October 4, 2024 • 26 mins
A Journey of Resilience: Embracing Change, Finding Peace, and Building a New Life
Ever felt a divine nagging pushing you towards an entirely new path? Join me as I embark on an intimate exploration of life’s unexpected twists, prompted by what feels like a spiritual pestering to share my journey through podcasting. This episode offers a raw and honest reflection on my transition from the bustling life of California to the serene landscapes of Arkansas. The pandemic served as a turning point, allowing me to reset my priorities and find peace amidst the chaos of burnout from running a performing arts school. I discuss the importance of shedding the burden of perfectionism in favor of a more mindful and genuine approach to life and work.
Experience the emotional rollercoaster of caretaking and the impact of losing a parent, which has reshaped how I view my own mortality. Moving across the country in my 50s to start anew on a farmstead brought its share of skepticism and challenges, from home renovations to juggling work commitments. And now how finally, after 3 long years, I'm taking some time to breathe and renew.
This episode is all about resilience and the tools that help navigate life's unpredictable nature. Connect with me through this journey of authenticity, sharing stories, insights, and perhaps even a few laughs, as we build a community rooted in support and shared experiences.
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As founder of Leading Lady Solutions & SPBTV, I help women reclaim the life, relationships, and health they deserve, and build a legacy they can be proud of. I help women take back their freedom so they can be the leaders the next generation is looking for. We can break the cycle of pain, disease, and trauma - and it begins with us.
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-You Leave the Legacy you Live
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Sharise Parviz (00:01):
Good morning.
So this is my first audiorecording, I guess, of my
at-home retreat diary.
I'm not sure what this is, I'mnot quite sure why I'm doing
this and the I don't know youknow.
(00:32):
Okay, so for me, when God talksto me, I feel it in my body and
it's such a strong pull andit's really kind of incestant
and I really do consider it likehe's pestering me.
Until I listen to him and dowhat he tells me to do, he just
keeps pestering me.
It's kind of like he's pokinghis little finger into my arm.
You know he doesn't have alittle finger, but you know what
I mean.
He's poking his finger into myarm and just keeps poking and
(00:52):
poking and poking at me until Ifinally say, okay, okay, let's
do it, and so that's kind ofwhere I am with this.
I'm not quite sure what's goingto come up by this, where I was
thinking about I've beenthinking about doing a podcast
for a while and, um, but I'mlike, really do we need another
podcast?
I mean, come on, really Do wereally need another podcast?
(01:12):
I don't think we do, but itjust I couldn't shake it and I'm
not sure why and I went.
You know, I need to just gowith it, because I made a
commitment to myself, as I guessthis might be a little longer
than I expected it today.
So we'll see what happens.
Okay, I'm just shooting fromthe hip here on this, guys, I'm
just doing, saying my thing anddo it.
(01:34):
I don't know who's going tolisten to this.
If anybody's going to listen tothis, and that's okay.
And maybe it's just for me toget it out and get it down and
get it out of me, and that'sokay too.
And so there's no glitz,there's no glamour, there's no
production value, there's nofancy intro music.
I mean, if I decide to continuewith the podcast, maybe we'll
(01:54):
get there.
I'm just going to just sharehonestly, for whatever reason
and for whoever it is, whetherit's just me alone, or me and my
family, or me and my family andothers, or nobody I'm just
going to do this because this iswhat I'm being called to do,
this is what God is poking me inthe arm to do, this is what God
(02:16):
is pestering me to do, and ifI'm going to have any peace, I
have to go ahead and just do it.
So I'm just doing it, all right.
So here we are.
So so, again, I don't know thatwe need another podcast, but
let's just do it.
So I thought well, one of thethings that I could start with
is I've decided to do an at-homeretreat.
(02:37):
Not sure how long.
I thought about two months ofthat.
Well, we'll see if we can dotwo months.
I'm not sure that I can stayaway from my commitments for two
months.
We'll see.
Again, playing it by ear, I wasgetting to that point, wasn't I?
So I made the commitment to notoverthink things too much when
(03:09):
I had my business, my performingarts school, before COVID.
I overthought all the time.
I worked 18 hours a day,literally no exaggeration, and
it was seven days a week, and Ioverthought and overthought and
overthought and overthought andwas very perfectionistic and
burned myself out.
And, quite honestly, when COVIDcame this is a whole nother
(03:32):
story in itself, but just tomake it short, when COVID came I
was relieved because I knewthat I was killing myself
literally and I couldn't stepout.
And then, when COVID came, Iwas finally able to kind of
shake up and go.
I can't do this anymore, andfor lots of different reasons
which I won't go into right nowbecause that's not what's really
important, although I will atsome point because it's an
(03:53):
important.
It was an important moment inmy life and in realizing what I
was chasing and why I waschasing and why I was burning
myself to the ground.
Anyway, that's another day.
But when I decided to close thatbusiness down and three years
ago we well, 2021, yeah, threeyears ago we decided to move
(04:17):
away from California and wesettled in Arkansas.
We weren't sure we were goingto, but we said, let's just go
and see.
You know, all of our kids weregrown, let's just go see if we
like it.
We left all of our stuff inCalifornia, came out to Arkansas
, literally had nothing.
I mean a few items that wefilled in the pickup truck and
took off and and that was it,and everything else was just
(04:40):
left on my mother-in-law'sproperty over there in
California.
So we packed everything up inwhatever it was a 53-foot
trailer, you know and goteverything packed up.
But we left it there because weweren't sure where we were
going to land and we took sometime.
We knew we were going to moveand we took some time and we
(05:02):
landed here.
I'll go into that another time.
It's a whole story in itself.
I have a lot of stories, Iguess, but that's not where I
want to go to right now.
Let's stay on topic.
So anyway, when I decided wemoved, I decided to make the
commitment that I would never,ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,ever, ever overthink things so
(05:23):
much I wouldn't, because I wouldget analysis, paralysis, it's
just overthinking, and then youknow, and then I would just talk
myself out of it and and it wasjust too much and I said I'm
never doing that again.
And it took me quite some timeto even think about teaching
again in any aspect.
(05:44):
I moved from the performingarts field and I got my medical
training and my naturopathtraining and my herbalist
training and my life coachingtraining and all of my trainings
.
But it took me some time toreally think about whether I
wanted to teach again or runsessions again or classes or
(06:04):
whatever, because I was just Imean not to belittle PTSD, but I
really felt like I was just itwould put me in a state of
anxiety.
So it took me some time to getover that.
And then I decided, yeah, Ijust I do want to open up my own
practice.
Anyway, regardless, when Idecided, whatever business I was
going to go into.
Regardless, when I decidedwhatever business I was going to
go into, I committed to myselfI would not over plan and
(06:28):
overthink.
I just would not do it.
I know myself enough to givethe best of myself, but there's
going to be sometimes goodenough is just good enough.
And I don't mean that I'm notgoing to give my best.
I will always give my bestbecause that's just who I am,
but I'm not going to burn myselfout.
(06:50):
So that was a commitment I mademyself.
So when I decided to start thisaudio diary podcast whatever
this burn the boats is going tobe I said you know what?
I'm just shooting from the hip,I'm just going for it.
We'll see where it ends up.
So here we are, all right.
All of that being said, so whyam I doing an at-home retreat?
(07:14):
Well, the past three years hasbeen crazy in many good ways and
in not so good ways.
In many good ways, we landed inArkansas, loved it.
We found a gorgeous, beautifulproperty.
It took us a year to find aproperty that just spoke to us
and we did, and it was just Idrive up on our property.
And every time I drive up youknow well, maybe not every time,
but a lot of the times I justam in awe.
I'm like Lord, I don't know how.
(07:34):
I don't know how we got this.
I mean thank you, because it'sjust, it's a, it's been a
blessing.
I'm going to cry here becauseit's just.
I've never experiencedsomething so beautiful and
peaceful.
And also, my husband and werecommitted ourselves to our
(07:59):
relationship and to building ourrelationship, and that was
great.
And then, of course, doing allof my trainings and all of my
certifications and all theboards and doing all that was
great.
At the same time, it's been areally hellish year.
(08:22):
My husband, five years ago,became very ill and nobody could
tell us why and that's againanother story but I finally took
over his healing because thedoctors weren't able to figure
out what was going on and hisliver was being damaged from the
medications, and so I finally,just three years ago, took over
(08:43):
his healing.
Well, I guess it was two yearsago.
I took over his healing.
I said enough, and that wasreally the start, the impetus of
me going into health.
I mean, I've always been intohealth because of my own health
issues in the past, but reallygoing and becoming an official
right, because I thought I'vegot to heal my husband, I've got
(09:04):
to get him well, and he is.
I mean, he went from not beingable to walk or use his hands or
button his pants or to now iswalking and cutting down trees
and walking 22 acres, and welive on a mountain, so it's not
flat terrain and he's walkingand he's.
(09:25):
We live on a mountain, so it's,you know, not flat terrain and
and he's walking and he's notfalling and I mean it's.
It's really, I would say,miraculous, you know.
But and I know what you knoweverything that we've done, it
is a miracle and I thank God allthe time because God has gave
me the opportunity to learn whatI needed to learn to help him
heal, and I praise God for that.
(09:46):
But it was not easy and so it'sbeen two years.
He's not all the way healed.
There's still some minor issuesthat we're dealing with, but
they're minor.
They're so minor but yet he'snot complete, so we're still
working through those things.
Anyway, if you've ever been acaretaker and I don't mean you
know, even just being a mom, ifyou're just a mom, you know what
(10:08):
that's like.
You know you get burned out.
You know caretaking, but whenyou're dealing with someone
who's sick, it's a real toll andyou know it's a real toll
Emotionally, physically, evenspiritually.
It can really challenge you.
That it it was challenging.
(10:32):
So it was that.
And of course you know, justmoving in itself is challenging,
even if it's a good move.
Change has changed, no matterwhat.
It's difficult, even if it's agood change.
You know it can be difficultand that's okay, you know we
just prepare for that.
(10:53):
But so moving to a whole newstate, people thought we were
crazy.
We're moving in our 50s,starting new careers, we're
building a farmstead, you know,I mean in our 50s, and people
are like, you know, people arefamilies and friends.
What are you doing?
You know people don't do thisin your age.
I was like, well, why not?
I mean, I don't believe I neverreally thought about that
anyway, about, you know, youknow, get too old for something,
(11:14):
that I think that's nonsense.
But why not?
Anyway, so that.
But so that was a difficultchallenge but we manage, you
know.
But it was still.
You know it's been one thingafter another.
And then my mom we passed lastyear and that was very difficult
.
She had been sick for a while,dealing with dementia, and her
(11:37):
passing was very difficult, andthe interesting thing is that it
wasn't just her passing, herpassing that was difficult.
But when you have a parent pass,I think something happens as
you realize your own mortalityIn a way.
I think that, well, I'll justspeak for myself I realized my
own mortality in a way that Inever realized it before.
(12:01):
I mean, we all know, you know,we're not going to make it out
of this life alive, right, Imean, we're, all you know, have
a slow death sentence.
But I think you know, and agehas never been an issue for me,
I've never been thinking thatage has ever been a limitation.
I mean ever.
It just hasn't been.
(12:21):
But when my mother passed, youknow it was was like, oh my gosh
(12:46):
, my mom's gone, my parent isgone.
I mean just that you recognizeand realize that.
Oh, you know well, you're nextin the generation and the family
.
You know what I mean and it'sit gives you a level of maturity
that I don't think you know.
Realizing your own mortalitygives you a level of maturity
that I don't think you gainuntil you realize your own
mortality and you realize youdon't have any more time to lose
(13:07):
or to waste, and I don't wantto go into that too deep, but
just in, not here, but becauseI'm just trying to give an
overview right now.
So I don't want to go intoanything way too deeply here.
But so there was that.
And then there's been somepersonal issues with some family
.
That has been very difficult tokind of.
(13:28):
You know, and even though Iknow all the things I mean I am
a life coach.
I work with people all the time, with relationships and their
health.
You know it doesn't mean that Ihave all the answers myself,
right.
First of all, you know I havemy own coach, because it's very
hard sometimes to see our ownstuff.
But also, you know, it's lifeis life and everybody
(13:52):
experiences it.
And you know I have the toolsand I know things to do that.
But that doesn't mean that lifedoesn't hit me hard too.
It just means that I have thetools.
I think that I can recover andrealign myself a little quicker,
you know, but it doesn't mean Ifeel it any less than any of my
(14:16):
clients feel.
Anyway, so all of these thingscoming up and then my house
being on a renovation, which wasoh my gosh, I can't even tell
you a year of having my housetorn up.
I it's that was.
That was beyond, beyond.
I don't know if you've everexperienced having.
You know, we couldn't getanybody to work on the house
(14:38):
when we moved in.
Okay, we moved into the house.
It was not live in ready.
I mean, it was a disaster.
They had renters there who justcompletely with dogs tons of
dogs and dog smells and we gotthe carpet replaced immediately
but we couldn't get workers inbefore we needed to move in.
And so, you know, I got itcleaned right myself, because I
(15:00):
couldn't even find cleaners tocome in, which is okay because I
don't use chemical cleaners, soin, which is okay because I
don't use chemical cleaners.
So I went in and cleaned and wegot the floors replaced because
they smelled like pee, dog pee,I don't know.
I don't know what, all kind ofpee, but it was like pee.
So we got all that done, but wecouldn't get workers to get in
and fix the house before wemoved in.
So we moved into the house andwe finally found someone and he
(15:23):
was great.
There were some issues and youknow, but all in all it was
really good.
But it took a year to get myhouse done, a year of noise and
distractions and I'm trying towork with clients over the phone
or, you know, meeting them inperson and you know, and the
goal for this property is thatthis is where I'll be holding my
(15:44):
own retreats and, once theproperty is done, it's bringing
because it's so peaceful herethe walking and bringing clients
up here.
But for the year this past yearjust ended about three weeks
ago it's been under chaos, justthe noise and the work and the
dust and oh my gosh.
Anyway, I'm very blessed tohave the home I have, but, yeah,
(16:07):
not fun, I mean.
Yeah, it was not easy.
So, okay, all of that going topast, my house is almost
renovated.
We're cleaning up some thingsthat he couldn't finish, which
is fine.
We're doing some touch-up workthat we are doing personally.
But I realized, I looked in themirror and I just realized,
between my husband being ill andmy mom's passing and relations
(16:32):
with my daughter that are rockyright now, and just all the
things, and I looked in themirror and I went, wow, who the
hell are you?
What happened to you?
What the hell happened?
I just wasn't looking like me,I was worn down, I was tired, I
felt toxic, I just felt a toxicburden.
(16:54):
I have gained weight, becausejust here's the other thing
about being a caretaker whenyou're caretaking for someone
else's health, even though youknow all the stuff, it's very
easy to not take care ofyourself and to not make that
(17:14):
time.
And so I realized that I didn'trecognize who I was, you know,
and I didn't like what I wasseeing.
So now that everything haspretty much come to, you know, a
fairly stable place, I'vedecided to go ahead and I told
my husband I need some time andhe says, well, take the time.
If you need to get away, getaway.
And I thought about it.
(17:35):
I thought you know where can Igo?
And I thought, well, actually Idon't really want to go
anywhere.
Again, I live on 22 acres ofbeautiful country I mean winding
roads and ponds and butterfliesand hummingbirds, and it's like
(17:55):
I don't want to go anywhere.
This is my retreat, it'sbeautiful.
And why would I want to gosomeplace?
This is where we came to escape.
Why would I want to gosomeplace?
This is where we came to escape.
Why would I want to escape fromit?
Right, I mean, I love it here.
There's no place I would wantto go.
That would give me more peacethan my own home right now.
I mean, it's gorgeous and it'speaceful.
(18:16):
And the other thing is I thought, well, wherever I go, I can't
necessarily trust how the foodis being made.
I really really the chemicalsand the Clorox and the bleach
and the chemical cleaning andthe sanitation and blah, blah,
blah.
I can't really trust any ofthat.
And my goal is to detox, right,and to be in a place where I
(18:38):
know that the environment isvery green and very healthy, you
know, and really that I cancontrol.
Yeah, maybe the control freakis coming out of me, but I think
it's very important.
This point, the whole point, isfor me to detox.
I don't need to put myself in atoxic situation to detox, right
.
So I said no, I said and well,and also there's, I do still
(19:02):
have some responsibilities thatI can't just walk away from.
For, you know, a few weeks,right, maybe a week, but again,
I'd rather not go because I lovemy home.
But even more than that I can'tbecause you know my husband
still needs me, and not 100% ofthe time, you know anymore.
But you know I want to makemyself and be available, you
(19:24):
know, because we are stillworking through things, but he's
mostly completely independent.
But I'm just helping him, youknow, doing some things or
getting him started on somedifferent protocols.
What have you to try to to?
You know, fine tune what we'reworking on, and I really just
don't feel that it's the righttime to leave completely, you
(19:45):
know, for a time.
So I decided to just do anat-home retreat, and so that's
what I'm doing, and so that'swhy I'm doing it at home.
And so what do I plan on doing?
Well, gosh, so tomorrow I'mgoing to start with just getting
all of my materials prepared,right, and I'll share all about
(20:09):
that tomorrow or when I postnext.
But today, you know, it'sbasically just deciding what it
is that I want to do, what Idon't want to do, you know, and
how I want to work this retreat.
I don't know how long I will doit, for I have decided that I
(20:29):
want to start with a liquid GAPSfast.
I don't know if it'll be oneday, I don't know if it'll be
three days, but I just feel likeI need to do a little bit more
strenuous cleanse to begin with,right, and then I'll move into
GAP's intro diet and moveforward with that.
So I know I just got to get allmy materials prepared and all
(20:49):
of that, which that is my plan.
Well, today, I think I saidtoday, I think that's my plan
today is to just get everythingprepared, get everything ready
and then get started.
And so what my goal here is toput it down, and maybe this is
the start of building out my ownretreat, when I start to bring
(21:10):
my clients and running weekendretreats here.
Maybe this is what's going todevelop out of it.
I don't really know, but I'mexcited to get started.
I'm excited to take this timefor myself.
I know that I will be better bytaking this time for myself,
and it's not just physicallythat I'm working on trying to
(21:31):
take care of myself, but I needto take time to gain some
direction.
I want to take time for mymeditation and for my prayers,
and I want to do some dancingagain.
I haven't danced for a while.
I really worked out for a whileor even my yoga sporadically,
(21:52):
because I've just been so busywith all the things, and so I
want to get back into my grooveagain and enjoy these things and
start to gain a little moreinsight, spend some time praying
and meditating and seeking someanswers and asking other white
questions, you know, maybeseeking what the right questions
(22:16):
are to ask, whatever it is, andjust coming into myself, both
physically, mentally, giving mymind some peace and a break, and
spiritually, you know, findingout my heart, getting closer
into what it is.
The next direction of my life islooking like and we're burning
the boats.
(22:36):
I mean, when we, my husband andI, came out here, we burned the
boats.
We left California, not ourfamilies, but we left California
when we recommitted our livesto each other and our
relationship right.
We had a rocky marriage for 20years, 20 years of rocky
marriage, and when the kids allleft the house, it was like,
(22:56):
well, what are we going to do?
And we either decide to, youknow, abandon ship or burn the
boats.
And we decided, no, we're here,I love you, we love each other.
Let's burn the boats and stopindulging.
I'm going to talk about me herein doubt and in the past.
(23:17):
So, you know, our lives areabout burning the boats right
now, giving up the past, puttingit away allow, you know, giving
it the space it needed to heal,and then putting it to bed and
moving forward on the path ahead, committing to what's ahead,
focusing on what's ahead right,and not giving ourselves the
(23:41):
capability, the ability of goingbackwards.
Now, if it doesn't work out,guess what we can always do
Build a boat and move intoanother direction.
But right now the boats areburned and we are moving forward
and committed into this newdirection.
Not sure where it's going totake us, but it's an exciting
(24:01):
time.
You know, this second part ofour lives, it's exciting, it's
exciting, it's exciting, it'sexciting, it's it's fun in many
ways.
And, um, I'm looking forward tothe adventure ahead.
So so this is the reason for myat-home retreat, this, so I'm
(24:25):
sharing it, for I don't know whythat'll.
That answer will come when it'sready to come.
And, uh, I, if you're here andyou're going to join me, uh on
as I post.
I'm not sure when I'm going topost, how often I'll post,
whether it'll be daily or everyother, I don't know.
You know I will definitely uh,uh, put the link out on on X and
um on my website and I'll sendit out in an email.
(24:49):
So if you're on my email list,you'll get it there.
But again, I'm just.
Again, there's no perfectionismhere.
There's just me, raw and real,the joy, the pain, the love and
just the sharing, just sharingwho I am and what my heart is
saying and what I'm doing andhow it's going and what's
(25:12):
working and what's not.
So if you're going to join me,welcome and feel free to also.
You can email me or you canmessage me on my website and if
you have any comments orquestions or anything like that,
you know, and maybe I'll get toa Q&A sometime during this.
(25:34):
You know retreat and this audiodiary.
I will see you know, but I lookforward to hearing from you.
Feel free to connect with me onX.
You can find all of my socialmedia handles on my website at
wwwShariceParvizcom.
And yeah, I'm looking forwardto what this time brings for
(25:59):
reflection and revelation.
And if you join me, welcome,welcome aboard, although there's
the island, since we've burnedthe ships, we burned the boats.
So welcome to my island, myisland.
All right, talk soon.
Good morning.
So this is my first audiorecording, I guess, of my
at-home retreat diary.
I'm not sure what this is, I'mnot quite sure why I'm doing
this and the I don't know youknow.
(00:32):
Okay, so for me, when God talksto me, I feel it in my body and
it's such a strong pull andit's really kind of incestant
and I really do consider it likehe's pestering me.
Until I listen to him and dowhat he tells me to do, he just
keeps pestering me.
It's kind of like he's pokinghis little finger into my arm.
You know he doesn't have alittle finger, but you know what
I mean.
He's poking his finger into myarm and just keeps poking and
(00:52):
poking and poking at me until Ifinally say, okay, okay, let's
do it, and so that's kind ofwhere I am with this.
I'm not quite sure what's goingto come up by this, where I was
thinking about I've beenthinking about doing a podcast
for a while and, um, but I'mlike, really do we need another
podcast?
I mean, come on, really Do wereally need another podcast?
(01:12):
I don't think we do, but itjust I couldn't shake it and I'm
not sure why and I went.
You know, I need to just gowith it, because I made a
commitment to myself, as I guessthis might be a little longer
than I expected it today.
So we'll see what happens.
Okay, I'm just shooting fromthe hip here on this, guys, I'm
just doing, saying my thing anddo it.
(01:34):
I don't know who's going tolisten to this.
If anybody's going to listen tothis, and that's okay.
And maybe it's just for me toget it out and get it down and
get it out of me, and that'sokay too.
And so there's no glitz,there's no glamour, there's no
production value, there's nofancy intro music.
I mean, if I decide to continuewith the podcast, maybe we'll
(01:54):
get there.
I'm just going to just sharehonestly, for whatever reason
and for whoever it is, whetherit's just me alone, or me and my
family, or me and my family andothers, or nobody I'm just
going to do this because this iswhat I'm being called to do,
this is what God is poking me inthe arm to do, this is what God
(02:16):
is pestering me to do, and ifI'm going to have any peace, I
have to go ahead and just do it.
So I'm just doing it, all right.
So here we are.
So so, again, I don't know thatwe need another podcast, but
let's just do it.
So I thought well, one of thethings that I could start with
is I've decided to do an at-homeretreat.
(02:37):
Not sure how long.
I thought about two months ofthat.
Well, we'll see if we can dotwo months.
I'm not sure that I can stayaway from my commitments for two
months.
We'll see.
Again, playing it by ear, I wasgetting to that point, wasn't I?
So I made the commitment to notoverthink things too much when
(03:09):
I had my business, my performingarts school, before COVID.
I overthought all the time.
I worked 18 hours a day,literally no exaggeration, and
it was seven days a week, and Ioverthought and overthought and
overthought and overthought andwas very perfectionistic and
burned myself out.
And, quite honestly, when COVIDcame this is a whole nother
(03:32):
story in itself, but just tomake it short, when COVID came I
was relieved because I knewthat I was killing myself
literally and I couldn't stepout.
And then, when COVID came, Iwas finally able to kind of
shake up and go.
I can't do this anymore, andfor lots of different reasons
which I won't go into right nowbecause that's not what's really
important, although I will atsome point because it's an
(03:53):
important.
It was an important moment inmy life and in realizing what I
was chasing and why I waschasing and why I was burning
myself to the ground.
Anyway, that's another day.
But when I decided to close thatbusiness down and three years
ago we well, 2021, yeah, threeyears ago we decided to move
(04:17):
away from California and wesettled in Arkansas.
We weren't sure we were goingto, but we said, let's just go
and see.
You know, all of our kids weregrown, let's just go see if we
like it.
We left all of our stuff inCalifornia, came out to Arkansas
, literally had nothing.
I mean a few items that wefilled in the pickup truck and
took off and and that was it,and everything else was just
(04:40):
left on my mother-in-law'sproperty over there in
California.
So we packed everything up inwhatever it was a 53-foot
trailer, you know and goteverything packed up.
But we left it there because weweren't sure where we were
going to land and we took sometime.
We knew we were going to moveand we took some time and we
(05:02):
landed here.
I'll go into that another time.
It's a whole story in itself.
I have a lot of stories, Iguess, but that's not where I
want to go to right now.
Let's stay on topic.
So anyway, when I decided wemoved, I decided to make the
commitment that I would never,ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,ever, ever overthink things so
(05:23):
much I wouldn't, because I wouldget analysis, paralysis, it's
just overthinking, and then youknow, and then I would just talk
myself out of it and and it wasjust too much and I said I'm
never doing that again.
And it took me quite some timeto even think about teaching
again in any aspect.
(05:44):
I moved from the performingarts field and I got my medical
training and my naturopathtraining and my herbalist
training and my life coachingtraining and all of my trainings
.
But it took me some time toreally think about whether I
wanted to teach again or runsessions again or classes or
(06:04):
whatever, because I was just Imean not to belittle PTSD, but I
really felt like I was just itwould put me in a state of
anxiety.
So it took me some time to getover that.
And then I decided, yeah, Ijust I do want to open up my own
practice.
Anyway, regardless, when Idecided, whatever business I was
going to go into.
Regardless, when I decidedwhatever business I was going to
go into, I committed to myselfI would not over plan and
(06:28):
overthink.
I just would not do it.
I know myself enough to givethe best of myself, but there's
going to be sometimes goodenough is just good enough.
And I don't mean that I'm notgoing to give my best.
I will always give my bestbecause that's just who I am,
but I'm not going to burn myselfout.
(06:50):
So that was a commitment I mademyself.
So when I decided to start thisaudio diary podcast whatever
this burn the boats is going tobe I said you know what?
I'm just shooting from the hip,I'm just going for it.
We'll see where it ends up.
So here we are, all right.
All of that being said, so whyam I doing an at-home retreat?
(07:14):
Well, the past three years hasbeen crazy in many good ways and
in not so good ways.
In many good ways, we landed inArkansas, loved it.
We found a gorgeous, beautifulproperty.
It took us a year to find aproperty that just spoke to us
and we did, and it was just Idrive up on our property.
And every time I drive up youknow well, maybe not every time,
but a lot of the times I justam in awe.
I'm like Lord, I don't know how.
(07:34):
I don't know how we got this.
I mean thank you, because it'sjust, it's a, it's been a
blessing.
I'm going to cry here becauseit's just.
I've never experiencedsomething so beautiful and
peaceful.
And also, my husband and werecommitted ourselves to our
(07:59):
relationship and to building ourrelationship, and that was
great.
And then, of course, doing allof my trainings and all of my
certifications and all theboards and doing all that was
great.
At the same time, it's been areally hellish year.
(08:22):
My husband, five years ago,became very ill and nobody could
tell us why and that's againanother story but I finally took
over his healing because thedoctors weren't able to figure
out what was going on and hisliver was being damaged from the
medications, and so I finally,just three years ago, took over
(08:43):
his healing.
Well, I guess it was two yearsago.
I took over his healing.
I said enough, and that wasreally the start, the impetus of
me going into health.
I mean, I've always been intohealth because of my own health
issues in the past, but reallygoing and becoming an official
right, because I thought I'vegot to heal my husband, I've got
(09:04):
to get him well, and he is.
I mean, he went from not beingable to walk or use his hands or
button his pants or to now iswalking and cutting down trees
and walking 22 acres, and welive on a mountain, so it's not
flat terrain and he's walkingand he's.
(09:25):
We live on a mountain, so it's,you know, not flat terrain and
and he's walking and he's notfalling and I mean it's.
It's really, I would say,miraculous, you know.
But and I know what you knoweverything that we've done, it
is a miracle and I thank God allthe time because God has gave
me the opportunity to learn whatI needed to learn to help him
heal, and I praise God for that.
(09:46):
But it was not easy and so it'sbeen two years.
He's not all the way healed.
There's still some minor issuesthat we're dealing with, but
they're minor.
They're so minor but yet he'snot complete, so we're still
working through those things.
Anyway, if you've ever been acaretaker and I don't mean you
know, even just being a mom, ifyou're just a mom, you know what
(10:08):
that's like.
You know you get burned out.
You know caretaking, but whenyou're dealing with someone
who's sick, it's a real toll andyou know it's a real toll
Emotionally, physically, evenspiritually.
It can really challenge you.
That it it was challenging.
(10:32):
So it was that.
And of course you know, justmoving in itself is challenging,
even if it's a good move.
Change has changed, no matterwhat.
It's difficult, even if it's agood change.
You know it can be difficultand that's okay, you know we
just prepare for that.
(10:53):
But so moving to a whole newstate, people thought we were
crazy.
We're moving in our 50s,starting new careers, we're
building a farmstead, you know,I mean in our 50s, and people
are like, you know, people arefamilies and friends.
What are you doing?
You know people don't do thisin your age.
I was like, well, why not?
I mean, I don't believe I neverreally thought about that
anyway, about, you know, youknow, get too old for something,
(11:14):
that I think that's nonsense.
But why not?
Anyway, so that.
But so that was a difficultchallenge but we manage, you
know.
But it was still.
You know it's been one thingafter another.
And then my mom we passed lastyear and that was very difficult
.
She had been sick for a while,dealing with dementia, and her
(11:37):
passing was very difficult, andthe interesting thing is that it
wasn't just her passing, herpassing that was difficult.
But when you have a parent pass,I think something happens as
you realize your own mortalityIn a way.
I think that, well, I'll justspeak for myself I realized my
own mortality in a way that Inever realized it before.
(12:01):
I mean, we all know, you know,we're not going to make it out
of this life alive, right, Imean, we're, all you know, have
a slow death sentence.
But I think you know, and agehas never been an issue for me,
I've never been thinking thatage has ever been a limitation.
I mean ever.
It just hasn't been.
(12:21):
But when my mother passed, youknow it was was like, oh my gosh
(12:46):
, my mom's gone, my parent isgone.
I mean just that you recognizeand realize that.
Oh, you know well, you're nextin the generation and the family
.
You know what I mean and it'sit gives you a level of maturity
that I don't think you know.
Realizing your own mortalitygives you a level of maturity
that I don't think you gainuntil you realize your own
mortality and you realize youdon't have any more time to lose
(13:07):
or to waste, and I don't wantto go into that too deep, but
just in, not here, but becauseI'm just trying to give an
overview right now.
So I don't want to go intoanything way too deeply here.
But so there was that.
And then there's been somepersonal issues with some family
.
That has been very difficult tokind of.
(13:28):
You know, and even though Iknow all the things I mean I am
a life coach.
I work with people all the time, with relationships and their
health.
You know it doesn't mean that Ihave all the answers myself,
right.
First of all, you know I havemy own coach, because it's very
hard sometimes to see our ownstuff.
But also, you know, it's lifeis life and everybody
(13:52):
experiences it.
And you know I have the toolsand I know things to do that.
But that doesn't mean that lifedoesn't hit me hard too.
It just means that I have thetools.
I think that I can recover andrealign myself a little quicker,
you know, but it doesn't mean Ifeel it any less than any of my
(14:16):
clients feel.
Anyway, so all of these thingscoming up and then my house
being on a renovation, which wasoh my gosh, I can't even tell
you a year of having my housetorn up.
I it's that was.
That was beyond, beyond.
I don't know if you've everexperienced having.
You know, we couldn't getanybody to work on the house
(14:38):
when we moved in.
Okay, we moved into the house.
It was not live in ready.
I mean, it was a disaster.
They had renters there who justcompletely with dogs tons of
dogs and dog smells and we gotthe carpet replaced immediately
but we couldn't get workers inbefore we needed to move in.
And so, you know, I got itcleaned right myself, because I
(15:00):
couldn't even find cleaners tocome in, which is okay because I
don't use chemical cleaners, soin, which is okay because I
don't use chemical cleaners.
So I went in and cleaned and wegot the floors replaced because
they smelled like pee, dog pee,I don't know.
I don't know what, all kind ofpee, but it was like pee.
So we got all that done, but wecouldn't get workers to get in
and fix the house before wemoved in.
So we moved into the house andwe finally found someone and he
(15:23):
was great.
There were some issues and youknow, but all in all it was
really good.
But it took a year to get myhouse done, a year of noise and
distractions and I'm trying towork with clients over the phone
or, you know, meeting them inperson and you know, and the
goal for this property is thatthis is where I'll be holding my
(15:44):
own retreats and, once theproperty is done, it's bringing
because it's so peaceful herethe walking and bringing clients
up here.
But for the year this past yearjust ended about three weeks
ago it's been under chaos, justthe noise and the work and the
dust and oh my gosh.
Anyway, I'm very blessed tohave the home I have, but, yeah,
(16:07):
not fun, I mean.
Yeah, it was not easy.
So, okay, all of that going topast, my house is almost
renovated.
We're cleaning up some thingsthat he couldn't finish, which
is fine.
We're doing some touch-up workthat we are doing personally.
But I realized, I looked in themirror and I just realized,
between my husband being ill andmy mom's passing and relations
(16:32):
with my daughter that are rockyright now, and just all the
things, and I looked in themirror and I went, wow, who the
hell are you?
What happened to you?
What the hell happened?
I just wasn't looking like me,I was worn down, I was tired, I
felt toxic, I just felt a toxicburden.
(16:54):
I have gained weight, becausejust here's the other thing
about being a caretaker whenyou're caretaking for someone
else's health, even though youknow all the stuff, it's very
easy to not take care ofyourself and to not make that
(17:14):
time.
And so I realized that I didn'trecognize who I was, you know,
and I didn't like what I wasseeing.
So now that everything haspretty much come to, you know, a
fairly stable place, I'vedecided to go ahead and I told
my husband I need some time andhe says, well, take the time.
If you need to get away, getaway.
And I thought about it.
(17:35):
I thought you know where can Igo?
And I thought, well, actually Idon't really want to go
anywhere.
Again, I live on 22 acres ofbeautiful country I mean winding
roads and ponds and butterfliesand hummingbirds, and it's like
(17:55):
I don't want to go anywhere.
This is my retreat, it'sbeautiful.
And why would I want to gosomeplace?
This is where we came to escape.
Why would I want to gosomeplace?
This is where we came to escape.
Why would I want to escape fromit?
Right, I mean, I love it here.
There's no place I would wantto go.
That would give me more peacethan my own home right now.
I mean, it's gorgeous and it'speaceful.
(18:16):
And the other thing is I thought, well, wherever I go, I can't
necessarily trust how the foodis being made.
I really really the chemicalsand the Clorox and the bleach
and the chemical cleaning andthe sanitation and blah, blah,
blah.
I can't really trust any ofthat.
And my goal is to detox, right,and to be in a place where I
(18:38):
know that the environment isvery green and very healthy, you
know, and really that I cancontrol.
Yeah, maybe the control freakis coming out of me, but I think
it's very important.
This point, the whole point, isfor me to detox.
I don't need to put myself in atoxic situation to detox, right
.
So I said no, I said and well,and also there's, I do still
(19:02):
have some responsibilities thatI can't just walk away from.
For, you know, a few weeks,right, maybe a week, but again,
I'd rather not go because I lovemy home.
But even more than that I can'tbecause you know my husband
still needs me, and not 100% ofthe time, you know anymore.
But you know I want to makemyself and be available, you
(19:24):
know, because we are stillworking through things, but he's
mostly completely independent.
But I'm just helping him, youknow, doing some things or
getting him started on somedifferent protocols.
What have you to try to to?
You know, fine tune what we'reworking on, and I really just
don't feel that it's the righttime to leave completely, you
(19:45):
know, for a time.
So I decided to just do anat-home retreat, and so that's
what I'm doing, and so that'swhy I'm doing it at home.
And so what do I plan on doing?
Well, gosh, so tomorrow I'mgoing to start with just getting
all of my materials prepared,right, and I'll share all about
(20:09):
that tomorrow or when I postnext.
But today, you know, it'sbasically just deciding what it
is that I want to do, what Idon't want to do, you know, and
how I want to work this retreat.
I don't know how long I will doit, for I have decided that I
(20:29):
want to start with a liquid GAPSfast.
I don't know if it'll be oneday, I don't know if it'll be
three days, but I just feel likeI need to do a little bit more
strenuous cleanse to begin with,right, and then I'll move into
GAP's intro diet and moveforward with that.
So I know I just got to get allmy materials prepared and all
(20:49):
of that, which that is my plan.
Well, today, I think I saidtoday, I think that's my plan
today is to just get everythingprepared, get everything ready
and then get started.
And so what my goal here is toput it down, and maybe this is
the start of building out my ownretreat, when I start to bring
(21:10):
my clients and running weekendretreats here.
Maybe this is what's going todevelop out of it.
I don't really know, but I'mexcited to get started.
I'm excited to take this timefor myself.
I know that I will be better bytaking this time for myself,
and it's not just physicallythat I'm working on trying to
(21:31):
take care of myself, but I needto take time to gain some
direction.
I want to take time for mymeditation and for my prayers,
and I want to do some dancingagain.
I haven't danced for a while.
I really worked out for a whileor even my yoga sporadically,
(21:52):
because I've just been so busywith all the things, and so I
want to get back into my grooveagain and enjoy these things and
start to gain a little moreinsight, spend some time praying
and meditating and seeking someanswers and asking other white
questions, you know, maybeseeking what the right questions
(22:16):
are to ask, whatever it is, andjust coming into myself, both
physically, mentally, giving mymind some peace and a break, and
spiritually, you know, findingout my heart, getting closer
into what it is.
The next direction of my life islooking like and we're burning
the boats.
(22:36):
I mean, when we, my husband andI, came out here, we burned the
boats.
We left California, not ourfamilies, but we left California
when we recommitted our livesto each other and our
relationship right.
We had a rocky marriage for 20years, 20 years of rocky
marriage, and when the kids allleft the house, it was like,
(22:56):
well, what are we going to do?
And we either decide to, youknow, abandon ship or burn the
boats.
And we decided, no, we're here,I love you, we love each other.
Let's burn the boats and stopindulging.
I'm going to talk about me herein doubt and in the past.
(23:17):
So, you know, our lives areabout burning the boats right
now, giving up the past, puttingit away allow, you know, giving
it the space it needed to heal,and then putting it to bed and
moving forward on the path ahead, committing to what's ahead,
focusing on what's ahead right,and not giving ourselves the
(23:41):
capability, the ability of goingbackwards.
Now, if it doesn't work out,guess what we can always do
Build a boat and move intoanother direction.
But right now the boats areburned and we are moving forward
and committed into this newdirection.
Not sure where it's going totake us, but it's an exciting
(24:01):
time.
You know, this second part ofour lives, it's exciting, it's
exciting, it's exciting, it'sexciting, it's it's fun in many
ways.
And, um, I'm looking forward tothe adventure ahead.
So so this is the reason for myat-home retreat, this, so I'm
(24:25):
sharing it, for I don't know whythat'll.
That answer will come when it'sready to come.
And, uh, I, if you're here andyou're going to join me, uh on
as I post.
I'm not sure when I'm going topost, how often I'll post,
whether it'll be daily or everyother, I don't know.
You know I will definitely uh,uh, put the link out on on X and
um on my website and I'll sendit out in an email.
(24:49):
So if you're on my email list,you'll get it there.
But again, I'm just.
Again, there's no perfectionismhere.
There's just me, raw and real,the joy, the pain, the love and
just the sharing, just sharingwho I am and what my heart is
saying and what I'm doing andhow it's going and what's
(25:12):
working and what's not.
So if you're going to join me,welcome and feel free to also.
You can email me or you canmessage me on my website and if
you have any comments orquestions or anything like that,
you know, and maybe I'll get toa Q&A sometime during this.
(25:34):
You know retreat and this audiodiary.
I will see you know, but I lookforward to hearing from you.
Feel free to connect with me onX.
You can find all of my socialmedia handles on my website at
wwwShariceParvizcom.
And yeah, I'm looking forwardto what this time brings for
(25:59):
reflection and revelation.
And if you join me, welcome,welcome aboard, although there's
the island, since we've burnedthe ships, we burned the boats.
So welcome to my island, myisland.
All right, talk soon.
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