Settling Is Bullshit
Sweary life and relationship advice for humans trying to get better at adulting. Playful, tender-hearted, and trauma-informed. We'll talk about authenticity, vulnerability, self-compassion, self-care, sobriety, glitter... all the good shit that helps us show up for ourselves and each other just a little bit better every day. Make brave choices. Claim your joy!
Episodes
Most of us have parts of ourselves that leave us feeling like a weirdo. We have hobbies or interests that we keep quiet about because we're worried about what other people will think. This episode is a pep talk for letting go of all that gunk and letting our metaphorical freak flags fly – even if they're just those little mini flags and we only wave them in our living rooms. We gotta start somewhere!
Today's invitation is to take a ...
Holding out for the right person takes a lot of courage, resilience, and self-awareness. It also takes hope! And coach Lisa Lewis-Cogswell’s long and winding love story is a hefty dose of inspiration for anyone trudging the long road of searching for genuine partnership.
We talk about what it feels like to surrender, to listen to your knowing, to open your heart, to cultivate hope, and to manifest the shit out of finding your person...
Understanding the mechanisms of habits, as well as the differences between rituals and routines, gives us the power to make positive changes in our lives. And inviting love into the process of change can make it feel a whole lot lighter.
To read along, visit the website: SettlingIsBullshit.com
While it's easy to intellectually know that we need rest in order to get on with the business of adulting, it isn't always that easy to know what kind of rest we actually need. Pausing to recharge is hard enough on its own, but unless we get clear on what kind of energy we're trying to fill up on, we're probably just going to stay stuck in the same spin cycle of exhaustion.
This episode is your reminder and invitation to check in w...
Let’s talk about sex, baby! Or, talk about how reading and writing about sex is a guilt-free, shame-free political act. That’s right, in this conversation with the fabulous debut romance novelist Alyssa Jarrett we go on a wild ride about feminism, authenticity, identity, privilege, pursuing our creativity in the face of nay-sayers, and… werewolf erotica. (She doesn’t write werewolf erotica, but we both celebrate those who do!)
Fuck ...
A lot of times, the first step in personal growth – in expanding into a bigger, better version of ourselves – is giving ourselves permission. There is safety in the familiar, and for many of us, stepping outside the bounds of that comfort requires a sense of permission, a sense that we're allowed to do the thing that we want to do (or that scares us but we know will ultimately be for our good).
Even if you aren't a recovering peopl...
The happy shiny aspects of self-love might get the most time in the spotlight, but the messy parts are just as in need of our attention. In this delightful conversation with personal coach Dawn Church, we talk about how experiencing the full range of self-love involves welcoming and attending to all parts of ourselves, even the ones we'd prefer to ignore. Dawn even manages to convince me that meltdowns are a form of self-love and s...
For a lot of us, trying new things (aka learning) can be deeply, wrenchingly uncomfortable. It can also be super duper awesome, especially on the other side. There is joy to be found in our expansion, in our stepping out or into the world of possibility and weathering the discomfort that comes from growth. This is your pep talk and invitation to try something new – even if it's just telling yourself how fucking awesome you are.
In this conversation with Dr. Sarah Roth, an ER physician and fulfillment coach, we chat about the neuroscience of change and the way that physically moving our bodies can facilitate shifts in mood and mindset. Because our connective tissue has more neurons and neuroreceptors than any other organ in the body, any physical movement we make can have a substantial impact on our mental outlook – which we can leverage when trying to imp...
Comparison robs us of our capacity to feel joyful, it stifles creativity, it drags us down and fuels our inner critics – if we let it. The reality is we have a lot more choice and agency around comparison than we often think, and my encouragement here is to find the comparisons that spark inspiration rather than defeat.
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/settling.is.bullshit/
References:
The inaugural episode of the podcast! It's unscripted! It's imperfect! It's an act of courage and creativity, and a raw pep talk for you and for me to just get started on the things we want for ourselves. We have to start somewhere, even if it means holding onto our Squishmallows and just hitting record.
When we stumble across relics of our past, we're presented with an opportunity: we can use it as fodder for the inner critic, or we can, instead, choose to contemplate who we once were through the lens of curiosity and kindness.
To read along, visit the website: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/03/18/viewing-our-past-with-generosity/
Maybe getting shit done has less to do with motivation and more to do with action. In other words: We can’t wait for the motivation to appear. We have to act our way into feeling motivated.
To read along, visit the website: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/02/21/action-fuels-motivation-seriously/
Dating isn’t supposed to be terrible. It’s not supposed to be a chore. It’s not supposed to be something we dread or make ourselves do. It shouldn’t suck the fucking life out of us. Dating is supposed to be fun.
To read along, visit the website: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/01/31/dating-is-supposed-to-be-fun/
Here’s the radical proposition we’ll be working through: if we want to get out from under the roiling doom cloud of perfectionism and its acid rain of self-criticism, our work begins with permission to fuck some shit up – ideally in front of other people. To read along, visit the website: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/01/16/doing-things-imperfectly-in-public/
The idea that our contributions to the world only matter if they are somehow new and edgy and original is bullshit. It’s the story our inner saboteurs come up with to keep us small and safe and protected from disappointment. I hereby hand you permission to be exactly yourself! It's awesome! I promise.
To read along, visit the website: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/09/22/permission-to-be-unoriginal/
We all need a whole lot of stuff all of the time – all of which is normal. All of it. And we have to stop being mean to ourselves for needing stuff. Once we can be gentle with ourselves, it gets easier to ensure our needs are met. To read along, visit the website: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/06/23/your-needs-are-not-a-failing/
While it might not feel like it, people really aren't usually trying to be assholes. And we can generally make our own lives a lot easier by deciding that they mean well (even if they still do shit that drives us bonkers). To read along, visit the website: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/06/09/deciding-people-mean-well/
We talk a lot about "feeling" hopeful, but the truth is that hope is actually a way of thinking rather than an emotion. It's a tool we can train ourselves to use; something we can explore when we need to find our way forward. To read along, visit the blog: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/04/20/hope-isnt-a-feeling-its-a-choice/
Letting go of negative self-talk is so important! And it starts with actually noticing all the mean shit that your inner critic is saying to you. The more we repeat affirming, self-compassionate things, the more we build our sense of self-worth, self-love, and self-esteem. To read along, visit the blog: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/01/17/start-talking-to-yourself-like-a-friend/
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