Ep 58: Nailing Valentine's Day, acts of significance & more

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jacob O'Neill (00:00):
I truly believe every single woman wants to feel

(00:02):
significant. And I know thatevery single woman wants to feel
like she's the only woman in theroom. That That to me is I
believe that is an importantpart of, especially if you're in
a monogamous heterosexualrelationship. I gotta make sure
that I put it in the frame haha.
But I truly believe thateveryone wants to feel that like
I agree. I totally believe thatand I think it's, we do a

(00:24):
disservice to relationships totry and play that part of a
woman down or we try to say thatthat's not as important the joy

Meg O'Neill (00:33):
the or the excitement that like it melts a
woman. Yep, it melt it cracks awoman the fuck open when she
feels when she feelssignificant. And that was just
like the most beautiful momentHi lovers, welcome to sex, love

(00:58):
and everything in between thepodcast. We are the O'Neill's.
I'm Meg and I'm here with myhusband, Jacob. And

the conversations we have here are real, raw, and
very uncensored. They willchange the way that you
experienced sex, intimacy andrelationships or ever.

We are stoked you're here. Enjoy this Episode

Hey, lovers,

welcome back, everyone.

Season two is here.

And you're potentially watching us this
season could be

seeing us on video right now

on Spotify. And I think YouTube, Spotify and
YouTube baby. So if you're onlylistening and you want to watch
what the fuck are you doing?

I feel a little exposed to be honest. No,

it's yeah,

I'm worried I'm going to pick my nose or scratch
myself or do somethinginappropriate.

And we have to look extra engage. Now when we're
talking to each

other, and be shut I want to be shamed in the
comments for doing somethingawkward or gross. So

I've noticed I don't think I've ever seen him
pick your nose every

now. Cyril nose picker really? Yeah.

Why have I never. I think you've probably seen me
pick my nose.

I see you do a lot of things.

I'm, I'm a feral.

I would call you a bit of a grub would be I'd

say that's a beautiful description of me.

A little grub up.

Yeah. used to call me slug. I like that nickname
you do? I don't know why youcalled me that. But I liked it.

It was because you were really slow and you
left a trail of slop

Well, we're stoked to be back. Everyone. We missed
you for an entire week

that yeah, that threw me off to be honest.
Having a week off.

Really? Yeah,

this has been probably the only thing I've
done consistently in the lastyear, I would say everything
else has been up and down. Butthe podcast has been my my one
thing that I've done. Hey, sowe're back into some discipline,
some discipline my life can canreturn to order now. I'm so
excited about season two. Yeah.
Season two feels feels likefresh energy. We can do a lot of

(03:11):
good. A lot of guests lined up.
We've got

such killer guests lined up. You did some epic
podcast interview this week.
Yeah, they're doing some greatones in the next month. Month
was amazing, man. Yeah, we'vegot all the men and some amazing
women. But there's an incredibleamount of men that were
interviewing.

Yeah, I can't I'm really looking for I've had some
great conversations and Bros.
The last year I did two podcaststhis week, bank them and then
yeah, we've got a whole heapthere. We've gone on bit of a
bit of a trip up to the sunnycoast to connecting with some
other people. And it just feelsit feels exciting that we get to
bring in fresh energy. Becauseyeah, we've really spoken so
much about ourselves and ourexperiences. And now it's like

(03:50):
expanding those conversationsout to hearing other people's
stories as well.

Are we running out of shit to say?

Oh, I don't want to say that I'm getting bored in
this relationship. But

well, that's a great segue into today's topic
getting

a bit stagnant and we're just going through the
motions. A segue, segue. So saytoday, we've had a little more
like housemates than lovers.
Segway actually quite like beingfilmed to be honest. You

look. You look directly at the camera. I'm just
making eye contact with you. Butanyway, let's let's move on. So
it is Valentine's Day veryfucking soon on time. By the
time this episode comes out,Valentine's Day is probably like
five days away. But this is forValentine's Day. But also this

(04:43):
isn't just exclusively for thisone day of the year. What we're
going to talk about is reallyapplicable to entire
relationships, especially longterm relationships. And we're
really talking about how toignite romance in your
relationship. Specifically got aquestion for From a woman
asking, I want more romance, howdo I invite my partner to be

(05:05):
more romantic? So we're gonna bediving into that. But we also
just wanted to have a deeperconversation around romance,
acts of significance, reallymaking your partner feel special
and why that's fuckingimportant. Again, especially in
a long term relationship.

I think it's great to see it from both points
of view as well. Like what like,what's the actual first for
sometimes, like, for me, as aman, it's like, well, what's the
point? You know, I'm doing allthe other things. So what do I
need to do this? What's thewhat's what am What am I? What
am I actually doing this for,and actually has a really
important place in regards tolike passion and aliveness and
the feeling of like, I wouldsay, like fierce wild love, it's

(05:47):
what keeps the fire burning. Forme anyway, that's what I've
noticed. It's keeps the newnessand the sense of adventure and
spontaneity. And that is likesuch an important thing,
especially the longer that yourelate with someone, it can
become really easy to fall intothe status quo fall into just a
rhythm of just doing the bareminimum, completely.

I was having a conversation with a beautiful
client of mine this week,actually. And we were talking
about, you know, you are a man,that is an acts of service man
and her partner ways as well.
And we were talking about howgrateful we are for being with
men like that, being with menthat you know, cook us food and
make sure it makes life make ourlives easier every day and make

(06:33):
sure we have you know, things inorder and support, buy the
groceries and just like supportus in so many things. Like in
our waking life.

I'm not just that little house husband in the
kitchen.

Or I'm not your like nominal and and you're not
and it's not as if I do nothing.
I think sometimes we like playthat up here on the podcast that
I'm just sitting around beinglike a let's gonna say passenger
Princess, our friend sent me Didyou see that reel going around
recently, I think you actuallysent me into when I got sent it
by multiple other people. And itwas like a man opening the
passenger door and putting downa blanket and roses and

(07:12):
chocolates and all thesedifferent things. And it was
like passenger were likepreparing the seat for my
passenger princess. No multiplepeople go, this is you. This is
Jacob doing this for you on aroad trip. You don't ride trip,
sometimes it's just 30 minutesto the beach.

I think acts of service is how I and love as a
as a child as well. So I don'twant to go down I'm not
processing process, I've beentold that we're adding tips and
tricks. I'm not allowed to talkabout myself. I am not going to
talk about myself today. Ipromise I will not say anything

(07:52):
about me. It's not about metoday. It's not about me, guys.
It's about her and what she was.
No, but I think acts of serviceis something that I like it's a
part of my identity. So I thinkthat's why it can be feel really
triggering for men, especiallyif you if you do do a lot of
things that support yourpartner. And then there's this

(08:13):
like, Well, what about theromance? What about the moment
like what about thesesignificant things that you can
do throughout the year? It'slike, well, aren't I doing
enough already? And it's like,no, what you're doing is
amazing. And this is actuallygoing to influence the
relationship for both of us,like you've, you know, certainly
energy and resource into this ina healthy way. And knowing that
it's not every single day, youhave to do this. This is like

(08:37):
the new this isn't the newminimum standard. You don't need
to be like writing love songsand poetry and bouquets of
flowers every single day. It'sabout creating these times
throughout the year where you dosomething significant that is
really steeped in intention andyou preparing something that
really is a grand a grandgesture. Yeah.

And I want to circle back to that. Back to the
event you went two years agowhere that guy spoke about acts
of significance. But I want tojust take it back to what I was
talking about before when myclient and I this week we're
talking about getting reallydistracted by you looking
directly into the camera. I'm

talking to the Goddess Hi everyone.

Yeah, my client and I talking about our like you and
her persona, being these thesemen that the so incredible acts
of service. And yet and there'sa part of us that is so filled
by that and fed by that. Butthere's almost a separate part
of us that desires somethingdifferent. And so we were

(09:45):
talking about how to bring thatdesire for more romance, how to
bring that desire to want toreceive these like moments that
sweep us off our feet withoutmaking a man feel like what he's
doing every day isn't goodenough. And we're really talking
about how to communicate this ina way of like, it's almost like
feeding different parts of us asa woman, like, there's the part

(10:08):
of us that you make feel. Solike, for me personally, you
make me feel so safe to relaxinto my life every single day.
But then when you spontaneouslybuy me flowers, or when you take
me on a date, or you say, I'mwith, I'm taking you away this
weekend, or we're doingsomething on Friday, and I'm not
going to tell you anything,like, that makes me

(10:30):
motherfucking giddy. It's like,the teenage girl within me is
just like, so giddy and soexcited. And this part of me
that, yeah, this like, wants tobe swept off her feet. And,
yeah, just think that's reallyimportant to speak into, because
if we do as a woman have adesire for more romance, and we

(10:52):
want to communicate that it'sreally important that we
communicated in a way wherewe're really acknowledging and
respecting all the value thatour man is currently bringing
us. That's I think that's reallyimportant. Yeah, because that is
one of one of the man's deepestwounds in relationship, right?
This comes up for you a lot.
It's like, the a woman'sgreatest wind is often I'm too

(11:14):
much. Yep. And a man's greatestwinning relationship is often
are not good enough. Yeah. Andso I just wanted to bring that
awareness in because I thinkit's important that yes, it's so
beautiful as a woman to desiremore romance and desire to be
swept off our feet. And toreally own that, as a woman, I
think for probably a really bigchunk of my 20s or a big chunk
of our relationship. I pretendedI didn't want that I thought

(11:36):
that would be seen as like highmaintenance. And now I love that
I love asking for that. I lovereceiving that I love being a
woman that knows. That is areally incredible sensation and
experience to have. Definitely.

My great aunt Auntie Joan once said that every
woman wants her big day. Everywoman wants to wants to, you
know, and I said, No, I promiseyou, John makes different. And I
had to eat my words. And Iremember after our wedding,
after we did the numbers, and weworked out how much we spent. It

(12:15):
was a three day event, three dayfestival. I was like, Ah,

I didn't just want my big day.

Big Weekend, long weekend. And then I was like,
like, like, Oh, that makessense. Like women want to be
celebrated. Women want to havelike the, the like their beauty
and what we love about themreflected back in these grand
gestures. And I think there'sbeen such a stigma around like
the hopeless romantic, and itseems it's seen as like old

(12:44):
school gender roles. You know, aman being chivalrous and doing
these things is like, oh, no,we're all equal. Now. We're all
you know, we're 5050 You know, Ino longer have to do those
things for you. Because we'reequal. And there's been a bit of
a, I would say, like, kind of aneutralization of the grand
gestures. Number one, becausemen they don't want to make it

(13:08):
seem as though women are lessthan women. I don't want to open
a door for you. Because you're awoman you're empowered now.
You're sovereign yourindependence, like I don't want
to buy you flowers. I don't Idon't want to do any of these
things that make you think thatI'm putting you below me or me
being the, you know, the hero ofthe story. But the actual fact
is that when you choose toactually embrace it, it brings

(13:28):
passion alive. It brings a senseof like, like you said that
giddiness, it brings the the itbrings the love online.

Can you speak about that event you went to where the
man spoke about acts ofsignificance, because I remember
you coming home. And this wasprobably a real important point
in time of our relationship,because it was just before I
really came into my sexualawakening and probably came into
the part of me that was like, Iwant that, like, I'm no longer
going to, you know, pretend Idon't have desires, I'm not

(14:00):
going to dilute myself or trynot to be high maintenance. So I
think this was a reallyimportant thing that you brought
from this event to.

Yeah, it was talking about how we can do, we
can be men of service, when weshow up every day and serve. We
do the things that just need tobe done, because we're men, and
we have a duty to our family,our woman our life, and we do
that. And that's called showingup and serving. So service is
one thing but significance isanother thing. And significance

(14:28):
is something that is notexpected of you. It's not an
it's not not a baselineexpectation. And this is the
tricky bit because it's not abaseline expectation, but it is
a deep yearning. It's a deepache. It's a deep desire of
every woman to be swept off herfeet to be told, yes, we're
going to do the thing. We're notjust going to talk about it

(14:50):
today, hey, we're going off inthe car. We're going we're going
to where we're going to thatthat place that we've been
talking about going to or thatyou've been, you've been hinting
that you will Gonna go here?
Well guess what we're going. Andthe thing that I want to say
about significance is that ithas to be an investment of your
time, energy and resource, it'sgonna cost you, it's gonna cost

(15:10):
you like something that meanssomething to you. That's the
piece that makes it significant.
It's not about it being like ithas to be above $1,000 longer
than two days, and you have tobe off your phone and fully
present with her and doeverything, have everything
organized for those two days.
It's about what is it aninvestment of your time, your

(15:33):
energy and your resources thatwill have her feeling? Or will
have you feeling like this isgrand and have her feeling like
Oh, my God, I can't believe he'sdone this. Yeah, that's, that's,
that's what will create asignificant experience. Oh, my
God, I can't believe we're doingthis. Oh, my God, this is Oh, my
God, I can't believe he didthis. So this might be if you're
not a writer, this might be justliterally writing a card. And

(15:56):
instead of just writing Happybirthday, or Happy anniversary,
you write down all the thingsthat you love about your
partner, and all the things thatshe did this year that you're
really grateful for.

I love that you've brought that up, because it's
yeah, it's not necessarily,okay, you need to take three
days off work and spend x amountof dollars, like you said, it's
really, we want to feel,

yeah, that you sacrifice, you want to feel like

it, whether it's your vulnerability and
discomfort or whether it'smoney, whether it's time, but
you and I love the definition ofsacrifice being to make sacred
Yeah, so it's almost like yousacrifice something to make us
sacred to make the relationshipsacred.

Totally. And like, for some men, it might be
the $5,000 weekend away, thatmight be that might be their
sacrifice. For another one, itmight just be going out to a
nice restaurant and spending 150bucks for other people that
might be buying that that dressthat she wanted for or that you
know that that top that shewanted for $50. It's like, it's
not about the amount of moneyit's about what it is what it

(17:01):
means for you to sacrifice thatamount of money, or energy or
time. So that's the that's thepace there. And it has to be
significant. The way that makesit significant is that there is
a sacrifice made from you on thebehalf of the thing that you're
offering.

Yes, even an example of like time could be if
you play on a golf everySaturday, and you say to your
woman, and she just knows youplay golf every single Saturday
and you say to your woman thisSaturday, I've canceled golf.
I'm taking you somewherespecial. Right? And she knows
how much you motherfucking lovegolf. Yes. So you've had to

(17:40):
sacrifice, you know, somethingyou love. You've had to
sacrifice. You know what youusually do on that Saturday
morning and that feels to makeher sacred to to give her that
feeling of significance.

It's an amplified feeling of you prioritizing her,
like holy, I'm Amen. I am thepriority for this. This this
this, like this Day this weekendthis where he prioritized me he
chose to do this. And yeah, thatstory that his name's Joe Panay.
He's a he's a life coach fromdown in Melbourne. Such a cool

(18:14):
guy, such a cool guy. I just didnot expect to be as inspired.
He's just He's, uh, I justremember looking at him, like, I
don't get you. I'm like, You'reweird looking. You wear a vest.
You're wearing joggers and like,super. I'm like, like, you're,
but he knew his shit. And Iremember hearing him speak that
story. I was like, yeah, he, heor he did the whole thing. He

(18:37):
booked a beautiful hotel hotelin the middle of Melbourne. And
he lives just outside ofMelbourne. But he did this and
invited his wife in after work.
And he they could see the LouisVuitton store from from where
they were staying. And he, hewalked in there and he's like,
and he said, we're not just hereto try today, my love. We're
here to buy. And he'd alreadybeen in the day before and

(19:00):
organized with the salespersonin there. So we went in and met
let's just call him James forlike, I can't remember when he's
like He went and saw James andhe said when I come in with my
wife, I'm gonna say just gonnacall her Danielle. I want you to
I want you to come out and andand just completely and utterly
just just adore adorn her in inyour in your attention. Because

(19:24):
whereby I want to buy hersomething. I want to make sure
that she gets the bestexperience ever. So as they
walked into the store, he said,Hey, we're not here to just try
we're here to buy, as he saidthat. James came up and when Joe
is this the woman who could notstop talking about yesterday Is
this her She's more beautifulthan you. Then you describe.
Just came in and just likecompletely like everything and

(19:47):
this is the thing. It's not hecurated and this is it. He
curated an experience that hadher feeling like she was the
only woman in the world. Andthat's what you do like when you
To create a significantexperience you, you, you, you,
you create, you don't justcreate one thing you create a
whole moving, shifting complex.

(20:11):
And that's what that's whatmakes it vulnerable. fuck am I
gonna pull this off? You know,I've done it so many times where
I've been so fucking nervousbecause I'm like, I really hope
this works. And sometimes itdoes sometimes.

I want to jump in because I've just remembered
this that when you went to thatevent and heard that story and
learn about acts ofsignificance, we were living
with my parents. Yes. Do youremember my mom's birthday in
the ring? My dad? Yeah. So wewere talking about that
accidentally, a significant andit was my mom's birthday coming
up. Yes. And I don't know how.
But maybe my dad came to me andwas like, What should I get your

(20:48):
mom? And because you and I hadbeen talking about acts of
significance. I was saying him.
Go big. Yeah, get us somethingreally fucking beautiful. And he
was gonna get this small ring.
And I convinced him to get thisjust like, beautiful. It was
like an antique Diamond D ring.
My mom is never somewhat mymom's not a showy person. She's

(21:09):
not very materialistic. Shewould never she would never say
she wants romance at all. No,she's someone that's just like,
I'm not high maintenance. Like,I'm not high minded. I'm not.
And I don't think my dad hasever really done a lot of
romantic things. But my mom

he's the probably the most solid man. I know. He's
very he's

service my dad.
Yeah, totally my dad's servicebut probably hasn't done a lot
of signal a

lot of safety.
But I would say yeah,significance wasn't wasn't a
priority. And especially I don'tknow what it's like with three
kids. But yeah, he he didn'tprioritize significance.
Totally.

So we've really convinced him and my sisters
were then in on it to get my momthis really beautiful ring. And
usually my dad would get my momlike clothes or just like active
way. Just like such standardthings every single fucking
year. My mom, it makes me wantto cry. Like when my mom opened
that gift. Oh my god. It waslike her inner teenager came

(22:05):
out. So if I can find it, and wecould just see like, like you
said before, and I thinksometimes I don't like to make
those super generalized. Everywoman wants that. But seeing my
mom in that moment. And beforethat moment, I would never have
heard her say she's like, well,I don't need anything. I don't
need anything. I don't needanything. But to see my dad do

(22:26):
something significant for her.
She the joy, the or theexcitement that like it melts a
woman. Yep, it melt. It cracks awoman the fuck open when she
feels when she feelssignificant. And that was just
like the most beautiful moment.

(22:49):
And I'd totally forgotten untilright now,

the Steven street healing sanctuary. That was
Steven street healing

so much healing happened in that house. God we
will pull for that period oftime.

I'm gonna create I'm gonna go with an absolute
hate. I believe that every womanand I'm gonna I'm gonna do this
make

me nervous when it comes to J. Crew, guys, if
you've got an issue, they've

comments below, as long as it's not about some
of my body language. Don't Don'tdon't offend me. I truly believe
every single woman wants to feelsignificant. And I know that
every single woman wants to feellike she's the only woman in the
room. That that that to me is Ibelieve that is an important
part of, especially if you're ina monogamous heterosexual

(23:32):
relationship, we're going tomake sure that I put it in the
frame. But I truly believe thateveryone wants to feel that like
I agree. I totally believe that.
And I think it's, we do adisservice to relationships to
try and play that part of awoman down or we try to say that
that's not as important. And

I think, you know, this is a huge part of the work
I do with women is we have beentaught to disown that part of us
we have been taught that it'snot safe to be quote, unquote,
high maintenance. Right? We'vebeen scared we've been we've
literally the world conditions,teenage girls, and then women to

(24:09):
play it cool. Yeah, I don't havemany desires. I'll do whatever
you want. Like I'm not like allthe other girls like we're
literally trained to be cool.
Which means pushing down ondesires. And so I think a huge
part of my work, especially infull spectrum woman is really
teaching a woman how to own thispart of her that really yearns
to be swept off her fucking feetand yearns to be made to feel

(24:33):
significant yearns for thespontaneous moments of romance.
And I think when a woman stopsmaking that wrong in herself and
owns that, that actually thenopens the door to receiving that
100% And then she can actuallyinvite her man into doing that

(24:53):
without this cycle resentment.
Yeah. I think that was a hugepart of our relationship. Do
Yeah. And

on the other side like a man like we, we would
hold back in this modern sort oflandscape we'd hold back from
doing grand gestures. Becausenumber one, we don't want to
fall flat on our face. If we ifwe if we show a grand gesture
and we in you're like, Well, no,I don't and because you don't
want it, but you want to play itcool. You don't fully receive

(25:21):
it, then we're gonna be like,fuck did I do something wrong?
Fuck was like, come on toostrong fuck. And then all of a
sudden I'm in my head. And I'mlike, Well, I'm not going to try
that again. I'm just going toplay it safe. I'm going to do
the things that are gonna makesure that this relationship is
secure. And I don't think thatyeah, I I've noticed that in so
many men is like, Guys areindifferent. They're like, you

(25:43):
know, it's I like having apartner and it makes sense. And
you know, I like doing thingsfor her. But like, there isn't
this passion. And if she was toleave, I'd be sad, but I
wouldn't really. There's notthere's not a lot there. And
guys, like I love her. I doanything for her. But there
isn't this aliveness or thisdepth of feeling created through
these moments that crack openthe container that actually

(26:04):
fractured and make it even morealive.

And would you say would you say if a man begins to
practice this significance, notjust service but ups the ante on
significance that can actuallysupport a woman to open totally,
and in her own posture in herown transmission in the

(26:31):
relationship that is morealiveness? There is more
connection there is yeah, thereis more openness. 100% just like
my my mom, like seeing the a lotlike my mom literally melted
when she got that ring, and itwasn't about the ring. It was
about my dad getting hersomething different than getting
her something significant taking

a risk. Yes, that is significant is it's risky.
That is so it was fuckinghilarious. Your mom like you'd
catch her and she'd just be likelooking at it.

And for weeks, she would just be like, I still,
Michael, I still cannot believeyou did this. For me. One

of the things that Joe said to me is like
significant just because you'vedone one significant thing
doesn't mean that you're goodfor the rest of the relationship
as well. So this is an importantthing. Like, if you are going to
weave this into yourrelationship, and I highly
recommend you do is that youwork out a bit of a cycle. Were
you actively leaning intosignificant experiences for your

(27:33):
partner? So just to give yousome structure, and I wasn't I
was gonna just tell stories andhave processes on in spite of
you. But I'm actually going tocome rally and actually add
value to the listeners add a lotof value. And I've been a bit
sassy on this one. What's up?
Got a sore shoulder? You'reactually Yeah. Didn't want to
say anything that I just did.

(27:58):
It's not about me, I was givingthe structure so if you're a man
like if you and your thing fuckwhen do I do significance? How
do I know when the right time isone? When is it? How is it? What
do I do every day of the fuckingway every single day.
Significance 365 75 significant.
That's what you do. 75 heartsout. We're doing 75 significant.
But if you look across the year,you've got Valentine's Day,

(28:22):
you've got your anniversary.
You've got your partner'sbirthday. So you've got these
you've got it you've got a fewalready in the in the calendar.
And then it's great to have oneor two cheeky cheeky one ones
that you can just pull out ofnowhere. Yeah. So you've got
you've already got a structurethat's there for you to practice

(28:44):
this on, like a larger scale.
And this is something that Irealized I was like, Ah, I want
to make you feel significant. Solet me start to explore what I
can do and start to gather inteland data about what would
actually be significant for you.
And for me to to deliver. Andwhat's one thing that you

(29:04):
absolutely love. Cards. Yescards.

I love cards, guys, if you ever get me a present,
please write a card. If

you ever get me present, a present will do.
Thank you.

I love cards. I love cards because of what it
means like that person's had togo out, buy the card, sit down
grab a pen, think about what Imean to them and express that
words of affirmation gal you area love language girl. I am a
words of affirmation DL I'm allof them on all

of them. And that's one of the that's

that's really significant to me and time like
you've written something for meor Yeah, that's that's really
significant for me.

It's also the time it takes to formulate how
I'm feeling you know when whatyou actually mean like, it's not
just like, do make happybirthday. I love you so much.
Jacob it's like If I want toactually take my time to work
out what, what is this card?
Going to go into me? What canthis card actually carry? And
that's like, that's asignificant matter how often

(30:09):
like you said, I've got to sitdown and over the years I've
gotten better and better atthat. I would say, yeah. I
sometimes have forgotten cards,one on one or two occasions. I
don't think you do a lot now.
No, no, no. But I know that I'vedo remember, I've forgotten them
how it like, it was definitelythere was Yeah.

Well, you're gonna go somewhere. Next. No. I don't
even know if this leads anotherconversation Well, but I was
just thinking about flowers andhow, if you're a man listening
to this, just go out and buyyour woman flowers on a random
day, take them home and saythese are for you. And when she
says, Why, just say I thought ofyou. Yeah. And just when I

(30:52):
thought it's like, watch whathappens. Watch what happens to
her body. Watch what happens.
And once I feel like once as aman you experience what it is
like to make your woman feelsignificant, especially out of
the blue, especially when therehasn't been an expectation, you
will want to continue to, tolove on her like that. You will

(31:12):
want to continue to love on herlike that. I really love Sorry,
I just want to talk about thisreal I saw the other day. And it
was this, this guy like going upto couples in the street or in
random places. And he'll justput a red rose in the man's hand
and walk away. And then the manwill just like, obviously just
give it to his partner. And allthe women's faces like Like,

(31:36):
they're just like, so surprisedand so excited and so happy. And
I just, I just loved it so much.
Because I again, I just think oflike, how simple it is to bring
a woman into herself and bring awoman into her body and bring a
woman into a place of just likejoy and awe and appreciation.

I remember my sister who she's a budding
florist, she put up a poster,she's like, I don't want you to
buy me flowers. I want you towant to buy me flowers. Yeah.
Which is like it's never aboutthe thing. It's about the
intention behind it. And likeyou said, those flowers, handing
them handing them like, like youdon't message you don't I'm on

(32:24):
my way home just to let youknow, I've got you got you
flowers, you don't just youknow, it's not something I got
the milk and bread, but I and Igot you a bunch of flowers, look
out and bring them home to you.
It's no it's it's it's in thesponsor, it's in the surprise,
it's in the walk, I couldn'twalk past it. So they just saw
them. And they just reminded Ijust thought of you and I had to
bring them home. And that thething is they're don't just

(32:45):
start to do that every Fridayand say that, you know, say the
same one liner, you can't justkeep on trying to do the same
thing in the same way and createa secret formula. No, it's about
the is about the pulse, theimpulse and the the passion. So
it's not about just likecreating this routine, because
then it becomes dry becomesformulated, it becomes expected

(33:07):
it becomes a routine, it losesits significance, right. So
yeah, when when the urge to buyflow, like, like, I would say,
at least once every once atleast once every two months, buy
flowers, if not once everymonth, and it's not about
bringing them home on a specificday. But it's about ah, I saw
some flowers and I thought ofyou bring. And

I thought of you and this is the piece again,
it's not just about the flowers.
It's we as women want to knowthat you're thinking about us
when you're not in our presence.
Yeah. And, you know, this issomething we've had many
conversations around that.
There's moments where I'mthere's been moments earlier on
in our relationship where I'vequestioned if you've been
thinking about me, and you'vebeen thinking about our

(33:54):
relationship, and you haveexpressed in those moments, of
course, like oh my gosh, you'vebeen you. I've got a 10 year
vision for us. I've got a 20year vision for us. But you
weren't really bringing that tothe space. And I think this can
be a really common thing for menthat as women, we're a lot more
verbally expressive. And so thisact of significance or this act
of buying flowers, or whateverit is, when you offer that to a

(34:17):
woman really what that'sindicating, is like hey, I was I
was thinking of you even whenI'm not with you, You're
important to me, I think of youas I'm going to work I think of
you as I'm moving through myday. And I think of you as this
beautiful thing I want to showerand adorned with gifts. It

really like deeper, like a deeper kind of
statement to that I'm hearinglike I'm choosing you. Yeah,
more than anyone else. And it'slike, the thing about this is
doing this for your partner. Youdon't just do this for anyone
else either. That's the that'sthe beauty of it. And that's
part of being in a monogamousrelationship is like hey, you're

(34:57):
the you're the one that I'mchoosing I'm going to show I'm
going to reflect that with somesignificant moments, some
gestures that reflect that, hey,I'm choosing you more than
anyone else. I don't, no oneelse gets this kind of treatment
because you are mine. You're MyWoman, and I want you to know
that. I think that's a reallybeautiful gift,

too. Two things.
What would you say to a man thatmaybe knows his partner wants
more romance? Or is listening tothis and kind of rolling his
eyes at like, what like, wow,God, why'd when Why is the more
being asked of me? What wouldyou say to that man?

Time to grow up or grow up? A bit. Now, I think
it's, I think it's real or thatfrustration is real. And what I
would say to that is, like,there's a part of you that wants
to be acknowledged, for whatyou're already doing, I get
that, most of the time, it'slike, I know that you're already

(35:56):
doing a lot. If you are anactive service guy, or if you
have been working really hard toprovide, I totally get that. And
I also want you to know thatthis is the thing that's gonna
like, deepen and have you morenourished. This is the thing
that will take you ingivingness, you will by default,
nothing goes one way in, in thename of love. So if you choose

(36:19):
to step it up, and do somethingsignificant, it is going to
create an experience where youget to almost have had that come
back to you. Not not byexpectation, but by like, the
thing that you're seeking comesthrough giving in a way that
you've never given before.

Amen. And

I want you to know, like, that's not about
it's not like, Oh, if I buyflowers, she's gonna stuff my
deck, or if I buy flowers, she'sgonna do this. It's not about
creating this tit for tat. It'slike, if I choose love, beyond
what is beyond what makes sense,then I am opening myself to
receiving something beyond whatI could ever imagine. So it's a

(37:00):
really subtle difference. I wantyou to know, this isn't this
isn't mine driven, this kind oflove. It's, it's a, it's an
embodied gesture. So it's likeI'm giving, I'm putting a part
of me on the line for you toshow you how much I care.

And the woman, the woman that's nourished in this
way, and feel significant inthis way is a completely
different woman to love. Whenthis part of a woman is being
fed. She loves differently.
She's

like, she's more giddy, she's getting, she's
gonna,

she's gonna Oh my god, if you ever love to get a
woman, it is a joy to be in thefucking joy to be a giddy woman.
But the it's almost like thisfizzy effervescence of a woman
that you unlock when, when youoffer her something like this.
And especially, you know, a lotof women are walking around, say
walking around hard. It kind ofis like that, right? There's

(37:57):
like, we have these hot andshells the world teach us to
operate from and, you know, alot of the time men crave a
nourishing woman, a woman thatis going to feel nourishing to
the nervous system. And we aswomen want to be that for our
men. But sometimes we don't knowhow to get to that place. And as
a man, you're part of theecosystem that supports us as

(38:21):
women to nourish you. Yourbehavior affects our nervous
system, which then affects theway we show up in love and
nourish you. And so this this isone of the ways in which you can
evoke our nourishment, you canevoke our giddiness you can
evoke our open heartednesstotally

(38:45):
My other question was for thewoman that's like fuck yeah, to
all of this. I want acts ofsignificance. Gimme gimme,
gimme, I want to I want to betreated in this way. I want to
experience this. How do I invitemy man to offer me this? What
would you say?

I don't normally suggest like a compliment
sandwich. But I think thatthat's kind of the the approach
of like, actually, like Shugactually, like acknowledging all
that he already does. I mean,coming to coming in and just
like, actually, let me fuckinglet this man know. Hey, thank
you. Thank you for this. Thankyou for that. Like actually go
ahead and like make a list andlet him know how much you

(39:24):
appreciate that. And not in thesame breath and just flip it
into like, okay, now I wantthis. You created create some
time and trust the trust, thetiming will be right. But my
suggestion would be like, yeah,just like firstly, acknowledge
him and honor him. And then whenthe time is right, like bring

(39:44):
through this invitation, andlike I would love I would love
to really deepen ourrelationship. And part of that
would be like, I want to feellike the only girl in the world.
I want to feel like there's noone else in the room. I want to
feel like I want to feel reallyfucking Special. And I know and
like I know, I know last weekfor and acknowledging like the

(40:07):
fullness of the model but but Istill really feel like I want to
be I want to be, I want to beadorned I want to be I want to
be, I want to be taken out Iwant to be I want to be sell
celebrated. Not put on show uslike, I want to feel your I want

(40:29):
to feel your love in a way thatI've never felt before.

I love that. Yeah, my client and I this week, we're
talking about like, yeah, thatalmost in a teenager and us that
once upon a time to standoutside our room with a boombox
and like declare His love everybreath, you and I but I think
this can be a really playful wayto bring it be like, Hey,
there's this part of me thatwants you to do something. So

(40:55):
cringy is so like it is socringy really romantic. And, and
you can even because I know alot of women would almost feel
embarrassed to have that desire.
And you can bring that you canroll all of that up in one and
bring that to your partner. Wealways say this here, like
vulnerability creates deepintimacy. And when you have a
desire, please bring it withyour vulnerability because that

(41:16):
opens your partner in a way thatnothing else can. So you know,
saying like, you know, this ispart of me, and I always feel
embarrassed to say it, but Ilike really want you to do
something so cringy and soromantic. Like think rom com
like 90s, early 2000s rom com,then it can be like, Could you

(41:37):
do something like that for me inthe next month.

And that's the end, I get the invitation, it
has to come in a really gentlesofting it has to come from the
part of you that you want toactivate. Yeah, so if you come
in hardened and you like, wenever go out.

You never like walk in this person on Instagram.
Look at the way he proposed. Younever do.

We never do any of this anymore. We used to
this, we don't do it anymore.
It's like if you come hardened,it's gonna feel as though he's
not enough. And he's not goingto feel as though he's not going
to feel inspiration to to bringthat into the religion. But if
you come soft and gooey like andthere's a part of you that like
probably doesn't want to admitthat you want the cringy rom com
kind of love it's it's it's likeno, I'm a New Age woman that can

(42:20):
look after herself and I'mfiercely independent, and then
yada yada, yada. Cool, but thetruth is like you do want to
access this part of you that youhave been denying. And I think
every like I said every womanwants that and it's almost like
the ability to just be likelisten this is cringy but I want
to be like I want to feel like aprincess for that for a day. And

I think that is a vulnerability that many women
aren't willing to bring to theirrelationship with that's
actually what they want to feel

correct and so I just want to say this you're
choosing to do this consciouslyThis isn't Yeah, like playing
the damsel in distress playinginto some bullshit codependency
This is conscious. This is whyyou know in David data's work
where his third stage relatingis called intimate communion.
And codependency is first stagerelating, they can look exactly
the fucking same but wherethey're coming from is

(43:12):
different, which is what we'retalking about when we make sense
saying, the feeling. It's thefucking feeling. Yeah,

and when you realize I want to feel I want to
play in that like, oh my gosh,I'm being like, you know, swept
off my feet. I feel like aDisney princess. It's not
thinking that that's all a womanis no fucking way. But as a
woman, there's a part of youthat wants to know what it's
like to be that it wants to knowwhat it's like to have that
sensation, that experience andthis is what I truly mean by

(43:40):
being a full spectrum woman it'sa woman that that allows herself
to have this full spectrumexperience without making it
mean anything about herwomanhood about not without
making it mean something wrongabout her because she wants that
thing.

Yeah 100%

I want to kind of shift gears a little in a moment
but anything else you want toshare around romancing a woman
and making a woman feelsignificant?

I think like the thread of like chivalry like I
think it's it's it as a man, youget to own that as well. You get
to own the chivalrous. I will Iwill do significant things for
you. And I don't care if you tryto play it down. Or if there is
like this idea of like, youdon't need it. I don't care. I'm
gonna give it to you anyway. Ithink there's something so

(44:28):
attractive about a man thatsays, Oh, I don't care. I'm
buying the flowers anyway, likeodd flowers or, you know, my
granny's quite funny like this,you know, she, she loves He
loves things, but she doesn'tsee the value in them because of
the money. But when she gets it,she'll she'll run around like a
headless chuck with it. Sheloves it and even if your

(44:51):
partner's saying they don't needit, and you're aware of it, like
if you're the man becoming awareof this first and your partner
isn't aware and inviting youinto it. If you bring the
flowers home, if she's like, Ah,he don't need to do, I'm like, I
don't care if I don't need to,I'm gonna do it anyway, because
I love you. And I thought ofyou. And these are beautiful
flowers, and they're yours now.
And there's a way for you to,like, stand in that. And it's

(45:12):
like, if you open the door for awoman, and you know, who gives a
fuck, open it, like, just do it.
I think there's like a real I'dlove to, I'm gonna put a post
out about this. If I want tohold the fucking door for you, I
will if I want to, if I want tocome and help you lift something
heavy, I fucking will. If I wantto be a man, I'll fucking Be a
man. You know, take it up withsomeone else. I'm not going to

(45:35):
apologize for wanting to, to dothese acts. And that's the same
thing when we amplify is like, Iwant to take you away. Oh,
should we go? Too bad we'regoing.

I love when you hold strong with me and those
things. It's really like,especially when you when you're
talking about the flowers, likefor many women, many women
aren't comfortable receiving. Soeven though there's a depth of a
woman that so deeply wants that.
If a man is bringing her homeflowers, and this is a new
experience for her, she's notnecessarily going to feel

(46:06):
familiar or comfortable in thatexperience, immediately there's
going to be a push back, there'sgoing to be a part of her that
goes. He's still scary. What thefuck? Like, why did he do this?
And like, why did you spend thatmoney? I don't need that. And it
is so fucking sexy. For a mannot to take that personally and
to hold that. And like you said,it's like, I know, I didn't need
to buy the flowers. I wanted tobuy the flowers. I bought the

(46:30):
flowers. Yes. And that's just sosexy. That is what that holding.
And that unwavering is. When awoman is unable to fully receive
in that moment, that is whatsupports a woman's nervous
system to be able to receive andfind the posture of receiving,
oh, even today, I wasn't feelingvery well and you put on toast

(46:50):
for me. And then the toast popdidn't need to do put down
again. I was like, Okay, I'll doit. And I walked over to the
toaster to do it and you likejumped over the counter and
popped it. If I'm gonna do Iwill do it.

You said it's time to shift gears. Well,

I want to talk about men. And maybe I wanted to
talk about romance. And maybenot romantic a man but like, I
want to also talk about making aman feel valued and special. And
because I adore like birthdays,when when you have things that
are really important to you inyour life. When there's a big

(47:31):
moment in in your life. I lovehonoring that. And I love
celebrating it with that. And Ijust think it's I don't want to
just leave this episode beinglike men, it's your duty to make
a woman feel significant. I alsowant to have the conversation
around. It's our duty as a womanwho's devoted to loving a man
really well to consistently makehim feel valued. Yep. And

(47:53):
reflect his value to him. Before

we go there. Is there examples that you want to
give like significance? Likeyeah, that's, that's important
because and what I would say isthat every woman is is the same
but different.
Like every woman, like there'sthere are common threads like
you wait, we talked about theflowers, there's things that

(48:16):
reflect back her beauty. Andthen like she wants to feel like
I would say things that amplifypleasure and passion. Men
probably aren't as Yeah,totally, you said is what I'm
saying the same but different.
It's like, but then thedifference is that you're with a
unique woman. She's one of akind. So what you must do is you
must become really, really awareof her words of her body

(48:44):
language of things that she'sshowing you. And you start to
gather intel and then you cancreate an experience. So for
you, I know you like nicehotels, not motels. And it's
like after your birthday, we goaway to a nice hotel, we go out
to a nice dinner, we do anactivity that you don't expect

(49:05):
sometimes that goes wellsometimes that doesn't go well.
But it normally results in likehearts cracked open. Yeah. Or I,
you know, I learned about like Ican what brand of jewelry Do you
like? And like every woman hasher, her her unique desires. And
when you become more and moreaware of those, you can start to

(49:25):
orchestrate these significantexperiences for them. But for
me, like there's nothing like ahey, you're free on the 30th
Yep. Cool. All right.

I love that so much.

I've just sent you a calendar invite for two
days, but he blocked out. We'regoing away. There

is like no and I was not like this at the
beginning. Not at all. But thisis this isn't one of my favorite
feelings, especially as a womanthat I run my own business. I
have a lot of responsibility inbusiness. I make a lot of
decisions. Every day, now I leada team. You know, I'm, I have to
play that decision maker a lotin my life. And so when you

(50:09):
offer me the container in whichI do not have to make decisions
for days, by going, hey, youknow, take those two days off
we're doing when we're goingaway. And I'll often say, I know
you're never going to tell mebut I just like to play and go,
Where are we going? Yeah, like,you don't need to know that. You
don't need to know that you werethere.

And if you understand someone's love, like
love, like, it's the love, lovelanguages are a good thing to
know. Like, for Meg, one of hergreatest. She loves all of them
as we've established. It's alittle bit of a joke, but it's
not. And but the one that youreally, really love is quality
time.

So what already time number one,

what I'm saying is affirmation. Number two, what
I'm saying. Physical touches,number three, acts of service
gifts. Yeah. So for me to buyyou really expensive jewelry
would not have the same effectas saying we're going away for
two days, because you know thatif we're going away for two
days, you've got me all toyourself.

And for me, there's part of me that's like, I could
buy myself jewelry. I can't givemyself that level of surrender
that you facilitate by takingcontrol of my life for two days,
totally. And making all thedecisions for me. And I know
some women listening would belike, Oh, I remember you said
this on our training. We weredoing relationships. And you

(51:34):
were like, imagine your mansaying, Okay, pack your bags, or
like I'm packing your bags. I

was like, walking them into it. I was like, okay,
he has organized where you guysare going? They're like, Yeah,
cool. Yeah. Yeah, we so he'sorganizing where we stay or
where we go and organize thedestination and the
accommodation.

Okay, okay. I think you get it, right. But as

he got his breakfast, and then I was like,
Okay, and what is going tohappen is he's going to pick you
up from work, and he's going topack your bag for you. He's just
going to arrive at the front ofwork, and he's already packed
your bag, all you have to do ishop in the passenger seat.
They're like, No, no, we'll packour bags, but definitely he can
book the accommodation. And it'slike,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And I think the packing
of the bag, that's such apersonal thing.

That's what Yeah, it's like, it's like, oh, like,
say like, you are open to likehaving like having an act of
service done for you. It's justlike, yes. So like, it's like,
oh, no, yeah, he can definitelybook The accommodation. But I
would definitely want to pack mybag. It's like cool, like, a big
part of significant moments fora woman is letting go of control
huge, and it's taken you a fewyears to get used to

being used for accommodation, and we would
arrive and I would you were justamazed that you would be so
rude. I would be so very Yeah.
And it was like thissubconscious thing that it
wasn't as if we pulled up and Iwas like, I'm gonna I'm gonna
criticize him. He was like thepart of me that wanted that roll
back the part of me that didn'tfeel safe in you playing that
role for me.

And if I was bad at it meant that it was more, it
made more sense for you to do it

for me to take it back. And so that would be the
part of me that was like lookinglike hypercritical looking for
is the aircon working is look atthe sheets or like, oh, like
look, it's on in this positionor I would have put something
closer to the water like therewas this hypercritical part of
me that was trying to find whereyou fucked up. So I could so I

(53:37):
could rationalize going. It'snot safe to fully like let him
take the lead. I'll book Theaccommodation from now on.

And and I think it's important as a woman if you
do want more of this, you've gotto let the man explore what it's
like to do different types ofsignificant things. Yeah, you
know, I remember when we wentdown stay down at Pottsville in
that horrible horrible smallmotel and what happened it was
one of the

i loved it i don't think i was critical No no
that's awful guys.

It was the worst it was it was uncomfortable. It
was hot it was fucking it wasthis like bargain caravan park
it was actually used to be abrothel apparently used to be
where they would Yeah,

but we had such a beautiful

thing like the I looked after I organized a great
weekend away and we didn't letthe form ruin the feeling. Yes,
and this is the piece like ifyour man's willing to step the
fuck up do something that he'snever done before and created an
experience and immersiveexperience. Where the whole
point of it is for you to feelsignificant for you to feel like

(54:39):
you can relax and and receivethen your job is to focus on the
feeling.

I always say this about like honoring the
riskiness it takes and thecourage it takes for a man to do
acts of significance or do dosomething super romantic.
There's always risk in thatbecause is romantic things by
nature or acts of significanceby nature are things that you're
not expecting or things thatit's the risk that when it lands

(55:12):
is why it feels so good as awoman. And so I think we really
need to acknowledge theriskiness that our partner is
all the risks our partnerwilling to take to do something
like that. Yeah. And you spokeabout indifference in men
before. And I think that's thebiggest thing that holds men
back from doing that. It's kindof like this fear of just like,
why the fuck would I risk that?
Why the fuck would I risk notgetting it right? Or, like,

(55:35):
let's just stay where we are.

And it's fine.
Everything's fine.

And that's what I love about you. And God, we've
told some stories here on thepodcast, but you are so fucking
willing to take a risk. Andsometimes those risks do not
land they always end with mebeing cracked, open, enjoy and
love and tears. But sometimesthe actual moment, like my
birthday with the surprise oceancanoe trip, had me almost having

(56:03):
a panic attack.

So you're not always going to get it right.
But it's in the it's in thecommitment and to the feeling.
And that's from both sides,right? Yeah. If you get to the
motel, and you wanted a hotel,and you look, and you see that
and you look like I hope thatyour posture is well that that
aircon better work because oh,god this room small are these

(56:28):
sheets, if you're in thatposture of like, this? Isn't?
doesn't look right, and I needto change it.

And he didn't get it right. He didn't get it
right. The undertone of thehypercritical. Yeah, he didn't
get it, right. And there's partof me that has a kink for making
sure he doesn't get it right.
And that doesn't want to drop.

And that's like sinking into can you sink into
like I my man's taking me away.
And like I said, like a man, itneeds to be risky, it needs to
be a sacrifice. But you don'twant to be in a position where
you're constantly living outsideyour means just to do something
extravagant. Like this issignificant. It doesn't need to
be extravaganza. So if if that'sa you know if it is a weekend at

(57:14):
the Carlyle for your partner,and it cost you 1500 bucks for
the accommodation, if that's inyour if that's if that's like in
your significant budget.
Awesome. But if it's not, thatdoesn't make you any, that
doesn't mean that you can'tstill do significant things for
your partner.

I remember even when we didn't really have a lot
of money one day you taught youtook me down to Karim and
rockpools. And you'd packed apicnic and messes and like you
sent out a picnic there and likethis stuff significance does not
have to cost money timepotentially. Yeah, right. But
but it does not have to costmoney at all. Like this is where

(57:53):
you can get so creative.

Definitely. And just to finish up before we
switch over is like you womenare all the same but different.
So women wants that. I'm sayingthat because I think it's
important to know that all womenwant to feel significant. But
you're with someone who isuniquely them uniquely
themselves. And your job as theman is to bring your awareness

(58:17):
into let me understand thiswoman on a deep enough level. So
the risk that I'm taking doesn'tfeel as risky. So it's like love
that. So it's like cool up. Magloves Byron Bay. Okay, cool. So
if I booked something in ByronBay, I'm in a pretty that I'm
gonna have a pretty good successright in. That's that will feel

(58:42):
good. Yeah. But if I bookedsomewhere at Ballena probably
not. So it's like if you'regathering intel gathering data
and you're finding these thingsout about your partner and
understanding her on a deeperlevel, just by being more aware,
not by saying if I was going todo something significant would
Byron Bay for two nights be goodat this place?

That is that that okay, we need to speak about
that because you askingquestions about the act of
significance you can do ruinsthe act of Yeah, it kind of
deflates the whole so it's likethe Louis Vuitton store you told
if that man was constantly goinglike, hey Dee, do you have time?
Like do you like or is it likeGucci let go I don't know if

(59:22):
that was like this. You know,this this almost for me that
doesn't show a trust in a manthere's less of a risk then. So
this is really about backingyourself as

well. And that the classic thing that I work
with a lot of guys that have thepeople pleaser archetype quite
strong. They're like, I justneed her to tell me what she
wants so I can give it to herbrown brown, you've just you've
just lost the the essence of ofwhat makes the thing the thing

(59:53):
which is too risky, which is tolike, learn these things. Yeah,
about your woman and then deepenin to giving it to her without
fear.

Meg O'Neill (01:00:03):
And I think that I just want to bring in a PC that
I think an edge for many, many,many, many, many women is to
speak more of their desires tothe relationship. But I think
we're specifically speakingabout acts of significance here
which, yeah,

Jacob O'Neill (01:00:18):
don't just go to the shops and just be like, Ah,
I'll just get or whatever it'slike she actually likes this.
You know, I know which brand ofmoisturizer you like, because
you've told me I know whichtoothpaste you have. Because
you've told me it's not aboutI'm going to I'm going to get a
licorice flavored toothpaste.
She will be so surprised likethat. That will feel I

Meg O'Neill (01:00:36):
feel like just one more piece here is that I love
any gifts or significant thingsthat you've done for me. I love
having the feeling of like, oh,he listened. Yes. Oh, he
listened I didn't

know that he was he listened then like I didn't
know that he didn't even hedidn't even say anything.

Meg O'Neill (01:00:53):
So that and that's actually one of my favorite
things to give as well. I lovelike hearing and kind of
tracking what you're into andthen wanting to give you
something that you would be likeoh my god, you listened and I
feel so like, you know me. Ireally love offering you that
feeling of like, oh, you knowme?

Definitely. Even on anniversary when I bought you
the like I went bought you thejewelry. I think it was like, I
would never I've never I'venever been one to buy you a lot
of jewelry. You've never worn alot of jewelry until probably
the last couple of years. Butthen I was like, I want to buy
you something like this issignificant. Like it feels like
I want to I want you to feellike I want you to feel a sense

(01:01:35):
of surprise. We had a greatweekend away. But I bought you
that snake necklace and then Ibought you the what do you call
that thing? Cough cough and Iremember being I remember you
being like, a little bit like,Oh, I didn't know you're getting
me this. Oh, this is a surprise.
And I was like yeah, I want todo that. I want to join you in
gold. I want you to know thatthis is like You're My Woman
like it's been a year since youknow I've said yes to fucking
forever with you. Like let'sremember this every year let's

(01:01:58):
let's not hide from thesignificance that is our love.
And that is you.

Meg O'Neill (01:02:05):
And what did I get you? T shirt. Kind of decent.

You got a t shirt with you all over it. Wi Fi. I
should have worn it for thepodcast,

Meg O'Neill (01:02:18):
you should know you'll have to wear Jacob a t
shirt that said Wi Fi with likeall of these photos of being
over it. I actually fuckingloved

saints that so many times on Instagram, the
ads,

Meg O'Neill (01:02:29):
I was so nervous to give you that because I was like
you're very particular aboutthings and this is why I knew it
was going to potentially be thegreatest president ever. Because
I felt so nervous giving that Iwas like he's either gonna hate
this and think this is thecraziest thing or he's gonna
love it and potentially stillthink it's the craziest thing it
was

cringy but it was an act of love. Let me like I
don't know if he's gonna likethis but I'm fucking doing it
anyway, you know, you could haveeasily gone and got me a t shirt
from Vans t shirt or connotationI would have loved it. I would
have loved that. But this thisthis just has such a just has
it's just infused with somethinga little more

Meg O'Neill (01:03:08):
do you want to speak about loving on our men
right now? Are we feelingcomplete?

I'm feeling complete. To be honest. I think
this is like a more of anepisode around like the acts of
significance I think for For menit can be it can be slightly
different in regards toreceiving and for me like
significant things can be the Ifeel it's a different approach
for men. Yeah,

Meg O'Neill (01:03:31):
I think I think just the one thing I want to add
to this is that you know, I knowmany women hold that desire for
more romance so to be swept offtheir feet and for the woman
desiring that first expressedthat into the space. We spoke
about that earlier on in thisepisode. Secondly can wear i You

(01:03:55):
don't want to get this goodluck. Like, are you being a
nourishing space for your man?
Can you deepen into nourishingyour man? And not again, like we
said earlier, not from the spaceof like, if I nourish Him, He
will then sweep me off my feet.
But just knowing this like, justlike it's not anytime in a

(01:04:17):
relationship where we're justfocusing on getting something
from a partnership. We're notactually partaking in Union like
Union is the giving andreceiving so yes, focus on Oh, I
would love more of this but alsothen take the posture of what
what more can I offer mypartner? How can I nourish his
nervous system or how can I makesure he's feeling really valued?

(01:04:40):
And I think that's somethingthat I I'm really specific with.
I think this is something I nailin our relationship that any big
moment you have in your work orin your life. I celebrate that I
buy you something or I write youa big card or I get you
something like a pin or likesomething to just like anchor
anchor that moment meant foryou. So it might be your

(01:05:01):
retreat, like you had theretreat, the big retreat you did
recently with, you know, down inSydney. And I just knew that was
big for you. So I wrote you acard. And yeah, and I think just
like that, for me, what's reallyimportant in those moments is I
want you to know how much I seewhat you're doing in the world
and how much I respect and valuethe work you're doing, and, and

(01:05:22):
all your being in the world. SoI think for me, that's the
equivalent of its might not beas showy for a man and a man
might not want to feel itprobably doesn't want to feel
swept off his feet. But he wantsto feel valued and seen for all
the hard work or the value orthe, the, yeah, the value he's

(01:05:44):
putting in, I

would say that he doesn't want to feel special, he
doesn't want to feel like theonly man in the room, he just
wants to feel appreciated.
appreciated. Yeah. And a manfeels appreciated when he
receives an acknowledgement ofthe value that he's giving to
the world, whether that's in hiswork, whether that's in his
relationship, whether that'sdoing some kind of personal

(01:06:06):
challenge that or achieving apersonal goal as well. And these
are all things that yeah, forme, like I would say, a woman
wants to feel surprised, sweptoff her feet completely enamored
and lost in the beauty of I am,I am the center of this
universe. Where for a man so heyou want to he wants to feel

(01:06:29):
appreciated for being in serviceto the universe. Oh, yeah, I
love that. And that for me,like, I feel most nourished when
you acknowledge me for the manthat I am not only right now,
but the man that I'm constantlyleaning into becoming, and that
and that's not to say that Idon't like getting presents on
my birthday. And I'm learning tolet love in without having done

(01:06:50):
something already. But for me,I, you know, my, my value is how
I, how I determine, you know,my, my sense of self outside of
knowing that I'm worthy, but mymy value to that, that I give to
the world is what I want to beknown for what I want to be
appreciated for. And I lovebeing Jacob just Jacob on his

(01:07:10):
own. But I, for me, that's whatthat's what feeds me, and then
allows me to feel more alive ingiving more to not only you, but
to whatever it is that I'mengaging with.

Meg O'Neill (01:07:25):
Yes, so just kiss the mic. Yeah.
So yeah, let's not forget tonourish our men. So that can be
with it's trying to think ofsome examples. Yeah, like, I
love writing new cards. That penI bought quite a few pens over

(01:07:46):
the years. I got a pen and grayfor you recently, when you had
a, you know, made a big businessmove. Yeah, just like we Yeah, I
just want to bring that in.
Because I think really, youknow, honoring and nourishing
our men also in a way that makesthem feel significant but valued
and appreciated. Totally

like booking.
you've booked me in for massagesbefore ya know that I'm
exhausted. No, I'm not willingto, like do that for myself.
It's like you're, you're awareof what I need. You're aware of
what would would make me feelnourished. I mean, that's such a
beautiful, beautiful gift. If awoman can attune to that. But I
want to do this for you. Andyou've done that many times in
many different ways. But it's,it's subtle, yet profound. Most

(01:08:27):
of the time. It's not a bigshowy thing. It's like subtle
yet profound. Yeah. As I say,So, guys, Valentine's Day is
coming up. Yeah, he's just gonnasay that. Sounds like yeah, this
is a perfect opportunity. Like,do something crazy. Do something
a little bit risky. Yeah, dosomething

Meg O'Neill (01:08:45):
risky. And tell us about it. message us and tell us
about it. And if you're lookingfor some inspo for Valentine's
Day, we've got a whole lot oflinks below. To Yeah, we've got
a whole lot of resources andcourses that you can dive into
that a perfect Valentine's Daygifts, I would highly recommend
the desire date. If you haven'tdone the design, to the design,

(01:09:06):
only $27 this could actually besomething perfect to actually do
on Valentine's Day. Yes, if youwant to do something significant
together and really intimate andpowerful together. That's also
super fucking affordable. If youdon't want to go out and spend
hundreds of dollars at dinner.
This is $27 and you can do it inthe comfort of your own home.
Exactly. Really sexy, beautiful,deep, intimate date night

(01:09:26):
experience. So the link is belowin the shownotes or in our
LinkedIn bio. Yep. We also haveignite your intimacy alpha we
couples course. So that's a selfpaced course that you can go and
buy it's $444 There's also apayment plan available. So you
could surprise your partnerespecially you know, if you're a

(01:09:46):
man and you know your partnerloves this podcast, and you
haven't done that coursetogether like but you know that
she really values this work onfucking surprise her with that
cause let me ask or if you justwant to say one more thing. or
if you're on the Gold Coast orcan get to the Gold Coast on the
second or the third of March,surprise your partner with a
motherfucking ticket to eitherthe live podcast event or our

(01:10:08):
intimacy immersion on theSunday, or both. The intimacy
immersion is a full day couplesexperience, it's going to be
next fucking level. So this islike the perfect Valentine's Day
gift, the perfect Valentine'sDay gift. Link is in our link is
below as well or in our buyers.

And the great question to ask yourself, men is
what would this mean to her?
Like, what would this mean?
What? What would this mean?
Like? What would it mean for youto invest in one of these
courses and, like lean into,hey, I want to deepen our
relationship. I want to deepenour intimacy. I want to do this

(01:10:47):
with you. What would it feellike? What would it feel like
for her to receive that and knowthat you're prioritizing the
relationship? Like I know you'vegot work, I know you've got your
mission, and you've got yourvision and your purpose and the
gym and all the other, you know,in your meditation and your
eyes, I know you got all theother things that you're doing,
and I fucking celebrate. Don'tever fucking stop doing you. But

(01:11:08):
what would it feel like for herto know that you've allocated
some resources, some of yourmoney, you've allocated some of
your time and you're going toshow up and be present with your
energy for for the desire datefor an evening with her or for
this short course ignite yourintimacy, or if you're going to
come and do the in person thingoh my gosh, me. Surprise

Meg O'Neill (01:11:30):
her book a weekend away to the Gold Coast. Don't
tell her you're coming to theend. When you're flying up or
flying across or wherever you'rewherever you're from go. We're
going to the Gold Coast. We'respending a whole weekend devoted
to our relationship. Oh,

yes. Flying in economy, in executive economy,
all the extra legroom.

Meg O'Neill (01:11:56):
I'm so excited for that week is gonna be so much
better. You really, really funreally, really fun.

Yep. But um, yeah, go boldly and never fear
the spills. It's like love is arisk. And that's what makes it
fun and awesome. Love is Love isrisky, it's vulnerable exposing
and without it, we'd just besitting on the couch watching
Netflix and doing the same shitevery fucking day. So please go
and give your love boldly tothose that you care about. And

(01:12:23):
just see how much more isavailable for you for for your
partner and for yourrelationship. Oh,

Meg O'Neill (01:12:32):
we love you. Happy Valentine's Day. See you next
week.

Big Love. Yo yo, yo, thank you so much for tuning
in to another episode of Sexlove and everything in between.
Now if you'd like to stayconnected with Megan i You can
head on over to Instagram andfollow me at the Jacob O'Neill
and where can people find youlover

Meg O'Neill (01:12:53):
at the dot Meg dot o

amazing and yeah, guys, check out the show notes
for all other information inregards to what we've got coming
up. And yeah, we're super supergrateful that you guys for
taking the time to listen in tothis podcast. If you do have any
topics or any questions, like Isaid, hit us up on Instagram and
we'll see what we can do. Apartfrom that have a beautiful,
beautiful rest of your day.
Thanks for being here. Big BigLove.

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Ep 58: Nailing Valentine's Day, acts of significance & more

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