June 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.
In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:
- Wife thinks she has to be mean to our children
- Golden showers (again)
- Wife can’t decide if she loves me or not
- Just because you’re experienced, doesn’t mean you’re qualified
Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast:
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If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.
Thank you to all our faithful champions!
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Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:07):
With Marriage podcast. My name is Jd, and
I blog over at uncovering intimacy dot com.
And today, we've got a short episode. Frankly,
we had a big emergency at work that
kept be working long hours on multiple days
this week. I was also sick. I've got
this headache. I can't see him to shake
for the last week.
And my boss is going on leave for
a month in August.
(00:28):
So we've been scrambling to close off projects
so that I can step in as acting
Cto of our family of 3 companies while
he's gone.
Given that we had few questions coming in
in June,
and they seem pretty straightforward.
I did look like a good time to
answer them.
Now that said, clearly, I answered these not
under my best circumstances.
(00:50):
If you have differing opinions or even more
thoughts to share,
please feel free to do so in the
comments on the blog post, there's a link
in the show notes.
And for those who don't know who are
new here, these questions come from our anonymous
Have a question page over at covering intimacy
dot com.
There's no contact or, there's no way to
follow up these questions unless they come back
(01:11):
and read the post or listen to the
podcast.
So what I've got is what I've got.
And if you get frustrated by not having
more context,
what it is what it is.
And lastly, if you're listening to this in
the next couple of weeks, we are still
running our latest survey.
There's a link to it in the podcast
episode notes as well, and
(01:31):
there's a banner on the web that you
can easily get to the survey from there
as well. And I know sometimes it's really
hard to go from a podcast
answering a survey, especially if you're driving or
something like that.
But
if you happen to remember, we really appreciate
your data because
Frankly, I'm not doing the analysis until we
get at least a thousand people responding to
(01:51):
it. So if you're curious about what kind
of answers are in there,
then you're gonna have to contribute. Don't wait
for everybody else.
Now, on to the questions. Question 1 is
my wife feels like unless she is mean
to our children, they will take advantage of
her kindness.
This results in calling her names and giving
retribution punishments to them that evo the fear
(02:13):
of her raw anger instead of correcting them
in love.
How do I be a protecting force for
my children while balancing helping my wife grow
up?
My basic answer is family counseling.
Honestly, it's likely that nothing you tell her
will change this behavior.
It's likely going to have come from someone
who is both a subject matter ex expert
(02:34):
and also has the authority and state requirement
to report her if they deem it is
at a level of abuse needing to them
to be protected from her. I don't know
how bad it is. You haven't given a
lot of information here.
So I don't know how serious it is.
And I mean, you know, don't threaten that,
but I would definitely invite her to family
(02:55):
counseling. And then if she refuses, then I'd
book an appointment myself and go with a
kid so that you can learn
how to put up healthy boundaries and protect
your children.
Question 2 is I saw you respond to
a question about golden showers before saying that
the driver for
humiliation would be sin. I agree with that.
However, some people say that there are other
(03:15):
reasons
they might want to as well, such as
breaking a taboo or feeling physically closer to
your partner via something coming out of their
body.
Do these reasons more specifically the Taboo 1
make golden showers sinful?
No. I I can't
think of reason that it would be. And
(03:35):
I'm not sure what else to say about
that. If you're curious about the other 2
posts where I talk about these, there'll be
a link to them in the show notes.
It's not something I've ever engaged in, but
people seem to have a lot of questions
about this.
And moving along quick. Question number 3 is
depending on the day and her mood. My
wife will say things like she's not sure
she really loves me. Or speaks of regrets
(03:56):
of missed past loves. But if she is
in a good mood, she says she loves
me and says how amazing I am.
It feels confusing for me. I think marriage
love and staying away from a divorce is
a choice and a promise we made when
we got married in the hard or easy
times.
Do we need help? And do I just
push through the valleys and ignore the things
(04:18):
that she says?
So this might be stress or mood swings
due to hormones or could be an indicator
of something more serious.
I'm not qualified to diagnose if it's something
more serious. And even if I was, certainly
not with a small paragraph.
I would suggest seeking a psychiatrist or clinical
psychologist.
(04:39):
And lastly, I
got this question. We are both 80. We've
been married
since 19 65 high school sweetheart, We continue
to enjoy an active sex life, never less
than adventurous. We'd be interested in, contributing to
a post on sex in the and the
elderly.
We even had a wonderful threes sum in
(05:01):
our seventies, and it continued on from there,
but that's where they lost me.
If you had a threes sum in your
seventies and consider that wonderful, the nope, Certainly
not.
That is not aligned with what I see
in scripture at all. And that is the
ruler that we should use to measure those
who seek to lead.
(05:21):
What example are they setting.
And that doesn't mean they need to be
perfect. God knows I'm not. But like David
being a man after God's own the heart,
it does mean that we need to repent
of the things that do not align with
his will.
I don't believe threes sums align with god's
will in marriage.
So I I will not give people like
this an authoritative a voice to teach those
(05:43):
things in a space where I have the
ability to protect those that might be deceived.
Now, does this mean I don't think they
should have a voice anywhere? No. I believe
in free speech? I think everyone should be
able to say all the things right or
wrong that they believe
and then be challenged by others saying all
the things right or wrong that they believe.
And the place to do that is in
(06:04):
the comments below each blog post.
That is an open forum,
and you can say whatever you want.
Now, I do have some limits and some
rules if you're simply rude, I see no
reason to honor that, you can go be
rude elsewhere if you like. If you're going
to be deceptive, same thing. Find another venue.
If we're just going in circles and bringing
(06:24):
nothing new forward, then I simply don't have
the time for that. But if you are
respectful,
engaged in civil discourse,
operating good faith and move the discussion forward,
then I'm more than willing to talk with
someone who disagrees with me on every single
point.
And as I write this, we are mid
conversation in our supporter form about parenting styles,
(06:46):
specifically about spanking.
And it's pointed, we're not pulling any punches,
but I believe it's respectful and certainly entertaining
at least for me and the other primary
members involved.
Others are, of course, willing to participate or
not as they choose, but I love a
good theology discussion.
And we are pulling versus Greek, stats, everything.
(07:09):
And often people will accuse me of deleting
comments or editing that, and it's true in
some instances, I do. For example, I will
edit out any links to porn. And I
don't care if you think it's porn or
not. I'm not allowing it on my site.
Likewise, all new comment are automatically not approved
by default. I have to go read their
comment and then approve it because the amount
(07:31):
of absolute garbage I get from first time
come
who are just spam is appalling, and I'm
just not willing to let that be on
my site until the next time I can
get to it. So if you comment and
it's not showing right away, that's because I
haven't gotten to it yet.
Now sometimes people disagree with my assessment of
the situation, you know, what I think is
(07:53):
appropriate or not, whether they're being rude or
not, But while, it's my quote unquote house.
I can choose what I allowed to enter
into my house.
And it's not that I'm trying to silence
them were their ideas,
it's just that I can't be bothered to
entertain them if they can't be at least
respectful.
So please engage with the questions in the
(08:13):
comments if you agree or if you disagree
either way.
I welcome it.
Most people know about me that I actually
quite enjoy it when people disagree with me.
It's 1 of the reasons I hang out
in bible study groups that are not from
my denomination. And I don't find disagreement
disrespectful. So long as you are respectful in
your discourse. I think 1 of the things
(08:35):
the world needs more of is civil disagreements
between
opposing signs
without resort to disrespect, demon immunization and threats
or worse of violence.
Sadly, all of which I've witnessed from Christians
on my blog,
including pastors.
And
that is it for today. Now, if you
(08:56):
have a question,
feel free to ask it on or have
a question page. There's a link in the
show notes. If you'd like to tackle something
that's a little bit harder, and it can't
be solved by a simple question, consider booking,
It could discovery call to see if coaching
is right for you. And, yeah, if you've
got time, please check out the survey, it
won't take you that long to answer it.
It's pretty simple.
(09:17):
And we'd really appreciate your voice.
Talk to you next time.
With Marriage podcast. My name is Jd, and
I blog over at uncovering intimacy dot com.
And today, we've got a short episode. Frankly,
we had a big emergency at work that
kept be working long hours on multiple days
this week. I was also sick. I've got
this headache. I can't see him to shake
for the last week.
And my boss is going on leave for
a month in August.
(00:28):
So we've been scrambling to close off projects
so that I can step in as acting
Cto of our family of 3 companies while
he's gone.
Given that we had few questions coming in
in June,
and they seem pretty straightforward.
I did look like a good time to
answer them.
Now that said, clearly, I answered these not
under my best circumstances.
(00:50):
If you have differing opinions or even more
thoughts to share,
please feel free to do so in the
comments on the blog post, there's a link
in the show notes.
And for those who don't know who are
new here, these questions come from our anonymous
Have a question page over at covering intimacy
dot com.
There's no contact or, there's no way to
follow up these questions unless they come back
(01:11):
and read the post or listen to the
podcast.
So what I've got is what I've got.
And if you get frustrated by not having
more context,
what it is what it is.
And lastly, if you're listening to this in
the next couple of weeks, we are still
running our latest survey.
There's a link to it in the podcast
episode notes as well, and
(01:31):
there's a banner on the web that you
can easily get to the survey from there
as well. And I know sometimes it's really
hard to go from a podcast
answering a survey, especially if you're driving or
something like that.
But
if you happen to remember, we really appreciate
your data because
Frankly, I'm not doing the analysis until we
get at least a thousand people responding to
(01:51):
it. So if you're curious about what kind
of answers are in there,
then you're gonna have to contribute. Don't wait
for everybody else.
Now, on to the questions. Question 1 is
my wife feels like unless she is mean
to our children, they will take advantage of
her kindness.
This results in calling her names and giving
retribution punishments to them that evo the fear
(02:13):
of her raw anger instead of correcting them
in love.
How do I be a protecting force for
my children while balancing helping my wife grow
up?
My basic answer is family counseling.
Honestly, it's likely that nothing you tell her
will change this behavior.
It's likely going to have come from someone
who is both a subject matter ex expert
(02:34):
and also has the authority and state requirement
to report her if they deem it is
at a level of abuse needing to them
to be protected from her. I don't know
how bad it is. You haven't given a
lot of information here.
So I don't know how serious it is.
And I mean, you know, don't threaten that,
but I would definitely invite her to family
(02:55):
counseling. And then if she refuses, then I'd
book an appointment myself and go with a
kid so that you can learn
how to put up healthy boundaries and protect
your children.
Question 2 is I saw you respond to
a question about golden showers before saying that
the driver for
humiliation would be sin. I agree with that.
However, some people say that there are other
(03:15):
reasons
they might want to as well, such as
breaking a taboo or feeling physically closer to
your partner via something coming out of their
body.
Do these reasons more specifically the Taboo 1
make golden showers sinful?
No. I I can't
think of reason that it would be. And
(03:35):
I'm not sure what else to say about
that. If you're curious about the other 2
posts where I talk about these, there'll be
a link to them in the show notes.
It's not something I've ever engaged in, but
people seem to have a lot of questions
about this.
And moving along quick. Question number 3 is
depending on the day and her mood. My
wife will say things like she's not sure
she really loves me. Or speaks of regrets
(03:56):
of missed past loves. But if she is
in a good mood, she says she loves
me and says how amazing I am.
It feels confusing for me. I think marriage
love and staying away from a divorce is
a choice and a promise we made when
we got married in the hard or easy
times.
Do we need help? And do I just
push through the valleys and ignore the things
(04:18):
that she says?
So this might be stress or mood swings
due to hormones or could be an indicator
of something more serious.
I'm not qualified to diagnose if it's something
more serious. And even if I was, certainly
not with a small paragraph.
I would suggest seeking a psychiatrist or clinical
psychologist.
(04:39):
And lastly, I
got this question. We are both 80. We've
been married
since 19 65 high school sweetheart, We continue
to enjoy an active sex life, never less
than adventurous. We'd be interested in, contributing to
a post on sex in the and the
elderly.
We even had a wonderful threes sum in
(05:01):
our seventies, and it continued on from there,
but that's where they lost me.
If you had a threes sum in your
seventies and consider that wonderful, the nope, Certainly
not.
That is not aligned with what I see
in scripture at all. And that is the
ruler that we should use to measure those
who seek to lead.
(05:21):
What example are they setting.
And that doesn't mean they need to be
perfect. God knows I'm not. But like David
being a man after God's own the heart,
it does mean that we need to repent
of the things that do not align with
his will.
I don't believe threes sums align with god's
will in marriage.
So I I will not give people like
this an authoritative a voice to teach those
(05:43):
things in a space where I have the
ability to protect those that might be deceived.
Now, does this mean I don't think they
should have a voice anywhere? No. I believe
in free speech? I think everyone should be
able to say all the things right or
wrong that they believe
and then be challenged by others saying all
the things right or wrong that they believe.
And the place to do that is in
(06:04):
the comments below each blog post.
That is an open forum,
and you can say whatever you want.
Now, I do have some limits and some
rules if you're simply rude, I see no
reason to honor that, you can go be
rude elsewhere if you like. If you're going
to be deceptive, same thing. Find another venue.
If we're just going in circles and bringing
(06:24):
nothing new forward, then I simply don't have
the time for that. But if you are
respectful,
engaged in civil discourse,
operating good faith and move the discussion forward,
then I'm more than willing to talk with
someone who disagrees with me on every single
point.
And as I write this, we are mid
conversation in our supporter form about parenting styles,
(06:46):
specifically about spanking.
And it's pointed, we're not pulling any punches,
but I believe it's respectful and certainly entertaining
at least for me and the other primary
members involved.
Others are, of course, willing to participate or
not as they choose, but I love a
good theology discussion.
And we are pulling versus Greek, stats, everything.
(07:09):
And often people will accuse me of deleting
comments or editing that, and it's true in
some instances, I do. For example, I will
edit out any links to porn. And I
don't care if you think it's porn or
not. I'm not allowing it on my site.
Likewise, all new comment are automatically not approved
by default. I have to go read their
comment and then approve it because the amount
(07:31):
of absolute garbage I get from first time
come
who are just spam is appalling, and I'm
just not willing to let that be on
my site until the next time I can
get to it. So if you comment and
it's not showing right away, that's because I
haven't gotten to it yet.
Now sometimes people disagree with my assessment of
the situation, you know, what I think is
(07:53):
appropriate or not, whether they're being rude or
not, But while, it's my quote unquote house.
I can choose what I allowed to enter
into my house.
And it's not that I'm trying to silence
them were their ideas,
it's just that I can't be bothered to
entertain them if they can't be at least
respectful.
So please engage with the questions in the
(08:13):
comments if you agree or if you disagree
either way.
I welcome it.
Most people know about me that I actually
quite enjoy it when people disagree with me.
It's 1 of the reasons I hang out
in bible study groups that are not from
my denomination. And I don't find disagreement
disrespectful. So long as you are respectful in
your discourse. I think 1 of the things
(08:35):
the world needs more of is civil disagreements
between
opposing signs
without resort to disrespect, demon immunization and threats
or worse of violence.
Sadly, all of which I've witnessed from Christians
on my blog,
including pastors.
And
that is it for today. Now, if you
(08:56):
have a question,
feel free to ask it on or have
a question page. There's a link in the
show notes. If you'd like to tackle something
that's a little bit harder, and it can't
be solved by a simple question, consider booking,
It could discovery call to see if coaching
is right for you. And, yeah, if you've
got time, please check out the survey, it
won't take you that long to answer it.
It's pretty simple.
(09:17):
And we'd really appreciate your voice.
Talk to you next time.
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