November 11, 2024 • 25 mins
How to experience more love in your life-even when you feel unloved. It's easier than you think
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:17):
first I wanna give you a updateon what's been happening with
me at my at-home retreat.
Come on, Today little one'swalking with me.
There's deer all around usright now and she's a little
spooked, and so she's kind oflooking around.
It's okay, come on, we're going, let's go.
All right, she'll follow,anyway.
(00:37):
So what's happening today?
Okay, so I've got my rightsplits.
I do so.
I had lost all my splits right,left and middle splits and so I
have my right splits, my leftsplit not quite there yet, I
(01:02):
still have to keep my hands onmy blocks, my yoga blocks, but
that's all right, it's coming.
And then I'm also working mymiddle splits, which I haven't
quite, which I lost as well, andthat's okay.
You know, the body rememberswhat it does and it goes.
Oh yeah, I remember this andyou gently just remind it.
You know, daily, every otherday, gently remind that, hey,
(01:24):
this is where we're going.
Again, follow along, let's go,and it will obey your family or
your family.
Your body is there to serve you, so do it.
Yep, I guess your body is yourfamily, isn't it Right?
Part of your internal family,part of you, so part of the part
of you that supports you.
Okay, anyway, let's move on.
So, anyway, so, um, and thenwhat I am going to be doing is
(01:48):
I'm going to be actually um onceI have my own splits done.
The next project I'm going to beworking on is my split program.
So my split program.
We start with learning open hipsplits and open hip splits and
we, of course, everybody attheir own level.
But open hip splits is wherethe back hip is open and it's a
little more.
It's a little easier to beginwith, it's an easier split.
(02:10):
So we start with open hipsplits, working towards those.
Once those are achieved or, atthe same time, once we're making
some progression with that,then we do closed hip splits,
and that's where both hips arefacing forward in your split
position a little more difficult, and then we work on middle
splits.
So this is my split programthat I have taken my dancers
(02:33):
through and my yoga studentsthrough the split program right,
working on the splits andactually after I get off of my
at-home retreat, it is the nextprogram that I am actually going
to be shooting to go online formy virtual leading lady
experience.
Yes, I am, and prior to that I'mgoing to do a free,
(02:56):
complimentary six-week veryintro beginning build slowly
six-week yoga class to getstarted.
Build slowly six week yogaclass to get started, just to
get the basics under folks feetwho may be new to yoga or who
may be coming back to it, youknow, or just coming back to
just to moving their bodyaltogether.
(03:17):
So there we go.
I will let you know when thathappens and when I do yoga I
love well, I love lots of things, but I will bring in, obviously
, you know, meditation,self-directed meditation.
I usually work in themes, soit'll be a Bible verse or a
Bible passage and then, workingwith that theme, I will
(03:39):
sometimes pull in sound healing,would pull in sound healing,
humming or toning as a class ohgosh, you know music, tuning
forks.
So there's a lot of differentthings I like bringing into my
yoga class than just making it.
You know, just about stretching, okay, and my yoga classes are
a little different.
(03:59):
You know they're.
They are yoga, but I alsoimplement Pilates and dance
stretching as well as athleticstretching in my classes.
Again, this is what I took mydancers through and now take my
yoga students through in personthat I'm going to bring to you
online live.
(04:20):
So I got to get my splits first.
After I get my splits and I'llteach them to you Anyway, so
that's where we are, so, allright.
So on to what I was inspired totalk to you today about.
I wanted to talk to you aboutso many things today.
I had a very inspirational talkthis weekend and I thought, oh,
(04:43):
I'll share that.
And then I thought, oh, youknow, I want to share about my
detox baths, so all these things.
But then, when I was actuallydoing my yoga meditation in the
morning because that's what I dofirst thing in the morning and
I do it with my Bible devotions,so is my yoga, and so but what
really came to my mind is aboutgrace and compassion and mercy
(05:07):
and love, and how we can bringmore of those things into our
lives I mean into our liveswithout anybody else how we can
bring them into our lives.
So I thought I'd talk to youabout that today, all right.
(05:27):
So how do we do that?
You know, so much of our timeis spent on trying.
Oh, you know, this may not beright for you, so, as I say, try
it on.
If it doesn't fit, put it backon the rack where it came from.
But much of our lives are spentand can be spent, I'll say, in
trying to gain approval, gainlove, gain acceptance, and
(05:53):
whether that's from our familiesor from our peers, or from our
friends or peers growing up, orfriends or spouses or boyfriends
or girlfriends or whatever, orfriends or spouses or boyfriends
or girlfriends or whatever.
And we don't realize that thereis plenty of love inside us.
And while we can't changepeople because we can't right,
(06:16):
we are really only in power overour actions, over our feelings,
over our responses.
We can't change others, we canpray for them.
You know, and as I was talkingto a woman this weekend that I
was at an event, for I wastalking to a woman and she was
(06:38):
struggling, and I'll share thatstory another day but you know,
and I was just reminding herthat the only thing we have
power over is ourselves.
We have power.
How we wake up in the morning.
We have the power to decidewhat we're going to feel.
The truth is is that emotionsare not something that happen to
(06:59):
us.
They're something we do.
That's the truth.
We think they happen to us.
I feel angry, I'm angry, I'mthis, I'm that, I'm that.
Well, you may feel that way,but you're choosing to as well,
and that goes back to ourperception.
Whatever we perceive, orwhatever meaning we give to an
(07:29):
experience, will determine howwe feel about it.
So, as I mentioned before,sometimes when I'm judgmental or
critical, I've learned to turnthe channel, and it actually
can't be just that easy.
Turn the channel.
Now, that doesn't mean we avoidour feelings.
Our feelings are, I told youbefore, you know.
Our feelings you know, if youremember, are our friends and
they're messengers, and there'snothing wrong with any feeling.
They're there to tell yousomething right.
At the same time, if we knowthat we're stuck in an unhealthy
(07:51):
loop of an emotion, we can turnthe channel.
If we know it's something thatwe don't want to experience and
we don't need to experience,it's maybe just become a habit
we turn the channel.
So our emotions are really whatwe allow to happen to us.
We allow these emotions right,and we can turn them off or turn
them on.
(08:12):
We can indulge in them and sitin them for hours and hours, or
we can feel them, express them,appreciate them and then give
them what they need to heal andmove forward.
Right, so our emotions are oursto control, but other people's
emotions are not ours to control.
So what do we do?
(08:32):
So when we want to feel loveand we don't let's say we have a
parent or, you know, an adultchild, or maybe your spouse, you
know, of course we can alwayscommunicate with them and that's
, you know, another topic.
(08:53):
But what I really want you tounderstand today, I really want
to share with you today, is that, regardless of what anybody
expresses to you, you can alwaysfeel love, feel compassion,
feel merciful, feel grace,Because if you express those
(09:15):
things, those feelings fill yourheart.
So come on love.
The only love that we are everguaranteed in this life is love
we put out, because if we cancontrol what emotions we bring
in, we can control what emotionswe put out.
And as we put forward our, ouremotions, we feel those emotions
(09:40):
.
You know, as an actor, there's acouple of different ways that
actors can work, and one of themis called outside in, acting,
and the other one is calledinside out.
Now there's other terms forthem, like method acting and so
forth and so forth, and that'slike inside out.
So what do I mean by that?
Outside in means so mycharacter at this moment is
(10:04):
supposed to be angry, right, andso I don't really feel anger
right now.
Right, I just had a blast.
We just told a funny jokebackstage.
I don't feel anger, okay, butwhen I pound my hand on the, my
fist on the table, my bodyremembers that movement and your
body will respond by feelingangry, right.
(10:24):
So our physically, that'scalled outside in.
We're doing something outsideof ourselves, outside of our
emotions.
We're pounding on the table,we're grimacing in our face,
where we're doing somethingphysical, okay, bringing some
(10:47):
type of stimulus, externalstimulus, and that starts the
internal emotion.
Right, it begins to the feeling.
So we pound our fist on thetable and we maybe we growl or
we do something or we screw upour face and some angry whatever
, and then angry, you knowfacial expression, and then our
body kind of goes oh yeah, Iknow what this feeling is.
This is being really PO'd rightnow, and then you start to feel
(11:08):
it, those feelings start tocome out.
So that's outside in, okay, andinside out is also called method
acting.
And one way of being inside outis you recall certain memories
in your own life that you knowpretty much, can, uh, are
(11:31):
similar to what the character isfeeling loss of a loved one or
whatever it is.
But whatever your character issupposed to be feeling in this
moment, you conjure up your ownmemory of a time when you felt
that way, right, or a time whenyou could, you know, or if
you've never really felt thatway, you know, can you imagine
feeling that way?
And through that imagining webring up something on the inside
(11:55):
of us, right?
And so when we do that, weeither bring up a memory or
internal imagining of it, andthen that feeling stirs up.
Right, that's coming inside out, the feeling is coming from the
inside, and then we'reexpressing it on the outside.
Versus outside in is we'reexpressing it on the outside,
which makes the feeling come upon the inside, okay.
(12:19):
So, again, our emotions arecompletely able to be
manipulated all the time, right?
Just the music you hear inmovies or in TV shows or
commercials.
If you watch the spooky movie.
I used to give this assignmentto my acting students.
If you watch the spooky moviesand I brought this into my
clients too, because they'retrying to understand that we
(12:42):
really are in control of ouremotions right, so watch a
spooky movie, but turn down thesound.
Watch a sad.
You know one of those like,okay, why do you cry at AT&T
commercials?
Maybe you don't, but I haveright, right, okay, you know,
obviously it's visually, youknow, the daughter dancing with
the father at the wedding orwhatever it is, or the son
(13:04):
calling up his mother orwhatever, right.
And so these are obviously thevisuals are stimulating that
emotion.
But the other thing is the music.
I mean, if you like music, youlisten to music, you know.
Music, you know, brings up allthese different emotions.
You listen to some power rock.
I mean, I'm talking about realrock and roll from the 70s and
the 80s.
(13:24):
Power like metal or hard rockor classic rock, and you're like
rawr and you're headbanging inthe car and you just feel
ferocious, right Versus asentimental love song, right,
and your feelings, if you listen.
Well, for me I could be in thecar and I could be listening to
(13:46):
one song and I'm just bawling,I'm just crying, and my kids are
looking at me like mom and I'mjust crying, I'm crying, and
then they'll put on somethingelse.
I'm listening, then I'mlaughing or I'm, you know,
headbanging or pounding my fist,like within an instant.
I mean, that is how well for me, that's how music has always
moved me very much.
But that's the whole point ofmusic, right?
It's to make you feel something.
That's the whole point of art,really.
(14:07):
You know, help you think orfeel something.
Okay, so, anyway, we'remanipulated all the time, either
by external influences orthrough ourselves.
We manipulate ourselves all thetime, all right, all that being
said, so where was I going withall of this?
Okay, so love.
So, while we can't changeothers, we can't make anybody
(14:29):
love us, we can't make anybodyappreciate us, we, we can't make
anyone accept us.
But what we can is we can dothose things for ourselves and
(14:52):
for others.
And what I really want to pointout here is what we can do for
others and how that fills ourown bucket.
So, if I can't get some forcesomeone to love me, right, which
we can't but every time that Iexpress that love, every time I
(15:15):
put love out away from me andput it forward.
I feel that love inside myheart, out away from me, and put
it forward.
I feel that love inside myheart that fills my own bucket,
that fills my own heart.
So I can feel love anytime whenI put it out there.
So if I'm feeling unloved, Iwill go and love.
(15:36):
I will go and do the oppositeof what I'm feeling.
I feel unloved, I'm going to goshare some love with someone,
and maybe that's through a smileor maybe that's through a
showing gratitude towardssomeone, maybe that's through a
hug.
I will share my love to someoneelse and guess what that does?
That fills me up with love.
(15:56):
If I share my compassion forsomeone else, that fills myself
up with compassion.
Mercy for someone else fills meup with mercy.
So I can have all thesebeautiful feelings anytime I
want, not by from somebody else,not by getting it from somebody
else or trying to demand itfrom somebody else, which
doesn't work.
You can't do it.
(16:18):
People are their own.
You know they're their ownpeople.
They're their own selves.
They have to decide if theywant to give that to you.
You can't demand it, but youcan give it, and when you give
it, you receive it, and sothat's available to you all the
time.
Now we know that God loves usall the time as well.
(16:40):
We don't always feel that,though.
Right, I mean we don't.
Let's be honest.
The one thing I am is honest.
I am not going to BS anybodyanytime, sometimes a little too
honest.
That's why I'm not in thepolitical world, and my husband
is, because he's much morediplomatic about things like
that, or I'm just like no, thisis the way it is and this all
(17:04):
needs to change, like now.
Okay, so I don't step into thatarena anymore, because it
doesn't put me in a.
It puts me in a place that I amnot where I want to be in.
Right, that's another way we cancontrol our emotions.
If we know that a certainsituation puts us in an
emotional frame that we reallyjust don't wanna be in, maybe we
need to remove ourselves fromthe situation.
(17:24):
If we can't, sometimes we can't.
Sometimes we have to change ourperception.
It's not important for meenough to change my perception
to get involved in politics.
My husband's doing that.
Let him do it.
I'll share my struggles orworries with him and say, hey,
this is what I'm concerned about.
Please bring this up in thenext meeting or whatever, and he
will.
He'll you know, when it'sappropriate timing, he will
(17:45):
bring that up and that's it.
So we work together on that,right?
So?
So that's one other way Icontrol my emotions is by saying
you know, this situation isn'ta place where I feel my best,
where I feel I can be my higherself, my best self, and so I
(18:06):
think I'm just going to removemyself from this situation.
Okay, and again it's.
I don't have to be there, right, that's my husband.
Now, if it's my family, or so,well, we'll talk about it
another time.
How do we handle our emotionsaround our family?
But again, this is one way I'msaying you know, my dad, let's
go back to my dad.
I've been talking a lot about mydad.
I actually do have other peoplein my family, but for some
(18:30):
reason my dad keeps coming up.
I think it's because he's he'son my mind a lot right now,
because he's older and he'sstarting to lose his memory.
And you know, I've beenreaching out and I'm concerned.
So he, you know, he doesn'tconnect with me and I don't.
I don't hold any grudge againsthim, but he doesn't connect
with me.
So I'm not receiving, eventhough I would love it.
(18:52):
I would love for him to tell mehe loves me and you know all
these things, and have awonderful relationship with him.
But that's just not the way itis.
So for a while I just didn'tconnect with him and because I
felt, well, this is just what hewants, so, okay, I'll give him
what he wants.
And then, the more and more Ithought about you know, he's
(19:12):
closer and closer, you knowgetting older.
And then, you know, after mymom passing you know I told you
that was a big wake up call forme on a lot of different ways.
I thought, you know, this issilly.
I'm going to reach out to mydad and he can take it.
However he takes it, it doesn'tmake any difference, because
somebody is going to think whatthey're going to think about you
(19:35):
, no matter what you do.
Really, if they're determined tothink ill of you, they will
think ill of you, no matter what.
There are some people, nomatter how hard you try, you
will never get their approvaland that's why it's important to
not try.
We can't be seeking otherpeople's approval and think
that's going to fulfill us,because then if they take that
(19:57):
approval away for some reason,then what we're lost, we're
empty.
That's why we have to give itto ourselves and remember that
God has already given it to us.
I mean, we have the source thatalready has given us all the
(20:18):
love, all the compassion, allthe mercy, all the grace that we
could ever need.
So if someone pulls away, we'renot lost, because our source,
our rock, our foundation, is notin that other person, it's in
God, and it's how we determinehow we feel in ourselves, what
we choose.
So, even though my dad didn'tshow any interest in reaching
(20:40):
out to me I thought this issilly my heart, I'm going to
reach out to him.
I don't want anything back fromhim.
He doesn't have to connect withme back, but I am going to
share my love to him becausethat's what was in my heart.
And so and he didn't have torespond, he didn't and he didn't
, but I just emailed him.
(21:01):
And I just emailed him and Ijust said, just reminded I mean
not reminded him, but I sharedwith him some of the memories
that I had when I was a littlegirl, that were very joyful, the
joyful time in our relationship, and I just that was very short
, and I just said I love you,dad and that was it.
And you know, I don't even knowif he read it.
(21:24):
Well, I do know now that heread it, but at the time I'm
like he may if he read it.
Well, I do know now that heread it, but at the time I'm
like he may not even read it.
But my spirit is calling out toshare my love with my dad,
regardless of if he receives itor not.
Okay and um, I didn't hear backand first off, it was okay if I
(21:46):
didn't hear back, because Ifelt like, hey, I did the right
thing.
I felt I did the right thing.
I felt I did what God wascalling me to do and I felt so
much love inside me and I feltso much forgiveness and so much
compassion for him, for me, formy childhood, for my childhood
(22:12):
Not just a victim, butcompassion for everyone that was
involved in those times.
I felt compassion for all of it.
So, by me sharing my love, Ireceived it back and that is all
in my control.
I'm the one responsible.
So how do you bring more loveinto your life, along with more
compassion, more grace and mercyand all the beautiful things,
(22:36):
more peace, more joy?
I'm looking around and I'm justhow do you do it?
You do it by giving it away.
How do you do it?
You do it by giving it away.
That's how you do it.
(23:02):
So every day I wake up and I say, lord, make me useful today,
every moment, whether I'mworking with a client, whether
it's with my family, whether I'mworking with a client, whether
it's with my family, whetherit's with my just strangers on
the street, or wherever I gotoday, whatever place that I
connect with people today, letme be an image of you.
Let me be an image of love, ofacceptance.
(23:28):
Let me look them in the eye andlet them see, let them see me,
see them.
So when I go to that coffeeshop and I get my coffee and,
yeah, I haven't since on myretreat, but I have gotten tea
though but when I go in, let mereally see them and let them see
(23:50):
me acknowledge them, because,you know, sometimes servers
really feel underappreciatedsometimes, you know.
And so every day I wake upasking for the Lord to let me
make the best impact I can whenI go out into the world and in
my life today, and let meappreciate others around me, and
(24:12):
with that I appreciate myself.
All that appreciation is insideof me, too, that I can now give
me.
So you can't force anyone tolove you.
You can't make somebody makeyou feel good.
That's all in our power.
That's all in our control.
God has given us that power.
So you want to feel more of it?
(24:34):
Then share more of it.
You want more of thosebeautiful feelings in your life?
Then give those feelings away.
So that is what I wanted toshare with you today, and I hope
that you will take today andjust maybe say the same thing,
have the same intention.
Let me be, let me shareeverything that I want to feel.
(24:57):
Let me give that away.
Let me give it away.
Let me be exactly what I want.
Let me give the gift that Iwant to receive.
All right, that is it.
Oh, have a beautiful day.
It's beautiful, it's cool rightnow, with just a little brisk
(25:20):
of fall air and the leaves areturning, and right now the sun
is shining and I can't decide ifshe's coming or going.
So I am going to get out ofhere.
All right.
Have a beautiful day, take care.
Bye-bye.
first I wanna give you a updateon what's been happening with
me at my at-home retreat.
Come on, Today little one'swalking with me.
There's deer all around usright now and she's a little
spooked, and so she's kind oflooking around.
It's okay, come on, we're going, let's go.
All right, she'll follow,anyway.
(00:37):
So what's happening today?
Okay, so I've got my rightsplits.
I do so.
I had lost all my splits right,left and middle splits and so I
have my right splits, my leftsplit not quite there yet, I
(01:02):
still have to keep my hands onmy blocks, my yoga blocks, but
that's all right, it's coming.
And then I'm also working mymiddle splits, which I haven't
quite, which I lost as well, andthat's okay.
You know, the body rememberswhat it does and it goes.
Oh yeah, I remember this andyou gently just remind it.
You know, daily, every otherday, gently remind that, hey,
(01:24):
this is where we're going.
Again, follow along, let's go,and it will obey your family or
your family.
Your body is there to serve you, so do it.
Yep, I guess your body is yourfamily, isn't it Right?
Part of your internal family,part of you, so part of the part
of you that supports you.
Okay, anyway, let's move on.
So, anyway, so, um, and thenwhat I am going to be doing is
(01:48):
I'm going to be actually um onceI have my own splits done.
The next project I'm going to beworking on is my split program.
So my split program.
We start with learning open hipsplits and open hip splits and
we, of course, everybody attheir own level.
But open hip splits is wherethe back hip is open and it's a
little more.
It's a little easier to beginwith, it's an easier split.
(02:10):
So we start with open hipsplits, working towards those.
Once those are achieved or, atthe same time, once we're making
some progression with that,then we do closed hip splits,
and that's where both hips arefacing forward in your split
position a little more difficult, and then we work on middle
splits.
So this is my split programthat I have taken my dancers
(02:33):
through and my yoga studentsthrough the split program right,
working on the splits andactually after I get off of my
at-home retreat, it is the nextprogram that I am actually going
to be shooting to go online formy virtual leading lady
experience.
Yes, I am, and prior to that I'mgoing to do a free,
(02:56):
complimentary six-week veryintro beginning build slowly
six-week yoga class to getstarted.
Build slowly six week yogaclass to get started, just to
get the basics under folks feetwho may be new to yoga or who
may be coming back to it, youknow, or just coming back to
just to moving their bodyaltogether.
(03:17):
So there we go.
I will let you know when thathappens and when I do yoga I
love well, I love lots of things, but I will bring in, obviously
, you know, meditation,self-directed meditation.
I usually work in themes, soit'll be a Bible verse or a
Bible passage and then, workingwith that theme, I will
(03:39):
sometimes pull in sound healing,would pull in sound healing,
humming or toning as a class ohgosh, you know music, tuning
forks.
So there's a lot of differentthings I like bringing into my
yoga class than just making it.
You know, just about stretching, okay, and my yoga classes are
a little different.
(03:59):
You know they're.
They are yoga, but I alsoimplement Pilates and dance
stretching as well as athleticstretching in my classes.
Again, this is what I took mydancers through and now take my
yoga students through in personthat I'm going to bring to you
online live.
(04:20):
So I got to get my splits first.
After I get my splits and I'llteach them to you Anyway, so
that's where we are, so, allright.
So on to what I was inspired totalk to you today about.
I wanted to talk to you aboutso many things today.
I had a very inspirational talkthis weekend and I thought, oh,
(04:43):
I'll share that.
And then I thought, oh, youknow, I want to share about my
detox baths, so all these things.
But then, when I was actuallydoing my yoga meditation in the
morning because that's what I dofirst thing in the morning and
I do it with my Bible devotions,so is my yoga, and so but what
really came to my mind is aboutgrace and compassion and mercy
(05:07):
and love, and how we can bringmore of those things into our
lives I mean into our liveswithout anybody else how we can
bring them into our lives.
So I thought I'd talk to youabout that today, all right.
(05:27):
So how do we do that?
You know, so much of our timeis spent on trying.
Oh, you know, this may not beright for you, so, as I say, try
it on.
If it doesn't fit, put it backon the rack where it came from.
But much of our lives are spentand can be spent, I'll say, in
trying to gain approval, gainlove, gain acceptance, and
(05:53):
whether that's from our familiesor from our peers, or from our
friends or peers growing up, orfriends or spouses or boyfriends
or girlfriends or whatever, orfriends or spouses or boyfriends
or girlfriends or whatever.
And we don't realize that thereis plenty of love inside us.
And while we can't changepeople because we can't right,
(06:16):
we are really only in power overour actions, over our feelings,
over our responses.
We can't change others, we canpray for them.
You know, and as I was talkingto a woman this weekend that I
was at an event, for I wastalking to a woman and she was
(06:38):
struggling, and I'll share thatstory another day but you know,
and I was just reminding herthat the only thing we have
power over is ourselves.
We have power.
How we wake up in the morning.
We have the power to decidewhat we're going to feel.
The truth is is that emotionsare not something that happen to
(06:59):
us.
They're something we do.
That's the truth.
We think they happen to us.
I feel angry, I'm angry, I'mthis, I'm that, I'm that.
Well, you may feel that way,but you're choosing to as well,
and that goes back to ourperception.
Whatever we perceive, orwhatever meaning we give to an
(07:29):
experience, will determine howwe feel about it.
So, as I mentioned before,sometimes when I'm judgmental or
critical, I've learned to turnthe channel, and it actually
can't be just that easy.
Turn the channel.
Now, that doesn't mean we avoidour feelings.
Our feelings are, I told youbefore, you know.
Our feelings you know, if youremember, are our friends and
they're messengers, and there'snothing wrong with any feeling.
They're there to tell yousomething right.
At the same time, if we knowthat we're stuck in an unhealthy
(07:51):
loop of an emotion, we can turnthe channel.
If we know it's something thatwe don't want to experience and
we don't need to experience,it's maybe just become a habit
we turn the channel.
So our emotions are really whatwe allow to happen to us.
We allow these emotions right,and we can turn them off or turn
them on.
(08:12):
We can indulge in them and sitin them for hours and hours, or
we can feel them, express them,appreciate them and then give
them what they need to heal andmove forward.
Right, so our emotions are oursto control, but other people's
emotions are not ours to control.
So what do we do?
(08:32):
So when we want to feel loveand we don't let's say we have a
parent or, you know, an adultchild, or maybe your spouse, you
know, of course we can alwayscommunicate with them and that's
, you know, another topic.
(08:53):
But what I really want you tounderstand today, I really want
to share with you today, is that, regardless of what anybody
expresses to you, you can alwaysfeel love, feel compassion,
feel merciful, feel grace,Because if you express those
(09:15):
things, those feelings fill yourheart.
So come on love.
The only love that we are everguaranteed in this life is love
we put out, because if we cancontrol what emotions we bring
in, we can control what emotionswe put out.
And as we put forward our, ouremotions, we feel those emotions
(09:40):
.
You know, as an actor, there's acouple of different ways that
actors can work, and one of themis called outside in, acting,
and the other one is calledinside out.
Now there's other terms forthem, like method acting and so
forth and so forth, and that'slike inside out.
So what do I mean by that?
Outside in means so mycharacter at this moment is
(10:04):
supposed to be angry, right, andso I don't really feel anger
right now.
Right, I just had a blast.
We just told a funny jokebackstage.
I don't feel anger, okay, butwhen I pound my hand on the, my
fist on the table, my bodyremembers that movement and your
body will respond by feelingangry, right.
(10:24):
So our physically, that'scalled outside in.
We're doing something outsideof ourselves, outside of our
emotions.
We're pounding on the table,we're grimacing in our face,
where we're doing somethingphysical, okay, bringing some
(10:47):
type of stimulus, externalstimulus, and that starts the
internal emotion.
Right, it begins to the feeling.
So we pound our fist on thetable and we maybe we growl or
we do something or we screw upour face and some angry whatever
, and then angry, you knowfacial expression, and then our
body kind of goes oh yeah, Iknow what this feeling is.
This is being really PO'd rightnow, and then you start to feel
(11:08):
it, those feelings start tocome out.
So that's outside in, okay, andinside out is also called method
acting.
And one way of being inside outis you recall certain memories
in your own life that you knowpretty much, can, uh, are
(11:31):
similar to what the character isfeeling loss of a loved one or
whatever it is.
But whatever your character issupposed to be feeling in this
moment, you conjure up your ownmemory of a time when you felt
that way, right, or a time whenyou could, you know, or if
you've never really felt thatway, you know, can you imagine
feeling that way?
And through that imagining webring up something on the inside
(11:55):
of us, right?
And so when we do that, weeither bring up a memory or
internal imagining of it, andthen that feeling stirs up.
Right, that's coming inside out, the feeling is coming from the
inside, and then we'reexpressing it on the outside.
Versus outside in is we'reexpressing it on the outside,
which makes the feeling come upon the inside, okay.
(12:19):
So, again, our emotions arecompletely able to be
manipulated all the time, right?
Just the music you hear inmovies or in TV shows or
commercials.
If you watch the spooky movie.
I used to give this assignmentto my acting students.
If you watch the spooky moviesand I brought this into my
clients too, because they'retrying to understand that we
(12:42):
really are in control of ouremotions right, so watch a
spooky movie, but turn down thesound.
Watch a sad.
You know one of those like,okay, why do you cry at AT&T
commercials?
Maybe you don't, but I haveright, right, okay, you know,
obviously it's visually, youknow, the daughter dancing with
the father at the wedding orwhatever it is, or the son
(13:04):
calling up his mother orwhatever, right.
And so these are obviously thevisuals are stimulating that
emotion.
But the other thing is the music.
I mean, if you like music, youlisten to music, you know.
Music, you know, brings up allthese different emotions.
You listen to some power rock.
I mean, I'm talking about realrock and roll from the 70s and
the 80s.
(13:24):
Power like metal or hard rockor classic rock, and you're like
rawr and you're headbanging inthe car and you just feel
ferocious, right Versus asentimental love song, right,
and your feelings, if you listen.
Well, for me I could be in thecar and I could be listening to
(13:46):
one song and I'm just bawling,I'm just crying, and my kids are
looking at me like mom and I'mjust crying, I'm crying, and
then they'll put on somethingelse.
I'm listening, then I'mlaughing or I'm, you know,
headbanging or pounding my fist,like within an instant.
I mean, that is how well for me, that's how music has always
moved me very much.
But that's the whole point ofmusic, right?
It's to make you feel something.
That's the whole point of art,really.
(14:07):
You know, help you think orfeel something.
Okay, so, anyway, we'remanipulated all the time, either
by external influences orthrough ourselves.
We manipulate ourselves all thetime, all right, all that being
said, so where was I going withall of this?
Okay, so love.
So, while we can't changeothers, we can't make anybody
(14:29):
love us, we can't make anybodyappreciate us, we, we can't make
anyone accept us.
But what we can is we can dothose things for ourselves and
(14:52):
for others.
And what I really want to pointout here is what we can do for
others and how that fills ourown bucket.
So, if I can't get some forcesomeone to love me, right, which
we can't but every time that Iexpress that love, every time I
(15:15):
put love out away from me andput it forward.
I feel that love inside myheart, out away from me, and put
it forward.
I feel that love inside myheart that fills my own bucket,
that fills my own heart.
So I can feel love anytime whenI put it out there.
So if I'm feeling unloved, Iwill go and love.
(15:36):
I will go and do the oppositeof what I'm feeling.
I feel unloved, I'm going to goshare some love with someone,
and maybe that's through a smileor maybe that's through a
showing gratitude towardssomeone, maybe that's through a
hug.
I will share my love to someoneelse and guess what that does?
That fills me up with love.
(15:56):
If I share my compassion forsomeone else, that fills myself
up with compassion.
Mercy for someone else fills meup with mercy.
So I can have all thesebeautiful feelings anytime I
want, not by from somebody else,not by getting it from somebody
else or trying to demand itfrom somebody else, which
doesn't work.
You can't do it.
(16:18):
People are their own.
You know they're their ownpeople.
They're their own selves.
They have to decide if theywant to give that to you.
You can't demand it, but youcan give it, and when you give
it, you receive it, and sothat's available to you all the
time.
Now we know that God loves usall the time as well.
(16:40):
We don't always feel that,though.
Right, I mean we don't.
Let's be honest.
The one thing I am is honest.
I am not going to BS anybodyanytime, sometimes a little too
honest.
That's why I'm not in thepolitical world, and my husband
is, because he's much morediplomatic about things like
that, or I'm just like no, thisis the way it is and this all
(17:04):
needs to change, like now.
Okay, so I don't step into thatarena anymore, because it
doesn't put me in a.
It puts me in a place that I amnot where I want to be in.
Right, that's another way we cancontrol our emotions.
If we know that a certainsituation puts us in an
emotional frame that we reallyjust don't wanna be in, maybe we
need to remove ourselves fromthe situation.
(17:24):
If we can't, sometimes we can't.
Sometimes we have to change ourperception.
It's not important for meenough to change my perception
to get involved in politics.
My husband's doing that.
Let him do it.
I'll share my struggles orworries with him and say, hey,
this is what I'm concerned about.
Please bring this up in thenext meeting or whatever, and he
will.
He'll you know, when it'sappropriate timing, he will
(17:45):
bring that up and that's it.
So we work together on that,right?
So?
So that's one other way Icontrol my emotions is by saying
you know, this situation isn'ta place where I feel my best,
where I feel I can be my higherself, my best self, and so I
(18:06):
think I'm just going to removemyself from this situation.
Okay, and again it's.
I don't have to be there, right, that's my husband.
Now, if it's my family, or so,well, we'll talk about it
another time.
How do we handle our emotionsaround our family?
But again, this is one way I'msaying you know, my dad, let's
go back to my dad.
I've been talking a lot about mydad.
I actually do have other peoplein my family, but for some
(18:30):
reason my dad keeps coming up.
I think it's because he's he'son my mind a lot right now,
because he's older and he'sstarting to lose his memory.
And you know, I've beenreaching out and I'm concerned.
So he, you know, he doesn'tconnect with me and I don't.
I don't hold any grudge againsthim, but he doesn't connect
with me.
So I'm not receiving, eventhough I would love it.
(18:52):
I would love for him to tell mehe loves me and you know all
these things, and have awonderful relationship with him.
But that's just not the way itis.
So for a while I just didn'tconnect with him and because I
felt, well, this is just what hewants, so, okay, I'll give him
what he wants.
And then, the more and more Ithought about you know, he's
(19:12):
closer and closer, you knowgetting older.
And then, you know, after mymom passing you know I told you
that was a big wake up call forme on a lot of different ways.
I thought, you know, this issilly.
I'm going to reach out to mydad and he can take it.
However he takes it, it doesn'tmake any difference, because
somebody is going to think whatthey're going to think about you
(19:35):
, no matter what you do.
Really, if they're determined tothink ill of you, they will
think ill of you, no matter what.
There are some people, nomatter how hard you try, you
will never get their approvaland that's why it's important to
not try.
We can't be seeking otherpeople's approval and think
that's going to fulfill us,because then if they take that
(19:57):
approval away for some reason,then what we're lost, we're
empty.
That's why we have to give itto ourselves and remember that
God has already given it to us.
I mean, we have the source thatalready has given us all the
(20:18):
love, all the compassion, allthe mercy, all the grace that we
could ever need.
So if someone pulls away, we'renot lost, because our source,
our rock, our foundation, is notin that other person, it's in
God, and it's how we determinehow we feel in ourselves, what
we choose.
So, even though my dad didn'tshow any interest in reaching
(20:40):
out to me I thought this issilly my heart, I'm going to
reach out to him.
I don't want anything back fromhim.
He doesn't have to connect withme back, but I am going to
share my love to him becausethat's what was in my heart.
And so and he didn't have torespond, he didn't and he didn't
, but I just emailed him.
(21:01):
And I just emailed him and Ijust said, just reminded I mean
not reminded him, but I sharedwith him some of the memories
that I had when I was a littlegirl, that were very joyful, the
joyful time in our relationship, and I just that was very short
, and I just said I love you,dad and that was it.
And you know, I don't even knowif he read it.
(21:24):
Well, I do know now that heread it, but at the time I'm
like he may if he read it.
Well, I do know now that heread it, but at the time I'm
like he may not even read it.
But my spirit is calling out toshare my love with my dad,
regardless of if he receives itor not.
Okay and um, I didn't hear backand first off, it was okay if I
(21:46):
didn't hear back, because Ifelt like, hey, I did the right
thing.
I felt I did the right thing.
I felt I did what God wascalling me to do and I felt so
much love inside me and I feltso much forgiveness and so much
compassion for him, for me, formy childhood, for my childhood
(22:12):
Not just a victim, butcompassion for everyone that was
involved in those times.
I felt compassion for all of it.
So, by me sharing my love, Ireceived it back and that is all
in my control.
I'm the one responsible.
So how do you bring more loveinto your life, along with more
compassion, more grace and mercyand all the beautiful things,
(22:36):
more peace, more joy?
I'm looking around and I'm justhow do you do it?
You do it by giving it away.
How do you do it?
You do it by giving it away.
That's how you do it.
(23:02):
So every day I wake up and I say, lord, make me useful today,
every moment, whether I'mworking with a client, whether
it's with my family, whether I'mworking with a client, whether
it's with my family, whetherit's with my just strangers on
the street, or wherever I gotoday, whatever place that I
connect with people today, letme be an image of you.
Let me be an image of love, ofacceptance.
(23:28):
Let me look them in the eye andlet them see, let them see me,
see them.
So when I go to that coffeeshop and I get my coffee and,
yeah, I haven't since on myretreat, but I have gotten tea
though but when I go in, let mereally see them and let them see
(23:50):
me acknowledge them, because,you know, sometimes servers
really feel underappreciatedsometimes, you know.
And so every day I wake upasking for the Lord to let me
make the best impact I can whenI go out into the world and in
my life today, and let meappreciate others around me, and
(24:12):
with that I appreciate myself.
All that appreciation is insideof me, too, that I can now give
me.
So you can't force anyone tolove you.
You can't make somebody makeyou feel good.
That's all in our power.
That's all in our control.
God has given us that power.
So you want to feel more of it?
(24:34):
Then share more of it.
You want more of thosebeautiful feelings in your life?
Then give those feelings away.
So that is what I wanted toshare with you today, and I hope
that you will take today andjust maybe say the same thing,
have the same intention.
Let me be, let me shareeverything that I want to feel.
(24:57):
Let me give that away.
Let me give it away.
Let me be exactly what I want.
Let me give the gift that Iwant to receive.
All right, that is it.
Oh, have a beautiful day.
It's beautiful, it's cool rightnow, with just a little brisk
(25:20):
of fall air and the leaves areturning, and right now the sun
is shining and I can't decide ifshe's coming or going.
So I am going to get out ofhere.
All right.
Have a beautiful day, take care.
Bye-bye.
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