August 9, 2024 • 22 mins
What happens when the roles reverse and you find yourself caring for the very person who raised you? Corbin Church, a seasoned entrepreneur and managing director of Utah's iHub, opens up about his emotional journey in balancing his demanding career with caregiving for his mother who suffers from dementia. Through heartfelt stories and candid reflections, Corbin illuminates the profound challenges and emotional guilt associated with this role reversal. He also shares the difficult decision of transitioning his mother into a senior living facility, emphasizing the critical need for privacy, amenities, and engaging activities to combat loneliness and keep her stimulated.
Safety and trust become paramount when selecting a caregiver for a loved one with memory issues. Corbin walks us through his meticulous vetting process for finding a compatible caregiver from Helperly, highlighting the importance of open communication and thorough background checks. He discusses the delicate task of protecting his mother from deceptive spam calls and safeguarding her finances. Corbin's insights offer practical advice on maintaining a positive mindset amidst repetitive conversations and memory loss, showcasing how a trustworthy caregiver can become an invaluable advocate and companion.
Turning to his professional life, Corbin shares the mission of iHub Innovation Hub Foundation, a nonprofit incubator in Provo, Utah. This collaborative environment is designed to support young entrepreneurs and recent graduates, transforming the often solitary journey of entrepreneurship into a community-driven effort. Corbin provides essential advice for senior care providers on building trust and alleviating guilt for families, stressing the importance of engaging activities for elderly residents. Whether you're an entrepreneur, a caregiver, or seeking to balance your personal and professional responsibilities, this episode is packed with valuable lessons and heartfelt moments.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Joining us today is Corbin Church, a lifelong
entrepreneur, angel investor andfund manager with over three
decades of experience infounding, operating and selling
multiple companies.
As the managing director ofiHub, which is the innovation
hub of Utah, corbin is dedicatedto empowering young
entrepreneurs by providing themwith the resources, mentorship
and collaborative environmentthey need to succeed.
He's also an adjunct professorat BYU, where he shares his
(00:24):
extensive knowledge andexperience with aspiring
business leaders.
Beyond his professionalendeavors, corbin actively
supports humanitarian causes andcancer research.
Along with his wife, cara, he'salso a very loving son of his
aging mother.
Today, we're going to dive intohow someone like Corbin, who's
extremely busy, is able toincorporate his mom into his
life, and what he looks for whenworking with care providers to
(00:45):
get her the care that she needsand ultimately deserves.
Corbin welcome.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Thank you, good to be with you today.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Nice to have you.
So the first question we'llkind of just jump right in how
has your experience with yourmom influenced your approach to
life and what's changed?
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Role reversals.
That's what's changed.
There was a time in life wheremy mom nurtured and cared for me
and interesting how lifehappens it goes full circle.
Now my mom is needing more careand more of my time.
It used to be all about from mymom to me and now it's vice
versa.
So life has changed in that mymom has a lot of needs.
(01:22):
She does not drive anymore.
That was a big change.
Her vision is impaired, herhearing is impaired and, as you
mentioned, my mom suffers fromdementia.
So there are a lot of needs.
She has a lot of doctor'sappointments and things like
that.
So my mom needs help.
She needs her sons now to dowhat she did for them, and so
(01:44):
there are several of us.
But everybody has busy livesand so we do the best we can to
divide that up and take care ofher and meet her needs.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
But, yeah, role reversal is a great way to put
it.
That's interesting and itreally does come full circle.
She was taking care of you andwhen you needed everything
through your toddler years andteenage.
Now it's just the opposite.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Isn't that interesting.
It is interesting Scary too.
Circle of life.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
So what challenges you mentioned.
You and your brothers are allvery busy.
You run Innovation Hub of Utah.
You're very involved ininvesting and in your community.
So how do you balance yourprofessional commitments with
being able to take the time togo and see your mom and make
sure that she's getting takencare of?
Speaker 2 (02:26):
I think that one of the best ways to answer that is
it's difficult.
I don't want to beat around thebush on this.
It's difficult and it comeswith guilt because life is busy
and mom has needs and to getthat done and to do what I
should as a good son, I'm notmeeting the quota.
(02:48):
I'm not doing what I should do.
I try to talk to my mom everynight before I go to bed.
I live about 45 minutes away,so visiting her every day isn't
a possibility, but I try tocontact her each day, give her a
call, see how she's doing, seehow her day was, what she
remembers, try to bring up somememories to jog that mind of
(03:08):
hers.
I have dinner with her everySunday.
We have her come down to ourhome and we spend time with her,
and so we do that.
But the doctor's appointmentsduring the week, the medications
, the filling those medications,all those other needs, that's
difficult for us.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Yeah, I like how you said and I think it's common for
people in your situation.
You're exceptionally busy, butif you have a kid and you're
trying to be a contributingmember of society these days
it's difficult.
I feel like it's common to havethat guilt and some people they
take on that guilt and theybecome the primary caregiver and
(03:48):
then that swallows their wholelife and all of a sudden they
have guilt because they're notbeing able to be the best parent
or the best in their otherroles and it's just a hard
balancing act.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
It's challenging.
We moved my mom into a seniorliving center.
It's got a lot of activities,it's a lot going on, and so
that's been a benefit to us.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
How did you ultimately decide where you
moved her, compared to the otherplaces?
Speaker 2 (04:12):
We were looking for something that was a little
upscale, something that wasnicer.
We didn't want to put her in anaging place, meaning an older
facility.
We also wanted her to be whereshe had privacy.
Privacy was important to us,and then probably the number one
concern or feature that we werelooking for was amenities.
(04:34):
We wanted her to be active, wewanted her to have a lot of
things to do, and where she isnow she has a ton of activities.
She has things to choose fromall day long if she chooses to
participate.
I wish she would participatemore, but there's a lot to do
there and that is peace of mind.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
It's odd to say, but that bought us some peace of
mind because she's busy.
She has things to do day andnight.
There's a lot going on andthat's nice she has things to do
day and night.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
There's a lot going on and that's nice.
I like that and I think it'sinteresting to me a lot of
people that don't opt to movetheir parents to a senior living
place their parents at home,they don't have those activities
with community and they seethem in front of the TV or not
doing anything for hours on endand they're like oh, that's just
what you do when you get old.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
But it's like if it's boring to you.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
it's going to be boring to your parent that's
getting older.
So having something like that,yeah, you know my mom.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
prior to the move, my mom was very lonely, and
loneliness is a contributingfactor to dementia.
My mom's condition is at leastpartially due to the loneliness
that she had, and so resolvingthat loneliness issue, if even
partially, was really importantto us.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
I think that's a key factor that people need to look
into more is obviously themedical side is important, but
just something to help her notbe lonely.
So are there other supportsystems that you have in place
to kind of manage thatloneliness and help fill the
role?
Speaker 2 (06:07):
A little over a year ago we contracted with Helperly
to provide our mother withcompanion services, and so every
weekday we have a Helperlycompanion.
It's the same one.
She goes by the name of Felineand she is my mom's friend.
(06:27):
She is in doing what are calledcompanionship services, that's,
going on walks with my mom,they go to lunch most days
together.
They do wash, they clean, theywill read, they'll watch TV,
(06:47):
will read, they'll watch TV.
My mom likes to be driven around, so Feline will take my mom on
car rides to her oldneighborhood, to whatever is
nostalgic for my mother.
It is awesome because it'sguilt relieving.
And if my mom knew that herinsurance was paying for this or
that her sons were paying forit, that might ruin the
experience.
I'm not sure, but she doesn't.
(07:08):
My mom sees it as a friend andshe'll tell me when I call at
night about her friend Felineand the things they did each day
and it's amazing that brings meso much peace of mind.
Feline is often the one to takemy mom to doctor's appointments
because they occur during theday when availability for me is
(07:30):
limited.
So she picks up herprescriptions, she takes her
shopping, they walk the mall,all kinds of things, loneliness
box checked.
It's awesome, it's a greatservice and it brings me peace
of mind.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
So, as you were deciding to start working with
Helperly and then the communitythat she lived with you
mentioned helping with theloneliness that things are going
on is a huge factor for you.
Are there any other qualitiesin care providers whether it's
where she lived or Helperly thatwere green lights for you that
got you excited about workingwith these providers?
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Yeah, I needed to know that my mom was safe.
You know, elderly population isa vulnerable population and so
safe and secure was a veryimportant factor for us.
Where she lives, I have zeroconcerns, helperly zero concerns
.
Those are the important thingsfor us.
Taking her driver's licenseaway was important because she
(08:25):
was danger to herself and toothers.
Those were the big things thatwe worked on.
The other one would be hertelephone.
We really struggle with thepeople who call her and we've
changed her phone number nowthree times.
Wow, and like spamming callsSpamming calls Wow, and they are
so deceptive they will use AIto get voices that deceive my
(08:47):
mom and others.
So we have protected all of hermoney.
We've put them behind wallsbecause my mom will give out
that information.
She's easily deceived and sowe've done things to be sure
that all that's protected.
They'll get a little bit, butthey won't get a lot of it.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Yeah, wow, I didn't realize that.
And she, it's extreme.
Yeah, I will tell you over ayear.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Wow, yeah, they.
She'll be in the car with us orbe at our home and she'll take
a phone call and we hear hergiving out important information
and we walk over and we pushend on the phone and then we
block that number.
When we're together, we'll takeher phone and we'll go through
and we'll block all the spamnumbers.
It's difficult but it's scary.
That's a major concern of ours.
(09:31):
Yeah, it's safety.
Yeah, so we did it.
We now release $1,000 or so toour mother.
If somebody pierced theprotections that we've put in
place, or my mom gave accessthat she shouldn't have, they'll
end up with less than $1,000.
And that's manageable.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Yeah, and I think that's smart having that extra
layer of protection.
Most people don't think aboutthat.
Yeah it's a big one, yeah, withthe care providers that are
going into her home.
How did you vet safety there?
What was the process for you todecide that?
Speaker 2 (10:04):
We had an interview process Helperly allowed us to
meet with three differentproviders that they carefully
selected as what they felt was amatch for our mother.
And our mother is veryconservative, One of those
people we really liked, but shehad some tattoos and some
piercings.
And my mom's from anothergeneration and she's a wonderful
(10:29):
person but she can be a littlejudgmental in those regards.
And so, although we loved her,that one wasn't going to work
and we went through the othertwo and we decided on Feline
very sweet lady, hardworking,really has a big heart.
Feline has taken our mother toher home and made her a meal and
(10:51):
introduced her to her familyand I would say going above and
beyond.
And that's what we wanted forour mom somebody to genuinely
love her.
But we were able to fully vetthe process and we felt
comfortable going in.
But we also knew that thepeople being presented to us had
gone through a full backgroundcheck and so we were provided
with choices that were safe andgood.
(11:13):
We just were able to pick ourbest flavor.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
I like that.
How have you been able to buildthe strong relationship with
Feline it sounds like obviouslyhelp really helped you get it
started.
Relationship with Feline itsounds like obviously Helperly
helped you get it started andthen with the individual
caregiver that you're workingwith, the ongoing is it?
Speaker 2 (11:34):
communication is the biggest thing.
Yeah, so we have an automatedmessage once a month from
Helperly that is a daily reportof what's happened with our
mother, but that's secondary.
Our primary source ofinformation is direct
communication with Feline.
I have three brothers.
The four of us are on a grouptext with Feline and near daily
the group text is taking placeand Feline is asking us when was
(11:59):
this happened?
Day before yesterday, eitherMonday or Tuesday of this week,
feline was asking us who ourmom's dentist was and when was
the last time our mom had beento the dentist.
We all shrugged our shoulders.
We do a lot of doctor'sappointments.
We never thought about thedentist and I don't think my
mom's been to the dentist for along time.
(12:20):
So Feline set all that up.
We didn't know.
Oh, her previous dentist was nolonger in business, so we found
her another dentist.
Feline made the appointment.
Stuff like that takes place allthe time.
She's messaging with my olderbrother on bills that need to
get paid, because he handlesthose responsibilities not just
bills to be paid, but insuranceneeds and things like that.
(12:43):
We communicate with her three,four, five times a week via text
and when she's with our mom shehelps with all kinds of tasks.
It's incredible.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
That's awesome, yeah.
So having a lot ofcommunication, open
communication and sharing thegood, the bad and then, just
over time, I feel like thatbuilds trust, where you know
that your mom's being taken careof.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
No question, yeah, we have.
I would put our comfort levelat 100%.
We have no concerns.
We have a.
We have a very close friend,slash family member in my mom's
companionship companion.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
I love that.
Yeah, that's awesome, switchinggears a little bit.
So how do you personally copewith the challenges of having
your mother kind of goingthrough the memory loss
struggles and the differentchallenges that are associated
with that?
Speaker 2 (13:34):
You know what?
It's a little bit ofcheerleading before you make a
phone call or before you stop into visit or pick her up,
because you have to change yourmental mindset.
We will be going through thesame question and I can tell you
the 10 topics that we're goingto discuss for 10 to 20 times in
(13:57):
the next three hours that we'retogether.
We don't go beyond those 10topics and it can come up within
one minute of us gettingtogether, the same question
being repeated, and there havebeen times where I was lacking
patience and I got short andit's like, hey, same, as I just
told you.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Still the same same answer.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
And that's wrong.
She's not doing that tofrustrate.
She's not doing that to be apain in the neck.
She has no recall, and that'supon us.
She had patience with us fourboys.
She had an abundance ofpatience, but you know what?
That's upon us.
It's our turn to show patiencenow, and that's a mindset that
(14:41):
is stopping before you knock onthat door and saying, okay,
business aside, now it's mom'stime.
Drop everything.
And mom's time means patience.
When she asks the same questiontwo minutes from now, answer
the question again.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
And come up with things to talk about, to jog her
memory of the past.
She has a wonderful memory oflong-term, short-term she has
none, and so thinking aboutthings that we can talk about to
bring up fun memories for herso that she doesn't keep asking
the same questions but when sheasks it a third time, answer it
(15:21):
a third time, that is soimportant.
So with memory care, I wouldsay the biggest one is patience.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Yeah, I just like that a lot where it's.
I think care providers shouldhave the same and it's difficult
A lot of the time if they, ifthey're going from client to
client and they're hearing thesesame things.
It's like their biz, theirbusiness is patients.
Yeah, and it really.
It goes back to what you said,the role reversal, where I have
a son that's two and a halfyears old and we talk about the
(15:50):
same things and we play the samegames every night and we have
the same routine.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
And it's just the op.
You know you flip it over.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
It's going to be his turn in 60 years In 60 years.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
It'll be his turn to listen to me over and over and
over again.
What are some?
Or could you share a memorablemoment or a story that showed
one of the joys of that rolereversal with your mom, or that
time with her?
Speaker 2 (16:14):
You know there are so many.
My mom is such a loving person.
Every time I go to pick her upshe's waiting downstairs for me
and she comes out and she looksme straight in the eyes and she
says I love you so much.
(16:35):
It's piercing.
It's piercing.
It is so real.
But if you could go down layersin that voice you would measure
how real that is.
It's not how we might say Ilove you to one another as an
obligation in passing.
It has layers of realityattached to it.
(16:57):
It's meaningful and I can justsee it in her eyes.
She hasn't been around topeople, she hasn't been with
family.
It might be a few days and thatI love you pierces to the core.
And then every once in a whilewe'll be driving along and she
will say something so witty andso quick and I'm just like you
(17:21):
go, mom.
And I just bust out laughingbecause it's still there.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
And it just really makes me feel good and we laugh
so hard.
But it's just, you know, thereis sadness, it's sad to see the
decline, yeah.
So find joy in the good moments.
Yeah, that's so important.
There are fewer, I'm not goingto's so important.
There are fewer, I'm not goingto sugarcoat it, there are fewer
.
But find joy in those momentsand be patient.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
Part of the flip side of the coin that makes things
more difficult, makes themricher, like you said where she
says I love you.
It's like she knows that she'ssaying I love you, corbin, and
she probably sees the little boythat she raised and the the
deep rooted memories that aren'tgoing to go anywhere.
It just makes it so much morespecial even though on the other
side of that coin.
(18:10):
It makes it more difficult onthe day to day.
That's right.
The last few questions kind offlipping gear, cause we have a
lot of senior care professionalswith their families and things.
I wanted to ask, on theprofessional side of things,
what motivated you to start iHuband who should join iHub if
they have like a loved one or ason or daughter?
(18:30):
That's kind of in that space.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Yeah iHub Innovation Hub Foundation.
We're a nonprofit incubator.
We are helping mostly youngpeople, but I have several
adults in there.
These are people at theearliest stage of starting a
business, people with ideas thathave no idea what to do next,
and we set this up as anonprofit to help them know what
(18:56):
the next step is.
We're located in Provo, in UtahCounty, and we're there to help
any and everyone.
We're largely made up of BYUand UVU students or recent
graduates there from, but we'rejust there to get businesses off
the ground.
Help people be successful, helpthem to realize their dreams.
(19:17):
Our tagline is elevatingsuccess, and that's what we're
trying to do is elevate one'schances for success.
Is there an experience with iHubthat you're exceptionally proud
(19:37):
of so far?
But I have to stop and I'lloften pull out my phone and
catch a picture of it, but it'sfour or five people standing up
talking to one another and it'sthat all important word
collaboration.
When you're sitting alone,entrepreneurism is a lonely
sport.
When you're sitting at yourhome or in your apartment
(19:59):
working alone, oh it's reallylonely.
But when you're on a floor witha whole bunch of other
entrepreneurs, you're all doingthe same thing.
You're all facing risk andchallenges every day.
That buoys you.
When five of you are standingaround together and sharing
ideas and helping one another,that's called collaboration.
And collaboration is magicalbecause all ships rise with that
(20:24):
tide.
It's so cool to witness.
But we see mentors coming indaily helping young people make
a contact, get into a chain,whatever Amazing things
happening every day.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
That is awesome.
It is a lonely sport and soit's nice being able to talk to
somebody else and be like oh,I'm experiencing that exact same
thing, so that's awesome.
If somebody wants to join I hub, how do they do that?
Speaker 2 (20:50):
They can get more information by going to
wwwihubutahorg notcomorg.
Tons of information there forthem, Awesome.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
The last question is do you have any advice for
senior care providers?
So companies like Helperly,places like where your mom's
living as far as if they want toappeal to people like you
trying to get care for their mom, what should they do?
It sounds like trust is veryimportant.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Trust is important.
We're looking for somebody whocan give our parents something
to do.
We're all at the stage of lifewhere we have to work to provide
for our family.
We have kids doing things likesoccer and whatever, and it's
busy during the day and it'sbusy in the evening places that
(21:40):
can provide our parents with alife like they used to have
things to do.
That eases guilt.
I can't tell you how real guiltis when it comes to my mom.
I feel guilty all the time thatI'm not spending enough time
(22:00):
with her, that I'm not callingher enough, that I'm not being a
good enough son.
If you want to appeal to me,help me relieve my guilt.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
I like that.
That's great advice.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
If I were in that business, that's what I would be
doing Helping to replace,relieve guilt.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
Yeah, replace guilt with peace and confidence.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
That my mom is happy, she's loving it.
She doesn't have time for myphone call.
She's got friends over, she'sgoing to this chorus thing,
she's going to this, she's goingto that.
I'm like okay, mom, awesome.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Have fun.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
It's happened many times.
I'm like, yes, it's greatbecause I don't have to feel
guilty.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Yeah, I love that.
Well, thanks so much, corbin,for coming today and giving us
that insight and input toworking with people trying to
help seniors better their lives.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
Happy to help.
Hopefully it's beneficial tosomeone.
Joining us today is Corbin Church, a lifelong
entrepreneur, angel investor andfund manager with over three
decades of experience infounding, operating and selling
multiple companies.
As the managing director ofiHub, which is the innovation
hub of Utah, corbin is dedicatedto empowering young
entrepreneurs by providing themwith the resources, mentorship
and collaborative environmentthey need to succeed.
He's also an adjunct professorat BYU, where he shares his
(00:24):
extensive knowledge andexperience with aspiring
business leaders.
Beyond his professionalendeavors, corbin actively
supports humanitarian causes andcancer research.
Along with his wife, cara, he'salso a very loving son of his
aging mother.
Today, we're going to dive intohow someone like Corbin, who's
extremely busy, is able toincorporate his mom into his
life, and what he looks for whenworking with care providers to
(00:45):
get her the care that she needsand ultimately deserves.
Corbin welcome.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Thank you, good to be with you today.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Nice to have you.
So the first question we'llkind of just jump right in how
has your experience with yourmom influenced your approach to
life and what's changed?
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Role reversals.
That's what's changed.
There was a time in life wheremy mom nurtured and cared for me
and interesting how lifehappens it goes full circle.
Now my mom is needing more careand more of my time.
It used to be all about from mymom to me and now it's vice
versa.
So life has changed in that mymom has a lot of needs.
(01:22):
She does not drive anymore.
That was a big change.
Her vision is impaired, herhearing is impaired and, as you
mentioned, my mom suffers fromdementia.
So there are a lot of needs.
She has a lot of doctor'sappointments and things like
that.
So my mom needs help.
She needs her sons now to dowhat she did for them, and so
(01:44):
there are several of us.
But everybody has busy livesand so we do the best we can to
divide that up and take care ofher and meet her needs.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
But, yeah, role reversal is a great way to put
it.
That's interesting and itreally does come full circle.
She was taking care of you andwhen you needed everything
through your toddler years andteenage.
Now it's just the opposite.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Isn't that interesting.
It is interesting Scary too.
Circle of life.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
So what challenges you mentioned.
You and your brothers are allvery busy.
You run Innovation Hub of Utah.
You're very involved ininvesting and in your community.
So how do you balance yourprofessional commitments with
being able to take the time togo and see your mom and make
sure that she's getting takencare of?
Speaker 2 (02:26):
I think that one of the best ways to answer that is
it's difficult.
I don't want to beat around thebush on this.
It's difficult and it comeswith guilt because life is busy
and mom has needs and to getthat done and to do what I
should as a good son, I'm notmeeting the quota.
(02:48):
I'm not doing what I should do.
I try to talk to my mom everynight before I go to bed.
I live about 45 minutes away,so visiting her every day isn't
a possibility, but I try tocontact her each day, give her a
call, see how she's doing, seehow her day was, what she
remembers, try to bring up somememories to jog that mind of
(03:08):
hers.
I have dinner with her everySunday.
We have her come down to ourhome and we spend time with her,
and so we do that.
But the doctor's appointmentsduring the week, the medications
, the filling those medications,all those other needs, that's
difficult for us.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Yeah, I like how you said and I think it's common for
people in your situation.
You're exceptionally busy, butif you have a kid and you're
trying to be a contributingmember of society these days
it's difficult.
I feel like it's common to havethat guilt and some people they
take on that guilt and theybecome the primary caregiver and
(03:48):
then that swallows their wholelife and all of a sudden they
have guilt because they're notbeing able to be the best parent
or the best in their otherroles and it's just a hard
balancing act.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
It's challenging.
We moved my mom into a seniorliving center.
It's got a lot of activities,it's a lot going on, and so
that's been a benefit to us.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
How did you ultimately decide where you
moved her, compared to the otherplaces?
Speaker 2 (04:12):
We were looking for something that was a little
upscale, something that wasnicer.
We didn't want to put her in anaging place, meaning an older
facility.
We also wanted her to be whereshe had privacy.
Privacy was important to us,and then probably the number one
concern or feature that we werelooking for was amenities.
(04:34):
We wanted her to be active, wewanted her to have a lot of
things to do, and where she isnow she has a ton of activities.
She has things to choose fromall day long if she chooses to
participate.
I wish she would participatemore, but there's a lot to do
there and that is peace of mind.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
It's odd to say, but that bought us some peace of
mind because she's busy.
She has things to do day andnight.
There's a lot going on andthat's nice she has things to do
day and night.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
There's a lot going on and that's nice.
I like that and I think it'sinteresting to me a lot of
people that don't opt to movetheir parents to a senior living
place their parents at home,they don't have those activities
with community and they seethem in front of the TV or not
doing anything for hours on endand they're like oh, that's just
what you do when you get old.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
But it's like if it's boring to you.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
it's going to be boring to your parent that's
getting older.
So having something like that,yeah, you know my mom.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
prior to the move, my mom was very lonely, and
loneliness is a contributingfactor to dementia.
My mom's condition is at leastpartially due to the loneliness
that she had, and so resolvingthat loneliness issue, if even
partially, was really importantto us.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
I think that's a key factor that people need to look
into more is obviously themedical side is important, but
just something to help her notbe lonely.
So are there other supportsystems that you have in place
to kind of manage thatloneliness and help fill the
role?
Speaker 2 (06:07):
A little over a year ago we contracted with Helperly
to provide our mother withcompanion services, and so every
weekday we have a Helperlycompanion.
It's the same one.
She goes by the name of Felineand she is my mom's friend.
(06:27):
She is in doing what are calledcompanionship services, that's,
going on walks with my mom,they go to lunch most days
together.
They do wash, they clean, theywill read, they'll watch TV,
(06:47):
will read, they'll watch TV.
My mom likes to be driven around, so Feline will take my mom on
car rides to her oldneighborhood, to whatever is
nostalgic for my mother.
It is awesome because it'sguilt relieving.
And if my mom knew that herinsurance was paying for this or
that her sons were paying forit, that might ruin the
experience.
I'm not sure, but she doesn't.
(07:08):
My mom sees it as a friend andshe'll tell me when I call at
night about her friend Felineand the things they did each day
and it's amazing that brings meso much peace of mind.
Feline is often the one to takemy mom to doctor's appointments
because they occur during theday when availability for me is
(07:30):
limited.
So she picks up herprescriptions, she takes her
shopping, they walk the mall,all kinds of things, loneliness
box checked.
It's awesome, it's a greatservice and it brings me peace
of mind.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
So, as you were deciding to start working with
Helperly and then the communitythat she lived with you
mentioned helping with theloneliness that things are going
on is a huge factor for you.
Are there any other qualitiesin care providers whether it's
where she lived or Helperly thatwere green lights for you that
got you excited about workingwith these providers?
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Yeah, I needed to know that my mom was safe.
You know, elderly population isa vulnerable population and so
safe and secure was a veryimportant factor for us.
Where she lives, I have zeroconcerns, helperly zero concerns
.
Those are the important thingsfor us.
Taking her driver's licenseaway was important because she
(08:25):
was danger to herself and toothers.
Those were the big things thatwe worked on.
The other one would be hertelephone.
We really struggle with thepeople who call her and we've
changed her phone number nowthree times.
Wow, and like spamming callsSpamming calls Wow, and they are
so deceptive they will use AIto get voices that deceive my
(08:47):
mom and others.
So we have protected all of hermoney.
We've put them behind wallsbecause my mom will give out
that information.
She's easily deceived and sowe've done things to be sure
that all that's protected.
They'll get a little bit, butthey won't get a lot of it.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Yeah, wow, I didn't realize that.
And she, it's extreme.
Yeah, I will tell you over ayear.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Wow, yeah, they.
She'll be in the car with us orbe at our home and she'll take
a phone call and we hear hergiving out important information
and we walk over and we pushend on the phone and then we
block that number.
When we're together, we'll takeher phone and we'll go through
and we'll block all the spamnumbers.
It's difficult but it's scary.
That's a major concern of ours.
(09:31):
Yeah, it's safety.
Yeah, so we did it.
We now release $1,000 or so toour mother.
If somebody pierced theprotections that we've put in
place, or my mom gave accessthat she shouldn't have, they'll
end up with less than $1,000.
And that's manageable.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Yeah, and I think that's smart having that extra
layer of protection.
Most people don't think aboutthat.
Yeah it's a big one, yeah, withthe care providers that are
going into her home.
How did you vet safety there?
What was the process for you todecide that?
Speaker 2 (10:04):
We had an interview process Helperly allowed us to
meet with three differentproviders that they carefully
selected as what they felt was amatch for our mother.
And our mother is veryconservative, One of those
people we really liked, but shehad some tattoos and some
piercings.
And my mom's from anothergeneration and she's a wonderful
(10:29):
person but she can be a littlejudgmental in those regards.
And so, although we loved her,that one wasn't going to work
and we went through the othertwo and we decided on Feline
very sweet lady, hardworking,really has a big heart.
Feline has taken our mother toher home and made her a meal and
(10:51):
introduced her to her familyand I would say going above and
beyond.
And that's what we wanted forour mom somebody to genuinely
love her.
But we were able to fully vetthe process and we felt
comfortable going in.
But we also knew that thepeople being presented to us had
gone through a full backgroundcheck and so we were provided
with choices that were safe andgood.
(11:13):
We just were able to pick ourbest flavor.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
I like that.
How have you been able to buildthe strong relationship with
Feline it sounds like obviouslyhelp really helped you get it
started.
Relationship with Feline itsounds like obviously Helperly
helped you get it started andthen with the individual
caregiver that you're workingwith, the ongoing is it?
Speaker 2 (11:34):
communication is the biggest thing.
Yeah, so we have an automatedmessage once a month from
Helperly that is a daily reportof what's happened with our
mother, but that's secondary.
Our primary source ofinformation is direct
communication with Feline.
I have three brothers.
The four of us are on a grouptext with Feline and near daily
the group text is taking placeand Feline is asking us when was
(11:59):
this happened?
Day before yesterday, eitherMonday or Tuesday of this week,
feline was asking us who ourmom's dentist was and when was
the last time our mom had beento the dentist.
We all shrugged our shoulders.
We do a lot of doctor'sappointments.
We never thought about thedentist and I don't think my
mom's been to the dentist for along time.
(12:20):
So Feline set all that up.
We didn't know.
Oh, her previous dentist was nolonger in business, so we found
her another dentist.
Feline made the appointment.
Stuff like that takes place allthe time.
She's messaging with my olderbrother on bills that need to
get paid, because he handlesthose responsibilities not just
bills to be paid, but insuranceneeds and things like that.
(12:43):
We communicate with her three,four, five times a week via text
and when she's with our mom shehelps with all kinds of tasks.
It's incredible.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
That's awesome, yeah.
So having a lot ofcommunication, open
communication and sharing thegood, the bad and then, just
over time, I feel like thatbuilds trust, where you know
that your mom's being taken careof.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
No question, yeah, we have.
I would put our comfort levelat 100%.
We have no concerns.
We have a.
We have a very close friend,slash family member in my mom's
companionship companion.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
I love that.
Yeah, that's awesome, switchinggears a little bit.
So how do you personally copewith the challenges of having
your mother kind of goingthrough the memory loss
struggles and the differentchallenges that are associated
with that?
Speaker 2 (13:34):
You know what?
It's a little bit ofcheerleading before you make a
phone call or before you stop into visit or pick her up,
because you have to change yourmental mindset.
We will be going through thesame question and I can tell you
the 10 topics that we're goingto discuss for 10 to 20 times in
(13:57):
the next three hours that we'retogether.
We don't go beyond those 10topics and it can come up within
one minute of us gettingtogether, the same question
being repeated, and there havebeen times where I was lacking
patience and I got short andit's like, hey, same, as I just
told you.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Still the same same answer.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
And that's wrong.
She's not doing that tofrustrate.
She's not doing that to be apain in the neck.
She has no recall, and that'supon us.
She had patience with us fourboys.
She had an abundance ofpatience, but you know what?
That's upon us.
It's our turn to show patiencenow, and that's a mindset that
(14:41):
is stopping before you knock onthat door and saying, okay,
business aside, now it's mom'stime.
Drop everything.
And mom's time means patience.
When she asks the same questiontwo minutes from now, answer
the question again.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
And come up with things to talk about, to jog her
memory of the past.
She has a wonderful memory oflong-term, short-term she has
none, and so thinking aboutthings that we can talk about to
bring up fun memories for herso that she doesn't keep asking
the same questions but when sheasks it a third time, answer it
(15:21):
a third time, that is soimportant.
So with memory care, I wouldsay the biggest one is patience.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Yeah, I just like that a lot where it's.
I think care providers shouldhave the same and it's difficult
A lot of the time if they, ifthey're going from client to
client and they're hearing thesesame things.
It's like their biz, theirbusiness is patients.
Yeah, and it really.
It goes back to what you said,the role reversal, where I have
a son that's two and a halfyears old and we talk about the
(15:50):
same things and we play the samegames every night and we have
the same routine.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
And it's just the op.
You know you flip it over.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
It's going to be his turn in 60 years In 60 years.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
It'll be his turn to listen to me over and over and
over again.
What are some?
Or could you share a memorablemoment or a story that showed
one of the joys of that rolereversal with your mom, or that
time with her?
Speaker 2 (16:14):
You know there are so many.
My mom is such a loving person.
Every time I go to pick her upshe's waiting downstairs for me
and she comes out and she looksme straight in the eyes and she
says I love you so much.
(16:35):
It's piercing.
It's piercing.
It is so real.
But if you could go down layersin that voice you would measure
how real that is.
It's not how we might say Ilove you to one another as an
obligation in passing.
It has layers of realityattached to it.
(16:57):
It's meaningful and I can justsee it in her eyes.
She hasn't been around topeople, she hasn't been with
family.
It might be a few days and thatI love you pierces to the core.
And then every once in a whilewe'll be driving along and she
will say something so witty andso quick and I'm just like you
(17:21):
go, mom.
And I just bust out laughingbecause it's still there.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
And it just really makes me feel good and we laugh
so hard.
But it's just, you know, thereis sadness, it's sad to see the
decline, yeah.
So find joy in the good moments.
Yeah, that's so important.
There are fewer, I'm not goingto's so important.
There are fewer, I'm not goingto sugarcoat it, there are fewer
.
But find joy in those momentsand be patient.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
Part of the flip side of the coin that makes things
more difficult, makes themricher, like you said where she
says I love you.
It's like she knows that she'ssaying I love you, corbin, and
she probably sees the little boythat she raised and the the
deep rooted memories that aren'tgoing to go anywhere.
It just makes it so much morespecial even though on the other
side of that coin.
(18:10):
It makes it more difficult onthe day to day.
That's right.
The last few questions kind offlipping gear, cause we have a
lot of senior care professionalswith their families and things.
I wanted to ask, on theprofessional side of things,
what motivated you to start iHuband who should join iHub if
they have like a loved one or ason or daughter?
(18:30):
That's kind of in that space.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Yeah iHub Innovation Hub Foundation.
We're a nonprofit incubator.
We are helping mostly youngpeople, but I have several
adults in there.
These are people at theearliest stage of starting a
business, people with ideas thathave no idea what to do next,
and we set this up as anonprofit to help them know what
(18:56):
the next step is.
We're located in Provo, in UtahCounty, and we're there to help
any and everyone.
We're largely made up of BYUand UVU students or recent
graduates there from, but we'rejust there to get businesses off
the ground.
Help people be successful, helpthem to realize their dreams.
(19:17):
Our tagline is elevatingsuccess, and that's what we're
trying to do is elevate one'schances for success.
Is there an experience with iHubthat you're exceptionally proud
(19:37):
of so far?
But I have to stop and I'lloften pull out my phone and
catch a picture of it, but it'sfour or five people standing up
talking to one another and it'sthat all important word
collaboration.
When you're sitting alone,entrepreneurism is a lonely
sport.
When you're sitting at yourhome or in your apartment
(19:59):
working alone, oh it's reallylonely.
But when you're on a floor witha whole bunch of other
entrepreneurs, you're all doingthe same thing.
You're all facing risk andchallenges every day.
That buoys you.
When five of you are standingaround together and sharing
ideas and helping one another,that's called collaboration.
And collaboration is magicalbecause all ships rise with that
(20:24):
tide.
It's so cool to witness.
But we see mentors coming indaily helping young people make
a contact, get into a chain,whatever Amazing things
happening every day.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
That is awesome.
It is a lonely sport and soit's nice being able to talk to
somebody else and be like oh,I'm experiencing that exact same
thing, so that's awesome.
If somebody wants to join I hub, how do they do that?
Speaker 2 (20:50):
They can get more information by going to
wwwihubutahorg notcomorg.
Tons of information there forthem, Awesome.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
The last question is do you have any advice for
senior care providers?
So companies like Helperly,places like where your mom's
living as far as if they want toappeal to people like you
trying to get care for their mom, what should they do?
It sounds like trust is veryimportant.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Trust is important.
We're looking for somebody whocan give our parents something
to do.
We're all at the stage of lifewhere we have to work to provide
for our family.
We have kids doing things likesoccer and whatever, and it's
busy during the day and it'sbusy in the evening places that
(21:40):
can provide our parents with alife like they used to have
things to do.
That eases guilt.
I can't tell you how real guiltis when it comes to my mom.
I feel guilty all the time thatI'm not spending enough time
(22:00):
with her, that I'm not callingher enough, that I'm not being a
good enough son.
If you want to appeal to me,help me relieve my guilt.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
I like that.
That's great advice.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
If I were in that business, that's what I would be
doing Helping to replace,relieve guilt.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
Yeah, replace guilt with peace and confidence.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
That my mom is happy, she's loving it.
She doesn't have time for myphone call.
She's got friends over, she'sgoing to this chorus thing,
she's going to this, she's goingto that.
I'm like okay, mom, awesome.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Have fun.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
It's happened many times.
I'm like, yes, it's greatbecause I don't have to feel
guilty.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Yeah, I love that.
Well, thanks so much, corbin,for coming today and giving us
that insight and input toworking with people trying to
help seniors better their lives.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
Happy to help.
Hopefully it's beneficial tosomeone.
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