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May 8, 2024 86 mins

What are your thoughts on dating apps and on dating?

In this episode, Meg and Jacob dives in and discusses what to do when you meet someone in a dating app and how to cultivate a relationship when dating.

They share valuable insights from their own dating experiences and reminisce the first few months in their relationship.

They also riff off on:

  • Holding your fucking standard and only being available for what you truly deeply desire in a relationship
  • Bringing your desires vulnerably to the motherfucking table early on so you can see if a potential partner is able to meet you in the way you want to be met 
  • Practicing the art of discernment to taste when something is off and see if a partner's words and actions integrate
  • Trusting the feeling, not necessarily the form, and only pursuing relationships that honor what you deeply desire
  • Getting really clear on who you are and what you want before entering the dating scene
  • Men becoming the man they know they are here to be and developing vision and integrity for their lives so they can provide stability for a potential partner
  • Meg's hand written card and manifestation entries from a decade ago
  • Jacob reminiscing about Meg's very 'Maiden' crystal and moon bathing days

And many more...

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We carefully read each and every review, and we love hearing about your experience with the podcast!

⚡️Let’s Stay Connected:

IG: @the.meg.o @thejacoboneill @sexloveeverythinginbetween

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⚡ Want more? Here are some of the offerings & courses you can join us in…

The Desire Date: A sexy date night experience for couples ready to re-ignite passion & deepen intimacy. --->

Ignite Your Intimacy: A 4 week course for couples ready for a sexier, wilder, more ALIVE relationship… NOW! --->

Jacob & Meg also coach individuals & couples. Reach out to them via Instagram for more information. 

Mark as Played

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Meg O'Neill (00:00):
Dating is really about, okay feeling someone out

and exploring whether thisperson can meet you in the way
that you want to be met and thatactually takes you vulnerably
leading with your desires youbringing forth what's important
to you? So that man can eithersay FUCK YES or NO

Jacob O'Neill (00:26):
Yo yo yo lovers Welcome welcome. Welcome to Sex
love and everything in betweenwhere the O'Neill's you're here
with Meg and Jacob. And

Meg O'Neill (00:34):
this is the place we have really uncensored
conversations about sex,intimacy and relationships.
We're super excited. You'rehere. Enjoy this Episode

Unknown (00:53):
Hey, lovers,

Meg O'Neill (00:55):
hi. Hi.

Jacob O'Neill (00:56):
How are you? My love?

Meg O'Neill (00:57):
I'm feeling great.
Yeah, great.

Jacob O'Neill (01:00):
You are looking great. Am I yeah, like what
about me? Glowing your radiateactually had

Meg O'Neill (01:06):
quite a few people tell me at the market. I don't
know if it's the pregnancy orI'm using castor oil on my face,
which is very shiny, very shiny.
The shininess of the cost oilcould be I didn't say that to
people at the markets I justreceived Yes, I'm glowing.

Jacob O'Neill (01:24):
And I'm currently

Meg O'Neill (01:26):
alive. Very alive.
Right to clean

Jacob O'Neill (01:29):
office. Clean your office last night?

Meg O'Neill (01:31):
Yeah, yeah, we moved in. Like a month ago. Yep.
And I was very good. Would yousay I half finished things

Jacob O'Neill (01:39):
I wouldn't say that.

Meg O'Neill (01:42):
No, not in like my work or mainly just cleaning and
tidying thing I would

Jacob O'Neill (01:47):
say that you do things but then the finishing of
them doesn't become a priority.
Yeah, I would say that you dofinish things 95 Because you are
actually an incredible finisher.
Thank you. You always finish meoff. Always. I never not get
what I want. I love that this isbeing video recorded. Because

then I can do

Unknown (02:09):
you can do

Jacob O'Neill (02:13):
the face real life emojis

Meg O'Neill (02:17):
so if you're not currently listening to this or
watching this episode, go toYouTube Jacob's

Jacob O'Neill (02:22):
into like and subscribe facials Jesus
why getting this need to knowbefore I agree. Me getting

Unknown (03:00):

Jacob O'Neill (03:16):
oh my gosh. Yeah.
But I would say that yes, youquite often complete the tasks
that you set out on but when itcomes to like, I think your
office like when you're in youroffice is just work to like,
it's like all that stuff aroundyou. I would say that your
environment doesn't reallyaffect your ability to be
productive. Yeah, for memassively Well, I

Meg O'Neill (03:36):
can be in an untidy home, which is that's why I'm
going to thrive in parenthood.
Yeah, I don't have to have allthe dishes cleaned. Have a good
day. I don't have to have andthen there is a point in which
like right now, our house isquite dirty because the dog was
coming in and bringing dirt frominside and I was we had the
cleaner just come and I was justlike aching for the cleaner to

come. So I'm not a total feral.

Jacob O'Neill (04:01):
No, I would argue that you've like come leaps and
bounds from when we first gottogether. And yeah, like you are
but I think what I felt likegoing to your office like my
office is like everything's I'mbig into trinkets by the way
guys. I'm a trinket guy. I likelittle trinkets, crystals for
healing little little thingslike that.

Unknown (04:23):
I mean, tell what happened to my eyes last night.

Jacob O'Neill (04:25):
Yeah, what happened in your office?

Meg O'Neill (04:26):
Oh, cleaning out, you know, when you just like
collect things over time. And Ijust thought and this is why I
kept avoiding this task. I hadlike, all these boxes of just
little things. Yes. And I waslike, This can't go in the bin.
But I've got it and I don't wantto put it on my altar. I don't
want to like display it in ourhome. Yeah, but it's just

sitting here right now. And soJacob offered to let's go on
into your office tonight. And Ijust have like, boxes of
crystals, just so many crystals.
And I used to be a crystal gallike put crystals in my had
pockets put crystals in my bra.
I would just have crystalseverywhere. And now I end.

Unknown (05:07):
Where else now? I only put crystals in you're

Jacob O'Neill (05:15):
gonna laugh This feels

Unknown (05:17):
so good. But you said to me last night you would like,
bring back. What did you say?
Bring back

Jacob O'Neill (05:26):
the Maggie that sits under the full moon with
crystals in her hand chargingyou up. I want a bit more of I
want more of that Maggie. back.

Meg O'Neill (05:35):
What did I say? No.
No, I said She's gone. She's themother now. There is something
for me that was like when I wasin that made an archetype and
that really like naive lespirituality where

Jacob O'Neill (05:54):
it's it's such it's so strong in the light
feminine energy like lightfeminine. Yeah. So I love it.

Meg O'Neill (06:01):
Like everything is just beautiful and positive and
every and I still believe this.
Like everything does happen fora reason. But it's it's more
like bypassing and tellingpeople that and yeah, like I was
very in that that floaty flowylike feminine when we met, which
I think was so attractive at thetime.

Unknown (06:22):

Meg O'Neill (06:23):
I loved it. Yeah.
And you still love that kind ofenergy of that. Even the first
party. This is a fun little sidestory. For those of you that
know our story, we were like Iwas in love with Jacob for nine
months before we actually gottogether. And he didn't really
understand that I was in lovewith him. And we went to this
party probably like four or fivemonths into that nine months.

Yeah, I was I was still livingat home with my family. And all
my friends knew about you. Rayorganics boy, my real good ex
boyfriend and I was like, we'regonna kiss tonight. I'm going to
I'm going to kiss this guy. Andat that party, I was complete. I
didn't drink at the time and Ithink you rocked up. Kind of
drunk. I drank and it was atthat party. It was a full moon

and I took everyone outside andI did a full moon ritual and you
would like it was so not thevibe of the party that I was
getting everyone out on the fullmoon. We were writing things
down. I was leading people inburning things on the ground
like burning things under thefull moon. I

Jacob O'Neill (07:23):
was fun. Like I thought that really was. That
was a good. That was a greatparty.

Meg O'Neill (07:28):
That was fun.
Didn't end. Well. Then we sleptin the same bed with my other
friend. Yes. And I was justlike, cuddled up next to you
thinking like, I think he'sgonna roll over and kiss me. I
think it's gonna make a move onme. And you didn't, I didn't.
Then the next morning, you werelike, I'm gonna go home. I'm
like, I'll drive you.

Jacob O'Neill (07:49):
I'll drive you.
I'll drive you to your house.

Meg O'Neill (07:52):
I'm gonna see where you live. Well, I've actually
been to your house the daybefore. Yeah, that's another
story. Anyway, and then lastnight, you I just, I was like,
I'm done with all these crystalsand you were loving the trinkets
and the crystals and the shiny.
Throw them all out. Well, we'regonna go put them in the garden

Jacob O'Neill (08:11):
Yeah, we're gonna go put them in the garden. Shout
out to our beautiful friend, SamSam McPherson. He literally came
over and hung out and we spentsome time together and he stayed
the night and he went toBunnings and bought seedlings
and mulch and came and like setup our whole veggie garden for
us. It was so genuine, the mostbeautiful he said the most
beautiful thing to me. He tookphotos obviously if you've seen

them on Instagram, like he tooksome trimester two photos, which
isn't really a thing apparently

Meg O'Neill (08:38):
commented saying I love that you guys got trimester
two photos. organized. In myactive, tiny little like, yoga
pants. That's

Jacob O'Neill (08:53):
like when we had your 29th birthday. And
everyone's like, is this is make30 Like, no, she's 29 It was
like this.

Meg O'Neill (08:58):
That was a that was? Yeah. But anyway,

Jacob O'Neill (09:01):
yes, has created this beautiful veggie garden for
us. And you're gonna go andplace the crystals around there
for good energy. Because that'sthe energy spiritual people do.
And Sam said, the most beautifulthing is I'll do anything for a
pregnant woman. I'll do anythingif she's walking across the
street and need something. I saycarry something heavy. I'll go
there and I'll lift forgardening. He's like, I'll do

anything for a pregnant woman.
It's just like, he's just likeso has such a deep reverence for
the journey to motherhood. Andhe's a he's a father as well.
And we're actually going to bedoing their wedding later this
year, which is super exciting.
Him and his beautiful belovedand their little boy and yeah,
it's just that's a weird seguefrom crystals into motherhood,

but oh, yeah, I just wanted toshout him out and just yeah, I'm
looking at the garden and justlike, yeah, how cool is life?

Unknown (09:52):
is so cool. Shall we?

Jacob O'Neill (09:54):
Shall we jump in?
Yeah, I

Meg O'Neill (09:55):
think we've I think we've exhausted

Jacob O'Neill (09:57):
the intro energy.
This is a lot this is our Threehalf podcast. Oh, no, that's
gone. Well.

Meg O'Neill (10:04):
So topic of today.
I've actually had a few peoplerecently, and over the last year
of being on the podcast, askedif we could do an episode on
dating. Yes. And specificallywithin that conversation
speaking about dating apps, yes.
Now, obviously, you know, we'vebeen together a decade. Have you
ever had a dating app?

Jacob O'Neill (10:24):
Yeah, I did. We can get into that. But yeah, I
was chatting to a single momfrom cassava once. And I just
became really good friends withher. And now she was like, 10
years old. And I was just like,I don't, I couldn't really get
my head around, like churningwomen and getting them over to
my house. I wasn't the best atdating. Let's just say that.

Meg O'Neill (10:41):
Yes. And then I'm going to sign I remember how our
friend had recently broken upwith his partner at our house,
like five years ago. Yes. And hewas getting on Tinder for the
first time. And Jacobs, like,oh, I want to check this out and
see what it's like, yeah, Jacobdownloaded a profile. And then
months later, you should youmust have deleted it months
later, I deleted

Jacob O'Neill (10:59):
the app, but not my, my profile, my profile. So
you got to shut down yourprofile. And

Meg O'Neill (11:05):
I got a message from someone being like, hey, I
don't know if you know this, butyour partner is on. Jesus? That
was funny. That was. Yeah. Sowhen we want to, we're going to
be talking about dating apps.
Our thoughts on that? What?

Yeah, what we would really, andyou know, I work with a lot of
women that are single, butdeeply desire partnership. And
so I really want to come fromthe perspective of what I really
see a powerful things to bringto that season of life when
you're desiring deeppartnership, because you can be
on a dating app, or you can bein the world of dating, and not

want the punish it. You could bedating, you know, to have a
lover, you could be dating formany different reasons. But this
conversation, I would say, isreally about dating with the
intention of being in deeppartnership.

Jacob O'Neill (12:00):
Why else would you die?

Meg O'Neill (12:02):
Well, if people take from like I said many

Jacob O'Neill (12:06):
Then I want to get married like me and have a
woman. Let's go into personalbias. I've learned about that. I
think that's like for me dating.
The first thing that you've likealluded to, which I think is he
was like, why are you dating?
Are you dating? Are you datingto explore, and you want to
have, you know, differentrelationships and feel out, you

know, what it would be like tobe with this kind of person or
that kind of person andactually, like, explore the
dating world and get a bit ofdata back on like, what you like
and what you don't like, becauseI think that's also super
important. But like for me, ifyou are dating for, to call in
like a beloved that you're goingto walk this life alongside,
then you have to start to begetting really clear on who you
are, what you desire, and andwhere you want to be spending

your time. And I think that's,that's the thing that you know,
I haven't coached a lot of guysin the dating world, but I've
coached a lot of guys that aresingle, and a wanting to call in
their life partner. And a bigpart of that is them becoming
the man that they know they arehere to be Yeah, and then
setting a standard and notchoosing to operate below that
standard when it comes tochoosing who they're going to

engage with. intimately.

Meg O'Neill (13:16):
Okay, I love where this conversation is going
already. Because I think I, Iwant to like let this be the
foundation of the conversationbecause I love that you said the
word standard. And what I seefor women, and why it's so
important for a man or a woman,let's just speak about women
right now a woman to get soclear on why she's dating or why
she's using an app is what I seehappen is women can go into

dating or go into chatting tosomeone, and then be so quick to
let go of their standards or letgo of what they want in a bid to
be desired. Or in a bid to bechosen. Yes. So they might want
partnership and D partnershipand then the man coming into
their life or that they'redating is like I don't want
partnership. I'm actuallypolyamorous, you know, let's

come and be you know, and thiswoman actually deep down knows
that she wants to be in amonogamous partnership and knows
that she wants to feel reallychosen. But then is getting
caught up in this energy of ourbut I'm enjoying this into
attention. I'm enjoying thisenergy. Where this is my number
one piece to any woman dating ishold your fucking standard. It's

like if you want to be claimed,if you want to be chosen, or
only be available for that. Whenyou're off giving your energy
and being available for thingsthat are not that you're
basically seeing a life that'sokay. Yes, that and more please.
Yes, I'm going to continue totext with this man that that is

making me feel confused and I'mnot too sure if he likes me. I'm
unsure of how like he actuallymakes me feel. Yeah, like really
good questioning myself andsecond guessing myself but Oh,
there could be something hereand I'm gonna keep messaging and
I'm gonna keep going on dateslike, no, if you want the
feeling of feeling chosen andclaimed, and that is not what

you're receiving close thatconnection. Like, that's like,
we could close this conversationright there. And then because I
think that is, I think that'slike the number one thing. And
it doesn't really matter ifyou're on an app or you're out
at a bar, or you're meetingsomeone at the markets or in
real life, like that piecearound, holding the standard and

only really being available forwhat you truly deeply desire is

Jacob O'Neill (15:41):
Oh, can I ask you a class and like some deeper
layer questions, and you canexplain I think it's important
for, especially for the womenlistening, and also for the men
like to understand women better,like if you, you know, if a
woman wants to be claimed andchosen. And you know, you're not
the one to claim and choose her,you have a duty, then if you're
aware of this, and you can see astory playing out for her where
she's abandoning herself, youhave a duty to a responsibility

to communicate that and stepback. Yeah. And not engage and
take advantage of if you havethat awareness. Right. I want

Meg O'Neill (16:12):
So yeah, that's a man of integrity. Yes, I can see
that even though, you know, thisis what this is like, the deep
gift of the masculine to seebeyond her words. Yes. When a
woman is saying nothing's wrong.
And deep down, you can you canfeel that there's something
there. Yeah, the same kind ofenergetic and she's saying, Oh,
no, like, I'm good to just like,be whatever be whatever and

like, not have a bit deep down,you can feel that that's not
actually and if you can feel

Jacob O'Neill (16:41):
her nervous system going like this, and
she's saying somethingdifferent. That's what you focus
on. If she's like, Yeah, I'll dowhatever you want. Yeah, I'm
happy to go with the flow. Andwhenever Susan, like, that's
what you listened to. Of course,you have to have the ability to
be in your body and feel throughyour nervous system into hers
and hold it and all that stuff.
But I want to circle back to thestandard. Why do you think and

this is, you know, this is?
Like, I'd love for you to givenot necessarily specific
examples, but maybe speaking towhy. Why do you feel that when a
woman is presented with theopportunity to be in
partnership, even if it is not?
100%? Maybe it's 70%? Perfect?
Why do you feel that women tendto choose the relationship,

rather than choose to honortheir standards?

Meg O'Neill (17:31):
For many different reasons, I think because a huge
piece of what women value isrelationship and is love. I
would think as a woman, sorry,you keep going.

Jacob O'Neill (17:43):
Now you keep getting that, that was rude for
me to interrupt. And

Meg O'Neill (17:46):
I think as women, you know, there's also this,
this added pieces of womancontinues to grow older, right,
that gets into maybe her late20s or 30s, late 30s, early 40s.
And beyond, right, there's thisstory of and it is there is no
truth to this at all. But thisstory that we are fed as women

around our desirability islinked to age. Yes. And so I
think that can play a factor inthis sense of like, partnership
is important to me. I'm gettingolder. I I'm I'm going to ignore
these things that I'm actuallynot available for, but I'm going
to not ignore them because mydesire for love is louder than

those things right now. Right.
So I think that's one piece. Ithink that a huge piece is the
the value women place inrelationships and how much women
are fed by love and partnership.
And this is, this is a beautifulfucking thing. This is a
beautiful fucking thing. Youwere gonna say something.

Jacob O'Neill (18:50):
The desire for love is louder than that thing.
You said, I'm just like, wow,that's a really beautiful
statement. And I also I alsothink it's important to hear
that if especially for any menare listening, that women have
that story and like it's it'swoven into the collective
through societal conditioning,that the older you get, the less
desirable you are. That's,that's as men, we don't have

that as such, because our worthbased on society isn't linked to
how we look. It's about what wecan earn or what we can provide.
Yeah, and as a

Meg O'Neill (19:24):
20 times, that increases as a man.

Jacob O'Neill (19:28):
I would argue that a 20 A man is more
desirable when he is 40. Becausehe's built, if he goes on that
societal trajectory of like, Iearn 50 grand when I leave
school to I'm earning 250 grandwhen I'm 40. I could see that,
you know, my desirabilityincreases based on the perceived
value I bring, yes, whereas fora woman, if she was to say I'm

the hottest or the sexiest orthe most attractive when I'm 20
and when I'm 40, I'm beginningto age and become old and
become, it's all it's alldownhill from here. There's this
bill least at my valuedeteriorates over time, which I
guess a man I don't, I don'thave the felt sense of that I
can't feel I don't feel that inmy my body. So I have to really

practice compassion in thatregard and not and not and
choose not to buy into thatstory.

Meg O'Neill (20:18):
And I think it's again, we're not saying there's
any truth to these stories, butit is a very real experience a
reality for women that we areconstantly bombarded with these
stories that our youth equalsdesirability. Yes. And
obviously, that then plays into,you know, love and partnership

and relationship and dating.
Yeah, and I think but just back.
So that's like an added piece webrought in. But I think that I,
I love that you pointed out thatthat the desire for love is
louder, because I think this isagain, if you are a woman that
is dating, this becomes thepractice that you're devoted to,

especially if you have foundyourself in relationships, where
you're like, Ah, how did hecheat? Why did he choose this
man? There's so many red flagshere. Like, how did I end up in
relationship with this person.
This is usually when we're moredevoted to seeing what we want
to see, rather than actuallybringing our deep discernment
online and anchored, stayinganchored in our values and what

we deeply desire. Like when youare a woman, and this I would
say is also that differencebetween a maiden, a woman in her
maiden energy, which is like,you love me, awesome. Oh my
gosh, she's nice. And like, oh,like a woman in her maiden
energy hasn't quite learned thepower of fierceness and

discernment. And she hasn'tquite, you know, develop this
skill to taste when something isoff. And if you are wanting to
be in the dating world, and I'mnot saying to be cynical as
fuck, or to have, likesuperduper high standards when

no man is able to meet that, anda man has to be perfect. And a
man has to do everything right.
Like, no, this is totally notwhat I'm saying can

Jacob O'Neill (22:10):
also be a protective mechanism. When you
set your standards like I knowthat's, that's not the right
guy. He's not perfect. Yes. AndI think we can talk into that
after but keep going.

Meg O'Neill (22:19):
But yeah, to have this sense of discernment, like
real discernment of is this manactually able to meet what I
deeply desire? Yes, and to be awoman that's willing to ask
those questions as well askthose questions too. And this

might not necessarily be on thefirst date. But if if, you know,
if you're very clear on the typeof partnership you desire, or
what you're really wanting, thisis also going to be requiring
your vulnerability and youropenness and for you to be
desire lead and not push downyour desires. And hopefully,

this man is just exactly whatyou want. No, like, dating is
really about, okay, feelingsomeone out and exploring
whether this person can meet youin the way that you want to be
met. And that actually takes youvulnerably, leading with your
desires, you bringing forthwhat's important to you. So that
man can either say, Fuck yes, orno. And I think so many women

avoid important conversations,or, and again, I've spoken about
this so much on the podcast, weas women have been guest
conditioned to play it cool, andpush down our desires again,
thinking that's what makes usmore desirable. Like, I don't
care, I don't mind or yourpolyamory is cool. I'd love to
try it out. Or like, oh, I don'tcare when, you know, I don't

care about keeping

Jacob O'Neill (23:50):
like all of these other ones. Like, I know, I'm
not ready to commit fully justyet. Or like, oh, let's just
like, let's just like, when whenmen won't call you. You're not
hurt his girlfriend yet. He'slike, I'm just saying we're just
seeing each other. We're justsitting like, just like, keeping
you at arm's distance. Yeah, I'mcool with that. Yeah, I don't
need to be. We don't need to puta label on it. Wherever

Meg O'Neill (24:12):
you deeply desired to be chosen. If a man is
constantly saying, I don't wantto put a label on it. Yeah, I'm
fine. Let a woman who'sdiscerning and is devoted to
what she wants will say, hey,that's great that you're not
right. You're not ready forcommitment right now. And I want
to honor and respect that. And Iam and this is not for me. And


Jacob O'Neill (24:33):
you if you if you genuinely don't want to commit
then that's okay. But I'm, I'mnot I'm not here for for this.

Meg O'Neill (24:40):
And that. Like I did something similar at the
beginning of our relationship.
Yeah. Which really was anopportunity to write for you to
step up and to chew and to claimme on the level in which I want
it to be claimed. Yeah. And Ithink again, this is like such a
key piece but yeah, in order toWe get what we want in life in
general, but especially inrelationship, we must be willing

to bring our desires to themotherfucking table. And that

Jacob O'Neill (25:09):
vulnerability the way that you worded it before.
Because if you're a woman andyou're experiencing this non
committal flakiness of knowthat, you know, let's not put a
label on it, and you're like,you're avoidant, no, I want a
man who is actually able toclaim me by I want an actual
man, not a boy, and you startthrowing all of these, this,
these these attacks. It's like,that's, that's not gonna give

him the opportunity to, like,lean in, because maybe he's,
maybe that's his, his, his wayof like, keeping himself safe is
no, never letting anyone in. Andif you came to him and said,
Hey, listen, like I get that youjust want to like, not label it
right now. But for me,commitment is really important
in this relationship, and Ireally want to commit to you.
And I'd love it, if you wouldyou want it to commit to me, and

we could choose this together.
But if you don't, I need toknow. Because I'm looking for
commitment in in a relationship.
And for us to and for it to moveforward. It doesn't have to be
we don't have to get marriedtomorrow, of course, but I do
want to I'm do want to pursuethis with you. And I think
that's part of like the Oraclethe feminine is that I feel
this. And I'm gonna bevulnerable here right now. And

that means that I have to putmyself out there and you might
he could, he could say no, I'mnot into it, I just want to, I'm
just looking to, I don't want toput a label on it. No, I don't
want this, that you know, youmight have to put the
relationship may dissolve, butit also may, you also might give
yourself the opportunity to beclaimed it may call him forward.

Meg O'Neill (26:34):
that's the risk.
That's the risk, right? And it'salways going to be a risk to be
a woman that deeply expressesthe desires of her heart, it's
always going to be a risk,whether you're dating someone or
you're 10 years, or 20 yearsinto a partnership with them.
Right, there's always going tobe risk of rejection, there's
always going to be risk of willI be met in this Is he is he or
she willing to meet me in this.

But what I always say to towomen that are dating is fuck,
bring your desires as quickly asfucking possible, right to find
out if this is the man that canmeet you, you're expecting to be
three or four months into therelationship, even six months,
12 months into a relationship.
And then you're like, I can bemyself, or that's when I'll
actually share with him that Iwant to be married. That's when

I actually will share with him,you know the truth of my
fullness? Or to bring out myfull expression to uncage these
parts of myself that I haven't?
No, because then what if you getthe information of Oh, like,
this is not what I thought youwanted or now you're bringing me
this needed like this wasn'twhat I truly believe in this

like filtering. The intentionbehind if I was in the dating
world, my intention behinddating would yes to be have fun
to be having fun and exploringand meeting people. But also, if
I held the desire of deeppartnership, this is a process
of filtering. Is this personable to meet me in what I
desire? Are our desirescompatible in that way. And so

the more quickly you can revealwhat it is you desire and be
witnessed in that the morequickly you have, you know,
clarity on is, is this person,right for me to continue to pour
my energy and open my heart tooh what else?

Jacob O'Neill (28:32):
I think that's just such a beautiful I know
we're not in the dating world.
And I know where we haven't beensingle for so long. But I think
this is like, like this isreally like this is really
important information I can andwhat I want to, I probably just
want to like temper all of whatwe share with like, it's okay,
if you do not uphold yourstandard and you do pursue the
partnership that isn't justright for you. And I think this

is like, like any kind ofjourney of growth and expansion
and deepening into what youtruly desire. There's going to
be times where you you find outwhat it is that you don't want.
Which that only amplifies moreof what you do want. Yeah, and
it's about like learning likeallowing yourself to have these
like Moments of Awareness andnot making yourself are fuck
look, I've done it again, ohgod, I've should have seen the

red flags or shouldn't have myanxious attachment styles
flaring, or whatever it is like,all of those things. It's like,
Hey, you're human, you're human,and you have a desire to be
loved. That's cool. And you'relearning how to cultivate the
ability to communicate thosedesires and to not say yes to
anything that doesn't fullyhonor those desires. And that's
it. Yeah, that's a reallyimportant thing. So just

understand that yeah, that's ajourney. This and you get to go
on that journey. And a big partof that is learning what
learning more about yourself. Ithink that's the biggest thing
that I've you know, when we gottogether I was so connected to
myself, and I feel like you werereally focused on yourself as
well. And then when we cametogether there Was this brewing
of our relationship and it'snot, didn't happen as fast as

maybe you want it. And I wasn'tas conscious of what was going
on as maybe a wish I had havebeen. But we were both, like
devoted to what we what wedeeply wanted. Yes. And I think
that's really the piece, there'slike, you can't just be like,
devoted to the desires that youwant in a relationship, you have
to be devoted to the desires ofall areas of life and be fully

embracing life in that way aswell. Yeah. And that, for me is
really important. You want tospeak about men now? What would
you like to keep speaking aboutwomen?

Meg O'Neill (30:32):
No, go for it, bring what you want to bring.

Jacob O'Neill (30:35):
I feel for men who, in the dating world, like
there's a really important piecethat you really working on what
your vision for life is. I knewa really clear thing for me was
I wanted to be a father. Thatwas like the main thing, and I
would do anything to become afather, like I would abandon

every other desire that I haveto become a father, I then had
to learn that there were otherdesires in my life. And that was
a big journey for me to go on.
But the thing with with men islike if you're not really clear
on what you want, and a womansays yes to you, and you don't
have the ability to discern andsay no, and you end up in a
relationship, and then yourealize, actually, I don't
really want a relationship withthis woman. But I've come this

far, it's just easy to stay inthis relationship and do the
things I've seen so many menfall victim to that. But I've
also seen men who protectthemselves from a deeper
relationship. And they keepcycling through these short term
relationships, because they'retoo scared to go to that next
level, which will speaking aboutwith commitment. And for me, the
thing that I see most in men isthat they don't actually know

what they fucking want. And whenthey, if they do know what they
want, they're scared to say itout loud. They're so scared to
claim what it is that theydesire and make it known to the
universe to spirit and say, Hey,listen, this is the standard
that I want for my life. Becauseonce you say that, you then have
to get to fucking work. You thenhave to get to fucking work.

It's only I would argue in thelast week, I've actually felt
like the man of the house. Andit's been fucking nearly 10
years of me journey deep withlike, my healing and my fucking
business and my relationship andall the shit that goes on in a
man's life. And it's only in thelast. Yeah, I'd say the last
week where I was able to pay,you know, I've been able to

financially provide doingsomething that I love whilst
also staying present, and beingengaged with my relationship.
And it's for the first time Ifelt like I actually might be
able to fucking do this. Iactually might be able to do
this, I actually might be ableto have what I want. And do stop
do things that I love. And thisis, this is the journey this is

the initiation and the theongoing, the ongoing
responsibility of manhood. Andfor me, this is a really
important piece that you incontemplation and, and taking
time to sit with your vision.

Meg O'Neill (33:05):
Yeah, and just as a walk from a woman's but a
heterosexual woman'sperspective, that's really
attractive. Yeah, like a man. Onpurpose a man with vision is for
many women a safe man is a manWhy is he a safe man? Because
that's a man that we feel okay,if we go into life with this

man, I feel like he is you know,he knows where he's going and he
could provide and he couldprotect and I can feel safe if I
was to choose to have a familywith this man. He could provide
for us he could you know, youknow take us where we want to
go. And so that's a veryattractive quality for a woman I

would say especially a woman whois very clear that she desires
partnership. Appealing feelinglike just thinking just because
we've already spoken about thatmade and kind of energy Yeah,
I'm like I don't know if this isa warning for women out there. I
don't know what you want but Ifeel like what I see and what I

don't want to say this. I did apost a while ago and it was like
de conscious man. Yeah. And Imight like hyperlink it here in
the show notes or something. Butbasically it was like, should I
just read this post? I just readit so good. And it's gonna sound
like I'm going off topic here.
But this is this is gonna bereally you wanting to dating
especially like consciousspiritual women. Okay. Do

conscious men just because youpractice semen retention and can
quite David data does notautomatically make you a safe
masculine space. Just becauseyou say I see you I hear you
does not mean a woman feel seenand heard in your presence. Just
because you tell a woman all ofyou as welcome does not mean
you're actually embodying thisas truth. Men want to know what

we as women ache for Almost fromyou integrity, we want to feel
that you're a man of your word.
We want what you say to alignwith what you do. So I'm sorry,
but it's simply not enough tojust say, to just know how to
say the right things. No, wewant to fucking feel you

embodying those things, livingout those things, being a stand
for those things. This is whatcreates trust. This is what
makes us feel safe enough toopen and surrender, not just not
simply you just regurgitatingstuff on the Way of the Superior
Man. So man, you want to walkbeside a fully embodied feminine

woman, well, be a man of yourword. Stop telling a woman all
of you as welcome unless youreally fucking mean it. Stop
telling her it's safe to bringher fullness unless you're
actually ready to stay and holdas she brings her rage. Okay?
Also grief, her mass and hermagic. Stop saying I see you
unless you're really willing towitness her in the full spectrum
of her. Man, we love you, weneed you. And we're so ready to

be met by you.

Unknown (36:06):
A whole. And so it is.

Meg O'Neill (36:12):
And I share this because I feel like a woman in
her maiden energy can't yet see.
Discern, discern, when a met,she takes a man's word for his
word, she can actually feelwhether that man is in
integrity. So I'm kind of sayingthis based on like the vision
bit too, because I just feellike there are so many flowy men

out there in the conscious spacethat can say all the right
things. But for me, and mypersonal opinion, aren't really
a safe space for a woman becausethey don't know where they're
fucking going. They're notanchored in their body. They're
not anchored in like a truth.
Yeah, they're not a strongmasculine space for a woman that

deeply yawns but that, yeah. Andso I'm bringing this forth as a
real invitation, again, forwomen to really, and dating is
just such an incredible placefor you to practice the art of
discernment. Like, okay, thisman is saying this, but are his
actions aligned? Oh, he said, hesees me and he respects me. But,

you know, he's did he take takesa week to get back to me, or he
says, We're gonna meet up atthis time, and then he doesn't
show up, or he canceled lastminute, like, you know, really
trusting or being only availablefor a man whose words and
actions really integrate.

Jacob O'Neill (37:38):
And I really feel that that like, dating in your
30s, I think if a man can'tlike, have a vision for his
life, or share with you wherehe's going, then that is like a
good good indication that hehasn't really like deepened into
the masculine, I guess, themasculine way. Yes. And that's
really important. So the otherside of that is that you want a

man that you can feel as well,yeah. So you want a robot that
can sit there and give youprojections for the next 30
years of his life. As fuck that.
You want to you want a man, it'sfun and present and potent. And
he's like, he's aliveness. Andthat's something that is, is
important as well. And I'm notsaying that men have to be
perfect, but there has to be awillingness, a willingness in in
that like I want and awillingness to, like, create a

vision for my life and to failin the pursuit of it. And also
not forget that you can havefun. And that's something that I
you know, I've I've swung thependulum on many times where
I've been super serious. Andthen super fun, super serious
and super fun. And second,learning how to bring that what
I would call like this safeenergy of like, you're here with

me. And if I didn't know wherewe are, if I didn't have
anywhere, if I wasn't aware ofwhere we were going, I trust you
to to guide me. You're here withme now. And I trust where you're
taking me. Yes. And I thinkthat's a really beautiful. Even
more recently, I've been reallyengaged with my work. And I was
having a chat with my mate Petetoday. And I was like, I really

can see where I've dropped theball the last couple of weeks is
that I'm taking all of thisresponsibility. But then I'm
telling Mike to go and sit inthe other room while I do it
all. I was like, hang on, Iactually need to communicate
what's going on, hey, love it,this is what I'm doing. This is
what I'm doing. And this is howI do it. Because that's what
allows this to this this lifelife to to continue to operate,
this lifestyle that we'rebuilding together, and the baby

and the new house and everythingand it's like I actually need to
bring you in to my into my worldand share some of the decisions
and speak to you about some ofthe things and like this is a
balance of both being presentand offering you an insight
whilst also being very clear onwhere I'm going to go and I
think that's a beautiful skill.

If you're a man if you cancultivate that. And you're in
the dating world, you then havea level of here your integrity
will guide you in Therelationships that you're
exploring Yes.

Meg O'Neill (40:03):
And I think it's an I don't think I don't want any
man to think that he has to goon a date with a woman and be
like you like you said she hasto be what I hear more about my
vision. Here is my purpose inlife like

Jacob O'Neill (40:15):
three the five or 10 year vision.

Meg O'Neill (40:18):
So it's not about regurgitating these things at

Jacob O'Neill (40:22):
asked me about my vision Yeah,

Meg O'Neill (40:24):
I swear my masculine man just off me

Jacob O'Neill (40:27):
asked me about my vision gone

Meg O'Neill (40:29):
No, these are this is you know, that's a felt
that's a felt experience. And Ireally want to bring this piece
in and this is actuallysomething I was so clear on.
Even though I was very youngwhen we met I was journaling a
lot of the time of you which isto journal so much

Jacob O'Neill (40:48):
of crystals

Meg O'Neill (40:51):
in your bra, and for those of you that don't know
this the first birthday we weretogether for like your birthday
sorry, it sounds like your onewe were together and the first

Jacob O'Neill (41:05):
your Jacobs birthday when the first yeah the
first birthday that

Meg O'Neill (41:09):
we experienced together Yes, I gave you I made
up this like journal. You arecraft you I was so crafty was
meant so mad. Because I trulybelieve I think I wrote
something on the

Jacob O'Neill (41:25):
should I go and get it? Do you have it? Like I
get it? Meg I have everythingthat makes me Okay, get it hey,
you keep talking you keeptelling people about it and I'll
get it perfect.

Meg O'Neill (41:40):
I'll be back I want to choose the ones who read it
anyway, I I used to journalabout Jacob a lot and there were
so nine months between memeeting him at REI organics
which was this like health foodstore. He worked there and I was
a customer and I used to come ina lot and I was journaling a lot

at the time I was listening toAbraham Hicks so I just used to
journal about what I wanted. AndI would journal about how I
wanted my partner my futurepartner to make me feel and so I
would journal not about likewhat he looked like or how much
money he made or any of thosethings I would talk about how
present he was with me and howdeeply he listened and all of

these different things so Iwould write all of this and then
also when I started to feel thatyou were that man I was
journaling about I used tojournal about you and then so
for those of you watching thisis what I made Jacob for his
birthday Oh my gosh I like holepunched it and everything Yeah,
and then I I said Dear is Jacoba collection a collection of my

musings theater read insaneproof that you are indeed a
product of my creation mydesires made manifest thank you
for being unapologetically youinfinite love mag

Jacob O'Neill (43:03):
show me your maiden without telling me your

Meg O'Neill (43:11):
leases 10 fucking years ago this is 28th of
January 2014

Jacob O'Neill (43:22):
You gonna read it or are you just gonna know

Meg O'Neill (43:26):
but on the 26th of February so this is over a year
ago on my gratitude list a yearago. So I just went through my
entire journal and picked outwhat I like things about the man
I wanted and then also thingswhen Jacob was in it so on the
26th of February 2014 on mygratitude list was my mom my
little sister, my body and myability to run and create food

friendly Jacob my family.

Jacob O'Neill (43:54):
Friendly Jacob,

Meg O'Neill (43:56):
my gratitude list at the end of March 29 of March
2014 Gratitude lists Kristingray Oh shout out to Kristin
katg Sal for chats markets my mybeautiful kitchen clients right
organics Jacob good chats slashconnection

Jacob O'Neill (44:10):
Oh, friendly two good chats

Meg O'Neill (44:14):
oh my god connection so funny. Just the
words I use in some of this likegive people like just it's too
crunchy guys. Gratitude is 20thof April number 10. Jacob I love
chatting to him makes me happy.
Oh, this

Jacob O'Neill (44:29):
is making me emotional.

Unknown (44:36):
Play Yeah, read it out

Meg O'Neill (44:46):
everyone's 27th of May 2014. So this is like 10
years ago. So he says in myjournal obviously the day I
realized I really liked you.
Yeah, I said I want him onlytoday. I realize the way he
smiles, his enthusiasm for life,his kindness, his laugh, his
sudden stunted nervousness. Weconnect. He seems to get me. I'm

so attracted to his passion, hisstories, his amazing positivity.
I'd love to talk to him. He'ssimplicity. That's it. That's
what has me. His joy in thelittle things. His choice to
live freely. I can't wait tohave fun with him. I can't wait
to laugh and learn from him thatwas like six

Unknown (45:44):
guys, I often these could also be like, what? I want
him only today did I reallyknow. Oh, that's so beautiful.
Okay, now we're in. I'm justgonna fly with this

Meg O'Neill (46:10):
on this is after what I thought was our first
date. But later you you don'tyou didn't think it was the
first day that was the firstday. Yeah. And I said God, I'm
so unbelievably comfortable withhim. We spent a whole day
together adventuring. I love hisconfidence and how inhibited he
is in expressing his childlikenature to play so freely. It

gave me permission to do thesame to be me without any sense
of judgment. He is unbelievablychilled. super chill. Yet his
sudden bouts of stunted yeah youmust do an awkward you know cute
way attractive way bring a smileto my face. Ah the only sign I
get from him that I might makehim a little nervous

Unknown (46:57):
I say I'd so good so desire sexual relations
I want to fuck him I so desiresecond

Meg O'Neill (47:22):
is hilarious yet I can't envision how it's ever
going to possibly evolve thewest so when it comfortable for
me right now but that's thebeautiful part isn't it the
unknown the uncertainty. Andthen like 10 days late up. I got
a little excerpt from my journalentry that the day after you
came over played a little guitarand we slept under the stars.

This didn't You didn't think Icooked dinner for you. I put
mattresses under the starsbecause of a single bed and I
put a double mat just under thestars or two mattresses that I
feel very strongly for Jacobafter having him over last
night. It just cemented for memy deep attraction towards him.
When he was playing guitar Iliterally wanted to jump him it

was unbelievably sexy watchinghim so engrossed in something
presence and passion my twofavorite things. This is what
I'm talking about. I was soclear on like, I wanted a man
that was super present and verypassionate about something that
knew what he wanted and what heloved to do I feel childlike
around him playful silly opencomfortable. Yeah

Unknown (48:36):
I think this is

Meg O'Neill (48:39):
oh the things I say a whole areas.

Jacob O'Neill (48:43):
I'll post up a carousel with a few of these for
you guys. Give you a littleinsight.

Unknown (48:47):
Oh my gosh, I love that. there anything else
that you want to share on

Meg O'Neill (48:51):
the end? It's just to be continued.

Unknown (48:55):
And now we're having a baby. No. Baby
how wild is look at cute I was

Jacob O'Neill (49:01):
really like that is very that's this is one of my
favorite things that I I am verysentimental with things.

Meg O'Neill (49:11):
You think I love both of us love cards. Yeah, I
love card and I love the writtenword. You do? Yeah. That was
really beautiful. This episodetook a real

Jacob O'Neill (49:23):
guys dating.

Meg O'Neill (49:25):
Dating Are you going to do is write in your
journal. Right stalkerishpoetry.

Jacob O'Neill (49:31):
Poetry that could get you put in jail if

Meg O'Neill (49:35):
create main book.

Jacob O'Neill (49:39):
You were working full time.

Meg O'Neill (49:42):
22 living at home with my parents.

Jacob O'Neill (49:45):
What I really want to circle back to around
the standard like in that time.
Could you tell the story aboutthe other person that you want
that invited you on the day?
Yeah, so this is a great story.

Meg O'Neill (50:00):
Yeah, that's just like a great, I was great at
holding. I knew what Imotherfucking wanted, I was
young. Yes, I knew what Iwanted. And so I, as you can see
from my journal entries, veryclear, I was very politically,
feeling a lot with Jacob and Iwould go into the store. And I
was I was very, I was, again, Iwas listening to so much abraham

hicks at the time, which is allabout focus on the feeling. Yes.
And I was I was, I was so clear,I wanted a man that I felt that
I could feel his presence withme, he listened deeply, like
made me feel like he was reallythere with me, and this passion,
and this, like creativity, thatwas really important to me. And

so I was really feeling a lotwith you. But then obviously,
you know, kept coming into thestore, like, you know, we
started a friendship, and thennothing was ever really
happening. And I was also clearthat I didn't want to, I didn't
want to force things. I waslike, if this isn't meant to
happen, I'm gonna really trustthe unfolding.

Jacob O'Neill (51:02):
And that trust was really important. I was

Meg O'Neill (51:05):
trusting the unfolding. And I'm like, I'm
gonna really I'm okay with theslow burn, and I'm still seeing
him and I'm still, you know,where he lives? Yeah, I do know
where he lives in a reallyworks, he can't get away from
me. And then I went on this, Iwas, I did this like conference
thing, to just a littleconference thing that I worked

out for a few days. And therewas this guy, this conference
that came over to me, we startedchatting, you know, we had a
really beautiful connection. Andthen he asked for my number. And
then he asked me on a date,later on. And I remember or it
wasn't even like, it was like,let's catch up for a drink. And
then we're organizing a time.
And then it was, I rememberbeing literally parked in West

End. And maybe it wasn't like,we'd planned this day for ages.
But our MyKad texted me andsaid, Hey, you want to meet
like, tonight? It's at six. AndI was literally about to get out
of the car. Or it was the time Ihad to make the decision to
basically say to this guy, yesor no. And I remember sitting
there about to text him back.

And I was like, if Jacob was tohave asked me on a date right
now, would I go on a date withthis guy? Like, I was just, I
was just feeling like, if Jacob.
If Jacob was done, you know,make a move on me. Would I be
going on a date with this guy?
And it was a no, it was like,No, I want Jacob I'm really

clear on that I want I'm feelingsomething that this. This isn't
that same as that feeling. And Iliterally said no to this guy.
No, sorry. I don't want to go ona date with you anymore. And it
was a beaut, it was a beautifulman. It was gorgeous, man. And
like there was you know, he's alot older as well. I really went
for the older man in my early20s. I always say that if we

would like to not be there,maybe not now because we're
having a baby. But if we wouldhave something about and maybe
I'm looking forward to this agethat you'll be at but something
I found really sexy out of men.
That's 40 To 40 to 43.

Jacob O'Neill (53:08):
A three year we know Yeah,

Meg O'Neill (53:10):
maybe like early 40s. Yeah. Not so sexy. Maybe
there's something maybe you'rejust gonna be so sexy at that
age. And I'm just like, so like,Yes,

Jacob O'Neill (53:18):
I think we circle back to it's a man that is like,
lived. He's developing himself.
He Yeah, it's the key. And it'slike, it's a man has been
through the trials andtribulations and I'm sure you
could go and you could, youcould learn and want a man like
that. But if you stood alongsidea man that has grown and you've
watched him every step of theway, like the what you're
looking at is a man that's youknow, walked the path off, and

you're looking at the kind ofthe end result of a man that is,
you know, being initiated intohis king energy. Yes. I would
argue that that is the journeythat if you find someone that's
willing to go on that journeywith you, fuck,

Meg O'Neill (53:54):
and I love that too. Because, say what you want
about Conor McGregor watchingyou thing I am obsessed with his
partner. I don't even thinkthey're married. But the way she
has stood the fuck by his side.
Like they didn't get togetherwhen he was like a multifunction
millionaire and like,unbelievably, however much money
he has. Yeah, she was like thatwhen he was on whatever, like
government payments and trainingand like, you know, I also I

love that piece that you know ifthat is really important to you
awesome if being provided forimmediately is really important
to you. And there's also thisenergy of like, can I be there
for this man knowing that Iwould love him to step into that
role for me, but maybe that'snot right now and and can I feel
his devotion and his desire tobe that for me? Can I can I it's

been our journey, totally

Jacob O'Neill (54:44):
his willingness to to develop his own sense of
greatness. A man can be powerfulin his vision. But if he doesn't
actualize that vision throughtaking every next step, then
you've got to make And that isjust in Fantasyland. Yeah. And
that's, you know, a lot of guystalk to me. They're like, yeah,
I just want to be a coach and Ican just see all of the I can

see what I want to create orcreate this massive big impact.
I'm like, well fucking get abucket, and a fucking shovel and
come to fucking work. Yes, it'sgonna take work. Yeah, all of
us. Yeah, but I just know, like,I can help these men. I'm like,
well help them. If you're goingto fucking talk about it, be
about it. And that's the biggestthing is as you develop a
vision, you have to start tobecome devoted to the daily

steps that date, though, youknow, once again, Pete and I
were talking about this waslike, consistency and in
maintaining your integrity, andhaving the courage to admit when
you are out of integrity, andthen stepping back in, yes. And
that's a journey, right? That'sa journey that you go on with
another human. And like, I can'tsit here on this podcast with
you right now, without havinggone from, like this notebook

here. This beautiful notebookthat you made for me that I'll
never ever, ever let go of.
Like, like, we now have afucking story. We've developed
experiences and and challengesand overcome it all this shit.
So we can look back and begrateful we've got this
beautiful, beautiful 10 yearstogether that we're we can be

incredibly grateful for. Andthat takes fucking work, right?
And that takes depth of choosingand it took your discernment in
the beginning to be able to likedeeply choose this and then for
you to call me forward. And forme to deeply choose it in a way
that I had never chosen arelationship before. And yeah, I
think that we've really gone offthe topic of you know, how to
date or what date is, like, wehaven't talked about the apps.

But um, yeah, I think what wewhat we've shared is, is what I
like to think that we are a, thewhat we've created is the result
of people deeply choosingourselves and the relationship.
Yes. And not seeing one as whatseeing is one or the other.

Meg O'Neill (56:57):
Yes, completely. I want to go back to what you were
saying about that discernment. Ihad all like that the choice to
go, No, I don't want to go on adate with that guy. I also want
to say that it wasn't myattachment to you. It was my
because I think sometimes indating, we can like get groupie,
and it's like, that's the personto be that person. And that was

something that arose for meduring that time. Nine fucking
months. Yeah. But also I wasvery much continuing to be in
the practice of like, let go ofit needing to be him. And also
just focus on what What abouthim? What is he showing me that
I love and a man? Yes. What ishe demonstrating that's

attractive to me. And like, ifif it doesn't end up being him,
this is great fucking claritythat I love seeing someone
creative. And I love someonethat plays music, and I love you
know, these things that I'mfeeling from this man. And so
when I chose not to go on theother day, it wasn't just
because I'm like, Jacob is theonly man for me, it was like,

I'm actually not feeling thatsame presence in that same
passion. And in those samethings that I'm I'm feeling from
Jacob, and I'm loving from Jacobfrom from this other man. And
so, yeah, I just think, again,like reiterating what we said at
the beginning this, I really seethis is such a practice for both
men and women that I work withmainly women around. Like, being

only being available for whatyou really want to be fucking
available for. And this isn'tabout not giving people a
chance. But this is like notholding on to something when
it's clear that it's the man isnot showing you the traits, the
things that you're really after.
Or if

Jacob O'Neill (58:43):
there's like the end, if there is a slow burn
going on, and you're building arelationship with someone that
does isn't moving as quickly asyou like, and then something
else presents itself. Be honestwith yourself like, yeah, if
that other thing that pops up,and it's exciting and new, and
has the potential to move fasterthan what you're already
cultivating. Ask yourself, like,do I actually want this? Or am I

actually do I want to see wherethis goes. And if I had to
choose what would I choose? AndI think what I'm taking from
what a lot of what you'resharing my love and I want
everyone who's listening tocontemplate is like for you to
be a yes to something you haveto be a no to everything else.

Unknown (59:22):
Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Jacob O'Neill (59:25):
And that's such an important piece like you like
Jacob represents the qualitiesin a man that I want. I'm going
to say yes to that. And I'mgoing to say no to everything
else. And that in that moment,you made a decision, which then,
you know, worked out for youworked out for me. But that has

to be you have to be willing totake that risk. And I think
that's one of the things thatfor it for relationships and for
dating. I think there's like, Iencourage you to like get really
clear on what you want. Hold astandard be discerning but then
also be willing to take a risk.
And, you know, trust thefeeling, not necessarily the

Meg O'Neill (01:00:09):
Yes. And I think another piece that I think is so
helpful in releasing that grip,because I know a lot of women
that can get grippy in the realmof dating is like, is trust,
trust in the mystery trust inlife? Trust in whatever? Will
you call that force?

Unknown (01:00:30):
Trust in the mystery that was a suddenly made out.
Yeah. And then.

Meg O'Neill (01:00:39):
And I love the line, like what is for me cannot
pass me. And I think that's soimportant. Of a reminder, when
we're feeling ourselves, like,Should I text back should I do
this things should edit it. Whenthat anxiousness is wanting to
come in, in the realm of dating,it's like, what is forming
cannot pass me I rememberrepeating that again. And again,

when in those nine monthstogether and be like, before we
got together. So I was like, Ican feel the part of me that
wants to like, text you or like,you know, force this. And again,
if you want something, go thefuck after it. And if you want
to express something and want tobe committed to like, don't hold
back on that. But also, is thatcoming from a place of anxiety?
Or is it coming from a place oftruth? I think that's an

important piece.

Jacob O'Neill (01:01:22):

Meg O'Neill (01:01:24):
Should we just do like quick fire? Thoughts on
apps, dating apps, those kindsof things? Just because we said
we were going to,

Jacob O'Neill (01:01:34):
we want to stay in integrity.

Meg O'Neill (01:01:35):
Yeah, we are men and women. Word.

Jacob O'Neill (01:01:38):
I think the short answer that I want to get
because I know we're coming upto time is it's not the app,
it's how you use it. It's notthe man. Yeah, it's not the it's
not, you know, it's if I say topeople like you, like if you're
going, if you're going intosomething with an expectation or
an attachment, or this is what Ineed to get from this, you've

instantly lost out on the thepotential possibility that comes
with that. You know, I havegreat experiences on Facebook
marketplace. Facebookmarketplace is kind of like the
tinder and the for for marriedmen. It is there's so many dudes
that just love to flick throughFacebook marketplace and scroll,

scroll, scroll to messagesomeone, hey, is this still

Unknown (01:02:27):
He's still getting like the domain heated like being

Jacob O'Neill (01:02:30):
like, Oh, I don't have to go and look at this.
Like, I look at some ridiculousshit on Facebook marketplace.
But once again, it's like I goon there. And I'm like, if I'm
not clear on what I want fromit, and I'm not clear on what my
intention is, and I'm not clearon why I'm using it. And then I
end up scrolling. And then I'mlooking at shit that I don't
even need. Yeah, and this is thesame thing with apps. It's like,

if you're going on that app, whyare you going on it? What is
your intention? And how can yoube really clear and stay in
integrity and not use the app askind of like this way just to
mitigate risk? And to kind ofget what you want without giving
something to the space? Yeah.

Meg O'Neill (01:03:08):
I think I get the question all the time from from
single women, like, ah, should Ibe on the app side, I want to be
on the apps like, oh, like analmost, I feel like a judgment
of themselves for potentiallybeing on the app. You know, I
think I feel a neutrality toapps. And I would say if you are
single and potentially wantingto be on the apps come out with

a sense of neutrality, it'sneither right or wrong. It's
not. It's not good or bad. It's,it's the way in which you're
choosing to navigate that. And Ithink as I've seen many people,
you know, have greatrelationships through apps or
meeting in that way. And thereality is, it's a big way in
which people meet these way,these days, I would just say be
in right relationship with thatchoice. If it doesn't feel good

for you get off themotherfucking out and go out
into life. If you don't feel ifbeing on an app doesn't feel
true for you choose to carry thestory of there are men if you're
a woman, there are meneverywhere out in the world. You
know, I can meet him in asupermarket. I can meet him, you
know, at the dog park leaders,like choose the story of their

men. They're a single meneverywhere. Yeah, they're
beautiful, incredible single meneverywhere. And all I have to go
out is live. And all I have todo is go out and live my life
and be in the motherfuckingworld. And I will come face to
face with with incredibleglorious single men. Oh, and I
think we're like our story. Iknow many people that have met

in in real life as well. Likeit's still fucking happening. I
think sometimes that can be astory of the apps is the only
way to meet people. Yeah, but Iwould say a lot of you know, a
lot of humans I know that are inpartnership. You know, I know
people that have met on arts butI also know people that have met
and in real life and in totallymany different ways and

Jacob O'Neill (01:04:58):
like, I'm gonna apply this to my life. For in
regards to like my business, youknow, my business is online. And
I, you know, I've got this onebro man, Manuel, and he's from
Europe and he and I have thisbeautiful relationship because I
decided to message him invitehim to into one of my programs.
He said yes. And now a couple oftimes a year he and I send voice

notes back to each other onWhatsApp. And it's kind of like,
like this pen pal. We've gotthis beautiful relationship and
we speak to each other and likethat would never have happened.
I wouldn't have thatrelationship with him if it
wasn't for Instagram. Yeah. So Ican't say that Instagram is the
right way to meet people or thewrong way to meet people. Same
as I can't say that Tinder orwhatever the other apps are, are

the right way or the wrong wayto meet people. Like it's the
intention and the you know,your, your, your soul's path.
Well, if you really trust it,it'll take you where you need to
go. And in saying that, youknow, I've same sort of thing
I've, I've, I've met people outin the world where I've just
said hello to them. And thenI've built a deep relationship
with this person, after being atan event or at a coffee shop.

And then next thing you know,they're one of my close friends.
And I'm like, Ah, that that thatis how I relate in the world.
Like, I don't put rules orexpectations, but I have a clear
intention. And I havediscernment. Yeah,

Meg O'Neill (01:06:15):
like go if you don't, if you do or don't want
to be on an app, but if you'revery clear, and app isn't for
me, and it's not the way I wantto meet people go out in the
world in the world meet peoplethat you are phenomenal at this.
And I would say actually, thetime in which we met met, I'm
actually okay at this now. But Igo through season do not want to
talk to anyone when I'm out. Butwhen we met I was like wanting

to chat to people. I was wantingto go into the stores. I was
wanting to have conversations Iwas wanting to chat you know?
And I think that's, that'smagnetic as fuck. So magnetic to
be out of the world. Open. Yes.
Right. open to experiences opento conversations. Right? And you
can practice this by going toyour coffee shop and ordering a

coffee and like, you know beinglike how like, actually not just
being like, Hi, I'm gonna havethe flat white and then walking
away, like, actually beginningto open to conversation and be
out in the world and, you know,be in life.

Jacob O'Neill (01:07:15):
Be curious. Yeah.
Be curious. I think that'ssuper, super fun. Like, like I
fell in love with baristas allthe time. I think barista is the
maiden. It's like, Here's yourcoffee, Jacqueline, like, oh my
god, I love you. Thank you somuch. Like it's it's like a
really nourishing energy butlike, you get to go out and like
and be curious and like inrelate with the feminine if

you're a man, like relate withthe feminine without attachment.
Like Thank you. Or like ifyou're if you reply for this,
like, Hey, Jay, I got like, oh,what coffee or make me your
favorite coffee, please What'syour and then they make like
ours your favorite coffee? Alatte or you know, and you get
to like, be exchanging energy inthe world without coming across
as too forward or you get totaste and play in the energy.

And I think, for me, like one ofthe greatest things that I
learned was, you know, I didcustomer have always always had
customer service jobs. So Ilearned how to communicate by
doing. And I think for a lot ofmen, like if you are a bit
awkward, or if you don't feelconfident speaking or if you
you've got the provider ifyou've got a good job, or you're
like, Oh, I've ticked all theboxes, why aren't I like a big

part of it is going out andbeing in the world. Yeah. And
being in relationship with withthe world and learning how to
speak and, and open up and samewith for a woman if you do feel
like oh, where is he? Where ishe just go out and explore go
out and be curious and followyour follow your desires? And
what's the what would what wouldI remove? Say follow your truth?

Follow the feeling follow thefeeling. All you got to do is
find the feeling.

Meg O'Neill (01:08:53):
Yeah, and even even like getting clear on how do I
want to feel? What are some ofthe qualities I would love in a
partner and if it is creativity,go and do a fucking creative
class somewhere, like go to apottery class, go to a music
class, like go go out into theworld and, you know, love is
risky. You know, meeting peopleis, you know, it's gonna ask you

and I always say this to women,like the price we pay to be
fully expressed or the price wepay to really be out there in
the world being women that getwhat we want is awkward and
uncomfortable. We're going tohave to pay that price. And I
think that's especially in therealm of of dating. Like, it can
be awkward to speak our truthand to ask for what we want it

can be awkward to, you know, beout in the world exploring and
you know, getting curious andputting ourselves in situations
like experiences we might notusually for the sake of knowing
okay, I'm I'm not going to meetsomeone in my home. behind a
screen on watching fuckingNetflix. There's a man out a
glorious man out there in themotherfucking world. Well, I

gotta go out Enter themotherfucking world and an
explorer and put myself inspaces where he can find me. Go
I love that sorry, I love thatidea of like, like, people that
are meant to be in partnershipare looking for each other. Like
if you have the feeling of, I'mready for partnership, I want
you to believe that there issomeone else out in the world

simultaneously right at thismoment going, I'm looking for
partnership, I'm really lookingfor partnership. And so you
going out into the world to theart class or going to the dog
park. Because what I'verealized, since getting a dog is
if you are single, or if you aresomeone who is wanting to make
connections in the world, get afucking dog. That's

Jacob O'Neill (01:10:39):
great. That's if you don't want to go and do a
sales and communication workshoptransformational work, get a dog
and go for a walk down thestreet, get a cute dog and just
go for a walk.

Meg O'Neill (01:10:50):
Oh my gosh, I've never spoken to so many

Jacob O'Neill (01:10:52):
I have we now have a dog, we now have a group
of really close friends.
Obviously, these people morethan I've seen my other friends.

Meg O'Neill (01:11:05):
What was it? Where was I going with that? Yeah,
this idea of like you're out inthe world, putting yourself in
places to make you more easilyable to be found by that person
who's also looking for you. Ijust think that's so fucking
adorable and sweet and beautifuland heartwarming. And it's not
this, like I've got, I've got togo out and work hard or like,

where are they? It's like, Ah,I'm going and living and life is
going to bring us together, I'mgonna go out and live and life
is going to bring us together,whether that's the ping to be on
the app. And to scroll throughat night, I'm going to I've got
the ping, I've got the feelingI'm going to scroll, or it's the
Oh, I'm gonna go on a walk tothe beach there. I'm just gonna
go to a cafe and take my bookand see what happens.

Jacob O'Neill (01:11:48):
Someone was only telling me recently that oh,
yeah, some friends were tellingus about how like, they met on
the app. And they went in todelete the app. And there was

Meg O'Neill (01:12:00):
who I thought, Who was I

Jacob O'Neill (01:12:02):
don't know what they'd want us to share their
story on here. But I rememberthem saying that, yeah, that
when she went into delete theapp, and there was a message
from him, or she saw, she sawhim, she's like, Oh, I don't
mind the look at him, clickedboom. And now you know, they're,
they're in deep relationship.
And it's like, you've got to bewilling to engage with the field
to start your story. Yeah, andif you're not engaging with the
field of life, and I call it thefield, because it could be the

app, or it could be the artclass, or it could be the dog
park, or it could be wet andwild. It could be it could be a
business networking event, itcould be I don't know, it could
be a sushi making class could beanything, you could go and go to
run club, go and do yoga on thebeach, go join a breathwork an
ice bath, you know, go and findwhere your values are aligned
with the with the space or withwhat you're looking for. And

then trust that you know, yourstory with another will start
there. And if it doesn't, thenkeep exploring. And then the
story will start just like oursdid. And it might take nine
months might take 10 months, whoknows but it will the if you're
actively relating with the fieldof possibility, and you're
engaging in these differentareas where you are excited to

go already, you're going to bemore of you, which means you're
going to become a match forwhoever it is that is here to
journey with you. And then youcan start whatever story you've
got and then you get to lookback in 10 years 20 years 30
years time and your originstory.

Meg O'Neill (01:13:27):
Yeah, talk about your origin story that
potentially started a wet andwild

Jacob O'Neill (01:13:31):
please if anyone out there beloved, wet and wild
please let me know that we useDMS and want to know it's

Unknown (01:13:42):
like just a single person rocking up a wet and wild
being like I don't

Jacob O'Neill (01:13:46):
know about you but if you're single and you
rock up to wet and wild solo andyou go there for the date
respect, like you didn't gothere with frog that's somewhere
that I would go with family orfriends I wouldn't just go Yeah,

Meg O'Neill (01:13:55):
I'm also thinking there's a lot of children there
maybe don't rock off as to whathave you.

Jacob O'Neill (01:14:01):
I kind of want to get wet and wild all right. I

Meg O'Neill (01:14:03):
think I'd like this single 45 year old man wet and

Jacob O'Neill (01:14:09):
What is going on?
Spectacular man. I feel completemy love. Is there anything that
you wanted to

Meg O'Neill (01:14:17):
speak in and it's for those that don't aren't
Australian? Well there's like awaterpark. Yeah,

Jacob O'Neill (01:14:21):
it's not a sex play. Yeah. Yeah, huge.

Unknown (01:14:26):
Lots of children.
Sounds crazy.

Jacob O'Neill (01:14:29):
We would be so excited as young teenagers to
come up and go to wet and wildfrom the country. It was like I
thought that was the Gold Coast.
I thought wet and wild was theGold Coast. Wild Movie World
dream world on my Father andGod. Theme

Meg O'Neill (01:14:43):
Parks theme parks.

Jacob O'Neill (01:14:45):
fucking funny.
Um, can we do a quick littlequickfire questions to some
olives. If you're a date inyour, you know, say we never met
say you're in your 30s you'resingle. Where would you go?
Where would you go to find Startto seek out a person to start
your love story with.

Meg O'Neill (01:15:05):
I love this question, I would definitely, if
I was in the same work I was in,so like working for myself, I
would definitely work from cafesa lot. Yeah, that you would be a
cutie. And I would play, I wouldhave like my local cafe that I
went to a lot. And I'd be reallyconnected to like the people
there. But I would also hoparound to different cafes. So

Jacob O'Neill (01:15:23):
you'd have like two to three days a week in one
cafe, but then you'd have sortof a variety day. And

Meg O'Neill (01:15:28):
I would be really open, obviously, to getting work
done. But also to like chattingto the people and building
connections in that way. I woulddefinitely be like to go into
yoga and go into Pilates lots.
And maybe not necessarilymeeting a man there. But just
like, I'd be in the community.

Jacob O'Neill (01:15:46):
You'd be at the markets,

Meg O'Neill (01:15:47):
I'd be at the mosque, I'd be at the markets,
you really beat the markets. AndI think I would really walk
through life. And I wasdefinitely in that season when
we met. But I would definitelywalk through life with with this
sense of openness, not everyday, if I wasn't feeling it, no,
but like, if I knew I wantedpartnership, I would walk into

the markets being open, youknow, my eyes would be out I'd
be willing to make eye contactwith people I would be, you
know, willing to let them feelme I would be letting my essence
shine through.

Jacob O'Neill (01:16:20):
I would be radiating feminine energy all
over I wouldn't be I would be

Meg O'Neill (01:16:23):
like and that's like attractive. And I say
attractive not unlike a physicthat's all she's hot. It's like,
attracts like it attracts energywhen you're open. And when
you're letting letting the worldfeel you instead of walking into
the market scrolling of foreignand having your shoulders kind
of like your neck down and youknow, yeah, it's just open

energy. So I'd be veryintentional about that. I don't
know, I'd probably play on theapps, but then I don't I do not
think I would be someone thatwould be alright, I know, I
would probably check myself if Iwas like, Oh my God, I've been
scrolling on the absence ofthat, okay, I want to take a
break from the app, and I wantto go and be in the world. Where

else? I just go try shit. I'd goI'd go. I'd go out in the world
and try things you experience itlike, yeah, and I go and try
things that I knew. Yeah, notnot just with the sole purpose
of meeting someone, but it wouldbe like, oh, there's going to be
people here. And this this wouldbe I'm really interested in

this. And I want I'd put myselfout in the world a lot more.
Yeah. Yeah. What about you? Ifyou were single, you're 34 we'd
never met.

Jacob O'Neill (01:17:41):
I would probably move to Peru and apprentice with
a high level shaman for the nextsix years.

Meg O'Neill (01:17:50):
I know what you just wouldn't have. But how
about your deep desire to be afather? What if you're 34? And

Jacob O'Neill (01:17:54):
think I think that I think I would? I think I
don't know that. Like, that'salways my first answer is like,
I would go and apprentice as inPeru. And like,

Meg O'Neill (01:18:06):
if we'd never met, and you were single at 34,
that's actually freedom to you.
Oh, that would be so.

Jacob O'Neill (01:18:12):
But really, everyone's

Meg O'Neill (01:18:13):
everyone's like, Fuck you, Jacob play the game.

Jacob O'Neill (01:18:16):
I think that I would be the audit. I don't
think I was ever very good atdating or like, I wouldn't say
that I'm masterful. At I wasnever really good at like
getting women. But

Meg O'Neill (01:18:28):
being imagine you're the man you won. Yeah.
But you're single on

Jacob O'Neill (01:18:33):
as a carrier stick, get away, get away. It'd
be horrible. I wouldn't be ableto leave the house, I'd have to
stay in the house, I'd have tobe on the apps. It would be
torture. I would think there'dbe a part of me that would be

deeply devoted to the thingsthat I love. I think it's been a
lot more time doing hobbies. AndI think through that, I would
think through those things. AndI think I would be very open to
like, I think I'd be morecurious and ask more questions.
I think I'm very, very bad atasking people questions these
days. Because I am so deeplywoven into my my clients lives

is that that safe space, I'm sodeeply woven with you and my
close friends that I I don'treally walk through the world
with that, that deep level ofsense, that deep level of
curiosity anymore. And if peoplestart telling me about
themselves, I don't I don'tactually want to know. Like,
there's a part of me I've gotother stuff that I'm on a
mission have. So I thinkthere'll be a lot more I think

I'd have a lot more time forpeople that I'd be a lot more
curious and see where the youknow where the conversations
would go. I think I'd spend alot of time at cafes. Yes. I
would think a joint Run Club. Ithink I do. I think I'd do more
things that are co gender. Yeah,I think I'd be Doing a lot more
things that a coach no versus mejust always doing men's work.

Yeah, I think it'd be a deeperkind of weaving of like, okay,
I'm gonna go and do this RunClub at 5am in the morning, I'm
gonna go to this, this workshopthat men and women are out, I'm
gonna go and I'm gonna, I'mgonna go to this concert, I
think it'd be a lot more opento, yeah, those things, which
kind of shines a light on, youknow, what, we probably need to

cultivate a little more on our,in our, in our relationship

Meg O'Neill (01:20:26):
going. I just I just thought that too. It's
like, Oh, wow. Like, it is truewhen and we're in a very
different season of law, youknow, we're about to have a baby
of all these different things.
And there is a reality when youknow, I was saying this last
night while we're cleaning up myspace, like, oh, when you're in
your early 20s, or your mid 20s,and you still kind of
experimenting, and there's lotsof things and you don't maybe
have the level of responsibilityyou might have, you know, we're

both CEOs of our business of ourcompany, like companies and
businesses, and we're becomingparents like this, there is a
lot more responsibility to that.
Yes. And

Jacob O'Neill (01:21:01):
I want more hobbies? Well, I would say that
adventure in the unknown feedsus as individuals, like for me,
like, when I go like I'm goingaway this weekend to a men's
retreat on this feeds me to goand be in the world. Yeah, as
Jacob and I think, you know, foryou to go and, like explore
these different hobbies. Andthere's like, it feeds us in a

way that, you know, I've beenout all morning and I came back
and I was like, Yeah, I'm here.
I feel present. I feel like Ican bring a part of me that is
or is now fed. It's not lookingfor something. Yeah. What a
podcast. That's fine. Yeah,

Meg O'Neill (01:21:36):
we laughed, we cried.

Jacob O'Neill (01:21:39):
We didn't died.
We are still alive. I didn'thave a run for that. Sorry.
Let's not finish on that. We'regonna finish on this.

Unknown (01:21:50):
You and this

Jacob O'Neill (01:21:55):
regardless of where you're at, in a
relationship, whether you're 10years in, whether you're one
month in whether you're at thestart of your own self love
journey, and working out,whatever you want, I just I
deeply I want you to know thatI'm holding the vision for you
to know and, and feel love inyour life from yourself and from

the ones around you. And this ismy great prayer for humans to
know that they are loved. And Ireally believe that regardless
of where you're at, on yourrelationship journey, like you,
you deserve to be loved. Likeyou really truly do. And that
love can come from you and itcan come from other people as
well. And I want you to knowthat it's safe to open to that

it's safe to receive more thanyou've ever ever thought you
were worthy of it's safe to togive a little more as well. It's
safe to give a little more. Andyou don't have to hold it all in
and count your and count yourmodels you can literally give in
this in this way like Love Loveis is a risk it flows to and

from it's an infinite energy andI just really believe that
everyone deserves it. And that'smy that's my great prayer is
that you that all humans knowthat they are loved and they
find the people that can lovethem really well. Oh.

Meg O'Neill (01:23:11):
Thanks for being here, everybody. That was really

Jacob O'Neill (01:23:14):
It was a fun talk. I'm so glad we didn't do
that other topic that we weregoing to do. And we chose this

Meg O'Neill (01:23:18):
That one's I'm so glad to and I'm really glad you
went and ran and got exactlywhere

Jacob O'Neill (01:23:22):
it is at all times. I have a very organized
cupboard full of trinkets,pieces of paper, pens, x paper
clips, axes, little knives kind

Meg O'Neill (01:23:34):
of slightly looks like a psychopath if you were to
open his office cupboard is hehas all of these axes lined out
like perfectly?

Jacob O'Neill (01:23:42):
It's eclectic.
It's quirky. Quirky, ya

Meg O'Neill (01:23:46):
know, it's I think it's like, it's almost like too
neat. And the fact that this xis lined up so neatly in the

Jacob O'Neill (01:23:55):
you'll have a series of thing vibes. Yeah.
It's an archetype.

Meg O'Neill (01:24:00):
Okay. All right.
Love you guys. We'll see you.
Thanks for being here.

Jacob O'Neill (01:24:06):
Please. Yo, yo, yo, thank you so much for tuning
in to another episode of Sexlove and everything in between.
Now if you'd like to stayconnected with Megan i You can
head on over to Instagram andfollow me at the Jacob O'Neill
and where can people find youlover at

Meg O'Neill (01:24:23):
the dot Meg dot o amazing.

Jacob O'Neill (01:24:28):
And yeah, guys, check out the show notes for all
the information in regards towhat we've got coming up. And
yeah, we're super super gratefulthat you guys for taking the
time to listen to this podcast.
If you do have any topics or anyquestions, like I said, hit us
up on Instagram and we'll seewhat we can do. Apart from that
have a beautiful, beautiful restof your day. Thanks for being
here. Big Love.
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