October 23, 2024 • 39 mins
Have you ever felt trapped in a routine or questioned whether the things that once brought you happiness still resonate today? Join me as I share my personal journey through life's transitions and how you can decide what really brings you joy.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Sharise Parviz (00:00):
Welcome to Burn the Boats Baby.
I'm S Parviz.
Today I wanted to talk to youabout, well, whether you're
spinning your wheels stuck in arut.
Do you know what actually makesyou happy?
Do you know what brings you joyin your life, what makes you
laugh, what brings you more funand excitement, more peace, more
(00:26):
love?
Do you know?
Or could you possibly just bespinning your wheels in a rut,
thinking that what made youhappy in the past still makes
you happy now?
Or, if it doesn't, you think itshould, so you're sticking with
it?
And how do you determine whatmakes you happy anyway?
Maybe you don't even know.
(00:46):
Well, these are the thingswe're going to talk about today,
but first I want to give you alittle update.
So I am entering.
I think this is my second week.
I'm not really keeping track ofthe day's dates.
Yeah, I think this is my secondweek of my at-home retreat.
Things are going really well.
I think the last time I chattedwith you I think this is my
second week of my at-homeretreat Things are going really
well.
I think the last time I chattedwith you, I had told you that
(01:09):
Miss Little Little Miss Perfect,came to visit me and we had a
little chat.
Well, we worked things out.
We sure did, and we spent acouple of hours, as I mentioned,
on some of the projects that wewanted to work on, and then we
called it a day and actually shehasn't visited again.
(01:32):
We're not even anywherecomplete on those projects, but
I think I calmed her down, weworked it out, she's a little
more secure, feeling a littlemore safe, and so we'll come
back to it when the time isright, which isn't really right
now.
Right now, I'm just reallytrying to enjoy my time away
while staying in with my at-homeretreat, and I don't know if
(01:52):
you can tell, but I can speak alot better now.
I'm still a little nasally, but, man, it's really cleared up.
I was sneezing all night long.
I mean, this is like last weekeyes watering, all these you
know issues and now it's like,oh, I feel so much better.
So I still have a little stuffcoming up, you know, some junk
(02:13):
coming out of my throat, and alot of that is really what I'd
mentioned also last time I spokewas I believe it was last time
we chatted detoxing right andgetting rid of stuff, and when
things are coming out of ourbody, they come out through all
the ways they come out.
You know all the ways weexcrete stuff out of our body
through our nasal passages, andso right now, even though my
(02:35):
nose is clear, my throat's kindof got a lot of gunk in it.
I know, isn't this fun to learnthis and do all this, but these
are the things.
If you decide to go, or if youhave you've experienced this, or
if you decide to go and you'renever really done a full cleanse
, and then these are justexperiences I'm sharing.
So you go oh, what is this?
(02:56):
And so you don't get freakedout, thinking something's wrong
with you.
When you start to haveexperiences, die off reactions
which are just completely normal, and you just baby yourself and
give yourself some time andsome rest.
So this morning I felt reallygood.
Well, actually, that's a lie, Ididn't.
When I first got up thismorning, I had a really terrible
(03:16):
headache and I thought, oh mygosh, it was just a real
pressure headache and I was like, oh, I think I might have to go
back to bed.
I said, well, wait, let me justdrink some water.
And lo and behold, I had 16ounces of my lemon water, which
I do every morning and likewithin five minutes, my headache
was gone, so I was justdehydrated.
You know, it's funny, the thingsyou think about.
(03:37):
You think that, oh my gosh,what am I going to do?
And then you go.
It's the simplest things thatsolve the problem, right?
You know, we overcomplicatethings a little too much
sometimes.
Well, okay, maybe I, maybe youdon't.
I tend to overcomplicate thingsand have to go.
You know what's, what's thesimple answer here, Sharise,
because usually the simpleanswer yeah, you know what
(03:59):
that's usually the correct one.
That's usually the, the one youwant to follow is the simplest
answer.
If it's not, at least try thesimplest answer first, the
simplest solution, try thatfirst.
More than likely that's goingto be the answer, and if it's
not, okay, but at least try itfirst.
Anyway, so that is my update.
Feeling good, my headache isgone, a little bit of gunk in my
(04:21):
throat, but other than that Ihave a lot of energy, been
feeling really good.
The weight loss has slowed down, excuse me.
So I think I've lost anothertwo pounds.
So I guess it has.
Well, I was losing like, Ithink, like a pound a day, so
it's kind of died down.
I think I lost two pounds thispast week.
Lord, I need to keep track ofmy days.
(04:41):
I am keeping it track in myjournal, but it's just not in my
brain.
So anyway, um, anyway.
So that's fine, you know.
The thing is it's steadilycoming off and I guess I lost
all the water weight I needed tolose, I'm sure you know, and so
there might be still some more.
But but mostly it's steadilycoming off and I'm seeing a
reduction in inflammation allover my body, just a swelling
(05:04):
and inflammation.
My face is slimmer, my tummy isflatter, my abs are showing
again, my muscles, my arms haveslimmed down.
You know, even all of that hasslimmed down because I'm
releasing and reducing theinflammation in my body.
So yay for that.
So all is well, and that is itfor my update on my at-home
(05:29):
retreat.
It is cold this morning, we arewalking on our path and, oh my
gosh, it's like fall.
I'm loving it.
All right.
So let's get to today's topic.
Are you in a rut, and do youeven know what it is that makes
you happy?
Are you just spinning yourwheels on what used to make you
happy or what you think shouldstill make you happy?
(05:51):
And how would you know whatmakes you happy anyway.
So when I talk about happiness,let me preface that Happiness
to me.
I like to use the word more joythan happy, because happy to me
is a more of a fleeting emotion.
Right, oh, that makes me sohappy.
Right, let's go and dosomething fun.
Oh, that was happy, you know.
(06:12):
But it's a happy face, it's anemoji, and you can have happy
times, which are wonderful, butto me, again, happiness just
seems fleeting, it's aconditional feeling.
You know, something was fun,something made you happy, and
then it's gone, right, but joyis really what I want to talk
(06:35):
about.
You know, I use the word happy,but the truth is it's really joy
, something that really that,even through the tough times,
it's that thing that just makesyou go.
Oh, that, even through thetough times, it's that thing
that just makes you go.
Oh, I don't know that makes mego.
Oh, because sometimes wordsdon't express the joy that I
feel in doing what I'm doing.
Right, and so happy, fleeting.
(06:56):
You know, it's great to feelhappy, right, when you lose
those few pounds, like, oh, Ifeel happy when you would lose
the joint pain in your knees.
Oh, I feel happy when you have,you know, completed some goal
or some intention.
There's a moment of happiness,and then it usually fades and
then you're back to the grindagain.
(07:17):
But what, if really, we canseek for joy that is always
there underneath, always thereready to just express itself in
your life, right?
So even through the difficulttimes, even through the not so
happy times, there's always thatjoy that's in our heart.
(07:39):
So how do we discover what itis that brings us joy?
So how do we discover what itis that brings us joy, not just
happy, fleeting emotion, butdeep down joy, though, again,
fleeting moments of happinessare good too, there's nothing
wrong with that.
So what is it?
What is it?
How do you know?
Well, I can tell you from myown experience.
(08:10):
When I left, closed down myperforming arts school, I was
not in a place of happiness andcertainly no joy.
I was in a place of justburnout.
I was sick.
I was hospitalized because Ihadn't.
The stress in my body was justoverwhelming.
And I remember that there was atime when I was really, really
happy in my studio.
About the first three, fouryears it was a blast, right, but
(08:33):
towards the end I just hated it.
No, I loved the kids, don't getme wrong.
I mean, that's what kept mehanging in so long, even though
you know, for eight, almost nineyears, kept me hanging in so
long, even though you know, foreight, almost nine years hanging
on so long onto the studiosbecause I adored the kids and
they did bring me joy.
But honestly, the misery of mystudio was just, it was awful
(08:58):
and it was overwhelming and Iknew it was time to leave.
So when I left right and as youknow, we, if you've been
listening to these episodes youknow we closed down my school
during COVID and then we movedto almost across the you know
the states, across the nation.
We went to Arkansas, not quiteacross, but a little more than
(09:21):
center, a little more east thancenter from California.
So it's a huge adjustment andchange.
So we got to, we stayed in anapartment for a year and it was
like a blank slate, right.
I did have some feelings ofanxiety, of just trying to come
to.
I couldn't even think about thestudio because of any time I
(09:42):
thought about it I would getanxious.
So but that was a side you know, I was no longer doing that.
So I thought to myself what doI do now?
I mean, I literally do not knowwhat to do.
I hadn't been dancing for along time, even though I was
teaching dance, but that's verydifferent than actually dancing
yourself.
You know, I wasn't really, Ihadn't.
(10:03):
It's just I didn't know whatmade me happy anymore and I
certainly didn't know whatbrought me joy.
And my husband and I, you know,we recommitted our relationship
and you know, while that was ajoyful moment, there was still
not a lot of.
There was still some unpleasant, unhappy times because we were
healing.
We were healing from 20 yearsof a broken marriage.
(10:26):
So you know, it didn't likejust woo, everything's great
overnight.
We knew we made a joyfuldecision, but it always didn't
feel happy.
It didn't always feel happybecause we were still working
through some pain.
We were healing, and healing,you know, just like detoxing on
a at-home retreat, isn't alwayspleasant.
You get headaches, you know.
(10:48):
You feel sick to your stomach,you feel tired, right.
There are things that are justnot happy moments.
There are some, but they're notall, when you're in the process
of healing.
And so we in our marriage werein the process of healing.
So not all the times were great, though I knew in the end it
would be right that we'd getthrough it.
(11:09):
So there was joy there, butcertainly not a lot of happiness
, not all the time, though therewere some times because we were
almost like newlyweds in a way.
You know, we didn't have anykids anymore.
Our kids were grown.
We had them you always havekids but they were grown.
And we kind of did everythingbackwards because when we got
married, I already had two kidsfrom a previous marriage, right,
two children and Michael, andthen we have the one together.
(11:32):
But Michael, you know, took usall in, I mean, and he, you know
, of course they, they havetheir father, but Michael really
, you know, helped raise themand really loved them like like
their own.
So all three of our kiddos, heloved them equally.
So he, you know, we kind of dideverything backwards in the
sense.
And then, so now when they weregone, well, we had a whole new
(11:55):
start, right, and it's like,well, what do we do?
Where do we go from here?
So, so there was a lot of happymoments too, because we were
kind of just discovering notonly our new life together but
discovering each other and goingon dates and doing like single,
you know, dating couples, whatthey do before kids, right, and
(12:16):
hopefully you know we didn't,but hopefully you will.
If you're in that condition,let me just tell you don't stop
date nights.
Make sure you go on date nights.
Okay, that's one thing that wedidn't do.
We didn't make time for ourrelationship and um, and it
suffered for it, right, but thatwas then.
This is now.
So we get here to our new stateand everything's blank slate.
(12:39):
Where do we start?
I have no idea what I like.
I have no idea what I enjoy.
I have no idea what I want todo and I don't mean do as a
career.
I mean, I wasn't even thinkingthat far down the road, I was
not even thinking.
I couldn't even think aboutthat.
Well, I'll talk about thatanother day but I couldn't even
think about what the futuremight look like.
I just didn't know what it wasthat I wanted to do.
(13:02):
Now, like just in the moment,what really brought me joy.
I had to discover that myselfagain and I thought, okay, well,
how do I do this?
Well, I'll tell you a couple ofthings that I did.
The first thing I did is that,even though it was very
difficult for me to discoverwhat it is that I like, doing
what it is that made me happy,what it was that brings me joy
(13:24):
and fun and laughter andsilliness.
I couldn't really figure thatout right away, so I did the
process of elimination.
You remember that in school,right?
What's the process ofelimination?
And sometimes it's a lot easierto find the things you don't
like than what you do, but it'sa great starting point.
So I made a list.
I made a list and I thoughtwhat are the things I don't like
(13:44):
?
And I mean I made a list oneverything the kind of food I
didn't like, the kind of clothesI didn't like, the kind of
music I didn't like, which Ilike, all music.
So that was kind of hard.
But the kind of books I didn'tlike, the kind of everything I
mean, all the way down to themost mundane thing in my life,
to extraordinary things in mylife.
What is it that you know thatmade a big impact in my life,
(14:06):
what are the things I don't like?
And I listen, what kind offlowers don't I like?
I mean anything.
And really what I'm doing isjust was.
I was building an awareness formyself.
I was building an awareness towho I was and what it is I liked
and didn't like.
So we started with what I didn'tlike.
(14:27):
I was getting to know myselfand I just made a list and I
just added to that list, like Iliterally would put a piece of
paper on the table, like on thekitchen counters where it was,
and when something just kind ofcrossed my mind or something, I
did something or came acrosssomething or I thought of
something, I just jotted it down.
(14:47):
What makes me unhappy, what Idon't like, list, and I just
marked it all down.
So I thought, well, okay,that's a starting point.
So now I know what I don't like.
Hmm, all right, so now what doI like?
What does make me happy?
So once I felt complete in thatand it took me a few days, if I
(15:08):
remember correctly, to write allthat down, it may take you not
that long, but once you feel it,you know and you feel complete,
you're like, hey, I got it andyou don't have to give that list
away, keep it going.
You can still keep it on theside because other things may
come up.
But once you feel that rightnow, in that moment you're
complete, you've gotten all thestuff you don't like out of you
(15:29):
and you may end up just going ona rant and, just like I know
everything I don't like and youmay vomit all over the page.
That's okay too.
Keep that page, but just set itaside for a moment.
Okay, get all of that out ofyou and set it aside and then
make a new page what does makeme happy, and then maybe, like I
still don't know.
That's okay.
(15:49):
So here's what you do.
You just start to observeyourself during the day and when
something that you like, thatyou do, or something that you
hear, or something that youexperience puts a smile on your
face, you know, makes you laugh,you think, oh, this is fun, I
like this.
Write it down.
(16:09):
That's your happy list, yourjoy list, right, and you do that
throughout the day.
You know, just go through yourday on a regular day and just
jotting down the things that youenjoy, you know, as you enjoy,
oh, ask yourself, did I likedoing that or did I not like
doing that?
Which list does it need to goon?
(16:31):
And if you like doing it, putit down on your like list, right
?
So I guess you could have adislike list and a like list,
okay.
So, as you're doing that andagain, keep those lists going
and you can keep those listsgoing indefinitely, just to
become more aware as youexperience more things and bring
(16:53):
more awareness up.
You can just continue thoselists.
Oh, I'm getting out of breath.
It was a big, strong, fast walk.
So you get that list down andyou look at it and look at your
likes list and you look at itand you think, well, what?
You could even go deeper.
What about this made me like it?
(17:13):
What about it?
What did it give me?
Did it give me a sense offreedom?
Did it give me a sense of joyor laughter or silliness?
Did I feel like myself in this?
Did I feel close to someoneright?
Was it a walk with a friend?
Was it a hug?
What was it that?
That?
(17:34):
What did it give me right?
Now, how can I add more of thatinto my life?
So, once you've figured outyour dislikes, you don't have to
start there.
If you could go with your likes, go there Either way.
We could have your dislike listand your like list.
Once you have your like list,ask yourself what about it?
(17:55):
Did you like?
What did it give you?
How did it make you feel Right?
And then, once you have that,ask yourself now, how can I add
this more into my life?
Now let's jump a bit and makethis even deeper, because you
could say, well, I like drinking, I like alcohol.
(18:17):
I don't know if I want to addmore alcohol in my life.
Really, I mean, it's fun, Ihave happy.
You know it brings me some joyin the moment.
Um, or maybe you know I reallylike that chocolate cake, or you
know I really like smoking thatcigarette, whatever it is Right
.
So there are some things thatyou may like, but you really
(18:37):
know you don't want more of youin your life.
How do you determine that?
Okay, so let's go back.
Let's recap.
We got our dislike list.
We have our like list.
In our like list, we've saidwhat it is about it, that you
liked about it.
Okay, how can you add more ofthat in your life?
Then you could take that likelist and go but what are these
(19:00):
things that I know?
Even though I like them, I knowthey're not good for me.
Well then, what we need to dois find out again.
You asked yourself what is itabout these things on the list?
What do they give you?
Does smoking a cigarette giveyou a sense of?
I'm not saying you do.
I'm just saying, if that's anexample, does that give you a
(19:22):
sense of comfort and relaxation?
Maybe it's a sense ofconnection to yourself and some
time away.
So really, it's not thecigarette that's giving you joy
and happiness, it's the timeaway, it's the time to rest,
it's a time to sit, whatever itgives you.
Once you realize and determinewhat it is that that thing gives
(19:46):
you, then you can look forsomething that can substitute
for the cigarette, or thechocolate cake or the glass of
wine or whatever.
It is okay If that is somethingyou want to remove from your
life.
Now here are a couple of thingsthat you can ask yourself when
(20:08):
determining whether somethingyou like is a good vehicle.
I'm going to call it a vehicle.
Something that you enjoy doing,that brings you a sense of
happiness or joy, is a thingthat you really want to continue
.
Continue or if you need to finda substitute.
There are questions to askyourself Is what I'm doing good
(20:29):
for me?
Does it feel good?
Do I know it's good for me?
Second question Is what I'mdoing good for others, your
family, your friends, yourpeople that you're close to, the
people that matter to you, yourcircle, your smaller, tighter,
intimate circle of influenceyour spouse, obviously, right.
(20:52):
And then, third, does it servethe greater good?
Does doing this thing thatbrings me some comfort, some
happiness?
Does it serve the greater good?
And whatever that greater goodis to you?
It could be the greater good inyour church, the greater good
(21:15):
of your community and yourneighborhood, right?
So does it serve me, does itfeel good and is it good for me?
Second question does it serveothers, your immediate, others
around you?
And third, does it serve thegreater good?
And again, that's whatever yourgreater good is to you.
(21:37):
Now here is something toconsider.
Many things that are good for usdon't feel good in the moment
and they just don't right.
For instance, let's say I wantto get out of debt.
Okay, maybe that's somethingright.
What makes me happy?
Being debt free, that thatbrings a lot of joy, okay, not
(22:01):
having you know anybody to oweno credit card payments, all
that that brings me a lot of joy, right.
So, but cutting my expenses,cutting up my credit cards,
cutting my expenses right.
That stuff doesn't feel good inthe immediate.
So when you ask yourself doesthis feel good, is this good for
(22:23):
me?
Well, you may say it doesn'treally feel good.
But is it good for me?
Well, yeah, actually it is.
It will be in the future.
It'll be very good for me,right, it's good for me now
because I'm taking back controlover my life and it's going to
feel good in the future and begood for me in the future.
So not all things that willbring us happiness and joy is
(22:45):
immediate gratification.
Sometimes it's delayed, but ifyou know, yeah, it's delayed,
but, boy, it's going to feelbetter than what I have right
now, then that's, that's how youknow it's the right thing to do
, right For you.
That's what's going to bringyou the most joy.
So it may not be immediatesatisfaction, immediate pleasure
, but you know it will be in thefuture.
(23:06):
Then is it good for others?
How will others benefit fromthe decision you make?
Right, if you say I really Iwant, I'm happy, I want to have
joy.
And one thing that brings mehappiness and joy is, I don't
know, watching a comedy.
Okay, is that?
Does that feel good?
Yeah, it feels good.
Is that good for you?
Yeah, cause it makes me feelhappy, it takes my stress away.
(23:29):
Great.
How does it serve others?
Well, when I, when I have joyand I'm light and I have the
stress lifted off of me.
I'm a better mom.
I'm a better wife, I'm a betterspouse.
I'm a better, I'm a better.
Everything I can approach mylife with with smile and
friendliness I can.
When I see people on the street, you know, like if I go into
(23:50):
the coffee shop or the grocerystore and I have that lightness
in my heart, well, I can passthat lightness on.
I can pass that, that kindness,I can pass that kindness, that
joy and that fun on Great.
So it's good for others and itsounds like it's also for the
greater good, Because when youare not only affecting your
family by being fun and joyful,but you're also affecting others
(24:14):
, silly comedy show that you maywatch can make you happy and
give you joy because it A itserves you, it serves others and
it serves the greater good.
So when you have those things inplace, then guess what?
(24:35):
You're on the road to findingwhat makes you happy.
You're on the road of whatbrings you joy and you can get
out of the rut.
Now let's say there's thingsthat you don't like doing, but
you know you have aresponsibility to do it.
So the next question is soyou've got your like list.
You got your dislike list.
You've you found out in yourlike list what it is that you
(24:56):
like and what does it give youright?
Comfort, peace, joy, laughter,whatever you know makes you feel
good.
What it is that you like andwhat does it give you right?
Comfort, peace, joy, laughter,whatever you know makes you feel
good, makes you feel free.
Uh, puts you in a state of flow.
Right, maybe you like to dance,I like to dance.
It puts me in a state of flow.
Maybe you like music or art,whatever.
What does it give you that youlike?
Right, what do you want more of?
How can you bring more of thatinto your life?
(25:19):
And if there are things that youknow that bring you that
immediate happiness, thatimmediate gratification, but you
know aren't good for you, askyourself those questions, right,
is it good for me, does it feelgood?
And is it good for me, is itgood for others?
And does it serve the greatergood?
If what you're doing doesn'tfind a substitute, something
(25:40):
that provides for you that samelevel of comfort or whatever
that you get, whatever thereward that you get from doing
the thing that isn't so good foryou, I think that you follow
along with that right Now.
That could take time and that'sokay, right.
Again, this is all aboutself-awareness and coming into
(26:01):
your own and figuring yourselfout.
So, but what if you have thingson your list, on your do not
like list?
You can't just give them away,right?
Then you ask yourself, allright, so there are some things
I'm going to do.
I can't just walk away, right,because there, because maybe
it's your family, you love yourfamily, they bring you joy, but,
(26:22):
boy, it's not always happytimes.
So how can you?
Or your job?
I'll give you a personalexperience in just a minute.
But whatever that is that, youknow that you still, it's a
responsibility you have, but youreally don't enjoy it.
So what can you do?
(26:43):
Well, take something from thatlike list and add to something
you don't like.
So here's an example when we hada dog, our little doggy um, we
had a little shih tzu yapper dogwhen we came out here to um,
came out here to arkansas, andwe got it.
Later on, after our beautifulgreat dane passed, we got this
(27:06):
little one and she was just, shewas a.
We saved her.
Right, she was a humane societyand she was.
She was pretty damaged, poorbaby.
She was really abused and shenever quite quite got got over
it.
She still had a lot of anxietyand even even though we tried,
(27:27):
but anyway, towards the end shewas pretty old when we, when we
we put her down, you know,because she couldn't see anymore
, she couldn't hear anymore, shecouldn't hold her bladder
anymore and she just wasn't in agood shape.
So we felt the most mercifulthing to do was put her down.
So we did.
But anyway, when I had her, Iused to just hate taking her for
(27:48):
walks.
Just, oh, okay, right, I justhated it, right.
This is before.
Now I have my property and Ilove walking now, but, and now I
walk my cat and my dog.
But I used to just have to getup and put the leash on and she
never liked the leash.
So it was kind of a little bitof a battle because she would
yap at me and and snap at me.
I'm like no, no, we need to gofor a walk, baby, you know.
(28:09):
And then I take her for a walk.
She'd enjoy the walk, but itwas just like it was a struggle.
Okay, until again we talk aboutsimple solutions.
I went to my like list and Iwent well, what do I like?
What can I add here?
Well, I love listening to audiobooks.
I love listening to podcasts,right, Like you're doing right
now.
Oh, okay, I feel pretty stupidsaying this because you probably
(28:32):
already know the answer DuhSharise why don't you just
listen to a podcast on your walk?
Oh, like, oh yeah, so I starteddoing that.
Or an audio book, right, Istarted.
Or even music, cause I lovemusic.
Music was my savior growing upand music's my oh.
That's.
What drives me is music.
(28:53):
But whatever it was podcast,audio book or some music Now,
that time of walking my dog,that was enjoyable.
Now I looked forward to it.
Got to go for a walk now, julia.
Julia got to go for a walk.
Come on, let's get out, let'sgo for a walk now, julia.
Julia got to go for a walk.
Come on, let's get out, let'sgo for a walk.
I need to get out of the houseand go listen to something
(29:19):
You're right.
Now it became fun.
Now it became a happy time forme.
So if for you, you findsomething that you know you want
to do, you know down deep, itis something you want to do, but
a lot of times it's just nothappy.
I mean, there's a lot of thingsin life we love doing, but we
don't always love every minuteof it.
Okay, how can you make it fun?
How can you bring it joy?
How can you bring more of whatyou like on your like list to
(29:40):
the thing that you don't likedoing?
Cleaning house when the kidswere little, trying to get them
to do their chores oh my Lord.
Cleaning house when the kidswere little, trying to get them
to do their chores oh my lord.
It's like pulling teeth.
So I would make a challenge outof it all.
Right, I'd put the timer on,let's see who can get done
before the timer goes off, andwe had fun right.
Or put on some music and ordance around the house or
(30:02):
whatever, while you're doingchores.
Now you're taking somethingthat's enjoyable and fun and
adding to that which isn'tenjoyable and fun.
So, going back to my ownexperience, let's say with my
studio, the first four yearsthree or four years of being at
my studio, I loved.
I was doing all the things Ilove, doing all the things that
brought me happiness, all thethings that brought me joy.
(30:23):
I was, I was dancing, I wasstill dancing, made time to
dance, all the things thatbrought me joy.
I was, I was dancing, I wasstill dancing, made time to
dance, I was creating, right,whether it was choreography or
it was my classes, I wasteaching and I was uplifting
kids and I was seeing theirconfidence.
I mean, some of these kidswould come in so shy and I would
see their confidence levelsjust rise and I had so much joy
(30:45):
doing that rise and I had somuch joy doing that and I just
felt, oh, you know, just everyday, blessed by that experience.
And then about I'm going to cryand I'm sorry but I guess it's
just.
It was so meaningful to me thattime.
But around year four or five,but around year four or five, I
(31:09):
was told I actually had to startrunning a business.
Okay, meaning what I was doingwas is it going to be a hobby?
If not, we're losing money.
I don't mean my husband,anything.
This was like people.
You know, you listen to all theall the experts, right, yeah,
okay.
And then all the experts saying, well, how do you?
Now?
You need to start making money.
Now you need to start blah,blah, blah.
Now you need to start thinkingabout your competition, and on
and on, and on, and on, and onand on.
(31:31):
And then my entire mindsetchanged.
Now I was like I mean, I stillloved my kids and I still love
my classes and all of that.
But now it was like now I wason the treadmill Boy, I had to,
I had to be better, I had to bebetter, I had to be better, I
had to make, I had to make sureI made money, I had to make sure
(31:52):
we had to cover all the bills,which of course you do, but I
had to make sure we did that.
I had to make sure we had allthis.
And then I spent most of thetime I think I mentioned you
working 18 hours a day, sevendays a week, and not just on my
classes.
Once my, you know, after thefirst few years, your classes
are pretty set.
You may add in things, becauseI'm always adding in things,
because I love learning newthings and I bring that to my
students, just like I do with myclients and what have you, and
hopefully what I will bebringing to more of you here.
(32:14):
But my time, what consumed mewas I have to run a business, I
have to run a business.
And then, because I wasconsumed with that.
Because I was consumed withthat, all the joy that I had in
my studio was gone.
I mean, I still loved beingthere with the kids and when I
(32:34):
let myself be in, you know, inthe present moment, when I was
teaching my classes, it was justlike everything just dropped
for me.
My shoulders dropped down to myknees because they were, you
know, raised up high to the sky.
They were so tense and I feltthat this was where I belong at
that moment.
But that moment was an hour.
You know what I mean.
It was a class, but thebusiness was all the time and I
(32:58):
was miserable.
And that's why I said, when Ifinally, when COVID hit and I'm
like you know, I need to usethis time and I decided that I
wasn't going to reopen thestudio, the school, because it
brought me too much anxiety andit was no longer fun, it was no
longer enjoyable and it was sohard because I loved my kids, I
(33:19):
mean, and I loved my parents.
You know I did.
I mean I was just blessed tohave great kids and great
parents and even the adults Itaught.
I mean I loved them all but Icouldn't handle the 90%.
I wish that could have saidthat was 90% of my day, but it
wasn't.
90% of my time was spent onrunning the business.
(33:40):
Oh, I couldn't go back to that.
When I became wiser which I amI will continue to grow in wise
I'm not all wise, but I am wiserthan I was.
Then, if I knew, if I had reallyjust said, okay, what is it
that I don't like about myrunning my school?
It would have been the businessportion.
(34:02):
And then maybe, what could Ihave done differently to?
What could I have donedifferently to eliminate the
things that I don't like whilestill keeping what I love?
Well, simply, I could havepossibly hired someone.
You know, I knew I was a littlebroke at the time, right.
(34:23):
So, cause again, I was stilltrying to build a business, but
there would have been ways Icould have done it through
bartering or free classes orwhatever.
But I never even looked intothat, partly because I felt like
, well, I have to do it allmyself, right, it was kind of
like I have to do it.
Or maybe because I had to provesomething to myself, or it was
just I was a control freak,quite honestly, and I didn't
(34:44):
want to give up the reins, but Imade myself miserable and maybe
if I'd made that adjustment, ifI made one adjustment to
something I didn't like, thenthe process, the whole thing,
would have been enjoyable again.
So that's another thing.
If there is something that youdon't like but you know you
(35:05):
don't like, but you know I dowant to do it, but I don't like
this aspect of it what can youdo to make it more enjoyable
Again?
It could be as simple aswalking the dog and putting in
earphones, or it could besomething like delegating to
somebody else the portion youdon't like or the portion you're
not good at, and only doingwhat you want.
(35:25):
I gave you a lot of stuff tothink about.
Hopefully it all made sense.
Now, in the end, I look back.
When I came here, now that I amwiser, I don't think the studio
was where I wanted to stayanyway, because now that I am
wiser, I know that I would runit differently now and the first
thing I would do is get help.
But I don't really have thatcalling on my heart to open up
(35:48):
another performing arts school.
I mean, sometimes I miss thebabies and their tutus and tap
shoes, I have to admit or theirlittle costumes and acting class
, I mean, and you know, showcasetime, recital time, those are
fun times seeing the babies likethat, but not enough.
It's not enough to start itover again.
So, and that's what I movedinto what I'm doing now, which
(36:13):
is coaching and and in healthand wellness and life and
relationships and energy healingand all that.
So a lot of stuff I gave youtoday.
This is a longer podcast thannormal, but, again, how do you
know?
How do you get out of your rut?
How do you get out of your rutand find the things that bring
you happiness and joy you dolike?
(36:49):
Why do you like them?
What do they give you?
What do they give you?
Then, once you have thosethings that you like and what
they give you and you want toadd more into your life,
determine which of these thingsare things you need to find
substitutions for by asking thethree questions Is it good for
me, or will it be good for me,and will it feel good to me?
Is it good for others and doesit serve the greater good?
(37:10):
If you can say yes to all thosethings, then that may be
something you want to keep, ifyou have something on your
dislike list.
But you know you want to keepdoing it.
You just dislike some portionsof it.
How can you take things fromyour like list and add them to
the dislike list?
Hmm, I know that's a lot tothink about, but you've got this
(37:36):
podcast.
Rewind it, take notes and I'llput the transcript.
I'm trying to find a bettertranscription service, because
the one I currently have isreally bad, although it could
have been because of my cold andnow that I can speak a little
clearer now, maybe it can pickup more of my voice.
Anyway, so get out of your rut.
Find what brings you joy, findwhat brings you happiness, find
(37:58):
what makes you laugh and fillsyour life.
It is, life is too short tolive it sitting in a rut,
spinning your wheels.
Don't do it.
Don't do it to yourself, don'tdo it to your family.
Remember, this is be a leadinglady, and a leading lady leads
(38:19):
herself first and then is ableto influence and lead others
through her love and through herinfluence and through her joy.
And you could be the influence.
Well, you will be the influence.
Let's be honest, we all will.
Whether we believe it or not,we will influence generations
that come after us, how do wewant to influence them?
And that all begins with whatyou do right now for yourself.
(38:44):
What you decide for yourselfwill start the chain reaction.
So make your list dislike likelist and then see how you can
bring that like, those likesmore into your life.
All right, that is it.
This podcast was long, but havea beautiful day, have a
wonderful day.
(39:04):
Feel free to reach out at mywebsite, at my website, at
contact, at shariseparviz.
com Again, this should be onSpotify by now.
I think so.
If it's not, it will be.
It just means we had sometechnical difficulties which
we're still working out.
But anyway, have a beautifulday and I look forward.
(39:27):
Share me, share your likes,share your likes with me.
I look forward to hearing aboutit.
All right, be well, bye-bye.
Welcome to Burn the Boats Baby.
I'm S Parviz.
Today I wanted to talk to youabout, well, whether you're
spinning your wheels stuck in arut.
Do you know what actually makesyou happy?
Do you know what brings you joyin your life, what makes you
laugh, what brings you more funand excitement, more peace, more
(00:26):
love?
Do you know?
Or could you possibly just bespinning your wheels in a rut,
thinking that what made youhappy in the past still makes
you happy now?
Or, if it doesn't, you think itshould, so you're sticking with
it?
And how do you determine whatmakes you happy anyway?
Maybe you don't even know.
(00:46):
Well, these are the thingswe're going to talk about today,
but first I want to give you alittle update.
So I am entering.
I think this is my second week.
I'm not really keeping track ofthe day's dates.
Yeah, I think this is my secondweek of my at-home retreat.
Things are going really well.
I think the last time I chattedwith you I think this is my
second week of my at-homeretreat Things are going really
well.
I think the last time I chattedwith you, I had told you that
(01:09):
Miss Little Little Miss Perfect,came to visit me and we had a
little chat.
Well, we worked things out.
We sure did, and we spent acouple of hours, as I mentioned,
on some of the projects that wewanted to work on, and then we
called it a day and actually shehasn't visited again.
(01:32):
We're not even anywherecomplete on those projects, but
I think I calmed her down, weworked it out, she's a little
more secure, feeling a littlemore safe, and so we'll come
back to it when the time isright, which isn't really right
now.
Right now, I'm just reallytrying to enjoy my time away
while staying in with my at-homeretreat, and I don't know if
(01:52):
you can tell, but I can speak alot better now.
I'm still a little nasally, but, man, it's really cleared up.
I was sneezing all night long.
I mean, this is like last weekeyes watering, all these you
know issues and now it's like,oh, I feel so much better.
So I still have a little stuffcoming up, you know, some junk
(02:13):
coming out of my throat, and alot of that is really what I'd
mentioned also last time I spokewas I believe it was last time
we chatted detoxing right andgetting rid of stuff, and when
things are coming out of ourbody, they come out through all
the ways they come out.
You know all the ways weexcrete stuff out of our body
through our nasal passages, andso right now, even though my
(02:35):
nose is clear, my throat's kindof got a lot of gunk in it.
I know, isn't this fun to learnthis and do all this, but these
are the things.
If you decide to go, or if youhave you've experienced this, or
if you decide to go and you'renever really done a full cleanse
, and then these are justexperiences I'm sharing.
So you go oh, what is this?
(02:56):
And so you don't get freakedout, thinking something's wrong
with you.
When you start to haveexperiences, die off reactions
which are just completely normal, and you just baby yourself and
give yourself some time andsome rest.
So this morning I felt reallygood.
Well, actually, that's a lie, Ididn't.
When I first got up thismorning, I had a really terrible
(03:16):
headache and I thought, oh mygosh, it was just a real
pressure headache and I was like, oh, I think I might have to go
back to bed.
I said, well, wait, let me justdrink some water.
And lo and behold, I had 16ounces of my lemon water, which
I do every morning and likewithin five minutes, my headache
was gone, so I was justdehydrated.
You know, it's funny, the thingsyou think about.
(03:37):
You think that, oh my gosh,what am I going to do?
And then you go.
It's the simplest things thatsolve the problem, right?
You know, we overcomplicatethings a little too much
sometimes.
Well, okay, maybe I, maybe youdon't.
I tend to overcomplicate thingsand have to go.
You know what's, what's thesimple answer here, Sharise,
because usually the simpleanswer yeah, you know what
(03:59):
that's usually the correct one.
That's usually the, the one youwant to follow is the simplest
answer.
If it's not, at least try thesimplest answer first, the
simplest solution, try thatfirst.
More than likely that's goingto be the answer, and if it's
not, okay, but at least try itfirst.
Anyway, so that is my update.
Feeling good, my headache isgone, a little bit of gunk in my
(04:21):
throat, but other than that Ihave a lot of energy, been
feeling really good.
The weight loss has slowed down, excuse me.
So I think I've lost anothertwo pounds.
So I guess it has.
Well, I was losing like, Ithink, like a pound a day, so
it's kind of died down.
I think I lost two pounds thispast week.
Lord, I need to keep track ofmy days.
(04:41):
I am keeping it track in myjournal, but it's just not in my
brain.
So anyway, um, anyway.
So that's fine, you know.
The thing is it's steadilycoming off and I guess I lost
all the water weight I needed tolose, I'm sure you know, and so
there might be still some more.
But but mostly it's steadilycoming off and I'm seeing a
reduction in inflammation allover my body, just a swelling
(05:04):
and inflammation.
My face is slimmer, my tummy isflatter, my abs are showing
again, my muscles, my arms haveslimmed down.
You know, even all of that hasslimmed down because I'm
releasing and reducing theinflammation in my body.
So yay for that.
So all is well, and that is itfor my update on my at-home
(05:29):
retreat.
It is cold this morning, we arewalking on our path and, oh my
gosh, it's like fall.
I'm loving it.
All right.
So let's get to today's topic.
Are you in a rut, and do youeven know what it is that makes
you happy?
Are you just spinning yourwheels on what used to make you
happy or what you think shouldstill make you happy?
(05:51):
And how would you know whatmakes you happy anyway.
So when I talk about happiness,let me preface that Happiness
to me.
I like to use the word more joythan happy, because happy to me
is a more of a fleeting emotion.
Right, oh, that makes me sohappy.
Right, let's go and dosomething fun.
Oh, that was happy, you know.
(06:12):
But it's a happy face, it's anemoji, and you can have happy
times, which are wonderful, butto me, again, happiness just
seems fleeting, it's aconditional feeling.
You know, something was fun,something made you happy, and
then it's gone, right, but joyis really what I want to talk
(06:35):
about.
You know, I use the word happy,but the truth is it's really joy
, something that really that,even through the tough times,
it's that thing that just makesyou go.
Oh, that, even through thetough times, it's that thing
that just makes you go.
Oh, I don't know that makes mego.
Oh, because sometimes wordsdon't express the joy that I
feel in doing what I'm doing.
Right, and so happy, fleeting.
(06:56):
You know, it's great to feelhappy, right, when you lose
those few pounds, like, oh, Ifeel happy when you would lose
the joint pain in your knees.
Oh, I feel happy when you have,you know, completed some goal
or some intention.
There's a moment of happiness,and then it usually fades and
then you're back to the grindagain.
(07:17):
But what, if really, we canseek for joy that is always
there underneath, always thereready to just express itself in
your life, right?
So even through the difficulttimes, even through the not so
happy times, there's always thatjoy that's in our heart.
(07:39):
So how do we discover what itis that brings us joy?
So how do we discover what itis that brings us joy, not just
happy, fleeting emotion, butdeep down joy, though, again,
fleeting moments of happinessare good too, there's nothing
wrong with that.
So what is it?
What is it?
How do you know?
Well, I can tell you from myown experience.
(08:10):
When I left, closed down myperforming arts school, I was
not in a place of happiness andcertainly no joy.
I was in a place of justburnout.
I was sick.
I was hospitalized because Ihadn't.
The stress in my body was justoverwhelming.
And I remember that there was atime when I was really, really
happy in my studio.
About the first three, fouryears it was a blast, right, but
(08:33):
towards the end I just hated it.
No, I loved the kids, don't getme wrong.
I mean, that's what kept mehanging in so long, even though
you know, for eight, almost nineyears, kept me hanging in so
long, even though you know, foreight, almost nine years hanging
on so long onto the studiosbecause I adored the kids and
they did bring me joy.
But honestly, the misery of mystudio was just, it was awful
(08:58):
and it was overwhelming and Iknew it was time to leave.
So when I left right and as youknow, we, if you've been
listening to these episodes youknow we closed down my school
during COVID and then we movedto almost across the you know
the states, across the nation.
We went to Arkansas, not quiteacross, but a little more than
(09:21):
center, a little more east thancenter from California.
So it's a huge adjustment andchange.
So we got to, we stayed in anapartment for a year and it was
like a blank slate, right.
I did have some feelings ofanxiety, of just trying to come
to.
I couldn't even think about thestudio because of any time I
(09:42):
thought about it I would getanxious.
So but that was a side you know, I was no longer doing that.
So I thought to myself what doI do now?
I mean, I literally do not knowwhat to do.
I hadn't been dancing for along time, even though I was
teaching dance, but that's verydifferent than actually dancing
yourself.
You know, I wasn't really, Ihadn't.
(10:03):
It's just I didn't know whatmade me happy anymore and I
certainly didn't know whatbrought me joy.
And my husband and I, you know,we recommitted our relationship
and you know, while that was ajoyful moment, there was still
not a lot of.
There was still some unpleasant, unhappy times because we were
healing.
We were healing from 20 yearsof a broken marriage.
(10:26):
So you know, it didn't likejust woo, everything's great
overnight.
We knew we made a joyfuldecision, but it always didn't
feel happy.
It didn't always feel happybecause we were still working
through some pain.
We were healing, and healing,you know, just like detoxing on
a at-home retreat, isn't alwayspleasant.
You get headaches, you know.
(10:48):
You feel sick to your stomach,you feel tired, right.
There are things that are justnot happy moments.
There are some, but they're notall, when you're in the process
of healing.
And so we in our marriage werein the process of healing.
So not all the times were great, though I knew in the end it
would be right that we'd getthrough it.
(11:09):
So there was joy there, butcertainly not a lot of happiness
, not all the time, though therewere some times because we were
almost like newlyweds in a way.
You know, we didn't have anykids anymore.
Our kids were grown.
We had them you always havekids but they were grown.
And we kind of did everythingbackwards because when we got
married, I already had two kidsfrom a previous marriage, right,
two children and Michael, andthen we have the one together.
(11:32):
But Michael, you know, took usall in, I mean, and he, you know
, of course they, they havetheir father, but Michael really
, you know, helped raise themand really loved them like like
their own.
So all three of our kiddos, heloved them equally.
So he, you know, we kind of dideverything backwards in the
sense.
And then, so now when they weregone, well, we had a whole new
(11:55):
start, right, and it's like,well, what do we do?
Where do we go from here?
So, so there was a lot of happymoments too, because we were
kind of just discovering notonly our new life together but
discovering each other and goingon dates and doing like single,
you know, dating couples, whatthey do before kids, right, and
(12:16):
hopefully you know we didn't,but hopefully you will.
If you're in that condition,let me just tell you don't stop
date nights.
Make sure you go on date nights.
Okay, that's one thing that wedidn't do.
We didn't make time for ourrelationship and um, and it
suffered for it, right, but thatwas then.
This is now.
So we get here to our new stateand everything's blank slate.
(12:39):
Where do we start?
I have no idea what I like.
I have no idea what I enjoy.
I have no idea what I want todo and I don't mean do as a
career.
I mean, I wasn't even thinkingthat far down the road, I was
not even thinking.
I couldn't even think aboutthat.
Well, I'll talk about thatanother day but I couldn't even
think about what the futuremight look like.
I just didn't know what it wasthat I wanted to do.
(13:02):
Now, like just in the moment,what really brought me joy.
I had to discover that myselfagain and I thought, okay, well,
how do I do this?
Well, I'll tell you a couple ofthings that I did.
The first thing I did is that,even though it was very
difficult for me to discoverwhat it is that I like, doing
what it is that made me happy,what it was that brings me joy
(13:24):
and fun and laughter andsilliness.
I couldn't really figure thatout right away, so I did the
process of elimination.
You remember that in school,right?
What's the process ofelimination?
And sometimes it's a lot easierto find the things you don't
like than what you do, but it'sa great starting point.
So I made a list.
I made a list and I thoughtwhat are the things I don't like
(13:44):
?
And I mean I made a list oneverything the kind of food I
didn't like, the kind of clothesI didn't like, the kind of
music I didn't like, which Ilike, all music.
So that was kind of hard.
But the kind of books I didn'tlike, the kind of everything I
mean, all the way down to themost mundane thing in my life,
to extraordinary things in mylife.
What is it that you know thatmade a big impact in my life,
(14:06):
what are the things I don't like?
And I listen, what kind offlowers don't I like?
I mean anything.
And really what I'm doing isjust was.
I was building an awareness formyself.
I was building an awareness towho I was and what it is I liked
and didn't like.
So we started with what I didn'tlike.
(14:27):
I was getting to know myselfand I just made a list and I
just added to that list, like Iliterally would put a piece of
paper on the table, like on thekitchen counters where it was,
and when something just kind ofcrossed my mind or something, I
did something or came acrosssomething or I thought of
something, I just jotted it down.
(14:47):
What makes me unhappy, what Idon't like, list, and I just
marked it all down.
So I thought, well, okay,that's a starting point.
So now I know what I don't like.
Hmm, all right, so now what doI like?
What does make me happy?
So once I felt complete in thatand it took me a few days, if I
(15:08):
remember correctly, to write allthat down, it may take you not
that long, but once you feel it,you know and you feel complete,
you're like, hey, I got it andyou don't have to give that list
away, keep it going.
You can still keep it on theside because other things may
come up.
But once you feel that rightnow, in that moment you're
complete, you've gotten all thestuff you don't like out of you
(15:29):
and you may end up just going ona rant and, just like I know
everything I don't like and youmay vomit all over the page.
That's okay too.
Keep that page, but just set itaside for a moment.
Okay, get all of that out ofyou and set it aside and then
make a new page what does makeme happy, and then maybe, like I
still don't know.
That's okay.
(15:49):
So here's what you do.
You just start to observeyourself during the day and when
something that you like, thatyou do, or something that you
hear, or something that youexperience puts a smile on your
face, you know, makes you laugh,you think, oh, this is fun, I
like this.
Write it down.
(16:09):
That's your happy list, yourjoy list, right, and you do that
throughout the day.
You know, just go through yourday on a regular day and just
jotting down the things that youenjoy, you know, as you enjoy,
oh, ask yourself, did I likedoing that or did I not like
doing that?
Which list does it need to goon?
(16:31):
And if you like doing it, putit down on your like list, right
?
So I guess you could have adislike list and a like list,
okay.
So, as you're doing that andagain, keep those lists going
and you can keep those listsgoing indefinitely, just to
become more aware as youexperience more things and bring
(16:53):
more awareness up.
You can just continue thoselists.
Oh, I'm getting out of breath.
It was a big, strong, fast walk.
So you get that list down andyou look at it and look at your
likes list and you look at itand you think, well, what?
You could even go deeper.
What about this made me like it?
(17:13):
What about it?
What did it give me?
Did it give me a sense offreedom?
Did it give me a sense of joyor laughter or silliness?
Did I feel like myself in this?
Did I feel close to someoneright?
Was it a walk with a friend?
Was it a hug?
What was it that?
That?
(17:34):
What did it give me right?
Now, how can I add more of thatinto my life?
So, once you've figured outyour dislikes, you don't have to
start there.
If you could go with your likes, go there Either way.
We could have your dislike listand your like list.
Once you have your like list,ask yourself what about it?
(17:55):
Did you like?
What did it give you?
How did it make you feel Right?
And then, once you have that,ask yourself now, how can I add
this more into my life?
Now let's jump a bit and makethis even deeper, because you
could say, well, I like drinking, I like alcohol.
(18:17):
I don't know if I want to addmore alcohol in my life.
Really, I mean, it's fun, Ihave happy.
You know it brings me some joyin the moment.
Um, or maybe you know I reallylike that chocolate cake, or you
know I really like smoking thatcigarette, whatever it is Right
.
So there are some things thatyou may like, but you really
(18:37):
know you don't want more of youin your life.
How do you determine that?
Okay, so let's go back.
Let's recap.
We got our dislike list.
We have our like list.
In our like list, we've saidwhat it is about it, that you
liked about it.
Okay, how can you add more ofthat in your life?
Then you could take that likelist and go but what are these
(19:00):
things that I know?
Even though I like them, I knowthey're not good for me.
Well then, what we need to dois find out again.
You asked yourself what is itabout these things on the list?
What do they give you?
Does smoking a cigarette giveyou a sense of?
I'm not saying you do.
I'm just saying, if that's anexample, does that give you a
(19:22):
sense of comfort and relaxation?
Maybe it's a sense ofconnection to yourself and some
time away.
So really, it's not thecigarette that's giving you joy
and happiness, it's the timeaway, it's the time to rest,
it's a time to sit, whatever itgives you.
Once you realize and determinewhat it is that that thing gives
(19:46):
you, then you can look forsomething that can substitute
for the cigarette, or thechocolate cake or the glass of
wine or whatever.
It is okay If that is somethingyou want to remove from your
life.
Now here are a couple of thingsthat you can ask yourself when
(20:08):
determining whether somethingyou like is a good vehicle.
I'm going to call it a vehicle.
Something that you enjoy doing,that brings you a sense of
happiness or joy, is a thingthat you really want to continue
.
Continue or if you need to finda substitute.
There are questions to askyourself Is what I'm doing good
(20:29):
for me?
Does it feel good?
Do I know it's good for me?
Second question Is what I'mdoing good for others, your
family, your friends, yourpeople that you're close to, the
people that matter to you, yourcircle, your smaller, tighter,
intimate circle of influenceyour spouse, obviously, right.
(20:52):
And then, third, does it servethe greater good?
Does doing this thing thatbrings me some comfort, some
happiness?
Does it serve the greater good?
And whatever that greater goodis to you?
It could be the greater good inyour church, the greater good
(21:15):
of your community and yourneighborhood, right?
So does it serve me, does itfeel good and is it good for me?
Second question does it serveothers, your immediate, others
around you?
And third, does it serve thegreater good?
And again, that's whatever yourgreater good is to you.
(21:37):
Now here is something toconsider.
Many things that are good for usdon't feel good in the moment
and they just don't right.
For instance, let's say I wantto get out of debt.
Okay, maybe that's somethingright.
What makes me happy?
Being debt free, that thatbrings a lot of joy, okay, not
(22:01):
having you know anybody to oweno credit card payments, all
that that brings me a lot of joy, right.
So, but cutting my expenses,cutting up my credit cards,
cutting my expenses right.
That stuff doesn't feel good inthe immediate.
So when you ask yourself doesthis feel good, is this good for
(22:23):
me?
Well, you may say it doesn'treally feel good.
But is it good for me?
Well, yeah, actually it is.
It will be in the future.
It'll be very good for me,right, it's good for me now
because I'm taking back controlover my life and it's going to
feel good in the future and begood for me in the future.
So not all things that willbring us happiness and joy is
(22:45):
immediate gratification.
Sometimes it's delayed, but ifyou know, yeah, it's delayed,
but, boy, it's going to feelbetter than what I have right
now, then that's, that's how youknow it's the right thing to do
, right For you.
That's what's going to bringyou the most joy.
So it may not be immediatesatisfaction, immediate pleasure
, but you know it will be in thefuture.
(23:06):
Then is it good for others?
How will others benefit fromthe decision you make?
Right, if you say I really Iwant, I'm happy, I want to have
joy.
And one thing that brings mehappiness and joy is, I don't
know, watching a comedy.
Okay, is that?
Does that feel good?
Yeah, it feels good.
Is that good for you?
Yeah, cause it makes me feelhappy, it takes my stress away.
(23:29):
Great.
How does it serve others?
Well, when I, when I have joyand I'm light and I have the
stress lifted off of me.
I'm a better mom.
I'm a better wife, I'm a betterspouse.
I'm a better, I'm a better.
Everything I can approach mylife with with smile and
friendliness I can.
When I see people on the street, you know, like if I go into
(23:50):
the coffee shop or the grocerystore and I have that lightness
in my heart, well, I can passthat lightness on.
I can pass that, that kindness,I can pass that kindness, that
joy and that fun on Great.
So it's good for others and itsounds like it's also for the
greater good, Because when youare not only affecting your
family by being fun and joyful,but you're also affecting others
(24:14):
, silly comedy show that you maywatch can make you happy and
give you joy because it A itserves you, it serves others and
it serves the greater good.
So when you have those things inplace, then guess what?
(24:35):
You're on the road to findingwhat makes you happy.
You're on the road of whatbrings you joy and you can get
out of the rut.
Now let's say there's thingsthat you don't like doing, but
you know you have aresponsibility to do it.
So the next question is soyou've got your like list.
You got your dislike list.
You've you found out in yourlike list what it is that you
(24:56):
like and what does it give youright?
Comfort, peace, joy, laughter,whatever you know makes you feel
good.
What it is that you like andwhat does it give you right?
Comfort, peace, joy, laughter,whatever you know makes you feel
good, makes you feel free.
Uh, puts you in a state of flow.
Right, maybe you like to dance,I like to dance.
It puts me in a state of flow.
Maybe you like music or art,whatever.
What does it give you that youlike?
Right, what do you want more of?
How can you bring more of thatinto your life?
(25:19):
And if there are things that youknow that bring you that
immediate happiness, thatimmediate gratification, but you
know aren't good for you, askyourself those questions, right,
is it good for me, does it feelgood?
And is it good for me, is itgood for others?
And does it serve the greatergood?
If what you're doing doesn'tfind a substitute, something
(25:40):
that provides for you that samelevel of comfort or whatever
that you get, whatever thereward that you get from doing
the thing that isn't so good foryou, I think that you follow
along with that right Now.
That could take time and that'sokay, right.
Again, this is all aboutself-awareness and coming into
(26:01):
your own and figuring yourselfout.
So, but what if you have thingson your list, on your do not
like list?
You can't just give them away,right?
Then you ask yourself, allright, so there are some things
I'm going to do.
I can't just walk away, right,because there, because maybe
it's your family, you love yourfamily, they bring you joy, but,
(26:22):
boy, it's not always happytimes.
So how can you?
Or your job?
I'll give you a personalexperience in just a minute.
But whatever that is that, youknow that you still, it's a
responsibility you have, but youreally don't enjoy it.
So what can you do?
(26:43):
Well, take something from thatlike list and add to something
you don't like.
So here's an example when we hada dog, our little doggy um, we
had a little shih tzu yapper dogwhen we came out here to um,
came out here to arkansas, andwe got it.
Later on, after our beautifulgreat dane passed, we got this
(27:06):
little one and she was just, shewas a.
We saved her.
Right, she was a humane societyand she was.
She was pretty damaged, poorbaby.
She was really abused and shenever quite quite got got over
it.
She still had a lot of anxietyand even even though we tried,
(27:27):
but anyway, towards the end shewas pretty old when we, when we
we put her down, you know,because she couldn't see anymore
, she couldn't hear anymore, shecouldn't hold her bladder
anymore and she just wasn't in agood shape.
So we felt the most mercifulthing to do was put her down.
So we did.
But anyway, when I had her, Iused to just hate taking her for
(27:48):
walks.
Just, oh, okay, right, I justhated it, right.
This is before.
Now I have my property and Ilove walking now, but, and now I
walk my cat and my dog.
But I used to just have to getup and put the leash on and she
never liked the leash.
So it was kind of a little bitof a battle because she would
yap at me and and snap at me.
I'm like no, no, we need to gofor a walk, baby, you know.
(28:09):
And then I take her for a walk.
She'd enjoy the walk, but itwas just like it was a struggle.
Okay, until again we talk aboutsimple solutions.
I went to my like list and Iwent well, what do I like?
What can I add here?
Well, I love listening to audiobooks.
I love listening to podcasts,right, Like you're doing right
now.
Oh, okay, I feel pretty stupidsaying this because you probably
(28:32):
already know the answer DuhSharise why don't you just
listen to a podcast on your walk?
Oh, like, oh yeah, so I starteddoing that.
Or an audio book, right, Istarted.
Or even music, cause I lovemusic.
Music was my savior growing upand music's my oh.
That's.
What drives me is music.
(28:53):
But whatever it was podcast,audio book or some music Now,
that time of walking my dog,that was enjoyable.
Now I looked forward to it.
Got to go for a walk now, julia.
Julia got to go for a walk.
Come on, let's get out, let'sgo for a walk now, julia.
Julia got to go for a walk.
Come on, let's get out, let'sgo for a walk.
I need to get out of the houseand go listen to something
(29:19):
You're right.
Now it became fun.
Now it became a happy time forme.
So if for you, you findsomething that you know you want
to do, you know down deep, itis something you want to do, but
a lot of times it's just nothappy.
I mean, there's a lot of thingsin life we love doing, but we
don't always love every minuteof it.
Okay, how can you make it fun?
How can you bring it joy?
How can you bring more of whatyou like on your like list to
(29:40):
the thing that you don't likedoing?
Cleaning house when the kidswere little, trying to get them
to do their chores oh my Lord.
Cleaning house when the kidswere little, trying to get them
to do their chores oh my lord.
It's like pulling teeth.
So I would make a challenge outof it all.
Right, I'd put the timer on,let's see who can get done
before the timer goes off, andwe had fun right.
Or put on some music and ordance around the house or
(30:02):
whatever, while you're doingchores.
Now you're taking somethingthat's enjoyable and fun and
adding to that which isn'tenjoyable and fun.
So, going back to my ownexperience, let's say with my
studio, the first four yearsthree or four years of being at
my studio, I loved.
I was doing all the things Ilove, doing all the things that
brought me happiness, all thethings that brought me joy.
(30:23):
I was, I was dancing, I wasstill dancing, made time to
dance, all the things thatbrought me joy.
I was, I was dancing, I wasstill dancing, made time to
dance, I was creating, right,whether it was choreography or
it was my classes, I wasteaching and I was uplifting
kids and I was seeing theirconfidence.
I mean, some of these kidswould come in so shy and I would
see their confidence levelsjust rise and I had so much joy
(30:45):
doing that rise and I had somuch joy doing that and I just
felt, oh, you know, just everyday, blessed by that experience.
And then about I'm going to cryand I'm sorry but I guess it's
just.
It was so meaningful to me thattime.
But around year four or five,but around year four or five, I
(31:09):
was told I actually had to startrunning a business.
Okay, meaning what I was doingwas is it going to be a hobby?
If not, we're losing money.
I don't mean my husband,anything.
This was like people.
You know, you listen to all theall the experts, right, yeah,
okay.
And then all the experts saying, well, how do you?
Now?
You need to start making money.
Now you need to start blah,blah, blah.
Now you need to start thinkingabout your competition, and on
and on, and on, and on, and onand on.
(31:31):
And then my entire mindsetchanged.
Now I was like I mean, I stillloved my kids and I still love
my classes and all of that.
But now it was like now I wason the treadmill Boy, I had to,
I had to be better, I had to bebetter, I had to be better, I
had to make, I had to make sureI made money, I had to make sure
(31:52):
we had to cover all the bills,which of course you do, but I
had to make sure we did that.
I had to make sure we had allthis.
And then I spent most of thetime I think I mentioned you
working 18 hours a day, sevendays a week, and not just on my
classes.
Once my, you know, after thefirst few years, your classes
are pretty set.
You may add in things, becauseI'm always adding in things,
because I love learning newthings and I bring that to my
students, just like I do with myclients and what have you, and
hopefully what I will bebringing to more of you here.
(32:14):
But my time, what consumed mewas I have to run a business, I
have to run a business.
And then, because I wasconsumed with that.
Because I was consumed withthat, all the joy that I had in
my studio was gone.
I mean, I still loved beingthere with the kids and when I
(32:34):
let myself be in, you know, inthe present moment, when I was
teaching my classes, it was justlike everything just dropped
for me.
My shoulders dropped down to myknees because they were, you
know, raised up high to the sky.
They were so tense and I feltthat this was where I belong at
that moment.
But that moment was an hour.
You know what I mean.
It was a class, but thebusiness was all the time and I
(32:58):
was miserable.
And that's why I said, when Ifinally, when COVID hit and I'm
like you know, I need to usethis time and I decided that I
wasn't going to reopen thestudio, the school, because it
brought me too much anxiety andit was no longer fun, it was no
longer enjoyable and it was sohard because I loved my kids, I
(33:19):
mean, and I loved my parents.
You know I did.
I mean I was just blessed tohave great kids and great
parents and even the adults Itaught.
I mean I loved them all but Icouldn't handle the 90%.
I wish that could have saidthat was 90% of my day, but it
wasn't.
90% of my time was spent onrunning the business.
(33:40):
Oh, I couldn't go back to that.
When I became wiser which I amI will continue to grow in wise
I'm not all wise, but I am wiserthan I was.
Then, if I knew, if I had reallyjust said, okay, what is it
that I don't like about myrunning my school?
It would have been the businessportion.
(34:02):
And then maybe, what could Ihave done differently to?
What could I have donedifferently to eliminate the
things that I don't like whilestill keeping what I love?
Well, simply, I could havepossibly hired someone.
You know, I knew I was a littlebroke at the time, right.
(34:23):
So, cause again, I was stilltrying to build a business, but
there would have been ways Icould have done it through
bartering or free classes orwhatever.
But I never even looked intothat, partly because I felt like
, well, I have to do it allmyself, right, it was kind of
like I have to do it.
Or maybe because I had to provesomething to myself, or it was
just I was a control freak,quite honestly, and I didn't
(34:44):
want to give up the reins, but Imade myself miserable and maybe
if I'd made that adjustment, ifI made one adjustment to
something I didn't like, thenthe process, the whole thing,
would have been enjoyable again.
So that's another thing.
If there is something that youdon't like but you know you
(35:05):
don't like, but you know I dowant to do it, but I don't like
this aspect of it what can youdo to make it more enjoyable
Again?
It could be as simple aswalking the dog and putting in
earphones, or it could besomething like delegating to
somebody else the portion youdon't like or the portion you're
not good at, and only doingwhat you want.
(35:25):
I gave you a lot of stuff tothink about.
Hopefully it all made sense.
Now, in the end, I look back.
When I came here, now that I amwiser, I don't think the studio
was where I wanted to stayanyway, because now that I am
wiser, I know that I would runit differently now and the first
thing I would do is get help.
But I don't really have thatcalling on my heart to open up
(35:48):
another performing arts school.
I mean, sometimes I miss thebabies and their tutus and tap
shoes, I have to admit or theirlittle costumes and acting class
, I mean, and you know, showcasetime, recital time, those are
fun times seeing the babies likethat, but not enough.
It's not enough to start itover again.
So, and that's what I movedinto what I'm doing now, which
(36:13):
is coaching and and in healthand wellness and life and
relationships and energy healingand all that.
So a lot of stuff I gave youtoday.
This is a longer podcast thannormal, but, again, how do you
know?
How do you get out of your rut?
How do you get out of your rutand find the things that bring
you happiness and joy you dolike?
(36:49):
Why do you like them?
What do they give you?
What do they give you?
Then, once you have thosethings that you like and what
they give you and you want toadd more into your life,
determine which of these thingsare things you need to find
substitutions for by asking thethree questions Is it good for
me, or will it be good for me,and will it feel good to me?
Is it good for others and doesit serve the greater good?
(37:10):
If you can say yes to all thosethings, then that may be
something you want to keep, ifyou have something on your
dislike list.
But you know you want to keepdoing it.
You just dislike some portionsof it.
How can you take things fromyour like list and add them to
the dislike list?
Hmm, I know that's a lot tothink about, but you've got this
(37:36):
podcast.
Rewind it, take notes and I'llput the transcript.
I'm trying to find a bettertranscription service, because
the one I currently have isreally bad, although it could
have been because of my cold andnow that I can speak a little
clearer now, maybe it can pickup more of my voice.
Anyway, so get out of your rut.
Find what brings you joy, findwhat brings you happiness, find
(37:58):
what makes you laugh and fillsyour life.
It is, life is too short tolive it sitting in a rut,
spinning your wheels.
Don't do it.
Don't do it to yourself, don'tdo it to your family.
Remember, this is be a leadinglady, and a leading lady leads
(38:19):
herself first and then is ableto influence and lead others
through her love and through herinfluence and through her joy.
And you could be the influence.
Well, you will be the influence.
Let's be honest, we all will.
Whether we believe it or not,we will influence generations
that come after us, how do wewant to influence them?
And that all begins with whatyou do right now for yourself.
(38:44):
What you decide for yourselfwill start the chain reaction.
So make your list dislike likelist and then see how you can
bring that like, those likesmore into your life.
All right, that is it.
This podcast was long, but havea beautiful day, have a
wonderful day.
(39:04):
Feel free to reach out at mywebsite, at my website, at
contact, at shariseparviz.
com Again, this should be onSpotify by now.
I think so.
If it's not, it will be.
It just means we had sometechnical difficulties which
we're still working out.
But anyway, have a beautifulday and I look forward.
(39:27):
Share me, share your likes,share your likes with me.
I look forward to hearing aboutit.
All right, be well, bye-bye.
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