September 20, 2023 • 18 mins
On this week's study session, Christine and Shannon discuss what's going on in dating in 2023 – especially the latest and greatest apps, including ... Gluten Free Singles?
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Shannon (00:03):
This is Study Sessions brought to you by Sex Ed
Debunked.
Christine (00:06):
In these mini-sodes we'll discuss a myth suggested
to us by listeners.
Like you, Like what?
Shannon (00:11):
you hear, want to hear more?
Follow us on Instagram,facebook and Twitter at Sex Ed
Debunked to suggest new myths.
Provide your own show notes andgive us ideas for what to talk
about next.
Christine (00:20):
Now take some notes.
The study group is in session.
Hi, welcome to Study Sessions,a bi-weekly mini-sode from Sex
Ed Debunked, where we tacklequestions and topics brought to
us by you, our listeners.
Shannon (00:38):
This week's Study Session is inspired by a friend
of mine who recently asked mewhat I knew about the pear ring
and my answer was nothing.
So I did a little bit ofresearch.
Here's the deal with the pearring.
So the pear ring is advertisedas the world's biggest social
experiment and what it is.
And this is crazy, because youhave to buy a ring.
But you buy this smallturquoise ring that singles can
(01:00):
wear to show that they're opento meeting new people.
So it's this social experimentdesigned to eliminate the need
for dating apps while alsoencouraging people to connect in
real life by basicallysignaling or flagging to people
like hello, I'm single and I'minterested.
Christine (01:14):
I wonder if there's a different colored band for
people in open relationships.
You know who are inrelationships, but still
available.
Shannon (01:21):
It's about people who already have someone and are
looking for more people.
This is about people who arelooking for one person just to
bounce off with.
It doesn't mean that they won'tadd more.
They are sold out, though,which is interesting because
this is all run by presale, andthey are already 100% sold out
of their rings for the pear ringsocial experiment, and I guess
the reason that this pear ringthing has become a thing and
(01:43):
I've learned about it from myfriend who lives in Austin and
Austin is very like up andcoming with social experiments
and tech and blah, blah, blah soI think it's starting there and
kind of branching out to maybemore rural areas, but basically
it is supposed to counter datingapp fatigue and especially I
would say yeah, this is a littlepresumptuous, but in the post
COVID era getting people backinto the idea of meeting in real
(02:04):
life.
which brings us to the topic ofthis episode.
It's not just the pear ring,but it is the current state of
dating.
Christine (02:11):
Yes, the current state of dating as I'm talking
to my students and other friendscurrent state of dating is kind
of rough.
There's a lot of rough.
Well, there's rough out therepeople.
Well, because of, like you said, because we're, you know,
coming still coming out of COVID, there's a lot of social
anxiety about connections inreal life and in fact, the
(02:34):
studies are showing that morepeople, particularly young
people, are choosing to remainsingle for a lot of different
reasons, but one of them,including that the dating apps
are exhausting and that there'schanging social norms about
relationships.
Somebody asked my class justthe other night and these are my
(02:55):
students who are teachingpsychology I'm teaching
psychology of human sexualityand I was like well, what's the
deal?
Like, what do you think aboutthis research?
And a lot of the common refrainwas well, relations take effort
and time and many young peopleare looking to focus on school
and careers instead ofrelationships.
Shannon (03:16):
At least the effort it takes to be in like a committed
or exclusive type relationship,yeah, I mean something that I've
said often in my EOR datingdays was like you know, the
thing about dating that sucks isthat it's a 99% fail rate until
you get it right, and that'sexhausting.
And you can only ask someonewhat their favorite color is so
many times before you just throwin the towel.
You know like I'm so sick ofknowing 80 strangers favorite
(03:39):
colors.
I'm done, you know, but youdon't ask about their favorite
sports team.
Well, if it's not a Patriotsfan, it's a no for me.
I actually had that for a whilewhen I was being annoying.
I like when I in my early 20sthat said non Patriots fans need
not apply.
I had that in my dating profile.
That's an excellent screen.
They need not apply.
But, on the other hand, peoplewho would like to connect with
(04:01):
other people, who are interestedin dating, who are interested
in pursuing other types ofrelationships, it can be done.
So there are some emergingtrends in dating for 2023 and
beyond, and one of the thingsthat I was interested in is I've
been hearing more and morerecently that people are going
back onto like matchcom and okay, keep it and e-harmony, which
(04:22):
you know, I kind of hadn'tthought about because the apps
themselves are, so, you know,everywhere they're prolific, but
the online websites for datingare becoming more popular again,
those like pay to play websites, where you actually pay for a
profile and get matched up.
There's more detail.
Yeah, it's interesting and youknow.
All those sites now haveobviously updated their text, so
they have an app version too,but they're also offering video
(04:44):
dating, which you know.
Video dating, speaking ofvetting people, is allowing
daters to get to know each otherbetter before meeting in person
, which can save them time andsave them money, because you're
not taking someone out on a date.
That's a total dud.
Christine (04:55):
So that's interesting Well and also people became
more comfortable with Zoom andFaceTime and everything, so that
becomes like a much easierfirst date, so to speak, than
going for coffee and meeting astranger and feeling awkward and
not knowing.
Shannon (05:10):
Yeah, yeah, and then online dating you know whether
it's app or whether it'sbrowser-based is becoming a lot
more inclusive obviously in 2023, but it's been more inclusive
in the last few years.
We've heard all heard aboutGrindr.
Lex is for the queer community.
Her, I think, is an app forqueer women maybe.
Anyway, it's becoming moreinclusive.
(05:30):
There's dating apps for alltypes of sexual orientations,
gender identities, body types,age, you name it, they've got it
.
Plus, there's dating apps thatare becoming increasingly niche.
Wait, wait, wait.
Well, we've all heard ofChristian.
Christine (05:44):
Mingle and J-Date.
Yes, and there's another onelike Farmer or so.
Shannon (05:50):
Yeah, farmer's Only, which, as you can guess, is only
for farmers, but there's alsoVeggie Date for vegetarians,
which makes a lot of sense, itdoes actually.
Yeah, because eating is hard,Finding compatible eaters is
difficult.
Actually, my first and allfavorite that I found when I was
kind of looking at thedifferent apps is gluten-free
singles.
It's just so specific.
(06:10):
I'm really glad that mygirlfriend wasn't on there,
because I probably would havelost her to some other cool
gluten-free people, but thankGod she didn't know about it.
Christine (06:19):
Well, you met her in real life right.
I met her in real life, but youwould not have been on the
gluten-free app.
I know that's what I'm saying.
Shannon (06:25):
We would have missed out on each other if she had
been on gluten-free singles, soI'm so glad that she didn't know
.
Christine (06:30):
Well, one of the things that I'm hearing, though,
is that these are actuallydesigned to streamline the
dating process, because we arefeeling that we have less and
less time and we definitelydon't want to be like
quote-unquote, wasting time onsomething that's just not going
to have any positive benefit.
People are looking not just forrelationships, but really just
(06:51):
fun and cool people to hang outwith and connect with, and maybe
not have an expectation of arelationship.
If you're going to these reallyspecific apps, you can already
know that you have something incommon and something that's
pretty like, if you're avegetarian that's really
meaningful to you.
Shannon (07:08):
I'm sure, I can't imagine anything more
insufferable than a vegan.
The only dating app, exceptmaybe a tech bro dating app.
I'll be steering clear.
Thank you very much.
Well, I'm still in the caranyway, I'm taken, you are,
you're very much taken, I'm verymuch taken, but taking it.
So you're right, you're right.
There are these apps that aremeant to streamline that endless
(07:28):
meeting and greeting.
And do we have anything incommon?
We don't.
That's awkward, so that I paidfor your coffee, whatever.
But the opposite is thatthere's also completely blind
dating.
Terrific, and it is terrifying.
So, of course, there's reallife blind dating.
Christine (07:45):
Got it Understood, like setting you up with whoever
, and then there's also like butusually real life blind dating
is a friend of yours saying likeI think this person would be
great for you, so you're liketrusting your friends.
Shannon (07:57):
And then I mentioned earlier, like Lex, which isn't
necessarily used for dating butcan be, and that's just posts
like text posts.
Most apps require you to havephotos or something like that,
but there are options for trulyblind dating, although a few
weeks ago a friend of mine, whois a dear friend of mine and is
figuring out their sexualidentity and trying to kind of
(08:17):
explore it but also wants to bereally covert about it, like
doesn't you know, wants to bediscreet told me about this app
called Sniffy's.
Christine (08:26):
And I hate it.
The name is itself is kind ofgives, is a little cringy and
what?
Shannon (08:29):
it is is it's like a geo targeted app where you
literally give no informationwhatsoever except your
coordinates.
And I know it's not going tosurprise anyone that this is
used almost exclusively by thegay male community, which is no
shade.
It's just the things we knowabout the gay male communities
that they have, you know, a lotof sex.
It's just part of the gay maleculture and great Good for you.
(08:50):
Wear protection Maybe don't doit before a sporting event, but
yeah, this, this app Sniffy'squite literally no personal
information whatsoever, nophotos, no names, no age, no,
nothing.
All you do is put in yourcoordinates and it remains
anonymous.
There is an option if you wantto do the non anonymous version,
to like add a little bit morepersonal information, but the
(09:12):
bread and butter of this app istotally anonymity.
And yet drop a coordinate Wow,yeah, seems unsafe.
We don't advise that necessarily, but you know as an important
caveat to all of this be carefulwith dating always.
Christine (09:26):
And I would actually like public place Check where
the coordinates are.
Shannon (09:29):
Make sure the coordinates are in a public
place If the coordinates are atthe bottom of a river.
Christine (09:34):
Don't go there.
Got it.
If it's in a dark forest, in acave, don't go there.
Shannon (09:40):
And then the other thing, as we're talking through,
you know, the 2023 state ofdating is relationship.
Diversity is also so, of course, the apps are becoming a lot
more inclusive of age.
There's over 50 year old apps,over 60 apps, like I mean,
they're doing.
The golden bachelor right nowon ABC is a seven year old
bachelor.
The apps are more LGBTQinclusive.
All that, but there is alsorelationship diversity and
(10:02):
relationship diversity is.
Christine (10:04):
You know, it's becoming talked about more and
when we say relationshipdiversity, we're talking about
people who might want to be inopen relationships, polyamorous
relationships.
So there's a number of datingsites right now that are geared
towards people who are trying tobe consensually, we like to say
, or ethically non-monogamous.
Hashtag open is one that Ibelieve has an app and is online
(10:27):
.
Okay, Cupid actually added afeature for people to be able to
say whether or not they'repolyamorous.
Unfortunately, some of them sayopen to non-monogamy, which are
sometimes people who are notethically non-monogamous, but
there is a feature there that atleast, like you, can be
expressive about it.
Shannon (10:48):
Yeah, sometimes the filters just don't work on these
apps.
I have like definitely been onbumble, tinder, whatever in the
past, long time ago now, butlike you know you just you put
you're interested in women andyou just get a bunch of men and
you're like how, you're notreading it, how yeah, so you
always have to be mindful ofthat too.
Christine (11:05):
But one that is really people have said they've
had pretty good success with isone called Field F-E-E-L-D, and
people can look for other peoplein open relationships and
actually be really, reallyspecific about what type of
experience they're looking for.
And it could be a sexualexperience like you know MMF,
f-f-m, things like that or canbe like couples looking to meet
(11:29):
other couples and it could justbe meeting other couples who are
like-minded, who just want tohang out.
It could be couples looking fora woman, couples looking for a
guy and actually single peoplejust looking for people to hang
out with.
Shannon (11:44):
Yeah, I mean I was going to say, you know, when we
were talking about okay, keep in.
This is also something that Ithink a lot of the apps are
doing and they're not all tryingto cater to everyone, but okay,
keep.
It obviously started out as avery heteronormative, very
specific monogamous relationshipwebsite.
They've evolved because thestate of dating has evolved.
Similarly, bumble added optionsfor Bumble BFF, like if you
(12:07):
just want to meet friends, oneof my friends met her now best
friend through Bumble BFF.
So I think the apps are alsoevolving to understand that
there are so many differenttypes of relationships that
people are seeking out, andagain in a post-COVID era not
that we're dismissing that thereare still COVID, there are
still COVID but in a post-COVIDsocial scene where people are
getting out and meeting eachother again in real life all
(12:28):
kinds of relationships that havebeen on the back burner and
need to be put in front again.
So it's kind of cool to see theapps evolving in that way.
So something like the Pair Ringcomes out and you're like, okay
, great, whatever, it's the nextnew fad.
But it's actually kind of niceto see these established apps
whether it's OKCupid, whetherit's Bumble Tinder's really
expanded a lot of its options,actually to be more inclusive
(12:48):
and not just simply be a hookupapp.
It's nice to see that the appsand the browser-based programs,
or whatever, are expanding.
Christine (12:57):
Well, and I think what you say, tinder still kind
of has that reputation, but Ithink you can look at it more
not so much as a hookup app, butcasual relationships, and
people can hang out, have funand just kind of have sexual
play on the table without thisexpectation of a relationship
escalator.
That, okay, now that we've beentalking, we have to start, you
(13:20):
know, say if we're exclusive ornot, or say if we're going to be
committed or not, and I thinkthere's a sense that a lot of
people are craving connection,but not necessarily all of the
time and effort that goes into aserious relationship.
Shannon (13:33):
Yeah, because, as you said and as your student said,
it's a lot, it's a lot.
Christine (13:37):
It's exhausting.
It's a lot you know, and isthat what People don't always
want that to be their sole focus.
But having connection withsomebody that they really like
to hang out with when they wantto take a break from their
studies or their career orwhatever is their
responsibilities, is a prettygreat thing, and I think it's
really interesting to know thatso many of these apps are kind
(14:00):
of creating a space for simplypeople to meet people, to have
People meet another people.
Shannon (14:05):
Yeah, to have Like funny girl.
Christine (14:06):
Whatever kind of relationship you want.
People meet other people.
Shannon (14:10):
Totally.
And of course, you know, as wedo, we did a little bit of
research.
We looked at like a little bitof Reddit.
I just poured it around, foundsome funny terms.
What Reddit has funny terms?
Christine (14:19):
for things that are going on in the world.
Shannon (14:21):
People who are dating but not looking for a serious
relationship.
Half-masting Fair, got it?
Yeah, no, yeah, yep.
Half-masting, got it.
My favorite, actually, of allof these is Hesitating People
who are hesitant to date.
You know, due to pastexperiences, maybe some
(14:43):
insecurities, but also maybejust are like I know that it's
something I maybe should want topursue right now, but I'm not
ready to fully commit to it.
You're hesitating, hilarious.
And then this one, which goesout to all my millennial homies
out there inflatating.
It refers to daters who arelooking for affordable and
budget-friendly dating, becauseinflation is really all and
(15:06):
restaurants have gottenexpensive, yeah.
So the current economicenvironment, if that's affecting
your dating life, that'sinflatating.
So thank you to the internetfor that.
Christine (15:16):
Did they have any suggestions what to do?
That's a budget-friendly date.
Shannon (15:21):
They didn't.
But I mean, you know, go dolike a cool little cute
charcuterie picnic at a localpark.
That's not super expensive.
You know you can, especiallywhen the weather's nice.
I feel like there's so much youcan do.
But actually in the fall thebest free day is go to an
orchard, go apple picking.
Yeah, you don't even have topay for a bushel of apples, you
(15:41):
can literally just walk aroundthe orchard.
Great idea, yeah.
Christine (15:44):
Especially in New England.
We're going to work.
Shannon (15:46):
Yeah, I know, that's like a cool, that was a subtle
brag, that was like here in.
Christine (15:48):
New England, where fall is immaculate, we're going
to have this bursting beautifulcolors and it'll be a wonderful
thing.
Yeah, I got to love it, butactually I think that's really
smart in some ways, because youknow, there's still a lot of
heterodenormativity arounddating and there's an
expectation like what do you doon that first date?
Who pays?
Where does it go?
If someone suggests anexpensive restaurant, do I still
(16:10):
have to pay half?
And I guess if you're alreadyin that area, you'll be like hey
, I'm looking for somethingbudget friendly.
Would you put that on?
Shannon (16:18):
your profile.
I don't think that's a knownenough terminology, but I do
appreciate it.
It just has a casual lexicon.
Christine (16:25):
I think we need to make it more known.
Shannon (16:29):
I also the hesitating is hilarious, but of course, you
know there are people who arelooking for meaningful
connections.
Of course, there's tons of appsfor that too, like we're
talking about the niche apps andthe funny apps because, like,
those are also a reality ofdating in 2023, but also plenty
of apps that are out there tomeet a real connection, make
meaningful connections, andthose are some of the ones that
I think are kind of the OG apps,right, the matchcom and the
(16:52):
eHarmony For sure, but you'vealso got like.
There's an app called CoffeeMeets Bagel, which I think is a
really funny name, which couldalso be infodating.
Yeah, that's a cheap heybreakfast dates are always the
cheapest, y'all.
There's my pro tip for you butGet a coffee.
But yeah, coffee Meets Bagel,like literally, their tagline is
for people who want to getserious about dating.
And then we've talked abouthinge before on the show.
(17:12):
But I love hinge because I lovehinges marketing.
But hinges marketing is thathinge is the app designed to be
deleted because they want tomeet someone and have it last,
which, again, marketing whoeverdoes their marketing.
Christine (17:24):
So the bottom line is , to some extent, depending on
what you're looking for, there'san app for that.
Shannon (17:29):
There's an app for that .
Yeah, that's like goingthrowback to the early 2000s.
Apple Again.
Marketing, good marketingsticks with you, man, but yeah,
there's an app for that.
So, whether you're looking forsomething serious, something fun
, something anonymous,apparently, or something to wear
on your finger, whether that'sthe pair ring or engagement ring
, in the long run, the currentdating scene is packed with a
little bit of something foreveryone, and maybe someone for
(17:51):
everyone too, oh, yeah, yeah.
Christine (17:54):
So that's it for this week's study session and we'll
be back next week with a fullnew episode, but until then,
keep letting us know what topicsand questions you have, and
we'll tackle them for you.
Shannon (18:04):
Yeah, we will.
And then if you have any appsyou've been using that you think
are interesting, let us know.
You know, is there curiouswhat's going on out there?
Farmers, only you know, rise up.
Farmers only squad.
We want to hear from you.
Gluten-free singles, stay awayfrom my girlfriend.
You can shoot us a message atsexeddebunkedgmailcom or any of
our socials at Sexed Debunked.
We're always happy to hear fromyou.
Christine (18:24):
Thanks for tuning in.
Take care.
Sexed Debunked is produced byTrailblaze Media in Providence,
rhode Island.
Our sound producer is EzraWinters, with production
assistance from Shea Windrunner.
This is Study Sessions brought to you by Sex Ed
Debunked.
Christine (00:06):
In these mini-sodes we'll discuss a myth suggested
to us by listeners.
Like you, Like what?
Shannon (00:11):
you hear, want to hear more?
Follow us on Instagram,facebook and Twitter at Sex Ed
Debunked to suggest new myths.
Provide your own show notes andgive us ideas for what to talk
about next.
Christine (00:20):
Now take some notes.
The study group is in session.
Hi, welcome to Study Sessions,a bi-weekly mini-sode from Sex
Ed Debunked, where we tacklequestions and topics brought to
us by you, our listeners.
Shannon (00:38):
This week's Study Session is inspired by a friend
of mine who recently asked mewhat I knew about the pear ring
and my answer was nothing.
So I did a little bit ofresearch.
Here's the deal with the pearring.
So the pear ring is advertisedas the world's biggest social
experiment and what it is.
And this is crazy, because youhave to buy a ring.
But you buy this smallturquoise ring that singles can
(01:00):
wear to show that they're opento meeting new people.
So it's this social experimentdesigned to eliminate the need
for dating apps while alsoencouraging people to connect in
real life by basicallysignaling or flagging to people
like hello, I'm single and I'minterested.
Christine (01:14):
I wonder if there's a different colored band for
people in open relationships.
You know who are inrelationships, but still
available.
Shannon (01:21):
It's about people who already have someone and are
looking for more people.
This is about people who arelooking for one person just to
bounce off with.
It doesn't mean that they won'tadd more.
They are sold out, though,which is interesting because
this is all run by presale, andthey are already 100% sold out
of their rings for the pear ringsocial experiment, and I guess
the reason that this pear ringthing has become a thing and
(01:43):
I've learned about it from myfriend who lives in Austin and
Austin is very like up andcoming with social experiments
and tech and blah, blah, blah soI think it's starting there and
kind of branching out to maybemore rural areas, but basically
it is supposed to counter datingapp fatigue and especially I
would say yeah, this is a littlepresumptuous, but in the post
COVID era getting people backinto the idea of meeting in real
(02:04):
life.
which brings us to the topic ofthis episode.
It's not just the pear ring,but it is the current state of
dating.
Christine (02:11):
Yes, the current state of dating as I'm talking
to my students and other friendscurrent state of dating is kind
of rough.
There's a lot of rough.
Well, there's rough out therepeople.
Well, because of, like you said, because we're, you know,
coming still coming out of COVID, there's a lot of social
anxiety about connections inreal life and in fact, the
(02:34):
studies are showing that morepeople, particularly young
people, are choosing to remainsingle for a lot of different
reasons, but one of them,including that the dating apps
are exhausting and that there'schanging social norms about
relationships.
Somebody asked my class justthe other night and these are my
(02:55):
students who are teachingpsychology I'm teaching
psychology of human sexualityand I was like well, what's the
deal?
Like, what do you think aboutthis research?
And a lot of the common refrainwas well, relations take effort
and time and many young peopleare looking to focus on school
and careers instead ofrelationships.
Shannon (03:16):
At least the effort it takes to be in like a committed
or exclusive type relationship,yeah, I mean something that I've
said often in my EOR datingdays was like you know, the
thing about dating that sucks isthat it's a 99% fail rate until
you get it right, and that'sexhausting.
And you can only ask someonewhat their favorite color is so
many times before you just throwin the towel.
You know like I'm so sick ofknowing 80 strangers favorite
(03:39):
colors.
I'm done, you know, but youdon't ask about their favorite
sports team.
Well, if it's not a Patriotsfan, it's a no for me.
I actually had that for a whilewhen I was being annoying.
I like when I in my early 20sthat said non Patriots fans need
not apply.
I had that in my dating profile.
That's an excellent screen.
They need not apply.
But, on the other hand, peoplewho would like to connect with
(04:01):
other people, who are interestedin dating, who are interested
in pursuing other types ofrelationships, it can be done.
So there are some emergingtrends in dating for 2023 and
beyond, and one of the thingsthat I was interested in is I've
been hearing more and morerecently that people are going
back onto like matchcom and okay, keep it and e-harmony, which
(04:22):
you know, I kind of hadn'tthought about because the apps
themselves are, so, you know,everywhere they're prolific, but
the online websites for datingare becoming more popular again,
those like pay to play websites, where you actually pay for a
profile and get matched up.
There's more detail.
Yeah, it's interesting and youknow.
All those sites now haveobviously updated their text, so
they have an app version too,but they're also offering video
(04:44):
dating, which you know.
Video dating, speaking ofvetting people, is allowing
daters to get to know each otherbetter before meeting in person
, which can save them time andsave them money, because you're
not taking someone out on a date.
That's a total dud.
Christine (04:55):
So that's interesting Well and also people became
more comfortable with Zoom andFaceTime and everything, so that
becomes like a much easierfirst date, so to speak, than
going for coffee and meeting astranger and feeling awkward and
not knowing.
Shannon (05:10):
Yeah, yeah, and then online dating you know whether
it's app or whether it'sbrowser-based is becoming a lot
more inclusive obviously in 2023, but it's been more inclusive
in the last few years.
We've heard all heard aboutGrindr.
Lex is for the queer community.
Her, I think, is an app forqueer women maybe.
Anyway, it's becoming moreinclusive.
(05:30):
There's dating apps for alltypes of sexual orientations,
gender identities, body types,age, you name it, they've got it
.
Plus, there's dating apps thatare becoming increasingly niche.
Wait, wait, wait.
Well, we've all heard ofChristian.
Christine (05:44):
Mingle and J-Date.
Yes, and there's another onelike Farmer or so.
Shannon (05:50):
Yeah, farmer's Only, which, as you can guess, is only
for farmers, but there's alsoVeggie Date for vegetarians,
which makes a lot of sense, itdoes actually.
Yeah, because eating is hard,Finding compatible eaters is
difficult.
Actually, my first and allfavorite that I found when I was
kind of looking at thedifferent apps is gluten-free
singles.
It's just so specific.
(06:10):
I'm really glad that mygirlfriend wasn't on there,
because I probably would havelost her to some other cool
gluten-free people, but thankGod she didn't know about it.
Christine (06:19):
Well, you met her in real life right.
I met her in real life, but youwould not have been on the
gluten-free app.
I know that's what I'm saying.
Shannon (06:25):
We would have missed out on each other if she had
been on gluten-free singles, soI'm so glad that she didn't know
.
Christine (06:30):
Well, one of the things that I'm hearing, though,
is that these are actuallydesigned to streamline the
dating process, because we arefeeling that we have less and
less time and we definitelydon't want to be like
quote-unquote, wasting time onsomething that's just not going
to have any positive benefit.
People are looking not just forrelationships, but really just
(06:51):
fun and cool people to hang outwith and connect with, and maybe
not have an expectation of arelationship.
If you're going to these reallyspecific apps, you can already
know that you have something incommon and something that's
pretty like, if you're avegetarian that's really
meaningful to you.
Shannon (07:08):
I'm sure, I can't imagine anything more
insufferable than a vegan.
The only dating app, exceptmaybe a tech bro dating app.
I'll be steering clear.
Thank you very much.
Well, I'm still in the caranyway, I'm taken, you are,
you're very much taken, I'm verymuch taken, but taking it.
So you're right, you're right.
There are these apps that aremeant to streamline that endless
(07:28):
meeting and greeting.
And do we have anything incommon?
We don't.
That's awkward, so that I paidfor your coffee, whatever.
But the opposite is thatthere's also completely blind
dating.
Terrific, and it is terrifying.
So, of course, there's reallife blind dating.
Christine (07:45):
Got it Understood, like setting you up with whoever
, and then there's also like butusually real life blind dating
is a friend of yours saying likeI think this person would be
great for you, so you're liketrusting your friends.
Shannon (07:57):
And then I mentioned earlier, like Lex, which isn't
necessarily used for dating butcan be, and that's just posts
like text posts.
Most apps require you to havephotos or something like that,
but there are options for trulyblind dating, although a few
weeks ago a friend of mine, whois a dear friend of mine and is
figuring out their sexualidentity and trying to kind of
(08:17):
explore it but also wants to bereally covert about it, like
doesn't you know, wants to bediscreet told me about this app
called Sniffy's.
Christine (08:26):
And I hate it.
The name is itself is kind ofgives, is a little cringy and
what?
Shannon (08:29):
it is is it's like a geo targeted app where you
literally give no informationwhatsoever except your
coordinates.
And I know it's not going tosurprise anyone that this is
used almost exclusively by thegay male community, which is no
shade.
It's just the things we knowabout the gay male communities
that they have, you know, a lotof sex.
It's just part of the gay maleculture and great Good for you.
(08:50):
Wear protection Maybe don't doit before a sporting event, but
yeah, this, this app Sniffy'squite literally no personal
information whatsoever, nophotos, no names, no age, no,
nothing.
All you do is put in yourcoordinates and it remains
anonymous.
There is an option if you wantto do the non anonymous version,
to like add a little bit morepersonal information, but the
(09:12):
bread and butter of this app istotally anonymity.
And yet drop a coordinate Wow,yeah, seems unsafe.
We don't advise that necessarily, but you know as an important
caveat to all of this be carefulwith dating always.
Christine (09:26):
And I would actually like public place Check where
the coordinates are.
Shannon (09:29):
Make sure the coordinates are in a public
place If the coordinates are atthe bottom of a river.
Christine (09:34):
Don't go there.
Got it.
If it's in a dark forest, in acave, don't go there.
Shannon (09:40):
And then the other thing, as we're talking through,
you know, the 2023 state ofdating is relationship.
Diversity is also so, of course, the apps are becoming a lot
more inclusive of age.
There's over 50 year old apps,over 60 apps, like I mean,
they're doing.
The golden bachelor right nowon ABC is a seven year old
bachelor.
The apps are more LGBTQinclusive.
All that, but there is alsorelationship diversity and
(10:02):
relationship diversity is.
Christine (10:04):
You know, it's becoming talked about more and
when we say relationshipdiversity, we're talking about
people who might want to be inopen relationships, polyamorous
relationships.
So there's a number of datingsites right now that are geared
towards people who are trying tobe consensually, we like to say
, or ethically non-monogamous.
Hashtag open is one that Ibelieve has an app and is online
(10:27):
.
Okay, Cupid actually added afeature for people to be able to
say whether or not they'repolyamorous.
Unfortunately, some of them sayopen to non-monogamy, which are
sometimes people who are notethically non-monogamous, but
there is a feature there that atleast, like you, can be
expressive about it.
Shannon (10:48):
Yeah, sometimes the filters just don't work on these
apps.
I have like definitely been onbumble, tinder, whatever in the
past, long time ago now, butlike you know you just you put
you're interested in women andyou just get a bunch of men and
you're like how, you're notreading it, how yeah, so you
always have to be mindful ofthat too.
Christine (11:05):
But one that is really people have said they've
had pretty good success with isone called Field F-E-E-L-D, and
people can look for other peoplein open relationships and
actually be really, reallyspecific about what type of
experience they're looking for.
And it could be a sexualexperience like you know MMF,
f-f-m, things like that or canbe like couples looking to meet
(11:29):
other couples and it could justbe meeting other couples who are
like-minded, who just want tohang out.
It could be couples looking fora woman, couples looking for a
guy and actually single peoplejust looking for people to hang
out with.
Shannon (11:44):
Yeah, I mean I was going to say, you know, when we
were talking about okay, keep in.
This is also something that Ithink a lot of the apps are
doing and they're not all tryingto cater to everyone, but okay,
keep.
It obviously started out as avery heteronormative, very
specific monogamous relationshipwebsite.
They've evolved because thestate of dating has evolved.
Similarly, bumble added optionsfor Bumble BFF, like if you
(12:07):
just want to meet friends, oneof my friends met her now best
friend through Bumble BFF.
So I think the apps are alsoevolving to understand that
there are so many differenttypes of relationships that
people are seeking out, andagain in a post-COVID era not
that we're dismissing that thereare still COVID, there are
still COVID but in a post-COVIDsocial scene where people are
getting out and meeting eachother again in real life all
(12:28):
kinds of relationships that havebeen on the back burner and
need to be put in front again.
So it's kind of cool to see theapps evolving in that way.
So something like the Pair Ringcomes out and you're like, okay
, great, whatever, it's the nextnew fad.
But it's actually kind of niceto see these established apps
whether it's OKCupid, whetherit's Bumble Tinder's really
expanded a lot of its options,actually to be more inclusive
(12:48):
and not just simply be a hookupapp.
It's nice to see that the appsand the browser-based programs,
or whatever, are expanding.
Christine (12:57):
Well, and I think what you say, tinder still kind
of has that reputation, but Ithink you can look at it more
not so much as a hookup app, butcasual relationships, and
people can hang out, have funand just kind of have sexual
play on the table without thisexpectation of a relationship
escalator.
That, okay, now that we've beentalking, we have to start, you
(13:20):
know, say if we're exclusive ornot, or say if we're going to be
committed or not, and I thinkthere's a sense that a lot of
people are craving connection,but not necessarily all of the
time and effort that goes into aserious relationship.
Shannon (13:33):
Yeah, because, as you said and as your student said,
it's a lot, it's a lot.
Christine (13:37):
It's exhausting.
It's a lot you know, and isthat what People don't always
want that to be their sole focus.
But having connection withsomebody that they really like
to hang out with when they wantto take a break from their
studies or their career orwhatever is their
responsibilities, is a prettygreat thing, and I think it's
really interesting to know thatso many of these apps are kind
(14:00):
of creating a space for simplypeople to meet people, to have
People meet another people.
Shannon (14:05):
Yeah, to have Like funny girl.
Christine (14:06):
Whatever kind of relationship you want.
People meet other people.
Shannon (14:10):
Totally.
And of course, you know, as wedo, we did a little bit of
research.
We looked at like a little bitof Reddit.
I just poured it around, foundsome funny terms.
What Reddit has funny terms?
Christine (14:19):
for things that are going on in the world.
Shannon (14:21):
People who are dating but not looking for a serious
relationship.
Half-masting Fair, got it?
Yeah, no, yeah, yep.
Half-masting, got it.
My favorite, actually, of allof these is Hesitating People
who are hesitant to date.
You know, due to pastexperiences, maybe some
(14:43):
insecurities, but also maybejust are like I know that it's
something I maybe should want topursue right now, but I'm not
ready to fully commit to it.
You're hesitating, hilarious.
And then this one, which goesout to all my millennial homies
out there inflatating.
It refers to daters who arelooking for affordable and
budget-friendly dating, becauseinflation is really all and
(15:06):
restaurants have gottenexpensive, yeah.
So the current economicenvironment, if that's affecting
your dating life, that'sinflatating.
So thank you to the internetfor that.
Christine (15:16):
Did they have any suggestions what to do?
That's a budget-friendly date.
Shannon (15:21):
They didn't.
But I mean, you know, go dolike a cool little cute
charcuterie picnic at a localpark.
That's not super expensive.
You know you can, especiallywhen the weather's nice.
I feel like there's so much youcan do.
But actually in the fall thebest free day is go to an
orchard, go apple picking.
Yeah, you don't even have topay for a bushel of apples, you
(15:41):
can literally just walk aroundthe orchard.
Great idea, yeah.
Christine (15:44):
Especially in New England.
We're going to work.
Shannon (15:46):
Yeah, I know, that's like a cool, that was a subtle
brag, that was like here in.
Christine (15:48):
New England, where fall is immaculate, we're going
to have this bursting beautifulcolors and it'll be a wonderful
thing.
Yeah, I got to love it, butactually I think that's really
smart in some ways, because youknow, there's still a lot of
heterodenormativity arounddating and there's an
expectation like what do you doon that first date?
Who pays?
Where does it go?
If someone suggests anexpensive restaurant, do I still
(16:10):
have to pay half?
And I guess if you're alreadyin that area, you'll be like hey
, I'm looking for somethingbudget friendly.
Would you put that on?
Shannon (16:18):
your profile.
I don't think that's a knownenough terminology, but I do
appreciate it.
It just has a casual lexicon.
Christine (16:25):
I think we need to make it more known.
Shannon (16:29):
I also the hesitating is hilarious, but of course, you
know there are people who arelooking for meaningful
connections.
Of course, there's tons of appsfor that too, like we're
talking about the niche apps andthe funny apps because, like,
those are also a reality ofdating in 2023, but also plenty
of apps that are out there tomeet a real connection, make
meaningful connections, andthose are some of the ones that
I think are kind of the OG apps,right, the matchcom and the
(16:52):
eHarmony For sure, but you'vealso got like.
There's an app called CoffeeMeets Bagel, which I think is a
really funny name, which couldalso be infodating.
Yeah, that's a cheap heybreakfast dates are always the
cheapest, y'all.
There's my pro tip for you butGet a coffee.
But yeah, coffee Meets Bagel,like literally, their tagline is
for people who want to getserious about dating.
And then we've talked abouthinge before on the show.
(17:12):
But I love hinge because I lovehinges marketing.
But hinges marketing is thathinge is the app designed to be
deleted because they want tomeet someone and have it last,
which, again, marketing whoeverdoes their marketing.
Christine (17:24):
So the bottom line is , to some extent, depending on
what you're looking for, there'san app for that.
Shannon (17:29):
There's an app for that .
Yeah, that's like goingthrowback to the early 2000s.
Apple Again.
Marketing, good marketingsticks with you, man, but yeah,
there's an app for that.
So, whether you're looking forsomething serious, something fun
, something anonymous,apparently, or something to wear
on your finger, whether that'sthe pair ring or engagement ring
, in the long run, the currentdating scene is packed with a
little bit of something foreveryone, and maybe someone for
(17:51):
everyone too, oh, yeah, yeah.
Christine (17:54):
So that's it for this week's study session and we'll
be back next week with a fullnew episode, but until then,
keep letting us know what topicsand questions you have, and
we'll tackle them for you.
Shannon (18:04):
Yeah, we will.
And then if you have any appsyou've been using that you think
are interesting, let us know.
You know, is there curiouswhat's going on out there?
Farmers, only you know, rise up.
Farmers only squad.
We want to hear from you.
Gluten-free singles, stay awayfrom my girlfriend.
You can shoot us a message atsexeddebunkedgmailcom or any of
our socials at Sexed Debunked.
We're always happy to hear fromyou.
Christine (18:24):
Thanks for tuning in.
Take care.
Sexed Debunked is produced byTrailblaze Media in Providence,
rhode Island.
Our sound producer is EzraWinters, with production
assistance from Shea Windrunner.
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