55):
have expected, I would havenever known.
And some of the symptoms I didstill have, like I mentioned,
the sharp, sharp chest pain andeven the days a couple of days
before I was really tired, butit was hard for me to ever think
about it could be a heartattack because I was getting
over being sick.
You know, I started cyclingagain.
I just thought those werepotential things that would
(20:17):
happen when I'm getting backinto it.
And so when they were like,have you noticed any tiredness
or shortness of breath the lastfew days?
And I said yes, but I don'tknow if it's correlational or
causational, because I was alsosick, and so even just saying
those things out loud to thephysicians and the team that I
was working with, I was like, oh, those are some things I kind
(20:39):
of brushed off.
Or, you know, maybe I could havetold my partner or told a
friend of like, oh, that isreally weird.
I'm feeling like this today.
Just kind of voicing it outloud or sharing it with somebody
could really help to make surethat you're with someone or
you're not alone during thesetimes where you kind of feel off
, because what would havehappened if I fell asleep?
(20:59):
I have no idea what would havehappened if I didn't go to cycle
that class and there were 40people around me, like so you
know, everything happens in thetiming that it does for a reason
, whether you understand it ornot, at that time right
Hindsight or foresight.
But I'm glad things happenedthe way they did and the timing
(21:20):
that they did, because the rock,so to speak, that was dropped
in the pond that day rippled.
It's still rippling for me, butfor probably four months after
that I was in a really darkplace and I have a lot of
gratitude for that space that Iwas in.
But wow, what a life experienceto have a part of you
(21:44):
physically die.
Lunden Souza (21:47):
And that's when I met you is when we were in the
teepee and you were like comingout of that dark period.
I was just talking about thisbecause before you and I hopped
on, I was on a one-on-one clientcall and you said you know,
everything happens for a reason.
We might not be sure about it.
I like to say things happen andwe make a reason, rather than
(22:08):
everything happens for a reason,because these stories that we
tell are so tight knit right Interms of you know, so what's
your?
What?
Like you, said I, when you lookback, you kind of don't wish it
didn't happen.
Of course, in the moment youknow all the things, but like
things happen and we make areason, what's why you didn't
have a heart attack?
Dr. Kirsten Thornhill (22:29):
What a question.
I think it's multifactorial forsure, but one is I needed to
slow down, and whether thatmeant physically slowing down
because I was trying to take onthe world, or if that meant
emotionally and mentally slowingdown and checking in with
myself because I became so goodat being there for others and
(22:54):
putting everything first, Istill was in a really good place
to put some of my needs there,but I still wasn't my main focus
.
And that experience had tohappen for me to one truly love
myself at rock bottom.
I physically can't even walk upthe stairs for months.
(23:14):
I'm on bedrest, I am left withme, and I'm really glad that at
that time I already had a reallygood meditation, meditative and
journaling practice.
But I really had to lean in andsay, okay, what am I not seeing
in my blind spot, what am I notpracticing, what am I not
(23:35):
dealing with?
That this experience is tryingto show me.
So that was a huge factor.
And then, two it was a weirdculmination of my background has
been preventive cardiology andthen I have a heart attack.
I, yeah, it made you shut upWild, yeah.
And so I really even not evenan identity crisis, but I'm a
(23:58):
very introspective person andthought maybe I'm not meant to
work in this field anymore.
Maybe this is the most symbolicsign that, yes, I've endured
school, I finished my PhD, I nowhave that in my pocket.
What if I don't need to work inthat field anymore?
What if I can do anything withmy life now?
And I've never had thatprivilege and that freedom that
(24:21):
this is just a brand new restartthat I don't know I'm going to
be really grateful for.
And so those months were veryheavy, with a victim feeling
whether that is right or wrongisn't necessarily in the
ballpark, but sitting with okay,this has happened, this is
happening for me.
Why is this happening for me?
You know, going through theperiods of grief, of anger why
(24:44):
did this happen for me?
Going to the periods of sadnesslike why did this happen for me
?
Then entering the state ofempowerment, of wow, why did
this happen for me Just thatwhole process.
Right, I would say I'm more onthe latter end now of this power
.
Lunden Souza (24:59):
I love that part.
You said the same thing, butyou said it angry, sad and
empowered and everybodylistening felt it.
I just got goosebumps over mywhole body and this is huge,
because this is the words changeour world.
Right, it's like the same butdifferent.
Same but not.
It's like the same sentence,but same but different.
Same but not same sentence.
But sometimes we need to askthat question or get things out
from a space of anger and griefand sadness and then empowerment
(25:24):
, right, and I love that yousaid about that victim, you know
, wanting to be in that spaceand that it's not right or wrong
, neither here nor there.
Right, we all need that forsome amount of time and we get
to choose the duration of thatand when we choose to transition
from victim and sadness andfeeling right.
I don't think we should skipover that.
But we get to decide how longdo I want to be here?
(25:46):
And then when is it time for meto move to that empowerment
phase?
And I just love hearing thenuances in your voice of why did
this happen to me?
Why did this happen to me?
Why did this happen to me?
Dr. Kirsten Thornhill (25:59):
It was like Absolutely and then.
So there's that level ofinternal conflict, internal talk
, internal mindset, withexperience, and then there's
that external.
How do I tell people I had aheart attack?
Do I want to tell people?
Do I want to have thoseconversations?
Do I have the bandwidth to havethose conversations?
(26:20):
Are people going to feel badfor me, right?
So then it's like this jugglingof internal dialogue.
External, how do I ask peopleto be here for me and support me
, but I also don't want toproject onto them and have them
feel my pain, because I'm awarethat I will probably project if
I'm not in a good place.
So at that same time, when Iwas really going through this
(26:43):
healing process, is when I kindof found Becca and going to
these different sound bathceremonies and really leaning
into my spiritual community,which has blossomed, leaning
into my spiritual communitywhich has blossomed, and I was
just in a state of like thishappened for me.
(27:03):
I don't have all of the answersyet, but this is going to make
me stronger as a healer,stronger as a leader, stronger
as somebody who people come tofor their health.
And now I have a deeper layerto be able to relate to patients
.
Whether I still work incardiology or not, which I
actually don't right now, I canstill relate to them on having
something catastrophic happen toyou out of nowhere, even just
(27:24):
that level of humanness, ofempathy and compassion, of
experiencing something you neverthought you would.
Lunden Souza (27:31):
So, yeah, so good you would.
So, yeah, yeah, so good.
Um, we heard a little glimpseof Kirsten's dog bark and you
have the cutest doodles ever.
Oh, thank you, little guy, andthey're so sweet.
And you know and I say thatbecause I know you're you're
back at it again, right, I wentto cycling class with you.
(27:51):
You brought me to M cyclestudios to do an 8am class on a
Sunday.
It was so fun.
I know.
Recently you had your podiumride so you got to be on kind of
that platform and that cycleplace you go to is phenomenal.
So it's just like great music,good vibes, choreography the guy
was burning sage or Paula Santo.
At the end we had a meditate,epic, right.
And you're with your dogs and Iknow you're hiking and getting
(28:13):
out and every morning at 6amKirsten cold plunges on a cold
pledge in her roof that sheoftentimes has to break the ice
first because it's so cold inUtah.
Like you're, you're living,right, you're alive and you're
living, and it's so beautiful to, to watch and witness.
But what has that journey beenlike?
Like, have you been a littlebit?
What was like getting on thebike the first time?
(28:35):
After that, were you scared,like?
And now you're inviting more ofthe community in right.
Like I'm really grateful of thetime that I met you, like of
all times, to meet Kirsten.
Like this is really fuckingcool and it's such a gift to to
see you and witness this.
Like it's it's going to make mea little emotional, but like
you're living and you're goingafter what some people might not
(28:59):
have.
You know, some people haveheart attacks and freaking die.
You know, and here you are andthat didn't happen.
So what was that journey like?
Back to finding your physicalhealth and wellbeing and now
stepping in role of facilitatorfor community and all of that.
Right, you're not pumping thebrakes woe is me.
Like you're creating somethinganew and what's that been like?
Dr. Kirsten Thornhill (29:23):
It really was a burn to the ground for me
.
So the months that came after,right, the heart attack is I'm
dealing with a physicalimmobility, okay, and as a
person that exercises numeroustimes a day, every day, to have
that taken away from you, itmesses with your psyche, it
messes with your physicalappearance, perceptions, it
messes with the communities thatyou have around exercise.
(29:46):
So all of that's gone.
While that's gone, I'veobviously finished school.
I'm now unemployed while I'mjob hunting.
So I'm job hunting, but I feelvery uncomfortable of, okay,
this limits me because I can'twork in person.
I don't want to have to tell anemployer that, hey, I'm on
bedrest.
It's not that I don't want tocommunicate the vulnerabilities.
(30:08):
I don't want this to continueinto this huge new chapter of my
life where I'm finally not inschool after 10 years.
So I'm dealing with that, andthen I'm looking in the mirror
and I'm like I don't know who Iam anymore.
I feel like a part of me died.
I don't recognize myself, eventhough the same people are on me
.
I went through a full blowndeath, a physical death, and so
(30:33):
then that also came with anemotional and mental death as
well.
I got to a point in probably, Iwant to say it was September.
I didn't want to live anymore.
In probably, I want to say itwas September.
I didn't want to live anymore,and that was a really, really
scary place to be, because of mybackground being so close with
physical and mental health.
(30:56):
I, you know, communicated mythoughts and feelings to my
therapist, and it really wasbeyond what her and I could do.
So I really looked to myresources, even if I didn't know
what they were.
I just started calling aroundplaces of you know who can I
talk to beyond my cognitivebehavioral therapist, because
I'm having these feelings andthese thoughts and they're not a
reflection of who I really am,but they are a projection of
(31:17):
what I've gone through.
And so I'm going to use myresources because I know if I
were to tell a friend this washappening to me right now, they
would want what's best for me.
And even though this is hard, Ineed to help myself, and if I
can't help myself, I need tofind people that can.
And so I really had to gothrough a mental death after
(31:38):
that.
And again, these experienceswere so raw and vulnerable that
there was so much power in them,there's so much power in being
at your lowest and still beingyour true self, regardless.
If it's to strangers, friends,family, whoever you need to tell
, and just owning it.
It's not even being proud,owning it.
(31:59):
It is just like this is whatI'm going through.
If this is how you couldsupport me, if this is how you
could support me, if this is howyou could be there, great.
If not, I totally understand.
Just full surrender of what'shappening.
It will help with the healingprocess, whether you're in the
beginning stages or at the end.
And so once I started to quoteunquote, come out of this I
really was very introspectivefor months, still very much
(32:22):
hermiting, but really leaninginto my spiritual community and
trying to go back to cycle againwas terrifying.
You're telling me I'm going towalk into the same room that I
had a heart attack in and noone's going to know, and I'm
going to be fine.
Terrifying.
But I did it anyways because Isaid I'd rather do it scared
(32:43):
than not do it at all.
And that's kind of been amantra of mine even of late, of
like I'm really scared but I'mgoing to do it anyways because
I'd rather do it than thanponder what would have happened
if I did or didn't.
Uh.
And so I got back into it and,with my background, I've been a
clinical exercise physiologistfor many years at the?
(33:04):
U where I was helping patientspost heart attack with exercise
rehabilitation.
So I just treated myself as apatient.
I walked in there, I used mypull socks, I monitored my heart
rate, I took things at my pace,I took my blood pressure and I
just treated myself like anexternal patient.
Okay, I know mentally I can domore because I have a very
(33:26):
athletic background, butphysically I have to treat
myself like a patient.
I have to treat myself like aheart patient because I am, and
so I really just gave myselfgrace that was definitely my
word last year, not even knowingall this was going to happen.
And then coming to this place ofdeep, deep meditative work the
last few months, where Iactually connected with my
(33:48):
spirit guides in a meditationand I asked what was my purpose,
what is my purpose in thishuman existence?
And instantly my spirit guidesaid to heal and be light.
And for you to heal, that meansyou need to go through a lot of
stuff people will choose to notgo through and that is going to
make you stronger to be able tohelp others.
(34:09):
And once I got that, I came outof that meditation and I said,
okay, this all makes sense now.
That was like the answer rightthat I was going through for the
grief of like why?
And then I got that answer of,oh, I am here to heal and
because I get to do that andendure these things, this gives
me the ability to help othersand that is very near and dear
(34:30):
to my core values.
So I've really blossomed in thatway of opening to community,
opening up and inviting peopleto do my quote unquote weird
things with me and cold plungecommunities at my house and
sound baths and full moonceremony, and I just opened it
and at the end of the day I'mlike, if no one shows, I still
love this.
If everyone shows, I still lovethis, because it's
(34:53):
authentically who I am.
So if it's with community,that'll be great and it will
just enhance the experience evenmore.
But if it's an opportunity toconnect deeper with self, I also
am all for that.
Lunden Souza (35:08):
Yes, yes, so many snaps to that.
We were at the.
Yeah, me and Kirsten, notknowingly, but we were at the
Utah Jazz game two nights ago,right Two nights ago.
At the same time, I postedsomething on stories and then
she's like wait, you're here andI'm in section 139.
(35:28):
And I was like, okay, I'm 135.
And so we look up and we're likewaving and we see each other
and you sent me a text.
You're like I love how we'relike orbiting each other and I'm
like same.
It's just I love, yeah, I loveeverything that you needed to go
through in order to get here sothat we can tap into this
relationship that we've startedand are working on.
We're always trying to spendtime together and make plans and
(35:50):
whatever.
And I was with my friendMaritza and she's like, oh,
who's that?
I'm like, oh, that's the girlwe're going to her full moon
ceremony on the 12th and she'slike, ok, cool, I'm like she's
from Turlock and my friendMaritza, who's visiting, she's
from Merced too.
So she was like we were justkind of sitting there and it was
just fun.
We're like munching on Frenchfries.
You're one you know a couplesections over and I get to bring
(36:11):
you know my friends into yourcreation and those containers.
And I went to your last one,which was so fun and I knew I
couldn't come from the beginning, so I came an hour late but I
was like I don't care, I want tobe there, I want to be in your
space.
I know I need that for myself,Didn't make a ton of connections
with the people that were there, but for me that wasn't the
point.
I wanted to show up for me andbe in a space of um of that.
So you're creating, yeah, whatyou're creating is impacting my
(36:33):
life.
So thank you so much.
I love that, I'm glad.
And then the last thing I knowthat you're, yeah, I want to
honor our time and everything.
But yeah, for for women and ourheart.
What can we do?
What?
What is the day-to-day thingsthat we can do to love on our
heart?
I know that, even as apreventative cardiologist expert
(37:00):
that you were, you still gotthe journey that you needed in
that.
But like, yeah, for all thewomen listening, what are some
things that we can do to love onour heart even more?
Dr. Kirsten Thornhill (37:08):
I definitely recommend starting
your morning with self, and thatcan look like one minute of
silence, that can look like oneminute of journaling, that can
look like five minutes of a walk.
Check in with yourself.
Okay, you may say, kirsten,what does that even mean?
That could be you physicallytouching your arm, touching your
(37:29):
legs, having a somaticexperience with self to say I'm
kind of sore today or oh, wow,my leg's moving, I'm a little
jittery, maybe I'm anxious.
Just try and check in withyourself a little bit every day,
because things do compound,right, like they're saying, kind
of habits build upon each otherand micro things add up to
macro things.
And check in with yourself on adaily basis, because oftentimes
(37:54):
heart attacks are the quoteunquote silent killer, right?
So how much are we just puttingthings down right or putting
things at the bottom of the listand we keep pushing and pushing
and pushing and don't realizethat that's contributing to
maybe physical manifestations ofhealth or illness?
And trying to check in mental,physical or body, mind, soul on
(38:15):
a daily basis, whatever thatlooks like for you and maybe
that'll just that kind ofroutine will happen over time
can help you preventatively.
Try and figure out okay, whatdoes my body need today.
Do I need to do movement?
Mentally or physically?
Okay, do I need to sleep inlonger?
Is that for my mental orphysical?
So kind of having thatmindfulness and conscious
(38:37):
awareness of self and what youcan show up with the world today
will make a huge difference foryourself and then who you
surround yourself with.
Lunden Souza (38:46):
I love that.
You know you're not telling uswhat to eat or do this.
It's like literally a check-in,you know a work-in process.
I appreciate that so much.
I know that you are newish toInstagram and you weren't on
social media a ton, and even ifthis conversation is where we
leave it, wonderful.
But is there a place whereothers can connect with you?
(39:08):
Do you want to share any infoon that or do we not want to?
It's your call, yeah.
Dr. Kirsten Thornhill (39:15):
I'm happy to share.
I've been on Instagram one yearnow just personally as like a
fun thing, and I want to getbetter at it, get more involved.
And that is K-T-H-O-R-Nunderscore is my username and I
am really big on LinkedIn.
That is my one social mediathat I do speak very
(39:38):
authentically on there, mainlyabout my professional endeavors
and challenges, but I feel likeI light very well on there.
So those are probably my twoplaces.
Lunden Souza (39:50):
Noted.
We'll add those to thedescription so those listening
can connect with you.
Thanks, babe, I appreciate you.
I'm so glad to know you, I'm soglad we're friends and we
connected in this very cool way.
And yeah, thanks for agreeingto share your story on the
podcast.
Dr. Kirsten Thornhill (40:07):
Oh, thank you.
I love that you invited me toshare your space.
Lunden Souza (40:12):
Thank you, guys, for listening and we'll see you
at the next episode.
Bye.
Thank you so much for listeningto this episode of Self Love
and Sweat, the Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode orwere inspired by it or something
(40:32):
resonated with you, do me afavor and share this episode
with a friend, someone that youthink might enjoy this episode
as well.
That's the ultimate complimentand the best way to make this
podcast ripple out into theworld of others.
And also you can leave us areview up to five stars wherever
(40:54):
you're listening to the podcast.
Thank you so much for listeningand we'll see you at the next
episode.
I appreciate you.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!