October 4, 2024 • 21 mins
Ever wondered what it truly takes to make a meaningful impact in senior care? In this episode, Monique shares how her close-knit family background and unique professional experiences equipped her with the skills to connect deeply with seniors, transforming her roles into a fulfilling career path. Her story is a testament to the power of genuine passion and dedication in reshaping lives, both of caregivers and the elderly they serve.
Explore the heartwarming and challenging aspects of building relationships with seniors as Monique recounts her experiences. We also address the emotional challenges caregivers face, especially during end-of-life care, and how maintaining a positive outlook can lead to personal growth and fulfillment. It's a reminder of the profound impact caregivers can have when they embrace each client's unique journey.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Senior Care Academy.
Today we have a special guest,monique.
She's been working withHelperly for going on two years,
had various different roles.
She's been just exceptional towork with and has really unique
insight into the minds ofseniors, into working with
seniors.
I'm really excited to have heron.
Monique, welcome, thank you.
(00:20):
So first I want you to kind ofwalk everybody through the
different roles you've had atHelperly, and then which ones
have been your most fulfillingor your favorite.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
I think they all have for just different reasons.
But I first started as acaregiver.
That's when we were grandkids.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
I think it was.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
And then I had one client then and that was so
chaotic because my husband hadjust had a stroke, so trying to
get everything back and startedagain, it was really crazy.
But yeah, I started with oneclient and I was like, all right
, well, is there any more?
And so we just piled myschedule on and I was working
like seven days a week at thatpoint for almost a year, pretty
(01:03):
much.
I don't know.
I love meeting new people, butI also love the role I have now
too is scheduling, and I get tohear from a lot of our
caregivers themselves build arelationship that way too.
We don't get many ofopportunity to meet face to face
.
So you know, everybody stillthinks I'm Evan on the text.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Oh, that's funny.
What did your experience looklike before Helperly?
We talked a little bit aboutthe hiring, how you saw the ad
and you're like, wait, I woulddo this stuff for free.
So I'm curious the type ofperson that wants to work with
seniors.
What led you to Helperly?
What did you do before?
What got you into caregiving?
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Actually, I did a lot before I caregiving.
Actually, I did a lot before Iworked for a couple of different
cruise lines Princess andHolland.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Like on the ship, no, in the call centers.
That's been sweet.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
It was.
It was really nice.
And a lot of people, especiallythe elderly clients, they've
literally saved their entirelives to do this big trip and
they want to go someplace likeEurope and do like Italy and
Greece and all of that and it'syou're helping build a lifelong
dream for them.
So it's nice, you know, and I'mdepending on how what their
financial status was, you knowkind of throughout they
(02:14):
sometimes do a big, huge tripwith their whole family.
So that's really fun too.
Yeah, I did that.
I worked at some casinos, I wasa cashier, I did all kinds of
stuff.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
What do you feel like kind of throughout your life
helped prepare you to work withseniors or in like the senior
care space?
Speaker 2 (02:32):
My family.
I have my dad's side's, a largeItalian family.
And my mom is more of a NorthernEuropean style and they
immigrated over here.
They were in Illinois and thenfrom Illinois my grandfather was
a cop, like during the 20s andstuff there, and I was like all
right, I'm not going to raise mykids here and packed up the
(02:55):
entire family, not just his wifeand kids, but his mother and
father-in-law as well, and movedhim over to Seattle and from
there on everybody in my familyhas always been very, very close
in it, like I always grew uparound all my aunts and my
uncles, great aunts, greatuncles, grandparents, you know
everything.
Everybody was always so, veryclose.
So when anybody got sick orinjured it was always us, always
(03:17):
taking you know shifts andmaking sure they're fed and
cleaned and you know going toappointments and things like
that.
So it wasn't anything completelyforeign.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Yeah, that's interesting, like you kind of
had the background in your lifealready working with seniors.
So when you saw or got intosenior care yeah, we were
talking a few weeks ago and youmentioned like I saw the hiring
ad and I was like what the I dothis for free?
Or like I guess is that whatdoing it for free was?
You had all your great auntsand great uncles.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
I would do.
Well, it's one of those thingslike even in like elementary
school doing like choir, GirlScouts, things like that.
They always have you go andlike sing or volunteer at an old
folks home and that was alwaysfun and cute.
But then you know you want todo stuff when you get older, but
then it's always monetarilylimited because you can't
(04:03):
dedicate as many hours as you'dlike to doing the stuff you want
to do.
You have to do the stuff youhave to do.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Yeah, it's so fun.
Yeah, that's cool.
You're able to do the thingsthat you grew up doing and
volunteering, but being able tokind of have that care aspect of
it, what would you say has been, over the last two years, the
most rewarding part aboutworking with seniors?
Because you've worked withquite a few different clients
with a huge array of differentneeds.
Absolutely what's been what doyou find being the most
(04:31):
rewarding, and why is it?
Speaker 2 (04:40):
So, as an example, with Brian, when I saw him it
was only a few hours every weekwhen I first started with him,
but then it moved up to whatlike 40 hours a week with him
full time.
Yeah, and so when his healthstarted to decline, it was
always me that was there.
I was the one that was tryingto coordinate everything,
whether it's through hisdaughter, his doctors, his case
manager, us, the hospitals, likeeverything.
And so when anything happened,I knew what to do, where to go,
(05:03):
you know, and just making sureBecause no matter if it's your
family and you know they're ingood hands at a doctor or a
hospital or a facility of anykind, you personally having your
hands and knowing what's goingon, that always makes you feel a
little better, and when youwork with somebody for so long,
you build that kind ofrelationship with them.
You know my kids would go andsee them and we'd do stuff like
(05:27):
going to parades, and you knowstuff like that, even on, you
know, my off days.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
So why do you find that being so rewarding?
I feel like there's a lot ofpeople, a lot of people, see
caregiving as very like entrylevel position that they're
trying to scale out of asquickly as they can and so that
all their clients you know theycare for them, but it's very
like transient, meaning you knowit's a limited time or like a
limited season of their life,versus it seems like for you
(05:52):
it's something that you actuallydive deep and you want to
develop that relationship.
So where do you feel like thatcomes from and why is why is
that so rewarding?
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Man again.
I always had my grandparents mygrandparents.
Unfortunately, I lost them whenI was young.
I was like 16 to 18.
By the time, I'd lost all mygrandparents.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Man, that's hard.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
So trying to have.
I guess it's just having thatkind of relationship again.
It's just nice because a lot oftimes they're forgotten about.
Even if they do have family,they're having to work to
support their family.
They don't have all the time tocome by and hang out and do
things with, but we're literallypaid to be able to do this so
(06:37):
you know you can have that time.
You don't have to worry about somuch time restrictions and
things like that it's nice.
So much time restrictions andthings like that it's nice.
And it's not.
As long as you go into it, Ithink, with the attitude that
it's not just a job or this issomething you have to do, I
think you'd really be surprisedat how well of a relationship
you can build with somebody overtime.
(06:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
I love that.
I think that more people in thespace need to kind of have that
mindset of going into it.
It's not about, you know, justgetting a paycheck, or it's just
about, you know, I'm clockingin, I'm here for two, four, six,
10 hours, I'm here to for thenext you know however long this
client's alive, or like Like I'mhere and it is pretty cool to
(07:19):
kind of have that same mindsetlike of going in and helping.
And it is a long-termrelationship and anything that I
can do to help them.
I want to and yeah, it's justimportant.
I think it'd be awesome if morepeople had that mindset
especially direct care staff,the frontline people.
I think they get jaded,sometimes like over time.
(07:39):
I don't know different reasons.
I think they get jadedsometimes like over time.
I don't know different reasons.
You know, maybe they have haddifferent difficult clients or
lost too many.
Yeah, I was.
I had a conversation last weekor the last guest, cameron
Harrison.
He talked about how end of lifeis really hard and when you
lose a client.
But he's like, if you see everysingle client that you lose as
like a death and it's just likeI'm always around death, but
(08:01):
then switching it to being likeyeah, it's a perspective I'm
learning from 70, 80 years ofexperience and this is just a
phase of their life that I getto.
You know, help, help them, sendthem off to whatever's out
there yeah.
It becomes like a beautifulthing and I think that's a big
one.
A beautiful thing and I thinkthat's a big one.
(08:23):
But so I guess, how have youstayed in the industry and
you've had a lot of differentdifficult experiences with
clients.
What's helped you to staypositive and not kind of get
jaded over the last little while?
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Oh, you just have to remember every person,
regardless of age, they're goingto be different.
Not every situation is going tobe the same.
And just because you may notmesh well with the one doesn't
mean you won't with the next.
And some people they justexpect different things and some
people are willing to givedifferent things.
So, it's, you know you, alwaysit's about perspective.
(08:53):
Again, you just try your best,try to see things from where
they're from and what they'retrying to accomplish, and try to
work it out as best you can.
And sometimes it just doesn't,and that's nobody's fault, it's
just two completely differentpersonalities and you just have
to not take it personally and belike all right, that didn't
work On to the next and maybethey'll be better for so-and-so
(09:16):
and just keep at it that way,because I mean we've had some
that we've had clients gothrough a lot of caregivers and
they haven't found theirs yet.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Yeah, and I love that .
It's like it doesn't make theclient bad, it doesn't make the
caregiver bad, it doesn't makeone or the other good.
It's just not a good fit andthere's some other senior out
there that you can help andit'll be a perfect fit and you
(09:48):
can become basically, like Isaid, almost like honorary
grandparents to you and you wantto spend and take them to the
parade on off out, like yeah,yeah, like there's somebody out
there.
So I think I like that justkeep on working and you'll find
those seniors that you canreally connect on to and that
they can connect on to you andjust share.
It's a really cool relationshipthat seniors have like the
phase of the life that they'rein.
The relationship that they wantis somebody that they can like
share their life experienceswith, like be kind of a mentee
(10:10):
or be a mentor to them.
So it's pretty cool, like whenyou find that person you're like
, even if you hear the samestory over and over.
It's like they're trying toteach you and that's what they
feel like they need to do.
That's really cool.
Have you ever had a seniorclient that you had to work with
that was closed off or likeresistant to getting any sort of
help?
I feel like that's common.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
I mean not completely closed off or shut down to like
everything.
But my first client.
She did not want anybody givingher a shower whatsoever and
then by the time she'd had whatI think it was her third or
fourth heart attack and she justdidn't have the strength to get
herself into the shower, letalone bathe herself and
(10:50):
everything.
Then her complaint was theywon't wash her everywhere and
they hand her the rag and shecouldn't even lift it to do it.
So you know, it just goes fromone thing to the next, and it's
especially, I have found, withwomen.
When they hit a certain agethey just want to refuse
everything, and then you justkind of have to kind of work and
(11:12):
chip away at it a little bit bya little bit, like they only
want you to water the plantsOkay, great, that's done.
Okay, now you want to water theplants?
Okay, that's fine.
I want you to feed the cat?
Okay, I'll feed the cat.
No, no, no, don't feed the cat.
Okay, I won't feed the cat.
You know it, just it's a littlebit, little bit, and once they
see that, you know you canactually work with somebody that
(11:51):
it's okay.
But her big thing, I think, isshe was done.
Yeah, how do you in situationslike that, how are you able to
still provide care and thenbuild that trust?
And when she would feed her,especially her wet food, she
would spill it all over thefloor.
Oh, so I would just go inbefore she even got up out of
bed and I would just go and feedthe cat her wet food, make sure
(12:11):
she had her water, love on hera little bit and then get her
coffee ready.
Just pay attention to littlethings, like she was was
diabetic, so she couldn't haveregular sugar, so she just
wanted two percent milk, and youknow just the little things.
So when they see that you'reactually paying attention and
that you're noticing things, oryou just oh okay, you like bacon
(12:35):
and eggs for breakfast too, letme go ahead and I'll get that
made, or whatever they startseeing, oh okay, I can start to
trust this person.
You know they're not as bad asI was making them out to be in
my head and you know.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
I like that, like giving, taking the time to
notice the small things and justdoing it for them, almost like
nonchalantly, rather than themneeding to ask for everything.
I feel like that is true.
Like a lot of times they eitheraren't willing to ask for stuff
or they're not sure if theyshould, so kind of taking charge
as the person that's caring forthem to build that rapport.
(13:09):
I like that a lot.
That's smart.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
And especially with women, they've.
You know, us women, we'vealways ran our households,
however big or small, and whensomebody else comes in and you
think they're just going to comein and just sweep through and
take over everything, yeah,that's hard.
You'll meet a little resistance.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Yeah, that's true.
Well, any senior, they've beenin charge of all of their, all
of their affairs for 60, 70, 80years and now somebody is coming
in to help even scheduledoctor's appointment, like a lot
of these things that arethey've never needed help and so
it can kind of feel like a loss, I think, probably for them
when you go in and and help takeover some small things or clean
(13:47):
up the house or you know help,especially something as
sensitive like personal care,that it's hard to like, let that
go, so you have to, especiallyto somebody that you've barely
met.
So it is, it is a challenge, Ithink, to overcome that, but I
love that.
It's like take, take initiative, find small ways to build
rapport so that way, even noteven totally consciously, they
(14:08):
can start to build that trustCause, like, oh, my gosh,
monique took care of my catwithout me even noticing, or
like, oh my gosh, my cat feelssofter.
I wonder if, and then, like theythink in the back of mind,
they're able to correlate thatyou know the cat being taken
care of with Monique and they'relike this is great, yeah, yeah.
Are there, in your opinion, arethere, any emotional tolls to
(14:30):
the work that you do?
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Yeah, when you have somebody who's got like
Alzheimer's dementia, that'shard, that's really hard because
you'll have the sameconversation and that's fine.
You know, there was one ladyand she would say, all right,
how are you today?
And you'd be like, okay, great,I'm fine, how are you?
Oh, so how many people did yousee today?
(14:53):
And you like, oh, you're numbertwo and then I get to go home,
or you're number two and then Ihave one more after, and then I
get to go home, and she wouldask at least 15, 20 times every
time and her visits were onlylike two hours long oh man, yeah
, yeah but she's the sweetestlady and she wasn't like meant
any harm or anything, but youcan see when, like, she got
(15:16):
really irritated and agitated.
One night she went back to likewhen she was before she was nine
years old.
She lost her father when shewas nine and she looked at me
across the table and was justlike so when time is my dad
going to be here to take me toschool?
Speaker 1 (15:33):
Oh man, that is really hard.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry there's no school today.
Oh yeah, I mean, when you workwith Alzheimer's and dementia
patients and things like that,you learn that you don't go.
You're 86 years old.
You have not been to school in,you know 40 odd years and you
know you, you just have to likekind of play into it and yeah.
(15:56):
Oh, there's no school today.
It's okay, we can just stayhome today, oh man.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
That is really hard, like I could imagine that.
That is emotionally hard Causeyou see this grown person that's
lived, like I said, 80something years and yet you're
kind of having to parent themalmost, or like you, I mean,
you're their primary person, sothat's that really is tough,
with the emotional toll thatthere is what makes it
(16:22):
ultimately like worth it in theend to continue working with
seniors, do you think?
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Perspective.
I mean again, like a lot ofthese people that we see, they
may or they may not have family.
They may or may not have awhole network of people, their
LDS, their wards or you know.
Whatever the case may be, butthey're all like our age and
they're all having to work fulltime jobs.
They've got kids or you know,they've got other things going
(16:50):
on.
They wish they could dedicatethat much time to it, but they
can't.
And then there's, you know,caregiver burnout, which is
especially high with familybecause it's their family.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Yeah, they weren't.
They stopped being daughter orson and they start being
caregiver, cna, and it's liketotally different.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
And that burns them out faster than even us.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
So yeah, as far as perspective with working with
seniors and like seeing thatstage of the human life, what
kind of perspective shift do youthink it's had on you over the
last two years?
Speaker 2 (17:22):
Slow down.
Slow down because this momentit's fleeting.
Take a step back and appreciateand enjoy everything you have,
because you never know when it'sgoing to be gone.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Yeah, I think that's a great answer.
Just slow down because it is'sgoing to be gone.
Yeah, I think that's a greatanswer.
Just slow down.
And because it is ultimatelygoing to be gone.
Whatever this moment is it'swhether you're raising kids or
you're in the middle of yourcareer, or like you're super
young and healthy, or like it'salways eventually it's going to
come to an end.
So, like, take it all in andstop trying to rush to the next
thing.
I love that.
Yes, the last few questions.
(17:55):
It's about insight and advice.
So one is how do you feel beinga direct working, both kind of
on the management side helpingall of the caregivers get work
and helping them help people andthen directly helping seniors
themselves?
How do you think the seniorcare space is going to evolve
and change over the coming years, with, like, new seniors coming
(18:17):
in that are a little bit moretech savvy and things like that?
Speaker 2 (18:20):
I think that'll be fun.
Actually, it'll have more of aconnection if we do some more
stuff that's tech worthy.
You know it.
Just you know our youngergeneration, that's all they're
on.
I mean, they walk around likethis, phones in their face, all
day every so and teach them howto send an email or open a chat
window so they can communicatewith their family more directly.
(18:40):
Some people don't want to dophones, so computer is a great
way you know, because, we dohave some that just absolutely
detest cell phones.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
I like that, though I mean over coming years, as
people get more tech savvy andused to it, I think it'll
definitely close the gap betweenthe seniors, their family and
their staff, the direct carestaff that are working with
their senior.
Like that, open communication,hopefully will bridge the gap
and make it smaller and smalleron the day-to-day of what's
(19:12):
happening with mom and dad, youknow.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Exactly, it's easier to update the kids and whoever
else on their family side, youknow.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
It's nice yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Because you can just shoot a quick text message.
This is what happened today.
Do you want to think you cangive her a call, or him a call,
or whatever, and just see thatthey're okay?
Speaker 1 (19:27):
tonight Checking on them.
Yeah, you know it's nice thethe last question is what advice
would you give to somebodywho's just getting into the
senior care space?
Speaker 2 (19:37):
There's so many I could say Just really honestly
just slow down, take the timeand get to know the person that
you're with and again, they maynot be the person for you, but
find out Really, search aroundand see, and if not, then that's
fine, there's going to besomebody else.
But try and build a goodrelationship with them, not just
(20:01):
making sure they're bathed anddressed and fed and out the door
they go.
You know yeah yeah.
They're not kids.
So yeah, can't just shove themout the door and say, okay, bye.
Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
I think that's great advice because that's how you
can stay in it for a long timeand that's how it does make it
hurt more I think a little bitif they do end up passing on.
But it also makes it more of abeautiful moment because you're
actually a participant in thatlast stage of their life, rather
than just somebody that cameand visited, you know, or helped
out or switched a catheter orshowered them.
(20:35):
You know, like you're a part ofit.
So it's worth taking the momentto slow down.
It makes it.
I think it does help a lot withcaregiver burnout to see the
people that you're visiting ashumans and see them.
As it's kind of fun to thinkabout seniors.
You know, if they're 70, thinkabout them 60 years ago.
What is that In the 1960s asteenagers?
(20:55):
And like think about them 60years ago, what is that In the
1960s as teenagers, and likethink about all the trends of
that and it's like that is a,that's who I'm helping, like
it's really cool.
So slow down, get to know them.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Take the time it takes and actually enjoy the
journey.
They have some amazing stories,yeah, If you just take the time
to listen.
Ask them questions if you want.
But yeah, it's funny some ofthe stories they come up with
Love it Well.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
Thanks so much, monique.
I am very convinced that if theworld had more Moniques,
especially senior care had moreMoniques, there'd just be a lot
less sad people and lonelyseniors and there'd just be a
lot more stuff.
So you're, you've beenexcellent.
I love having you on the team.
I love the insights that youhave into working with seniors.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
So thanks for taking a little bit.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
Yeah, sweet.
Welcome to Senior Care Academy.
Today we have a special guest,monique.
She's been working withHelperly for going on two years,
had various different roles.
She's been just exceptional towork with and has really unique
insight into the minds ofseniors, into working with
seniors.
I'm really excited to have heron.
Monique, welcome, thank you.
(00:20):
So first I want you to kind ofwalk everybody through the
different roles you've had atHelperly, and then which ones
have been your most fulfillingor your favorite.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
I think they all have for just different reasons.
But I first started as acaregiver.
That's when we were grandkids.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
I think it was.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
And then I had one client then and that was so
chaotic because my husband hadjust had a stroke, so trying to
get everything back and startedagain, it was really crazy.
But yeah, I started with oneclient and I was like, all right
, well, is there any more?
And so we just piled myschedule on and I was working
like seven days a week at thatpoint for almost a year, pretty
(01:03):
much.
I don't know.
I love meeting new people, butI also love the role I have now
too is scheduling, and I get tohear from a lot of our
caregivers themselves build arelationship that way too.
We don't get many ofopportunity to meet face to face
.
So you know, everybody stillthinks I'm Evan on the text.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Oh, that's funny.
What did your experience looklike before Helperly?
We talked a little bit aboutthe hiring, how you saw the ad
and you're like, wait, I woulddo this stuff for free.
So I'm curious the type ofperson that wants to work with
seniors.
What led you to Helperly?
What did you do before?
What got you into caregiving?
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Actually, I did a lot before I caregiving.
Actually, I did a lot before Iworked for a couple of different
cruise lines Princess andHolland.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Like on the ship, no, in the call centers.
That's been sweet.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
It was.
It was really nice.
And a lot of people, especiallythe elderly clients, they've
literally saved their entirelives to do this big trip and
they want to go someplace likeEurope and do like Italy and
Greece and all of that and it'syou're helping build a lifelong
dream for them.
So it's nice, you know, and I'mdepending on how what their
financial status was, you knowkind of throughout they
(02:14):
sometimes do a big, huge tripwith their whole family.
So that's really fun too.
Yeah, I did that.
I worked at some casinos, I wasa cashier, I did all kinds of
stuff.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
What do you feel like kind of throughout your life
helped prepare you to work withseniors or in like the senior
care space?
Speaker 2 (02:32):
My family.
I have my dad's side's, a largeItalian family.
And my mom is more of a NorthernEuropean style and they
immigrated over here.
They were in Illinois and thenfrom Illinois my grandfather was
a cop, like during the 20s andstuff there, and I was like all
right, I'm not going to raise mykids here and packed up the
(02:55):
entire family, not just his wifeand kids, but his mother and
father-in-law as well, and movedhim over to Seattle and from
there on everybody in my familyhas always been very, very close
in it, like I always grew uparound all my aunts and my
uncles, great aunts, greatuncles, grandparents, you know
everything.
Everybody was always so, veryclose.
So when anybody got sick orinjured it was always us, always
(03:17):
taking you know shifts andmaking sure they're fed and
cleaned and you know going toappointments and things like
that.
So it wasn't anything completelyforeign.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Yeah, that's interesting, like you kind of
had the background in your lifealready working with seniors.
So when you saw or got intosenior care yeah, we were
talking a few weeks ago and youmentioned like I saw the hiring
ad and I was like what the I dothis for free?
Or like I guess is that whatdoing it for free was?
You had all your great auntsand great uncles.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
I would do.
Well, it's one of those thingslike even in like elementary
school doing like choir, GirlScouts, things like that.
They always have you go andlike sing or volunteer at an old
folks home and that was alwaysfun and cute.
But then you know you want todo stuff when you get older, but
then it's always monetarilylimited because you can't
(04:03):
dedicate as many hours as you'dlike to doing the stuff you want
to do.
You have to do the stuff youhave to do.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Yeah, it's so fun.
Yeah, that's cool.
You're able to do the thingsthat you grew up doing and
volunteering, but being able tokind of have that care aspect of
it, what would you say has been, over the last two years, the
most rewarding part aboutworking with seniors?
Because you've worked withquite a few different clients
with a huge array of differentneeds.
Absolutely what's been what doyou find being the most
(04:31):
rewarding, and why is it?
Speaker 2 (04:40):
So, as an example, with Brian, when I saw him it
was only a few hours every weekwhen I first started with him,
but then it moved up to whatlike 40 hours a week with him
full time.
Yeah, and so when his healthstarted to decline, it was
always me that was there.
I was the one that was tryingto coordinate everything,
whether it's through hisdaughter, his doctors, his case
manager, us, the hospitals, likeeverything.
And so when anything happened,I knew what to do, where to go,
(05:03):
you know, and just making sureBecause no matter if it's your
family and you know they're ingood hands at a doctor or a
hospital or a facility of anykind, you personally having your
hands and knowing what's goingon, that always makes you feel a
little better, and when youwork with somebody for so long,
you build that kind ofrelationship with them.
You know my kids would go andsee them and we'd do stuff like
(05:27):
going to parades, and you knowstuff like that, even on, you
know, my off days.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
So why do you find that being so rewarding?
I feel like there's a lot ofpeople, a lot of people, see
caregiving as very like entrylevel position that they're
trying to scale out of asquickly as they can and so that
all their clients you know theycare for them, but it's very
like transient, meaning you knowit's a limited time or like a
limited season of their life,versus it seems like for you
(05:52):
it's something that you actuallydive deep and you want to
develop that relationship.
So where do you feel like thatcomes from and why is why is
that so rewarding?
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Man again.
I always had my grandparents mygrandparents.
Unfortunately, I lost them whenI was young.
I was like 16 to 18.
By the time, I'd lost all mygrandparents.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Man, that's hard.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
So trying to have.
I guess it's just having thatkind of relationship again.
It's just nice because a lot oftimes they're forgotten about.
Even if they do have family,they're having to work to
support their family.
They don't have all the time tocome by and hang out and do
things with, but we're literallypaid to be able to do this so
(06:37):
you know you can have that time.
You don't have to worry about somuch time restrictions and
things like that it's nice.
So much time restrictions andthings like that it's nice.
And it's not.
As long as you go into it, Ithink, with the attitude that
it's not just a job or this issomething you have to do, I
think you'd really be surprisedat how well of a relationship
you can build with somebody overtime.
(06:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
I love that.
I think that more people in thespace need to kind of have that
mindset of going into it.
It's not about, you know, justgetting a paycheck, or it's just
about, you know, I'm clockingin, I'm here for two, four, six,
10 hours, I'm here to for thenext you know however long this
client's alive, or like Like I'mhere and it is pretty cool to
(07:19):
kind of have that same mindsetlike of going in and helping.
And it is a long-termrelationship and anything that I
can do to help them.
I want to and yeah, it's justimportant.
I think it'd be awesome if morepeople had that mindset
especially direct care staff,the frontline people.
I think they get jaded,sometimes like over time.
(07:39):
I don't know different reasons.
I think they get jadedsometimes like over time.
I don't know different reasons.
You know, maybe they have haddifferent difficult clients or
lost too many.
Yeah, I was.
I had a conversation last weekor the last guest, cameron
Harrison.
He talked about how end of lifeis really hard and when you
lose a client.
But he's like, if you see everysingle client that you lose as
like a death and it's just likeI'm always around death, but
(08:01):
then switching it to being likeyeah, it's a perspective I'm
learning from 70, 80 years ofexperience and this is just a
phase of their life that I getto.
You know, help, help them, sendthem off to whatever's out
there yeah.
It becomes like a beautifulthing and I think that's a big
one.
A beautiful thing and I thinkthat's a big one.
(08:23):
But so I guess, how have youstayed in the industry and
you've had a lot of differentdifficult experiences with
clients.
What's helped you to staypositive and not kind of get
jaded over the last little while?
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Oh, you just have to remember every person,
regardless of age, they're goingto be different.
Not every situation is going tobe the same.
And just because you may notmesh well with the one doesn't
mean you won't with the next.
And some people they justexpect different things and some
people are willing to givedifferent things.
So, it's, you know you, alwaysit's about perspective.
(08:53):
Again, you just try your best,try to see things from where
they're from and what they'retrying to accomplish, and try to
work it out as best you can.
And sometimes it just doesn't,and that's nobody's fault, it's
just two completely differentpersonalities and you just have
to not take it personally and belike all right, that didn't
work On to the next and maybethey'll be better for so-and-so
(09:16):
and just keep at it that way,because I mean we've had some
that we've had clients gothrough a lot of caregivers and
they haven't found theirs yet.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Yeah, and I love that .
It's like it doesn't make theclient bad, it doesn't make the
caregiver bad, it doesn't makeone or the other good.
It's just not a good fit andthere's some other senior out
there that you can help andit'll be a perfect fit and you
(09:48):
can become basically, like Isaid, almost like honorary
grandparents to you and you wantto spend and take them to the
parade on off out, like yeah,yeah, like there's somebody out
there.
So I think I like that justkeep on working and you'll find
those seniors that you canreally connect on to and that
they can connect on to you andjust share.
It's a really cool relationshipthat seniors have like the
phase of the life that they'rein.
The relationship that they wantis somebody that they can like
share their life experienceswith, like be kind of a mentee
(10:10):
or be a mentor to them.
So it's pretty cool, like whenyou find that person you're like
, even if you hear the samestory over and over.
It's like they're trying toteach you and that's what they
feel like they need to do.
That's really cool.
Have you ever had a seniorclient that you had to work with
that was closed off or likeresistant to getting any sort of
help?
I feel like that's common.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
I mean not completely closed off or shut down to like
everything.
But my first client.
She did not want anybody givingher a shower whatsoever and
then by the time she'd had whatI think it was her third or
fourth heart attack and she justdidn't have the strength to get
herself into the shower, letalone bathe herself and
(10:50):
everything.
Then her complaint was theywon't wash her everywhere and
they hand her the rag and shecouldn't even lift it to do it.
So you know, it just goes fromone thing to the next, and it's
especially, I have found, withwomen.
When they hit a certain agethey just want to refuse
everything, and then you justkind of have to kind of work and
(11:12):
chip away at it a little bit bya little bit, like they only
want you to water the plantsOkay, great, that's done.
Okay, now you want to water theplants?
Okay, that's fine.
I want you to feed the cat?
Okay, I'll feed the cat.
No, no, no, don't feed the cat.
Okay, I won't feed the cat.
You know it, just it's a littlebit, little bit, and once they
see that, you know you canactually work with somebody that
(11:51):
it's okay.
But her big thing, I think, isshe was done.
Yeah, how do you in situationslike that, how are you able to
still provide care and thenbuild that trust?
And when she would feed her,especially her wet food, she
would spill it all over thefloor.
Oh, so I would just go inbefore she even got up out of
bed and I would just go and feedthe cat her wet food, make sure
(12:11):
she had her water, love on hera little bit and then get her
coffee ready.
Just pay attention to littlethings, like she was was
diabetic, so she couldn't haveregular sugar, so she just
wanted two percent milk, and youknow just the little things.
So when they see that you'reactually paying attention and
that you're noticing things, oryou just oh okay, you like bacon
(12:35):
and eggs for breakfast too, letme go ahead and I'll get that
made, or whatever they startseeing, oh okay, I can start to
trust this person.
You know they're not as bad asI was making them out to be in
my head and you know.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
I like that, like giving, taking the time to
notice the small things and justdoing it for them, almost like
nonchalantly, rather than themneeding to ask for everything.
I feel like that is true.
Like a lot of times they eitheraren't willing to ask for stuff
or they're not sure if theyshould, so kind of taking charge
as the person that's caring forthem to build that rapport.
(13:09):
I like that a lot.
That's smart.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
And especially with women, they've.
You know, us women, we'vealways ran our households,
however big or small, and whensomebody else comes in and you
think they're just going to comein and just sweep through and
take over everything, yeah,that's hard.
You'll meet a little resistance.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Yeah, that's true.
Well, any senior, they've beenin charge of all of their, all
of their affairs for 60, 70, 80years and now somebody is coming
in to help even scheduledoctor's appointment, like a lot
of these things that arethey've never needed help and so
it can kind of feel like a loss, I think, probably for them
when you go in and and help takeover some small things or clean
(13:47):
up the house or you know help,especially something as
sensitive like personal care,that it's hard to like, let that
go, so you have to, especiallyto somebody that you've barely
met.
So it is, it is a challenge, Ithink, to overcome that, but I
love that.
It's like take, take initiative, find small ways to build
rapport so that way, even noteven totally consciously, they
(14:08):
can start to build that trustCause, like, oh, my gosh,
monique took care of my catwithout me even noticing, or
like, oh my gosh, my cat feelssofter.
I wonder if, and then, like theythink in the back of mind,
they're able to correlate thatyou know the cat being taken
care of with Monique and they'relike this is great, yeah, yeah.
Are there, in your opinion, arethere, any emotional tolls to
(14:30):
the work that you do?
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Yeah, when you have somebody who's got like
Alzheimer's dementia, that'shard, that's really hard because
you'll have the sameconversation and that's fine.
You know, there was one ladyand she would say, all right,
how are you today?
And you'd be like, okay, great,I'm fine, how are you?
Oh, so how many people did yousee today?
(14:53):
And you like, oh, you're numbertwo and then I get to go home,
or you're number two and then Ihave one more after, and then I
get to go home, and she wouldask at least 15, 20 times every
time and her visits were onlylike two hours long oh man, yeah
, yeah but she's the sweetestlady and she wasn't like meant
any harm or anything, but youcan see when, like, she got
(15:16):
really irritated and agitated.
One night she went back to likewhen she was before she was nine
years old.
She lost her father when shewas nine and she looked at me
across the table and was justlike so when time is my dad
going to be here to take me toschool?
Speaker 1 (15:33):
Oh man, that is really hard.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry there's no school today.
Oh yeah, I mean, when you workwith Alzheimer's and dementia
patients and things like that,you learn that you don't go.
You're 86 years old.
You have not been to school in,you know 40 odd years and you
know you, you just have to likekind of play into it and yeah.
(15:56):
Oh, there's no school today.
It's okay, we can just stayhome today, oh man.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
That is really hard, like I could imagine that.
That is emotionally hard Causeyou see this grown person that's
lived, like I said, 80something years and yet you're
kind of having to parent themalmost, or like you, I mean,
you're their primary person, sothat's that really is tough,
with the emotional toll thatthere is what makes it
(16:22):
ultimately like worth it in theend to continue working with
seniors, do you think?
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Perspective.
I mean again, like a lot ofthese people that we see, they
may or they may not have family.
They may or may not have awhole network of people, their
LDS, their wards or you know.
Whatever the case may be, butthey're all like our age and
they're all having to work fulltime jobs.
They've got kids or you know,they've got other things going
(16:50):
on.
They wish they could dedicatethat much time to it, but they
can't.
And then there's, you know,caregiver burnout, which is
especially high with familybecause it's their family.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Yeah, they weren't.
They stopped being daughter orson and they start being
caregiver, cna, and it's liketotally different.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
And that burns them out faster than even us.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
So yeah, as far as perspective with working with
seniors and like seeing thatstage of the human life, what
kind of perspective shift do youthink it's had on you over the
last two years?
Speaker 2 (17:22):
Slow down.
Slow down because this momentit's fleeting.
Take a step back and appreciateand enjoy everything you have,
because you never know when it'sgoing to be gone.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Yeah, I think that's a great answer.
Just slow down because it is'sgoing to be gone.
Yeah, I think that's a greatanswer.
Just slow down.
And because it is ultimatelygoing to be gone.
Whatever this moment is it'swhether you're raising kids or
you're in the middle of yourcareer, or like you're super
young and healthy, or like it'salways eventually it's going to
come to an end.
So, like, take it all in andstop trying to rush to the next
thing.
I love that.
Yes, the last few questions.
(17:55):
It's about insight and advice.
So one is how do you feel beinga direct working, both kind of
on the management side helpingall of the caregivers get work
and helping them help people andthen directly helping seniors
themselves?
How do you think the seniorcare space is going to evolve
and change over the coming years, with, like, new seniors coming
(18:17):
in that are a little bit moretech savvy and things like that?
Speaker 2 (18:20):
I think that'll be fun.
Actually, it'll have more of aconnection if we do some more
stuff that's tech worthy.
You know it.
Just you know our youngergeneration, that's all they're
on.
I mean, they walk around likethis, phones in their face, all
day every so and teach them howto send an email or open a chat
window so they can communicatewith their family more directly.
(18:40):
Some people don't want to dophones, so computer is a great
way you know, because, we dohave some that just absolutely
detest cell phones.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
I like that, though I mean over coming years, as
people get more tech savvy andused to it, I think it'll
definitely close the gap betweenthe seniors, their family and
their staff, the direct carestaff that are working with
their senior.
Like that, open communication,hopefully will bridge the gap
and make it smaller and smalleron the day-to-day of what's
(19:12):
happening with mom and dad, youknow.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Exactly, it's easier to update the kids and whoever
else on their family side, youknow.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
It's nice yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Because you can just shoot a quick text message.
This is what happened today.
Do you want to think you cangive her a call, or him a call,
or whatever, and just see thatthey're okay?
Speaker 1 (19:27):
tonight Checking on them.
Yeah, you know it's nice thethe last question is what advice
would you give to somebodywho's just getting into the
senior care space?
Speaker 2 (19:37):
There's so many I could say Just really honestly
just slow down, take the timeand get to know the person that
you're with and again, they maynot be the person for you, but
find out Really, search aroundand see, and if not, then that's
fine, there's going to besomebody else.
But try and build a goodrelationship with them, not just
(20:01):
making sure they're bathed anddressed and fed and out the door
they go.
You know yeah yeah.
They're not kids.
So yeah, can't just shove themout the door and say, okay, bye.
Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
I think that's great advice because that's how you
can stay in it for a long timeand that's how it does make it
hurt more I think a little bitif they do end up passing on.
But it also makes it more of abeautiful moment because you're
actually a participant in thatlast stage of their life, rather
than just somebody that cameand visited, you know, or helped
out or switched a catheter orshowered them.
(20:35):
You know, like you're a part ofit.
So it's worth taking the momentto slow down.
It makes it.
I think it does help a lot withcaregiver burnout to see the
people that you're visiting ashumans and see them.
As it's kind of fun to thinkabout seniors.
You know, if they're 70, thinkabout them 60 years ago.
What is that In the 1960s asteenagers?
(20:55):
And like think about them 60years ago, what is that In the
1960s as teenagers, and likethink about all the trends of
that and it's like that is a,that's who I'm helping, like
it's really cool.
So slow down, get to know them.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Take the time it takes and actually enjoy the
journey.
They have some amazing stories,yeah, If you just take the time
to listen.
Ask them questions if you want.
But yeah, it's funny some ofthe stories they come up with
Love it Well.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
Thanks so much, monique.
I am very convinced that if theworld had more Moniques,
especially senior care had moreMoniques, there'd just be a lot
less sad people and lonelyseniors and there'd just be a
lot more stuff.
So you're, you've beenexcellent.
I love having you on the team.
I love the insights that youhave into working with seniors.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
So thanks for taking a little bit.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
Yeah, sweet.
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