Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Welcome to Self-Love
and Sweat the podcast.
The place where you'll getinspired to live your life
unapologetically.
Embrace your perfectimperfection and do what sets
your soul on fire.
I'm your host, London Steusa.
(00:23):
Welcome back to the podcast.
Today we have Raphael McMasterwith us, and I'm so excited to
chat with you today.
I know that we're going to learnso much about you, so much from
you today, but um Rafael's inthis creative director space,
works with youth, helps themwith healing and creative
expression.
And I'm not a mom, but I have aniece, G7, who I love dearly.
(00:46):
And I'm just so excited for youto be here today so that we can
have a chat about how to supportour youth through healing and
art expression.
I'm so grateful to have you.
SPEAKER_01 (00:56):
Thank you so much
for having me, Lyndon.
I have a feeling we're gonnahave a real good time.
SPEAKER_00 (00:59):
Yeah.
And I love your sweatshirt.
Um, for those of you listening,you can't see the sweatshirt,
but for those of you that arewatching, it says breathe and
learn.
SPEAKER_01 (01:07):
Could it be a big
one?
Breathe and learn.
What a mantra.
Back to the basics, baby.
Back to the basics.
SPEAKER_00 (01:12):
Yeah.
And I'm yeah, I'm just socurious to learn more from you
today.
And um, why don't we start withhow you got started in this
space?
What inspired you to work withyouth and this creative art
expression?
And how did we get here to thisconversation today?
SPEAKER_01 (01:29):
Sure thing, sure
thing.
Well, you know, at age 35, uh,10 years ago, is when I had my
awakening.
I was in enough pain, enoughspiritual pain and emotional
pain and even physical pain,thinking to myself, this can't
be all there is, right?
Um, and that's when, you know,Dr.
Joe Dispenza, Eckhart Toll,Brene Brown, all of these
(01:50):
amazing teachers um, you know,started showing up in my life,
or I was being able to beopen-minded or um I got
connected to that message.
And in learning that message andtransforming, you know, my
psyche, my personality, my life,all of the things, my energy.
I was sitting there ponderingwhy in the world?
(02:11):
This idea of awareness, thisEckhart Toll classic to be the
aware observer of the thoughts,this lesson that I am not my
thoughts.
I'm the one having the thoughts,observing the thoughts.
Sounds basic, but no one hadlaid that at my feet.
I was running around as a35-year-old, stressed out,
(02:33):
listening to everything my brainwas saying, and feeling
overwhelmed by reality withoutmuch control over my emotions or
my thoughts.
And I remember sitting therevery specifically on this tool
of awareness to be the awareobserver of my thoughts, going,
I made it all the way throughhigh school and college.
How come nobody's laid this atmy feet before?
(02:54):
And now that I know more, Irealize that is kind of what
they talk about withmindfulness, but I don't know
that mindfulness was brought tomy attention in that way where I
understood it as my thoughts arelike programs, and I am the
steward of those programs.
I am not the thoughts.
And so in that moment, I feltthis deep, deep sense of being
(03:15):
and purpose and urge that thisis my purpose in my lifetime.
This is the point of my life,and it's the vision for my
future, this life of service.
And my point on this planet isto serve through putting these
tools in as many youth hands aspossible.
Because once a person beginsbecoming living life as the
(03:37):
conscious aware observer oftheir thoughts, understanding
their thoughts are programs, andthey can change those programs,
and that my thoughts now becomesmy attitudes and energies later.
I'm witnessing hundreds, if notthousands, of kids now here in
South LA County that arebecoming conscious, becoming
awake and aware observersbecause we have the opportunity
(04:00):
to lay these tools at their feetin a way that works, is
resonant, and is native to howthey think and the language that
they use.
Locally, the teens here theydon't call it awareness, they
call it mind watching.
Mind watching.
They're observing, they'reobserving the brain, right?
Mind watching.
In fact, one of them drew anillustration of it that we we
(04:20):
put into the book that we justpublished, right?
Where, and I know again thatsome won't be able to see this.
SPEAKER_00 (04:26):
Oh, I love it.
It's a for those of you notwatching the it's a picture of a
brain with an eyeball watchingthe brain, and then there's like
little speech bubbles that say,I'm happy, I'm scared, this
makes me angry, I'm so upset.
That's beautiful.
SPEAKER_01 (04:40):
And the deeper
understanding, when I'm saying
to myself, I'm anxious, well,that is running a program that
will make me more anxious.
That's at the crux of it.
I can't transmute that thoughtor transform it or transcend it
if I am the thought, if I'menraptured in it.
But if there's enough space forme to like, whoa, whoa, I am
anxious, that's gonna be make memore anxious.
(05:00):
Uh, let me replace that with,ooh, I can feel my anxiety
creeping up.
I'm gonna use my tools to staycalm.
SPEAKER_00 (05:06):
Yeah, yeah.
And I I didn't know that youwere um familiar with Dr.
Joe Dispenza.
I love him.
I talk about him all the time.
I've been to a bunch of his uhmeditation retreats and
weeklongs.
And at that, I love how you saidthat, where you're like, you got
to this point.
I think I went to my firstweek-long retreat when I was
like 30, 30, 31.
(05:29):
But it was that moment of like,oh, okay, here I am in my 30s,
having this moment, this ahamoment, this, oh my gosh, why
didn't I know this sooner?
And I don't have kids.
I don't know if you're a parent,but I have my niece, and I just
remember thinking, oh my gosh,all these ways that I felt stuck
in my life.
(05:50):
I want her to have theopportunity to learn something
new, right?
And this program, I wasn'ttaught that.
It was just like, you got to dothis, and this is how you gotta
be, and this is the thing, andthis is why.
And, you know, before uh we wehopped on, you know, you
mentioned like, oh, this is, youknow, a God thing, this is
(06:10):
divine.
So I'm assuming you have aspiritual practice, as do I.
But growing up in a verytraditional Christian household,
a lot of the answers were justlike, oh, we'll just like pray
about it, or because God saidso, or because God made it that
way.
And I think that that justlimits our thought process so
much.
It limits the places that we cango within our mind so that we
(06:32):
don't have to feel stuck waitingfor something to come and like
tap us on our head and make itall go away.
It's like, how do we understandthat we have this program?
And I know you're working withyouth and the verbiage and
language that you're using withme now is very familiar to me.
I hear it, I resonate.
Do you come in with that sametype of language with kids?
(06:53):
Like, how do you help themunderstand, like, hey, this is
mind watching?
You know, this is a program.
What you're thinking is notnecessarily who you are.
And that's something I'm workingon as well is not internalizing
some of these thoughts.
SPEAKER_01 (07:07):
It's daily practice.
It's daily practice.
SPEAKER_00 (07:09):
Yeah.
Yeah.
So how do we talk to the youthabout this?
What's that entry conversation?
Are they telling their friendsand coming to you?
Or like, how are you laying thatat their feet to use your words?
SPEAKER_01 (07:21):
Sure, sure.
Well, to practice the tool ofawareness, and we we state these
as tools.
We focus on seven tools.
That way it's tangible.
A lot of the SEL, the socialemotional learning programs out
there, they talk about theemotions, about the experiences,
but they fall short of puttingtangible tools in the person's
hand that they feel they canget, you know, more effective
(07:44):
at.
So very tools-based.
And we teach that first tool ofawareness, a la ekartol.
You are not your thoughts.
You're the one having yourthoughts, right?
Um, and and putting in thoseterms seems to does resonate
with the youth.
Um and the, you know, a lot, alot of the local parents here
really just call it this is Dr.
(08:05):
Joe for kids.
This is what this is.
This is ekartol and Dr.
Joe for kids, right?
And uh me too went to a bunch ofhis workshops, and I said, okay,
then how do we take this weeklong and consolidate it into you
know something that's moretangible and easy to access for
a 12-year-old, right?
So the third tool we teach isthe tool of intention, which is
(08:26):
really so Dr.
Joe, uh, know what you'reshooting for, create a
visualization, 3D holographicvision, uh, sight, sound, smell,
touch, feel.
So you you'll you'll look in ourgallery or in our creative space
and you'll see 30 youth withtheir hands on their heart, eyes
closed, visualizingfull-dimensional intentions of
what they want to come true, andthen fusing it with an elevated
(08:48):
emotion, falling in love withit, right?
And uh and instead of eversaying meditation to them, this
is a visualization exercise.
Instead of them doing yoga,they're doing focused movement,
right?
And uh so it's figuring out thatlanguaging now.
How did we dial in thelanguaging for this book and
(09:08):
this program?
Well, we created it with thembecause all although our our
nonprofit, Indivisible Arts, isnine years young, the
development of this programbegan in pandemic.
It began with our pod of youknow, 18, 7 to 22 year olds when
(09:29):
realized, my goodness, this nextgeneration is gonna need some
tools like stat.
Right.
And so then he was working withlocal therapists and counselors
and uh, you know, the head of alocal health district, um,
executive coaches, a shaman, allof us getting together, say,
okay, if we could put seventools together as a toolkit,
(09:51):
what would they be?
Now, there's hundreds of tools,so many tools, an endless
amount, particularly if you'recreative.
And we felt seven was a goodnumber that it would feel um,
you know, learnable in a waywhere that wouldn't require
memorizing.
SPEAKER_00 (10:05):
Yeah, and like
easily accessible.
If you have a hundred of them,it's like, what are you gonna
pull?
SPEAKER_01 (10:10):
That's right.
Um, you know, but if it doesn'tneed to be memorized, then it
won't be forgotten.
And we're teaching these in anexperiential way where they
focus on one of the tools for 30minutes in our consciousness
portion of our class, which wecall Jedi Mind Training.
Once again, meeting them wherethey're at with their language.
And then they have a full hourof creative laboratory time
(10:32):
where in this 3,800 square footcreative laboratory called
Resin, which is our home, ourheadquarters for our nonprofit
indivisible arts, you know,there's a music studio and a
fashion lab, which is where I'msitting right now, design
studio, 3D printers, 3D design,spray paint alley, photography,
sculpting, pretty much anythingyou can think of creatively is
what we have here.
So when they come here afterschool, they get a full 90
(10:55):
minutes.
And the first 30 minutes ismental and emotional health
tools and consciousnesstraining.
The last hour is creative play.
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (11:04):
Yeah, that sounds
like a place where even big kids
want to be, like me.
Um, but I want to back up tothat first uh tool that you
mentioned of becoming aware ofyour thoughts.
And I've worked with people fora really long time, and I know
that you have too, where it'slike we have this thought and
then we immediately react.
Like there's no space in betweenof like, oh, okay, I might be
(11:28):
thinking a negative thoughtabout somebody.
I might be thinking a negativethought about myself.
I might be thinking that I wasreally funny.
I was leaving an audio messagefor my best friend.
We leave audio messages for eachother all the time.
And I was just like, man, I justlike last weekend was full and I
just like I didn't even unpackfrom where I was.
I was like trying to clean upthe mess of my space and all the
(11:50):
things.
And she left me a voicemail backand she was like, Don't stress
on the mess.
Don't stress on the mess.
And it was just so funny becausethat little, that little like
whatever little song that shesang, it reminded me of like,
okay, there's this mess, and I'mchoosing to make it mean X, Y,
or Z about me, right?
And that moment in time where wecan just observe the thought.
(12:13):
Like I grew up in a familywhere, like, if there was one
speck on the floor or one dishin the dishwasher or in the sink
that wasn't in the dishwasher, Iwas in trouble, all the things.
So understanding thatprogramming of like, okay, well,
that's how you were raised.
And now you're a grown-up.
Sometimes there's gonna bemesses, and can that be okay?
And even just having thatdialogue around those small
(12:34):
little phrases.
And right now, my boss and ourhead of marketing for a
restaurant company that I'm partof the executive team on, we are
doing a 30-day challenge withDr.
Joe, where every single day wewrite down all of the thoughts
that we have that are keeping usstuck, stuck in the past.
What thoughts, what feelings?
And I was when we started it, Iwas like a little bit nervous to
(12:57):
write down the thoughts.
And I started like chunking themup too much and not writing
people's names or not writingspecifics.
And in my head, I'm like, whywas I so afraid to write down
these thoughts?
They're mine.
This is my journal.
No one's gonna see it.
You know, you're just writingthis stuff down.
So every day we write down allthe thoughts, all the feelings,
all the emotions of, you know,what's preventing us from being
(13:21):
becoming the person that we wantto be, what's getting keeping us
stuck in our past.
And then what thoughts andfeelings do you want to feel?
What is the, you know, theperson you're becoming?
What are they thinking?
How are they acting?
How are they feeling?
And then we do a meditation.
And that's what I was literallydoing right before we hopped on
this.
I did this, I went out to thelake by my house, sat and did my
(13:42):
meditation.
I did one called changing boxes,which I'm maybe you're familiar
with, a Dr.
Joe meditation of changing thatbox, right?
And he says, in the realitywhere the problem no longer
exists.
And I love that because it justreminds me of that number one
where you say, like, how do webecome the observer of our
thoughts?
That's the way I do it.
(14:03):
That's the way I've been doingit.
How do you teach the kids to bedo that?
Are they writing their thoughtsdown?
Are they saying them out loud?
SPEAKER_01 (14:11):
No, no.
They have, yeah, they havesketchbooks and they have these
books that they can write in,right?
And so, you know, it naturallymight be, okay, you know, I want
everyone to write the same thingas you.
I want everyone to write downfive things that frustrate you.
Go.
Right.
And usually we're doing thisparticular exercise when we get
to the second tool, which isaround acceptance, right?
Accepting everything as it isand being at peace.
(14:32):
And we talk about serenity alot.
And and um, you know, thatacceptance is that pathway to
serenity and and letting go.
And so, you know, that exercisewill show up in we'll have, you
know, everyone in the class, sousually around 30 youth from
seven to 22, you know, writedown five things that you find
frustrating, annoying, orundesirable, and we do it, and
(14:53):
then we they begin sharing.
And so, you know, a lot of this,this will, this will occur
pretty much every time with thetool of acceptance.
Some kid will write down, share.
Okay, I hate homework.
And everybody's like, yeah,yeah, yeah, homework.
SPEAKER_00 (15:07):
Same, same, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (15:08):
Yeah, totally,
right?
And so I go, okay, cool.
So so what does it sound like?
When you sit down to dohomework, the voices in your
head say what?
They say, Oh, this is gonna takeforever.
Why did my teacher assign somany math problems?
And like, I hate math, whateverit is, right?
So, okay, first off, are youthat thought?
And the whole class goes, no,who are you?
The one having the thought, theobserver, right?
(15:30):
It's cool hearing them all sayit out all out loud, and it's
building this culture wherethey're learning this from each
other and it's become normalizedand say, okay, well, since
you're not that thought, you'rethe one having the thought.
Can you change the thought?
Yes.
Well, can you change the thoughttoo?
Uh, I am grateful I have a freeeducation.
I have a teacher who cares aboutme.
I'm gonna go to college, so Ineed to learn this stuff.
I actually like growing andlearning, and as soon as I'm
(15:52):
done, I can go do something funwith my friends.
And noticing that those fivethought forms conjoined together
as a new program instead of Ihate homework, math sucks, it's
gonna give a completelydifferent experience of attitude
and energy and perspective forthe person who's about to do
their homework.
Now, the value of what we'vebuilt is this when a 10-year-old
(16:16):
kid hears another 10-year-oldkid explain this and then
explain, oh yeah, and it totallyworks.
Like it's what I do for homeworkevery day.
And then the high schoolerschime in, yeah, this is how I
got through college exam orcollege, you know, um,
application process is makingsure my mindset is right before
I'm doing it, this program willchange your life, right?
And then in Sanskrit, there'sthis word kavi, which is the
(16:39):
sound of something that comesfrom truth because it's come
from lived experience.
The person saying it knows it,and you can tell there's an
honesty to it because it's real,because the person's living
through it.
And so having, you know, highschoolers and other, you know,
students their testimony as tothe efficacy and power of these
tools and the transformation oftheir inner realm and that this
(17:03):
program and this stuff and Dr.
Joe and Eckhartol and what we'redoing, it works.
It really does.
If I practice it, right?
Sometimes it feels so simple.
Is this really gonna work?
Yep, it totally does.
Just any ask anybody who's doingit and whose life has been
transformed because of it,they'll testify, yeah, this is
the path.
It may seem simple, which isfantastic because then it means
(17:24):
it's at our fingertips, readilyavailable.
And a person doesn't need dailyum uh anything from anyone else
to be practicing it daily.
And so these kids hearing itfrom each other and saying it in
their own words is thenultimately how we create more of
this curriculum and program.
And we ground it in the reallife examples that they're using
(17:46):
because we're hearing itstraight from them.
So, you know, the the curriculumitself is iterative in that it's
continually changing with thetimes and the examples that
these kids are using becausethat way it's they, you know,
being able to talk aboutacceptance in the term of, you
know, at the beginning ofpandemic, and you had to wear
the mask, and it was like, oh, Ihate this thing.
(18:06):
It's like a muzzle.
And every day when you'releaving the house, you put the
mask on, you reach for it, youcan feel that icky feeling.
But one day you reach for themask, and it's just like, eh,
whatever.
You just went with it, stoppedfighting it.
That stop fighting part, thepart of just like, yeah, it is
what it is.
I gotta wear this at school.
Helping them realize, oh, Ialready know the energy of
(18:27):
acceptance that just like gowith the flow, it is what it is,
surrender.
Um, that was an example that astudent used that the rest of
the students were like, yeah,yeah, that's got it.
I get it.
SPEAKER_00 (18:38):
Yeah, and I think
it's helpful when other
students, when other students,their age or older than them,
right?
It's as kids.
Yeah, the cool high schoolers,yeah, yeah, they're telling
them, hey, this is cool to do,or I this changed my life.
It's very different than youknow, an adult coming in when
you're already having adultskind of tell you what to do.
(19:00):
So that community aspect, Ireally um yeah, I really
resonate with.
SPEAKER_01 (19:08):
We had a star local
water polo player, uh, Declan,
uh, who made varsity as afreshman.
And he did all the visualizationstuff and did everything like by
the book, and he was able totalk to the other athletes
saying, like, this visualizationstuff totally works.
And I'm here to testify to it.
That has a tremendous amount ofpower.
SPEAKER_00 (19:28):
I yeah, absolutely,
absolutely.
And I want to go back to yourexample just a little bit and
agree to disagree, but like, howdo you teach kids to then not be
an acceptance of things thatthey maybe want to set
boundaries on?
For example, like a mask thatfeels like a muzzle.
Because to me, I'm like, okay,yeah, if you do something long
enough and you're told and thenyou put this thing on over and
(19:49):
over, and then you just becomeacceptance of it.
And not to, you know, get intothat bit, but just a little bit,
because in my head, I'm like,okay, with my niece, I also want
her to be able to have theawareness to not accept things
that she doesn't feel are inalignment with her beliefs and
values.
SPEAKER_01 (20:05):
I I don't think
we're in disagreement.
I think it's about the subtletyof the understanding of the tool
of acceptance.
Acceptance isn't about rollingover and and disempowering
oneself, it's about notneedlessly getting frustrated or
irritated about things that wecan't control.
And the point of the kid who inthe local skill system, they
didn't have a choice.
They had to wear a mask toschool.
(20:26):
Doesn't mean they have to likeit, but complaining and making
losing my own serenity over itwas not a helpful path.
So um I I just I thinkacceptance is really about
knowing what I can change andknowing that complaining and
whining about it isn't going topossibly like help my inner
(20:46):
serenity.
And I need to keep my innerserenity so that I can go get
into action about the things Ican change.
So in the case of them, theydidn't have a choice at their
school.
It doesn't mean they had to likeit, and it doesn't mean they
said it's I'm a doormat, youknow.
Well, in the case of bullying,right?
If a person's having acceptancethat there's a person bullying
them, it doesn't mean it's okayto be bullied.
(21:09):
It means, okay, I accept thatthis person is outside my hula
hoop and not mind a control.
And I accept there's bullies outthere, and I accept that this
prop person probably feels hurton the inside.
Hurt people, hurt people.
This isn't particularly me.
I see this bully doing this toother kids too.
(21:31):
Okay, now, now that I'm nothysterical and hyperventilating
and making it all about I'm theworst person in the world,
that's why he's bullying me orany of the other stories or
narratives.
Now I'm in a position, in astate of clarity, to go talk to
a teacher, talk to theprincipal, talk to the right
person and do the right thing.
SPEAKER_00 (21:49):
So acceptance isn't
getting into the right state to
then take action if you disagreeor agree in something.
Okay, cool.
SPEAKER_01 (21:58):
Yeah, I think if I'm
if I'm trying to get into
action, but I'm triggered andfrustrated, it's not going to
give me an optimal result.
So if I can maintain my innerserenity so that I then can
stand up for what I feel to beright, that is an optimal way to
do that.
Having acceptance that realityis the way it is, so that I then
can work with it to changereality, that to me is a much
(22:18):
more effective expression of itthan the person who's yelling
and ranting.
SPEAKER_00 (22:22):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And it's yeah, it's a much moreeffective approach.
Um, what is the I think I just,I mean, I'm an open book on my
podcast about how I was raisedand all the things.
And I have great parents and Ilove them so much.
And like there was a lot oflike, suck it up, quit your
crying.
You have to do it anyway.
I don't care how you feel, youhave to do it, right?
(22:45):
And I'm I know that, you know,everyone does the best with the
tools they have and as theygrow, and you know, parenting
now is different than parentingthen, all the things, but like,
what about a parent now whomaybe doesn't live in southern
LA and doesn't have access tosend their kid there, but
they're listening.
And it's like, okay, so when mychild comes home feeling
(23:07):
frustrated or whatever, what's away to pivot?
Is it to have that conversationabout not being your thoughts,
being the observer of yourthoughts?
How can, yeah?
And I just, I know peoplelistening to this podcast want
to change and want tools.
And sometimes it's likebacktracking on ways that you've
been, but I know that, you know,just hushing emotions and not
(23:29):
letting them be expressed orwhatever, it's not a big deal.
Like it is a big deal.
And so, how does someonelistening, you know, um, yeah,
what would be the next beststeps based on what you're
doing?
That we can give some nuggets tothe listeners and parents on how
they can support their kidsbeing able to uh navigate these
tough emotions.
(23:50):
I mean, times are also sodifferent than when we went to
school and with the internet andsocial media and all the things.
I mean, I just feel likethoughts can really run rampant.
I also think, too, about how mydad would always say the five
most important words are justsurround yourself with good
people.
And it seems like when you'recreating this what the what
(24:10):
you've created, the facility,you know, there's just the kids
there that are helping andsupporting one another, which I
know is super important.
If you're hanging around, youknow, kids who are, you know,
making poor choices or reactingoff impulses all the time, you
know, you're gonna be more ofwho you're around.
So for the parents listening,how can they support their kids
(24:30):
and how can they get their kidsinvolved in a more uh mentally
healthy environment whereverthey're at?
SPEAKER_01 (24:37):
Sure, sure.
Um, so for starters, we have abook that's available on Amazon,
right?
It's only$12.
What's it called?
It's called the Fundamental LifeTools, and these are the seven
tools.
Cool, right?
Awareness, acceptance,intention, gratitude,
compassion, forgiveness, andconnection.
And it's meant, it's a workbook,so it's meant to be written in,
(24:57):
right?
Um, and the the lessons and thetools, the illustrations, all of
it have come out of thisprogram, uh, you know, using
examples from the kids andquotes from them, but also it's
adult grade stuff.
Um, absolutely.
And so that is an activeworkbook that they can have
that's available.
So yeah, that is the fundamentallife tools, because these seven
(25:19):
tools I do believe arefundamental.
Um, and it's a little bit of gapin the wiring of the school
education system as far ashitting the note on these seven
tools.
Um, so that's that's oneopportunity.
The other is um a bunch of theseyoung leaders here, uh high
schoolers, got together thislast summer and they built a
website, a new platform to makethese tools available to anybody
(25:43):
else, regardless of where theylive.
Uh, they called itstreamofconsciousness.life.
Leave it to a bunch of highschoolers.
They actually think that dotlife is cool.
So fantastic, it's their call.
Uh so stream ofconsciousness.life.
Um, and on there, there's asection where I explain each of
these tools in a in a five toeight minute video for each.
(26:05):
So if you're a parent and youhave a kid and you want them to
hear about the tools from maybenot you, because we all know the
challenge of kids listening toyou know their parents, maybe
they don't always pick up whattheir parents are saying, even
though we might be saying theright things.
So uh that's another area forsupport that's immediate and
exists now.
It's still a beta version of thesite because these high
schoolers are building it, andwell, now they're back in school
(26:27):
again.
But there's enough there wherethese tools are there and
hearing it from other teens andother youth, um, all of those
pieces are there.
So stream of consciousness.life.
Um, and lastly, you know, inreal time with students, with
kids, with my daughter, with mykids, um it is my first move is
show them empathy, uh, just inthe form of like having them
(26:50):
feel understood.
If they come home and they'reexplaining how their math
teacher is a total jerk, myfirst move is, oh my gosh, I'm
sorry, that must be reallyfrustrating.
And something happens once a kidjust feels heard on that level.
They're like, ah, okay, I've gotthat out of my system.
SPEAKER_00 (27:08):
Exhale.
SPEAKER_01 (27:09):
Now they can hear
better.
And and they'll just keep, youknow, trying to say it and say
it in different ways until theyfeel heard, even if they're just
saying it louder or kind ofbehaving in other ways.
At the core, once a person feelshurt, and we teach this actually
as the as the peacemaker is oneof our things.
Um, you know, if two people arein an argument, just taking a
second to be like, okay, so doyou feel X because you want Y?
(27:33):
And showing them that sense ofunderstanding, oftentimes that
other person will be like, Well,well, well, yeah.
And a lot of times the argumentstops because they just want to
be heard.
That's why they're gettinglouder and louder.
So showing them empathy, right?
And that is a helpful form.
You're like, okay, cool.
So you're saying you feelfrustrated because you want your
math teacher to not assign somuch homework.
(27:54):
Well, well, yeah.
Okay.
That's the first step.
And the second is, you know, andthis is how we teach it here is
to really, because we have somany teen mentors, right?
And so now you got these teensgoing out and helping other
teens with these tools, butnobody wants to be given advice.
No one, no one like a personrunning around, hey, I got these
(28:14):
tools, you should do this, youshould do that.
So we've eradicated the wordshould out of our vocabulary
here, right?
And um we try to speak throughexperience, strength, and hope.
And so when my daughter iscoming to me frustrated about
this thing, I never, I rarelyuse the terms cool.
(28:35):
Well, you should this or haveyou thought about this?
I'll say, because once I startusing the word you with a
younger person, there's thatimmediate sense of potential,
you know, defensiveness.
But if the entire time I'mspeaking in I statements, that
helps keep their guard down.
So, oh wow, yeah, when I wasyour age, I went through
something similar.
And what I found for myself wasso on and so on and so on.
(28:57):
So those two formulas, that aformula of, you know, giving the
experience of understanding andempathy, identifying, do you
feel this because you want,because there's a want or a need
there.
Do you feel this because youwant this?
That's a helpful formula thatworks probably 90% of the time,
not every time, depending on thesituation.
And then I go into okay, how canI speak from I statements to
(29:19):
share experience, strength, andhope rather than giving advice
or telling someone how they needto think.
And what that does is itmaintains the agency and
sovereignty of the kid who thenfeels empowered to transform
themselves from the inside outrather than doing things because
they're told.
And I think we can all as oncebeing kids know that feeling of
(29:42):
being told what's up by ourparents.
And it creates sometimes, atleast for me, you know, inner
tension of like, oh, do I agreewith that or not?
Should I just do it because I'mbeing told?
All of that stuff, which is acompletely different energetic
framework than sovereignty andagency to be able to come to my
own growth in my own terms.
SPEAKER_00 (30:00):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And what I was thinking when youwere saying that was that's
helpful for everybody.
Empathy and less shoulds andmore I statements.
I know that oftentimes, youknow, the intention is good of
wanting to help the person orsolve the problem or help them
find the solution.
But it's like, that's not ourjob.
(30:21):
Like that's our job is to hearand empathize and, like you
said, repeat back to them whatyou're hearing, ex uh explain a
situation where you maybe havegone through something, a lot of
I statements.
Here's what I would do, here'swhat I'm thinking, here's what I
did.
And, you know, then it's it's Ithink great for kids and just a
(30:42):
great human lesson in general.
SPEAKER_01 (30:44):
Yeah, then we invite
them rather than command them,
which has a completely differentenergy to it.
You know, I heard it said thatour goal as teachers who serve
isn't to wake people up, it's tocreate a sense of spiritual
nourishment so that when theywake up on their own, there's
(31:05):
spiritual nourishment and abreakfast, if you will, waiting
for them, for them to continueon their path.
So it's not about changing otherpeople, it's about laying the
tools at their feet that givethem the capacity to change
themselves because that has adifferent level of stickiness to
it and a different level ofstrength to it.
SPEAKER_00 (31:22):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And one more question becauseI'm curious.
Like when kids come to yourfacility, to your location, do
they have parents that have goneto like a Dr.
Joe retreat?
Or are there like kids juststruggling with certain things
and they Google you and they'relike, you gotta go to this?
(31:42):
Like, are the parents oftentimeslearning a lot through their
kids' experience?
Or like, what's the journey of akid?
Or maybe I think of two, likechurch or whatever, church
events.
It's like, oh, my friends arethere, so I want to go.
Is that kind of the scenariotoo?
Or how do these yeah, how dothese kids come there?
SPEAKER_01 (31:59):
There's a lot of
different entry points, right?
There's a lot of high schoolerswho come here for 501c3
nonprofit volunteer hours thatis about college resume
building.
That's a great driver for them,right?
And we figured out how to makevolunteering super fun and super
meaningful and fulfilling on theinside rather than some of the
other opportunities out there.
So a lot come in through that.
A lot come in because they lovecreativity and art, particularly
the high schoolers.
(32:19):
You know, a lot of our newstudents, what happens is I'll
receive a text from an upsetparent whose kid just got
suspended again and they don'tknow what to do, and the
therapist can't see them foranother three weeks, and that's
just gonna be client intake, andtheir insurance doesn't cover
it.
And how quickly can our kid comein?
And we don't have much money.
How much uh how much does itcost?
(32:40):
And I say, Your kid can cometoday, and we have a scholarship
program to take care of yourkids so they can come for free.
We've turned away zero kids innine years.
I'm really proud of that fact.
And then the parents come andthey sit in in the back of
class, and you have the onesthat are already the aware
observer, their thoughts,already conscious, if you will,
in the practice and know Dr.
(33:01):
Joe.
And for them, oh my goodnessgracious, they can't get enough
of it.
They love it because it's likekind of what we're all thinking.
Okay, how come let's take thisand make it available to kids?
So we figure out how to languagethat and really make that
resonate.
Um, for the ones that haven'treally had that experience yet,
or they're earlier on the pathof their awakening or
transformation, um, they're inthe back writing notes, you
(33:24):
know, fervorously.
And because this is this isadult grade stuff.
This is, you know, that it'sreally, we're not um pulling any
punches or dumbing it down inany way, rather just shifting
the languaging to make it moreresonant with someone who's in
Gen Z or Gen A.
SPEAKER_00 (33:40):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I just remember when I firststarted doing this work, I was
just like, like it just unlockedsomething in me.
I was hungry and I just couldn'tstop.
And so I assumed there were someparents that are getting the
benefit of their kids beinginvolved in this program.
Um, I'm gonna link all the um,yeah, the link to your book and
(34:03):
that program that your highschool kids um built and how
people that are living in LA canget connected with you and all
the things.
And I just feel like you'redoing such great work in this
world.
It's really beautiful, Raphael.
Um, is it what else what is yourmoonshot?
What is your goal that you'rereaching towards?
Like what is your, what are youjust like hungry after now?
(34:24):
Whether it's personal,professional, what is the thing
that you're that really drivesyou?
SPEAKER_01 (34:29):
Yeah, it's a very,
very specific goal.
And it's the goal of our entireteam and ecosystem here.
And the goal is a millionconscious youth.
Conscious as defined as a personwho knows they are the aware
observer of their thoughts andnot their thoughts.
And it's different thanintelligent.
It's this practice, and a personcan know that truth, but not
practice it enough to actuallybe living from that perspective.
(34:51):
And no one lives there all thetime.
I slide back in and out.
It's how it is.
But to know what it means topractice awareness, we'll call
that conscious.
So we're shooting for a millionconscious youth.
We're in the low thousands, butwith this platform, that's why
the high schoolers wanted tobuild this platform to begin
spreading this message andmovement of consciousness.
You know, we're looking forsupport, we're looking reaching
(35:13):
out to the world saying, if youbelieve in this cause, we feel
confident we've got a playbookand a blueprint to unfold over
the next five years, includingthis platform, including this is
now California state acceptedEnglish curriculum.
I teach it to foster youth thatare in high school as their
English class, right?
So we have a curriculum that cango in schools and it's already
(35:34):
in a bunch of schools here inCalifornia.
Um, so that's our path, uh, youknow, a million conscious youth.
And, you know, there's neverbeen a time in this world where
that could be more possible.
You know, if eight and a halfmillion people can like this dog
video on TikTok, whatever it is,we can spread the message of
consciousness.
You know, it isn't that hard tolearn for a person who has the
(35:56):
open mind to absorb the lesson,and we're just finding it's
spreading like wildfire, wellwildfire.
Um, and it's a very excitingtime.
It's gonna be a very excitingthis this mission might take
three, five, even ten years, andthat's okay because at the end,
when what we have is a platformwith a million conscious youth
(36:17):
together, my intuitive sensetells me a lot of beautiful
change and societaltransformation for the better
can occur through a community ofyouth that are conscious.
It's a powerful thing, and thisis going to be my life's
journey.
SPEAKER_00 (36:32):
Yeah, a million
conscious youth.
And yeah, I'm cheering you onfor those listening.
Um, you know, get connected withRafael, get the book, go on the
website.
If you live in the area, govisit his facility, tell your
friends, please come visit,share this space.
Yeah, I'll have to come visit aswell when I'm in California.
I really look forward to it.
(36:53):
Um, yeah, I'm just so moved.
Great work.
This is so awesome and soneeded.
And I'm excited for the day thatwe get to celebrate your a
million uh milestone.
And I think, like you said, whata great time to be alive.
What a great time to actuallymake this possible because of
ways that you're throwing biggerrocks in the pond, let's say, by
(37:17):
making this curriculum or makingthis available online or through
a book on Amazon.
I know that um I'm excited forthe day that you reach that
goal.
Um, I'm gonna link everything toConnect with Raphael, social
media, all the stuff in thedescription.
Um, it was great to talk withyou today and thank you guys for
listening.
SPEAKER_01 (37:35):
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
SPEAKER_00 (37:44):
Thank you so much
for listening to this episode of
Self Love and Sweat the Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode orwere inspired by it, or
something resonated with you, dome a favor and share this
episode with a friend, someonethat you think might enjoy this
episode as well.
That's the ultimate complimentand the best way to make this
(38:07):
podcast riffle out into theworld of others.
And also, you can leave us areview up to five stars wherever
you're listening to the podcast.
Thank you so much for listening,and we'll see you at the next
episode.
I appreciate you.