Stuck in Old Patterns? Carmella Johnson on Breaking Cycles and Stepping Into Freedom

This week on The Shaping Freedom Podcast with Lisane Basquiat, we're diving into the transformative power of choosing faith over fear—and how that choice can shape everything from your purpose to your relationships.

Our guest, Carmella Johnson, knows what it’s like to live between the tension of safety and calling. A speaker, author, and leadership coach, Carmella shares her journey of leaving corporate life to pursue her soul’s work: helping others activate their voice and stand in their truth.

In this powerful and reflective conversation, Carmella and Lisane explore the lessons of surrender, the necessity of boundaries, and how generational patterns show up in our lives—until we decide to break them. Carmella opens up about the pivotal moment she realized she was living someone else’s version of success, and how letting go of the known made space for something far more authentic.

This episode is an invitation to trust yourself more deeply. To listen to the whispers. To honor your inner knowing—even when it leads you into the unknown.
Grab a pen, your favorite journal, and give yourself permission to reimagine what’s possible. You may just walk away with a new sense of clarity and courage.

Learn how to set boundaries without guilt. Join Lisane's next Protect Your Peace Shaping Session today: https://shapingfreedom.com/boundaries-workshop.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
It starts on the inside first, and that is the
part that makes it the hardest because we can always
tell somebody, don't talk to me like that, But how
are you talking to yourself? I'm stupid, I can't. It
never works out for Mary Hannah ever. Oh, the first
step to have in healthy boundaries with others is having

(00:28):
healthy boundaries with yourself.

Speaker 2 (00:29):
That's right.

Speaker 3 (00:33):
Welcome to the Shaping Freedom podcast, where we dive into
conversations that inspire personal growth, transformation and clarity and challenging times.
I'm your host, Lessan Basquiat. My guest today is Carmela Johnson,
a transformational force in the field of emotional wellness, leadership development,

(00:53):
and boundary work. She's the founder and CEO of Arise
Training and Consulting and the visionary behind Arise Powerhouse, where
she helps women and organizations elevate their lives through clarity,
confidence and purpose. A marriage and family therapist with over
thirty years of experience, Carmela's career spans clinical practice, psychology, education,

(01:18):
and consulting with institutions like the Aman Clinics, where she
applied brain based approaches to emotional and behavioral transformation. Her
therapeutic background deeply informs her coaching, speaking, and curriculum design,
blending neuroscience, emotional intelligence, and radical self care. But what

(01:40):
truly sets her apart is the way that she lives
what she teaches. And I feel that already with her
just being here in the space. In powerful interviews and masterclasses,
Carmela shares her own stories of lost healing, motherhood, and
rising through hardship with grace and grit. Lived experience, combined

(02:01):
with clinical insight, gives her the rare ability to meet
people where they are and move them toward where they
want to be. Whether she's leading boundary setting intensives, coaching executives,
mentoring student athletes, or pouring into her three sons, Karmela
is rooted in one mission to help others rise to

(02:21):
their power with clarity, emotional congruence.

Speaker 2 (02:25):
And faith.

Speaker 3 (02:32):
Well, first of all, for the audience, I just want
to say that Karmela is gifting me with her presence
on the day that I'm also recording my one hundred episode.
So what that means is, I believe, Karmla that you
will be my hundred and first. You'll be my first

(02:55):
episode on the way to two hundred episodes. So that
is beautiful and I appreciate it so much. I feel
so honored to be having this conversation with you. Okay,
I met Carmela at an event, a fundraising event recently

(03:16):
and it was the Alliance, the Alliance fundraising event in
LA and had the real pleasure of chatting with you
a bit. And I know that Billy Johnson, my publicist
from Media Repertoire, really sat down and had a conversation

(03:37):
with you and he was like, You've got to have
a conversation with this lady. And so I'm glad that
we were able to have that happen. And I'm glad
that we are getting an opportunity because I wasn't sitting
next to you at that event but for a couple
of minutes. So I'm glad that we have the opportunity
to sit down and to chat a bit. So I
always try to come up with an overarching question. It's

(03:59):
kind of like the over arching energy of the conversation
and then we'll see where it goes, right, And so
the overarching question that I came up with that I
think you and I can tackle during this conversation is
what does it take to rise emotionally, mentally, and spiritually
when life keeps testing your limits.

Speaker 2 (04:18):
Mmm. Believe, yeah, believe, yeah, believe that.

Speaker 1 (04:28):
For me, it's in the Lord. Believe that I was
not just an accident. Out of all the sperm and
all the eggs. Hmm, they happen to be ordained to
come together on that day with that couple and that unity.

(04:52):
Then it wasn't Then I wasn't lost in the pregnancy.
I wasn't aborted in the pregnancy. And to be here
and all the things that I've had happened. We all
have things that have happened. One person may have worse
things than others, but in the grand scheme of everyone's life,
things have happened.

Speaker 2 (05:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (05:12):
So for me, it's faith that if I just keep breathing,
if I keep believing in the Lord that he loves
me and that He's going to cause everything everything to
work together for my good. Gotta keep going because I

(05:36):
don't know what's around the corner. I might have a
one hundred and one interview podcast.

Speaker 2 (05:41):
You know, that's right, So you have to keep going
because you never know. You know.

Speaker 3 (05:46):
It's interesting that you said that, and I have a
belief that I've shared in the past, and that is
that Carmela Johnson, Lissan Basquia, Billy Johnson, that.

Speaker 2 (06:04):
We are each a.

Speaker 3 (06:06):
Tiny little piece of God, Yes, manifested into a being
exactly named Carmela Johnson, Lussan, Boskia, Billy, who is meant
to express that creation over the course of our lifetime.

Speaker 2 (06:34):
Yes, and that the only thing that we can do.

Speaker 3 (06:44):
Throughout the course of our lifetime is to keep breathing
as the court, as the core. There are other things
to do, yes, but our job is to keep breathing.
Because when we're breathing, and when we're willing to band
and to take in this beautiful gift of breath, then

(07:06):
from there, Yeah, we're able to create, accomplish, Yes, do
all the things that we're meant to do while we're here,
because we truly are a peace of God. Yes we are,
and we have to remember that, Yes we do.

Speaker 2 (07:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (07:27):
So the fact that you opened with that brings even
more of the magic into the space that we're creating.
You know, if you, as the audience, right, if you've
been feeling stretched thin or unclear, or if you just
need a dose of inspiration and acknowledgment, I think that

(07:55):
this conversation is a conversation that you want to listen to.
They want to hear this, definitely, Yeah right, I'd love
to know. Let's talk a little bit about who you are, Okay,
you know a little bit about your journey and how

(08:15):
you went as you said yourself from Karmela Johnson to
a person who made the decision to do this incredible
work that you're doing in service to other humans.

Speaker 2 (08:29):
A little bit about me who I am. I am
an ariser.

Speaker 1 (08:37):
I am an a riser. So let me explain what
that means for you. To arise means that you've been down,
not just at a level playing field, but abunder. So
in order to arise, you have to get some power
and some you have to have some motivation. There has

(08:58):
to be some push and accelerant, a motivator, a lifter up. Okay,
So when I say that I am an a riser,
A riser over divorce, a riser over sexual abuse, physical abuse,
went to abuse. I was abducted at the age of
eight and brutally raped and left for dead at the

(09:22):
in high school. At the age of fifteen, I had
a shotgun put to my head and he's telling me
I don't know why I'm letting you live.

Speaker 2 (09:30):
Like well, thank you.

Speaker 3 (09:33):
That's all I had to say with I didn't I
wasn't screaming, I wasn't upset, just thank you.

Speaker 1 (09:39):
I was in a wheelchair for two years, told I'd
never walk again. At one point I was told I
was faking sick, making them have surgery on me, and
it was going to take my kids for me. Had
some things happen. So when I say a rise, there
are some things that those traumas can do to you.

(10:00):
You They can make you doubt you're worth, make you
doubt that you should even keep breathing because the pain
is so the abandonment. My parents got divorced when I
was young, so so many a lot of things happen.
So to arise over those things, it's not pushing them

(10:23):
down and acknowledging that they existed, but it's looking at
what each And I was a single I became a
single mother at nineteen. But it's looking at how each
piece can be a stepping stone to get you to
a level that when you look back or look down
on what happened, be able to see through the weeds

(10:45):
and even the low spots you're able to see them. Yeah,
but the high spots you're able to see them as well.
I kind of liking it too, being on Table Mountain
in Cape Town, South Africa, one of my favorite places
in the world. You go up to you take this
trolley car up to Table Mountain and you look down

(11:06):
over the city and where the ocean is. And before
you were riding along the ocean and it was right
there and I felt like it could overtake you at
any moment. But when you're on Table Mountain, you're looking
down at it.

Speaker 2 (11:22):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (11:23):
There's a mountain called Lionhead. When you're down in the
weeds and in the city, the beautiful city of Cape Town,
you look up at Lionhead Mountain. But when you're on
Table Mountain, you look down at the mountain. Lionhead the
trees that look like lion king trees, and they're up
and they're so majestic and they look like I can't

(11:46):
touch them.

Speaker 2 (11:48):
They're not real. But when you're on Table Mountain you
look down at them and they look like little toys.
So I'm saying all that to say that when you
get to a point where you are determined to arise
over what's happened. Lord, just take me higher so I

(12:08):
can see, really, what's in this why? Even if I
don't know the why, the house, the winds.

Speaker 1 (12:17):
The how can I make this work for my good?
How can you make this work for my good? So
I think to answer your question about who Karmela is,
I am an a riser and my mission is from
the age of seven and I'm fifty seven. So over

(12:43):
these past fifty years, I am determined that for every
tear that I've cried, one hundred people will say I
can arise as well. So I got to making up
to do?

Speaker 2 (12:59):
Yess right, That's that's making up to do.

Speaker 3 (13:02):
I have so many questions, so many directions we can go. Yeah,
was there a moment for you? Was there a defining moment?
Or I had one and I'll share it in a moment.
But was there like a moment when you knew that

(13:25):
something needed to change?

Speaker 2 (13:28):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (13:30):
And are you willing to share it?

Speaker 1 (13:31):
I'm willing to share it because to share it empower
somebody else, that's right.

Speaker 2 (13:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (13:41):
At one point, and I was diagnosed with lupus, and
I had seeseus and all of that, and so at
one point, the swelling my body was shutting down, and
so I started having fluid on my and my spinal cord,

(14:02):
and so it was starting to suppress different parts of
my body. Well, it suppressed the right side of my body,
and so I ended up paralyzed on the right side
because the fluid was building up on the left. Weird
how that opposite side thing happens. But so I ended
up going to the hospital, and I was there for days,
and they took they did an epidural, took some of

(14:25):
the fluid off, and they said it wasn't meningitis, but
that they thought that lupas was doing it. Okay, So
was there for a few days. I was going through
the divorce at the time, and so when I got
out of the hospital, I go home. I'm in a wheelchair.
I hang up, I go home. My mom was there.
She helped me into the into my loft. I had
a loft apartment at the time, so she's helping me

(14:47):
up the stairs and all of that. She says, I'm
going to go get your medicine. Well, at the time,
I was on eighteen different medications and three pain patches,
so a couple of the medications they didn't have in
the hospital so they said, go and get these proscription.
These prescriptions feel because withdraws from them. We'll bring you
right back here.

Speaker 2 (15:06):
So my mom.

Speaker 1 (15:07):
Drops me off on the way home. She goes and
gets the medications. She goes to us to get the
medication and they say the insurance won't pay for this.
It's nineteen hundred dollars. And Mom's like, what are you
talking about? She has insurance. My mom calls me, she says,
something's going on with your insurance. I said, come and
get me. She drove back home. She pushes me over

(15:28):
to the pharmacy in the wheelchairs, only about a block away.
I get there and I'm like, I have insurance. I
give my insurance card and the lady says, your insurance
was cut off. So I said, okay, So I'm crying.
I'm shaking. I'm like, Mom, the withdraws is gonna send
me back to the hospital. She shakes me and she says,
stop crying, and it just like woke me up. I said, okay,

(15:52):
enough enough, just enough. So she wheels me home. Get
to the loft. I was in a loft of was upstairs.
I said, nope, I'm gonna get upstairs myself so I
literally with my arms pulled myself up, sat down, pushed
myself up on the next step, and I go out
the way, crawled into the bar room. I said, look,

(16:12):
when I come out of here, I'm not gonna building
that medication and I'm gonna walk out of this room
because this is enough.

Speaker 2 (16:19):
This is just enough. This is enough. I'm not getting
on all the medica. This is enough.

Speaker 1 (16:24):
I went in that room and I told the Lord.
I said, you healed all them people in that book,
in that history book called the Bible before Jesus died.
You helped them people. Now he's gone, you have to
heal me.

Speaker 2 (16:41):
You just have to. You just have to.

Speaker 1 (16:44):
I don't know what you're gonna do, not my business,
but Lord, I can I tell you how long I
was in that room. I don't know, but I walked
out that room and I said, I will never be
in a wheelchair again. Nobody will ever have that much
power over me physically. Right, So for me, the turning point,

(17:09):
even losing everything, my home, the cars had had multiple
streams of income. Was teaching psychology here, supervisor Mental Hill
Clinic there, teaching education classes here, consulting over at the group.

Speaker 2 (17:25):
Home all of it.

Speaker 1 (17:29):
God, it's only so much you can do from a
hospital bed, that's right. So I was determined then that
I would never return to that, and I haven't turning point.

(17:51):
I even stopped being a therapist turning point because I
had to address me. Yeah, I had to address me
what was happening in there?

Speaker 2 (18:00):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 1 (18:00):
I even had to go back to my neurologist and
tell him. Remember when you asked me, were some things
going on? Abuse and this and that? You were trying
to figure out why the seizures and when what was happening?
I said I'd lied to you, And I apologized because

(18:21):
I looked at you in your eyes and lied and
said ABC and D was not happening to me when
ABC D E n F was. Yeah, but like a
lot of us, I had even in the wheelchair, I
had anes on my chest.

Speaker 2 (18:39):
That's right. He could be in the wheelchair.

Speaker 3 (18:42):
Girl, can't drag in your arm behind you, no hair
on your head, none, jumping up to fix something for someone.

Speaker 1 (18:51):
So determined to unlearn PPS people pleasing syndrome, determined to
unlearn it takes a while.

Speaker 3 (19:04):
Yeah, because it's not a one and done thing. No,
you mentioned the what earlier in the conversation, and it
takes really being willing to look at the what, like,
what is going on? Yes, what is happening?

Speaker 2 (19:23):
We need to hear it.

Speaker 3 (19:24):
Us women need to hear that and everyone. You know,
there are many people who are throw themselves into people
pleasing or into fix it mode, especially when their own
things are not doing so well. And a lot of
times people do that because they don't have control of
what's happening in their own lives. But what they can

(19:46):
control is the thing that is that they have a
little distance from, which is your problem exactly. You can
deal with your problem because I'm not emotionally invested into
that And thank you mean ex husband, Right.

Speaker 2 (20:07):
Yeah, I think I'm quite for quite a bit because
that changed things for you.

Speaker 3 (20:14):
Well, it did, and it moved you from wherever you
were before that to being the queen who took control
and responsibility and accountability for your own.

Speaker 1 (20:31):
Life experience, responsibility and accountability.

Speaker 3 (20:35):
That's right, huge, Yeah, tell us about Arise the Powerhouse,
that's right.

Speaker 1 (20:57):
So the Arise Powerhouse is my baby, It's like my
purpose type of thing. And in the Arise Powerhouse, I
take various tools I used as a therapist I used
in consulting and in dreams. I've had to help women

(21:19):
overcome and equip them with the tools, the strategies, all
the things that we need to take responsibility, to take
control of ourselves. To have faith, to understand exactly who
we are is not based in what we are and
what we do, but the intrinsic value of just who

(21:42):
we are. And so that's what the Arise Powerhouse does.
We have, we treat, we have the talk show and
the group on Facebook. Haven't done that in a while,
but there are several episodes there. Then Different Speak Any Engagement.
Have a column in a magazine now and I cannot

(22:03):
believe I left that magazine because I was going to
bring you one, but I can give you the link
to it, My Mind Beautiful Magazine. I have a column
in there. So right now doing the retreat to South Africa.
She really about helping to South Africa. I have wanted
to go because I've heard so many amazing things about it. Yeah,

(22:25):
and I live in San Diego and there are a
lot of South Africans there and from what I understand,
the climate.

Speaker 2 (22:32):
Is very similar. It is very similar. So you got
to tell me about.

Speaker 3 (22:37):
Your next retreat their Yes, yes, yes, I have just
decided that I want to. Yeah, I want to be
part of that experience with you. It will be amazing. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (22:48):
We just got back in May and it was amazing. Yeah,
it's amazing.

Speaker 3 (22:55):
I promised to tell my defining moment, so I want
to make good on that. I had my son, Joseph,
who is now approaching his forty third birthday, three weeks
after my eighteenth birthday, and there was nothing in my
life that seemed to be leading me into the direction,

(23:21):
I guess on the surface, leading me into the direction
of having a son. At having a child, you know,
just a couple of weeks after my eighteenth birthday, and
the relationship that I was in at the time was
a mess, a mess, a complete mess, and he was

(23:42):
abusive and there was a lot of madness going on.
And I remember this. There were two things that happened.
One was I was playing handball about a year and
a half before Joseph was born. It was playing handball,
and I had my moment with God where I can't

(24:07):
even just it, just my moment where I knew God
was God, and I almost felt like I had been
claimed by God, Yes, and I went and at the
time went and got born again. And so fast forward
a year and a half had Joseph, and then within

(24:32):
a year and a half or two years of having him,
was experiencing madness with this person. And I remember, because
I'm very determined and I'm very confident about myself, I
was laying on the floor in my living room crime

(24:54):
and I had this moment of clarity that all of
my prayers had been very like telling God what I wanted.
And in this moment, I stopped and I said, wait
a minute, God, not my will, May your will be done? Yes,

(25:17):
and girl, I have to tell you, Wow. Within six months,
my life did a one eighty Wow. He wound up
in jail, you know, getting in trouble for stuff he
had been.

Speaker 2 (25:30):
Doing all along.

Speaker 3 (25:31):
And it was just like my entire life. I felt
like my life had been saved.

Speaker 2 (25:40):
Amen.

Speaker 3 (25:40):
And I felt it in that moment, but I didn't
know what it meant until I observed what was happening
in my life, what was happening within me, what had
changed within me. And many things happened later, you know,
the entire journey of my life, but that is defining moment.

(26:02):
One was that moment on the Alble court. And I
practice spirituality and my relationship with God differently today, but
and that one moment was the moment for me where
things got super clear and I recognize that first of all,
not my will, may you're will being done on my life.

(26:25):
And then also that I had this person that I
was accountable to, yes, my son, my brother and God, yes,
and that I was accountable to him. And what I
was going to be sure that he knew was that
he had a mother who was going to stand for
him yep, and that was going to stand for my life,

(26:47):
and that I was going to stand for him.

Speaker 2 (26:48):
So I taken care of myself. Yes, my goodness, my goodness.
You know. I often.

Speaker 1 (27:01):
Vacillate between the defining moments the one I told you about,
but I think and listening to you, and I you know,
I can have to. It was having my oldest son,
Brandon at nineteen, because before that didn't really care if
I I talked about breathing, just keep breathing. Didn't really care. Yeah,

(27:24):
if I breathed if I didn't, didn't really make a difference. Yeah,
because it was so much, didn't really care. But having
him changed everything.

Speaker 2 (27:42):
I mean everything.

Speaker 1 (27:46):
Yeah, like you said, being accountable for someone else. He
even walked in one time when I had a razor
blade and I was about to slip my wrist and
Brandon came in the room. I'm thinking, he's downstairs at

(28:07):
my best friend's house playing. He had left, come upstairs,
got in the house, came in my room. When he
came in, I hit the razor blade.

Speaker 2 (28:18):
He jumped. He was on the side. He came over
to me, kissend me, grab my face, look me in
my eyes and say Mommy, I love you. I said, okay, wow,
And I never tried that again, right.

Speaker 3 (28:38):
Foils, Thank godis you know, it's so funny we're having
this conversation and there's so many things that have led
up to this moment of sharing my kids, my daughter Jessica,
my son Joseph, and my cousin nephew, Tyrone. My son
lives in Vegas, and my daughter, Jessica and Tyrone went

(28:59):
up to hang out with Joseph for the weekend and
they spent the entire weekend like bonding and connecting, and
you know, and they're like siblings, the three of them.
And I had a conversation with Joseph yesterday after they
were all recuperating because they.

Speaker 2 (29:14):
Were partying up there in Vegas. Hey, you can, I
got the photos.

Speaker 3 (29:19):
He's there, so I got all the photos of the
I'm not going to say who, but Joseph.

Speaker 2 (29:23):
Gas not Joseph.

Speaker 3 (29:28):
You know, they were just I mean they were having
a good, good, good time and uh and documenting it
along the.

Speaker 2 (29:33):
Way and selling photos.

Speaker 3 (29:35):
But we had a chat yesterday Joseph and I and
he without he didn't get into all the details about
what they talked about, but what he shared with me
was that he in the conversation he had with Jessica
and Tyrone, he shared with them that his experience with
me was so unique because I was so young, Yeah,

(29:59):
and because I am technically eighteen years older than my son.

Speaker 2 (30:04):
So he has.

Speaker 3 (30:05):
Witnessed me girl from being this you know, newly eighteen
year old mother to you know, to all the you know,
the rest of the chapters of High Life until today.
And so it's really interesting. And we had had that conversation.
It's been on my mind a bit because I've been

(30:26):
kind of in a storytelling place. So the fact that
we're having this conversation today just feels like serendipitous.

Speaker 2 (30:33):
Yeah it is. Yeah, wow Wow.

Speaker 3 (30:37):
I want to talk about boundaries. Okay, Boundaries is something
that you teach and support the woman that you work
with toward figuring out for themselves. Can we talk a
little bit about that because I also boundaries to me
is like there are some core things that if we're

(30:58):
going to be a healthy human being, yes, emotionally and mentally,
healthy and spiritually. I think the boundaries is one of
those core foundational tools and practices that we really need.
And I'd love for you to help the audience to
understand what a boundary is and what it isn't and

(31:19):
a little bit about your take on boundaries, on healthy boundaries.

Speaker 1 (31:22):
Okay, so when I say so, first, let me explain
the elevated self care because in elevated self care you
learn how to have healthy boundaries.

Speaker 2 (31:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (31:36):
So a lot of us look at self care as
hair done, nails done, everything done done, okay, and we're
used to that. However, when we're in that beautition chair,
will falling apart, right, will gossip and we're telling everything,
So something still wrong. Yeah, when we go to get
our nails done, were looking at our hands, but we're

(31:57):
seeing the stress in them. Yeah, we're feeling it. We're
shopping to self medicaid. So when I talk about elevated
self care, I mean tending to those things like boundaries
that cause you.

Speaker 2 (32:13):
To be this, watch this dis eased. This to go
against your ease. That's right, your peace, we all, that's it.

Speaker 1 (32:28):
So boundaries, having healthy boundaries is a medication or a
tool that helps you get rid of extinguish the dis
what's coming against your ease. Different way looking at that.
A lot of times when we look at disease, we

(32:48):
think of cancer. Loopis go the boyer with it because
all those things come against.

Speaker 3 (33:01):
Is.

Speaker 1 (33:01):
That's right, So to have mental discs ease. But boundaries
are tool to help your health back.

Speaker 2 (33:14):
Boundaries is a medicine. It is.

Speaker 3 (33:18):
I'd never heard that before.

Speaker 2 (33:20):
That is.

Speaker 3 (33:21):
It is brilliantly true.

Speaker 1 (33:24):
So most people, and there are different types of boundaries.
You have permeable boundaries. Permeable boundaries means anything can get
through them.

Speaker 2 (33:32):
You're not gonna, I'm never gonna. And then and then
you have intermittent boundaries.

Speaker 1 (33:39):
You're heard at one point, then there's nothing there that
next time, you have your solid boundaries where it's not
just a boundary, but it's a wall that prevents. But
a healthy boundary first does not start with the outside
of stunts on the inside. M So we getting that

(34:00):
Cadillac with the wide with the white walls gainst the
white walls in the back, and we going back back
back a little bit. It starts on the inside first.
It has to, and that is the part that makes
it the hardest, because we can always tell somebody, don't
talk to me like that, But how are you talking

(34:21):
to yourself? I'm stupid, I can't. It never works out.

Speaker 3 (34:26):
For my handah ever, you going. They don't want to
hear from don't say nothing, just let it go, go along,
to get along. They're not gonna love me if I don't.

Speaker 2 (34:43):
But he's fine. What what else am I gonna do?
I need, I gotta act. I cannot afford this, but
I need this, all of that.

Speaker 1 (34:55):
Because the first step to having healthy boundaries with others
is having healthy boundaries with yourself. To realize when you're
running on emotion instead of reason and logic.

Speaker 2 (35:09):
Can you talk a little bit about that please?

Speaker 1 (35:12):
So, of course, so you can tell when you're running
on emotion, when your mind is running one hundred miles
an hour. He's okay, I'm running on emotion.

Speaker 2 (35:25):
That's right.

Speaker 1 (35:27):
So I'm just not going to say anything to others
because they're not accountable for my emotions.

Speaker 3 (35:32):
You make me mad, No they didn't. They didn't make
felt mad, but they didn't make you.

Speaker 1 (35:39):
You can always choose. Gloria Copeland said to one time
to her husband and Cope, and she said, you know,
I decided I'm not gonna get mad.

Speaker 2 (35:48):
I said, what does she say?

Speaker 3 (35:50):
What is that power?

Speaker 2 (35:51):
It's that magic? Did she say?

Speaker 1 (35:57):
I said, she just said, decided I am not gonna
get mad. Then she says she walked back in the room,
sat down and decided she was gonna be happy. I said, look,
I need that power right there. That's a soup, that's
a what said? Okay, but how do you get it?
Because everything that we do is a decision. So if

(36:20):
I'm running on emotion, my tool karmely keep your mouth
closed to the point to where times I sit like this,
not because I don't have nothing to say, but because I.

Speaker 2 (36:33):
Would have to move my hand to say it.

Speaker 3 (36:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (36:37):
So if I'm like this, then I'm quiet, then that
allows me to take in more information. Yeah, that could
even extinguish the emotional flames in me.

Speaker 3 (36:52):
Right, because you're not You're you're calming the flame versus
stoking it, because you know, it's not the flame that
we want, which is that flame of like that stoking
that graining. Yeah, you know, it's five different, it's different,
and a lot of times so I used to do

(37:15):
this strategy with my therapy clients.

Speaker 1 (37:18):
When they would come in and they would say this happened,
and that happened, and this happened, And I would say, well,
tell me about the first time it happened, and they
could rehearse it like that. Then I say tell me
about another time it happened, and they could rehearse that.

Speaker 2 (37:37):
Like that. So then I would.

Speaker 1 (37:40):
Say, so, let me get it. Let me make sure
I'm understanding you. You came in and you were talking
about this situation here, but it's also happened when you
were five, when you were seven, when you were eight,
when you were twelve, when you were fifteen, when you
were sixty. Is it possible that you're not just feeling

(38:02):
this time, right, but you're feeling all the other times,
all the unreleased time. So I call those the embers
of the flames, the low lying flames, because we like
to say she went from zero to one hundred real quick.

Speaker 2 (38:18):
No she didn't.

Speaker 1 (38:20):
She was on ninety all the time, all the time
from all these things happening. So when I start realizing
I am not just upset because of this right here,
because this should not have the power to get me
to one hundred, one hundred and twenty, what.

Speaker 2 (38:40):
Else is going on? Right?

Speaker 1 (38:42):
What else am I feeling? So that think about if
you talk to yourself, you're crazy. No, if you talk
to yourself, you're right on time, You're right where you
need to be. Ask yourself, what am I feeling and
doing right now? Even while the other person may be
saying whatever to you, you can even say to them,
I'm listening, but I need a minute. And that's okay,

(39:07):
And that's okay. It's okay to take a minute. It's okay,
it's okay, to sit back in your chair.

Speaker 3 (39:12):
It's okay, all of that's it's okay not to be
on ten, it's all the time.

Speaker 1 (39:17):
And that's that boundary. Yeah, to say to you first,
I'm understanding that this is creeped in past the boundary
of eight years old. This is creeped in past the
boundary into my adulthood. So my boundaries emotionally are real,

(39:40):
permeable because all these other things are able to come
in and dictate my adult life. So that means I
need to heal and do something about it.

Speaker 3 (39:54):
That's the thing. It's not that person. It's not that
person's just the latest opportunity, just the latest opportunity.

Speaker 1 (40:03):
And sometimes it's not even really what they did, but
it's what they reminded you of or what they didn't do.
And sometimes we hear people say something that they never said.

Speaker 3 (40:14):
Oh yes, yes, that's a lembs.

Speaker 1 (40:23):
We're seeing it through. You're not changing anything about you.
But when I look at you through the top of
this glass, I see a different when I look at
you through the bottom, but everything's still the same about you.

Speaker 3 (40:39):
So it's not you, right, it's me right right, because
you're the constant boundaries. So how do you learn, Like,
what are the first coumble of steps two learning how
to set healthy boundaries?

Speaker 1 (40:55):
One is recognizing that you need to set them. One
recognizing I have to change this. It's my responsibility. It's
not theirs to set the boundary. It's not theirs, it's
my responsibility to do it. Yeah, it's on me. That's
the first step. Second one is being willing to yes,

(41:19):
being willing to say I have to do the work.
I'm willing to be uncomfortable so that I can be healthy.
I'm willing to do the work even when I don't
feel like it, so that I can be healthy. I'm
willing to learn, go find the information, talk to somebody
to seek it out, even when I don't want to.

(41:41):
The third one, ask the Lord where has my.

Speaker 2 (41:51):
Past? My stuff?

Speaker 1 (41:54):
We are all bag ladies and bag men. Everybody has
a bag. I'm gonna come out the back.

Speaker 2 (42:00):
You right, because then we all got our bag. What's in?

Speaker 1 (42:04):
Lord? Help me see what's in my bag that is
causing my ocean to go up into the land too far?

Speaker 2 (42:14):
Yeah, and drowne out everything.

Speaker 1 (42:19):
And he'll show you. He'll show you. If you don't
believe in the Lord, ask the people closes to you, Oh,
because they'll tell you because they know they know, and
they'll tell you yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (42:33):
If you got grown kids out.

Speaker 3 (42:36):
But I have to be willing. You have to be
willing to listen. And I think too often we as
parents forget or are unwilling to hear the truth from
our children. Yea, And we attempt to trump their feelings

(42:57):
and their experience with everything that we did for them,
and that has nothing to do with it, nothing to
do with it. And what we do is we teach
our children to repress yes, what they're really thinking. Yes,
we teach them and program them to be inauthentic, yes

(43:21):
to people, please, and to have permeable, permeable boundaries, boundaries.
We do it team and to tiptoe around us. And
then with the other side of our mouth, we wonder,
why doesn't why don't they call me? Yeah, why don't they?

(43:44):
Why don't they plank blank, plank.

Speaker 2 (43:46):
Plank plank?

Speaker 3 (43:48):
Yeah, we do, and I also believe that we you.
You cannot do that to another person. You can not
put another person in the position of feeling uncomfortable in
your presence without having perfected the art of feeling uncomfortable

(44:13):
with yourself. Yes, yes, because that's another way of getting
that person to make you feel blank better, more worthy, yes,
more important, Yes, more powerful.

Speaker 2 (44:27):
Yes. I'd like how you did that. You did the
air quotes with your hand quote unquote, make you right?

Speaker 3 (44:34):
Oh no, And I also like that the first step
to setting boundaries that you talk about is that you

(44:56):
talked about. You have to be willing to see and
you have to be willing to see past. What a
lot of us who are uncomfortable with setting boundaries do
is we people say that person they get mad at
the other person from making them for making them have

(45:17):
to set a boundary. It's like, I don't feel comfortable
setting boundaries. I don't have boundaries, and here you call
showing me how boundaryless, yes I am, when in fact
it's a gift, yes, because the things that happen outside

(45:38):
of us are invitations for us to see how we
are walking the planet, yes, and to see what people
are experiencing in their interactions with us. It truly is, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (45:56):
We can see how our boundaries are by the way
that other people treat us. That's right, because have we
taught them to treat us. So somebody's being disrespectful, somebody
that you know, not just a you're in a grocery store,
but if somebody that is close to you is being disrespectful,

(46:17):
then you have to ask yourself.

Speaker 2 (46:19):
Where am I? What's going on disrespecting myself that you
even feel that you can where am I?

Speaker 1 (46:28):
Devaluating myself that you feel that you can. How am
I speaking to myself to where you feel that you can?
What are we teaching others about us and how to
treat us? And sometimes it's okay. Quite often it's okay

(46:49):
when we don't know what to do. To step back,
I often say I just need a minute. I need
a minute because I can't think on two planes, can't
focus in and can't focus there, or that exceeds my
abilities right now. But to even say that, I had

(47:11):
to understand I am not limitless.

Speaker 2 (47:15):
I have consider yourself.

Speaker 1 (47:17):
I have to consider myself and what I don't consider myself,
then I still have to tell myself, you did not
consider You're overwhelmed because you didn't consider yourself. Don't get
mad snappy of them, carmely you didn't. So that causes
me to go back and say I thought that I

(47:38):
could do that because my heart wanted to, but I
honestly can't. I just don't have time. So what I
can do is if it fits into my schedule later,
then I can do it, But if not, time won't permit.

(48:00):
Wasn't that I didn't want to but time won't permit.
There's even times when I have worked with people and saying,
why is it so hard to tell somebody I don't
want to, I don't want to. I remember having a
client she could not say I don't want to, and
we would work through. We go through the different exercise,

(48:20):
and finally she said, because if I say I don't
want to, they may not love me.

Speaker 3 (48:26):
That's powerful for her power. You have seen that powerful.

Speaker 1 (48:30):
Yeah, So of course I applauded. We said in that
for a while, but then I had to come back
around to it. I had to circle back next session,
and I said, so tell me something. If you said,
if I told you I can't do that and I
don't want to, would you stop caring about me as

(48:54):
your coach?

Speaker 2 (48:55):
She said no. I said what she said no?

Speaker 1 (49:00):
I said, interesting, So then why would somebody stop loving you,
especially that person if you said I can't do that
because I don't want to, I'm not doing that because
I don't want to. And the look on her face
was priceless because she said, I don't think he really

(49:20):
loves me. Anyway, There you go.

Speaker 4 (49:23):
I said, you the door, another another wind, another wind.

Speaker 2 (49:31):
And that's okay. If he doesn't, that's okay. So then
we had to work through that. We want to be
loved by everybody, but let's be honest, we shouldn't be
loved by everybody because if we are, we stand for nothing,
and if we are loved by we can't return love

(49:51):
to everybody. I can't I can't be interviewed BERR. I
can't be here. I can't be with the other two
people that called me this morning want to talk. I
can't be with my client, who was like, well, what
about I'll handle that tomorrow. I have something to take
care of today. I know that it's going to be
okay because you got it. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

(50:18):
And that was that, no shame, no upsetness. She wasn't upset.
We weren't.

Speaker 1 (50:24):
But at some point, when do we say I'm okay
enough that if I don't have the capacity for something,
I have to respect you enough to say I don't
have the capacity so that you can now look for another.

Speaker 3 (50:36):
Way, right, Because here's the thing. When we don't tell
the truth about where we are. Yes, in relation to
your request, yes, we create a space of lies, Yes
we do, and an authenticity. Yes we do, in the

(50:59):
space that exist between us. Yes we do. And what
happens as a result of that is going to put it.
I have to show up in the world as a
woman who habit that habitually betrays herself, and that pours
into the way that I am within my biological family,

(51:23):
within the family that I have created and am nurturing.

Speaker 2 (51:26):
Yes, with the people that.

Speaker 3 (51:27):
I work with. Yes, with the person at the grocery store,
with the post person. And that is the problem. That
is that's the problem. That's the problem. It's not about
other people's betrayal. But it's about are you betraying you?
And what your world looks like when you betray you?

Speaker 1 (51:46):
Yeah, and we can identify that, Yeah, we can identify that.
What does it look like when I betray myself? I
say yes too much boundary? I say no when I
no it's okay. When I know I need to say no,
it's not okay. No, it's not okay. I'm not answering correctly,

(52:11):
truthfully the things that I need to answer truth because
I have boundary problems. But I have to find out
why I have boundary problem. When did I learn this right?
Where did I see it? When did I start doing it?
When did I reinforce it? What were the situations of
my life that reinforced it? And now as an adult woman,

(52:35):
how do I reinforce it right? When we can address
those things, Oh, we become a powerful, powerful woman or
man because now it's not on them to me, Yeah,

(52:57):
to me, And that's a powerful pleas to be.

Speaker 3 (53:01):
That's where a rise powerhouse comes in. That's where powouse
comes And I think that's part of it is there
are so many and I have a question for you
in a moment. There's so many people who carry this
burden of being boundaryless or not knowing or not being

(53:23):
willing to acknowledge how worthy they are, being performative and
all these things that we're talking about. And I think
that a lot of times it's because we're so accustomed
to being abandoned and disappointed and left high and dry.

(53:48):
And for many people, and I'll speak to women only,
you know, because I'm a woman, and I understand you
know that that life feeling so burdened, yes, and showing
up for other people, yet being unwilling to let people
stand for us. I think that a lot of times

(54:08):
people continue to carry that baggage because they don't know
how to release it. Themselves. Yes, and they're uncomfortable with
or don't believe that there are people in this world

(54:30):
like you who can create a space of love and
healing and compassion and teach them to speak with themselves,
to themselves and with themselves. Add a frequency of love
yes versus critique, Yeah, and righteousness and judgment. Sure do

(54:57):
you work with men and women? I have right now
Now I'm just with women.

Speaker 1 (55:01):
I have literally worked from the age of seven was
my youngest, up to sixty sixty.

Speaker 2 (55:09):
Seven and men and women. But now I'm just with women.

Speaker 3 (55:16):
Just the question for you, what is your vision for women.

Speaker 1 (55:29):
To understand that everything that has happened to you can
work together for your good, everything, no matter what it was,
that the Lord intends it to work together for your good,
and that you were so uniquely divinely made that no
matter how many women are on the face of this earth,
there's no one like you. That you were intimately fitted

(55:54):
together to be just you. And then nothing that happens
down here can take that value and that He has you,
that there's hope and let's go get it.

Speaker 2 (56:08):
Yeah, Yeah, let's get it.

Speaker 3 (56:12):
My God, I could talk to you for hours and
hours and I don't even know how long.

Speaker 2 (56:20):
I do.

Speaker 3 (56:20):
Want to touch on one other quick thing. We'll talk
about burnout a little bit. Oh, not having boundaries is
one of the precursors to burnout, getting to burn out exactly.
I believe that there are so many people who and

(56:44):
I've said this a lot who as adults are still
talking about experiencing the remnants of childhood trauma. Yes, and
that a lot of that trauma come because they were
in the care of people who had blown past not

(57:07):
having boundaries to being burnt out. Because when you're burnt out,
and when you're at ninety, you know, when you're at
ninety all the time, the time on edge, yeah, angry,
everything around you gets affected.

Speaker 2 (57:26):
Yes, it does, it does.

Speaker 3 (57:28):
And I think that sometimes we believe that burnout is
something burnout air quotes is something for performers, you know,
it's like a Janet Jackson Beyonce kind of thing, right,
not for the everyday woman who's just doing the things.

(57:48):
So can you will you share a little bit please
about burnout and some of the signs and what sisters
should be looking for or looking at.

Speaker 2 (58:00):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (58:00):
Of course, of course, when you're crying and you think
there's no reason. There's a reason why am I crying?
Because you need to get rid of some things when
you're snappy. When you were just like, God, I shouldn't
have said that, or I'm gonna say what I got
m Okay, that's one. Can I be real real with you?

(58:26):
You'd better be when you don't have bowel movements because
the regular vowels happens because everything's tight. Your body is
holding onto everything that's right, the tightness in your chest.
When you're having a conversation and you start getting that
tightness in your chest, brain.

Speaker 2 (58:44):
Fog, where's my keys? I know, I just have my keys.
Oh they're in my hand. I thought I sat my keys.

Speaker 1 (58:54):
Oh yeah, that's just some of them. When you're driving
home or driving somewhere that's a normal, regular place, driving
home from work, driving to the store, and you look
up and you're there, and you're like, how did.

Speaker 2 (59:07):
I get here?

Speaker 1 (59:08):
You don't we can't recall the space in between autopilot autopilot. Yeah,
those are some of the when you keep thinking about
the past, when you have global statements. This happens all
the time. It never every time, the global statements. Those

(59:31):
are some of the symptoms or clues. Yeah, that you're
dealing with with burnout. Those are some of the clues. Yeah,
what is burnout? When you've exceeded your capacity? When you've
exceeded your capacity. The thing with high achieving women like

(59:53):
right now, I have some things I'm working on to
get accomplished.

Speaker 2 (59:58):
So I know that.

Speaker 1 (01:00:00):
So I wake up at five thirty, about five thirty,
five thirty six o'clock, I have my time with the Lord.
Then I get dressed, I go to the gym. I
come home, I shower, then I get with my clients
and take care of that. Then I'm doing with them,
and dah da da da da. So I'm going until
from about five five thirty and an eight o'clock I'm
just like.

Speaker 2 (01:00:22):
Yeah, and friends will call it's eight o'clock. Yes, and
I have on my granny pajamas, my bonnet and the
lights are out. What they call I gir. I called
you at eight fifteen.

Speaker 1 (01:00:33):
Hey, you used to late, used to Hey, Hey, I
got a friend, he says, it's eight o'clock.

Speaker 2 (01:00:42):
I know you in the bed. Yes, I am in
the band.

Speaker 3 (01:00:44):
Yes, I'm in the bed, And don't invite me out.

Speaker 2 (01:00:46):
I know need to go out on a dam to do.
Not invite me. No, no, no, thirty late eight. What
are you told one of about what?

Speaker 3 (01:00:54):
No?

Speaker 2 (01:00:54):
No, I can't do nothing for you, man, I want
to go to the club. It'say, let me know if
you know what that's from. I can't do nothing fi
your man.

Speaker 1 (01:01:01):
But so, because I know that I'm on a I'm
on a mission right now, so I allow myself to
turn it in early, to shut it off and realize, Okay, Carmela,
you're burning it on both ends, but at some point
you got to learn to shut it down. Shut it
down at bout eight o'clock and let it go. And

(01:01:23):
it's okay to shut it down. Literally, it's okay.

Speaker 2 (01:01:27):
I have plans for the.

Speaker 1 (01:01:28):
Weekend to work and that's okay. But I know that someday,
no to stop it. And if it doesn't get done, okay,
don't get done, right, who cares? And if they do care,
then they can fix it if they want to. But

(01:01:49):
I'm not right, I'm okay, right. So having those boundaries
with yourself to say, Okay, I know I'm on a mission.
I know I gotta get it done, because that's what
high achieving women do. That's right, I call us make
it happen when when we make it happen, But we
have to get to the point where we understand I
am burning. I can't burn myself out. To let me
burn real hard right now, so that when I blow

(01:02:12):
it out every night, I blow my candle out, but
I don't blow it out by I blow my candle
out by extinguishing the oxygen. I put the lid on
the candle and it goes out. That is reminiscent of
I put the lid on. These are all the things
I'm no longer doing today, right, And that flame goes

(01:02:35):
out right, and I'm resting.

Speaker 2 (01:02:36):
I'm complete, the day is complete, the day is complete.
Then I'm done. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:02:42):
So those are some of the symptoms. And then that's
a strategy. If you're gonna go hard in the paint,
go hard in the paint. But when Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant,
Dwayne Wade got off the cord, they walked off the cord,
they walked off the cord. Not that he was back on,
but they walked off.

Speaker 3 (01:03:04):
And it's what happens in between yah, the court play.
And I think a lot of us, especially as women,
we really lean into and wear strength as a madge
of honor. I'm a strong woman. And the question for

(01:03:25):
those listening is where are you? If you if you
see yourself in what Karmela is describing, it may be time.
This may be a great opportunity to look at where

(01:03:47):
you're abandoning yourself in the name of being strong. Air
quotes strong right have to type a differently, like being
high achieving and wanting to get things done and being
focused and working hard and all that. Those are amazing things.
But when you're doing that and abandoning yourself in this

(01:04:11):
process or running over yourself and the people in your life,
that's a different.

Speaker 2 (01:04:18):
Deal, different deal, then you're really not achieving anything. Noally
you're losing. No, you're totally losing. You're losing.

Speaker 3 (01:04:25):
This has been an incredible conversation, I think so I've
learned a lot and absolutely too on an absolutely beautiful,
beautiful day of celebration that I'm experiencing today. I'm so
grateful that you're here. I'm so grateful that we're having

(01:04:48):
this conversation. It is so much better than I ever
could have imagined. And I will also say there are
so many things that we talked about that. Show me
how resonant you and I are.

Speaker 4 (01:05:02):
Yes, huh okay, okay, a lot of personally as women,
as women who really seek to channel God's love, and
also as women who see some of the things that

(01:05:24):
are happening in the world with other women that we need.

Speaker 3 (01:05:30):
We must address. Yes, we must address this generation. Yes,
this generation, Like we have to get to the point where.

Speaker 2 (01:05:43):
Saying things like.

Speaker 3 (01:05:46):
That's just how I am, but.

Speaker 2 (01:05:50):
I've been through. You don't know what I've been through. Yes,
but he.

Speaker 3 (01:05:57):
Blank blank blank whatever that is, or I love this one.
I love this one. I'm saying this sarcastically, this is
how I am. I'm not gonna deal with it. They're
gonna have to deal with me. And by they meaning
your children, Oh my god, because somebody in the lineage

(01:06:20):
has to be willing to see the opportunity to have
that defining moment. Somebody in the lineage has to do it.

Speaker 2 (01:06:29):
It has to please let it be you. Let it
be you, Please, let it be you.

Speaker 3 (01:06:34):
And you're not going to solve it all in two
seconds or a blink of an eye. It doesn't happen
just like that. Sometimes it can, sometimes it can, but
the first step is you have to be willing to see. Yes.
And so if you have around you patterns of broken up,

(01:07:00):
busted up relationships, yes, yeah, hello, how your hand bust
it up relationship? This for the folks on YouTube who
can see what I'm doing with my hands, or like
you mentioned before, if you look at oh, this happened
at seven, this happened at fifteen, this happened at twenty five,

(01:07:21):
this happened here. Yes, and I'm walking around angry all
the time, and I'm on ten and I'm on my
way to burn out, Maden. I don't set boundaries, and
I'm having miserable relationships with everybody and myself doing something
about it. Yes, is the medicine.

Speaker 2 (01:07:40):
It is, And there's so much that can be done.

Speaker 3 (01:07:43):
There is so much that can be It's possible. It
is possible for the women hearing Carmela's voice to be
you can be the woman, the queen in your family
who choose to to do something about it.

Speaker 2 (01:08:01):
Yes.

Speaker 3 (01:08:02):
And I will also say boldly that the reason why
I've been through some shit, Okay, and you said, I
know you've been through some shit. Yeah, But I will
also say, yeah, that there is a reason why we
at the stage of life, having experienced all the things

(01:08:26):
we had, there is a reason why we're able to
sit here and smile, Yes, soul, smile, gosh, so true.
Hair is done, nails are done. That's cute.

Speaker 2 (01:08:37):
Done, that's so cute. But we had to be done right.

Speaker 3 (01:08:40):
But from the soul there's a reason for that. And
the reason for that is the willingness to do the
work big time, the willingness to do the work, to
be accountable and to own own the quality, yes, of
your life experience big time.

Speaker 2 (01:09:01):
And that's a powerful place to be.

Speaker 1 (01:09:04):
Yeah, and really, someone is actually taking the time to
sit and listen, to tune into your show. I will
walk out on a limb and say, I bet you
they're the type of woman who can be the one.

Speaker 3 (01:09:27):
That's right, she can be the one, absolutely sis, you
are the one. You know it.

Speaker 2 (01:09:36):
That's why she's listening.

Speaker 3 (01:09:37):
That's why she's listening to begin with, because if you're not.

Speaker 2 (01:09:40):
She would have turned it off long. People like I
want to hear this mess. That's right. It's about saying yes.

Speaker 3 (01:09:45):
And the thing is, we as women say yes to
so many things. People, opportunities, situation, situation, ship, like all
kinds of we say yes all day, right, say yes
to yourself.

Speaker 1 (01:09:58):
Say yes to yourself. Caramela, how can we support you? Well,
you can support me by women supporting themselves. And let
me tell you how. For example, we have the retreats
for Cape Town, South Africa next year April, and then

(01:10:19):
may come realize you deserve to elevate your self. Care
to get out of the country, go to a beautiful,
extraordinary God just took the paintbrush and he just I
can't wait. Then he just went back after he finished

(01:10:41):
put the papers down, he said, wait a minute, one more.

Speaker 3 (01:10:48):
Come.

Speaker 2 (01:10:50):
My website is Carmela Rochelle dot com and we will
put that in the show notes.

Speaker 1 (01:10:55):
Carmela Rochelle. My my Instagram page Karmela JL, Karmela Oh,
I have to get it to you. Carmela Roselle arise
Facebook page.

Speaker 3 (01:11:04):
Same thing.

Speaker 2 (01:11:06):
But it's really about women realizing. I want to help me.

Speaker 1 (01:11:12):
I want to get stronger, I want to get strengthened.
And as a therapist first before being a coach. As
a therapist first, I know my lane. Certain things I
don't deal with, So if a woman comes to me
with certain things, I will gladly say sis I hear you.

(01:11:33):
I'm just not the one for this, but I can
help you find someone that can help you with this.
But if I am the one, let's go, let's do this.
You're coming to me, We're gonna go on, zoom what
we doing Because by this time next year, let me

(01:11:54):
tell you something, life is going to look all together
different because you're going to be different because.

Speaker 2 (01:12:00):
You said yes to yourself. Yeah, this has been lovely. Yes,
it has.

Speaker 3 (01:12:06):
Thank you, Thank you, thank you, Thank you so much
for having taking the trip here, for spending this time
with me. I loved this conversation. I look forward to
so many more conversations with you, and thank you so
much for doing the work that you're doing for the
culture of women.

Speaker 2 (01:12:27):
Yeah, because we need it. Yeah, we need it.

Speaker 3 (01:12:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:12:32):
Everybody needs to find their purpose. Everyone.

Speaker 1 (01:12:37):
My purpose is to be used as a tool for healing,
to help women arrive. The enemy messed up way too
many times. Yeah, if he didn't want smoke, he shouldn't
have had to do kidnap me if he didn't want smoke,
because now I'm coming.

Speaker 2 (01:12:57):
If he didn't want smoke, shouldn't have me in a
will to you didn't want smoke?

Speaker 3 (01:13:01):
Right. So now.

Speaker 2 (01:13:04):
Everybody I know, everybody that come in contact with you,
ard girl, you know the Lord got you right as
I should see a smile on our face.

Speaker 3 (01:13:15):
Carmela, thank you so very much. For those of you
who are listening, I know that you got so many
gems out of this conversation. Go back and listen to
it again with some paper and a pen or something
and take it down, journal about it. I encourage you
also to really just pay attention, pay attention to the

(01:13:38):
places in your life where you know you need to
set some boundaries and if you don't know how to
do that, reach out. Yes, if you feel because you
know in your heart that you're on your way to
burn out, reach out. Carmela's information will be in the
show notes and maybe I'll see you in Kip Town

(01:14:02):
next year if you choose to come. Is that a feeling,
It's going to be a love of the party. And anyway,
thank you so much. So I encourage you all to
like share this conversation, this preaching that Carmela did with
someone that you know could use a voice of encouragement

(01:14:24):
and love and possibility. And thank you always for listening
and continue to listen. I appreciate you Thanks Amen, Amen,