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February 28, 2024 84 mins

Get ready for a new episode with our guest - Nick Perry, founder of Rythm Health.

Nick has spent over a decade exploring the connection between Holistic Health practices – spiritual, mental, emotional and physical – and an individual's sense of self and purpose in the world.

It's a solid hour with Nick and Jacob as they get real about what it means to be a man today, how to navigate the complexities of blended families without losing your cool, the rollercoaster of being a dad, and keeping it together with your partner. 

They're talking about the big stuff - love, making it work when things get tough, and why saying what you need is a game changer.

They cover topics like:

  • Jacob's plan to use AI to bring stories to life.
  • Sharing the real stuff online to really connect with people.
  • Finding mentors to help steer through rough relationship waters.
  • Being clear about what you need from your partner.
  • Nick's journey to really know himself within his relationships.
  • Sticking with personal growth to build stronger bonds.
  • Setting up real talk sessions for couples to get and stay close.
  • Introducing ways for couples to talk it out and really hear each other.
  • Coaching for guys and couples looking to level up their relationship game.

And many more!

Tune in to hear Nick and Jacob share laughs, lessons, and life hacks for everything love and life throws your way.

If you loved this episode & the podcast, make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss anything.

AND… it would mean the world to us if you rated & reviewed the show.
We carefully read each and every review, and we love hearing about your experience with the podcast!

⚡️Let’s Stay Connected:  

IG: @the.meg.o @thejacoboneill @sexloveeverythinginbetween

⚡️Connect with Nick

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rhythmhealth
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rhythmhealthau
Website: www.rhythmhealth.com.au 


⚡ Want more? Here are some of the offerings & courses you can join us in…

The Desire Date: A sexy date night experience for couples ready to re-ignite passion & deepen intimacy. ---> https://bit.ly/49r28Zt

Ignite Your Intimacy: A 4 week course for couples ready for a sexier, wilder, more ALIVE relationship… NOW! ---> https://bit.ly/3R0ihxU

⚡Join us for our Podcast Live Event!
Register here: -->
https://www.meg-oneill.com/SEX-LOVE-EVERYTHINGINBETWEEN
Saturday 2nd March @ 5pm - 9pm |Mylky Space, Gold Coast


Jacob & Meg also coach individuals & couples. Reach out to them via Instagram for more information. 


Mark as Played
Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:00):
acknowledging the things that I would normally let
slide, and therefore, you know,some mates to the state of
resentment, which I would thenproject then it was just a mess.
Yeah, but the detail that I wantto highlight here is doing it in
a good way. You can do it in afucking good way. You don't have
to be like, Well, I'm a fuckingman now. And this is how it is.
It's like, you can hold theenergy of that, man what I

(00:26):
describe it as a multidimensional man. So I like the
concept of a multi dimensionalman who can like hold that
energy, but really, really leaninto maturity and make those
language tweaks and make all thedifference and that that is what
leadership looks like in arelationship.

Jacob O'Neill (00:51):
Yo, yo, yo lovers Welcome welcome. Welcome to sex,
love and everything in betweenwhere the O'Neill's you're here
with Meg and Jacob. And

Unknown (00:59):
this is the place we have really uncensored
conversations about sex,intimacy and relationships.
We're super excited you're here.
Enjoy this episode.

Jacob O'Neill (01:15):
Yo, yo lovers, what is up what is up? Jacob
here today with a guest mag hasbeen kicked out of the studio. I
know you guys love her but sheis she's kicked out of the house
that actually have sent her to acafe to go and be with herself.
And I've I'm super excited aboutthis episode because I'm getting

(01:35):
to talk to a man that I haven'tactually gotten to sit down with
before and we've caught eachother so many times when the
floods were happening down inLismore we crossed paths we've
seen each other at I thinknearly every rock pool at the
back of the Gold Coast. I'vebeen in deep ceremony with like,
Hey, bro. Yeah, good to see you,man. Gone. Alright. Yeah, I'll
see you later. But um, yeah,guys, I've got a incredible

(01:56):
brother here. His name's NickPerry. And yeah, bro. Welcome to
the show.

Unknown (02:01):
Thank you for having me. How nice is this? Dude, it's

Jacob O'Neill (02:04):
I feel nourished already. We've only been
chatting for like half an hour.
Quality

Unknown (02:08):
time. I will. I knew it was going to be good. On the
hour day would come? Yeah. SoI'm grateful for you initiating
it.

Jacob O'Neill (02:16):
I have this thing that I suggest to so many men
are caught like you need, likethe answer I give to every man
who has a problem in his life.
Time with brothers. Yeah, yeah.
Right. And they're like, Yeah,but I've got this bit. I'm like,
go and spend time with your withyour bros. Yeah. But like, go
and do it. Just do it for anhour and then come back and tell
me if you've still got theproblem. And they normally come

(02:39):
back. Like I've got the answerto the problem. Actually, I
don't even have the problemanymore figured out the answer.
So yeah, man, as much as this isfor everyone listening. Thank
you guys for being here. Likethis is very much a selfish
desire of just getting to sitwith you and talk about some of
the topics that I want to diveinto today. Yeah,

Unknown (02:56):
I feel like that's a really wise approach to creating
an interesting podcast to begenuinely invested in whatever
series of questions you got forme it for your own for your own,
fucking whatever. You know,whatever it is, that's important
to you. Yeah, man.

Jacob O'Neill (03:15):
And this is, you guys. You're obviously listening
to Season Two of the podcasts.
We've been running for a yearnow. Making I've been showing up
every week. And we got to thepoint where like, we want other
people here, we want to vibewith some other crew. And one of
our prerequisites is it's got tobe a fuck year for us. Yeah, not
a fuck year for the strategy ora fuck year for the algorithm.
It's like, do I actually want tosit down? Do I want this person

(03:36):
to come into my house and sitdown with her? And that's been
sitting like we've been we'vehad people reach out to want to
be on the podcast. We've hadother people that like they'd be
a good fit, but it hasn't been afuck yes. Yeah. And I think
that's such a vulnerableapproach to life, especially in
the modern world, bro for us,man who can be a little bit

(03:57):
calculated a little bit logical,a little bit. Well, if it
doesn't make sense on paper,then we shouldn't do it. But for
me, it's been the thing that hascontinually liberated me from my
fucking bullshit. So many times,there's like mags like Let's
fucking do this. And I'm, I'mlike, I get out the paper and
and she's like, come on, like,Let's fucking go. This is a fuck

(04:18):
yes. And I know deep down it's afuck yes. But I've had all of
these stories telling me but wehave to check this box have to
check that box. And it's sogreat being in a relationship
with a woman that thatchallenges me on that and calls
me forward and more recently,I've been the one reminding her
as well. So I've been able togive that back to her, you know,
she's going through a hugerebrand with her, her her

(04:40):
business and she's stepping into an initiation yet again, with
her business and it's been sobeautiful to have someone like
to have that in our relationshipwhere we can remind each other
that if it's a fuck, yes, itdoesn't matter how uncomfortable
it is. It's the only pathforward For us, right?

Unknown (05:01):
Well, from what I've observed, in this half an hour
period, you definitelydemonstrate like, a proactive
quality to you like this hit meup on Friday. I was like,
fucking good on ya. And it wasit was executed. So with such

(05:23):
clarity and simplicity of like,this day, this time this day,
this time this day, this time,if you're down, like pick a day
and pick a time, I'm down andlet's go fucking the first day
in time you got let's do this,let's lock it in. So that's cool
to see that, you know, if I'mhearing what you just share on
there, it's like that'ssomething you've developed. So

(05:44):
that's yeah, that's unreal.
Because that's definitelysomething that I'm you know,
there's the I can conceptualizethings, but putting rubber to
the road on them. I'm reallygood at sabotaging really good.
That

Jacob O'Neill (05:56):
was a bit of our conversation before we started
the podcast. And just to giveguys a bit of an understanding
of what I know about Nick, likehe's a, he's a business owner,
he runs a company called rhythmhealth, he's a mentor and coach
and has a beautiful what I wouldcall like a gentle yet firm
approach to his his delivery,which is something that I feel
is such a beautiful blend, froma season where personal

(06:20):
development was so raw, raw orman's work was like bootcamp
military, do the fucking thing.
There's such a gentle yet firmnature to you, bro, which is
what I was drawn to. And you'realso a father, you're also in a
beautiful, committedrelationship. And those are the
things that really speak to me.
When I look at the measure of aman I'm like, is he able to hold

(06:41):
it down in all areas of life?
Like, is he showing up forhimself? 100% Like, I see you
you're healthy. Do you got cleareyes? You're looking after
yourself? It's beautiful. Youdress well, you got style, like
yeah, this is a man that I I seeholds himself and then to know
that you and your beautifulpartner, Juliet, I've seen your
content online. You know, youhave children as well, you show
up as a father, you're in theyard, doing the yard work, like

(07:04):
you don't hide from the realnessof life, which is something that
I really respect about men inrelationships. And also men who
have a family. And then thethird thing is like, yeah, bro,
you show up online and you, youserve your medicine, which is
you could easily have droppedthat said, you know, my family
is more important, I'll go andget a safe job. And I'll go and
play it safe here. So I can be,so I can give more here. So what

(07:28):
I see in Uber was like thosethree areas of like looking
after yourself showing up foryour relationship and your
family, and then sort of servingyour legacy. By giving your
medicine to the world, those arethe measures of a man like am I
inspired by by his ability tosharpen those three areas? Fuck
yes. All right, let's have aconversation.

Unknown (07:50):
will appreciate that reflection, man, it's definitely
like a conscious pursuit that Ihave. Because I'm the same as
you, I find appealing and and I,you know, I overtly respect a
man that can hold it down.
Rather than, you know, lean toodeep, you know, lean too much

(08:11):
into an obsession and like,absolutely crush it there. But
you know, at the cost of, youknow, accountability to the
minimal who is responsible to sosometimes I can like self
analyze and go Well, you know,I'm doing, you know, I'm ticking
every box as far as my personalexpectation on myself as a

(08:31):
father, for example, I'm like,you know, truthfully, I'm like,
I'm showing up really well formy kids. And then I'm like,
Could I pull back a bit thereand like, you know, feed some
life force into the businesshere. And I'm like, it's just
not, it's just not a trade off.

(08:54):
That feels congruent to thelegacy that I hope to influence
in the world, which is men whohave their priorities in order,
who are like sacrificing for thehigher good. And it's like, what
does that look like? It's allgrassroots. It's like, I really

(09:15):
don't give a fuck about a man'sgreat legacies, philanthropic
efforts, if his grass rootsaren't well nurtured, nurtured
and nourished, if it's, youknow, the making a big impact at
the cost of your inner circle,then I'm not vibing with that
I'm not inspired by that. I'mmore inspired by the basic what

(09:40):
I just described. Yeah, I thinkthose affairs in order our

Jacob O'Neill (09:44):
whole Yeah, it's like, you go out and you save
the world, but you're, you know,the lawns grown too much in the
backyard so your kids can kickthe soccer ball. It's like,
yeah, that's where yourpriorities and this is. This is
the paradox of being a fuckingman and your responsibility is
that there's gonna be, you know,this tension of like, Great a
legacy family running off intothe woods by yourself and living

(10:06):
on a mountaintop is a realfeeling. Yeah. But I want to
sort of circle back and I wantto hear a little more of your
story. You know, we've chatted alittle bit, but I want to start
with what it's like to step intoa relationship with a woman
that's established and has apresence and has a brand. You
know, I came across Julietthrough mag and she's a

(10:26):
formidable force. And I'd loveto hear a little bit more about
your journey of like, steppinginto relationship with her and
how, how that may have been aform of initiation and a
catalyst for like you steppingeven more into your power
because I I've got my own storyof this, but I would love to
hear from your perspective, whatyou know what, what happened?
What was it like before? BeforeJuliet and after Juliet? Yeah,

(10:50):
that's, that's

Unknown (10:51):
a perfect way of describing

Jacob O'Neill (10:55):
because this is gonna be so valuable for the men
listening and also for the womenlike that. You know, sometimes
your relationship can be thething that completely
revolutionizes your life if youlet it. So, Brian, please give
us the rundown.

Unknown (11:07):
Mm hmm. Blush before Juliet life after Julia. It's
like, so fair to say that us?
Yeah, getting with Juliet wasthe the catalyst, it was the
catalyst for my maturation, forsure. For sure. So that, you

(11:27):
know, even down to the detail ofthe age gap, she's six years
older than me. So as well as shehas a child, right? Well, when
we first got together, so shewas single month, which meant if
I commit to this relationship,then most likely I will be

(11:48):
become a stepfather. So youknow, what the fuck does that
mean? For me and the way the youknow, the way things currently
are, for me, which I really likeit, what I, how I have things
set up isn't gonna isn't gonnafly, if I enter into a committed
relationship where I have a rolein parenting, a child. But I

(12:12):
think there's some. So we havethis, we have this model in the
men's work community that I'm apart of. It's the timeline of a
man and we look at differentrites of passage, inevitably,
throughout the entire lifespanthat a man passes through. 18 to

(12:34):
28, roughly, this is just aballpark it's something to go
off. And we refer to that as theRDD phase, which is reading
drinking, drugging.

Jacob O'Neill (12:47):
Right. The knighthood almost this fight
fuck feast. Yeah,

Unknown (12:52):
totally. Absolutely.
100%. Right. Yeah. Which is avery important rite of passage
to pass through. Yes. If what Isee a lot of in my work is a man
that commits to lots ofresponsibility prematurely, will
unconsciously seek that that oddad phase at a time where it's

(13:12):
really not appropriate. Youknow, they're in their 40s. Yep,
they've got a family. They'vegot they've got
responsibilities. They have tothat they have to hold down. So
yes. I guess you could say thatI was. I satiated my RDD my
knighthood I went really hard inthat. So when I met Julianne I

(13:36):
was still kind of in it. Youknow what I mean? I wasn't I was
like, I was in this sort oflimbo phase. I was still like,
well, this is what

Jacob O'Neill (13:47):
did that look like for you bro? Because I've
got I know that I can see theversion of me when Meg came into
my life. I was drinking greensmoothies in the morning, and
smashing vodka Red Bulls atnight. Because this in between
phase where I was like,maturing, but I hadn't fully let
go of the RDD just yet. Whatwould that look like for you?
Um,

Unknown (14:09):
so I I had no moved past partying definitely by that
stage. And that was just throughthe, you know, the studies and
the work that I was doing, I wastrained as a holistic lifestyle
coach and really like I waspretty congruent with that
value. Yeah. But the routingphase that was yeah, that was

(14:34):
uh, that was insatiable. So itwas more around semi committed
flings and relationships withgreat people but but I wasn't
there yet. And I'll own whereyou know, where those didn't
progress that was onto me and mymaturity. Yep. So yeah, that was

(14:55):
my that was my instability atthat time. Yep. I'm living with
mates. Like housemate live insharehouse living and it was
cool, but you know it was fullbachelor existence in that
aspect. Yeah,

Jacob O'Neill (15:09):
that minimalist lifestyle of Yeah, like you have
the bare necessities with yourmates it's a it is you're in the
barracks. Yeah, it's fuckingit's awesome for that stage of
life 100%. But so sounfulfilling when the call to
move past that

Unknown (15:27):
ignites and then that call is ignored. It's just like
the worst. So I was I was privyto that. And I was able to self
observe enough to go like, comeon man like commitment. I
couldn't even deny myself I waslike, You're avoiding
commitment. So was

Jacob O'Neill (15:47):
that a conversation you had? You had to
have with yourself? Yes. Yeah,it was almost like one of those.
You go into the bathroom lookingat me and be like, What the
fuck, bro? That

Unknown (15:55):
was absolutely what it was. And so that was, well, that
was comforting, actually, to belike, when the next person comes
into my life, go all the way. Goall the way. So I kind of like
found a you know, peace onalignment there. And then one

(16:20):
day, perusing through Instagram,following Julia, she had some
story up and she had BrianJonestown Massacre song playing
and I was like, oh, like, I'mgonna, you know, aim high here.
The the sexologist chick. That'sa challenge. That's fun. Like,

(16:42):
let's

Jacob O'Neill (16:42):
say the thing that was holding you in your RDD
was the sex the and then you'relike, I'm gonna go for a
sexologist. Yeah, I'm gonnacommit to

Unknown (16:50):
Well, I didn't know what it was. I was still in the
IT day. I was like, but yeah, Iwas like, your souls like, get
ready. Get ready, fucking let'ssee. Let's see if I get a
response. And I did. So Icracked my knuckles. And, and it
was really lovely. You know,that was that was definitely

(17:10):
there was no games being played.
And she had recently got out ofa long term relationship. And so
we just had some good banter.
And then she actually messagedme, out of the blue, like, Hey,
I gotta cut this because me andmy ex, we're gonna, we're gonna

(17:30):
go, we're gonna try again, makework. And I was like, at that
stage, I was fully uninvested onthat sweet. All the best. Good
luck. Yeah, forgot about itmoved on. And then however, long
later, we bumped into each otherin person in Burleigh. And
that's where the, you know, thechemistry went all bubbled. And

Jacob O'Neill (17:55):
I'm a hopeless romantic. I just made a whole
movie out of that era, you know,it's just like I was I literally
had the music playing and youguys bumping on each other. And
James Street and it's just like,it

Unknown (18:05):
was that and we've been very clean, very good. Like
literally no contact at all.
It's not like there was a funnybusiness going on. We're both
respectful of what, what she'dchosen and so that happened
again, I was still at a place oflike call your you know, you're
going for rekindling your yourold love. That's awesome. Yeah.

(18:28):
So whatever, let me kind of cutto the chase here. What what
ended up happening was that cameto completion in her world. And
then somehow we're having acoffee date. Yeah. Yeah. You
know, and that's where it allstarted. And, and it was super
fun. The first three months werelike really playful, lots of

(18:52):
road trips, and life and all ofthat. Yep. And then she felt
connected. And, you know, therewas enough magic there, like
truly magic, absolute magic,where she's like, okay, you can
meet my daughter, which I alsoreally respected. Yeah, it's not

(19:13):
like, that's everyone in herlot. Yeah, I told her and I
totally saw it was that I waslike, Oh, shit, okay. I
recognize that gesture that thatis or recognize the sentiment in
that,

Jacob O'Neill (19:26):
that could almost be an invitation for your like,
that stepping out of odd like,Hey, do I feel responsible
enough? Like, that's almostlike, I have to say yes to that
as well. It's not like you haveto make my daughter it's like,
yeah, this is a this is aresponsibility.

Unknown (19:41):
Again, and it was that's a really, you know, good
way of putting it it was itsolidified the decision that I
was, like, ruminating on like,okay, Nick, it's time to
actually accept and embraceresponsibility, and the burden
of that And then so you knowmeeting my stepdaughter it was

(20:03):
like it was two feet over thatline

Jacob O'Neill (20:08):
yeah not just toying with the idea of dipping
the toe it was like yeah yeahbefore threshold experience and

Unknown (20:14):
so man like what are the things probably interesting
to share is how challenging thefirst two years of our
relationship was for the reasonsthat that you've prefaced around
powerful woman like single momenergy like like strong Alpha
energy and truthfully are stillin my fucking boy energy. Yeah,

(20:36):
absolutely. Absolutely. And thenentering into a blended family
was a dynamic I had no notion ofno concept no experience of and
and then so the natural order ofthat family that's like who's
holding Alpha leadership energyisn't May and Juliet or is it my

(20:59):
stepdaughter and Juliet whichwas far out man that's, um, down
here and you know if really Itreally sucked in a lot of ways.
And it really fucked with thepolarity of our relationship.
And I think underneath it all itstarted to chip away at my self

(21:21):
esteem and confidence because Ifelt super behind the eight ball
and I felt super perplexed inhow to show up in that and I'm
just using this language butthat alpha male leader energy I
really didn't know what was theright way to do it without you

(21:43):
know, imposing too much toosoon. And these are my values
and this is the values you'vegot you guys have you know,
upheld but I you know, I reallywant to bring this in and there
and Messiah tiptoed and doubledand I got a lot of mentoring and
you know, did a lot of therapysessions trying to figure that
out on what

Jacob O'Neill (22:02):
I want to sort of share like because this is so
real for so many men, andprobably like this is giving him
great insight for women is likethese sort of experiences when
we come into a relationship youcan't just flick a switch but
okay, I'm now this these are nowthe values this is now how
everything runs polarities nowthis perfect Happy Days complete
it's an unfolding and it soundslike that first two years was

(22:22):
like this ongoing revealing ofthe deeper I guess programming
or beliefs that were holding youguys back from depth. Yeah,
yeah, most definitely. Andbecause you'd said um to feed in
you kind of agreed to goingthere with Juliet almost like by
you'd might not have said it outloud and spit with through your
embodiment, you'd said yes, I'min I'm ready to go through

(22:44):
these. And whether it was Julietor another woman, you still
would have had to go throughthis to access this. This depth
regardless. So yeah, man, thissounds this is I love this, this
is making me feel so I feel notalone in my journey with
wrestling with polarity and areally dominant woman who knew
what she wanted, had created it.
And I had to sort of fit intoher life first. And then we went

(23:06):
on a journey of calibration.

Unknown (23:11):
Right. Right. Right.
And yeah, exactly. And this wasthis was, you know, the rise
podcast. Yeah. And I'm like,fucking student body work and
mass shooting people and like,not loving that and sort of
shifting out of biomechanicalwork in some more, you know,
mental emotional, spiritual workpeople so you know, I was in

(23:34):
this transition of identity in alot of core aspects of life Wow,
work business identity as asovereign and who's who's
transitioning from boy to man,actually. And then suddenly,
someone who's made the decisionto not show up to a relationship

(23:55):
with a closed heart and sixdifferent side doors that I can
you know, duck out of Yeah. IfIf the going gets tough. And
then yeah, fathering you know, Ithink anyone listening because I
do, you know, connect with a lotof men who find themselves in

(24:15):
the stepfather role and don'thave a pretense to recognize
blended families are inherentlytricky. Like, you know, family
life is is it's, it's a it's ait's a full spectrum of

(24:40):
everything but but the blendedfamily there's so many external
energies that overlap into thefield of of your house is
there's the other family andtheir values and their and then
there's all this stuff that goeson, that you don't have control
over. There's building rapportAll with the child or the
children, knowing how to lovethem the way they need to be

(25:06):
loved from you in that moment,it's like, do we started a
friendship level? Or do I gofully into like, sending you to
getting smart with your motheror like this? So yeah, I just
kind of say that as a side note,to any man that's listening that
finds themselves newly in ablended family dynamic, or has

(25:27):
been in there and still feelslike they haven't figured it
out. Like that's super normal.
And it's definitely a good ideato to reach out and connect with
people that can show you thatcannot demystify it. And it is
very, you can totally demystifyit. And there are certain

(25:47):
structures and frameworks thatare like, proven when, you know,
when embodied and upheld, provento create a safe family energy.
And that's what it gets to. Andwhen that falls into place. What

(26:09):
usually happens before that isthe child or the children are a
wedge, so they get in betweenyou and your lover, right?
Because that's, that's just theenergetics. That's what's going
on. But when you and your lovercan hold that alpha energy and
model and demonstrate that andstand firming that against the

(26:32):
child's resistance, which isnatural, then they can actually
go okay, they are together. Theyare solid, they are strong. I
don't need to compete with thisfucking new man. That's not my
dad. That's in my life. Totally.
Yeah, it's been Ah, man learningthat has been

Jacob O'Neill (26:55):
epic. Yeah. Did.

Unknown (26:57):
It's been epic.

Jacob O'Neill (26:58):
I mean, yeah, I have nothing to reference
against that. So like, I'm noteven a father yet. You know,
we've got a dog recently. Andlike, Megan, I'll be making out
in the kitchen, it'll startjumping on us and like this
fucking dog, man. Get the fuckaway from it. I'm like, Oh,
shit. The dynamics are changing.
Having a dog let alone a childis like shifted how we you know,

(27:18):
I've got to train this dog torespect me and, and also respect
my relationship with Meg. So tocome into that dynamic with
Juliet and her daughter and foryou to navigate, that would have
been fucking incrediblychallenging, but also to, I
guess, move through thechallenge and then arrive at a

(27:41):
place where you are able to holdthat it would be I could imagine
it would feel very liberatingand give you I know, it sounds
like there's so much value thatyou have in that that story that
men would take from that they'relike, Ah, it's it's it's
possible to do this. Yeah, it'snot actually it's though that
wage doesn't have to stay awedge, it can become something
else it can evolve. And yeah,man, what do you feel like with

(28:03):
and I know like, seeing you onJulia, you and Juliet have done
some work together as well andoffered some programs. And what
was that evolution? Like inregards to like, I guess?
Blending? But then also, how didyou like maintain like an
identity as as Nick, did youfind that hard? Did you find
yourself getting lost in the, inthe dynamic for me, that was

(28:25):
kind of my journey of like, Megwanted me to be a part of her
business. And then I wanted togrow my own business. And then
we're doing things togetherthings apart, and there was a
messiness to the way that wewere operating. But I'd love to
hear how you know, like yousaid, you shifted out of the
bodywork into more of thespiritual mentoring emotional
stuff. What was that processlike for you, you know, stepping

(28:48):
into a relationship as well? Andwas there any like big moments
where you felt like you wereinitiated?

Unknown (28:55):
Hmm, that was a slower burn, too. Yeah, it was it that
was a couple years of not notcrushing it at all.

Jacob O'Neill (29:05):
So your apprenticeship, bro? Yeah,

Unknown (29:07):
that was the apprenticeship. Yeah,
absolutely.

Jacob O'Neill (29:09):
So how long did that last? Um

Unknown (29:14):
Well, couple years I think what's in Yeah, solidly a
couple years dude. it overflowed

Jacob O'Neill (29:22):
over two years.
She you find it funny that theyou know, some of these guys
that come and do a week ofpersonal development think
they're going to be like doing10k months. Ah, and you see the
guys that go out and make 10k in90 days and solidify your
business and it's like, ah,honey,

Unknown (29:37):
it's it's arbing. So I've been training as a coach
for 13 years. I've been workingin the field for 13 years in a
truly holistic sense. traveledthe world studied with you know,
all kinds of mentors andtraineeships and qualifications
and this and that. Have had myfeet held to the fire the whole

(30:00):
whole time by these mentors andto operate safely in integrity
to be attune to red flags to,you know, to, there's doing the
thing. And then there's all themeta skills that you need to
have that only come throughexperience which you need guided
mentoring around, because you'rehearing this, but you're

(30:22):
registering this is this is,we're gonna lose this person,
right? We need it when you bringthem up, or there's all this
subtle stuff that's going on. Sothis is kind of a digression
here, but it's, it's important,it is important. I find the
whole influx of transformationalcoaching or whatever it is,

(30:46):
whatever the title is, I'mdelusional and negligent.
Because well, working with themost complex organism in the
known universe, so let's bemindful of that, let's remember
that the models that we learnare helpful that all of them are

(31:09):
wrong. So some of them arehelpful. So we need to have
developed meta skills. So wedon't get rigid and dogmatic in
the model and miss the importantshit. We are then at, then, you
know, a person who isfacilitating is at risk of

(31:30):
creating harm. Oh,

Jacob O'Neill (31:32):
yeah, totally.
Man, I, I use this example. Youknow, a lot of a lot of guys
come to me like with theirnervous systems fried from doing
personal development andthinking they're gonna have
these. I call them quantumleaps. And then all of a sudden,
they can hold this new level ofcapacity. And it's like, you
haven't fortified. You haven'tcreated the structural integrity
to hold that yet. And so a lotof guys crash and burn. And

(31:55):
that's where I nurture them. I'mlike, Hey, bro. Like, if I if
someone came over and said, Hey,bro, here's the full Makita set.
Here. Take it. Here's a brandnew unit. Put it all in there.
Now. Can you go and build me ahouse? Yeah, yeah, it's like,
well, I've got all the tools.
I've got the Hilux. I can go andbuy some Carhartt pants, which I
I like to wear I like to I liketo look like I do hard labor,

(32:18):
but I don't. I could put the haton and I can put the work boots
on. But it's one thing to gatherthe skills or throw together the
tools. But to actually gothrough the process of embodying
the ability, like you said, themeta, the the adaptability, the
nuance, the attunement, it takestime. Yeah. And that's what I
mean, I look at my littlebrother, who's, who's a builder,

(32:39):
and I've got friends that arebuilders, and it's like, it's
taken them 667 years. Some ofthem been in it for 10. And
they're just developing a pointwhere they're going out on their
own to build their own business.
I'm like, Wow, man, like, and Ilook back on my journey. It's
been about eight years. I'mlike, oh, yeah, that first four
years was fucking hard. Yeah.
Didn't make a lot of money, justlike an apprentice would. But I

(33:00):
was developing. Yes. And I wasin other people's containers.
And I was learning. Yeah. Andthen the next four years, I was
like, Okay, so that's a littlebit more of my own start to do a
bit of this. And now I'm onlyjust feeling like, I can
actually see, like, build abusiness that's separate from
my, I guess my identity of who Iwho I am. And I can actually
start to create somethingoutside of myself that can hold

(33:22):
value because I've been throughthat initiation, which is a lot
longer than three months. It's alot longer than I initially
thought it was going to be.
Yeah. Yeah.

Unknown (33:34):
Fucking perfect.
Absolutely. Perfect. does. Itshows reverence to, to the art
and and yeah, it shows reverenceto whoever it is. You're
standing in front of to? Yeah.
As to me, putting in the duediligence and just walk in the

(33:54):
path. It's yeah, there's athere's there's just an
integrity to it that I think isnot valued. Particularly highly.
The way the the, what he calledthe industry is right now. And
honestly, man, you know, I saythis, and I'm not super like,

(34:19):
I'm not on a fucking soapboxabout it either. It's like,
really? I'm mostly preoccupiedwith what's going on in my
garden. Yeah, so to speak. Idon't feel compelled to be like
calling everyone out. Yeah.
Because what I observe and whatI encounter a lot is people find
that out for themselves. Anyway,these coaches, they'll get in

(34:42):
touch and they'll be like,actually, I don't know what the
fuck I'm doing. Yeah. Andactually, you know, I feel you
know, lost and directionless andso cool. Okay, like, let's meet
these people also withcompassion and Yeah, like, like,
truly support and facilitatewhen necessary. That unique

(35:05):
process and how that unfolds.

Jacob O'Neill (35:10):
It's even like it I think of it like it. Like
sometimes that for me bro islike a really alive for me right
now I'm in a really I mean astate of humility right now in
my business and what I'm wantingto create because what I want is
so fucking big that I don't knowhow I don't know. That's my
statement right now I don'tknow. And I need help. And I
think when you get to thosepoints of humility there is like

(35:32):
this almost childlike nature tolike, hey, I need to be I need
someone to tell me how to how todo this next step. I need
someone to hold me as I figureit out. And you know, I think
there's so much there woulddefinitely cross over from
parenting into mentoring for me.
I know it does. I'm not a parentyet. But I see you know, I do a
lot of inner child work withguys. And I see this this
excited little boy wants it's sobad. Yeah. But he hasn't learned

(35:57):
the rules to the game. Yeah. Andhe runs on to the field and he
gets red carded, because hedoesn't know the rules. And then
he throws a tantrum and neverwants to play the game again.
And I'm like, Ah, where have webeen? Like giving guys red cards
non stop. Yeah, not actuallysaying hey, come here. I want to
show you that I want to teachyou how to play this game. So

(36:18):
you can play it for much longertime and just three months or
just the week and you know I I'mI'm a I'm a fiery hot headed
theists motherfucker. I don'toutwardly project that too often
but internally like if there's afire in me that wants to burn
the world to a crisp I want tofucking you know, I want to win.

(36:39):
Yeah. And I've had to reallyfind grounded man to help me
tend to that fire. So I don'tput it out which has been my
past put it out don't don'tdon't burn too brightly Jacob.
And then there's like a hey,Louis, let us help you restart
this and gradually build it. Soyou can actually provide value.

(36:59):
And sometimes burn a littlebrightly, and, and cause cause
chaos. But then I've had theright people in my life to help
me come back to my center. And Isounds like that's, that's why
everything has its place. Right?
You know, these people that aredoing transformation in two
days. You have to know that yougot a spark that you need a

(37:22):
spark to light the fire. Yeah.
But then you got to be carefulas to how you tend to that.
Yeah,

Unknown (37:27):
yeah. And it's in a lot of ways. It's an echo chamber,
as well. And so what I observein the coaching and spirituality
circles, and I, you know, I'mvery much a fly on the wall.
Like I said, I'm prettypreoccupied with my own fucking
God. And so you got to bid on.
I'm like, yeah, like I'llvoyeuristically look at the, you

(37:49):
know, the social media beef get,you know, get a bit of
entertainment, and I'm not tooinspired to participate, but I
see. You know, it's so obvious.
The, you know, the people thatare dissing fucking anything,
like polarity coaches arefucking morons, or this and
that. And it's like, yeah, like,they kind of are. But also

(38:12):
they're not. And you, you know,why do you need to make them
wrong? Like, what's, what's yourinsecurity here?

Jacob O'Neill (38:20):
Yep. Yeah, I love that, bro. And that sounds like,
I don't know, like, with youbeing a parent, you've got
another two, you've had anothertwo kids. So you've got your
stepdaughter, and got two kids,two kids. Now a couple of young
young ones. sounds almost likethat. There's almost like a
diplomat in your country, liketheir diplomatic nature. It's

(38:41):
like, well, this is true. Andthis is true. And then we're
going to do this just becausethis and I feel like that's
sometimes children will saysomething that makes perfect
sense. But then there's a rulethat goes against it. So you
have to actually like supportthem to see things in a certain
light. And even if they don'tthey throw a tantrum. You have

(39:02):
to be okay with the tantrum andnot make that wrong as well.
Yeah, yeah. So I feel likethere's such a i don't know i
What I've noticed in all of themen's coaches who are fathers,
there is such a fucking capacityto not get caught up in
bullshit. Yeah, you know, Ireally look up to you in that
regard. My other bro lino, who'sa father, I'm catching up with

(39:22):
him later this week for apodcast, one of my first coaches
Blaze. All of you guys are like,I don't have time for this
fucking drama. I've got afamily. Yeah. And I've got a
business and I've got a woman toattend to and I'm focused on
that. If you want to actuallycome and do the work Let's
fucking do it. But I'm not goingto get caught up in the fucking
Home and Away I'm not going tocome down to the marketplace and
gossip.

Unknown (39:44):
Oh, that's cool. And yeah, it does get down to that.
Hey, the and look, I've got toname my shadow in this too. So
my shadow is the feedback I getany time I'm getting. You know
if I'm like on the late a teamand an initiation weekend of
mankind project and we get ourfeedback at the end from the

(40:06):
four leaders. Literally everytime I do it, it's the same
feedback, which is like, hey,like, fire up your warrior?
Like, take up take up morespace. Be Less diplomatic. Yes.
So I can tell, you know, it'sgreat feedback. And also unlike
just got a name that too. Yeah,for my own. You know,

(40:27):
cultivating awareness aroundthat is, you know, is there a
part of me that is, is dimmingmy fire if I do have an opinion
on united people. And

Jacob O'Neill (40:39):
that's why it's so important to be around men,
right? Like the thing that I seein you that I've like seen from
afar. I've guys have experiencedthat over and over again. Okay.
Love this about you. But like,there's a part of you that wants
to sort of be stoked. Yes, I am.
Had a great conversation withanother men's coach about this,
he was we were giving each othera bit of feedback on back and
forth. And I said, bro, I wantto hear your like, tell your
fucking story. Like you've beensharing awesome concepts. And

(41:00):
you're so well. Well read. And Iknow, I know, you're embodied in
that. But I don't feel you inwhat you're posting. And he
shifted and hasn't completely hestill speaks beautiful concept,
like beautiful concepts, buthe's brought so much more
restore into it. And that hascreated so much more energy in
cool in his in his presenceonline. And it's, and it's fun,

(41:24):
you know, it stirred the pot abit. You know, some people get
upset. He's like, You shouldn'tbe sharing out on lines. Like,
this is his story, man. That'sthe this is giving people
relatability Yeah, you know,he's helping them understand
concepts, but now he's making itrelatable. And that's you know,
I remember seeing one of yourposts about I think it was use
there was one about you sleepingin your minivan or in your swag

(41:45):
and it was almost like that.
There was I can't remember whatposted was that you did, but I
remember you reading it. I waslike, Oh, that feels like the
version of you before the beforeversion. And sometimes it's so
good, because I know. I can lookat someone that's established.
And be like, How

Unknown (42:05):
the fuck do I get there? Neither. Yeah, my fucking
descent. Yeah,

Jacob O'Neill (42:11):
just post here where you think you're sleeping
in the back? You you don't andyou swag or something. You're
traveling. I was just

Unknown (42:15):
homeless literally shoplifting literally. Yeah.
Because I, my self esteem was solow, I couldn't get a job. And I
didn't want anyone to know that.
So I was hiding in the veil ofshame to

Jacob O'Neill (42:27):
Yeah, and that's such a, I get such a real
experience. And I know for mewhen I, you know, I got to a
point where I run out of money.
I'm Megan, Megan are bothrunning our businesses which
separate we tried to do stuff tothem. We then said no, let's do
stuff separate. And make justshut up, man. It was like I was
dead weight. And I couldn'tfucking get a run on the board.

(42:49):
And then I just kept gettingknocked over. And I ended up
with like, 28 cents in myaccount. And I had to come and
ask me for money. And like, Iwas doing shit that I shouldn't
have been doing. I was justbuying stuff for the sake of
buying it and end up with nomoney. And I got to this point,
like deep shame and I had to goand tell her that I had asked
her for money and it was themost embarrassing. I felt I
still feel sick. I feel like itfeels like it's bubbling up I

(43:11):
want to throw up I was like thatis I didn't feel like a man.
Yeah, and I didn't want anyoneonline. I was sharing this
stuff. But inside like in my inmy actual world. I was just this
shell. I was like, I have nomoney. I have nothing. I've I've
completely reneged on myresponsibility to be a provider
for myself, let alone anyoneelse. And yeah, I mean, I didn't

(43:34):
want anyone to know that at all.
So I could imagine that youhaving to get a job is I
remember that because I went andgot a part time job getting the
job meant that I'd fucked up.
Yeah, so getting the job wasalmost the confirmation of your
you Fox it is a lose

Unknown (43:53):
lose. Paradigm It

Jacob O'Neill (43:56):
is magic. It's a dangerous fucking cloak to wear.
Fuck, that's

Unknown (44:00):
a good fucking segue, though. back onto the the back
into the piece around the firsttwo years of the relationship.
And in my experience, being inrelationship with an older woman
who's a genius, and a genius atbusiness and making money and I

(44:22):
my genius is is in other areas.
So yeah, we would run stufftogether, and it would feel like
I was in her shadow. Yep. Itwould feel like I was you know,
assisting. Yep, at least sort offelt like for me. And, you know,
all the way down to the brandingand stuff like that. It's like,
I wouldn't do it like this, butI'm not. I'm not funding it so

(44:47):
far. I can't wait to listen tothis. How am I supposed to?

Jacob O'Neill (44:53):
Yeah, your voice didn't have the same weight that
Juliet's did in the decisionmaking process isn't

Unknown (44:59):
it? Hmm, it didn't. And it's like, right or wrong. What
I know was that I didn't enjoythat. And I know that that
impacted the polarity in ourrelationship all the way into
the bedroom. Yep, yep.

Jacob O'Neill (45:16):
Yep. Yeah, hands up for that as well. But yeah,
massively.

Unknown (45:19):
So this is the magic of commitment. Right in
relationship because on paper,it's like, how compatible is
this? But the like? We saidearlier, the decision was made
to commit slavery or the workbegan that started with going, I

(45:46):
feel like a little boy in myfucking relationship. I feel
like a puppy in the house. Um, Ifeel like I have the smallest
energy in the house. And I did.
I did. I actually did. It's notit wasn't imagined. I actually
did it got to that. It didn'tstart as that but it got to
that.

Jacob O'Neill (46:04):
You know how refreshing it is for you to
like, say, it felt like I hadthe smallest energy. And I did
like that ownership just thenbro. It's just like, fuck,
that's refreshing. Yeah,

Unknown (46:14):
yeah. Yeah. It wasn't like, oh, yeah, I don't need
sympathy. I need fuckingtransparency. That's like, yeah,
man. You can fucking your asskicked. Totally. Yes. And and
you've never done this before.
So you don't know what the fuckto do about it? Do you might
not. That's that's kind ofhelpful to actually I haven't
done this before. So how can Ipossibly know how to fucking do

(46:37):
it? Yes. And that was the therewas freedom in the exposure of
that. And then there was clarityin me being able to relay what
my predicament was. So thesupport that I was calling in
was totally irrelevant. Ratherthan it being you know, like,
half truth of all this is sortof going on and you know, I'll

(46:58):
get a, you know, a half usefulthing back to me. So

Jacob O'Neill (47:03):
that's, I think that's a piece just there, bro.
And like, if you can bebrutally, ruthlessly transparent
and honest with where you're at,then you're so much more capable
of calling in the actual supportyou need. Yeah, I know so many
people that go and do businesscoaching when they actually need
fucking, like emotional andtrauma, fucking coaching. Yeah,
you need to come and do somelike deep men's work. And then

(47:24):
when you want to start yourbusiness, you know, the men's
group isn't going to help youwith that you need a business
coach, you know? Yeah, so Ithink like, you being almost
like, so transparent with like,Hey, I've got small energy right
now I feel like a little boy inmy relationship. I don't know
how to do this, I need help.
You're gonna, naturally byowning that the person that you
call in to support you or youreach out to is going to

(47:46):
actually be able to serve thatexact thing, rather than just
choosing someone that will giveyou the shiny object that you
think is going to solve it.
Yeah, yeah,

Unknown (47:56):
that my mind from the level of the issue thinks is the
solution. Like I just said, I'venever done it before. I don't
know what the solution is, butthere's guys in their
40s 50s 60s and 70s that haveBalkan War to this path. well
and truly yes, that are totallyqualified in in giving me the

(48:20):
reflections the hug the armskicking, and the frameworks and
then safe place to come back andreview and pivot and I fucking
dude, it's not like I'm like oh,like got it sorted my
stepdaughter is six months olderevery six months meaning she's

(48:42):
moving through these radicalphases of development radically,
you know, so her her branddevelopment she's still 17 still
fucking kid Yep. You know, sheyou know a few years ago coming
into our blade and she's movingthrough all these like
physiological shiftspsychological shifts, she had a
history before I came into thepicture so it the goalposts are

(49:05):
continually moving. And somaintaining this humility is
paramount maintaining thistransparency is paramount. And
that's my gift to myself is youknow, now I'm, I have a role as
a facilitator in you know, in myfield, but in my community. The

(49:27):
gift I give to myself is I do mywork. Yeah, I don't I don't get
caught in a role where I'm like,Oh, I can't you know, I need to
actually not bring this to theto the serve the men circle
them. I mean, I'll get up, youknow, some of the elders
outside. I'm like, No, I needyou all. Yes. See me so I can,
you know, the unlovable part ofme, can be soothed in getting on

(49:53):
the other side of that eveningwhere I'm like, you will still
love me even though I'm reallyfucking this up. He was
struggling with this thing. Andso yeah, the goalposts are
always moving. But having hadthe mentoring, and learning the
foundations, things are stillsolid. The curveballs come, but

(50:17):
the foundation is solid, so myfamily's safe.

Jacob O'Neill (50:20):
It makes me think of those, those buildings in
Japan that they're built towithstand earthquakes. Yeah,
yeah. And they're actuallythey're solid buildings, but
they've got this. They'redesigned to be able to actually
move when the earthquake comesin. It's like they're designed
to actually not not necessarilycrumble when something changes,

(50:42):
right. But when it does returnto guess a sense of calm, that
you're no longer it will, itwill sort of self regulate and
calibrate and I think that'ssuch a you know, I see that in
in fathers. It's like, well,this is what's happening right
now and we're going to adapt andaddress it. But we also know

(51:02):
that this isn't going to lastforever. And that we're gonna go
through another another journeyand this is sort of what David
data's speaks into in his bookThe Way of the Superior Man
which I give it to everyone andyou can have you can say he's
outdated, but I think he's thefucking Shut up this

Unknown (51:17):
annex. Same crew, same fucking crew who just love
hating on shit shut off. Lastwork. Like how can you dismiss
loss work? Totally. But

Jacob O'Neill (51:27):
the thing in that which I think if I can do it, I
could just punch the fuckingwall right now. Just like fuck.
Listen to. He's right. I'llstand on a hill to die for him.
Yeah. fall

Unknown (51:39):
on my sword. Yeah, he,

Jacob O'Neill (51:41):
he says and this is what so many men are like,
Ah, fuck, really? It's likethere is no fucking end. Yeah.
Like you said, like every sixmonths, your stepdaughters, you
know, six months older, she'sgoing through another stage of
development. And, and we'recontinually growing and
evolving, like the Juliet thatyou that you had that just like,

(52:01):
awesome experience with and inBurleigh, is a very different
version to the woman that she isnow, right. And same with me
what I've said to Megan, andothers in our vows, or whatever.
So I love that I get to love anew version of you every single,
sick. So said, Fuck, man, like,I know, like, I keep falling
more in love with you, becauseyou keep on growing and evolving

(52:22):
into a new version of yourself.
And when we can address youknow, I'm so excited to become a
father because I know this isgoing to, like be such a test
for me. Yeah, where my rigidityis, is that we get to we get to
actually enjoy that we get tochoose that and rather than
resist it, we get to meet it,which is sounds like the the
word that I feel. You can feellike an embodiment of his

(52:43):
commitment from you. Yeah,commitment, commitment, and this
isn't discipline. This isn'tbeing able to be disciplined. It
sounds like it's like you areable to meet whatever is here in
the moment. With almost withwith compassion with grace with
insight. And, and and fiercenessit's not a it's not a I don't

(53:06):
feel you forcing your waythrough life. I feel your your
your opening and opening to itwhilst also not hiding.

Unknown (53:19):
Yeah, commitment, the awesome total totally agree with
you know, everything you said,the mantra basically for
commitment is for me is I'llwe'll find a way. That's all it
is, we'll find a way. And that'snice because it acknowledges the

(53:44):
moments or the you know, theseasons, where you're
directionless when it feelshopeless. But we fall back on
our safety net of, ofcommitment. And the mantra is,
which is super energizing, we'llfind a way and it opens us up
back into the creativehemisphere into the field of
potential where we canacknowledge we don't know what

(54:07):
the solution is, but we know asolution is out there in the
Dow. So how can we like followthose signals to the point where
where we're separated, we cancome back into union better or
worse. Open our hearts as muchas we can in the moment. Right?

(54:30):
It's not like a full gaping openall the time. Can we be cool
with that too? And we find a waywe find a way the solution arise
and then we embrace that oradopt that. And then we're
changed again. We've grown

Jacob O'Neill (54:51):
to Yeah, man I just hate I just hate like a
face in the commitment that youboth have to the Union like it's
like, we believe we we buildLeaving in our love Yeah, that's
fucking cool, man. Yeah, cuz youknow, I'm a big monogamy dude.
I'm a big like monogamy. For me,that's what I love because I've
hopeless romantic but when I'mhearing it This isn't monogamy

(55:13):
this is like a devotion to theunion, this isn't a devotion to
the other associates devoted,like the love that we've
created. And we've committed towe know that there is a way.
Exactly

Unknown (55:25):
machen a and it really embraces the, you know, we both
said to each other when we firstmet, we've met on March. And
that's what we were looking for.
So there's so much conflict inour relationship. You know,
there really is because, yeah,that just fucking is. And it's

Jacob O'Neill (55:45):
and it's not a bad thing. No,

Unknown (55:47):
hell no, hell no, when we when we have the culture of
commitment, and then it's, it'sa very positive thing and
positive thing to be. We eachhold conviction, you know,
unique conviction. So, you know,something I think could be cool

(56:07):
to kind of like, bring into the,to the chat now. Because, you
know, the thread that I'mfollowing and coming back onto
is kind of that first two years,right. And so, what got us here
was the me acknowledging wheremy energy was small and
acknowledging that that's myresponsibility to, to understand

(56:33):
and heal and integrate. So I canrestore the polarity into into a
functional flow of energy as thependulum swings, of course. And
also, what can wait so that'swhat I can do, what can we do?
So working together on therelationship has been a big part

(56:57):
of the culture of ourrelationship to that has helped
us figure out our polaritiesoff. Yeah, I mean, and, and you
know, what's mine? Cool. Andwhat's mine call? What's mine?
What's yours? Um, the reason Isay this, is because

(57:21):
accountability forrelationships, to really work is
on the other as well. You knowwhat I mean? And I think I see,
and I see this a lot. I see thisa lot in men circles. Men who
take full responsibility andownership, and then and then

(57:44):
some, and it's like, not fuckingput that down. That's her work.
Which is classic, nice guyenergy. Right? Exactly. Classic
Peter, please, I'm

Jacob O'Neill (57:53):
going to take full responsibility, and you
never get to be wrong. Yeah,

Unknown (57:57):
you've got it, you're there. And it's fucked. It's so
easy to do, man, because

Jacob O'Neill (58:02):
we can put women on a pedestal because of
feminism because of thepatriarchy that did all this
fucked up shit in the past. Andthen even more so when a woman's
established and we can put heras she's the genius. She knows
better than me. She's more intune. She's obviously I don't
know any of this. So I'm goingto always look to you. Yeah.
And, yeah, what you said therebecause like, I believe, like,

(58:24):
for a relationship to work, youhave to work on yourself. And
then you both have to work onthe relationship. Yeah. Because
if you just try to work on therelationship by yourself, and
the other party isn't willing,it's Yeah,

Unknown (58:36):
I haven't seen it work.
Yeah, yeah. Same. I've

Jacob O'Neill (58:38):
seen people try it. And it ended in the same way
every single fucking time. Ithas to be to willing parties.
Like you said, we'll find a wayand um, yeah, man restoring that
polarity. I would love to know,like, we're just coming up,
we're just about to hit thehour. So we'll sort of wrap it
up in the next 10 to 15. Oh,another thing that I think would
be really helpful is like, whathappened when you started to

(58:59):
actually bring more of yourenergy? Did that actually create
some? Did you find yourself? Didyou find that brought up more
more challenges in yourrelationship? Or did it like,
serve up for me it's served myrelationship. But it also
started to show Meg where shewas a little more where she was
trying to dominate me or tryingto make me wrong. Yep. So when I

(59:20):
started to almost rise up intomore of my masculine. It
actually turned on this likethis part of her that became
quite a projected triggered partof her and I had to like, almost
like, stop being I'm taking allthe responsibility. I had to
like, say, Hey, listen, you'rebeing you're being unreasonable
right now. And what you'resaying is actually fucking not

(59:42):
true. And I had to stand myfucking ground. And that was
part of the repolarizationprocess that served intimacy,
which kind of had to it had tobe that way. I had to stand in
the conflict and own Hey, I knowwhat I've done. I know what I'm
responsible for. But right nowNow this is on you. And fuck man
that was that changed my entirefucking life when I finally grew

(01:00:06):
a fucking spine and stood myground, rather than just being
like, Everything's my fault,okay, I'll change Okay, I'll do
more for you okay, I'll becausewhat happened was like Mike was
making was like, if I just makemore money, then the polarity
will change. If I just, if Ijust, you know, if I can just
buy us a house, then I'll be theman again, if I just if I just

(01:00:28):
you know if I can just make youcome harder, I can just fuck you
to God a little more if I canjust do all of these things
outside of myself to justify mymanhood then you will soften
into your feminine and had noneof that shit. Like all of that
you know I ended up because Istood my stood my ground all
that stuff started to happen.
But if I had have tried to useall of those things, it would

(01:00:53):
have just been me outsourcing mymy fucking identity and my worth
yet again. 100%

Unknown (01:01:00):
And how fucking resentful. How much resentment?
Well, you know, my guess is thatwould have led to resentment
dude

Jacob O'Neill (01:01:07):
imagine like I make I go out and I make three
400k And then she still doesn'twant to fuck me. Yeah, it's a
problem the man now yeah, likeno you're not you just learn how
to make fucking money andidentify with societal success
bro hidden still. You're stillthe scared little boy that's
insecure about his own sense ofworth.

Unknown (01:01:24):
Absolutely. And I think another potential in that is is
the power dynamic flipping. Andso where the blame shame teams
coming at you there's the riskthat you'll swap roles and then
you're going into the blameshame team.

Jacob O'Neill (01:01:36):
Look at me. I'm so masculine. I've

Unknown (01:01:38):
got all the money.
Yeah, we're not feminine. Yeah,you were fucking you're you know
a bit of a fucking dickhead. Youknow back then

Jacob O'Neill (01:01:45):
say I talk see now I did what I was meant to
dude. Yeah, you do it fuckingformula based. You know, that's
where polarity gets. That's whenguys lose the actual essence of
polarity.

Unknown (01:01:55):
Like Fuck, yeah, it's yeah, it's a pallet when it's
which is obviously a reflectionof still there's a
disempowerment in me.

Jacob O'Neill (01:02:02):
Definitely been there, bro. That's been a big
one for me. Cool. Yeah,

Unknown (01:02:06):
well, yeah, like, I've definitely caught it too. That's
why I can speak into it, wherethere's a wanting in me to earn
enough money to feel like I havepower over. Because my
experience has been having powerheld over me. Yes, I fucking
hate it. Yeah. So the journey tolike, like, genuine. Like

(01:02:32):
restoration of that, thatpolarity which again, I you
know, I'll say just for claritysake, isn't fixed. Yet, we
swapped these these embodimentof these different energies. And
there's that, you know, thespace in between or the
transition where, anyway, I'mnot knowing myself. Which came

(01:03:00):
through ownership of all thisstuff was the prerequisite for
figuring out where my boundarieswere. Because I was able to
clearly discern what was mine.
And what was projection. Whereasbefore that, all the
projections, I just assumed theywere mine. And so that
prerequisite really served theprocess of going well hang on a

(01:03:21):
minute. I'm not okay with that.
And you know what, like, that's,you know, I'm, I'm not turning
my back on you, but I'm fuckingI'm not. I'm not accepting now.
So to speak.

Jacob O'Neill (01:03:37):
Yeah. So like the prerequisite to holding a
boundary is to No, self to no

Unknown (01:03:42):
self. And again, yeah, it's like, that boundary where
it gets weaponized. Well, that'sa boundary and it's like, is it
or is it just a power garnering

Jacob O'Neill (01:03:54):
tool? And like the phrase that I give to men
because guys, they're so used tohaving walls up. Yeah, to
protect themselves from feelinglike them. I've got to protect
myself. I've got to survive.
It's dangerous out here.
Emotionally. Like I say, Okay,let's work out what's yours?
What's actually going on foryou? Cool. All right, we've got
an idea. We've created a senseof self. Okay, now let's, now

(01:04:17):
let's develop boundaries. So youknow how to stand your ground.
This is so different from a wallthough. Because I say this is
what I said when I sayboundaries. Honor your feelings.
They don't protect you fromfeeling it. Yeah, right on. It's
an honoring of hey, if may comesin projects, okay, that didn't
feel good, and it's not true.
Yep. So I'm not going to takethat on what's really going on?

(01:04:37):
Yes. Tell me what's really goingon. Because I'm not gonna, I'm
not gonna that's not mine. I'mgonna honor how I'm feeling that
that is not true. And that thatchanged my fucking life man.
Because that then doing that inmy relationship, I was then able
to have those conversations inmy in my inner circle with my
bros. I then went was able tobring that to my Family, I was

(01:04:59):
able to have more truthful, firmconversations in my business, to
the point where, you know, I wasno longer needing something from
someone or taking on otherpeople's shit. And I see this so
much in the coaching industry aswell as like, people will take
on everyone else's bullshit. Andthen they just ended up riddled
with fucking anxiety or theyburn out because they have

(01:05:20):
actually got those boundaries.
Absolutely just why men, men,men I could harp on about men's
works, or will until the fuckingday I die. Fuck off on Yeah, but
that's you know, men's work hasserved me in identifying who I
am and what I stand for. Yes.
And in that I'm able to bringthat into my relationship. And
that place you know, myrelationship has been the thing

(01:05:41):
that has helped me grow morethan anything. Because it's
where I've had to meet thedeepest parts of Myself bring
the most unloved parts ofmyself. And trust the person
that I care about most will willstill stand by me on fucking
commitment, man devotion,willingness that shoots fucking
vulnerable as a man.

Unknown (01:06:02):
So vulnerable. It's so uncomfortable and so
inconvenient. Which I alwayslike to point out in good
headline if you're waiting for agood time. I'm here to tell you
it's never convenient. Oh,

Jacob O'Neill (01:06:14):
I just need to do another fucking iOS ceremony. I
just need to do another I justneed to go and do breath work on
the bro. You just need to go andhave the fucking conversation.
Yeah,

Unknown (01:06:22):
you need to sit in a chair. And your knees. Yeah.
nearly touching each other.
Yeah. Take a deep breath and saythe speaking to the unspeakable,
dude. That's what you got to do.
You

Jacob O'Neill (01:06:34):
know, this is what I you know, I tell everyone
that comes on retreat with me orcomes and does some kind of
immersive initiation. I'm like,Okay, now you're ready for the
thing? Yeah,

Unknown (01:06:44):
I just thought that was the thing. The thing is much
more mundane. Now you're readyto liminal. This is fun. This
isn't fantastical. Later. Gomaster the mundane. That's
that's where your salvation is.
That's it,

Jacob O'Neill (01:06:56):
man. Go enjoy washing the dishes. Go and sit
with your partner and tell herthat you know about something
that you're not happy with. Goand sit down and share the thing
that you don't feel is capableof being loved. Yep, like go and
do this. Yes. We always saybring it, you know, you learn it
on the mountain. But bring itdown from the mountain. Yeah,
bring it home. Come home and andjust you know, just the way that

(01:07:20):
you open up to a group of menlike come in, like bring that
level of vulnerability from afrom a centered place to your
woman to your to your children,like be you know, don't don't
let them out and be your escape.
Don't let the don't let theceremony outside of your actual
life be the escape. Let it bethe the the arena that you
develop the capacity to bring ithome. Yeah.

Unknown (01:07:41):
Yeah, man. Right on. So that's so it. And that's where
the couple's work really comesinto its own. Because as we
develop our capacity, maybe ourpartner hasn't so yeah, bringing
that through might not bereceived as we'd hoped. Yep. So
if we then go into Oh, fuck you.
It's like, no, no, no, no,there's there is there is, you
know, there's so much mystery init. And there is so much nuance

(01:08:03):
in it. And it's like, bringingthat authentic self through in
service to the love of therelationship also accepts where
it can't be received fully anddoesn't make that mean,
something, you know, thatdoesn't distort that to announce
working. I've been getting hitup a lot this year. Most of my

(01:08:28):
coaching this year has beencoupled is really interesting,
because I don't advertise it onmy website, but I do I do offer
it. And so this is what I'mobserving a lot is how I
structure my couples work iseach couple would have to commit
to four sessions and two ofthose sessions are one on ones
and so I get them individually.

(01:08:51):
And so this is the stage oflike, what's your experience?
You know, what's your pain pointand what's yours like that I see
the finger pointing out lots andlots call there's definitely
truth in those accusations butyou know, let's work at the
causal level here and see what'syours. And so obviously action

(01:09:11):
items are established from fromthose explorations and then it's
so helpful getting the coupleswork because it's like well now
we are sitting facing eachother. Now we are like having
eye contact there is nowhere torun. And you said that and what
you said isn't what I heard sofuck you and button that all the
so learning to you know that'swhere I think couples work is so

(01:09:37):
it's it's the greatest one ofthe greatest life hacks. Yeah,
man. Oh, it's like eating goodfoods. A great life hack is
pretty straightforward. Youknow? Get some good quality
water up here for sure. Yeah.
Personal Development, be at amin circle or therapist,
whatever. would put it prettyfucking high up the priorities

(01:09:57):
and saying with couples work,

Jacob O'Neill (01:10:01):
yeah, man and integrator and it doesn't have
to be the it doesn't have to bethe thing that the one thing
right, it doesn't have to be themagic bullet this the the the
silver bullet that completelyeradicate all the challenges
from your life. We're with thecouples work that Megan I do we
serve people in a few smallerprograms that we run together,
we've realized that our this isjust, this is just a beautiful

(01:10:24):
little extra. Yeah, yeah, peoplethat, you know, I have guys come
and do all the men's work withme or they come in coach with
me. And then when they get inthe room with their partner,
we're able to have like somereally beautiful conversations
that just deepen theirawareness, give them a few
little communication techniques,which I think are the biggest
ones. Because there's stillgoing to be times where you get
triggered, right? You're stillgoing to project and one of the

(01:10:47):
fun questions, Megan I give tocouples is, Can I have another
go at that? Oh, that's cool. Andit's so funny how people, right?
Because like you, you could likehave a really awesome one on one
with someone and then as soon asthey're sitting with their
partner. Yeah.

Unknown (01:11:04):
That's made. Yeah, that's me. And I'm like, yeah,
oh,

Jacob O'Neill (01:11:07):
and we see this and we still do this man, like
mega mega do something likethis? And I'll say it, I'll say,
you know, you know, don't dothat. Or did you leave the odd
it's also did you leave this theway like like this? Did you are
okay, and I know I'll go andlike, I'll ask you to clean up
the kitchen, right? And this isthis is using this and I do this

(01:11:28):
as well, and she won't do it,then I'll come in, I'll go out
see that it's not clean. I'llcome back in and like a bitch.
I'll go. Did you clean up thekitchen? And it's got that air
of superiority to her right? Andshe's like, No, I haven't yet.
And I'll instantly I'll be like,fuck, Hey, can I have another go
with that? Like, hey, love ithow you feel like, Hey, I know I

(01:11:50):
asked you to clean up thekitchen. Did Can we go out and
do it together? Because I justwant to get started today
without you know, I really wantto make breakfast and surreal
and I'm actually able to likehonor where it's at rather than
just coming in and like judgingher bro. And I think that, you
know, why quit? You said couplescoaching can just really help
you understand the littlethings? Yes. Because they're the

(01:12:12):
ones that we you know, we saythat the you know, the key to
great sex is to actually masterthe unsexy things. Yeah, right
on. So many people want to havethe mind blowing sex or, you
know, the beautiful sacredunion. It's like, yeah, that
comes from mastering the unsexythings, having the the
uncomfortable conversationsaround the the little the little

(01:12:34):
flies in the ointment. But,

Unknown (01:12:36):
and I love the example you offered, especially with the
introducing the language thatyou have. And I think what's
important is to like highlightthat example you offered, and
tied into your questions merely,which was like, Well, how did
you restore the polarity? Oh,you know, my response was like,
I got to know myself, I got toknow, my values hierarchy, I got

(01:13:00):
to know you. So I knew where myboundaries fell. And the the
other part of that is puttingrubber to the road. So So
acknowledging, acknowledging thethings that I would normally let
slide, and therefore, you know,some aid to the state of
resentment, which I would thenproject and it was just a mess.

(01:13:20):
Yeah. But the detail that I wantto highlight here is doing it in
a good way. Right, you can do itin a fucking good way. You don't
have to be like, Well, I'm afucking man now. And this is how
it is, it's like, you can holdthe energy of that. Mark, well,
I describe it as a multidimensional man, I sit because

(01:13:41):
the thing that I also observe inmen's work is sometimes often,
especially in the mainstream,especially in the red pill
scene, it's like it's a onedimensional man. So I like the
concept of a multi dimensionalman who can like hold that
energy, but rarely really leaninto maturity, and make those

(01:14:01):
language tweaks that make allthe difference. And that that is
what leadership looks like in arelationship among other things,
those little things make Turner,you know, a good leader into
like a profoundly good leader.
And man,

Jacob O'Neill (01:14:16):
that's, that's what I've noticed is like,
there's a difference between atyrant and and a king. Yeah. And
that is like the beauty of it.
I've learned so much aboutmyself in like, trying to force
my, my reign upon the home.
Like, this is how it is yeah,yeah, this can't be any other
last, like, learning how thethings move in cycles, and
everyone has their own fuckingshit. You know, one of the

(01:14:39):
biggest things that make doesfor me is like, I'll turn into a
fucking brat. When I'm fuckingtired and I won't fucking go and
look after myself. And likeshe'll like to we literally play
this role. Like, she'll takethat she's like, Okay, I'm in
control now. And like, it'slike, is that the most masculine
thing to let her take control?
No, I have to force myself onthis and suffer through it. She
like alright, hoping that Car.

(01:15:00):
And the other day this happenedI was just exhausted man I've
done and done for daysfacilitating a retreat, like non
stop just delivering fuckingawesome. I nailed us so proud of
myself. Do you think I couldactually rest when I got home
now I tried to do doo doo andcome back and force force force.
She put me in the car, we wentto the movies. And I was like,
didn't want to get out of thecar. I was like literally

(01:15:21):
throwing a tissue like get outof the car, you little fucking
brand. That's it. Don't tell mewhat to do. She's like, Yeah,
and because she rather than,like, yell at me. She just
hopped out of the car. And shestood there. And she's like, and
she punished, like, Get out now.
And we it became this playfulbecame Batman. And because, and
in that moment, I was like, thismotherfucker has got me she's
she's got me she and like, like,yet. She's like, I'm getting I'm

(01:15:45):
coming in. I'm not I'm not gonnahide from this. And I looked at
it. And I was like, Don't lookat me. And she's like, I'm
looking at you. And then all ofa sudden, we just started
laughing she Karen she's like,Are you a bit sad? And I was
like, Yeah, I'm just a bittired. And then she's like, you
know, you don't have to I can,you know, I've got you know,
I've got you. And I was like,ah, when watch the fucking
movie. And after that movie, Iwas like, Ah, I can do the

(01:16:09):
things that I was trying to dobefore. And I think that's the
place that you get to into your,in your relationship when you do
tend to when you do take thetime to get the right mentoring,
get the coaching and yeah, man,I'm just so grateful that
there's guys out here that aredoing the men's work but aren't
letting it be the only placethey do the work. They're

(01:16:30):
actually bringing it into theirrelationships into their
fatherhood in their for lack ofbetter words, not taking that
red pill and then trying toalmost recreate the past where
we just control everything.
We're becoming these theseadaptable, multi dimensional
men, these these true leaderswith open hearts. So bro, it's

(01:16:53):
been fucking mad to talk to you.
I want to ask, like what hasbeen one of your moments of
like, where you've you've reallystepped into your greatness
where like in the last littlewhile, like maybe it's in your
relationship or in yourbusiness? What's been a moment
of greatness I'd love to. One ofmy biggest things is, is I have
trouble celebrating myself. So Ijust want to get around man and
celebrate like, can you tell mea moment of greatness in the
last last little while, whereyou've just like, you've stepped

(01:17:16):
the fuck up and you've nailedit. I'd love to hear Well,

Unknown (01:17:21):
honestly. I find it difficult to fault my fathering.
Yeah, that's where my greatnesshas really emerged. That's where
I have a level of fucking loveaffection, expression,
playfulness, where we'renormally I would just suppress

(01:17:42):
all of this to be some sort offucking tough guy and it's just
I've just very intentionallychosen to be the man the father
that I want to be and that Ifeel my kids deserve. And, and

(01:18:03):
my devotion to that is ah, likeI sleep that that has never kept
me up at night. Put it that way.
I how the love and the patienceand the presence that I offer my
kids, particularly my babiesbecause I'm around them all day

(01:18:27):
every day. I have 00 anxietyaround that of like, Oh, could I
have impacted them this way? Sofar? I'm sure I'm gonna fuck it
up eventually. Right. But yeah,my feel. There's a lot of
things. In my judgment. I couldbe doing way better in life. But

(01:18:47):
I'm proud of the way i Father.
Yeah, fuck and yeah, yeah, it's

Jacob O'Neill (01:18:55):
epic goosebumps to that man. You know, I can
feel the there's a tough guy inme right now that wants to just
be seen a certain way. And Ithink, well, I know fatherhood
is going to crack me the fuckopen. And I know that when you
said expression. Man, I haven'treally expressed myself much
this last year in the way that Iwant to because I've been trying
to fortify this leader thatlooks a certain way. And I can

(01:19:19):
feel fatherhood is going to showme a part of myself that is just
aching to be seen. And it soundslike you know when you say you,
don't you your fatherhood cannotbe questioned. I would fucking
love a man that can stand inthat because it sounds as though
that no matter what comes foryou, you will be able to
prioritize the things thatmatter to you. And that's a

(01:19:40):
fucking man to me, bro. So fuck,I love this conversation. But we
had so much more than we wantedto talk about grief and all
these other things, but man,it's been a fucking phenomenal
chat and I just yeah, I reallyhope that men get to listen to
this one. I know we have a lotof beautiful women listening so
please share this with yourpartner and bro Where do people
find you?

Unknown (01:20:01):
Probably two main places websites a good place
with them. health.com Today, youknow with the HH YT hm,
Instagram,

Jacob O'Neill (01:20:12):
rhythm health, simple rhythm health, and I'm
here bro. I just respect youdeeply and you're a man that I
not only can like standalongside, but I also Yeah, you
inspire me and I look up to youas a fucking father. Thank you
so man, I'm, I'm so grateful.
And I've learned a lot aboutmyself from this conversation
and bro, I feel like this isjust the start of a deeper

(01:20:33):
relationship that we'recultivating St.

Unknown (01:20:36):
man Yeah, thank you and certainly, you know, to offer my
truth in as it relates to ourrelationship. I look up to you
in so many ways. So so it is ait is a delight to you know, sit
by with your brows and everyonewho's watching and listening.
Isn't that awesome? Yeah, I liketo have friends. I have people

(01:20:58):
who invest a portion of theirday to tune into what we have to
share. So always grateful forthe community and the audience,

Jacob O'Neill (01:21:09):
our whole man on how to present thank you so
much. Beautiful people. We willsee you I will I will see you
next week. If you check the shownotes, all of next information
will be there. And yeah, trustyourself. Trust in commitment,
trust in the willingness of yourheart and don't be afraid of
depth. It's where all the goldis found. Big Love everyone

(01:21:30):
puts. Yo yo yo, thank you somuch for tuning in to another
episode of sex, love andeverything in between. Now if
you'd like to stay connectedwith Meghan IE, you can head on
over to Instagram and follow meat the Jacob O'Neill and where
can people find you lover?

Unknown (01:21:47):
At the.mag.oh? Amazing

Jacob O'Neill (01:21:52):
and yeah, guys, check out the show notes for all
the information in regards towhat we've got coming up. And
yeah, we're super super gratefulthat you guys have taken the
time to listen in to thispodcast. If you do have any
topics or any questions, like Isaid, hit us up on Instagram and
we'll see what we can do. Apartfrom that have a beautiful,
beautiful rest of your day.
Thanks for being here. Big BigLove.
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